40ish - Ice creams, Vapes and Online stalking mistakes

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

This week on 40ish, Nicole wonders if midlife is causing her to become stuck in her ways and Lauren has beef with her brand-new Ninja Creami. A listener faces a moral crisis after discovering a vape that belongs to a 12-year-old (yikes), and one woman learns the hard way how a little innocent internet stalking can spiral into full-blown panic. It’s midlife mayhem, served with a scoop of regret and a side order of questionable decisions. Don’t miss it! Please share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife with us  at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Go to ZOE.com to find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. You can use the exclusive code 40ISH10 to get 10% off membership. As a ZOE member, you’ll get an at-home test kit and personalized nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. Use 40ISH10 at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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a sportsbook worth a slam dunk, and authorized gaming partner of the NBA. BedMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. This to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This episode is sponsored by Zoe. I'm not proud of this, but it made me so happy that I finally had solid proof that this kid was not angelic. Do I tell the mum to be petty,

or do I just let it go and be the bigger person? Ooh. The only reason I brought it up is because I knew you'd have an argument about it. So what's your top recipe? No. No. You're not inspiring.

You can fuck off, right? I don't actually like ice cream or frozen yogurt. No, that's why I'm not making you an outside girl. If Ollie had a new girlfriend, let's just say... Oh, we would cyber-stalk the shit out of her. Of course we would! And we'd go all the way back to the beginning. Hello everyone, welcome to 40ish, I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Laura Mishcon.

This is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40 something life. And if you are new to the show, welcome. Every episode we discuss your problems, your issues and your rants that you have very kindly shared with us and also talk about our own messy midlife stuff. Messy midlife moaning, that's the one. So I think I cannot work out whether I have OCD because I am middle-aged. Obviously this is not a diagnosis. I'm just saying. Are you sure? You're not medically qualified this week. Well, my new favorite thing is to sort of diagnose

neurodiversity around me. That is my new favorite game. Love it. Love it, love it, love it. You are neuro-typical. You will be pleased to know. I'm aware. In my humble opinion.

I'm aware. So I am self-diagnosing myself with OCD. I'm saying that in a light sense. Yes. I'm just, I don't know whether it's hormonal. I don't know whether it's because I'm middle-aged. I don't know whether it's actually real. It's not, but go on.

What do you mean it's not? You're definitely not OCD in the true sense, but go on. Well, how do you know? I know, I have personal experience with it. Who? Who's got OCD? Who's got OCD? You don't have OCD. I don't know. It's not pretty.

It's not pretty. Close up. You know, it can present differently in different people. How's it presenting in you? Well, so there's some weird things that I'm doing that I can't seem to let go of. So every morning when I go to the gym, I now put my coat away in a locker and I have to have the same locker. Have to.

And then I noticed and I didn't really think about it until I went to another branch of my gym because I go to the David Lloyd and I was in that area. So I thought, oh, I know, I'll just pop into the gym. So I went there and I started looking for the same number locker. That's a bit weird, right? So I put my stuff in the same number locker and then the next day I went back to my normal branch and my locker, which I have now caught is mine. Someone had fucking taken it. How dare they? How mean is that? They don't know that it's my locker.

How dare they? Anyways, it was like this moment of me standing there, staring at the locker. And you had to pick another number. With somebody else's padlock on there. Did you wanna hack it off? I just couldn't believe the cheek. Wow.

And it was at that moment that I thought, hmm, I'm a weirdo. There's something off here. You are a creature of habit. You are quite habitual, not in a like obsessive way, but like if you had two boiled eggs and a chicken salad for lunch every day, you'd be fine with that. Like you like a habit. You like a routine. You're quite into that. I am into that. Yeah. The older I get, the more it serves me. Yeah, I'm going

to call this an age thing. I'm going to call this an age thing. It's a bit like my mum with the parking spaces. Oh no, no, it's all older people with parking. Okay, yeah. Everyone that is 70 plus has a thing about parking. Yesterday, So I don't know if you're aware of this, but something is going on in NW three and they've basically suspended a lot of the residents parking bays to do some sort of work, which they haven't divulged my mom. Oh dear. Oh, she was not happy. She's like, I don't understand. I emailed them. I was like, what more can you be doing to the roads? You've done this, you've done that. What else is there to do? Who's she emailing? Council?

