40ish - Death, Dating Acronyms & Washing Lines

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

This week on 40ish: Lauren is fuming after receiving a letter from the burial society and Nicole has a fancy new washing line. A listener attempts to figure out dating acronyms (GGG anyone?) We would love to hear from you!  Please come and be part of the conversation. To share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Shut up! DMs. From who? Strangers. I have a question for you. Mm-hmm. What is with the obsession? And you are totally obsessed with this at the moment. It's like you can't come up for air with all the comments that you're making about it. It's like we can't

even talk about anything else. There's no room for anything else but you commenting. You have been underplaying this. I just thought it was like a big tall plastic tower. Now you're telling me it's got wings and wheels. Yeah. Before we jump into the show, we're very excited and honoured to tell you that we're currently part of Spotlight. Spotlight is a project from Apple Podcasts which highlights a creator or creative team every couple of months and they have chosen us for this autumn.

Apple's editorial team believes that you're going to want to spend a lot more time with us and we definitely want to spend more time with you so they kindly put us together. Thank you, Apple Podcasts. We really hope you enjoy this new show

and we really hope that you stick around to talk about all things midlife. And don't forget that you can listen ad-free to both this show and our other show Self Care Club when you subscribe to our channel. If you're enjoying this show,

please can we ask you a very small and quick favour. We need you to follow and subscribe. Basically, it just shows Apple or whatever platform you're listening on that we're doing a really cool thing. And it means that it keeps building our show i think it's something to do with the algorithm we don't really know because we're in our 40s but what we do know is that it's really important that you actually follow the show because that means that you will never miss an episode and the episode that any new episode that we drop will come straight into your library so just scroll to the top and click the plus or the tick button, whichever your phone or device shows you. And that means you will never,

ever miss an episode of 40ish again. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkun. This is the brand new podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40-something life. And we're going to solve all of your dilemmas. We try to we we do we do sometimes we haven't had the feedback yet but i feel like it's coming i i'm scared in the coming weeks we're going to discuss your problems your issues and any rants that you've kindly shared with us and also we may share some of our own stories about navigating our own midlife we may we may depending how embarrassing they are If you're new to this show,

then welcome. Thank you so much for joining us and please do go and follow the show for new episodes every week. I have a question for you. What is with the obsession? And you are totally obsessed with this at the moment.

It's like you can't come up for air with all the comments that you're making about it to me it's like we can't even talk about anything else there's no room for anything else for you commenting on my washing line oh it's so like bougie i actually went out into your garden today to admire it what what what is going on it's really tall it's got so much space for hanging i really like how you're just like allowing god to dry your laundry this summer it's so not you so not you it surprised me oh okay very out of context why because if you had to like stand us up against a wall and say which one of you would have an outside drying line, it would definitely be me.

I would be the drying rack girl and you would be the sort of tumble dryer chic. I think that I'm not sure I'm loving that. What? Because you are now insinuating that I just shamelessly stick everything in the tumble dryer. I actually don't. I'm very intentional about what goes in and out of my tumble dryer. I don't mean shamelessly. I just mean like it's quite earthy to hang your stuff up outside

and let nature dry it. It's quite an earthy thing to do. You are more like efficiency, get it dried, put it away. I don't have time for this housework stuff. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Right.

Who, yeah. You know what I mean? So when this tower tower this plastic tower it's very plastic appeared in your garden i was like this is a turn around but you you've mentioned it like many many times it's just not on brand for you it's very not i like to keep it mixed up you're really keeping our relationship fresh and funky. You like that, do you? I'm keeping you on your toes. You are.

With my washing line. You are. Basically, what happened was that my... You want to hear the backstory? Tell me you're 47 without telling me you're 47. Please tell me the backstory to your new washing line. This is so tragic. Come on.

I was at my mother-in-law's house. Yep. And she has got an outdoor washing line. This is so tragic. Come on. I was at my mother-in-law's house. Yep. And she has got an outdoor washing line. Again, very not on brand for her. This is even more off brand. Yeah. I saw this mobile outdoor washing line. What do you mean mobile?

It's not on wheels, is it? Yeah. Shut up. It has wheels? Listen, for you listening at home her eyes have just lit up like a little boy on christmas day i was about to tease you when you said mobile because i thought you just meant you have to lift it this thing's on wheels it's on wheels for my frozen shoulder amazing you know i might buy you one for your fucking birthday send me the amazon link like now you

have to build it it comes in if you build it they will come if you build it the washing will come also what the wheels do is they lock shut the front door and they unlock i mean you are like ping pong tables yeah yeah like the ping pong tables around the garden so i can move it around the house wow i can move it around the house okay and also let me tell you something also amazing about it what is that on sheet change day yes it really comes into its own what happens does it have extendable sides yeah shut up You have been underplaying this. I just thought it was like a big, tall plastic tower. Now you're telling me it's got wings and wheels? Yeah.

