40ish - Itchy Pubes, Friendship Fallouts & the Fear of a Shrinking Fanny

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Today on 40ish, James is drafted in to settle the highly important debate over which one of the ladies is actually more down to earth.Nicole is sporting enormous statement earrings to enhance her brand new Invisalign teeth, whilst Lauren is having a deeply middle-aged moment refusing to throw away perfectly good ziplock bags because they’ve still got life left in them. Meanwhile, the podcast accidentally turns into an amateur gynecology clinic as the ladies attempt to investigate whether itchy pubes are actually a perimenopause symptom and confront the genuinely horrifying concept of vulval shrinkage during menopause. Because apparently nobody warned us that midlife would involve googling sentences like “can your fanny evaporate?” We also tackle this week’s dilemma from a listener whose close friend  and hairdresser cut her off after she politely explained she needed a cheaper salon. Was sending the message over text really that unforgivable? Or is this exactly why mixing friendship and business is a bad idea? Plus, one listener shares an infuriating meltdown after finally building up the courage to visit her GP, only to leave feeling dismissed, emotional and like she’d somehow wasted everyone’s time. As always, your stories absolutely make this podcast, so keep your dilemmas, meltdowns and most 40ish moments coming because honestly none of us are surviving midlife alone.Come see us hosting in the Menopause tent at the Everywoman Festival on June 13th https://www.everywomanfest.com/tickets-londonBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/40ish-laughing-our-way-through-midlife-perimenopause-menopause--6942825/support.We love to hear from you! Get in touch with your dilemmas and rants.DM & follow us on Instagram   TikTokOrder Our Book here

Ask you for a friend. Can you ask your listeners if itchy pubes are a peri thing? It's driving me, I mean her, crazy. But you don't hear women talking about how they're, how they feel more aroused and that sex gets better as they hit menopause. You don't hear that. No, why? Why? This is not lesbian-centric. Yes, it is. What's the famous lesbian's been telling us?

One. One lesbian. Well, it's a... Name another one. Popperin Martina. My wife. Yes, I am young. I'm still feeling all this. But now I don't feel I can go back when it gets bad in case I'm made to feel worse.

And that's not fair. To make all the work, to make it all worse, it was a female doctor. Hello everybody. Welcome to 40-ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Laura Mishkon. This is the podcast tackling 40-something life every week, diving into mid-life news, stories, dilemmas,

and our own mess and challenges of navigating mid-life. Now, we left the last episode. Oh, on a cliffhand. Yeah, it's a real cliffhanger. Wondering who was more down to earth. Now James is here today. James has finally turned up to work. Well done, James.

So James. So James, you know us better than anyone else in this room. Yep. And we would like your opinion. You need to come near a mic. Go on. They can hear me. Who do you think out of Lauren and I?

And you know, but you have to put your preferences aside. We want your honest opinion. Who is more down to earth? He's really mulling that over. Oh. It's a struggle for him. In each of your own special way, the department in reality.

Down to earth? Yeah. Wow. That's a very thought-through answer. I say that because we don't leave in a war. As in we're not farming or mining or tolling the land. Life is. Yeah.

Life is. Life is easy. Easy to earth. Yes. And privileged. Yes. And therefore, down to earth. Yeah.

Okay, James, let's make this easy. If you had to live on a farm with one of us, who do you think would be better at getting on with the job? That is not what down to earth is. Yes, it is. No, it is. You're spaking shit up. Mocking, mucking out.

No. Churning butter. We've gone from down. Who do you want to live on a farm with? And to be honest, he would coexist a lot better with you than he would with me. We all know that. Will you just stab each other by the end of the first weekend? And that would be the end of it.

I don't know if we'd get through the first weekend. You would. But you two would coexist a lot better together. That's not what we're asking. We're not asking who's more compatible to live on a farm with James. That is not what we're asking. It's not my dream to live on a farm. a farm with James or anyone really.

But ask you who's what down to earth? He says neither of us. In the real world, neither of us. But in our own ways, each of us has our own special ways. Okay, wow, that was a very deep answer. I knew he'd give a proper answer. Very proper. Thank you, James. You're free to go.

