40ish - I Farted in Pilates & New Saucepans

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

This week on 40ish: This week on 40ish: Lauren is over the moon with her new set of saucepans. Nicole gives zero fu*ks but is fed up being interrogated over her lack of wooden spoon ownership & carelessness with non stick pans. A listener has farted in her pilates class and a woman wonders how to stop her friend involving her in relationship drama. We would love to hear from you!  To share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book “HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The epic return of Yellowstone is now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. You destroy me, you destroy yourself. Unlike you, I keep my promises. The wait is over. Yellowstone, new episodes now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. You always make a very schnid, unnecessary, backhanded comment. Passive aggressive, I would go as far as to say. I'd go aggressive aggressive. It's not even passive. I farted loudly in brackets. My pilates class. Oh no. I can never go back, can I? I think we are both pretty cool for middle age. I don't really care about being cool. That's how middle aged I am.

Before we jump into the show, we're very excited and honored to tell you that we are currently part of Spotlight. Spotlight is a project from Apple podcast, which highlights a creator or creative team every couple of months, and they have chosen us for this autumn. Apple's editorial team believes you're going to want to spend a lot more time with us and we definitely want to spend more time with you so they kindly put us together. Thank you Apple Podcasts. We really hope you enjoy this new show and we really hope you stick around to talk about all things midlife. And don't forget you can listen ad free to both new show and we really hope you stick around to talk about all things midlife. And don't forget you can listen ad free to both this show and Self Care Club when you

subscribe to our channel. Welcome to 40ish, I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishcomb. This is a brand new podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40 something life and solves all of your dilemmas. Or we do attempt to. I think we do a pretty good job. In the coming weeks, we're going to discuss your problems, your issues, your rants that

you have kindly shared with us. And we are also going to divulge some of our own stories about how to navigate midlife. If you're new to the show, then welcome. Thanks very much for joining us. And please do go and follow the show for new episodes every week. What is going on in your world this week Lauren Mishgon? I have bought… wait for it… drum roll please… a new set of pots and pans and I am living the dream.

You have brought it up a few times. I am hyped. I am buzzing. Basically you've tried to have this conversation with me for about two weeks and I've like avoided it and ignored it. Why are you being so pan avoidant? Pan avoidant. Why? Why? Because I'm not overly interested, I've got to be honest. So now what you're doing is you're bringing it up in the recording so that I

have to have the conversation with you. Why are you so obsessed with them? With my new pans? Yeah. Oh my God. And I can't believe you're opening the show to talk about fucking salesmen. Okay, I'm going to tell you for why. When we got married 23 years ago. Not me and you, you and Olly. Not me and you, me and my husband. Just specify. We got a really lovely, really nice set of LaCruzette pans. But you know, they are cast iron motherfuckers.

They're heavy. And you've got a frozen shoulder. Exactly. They're a bit knackered. I cook every single day in them. And then I was at my sister-in-law's house. She had these gorgeous white pans and they were not only stackable, but the handles they click on and off. So you basically just stack this series of bowls and pans and the handles are separate.

It blew my mind. So I ordered them on a very popular online site that sometimes sells books but also sells everything else. And they arrived. Why are you not saying Amazon? Why be weird about it? I don't know. Maybe we're not allowed. According to who? I don't know. They don't sponsor us, sadly. Maybe they will now. Like if you say it, you know, call it in. Call it in.

I think I want to big up the new pans because I would like to encourage you. We're still on the pans, still on pans. What is the make of the pans? Oh, God. Is it our place? Because I have had my eye on the hour place pans. Have you seen those? I haven't. They're called, I think, carot, carot, carot, carot, carot.

But listen, I haven't used them yet. So I don't want wanna like start talking about them if they're not great, but they look great. And also- Hold on. What? You've been trying to have this conversation with me for two weeks.

Yeah, I only got them yesterday. Oh, I bought some new pads. I only got them yesterday, then you arrived yesterday. So what, you'd ordered them and you wanted to talk to me about them. And now you haven't used them yet. Not yet. But you were excited before they came.

