40ish - DILFS, Indiscretions and Foreskins

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

This week on 40ish Lauren’s birthday is a letdown and Nicole is horrified about how much she has to say about foreskins. One woman is devastated after her husband blabs about their sex life and a dad asks why are school mums so cliquey? Please share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife with us  at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Go to ZOE.com to find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. You can use the exclusive code 40ISH10 to get 10% off membership. As a ZOE member, you’ll get an at-home test kit and personalized nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. Use 40ISH10 at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This episode is sponsored by Zoe. I mean, I know Sabrina Cobb to push and she said, who's Sabrina Carpenter? Oh my god, for god's sake, even I know every line of espresso. Who doesn't? I did obviously do some mild snooping to see if in fact he was a DELF. It's the amount of times that I go into our DMs and you've read it, looked at it and ignored it. I can't even tell you how often you do that. I don't know why he asked us, as we mentioned at the top of the show, not doctors or health professionals or single or foreskin experts or on the dating scene or owners of penises.

Hello everybody, welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman and I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of Fortyish sounding life. Every episode we discuss your problems, issues and rants you've kindly shared with us and also to unfold our own stories about the problems and mess of navigating midlife. That was like said on 1.5. What's going on this week then? It was my birthday. There's a lot of glasses on your face. It's just one pair of glasses on my face. It's a lot of glasses on your face. You know what I mean? It's like a big bold pair of glasses on your face. I think they give me an intellectual slant, which is good because it's like an illusion

of intellect, even if there's nothing going on inside. They look smart. There is a lot of things going on inside. Well, my mother went wild for these glasses. Jackie was like, oh, yeah, she was like, I had I had lunch with her day before my birthday. She was like, oh my God, I love those glasses. They are fabulous. Where are they from?

And I had to disappoint her. I was like, sorry to tell you, mum, they are from Amazon. They're about eight quid. I think that isn't a disappointment. That is an absolute plus because you can order them there. I know she was like, I thought they were designer. I'm like no they're not. So I turned 47 on Saturday it seems that since I turned 47 I can't see. I feel constantly slightly nauseous when I tried to read the paper last night. Nauseous couldn't

read properly. It's like my eyesight's just gone, you're 47 now, you're now blind. Registered blind. Literally you just woke up. Maybe I'll get a golden retriever. Winning! That's the second time you brought up golden retrievers in the space of 15 minutes. How sight impaired do you need to be for a guide dog? Are you going to get a golden retriever? And I think, listen, I love golden retrievers. I know your issue. But that dog is going to spend a lot of time at my house and I'm not into fur and hair

being all over my couch. I just want to put this out there. I'm just telling you now. I'm just telling you now. If I threw away- So don't say I didn't warn you because that dog, I'm going to love the dog, but it ain't going to be welcome in my home. If I threw away my glasses and my lenses, I would be so visually impaired. I might qualify for one. Is it worth it? Are we at the point where we're having two different conversations now? This is supposed to be one podcast. Okay,

sorry. Let's go back to the birthday. It was my birthday on Saturday. I had a delightful breakfast then in the evening, my husband said we're going out. We're leaving the house half past four for the evening. That is not the evening. It's like just after lunch. Anyway, so we do an hour's journey into the centre of town. We have a very, very nice dinner. Early dinner. Early, early pre-show dinner. We ordered some tea, but we realized that we were a 15 minute walk

from the theatre and we did not have time to drink the tea. So unfortunately we had to leave the tea and then walk at such speed that I got a stitch to the theatre. To see this show that I'd actually mentioned in passing many, many months ago, he had remembered and booked tickets for. Well, that's amazing because I've asked you many times what show it was and you wouldn't tell me. You've been very secretive about the show. Well, this is why because I was saving the story. So we go to the theatre, we're going to see The Unicorn with Stephen Mangan and Nicola Walker.