Oh, you can stay. Say if you like, leave as you wish. If you've got something to share. big or small we want to hear it please email us hello at fortiethish.com.com. be in touch

for part of the conversation and please share the episode with a friend. I'd just like to say before we even go into our most 40ish moment Nicole, let's just come out with, I don't even know what it was

but James came in he said wow, those are the most enormous earrings. He said Nicole's got the most enormous earrings on he was like my god they're absolutely huge and she said

do you know what it is it's my teeth I was like, what? She said, it's my teeth. They're so amazing since the Envisaline. They do something to the earrings. They do something to the earrings. What?

They just make everything look better. My teeth make everything look better. This is my most fortitude thing. Why don't they make the hair look better then? Why are going on about the hair? The teeth that, why don't the teeth? So now you're slanging off my hair. I'm not talking on the hair.

But why don't the teeth make the hair look better? They do. Think what they would look like. Think what my hair would look like without my perfect teeth. My most force. thing is that I have finished my Envisaline. Because the thing is with Invisaline is what you don't know, Quazas, if you

haven't had Invisaline, is once you're finished, you're not finished. No, we're not finished. They tell you you're finished, but then you're not finished. You've still got another six weeks of braces, and then after that, you've still got another six weeks of checkups and whitening and the braces and the retainers, and

it's a whole fucking thing. So you've still got like three, four months on top of when you finished. I have now actually finished. Apart from the retainer out in the bar. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're all still dealing with that. Yeah. I've got the, I've got the braces in. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. The little bar behind your teeth. Yeah. But look at my teeth. They're amazing. Aren't they gorgeous? Yeah. Now we're both invisible lined up. We're so happy. I'm obsessed with my teeth. I wish they'd fucking sponsored us. Would have saved us both a lot of money.

You should have thought of that before we both did it. Have mine. It's done now. I can't go back. I can't go back. I'll tell you my most 40-ish thing and I think it's really tragic. It is tragic. Cool on. I'm, okay, I'm just going to say it. I made some giant marangs on the weekend. Okay, they were absolutely huge and I put them in like very large Ziploc bags to keep them fresh.

And then I put them into the big serving clatter that I was serving them on. And then I thought, oh no, those Ziploc bags, they're much too good to throw away. I'm just going to shake them out and put them back in the drawer. And I thought, oh my God. That's very middle age. Like when a Ziplot bag is too good to throw away? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, would you think about that in your 20s? No. No, no. You wouldn't have a zip lock bag? You'd be like, Mom, have you got any zip locks? Or you just wouldn't have a stash. Well, you wouldn't have a need.

No, you wouldn't have the need. That's more the thing. I mean, I wasn't living with Jackie when I was in my 20s. I had this real issue with like totes, tote bags. Cotton toats. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I can't chuck out. Or bags of any, even like a paper bag.

Bags in bags and bags. Sometimes I struggle to throw away like a Gail's bag. Do you? I do throw it away. I'm just being very clear. Yeah. Because I force myself. Yeah.

But like I have a real issue throwing bags away. Ollie's the same. But I do the job for him, so it's fine. Yeah. Otherwise we would literally live in bags. So I agree. So the Ziploc bag thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Also, because a meringue is like clean. It's not making any mess. Yeah. It's not going to. contaminate anything. No.

It's fine. Why wouldn't you put a sandwich in that or something? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm glad I'm not weird. Didn't need to. No.

No, it was just completely, yeah. Just shook out a few crumbs. Yeah. I have like lots of zip lock bags and they're in size order in the drawer, obviously, in their boxes. What happens if someone goes in that drawer and doesn't put them back in size order? I love that you think that anyone else in my house would use a Ziplock bag. Why would they do that? You know, I think about you.

Oh God. Yeah, God. I think about you most mornings when I'm emptying my dishwasher. Because I'm always emptying the dishwasher. No. Why? Because when I put stuff in my cutlery drawer, I always think, right? When other people empty the dishwasher and put stuff back in the cutlery drawer,

they never really put things back in the right place. It's sort of in the right place, but there'll always be like a teaspoon in with the big spoons and shit like that because they're not hot. Right. They're not that fastidious with it. Yeah. And I think of you. Yeah. And I think either, she's either trained all of her household to put everything back exactly where it belongs.