I need this. And it's got two things on the top that you pull out and you can put all your hanging stuff on it. I feel so ashamed of my white wire, just like boring line. Anyway, so what happened was I was at my mother-in-law's house yeah and i noticed that she was putting washing out on her mobile washing line yes and so i went outside to inspect the situation yeah also off-brand for her very but hers was very bougie you think mine is bougie. Hers, the whole thing collapses down in like a second.

So I thought I was getting the same one. I haven't told her that I got it. No. Because I didn't want her to think that I was copying her. But you should. You'd get a real good daughter in law points for that. Do you think so? Yeah, I do.

And what I should have asked is for the Amazon link. But she wouldn't have bought it on Amazon because she doesn't really do online stuff and she would have said it's old yeah anyway actually when it came and i built it i was deeply disappointed because it wasn't the same hers is much smarter okay link please thank you Okay, link please, thank you. Let's get onto our first dilemma. Funnily enough, it's about mother-in-laws. Oh. Is my mother-in-law telling me I'm fat? Oh dear. Hi ladies, put this one in your pipe and smoke it. Oh, oh okay we will my my mother-in-law she says is a generous woman and sometimes likes to buy me clothes

lovely you might think but every time without fail she buys me things that are a size or sometimes two sizes bigger than my actual size. I have politely told her my correct size but she won't take the items back and she continues to do it. I can't help at this point to feel she's sending me some sort of message. What should I do? That is an icky, icky situation to find yourself in. Apart from my kids, and I include my adult kids, I don't buy anyone else I know clothes. Do you? Yes.

Okay. Who and what? You want specifics? Well, I'd like an example. Well, I've bought my friend sarah for her birthday because she's a huge runner and i bought her a pair of sweaty betty cycling shorts okay which is a really nice gift do you like know her size or would you have to ask her her size well she's guess she's tiny so i just bought her an extra small and would you put a gift receipt in with

that yes of course okay of course okay i don't buy people clothes just because i feel it's so personal my sister and i buy each other the odd i think that's a bit different if we go to bister yeah we don't always go together but if we go to bister and we go into because we're both obsessed with lululemon yeah because we both work out all the time so if i go into the lululemon or she does then we'll always get ourselves like a headband or a top or like a vest that's on sale for 20 quid we would always do that i think that's different because it's your sister and it's kind of well this is a daughter-in-law it's not that different is it still a family member but also listen you can turn around to your sister and go

by the way this is the wrong size thank you but it's the wrong size i'm going to take it back and your sister well my sister would take it back. We wouldn't be offended. And it would be a very easy thing just to say, this is the wrong size, but thank you. Listen, it's really nice that she's buying her clothes. And that is really generous. She's buying her clothes.

It's very nice. They obviously have a lovely relationship. But why is she doing this? I don't think she's trying to tell her she's fat i think maybe this listener is possibly being a little over sensitive yeah but let's just break it down a little bit okay right it's obviously not just happened once because she's it's happened it's obviously happened a few times yes enough for her to say actually i'm not a size let's say 14 I'm a size 10 or I'm a size 12

so thank you but this doesn't fit so she said that once so that must have happened two or three times in order for her to say it because you're not going to say it well I wouldn't say it to my mother-in-law on the first time would you no definitely not

I'd just say thank you but then when it happens again it's like oh hold on on the first time would you no definitely not no i just say thank you you just say thank you yeah but then when it happens again it's like oh hold on she might think that i'm but the only reason and also you don't want her to keep buying you stuff that you can't use yeah the only reason i would say something would be because i would feel so guilty that she was spending this money and i couldn't wear it and also maybe I would really want to wear it, but it was too small. So then I would say, too big, sorry.

So then I would say to her, I really love this, but it's really huge on me. Would it be okay if I change it for a smaller size? She's saying she won't, she won't take it back. So what's that about? I can't imagine she's turned around and go, no, I won't take it back. You will wear it at this size.

I can't imagine she's turned around and go no i won't take it back you will wear it at this size i can't imagine that's happening the only thing i can think of is maybe maybe my friend got bought a birthday present by her mother-in-law from a really nice shop and either like she had it already or i think it was like it was like a, I think it was like porcelain. It was like a serving platter or a serving bowl or something. And I think she wanted to change it or she had the same one already. Basically she, she, she asked if she could swap it for something else and she couldn't.