I know. The thought of them. Oh, Lauren. So tragic. I actually thought about buying you a set. They were a bit expensive, but I did consider it because I love you very much, but your frying pan is trash. Your frying pan is trash. It's trash. You deserve better. Lauren, you need, right, okay, we're gonna have this conversation. Okay. Okay. Because I feel like we've been skirting around this issue

a lot. Okay. Let's just give context. Yeah, yeah. I make you lunch three times a week. Yes. What do you make many times? Eggs. Scrambled eggs. Like you make that, like you, in your household,

that's a big, that's a staple thing, right? Actually to be honest with you, the only time I eat scrambled eggs is with you because I actually don't like scrambled eggs. I don't really like scrambled eggs. I prefer a fried egg if I'm honest. Okay, that still needs a frying pan. No, it does. I also don't love scrambled eggs.

Why are we eating them three times a week? Because they're quick because we normally come in from recording and we've always got a call or we've always got a meeting. They're healthy, it's a good lunch. It's a quick, easy lunch. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you always make a very shnid, unnecessary, backhanded comment.

Yeah. Passive aggressive, I would go as far to say. I'd go aggressive aggressive. It's not even passive. No, sometimes it's really passive. It's not. There's nothing passive about it. About my pants. About the pan. About how I treat my pants. Correct. Both of those things. Very, very protective over my pants. Well, there's no point now because they're, it's fit for the bin that one. Only one of them. Yeah. That one. That you make the scrambled eggs

in. Now I don't use that anymore because you made so many fucking comments about it. Ha ha ha ha ha! Why do you care? Let's just get to the crux of the issue. Why do you care? And also, why are you judging the state of my fucking frying pans? I'll tell you why.

Because it's really bad to scrape a nonstick pan with a metal thing because you've scratched all the nonstick off and then all the nasty toxic stuff that's at the bottom of the pan, we are all ingesting because you've scraped it all off. So it's not actually good for you or me and I'm eating it too.

And also you have a lovely home, you're a good cook, you're a very put together woman. You deserve a better pan in your life and in your kitchen. It doesn't match the aesthetic of you. You know what I mean? It's a trash pan, you're not a trash person. You know, when we get home and we get back to my house after this recording,

I'm probably going to make you scrambled eggs again. Well, maybe we'll make fried eggs. Because now that we've established that neither of us like it, you are going to have the pleasure and honor of chucking it in my wheelie bin. How about that? I feel like I've won at life today. But you could order a new one.

Okay, I'll order a new one. Are they really expensive? And does it come as a set? Yeah, because these hour place pans, I really want to get sponsored by them. I've seen a few influencers, I have been sponsored by them. They're like 120 pounds a pan. And actually I've really wanted one,

but you have now gotten into my head saying things like, and this is your voice, like, you don't deserve such a nice pan. You have actually said- No, you do deserve you've actually said that to me before are you going to treat it with respect with a wooden spoon i don't have a wooden spoon okay i'm gonna buy you all right great then yes i will or even a rubber spatula what i would like yeah oh okay yeah will that do yeah i might buy you both oh

you must have a wooden spoon in your house i don don't believe you. I don't. Okay. How do you make cakes? I don't make cakes. Okay. The world revolves without a wooden spoon. Not in my kitchen. Right. Okay. Well, again, we've always, as we've always established as you are more middle-aged than I am. How do you stir? How do you stir? With a spoon. What do you mean, how do you stir soup? How do you, what do you stir with in your saucepan? A spoon. What kind of spoon? A metal one? I'm not gonna have you. Spoon is shaming me now. You're spoon shaming me now. I feel like your mother did not teach you how to stir saucepans. I feel like that's okay. Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer.

We are not doctors or healthcare professionals. Just numpties and this is a fun space where we share our thoughts. Which could be obviously totally wrong. So if there is an issue that you're seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Okay, what is our first question from our first listener of the day? I feel like you're going to have a lot to say about this. I feel like this is like going to be one of the subjects where you're just going to go on a Nicole monologue. You love my monologues.

