40ish - Granola, Puppy Pandemonium & A stolen kiss in the stables

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Things go completely off the rails today when Lauren’s puppy’s antics push James to the brink… and he in turn pushes them right out of the studio (much to Nicole’s amusement) Speaking of Nicole, she’s been busy browsing the M&S clothes and she likes what she sees - classic midlife move. Lauren then casually drops into conversation that she’s met national treasure Clare Balding (as you do) while attending a Christmas exhibition so deeply middle-aged it may as well have handed out free orthopaedic insoles at the door. Meanwhile, in listener-land: One rider writes in about a stolen kiss at her local stables and another wants to know whether being disproportionately thrilled by discovering a new granola is a sign she’s entered the 40ish dimension. (The short answer is yes. The long answer is YES.) Expect ultimate chaos, multiple puppy interruptions and quite frankly if this show is even vaguely cohesive it’ll be a miracle. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you fly an Emirates business class and you're picked up by your private luxury chauffeur driven car, you'll see that your vacation isn't really over until your flight is over. Fly Emirates, fly better. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40-ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Loram Mishkron. This is the podcast where we tackle the glory of midlife. Do you try and come up with a different word to describe it every week? You know like they do on off-menu? Oh, it's just in the moment. It's just how I feel in the moment.

Glorious. The glorious 40s. Well, you told me this morning that you'd got on the scales and you've suddenly dropped three and a half pounds, so that's good. Or I might just be ill. Who knows? That's not good. You're not ill, you don't feel ill at all. I don't feel ill.

I feel fine. It's just a surprise. Yeah, well, like, yeah. Considering I ate ice cream on the weekend, a whole batch of brownies on the weekend, a chicken pie on the weekend. A chicken pie. I mean, I did make it. A chicken egg pie.

That feels better. It was like a Frey Bentos from, it was like a ginster's pasty. It was a homemade. It was like, I just never put you down for like a pie kind of girl. I've actually still got some of my pie left over in the fridge. Oh. But you know what? To be honest with you.

What made you make a chicken pie? I had people for lunch. And I thought, what a lovely, autumnal, warming, comforting, homely dish to have for Sunday lunch, a chicken and leek pie. And one of my guests is gluten-free. Vegan. So I had to make a gluten-free short-cross pastry. It nearly destroyed me. But why wouldn't you just make something else?

Well, because I planned on the pie and then Ollie was like, you know she's gluten-free. I was like, oh my God, I've got to make gluten-free pastry. Oh, my God, I've got to make something else. No, because I planned it. I know, I get it. And then all the vegetables and everything just complements everything else. I did it.

And then I got my rolling pin out and I thought, I will not let this. Can you not buy gluten-free pastry? I bet you can, but I had run out of time. And I bought the gluten-free flour at this point. So I'm bugger-it. I'm just going to make it. I will do it. it was all right but you know what it doesn't go as crisp it's not as good why don't you just make

her a separate one that sounds like a lot more hassle does it yeah would you did you always you would always make the pastry yourself you would just buy the pastry no sometimes I would buy the pastry okay good I'm just checking on that I feel a lot better knowing that good but I'm also trying to up my pastry skills why for when I apply for bake-off oh is that obviously what's she doing Oh my god, Bieber's eating the rug. Beba, stop it. Beba is eating James's rug. Don't tell him.

He'll be very cross. She's frayed it. She does that in my bedroom. Okay, but it's your rug. I'll clear it up. I would clear up before he comes in. Okay. It's all right.

I'll do it. You are, let me tell you, you are living life on the edge today. What is going on? with you. You must be ovulating. I'm just so brazen. You really are. I think actually I'm ovulating. I wondered why my husband was sniffing around me yesterday afternoon. Now I know why. That is so funny. I only ever know where I'm in my cycle because of a bully. Yeah. Hello. Excuse me. I just been pointed that you were ovulating. That's weird. And a bit scary. That is a bit

scary. Because you're being like, I mean, your version of risque. Fertile. And in version commas, because I'm definitely not anymore. I wasn't going to say fertile. I was going to say risque, but then I realized that you'd spent your weekend making pot-based-free pastry. You like risque then, eh? So can I just tell you something that I have realised this weekend. I have realized that the clothes in M&S, they're okay. Yeah. I still, oh no, I have made a purchase.

