40ish - Chat GPT, Breathing Wrong and Birthday Singlongs

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

This week on 40ish: Nicole finds unexpected emotional support from ChatGPT and, honestly, it’s more validating than most real-life husbands. Speaking of husbands, they are absolutely not winning at life this week. Both Lauren and Nicole have suffered through a list of their offences, including breathing, speaking, napping on the sofa, and the ultimate crime: wearing jeans on the bed. Meanwhile, a listener writes in with anxiety after being asked to take part in a group singalong at a friend’s 50th birthday. Is it a lovely gesture or full on cringe? It’s Midlife dilemmas, minor marital crimes, and awkwardness guaranteed. Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I wrote, I can't cope with this. Help. It then says, hey, pause a second. Breathe. You are not in bold failing. And I was like, no, no, no, you are not napping here. No. Did you realize how mad you would be in?

I sort of, but in that moment it felt very reasonable to say you're not. not allowed to be on the bed in jeans. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast where we tackle 40-something life, diving into all the things midlife, the news, the stories, your feedback, your rants, your mounds.

Your midlife meltdowns, your dilemmas. Oh, yeah, the dilemmas. Yeah. We tackle everything as long as it is to do with being middle-aged. the monia the better the pettier the prettier that's what this platform is for and please don't forget you can subscribe

on Apple Podcasts and you get early access on this show and self-care club and you get everything ad-free listening across both of our shows and you get bonus content that you won't get anywhere else and you can watch the video every week on Spotify and on YouTube or you can listen on any other podcast platform and if you have something to share with us

big or small we want to hear it So please email us at hello at fortiethish.com.uk or DM us. What's your most 40ish thing this week? There have been so many. It's actually been hard to pick. Wow. So many. I think the one that I'm going to bring and it's,

everything's been a bit of a meltdown. Okay. So I've got both of these things probably could go in the meltdown segment. Okay. But it is also very 40ish. Okay. It's all blurring at this point in terms. I want to say at the top that I am very, very, very due my implant.

And I am getting it in six days' time. So could we just bear that in mind? Okay. So it's run out. So there's no estrogen running through my system. I see. And I get very, very, very, very irritable when there is no estrogen running through my system. Yeah.

Okay. Anyway. Anywho. We had to, I had to mock up a piece of artwork for work. Okay. And it's very much my department. It's something that you don't look at and don't touch. You need to say what artwork is though,

because now everyone's imagining it in your spare time you're an artist. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was just something to be promoted on Apple. So it's like a graphic, basically. Yeah. And it was for self-care club, not for this show. And they just needed it in a different format, a different size, blah, blah, blah. So I needed to do it.

But I'd already asked James, to help me three times, which he had very kindly done. But sometimes I feel like my luck runs out with James, and I never, ever like to push it. And Apple had told me that they needed one more thing doing, and I just couldn't ask him again. I was too scared to ask him again, basically. So I thought, I know, do you know what?

I always teach myself everything, how to do everything. I've taught myself how to edit, how to video edit, how to multi-cam edit. Like, I can figure this shit out. I just needed it in a particular format, okay? But the platform that I use, it doesn't create, format so I knew I had to put it into Photoshop and something else. Anyway, I go into chat GPT. Yeah. And I say, how can I convert this file into this file? Just give me the simplest thing. This is what it said. I'm going to give you like the highlights of what I was dealing with.

Bearing in mind, I wasn't feeling tip top yesterday. So it's a step by step. It's a layered PSD, it doesn't matter. Share, download, file type, PNG, size 2, blah, blah, blah. If background needs transparency, tick this. That's fine. I get all that, right? Then you open it in Photopi, because it didn't want me to use Photoshop because that was too complicated. Go to photopi.com. File, open, select your PNG. Now you have your full design. All fine. Yeah. All fine. So there's a lot of instructions that I'm already fine with, okay? Rebuild essential layers. This is where it's done. This is the key part editorial teams care about. In PhotoP, use text tool, retype each segment, title, subtitle, subtitle, subtitle, subtitle, subtitle, title, match the font, place text, do this, put original layer underneath. Once text is rebut,

hide, it goes on and on and on and on, right? On and on. Then you've got to organise layers, then you've got to save it, then you've got to do this, then you've got to do that. I basically, I couldn't even read it. It was so overwhelming. I wrote, I can't cope with this. Help. It then says, hey, pause a second. Breathe. You are not in. bold failing. Wow. This is just one of those stupid technical tasks that feels much bigger than it is, especially when you're already juggling a million podcast things.