I do quite like them. I feel like this is in your zone of interest. I feel like my monologues have only come along since Perrymenopause. Would you agree with that? Yes, they've definitely heightened. They're definitely more frequent. They are. Here is the question. The headline is Fed Up with My Friend and Her Dramas. Oh God. Okay. I have a good friend who's been in a shitty relationship for over a decade. Oh God. Every few months she will either call me up or spend the evening when we're together

in person telling me about the latest row or drama. I've really been there for her and I say all the right things like you deserve better, yes he's behaved badly etc etc but to be totally honest I'm now getting really frustrated and fed up with it all. Sometimes she sends me screenshots of their texts. Oh that's a bit much. And although on the whole I side with her, I don't know how to tell her that some of the time she is being completely unreasonable or just awful to him. I do want the best for her and I do think for both their sakes that she needs to end it, but I can't say that.

And I also don't want to have to listen to her dramas anymore as nothing changes. Why can't she say that? Why can't she say that she should end it? Maybe she doesn't feel it's her place. But this friend is making it her place. If she's involving her so intimately in the intricacies of their relationship, then it is her place to say things like that. Do you not think? It's quite a big thing to say to someone about a 10 year relationship.

I think it's one thing if it's like a couple of months in, you can be like, oh, do you know what? I'm not sure he's the right person for you, but 10 years. I mean, they might have a home together, they might have a child. I don't actually have this with a friend of mine. Yeah. And she had been with him 10 years as well.

It's a long time. And not that she was sharing any of the text messages or anything like that. And she wouldn't, I didn't see her that often, but when I would see her and I'd tell what's been going on, she would always tell me about stuff that was going on in their relationship, which wasn't the healthiest.

And I remember saying to her, but she isn't one of my closest, closest friends. She's a lovely friend. So I don't have that relationship with her anyway. And I do remember saying to her once, normally I would just listen. And I said to her, what is it you're actually getting from this relationship?

And she really did jump on the defense. She got really defensive and she was like, I've been with him 10 years, what do you mean? I can't just walk away. You have to be supportive of people. Like she really sort of gave me a whole dressing down and I never said anything again. So I thought, okay, so she just wants me to listen,

that's fine. But it depends on the relationship. Like I said, I don't see her that often. If it's someone that you're seeing all the time and speaking to all the time and you're getting this all the time, it's really draining. Yeah. You also, I would have to wonder, is there a part of this woman that actually really

enjoys the drama? Well, she must do. She must be getting something from it. And also if your whole ammo is just to sit and try and prove how wrong he is or how wrong you are and how right you are, then that can be quite a seductive rhythm to get stuck in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder after 10 years if maybe it's not right, it's run its course, it is no good, but there's that whole sunk cost fallacy thing, right? We wrote about that in our book that we wrote, where you basically invested a lot of time or a lot of money or a lot of energy into something.

And because of that, you won't let it go when actually you should. Look, this has happened to me many times with friends that have been in situations, not necessarily always a romantic relationship situation, whether it's a job, whether it's a friendship, whether it's a romantic relationship that is toxic and they shouldn't be in it. And at 47 years old, the one thing I have learned

is people won't make the change because you tell them to. They make the change when they're ready to. They have to want to. It doesn't sound like this woman wants to, but I think the problem is twofold. One, she's driving her friend completely mad with this and really over involving her by sharing the text. That's private stuff. That shouldn't be shared outside the relationship. But the friend who's written into us is within her rights to say to the other friend, you know what, maybe just don't don't show me those text messages. It's not

I don't need to see it. She's involving her, she's asking for her opinion. She's bombarding her with all of her dramas, but whenever she gives her advice or opinions, she's doing nothing about it. Well, she's asking for her, what she's asking for is to agree with her. She's asking for validation. Yes, yes.

She doesn't actually want the situation to change. No, or maybe she's not ready to. And also I wonder if the friend said to her, listen, I don't want to be involved in your domestics anymore. It's just not appropriate and it's making me feel really uncomfortable. Can we not talk about it? I wonder what else is in that friendship between them. Or how that would shift the relationship and if it would shift the relationship. Because also, if everything is about that relationship, that toxic relationship within their friendship,

then the woman that wrote in, her needs aren't being met, her needs aren't being seen to in this relationship. And it is, you know, friendships are a two way thing and both needs need to be met. Not at all times. Sometimes one friend needs more than the other and that's okay. But in the main, if you take a macro view of it, it has to be an even playing field. Give and take. It has to be, right? I think so. Otherwise, it's not a friendship. It's a therapist. Yes. Yes. Yes. so what was her question what does she