Yeah, we both made the same purchase. Yeah, but I think I've bought the wrong size. We had a moment, didn't we? But I don't know what size I am in MNS because... Who does? Yeah, well, I don't know because I've never bought anything from MNS. But anyway, I went in there. Yeah.

I was in Brent Cross and I went into MNS because they were like all the glitzy bits that were around. And I'm away for the entire crew. Christmas, the New Year, so I don't need, I don't need, no, sidestep the sequence, which I'm upset about. I know. You know? Because I love a sequence. Yeah. Yeah. There were two shirts I could have happily tried on. I wish they would have been a little bit looser. And there was like a couple of tops. I thought, oh, interesting. Now, I have never, ever thought that before. And then I thought, I looked around me and I saw all the other women that were in M&S. Yeah. And let's just

say they were not my demographic okay they were in a very different age group to me older much older okay much older this is not for gen zias is it no and they're all looking around the same department as me and then i sort of had a bit of a word with myself and i left the stool and i went to zara i bought vest tops for my kids and came out empty-handed so now i can't shop in zara really and now i can't shop in mness you can't shop in emmnes we did thanks to my sharp eye we did both shop in M&S because we've both been after

the same pair of trousers that have been out of stock for ages and they came back in and I got an alert and I texted you my friend 30 seconds after I got that alert Yeah but they'd already run out in my size

I know it was crazy They're very popular I hope they fit quite excited So I bought a size up So let's just see let's just see what they're like I've never worn anything in M&S and also trousers never ever fit me

properly ever ever Okay No I'm just saying saying that if MNS trousers are the ones that fit me, then it might be a life-changing moment. It really might be. And I'm not sure how down with it I am. Watch this space. That's not the most 40-ish thing that happened to me this week. The most 40-ish thing that happened to me this week. It's so 40-ish, it could almost be 50-ish, 60-ish, 70-ish or even 80-ish.

Well, isn't that the same with M&S? Yes. There you go, then. It is. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. I went to the Good Housekeeping Live with Country Living Christmas Market expedition exhibition it was an expedition for me to the exhibition it was only in Islington

I know it was like a whole day out you actually live in North London so really it was a terrible thunderstorm oh there was I was supposed to go with you I know I stood you up you did stand me up I did

I wasn't that into with the whole idea anyway I got there and I just as soon as I got there I thought I'll hate this it's just a load of Christmas tat and also you're not here so you don't need all the gifts and all the bits and all the pieces if i was hosting no then you would definitely have loved it yeah that then that's a whole different thing i could have got all my tableware and all my stuff but i'm not i bought so many presents i even bought a present for myself how did you oh nice evil eye evil eye neck earrings

i'm wearing today see them on spotify you can um it was so fun it was just all these stools, all this Christmassy stuff. I absolutely loved it. And then I went upstairs to get my goodie bag, which was a little underwhelming, shall we say. Did you go to any talks? No, no. I didn't go to any talks. I wasn't there for the talks. I was there for the shopping. What sort of talks did they have, though? Like how to host the perfect Christmas day, like good housekeeping type talks. You could have done a whole talk on how to make gloom free. I couldn't, it wasn't great. So I definitely couldn't have done. I could have gone, I should have gone to a on how to make those in free pastry.

Anyway, I go upstairs to get my goodie bag and with my friend, Dr. Sirea, who's actually on self-care club in a few weeks' time. First of December. That's the one. And we're just walking along the corridor and I look to my right

and who do I see but the faithful herself, Claire Balding. The ultimate faithful. Now this was a moment because way, way, way back when we started Self Care Club, We did a show on All Walking.

Was it All Walking? And I spent half the show. I think it was like our fourth show we ever did. I spent half the show doing an impression of Claire Boulding on... She's... Oh my God! Only a corner. She's just said, oh, it's fine, it's only a corner.

I don't know what is going on with her today. Let me tell you something. If Bieber came into my house and ripped up the rug and you said it's fine, it's only a corner, I wouldn't be best pleased. You are a law unto yourself today. I don't know how I feel about this version of you. Get used to it for the next two days. Then it'll all go downhill slowly from there.

