40ish - Hot Doctors, Freelance Farts and the Anxious Vagina

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

On today's show: Nicole has an anxious vagina and is feeling mumsy on a Saturday night out, whilst Lauren is trying to play matchmaker in A&E with her friend and a hot Italian doctor.  Because nothing says romance quite like fluorescent lighting and a triage wristband. In Midlife News we reveal that one in six women have considered leaving work because of menopause symptoms. Elsewhere, a listener asks whether any supplements actually help with peri symptoms after her GP informed her she’s “too young” - spoiler alert…she is not. There’s also an update on foster dog Jeff - (and it’s not good news) and a New Zealand Quasser who reports that peri-menopause has gifted her spontaneous public farting with absolutely no warning whatsoever. Office, supermarket, gym - her arse is now essentially working freelance. If you enjoy the episode, please share it with a friend who also suspects peri-menopause is basically your body leaving a one-star review of itself.Come see us hosting in the Menopause tent at the Everywoman Festival on June 13th https://www.everywomanfest.com/tickets-londonBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/40ish-navigating-midlife-and-menopause--6942825/support.We love to hear from you! Get in touch with your dilemmas and rants.DM & follow us on Instagram   TikTokOrder Our Book here

And then the waiter said, you're going to love this. He goes, or you better get it right, or she won't do your ironing for a week. You know, we're doing a live show, Sue? Yes, should we talk about it? Yeah. We're allowed to. Yeah, we are allowed to. It's our show, we're allowed to.

It's our show, it's all right? It's on July 5th. Yeah. And, and, just to make everybody happy, we don't want anyone to have a late night, so we're doing it like late afternoon. 4 to 6. 4 to 6. 4 to 6. How perfect? Then you can get out.

How quasi is that? It's so quasi. I'm looking at this meltdown of yours and I am perplexed I'll tell you what she's written down here Quazas she's written down vagina has anxiety I'm presuming you mean your vagina

Hello everybody welcome to 40ish I'm Nicole Goodman And I'm Lauren Mishkon This is the podcast tackling the chaos of 40 something life Each and every week Twice weekly in fact we dive into midlife The News Your Stories Your Doors dilemmas and of course sharing our own mess and challenges of this beautiful time of life. Don't forget you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts and you get early access and ad free listening

across this show 40-ish and our other show Self Care Club. And you can watch the video every week on Spotify and on YouTube. Please come over to YouTube and give us some love. Actually, someone wrote in. It's here. It's here. It's in the feedback. We'll get to it in a bit.

If you've got something to share, big or small, please. We love you being part of the conversation. you make the show what it is. So please do get in touch. Hello at 40ish.com. Come, come be part of the conversation. We want to hear from you. And last piece of housekeeping.

We would be so grateful if you could subscribe to this show. It's really important that you do that just so that, I don't know. I actually don't know why it's so important. But I hear Davina saying it and Stephen Barlett saying it. So I'm figuring it's important. It's something to do with the algorithm. It was something to do with like our show will just download onto their device. or you'll just get the show.

Who cares? Just please don't. Just press the plus button. Just do as Stephen Bartler does and I think we'll be okay. And if you can share the show with someone that you think will love it to, we would be ever so grateful. We would. So, what's going on in your 40-something world?

I have never felt so middle-aged as I did this weekend and not in a good way. Because sometimes I feel middle-aged and I'm like, I'm rocking that shit. You know, I'm rocking that shit. And you're just grateful to not be in your 20s. Yeah, so grateful. And the fact that I can speak up for myself and stand up for myself and not take any crap anymore. And, you know, that sort of stuff I love about being middle age.

I love it. On Saturday night, it was our anniversary. Okay. And we first of all went to this Hendricks pop-up event that my husband had been putting on in Self-Ritches. That was really fun. Nice. It was really, really fun.

It was like this whole immersive, interactive thing. they've launched a new Hendrix gin. It's called Another. It is absolutely delicious. It's utterly delicious. And then you basically went on like this whole journey. You felt like you walked into Alice in Wonderland and there were actors everywhere and they gave you four cocktails.

So by the time we then walked to our restaurant, you're halfway shickered. No, I wasn't even halfway. Oh, you were shickered. Never heard that word, but I love it. You've never heard that word. No. No.

Shickered. Yeah. Yiddish. Yeah. What does it mean? Drunk? Yeah. Shiggard.

Shickard. I think it's very self-explanatory. It is. Yeah. That's the good thing with the addition. Anyway, so we went to sexy fish. Nice. Now, I don't know why.

