40ish - Furry four legged heartbreak and the over familiar friend

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

This week on 40ish Lauren's week is ruff (pun intended), and not in a good way! 🐾 as we're navigating heartbreak of the furry kind, and the memorial bench really comes into it’s own. We are questioning if men and women can really just be friends? (When Harry Met Sally, we're looking at you!), and debating the fine line between "making yourself at home" and crossing the line. Grab your tissues and a sense of humor, because it's about to get real...and maybe a little bit awkward.  We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit, but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that, actually, they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. fees exclusions and terms apply Instacart groceries that over deliver starting the day with magnesium and a volt for all chaser bad starts of the day

chaser and she actually doesn't know how old she is. But you know what? It's supposed to be a happy show. It is a happy show, but life is life-ing. Oh, life is life-ing this week. Yeah. My brain fog is so bad. It's so... It's so bad. It's okay. It's not really okay. You know what? I can't tell you. It's not okay at all. The metaphors is really not okay. I just, I can't.

For all of you younger women, listen. for all of you younger women listening. Hello everybody, welcome to Fortyish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates the challenges, the absurdities of Forty-something life. In every episode we discuss your problems, your issues, your rants that you've kindly shared with us. And we also divulge our own stories about the problems and the mess of navigating midlife. It is a mess. Sometimes it is. It's been a bit of a mess for me this week. I did a really

special thing. Special, special, special thing. Please share with the group. I basically just had this moment of feeling so old and achy the other morning and I just felt pissed off about it so what do you do when you're pissed off about it you put it on social media and that's what I did so I put this post on our stories I'm actually going to play it okay great okay because this was the mindset I was in okay ready yeah I woke up this morning right with a pain in my elbow, that's new, it's almost a bit swollen, a pain in my lower back and pain in my knee. The first thing I did this morning was when I woke up before I even brushed my teeth, I'm rubbing magnesium

all over my body, all over, all over my body and then following up with Voltaroll. That was the first thing I did. This is before I've even done a wee, before I've even cleaned my teeth. Then I come downstairs and I'm feeling like, oh my God, what the hell is going on? I'm having a new Tropic coffee to hopefully put a spring in my step. I've taken all of my supplements, thanks to Wild Nutrition. They're amazing. I mean, the supplements, I've taken about 12 pills, rub lotion all over my body. And guess what? I still feel knackered, still feel tired. I mean, this is 47.

This is 47. This is 47. So hold on, because I know what you're going to say. Do you know what I'm going to say? Yes, I know exactly what you're going to say. I then got a phone call about 10 minutes after posting this from one of my oldest friends. Yeah.

Just basically say, I hate to tell you, but you are actually 48. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw this post and I thought, fuck. Starting a day with magnesium and a Volt per old chaser, bad starts of the day. And she actually doesn't know how old she is. It's a bad morning.

I mean, I said it three times. Three times. And then I thought, is she saying it on purpose? Because she wants everyone to think she's 47. I thought, no, she always says she's 48. What's going on? I thought, I'm like too scared to say anything. Oh, you weren't too scared to say anything because you messaged me. Too scared to say anything. My ass. What did I say? I hate to break it to you, but you're actually 48. You were not scared. Were you scared? Where was the fear? You are 48. Where was the fear? It was a temporary fear. It was short lived. I thought, fuck it. Fuck it. Let me bring her back down to Earth.

You've lost a year! It's not like I was saying I was 27, you know, and he knocked a year off. 48, and then my friend Sherry messaged me, by the way, we're actually the same age, and you're 48. You're actually a month older than me. Like, I said it three times.

You did, yeah. Totally forgot how old I was. So not only am I in pain, not only do I have to take six billion supplements to still feel tired and still feel a bit ropey. I now can't remember my own age. That's where I'm at this week. It's amazing. And you're sporting this new sort of look here. It's not a look. What do you call this? An elbow support? That's exactly what you call it. But you know, it's like my husband wears one of those sometimes. It's not as like trendy looking as yours. Yours is very like Avengers end game. For those of you that aren't watching us on video, I have a black strap just

below my elbow that is helping my current tennis elbow. Because he has one that looks like, you know, NHS could have given it to him. Like more of a sleeve type of thing. This gives me more like superhero vibes. You like it? I mean, I don't hate it for you. Maybe I should get one for each arm. Oh, you did say that. I think you need matching, yeah. And if I may add a headband.