Anyway, Claire Boulding was there. Claire, actual Boulding, was there signing books. I thought, I don't want her book, but I... But what a diss? You can't go out to and go, no, I don't want your book. I just want to say hi and have a photo. That's exactly what I did. Anyway, we've got some feedback this week.

Great. Do you want to hear it? quite a lot of feedback. I was snapshoting it all and sending it on to you. And I, and I took those snapshots and I put them in our show. I thought you would. That's why I did it. Thanks. I probably could have done that myself. You could, but, you know, I've done it now. It's your job. Thank you. I don't like to take over. This is from Maya. Just a quick message related to home appliances that drive us crazy. My tumble dry does that same annoying sound. I give it a good talk every time, I give it a good talking to it every time it happens. Like, why the hell are you

doing this to me? Don't you think I have nothing better to do? Thank God. You see? Someone else does talk to appliances. Also, my dishwasher is constantly thirsty for Rince Aid. Like, what the fuck? Yes. Is yours? No. Mine is such a greedy little bastard.

How often do you fill it up? Fucking constantly. I was constantly. Once a week. Yeah. And I say to it all the time, you are such a greedy bastard. Every time it flashes, the Rince Aid sign at me.

The worst is the salt. Oh, no. Don't do the salt. The salt is Ollie's job. Is it? Is it? Yeah. Does he have a funnel?

Yeah, of course he's got a funnel. Of course he has. Anyway, I haven't. I just like, You just shove it when it goes over the floor. But today, I reckon you would just shove that bad boy in and just see where it goes. Because also, what's the worst that's going to happen? Today I'd let that salt run out.

You really would. No, you wouldn't let it run out. You would just do it without the funnel. I'd put in like any old salt. No, you wouldn't. I'd put it in like. You're not wayward. She says, I spent half my day feeding my family, doing laundry,

and yes, wiping the freaking counters and the floors. I can't with the counters and the floors. I can't. I've spent my whole weekend doing it. And the other half, attending home appliances needs and talking to them. Have I reached peak midlife yet? Thanks, ladies. Yeah, yes, you have short answer.

I cannot tell you how much I resonate with that entire thing. Everything in there. Every single word of it like lives in my soul. Thank you, Maya, for that. This I think was my favourite message of the week. In this economy, heated blankets are perfect whatever age. Heat the person, not the room. That is brilliant.

That is brilliant. This is the advice of Martin Lewis. Surely knowing the advice of Martin Lewis is the start of middle age. Then she said, that is so, so true. Then she says, hmm, I've just realised I possibly learnt this from radio, go for. That's even more middle-aged. And the fact that I forgot where the info came from is very perimenopausal. I'm so pleased she listens to our show because this is like classic, our listener. When we were building the show and building what kind of show we wanted it to be and

who the listener was, because she was think about who's listening. This was it. Yeah. What's her name? I think it's Vicky. Then we've got this. Christmas lunch dilemma. The host decides. Full stop. We agreed with that, right? You choose the time that Christmas dinner starts and you tell your guests and that's the time they turn up, right? No, faffing backwards and forwards. Sorry, you'd moved on quite quickly. We hadn't all caught up with you just because you're ovulating. It doesn't mean the rest of us are.

It's the same lady continuing the conversation. Oh, sorry, you see, I'm definitely not alulating. She's replying to everything that happened in the last two weeks, right? It's all her. Right. She says, we do brunch, pancakes, salmon bagels, because they are not the norm in my house. Brunch means I'm not. cooking when everyone else is opening presents. Very smart. Dinner is in the evening because

we eat in the evening every other day of the year. It's so true. So true, but that's what's special about Christmas. Yeah. So you have a big lunch, dinner, whatever, at like three, four o'clock. Yeah. And it's just one meal. No, we also have dinner. I don't know how my brother in all does this, but as well as the full Christmas lunch with every side and trimming. But by the time it's finished, what, he's getting the dinner out? No, then we do all the games and the charades and the quirs and everything three three three third you start quite late you eat at three 30 and then have dinner dinner dinner at like 10 oh oh but like full dinner bread cheeses smoke salmon salami salad I I can't sounds amazing it's unreal I can't touch it because I am still

stuffed from Christmas dinner and all the puddings I can't eat the dinner but everyone else tucks in patte everything you don't even pick at it I sit down but I'm done like I'm done by then. I'm so full. I know, but sometimes when I'm so full and then I still eat and then I just hate myself. No, because I just feel so ill. I'm just not hungry. No, I'm saying I would sit there at that dinner.

