40ish - Birthdays, Bums and Brownies

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

Today on 40ish: it's Nicole's birthday. Both Lauren and her padel friends have baked for her although Nicole has to quite literally ‘spell it out’. Lauren shares her latest Amazon purchase - anal gland chews for smelly rear ends (they're for the dog - relax!) and graphically overshares her experience trying on SKIMS. Meanwhile, a listener writes in to ask if she's being unreasonable to be annoyed with her husband sexting her whilst he is away for two weeks and she is left holding the fort at home. Finally, a gym Karen unleashes a rant about girls who scroll Insta whilst strolling slowly as a sloth on the treadmills.  Get in touch! Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can I just say that that segment has involved birthdays, bums, smelly venuses, blowtops, brownies, and a lot of spelling. 152 pounds. But now we know why Kim Kardashian is so rich. Now I know the answer. Your ninnie lips are hanging out. Is that what's happening? Like the whole nanny.

Right. Because it's so hoaked. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Laura Mishko. This is the podcast where we dive in to your 40-something problems, your dilemmas, your rants, your issues, your lives.

And indeed. Our own. Our own. Yeah. Yeah. You can subscribe on our. podcast if you like it will give you add free access it'll give you early early access and sometimes the little odd bonus show and if you want to be in touch to share anything and everything that

you want to as long as it's polite you can email us hello 40ish.comco.u. You can DM us on Instagram. It has to be polite preferably with your actual name. Okay. Welcome to the show, everybody. And happy birthday. Thank you. It's Nicole's birthday today. Thank you very much. I really am 40-ish.

She's scraping 40-ish name now, yeah. I actually couldn't be more 40-ish. You are 49 years old today. I am. You're not like really living the birthday dream today. Right. Firstly, but listen. Listeners at home, before we

got on air, Lauren said to me, I think it's just the pre-50th birthday sulk, which is what's happening, which I think is very fair, unfair and very mean, because actually what is really happening is I have a horrible infection on my eye and it is making me feel a bit shit. And that's what's going on. Nothing to do with the fact that I am turning 50 in 364 days. I'm counting. Some people say, though, that 49 feels worse than 50 because then you've got like the 50 dread. I'm not dreading being 50. Okay. I mean I am. Why? What are you going to, what are you

dreading? Dying sooner? Because I'm probably not going to get another 50 years. Well, happy birthday to me. Thanks for that. We didn't even record yesterday because you were feeling very unwell with your swollen eye. I just felt so weird and off yesterday. And I actually thought I was having some sort of nervous breakdown. But I've been to the doctor. doctor today and she's told me I've got cellulitis which is really not very nice I don't even know what cellulitis is it's not cellulite I've got that too

Cellulite hasn't everyone Who doesn't have cellulite? I bet even Cindy Crawford's got cellulight Cindy Crawford I bet she does Do you reckon that like Sydney what's her face Do you reckon she's got cellulite?

Probably no I don't reckon she does I really don't think she does. Do you reckon like Amal Clooney? Do you reckon she's got cellulite? Yeah. Do you? She's 48. She's had twins?

She doesn't have cellulite. Do you know what? Do you reckon Jennifer Aniston's got cellulite? I don't reckon she does. I'd be so upset if she has cellulite. I just don't care about cellulite. It's just not something that ever bother me. I have to tell you it plays a very little role in my life.

Yeah. And also, it's behind me. Exactly. Thank God. Who's you looking? If it was in front of me or it was on my stomach, I'd have a bit of a problem with that. But like, who's looking at it? You know what I mean?

I don't care. I haven't given it more than probably 10 seconds thought my entire life. Maybe you don't have any. I'm sure I do. But I'm not sure I've ever really checked. How would I know if I had it? What do you mean? How would you know?

You would see it? What's it looked like? Orange peely. What does it look like? The fact that you have to ask me what it looks like is already annoying me. And no, it's not. my 49-year-old sulk, it's because I'm not feeling tip-top. Not because I'm 49, but because I have cellulitis and cellulite.

I'm not feeling tip-top because I've got a little bit of a like post-bermitsfa. Calm down. Yeah, but it's not even an emotional come-downs. Actually, I've just come over unwell. I woke in the night thinking, I'm going to have flu in the morning. I haven't got flu, but I definitely feel a few degrees under. So we're not at our best day listeners. How unwell are you?

