40ish - Botox, Bras and Bunions

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

This week on 40ish: Nicole fears that she has aged out of Botox. What is a woman to do if you can't afford the full Kris Jenner facelift? Meanwhile, Lauren is freeing the nipple for comfort, feminism and because it’s too damn hot.  Over in listener land, one of you has questions about feet (we’re cautiously intrigued), while another is dealing with a passive aggressive friend - and we all know the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is... oh whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s sweaty, saggy, and slightly unhinged; just the way we like it. To buy tickets for our live show in October click here: https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Get 10% off Daily30+ today. Go to zoe.com/daily30 and use promo code 40ISH10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Lauren, I know we're middle-aged, but have you heard about the fibre maxing trend? No, obviously not. But I do know that mid-lifers need fibre. Well, everyone's talking about it at the moment because it's flipping the script on food hacks. Instead of focusing on what to cut out, it's about what to add in. More plant, more texture, more variety. Well, that's what you get with today's sponsor, Daily 30 by Zoe. Every scoop of Daily 30 has five grams of fibre from over 30 plants. It's created by Zoe's scientists to help you get more fiber and plant diversity.

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Plus you'll get a free bright yellow Zoe tin and a magnetic scoop. That's 40ish10 at zoe.com forward slash daily 30. Why do we have to put up with this shit? Why do we have to have nice presentable feet and they can just have any old feet they like? They can just have feet. Wake up feet. Go to bed feet. I think just have feet. Wake up, feet. Go to bed, feet. How are the breasts so? How are her breasts? I mean, were they? Because if they're whoppers, well like, you know, it's not because if they were whoppers and she could knock someone out with them, that's dangerous. Despair. This is the beginning of this report.

You should despise to get out. I knew how revolting it was. The fact that you had to fish out. Hello everybody, welcome to Fortyish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of Forty-something life.

Every single episode without fail we talk about your problems, your rants, your dilemmas, your midlife issues. And we discuss our own and we bring our own stuff about how we are navigating our own hell of a middle age. And if you want more 40ish in your life, because of course you do, who the hell doesn't? Then firstly your life, because of course you do, who the hell doesn't? Then firstly, please just to let you know, we have a subscription which we would love you to be a part of. It's over at Apple podcasts, where you get ad free content on this show and self care club, and you get early access to this show and self care club.

So come over and that's over at Apple Podcasts. And one last request, if you want us to unpick one of your dilemmas or one of your rants or one of your midlife moans, then be in touch. Hello at 40ish.co.uk or you can DM us at instagram at 40ish.podcast. Do it. Yeah. Do it now. Be a part of it. Be a part of the conversation. We want to hear from you and don't let us be here alone on our own wondering if anyone else is dealing with the stuff that we're dealing with. So come and be part of our moaning community. We would love it. What is your most 40ish moment this week so far? My most 40ish moment is well so you know I'm playing I'm back to playing paddle again. Yes. Well there's a guy there who he's a dentist and he does like

fillers and Botox and stuff anyway so he keeps telling me no let me do your filler let me do your Botox he's showing me all these photos of people that he's you know doing his filler and Botox on. I think that's really presumptuous. Yeah whatever I mean don't need to get in a whole two and eight about it. I'm not happy about this but anyway it's not happening to you. Anyway so but the thing is is it got me thinking because I haven't had Botox in a year and a half and actually I think I've got to the point where I'm too old for Botox. I think I'm too old for Botox. I don't know what that I think I've got to the point where I'm too old for Botox. I think I'm too old for Botox. I don't know what that means because I've never had Botox.

No, but do you know what Botox is? No, I know what it is, but I mean, what do you mean you're too old for it? As in it wouldn't make any difference at this point to your face? Is that what you're saying? I think it would make things worse. I think it would make things worse. Yeah. Because what you're gonna do, like you're gonna smooth out your forehead and then it's just gonna make, accentuate

all the other wrinkles and lines that you're supposed to have on your face. That's what they say, it's like there's all these women who are kind of 60ish who have completely frozen above to the top of their head and then they have this like sort of muzzly, spongy neck and chin because you can't fix everything. The only way to do it is just to have a facelift and they're like a hundred grand, aren't they? Who had that amazing facelift recently? Chris Jenner. I mean, she looks fucking incredible. And then there's all those t-shirts of I'll have what Chris is having.