It was my idea to go to sexy fish. I've never been. I've never been. Because it sounds quite youthful. I think Daisy's been talking about it who's 18. I don't know. It was just in my head. So I was like, let's do something really nice because it was the weekend in between our anniversary,

19 years, thank you very much, and his birthday. Right. We wanted to do something. Spesh. Something spesh. Yeah. So off we went to sexy fish. Firstly, I did not know what the fuck to wear to sexy fish.

I would have worn the red superhero cape top. I'm not going to wear that two weekends in a row. Well, just you can't. You could. You can't. I think that actually would have been the perfect top. Well, I didn't. Okay.

Anyway, I hated my outfit. What did you wear? I saw it. Listen, this is going to go on to a whole other tangent. Go on. Okay. I saw it in Hennies. It was like this.

lingerie night dress. Oh, that? Yeah, and I wore it over wide jeans. You did mention that outfit before? With a heel. Yeah. And I sort of bohoed it up with bangles and everything else. I just felt like so fucking mumsy.

That just did not help. Okay. This word is cropping up frequently. I just like to say post-historectomy. I felt mumsy. Okay. And then I walked into sexy fish. And then I thought, oh, this is a different level of mumsy now.

So there's like a DJ there. And it was full, full of, 30 year olds. Oh, I thought you were going to say younger. No, well I would say like late 20s, early 30s, all on the prow. Yeah. Having a Saturday night sniff around for a mate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I go into the toilet. There are maybe six women in their young women all having a full on photo shoot, all of their own separate photo shoot. Oh God. So dull. This is what's happening now. A proper photo shoot in the loon. It's like, you know the restaurants out there. But was there? But was there? The Lou were all Instagrammed up.

Oh, some of those restaurants do that on purpose. Yeah. Brasery of light and places like that. The toilets are beautiful, but it wasn't. Okay. I mean, what else? I literally couldn't get to the fucking sink, Lauren. This is, as I walked in, I just thought, oh no, this is not my vibe.

This is just not my vibe. How was the food? The food was absolutely fan. Is it sushi? Tastic. Yeah. Yeah. The food was fantastic.

We got the tasting menu, I have to say, could not fault the food. But then the DJ came on and then Adam and I couldn't hear each other. And it was like, what, what did you say? What? And then it was getting really busy. I said I love it when you unload the dishwasher without asking. You're welcome.

I don't ever feel like I've aged out of something. I was aged out of sexy fish, 100 million percent. And then at the end, when we were going to the loo, I went to the loo again, obviously. It was packed. everyone was really drunk, went into the loo, they're still doing photo shoots in the loo. They were doing photo shoots that, you know how often I go to the loo,

they were doing photo shoots in the loo. All night long. All night long. Yeah. All night long. And there was a girl in there on her own doing a photo shoot. Oh God, it's a bit tragic. Just have your dinner.

Because they're taking pictures of every plate, presumably as well. Just go and be where the fun is, because it ain't in here. Wow. It was very weird. Yeah. I mean, it isn't it? Isn't it?

Anyway, then the waiter, this was the absolute clincher, the waiter, who was, I mean, he was in his, early 30s, I would say, very nice, very chatty. He says at the end, how long have you been

married? So I said to him, well, the hostess has already asked us this and my husband's already got it wrong. So go on, ask him again. Let's see if he gets it right. And then the waiter said, you're going to love this. He goes, or you'd better get it right or she won't do your ironing for a week. Amazing. And then Adam was like, put his head in his hands thinking, oh, God, she's going to kick off now. What did you ruin the evening for? And I said to him, excuse me. I said, you're a young guy.

You need to update yourself because it's actually 2026 and he could do his own fucking ironing. Which I'm sure he doesn't. But then neither do you. No. That's not the point. What I said to, why are you assuming that out of two of us sitting at this table, I'm doing his ironing?

My boys do their own ironing. They want a pair of jeans iron it themselves. They are that generation. Damn. Right. And you've taught them correctly. Yeah. Yeah.

It's awful. I'm now too old for certain restaurants. I'm just too old for anywhere that's too loud and too dark. I need to see the menu and I need to be able to hear the people that I'm with. That's all I ask. Yeah, but when did this happen? Because it does sneak up on you. Because I used to love these places.

It does sneak up on you. And now I don't like these places. Is that since the hysterectomy? I said to Adam, you know what? Since my uterus has got removed, I can't do places like this. Anyway, so you had a very busy weekend, didn't you? It wasn't supposed to be busy. It was actually very quiet.

And I was thinking, oh, I made a really nice dinner on Saturday night. My friend was coming over. And then I thought, Sunday, bliss, done on my work. I'm just going to get the papers. I'm going to have a really nice quiet day. So I made this whole three-course dinner. Everything's in the oven. Everything's lovely.

