40ish - Foofs on the furniture and smashed crockery

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

This week on 40ish a man blames his toddler for breaking his wife’s prized possession, Lauren is beside herself after Nicole’s domestic revelation -  Plus, a listener asks how to politely tell a fellow gym goer to put some knickers on. We would love to hear from you! Please share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Go to ZOE.com to find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. You can use the exclusive code 40ISH10 to get 10% off membership. As a ZOE member, you’ll get an at-home test kit and personalized nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. Use 40ISH10 at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This is an ad from BetterHelp online therapy. We always hear about the red flags to avoid in relationships, but it's just as important to focus on the green flags. If you're not quite sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify those qualities so you can embody the green flag energy and find it in others. BetterHelp offers therapy 100% online and sign up only takes a few minutes. Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com. This episode is sponsored by Zoe. I'm bringing your pan-fantasy to life. This is like pan-pour to me.

Pan-pour. Pan-pour. Is everyone very naked in the changing room or is it like town knickers done? Or is there a lot of like hanging around naked? Or is there a lot of like hanging around naked? Right, so it's everyone on the edge of their seat with this very exciting story. I feel like I need to change the ending. Because it's so shit. Because I'm not a gym girl, I thought is this normal? Do we all stand around flexing

our flaps? Or like what? What is the etiquette here? Flexing our flaps. Hello everybody, welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman and I'm Lauren Mishcon. So should we talk about what just happened? Do we have to? Yes. Why? Because it's very typically you. It made me laugh. Yes. And I just think the longer this goes on, the more middle-aged you're getting. I mean, now it's getting to the point where you can't even go on an app. I just feel like every week it's a case of how did Lauren make a tit of herself today? It would seem that way. Great. It would seem that way.

We came to the studio. Yeah. We were both desperate for a coffee. We were. There is a Gales directly underneath. Yes. And we've been a busy little bees today. So I said, right, just order it on the app. I don't know why I gave this to you, because I'm head of tech. Yeah, correct. That was your error then.

Yeah. But you'd think that, you know, ordering a coffee on an app is not particularly technical. It's not hard. It just kept glitching out on me and then it just froze. Yeah. And then it was like, uh, she wanted the flat white and then we had to be talked through the whole thing. Yes.

And then you asked what I wanted and I told you, but that was a little bit complicated because extra shot and then you couldn't pay for it. No, it glitched. And then you couldn't. And then there were like four smoked salmon things in a basket and a cinnamon bun. I don't know how. You must have put it in there. Well, I don't remember putting it in there.

I think it was from like months ago. Oh, it's gone off. It's a virtual basket Nicole, it doesn't go off. Well done, well done. And then you like threw the phone down, you're like, okay, well, I'm just gonna have to go down, aren't I? In person, old school style.

Yeah. But the thing is, even when you order on the app, you still gotta go down in person and pick it up. The app doesn't deliver to you, it's not Deliveroo. You know you can do Deliveroo. On the way in there was a guy from Uber Eats picking up the coffee. Imagine if we paid £2.99 for a man to walk up one flight of stairs from from Gales underneath us up to here. That would be ridiculous. I'm just saying that we could do that. Okay. We're not doing it. We didn't. No, I went down on my own little two feet, picked them up, burnt my hand, excuse me, burnt my hand on the coffee. Excuse me. I ended up having to order them.

You had the easy part. No, no, because you couldn't do it. I couldn't. Okay. What do you want from me? I want you to sort it out! Anyway, I've got a middle-aged thing. Oh yeah. A middle-aged question for you. Oh god. Yep. No, it's okay because you are going to be so able to answer this question and you are going to be so tickled pink when I ask you the very question. Is it a cooking question? Yes. Oh okay. Yeah go on then. I have decided. Yep. I'm excited now. I've decided and it's time. Yeah. Oh my god you're gonna get new sauce pounds. Are you? Are you getting a new set of pots? Are you consulting me? I swear we have not discussed this, have we? No.

Yes, yes. I have decided I need a new set of saucepans. Okay, great. Now, being very middle-aged, do I go for tea fowl? Do I go for like, what am I doing? It's absolutely irrelevant which one you choose if you are going to continue to insist on stirring everything with a metal implement. So if you are buying new pans I'm going to insist that you use wooden spoons or rubber spatulas because I still see you I still see you scraping that metal scrapey thing on your pans I still watch you doing it. It still makes me die a little inside.