Yeah, Camden Council. She loves to email council. I think I should be the mayor. I was like, do you know what, mom? I really don't think you should be the mayor. I think I should be the head of Camden Council. I'm like, no. The head of Camden Council. So she's never worked with the council before in her life and now she should run it. Yeah. She's heavily invested in the parking situation around NW3. But your mum who does happen to listen to this show, I don't see your mum that often. No. Even I know that she's got a thing about parking. Yeah. And like my parents, I'm actually

going into town with my parents next week. Is your dad already talking about where to park? He actually hasn't brought it up yet. But he will. But normally, I always say to him, the older you get dad, the earlier we have to leave for places. You know? Because if we had to be in town for say midday, then he's like up and we don't, we live a 40 minute drive away from town. Yeah, leave at 11. 11? You're joking. I'll pick you up at 10.15 just in case. Just in case what? Just in case I don't know that the door falls off on the car like I really don't know what just to get. I'm like dad it won't take over an hour and a half to get to just in case I don't like to rush. Listen we're getting to that place. I'll tell you how I know. Well I know because of

the fucking locker. So we got to the airport. i like to get to the airport plenty of time not ridiculous time but plenty of time define plenty two hours yeah ollie likes that's very normal yeah ollie likes to go to the lounge because he loves the free snacks he lives for those olives let me tell you i'm always disappointed in the lounge. Always. Always. I mean you can get a free Coke Zero but other than that I'm like okay I'm done now. I might have a glass of champagne but if it's six in the morning no thank you. I can't get on a flight after a glass of champagne I'd just have a headache the whole night. Definitely could but anyway we it was like 25 minutes before they were boarding and I just bypassed the lounge. I was like you go to the lounge with Josh I'm going straight to that gate because I needed to know.

I was at the gate, I was there on time. I don't like that rushing, that rushing through the airport thing. That is, I don't do that anymore. I like to, you know, settle in. That is definitely an age thing. The not rushing. The not rushing, the giving yourself plenty

of space and time. I understand how it can spiral into, it takes me two hours to get to town. I get it. So do I, or not wanting to move your car because you might not get the parking space. This is, I guess what I'm saying. I think this is the route in with the locker. This is like a moment of shit. I'm getting older and I don't like this need to have to have the same locker because what else is gonna happen now? Now I'm gonna get funny about parking.

Now I'm gonna get to the airport three hours early because I don't wanna rush. It's all gonna happen to us both. It is gonna happen. Like the other day I was meeting my friend for a coffee, dog walk, and it meant I had to go to the gym, come home from the gym to pick up the dog and then go back to pretty much where I was from the gym

to meet her and then go back home. And then I was from the gym to meet her and then go back home and then I was going back to that area in the afternoon. It was just too much. That's too much. That's too much. Would it have been too much five years ago? That's what I'm saying. No, I wouldn't have made it work. My son, right, has taken himself off to Italy for five days. He is going to see three different football matches in three different cities in the space of five days. Just the to see three different football matches in three different cities in the space of five days. Just the thought... Is he on three different planes? No. I don't know if he's going by plane or train. Probably train from city to city to city. Just the thought of like the packing, the unpacking, the toiletries. He takes one rucksack, a toothbrush,

some deodorant and a change of pants and he's done. I think that's also a male or female thing. I don't know because I feel like when I was 20, I would have done that. I wouldn't have cared. But now, oh my God, so much blew my mind. Because it's too much stuff. Too much. When I went to Amsterdam recently, right, we were, we just took a carry on. Yeah. But then you have to, so we were flying there. So you're only allowed, I've got a small case, right? So it's like, okay, I need to be very, very specific about what outfits are going in my

case. I'm the most terrible fucking packer. What's going in my case? What exactly am I going to wear? Well, I don't know, I don't know what mood I'm going to be in. I'm hormonal. I'm all over the fucking place. I might need a vest or I might need a polo. I don't know. You know, it's a lot. I know. What pair of jeans are going to look right with that on that particular day?

Who the fuck knows? Because they could look awful. Awful. Or they could look great. Who knows? Who knows? Depends where I'm at in my cycle. And also, I'm so perimenopausal. Who the Who knows? Who knows? Depends where I'm at in my cycle. And also I'm so peri-venomable. So who the fuck knows about that either? I took five pairs of shoes away with me on half time. It was one week on a day, which I thought was really

good. Do you know how many of those shoes I ended up wearing of the five? Two. Incorrect. The answer is zero. I was zero of them because I had a blister and every single one of those shoes rubbed on the blister. So I had a blister and every single one of those shoes rubbed on the blister so I had to go to the shop and buy some flip-flops and that was what I wore all day and then because they were like a neutral colour all evening. Oh, so because the blister doesn't disappear in the evening. No. So I wore one pair of shoes that I bought there for the whole week and the other five pairs just stayed in the cupboard. It was totally pointless. Could have just gone barefoot, bought the shoes, saved a lot of space.