And my friend's coming with her little dog and she's coming on the tube. She texts me and says, oh, have you got any ice ice? at home. I'm like, yeah, but I've already made us martinis, so obviously she's like no, no, no, I've had a fall. What? She said, yeah, I've tripped on the tube and I've smashed all my leg and it's a bit sore. I was like, don't worry, you're coming to the right house, I'll patch you up, got a first aid kit, it's going to be

fine. So Ollie picks her up from the station because she's like, I'm actually, it's actually quite bad, I don't think I can walk. So he picks her up from the station, she comes into my house, she comes into the hall, she's shaking. I said, just show me. She shows me her foot. What's happened is she's tripped getting onto the tube and she's caught her foot between the tube and the platform.

She dropped her dog. The dog was fine. Don't worry. But she ripped. She ripped. I mean, she ripped the skin between her foot and ankle like at the top. It was so deep and so nasty and pouring with blood. And she was in so much pain.

And I was like, okay, I'm going to very calmly cover this up with a clean covering. You're the right person though, because you probably don't get that flappy about it. I'm very, like the worst of the situation, the calmer I am. So I was like, okay, I'm going to just cover this up with something clean and some micropore. Then we're going to get in the car and we're going to go to the hospital. It was so bad. We get A&E on a Saturday night. Oh, Jesus Christ.

And they announce as we get there, hello ladies and gentlemen, just to let you know, waiting time tonight is between six and a half and seven hours. Oh, six and a half and seven hours. I love that. And Ollie,

meanwhile, is like, but what about the potatoes? Dude, How will I know when they're ready? Just look at them. Dude, take a punt. Look at them. Stick a fork in them.

They're done. Just eat the dinner. And she's like, don't worry, just drop me off. Just drop me off. I mean, as if, as if you're going to drop your friend off.

Yeah, you're pouring with blood. You can't walk. You're shaking. Where was the dog? At your house? At my house. Ollie's got the dog at home.

So now he's got three dogs at home. There were two at the time. Oh yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I cannot believe this, but we got into some sort of slipstream and we managed to get seen by the nurse, x-rayed and stitched up and a poem within two hours. That was good going. But as we came back out into the waiting room, some woman collapsed, like dying. some parents brought in their kid who was screaming in agony.

It was like the pit of hell. It was like being in the pit, the TV show. Yeah, I watched it. Oh my God. It was horrendous. And I kept, you know, I was trying to keep her upbeat. And she was in so much pain. This poor girl, she was so brave.

And I said, because she's single. And I said, imagine if we get a hot doctor. Like, imagine how good that would be if we get a hot doctor. So by the time we get into the suturing, she's in a wheelchair, and I'm pulling it backwards. So she's facing the other way. I'm facing the right way. Get into this room, this garden.

is there. She's facing opposite me. This guy is there. Oh my God. He's like something out of Grey's Anatomy. It's like in his late 20s. He is dreamier than dreamy and Italian. His name was Gio. Oh, he had an accent.

He was from Pulia. He had the most gorgeous curly hair. He was the handsomest doctor you've ever seen too handsome to be real. Like an actor doctor. He was an AI doctor. He was stunning. Anyway, I crack up Because I'm like, I can't believe This has happened, we've got this hot doctor

And he gets her on the bed And I keep looking at her like making eyes like Oh my God, have you noticed? He's really hot Then he goes out to get some stuff She's like, oh thank God I shaved my legs this morning I'm like, he is fucking gorgeous So he comes back and I'm like, hey, where are you from? Wilia, like what time does your shift?

You imagine how often people come on to him What time does your shift end tonight? He's like 10 o'clock. It was quarter to 10. I said, you know, I've got a beautiful. beautiful lamb dish at home and I've got these potatoes and I've made this whole pudding. And you know, you should come back and have dinner with us after your shift. I live really near by.

I'm like, come on. The least I can do is match make it while he stitches. Did he come back for dinner? He didn't. He had other people to see after us. But I wish he had because he was gorgeous. Was there chemistry between him and her? Well, hard to tell because...

Well, hard to tell because she was like... Because I was so busy coming onto it myself. She couldn't get a look in. What's going on in midlife news? One in six midlife women consider leaving work due to the menopause. Oh, I saw this. I saw this. Are you considering leaving work now due to the menopause?

Sometimes. It depends. Are you? No. I'm not in the menopause yet. I'm in the peri. I'm in the peri, peri, peri. You're not in peri, Perry, Perry.

I am. You're in Perry. You're not before. Oh, it's Perry Perry, Perry before Perry? Yes. Oh, you've just made that up. That's not a real thing. Well, it's not like the Nando's chicken.