But I've actually got only got a metal spatula. Well when you buy the new set of pans that will be quite expensive you could also buy an ATP couple of wooden spoons and some rubber spatulas to use in your sauce pans and frying pans. I have to be honest it's now another thing that I have to train everybody in the house to use in your sauce pans and frying pans. I have to be honest, it's now another thing that I have to train everybody in the house to use. No, just get rid of the metal stuff so they can't use it because it doesn't exist. Because you're gonna have these lovely pans

and within two weeks, they're gonna be scratched to shit. So whatever nice nonstick, whatever you've got going on the bottom, it's gonna be scraped away. I've got to be honest. Yeah. I didn't know this. Okay.

I didn't know this. I mean, I don't know how I know this, but it's fairly obvious to me. I don't know why. Just is. Even in saucepans. Yes. Don't stir things. You only serve with a metal spoon.

You don't use them to cook with. Oh. Ever. Oh. Ever. Okay. Okay. Right. Well, what pans am I getting? I don't know what kind of hob you want. I mean, really. I've got a hob. Is it induction? Yes. Yes. Well, then then you're limited to induction pans. Yeah, I know. I know. Okay. I don't know.

I need to have a look through like John Lewis website with you. I actually thought you were going to be all over this. All you have done for months is slag off my pants. And now I'm bringing- Because you need to- Now I'm bringing this very question to you. My pant fantasies to life. I'm bringing your pant fantasies to life.

This is like pan porn to me. Pan porn. But I don't know what kind of weight you want. How do you feel about a heavy pan? I don't want heavy. You don't have heavy. I do. Why? Why do you go heavy? Because they are solid and they last a lifetime. Yeah, but what about your shoulder? My shoulder's fine now. Yeah, but it wasn't fine when you first got them. Yes, it was because I got them 20 years ago. No, you didn't. You got new pants that you haven't stopped going on about. They're lightweight. They're lightweight. Now, I'm not recommending those. They have not lasted the distance. I didn't think so. No, I don't mean to rub it in, but I'm.

And every day I get a comment in the house, those pants, they look like shit. You only bought them two months ago. So no, I'm not. I think I'm going to stick with T-Fell then because I think it's a good brand. Yeah, because also you're now telling me that you bought badly. Don't go cheap. Don't go cheap. That is my recommendation. I've now decided that I don't trust your judgment.

Well, I don't trust my own because basically I will let the kids use them for eggs. But I've gone back to my LaCruz, a heavy pans, cast iron pans. I don't have an induction hob. Just saying. I would say go to the top of your budget, whatever your budget is, spend at the top of your budget for your for the pans because they should last you a really long time if you look after them. I want to hear something really sad that it's my birthday coming up in three days and I actually thought maybe I'll just get them with my birthday money. Listen I said to you that I would go to Bista to the LaCruz outlet shop and look at those damn pans because I'm in the market for a new 23 inch round cocotte and let me tell you they're 300 pounds because I

looked in John Lewis I'm not spending 300 pounds. You know there's an outlet in Hatfield. OK, let's go. It sounds like a birthday trip. Well, we were going to go to the theatre. Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a very quick disclaimer. We are not doctors. We are not healthcare professionals. No, no, no, no, no. We are ladies in need of new pans. And this is just a fun space where we share our thoughts. So if there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert.

This question is definitely for you. It's definitely aimed at you. Okay. I mean, it's written high ladies to both of us, but I it's it's for you. Is it gym related? Yeah. I love it. We like covering all topics today, like cooking. Yeah. For you. Yeah. Gym for me. Yeah. We're covering all of our passions. Okay, here we go. I mean, I may have an opinion on this, but you may have like firsthand experience of the situation. Hi ladies, please can we talk about Jim changing rooms?

With pleasure. I do a spin class every Tuesday night. Oh, go you. Afterwards, a woman in my class always sits butt naked on the vinyl type benches whilst she rubs body lotion in for about 10 minutes so her bare ass and foof is all over the furniture which others are using. I don't care that she's naked, but do you think it's okay to ask her to put some knickers on rather than rubbing her lady bits all over the furniture. Also exactly how do I say that? Okay, break it down for me.