want us to answer what she should do about it she says I want the best for her I think both for the both of their sakes she needs to end it but I can't say that and I also don't want to have to listen to her dramas anymore because nothing changes I mean it's difficult. It's really difficult. And I have been here a few times. And once I kind of just distanced myself because I said everything I could possibly say and do everything I could possibly do and the support and the saying whatever I thought

and then the not saying whatever I thought. And it was just like everything led to a dead end. And in the end, I actually had to protect myself. And so I sort of backed away until she found herself out of the situation and actually she healed in her own time. And it took time, it did take time, but I'm pleased to say that our friendship

is back on track now, because she's back on track. The other problem is if she says, listen, this is clearly not working out, I really think you should end it. And she does end it. And then they end up getting back together. That's a problem. Because you then become the bad guy.

Yeah. Well, your thoughts and opinions are always gonna be known in the space. Yeah. So she's probably a bit wary of that happening. Or being made responsible or she says you told me to end it and now I'm alone and now I'm so unhappy and now I'm so lonely and it's your fault because you were the one who said X, Y, Z, you know, she doesn't want

to be the fool guy for this. And people can't do it for somebody else. They have to make changes for themselves when they're ready to. And if it's too much for this person who's written in, that's okay too. It's okay for it to be too much and it's okay to step away a little bit. It really is. Boundaries. Boundaries. We wrote about that too in the book. Yeah, boundaries. Yeah. And if you don't know how to do that, go get our book and you try this.

Oh, nice plug there. You like that? Yeah. Nicole, you know what time of year it is? Oh yes, it's when you go mad searching for sequined trousers to wear for Christmas parties that you're never going to. True, but it's also that time of year again when shops slash their prices and sales are everywhere. But instead of buying that discounted pair of gold six-inch heel boots you're never

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I mean something very exciting happened just before we recorded. I don't know if it was exciting but it was definitely novel. I was quite excited. I actually jumped up and down. We taught a young dog new tricks. No, not we. What do you mean we? I already knew it actually. We were not involved. Okay, it was between me.

I'm just saying, don't make out like I'm some tech foe because I actually knew this. I knew it and he didn't. Why do you think you knew it? I actually saw it online somewhere. As a new feature. Yes I did. No you didn't.

I did. You didn't teach it to me. I bet I did. No, you didn't. I did. Oh, what? You were just on- You didn't teach it to me. I bet I did. You did not. How are we going to prove that? I can't prove it. Should we give some sort of transparency as to what we're talking about? Yeah.

I don't know how to explain it. There's this new feature. It's actually not that new on the iPhone. Yeah. That if you put the two iPhones head to head- If you bump them, like a fist bump, but with your phone. Yeah, they connect and it does this really cool, like graphic key sort of aura thing, doesn't it? And then you can see that the two phones have connected.

Yeah, and you can share. And then you can share files and contacts really quickly and really easily with AirDrop. Exactly. So Jesse, one of the producers here, who, how old is he? 19. Great guy, he is a great guy. We actually also found out only yesterday

that he's like some social media celeb. He's like a massive TikTok star. No, YouTube. Oh, and TikTok. We had no idea he's got like over half a million subscribers on YouTube. He's very cool, his name's Jesse, he's 19, he works in this studio where we work with. And he's one of the producers and he's great. He's very cool. His name's Jesse. He's 19. He works in this studio where we work.

And he's one of the producers and he's great. And he's really helpful. Anyway, he took a video of us because we were videoing something for Apple podcast. And then I said to him, right, can you just send it to my phone? Actually, your words were send it to Nicole because. I lose things like this, something along those lines. Send it to Nicole because I lose things like this or something along those lines.

Send it to me. She deals with these sorts of things. Yeah. Yeah. That sort of thing. It was that sort of thing. Yeah. Yeah. So I put the phones head to head and he said, Laura, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I said, Jessie, we're connecting. And he felt a little bit uncomfortable. Yeah, he did, he did. But basically the long and the short of it is, is that I, not we, I, taking ownership, taught the 19 year old, very cool, very famous YouTuber slash TikToker, a new feature on an iPhone. I, the 47 year

old. So when he didn't know about it, he's like, Oh no, no. He was a bit skeptical at first. And then when I explained it, he was like, Oh, that is really cool. Yeah. That was the point where he was really impressed. He was, wasn't he? Yeah. I don't know if he was impressed with the feature or the fact that I taught it to him. I think the feature. Both, let's say both. Let's go with both. Yeah.