How did you get to the gift shop? Were you barefoot? Yeah, I was. Hold on. But you were on a resort. Yeah, there could still be sharp things on the floor. No, no sharp things. It was fine. It's all sandy. It was fine. Plodded in there, bought my flip flops. It was fine. It's all sandy. It was fine. Plodged in there, bought

my flip flops. Happy as Larry. Interesting. I mean, but the packing gets worse and worse as I'm getting older. Oh, it took me, I'm not joking, nearly all day to pack for one week just for myself. Nearly a day. It took me more time than it should have to get to pack for Amsterdam. And then because I had to fit in the hairdryer and the straightening eyes and then I had to fit in all my toiletries that had to come on the plane with me. Oh it's so awful. So I had to decant everything. No, I can't stand it. I can't stand it. It's getting worse and worse.

I just really want my mum to come and pack for me. I really do. She's too busy being the head of county council. I know, she is now but... Before we dive into the dilemmas, a quick disclaimer. We are not doctors or healthcare professionals. This is just a fun space where we share our thoughts, which could be wrong, they could be right. We don't know, we're just sharing our opinions. But if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. What's our first dilemma today? I'm excited.

OK, it's anonymous. OK. And it says, my son has a best friend. His mum is always calling me to school me on what my son has done wrong. If they argue, it's automatically my son's fault. I am allergic to this. I am allergic to this. If they get in trouble at school, it would be because my son has corrupted him in some way and I am sick of it. I suck it up most of the time as my son is no angel and let's be honest, which 12 year old is and I'm not that kind

of mother who needs to point out another child's faults. It's now at the point where I don't pick up the phone to her as I know it will be another bashing about my son's behavior. The other day, he was at my house and sat in the living room. When they got up to go to the kitchen, I noticed that a vape had fallen out of his pocket and was lying on the couch. At 12? It was like a gift from God. I'm not proud of this, but it made me so happy that I finally had solid proof that this kid was not angelic. Do I tell the mum to be petty or do I just let it go and be the bigger person? Oh, oh, it's so good. That's so juicy. Okay, Firstly, neither. You don't tell the mom. You keep that in your pocket as ammo. You just keep the knowledge as ammo for the next time that she calls your son

an asshole. Okay. That's the first thing I have to say. So you pull it out as keep it to yourself. Keep it as leverage. Keep it as a wild card for later on. Yeah. Secondly, I'm just putting this out there as a, as a thought. Her son may also be a little asshole. I'm just saying whose son this woman's son, the woman that's written in, he might, I'm sorry, but she does say my son is no angel. Yeah. I'm also the owner of a 12 year old son and before him came two other sons who were also 12 years old. I've also been in this situation. So have I.

Where I had a mother, this was actually a few years ago, they weren't 12 then, but they weren't far off it. Who? Younger or older. They were younger, they were younger. So they were like 10 maybe at the time. And this mother went through a phase of WhatsApping me endlessly about what my son was allegedly doing to her son. She got a little tipsy one night. She sent me this novel length message. And then she was tipsy because she told me afterwards and then she

deleted it, but I'd already read it. So it was a bit late for her to have deleted it. And then she had to send me another one to say, sorry, I'd had a glass of wine. I was feeling very stressed, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I really engaged with it because I'm not the sort of mother to not engage with this sort of thing. And I, and she was, you know, she's a nice woman. I met up with her and we actually had a proper, really sensible chat about it. And it turned out that her son also was no angel. And the reason why they'd had beef was because her son had done some not very nice stuff to my son and my son had retaliated verbally. There was no physical stuff going on. Right. But I always find it is always a bit of six, one

and a half a dozen of the other, you know? It's very rare. I totally agree. It's usually a bit of both of them and they're usually as bad as each other. Yeah. All of my experience with both my girls, when I've had mothers phoning me up to school me on what my kids done wrong, it is usually. But I have never, I swear to you, I don't think I have ever phoned up another mother and said,

this is what your kids done to my kid. What are you going to do about it? Never, ever, ever done that. Ever. No. There when they were little, I might, I think I, I've said this is going on with the girls. What can we do to sort it out? I've come from that point of view because I'm always aware of what my kids' faults are. My kids are not perfect because they are really normal kids that push boundaries and that's kind of what they're meant to do. But it's when that mother on the other end is not receptive to that and just wants to blame your kid. I find that so juvenile. I'm like allergic to it and I

used to have it with this mother and our kids were friends and she phoned me up so many times to tell me what my daughter had done wrong. And in the end, I just, I just distanced myself from her, stopped it making the play dates because her child, all she was doing was she was firstly making up stuff according to my kid. And my kid would have a completely different version of events, but the mother was not interested in hearing that. And I kept saying to her, this is not really, we just need to find a way that the girls could communicate better rather than it being

someone's fault. The thing is, the first time it happened, I sat my kid down and I was like, listen, this kid's, he's got some stuff going on at home and he might not be in the best place and just be kind like you don't have to be friends, you don't have to go on play dates, you don't have to like do anything extra with him just don't not be nice just always be civil, always be kind, always include. I'm not asking you to invite him to your birthday parties or have sleepovers or whatever. But the always include thing is tricky. It's tricky but just be nice, just be kind. If you can't do anything past that, that's fine.