Correct. I don't know how that works. I have done that. Or you're the only person that enters a dishwasher. No. Have they are all completely trained. Big folks, little forks. No, no.

It doesn't need a signpost. It's fucking obvious where shit goes in the calorie drawer. Yeah. But they don't, they don't adhere to that. They just like chuck it all in. Wow. They are renegades. So sometimes I think, is it easier just to empty it myself?

Or shall I just put up with this shit? Like, which is it? I don't know. I think I just trained them really early. So, no, that would never happen. Also, they would never happen. No. There would never be a teaspoon with a big spoon.

I swear to you know. Also, they know to like put the glasses in colour order with the same glasses. And they're mismatchy glasses in the glasses cupboard. They're all stacked in the same colour. Like, no, they know. everything's very very very ordered and easy to see so it's fucking obvious where everything goes it might be fucking obvious but it doesn't mean that people adhere to it oh no there's a system and you adhere to my system or you move out that's true right here we go it's uh guiney central

today asking for a friend can you ask your listeners if itchy pubes are a peri thing It's driving me, I mean her, crazy. Well, I looked into this. Oh, did you? Yup, I did. And the answer is, you'll be totally unsurprised to hear. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Itchy pubes are a thing. Itchy pubes and surrounding intimate skin are common symptoms of perimenopause. Why? Declining estrogen levels causes the vulvo vaginal area to become thinner, dry and less elastic. and the dryness can affect the hair follicles and the delicate skin, leading to persistent itching. So it's actually a real thing.

So what can you use, vaginal estrogen? I looked into it. Yeah, it's vaginal estrogen, isn't it? Intimate moisturizers. Yeah. A hormone-free, water-based vaginal moisturiser. Don't get bath bombs. Yeah.

Don't get... Nothing really heavily fragrant. No, just plain water or gentle, fragrance-free, pH-balance, intimate washes. We're breathable cotton knickers. And if none of that works, consider topical estrogen. Viginal estrogen. But I'm going to say this because I really feel like I have to. If your itching is severe or persistent or you have like unusual odour or discharge or redness or it's sore,

please, please, go to the GP or a guine for a proper diagnosis because it could be other things. But yes. Listen, she was only asking if itchy pubes are a peri thing. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Yeah. But yeah, they are. Is that a symptom you've struggled?

I'm not struggling with that. So far, but who knows? Yeah, I mean, I'm not either. It could arrive any day. Yeah. I'll let you know. What a wonderful thing to look forward to. Itchy pubes.

I'll let you know. Special, special point in perimenopause. Oh, God. Okay, this is worse. Someone else said, maybe this is a meltdown, but you're the only ones I can express this to. Why have we become? I love it. I'm so here for it.

Can we talk about clitoral and vulval shrinkage during perimenopause slash menopause? I've just seen a video about it and it's horrifying. I'm 46. I do not want to believe this happens. The thought of my fanny shriveling up fills me with horror. I would like to keep it plump like the rest of me. Shrivels up? Yeah. What do you mean it's chrivels up?

It's chrottes. What does it do? It just kind of... Shrinks. What do you mean shrinks? Well, it like... What, it gets smaller? Your labia shrink.

Yeah. They are like basically less... Imagine your cheeks, like when they're nice and plump. And then when you get older, they kind of are a bit shriveled and they sag a little and they're thinner. Well, the same thing happens. Does it happen to men? Downstairs. Does that happen to men?

Just say yes. Well, their balls get lower. Well, they're not shrinking. They're not shrinking. They just swing lower, don't they? Lovely. Yeah, yeah. Well, it would have happened to me because I've had a facelift?

What? I haven't had a facelift. Yes, I have. Oh, downstairs. Well, it happened to me if I've had my facelift. Oh, it's... Well, you don't know. Why am I asking you?

I don't know. I don't know. Just say no. No. It will have happened to you. Actually, it's very weird that they wrote this because last night, was on substack and I always read through the essays that like tickle my fancy and one of them was all about the clitoris and how it is one of the, I mean you're going to love this fact.