I don't feel unwell. Like, I'm not heavy-y, but I can feel... Are you unwell enough that we shouldn't be sitting in the same room together? No. No, but you're quite flippant about these things, which is what I was thinking this morning. You know, I've got going to hospital next week. My daughter's got a lot of auditions coming up with her singing. No, one can get ill.

Are you being flipping about it? No, if I was really not well. Like, in the middle of the night, I thought, oh, God, I am going to wake up with proper flu and a throat. We're not going to record yesterday. And now we're not going to record today. And then I kind of got up, and I was like, oh, no, I'm actually all right. And someone wrote in this morning asking where Thursday's show is. Thursday show hasn't gone anywhere.

This is Thursday show. This is going on. This is Thursday show. This is going on Thursday. So for that, anyone else wondering, I think there have been a couple of Thursdays that we have missed. Just one. Yeah, there's only been one, hasn't there? It was nice that we're missed. Thank you for missing us. Thank you for missing us. But Thursday show is alive and kicking. Not that we are. Well, we are alive and kicking. We're just not at our best today, are we? So that's your most 40-ish thing, is that you're 49. I couldn't be more 40-ish, could I, than turning 49 today. I have to say, I've had a very sweet morning.

I've been spoiled rotten. That's very lovely. I really have. My kids have been really cute. They bought me a balloon and this gorgeous card. And my paddle girls, they've gone above and beyond Lauren. I know they booked the court. Alana booked the court.

She did. Sevens that I do this. She put the court. And then we all had coffee afterwards. And Chanel, she baked me a cake. She's not a real person. She is. Is she?

What do you mean she's not real? Is that actually her name? What is that film? Clueless? Isn't she called Chanel? No, it's not that Chanel. It's S-H-I-N-A-L. Oh, Chanel.

Okay. Oh, okay. Oh. Now that I've spelled her name, you're like back in. Yeah, and she bakes. That's good. Let me tell you something. Her baking is, I'm sorry to tell you, her baking is first class.

I mean, I've never heard you mention her before. Yes, you have. No, no. Yes, you have. No, she's never come up. I don't know about Sharon. Sharon at the gym. Yep.

And obviously. Good old Alana. But I've never heard. But Chanel's the fourth. She's the fourth. There's four of us. Well, she... We're on a paddle group called juice.

Juice. Juice. Juice. That's in D-E-U-C-E-U. Should I tell you my most fortier's thing that's happened? Two things. Firstly, a quick update to what's the most full-forteous thing. thing in your Amazon basket

because this is real special. I thought we were scrapping that. It was just one thing. Go on. Are you ready for it? This is the actual name because I wrote it down, especially. Anal gland health chews for smelly rear ends. And I'd just like to clarify. It's not yours. That's for the dog.

You're such a liar. That is like, oh no. Listen, I've got. this friend. Okay, there for my friend. They do have a photo of a dog on the front. Also, thank you to all of the listeners who have written in. Yeah, I mean, that's been a delight.

With the dog smell feedback. There was a groomer. Did you see the one from the groomer? Yes. And just to say to her, I don't overwash her with shampoo. I just rinse the mud off with water. So it's not an overwashing problem. It's an ongoing thing.

It's going to be okay. But thank you for all the advice around that. Because that's been very sweet. But has anyone actually advised that you buy these sticks on Amazon? I mean, is it helping? Well, not yet, but you've got to give it a month or so. Well, you've got to give her the sticks every day. You know, I don't want to.

Actually, it's my birthday. You don't want to talk about anal glands on your birthday. Anal glands for a smelly rear end. No, I don't. Sure. Okay, I'll tell you my other most sporty-ish thing. I started that show, heated rivalry. Have you watched it?

I stopped watching it. So did I? I just, I'm sorry. I realized I was just smut. Too old. It's just too old. No. Yeah.

You were not too old. It was smut. It was basically just gay porn. Yeah. With a sort of very vague, I can't even use the word storyline. There's no storyline. You told me to watch it. Well, because everyone's been raving about it.

