40ish - Germy Germs and the Ozempic Vulva

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

Today on 40ish: A listener wants advice after her boyfriend casually admits he doesn’t wash his hands after using the loo (bleugh!). Nicole brings a game to the show to play with Lauren, Plus, a new condition is out there -Ozempic Vulva. Yep, you really can lose fat from every bit of you. Who knew midlife could be this…wrinkly?  We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH To book tickets for our live show in October click here: https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'm sweating his willing. At this point, Nicole is the only thing 40-ish about this podcast. Without her, it would be called 80-ish with a laughing emoji. So just to clarify, keratin hair-streatening treatment does not cause wrinkly labia. Does it cause a saggy labian? No, that's not what I'm saying. Okay, good. Hello everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman.

And I'm Laura Michigan. You are very kind of calm today. What's going on? Calm. It was like, hello, I'm Nicole Goodman. I'm really... In a sensual mood. I'm a sophisticated woman of a certain age hosting a podcast about midlife. That's exactly what I am. That's exactly what I am. What you're saying? I'm saying this podcast is about...

chaos, meltdowns, rants, anger, hormones, husbands, sex, divorce, dating, slippers, crocs, teenagers, and everything in between. WhatsApp groups. Yeah. Bitch mums at the school gates. Yeah. Cooking, endlessly, cleaning. Laundry. Grumpy teenagers, did you say that?

Yeah, I just said teenagers. Grumpy teenagers. Bracketed grumpy. That stuff. nesting. Yeah. What else? All of it.

Just everything. Well, this is the podcast though. We tackle it. We tackle the chaos of being 40-ish. And every week we dive into all things midlife. The news, something might be happening in the news that needs our opinion on it. Obviously, nothing needs our opinion on it. Your story is, your dilemmas.

And of course, we bring our own stuff about navigating the mess of midlife. Please don't forget you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access ad-free listening across both this show and Self Care Club and I think you'll find this bonus content. There is, there's a bonus episode on there that you will only get over at the subscription and that is over at Apple Podcasts. So come over to Apple Podcasts and you will see it right there. Come sign up, come be part of our club. We would love to have you.

And if you've got something to share big or small, we really want to hear it. Please be part of the conversation. Email us at hello at 40ish.com.uk. Or if you're cool, DM us or if you're really cool, send a message on TikTok. But we don't know how to read messages on TikTok. So actually don't do that. By the way, you don't have to be cool to DM us. Yeah, you do.

Yes, you do. Do you? If you're not cool, email. But if you're not feeling cool and you still want to DM us, you absolutely can. Because quite frankly, I think it's really uncool to still think about being cool at 40. Rubbish. Rubbish. Poppycock.

You care about being cool. cool no i don't you do you do you wear cool trainers and cool things and you like to be where are you going with this i'm saying don't pretend that you're like oh i don't care if i'm some frumpy midlifer you do care you care a lot don't put words in my mouth i never said i want to be a yes my goal in life is to be a frumpy midlifer yes well done you got me i don't but i don't sit there every day thinking about am I cool today? How can I be cool today? Is this cool? Is that not cool?

No, because you only do that when you're about 12 and a half. But also my 14, nearly very nearly 15 year old is constantly telling me how uncool, but she would never use that term because it's not cool, how unvery cool I am and how tragic I am and how sad I am and the eye rolling and the constant like disapproving side eye. Yeah, but I bet Beyonce's kids think that she's a dick. Do you know what I mean? I never said dick.

They probably think she's fucking tragic. You know, that is what they're supposed to do. Also, Josh has a new teen slang word. He uses it about 20 times a day. And it means tough. Do you know what it means? Tough. Yeah, tough.

Yeah, I know what tough means. Do you? Well, I know what my version, my 40-ish version. version of tough means what's his version it means good oh for fuck sake he comes out he has a lot of new words what was the other one he came up with a few weeks ago and he kept saying it he even said it on the phone I can't remember but even like Lily Rose she'll say things in letter form now CBA CBA CBA can't be asked yeah well you can't even be asked to say it's all one syllable what's what's wrong with you? It takes just as much time. Also it's just rude anyway. It's so

rude. It's so rude. Please can you go and have a shower? CBO. Yeah. Um, no. Yeah. Actually, can you imagine, can you put your plate in the dish room? CBOA. Can you imagine saying that to your mother? No. I wouldn't dare say that to Jackie. Jackie would have had no truck with that. No. Anyway, now I obviously say tough to Josh all the time about something. What does it mean? Good. Good. I'm going to say it today and see how that goes down. It won't go down well. She'll give me the very disapproving side eye that I mentioned before, which I get all the time from your dog. And you know what? You get it for free from your dog.