But just be kind always, right? I agree with that. I don't think I agree with the always include thing because then that means you're just being friends. I'm talking like in a game in a playground or whatever it is. Just include, include, you know, just don't make any kid feel ostracized because that's a shitty feeling when you're a kid. Oh, and when you're the mum of that kid. Yeah, sure. So I was, I was very defensive about it.

As in I was defending the other kid. Like I don't want to hear that any kid is ever upset because of something that you've done. But I also really strongly feel that children have to learn to navigate their own friendships. And I'm telling you right now that in the 80s, there ain't no way that Jackie was phoning up my friend's mum to say, blah, blah, blah, did not hold hands with Lauren on the way home from swimming, blah, blah, blah, didn't say this, she'll be partners with Lauren on the Yorkshire trip. Like just sometimes you have, you have to learn these lessons

for yourselves. You have to learn how to navigate friendship. You have to learn what it's like to not be included by everybody and not feel accepted by everybody, who your friends are, who your friends aren't, who treats you well, who doesn't. This is part of growing up. Well, they have to learn social norms and how to navigate themselves socially. That's part of school.

It's a huge part of school. It's a microcosm of society. Not everyone's gonna like you. And it's a really important part because when you go into a workplace, you're still gonna have to deal with people, you're still gonna have to navigate yourself around all of that.

And your mum is not gonna be walking in to say, don't make Nicole do an extra two hours after school because she's feeling a bit tired today. It's like, you have to learn. So I'm not into the helicopter parenting. Obviously, if your child is being bullied or something extreme is going on, speak to the school, speak to the other mum.

But as a general rule, I don't like to interfere. No, but and also same, but there have been times where I've had to call them up and say, how can we deal with it? In fairness, I haven't done it since they've both been at senior school. I haven't needed to. And if there's an issue, I always say to my, my advice is always to my kids is always how can you manage this better? Like sometimes you just don't get on with people and sometimes, you know, people don't like you and that's okay. And that's something you have to get used to, you know? So that's where I always come from rather than making it someone's fault.

But that's not what's happening here. So if you're being phoned every five minutes, and I have had this telling you what your kid has done wrong, it's just not, it's not okay. It would drive me absolutely mad unless my kid was the asshole. But do you think anyone ever accepts that their kid is the asshole? Um, I honestly, I really do feel that I know my kid's faults. I really do. I don't think I'm blind to it. And if someone phoned me up and said such, you know, your daughter said this, I would know pretty much if they had or if they hadn't.

But there are lots of parents, it's like their kids shit don't stink. No, I just don't. There are lots of parents like that. But I don't think that helps the child. Of course it doesn't help the child. But there's also always an excuse why they're like that. Yeah. Yeah. I would say, listen, there is also another part of this that we haven't talked about. The vape has fallen out of this 12 year old's pocket. Where did you get it from? That's my first question. I don't know. I'm not a vape dealer.

Are you sure? I don't know, but I do recognize. It's not your side hustle. Oh, I need a side hustle. You're not selling vapes to underage children as a side hustle to podcasting. What a weird side hustle. What a weird, illegal side hustle. No, I'm not. Just to clarify, I'm not doing that.

Thanks for clarifying. Do they have a moral obligation to tell the other mother that their 12 year old has a vape? Cause there is that as well. I don't know, it would depend if they're encouraging my child to vape. And at that point I'd be really unhappy about it. I'll go with they must be, they must be.