And apparently it's some middle-aged woman's thing. They keep saying all middle-aged women are going crazy for it. I was not crazy for it. I wasn't either. I don't get it. Also, I don't really find it either of them very attractive. And also, there's only so many blow jobs I can watch of an evening. By the time it got to like the sixth blowjob, I was over it.

I was watching it with Adam. Oh, I can't imagine that's his kind of show. He was not interested at all. No. So, anyway, we stopped. We got barely past the first episode. I did two episodes just in case there was going to be some sort of storyline. There isn't.

There isn't. There isn't. I've gone back to Bridgeton. Very comforting. I'm saving Bridgeton. It's very, very comforting. It's everything you want. Yeah, I'm saving it.

It's not the best series, but it's like putting on your slippers, you know what I mean? But is there a best series since the Duke? I don't think the husband. No, of course there is. Or Queen Charlotte. I don't think there has been.

No. So heated rivalry, you're too old for it. It's just, it wasn't for me. Sorry, no. And get it. And then my mother in law. No.

I know. She's 80 this year and I said to look, I'm just going to give you the heads up. If you enjoy quite graphic gay porn, go for it. Otherwise, no. Does your mother-in-law enjoy quite graphic gay porn? I believe not. And also, I don't think she's that into ice hockey either. Ice hockey? They're professional ice hockey players. That's the storyline. Did you not even know that? They're in rival teams. Hence, the title heated rivalry. We are talking about something completely different. No, no. Yeah. I'm talking about.

about a completely different program. What are you talking about? I'm talking about a hunting wives. There you go. Oh my God. I loved the hunting wives. I absolutely love it. It's rubbish.

Don't watch it. He's a rivalry either. Okay. Great. So that's all the things that we're not going to watch. Yeah. I think we need to go to a dilemma. I think we need to go to a break.

I think we need to go to. We have just, can I just say that that segment yeah, has involved birthdays, Bums, smelly vanices, blow chobes, brownies, and a lot of spelling. Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we are not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue, you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Am I reading it? Well, my laptop's not open and it's my birthday.

I can do what I want today. But I'm not well. I lost in paddle. Did you? And I just thought that was unfair. They should have let's win. Yeah. What do you think?

Every time Sharon did an amazing shot, it was like, she felt bad. And I'm like, why are you feeling bad? She said, because it's your birthday. That's funny. You see, that's how supportive my paddle friends are. Oh, so lovely. Do you love that? Yeah.

Do you love it? I'll tell you more anecdotes. Please. As the show goes on, if you like. Please, too. Please drop them in. I'll tell you all about Chanel's serve in a minute. Okay. Great. I'm in the outfit.

Hi, ladies. My husband is away on a work course for two weeks. Bloody hell. That's a long time. He is on his own in a hotel room and bored. Oh, poor old him, eh? I wouldn't want to be in a hotel room my own for two weeks. I would.

I would. Well, I wouldn't. Well, I'm at home working full time looking after the house, two children under nine, and I've got a stinking cold. I just don't have the time or the energy to be texting. to be texting constantly. This is especially true when the messages start heading towards sexting

which I'm not into anyway and he knows that. He's now got the hump and he's barely messaging about anything normal during the day. I tried to explain how I was feeling. He got stroppy and he said it's because he's bored and it's normal for people who are apart to want to interact like that. Meanwhile, all I want in the evenings

is to sit down, catch up on my work or housework and go to bed. The upside is that he stopped messaging me so much now But am I in the wrong for feeling really annoyed with him? Can I just say? Yeah. Right, there's a big podcast next door. Yeah, four people.

In the big studio. And when we walked in, we got shushed, didn't we? We had to shush, shh, shh, and we had to walk through the always. Wispher, whisper. We had to whisper. And then even when we came into the small studio, we were whispering. We were very respectful. Now they've come out of that studio and they are not whispering.

James is not making them whisper. No, is he? No, he's not. I can't hear him saying, sh, sh, there's a very important podcast next door recording. My favourite podcast is in there recording. What, a very important podcast talking about smelly rear ends. And gooey brown is.