No, in my house, that's what they call it. Perry Perry. All right. Like the sauce. Like the sauce. Tell them it's just Perry. You're just Perry. A recent webinar has revealed that one in six midlife women have considered leaving employment due to the menopause and 82% of those who have left would have stayed with better workplace support.

That's terrible. Catherine. Who's Catherine? I think Catherine emphasise she was the woman who was running the webinar I don't know what her name is

let's just call her cat yeah cat emphasise that creating tailored empathetic workplace strategies rather than adopting a one size fits all approach

yeah well that makes sense the UK Employment Rights Act 2025 mandates that employers with 250 plus employees must publish menopause action plan as of April 2027. It was too fucking late for me then.

Much too late for you. But also we don't employ more than 250 people. No. No. No. The chair said, I think it's time for a bit of critical thinking and decision making from businesses.

It's about integrity. I don't want box ticking. I want the board engaged and that's really important because they create the mood and give everyone else permission to have these conversations. Right.

Now let's have a chat about... Our menopause action plan? In the workplace. Our menopause action plan was let's start a podcast. That was our action plan. That was a good action plan. We're killing it. And we actioned it.

We're actioned it. We're killing it. We're smashing it. Not on YouTube, but we are smashing it. How can I support your menopause now in the workplace? No, listen. I was going to say what do we need to put in place for better workplace support through the peri menopause and the menopals?

Because the peri menopause is. often, probably most of the time, much harder than the menopause. Yeah, it's like a mega shit show. Yeah. Okay, I'd like to put in place that there is always a supply of neutropic coffee to have. I find that's quite helpful. Okay. So, yeah, I think that should be like budgeted, budgeted for.

Oh, okay. In our annual budget. Annual budget. Get Rachel Reeves on that, shall we? Yeah. I would like to ensure that the air conditioning in the studio is always working. If we want it. It's actually not on today.

It's very hot in here. Is it hot in here? It's fine. I spend a lot of my time saying, is it hot in here? Because I can't now trust my own thermostat. So that's nice. Understand that, yeah. So I'd like James to ensure that his aircon is always working.

That's part of his, that's his menopal strategy. But you and I don't get that hot. No, we don't. Neither one of us really get. I've never had really a hot flash, but there could be other women coming into the studio who do. Yeah. What would you like to put in place? I don't know what I would need.

Do we need like a three-monthly review with how we're getting on in terms of our perimenopause and menopause? And are we feeling supported and in a safe place enough for us to be who we need to be? Do we need like a mood checker? Yes. Yeah. But do we actually need a mood checker? No. I can tell on a text as can you.

what the mood is. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So I don't feel that we are... Informal, informal mood checker. Well, I think we have those daily. Yeah. Okay.

I think we're doing quite well with our menopause strategy. I do too. I think we have support for each other. Yeah. And we allow each other to take the time when we need to. Yeah. You know? I think it's okay.

I don't feel like I need to leave my job because of my perimenopause. I don't either. Okay. Funnily enough, all jokes aside. Yeah. I feel that half the reason that I couldn't cope with my hair salon anymore was due to like the early stages of premenopause. Yeah.

Because of the busy columns, like I used to do 18 clients a day, right, on a Saturday, Friday and Saturday, it was just packed. And then all of a sudden I could only do 12 clients a day and then 10 clients a day and then seven clients a day. And even that was like causing me a lot about something I had done 30. 30 years. Yeah. I suddenly had immense anxiety about.

It's the overwhelm. Yes. Yeah. That is classic perimenopause symptoms. Yeah. But you don't really know. That's what it is. You're just like, I just feel overwhelmed.

End of story. Yeah. I just can't cope with this anymore. Yeah. I definitely also have a lot of overwhelm. That was a big thing. But I also didn't really realize. But there you go.

But we both changed our careers. Yeah. Around about the time where our perimenopause symptoms were beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Slowly, slowly. So, yeah, you know, this all tracks. Well, I suddenly couldn't drive on the motorway anymore.

Yeah, remember? Yeah. Weird. Yeah. I mean, not weird, normal, but weird. I didn't know that's what it was. Yeah. Well, now we do.

So actually, we've both been pushed out of our workplaces. Yeah, we have, yeah. Not pushed out. Except we were both self-employed, so there's no one to complain to. Because we were our own boss and we quit our own job. That's why we started the fucking podcast and there is somewhere to complain to. We got some feedback. It's YouTube feedback on YouTube.

No, no, no, no, no. Yes, on YouTube. How did you read it? I went on to YouTube. You did not. I did. Lie. Have you got the app?

Have I got the app? Yes, I do have the YouTube app on my phone. You say it like it's such a weird question. Of course I have the YouTube app on my phone. Why is that so surprising? How would I know how to fix shit if I didn't have it? Chat GPT. No, no, I need videos.