Right. And we go to the door and we're like, oh, bells ringing for last seats, you know, let's go sit down. And Ollie gives the woman his phone to scan the tickets and she says, sir, these tickets say the third of March. It's actually the first of March tonight. You're not due to see this show until Monday. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, that's not a thing. That's not a thing.

Should we look, you can ask the box office if there's been any returns and they can try and let you in, but I'm just telling you basically the whole run is sold out. So it's not going to happen. I did wonder why you went to the theater on Saturday night and Monday night, but you didn't go on Saturday night at all. Correct. So we go to the box office. There's like three minutes to go before the show starts. She's like, no, it's sold out. So we go outside. I mean, I love that Olly thinks that he can get tickets to see this bloody show. I mean, you can't get tickets for love nor money. He did get tickets. No,

no, but I mean, just like there three minutes before it starts. That's not going to happen. So the poor guy, like I have to say, fair to him, he never ever, ever does this sort of thing. Like he is very organized and together and when he books something he books it. It is so unlike him. He was like, I cannot believe how I have fucked this up. I have ruined your birthday. So it is now 7.30. You're so stuffed. You can't even go and have dinner. You've stuffed it all down. Right. It is now 7.30 at night. I've got intergestion because I have bolted down this dinner and physically run to the

theatre to show that I am now not seeing. And we all know Lauren doesn't run. We all know that. I did wear flats, but never mind. I was like, do you know what? At least it wasn't last night because then we would have missed the show completely. We would have wasted the money. We would never have been able to see it. At least like we've got something

to look forward to on Monday. We're still going to go. It's okay. It's not the end of the world. It is fine. Yeah. I mean this shit happens to men and pals and women every five minutes. Right. So every five minutes. He was like, I know what we're going to do. We're going to go back to the restaurant. Have that tea. And we're going to have that tea that we've been off and maybe a dessert. So off we go. Walk all the way back to the restaurant. Have that tea. We're going to have that tea that we binned off and maybe a dessert. So off we go. Walk all the way back to the restaurant. Did you run? Didn't run, but you know, trotted. Yeah. Sorry, there's no tables now because it's now seven. It's now actually dinner time. We were like, can we just come in and have our tea? No. We went home.

You went home. We went home. The Brits was on. So we start watching the Brits and now I'm starting thinking I really am married to a middle-aged man. He says to me halfway through, I've never heard of this Charlie XCX. Who is he anyway? I said, okay, well let's start with the fact that it's a girl. I don't think I've heard of them. You've never heard of Charlie XCX. She won all the Brits. Okay. Well, anyway. Well, you know what? My friend was at the Brits and he goes to the Brits every year. And even he said he didn't know where anybody was.

And he's in the biz. That's a real sign of middle age. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. Anyway. I'm all right with it. And then I said, I was telling the story to someone else and I said, I mean, I know Sabrina

Carpenter at Push and she said, who's Sabrina Carpenter? Oh my God. For God's sake, even I know every line of espresso. Who doesn't? Come on. That comes on on, um, what's his name on Spotify? X. DJ X. He loves to serve me. Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know why he thinks I love to be served. Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know. Well, maybe he's mistaking me for you. I don't know why he thinks I love to be served Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know. Well, maybe he's mistaking me for you because I don't know why he keeps serving me her. Maybe because I love her. I'm done with her. I'm never done with her. I am so done with her. She is the best. She is not the best. I love her. You know, she's in Hyde Park this summer. She is cute as cute can be. You go see her. On my own? That would be fun. I'd be fucking weird. This 47 year old woman in her glasses. It's Sabrina Carpenter. What the fuck?

In the middle of a field. Can I just tell you that this is the point of this whole story. I write. Was how 40ish my life is. You write. We find ourselves at home. Yeah. On my birthday. Yeah. It's now 9.15 in the evening. Yeah.