It's going to blow your mind. It is actually one of the only things that grows during menopause. It gets bigger. The clitoris. Yes. That's good, right? Is it? Yes.

Why is it good? Because it gives you more, more sensitivity. More arousal, more everything. It grows. But you don't hear women talking about how they feel more aroused and that sex gets better as they hit menopause. You don't hear that. You know why?

Why? Because the people they're having sex with do not understand. This was all in the article, by the way. Yeah. The people that they're having sex with do not understand that women who are older need much more time to get there. They need much more lead-up time, much more foreplay, much more everything in order to get there.

But once they're there, they're having a better time than they're having in their 20s and 30s. And actually, lesbians are at our age having better sex than heterosexual people because the men are not understanding to give all the extra time beforehand. But that's why you hear a lot of women who hit their perimenopause slash menopause,

then they kind of find themselves and end up in, in gay relationships. I don't know if that's why they're in gay relationships, but they're definitely having the better sex in gay relationships. It's all about the orgasm gap. Much less... You know, it's something we haven't really talked about enough on these shows.

The orgasm gap? Yeah. Well, it's much less between lesbian couples than it is between heterosexual couples. No, no, of course we're not surprised. But anyway, I was quite pleased about that fact. It's like the only good thing about menopause. Just before we dive into your dilemmas,

a quick disclaimer, we are not doctors or health. healthcare professionals. We're really not a gay. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. If you're enjoying this episode, please share it with a friend and please subscribe. Just hit that follow or slash subscribe or tick button at the top

wherever you are listening. God, Nicole, this really is one for you, I think. It is, I know. Hi, please keep this in on. But I have a situation that's really upsetting me and I just wondered if in actual fact I am actually the one in the wrong here. One of my close friends was also my hairdresser and I'd been struggling for a while with finding her prices expensive

and also her pace very slow. I am not very good at sitting for long periods, especially when I'm having highlights. I am terrible at having difficult conversations face to face as I can never say things in the right way. So I sent her a message to explain that I needed to save a bit of money and I would like to go to a different hairdresser. I stressed that I didn't want it to affect our friendship.

Well, she has totally taken it the wrong way and no longer talks to me. I no longer get invited to get-togethers with the other girls in our group. I know I probably should have chatted face-to-face and not messaged, but is it so bad? Help, please let me have your thoughts, huge thanks. This makes me really sad. she hasn't you haven't done anything wrong you really haven't done anything wrong firstly you are entitled and allowed to go to whatever hairdresser you choose to go to and spend your money wherever you

please you don't need her permission and i actually think that if that is the reason that you are not being invited to get together's now that is really off does this ever happen to you yeah it has happened to me course it has. I was a hairdresser for 30 years. I cut all of my friends' hair. Yeah, they would go to other hairdresser at points. Did you mind? No, to be honest, I was always delighted to get, to get rid of people. I was. Unlike my friends that are listening would just laugh at that, because I was a very, very busy hairdresser. So if one of my friends said, I'm not going to come in anymore, I'm going to go somewhere else, it would have just been one less person to have to fit in. Would you have cared if she told you to your face

or sent you a text message about it? Would you have felt like you really could have told me? Like, don't text me that. It's a bit mean. No, I don't think I would have cared. I think it's fair for her to say I'm finding the price is a bit expensive so I'm going to go elsewhere.

I mean, it's not something you could really argue with. And it's not something that is anything to do with me. And if this is a very egotistical hairdresser, which it sounds like they are, that you've bruised their ego. and they can't get over themselves, but it's actually not about, it's not about you. It's not about your hairdressing.

It's about the prices. Neither someone can afford it or they can't. Well, also the fact she's very slow. But she hasn't said that in the message. No, obviously she hasn't. Also, she says I find it hard to sit there and have my highlights done, but it takes the time it takes. Highlights take ages anyway.

Yeah. No matter how busy, how quick you are. Yeah, that's true. So, no, it wouldn't have bothered me. But I was a very busy hairdresser anyway. Perhaps this woman isn't that busier hairdresser. and needs the business. And maybe that's why she's gotten so upset about it.