What do you want me to break down? Is everyone very naked in the changing room or is it like town knickers done? Or is there a lot of like hanging around naked business? Is there a lot of nakedness in a changing room? Yes. Yeah, but extended nakedness. But I'm not in there for an extended period of time. Okay, okay. Ever seen this happen? Normally people put a towel down and then sit on that. Yeah, my instinct tells me that is what I would do.

Also, because it's cold. Also- And if you've got a naked bottom and then you go on like ours is like wooden benches, it's cold. But also, I would assume that people like might do up their laces, like put their shoe on it. I wouldn't want to put my bare bottom on the bench. Or your frie bottom. Or my front bottom or my back bottom. I wouldn't want to put either on the bench. I would want to put a towel down.

I would want that area covered. But I would also say that the first thing I would do when I'm naked is dry my private bits and get some knickers on. Wouldn't you? Yeah, that would be the first thing. Knickers and bra would be the first thing that happens. Bra maybe once I was dry, but definitely knickers, yes.

Yeah. I don't have a problem with the nakedness but I do understand if this is your local gym like you know lady put it away. So I had a situation in the gym but it was a bit different and it really bugged me. Yeah. And so maybe she could just do something really passive aggressive like I did. Oh nice. I love passive aggressive. So I went over to the leg press and it was stacked. Sorry. Explain in English please. So there's a machine where you use for your legs.

And I saw one of the guys who by the way is a trainer. I know that he's a PT. He doesn't PT at my gym, but I know he is because I've overheard him talking before. He's not one of my mates in the gym. So I don't really speak to him. I mean, I might smile at him in the corridor, maybe. Right. But we're not like, we don't know how morning has it going. We don't do that, but we're always there at the same time. Anyway, he was on the leg press. He's much bigger than me. He's much younger than me. So he is going to use a much heavier weight than me. And there must have been five plates each side, all that were 25 kilos on both sides of the leg press. So when I say stacked, it meant that it was two capacity. So there must have been 300 kilos on this thing. I'm

obviously not going to be lifting that. So I go over to the leg press, he'd moved on to another machine, and then I have to derack it. Is etiquette that you take it back to the original or to nothing? Yes! Okay, I wouldn't know that, you see. I wouldn't know that information. He's a personal trainer. So he certainly would know that.

Well he should know that because he's in a gym all the time. So what is good etiquette? You just start, you take everything off and then... Or you leave one plate on each side. Okay, then people can put their own extras on. Yeah. Yeah, it's like tidying up after yourself. Right. Okay. Yeah. I get it. It's really annoying when people leave dumbbells in the middle of a gym like A it's dangerous. Trip

hazard. Well B people want the dumbbells just go and put them back. It really bugs me. So it's a bit like when you're in Waitrose, you go back to your car with the trolley and then just leave your trolley by the car. No, you're going to put your trolley away in the trolley park. It's a bit like that. Yeah, it's a bit like that. Okay. Yeah. I understand.

We're trying to do it in your own analogy. Yes. Yeah. That's my analogy. It's a little bit like that, although it is, yeah. It's rude. It's really rude. I think it's really rude. Anyway, so I start huffing and

puffing and taking off the plates and I thought should I say something? Should I not say something? Anyway, this other guy comes over who wasn't on the leg press before me and he's like, oh, do you want a hand? So I'm like, hello. What do you mean hello? That was very nice of him. How charming. It was nice of him. Why are you saying it in a naughty tone? It was very nice of him. He wasn't... Okay. You know, I can't believe it. Why did he come over to say that? Okay. No, but he didn't. Why do you think he might have come over to help you, Nicole? Because, and also I didn't know whether to be, whether it was a nice thing or just to be slightly offended. It's like, well, I don't look like a damsel in distress.

I don't think he was doing it because you were in distress. Anyway, I didn't know whether he'd been on the leg press since. So I thought it was his. So I'm like, oh, right. So you're just going to leave it stacked. Are you? And he's like, well, actually, he said, sometimes I do. And then I feel bad.