Because that would really polish off the look. J.K. Right. With two elbow supports. Yeah. And a headband. What would you think? Then you'd think just so how you'd have to ask me what's your age? Do you know your own age? C. I don't know. I could, I could be down with that. I've always wanted to see you as an 80s aerobics instructor gear kind of more the substance vibe. You know, I don't do aerobics. You could, you could. I think if I was in the 80s as an adult, I would be doing aerobics. Yeah. Totally. Anyway, so that's what's going on in my 40 ish world. You are reaching peak 40 something I would say. I'm actually reaching peak like coming out of my 40s. I'm 48 now. Yes you are, well done.

Just like gate in the year. Before we dive into your dilemmas a quick disclaimer we're not doctors, we're not healthcare professionals, we don't even know our own age. Some days this is just a fun space. Fun? Is it even fun? You always know your own age. You don't always admit it. That's a different thing. Yeah. I'm aware. I just don't share. Yeah. Did you just write that off in the moment? I'm aware. I just don't share. I love this. If there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Okay, what are they saying? What are they giving us this week? What's going on in their

40-ish world? Please tell me it's worse than forgetting your own age. Hi ladies. I would like to know if my situation would bother you and if so, what you would do or say. Okay. I am 53. 50 something. 50 ish. That's what the show is going to be called. In two years time. Yeah. I'm 53 and I have a very good friend of the same age who spends a lot of time at my house. Recently I've been feeling a bit irritated at how at home she makes herself. She helps

herself to absolutely anything from my fridge or my cupboards and she's happy to open a new packet of biscuits or fruit. Last week she ate a whole punnet of raspberries that had just arrived. She's taken a few raspberries are so expensive and the other day I actually took them out of my basket because they were like three pounds 18 you get about 12 raspberries. I thought no, they go off. They go off two days. You open and you get about 12 raspberries. I thought no fuck that. And they go off. They go off.

Like in two days. Two days. You open it you're like oh raspberries and they're all mouldy. Yeah. So annoying. Took them out of my basket. I get you. She's also taken a few toilet rolls as she was running low and yesterday she suggested

that I need to buy a garden parasol for my table so she can sit in the shade in the summer. She will also ask to borrow clothes. I love that my home is welcoming. I'm okay with her making herself a coffee and having a biscuit, but this feels a bit too comfy. How would you deal with this without damaging the friendship? What's the line? What's the line? I think that, well, she's crossing it because I also love people and they come in my house and they help themselves to a drink and they help themselves to anything in the fridge. And I love that I have made them feel so comfortable in my home that they can do that. That brings

me pleasure. It really does. I always say to the friends, the kids friends, just take what you want, just help yourself. But there is a line. When Josh started his new school, he was only seven. And the very first time he had this new friend over, he marched into my kitchen and he opened the fridge. And I was like, you're right. Can I do you want something? Can I help you? And he was like, nah, just seeing what you've got. And I thought, I love this kid. Like, I love it. He's come here. He feels comfortable. He feels at home. He's like checking out what the snacks situation is. I like I found that quite funny and very sweet. And I'm fine with that. I also have another friend who will not let me make her a cup of tea. She has to make it herself in your house, in my house, which you know, in the beginning, I didn't like that so much because I liked

to host but now I'm like, no, no, she likes her tea the way she likes it. I make my own coffee in your house now, but I still don't know how to use your coffee machine. You're getting there. I am but I put too many beans in the other day, didn't I? It's okay. Thanks. There is a very kind of almost invisible line, which is make yourself at home, but also don't don't. I don't know. The line is exactly what she said. You can make yourself a cup of tea, help yourself to the odd biscuit or snack. But when you start taking toilet rolls, that's a bit weird. And then suggesting that you buy garden furniture for her, it's a bit weird.

Yeah, that is a bit weird. It's just a bit too much. Or once in a while, all these things are fine. It's over familiar. But it's too, yeah. It's a really hard one. Also, I would always, I mean, I probably wouldn't do this, but if there was something that wasn't opened, I I would say are you sure I can have it?

Because you haven't opened it yet. Like I would feel really uncomfortable about that. The fact that she ate a whole punnet of raspberries is not okay. I mean I'm in your house like three days a week and I would not go into your fridge open a new packet of something eat the whole thing and not say anything. I just wouldn't do that. It's just weird. No, but then I think the line is, I fancy like some fruit. Have you got any fruit? Yeah. And I go, yeah, go on, help yourself.