Every child is out. Yeah. For out for the night. The house is our own. Think of the things that we could get up to on my birthday night alone at home. He fell asleep on the sofa. So by 9.20, I'm alone, no show, snoring husband. Watching the Brits alone. And I thought, do you know what? I'm not enjoying 47. That was my birthday. Even James is laughing! But just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we are not doctors and we are not healthcare professionals. As much as Lauren thinks she is a doctor. I mean, I sort of am. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. What's a doctor? It's like a fake doctor. At home, they call me the doctor. She's just like, she'll look at something and she'll go, oh no, that's fine. You don't

need to worry about that. For the first like couple of years of our relationship. No, I did believe you. Now I know you better. I think, you know what? She's actually not medically trained. At home, that's what they say. She's a doctor, mom's a doctor. Oh, that's fine.

It's not gonna fall off. Don't worry about it. They always say mom is basically a doctor who never went to medical school. That's what they call me. Also aka Jewish, Jewish mother. This is a fun space where we just share our thoughts. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with,

please contact a qualified expert. seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Clubbers, if you are enjoying this episode, then please could we ask that you share it with a friend? Someone who you think would absolutely love this content, just share it. We would be so grateful. Thank you. What is our first dilemma today? Well, this came in on Instagram. Okay.

And it goes, why do some school parents think that they're better than others? I've noticed there's always a group of mums at school drop off slash pick up that won't even acknowledge other parents or their kids. They huddle together like the bitches of Eastwick. Oh the bitches of Eastwick without even a smile to anyone else despite us all crossing paths twice a day five times a week. It's the same at kids parties. They'll all congregate around a table making it difficult for anyone to interact with them like they're the elite level of parents stirring their cauldron and casting judgement on everybody else's kids as they are so fucking perfect and wonderful. Wow. Yep. Thing is, I've helped out on a couple of school trips and their kids are far from perfect,

which was quite amusing to see. It's like they all have to live up to a false pretense nowadays rather than living in the real world. Jeez, that felt good to write down. That's what was written. I almost feel cleansed now. Or maybe it's because I'm a Dilf and they know that they can't have me. The question is and then he did say all of this and I said I need like what's the question what are you asking us? He said why do some school parents think they're better than others? Okay so I would like to say off the cuff I did obviously do some mild snooping to see if in fact he was a DILF. That is so irrelevant!

But it is surely pertinent to the query. It's so irrelevant to the actual question. Because it could be like Tom Ellis writing in. So come on now, right? It could be anyone. It could be any old Dil. Listen, anyway, we're not talking about Tom Ellis. I checked him out. I checked him out. But what I'm saying is, right, before you tell us, we all want to know the answer, obviously.

Yeah. But before you tell us, James has come out. Do you mind if I carry on when I do this? James pretending he's not. I didn't realize that was it. Also, while I've interrupted you, can you just clarify to Natalie that I've not said Dilf because I said everything that he said in his letter. And she's gonna be like, oh my god, James wrote that. Oh, okay.

It's okay, we'll become clear. No, cause she's done a snoop. Right, before we go into the answer of whether he is a Dilf or not a Dilf, can we please just remember that this guy is a listener. Yes. He follows the show. Yes. We love having male listeners because we didn't account for that at all. So we are welcoming his support. We are. And his ears. Yeah. So and we want to know if he's hot. Yeah but if you're then gonna say he is not a dillf then we might lose him as a listener and I don't want that

to happen. What I'm gonna say to you is his profile picture is of him kissing a delightful looking baby and you cannot see his face. So I can't answer the question. He has a nice shaped head. That's all I can tell you. I reckon if he has put that out there that he's a dillf. And his baby look delightful. Then I reckon he probably is I can't answer I am still stuck in the limbo land you use the word dill because it came up last night I use it no what the funny that the word dill is here because it came up last night in my head in your head yeah yeah in my head in your head yeah okay it. Because I was about to describe somebody as a Dilf. Yeah. And then I remembered that I was talking to my dad. A.K.A. Dilf. No, no. My dad who's 78. Yeah. And my 16 year old daughter. And I thought, no, Dilf is not an appropriate way to describe