He goes, but I didn't do this time. I'm like, oh, so you're just coming over to, he said, I'm just asking if you need help. I mean, this is like a wonderful romcom. What a script. Well, it kind of ends here. So it didn't go very far. So I'm like, no, I'm good. Thanks. That's end of romcom. Imagine in the romcom, it would be like, you would have this whole massive go at him like you're so selfish, I can't believe it, and I've got to do all this. Then you like storm off and then you don't speak to him for six months in the gym. And then one day you're both in the gym. It's very quiet.

Let's say it's seven a.m. No one else is there yet. And accidentally a dumbbell falls and traps you. You're trapped underneath and there's no one there to rescue you apart from this very, very handsome man. I didn't say you were like, I don't want to be rescued. Thank you. You selfish bastard.

And he's like, no, it was never me in the first place that left all those leg weights there and then you fall in love. Leg weights. Then you fall in love and you've got this. It's just weights. And that's the story. What a great film. He wasn't, I didn't even notice whether he was handsome or not. So the fact that I didn't notice, I'll assume he wasn't. Well, he noticed you.

He was coming up. He came to help you. He offered to help me. Nice. Anyway, it would be a really weird romcom because why would I get trapped underneath a dumbbell? Like when was it? You don't go to a gym. You that these things don't happen. But in a film? Like when was, you don't go to a gym, you, these things don't happen. They wouldn't have film. You don't, you can't get trapped underneath a dumbbell. You could be drowning in the pool, you get cramp while you're doing your aqua-robics dives in to save you. The premise is you're in distress, he has to save you. You don't like him because it's been a whole case of misunderstanding, which it was. Well, why don't you write the script up and see how you get on with it.

Anyway, so I said, no, no, I'm good. Thank you. So I said, why can't people just derack? So then the guy who wasn't very far, the guy that actually did. What? Love your terminology. Well, that's it. That's what's called. Okay. Just D-Rack. Cool. It's not my terminology. It's not my terminology. I love when you do gym talk. Do you? You don't though. No I do. Do you? Yeah. Cause that's a whole other universe for me. But I could do a lot more gym talk. I don't like it when you talk about when you're in the gym. I literally want to go into a

fucking coma. Right. But I like it when you do like the gym terminology. Right. It's that's a very fine line of what I'm allowed to say and what I'm not. Right. This is good. OK, OK. Right. So is everyone on the edge of their seat with this very exciting story?

Yeah. I feel like I need to change the ending. Because it's so shit. I don't even know why I'm telling this story. I even told someone, two people in the gym today, I even bought them with it anyway. So then he says, he goes, oh, that was me. I'm like, yeah, I know. And I'm like, ever heard of D-racking?

And he goes, oh, I'm being told off. I know. And I'm like, ever heard of D racking? And he goes, Oh, I'm being told off. I said, you're not being told off. If I was telling you off, you'd know about it. Just D rack. You kind of were telling him off. You kind of like gave him a proper schooling in the gym. Maybe he liked it. I don't know. How did he take it? I don't know. I just got on with my life. What colour leggings were you wearing? Why? I just want to know. I just want the whole picture. Pink. Were you wearing a crop top? No. Oh. It's too cold for a crop top. Okay. I just like the whole image in my head. I mean, would you imagine being a

crop top at the gym? I don't know. Go to the gym with you. You have seen me in a gym. But I do reckon that you don't put your bare ass on the bench. I definitely don't do that. Anyway. Yeah. So then today, I was telling one of the trainers about rack gate, weight gate, leg weight gate, leg weight gate. Yeah. And as I was telling her, she was like, Oh, I know, I know, I know. And I'm like, just so annoying when people just do that. And then I turn around, he's right behind me. Did he give you a look? So I definitely haven't made a friend there. You haven't made a friend. You may have made a lover. I don't want to love her. No, no, I know. I know. Back to this lady. How does she say to the foof-meister? Put your minge away.