Exactly what you said. I would be so full but I would still scoff it in my gob and then I would feel so ill the next day because I'd over-eaten. It is hard because he does go to like a gorgeous cheese shop and you wouldn't be happy but there are the most beautiful cheeses and then I'm like, oh, I'll have one cracker with cheese. You know, like you would have one cracker with cheese.

Like, I really envy that in you. I mean, but you would do it in such a balanced, moderate way. I'd just shovel it all in. Not today. From November 25th to December 2nd, your donation will be doubled. That means every dollar goes twice as far to help build a future where no one's seeking help is left behind. Donate today at camh.ca slash giving Tuesday. Snap up ancestry DNA's lowest price ever in our incredible cyber sale.

With 50% off ancestry DNA kits, it's the perfect time to help a loved one unwrap the past. And with our latest update, they'll discover their fifth. family origins like never before, with even more precise regions and new and exclusive features. Their best gift, our lowest price. 50% off Ancestry DNA only until December 2nd. Visit Ancestry.ca for more details. Terms apply. Just before we dive into your dilemma, a quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there's an issue you're seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Hi, Lauren and Nicole, please keep meeting on. I have a new friend who is a man. I met him at the start.

the year my local stables as we both ride and we really clicked instantly i mean it's the perfect way to meet someone i am a stay-at-home mom sometimes i get a little lonely my husband oh i see she's married my husband works long hours but we are happy and we have a good marriage my husband knows about my friend and i'm always open and will happily tell him if we are if we are both meeting for a coffee or whatever yesterday when we said goodbye in the car park we both leaned in to kiss on the cheek but we kissed on the lips. Oh! It only lasted a few seconds.

It was very strange and unexpected, but also felt totally normal. Oh. We didn't talk about it. We just both drove off. I don't have romantic feelings for this guy, and I've never consciously felt attracted to him. We really are just friends. I have contemplated to tell him my husband. He's very level-headed and not a jealous person, but I don't see what is to be gained by

doing so. It won't happen again, but I do want to stay friends with him. What would you do? Oh, that's messy. Isn't it? What happened there? It's a bit weird. Like, because if you and I kissed on the cheek,

we would never find ourselves kissing on the lips. It sounds like they just went in and then just missed. Yeah, but we've never done that. You know what I mean? We're plutonic friends. There's never been any doubt about us being plutonic friends because we're two women. I mean, you know what I mean?

But if one of us was a man, that'd be more... A question mark. Yeah. Would there? There's never been a question mark with James. And also, if I said goodbye to James, normal, I kiss James, hello and goodbye and neither do you. That would also be weird.

Well, we would, maybe at the Christmas party, we'd kiss goodbye. But we would never find, we would never, ever. I'm just saying, I'm just putting it on to like, or I've got another male friend. Like we would never, ever, ever, ever lock lips. But they've got a relationship outside of, I don't know if he's married or not married, but they've got a relationship outside of their spouse or spouses, haven't they? And they meet and do this hobby together and they're friends.

And they are heterosexual and they are of the opposite sex. And so they've obviously built this friendship and they're fond of each other and me. Something's just, what was that? No. Was it just a mad moment? No. I think it's called chemistry. Look, I have some new friends due to my paddle obsession.

Yeah. And I do play with men. Yeah. And I do have coffee. Yeah. With some of the men. Yeah. I don't, I would never say to Adam, oh, by the way, I'm having coffee with blah, blah, blah after paddle.

No, but you also wouldn't lie about it. Like if he said, how was the morning, you'd say, I played coffee, blah, blah, and then we had, I played paddle with God, and then we had a coffee. Yeah. You would never not say that. Absolutely. Right. So I guess, but it's the same as me having coffee with you or having coffee with. Well, it's not.