But it's a hundred grand! No facel faces for a hundred grand. It's a hundred grand this doctor. But can you imagine how much business he has got from her facelift? She looks like she's in her forties. She looks 12! Yeah, it's an amazing job. You know what, you know how I feel about all these things, I'm just not into it. And also I just feel like any woman, firstly I don't like the 20 year olds who have it because you do not need Botox They do it as a look Like it's a look to look frozen the lips and the Botox when you're in your 20s And then when you're in your 40s, you just still look in your 40s, but with Botox

No one's looking at you in your 40s going gosh, she's 26. They're not it's just there You are a woman in your 40s who's had Botox So I don't get the point of Botox because you don't look younger. You just look like a woman with Botox So what's the point of it? Don't get it. I don't understand it if you look dreadful just have one really good facelift and you're done Would you have a facelift? I mean no Because I believe aging is privilege and also I don't believe in unnecessary surgery. I'm not. You are, you are because it's very convenient when you

say aging is a privilege and all you do is bitch and moan about your age. I hate aging but I'm just saying I don't believe in unnecessary surgery. That's fine but that's not, let's not wrap it up as a gift as in aging is a fucking privilege. You don't stop moaning about your age hate the fact that you're in your late 40s you bitch and moan about the fact that you're in your late 40s honestly you've never you never say one thing positive about getting older you hate your birthday you go into a deep depression and now all of a sudden that we're talking about Botox aging is a privilege But I do understand that it is a fruitless and pointless task to have medical procedures and surgery to

try and look younger. You just, you just got to go with what you've got. Would you have a facelift? Um, I wouldn't, I wouldn't rule it out. I'm not saying it's something I would go and do now, but I wouldn't... listen, I was in the beauty business for a very long time. We've discussed this so many times, so I understand why women do it. I understand the need and the pressure that society puts on women to look a certain way and a lot of the time that is younger and have to be prettier or it's never enough and you're always told to fix a problem that you don't really have and so that messaging gets very very loud and women very much subscribe to it and I definitely subscribe to it to a point the only reason I stopped having botox was because I

thought it made me look worse it didn't make me look better and now I think I've got to the point where I think I'm just I think I'm too old for Botox. Okay great. No that's not great. You don't need it, you have a lovely face. You're missing my point. It's not about the Botox. What's it about? It's about the fact that I've reached an age where I just don't think I can have it anymore. That is tragic. You could, but then you're in facelift territory. That's where you get to, I think. Botox and facelifts are very different.

Very different, but you're only gonna do it once. Oh, you mean, I see what you mean. I don't need a facelift. You don't need one, but I'm saying, I think everyone gets to an age where that is the only solution left. Anyway, that was just my thought process this week of fucking hell. I'm now nearly 50 I mean I can't I'm 48. Okay. That is nearly 50. Well yeah. It's 50

adjacent. It's nearly 50. Okay. It's much closer to 50 than it is 40. Yeah it is, it's true. I mean I like your support but it is a lie. I appreciate you being kind but you don't need to, we don't need to be delusional about it. Okay. I'm all right with turning 50. Okay. With a facelift. No, yeah. Anyway, that was the most 40ish thing that happened to me this week. I'm too old for Botox. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm kind of happy that you feel like that. Because I don't like it anyway. So good. Good that you're done with it. Good. And also like, we're not a couple.

So it's not like Adam turns around to me and says, you know what? I like your face. Leave your face. Oh, Ollie would go absolutely mad if I had anything done. Would he notice? He'd be so unhappy. Would he know? That is a very good point. He I don't know. Because I had it for years and Adam didn't know. I don't know if he'd notice actually. But then and also Botox takes 10 days usually to kick in roughly fully to fully kick in and the day after I'd had it done it's

never settled by that point. Adam didn't notice for years. My friend Hayley walked in the day after I'd had it done for the first time she looks at me she goes what you done to your face? She knew instantly. I'm like what do you mean? She goes you've done something I know your face what have you done? Adam not a clue. Amazing. Men are amazing. That's the soul of women. Before we jump into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we are not doctors, we are not healthcare professionals, so if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with please contact a qualified expert. Hi ladies, I want to talk about summer feet because quite honestly this feels like the only