She gives the side eye. She does. Yeah. And you know, my husband's been away this week. She's the side eye queen of North London that dog. She just sits there. She's either like, it's either like rub my tummy, rub my tummy. Hi, hi, hi, here I am. Love me, stroke me. Give me all the attention. Or she just sits on the stairs giving you this side eye freeze. It's like, fuck off.

Yeah, no. And you never know who you're going to get. I know. This morning, I actually found myself saying to her, why are you in a mood with me? Just before we dive into your dilemma, it's a very quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue you're seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Hi, Lauren and Nicole. The man I've been seeing for the past few months have started staying over at my house more lately. My bathroom is right next to my bedroom so you can hear the tap running. He was over this weekend and I noticed a few times that

he didn't wash his hands after using the toilet. What? Grim. I brought it up to him but he insisted he didn't need to and that it's different for men. What? Why is it different for men? He's still touching his genitalia. Hang on, hang on. It's different for men. They're holding the Willie. We're not even holding anything. Yeah. What? We actually make less contact. Yes. He was pretty firm about not needing to wash his house. So I just said, okay, but please do it while you're at my house as you're touching me and my stuff afterwards. And he agreed to that. But I now know he won't be doing it whilst he's at home or out and about. He probably won't be doing it whilst he's at your house either. He genuinely doesn't think he needs to. I'm not sure

if it's dumpworthy, but it is a little grim, yes? Yes. Do you think that's dumpworthy? I think that's a really good question. some people are much more germy germy phobic than other people i don't know why i thought you were about to go into a rhyme germy germy germy germy some people are really fucking weird about germs and others don't care like some people will be like oh taste this and let you have their bottle and other people would never let you you can't do that my daughter she hates that i am really not a germy germy i'm a not germy germy i'm like i would this would give me the ick i'm like five second rule fine

Dirt is everywhere Bacteria is everywhere It's good for your gut health I'm fine with it And also when you live with a dog Which we both do It's like there's germs Okay it's fine

This however It's grim It's not even that it's grim It's basic hygiene You learn this lesson At about four When you go to the toilet You wash your hands

It's not optional It's what happens You have a lot to say about this I'm sorry Don't you What's wrong This is parenting one-o-one when you put potty train your kid you go to the toilet you wash your hands go to the

toilet you wash it's it's so automatic he shouldn't even have a thought process of i just don't wash my hands because it's different for men um it's weird what she's asking is it has grossed her out as it should and it has given her the ick as it should yep and i think we're all in agreement that would give us the ick yes oh standing firm on that is it dumpworthy how long are they into the relationship, how's the sex? Does she really like him? Does he have... How big's his willie? Is he washing his hands off to touching the big or slash small or slash medium size willie? Is that even relevant? How much do you like him? Yeah, how much do you like him? But how into him are you? How good is he with your emotional needs? Can I tell you what bothers me about

this about the general concept of this is the public spaces thing? So you know, like if you're in a toilet and it's unisex, or you're in a restaurant or you're on a plane, I always think, I bet like 50% of the people who've just used this toilet don't wash their hands. So then I, and I've obviously washed mine with soap, I don't then want to touch the lock. Yeah. Because I know that my nice clean hands now on this dirty, I'm not germany, but that does go through my mind. Am I? And mine. Because why isn't it just a basic, basic thing? Lou hands, Lou hands. It's not a, it's It's not too much to ask of a human being. Have you ever been in a female public toilet and not seen someone wash their hands?

I haven't. I mean, I'm sure I have, but I couldn't tell you. Well, I haven't noticed it. No, me neither. I haven't noticed a woman come out and go straight out. Never. No. Because we're not disgusting.