You could say, like I said, this is why I was telling the story originally. I was just giving an example of just, you could do it really passive aggressively and just huff and puff and then just chuck a towel at her. Oh no, that's not passive aggressive, that's just aggressive aggressive. Well like, okay, maybe pass her a towel. Or I would be like, isn't your bum cold? Isn't your bum very cold sitting on that bench like that? Would you say that? I don't know how much I would care about this situation, but I'm not in a gym

to do them every day. Would you want to sit down after she'd sat down? No, really? And you were in the vagina business. I'd be sitting on a towel. No, no. If after she'd done her fluthy bits, and she's standing up, rubbed her private parts all over the bench, would you then want to sit down on the same part off the bench? Not massively, no, not really. I mean, I think she could just say it in a polite way, like, would you mind please just putting a towel down on the bench I mean, I think she could just say it in a polite way, like, would you mind please just putting a towel down on the bench? I think it is so uncomfortable to have to do that, especially if someone is naked. I told you about that time when I did go to your gym the one time and I was in the changing

room. You didn't go to the gym, you went to the changing room to blow dry your hair. Yeah, I did. That is the truth. I went to the building called the gym, to the gym, you went to the changing room to blow dry your hair. Yeah, I did. That is the truth. I went to the building called the gym, to the changing room to blow dry my hair. Yeah, because I had to take my son to tennis, didn't have time to dry my hair. So I thought, great, drop them off, dry my hair in changing rooms. So I've got wet hair. Looks like I've been at the gym. Looks like it. Yeah. Looks like you've just worked out. Yeah. Haven't. Yeah. Well, now you've got the terminology stacked, deracked. Deracked. I could say anything. Anyway. Yeah. You't. Yeah. Well, now you've got the terminology stacked, deracked. I could say anything. Anyway, you could, you could pull it off. I'm in the change room,

wet hair, women comes in from the pool. I feel like I've told you this story. You have, you have, and just strikes up this whole conversation with me naked. Can I just say, are we actually swapping gym stories? Yeah. Yeah. But she knew, she stood start naked. She put her knee up on the bench. You're not near the mic. She put a knee up on the bench like this. So I'm getting the full. No, you're still not near the mic. I'm getting the full frontal. And she starts up a conversation with me like this, like we're gym buddies. And I'm thinking like, I don't really care that you're naked, but like also,

I don't need to look up your vulva. Put your minge away. It was really weird. Because I'm not a gym girl, I thought, is this normal? Do we all stand around flexing our flaps? Or like what is the etiquette here? Flexing our flaps. Flexing our flaps.

Well, you could say that to her. Please, this is what the women say, stop flexing your flaps. There you Well, you could say that to her. Please. This is what the woman say stop flexing your flaps There you go. There's your answer Print it on a t-shirt Hello everybody if you are enjoying this episode Could we please request that you share it with a friend who you think could do with a laugh? We would be so grateful, thank you so much and also if you're really loving it, please

rate and review it. Lauren, you know me and you know when it comes to answering the listeners' dilemmas and when it comes to food, I always trust my gut. And I also trust Zoe, the leading size and nutrition company. All the nutritionists that we've spoken to on Self Care Club have highlighted just how much misleading information is out there when it comes to food. Things like the claims that you see on packaging that say things like low sugar or nothing artificial. These are often assigned to actually avoid these foods. Ever noticed a health claim on fresh fruit?

No, never. Right, well you get my point. So it's completely understandable why there's so much distrust and wondering who you should turn to for accurate information. Well it's very simple. It's not a dilemma for us. We use Zoe. Backed by one of the world's largest microbiome databases and most scientifically advanced at-home gut health tests, ZOE gives you proven science whenever you need it. Go to zoe.com and find out what ZOE membership could do for you.

And because you listen to 40ish, you can use the exclusive code 40ish10 at checkout to get 10% off membership. As a ZOE member, you'll get an at home test kit and personalized nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. That's zoe.com. Use code four zero ish 10 at checkout. Trust your gut. Trust Zoe. Something happened last night with Ollie and me at home. Wow. Was it naughty? Was it dirty? Yes, it was dirty, very dirty and then very clean. He came home. I was like, another Amazon

box has arrived for you today. What's in it today? Cause every day the doorbell rings. It's another Amazon delivery for him. He said, ha ha, wait and see. I'm immediately intrigued. He opens it up. He has bought a sonic cleaner. What is for his teeth? No, cause you have like these sonic toothbrushes.