place I can openly share this. Okay, flip-flops used to be a carefree go-to. Now they're an ankle stability hazard and a source of mild embarrassment because of my cracked heels and the beginning of what is definitely going to be a bunion. Pedicures feel like a medical procedure. How did feet become so high maintenance? I just want to wear Birkenstocks and be left alone. Do I now have to commit to foot care on top of all of my other body maintenance? The answer is a quick yes. Yes. Yes. Move on. Yes. Like yeah obviously. I think this is very timely because it's summer. Yeah. And because obviously our feet are out more. Yeah. And I was thinking, I swear to god I was thinking this in the shower this very morning. Yeah. About feet. What were you thinking? As I was washing your feet? Washing my feet

and dealing with my feet. I was thinking I never used to have to deal with my feet and now I have to deal with my feet. Yeah. I mean, I used to get like a pedicure on my feet done before I go on holiday. Yeah, same. Once, twice a year. Yeah, same. That was the end of it. Yeah, that was it. I never thought about my feet. Yeah no. Now I'm thinking much more about my feet. Yeah I mean I don't think a lot about my feet but definitely deal with my feet. I go and have my toenails done and I also deal with any dry skin with a very special. Pumice. Yeah it's not actually a pumice. It's actually like a, I don't know what it is, it's not made of pumice. It's like sandpaper almost on a metal stick. It's really good and like quite satisfying. So I always do that moisturise. Yeah. Foot care. Yes you do have to do it on top of all your other body maintenance. It sounds like you look after your feet more than your face. Yeah I think I actually do. I actually think I do. That is true. You're very proud of your feet.

I happen to have quite, I mean they're not tiny feet but they're very neat, they're very tidy. You know what I mean? All the toes are in line, they're not ugly feet. Same. That's just genetic, that's just luck. There's nothing I've done there. My sons, Lord love them, handsome, handsome boys. They have their father's feet. Not lovely. Not lovely. He likes to say to me, my feet are artistic. My dad always said, my feet are artistic. I'm like, darling, that was him just being very kind. Your feet are revolting. I used to, oh my God, I used to love Lily Rose's feet. Oh yeah, when they're babies and then you like literally put them in your mouth when they're little

baby feet. I used to stick her toes up my nose for years. Her little baby toes? No, not the baby toes, up until she went into puberty and I wasn't allowed anymore. Up until she was about 10. Yeah Yeah I used to do that. Oh their soft little feet, their little tiny toesies. Okay so my sons now have like size 10, 11 feet. They're hairy, their toes are not all in line and I'm like whenever I see their feet I'm like I'm really sorry that bit of the gene pool didn't come down to you. They don't care though because they're men. Yeah. And also why don't men have to deal with feet as part of body-mate? They don't care. They just don't care.

Why do we have to put up with this shit? Why do we have to have nice presentable feet and they can just have any old feet they like? They can just have feet. Wake up feet. Go to bed feet. What's that? So true. We're not allowed to wake up feet. We're not. We're not allowed to wake up feet.

We're not! We're not allowed to go to bed feet. Ours have to be decorated. And we also can't be like, oh, got a fungal toe now, never mind. Oh, stub my toe playing football now my nails falling off, whatever. Imagine if we were like, no. You'd never wear a sandal. Such a double fucking standard along with everything else.

It's right, it's true. It is true. Also, how do you feel about men in sandals? Like what shoes do you like men to wear in the summer? Well Adam has got like a slider. Okay. An Adidas slider. Like for the pool, like for the beach. Yeah. Yeah. But he wears them all holiday yeah fine yeah that's okay yeah a flip-flop mm-hmm he has the odd flip-flop he hasn't had a flip-flop for a while but he did wear a flip-flop yeah plain black have the honor yeah I'm okay with that yeah yeah that's okay that that's about it what about a Birkenstock sandal on a man? Jesus vibes. But has to be the right man. You know what I mean? Not on the right Birkenstock. Yeah. Because there's a lot of styles. Yeah so

my sack, my 19 year old asked for a pair of black Birkenstock sandals for his birthday. Now he's like a footballer, he's quite cool, so I was like yeah I can see that on him. And he actually wears them with socks obviously because you wear everything with socks including sliders when you're that age. And they look quite cool on him. But on a middle aged man I'm not that into it. What does Ollie wear? He would always wear trainers, like even on holiday.