someone right now. Not to your father or your child. No, no. So it's funny that it's now here. Okay, well it's here. I wonder, listener, if it is just because... Dilf, let's call him Dilf. I feel like I'm objectifying him now, but okay. Dilf. It might just be because you're a man. And I say this because I have a very good friend who is a single father and he does all the drop-offs, all the pickups, all the school trips, all the everythings. And he said to me in the early years, I don't understand it. None of the mothers will speak to me in the playground. And then they like drop off and they all go for a coffee. They never invite me. He said, I feel so excluded. I said, I think it's because you're a man. Like they don't know your status. Like they didn't know if you're married, you're single,

you're gay or whatever. And no woman wants to be inviting someone else's husband for coffee. So I'm like, I think that's just being a bit like wary of you. And he said, yeah, but I just feel really excluded. Oh, that's really sad. And so I don't know the situation with this. Also, if he is a DILF, then I can guarantee they're all talking about you. Yeah, they're probably talking about you and also avoiding you because they fancy you. Yeah, maybe.

And also because if they do find you attractive, there is no way, absolutely no way they are going to be inviting you over for a playdate. Or talking to you at parties because it's not good PR. So I'm just telling you that the Dilf thing isn't working out for you so well right now. No it's not. But maybe I don't know. That's being a victim of your own success. I don't know if he is a gay man, a straight man, if he's a single parent, if he's married, if he's divorced. We don't know. He has not specified. But maybe

like once you get to know these women, if you want to get to know them because they sound like the bitches of Eastwick, maybe once they know the setup, they might feel a bit more comfortable about like getting you in the gang. But it doesn't sound like he wants to be in the gang. I think it does sound like he wants to be in the gang. Do you? Yes, I do. But he's like, why are they so fucking snooty? Doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that you don't want to be included in that.

Also I do know I have come across, listen, my kids have been at school for many, many, many years as have yours. Yeah. And my kids have been to numerous schools between the two of them. And I have come across parents like this and I am not a man or a dill. But his question wasn't why am I being excluded? His question was why do school parents think they're better than others? Because in every... I think that's in any community. In every community, every office, any village, any town, there are always people who think that their shit don't

stink. Have you come across parents like this in the past? I have definitely come across cliquey parents. Yes. I think it also depends on the birth order of the kid. Like I think with your first kid, you notice things much more and you're also quite invested in the school community. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's like if you do make some friends, wow, you're lucky. And ironically, I've made so many more friends with my third kid than with one and two. But you've got more time. I guess so, which I never expected to have, but I do and I'm really nice women. Because one and two, one's at uni, one's doing his own thing and you're kind of around a

bit more. Yeah, but what I mean is when it's your first child. I know what I know exactly what you mean. You're more invested. Yeah, and you don't have many mom friends. Well, I did. You did it much earlier. Yeah, I did it really young.

I did it with all my friends. I mean, I had mothers, talk about Clicquie. I remember dropping Max off on one of the first days in reception. And one of the mothers told me that she had bras older than me. Oh, that is so horrible. She was like, how old are you?

I was like 28. She's like, oh my God, I have bras older than you. Firstly, like get new bras. Yeah. Secondly, like. That's not nice. I know. That's not nice.

I know. But now, because I'm really ancient and some of the mothers, their first is the same age as my third and they're like 32. Are they still saying, how old are you? No, and I do feel like, oh, so jealous of their youth, their skin, their pert breasts. No, just stop talking. Just stop talking. They're so young. That's enough now. Youth is great.

Let's leave it there. Lauren, you know me, and you know when it comes to answering the listener's dilemmas and when it comes to food, I always trust my gut. And I also trust Zoe, the leading size and nutrition company. All the nutritionists that we've spoken to on Self Care Club have highlighted just how much misleading information is out there when it comes to food. Things like the claims that you see on packaging that say things like low sugar or nothing artificial. These are often assigned to actually avoid these foods.