Because I'm not then. going to say to you nice tits do you want to come back to my flat later right i mean i might say that to you but it's unlikely you might say and also i don't have a flat also i don't have nice tits and also anything could fly out your mouth today i mean i'm just not putting a party well i mean that's not really a possibility but hold on hold on a second right because that's that's an fair thing to say. It's not, because I'm not going to suddenly be gay and then assume you are. Nobody in my paddle

community, male or female, is going to turn around to me and say that. Nobody. No, no. I'm sure they're not. You said it in a way because I said I would have coffee with someone from, but I've just played paddle with. And it would be utterly inappropriate and it wouldn't happen and it

doesn't happen. What I'm saying is, if I kiss them goodbye, which I wouldn't because that's weird. Okay, but let's say you do. We wouldn't lock lips. We wouldn't. We wouldn't. But they obviously do kiss hello and goodbye every time they see each other. That's weird. I think that's weird. Do you?

I kiss all my male friends hello on the cheek when I see them and give them a hug. Always. Hello and goodbye. I'm just, I'm putting it in the context of I've made new friends. Yeah. Through paddle. Yeah.

I have coffee with them sometimes after paddle because someone will say who's around for a coffee. You're in a group presumably. No, not always. There's one guy that he'll say, oh, are you at the gym early, come meet me for coffee. We have a coffee. so usually in a group yes occasionally i think i've had a couple of coffees with him on my own i think it's weird that they kiss hello and goodbye do you yeah i do i've never kissed anybody in the paddle community just so you know i just want to let put it out there

kissing the paddle community don't kiss hello and goodbye they are kiss free trios jays what he does definitely doesn't kiss them hello definitely doesn't you know he doesn't because So he probably uses psychological intimidation as part of his paddle process. Dreckham? Yeah, definitely. I think they've built this something and it's like this little relationship that goes on at the stables. Also stables, horses, Jilly Cooper, riders, riders, is that what it's called? Rivals.

Riders, same thing. You know what I mean? It's a very, it's quite a sexually charged thing, riding and stables, jodpers and horses and sweat and exercise. It's definitely ovulating. It is. But it is. It's not.

Of course it isn't. Ask people who ride horses. You're just on heat. You're just on he. Ask people who ride horses. It's a very... See, she knows. Bieber wants to be part of the podcast today.

Bieber, you have nothing to say about this. She's actually crying because she's like, Mommy, you're being weird. You don't kiss boys. You're not allowed. Well, I don't, I think there's something that's gone on there. between them and she needs to knock it on the head. This is not all it appears to be.

If you're now kissing on the lips, it's not right. Should she tell her husband? I think if he turned around to her and said to her, did you actually lock lips today, then she should say yes. But he's never going to say that. Of course he isn't. She's right. Is there anything to be gained from it?

And if there was nothing in it, that's okay Lauren's just leaving she's literally just got up she's literally just got up she's letting the dog out God knows where the dog's going now the door's open

so we'll hear James on his calls brilliant James are you in there she wants you is he in there I don't know I want to ask you about this kissing thing I

the thing is I think I'd carry horrendous guilt if I didn't say something about the kiss but I also understand what's the point. Oh, James. Would you say... James is a toilet.

Does she? I don't know. She's like pacing. She doesn't. She did a wee on the way here. She is being a laissez-faire today. Is that the word? Yeah.

She won't wee in here. I'm telling you. What happens if she does... She wanted to have a little nibble. She wanted to have a little bit of the corner of the rug so I have to remove it. He's just come in and pointed at the rug. He's like, it's fine. He won't notice.

He hadn't even stepped in the room and he noticed because it's all picked up off the floor. This poor woman, I do feel sorry for her. I don't think she meant to do anything wrong and it's kind of just... She needs to not be friends with him. I'm sorry. It's not, it doesn't feel appropriate. She said she really wants to be friends with him. But it doesn't sound like they are friends because she said it's, they kissed and it felt totally normal.

No. No. Because let me tell you something. If I locked lips with someone from the paddle community, it would not feel totally normal. It would feel really embarrassing and I would be really fucking mortified and the whole thing. Yeah. You know, it's not, the fact that she thinks this is normal. No, she doesn't think it's normal, but it felt normal, no.

It's got a... Yeah. Yeah. Worrying. Yeah. A little worrying. Okay. You have to stop being friends with him.

Sorry. Sorry. That's what we're saying. So my meltdown this week. Yeah. Is... I have hit the absolute epitome of middle age. Which is.