I don't know. It's hard to say. But is it the reason that she's not being invited now to do with that? Because that doesn't seem right to me. It feels like there's another piece of the puzzle that's missing. Don't you think so? I wonder if it's actually to do with the fact that you're not going to her anymore or if it's to do with the fact that you sent it my message and not did it face to face.

I don't know. I don't know if she would have taken it any better. if you did do it face to face. Do you know what I mean? Have a conversation about it. That's what I was going to say. I think you need to actually say to her, listen, if you feel hurt that I did it by text,

it wasn't to upset you. It wasn't me being callous. It's just I feel really awkward and I just did it because I feel awkward. And I'm sorry. Yeah. And I'm sorry if that upset you. No, never say I'm sorry that upset if that upset you.

I mean, you know, she didn't send a message. No, but you know what I mean about apologising. I do. I do know what you mean. but I'm saying she didn't send it by message to upset her. She just was trying to avoid a difficult conversation. By the way, we've done a show on having difficult conversations on self-care club. And we're both still shitted it.

Yeah, but it's a really good show. It's a brilliant show. Yeah. But we're both still shushed at it. Yeah. It's hard. I don't think you've done anything wrong personally, but that's just my opinion. And I have been in that position many, many, many times.

Now, I've had it before when I was doing people's hair who were, very good friends. Not very good friends. They were good. They were friends. Yeah. And I had done their hair four years. Yeah. And they went elsewhere and they didn't tell me. And they just went elsewhere. And then I would see them out and about. I mean, I didn't socialize with them. But we were in each other's lives enough that I would see them. And they didn't tell me. And I found that very rude. Because I've done their hair for like 20 years. Right. So you'd rather be told that someone's leaving you than they just leave. Well, it's a bit odd, isn't it? If you're doing someone's hair, I was doing their hair every week, and I was cutting their hair every six weeks,

and suddenly I wasn't. And then I had to see them at some party, and obviously their hair is, I haven't been doing it. And so there's an awkwardness. So they've caused an awkwardness. It's like, well, am I now going to ask you where you're getting your hair done? It's weird. I don't know, but you know, I was at a nail salon the other day, and there was a big, big hair flowers in the window, and I said to the girls, is it someone's birthday? And she said, no, a client sent them in this morning to say, I'm very sorry, I'm not coming to you anymore. I'm going to like the rival shop.

And I thought, that is extra. Really extra. Like it's, you don't have to explain to your nail salon why you're going to another nail salon. But obviously her guilt was, her guilt was worth, her guilt was worth 50 to 60 pounds in flowers. I was like, wow, it's a bouquet of guilt. They're like, yeah, it totally is.

See, that's too much. that's weird and also it's like what do you expect me to do with these like I don't feel good about this no they didn't feel good about the flowers that's why they were sitting in the window so when I saw these people

at the party and by the way the hair looked exactly the same yeah so it's like well why have you bothered upsetting me going somewhere else not really dealing with it and now there's an awkwardness between us your hair to look exactly the same I don't really understand that and it wasn't a financial thing

it wasn't then I got a message a year later from one of them saying, oh I really hope you understand I just needed a change and it wasn't anything to do with you but I just wanted to go somewhere more locally

that's absolutely fine but I literally wrote back and said you could do as you wish and go wherever you want but I wish you'd have told me this a year ago why are you telling me a year later it doesn't sit well a year later it would have sat well a year ago when I had Josh and when he was really little I thought I can't be dragging him to a salon and I'd get my colour done and my cut done so I had a hairdresser who used to come to the house which was really helpful and he was young and he always he always arrived and he was always starving and I'd always end up making him his favourite sandwich which was cheese and pickle with crisps inside and then he'd cut my hair and then he'd leave and I'd have to clear up the sandwich and sweep my own hair up off the floor

And once Josh was a bit older and at nursery, I could go back to the hairdressers. I was like, well, I don't want to do this anymore because I'm now paying someone. I have to wash my own hair first. I'm paying someone to sweep up my own hair and I have to make him a sandwich and a cup of tea. No, why am I doing that? When I go to the hairdressers, someone makes me a cup of tea. Yeah. So I just stopped using him.