Ever noticed a health claim on fresh fruit? No, never. Right, well you get my point. So it's completely understandable why there's so much distrust and wondering who you should turn to for accurate information. Well, it's very simple. It's not a dilemma for us. We use Zoey. Backed by one of the world's largest microbiome databases and most scientifically advanced

at-home gut health tests, Zoey gives you proven science whenever you need it. Go to zoey.com and find out what Zoey membership could do for you. And because you listen to Fortyish, you can use the exclusive code 40ISH10 at checkout to get 10% off membership. As a Zoe member, you'll get an at-home test kit and personalized nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. That's z-o-e dot com, use code 40ish10 at checkout. Trust your gut, trust Zoe. With tons of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto TV. And for me, that's Dance Moms, Bar Rescue, The Challenge and Jersey Shore. All totally free on Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

I have a question for you. Oh yeah. Why, why? Yeah. Why? Why are you, I was out one night, right? And my phone is like pinging and pinging and pinging and pinging and pinging. And usually when my phone is pinging and pink, cause I can feel it on my watch cause it vibrates. I think, Oh, it's one of my kids that needs something. And I'm looking and it's Instagram and it's Instagram and it's Instagram. Okay, so I'm ignoring it. And then I get back to my phone and I'm like looking at what Instagram was pinging me. And it's basically you, you DMing some guy about circumcised willies.

Now to give this context, you don't DM anyone. So if someone replies, the amount of times that I go into our DMs and you've read it, looked at it and ignored it, I can't even tell you how often you do that. And let me tell you in five years, it still fucks me off that you do that. Because if you are left on red listeners that is Lauren if you get a nice heart emoji or a like or a reply that is me sometimes it's me but it's rare it's rare you leave everybody on red it's me you leave everybody on red you do anyway yeah this guy shouldn't leave on red he was talking to her about circumcision and we're not leaving him on read. Him we're gonna reply to and we're gonna reply all night. All night. Okay. What. Okay. The. Fuck.

Let's backtrack a little. I'm sorry to tell you this but it was you, my friend, not I, that engaged with this gentleman in a conversation about foreskin. And I shall tell you, I shall prove it. You put up a story on Instagram asking the listeners for their questions slash dilemmas and this gentleman replied, asking a question about foreskin and you entered into a conversation with him about it and then just left the conversation. What did I say? He... See, I replied.

Yeah, you certainly did. He was asking, he was an American man living in America. And so he says, I'm going to just assume the truth. Okay. Because otherwise it makes it very dark. He's an American man living in America. And I don't think this was a 40ish question, but you asked for questions. And his question was, is it normal for men in Britain to be circumcised? That was his question. I don't know why he asked us, as we mentioned at the top of the show, not doctors or health professionals or single or foreskin experts or owners of penises. So this is not our speciality, right?

You were like, no, it's not a thing. And then you had a bit of back and forth and then you left it. No, I didn't have a bit of back and forth. That is not true. There were a couple of messages. What did it, what did I say? Do I have to actually read them? Yeah, because I don't think that is true.

I think I said no. And that was the end of it. I think I was, I was probing for a question. You were, you were probing. That's all, I was just trying to get to a question rather than actually wondering about whether his penis was circumcised or not. No, he was very willing to give that information.

You didn't need to probe for it. I've sent you a dilemma. Can you please keep it confidential? That would be huge for me. That was an unfortunate turn of phrase. I'd appreciate it. Of course, no problem, you say. I didn't say, of course, no problem. Thanks. I know it's kind of an awkward topic. To be honest, this is you. To be honest, I

just wanted to know more about what you were asking. Would you like us or not to discuss it? And shall we keep you anonymous yes keep me anonymous does this make more sense yes and then you say Nicole Goodman please give me more info on what you're asking sorry for being confusing. Back up what I said I was looking for a question. Are you aware that most men in America are circumcised and that it's a bit taboo not to be yes I was. I'm not sure how. This is all you. I am not involved. Oh, got you. I'm just assuming where you guys

are most men are uncircumcised. You're saying I'm just going to have to figure out a way to have this conversation on the show because we're not exactly on the single scene. Okay. Now you come in. Now I come in. Now I come in. And basically... Why did you come in? You don't even look at our DMs. Well, I just, I was very interested as to why he was asking us this question. Because I don't think we're like a likely pair to be experts on penis shape and style, the stylings of worldwide penises. Yeah, you know, I, I did you get to the bottom of that? Yeah, I did.