Cause if it's in their pocket, I'm telling you now, they would have brought it out in front of the other child. Of course they have. And do you have, it's just that moral obligation piece, isn't it? And I always say to my, my girls, look, if you're about to tell me a story when, and I can sense that if you're going to tell me something that the child is in danger, or they're doing something that puts them in a compromising position, I'm going to have to tell the mother. So before you tell me, just know that. Yeah. The thing is that is tricky because if this mother wasn't reading her up, driving her mad and telling her that her kid was awful all the time, then I'd feel more inclined to say, listen, I don't know if you're aware, but I'm just, I just wanted to let you know

it fell out on the sofa. I'm just telling you. And it is going to come across as petty. But now it's just petty. Now it's just petty revenge. And also a vape is a little bit harmless and it's not like it's... Not on your 12th. No, A it's not harmless. B they're 12. You know what I mean though. It's not, you know. They're 12. They're barely out the womb. They are not barely out the womb. I'm just saying that there's worse things that could have fallen out their pocket than a vape. At 12, I would be extremely angry and upset about that. As would I, by the way, if I saw that in my kid's pocket, by all means, my daughter,

there would be consequences for that. But what I'm saying is, is this kid a danger to themselves and does the mother need to know? Probably, but it's going to be very hard to sell that to her now without either you coming across as petty or a liar. So what are we saying? Or she'll probably say your son gave it to him. Yeah, yeah! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Lauren, you know me and you know when it comes to answering the listeners' dilemmas and when it comes to food, I always trust my gut. And I also trust Zoe, the leading size and nutrition company. All the nutritionists that we've spoken to on Self Care Club have highlighted just how much misleading information is out there when it comes to food. Things like the claims that you see on packaging that say things like low sugar or nothing artificial. These are often assigned to actually avoid these foods. Ever noticed a health claim on fresh fruit? No, never. Right, well you get my

point. So it's completely understandable why there's so much distrust and wondering who you should turn to for accurate information. Well it's very simple. It's not a dilemma for us. We use Zoe. Backed by one of the world's largest microbiome databases and most scientifically advanced at home gut health tests, Zoe gives you proven science whenever you need it. Go to zoe.com and find out what Zoe membership could do for you, and because you listen to 40ish, you can use the exclusive code 40ish10 at checkout to get 10% off membership. As a Zoe member, you'll get an at-home test kit and personalised nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. That's z-o-e dot com, use code

40ish10 at checkout. Trust your gut, trust Zoe. What else has been going on with you this week? Oh there's so much going on and there's something I want to talk about which I'm so excited about but I just think you're just gonna piss all over it. Oh well you'll only know if you try. No because I know you will and I don't want you to. Say I swear. I'm not swearing. No way am I swearing. No you can't be mean about it. I don't know what it is but how do I know if I can be mean? For my birthday yeah I got bought a Ninja Creamy. Oh the Ninja Creamy okay. Yup I'd never heard of this product, I had never seen this product,

I didn't know anything about this product and then about four days after you got given it, ding! It pops up on my algorithm and now all I fucking see is a recipe, a creamy recipe! Yeah, yeah, explain what it is for people that don't know. It's basically just a churning machine You're so cutting. I'm going to explain what it is. It's basically a Magi-mix Yeah It sells itself. I was like what is this thingzes it all turns and freezes amazing. Otherwise, it's just a blender. It's not just a blender turns out it's a blender. It's not just a blender. Can I just say, right? It is though, because I actually looked it up.

Firstly, firstly, I really like it. Okay. Secondly, secondly, we're not there yet. Secondly, it. Okay. Secondly, secondly, we're not there yet. Secondly, I'm really, really enjoying it. Great. That's lovely. So let's hold that. 24 hours after you put the ingredients in, you're really enjoying it. Let's hold that. Shall we? Okay. Thirdly, why have you got a shit on it? Just because you don't like it. Because it doesn't freeze. Because it sells itself as a ninja creamy. It's a ninja blend shit up. Wait 24 hours till you eat it that's what it is tell the truth i'm not you the ninja creamy people you don't like cold things right you don't like creamy because they can't say ninja frizzy because they're not a frizzy why they wouldn't call it Ninja Freezy? Why would they call it Creamy? Creamy just sounds...

So now you don't like the marketing of it? I don't. And the name of it? Because I think it's deceptive. What's deceptive about it? It doesn't freeze. It doesn't say it freezes. It's a fucking ice cream maker.

It's not an ice cream maker. I don't really know what it is. All I know is that I love it. I make frozen yogurts from it. Yeah. Every night. I have one after dinner every night. It is fucking amazing. And then my daughter's boyfriend, he was also a bit like, what is this? This is absolute shit. You're not going to, you're not going to eat this. You, this is going to, and he now comes in and he asks me for one. He can't, he can't get enough of them. Okay. Just saying. I think when the summer comes around, it may come into its own. No, no, He asks me for one. He can't get enough of them. Okay? Just saying.

I think when the summer comes around, it may come into its own. No, no. It's already come. No. You're not getting any. Who wants Soyo in February? And then you were like so rude on the text message about it and then you're like, you can make me an acai bowl in the summer. I'm like, you know when she could stick her acai bowl? She could stick it where the sun don't bloody shine.