That's why. You know what? If it wasn't dumped worthy, it would cause a massive row if my boyfriend said to me, it's different for men, it's not necessary. That would be a flaming. row which could end in a dumping i'm just saying i think it's a bit red flaggy maybe or my kids what they would call yellow flag yeah like it's flagging something and i think you need to have your eyes open about how hygienic he is in the main you're like how are his i tell you the other thing

like does he wash his shoes also like does he have dirty fingernails because oh no that's no that is dumpworthy no unless he's a gardener fine cardinal that's an exception but Mm-mm. But no. No. I would then question and figure out just how hygienic is he. And so he's touching you with those hands. Is he running those hands through your hair? No thank you. It's only his Willie.

Well, excuse me? What if he does a poo and doesn't wash his hand? Did she specify whether it was... She just said when he goes to the toilet? Oh no, that is disgusting. That's what I'm saying. Maybe he's not even bothering to wipe his bum. Maybe there's just skin balls everywhere. Wow, wow.

That is done worthy. Well, if she ends up washing... Is that done worthy? That is don't worthy. If she ends up washing his pants ever, she'll know the answer to that fairly swiftly. I don't know. Is this just an anomaly or is he generally minging? I think that's the question you need to ask yourself.

Listen, I think you've asked the wrong question. This episode is brought to you by this episode. Square. You're not just running a restaurant. You're building something big. And Square's there for all of it. Giving your customers more ways to order, whether that's in person with Square kiosk or online. Instant access to your sales, plus the funding you need to go even bigger. And real-time insights so you know what's working, what's not, and what's next. Because when you're doing big things, your tools should to. Visit square.ca to get started. I've got a game.

Oh, okay. I don't know how it's going to go, but let's just see, shall we? I love a game. After the traitors, I'm in for games. Okay, it's called, that was then, this is now. Wow, that sounds like a difficult game. It's not a difficult game. That was then, this is now.

We're going to take everyday situations and see how we would have handled them in our 20s and how we actually now handle them in our 40s. Oh, God. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And just what the difference is.

And if it is even different, it might not be. I suspect it's going to be. So I'll give an example. Okay. If I say to you like Saturday night 10pm. Yeah. So in your 20s, it could be something like calling an Uber or getting ready. Yes.

And now it's like taking your eye makeup off. Yeah. Yeah. right okay okay you got it i've got it okay so i'll just do like a few random ones go on um being offered free tequila shots in my 20s yes unlimited yeah at 47 yes but maybe three oh mine is so different being offered free tequila shots yes in my 20s fuck it why not you only live once yolo aka yeah look at us using the abbreviation Free tequila shots in my 40s. Hold on a second. Am I working tomorrow? Do I need to get up for the

gym? Do I want to be hung over? Have I got any diarrholyte at home so that I can rehydrate before I go to bed? Yeah, that's the difference for me. Office Christmas party in your 20s? Oh, well, it was fun because I was at an actors agency, so it was full of actors and shenanigans, should we just say? shenanigans I would listen I was working in hair salons and TV studios so for me it was like heaven drinks galore so much fun single girl having the best time ever now the office Christmas party is you and me going out for a really nice dinner together I mean not that that's not fun it was it was very nice yeah being ghosted after a date I have to say, neither in my 20s, 30s or 40s has that ever happened to me.

Sorry. I'll start the fucking game. I'm sorry, it hasn't. I think in my 20s it would have been like devastating and in my 40s it would probably be, I don't, I mean, I don't date, but I'd probably be like, yes. I can stay in. Thank God. Grocery shopping. Well, I do remember in my 20s, it was like, I would leave.

work and I would go to the local saline to breeze and I would buy what we were having for dinner that night that was my grocery shopping. Now planning my Ocardo at least four days in advance and adding to it constantly. Yeah. And magnetic shopping list on the fridge. Ops. Okay. How about I was going to use going to the gym but that's not

that's N.A. Yeah. Lifetime N.A. How about skincare routine? I mean, okay. Oh, I'll do mine. Go on. Skincare routine when I... Actually, it doesn't really differ that much.

I'm really lazy with my skin. In my 20s, it was like basically take off my eye makeup. That was about it. No, now there's hyloronic acid. There's nicinamide. There is. There's a moisturizer. Or maybe I am better than I think I am.

There's a lot of my cellar water. Actually, you know what? I do have a skincare routine. Check me out. I look better in my 20s. Maybe I shouldn't fucking bother. In my 20s. In my 20s, it was like, see how many days you can wear that mascara for.

Three was fine. These days, maybe just the one. Maybe I'd just wear it overnight and the next day. That's disgusting. It's not if it's just mascara. It is. No, it is. She sometimes looks better.