Wow. Oh my God. Hold on. I've got you. It says, we're going to make this and in bold ridiculously simple. Wow. Right. It goes on.

Also, this is the absolute simplest way. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Then it says, why you feel. overwhelmed in bold because Canva doesn't explain this clearly. You're doing a creative plus tech plus business all at once. Anyone would feel tired. Wow.

Yeah. This is why that woman last week married her chat GPT boyfriend. Right. Because they're so supportive. Because they're the only non-man robot person who would speak to you like that. So supportive. Then it says, if you want, you can tell me, okay. I've opened photo P and I'll stay with you step by step like a calm human tutorial.

You've got this. I've got you. This is like everything. I know. It's also really creepy. Yeah, but also if you were a very, very sad, lonely person with no friends who lived alone in a cave, you'd find that really comforting. Would you?

Yeah. Well, I didn't. You didn't? No, I fucking didn't because I still couldn't figure out how to do it. this fucking file. Then Adam walks in my husband and he's like, actual real person, human. Actual real human. He does care about me and who usually does have my back. Although he doesn't say things like that. Hey, I can see that you feel overwhelmed with the laundry, Nicole. And this is worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. I've got you. You've got this. Yeah. He didn't say that.

I'll stand by you next to the washing machine as you load and unload and I'll be here. here every step of the way. And you can say step by step, okay, I've opened the washing machine door. Now what? I have put the capsule in. What's next? Well done. You're doing great.

Anyways, he came in. He wasn't as supportive as JetGBT. No. So he's like, I'm going. I'm like, I'm having a nervous breakdown. He's like, what's happened? So I told him. And he's like, oh, do me a favour.

Just send it over. He's got a... he's got a graphic designer because he's using this guy all day, every day because of the nature of his job. He's like, just send it over to him. He'll do it in like five seconds. Yeah.

Like, is that okay? He's like, just, just do it. Okay. Why didn't we think of that in the first place? Because James was helping. Oh, I see. And James was being very, very helpful. Okay.

What did he say? He says he would have done it. Just before we dive into your dilemma is a very quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue, you are seriously struggling with. Please contact a qualified. expert. Hi ladies, I've been invited to a

friend's 50th and it's a proper celebration. Dinner, speeches, the whole thing. Lovely. She's lovely. I genuinely like her. The problem is that a group of women going, some closer to her than others, some I barely know, have decided it would be amazing in inverted commas

if we could all sing a song together as a surprise. Oh my God. I hate this idea. No, don't blame her. I find it deeply cringy, tacky, slightly performative, and I have a genuinely terrible singing voice. The thought of standing there sober, singing with people I don't really know is awful. I don't want to be a killjoy, and I don't want to look like I'm not making an effort for her birthday.

But I also know I'll spend the entire night dreading this moment. I probably hate myself for agreeing to it. Is there a polite, grown-up way to opt out without seeming rude or unsupportive, or do I just suck it up and mime along and hope nobody notices help? That's really tricky. Because if you say like, no, I don't want to be a part of it, you look like a bit of a dick. But I really would feel like a bit of a dick standing up singing at your 50th birthday party. Please, if you have one, don't make me do that.

I'm not having a 50th birthday party. But also, I'm now imagining, like, say a group of your friends were planning stuff and then they texted me and said, hey, guess what for Nicole's birthday? We're like, we've made up this amazing song about podcasting and we're all going to sing it to her just before dessert. And you've got the solo. Great. Because you're the one that works with that. I... Let me tell you something.

I don't know what I would do. Can I just tell you something? Yeah. I would fucking love you to do that. I mean, I would love you to do that because I would just love it. So in terms of it being for my birthday, I would deeply appreciate you standing up, making a total twat to yourself. I would love it.