Even by the pool? And then one day, this was some years ago, I was like you know what, you need something. I don't do men in sandals. He's of that generation. I was like, but you could wear a slider, like a slider is fine. I bought him some Nike sliders and he wore those and that's fine. And then he does also have plain black flip flops for like the gym, whatever. The gym? No, like the changing rooms or if whatever, around the pool, whatever. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. But I love that your version of the gym is changing room. He doesn't wear flip flops in the gym. You just said, you know, he's got a pair of flip flops for the gym. Yeah. In his gym bag. I then questioned the gym. Yeah. Surely that's the

place you would wear trainers. Yeah. And you then said you know the changing room. I mean like your version of the gym. Yeah. I mean like in his gym bag for the whatever he does there. Shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine with that. I agree with you. I'm not into a sandal for men. Also because they just don't look after their feet. Anyway, this woman, right, she is right. Yeah. It is high maintenance on feet now yeah it is what about bunions she says she's getting the beginnings of one okay I come from a long line of hereditary bunions I'm just saying both my grandma's I know I know Okay we don't need to talk about everything on here. We do. What if it happens to me and then I have to wear... Maybe you keep it to yourself. What if I have to wear special shoes? Like what? Like banyan-y shoes. What a banyan-y shoes? Like my mum said that even she's getting one now because her mum had one and now

she's like it's like affecting her footwear like she can't really wear a heel and she might have to have an operation. I don't want that but you don't want a bunion operation i'm saying it's coming i have a lot of cautionary tales for bunion operations from whom a lot of people they it never works what do you do then you just have to wear eminence foot glove fox glove what's it called foot glove i don't want to wear sketches i don't want to wear sketches for the whole of my 70s. What's gonna happen? What about like my grandchildren's weddings and things like I gotta wear sketches because of my bunions? Your grandchildren's weddings? Yeah when I'm in my 70s and I'm bunioned off.

What happens then? I think at your grandchildren's weddings, you make an exception and you'll just be in pain. It's fine. It just takes one day. Just take some opioids. I'll probably on loads of meds by then anyway. So just take extra and drink and I'll be fine.

And then they'll be like, oh, that's just my grandma. She's drunk anyway. Yeah. Most of the time. Yeah. Don't worry about her. It's just my grandma. She's drunk anyway. Yeah. At the time. Yeah. Don't worry about her. It's her bunions. It's a long story.

We told her to have the operation, but she said when she was in her forties, she had some cautionary tales. So she won't have the operation. So now she's just drunk all the time. So she can wear heels. That's the general vibe. Just for today. Other than that she's got sketches in her bag. No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express.

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on to your point yeah a heat wave in June yeah it fucks me off when they say oh we're having a heat wave it's not a heat wave it's called summer yeah it's called the weather appropriate weather for the season yeah then I love it when they do like yellow amber warning and heat warning take water when you go outside it's like it's just summer yeah like you if you're too thick to know to drink a glass of water like really you've got bigger problems than summer it was like uv8 was it yeah is that high that is so high okay that is like dubai high oh okay it's's not even UV 8 in Spain mid-summer it's usually like UV 6. Okay so wear some sunscreen. Teenage girls are obsessed with UVs by the way. Yeah of course

they are because of the skincare. Skincare, tanning, all of it. Right. But anyway it's like I just wanted to put that out there it's not a heat wave it's summer. Danger to life, danger to life. Go on. Anyway so Ollie was away and I've obviously been home a lot with the puppy because we're still pre-proper walks so I just was wearing what I would call a muumuu. That's what I call my dog. I know. You know like not a caftan. We openly call her muumuu. Not a caftan but like the sort of dress that my grandma would wear on the balcony in my bed you know I don't even want to call it a summer dress because that sounds like an outfit as you has

your grandma got a cigarette with it because my grandmother is dead when you are writing when you're like trying to describe an outfit you always like just with a Marlborough line you'll be fine. Yeah no she doesn't wear anything because she's dead but the sort of you know like material just okay no shapeless like imagine nighty vibes but a summer dress I don't know the word to describe it. It's not a moomo because that's what we call the dog. But you know what I mean anyway I just haven't worn a bra Because it's hot and then you're it just feels too constricting. It's too sweaty