And the reason was, although her mother-in-law did not want to say, she'd bought it in the charity shop, like past it offers from you. So now I'm like wondering maybe or maybe she's buying maybe the mother-in-law's buying it for herself and then decides she doesn't want it and then gifts it to her daughter-in-law maybe that's happened or maybe it's been gifted to her yes maybe she's re-gifting you know how sometimes when you're in a shop and you put something on and you think it looks

fabulous and then you get home same day and you put it on in front of your own mirror and you're like this is disgusting i was in like a completely different headspace what the fuck is this you ever have that yeah it's like you know when you go into primark and you go into like a whole primark state of mind i literally did it in a Primark. I went with my son's girlfriend. Bear in mind, she's 18. We did a whole little Primani brows. I was like, oh, that dress is cute.

She was like, it's so cute. Oh my God, it's so cute. You've got to buy it. I'm like, it's 20 quid, whatever. I'll buy it. I bought it, put it on. I was like, oh. Was that the white one you bought?

Yeah. You see, look at your face. Your face. Your face. I was like, actually, I don't I put it on and I was like oh actually was that the white one you bought yeah you see look your face your face your face and I was like actually I don't really like it and then you were like

I think you've got other dresses that are nicer you have you were like I stand by it you were very diplomatic you were like

it's not my favourite of your dresses and you do have a lot you do have a lot of dresses I really hate that and you have some really beautiful quality dresses I really hate that Primark you have some really beautiful quality dresses.

I really hate that Primark dress. Yeah, just give it to the charity shop or sell it on Vinted. I've literally worn it once. Okay. I might. That's all you should wear it. You know what I was about to say to you?

I might give it to my son's girlfriend, but she is two sizes smaller than me, so I definitely won't. But maybe we've just uncovered something. Maybe we have. Maybe that's what's going on there. Maybe that's what's going on.. Maybe that's what's going on. But then she should say, like I would say to my son's girlfriend, listen.

I bought this. I don't love it. Remember when we bought this together? I actually wore it once. I don't like it. Would you like it? Because if you do, great. And if you don't, I'll give it away.

But the problem is with your mother-in-law, it's very hard to say, no, thanks. I'm not going to wear that. I would hope that she'd feel comfortable to say that to me. I mean, I could probably say it to my mother-in-law now but i have known her for 20 years yeah but i definitely don't think i would have said it in the first year two years three years of being with adam well this woman's in her 40s so presumably she's been her mother-in-law for a while we're assuming i don't know it's a strange relationship isn't it your mother-in-law because you're obviously you're very close but yet there's still that level of etiquette that goes alongside everything yeah there's an

element of respect always well in any way there should be in any relationship but i think more so with your mother-in-law yeah there's boundaries and respect going on and i don't think i'd want to say to my mother-in-law no thanks i. I would probably just say, oh yeah, thanks. That's really nice. I think I would say to her, I really love this, but it's swamping me. I'd love it. Would it be a real pain if I swapped it for a two sizes down? I don't mind going myself.

I don't think you would say that. I would say that. I'd say I really love it, but it's too big. Because then you never wear it, and then she never sees you in it, and then that's even worse. Because then she'd feel like, well, I bought her this stuff, then she never sees you in it and then that's even worse because then she'd feel like well I bought her this stuff

and I never see her in it yeah it's hard isn't it tricky tricky one that you know what I don't envy you with this one and I don't think

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or like me, a $1 small coffee and a $2 small latte. Available now until November 24th in Ontario only. Woohoo! Interior Chinatown is an all-new series based on the best-selling novel by Charles Yu about a struggling Asian actor who gets a bigger part than he expected when he witnesses a crime in Chinatown. Streaming November 19th only on Disney+. Okay, Nicole, something very, very 40-ish happened to me this week.

Got a letter through the post from the Burial Society. A letter? A letter. Not even an email? Nope. What did it say? Would I like to pay quite a substantial amount of money, me and Ollie, for a burial plot? P.S. The kids will go free.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Hold on. Don't you get that through your synagogue? You don't pay burial rates. Yes, you do. I am paying burial rates. That's what I'm saying. You're obviously not i'm not currently you need to paying you know it's really expensive to get buried i know so then

if you die yeah i'm not saying that flippantly because you always talk about dying listen what do you mean if i die when i die when you die you don't die you don't want that financial burden on your boys i don't it's so true so you do need to get on that i know it's like an annoying thing annoying letter to get through the post it's pretty morbid but that needs i'm very shocked at you are you because i'm actually really responsible in that sort of thing like we've got a will yeah executors yeah we're very like adults yeah very you're very adulty we're good at adulting you are good at adulting yeah i am actually thanks in the round so this i feel has slipped through