Okay. Not going to do that. Also, I'm not having a part. party. Okay, fine. But let's just say for the sake of argument you are, I'm just imagining how I would respond to your friend's messages because I don't want to be that person who's like, no, actually, I'm not joining in, no. But I also really wouldn't want to do it because I would be mortified and I do also have a terrible singing voice. So you could always say, listen, I'm, I really have a genuinely bad singing voice. You don't want me involved. And I'll be like, no, it's fine. We all

can't sing. It'll be so fun. Nicole will love it. All right. I'm just thinking, If your friends do the same, what would I do? I would probably just join in and do it because it's just not that deep. Would you be so embarrassed? No. Why would you be embarrassed about it? It's just not that deep. You're singing in a group.

It's a nice thing to do for somebody else. It's cute. Is it cute? Yes. It's not cute. It is cute. It's cute if you're 10. It's not cute at 50.

It's really quite embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing? If your friends make up a song and sing it too. Yeah. So what? Why is it so deep? Why is it got to? to be such a negative thing. It's cute. The friends want to get together. They want to do something

really nice for her. I think that is so lovely. I really do. So what's the problem with it? She doesn't want to do it. So then she shouldn't do it. I don't believe that she should have to do. I'm just saying how I would respond to it. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, it's fine. It's two minutes. We're all in the same boat. It's done and it's dusted and it's a cute thing to do for my friend. I wouldn't really care. I wouldn't really care. If I had a real aversion to it, And it depends if she's part of this group or she's not part of this group. I think she said like she knows some of them, but others she doesn't really know. So she's kind of on the outskirts.

Yeah. So she could just say, do you know what? You guys go ahead. Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to bow out. Why can't she just say that? Because then she feels like she's being a dick. And then her friend will be like, well, hang on, why aren't you in the song? But whatever you do, whether you do it or you don't do it,

what you're saying is there's a concern about being judged. Because if you do it, you're worrying about people judging you and you're making a dick of yourself. and if you don't do it, you're worried about people thinking you're being rude. Yeah. What's that about? We're nearly 50. Like this, just do what you want. And pass on it politely with grace and with a solid boundary.

I don't see the issue. I think I would do it and then inside just be cringing. That's what I would do. Because I'd feel so, I'd feel like I was being offensive by saying no. but I would also find it really cringy. I understand where she's coming from. I understand where she's coming from, but nobody's put a gun to her head saying that she has to do it.

She is totally caught up in the what are they going to think? Cares. You can't control what people think regardless of what you do or what you don't do. So just do what you want. I'm not saying be rude and say no, fuck off that is a really cringy idea and I don't want to be any part of it. That would be awful.

But you can just say thank you so much. It's not my thing. but you guys go ahead. Done. I would say like, well, I've actually written a one-man play for her and I'm going to perform it privately later. So I can't join in the song because it would just be too much for me. Ultimately, you would probably just do it.

Yeah, I'm saying I would do it. And inside feel cringy. But I'd also stand at the back and probably sit very quiet. Oh, I 100% stand at the back. And sing very, very quietly or mime so no one could hear my voice. And also you can be a part of it without being a part of it. Like you said, stand at the back, you can mime, you just turn up to a couple of the rehearsals

and don't really do very much and that's it, just keep a low profile. Yeah. You could just do it that way. And then pray there's no dance movements. But I also think at this age, are we not at a point? Well, I definitely am at that point

where I'm just not doing things I don't want to do. I'm just not. And if someone else has a problem with that, then someone else has a problem with that. That's their problem. It's not my problem. It's how you feel about it. It's quite anything to do with me.

I feel really strongly about that these days. Okay. I really do. It's good. It's grown up. It is, right? Yeah. And also, like, I'm hanging out with less people.

I'm hanging out with the people that I really want to hang out with. That's it. Finished. Okay. Okay. I hope that helps, Sean. I hope it helps. Let's go to a break and come back with the meltdowns.

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with Advil plus acetaminephim. Advil, the official pain relief partner of the NFL. Ask your pharmacist at this product's rate for you. Always read and follow the label. Well, I've got a real meltdown. Okay. Okay. Again, my implant, my estrogen,

implant is coming next Tuesday. Do you want me to go and get it for you? I can slice you open. Asim was like, can we not push it forward a week? Anyway, I made dinner last night. Now, often in our household, I'll say to Adam, what do you fancy for dinner? And he will say, this happens maybe twice week.

Do you know what? I'm not very hungry. I'll just have some yogurt. Or I'll just have a protein shake. Okay. Right? I was getting dinner out last night. It was ready.