Do you think she's in the wrong for being annoyed with him? No, I'd be annoyed. More annoyed at James. Are you? I'm annoyed at James that he shushes us. and he's not shushing them. Do you want to tell him? No.

No, I don't. But you know what I mean? And the thing is, is that we're his favourites. And it's your birthday. And it's my birthday. So everyone should be quiet. Everyone should be quiet and respectful

and do what I want. Just for you. That would be nice. Yeah, it would, wouldn't it? You got dressed today, I can see, I didn't. Because it's my birthday. I would say you could get dressed for your birthday. But you've chosen to go the other way.

Yeah. Have a comfy birthday. Yeah. Okay. Understand. Do you want to antibiotics? You don't want to be all dolled up. Yeah. I get that. Do you understand? I feel like you're taking the piss. I don't know. You don't understand, do you? No. No. Do I think she's wrong for being annoyed? I mean, it's how she feels. I don't think he's done it. He hasn't done anything wrong. Wouldn't you find that quite annoying. If you were on your own dealing with everything for two weeks and Adam only texted you when he wanted to do sexting with you? Yeah, I would find it really annoying. But I wouldn't be annoyed. There's a big difference. Like, I would find it annoying. But does she have a right to be annoyed at him?

I don't think so. I think she's just annoyed that he's not there. And she's got so much stuff to do and a huge amount of mental load and physical load. And he's in a hotel room just wanting to think about... That's basically it. Yeah. Now, I would be annoyed about that. But it's not his fault.

He hasn't done anything wrong. Well, he doesn't need to involve. her. Just watch the porn. I think it's better that he does involve her. Yes. I'd be like, I'm doing eight loads of laundry. I'm dealing with the dog's anal glands.

I'm trying to go to work. I don't have time to talk about what are my underwear am I wearing. You know what underwear I'm wearing. Wear my MS 5 pack. And any bra that I could find at 7 o'clock this morning. That was clean. Do you really? And she really is not even clean.

So do you really care? He might not be asking her what she's wearing. He might be telling her all the things that he wants to do to her. That's quite sweet. I mean, he might be, but she'd be like, I don't really have time for that. No, because she's got her head in the washing machine. Yeah. Or up the dog's bum.

Yeah, or I'm on a school run, so I don't really want to talk about your balls right now. Yeah. Do you ever want to talk about their balls? No, I never want to talk about balls. I don't think I ever talk about balls unless they're paddle balls. I never talk about balls. James and I had a whole paddle ball discussion on Saturday night. Did you?

We did. Wow. Went on for a long time. Was everyone else at the table asleep? They might have been. But we were happy. You and James got drunk together, didn't you? We hung out all night together.

We did shots together. You and I did a shot together. And I think James was there. He was there. He came up afterwards. Can I just say, right, I haven't done a shot in years. Did you do that just for me? Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah, because you didn't really have time for a full drink. I didn't. I was very busy guesting, posting. Rightly so. Yeah. So we just necked a shot together. Yeah, quickly.

I had two shots. Did you? Yeah, because your husband started sending around tequila shots at the end of the night. He did. I mean, I don't need one for the road. I just did not need that one for the road. I got an hour and a half sleep on Saturday night. It wasn't a lot of sleep.

I didn't feel great Sunday morning, I have to say. No, but you're not meant to. No, but I did have a jolly good time. Yeah, it was a great night. And I wore knickers. Didn't I? Not your M&S 5-pack. You were telling me about your knickers.

Yeah. On the dance floor you told me about your knickers. Did I? And as I walked in, you actually showed me your bra. Did I? As I walked in. You said, okay, hair, I said, you look fabulous. You did.

You looked like a movie star. Thank you. And then you flashed me your bra. And I said, we're in the middle of the room. I don't need to see it. Just your word is enough. My word is my bond. Yeah.

Okay. I have got a story about how the underwear ended up. But I'm saving that for my meltdown because believe me, it was. It was. What are we saying to this poor lady? It's like, yeah, it's fine. If you want to be annoyed, be annoyed. I get it.

I hear you and I kind of agree with you. What she should do is if he asked for a photo. Right. She should send a photo of the washing machine. Yeah. Or a photo of like... The dog's anus. Or a photo of the full dishwasher.