Yeah. And then you still wouldn't eat the whole thing. No. And you would say, oh, the raspberries aren't open. Can I open them? Yeah, of course. I don't know if it makes it uncomfortable. I don't know how she can handle it. I don't know how, I don't know what I would do. Because I understand that it makes her feel uncomfortable. But I also understand that, let's say I did just do that. Let's say I was like, I fancy some fruit. I opened your

fridge, ate your whole pint of raspberries. You would probably find it deeply uncomfortable to say to me, um, that was a bit rude. And they're three3.80 on a gardo. And they weren't even mouldy yet. You know what I mean? For the other person, it's so difficult to say actually no. Because it's probably happened in a drip by drip effect. Yeah. So it sounds petty to say, well, you took some toilet rolls and well, you ate all the fruit and actually you're being a little bit over familiar.

I don't know how you have that conversation. I just don't know if you can. And I don't know how you can control the situation to get, but you're allowed to have boundaries in your own home. You have to have boundaries in your own home. Yes. Because you're in your own home. That's your space. Maybe have her over a little less would be my suggestion. Maybe just wean her off you a bit. Maybe just cut it down to like, I don't know how often she's coming to our house. It sounds like a lot, but maybe she could come every like once a week instead of thinking like Daisy's

boyfriend. He's around our house all the time. He's very at home and he's very at home. I love that he's at home and he helps himself all the time. Yeah. But he never crosses a line ever. Yeah. And I'm just thinking like, at what point would I get irritated? You'd probably be irritated if he was like, I'm going to have lunch at my house today, but I'm just going to take this chicken. But that would annoy you. I see why she's annoyed. So do I. But I also see how impossible it is to have a conversation without causing a row or an upset or it's so awkward. If that was one of my best friends. Yeah. I mean, I have a very open relationship with my friends. So like if you were eating the whole punnet of raspberries, I'd be like,

oh my God, you ate the whole thing. I wanted some of those. Yeah. Why can't you just say that or like with the toilet roll and if she starts taking toilet roll again, it's like, well, hold on, what is going on? Because I gave you toilet roll last week. Like I'm not a cardo. Also imagine me saying to you like, you know, we do sit outside a lot in the garden and I would be better if you got some nicer chairs for me. Yeah. So I could be comfortable. Hello. No. I don't know. I think you are.

If you say something, you you do run the risk of damaging the front. So I don't think you should have a whole chat like sit down and say, listen, we need to discuss the fact that you're I think you should say it in the moment if she's eaten all the raspberries or she's eating all your fruit. It's just like, I actually can't believe you just ate all my fruit. Yeah. Well, I actually, I've bought nine toilet rolls, but they're from my house. I actually can't spare. Can you just go to the shops on your way home? Yeah. Yeah. In the moment. Yeah. After each interaction. Oh, I don't like it. Oh, I don't like it either. It would

also put me off them a little bit. Is that bad to say it would? It would because they're a taker and they take advantage and that shows a quality which I'm not massively into. She hasn't also said like I also go to her house and she's very hospitable to me. She hasn't said that. No, well, it sounds very one-sided. It does a bit. I'd say wean her off you and your home gently and easily a little bit. And in the moment.

And address things in the moment. That's my advice. Yeah, I think that's good. It was my advice too. That's our advice. It's like, you always do that. You still do that. Anyway, all my five years later, you still, you still do that. Don't you still like thinking as one? Does Ollie say that?

Does he? Yeah, he does. Or often I do the same thing with both of you where I don't say anything at all, but I naturally assume that either you or he know precisely what it is. Oh yeah. Oh, that's a really fun game. Like you're both psychic. Yeah. But you didn't tell me so how would I know? Just know. How? You should just know.

Like with the diaries you always think I just know. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes you do know. Sometimes you don think I just know. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes you do know. Sometimes you don't. You know most things.

I know most things. Like I know if you're upset or I know if you're like I can read your mood even when I'm not with you. Yeah. Yes. One million percent. Yeah. But certain things you just like, you know, that's all right.

You just you sort yourself out. I'll be fine. You know the memorial bench? Yeah it is now officially a memorial bench. We had to say goodbye to Barker on Friday. It's been a pretty shit weekend. I would say up there with one of the worst of my life. He was a lovely boy. He was such a lovely boy. He had the most hottest, most disgusting breath that he used to put on my lap all the

time, didn't he? When I was eating. I I would give to have that hot, smelly breath now. I have a million pounds. And you know, when he was doing it to me last week, we were eating lunch outside, and he was like, whatever you'd given us, some chicken salad. He was all over that. And he loved me because I always gave him so much chicken. He did love you.