I think it's going to be like a real summer hit. And then as the autumn winter rolls around, I will never use it again. It's February. And I- It's a novelty now. It's a novelty now. So I'm only using it cause it's a novelty. Cause it's new.

Anyway, the only reason I brought it up is cause I knew we'd have an argument about it. So what's your top recipe? No. No. Who am I sharing? You can fuck off. Right?

I don't actually like ice cream or frozen yogurt. No, that's why I'm not making you an acai bowl. You can make smoothies in it. You can make milkshakes in it. You can make gelato in it. You can make ice cream in it. You can make light ice cream in it. You could do whatever you want. What's light ice cream? It's like made with like a yogurt base or a milk base rather than a cream base. I see. I see. Yeah, you were about to go, weren't you? a milk base rather than a cream base. I see. I see. You were about to go, weren't you? No, no. That was a genuine cooking question. Right. So you can make all these things. Yeah. What I was going to say is you were also just as polite and supportive about my air fryer and now look. Now look. I do have one. I do have one. I was pretty much nagged into submission

by Zach for that though, wasn't I? He was desperate for one when he finished his A levels because he was like, I can make everything in it and then I can make my chicken in it and I can do it. He does use it. Yeah, he really does use it all the time. You also use it. You made me salmon in there the other day. You've made chickpeas in there the other day. Oh, you do use it. I don't love it, but I do utilize it. You do use it. Yeah, I do use it. So what have we learned from this? What have we learned? That sometimes you being judgmental about these utensils in the kitchen are a little bit premeditated. Would you say? I think I was very late to the FRI party. I came very late to the airfryer party? I came very late to the airfryer conversation.

You did. Yeah. And I'm still like, I wouldn't make a cake in it. No, I wouldn't make a cake in mine either. There are some people who all they do is make everything in the airfryer. I find that a bit weird. I literally, I use it three times as much as I use my oven. And you know, like in the top 10 of books, top five are air fryer cookbooks. I find something a bit weird and sad about that. What's weird and sad about it? I don't know. It's like it's become a bit

cultive. What's sad about that? I don't know. I just, it doesn't feel, doesn't feel like proper cooking. I don't know. It's not proper cooking. It's too buttony. And you know that thermomix thing that I can't get my head around that. You know the thermomix you don't do anything. You just put in a recipe, put ingredients in, press a button and then a meal comes out. What sort of meal? You're not going to get a meat and two veg sort of meal out of it. Yeah, everything. It makes everything. I don't have one, but it makes everything. You really can make cakes in that. Cakes, bread, soups, casserole, roasts, like it does everything.

I do remember now it's coming back to me that we went to a wellness festival and there was a Thermomix stand there. And you spent quite a long time at this Thermomix stand. You really wanted one. And then when you realized they weren't going to gift us one, you were like, fuck that. You got to go to a class. You've got to actually go to like, learn how to use the thing. That's not for me. It was a, it's a big deal. The thermomix world is a whole other world. Well, the ninja world is a whole other world because I've now got a blender. I've now got an oven and I've now got an ice cream maker. I mean, what's next? I don't know. What is next? You know what? If they did a toaster, I reckon they'd do a good toaster. A good toaster? Yeah. I reckon Ninja would bring

out a good toaster. Maybe they've got a toasty maker. I bet they have. I bet they have. I haven't explored the world of Ninja. Well, I feel like I'm in the world of ninja. That's what I'm saying. You're deep. And I am. You're deep in. I am deep. And I love- You're ankle deep in ice cream. No, I'm knee deep. You're knee deep in light ice cream. In frozen yogurt.

Not ice cream, frozen. Because what's the point in making ice cream? I don't understand that. There's no point to that, to me. I've made ice cream loads of times. I've made loads of ice creams. What I mean is the reason that we bought the Ninja is so that it can kill my sweet tooth and I'm still eating something relatively healthy.

Right, I see. We'll see how long the Ninja fad lasts. Well you said that about the air fry, that's what I'm saying. Until you got one. Just watch this space, people. Watch this space. You're going to start a side-hing in Froyo, aren't you? Here we go with the second dilemma. Are you ready? I'm ready. Hi Lauren and Nicole. Hi.

Hi. I was home alone one night feeling a bit sorry for myself as my ex had taken the kids away for the weekend with his not so new girlfriend. Oh, okay. That's hard. That is hard. That's hard. I opened a bottle of wine to numb the boredom and spiraling thoughts. Okay, standard.