the cracks and the thing is it's not because i'm avoidant of death you are not of what you saw you fucking talk about i am totally down with death plant hamster human we all have a lifespan and i'm totally fine with that it just kind of isn't something that we have really chatted about. Are you a member of a synagogue? I think so, yes. I don't attend one, but I do belong to one. No, I don't either, but we do. But then Ollie has these conversations sometimes

about how he wants to be buried at sea. That's not buried at sea. I'm like, no, no. He wants to be chucked out over the sea like that's not it's just not happening how are we going to come and visit you at sea well he likes his boat doesn't he yeah but also like you're not not actually a sailor i'm not i'm not maybe he was in a past life we've done past life regression therapy on Self Care Club. It was shit. It was shit. It was totally shit.

The thing is, I'd like for us to be buried together. You and me? No, me and Ollie. How rude. If you and I were buried together, I just feel like everyone in the afterlife would get no rest because we'd just yabba yabba yabba, yenta yenta yenta. For eternity.

What's wrong with that? Well, nothing. It would be fun for us, but everyone else trying to lie in eternal peace. Maybe they're not trying to lie in eternal peace. Maybe they're up there clubbing, having a great time, thinking, you know what? We got it all wrong the first time

and now we're up here just having fun. Oh, I hope heaven isn't like heaven the nightclub because that would be so hectic. Oh, where is that? That's not open is that that's not open in town it's a gay club it's not open anymore isn't it well i don't know i don't know i did i did go there so did i but i can't imagine it's still open i think it is it's probably like a cost of coffee now it's probably a uniclo yeah well anyway i found it depressed i found this

letter depressing what can I tell you? Hi, do you want to be buried? Pay us loads of money. Yeah, and it's a lot of money. How much was it? So much money. Like what? Well, it's even worse.

They do it in decades. So depending on your age, it costs more or less. So if you're in your 40s, the price is higher than if you're in your 50s? No, if you're in your 50s, the price is higher than if you're in your 40s. For every're in your 50s the price is higher than if you're in your 40s for every decade the price goes up because you're more likely to die yeah that's why the kids are free oh yeah oh but as they get older they're not free no under 21s are free it's like buy one get three buy two get three free i mean how depressing is that it's like going to an all-inclusive i don't know if either of us are going to be able to help with this hello this is the headline can you ladies decipher dating acronyms no i doubt it my love but we'll give it a go

although i do have two teenagers so i'll give it a whirl okay i'm a 43 year old newly single woman attempting to navigate online dating i was told to try field f-e-e-l-d i've never heard of this have you no i mean i've heard of like tinder yeah humble no i haven't i haven't and i have a single sister so i i'm surprised i haven't oh i was told to try field but i've now been told by a girl in her 20s at my office that it is the sluttiest of all dating apps oh in the space of one lunch hour i was asked if i was up for ffm fwb and if i was ggg okay ffm i'm ready to either give up or hire a translator what happened to going to all bar one and being chatted up yeah what did happen to all bar one and being chatted i'm sure you still can get chatted up

by all in all bar one because there is one in portland place there's one in like uh leicester square i used to go to one on dean street and that's where we used to start off our thursday night yeah i used to go to one somewhere one somewhere in North London and it was like definitely in streets in Soho chat up joint. Yeah, no, I know one in St. John's Wood. Yeah, that's the one I used to go to.

It was definitely a chat up joint. And then I tried to go back there when I had Max because I was like 26. Pretty cool. Went in with my buggy. I'm sorry.

No children allowed over 21s only. I thought you were I thought you were going to say you went out there. You went for like a girl's night out. No, you went in with your buggy. I went in with my buggy i'm sorry no children allowed over 21s only i thought you were i thought you were going to say you went out there you went for like a girl's night out no you went in with your bug i went in with my buggy for what at lunch a drink all by one for lunch because it was a familiar space to me and they were like sorry no under 21s i said he's not going to do underage drinking he's eight months old like he's still on the boob he's getting it direct from source i'm the one

who's having a drink no and they wouldn't let me in and after that i thought yeah fuck you all by one fuck you all by one now we've got right give us the acronyms we're gonna we're gonna figure this out for you what is it ffm ffm i just want to tell you i i did the i did the research so i actually have is it is it for money no but that is great it's not that but i'm very impressed what did he ask her if she's up for ffm yeah up for ffm okay i'll should i give you a clue it's a three it's a threesome ffm it's a threesome fuck female and male close close it's not fuck no no fuck ffm yeah it's a female female male yes bingo it's a threesome between two humans who identify as female and one who identifies as male okay right so he wants a threesome with two women basically he's asking

if someone on the app on field is asking if she's up for that okay fwb you know this one he's asking if she's up for fwb yeah this is another person friends with benefits yes you're good at this well i'm not i got the first one wrong no that was close okay very good oh okay and then he asked then she was asked is she ggg this one i had no idea good yes okay gee is she ggg good yeah getting no jiggy That's a J, but yeah. All right. I mean, G, G, G. Is she good? Is she good girl? Good girl? Is it good girl? No. Oh, okay. Is she... Give me a clue. It's a term to define the qualities of an excellent sexual partner. Good is the first.