Videos. No, well, you actually don't need it. with chat GPT. Oh, what I do need videos. I need to see what someone's doing

that I can copy. It's about YouTube. I hear that's what it is all for. That is what it's for. Middle-aged women to fix appliances. Yeah.

This is from Shell Morgan. She says, I watch you ladies on YouTube and I was so grateful to find 40-ish on here. I appreciate everything you air on the show.

I'm 47, going through it alone, driving my partner crazy every day. So happy to know, I'm not the only woman dealing with these are necessary issues of midlife that we have to go through so quasi.

Oh, yeah. Love that. Love that. And then Scamp at the Camper said, I usually listen on Spotify, but I came to YouTube to bump up your views. It's so tragic. I mean, thank you so much, but we've gone from 35 to 36. I love the show, ladies, listening, watching from Canada.

We have quite a few listeners in Canada. Isn't that so nice? How sweet is that to actually think? I won't listen on Spotify today. I'll go on to YouTube just because they asked. We've also taken the video of Spotify, but we're coming back to that. Isn't that so sweet? So, so sweet.

I know. And I love that Shell used quasi. Me too. It's happening. It's a movement. It is a movement. It's going to happen. Yeah.

You know, we're doing a live show soon. Yes. Should we talk about it? Yeah. We're allowed to. Yeah, we are allowed to. It's our show. We don't we like.

What should mean we allowed to? It's on July 5th. Yeah. And, and just to make everybody happy, we don't want anyone to have a late night. So we're doing it like late afternoon. 4 to 6. 4 to 6. How perfect? Then you can get out. How quasi is that? It's so quasi. Then you could like afterwards, you could go and get a drink, maybe a dinner and then just go home and have an early night. And still get an early night.

Yeah. You still do all of those things and be home by 9 and no hangover and in time to drink your electrolytes. So you are good to go the next day. One of our listeners DM'd us and said, I heard, I heard you mentioned you're doing a live show. and I am driving down from Birmingham with my friends and I'm going to come. Oh, I know. Oh my God, I've just got shivers. Isn't that so fun?

That is so lovely. So that's like, that's like two people in the audience. People are actually going to come and see it. Jackie makes three. Your dad is four. My paddle girls said they're all going to come. Are they? Okay, great.

Should I ask the guy from the gym that I always talk about if he wants to come? No, don't ask him. And I can highlight, oh. You know that asshole? The hopes the weights. There we is. Stand down. up please yeah that's the guy no no i saw him this morning and had a little smile to myself i might invite

the a and e doctor he's so what's his name paolo gio he's so welcome to him he'd stitch up anyone who has an accident on the way there i'm thinking who else we can invite james he'll come really might not depends if he's got something better on that day he says he's playing his wife will come Natalie will come. Natalie will totally come. She might make James come with her. Yeah, she will. To drag him.

Yeah, we can rely on Natalie. James will heckle us. Won't he? James will give us a whole fucking lecture about what we've done wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as we come off stage. Right, what you did wrong, right? Right, what happened was, yeah, it was fine.

James, how was it? Yeah, it was fine. The thing is next time. But where you fucked up was, That's how every conversation starts with James. Yeah, what you fucked up on. Yeah, so true. Maybe we don't want James to come.

No, I do want him to come. Also, our listeners. They want him there. Don't they want James there? Of course they do. We'll give him his moment. Yeah. Yeah, he's got to come.

Yeah. Okay, so July 5th, I don't know when tickets are going on sale, I guess soon. Yeah. But we'll obviously let you know and put a link in the show notes when it happens. And for God's sake, buy them and come. Oh, please. Because otherwise it's going to be a very lonely. time on stage just Nicole and I talking to each other

which to be fair we could do oh we'll still have fun yeah we'd still have a good time but it'd be a bit weird yeah to do it on a stage know what I mean we could just be at home touch narcissistic yeah we've hired this place just to have a chat on the stage just the two of us

just to feel important because basically no one listening to us at home so this is what we're doing on a Sunday afternoon now And also it gets me out of the washing up for five minutes. It totally does. Do you know what? I'm fine with that.

But I would like people there. It would be nice. Because also they're going to make the show. That's true. They are going to help us do the show. So yeah, we definitely need you there. Come on Quazasas. Come on Quazas.

We need you there. Right. Let's get on to our dilemma for the day. Just before we dive into your dilemma is a quick disclaimer. We are not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Okay, the dilemma is this.

Hi, ladies, please help a quasar out. Oh my God, it is. It's happening. It's happening. Are there any supplements you've tried that actually help with what I think are peri symptoms? I have low mood, not depressed, just flat. Mood swings, disturbed sleep and zero libido.