Yeah. Just shit like that or all the dishes in the sink. Or of like the children like not getting dressed in the morning. Like just just the really. unsexy stuff of all the stuff he's not there to deal with. Just send him that. Then he'll get the message. You're right. Just a series of photos of her day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like pat lunchboxes, traffic. Yeah. Here's some photos for you. I know you're bored and you want to think of me. Here you go. Here I am. Here's what I'm up to. Here is me in all my glory. Yeah. Yeah.

A photo of her like in her track suit at 9pm when she's finally sat down on the sofa. Like no bra and her glasses on. I would send that photo. Yeah. Here. I am. Yeah. What do you want to do to me now? Yeah. Yeah. That's a great idea.

That'll stop it. Do that. What's your meltdown? Right. In last Tuesday's show, I told you that I had ordered skims. Why do I feel like I'm about to be blamed for something? I mean, you're not. You know what?

I did, when I was thinking about it, I was like, is this Nicole's fault? Can I pin the blame on her? And I was like, no, she didn't actually tell me to buy skims. She just told me to wear knickers. She didn't specify brand. And she didn't say you have to buy these. So I'd love to. I would love to.

And you know what? To pin this on you. I really sense that. Isn't that amazing how well I know you? Yeah. Like I even know the backstory in your head and you haven't even told me. Like even though it's your birthday, I wish I could blame this on you. But I can't.

No. So as mentioned in last Tuesday show, it was midnight. Ollie was like, why the likes when I was like, I have to order knickers, leave me alone. Or just some skims. have the lights on to order knickers? I don't know. I just did. I didn't really have to. You're right. I could have just had my phone on with the lights off, but I didn't.

Anyway, the skims come. Now, what they were, because of this whole foreraw about a nickel line, I thought, well, I'll just bypass the nicolined thing and I'll get the ones that are like cycling shorts, because then they're seam free. Oh, you see. You see, I now see where this is going. Then you really can't see a line. You should have run.

Every single solitary thing by me. And I'm really sorry to tell you. I don't know where this is going. But every department that I was in charge of with your look, I have to tell you, was perfection. Just saying the jewelry, the hair, the makeup, the bra. I didn't look at anything else. Well, that's good because I actually left my shoes in the car.

Anyway, the skims arrive, right? They're like nude cycling shorty things, completely seen free. You shouldn't have bought cycling shorts. Can I just tell you? Why don't you just get a thorn, like normal people? How much these cost? 30 pounds a pair. Oh, do me a favour.

152 pounds. Plus. Hold on. Plus, because I needed them very last minute, 15 pound delivery. Okay. Right. Hold on. Hold on.

Yeah. No one told you to go and spend 152 pounds plus 15 pound delivery on a pair of knickers. But now I know why Kim Kardashian is so rich. Hold on a second. Now I know the answer. Hold on a second. What were they doing? Were they a spank as well at the same time?

Yeah, they were like a and everything, right? Okay. So it was like a body thingy. Yeah. Like a sucking any thingy. And it was a bra. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. So it's an all in one thing. You know Spanx is much cheaper than that. Well, I'd already bought the Spanx, hadn't I, like, months ago? All you needed was a pair of knickers. I had the Spanx G-String. Anyway, I thought, I'll save myself the problem of the bra and the knickers I'll buy the all in one.

So it was like a strapless bra thing that went down in cycling shorts. No, it's not, is it? So I look at this thing and I'm like, it's quite small. Yeah, well, you're they... I'm sure it's stretchy. The underwired bra bit is boned now. the first problem is it took me 12 minutes because I timed it, 12 minutes to get this thing on. Because getting the boned bit over your bum and your hips was some form of torture.

It needed two people, but I was alone. And thank God I was alone because once I had heked this thing up, do you know, because they take so long to get on and off, obviously Kim Kardashian was like, well, no one can like need a wee and spend 12 minutes getting dressed and undressed. underneath. Yes, Nicole. It's got a flap. Yeah. Underneath at the crotch.

Now, anyway, I'm standing on my own in the mirror and I'm pulling it up. I pulled it up like proper quite high so that, you know, the bra bit was over the boobs. It has a flap at the bottom. Now, what do you think happens when you pull up these knickers very, very high and there's an open flap at the bottom? What do I think happens? Yeah. Can you, can you imagine the visual? Yes.