So I've just been wearing these I know they're anti-feminist So I've basically not worn a bra for the best part of four days It's been very freeing. You're wearing one now. I'm wearing one now because we're in the Apple Studios and I didn't feel it was appropriate but I've just been letting those girls swing free for days. I had a school thing because it's been end of term so I seem to live at the school when it's end of term and there was a like a presentation and it was like 30 degrees this day and someone turned up in jeans and I said are you not boiling hot? She goes no don't worry. How will her breasts? I mean

were they? Because if they're whoppers. Do you want me to answer? You have to go out in public like that. You think I'm going round looking at women's boobs? Not looking at them but you would clock them if they were whoppers or if their work wasn't much there, you'd notice, you know? I didn't notice. I couldn't tell you what her boobs were like. I feel the same. It's just like... Free the nipples.

Let them swing free. Yeah. It's fine. And also these dresses are very loose so you can't really see much. You couldn't really tell even if I had pants on. You couldn't really tell anything. You can just be in the garden, very comfortable, lots of breezes, blowing up bits of it. This is what's happening isn't it?

Yeah. We're too old for underwear. We're too old for underwear. Is that where we are? Too old for Botox and too old for underwear. Imagine like having to wear one of those skims body suit things to like the skin and lift up. What do you mean imagine? I've got one. No but I mean imagine like having to wear that every day and feeling like that was your underwear. Like no just no. I'm just really feeling like the older I get the more I just want to let

things be. Yeah the more comfortable you want to be. Yeah I just want to be comfortable. This is what happens. This is we get we into, I know we were just laughing and joking about bunions. Sketches. Yeah we're moving into a very worrying territory of no heels. I mean I couldn't tell you the last time I wore heels now. When was the last time I wore heels? I'm not with you every five seconds. We actually haven't been. We actually haven't been a lot. Should we talk about it? Now. Well, we could save it. What are we saving it for? Therapy? Yeah, couple therapy. I often say to people, including my husband, I'm in two marriages. I often say that and I do genuinely mean it. And also I do think I spend more time with you than with my husband. I mean he's currently away

and I haven't spent that much time with you so maybe it's like equaling up at the moment but I do often say that. The puppy has come in between us. I'm just putting it out there. The puppy has taken up a lot of time and attention. She has definitely shifted our alone time. What's our second question today? Dear Lauren and Nicole, I have a really good fr- no, I just, FYI, for the listener at home, I just put some glasses on because I thought it would help me to see better. Turns out it didn't. So now I'm too old for Botox and too old for heels and I'm too old for glasses. And underwear. Oh and underwear! The title of this show should be Too Old. Too old for life. Too old for life.

Oh dear. I'm not even 50 yet. Not yet. 50 adjacent, apparently. Dear Lauren and Nicole, I have a really good friend who has been in my life for decades, but she is becoming increasingly passive aggressively. She is becoming increasingly passive aggressively competitive. For example, she saw a return

package at my front door the other day. She asked me why I was returning. I told her it was a top that was too small. She then said, Oh, I can't buy from that brand as they only go down to a size eight and it's too big. Oh, that is beyond annoying. When we had lunch together a few weeks ago, she said, Oh, I don't know how you managed to finish that. I only have the starter portion when I come here. It's all done breezy and with a smile. So it feels silly to pull her up on it. I don't know if I'm being oversensitive or she is deliberately dogging at me. What would you do?

That's hard. Also, if she's been friends with her for years. Yeah. Why is it happening now? Why is it happening now? Yeah, why is it happening now? I have a really good friend who has been in my life for decades, she said, and she is becoming passive aggressive.