I mean, classic. Classic. I'm 44 and my GP says I'm too young for it to be that because I still have periods. No hot flushes. I mean, oh. And my blood tests have come back normal, thanks Fiona. Right. I don't want to say that,

have we done the disclaimer? Yeah. I just read it. Oh. Yeah. Okay, good, because I'm about, because we're going to need it. Yeah.

We're going to need it. Right. Not to say that I know more than your doctor, but I think I know more than your doctor, Fiona. Because this is all classic, Perry. You're not too young. It is the beginning. of the rumblings of.

And if you feel flat and not depressed, that is such a classic symptom that every woman I have spoken to gaslights themselves about. It's like, well, no, I'm all right. I'm just like, there's no joy in anything. No, no, that's, everything's a bit mere. And everything's a bit harder.

Yeah. And everything's a bit like, oh, what's the point? Yeah. Yeah. That, you were. I was so in like, literally, what is the point? What is the point?

point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was hard to cajole out of you. Oh my God. But it's a very real feeling. Well, I mean, it is real.

Yeah. It's real. Of course it is. Yeah. What's the point? There's no point. There's no point. Without estrogen, there is like,

there's literally no point. There is no point. You really may as well just stay in bed. I didn't even find you that funny. Oh my God. That's terrible. And nothing was funny. I was about to say you may as well stay in bed and read a book.

I don't even want to read a book because why would you even enjoy a book? No. We just wouldn't. I don't really enjoy anything. Everything's me. Anyway, can we just start with the very basic thing of 44 is not too young to have started perimenopals? Some women start in their late 30s. That's just a fact.

You don't have to be a doctor to know that fact. It's just a fact. You also don't have to be a doctor to know that all of those symptoms that you've just mentioned are very, very related to the perimenopals. Although before 45, They will go on bloods. No, I know, but what the doctor's saying is that she's too young because she still has periods and hot flashes. And doesn't have hot flashes.

I was having periods until I just had a hysterectomy. I'm still having periods. Right. All of my friends are still having periods. And I also don't have hot flashes. But they flushes or flashes. Doesn't matter. Either way, they're shit.

They are. Not everybody's periods stop. And not everybody has hot flashes. They may go through the whole of menopause and never experience. That is such old school outdated information to go on those two things and not bring anything else into the equation. And also what I think is really worrying about that is that I think a lot of women would present to the GP. I feel low mood. I'm not depressed, but I'm flat.

I've got mood swings and they put on antidepressants. And I can't sleep. Right. And they don't want to have sex. And they'd be given antidepressants, which is not what they need. And it's not going to work. No. And then they're just going to feel more depressed because, oh, it has a lot.

work, now I must really be depressed. I had it with a guy and you're trying to give me anti-depressants. I remember. Before I knew any of this. Yeah. And I said to, but I am not depressed. I knew I wasn't depressed. Yeah. Because I was getting up every day and I was happy to go to work and I was engaged in my life. I just felt really flat. Yeah. I knew I wasn't depressed. Yeah. And I said, I'm not a depressed woman. Yeah. I mean, some people have paramedopause and depression and of course the two can go together. Oh my God. And then you do need. And then you do need. a little bit of both. You might need a little bit of both to make you feel better.

But Fiona, my suggestion, not as a doctor, would say, go and see another GP. Or go and see a different GP at your GP surgery. Have another, I know it's a pain in the ass. I know it's like very rare to even get a GP appointment. But get one and see a different GP, preferably a woman. And go informed.

Right, as informed as you can be. She's asking us for her information. Right. Well, 44 is not too young and you have absolutely classic symptoms. And sounds to me like you are in perimenopause or starting or something is going on there, regardless of what your blood say. Would you not say? Yes.

Yes. They haven't done her bloods. They've just said, no, you've got your periods and you haven't got any hot flushes so you can't be. No, said the blood test will come back normal, she's heard. They might be normal. But also in perimenopause, it's not a straight trajectory. One day they look great and the next day they're in the toilet. and then a week later, therefore I look fine again.

But also, the blood tests are also very generic because do you remember when we had both of our bloods done? Yes. And they were completely different. Yes. And were they the same. I can't remember. No, they were completely different.

They were completely different. And you were fine and I wasn't. Yeah. So it's how you cope with where your estrogen levels are. No, what happened was your estrogen was higher than mine, much higher than mine, in fact, double. but you were feeling terrible. And mine was half, like very low.

And I was feeling fine. So everyone's levels are personal to them. There isn't like a number where you feel great. And then when it drops off, you don't. Every woman will have a number of her own hormones, her own way that her body's made up. You have to be, I think, I mean, I might be wrong here. But you have to be below 400 for them to say, oh, you might need a bit of estrogen, I think. Or is it 200?