Great. No. I don't know. Good in bed, giving of time and pleasure, and game for exploring and being open-minded. Are you G, G, G? I get it. Are you z z are you blah blah blah she just stuck her fingers up in case you can't see okay right so listen we wouldn't be so lost

on the dating scene you'd be an all-by-one with your buggy and I'd be deciphering the teen slang. If I was taking my now 20-year-old in the buggy into all bar one, firstly, he's still too young to be allowed in there. Even though he's six foot, has a hairy chest and doesn't even live with me, he's still not allowed in all bar one. Two decades later.

But he's not still on the boob not yours anyway oh that's funny i mean uh you know is this a younger guy it doesn't say it's just say this is just all the weirdos on field i've always said to my sister when she tells me some of her dating stories yeah i mean she's been with someone a while now but you know over the years and i always say i would last about 23 seconds on the dating scene because i just would not have the fucking patience for this bollocks so i have been getting recently what have you been getting dms shut up from who strangers so you know on the on self-care club i think it was self-care club we were talking about the bear and jeremy allen white and we're like is he sexy is he ugly or is he that sexy ugly adam driver kind of vibe i haven't seen the bear okay

but you know who i mean i I've sent you some photos. Photos. Photos of him. Thank, and they were gratefully received. They were of his Calvin Klein underwear shoot. Anyway, in my DMs on my personal Instagram, I got a message from official Jeremy Allen White. I mean, basically like looking like it's his page.

Here you go. Jeremy Allen White, official. Hey, darling, how are you doing? With a heart. And for about 0.01 of a second, I thought, has actual Jeremy Allen White listened to the show and DM'd me? And then I looked at the profile and I was like, no, you're just a shadow.

A person who really likes Jeremy Allen White or a person who is pretending to be Jeremy Allen White in order to DM women. Which isn't the coolest thing in the whole wide world, is it? Not really. Did you reply? I didn't, funnily enough. No.

I decided not to engage. No. So you sent me a message the other day and you said, oh, because we had a video go viral, which we've spoken about on here, and you said, I am getting a lot of DMs. I didn't say a lot, I said a few. I got another one I blocked and deleted.

And you said, I bet you're getting loads. I'm like, I haven't got one. Not one. I don't want them. I don't really know what to do with them i just block and delete because i get a bit yeah what else you're gonna do with them i don't need strange men talking to me about my ghat is that what they were talking about yeah and we still haven't really buttoned down what a ghat is well one person said it's a big fat ass it It's not fat. It's flat, but it's not fat.

Mine. One person said it's not the back, it's the front, bottom. Very rude. And one person said it stands for goddamn your ass is thick. That's right. That's right. I think it's that one. And then someone else, because this reel is still going, said,

this is ridiculous. It comes from a sitcom where some guy was looking over a fence and saw a voluptuous bottom and said, god damn. And it got misheard as giat somehow. And now that's like a word, but it was never a word. So I don't know where this silly word comes from. But anyway, I am 46, happily married, and I don't need a strange man messaging me saying, level 10, yeah. I don't need it in my life. Thank you.

No, thank you very much. Thank you so much for listening. If you want to be in touch, which we would love you to be, with your own dilemmas. If you want to be in touch, which we would love you to be, with your own dilemmas or anything you want to share, it's hello at 40ish.co.uk. All of our links are below in our show notes. Please come and follow us on all of our socials.

You can even DM us on our socials. That's what I mean by be in touch. Yeah, but I know, but I think you have to specify it. Well, I think... When you're in your 40s, like me, sometimes you need these things. Spelled out. Spelled out to you.

Right, please DM us. Not if you're Jeremy Allen White, pretending to be Jeremy Allen White. Not if you want to talk about ghiats. But if you want to send us your like, rants, problems, questions, stories. Yeah, yeah. DM us.

At 40ish.podcast. We're on Instagram and on TikTok. You're probably better off to DM us at Instagram because neither of us really know how to work TikTok. No, no, we don't. And we'll be back next week with a brand new episode.