Oh, good. Quite a lot of back and forth, but I did. And I told him because it was factual. It is pretty standard for men in the US to be circumcised. The same goes for Muslim men, African men, a lot of the black community and Jewish men. My question is, why is it a dilemma to you? That was what I said. He said, well, I'm sorry, this seems to become a bit confusing. I'm living in America, born and raised, but I'm uncircumcised. I hope that's not too much TMI. So I feel a bit, I'm more on the side. It's an alien concept. And I just was like, okay, okay, this is all right. And I said, don't worry about the TMI. I am the only person

without a penis in a household of five. So has it just come into your awareness? This is a thing and you're in the minority. Is it a problem? Do you feel left out? It can be resolved. Or do you feel like it's weird that everyone else is just asking? And he was like, OK, a lot of questions. Now, isn't it interesting how suddenly you're the weird one? Wait for it. And I'd be happy to.

Suddenly he's like, I don't think I should have entered into this conversation. And I started the conversation off about circumcised penises and look at this weird woman. He's like, I'd be happy to answer them all. Anyway, so it goes on and on and on. He said, I was asking because I definitely feel like I'm in the minority growing up. I was teased about it. So as a grown man, it's something that stays on my mind and I'm a little bit more conscious about it than others. And I said, and at this point, I will be, I will be totally honest with you, I was in the

kitchen, I was cooking dinner with one hand and I was having this conversation with another and I promise you my phone was like, was like this because I was waiting and waiting. I was like, are we being catfished? Am I being so naive? And is at any second an unwarranted dick pic going, my first ever, by the way, is it going to come in on my phone? And am I going to be like, Oh, oh, oh my God, oh my God. Am I, is this what's going to happen now? And I was terrified. I genuinely worried this was going to happen. So I said to him, because I thought I can be nothing but honest. Or you could just stop replying.

I couldn't stop. So I said, to be honest with you, it's not really standard chat for me to be discussing foreskin with a strange man at 6pm on a Wednesday night, or any night to be honest, but I think the general consensus is it's standard to not be snipped here, but not in the US. Also thank you very much for keeping this PG rated because I was getting a bit worried. And he said, I appreciate you taking the time to answer this and yes, I was hoping it didn't come across weird or creepy, I will definitely be keeping it PG. And then I said to him, because I I realised his job because it was very obvious from his photo you seem like a very talented tattoo artist and most decent women are more interested in the person

than the penis so don't worry about it and he said thank you very much for saying that I sincerely appreciate you spending the time and that was our foreskin discussion. It was so PG. I really appreciated the respect on both sides of that conversation because it could have gone awry. And let me tell you something. I was at my daughter's school watching her in some music competition and this shit is pinging up on my phone and I'm surrounded by other mothers. I mean, can you imagine if someone had seen all of this coming up on my phone? Or if he had indeed not kept it PG? And the dick pic had actually come to my phone. I've got my husband on one side, another mother on the

other. It wouldn't have looked good for me. Or me. You were, you were engaging in it. Listen, we are both involved in this and it's fine. We're both involved in this. But it's fine because I now feel we've had a mutually respectful conversation. I hope that he feels okay. But it wasn't necessary, was it? Did you tell Ollie that you're having this conversation with some strange man? I mean, I haven't yet. Not strange man, stranger. I haven't yet, but I feel okay about it because it was kept on the right side of medical But I feel okay about it because it was kept on the right side of medical and not on the wrong side of weird. If he messages you again, he's not going to. He really needed this question answered and we have resolved it for him. And isn't that the very point of our podcast?