Well, I was lower than 200 and I was feeling okay. And you were at 400 and you were feeling terrible. So I know that when I am anything lower than 400, I don't cope at all. So, but in a GP, we would look at that generically and say, oh, your estrogen's fine. But I'm not. I'm about to blow my life up and I can't get out of bed. So obviously I'm not fine. Yeah.

Yeah. So this, my blood's a normal thing isn't, it's like a one size fits all and it just doesn't work like that in paramount. No. And you might find if you had them tested again, they would look completely different. Yeah. Depending on. I mean, even if you had it done the next day. Yeah.

That's how up and down the whole thing can be. So I'm sorry, I'm sorry Fiona that you've been fobbed off like this, but don't be fobbed off. I think is the message, right? Yeah. Is that the message? Yeah. You could just play the doctor this clip. Yeah, you can if you like.

And they'll be like, well, what a nice waste of your nine minutes. And they're like, well, the fuck do they know. They are non-qualified non-medics. And I've trained for seven years to be a doctor. But sure, go by their advice. But you know what? we're actually going through it. Yeah. I don't know whether your GP is. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Good luck, Fiona. Yeah. And also, can you let us know how you get on? Yeah. Please. We want an update. Yes, please.

Someone actually fed back to me that they said what they would really like, someone I know, what they would really like is to hear back from the listeners who have written in their dilemmas just to give us an update. Because she said, well, you get really invested in what's happening with this listener and then you never know how they're getting on. We did have one who fed back. recently. Yeah. Yeah. So we want more of the feedback. Okay.

I'm looking at this meltdown of yours. And I am perplexed. I'll tell you what she's written down here, Quazas. She's written down, vagina has anxiety. I'm presuming you mean your vagina or someone else's vagina. And if someone else is whose? Listen, I barely think about anything other than my vagina. for the last 12 weeks.

Okay, so there's no way I'm thinking about somebody else's anxious vagina. Okay. I'm a little scared to step into this, but please. So am I. Please share.

No, I'm just like, we went out Saturday night, as I said, and then we went to this Hendricks thing and I said to Adam as we were in the queue, I said, is there a toilet in now? I'll go to the toilet.

So he said, no, no, there's no toilet in there. I said, well, how long is it? He said, if you want to go to the loo, you have to go into selfridges. Oh, not the basis. Loo again. Right, the fucking toilet is selfishies.

I just can't. We were like by where the food hall is. Yeah, yeah. I said, I know where the toilet's there. There are miles. I just can't. So I said, I'm just going to have to wait. And then I said to my, actually, I don't really think I need the toilet.

He said, that's why are we even having this conversation? I said, I get very worried about needing the toilet. Well, that's because you needed the toilet so often for so long. But now it's just ingrained in you. I still, I still think I need the toilet. So he said, well, what the fuck's that about? Because I always need the toilet. I'm always stressed about needing the toilet.

He goes, oh my God, I actually think your vagina has anxiety. I think he actually means bladder. I think you have bladder anxiety. I think vagina anxiety is a bit anatomically incorrect, Adam. No, but it makes a funnier story. It does make a much funnier story. Because you've killed it. I'm really sorry.

But also, I am. Horrid that Adam, after 19 years of marriage, is mistaking your bladder that holds you're in with your vagina. Because he should, by now, no difference between the two. I mean, talk about kicking someone when they're down. Are either preferable? Not really. Not fucking really. This is not about what part of my anatomy we need to figure out whether Adam's got it right or wrong.

Who cares? Did you need to wait? It is. No. Oh. Okay. And then you'll be so proud of me. So we're in the queue. Yeah.

I think our slot was 6.30. So we're in the queue by like 6.20. And then you come out at 7.15. And then we walked to the restaurant for 7.30. So I did go to the loop. What times did I leave home? Must have left home at quarter to six. This is exciting, isn't it?

Cool. High level content. This is everyone on the edge of their seat. And what time was your first wee? This is like toilet train. I think go to the toilet. Quarter to six to quarter to eight. Well done.

Man, but anti-strung four gin and tonics, four gin cocktails. Wow. Well, there you go. You see it. It's all worked. It's all been worth it. Hence why he said,

Yeah. My vagina has anxiety. He is right. I know what he means. He's right. He's right. Oh, he's right now, is he? No, I mean, he's right in the, not right.

He's not right, but he's right in the sense of like, my bladder has anxiety. It's so ingrained in you. I have anxiety. You have right. I have we-wee-wee anxiety. Yeah. We-wee anxiety.

Can we put that in a sexier way? I have... Um... No. What's your milk? Actually, when I'm saying fuming, I mean, proper angry. Really quite angry. May even drop a C-bomb.