He used to call me the chicken lady. And his breath was on my lap and it was just, and I did think at that point, you know what? His breath won't always be on your lap. Yeah. So I listened, maybe it was some psychic premonition, but all I've done since Friday afternoon when I had to return from the vet with a broken heart is basically sit on the memorial bench and and that the children were with me and and all he was with me and it was you know it was as good as it could have been but it's still awful and that came out on Saturday evening he said mum you've you've literally been sitting on that bench since eight o'clock this morning and I said I know but

for some reason it's the only place I can be. I just feel very comforted here. I said, but I've got to water the garden. And he was like, why don't you just walk around and water it with your eyes? You know what? I appreciated that joke in the moment. I said, I think I'm so dehydrated from crying so much. I don't actually think I can water the garden with my eyes, but I could try tomorrow. So we are going to get a plaque for the bench with his full name. What was his full name? His name was Barker. His full name was Barker Barker's Barkley digger radar mishcon. We're going to have a plaque with his full name,

date of birth, date of death. And you know, I, I'm going to truly enjoy sitting on the bench and remembering him. You've got to put a paw print on there as well. I think that's a bit tacky. I'm just going with the brass plaque. I don't want a paw print. It's got paw print around your neck. That's not tacky.

Right. Lauren's rules for things. Okay. Just very strict. They're there and they're there. They like come out of nowhere. You know, Miley isn't allowed a flower on her collar when she has a groom, but Barker was always allowed a bandana. Yeah. Yeah. She used to say that dressing up dogs is not okay. It was okay for Barker to be as bougie as fuck. Right. But no other dog. Right. It's okay to wear a paw print around your neck, but not on a plaque on a memorial bench. Everyone

listening to this, but how would I get, what do you mean? Like get someone to carve it? What am I going to do? And now I need the engraver all of a sudden. Right. I assume yeah, you're going to get the plaque online. Yeah, totally. And I'm going to assume that usually when you get things engraved or personalised, there's usually like icons that you can put on it. Oh, I haven't seen icons. I've seen like... Like you could have a heart or a star or...

I'm sure there's a portrait. Well, I've seen ones where you can put a photo and I thought no, that is tacky. We are in agreement with that. And there's obviously like very serious ones, engraved ones, but I haven't actually seen ones with like a paw print or a thing, but it's okay because I know he was a dog and also it's in my garden. So it's not like the public are going to be sitting on it. Also with his full name. Yeah. I mean, I reckon the cost will go up because it's going to be per letter. I tried to do it yesterday and it was like, no maximum reached. I was like, well, shit, now I've got to find a company where I can do more than 50 letters

because it was a long name. And Zach was like, did it get longer as the years went on with him? No, it was always his name. From the day he came home? Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. It was. Yeah. Zach was like, impressive. Thank you. Just put Barker. I was like, no, because usually as the years go on, they gain more. They gain. Yeah. He used to call him booze. Booze. He's booze. That was the kind of the show, the nickname, but it wasn't his

official name. He always used to call him that. Yeah, I know. I know. He went by many names. What a boy. Oh, he was. Listen, I had to break it to Miley, my dog. How did she take it? Well, every time we say his name, her ears go up and she sort of like, you know, she gets very excited because she thinks he's coming. So Daisy was just like cuddling her as if she knew. So sorry, Miley, I'm so sorry for your loss. But I am, you know, I her as if she knew. So sorry, Miley. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I am, you know, I, her coming to a house, I just don't know if I can deal with that. That's going

to be heartbreaking. Well, she's going to have to. I mean, he, he's never really been a sharer, but he shared his bed with her. He shared his food. He really did. She was the boss. Weirdly. She, yeah, she was. She made that clear from day one. I yeah, she she was she made that clear from day one I mean she used to sit in his bed. Yeah, and he would sit on the floor Was exactly came in and he couldn't believe what he was seeing he's like what is going on here He wouldn't do this for anyone. I'm like, I know she's special. Yeah, they had a very very very sweet friendship They really did. They did and I'm pleased they had that last walk together. Me too, me too. Anyway, bye bye Barker. We love you Barker, you've been very missed.