Anyway, don't ask us anything more about it. okay? We're done with this. Just saying. Let's move on to our next dilemma. Okay. Please keep me anonymous, but I'm interested to know your thoughts on this. I'm in my early 40s. I've been with my husband for six years. He is quite a lad lad and well known for having a big personality which usually I love. Okay great. A couple of years ago we were out on a night out with another couple. We were saying our goodbyes and getting in a taxi. They commented that we were leaving a little earlier than usual and my husband replied telling them I was gagging for it. Oh, that is very crass. I was mortified and I ripped into him when we got home. He apologised profusely and we

never spoke about it again. I was very clear with him about how hurt I was. Oh, I'm not surprised. This morning I had coffee with two friends. They said they needed to tell me something. Oh god. My husband plays Sunday football with their partners and when they were having beers I had coffee with two friends, they said they needed to tell me something. Oh, my husband plays Sunday football with their partners. And when they were having beers afterwards, the conversation got onto sex. Apparently he sat at the table and happily told both of them everything that we get up to in bed in explicit detail. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This obviously got back to one of my friends who then told me this morning. I'm fuming

that the men didn't keep their mouths shut and obviously relayed it all when they got home. I am also beside myself with anger that my husband would talk this way, especially knowing how upset I was the last time. The thought of them all discussing our sex life makes me feel physically sick. Yes. And my friends were put in such an awkward position to have to tell me. I was practically in tears in front of them and I left early. I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, that poor girl. I am honestly rethinking my marriage. Am I being over the top or has he crossed a line? Oh, can I just say though, at the top, right? Women do tend to talk about their sex lives with their husbands. I was just about to say this to you. We don't go into detail, but we do discuss it with each other. I was just about to say this to you. But not in a crass way.

But like, let's say a man had written that question, okay? Yes. Yes. Would you and I feel differently about it than the fact that a woman has written this? Yes. Why? Why? Because that's not actually fair. I agree with you. Is it? No, it's not. But there have been times where you have discussed things with me and I have discussed things with you. But to qualify that, we would definitely discuss things but not in explicit detail. Who wants the explicit detail? No thanks. Nobody. Nobody. We would discuss things in vague terms. Would you say that's fair?

We wouldn't discuss explicit detail. We don't discuss explicit details but We don't discuss explicit details, but I definitely know when you've had sex. Okay. And same. But there's no like blow by blow of how like, no, that's not a thing. Who wants to talk about that? No one wants to know that. Who wants to listen? Like, no. I don't even discuss it with my husband. No, but I've had this conversation with my husband. I've said like, do you ever discuss that with anyone else? He's like, never. I don't, I wouldn't even, I would, I'm absolutely positive that Adam would never discuss it with anybody.

He said to me, men don't do that. Men don't discuss their sex lives with other, with their wives, with other men, but women do. Women do. And I said, how do you know women do? You're not a woman. He said, I bet you tell all your friends everything. I'm like, I really don't tell all my friends everything I really did because like that's just not how it works with women.

It's not what you, but you do discuss it. But like if I said to Ollie, Nicole knows we had sex yesterday. I think he'd be like, that's fucking weird. But I don't think he'd be upset about that. But no, I don't think Adam would. I don't think he'd really care. But they just don't, they don't behave the same way in that respect, but they don't, they talk about different things. They just do. I think maybe the caveat to this is because if someone maybe is divorced or they're dating someone new or it's something very out of the ordinary, then they might spill a bit

more because there's a bit more juicy goss. But I don't think about the person that they love and that they're with. Do you know what I mean? But also when you're, when it's your spouse, that's a very, very intimate relationship that I would only discuss with you. But there's a level, isn't there? There's a line. Yeah. And I don't think either one of us ever crossed that to be exposing for our husbands or disrespectful.