My daughter, I was out. Yes. And my daughter called me. like so excited she's oh mommy mommy mommy I'm like what she said the dog is looking for you everywhere so cute she misses you mom I'm like well how did she know that the dog was looking for you

I tell you exactly how she knew because I asked her that exact same question and she said she went straight into the utility room yeah that is that is both true and tragic yeah yeah because that's where she feels like you are going to be when she needs you

That's where she goes to find me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In my household, they call the utility room mummy's office. So if anyone's looking for me, they say, where's mum in her office? And that's where they find me. That's also really tragic.

It's absolutely awful. Well, I mean... It's not my office. This is my office. And this isn't even my office. You know what? My husband doesn't have to take his puppy to the office. Does your husband have to take his puppy to the office?

No, my husband never has to take his puppy to the office. The puppy is not happy at the office She is really, really very unhappy I know, shh But if you could be quiet, just Please You know that this is my job You don't care

Your job's just to be pretty Yeah But that's not helpful meltdown is today's recording is an absolute shit show my meltdown is the same thing it's a shit show oh james is taking her oh dear i am cringing on your behalf he does love dogs he does not love you today I'll tell you why this is our meltdown. It's communal meltdown today.

Collective meltdown. Double meltdown. It is, but it's my fault. It's the same. I'm taking responsibility for the meltdown. Okay, it doesn't matter. Full responsibility. The meltdown is that the recording has just been a total shit show.

Absolute fucking disaster. Right. So how we are even going to get this out, I have got no idea. See, she's still barking. And you know what? I was only trying to bring her here to kind of save the rest of my day from being a shit show. But actually, it started as a shit show and now it's just going to continue as one. You know, I said to you on the way down here, have you asked James if you can take the dog?

You're like, no, it'll be fine. Because James always wants to see the dog. But anyway, he doesn't want to see her anymore. I think the meltdown is we've been chucked out of the studio. Well, I have. Who knew that I'd be the favourite? You know what? I'm going to bask in it for five seconds.

Don't be Charlton Freudic about the situation. I've now got to find a rug repair place this week. That's going to be my meltdown. We've got one from the listener. Okay. Are you ready to hear it? Yes. It's from Tanya.

She says, hi ladies. I think I finally got to peak midlife. I've realised that the thrilling highlight of my week was discovering a new high fibre granola with seeds that is good for gut health in M&S. I actually made a little, ooh, noise, when I saw it. Kill me now, Tanya. I'm all over this granola bar.

I want to see it. No, it's a granola, not a granola bar. A granola. Ooh. How does she know it's good for gut health? Because it says it on the front. It must say on the packet. Yeah, but that doesn't always ring true.

I'm really sorry. You always, always, always have to check the ingredients. Always. They're all going to have nuts and seeds and all the goody, yummy stuff that's good for your gut health. But if it's caked in maple syrup, I ain't going to be that good, is it? And sugar. No, it's not. But I think the point is...

But it's like you see these bars that say, say protein bars or protein bread. They're full of shit. And they're full of shit. And they're also not that high in protein. It's just marketing. Sorry to tell you. I mean,

I don't mean to burst your bubble. Well, maybe I do. I don't think that's what she's asking. I think she's saying is it peaked midlife to be excited about it. And the answer is yes, yes it is. But you know what we're going to do? What?

We're going to sign off because this episode has taken about... Yeah, it's been a disaster. I don't even know how it's going to edit, how it's going to come out. I'll just put loads of musical on. I'm going to put music on this bit. Great. Hopefully drown out the barking.

I'll just put music on the whole thing. Should I just do that? Would you, please? I'll do my best. Thanks. So, listeners, I hope that it's been a perfectly edited show so that you don't hear the stop, stop. But let me tell you something. It's a disaster.

We started recording this at quarter to 12. It's now 103. We're supposed to have done three shows. We've barely done one. Yep. It's not even a mid-day. It's not even a mid-day. It's just like a puppy meltdown.

It's okay. I'm going to go and have a cry downstairs in gales. Are you? Well, no, probably not. More a Maltolk. She's crying outside the door. Right, we're going to go. Right, bye, everybody.

We'll be back on Thursday.