Well, he's just started Invisalign and the dentist told him to clean the Invisalign trays like every night you can put them in a sonic cleaner. So I'm like, oh great, another fucking thing in the house. You know how men love the gadgets? Oh good, another gadget that we don't need in the house. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I bought it for two reasons. You can clean jewelry in it. You see that face, that face. And I was like, what? He's like, you know, your minging engagement ring that you haven't cleaned in about 20 years

and your diamond deterrent ring you haven't cleaned in 20. He's like, you can clean them in the Sonic cleaner. Move over. So it's got all his like tooth gunk on it. No, you change the water, you wash it out and you change the water for whatever it is you're cleaning. But also, yeah, he cleaned his invisible iron retainers. And then I cleaned my rings and my necklaces. Wow. Wow. I just sat at dinner like with my hands out like look, look at the sparkles, look at the sparkles. It was great. I have actually got a jewellery cleaner. Have you? Yeah.

Is it sonic? Does it work with sonic waves? Probably not because I bought it when I got engaged. Oh, probably. It still works. Yeah. And you buy the jewellery cleaner, the actual like the soap. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all had had that the little tiny toothbrush thing in your rabbit like silver cleaner. No no no. What a machine is it a machine? Don't belittle my jewellery cleaner.

What is it? It's a machine. Oh it's a machine. I'm gonna show it to you when we get home it vibrates as it's gotten older it now starts to move around the bathroom I don't think it's meant to do that. Okay. So it vibrates like that and you put it in and you put it in one water with the liquid with the cleaning liquid. Yeah. And then you pick it up after like two minutes and you put it in the different basket with clean water so it cleans off the liquid and that's what it does. It cleans the jewellery. Does it work? Yeah. Okay. Love it. But I also don't have to share it with someone who's Invisalign has just gone in there because that's a little bit gross. Change of water.

Yeah, but you need to put a jewellery like liquid in there. So this is done with sonic waves. Don't ask what they are because I asked him and I couldn't be bothered to listen to the reply. But it's something to do with bubbles bursting sonic wave something. Did Ollie actually know what it did? He sort of knew and then I sort of was like, no, explain more. And then he was like, okay, here's what it says about the Sonic Wave.

This was your evening's activity last night. No, no, it was our pre-dinner excitement. Pre-dinner? Yeah. Wow, that must have got you two going throughout dinner. Wouldn't you like to know? What happened to dessert? I can't tell you, it's too raunchy. Did you put on the dishwasher?

Hi. Last night I broke my wife's favourite bowl. It was a wedding gift from her best friend. We seem to be on a crockery thing today. It was a wedding gift from her best friend and had our wedding date and names painted on it. I never particularly cared for it myself but she's always had it out on display on our coffee table. I'd come home, had a few beers and got excited watching a match on TV and I accidentally kicked it with my foot onto the wooden floor. This morning I blamed it on our daughter saying that she pulled herself up when I wasn't looking

and knocked it off the table while my wife was in the shower. she's only 11 months and can't talk yet. My wife cried for about 10 minutes and even worse, she kept comforting herself by repeatedly saying, she's just a baby, it's not her fault. I will obviously take this lie to my grave, but I wondered if all women are so emotionally attached to crockery. You know, before we pick this apart, I'm going to go with top line, yes, no. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have been in this wife's shoes. I have. I had a very lovely, very expensive green platter that we were gifted and when the kids were really small they were playing football, they were just arcing around in the kitchen and it broke and I actually had like a proper tantrum. I was so upset because

I thought I'm not going to go out and rebuy this for myself. I was devastated. So yeah, I'm sorry. I do have an emotional attachment to some crockery. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not invested. I'm not. No, no, but you're more domesticated than I am. I mean, I do. I'm house proud and I like my home and I like the things in my home. Why are you laughing? Because I'm just thinking that my husband does say that I have an unhealthy investment in platters. He's like, I don't understand how many platters you need. I really like a platter. I have so many platters.

I mean, I could host a buffet for many people. Well, you do, on Christmas. I love a platter. Don't you love a platter? I really love it. As in the actual platter or a platter of food? The actual platter. Like I actually really do love them. You know what? Now that we're here, I have decided, right, I also host a lot.

I haven't hosted this year yet. And whenever I host for like 15 people plus, I'm always so happy with my platters. See? I love that for you. Yeah. And don't you feel like everyone you eat with your eyes, so if you like come into a room or you're sitting at a table and there's a beautiful platter with the food on, the food just looks better. And it tastes better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ollie bought me the most amazing paella pan for a birthday present a few years ago. I absolutely love it. See, other women would be like, Oh my God, he bought you crockery. I was so happy. It's like hand painted. It was so nice.