Which didn't help as I found myself on her picture perfect Instagram page. Oh dear. That's not good. It's not a good start. That's not good. Which didn't help as I found myself on her picture perfect Instagram page. Oh dear. That's not good. Not a good start. I looked through old holidays, her school reunions and I even followed her through her last long-term relationship, which ended around Covid time. I'm loving the detail there. Why did it end? What did he look like? Did he have kids? Did he look like your ex? Has he put on weight since the breakup? Whilst nosing around I found myself knee-deep in 2017

watching her on some glamorous ski trip when I accidentally liked one of the posts. Oh you silly girl. What should I do? How on earth do I explain this? And how can I shift the embarrassment of my inappropriate cyberstalk help? Oh we've all been there. We've all been there. Go on. Oh look you haven't done a bit of cyber stalking. Haven't you? Have I done cyber stalking? I mean, I do find myself in people's accounts and, and yeah, and I sort of have a nose through, but they wouldn't be accounts that I would worry about them seeing you like, you know, they would be like, there's a woman who I followed and she's 51 and she's very into the gym and she's got an amazing body and she always talks about how she transformed

her life and her food and her exercise from the age of 47 to 51. Right. So if I was going through hers, she's American. Why are you looking at me like that? I was waiting for you to say something else. What? Well, I was waiting because you said to me the other day, oh, there's this woman and you know she was always quite thin but now she's like really thin she's definitely on the pen, on the weight loss pen and I was like uh-huh and so I had like a quick look through her Instagram and I like literally found the day she started. I mean you didn't like the post though did you? Of course I did it, she doesn't say by the way today I weight loss jab, but like, you can see, you can see, you can see it. And the face just starts like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I would call that cyberstalking. That is cyberstalking. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

I have to tell you though, when I saw the woman that we are both talking about now, Oh, is it the same woman? Oh, right. No, I'm talking about someone completely different. Yeah. Um, when, when I that, I actually didn't cyberstalk. I just then got really bitchy and messaged you. Yeah, no I didn't. I was talking for you. And also, because you're much nosier than me. So you always do your due diligence. I can never say that word. I always do my due diligence.

You always find the background. Always. So I don't need to do that. So I just sort of gave it for you. I gave you the snippet. There you go. And then you ran with it. What I'm saying is this other woman. Yeah. Her name's Alicia something. Yeah. And, um, and I follow her account. So if I find myself knee deep on her account, she's an American. She's got like nearly a million followers and whatever. So if I like her post from 2017, she doesn't care. I don't care because I'm not emotionally involved with this woman. So I'm just trying to think about this. I'm assuming this new not so new girlfriend of her ex husband is not a famous person. She's just an everyday person. So she's probably not getting thousands of likes on her post.

Let's just assume she's got a normal account like most people do. If this woman who's written into us likes the picture from 2017 or whatever it was, it'll come up. But can't you unlike? Like once she'd liked it, can't you just unlike it? Why didn't she just unclick it? Let's test that theory now and see if you still get the notification. Okay. We're going to, we're going to put this to the test because that is a good point. I mean, I know I'm not like the social media guru around here. No, you are not. I actually don't think you should be answering this. But James will know. Okay, here we go. You like something from mine? Yeah,

I'm looking for you now. Looking for you. There you are. Okay. I am going to like a post that you have put up with your mum and dad. Your mum and dad's birthday dinner. Okay, here we go. Like. Right, let me get my phone. It's had 28 likes. Lauren Mishcon liked your... You've gone in from our self-care club of cards.

Yeah, I have. Because I look like I've liked my own photo, but that's fine. Lauren Mishcon. Okay, right. Now I'm going to unlike it. No, well, the notification is still on my phone. Right. Okay. So if I go into that, let's see. The notification is still on my phone. So the notification doesn't disappear. But it won't say liked by dadada and others. It won't have my name there. What's happened is it now the post has come up. Yeah. And the post was in the 15th of August. Yeah. That's a cute photo mom and dad. 15th of August 2024. Yeah. It's just

come to the top of my notifications, but it hasn't said that anyone that I know has liked it, but it's just now suddenly at the top. Oh, I see. So the notification doesn't disappear on your phone, on like your lock screen, but it doesn't come up on your Instagram. Okay. So she's all right. It's okay. This woman also just might not notice or see it. Really sorry. I'm really sorry. But your husband's ex-wife, you're going out with a guy, your husband's ex-wife name is going to be imprinted on your brain.

And if you suddenly see that she has liked something and then you go into your Instagram account and you see it's like a really old post. It doesn't look good. You and I would both know precisely what was going on there. Well so will this woman. But I kind of feel like that's okay because normal people do shit like that. It's quite a normal person thing to do. Your ex-husband is now with somebody new, you want to know everything about them. I mean, I don't know one woman that wouldn't cyber stalk that account. That's what I'm saying. And I think all her friends would as well.