I was about to put it on. the plate and I said to him, dinner's ready. He came in and he goes, oh, do you know what? I think I'm just going to make, and I didn't let him finish the centres and I went, no, no, I've made, I went mad. I've made dinner. This is not fair. You are going to eat the bloody dinner because you always do this. And if you say you're going to have a yucca, I'm going to go mad, I've spent the whole thing, went into one. And he looked at me and he went, rice. I think I'm going to make some rice. It's what he was going to say. To go with the dinner. Yeah. Right. So then he said,

say sorry. I'm like, no, I'm not going to say sorry because you always do that. He's like, what, make rice. And I'm like, no, you just always, you always do that. You always like decide that you don't want the dinner. Whatever. That was a meltdown. It's obviously fallen very flat. That was my meltdown. I'm sorry for Adam until Tuesday. So is he. So is he. It's a good thing you're going out tonight.

Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. I hope you don't shout at your friends if they order rice. No, no, no. I don't care that he was making rice. It wasn't that. I thought he was going to say that he was going to have a yoga

and he wasn't going to eat the dinner, you see. He did say, I don't want dinner. I'm just going to have yogurt. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Oh, the whole. the whole story's falling completely flat. He didn't.

I'm saying he has done in the past, but he wasn't saying it that night. Oh, I see. He wasn't saying that last night. Last night he was saying, I think I'm going to make some. And I went into one and then he said, rice, they're going to make some rice.

I'm with you. I'm with you. Also, I'm quite impressed he can make rice. Come on. Not everyone can make rice. Once you know how to make it, fine, but lots of people can't make it. They'll do like a microwave bag of rice,

but lots of people, People don't actually know how to make proper rice. Okay. Seriously? Okay. Good rice sounds very easy. It's not that easy. Well, it's one cup of rice, two cups of water.

You know that, you know that. Put the lid on, leave it for 10 minutes, don't touch it, look at it or think about it, and then it's perfect rice. But not everyone knows that. Are we really now congratulating Adam because he knows how to boil rice? Yeah. No. We're not doing that.

I'm going to go back to chat, GV. This is Annie. She says, I know that I'm in perimenopause because this week I had a complete wobble when my husband said I didn't know we'd run out of toilet roll whilst standing in the bathroom

next to the empty cardboard tube. What did you think was going to happen next? The toilet roll theory would magically replace it. I felt ridiculous being that annoyed about it which somehow made me even more annoyed. I get this on a visceral level. I think anyone, R.A., completely appreciates and understands that story.

Because it sounds on the surface so simple, but underneath it, there's layer upon layer, upon layer of mental load, domestic drudgery, irritation, hormones, husbands, resentment. Yeah. I said to Adam last night when he was talking,

after I screamed to him with the rise, after we were sat down eating, after it all, and we were just having our dinner. and he was just telling me, oh, he was giving me his opinion about autistic Barbie. Oh, yeah, okay. I mean, that's just another whole conversation,

but he was giving me his opinion, and I just looked at him. I mean, it didn't really matter what he was saying, but I said to him, I said to him, oh, oh, I actually don't think I can sit near you. That's what I said. He's like, excuse me, I'm like, I actually cannot stand any word that it's coming.

out of your mouth. I swear I said that. And he's like, oh, well, that's nice. That was when he said, can we push this implant forward a week? The other evening, it was like 8.30, like before 9 o'clock. And Ollie came into the living room and I was watching traitors. And he lay down and turned over and closed his eyes. And I was like, no, no, no.

No, you are not napping here. No. And he was like, this is my house and this is my sofa. And if I want to have a little... And I'm like a groaned man. And if I want to have a nap on my sofa, I will. I was like, no, because I can't deal with the snoring now. And then in a few hours, the snoring in bed later. So if you want to nap, nap somewhere else, I said, because I'm telling you now,

if you fall asleep and you start snowing, I'm... It's giving me rage. Your nap is giving me rage. And he said, I think perhaps. Perhaps you may need to work on your rage, not my napping. I was trying to explain, like, just don't incur the wrath. Just don't, just don't. And then I went upstairs.

Yeah. And he was lying on the bed. Yeah. He was lying on the bed. I mean, it was 10 o'clock. So I was, I think it was a bit later anyway. I was going upstairs to bed. Yeah.