No, it's not. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. I don't think it's disgusting. I do. Take it off. Always. I mean,

Most nights. I don't really have a skincare too. I'm having to be bothered. Brush my teeth, take my lenses out, Dan. What about celebrity crushes? Oh. In your 20s. Oh, God, it's hard to remember that far back.

So, can I just tell you, I hooked up with a celebrity crush with mine. That was in my 20s. I felt I hooked up with two of my celebrity crushes. So that was the celebrity crushes for me. Most people don't get to do that. Oh, I'm just telling you, that was the experience of my 20s. Now the experience of my forties You're not hooking up with John Hamm, unfortunately.

All right, okay. You don't have to be so deep. Well, I wish you were I could live vicariously through it. You do not wish I was... What would you do if I hooked up with John Hatt? What would I do? All roads lead back to John Hatt. I would celebrate you.

I would throw a party for you. Would you? I would sit you down in a room and make you tell me every single detail in blow by blow, minute by minute action. And then I'd ask for more detail. I don't think I'd ever recover. You'd never recover. And I would never recover.

recover even having heard the story you would never recover right so celebrity crush in your 20s I can't remember who I fancied in my 20s so long ago it's probably the same fucking people isn't it? McDreamy for me or McDreamy I still like him It wasn't from E R he was from Gray's and had to me

I never watched Grey's I just loved him and Harrison Ford but I mean I feel like I've loved him since I was about 10 nothing changes I'm very consistent He does I'm very consistent Let me tell you

I wanted to give you a bit of midlife news I wanted to give you a bit of feedback first because you're going to love this as you're not going to love this I loved this it came in today from Terry okay she says hi ladies long time listener

I love both your podcasts I'm listening to avocados and the big wash yes that's when you were talking about the joy of having a huge suitcase full of dirty clothes and the satisfaction of washing and drying and folding it all. Other women do indeed agree, Lauren, that they love a big wash.

I know someone that says there's nothing better than seeing clean washing hanging on the line. I mean, that just gives me the heba-jibis. It brings her so much joy. She said, and that's my 80-year-old grandmother. At this point, she says, at this point, Nicole is the only thing 40-ish about this podcast. Without her, it would be called 80-ish with a laughing emoji. Love it. Where Lauren talks about rhubarb recipes, gardening and laundry, and I'd be all for it.

Thanks for the laughs and the company on my morning dog walks, Terry. Oh, Terry. I'd love to say I'm offended, but I actually love that. No, don't be offended. I'm loving it. Don't be offended. I'm loving it. Because Lauren won't, when I, listen, I'm turning 50 soon.

No, you're not. You say it like it's like in three weeks. Like in fucking years time. Two years time. Not two years. Over two years time. A year and five months. Oh, that's fair.

We've already been doing this a year. Okay. But what I'm saying is, I think we're going to have to rename it 50-ish. Fuck that. Why? I'm not 50-ish for like 10 years. You're so weird about your age and then you talk about rhubarb compote. Like it's nothing.

It doesn't make sense. Make it make sense. I would have made rhubarb compote at 28. What? Do you know what I mean? So if I said rhubarb compot for the game, what that was then, this is now. Would it be the same? No, it's not right.

It's not right. It's not right. It's not right. Cooking's not an old person thing. Rubarb compot is an old person thing. I don't think that Jeremy Allen White from the bear would agree with that. Cooking is sexy. No.

It's for young people. There are plenty of hot chefs. I'm not saying cooking isn't sexy. I'm just saying that the rhubarb compot isn't sexy. Can I just say you liked my rhubbubb compote, so I'm slagging it off. To be fair, Terry started it. Here is Midlife News for the week. Are you ready?

I don't think you are ready. I don't think you're ready. It's called The Rise of Ozympic Vulva. Welcome. No, welcome Nicole to 2025, where Ozempic vulva is now a thing. The effects of rapid weight loss and fat loss on the body's tissues, hormones and hydration are causing loss of volume and sagging skin on the labia. This can lead to deflated or wrinkled vulva.

similar to how it looks on the face. Also, you can get vaginal dryness because it alters your hormone levels, particularly estrogen. And it can cause dryness and irritation. And this is the best bit, pelvic muscle weakness. So now there are women who are on ozempic-wagovies-slash-Montjarro who are having to have labiaplasty and, I think this is the worst thing I've ever heard of, labia puffing. that is injections of dermal filler or fat graphs to restore volume in the labia. So look thin and then have a sort of droopy wrinkly labia,

which you then have to inject. I mean, no and no and no and no and no. And also no. You are so tight-lipped on this subject. Are you horrified by it? Well, there's a few. things running through my head. I mean, this is...