I mean, but that's great because that's what you wanted. Well, I mean, I didn't ask for it, but I loved it. Yeah, but he's very good on your birthday. We've discussed this. I just really, I just really like Crocory. Okay, so if this happened in your house, you would also feel the same as the wife. I'd be devastated, especially if it was like a wedding gift and it was hand-painted and had our name, like, you know, that's really special. Well, you can't replace it. It's irreplaceable.

Exactly, exactly. And you can't be cross with your baby because it's baby. It's like when your dog poos on the floor, you can't be cross because they're not being naughty. You know? Oh, oh, okay. Well, what about when my dog is being naughty? Hers is not incontinent or an accident. Hers is a fuck you. I'm going up to your bedroom to shit on your rug, bitch. That is what goes through her head. I don't think she says bitch. I don't think she says bitch. I think she does. I don't think she does.

I think that's a bit, I actually. I think she's resentful because you spend too much time with me and it takes away from her special time with you. I think it's like a dirty protest. Although she does come to your house and after about an hour and a half, two hours, she does. She does. And then when I don't go home, she just sits in the corner giving me evils, doesn't she? And you know what's even more offensive? I have known that dog

since the day that you, I was about to say birthed her, but you did not actually birth her. How very dare you. Yes, I did. Okay okay since the day you gave birth i have known that dog right and every time you go for a wee and you are gone maybe 20 whole seconds she sits and she cries she cries or she scratches at the door and like now i've got to the point where i look i'm like mylee seriously like i'm you'm okay. Really, really, she's doing a wee. I'm really offended that she does not trust in my company for 20 seconds without you. What's that about?

What's her fucking problem? I want to talk to the pet psychic that someone sent me a reel of. And the last time, no, it wasn't the last time, it was a few times ago when she came round to your house and basically, oh my god, and at about six o'clock a photo appeared on my phone. Yeah because Ollie went upstairs to get changed and he's like there is a dog shit on our rug and it is not our dog because our dog is a lot bigger and the

poos are a lot bigger. And so you just sent me a photo and it is the worst thing. It's so embarrassing and you were like, Ollie was not happy. He wasn't not happy. But you take it as a personal insult. Because it is. It isn't. What is it then? We need the pet. Have you seen the pet psychic?

Have you seen him online? I would love to know why she does that. Maybe she just needs a poo. But there's a garden. I know. She knows where she does that. Maybe she just needs a poo. But there's a garden! I know. She knows where the garden is. She does. Maybe it is a bit of a fuck you. I don't know why she does that.

She's jealous. She's jealous of me. I actually think you are jealous of her. I'm just putting it out there. Anyway, what are we saying to this guy? He's not really asking us a question. Are all women emotionally attached to a fuckery? Well, some are. Some aren't, dude. I'm not. Like, not all women.

I'm not. Hashtag not all women. That's our show. Wow. Pans, flaps, wooden spoons, sonic jewellery cleaners. What a middle-aged spread. D-racking, stacking the lot. What a midlife spread. Miley, we even spoke about my dog. We did. I hope you enjoyed that.

I mean, God, what was that? Well, someone said to me the other day, why, how do you have so much to talk about? I really don't know. And then someone else said it to me this morning. How do you find these to talk about? I said, you know how like you do your job in finance? She said, yeah, I said, well, this is how I do my job. So life is rich at this age.

Life is rich. You have little to say when you are 15, 18, little to say. Neither of my kids have little to say. Yeah, but I'm talking about that. I was about to say the quality, but you know, can you call this quality conversation? Flex your flaps is not quality. Okay. Okay.

Maybe not. Okay. Maybe not. Maybe not. It's not a maybe. It's not why I've been given a ring of recognition. Listen, we had an email in this morning and they said, she said that we are saving her life with this podcast, is what she said. Wow. Yeah. Maybe not after this episode. No, she said she's saving her life. She looks forward to every morning when she gets in the car. God bless her. Yeah. God bless her. So there you go. We are saving lives.

Okay. Yeah. That's what we're doing. Ever doubt yourself. It's a national service. We will be back on Tuesday with 40ish Unfiltered. Stay tuned.