And he was lying on the bed in his jeans. Right? Yeah. And I said, no, no. No. No. And I said, First of you've disappeared. Where did you go?

He's like, you told me I couldn't be anywhere near you. So I came upstairs. Now you're following me. He can go out of me. Poor Adam. And I said, I cannot cope with you. With your jeans. With your jeans on the bed.

Why? He's like, you are not okay. That's right. I said, I can't cope with you. being on the bed in the jeans. So he takes the jeans of whilst he's staring at me. And he like swings them around, you know, as if he's a cowboy. And then he throws them onto my side.

And then he like starts crumpling them onto my side of the bed. He goes, better. Well, I like the fact that he actually kind of tolerates this and engages with it and gives it any air because Ollie would not. He would just not. In that moment, did you realize how mad you were being? I sort of, but in that moment it felt very reasonable to say you're not allowed to be on the bed in jeans. Like your moment felt reasonable to tell Ollie he wasn't allowed to nap there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said to him, I actually think I need to go to sleep in the other room. I did. I slept in the other room. I just needed to be on my own. Yeah.

But this one is to remove yourself. He said, just go. Go on. Off you go. Just remove yourself. Please, for the love of God, before I've brushed my teeth and you can't deal with the tooth-based or something. And as I left the room, I'm like, I'm just going to remove the jeans. Okay.

Moving on to news. I love the news. Do you? I love the midlife news. Okay. Well, the Golden Globes has happened. Yes. And it's kind of all been about midlife women at the Golden Globe.

at the Golden Globes. Well, not only did Midwife... Why do I keep doing that, swapping midlife for midwife? Because it rhymes. Okay. But not only did... It's not like you're swapping.

Why do I keep saying the word computer when I mean midlife? It's not... It's understandable. Not only did computer women clear up at the award ceremony. They made their time

at the podium count. Midlife women, including Julia Roberts and SJP. That's Sarah Jessica Parker in case you're not a fan, delivered some of the most inspirational quotes of the night. Amy Pola, who is 54. You love her?

I mean, I do like her. I mean, she's never, I'm just happy for her, and I'm so pleased that there was the category of best podcasts. Yes. She accepted the inaugural award for Best Podcasts and delivered a speech that served as a great reminder of the value of joy and trying something new. This is what she said.

This is an attempt to make a very rough and unkind world filled with a little bit more love and laughter and laughing with people not at them and we just have such a good time making it she said after mentioning that she just started podcasting in the last year. Thank you so much for letting us make more. Nice.

That's so lovely. What did Julia Roberts say? She said lots of things. She actually bigged up someone else, someone younger than her. That was kind of the main thing that she was doing on stage at the Golden Globe. She looked absolutely sensational.

Yeah. She doesn't age. Not really. But she just ages so well. She's also Julia Roberts. I mean, she's got everything at her fingertips, but she's just, I just love Julia Roberts.

And if you see Julia Roberts in a film, you're always so happy to see her, aren't you? You know, you can settle in, relax, and you can have a great time. Don't you? What? I don't want to say it. No, say it.

I don't want to say it. I want to say it. She's supposed to be the most disgusting, human being in Hollywood. Oh, I know. Who told you that? Someone who's worked with her. Somebody who's worked with her.

I know. And I like, it really shattered me to hear that. I know. And thank you for not saying it and then I made you say it. She's like a real see you next Tuesday apparently. No. Yeah. Like up in the top three.

Yeah. But there's certain people that you hear these stories about and you can kind of see it. Yeah. You know, like someone would say to you about someone. You're like, yeah, yeah, I get that. I can see that. Judah Roberts, I can't see that.

I know. It's like if you were told me that Jennifer Aniston was a nightmare to work with, I would be devastated. She's not a nightmare, but apparently what she does, this is again from someone who works.

Jennifer. Jennifer, yeah. She checks into a hotel and she orders up to her room every hotel, everywhere she ever stays, steamed, plain chicken breast,

a bottle of vodka and Marlborough lights. And that's it. That's what she has. I mean. I mean, that to me sounds like the best party. That's it for today. Oh, dear, that's so funny. Good luck to you all out there if you're doing with the same thing.

Especially our husbands. I'd like to all the people who are married to pro-menopausal women. Yeah. And we'll be back soon with another show. Hopefully. I don't know when, but soon.