Of what might be happening. Your nunny's hanging out. Yeah, right. Your ninnie lips are hanging out. Is that what's happening? Like, the whole nanny. Right. Is.

Because it's so hoiked. Okay, the whole nunny. But you're all right with nunnies. It doesn't matter. Okay. I'm now. We've got the point of wearing underwear, as aforementioned, is so that you are not flashing your vagina to anybody, especially when you're going up on a chair.

This basically covered my entire body apart from, for one bit you're supposed to be covering, which is just completely exposed like I'm having some operation where you've got like a gown on and only the bit you're operating on needs to be exposed. And I'm looking at the moment and I started laughing and I started laughing so much. I couldn't stop. And then I thought, there's no one I can share this moment with or this visual because obviously all I wanted to do was take a picture. But who just one, send that photo apart for maybe the man who's away for two weeks in his hotel room. I mean, I tell you you could have sent that photo too.

Who? Who? You know who would have liked that photo? Who? No. Doesn't matter. Oh. Do you know who? Yeah.

Yeah, he would have liked it. He would have loved that face. Anyway, I... Poor bloke. I couldn't even send it to Ollie, but I really wanted to. No, you couldn't. If you still want to sex, exactly. It's just, you don't.

Cross my mind. I was like, I have to show Nicole this. I'm like, I can't show her this. I'm like, I have to show her. I couldn't show anyone. But the... You know who you could show... Who?

You could show your gynaecologist. You could show... You show your own gynaecologist. I can show mine. You could show it to your mate, Steph, who lives in Australia, who's a midwife. I actually can't because she's so prudy. No.

Which is really funny. About vaginas. Yeah. She's so prudy, even though she is a midwife, which I always find hilarious. You know what? I don't think there's anyone you can send it to.

Correct. So the moment was just completely wasted. Just wasted. It was comedy gold. Anyway, I took this thing off. Then I was able to breathe. And I thought, okay, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

I'm just going to send it back. I package it all up I go back onto the website they don't accept refunds no no refunds so you didn't even wear it no

I could how could I wear it I don't have to do this ever again then I'm done until one of my children one of your boys gets married yeah but no give a fuck what I wear to that

I can wear a sack no one's looking at me they'll look at the bride and the bride's mother but I am very like NPC at your son's wedding. No one cares really, do they? Do you know what I mean? You're so weird. You're so weird sometimes. I will care, you will care, okay? I mean, you kept saying that about the bimitschre. It took me a long time to get you to engage in caring.

I've got at least a decade before I have to be a mother of the groom. Okay. Okay. So we have to do this. I might take a fucking decade. Oh, I can't be that meltdown. I don't even want to try. I don't think anyone could beat that meltdown. I can't and I won't. My meltdown is that I'm 49. That's it. Okay.

There's a listener one though. Okay, great. She says, her name's Roberta. And she says, okay, to start with, I know that I'm being a bit of a gym Karen, as Nicole would say. But I need to have a mini rant. This is a gym related rant. So you'll probably. I'm so here for this.

Okay. I currently use the gym mainly for running intervals and speedier sessions, which are easier to manage indoors. already you've lost me. Okay. Every time I go in, all the treadmills are taken, mostly by people walking. Do you want me to explain what that is? Not really. Now, I totally understand that people have different fitness levels

and they might be using the treadmill to warm up or for recovery, and that is absolutely fine. But there seems to be a growing number of people, young women, she says in brackets, just using the treadmills for a gentle stroll while messing around on their phones. I ended up next to a young woman last night who spent the entire half hour I was on the neighbouring

treadmill walking a three kilometres an hour. No incline while scrolling Instagram. I barely call that exercise. It's below a normal walking pace. If that is how you want to kill time, then it's up to you. But it seems immensely selfish when there is a queue of people waiting for the treadmill. That's all folks, Roberta. I mean, yeah.

How do you feel about that? Yeah, I get it. Do you? Yeah. I really get it. The thing is, the three kilometres an hour Instagram. scrolling woman is still paying the same amount per month that Roberta's paying to use that gym. So surely she can deal what the fuck she wants.