I jumped up and down. Yeah. Cause I, you know what? I'm always trying to prove the point that middle age is cool. I mean, it's not, but that was a cool moment. It is, it is, it is. It's, it's, it's not.

I think we are both pretty cool for middle age. I don't really care about being cool anymore. That's how middle aged I am. I think you do. I don't. Yeah, I think you don't wanna be like, what's the opposite of cool, uncool? Square.

Yeah, you're not square. I don't mind being square. Yeah, you do. I like square. No, you don't. Square's sexy. Square is not sexy. Oh yeah, it is.

Is square still a thing? Do you think people still say square? I would. Oh my God, they're so square. Oh yeah it is. Is square still a thing? Do you think people still say square? Oh my god they're so square. I still say it. It's a very good description of someone. Have you ever met blah blah blah? What are they like? They're quite square.

And you know instantly what I mean, don't you? I do because we're the same generation. Yeah. But I don't know if that's translated over to millennials or the younger generations. I don't think it has, but it's not, nowadays, I think they'd say sad, but it's not the same as sad. Because square, I think, can be actually quite, you know. What is the new term for square?

Conformist. No. Conservative. No, it's no. Bookish. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the term is, but for me, square covers it all. I've got some square friends and I really like them.

No, you have not got one square friend. I do. Name them, name them and shame them. Obviously not going to name and shame them because they would find it offensive. I know all of your friends, apart from this one couple that you occasionally talk about what their names?

Jess and Mike. Jess and Mike. All right, let's discuss Jess and Mike. Jess and Mike. Let's discuss Jess and Mike. Yes, I just said. Go on then. What do you want to discuss about them?

They appear every now and then. They've never been to your Christmas party, have they? Never met them there. That's because they're in the countryside. That's because they don't exist. Oh my God. Right? They don't exist.

So every now and then, I would say once every four months, you're like suddenly going out on like a Tuesday night. I'm like, where are you going? I'm going over to Jess and Mike. Yeah. I'm like, oh, Jess and Mike who don't exist. Oh, Jess and Mike who's Ollie's work colleague. Yeah.

That old chestnut. And you're like, yeah, they're younger, they're cooler. They are. They've got two dogs or something. They've just adopted two Dachshunds. Whatevs, whatevs. Anyway, I've never seen or smelled or heard or seen any whiff of Jess and Mike.

Well, let me just tell you, they look, if we're talking about seeing, smelling and hearing, they look fabulous because she's about six foot. Of course they do, because they're in your imagination foot. She's a six foot and blonde and stunning. Of course she is. And he's like in his thirties very handsome. Listen, if you're gonna imagine a couple of friends, you might as well make them perfect.

She's very clever because she's a lawyer. Of course she is, of course she is. And they speak delightfully. Of course, and they're very fun. Of course they're fun and they're cultured. And very cultured. And they're very hip. They're great cooks. I bet they're not. And they're cultured. And friendly. And very cultured. Yeah, and they're very hip. They're great cooks.

I bet they're not square. They're young. Yeah. They're not square. Of course they are. They are everything that you need in a friendship. They are not made up. They are.

I'm gonna invite you to dinner with them. And then you're gonna have to say to her, oh my God, Lauren said that you existed, but I said she made you up. She doesn't exist. Okay, she does. Jess and Mike. Jess and Mike suddenly appeared

in the conversation last week. Cause they'd and Mike. Jess and Mike suddenly appeared in the conversation last week. Cause they'd adopted these two dogs. No, I know. I know you'd already told me. No, you were going for dinner. No, but this was funny because you're like, Oh, well I was supposed to be going for dinner

with Jess and Mike, but now I can't because I don't have a babysit. It's like you were never going for dinner with Jess and Mike. I was. Can I just say, I'm sorry. I don't need to make up friends. I don't need to make up friends. I don't need to make up friends.

You've got a made up friend, Vanessa. She is not. I don't know. You've actually met Vanessa. Vanessa. You said it was Vanessa, but it could have been anyone. I've actually shown you photos of Vanessa. I've never seen any evidence of Jess or Mike.