That's what I'm saying. It's really, really normal. Yeah, but you, but it is. If Ollie had a new girlfriend, let's just say. Oh, we would cyber stalk the shit out of her. Of course we would. We'd want, and we'd go all the way back to the beginning. Well, you wouldn't because I would say to you as a friend, I think you need to unfollow her because

it's actually not good for your mental health. Hang on, would I have to follow her to see all her stuff? It depends if her account's private or not. But then this woman's account obviously isn't private. You don't know, they could be following each other. But that's weird, isn't that weird? I think that's weird. It depends how friendly or acrimonious the divorce was. Or she's got a public account or whatever. Yeah. Look at you with all the lingo. I'm so savvy. You really, you are. But, but, okay, you'd have to be following each other to be able to see each other stuff. And I think most people in that situation wouldn't be following each other. in that situation wouldn't be following each other. You'd only see it on your ex-husband's post.

No, no, because she could just type into the search button her name and her account would come up. If it wasn't private, she could see everything. But it... Oh, okay, okay, okay. Are you with us? Yeah. So she can see everything, she doesn't need to be following her. So if they're not following each other and then suddenly this notification pops up, I'm saying, yes, it is normal. We all know that we all cyberstalk. Well, you do obviously more than most.

I don't really do it a lot, but like, and also it's never anyone that I know. You unmentioned one girl to you. I mentioned one thing. But you know what, I don't even know her in real life. Neither do I. I've never met her in my entire life. That's what I'm saying. And then you went on to find the date when she started. Yeah. I wanted to see it. I wanted to track it. But what I'm saying is I wouldn't do it to like people I know. I think it's different. You don't need to do it with people you know. It's like I might cyber stalk. You don't need to cyber stalk me. You're with me every five minutes. Like I might cyber stalk Justin Bieber, but I would

never cyber stalk like your sister. Do you know what I mean? But why? That would be really creepy. What I'm saying is I don't think it Do you know what I mean? But that would be really creepy. No, what I'm saying is I don't think it's so weird when you look at people that you don't know. But she does know her. No, I know. She's away with her children. But that... It's normal!

It's normal! But you wouldn't want it to happen to you. I wouldn't, but I also think this woman's probably done the same to her. A hundred percent. Come on! She's been married to her boyfriend for however many years and had children with him woman's probably done the same to her. 100%. Come on, she's been married to her boyfriend for how many years and had children with him. Of course she's interested in her. Yeah, 100%. It's a mutual interest. You cyber stalked each other, basically.

Definitely. So I would say just to have a bit of forgiveness for yourself in that situation. I would just say I don't think she should beat herself up. And I also would stop with the wine every time your husband takes the kids away. Just stop watching what she's doing on social media. It's not good for you. But maybe find your own new person to hang out with. Maybe she has.

And make Instagram memories with. And make sure he's got a really good body and that he takes his top off in all the photos and pose him properly. And then everyone can cyber stalk you. Yeah, so really grown up that whole thing. Basically go to a Magic Mike show and then borrow someone. It'll be in like a bow tie that'll look a bit suspect. Just take, can I borrow you for 10 minutes? Bring a couple of outfit changes for him, some backdrops, pose him in like a bow tie that'll look a bit suspect. Just take, can I borrow you for 10 minutes? Bring a couple of outfit changes for him.

Yeah. Some backdrops. Yeah. Pose him in like a restaurant, in a hotel room, just like all over the place and just make a whole thing. That's what I would do. It's brilliant advice, Lauren. That is the best advice you've ever given on this show.

Let it go, let it go. It's okay. She's human. I think it's okay. You're human, you're human, this stuff happens. And we understand that it was very, very difficult. And I think exactly as Lauren said, give yourself some grace, give yourself some compassion. That is a hard weekend to have to go through. And you know what? Call up a girlfriend and tell them that you are struggling. And I...

What are you going to say? Call up a girlfriend and tell them that you're drunk and you're cyber stalking. Because that's also fine. AKA struggling. That is our show this week. Yeah, please write in with your dilemmas. We really, really, really enjoy them. They are great. We really do. They lead to some weird places. You know, we would magic Mike. Well, not magic Mike. I'm talking about like someone emailed us with a dilemma and then like suggested that we should go and do something else. Anyway, please send in your dilemmas. Hello at 40 ish. that's 40ish.co.uk. You can come find us on Instagram at 40ish.podcast, TikTok

at 40ish.podcast. Just come and join us, be part of the conversation and come and give us your feedback about anything you found funny, any tips that you want to give, any of your advice. We'd love to hear from you. We'll be back on Tuesday with another Unfiltered. Bye-bye.