But I didn't really feel like I needed to say goodbye to him. And also I'd given his number to so many of my friends who were then all using him as well. So I felt like he had a lot of business for me. it was fine, but I didn't say goodbye. Listen, clients come and go. Sure. All at the time, you lose a client and you gain a client. That's just the nature of how it works.

So I certainly did not expect everybody to explain to me why they weren't coming to me. I really didn't. Do they have to? No, they absolutely don't. Although I was thinking about it. I have two friends who we trained together and both of them individually

have cut my hair over the years. And then I was going to one of them, but he works miles away from me and he was cut in my hair for a while. Yeah. And then I just couldn't be bothered with the trekking miles wears. Loved the way he did my hair.

And so I went to the other one. And then we all go out for dinner, the three of us. And I did say to him, by the way, I'm not coming just because you're miles away. I really don't think he gives a shit whether I go or whether I don't. He's been hairdressing as long as I have. But anyway, I'm going back to him tomorrow. And I did find myself sending him a message saying,

I'm coming in tomorrow at 10. I hope that's okay with a question mark. As in because I haven't been to him for months. Of course it's okay with him. It's his business. He's like, no problem. Well, I'm also his friend. I don't know.

It's complicated, actually. There is something very personal about the hairdresser client relationship. It's very personal. You talk to them about all your personal stuff and they're dealing with and touching your hair, which is no one really does that. A person. A beautician. Does that? Your hair.

No, touches you. Yeah, but, you know, someone touching and cutting your hair is a very intimate thing. So it is a bit of an intimate relationship, but also it's transactional. Do you know what the manicure said to me the other day? She said, I can always tell how somebody is. And I said, how is that? She said, because please remember, I am holding somebody's hand. I thought that was amazing.

Well, she can feel if you're tense, if you're relaxed, if you're a bit shaky. It's a very intimate thing for someone to hold your hand. It is. Yeah. But it's also transactional. So it's kind of, it's a bit complex. I'm sorry you're being excluded. I am too and I would really, if you can, have a talk with her.

I think it's time that you have a direct conversation with her and ask her and say to her, if I upset you, like I am sorry if I did this wrong and badly, it was purely because I didn't know how to manage it and perhaps I did it in completely the wrong way. But can we just start again? But honestly, listen to the show on how to have a difficult conversation or self-care club before you have the conversation. But the problem is it's now not about the hair, is it? Now there's so much more in the space. About the conversation.

Have it. It's going to be okay. Just talk to her. Okay, my meltdown is as follows. I don't know if it's a meltdown or a glow up. I don't really know. You're not going to be happy about it. So I made this cake for my mother-in-law's 80th birthday.

It was pretty fantastic. It looked amazing. It was pretty cool. It was like a number cake I did an 8 in a zero. You were like frosting rosemary or whatever you were doing. It was crystallising rosemary. Why? Because it looks pretty.

And I made my own lemon curd from scratch. It was really, it was really pretty and it tasted good. Anyway, I put it up, it was an Otolengi recipe. So I put it up on my Otolengi cooking club group. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I took your recipe from the lunch that we had, this guy who made the cake, and I actually used the recipe for the dinner.

And this woman said, oh, that's absolutely amazing. Can I, um, can I hire you to make my mother's birthday cake? She's 94 next week. And I was like, I'm not, I'm not really, I'm not really quite sure if you said yes. Did you say yes? I was like, I'm not quite, we've got the podcast show this week.

Did you say yes? I don't know. I don't know her. So I was like, I'm not quite sure if you're joking or not, but I'm not like a professional baking. She went, no, no, no, I'm going to commission you because I don't, I don't bake. I cook, but I don't bake.