You've just Googled like picture of a woman in her 40s and then just put it, superimpose it next to you. Here's my friend Vanessa. There's not no digital footprint of Jess and Mike. None, nothing. Do you want me to show you the WhatsApps and you'll know she's real? No, because you could have made that shit up.

I can show you photos. No, show me her Facebook account. I don't think she has Facebook. She's dirty. Of course she doesn't. Of course she doesn't. She's too cool for Facebook. Is she on Instagram? I have no idea.

No, you wouldn't. I don't think she's got time for Instagram. Is she on Instagram? I have no idea. No, you wouldn't. She's got time for Instagram. No, of course she's not. Vanessa has a digital footprint. Vanessa was at our book launch. Vanessa was at my husband's 50th. She wasn't at our book launch. Yes, she was.

Vanessa was at my husband's 50th. She was also at my daughter's bat mitzvah. You have met Vanessa. Suck it up. Numer numerous times. There's a photo of Jess and Mike on their wedding day. Suck it up. You could have literally could be like a stock image. It is not a stock image. That is her. I'm not showing her surname. That is her and her

husband. You know what? What? There's their dogs. There's their dogs. I think we should. Oh, that's a gorgeous dog. I think we should have a dinner with Jess and Mike and Vanessa. Let's get all the imaginary friends in one place. But we'll just cook for four of us.

In your new pans. And then it will just be you, me, Adam and Ollie at the dinner table. I will set the table for our imaginary friends. That sounds like a fun night and then we'll get really drunk because we're a bit depressed. What's our next dilemma? The headline is exercise embarrassment. Well, it's one for you because I don't do any exercise. So you should be able to answer this.

That's automatically an embarrassment. Clearly wasn't intended for me, was it? Come on, what's the question? It's a short one. It's a short one. Okay. I farted loudly in brackets in my Pilates class. Oh no.

I can never go back. Can I? No. No, you can't. Find another class, they're 10 a penny. There's one on every high street. Leave, go to a new one. Don't bring you and your farty bottom back to the old class. That's it really. Lovely, what lovely advice you have given.

I have nothing more to add. I'm sure she feels very supported by our podcast now. I have nothing more to add. I'm sure she feels very supported by our podcast now. I have nothing more to add. Well, firstly, their Ten a Penny and their own, could you stop saying that comment? Because I've noticed that you've said that sentence, their Ten a Penny, on quite a few of these podcasts. Have I? Yeah.

Is it middle aged? Because I edit you. Is it middle aged? It's edit you. Is it middle aged? It's not middle aged, it's like medieval. What does it even mean? It means they're common. They're ten a penny. It means they're common.

They're ten a penny. Yeah. It's a very, very old saying. Does your mom say it? Very, very old person. You're not very old, you're younger than me, stop it. Did my mom say it? Does your mom say it? Does your mom say it?

Does your dad say it? I can hear your dad saying it. Someone says it. Does my dad say it? Don't know, maybe. Maybe my mom says it, I don't know. I've never thought about it till this moment. It's like when you say I've got to go to the loo,

I've got to go and spend a penny. Oh yeah, but that's like a grandma thing. So is this. My mom's much too cool to say spend a penny. Your mom is very cool. Yeah, She's intrinsically cool. She is. She's not square. She is not square. Neither are you FYI. I'm much squarer than my own mum. You're not remotely square. Okay. I care if I am though. You just don't want to have a square podcast partner. Not really. It's all about you. Anyway, my sister is a Pilates instructor.

She's not only a Pilates instructor, she's a great Pilates instructor. She's actually the Pilates police, like I call her. I've been to her Pilates classes. She's really good. We both have. Yep, she's really good, really diligent, and really makes sure you're doing the right thing.

And you feel very safe in her hands. Very. Yes. She would have a problem with you saying that they are tenor penny. No, she might. I thought you were gonna say she would have a problem with the fart.