That's... Menopause. There's something... It's menopause. Well, we don't know how old they are. They could be in their 30s. They could. Yeah they could. I'm assuming they're 40ish. Hence why she's listening to the show right? I'm just blaming it on hormones because why else is she becoming like this?

Or has the woman who's written in suddenly like, I don't know, is she, has she lost weight or she's very attractive and the other woman is feeling not so attractive and so she feels like she needs to kind of put this friend in her place? I don't know, has something shifted between them and if so what? Yeah, tell us. Yeah. Why does she need to one-up her all the time? Yeah. Why does she need to one-up her all the time? There was this really good tip when someone is being passive aggressively rude to you.

I think we've talked about it on Self Care Club. So when she says, oh, I will, I don't shop there anymore because it's too big for me. That is a passive aggressive dig. You then say, I'm sorry, what did you just say? You get them to repeat it. Oh yeah, would you mind repeating that? Yeah. Yeah. And if she says, and then you say it to her again when she does another passive aggressive dig, what was the other one? Oh I don't know how you managed to finish that. What did you mean by that? I think you could be more direct. Because it's passive aggressive, it does sound petty if you're picking her up and like I totally understand what she

is saying. Especially if it's just part of you're just having a conversation and she just breezily throws it in and then moves on to something else because then you're like, then you feel really petty kind of saying hang on, hang on. What did you just say? You know, but she's known her for decades Yeah, so she knows her well enough to be able to say well What did you mean by that? Because that you've been saying a few of these things recently and I'm not really understanding where you're going with it Because it's not just a one-off don't pull her up on the one-offs

I would say take a macro view and have the conversation Do you think she's doing it deliberately this woman or or do you think it's just how she rolls? Just how she is? It sounds like it's how she rolls. And if she then tries to minimize and say, oh, what are you talking about? That's ridiculous. Then say, well, actually it's been upsetting me

and I want to discuss it with you. Don't allow her to minimize your experience of it because it's making you feel shit so much so that you've written into us yeah well it's affect it's gonna affect the friendship because it is affecting it always say like you never really remember what people say and don't say but you always remember how they make you feel and it's making her feel niggled at or put down or whatever it's making her feel it's not pleasant no one wants that don't you

that's it nobody wants that no if i was doing that to you what would you do i would go and cry in the corner with the puppy i'd go and weep silently helpful that's pretty helpful helpful and empowering lauren well done j Josh said to me yesterday mum the puppy is weeping and I thought it's just funny word to use when you're 12 she's weeping she's weeping she actually was weeping I had to go and deal with it weeping yeah how does a puppy weep oh my does that all the time? No she had a stuck poo and it was very upsetting her very much. She was going mad. She didn't know what to do with herself. She was crying and crying. You've been desperate to tell that haven't you? I have. Desperate. Since

the beginning of this recording she was desperate to get out. I knew how revolting it was. The fact that you had to fish out a stuck poo from your puppy's arse. I did. Here we are. I actually did have to do that. Well done. You know what? Did you have a bet with Oli at how long it would take you to get that into the conversation? I didn't even mind. That was the thing. I didn't even care. It's like with your own children. You just don't care. But if it was someone else's dog I would have been retching. What is that? Why are you fine with your own dog and your own kids? And also, well, kids is different because you've actually given birth to them. I know, but if you were like, you know like when you have

to comb nits out your kid's hair, if that was another child, like a random child, I would actually vomit. But when it's your own kid, it's like, this is gross, but it's my gross. So it's OK. What is that? Is it just not is it just mothering instinct? Yeah, but it's interesting that we both feel that over our fur babies, because we didn't they're not biologically ours, are they? What are you talking about?

I mean, if I was to have a biological dog yeah it would be Miley. It really would be Miley. I'm not sure what my biological dog would be I think it might be like a chocolate cocospanel or some sort of like afghan hound. It's a bit late. No it's fine I don't think I need to raise the dog I would have given birth to. Why? I just don't I'm fine to go a bit like left field with the dog side, choose to get because I can't choose the kids. They come as they come. They come as they come. Yeah. What are you saying to this woman? Go and weep in a corner. You know I'm very conflict diverse so I'd find it really hard to say to her, are you calling me a fat bitch? Bitch. Bitch. Hey, I'll eat this portion and it's great. Fuck off. I wouldn't be able to do that. I just wouldn't be able to do that. I would just absorb it, be a bit upset and then probably at