We'll voice them because it's a podcast, so it helps. There's... Look, people start taking Ozempic, Manjaro, Wagovi for all different reasons. Because they think they're fat, or they are fat, is basically the reason. They want to lose weight. That's why they're taking it.

Yes. Yes. But some people really need to lose the weight. They do, yeah. And they are better off for it. Yes. And it reduces a lot of health conditions, so they are healthier for it. The thing is, is that it's like with a keratin. Hair keratin. A hair keratin. That doesn't, from what I understand, having had it many times, it has not affected my labia. As I say, has it affected yours? I don't know where I'm going with this. Neither do I. Go with it. Go with it. Go with it. Yeah. I used to say to my clients when they would have a keratin or they'd never had one before and it's the one that relaxes your hair

It takes all the frizz out and it lasts for up to like three to four months. Yes. And they would say, will it do this and will it do that? Will it do this? Will it do that? Like you're taking one problem away. You're taking the frizz away. But you're also adding in other problems because it makes it flat.

It makes it greasy. It causes other things. So you're taking the one thing away that you hate. But I'm telling you it's going to cause other things that you didn't really think of. And that is, OZempic in a nutshell. Giveeth with one hand, takeeth away with the other. Like, but you're, you're. You've got to trade in the things that you dislike the most.

But just to clarify, carotin hair straightening treatment does not cause wrinkly labia. It doesn't cause a saggy labian. No, that's what I'm saying. Okay, good. I'm saying it's the, it's. Yes, I understand six of one, half a dozen of the other. We can use this. Same with anything.

Yeah. Even hair care. But you know, that is, for me, that's just a step too far. When we're getting to a point where you're having to put filler down there where the sun don't shine. I feel like I need to out you for something here. Oh my God. well okay go on because it's not that no you don't have a saggy labia

I mean I don't know it's nice start a podcast they said it'll be fun it'll be fun they said it's really highbrow do you know I've got friends who are like doctors you can really make a difference in people's lives

they said you really really can you have admitted to me before that if you put on loads of weight in the menopause you would take ozempic. I would take... What do they call when they suck it?

Liposuction. Yeah, I'd have lipo. No, you fucking wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. You can't even have a blood test, Lauren. And they'd have to put me to sleep, obviously. Did you not... Did you or did you not say that?

I don't remember saying it, but I think if I was like enormously fat, I would have to deal with that situation. Right, thank you. Yeah. So what I'm saying is... But now I know this information. I don't know. In your nice slim body, it's very easy.

easy to you know you know what this isn't about the the moral coding of of jabs this is about do you want to have no i don't want to have filer in it would you have filler in it no also like how many people are seeing it do you know how saggy are we talking well you know like how people's faces go on it it's the same thing but down there you know how you see people you're like, oh my god, ozempic face. Yeah. Ozempinny. Same thing.

But everyone's seeing your face. There's only maybe one person, maybe two. I don't know who is seeing the other bits. How bad can it be for you to stick filler in it? I don't know. Nothing would make me stick filler in it. Nothing. Nothing in a million years.

Nothing. And on that note. We're going to leave you with that. What a high. Brow show. Changing the world, one nanny at a time. One segment at a time. Ugh.

Tequila shots in your 20s versus your 40s, saggy labias, the traitors. What a weird show? What was the first thing we talked about? My side-eyed dog. I mean, I... Maybe we should stop being podcasters.

I think we... What are we going to do? I don't know. We're not trained for anything else. you are so you by the way yeah but that that actually does involve ninnies

and if I've got to look at ones that are now zempified I don't know what would I say well you wouldn't say oh my god your lady has gotten very saggy have you been on ozempic you don't say that well they wouldn't have been on ozempic

because they'd be pregnant so yeah yeah and you wouldn't say oh I'll do another keratin job but be careful because it gives one hand and it takes away with the other you would yeah

I always said that in the end I think we should go we're digging a hole goodbye everyone see you next week bye