And I think if we ever do discuss it, we're normally talking about ourselves more than we're talking about them. And it's vague stuff. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about let's just keep it vague. Let's keep it very vague. But women talk about it is what I'm saying. And I think you're right. I think we would feel very differently if this was a woman. The thing is, it's about her boundaries and it's about what she's comfortable with. If she feels that this is a step too far and she feels this is very exposing, then she has every right to feel like that. But I also feel like, look, I don't know, because I don't sit in conversations with men as a man. So it's very hard to know what they actually talk about when women aren't

around. But I feel like when women talk about it, they are, they are not talking about the mechanics or the who did what to who and where. No, they're more, they might just talk about themselves and their experience. Do you know what I mean? In a vague way. That's the conversations that women have. I have found. Well, the thing is in middle age, it's normally like, oh no, I had a bit of a mojo yesterday

because it's always nice and surprising. Like this isn't okay because she's not okay with it. No. And if what she's saying is he's been very indiscreet, where else is he indiscreet? Because now I'm questioning this guy. Look, she has made it very, very clear. The first time he made a comment that she felt was inappropriate, she said how hurt and upset. Announce on it again.

Well, I don't think he's just started talking about it. I think she's only just found out that he talks about it. And to me, it feels very disrespectful. Very disrespectful. I agree. I agree. And I think you need to sit down and have a very serious discussion with him about it. And I think she feels what she said. She's embarrassed and I think she feels a bit

objectified. It's not okay to speak like that about the person. It's not really okay to speak like that. It's not really okay to speak about anyone like that. I can't get the sentence out. It's not okay to speak about anyone like that. Does can't get the sentence out. It's not okay to speak about anyone like that. Does that make sense? Yeah. But especially your wife, especially your wife, but anybody. It's not okay to objectify anybody. No, regardless of the relationship, regardless of you met them once, it's not okay. I really feel for her. So do I a lot. I think my advice, my advice is talk to him. And if he doesn't understand, he doesn't get it, I would actually have some therapy around it because I think you need to establish what

the boundaries are in your marriage because they are, you clearly have very different ideas over what's okay and what isn't. And I think he thinks it's fun and it's banter and it's fine and it's funny. Yeah. And it's really not funny. And also because the people that he's telling you don't know how discreet they are. Well, they're not discreet because they went straight home and told both their partners. But they might have told their partners to say FYI, I think she should know about it because he shouldn't be talking about it. Or maybe they went home and they were like, oh my God, you will not believe it. He told me they do this, they do that, they do that. Oh, that is just not okay.

Oh, I would feel so upset. And also you don't know what it is they're getting up to and it's nobody's business and it's just not all right for everyone to know that. No. No. Categorically, no. No, you are right to be upset, hurt, embarrassed, all of the things.

And yes, he has definitely crossed the line. Yes. Major. Yes. That's our show. We're going to be back on Tuesday for another Unfiltered. Please keep your comments, your messages, your questions, your dilemmas, your rants, all of it coming in. We love it. If you have any medical questions or questions about your own genitalia. You can ask Lauren.

No, you can ask a health practitioner because we're not qualified to answer those things. Even though she spent all night doing so. It was a one off. One and done. It was a one and done situation. Okay. And we'll be back next week. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Hi, I'm Grace, host of Red Run True Crime podcast. These cases focus on the true victims of crime. Why not jump in at episode 114, the tragic murder of Jasmine and Aliyah? The main suspect in this case gave an extremely bizarre interview to a number of press reporters whilst he was drunk and reportedly high. He speaks about an awful lot on camera

and has this completely inappropriate laughing and chuckling response when talking about the case. He may even have thought he was gonna get away with the double murder he'd been accused of, but what he didn't know was that two undercover officers were on their way to catch him out, and he easily and willingly took the bait. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Red Rum True Crime. That's Red Rum, Murder Backwards, R-E-D-R-U-M, True Crime.