dinner say to Ollie, she said to me that she can't buy clothes from there because they're a bit big and that made me feel a bit fat. And then Ollie would be like, fuck her, she's not coming around for dinner anymore. And I'd be like, okay, that'll be it. I'm not very good at this little thing. I'm not very good at it. I don't like it. And then sometimes right because you are such a pussy sometimes. I am I'm such a pussy. And then occasionally occasionally you are so direct with someone that we'll be talking to and you say the thing that nobody wants to say and you just come out and say it and I want to like like die in a ditch because I can't believe you've just said it and you're totally fine with it. But it's not a cop but it's not a conflict thing. It might just be something that maybe

other people wouldn't feel comfortable saying out loud but it wouldn't be something that would cause conflict. You know what I mean? It doesn't like it doesn't like heighten a difficult situation. It might just be something like oh my god I can't believe she said that but it wouldn't cause the other person to be angry. They might be a bit surprised I said it. Do you know what I mean? It's not an argument causing thing. It's more of a like.

But sometimes saying how you feel isn't always an argument causing thing. It's just to clear the air. Yeah, but it could cause an argument. But it could, then what? But I don't think she should be made to feel shit in this relationship endlessly. What would you do? You would just say it? I would say, what did you mean by that? When she comes out with the next passive aggressive comment and say, you know, you've been saying a few things like this and it's making me feel a bit shit,

what is going on? Obviously that is the correct advice. I just can't do that. I'm not saying it would be easy to do that. But obviously that's the right thing to do, obviously. Of course it is. And I would really struggle with it. I would really struggle with it and it would take me a while, but I think it would get to the point where I couldn't be in relationship with this person anymore

until I said something. Because there's something underlying there. It's that I don't like. Yeah, but I want to know why, why she's... Yes, but you... She might never find out because you've got to trust that the other person feels safe enough to be completely honest with themselves and with her. And that's unlikely. That is our show this week on 40ish. We're going to be back next week with an unfiltered.

If you want to be in touch hello at 40ish.co.uk. Why can we never remember our email address? You have a bit of a mental block on it. Hello at 40ish.co.uk. I bet we should do this. You know what? You can be in touch with us. Hello at 40ish.co.uk or you can DM us at 40ish.podcast.

Or you can follow us on TikTok, we're on TikTok, aren't we? People love to chat to us on TikTok. We're on TikTok, we're on Instagram, we're on YouTube, we're on Facebook, we're on LinkedIn. LinkedIn. LinkedIn is just like congratulatory w for people isn't it? Like, oh hello everyone I just got promoted to head manager today. Oh well done Gerald! Brilliant work! I'm like, I'm so... LinkedIn is the most boring... so boring. What do you think happens on LinkedIn? It's because you're not on there. I do see the alerts. Blah blah blah wants to connect with you.

Why? Why do they want to connect with me? They're like some sort of manager in Dublin. Why do you want to connect with me? I have nothing to give you. I can give you a chicken shawarma recipe, I can give you some toilet training tips for puppies, but I think you have no reason to link with me. Your toilet training tips for puppies? She's not toilet training. She actually is. She's dry at night now.

She? Very pleased. I think we'll discuss LinkedIn when we're on the show. Okay. I hate LinkedIn. Okay. Dull, d-d-dull, dull. You hate social media. I mean, we both do. You know you've turned me off social media.

Good. And Botox. I'm doing really well. Brilliant. I'll have completely, I'm doing really well. Brilliant. I'll have completely manipulated you in another three years. You'll be wearing sketches. Ha ha ha. We'll be back on Tuesday. Hello, I'm Sarah Cox.

I'm Claire Hamilton. We became Bez's as teenagers and now we're parenting five teens between us. Twice a week we commiserate and laugh as we tackle the issues affecting teens now and then. This is Lesson Advice Pod, more of an audio panic room. Join us every Monday for the main ep and Wednesday for your turn where we hear your teen tales, past and present. Teen Commandments, find us where you get your podcasts.

Yes, teenagers, pick up your wet towels. And don't call us bruh.