She can. But like what's the point is what she's saying? What is the fucking point? I don't know. I'm not the right. There is no fucking point. It's like no incline either. She's right.

There is no point. And I understand like she's gone in there. She's got a very specific plan in mind that she can only do on a treadmill. Yeah. Like it's annoying. Is it? Yes. It's annoying.

There is there is one guy at the gym and he. I thought I tell you he hogs machines. I can't like nobody's business. And to the point where I actually can't even look at him anymore. And the other day he was hogging like these six kilo, six kilo dumbbells. The guy's enormous. What the fuck are you doing? Even I know, that's not very heavy.

What the fuck are you doing with a six kg dumbbell? They're not for you. I can tell you what that is. That is an eight week old golden Labridal puppy. weighed six kilograms. I know what that weighs like. Even I can carry that in one hand. What the fuck's you doing with that? Even like anything to do with your shoulders, you shouldn't be doing that because I'm doing that. Right. Even a front lateral raise, you should be ashamed of yourself to be lifting a six kilo weight. I wish you told him that to his face. I really want to.

And he probably doesn't understand. He probably doesn't even think about it. But he probably doesn't understand why I'm so off with him. Because the minute he takes a dumbbell, it's like, oh, well, you can forget it for the hour because he's got it. Maybe he's had shoulder surgery. He has not had shoulder surgery. he has not had shoulder surgery. What is he doing? I don't know. He's like three times the size of me.

I don't know. There is no part of his body that needs to be lifted with a six cagey. It's like the woman that sat on the machine going at three kilometres an hour and not even on a fucking incline. What's she doing? What are you doing?

You're wasting your fucking time, but you're hogging it. And there weights that I use, the lady next to me uses and the lady next to her is going to use. Do you know, Roberto? I felt like you could be very good friends. And I'm like,

you use it. those and they just sit on the floor by the machine that he's also hogging the fucking Smith machine there's one Smith machine he's always on it so she's a so I said to are you using those yeah yeah I'm using them I'm like well you not are you because they're on the floor he's like there's six colotte there's six KGs over there

I'm like I know they're over there but I'm over here I want those you hogger didn't say that really want to say it you and Roberta like kindred spirits maybe she goes to my gym couple of Jim Carrens together you should have coffee with her one morning you can have a little rant. I have just had a round with her.

You have. You've ranted together. It's true. There you go. There's my meltdown. Okay. The bloke in the gym who hogs all the weights. Who's triple the size of me.

It's not okay. Scandal. It's not okay. Stop being lazy and lift something fucking proper. Please tell him that to his face. You know, he actually lift you. He could. He actually seems like quite a nice guy.

Does he? Yeah, but I've really got the needle with him. Clearly. know me. I don't even know his name. And he doesn't know that we're in beef, but we're in beef. Are you? Yeah. Proper beef. Maybe you should put like some chewing gum on the end of the weight or like some

honey or something. Maybe you should like prank him. Like prank him. Does anyone do gym pranks? Is that a thing? At the David Lloyd? No. No. No. I would do that if I was there. A gym prank. Yeah, Jim pranks. Right. I would find some. Google them.

Yeah. Or to the guy that you've never spoken to. Yeah. But you're in beef with. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll think about that.

Okay. Sometimes I go into the gym and I see him there. I'll see him there tomorrow and morning. And I think, I've spoken about you so many times on the podcast. You don't even know I have a podcast. And you also don't know that I talk about you often on the podcast. It really does, it tickles me.

And it makes me feel a little bit Gatoria's over the fact that he does hog the weights because he's got no idea that I'm talking about it. He might know. That might be why he hogs him. He might listen to the podcast. He might know exactly who you are. And he's like, I hate that bitch. I'm going to take those six KGs.

And I'm going to put them next to me. And I'm not going to tell her why. And just to annoy her extra. And let's see if she mentions it again. Oh my God. He's going to hog the eights and the fours. He might as well. He might hoard them all.

He does hoard them all. He does hoard them all. Oh, my God, he knows. Have a lovely weekend, everybody. We'll be back on Tuesday with a brand new show. Keep your messages. coming in hello at 40ish.co.com.uk.