I mean, I won't drop the C-bomb. Oh, I love it. When you access your inner rage. It's a Jeff update. Jeff, come on. Tell us about lovely Jeff. I lost a Jeff. did a good thing.

I did a good thing. A great thing. A great thing. And like three days later, the charity called to say, oh, this lovely couple want to adopt Jeff. I'm like, this is wonderful news. May they come around on Saturday to meet him and they're coming from quite far away. I was like, well, there's no point they're coming twice. If they meet him and they want him, the paperwork's done and they've paid the feed to the charity, they can take Jeff head. Yes, wonderful.

This couple arrive Saturday morning. They've brought a gift for Bieber. They've bought me this lovely gift. They've brought a card. Thank you for looking after Jeff. Oh my God. They're so lovely. They work from home.

They've got no kids. They've had dogs before. They've had a rescue dog before. This is... Dreamy. A dreamy match made in heaven. They meet Jeff. Jeff's like, yeah.

Okay, cool. We go for a walk with Jeff. Was Jeff okay? Jeff was fine. Anyway, Josh obviously wasn't speaking to me because Jeff was going. He wasn't very happy that Jeff was going. You get attached to dogs. It had only been four days.

So Jeff gets in the car with his new adopted owners. Bye-bye, Jeff. Goodbye, Godspeed. Wish you a lovely life, Jeff. See you later, Jeff. And then you sent me a lovely message about, oh, there's a lovely end to this story. Jeff has found his forever. It was a really sweet message.

I was like, oh, bless Jeff. I put it on my family group. I'm like, everyone, what a beautiful way to start the weekend. Jeff's found his forever home with this amazing love. Good for Jeff. So happy. Yay. We're all rooting for Jeff.

6.45 a.m. Sunday morning. Text message, ding! We can't keep Jeff. What? Sorry, what? You've literally had him for one afternoon and evening. Jeff is playful. We work from home. We can't play with him all the time.

No, no, you can play with him because you work from home. He also stole some laundry. Oh, Jeff's playing. Well, yeah, it's called play. They all nick a pair of socks and then you know you have a bit of a game and then you take the socks out their mouth and it's fine. And he did a wee in our bedroom. Well, also you don't own Jeff. You know, you're not responsible for Jeff.

You're not responsible for toilet training, Jeff. You had Jeff in as an interim. Yeah. I'm like, well, the guy needs a bit of decompression time. Like, literally, I didn't say any of this. Probably nervous. But I'm thinking like, the guy's gone from kennels to my house to your house. Like, give the guy a chance.

Oh, Jeff. He's very young. So then I get a call from the charity to say they're returning him to the kennels. We're going to have to make a space available unless you want him back. Where do you think, Jeff might be living now since Sunday? Give you one guest, Quazas. Well, it looked like he was on Ollie's lap, to be honest with you. Happy as anything.

Very happy to be packing his forever home. We had a family conference. Are you keeping Jeff? We patched my mother in. We're like, mom, family, Zoom. Do we take Jeff back for Foster or does he go back to the kennels? She's like, this isn't even a conversation. The kids were like, we know that we all fuck off at 7.30 in the morning and basically

Jeff's on you, but Jeff's on you. Jeff has to come home to us. So Jeff is currently still still on foster with me. So my rant is, please don't go through the process of filling up paperwork and adopting a dog and taking a dog from somewhere where it's settled if you're not going to keep the fucking dog. Yeah. Be responsible. And also...

Think it through a little. Also, let the dog play. Dogs aren't there just to be still all day. It's not a fucking goldfish. Or a teddy bear. Right. It's a living, breathing, young, active dog. Okay?

Yeah. They returned, Jeff. They were very sheepish about it. And she said, I think what it's taught us is, we're just not ready for another dog. I'm like, but you know what? You could have figured that out before you adopted him and took him away and unsettled him. And poor Jeff's got to resettled him.

And now Jeff's got to resettle back into my house. Anyway, that is my rant because I'm very cross about it. I don't blame you. So the next. Is Jeff all right? Jeff is living his best life. of us on a sofa at night. Do you think Jeff is all right?

I think Jeff's all right. But if you are a responsible person who does want a god retriever in their lives, then Jeff is up for adoption. He's actually on the All Dogs Matter website. So you can have a look at Jeff. What? Now everyone's like, you have to keep Jeff. I can't meet Jeff.

If I meet Jeff, I'm going to fall in love with Jeff. I've seen the photos. He's an absolute beauty. He is. He is. He's a lovely, lovely, lovely boy. Okay, everybody. We're going to see you on Thursday.

Bye, everyone. Thank you.