Oh we do love you Barker. Right, should we raise the mood because it's not supposed to be a sad show this show. No, but you know what? It's supposed to be a happy show. It is a happy show, but life is life-ing. Oh, life is life-ing this week. Yeah. So we have to bring, you know, the one thing that people always say just about this show is how relatable it is and how real it is. And it really is, you know, it's not all just taking the piss out of being middle-aged. Sometimes really sad things happen. Yeah. middle age, sometimes really sad things happen. Yeah. Question two.

Yep. Brace yourself. Hi Lauren and Nicole. That's me and you. I'm in a bit of a when Harry- Can I just say, right? I realize I forgot my age. Yeah.

I haven't quite got to the point where I'm forgetting my age. My name. Your name. My brain fog is so bad. It's so bad. Sorry. It's all right. It's okay. It's not really okay. You know what? I can't tell you. It's not okay at all. The metaphors is really not okay. I just, I can't. For all of you younger women listening, it's not okay. And also it's unavoidable. So sorry. Yeah, but some people glide through it. They glide, fucking glide. You know, the people that say, oh, really? No, I haven't gotten these.

How do you my friend? She keeps asking me, how will I know? I'm like, you know what? That question, just give it to someone else because it's not welcome here. The how will I know? Because I just fucking you because literally I felt a pieces on the floor. So yeah, yeah, It's not fun. I mean, there are, and there are other symptoms that I refuse to share here. I just refuse. I'm not doing it.

No. No one's making you. I'm not going to. I'm not forcing you to. Not everything is for fun, public consumption. But let me tell you something. They don't get better, they get fucking worse. Okay.

Brain fog's the least of it. Anyway. worse. Okay. Brain fog is the least of it. Anyway, I hope this next dilemma is some fun because what with Barker and me being really menopausal, it's just not good. I really need another implant done, obviously. There's no fix for my situation. Hi Lauren and Nicole. I am in a bit of a when Harry met Sally situation. Oh God, a shindelah with her best friend. I'm hoping for your perspective as women in long-term marriages. I was introduced to this guy who helped me build a website. We met a few times and now we occasionally bump

into each other locally. We get along really times and now we occasionally bump into each other locally. We get along really well and I just think we'd have a lot of fun hanging out. Last week I sent him a WhatsApp saying, good to bump into you yesterday. Shame we had to rush off. I miss our chats. If you want to get a coffee sometime, let me know. He hasn't replied. Now I'm wondering if it sounded like I was asking him out. Yeah, I did. How would you have worded my message? Do you think men and women can truly be friends?

Or is this just not a thing? Okay, let me tell you how I would have worded that message. I will show you on my phone how I would have worded that message. I wouldn't have sent the message. Don't make friends with someone else's husband. You've got your own husband. Did she say he was married? Yes, they're both married. Make friends with your own husband. Don't make friends with someone else's husband. I feel quite clear on that. I'm sure he's great. And I'm sure

you do get along. But no. Thoughts and feelings? No, I'm thinking if I've made any male friends since I've been married. Are we allowed to include James? Are we? Does he count? Does he count? Does he count? Should we ask him? I'm scared.

James, quick question. Do you think, A, do you? I don't even want to ask him. Do you consider us friends? Secondly. He's gone silent, he's like fucking ghosting me. Yeah, secondly what? Secondly, do you think it's appropriate to make a friend of the opposite sex when you're married.

And if so, do you count? No, says James. So we're not friends. Yeah, we're friends. Okay, that's good. Okay, but the thing is, it's okay that we're friends, but then we work together. No, we don't either, but we have made friends since we've all been married, but then we work together. So it's different because there's a working relationship there as the basis of the friendship. Okay. The thing is, the thing is, the thing is, the thing is, I've said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're tripping over something here.

We're not. James just said we're friends. That's a big deal. Can I just say, I mean, we can play paddle too. He doesn't want to play paddle with you. Do you know what James did today? It doesn't extend to James didn't bring his dog Teddy into the studio today because he was worried it was going to be a little bit

of a trigger to set me off. And actually I would have loved to have seen Teddy because I'm finding being around dogs very comforting, but I truly appreciate his thoughtfulness about doing that. And that was very sweet. It was sweet. Well done James. I have to say this lady, listen lady, my honest feeling is I don't think that you really want to be just friends with this man. I agree with you. I agree. I think there's something else going on there and also have you told your husband that you want to be friends with this man? And also, why not say to him, if you really do want to be friends, hey, why don't me and your wife and me and my husband go together as she likes him? And the thing is, if you've got that kind of chemistry with someone from the opposite sex, like you need to look at what that is and why that's happening.