I don't know if she would or she wouldn't, but my feeling is if someone farted in her Pilates class, but she's very, very, very kind, my sister, she is like the nicer version of me. Much, she is. She is a much nicer version of me, much she is. She is a much nicer version, she is, she is. So my feeling is that she would be totally cool with it

and she would definitely not want to lose a client over a silly fart. No, she'd either sort of gently giggle or totally ignore it or make a very supportive comment. Like, don't worry, that happens to everybody. Yeah. That sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

100%, that's what she would do. So I definitely think you can go back. My question is how many people were in the class and do they definitely know if it was you that farted? Because it could have been anybody. She says it loudly in brackets. Have you ever farted in a place that you shouldn't have farted?

Not really a massive fart. I mean, you've known me for five years. Has it ever been an issue in our relationship? No, no, no, no. And likewise, yeah. Ditto, ditto. Although I have had, I have had one of these situations. It was really awful.

I don't even know if I should share it. I think you better now. You started, so you finished. It's so embarrassing. Come on. And it was just me and one. It's so embarrassing. Come on. And it was just me and one. It's only me here.

It was just me and one other person in the room. It was at my osteopaths. And sometimes what she would do is she would sort of like lift my legs up, you know, like to crack my lower back. So she lifted my legs up to crack my lower back. And when I say, a fart came out, I swear this is totally true story. A big belter came out. Now because there were only two of us in the room, you couldn't say it was the dog. It clearly wasn't her.

Luckily, I had been to this woman for many, many, many years. Luckily, it was a woman. Well, what difference does it make? Oh, I think it would be worse if it was a man. Yeah, it would be worse. It would, you know, it wasn't great. It wasn't my finest moment in my life. Anyway, she- Did she laugh?

Yeah. Did you laugh? No. It was really mortifying. And then she burst? Yeah. Did you laugh? No. It was really mortifying and she burst out laughing and then she was like, oh, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry because she's normally very professional and obviously it wasn't me. Yeah.

But I had to laugh. What could I do? You had to laugh. What could I do? I'm actually glad she laughed because then it broke the ice because if she kind of just glossed over it and pretended it didn't happen, it would be so much more tense in the room.

You know what I mean? It's like, okay, there was a fart, let's all acknowledge the fart. I used to go to her because I had really bad headaches. So every three weeks I would go to her. And since I started taking my HRT, my headaches have gone, which I find totally fascinating. And in exactly the same period of time that I farted,

the HRT kicked in and I no longer had headaches. So basically I haven't been back since. So it's gonna look like, I mean I went to her for like 20 years, it's probably gonna look like. You farted and left. I farted and left and ghosted her. And I've often thought,

should I send a message to say, it wasn't because of the fart? Or like, how do I phrase it so that she doesn't think it's because I'm ashamed of the fart? I mean, I'm not proud of it, but it wasn't my sole reason for leaving. Okay. I mean, I think it's been so long now that it would be even weirder if you now messaged her four years later saying hi, just wanted to let you know. It's been a year. It's been a year. Still weird.

It's a long time, isn't it? Just to let you know, the fart wasn't the reason for me leaving because that's weirder because she's probably forgotten about it by now. I bet she hasn't. I mean, I'm sure she's not going to bed thinking about it or anything like that, but you know, it was a moment. It sounds like a moment. It was a moment.

So anyway, my answer to this listener, yours is obviously, no, you can't go back. They're ten a penny, go to another Pilates studio. Mine is, actually, if you found a Pilates class and Pilates instructor that you really like, definitely stick with them because they are not ten a penny. No, no, they're not.

You know? So I would say, suck it up. And clench those butt cheeks. And maybe eat less chickpeas before you go next time. That is our show on Fortyish. Thank you so much for being here and thank you so much for listening. If you want to be part of the show, we would love you to be. Please, you can write in your dilemmas, you can email us hello at 40ish.co.uk. All of our links are below in our show notes. Come follow us on all of our social channels. That's at 40ish.podcast on any of our socials and we would love to hear from you. So please share anything you want to share with us

and we will be back next week. Did you know that the most prolific serial killer in modern history was born in Britain? Were you aware that nearly two murders happen every day in the UK? My name's Stuart Blues and I'm the host of British Murders, a true crime podcast focusing exclusively on British murder cases and serial killers. Every Thursday I tell the detailed story of a British murder case within the bite-sized time frame of 15-30 minutes. That's British Murders, available to stream on your favourite podcast platform now.