I think it's fine to make friends if you're including his wife and your husband, and then maybe like the four of you become friends. But I think to seek out a friendship, I feel like we're going to get shot down both ways on social media for this. But I think if you are married and he is married to seek out a friendship with a married man and she doesn't say in her email whether she's told her husband about this to me I am seeing like red flags all over the place. If Asen turned around to me and he said I've met this really nice lady we keep bumping into each other we've got lots to talk about we get on really well and I really want to

be friends with her I'm gonna ask her for a coffee I would have a big problem with that. But the difference is he's asked you and spoken to you about it and he's open about it. No, but I'm just saying I would not. You still wouldn't be okay with it. I still wouldn't be okay with that. Right. But if he did it without even telling you, that would be even worse. But then saying that if I said to Adam, oh, I'm just popping out to go and have a coffee

with James, he wouldn't even. I think it's different. But why is it different? Because we've got the work thing in common Because we work together because we see him every week and because we know him he knows him he's met him He knows he's married to Natalie. He knows him and Natalie are happily married It's a different thing, but this is a guy who she's worked with for a short amount of time. The relationship is ended they don't need to be seeing each other anymore and she's pursuing it and

ended, they don't need to be seeing each other anymore and she's pursuing it. But then it does pose that question of why can't men and women just be friends and why does they have to have this hanging over it? I agree with everything you've said by the way, it doesn't feel right and it feels like there's something much more going on here. Why can't they just be friends? Because if this person was the same sex and they're both straight, then there wouldn't be a problem with that. So I'm thinking about my friends who are men, but they are all men who I knew before my marriage. So, and that I think is different. And also they are all married and we socialize with them and their wives. And it would not be in any way weird

if I like went out for breakfast with my friend Matthew, but I've known him since I was nine and we see him and his wife all the time. I think that's different. And I think that's the exception to it. If they have been your friend previously before the marriage and you've known them a long time, fine. But new friends. I'm actually going out with two men tomorrow night. Are you? I am. Who are they? They're very, very old friends of mine.

Predating your marriage. Oh way. They're like the first day I started hairdressing, I met these two guys. Right. And we were like the three amigos for years. Yeah. And I'm still sort of, I'm friendly with one and then I see the other one and the three of us and they're both friends and they see each other

but the three of us have not got together for maybe 25 years. And are they married? One is, one isn't. Right. And does Adam know them? He knows both of them, yeah. Right. He's friendly with one of them. And does he feel in any way weird about that?

Do you know what? I don't even think I've told him about it. Okay. But there is, it is just not a thing. There's something hasn't even occurred to me until this point that it would even be, it's not an issue and it would be weird if it was. There's just something in this email that isn't sitting right. I agree. And it's not about wording the email. It's about well, wording WhatsApp. It's why are you why are you overthinking the WhatsApp? Why are you trying to get it's just and can I also say the fact that he hasn't replied? Yeah. Says to me that he also understands there's something more going on here. He may have even shown that to his wife. They may have even discussed it or he's read it and just thought no, I'm not getting involved with this, like I'm sure, you know,

just no. So the fact he hasn't replied tells you everything you need to know. Don't unpick why he hasn't replied, just accept no and maybe have a little look at like what is actually going on here. But I can message Jase, go morning James. Love you James. Okay, James I don't know why it's just not no it isn't anyway, I just not no it isn't anyway lady just stick back away back off and you probably fancy him and you need to figure out what's going on with you and what's missing and look there back off look there don't look there yeah i'm telling you if you were whatsapping my husband no don't be whatsapping anyway that's our show 40ish.

We're gonna be back on Tuesday with an unfiltered. Please keep your messages, your DMs, all of your feedback coming in. Hello at 40ish.co.uk and we'll be back next week. Have a great weekend, everyone. Welcome to Suddenly Single, the podcast where we dive deep into the wild world of love, romance and everything dating. That's right, I'm Siobhan and alongside Tim each week we're joined by celebrity guests

who share their unique dating story. Whether you're navigating the ups and downs of dating sites or just looking for some love inspiration, we've got you covered. Remember you're not alone when it comes to dating, sometimes it's sad, but it's always funny and that's just him on his first dates. So join us every week on Suddenly Single.