I'm going to commission you and I'm going to start you off on your journey. And I was like, I really thought about it. I really thought about it. And then I said, when do you need the cake for? She said Friday. And I was like, I've got the podcast. cost you Wednesday and Thursday. I've got to do my actual job. And she was like, well, that's not going to work. It's a lunch thing on a Friday. No, it's not going to work. Because I can't become a

professional baker. Not, not Wednesday Thursday. Not on Wednesday. That would take you like three days. It wouldn't know, because now I know what to do. So I think I'd be a lot quicker. How long would it take you a whole day? No. It really wouldn't. I'd say three hours. Oh, yeah. Okay. So now I'm like, I said to Ollie, am I, is this, is this my future? I'm I'm like going to become this like middle age slash old woman who like has 10 dogs and bakes cakes because what I'm feeling is like there's going to be a lot of dog hair in the cakes and will I just wear an apron all day for the rest of my life? You know you don't have to do that.

I know but I sort of could see this parallel future where I just foster and adopt dogs and bake. And I was like, do I hate that for my old lady self or do I love it? Where do I fit into this? Where's the podcasting in this? I'm talking about when I'm old. I'm old. But you already think you're old. I am old, but when I'm like probably old.

Where do you fit into this? You can just come be with me all day, every day. How are we going to talk shit? We can just talk shit. We just might not be able to record it. No. No. I'm not going to.

Okay, so I'm not going to. Okay, so you can do that and then what am I going to do? What will I do? What is my next career path? Paddle coach? No. I'm going off. paddle a bit.

Mumsy influencer. I'm like not as obsessed for paddle as I was. Okay. It's not hitting the same. It's around its course. No, no. No.

It's not hitting the same. Okay, what is going to come next? It could be anything with you. I never know. I know. Me neither. That's the thing. You literally could tell me next week you will not believe this,

but I've got into cross stitch. It's unreal. No. It will be exercise related. It would be a movement thing. Yeah. You could do figure skating. I mean,

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise. If you were like, I took one of the kids to an ice rink and I just decided to have a go. And actually, I'm really good. And now I bought these skates. And do you know that Lulipon, do a skate skirt? I didn't know that. And Adidas, do ice skates, and I've got them in pink. And I'm actually going to order them in the Lyleuck for summer.

Okay. Great. Listen, if Addie does a new lemon on board, so am I. Nothing would surprise me. No. It could be anything. Figure skating. though. Why not? Why not?

Although I saw someone on Instagram this morning doing golf, I thought, or maybe. Golf? Yeah. I think golf is a little... Still for me. Well, I was going to say a little lesbian-centric. It's quite a lesbian sport. Golf? Yeah. You could meet

like your future wife there. Oh. That would be weird. Lesbian-centric. I think it is, yeah. Is it? Yeah, a bit, like tennis. Tennis is not.

Lesbian sent me. Yes, it is. What's the famous lesbians play tennis? One. One lesbian. Well, it's a... Name another one. Popperin Martina. Name another one. Her wife. She doesn't play tennis. And you know how I know that? Her name's Julia. Her wife is Julia. I know her really well because she was in Real Housewives in Miami. She? Yes. So was Martina.

Oh, I did not know Martina was in Real Housewives in Miami. Yeah. She? Martina Navarato. It was on Real Housewives. I mean, golf certainly has outfits that I could see you in. Yep. It's a bit outdoorsy. You could carry off that advisor.

I could. Yeah. Anyway. No, Paddle hasn't... You could join a golf club. I could see that for you. Yeah. Yeah.

You could. You'd make loads of golf club friends. I would make so many friends at the golf club. I'm just having lunch at the golf club. Yeah. Yeah. Where are you? I'm teeing off.

Yeah. This is totally working. Now I'm going to have to listen to the show. Oh, you won't believe it. On Tuesday. My ball went into the bunker and it was so funny because Isabel had to go into the bunker and get my bull. Then I was like, Isabel, that's not my ball because my balls are yellow. And she was like, oh, Nicole, you're always getting your ball in the bunker.

And then me and Isabel had lunch. I love Isabel. Isabel's my NBA. And at the golf club, they make this really nice iced tea. Okay, I'm already fed up at the golf club. Me too. I'm already over it. What's next?

not to golf. No, I still like panel. I love the game. Yeah. I just, I just need a bit, I just need a minute. Okay, that's fine. No, it's forcing you. No.

It's cool. No. My parking's about to run out. Again. Pause for parking. You can play some music now. Oh, I already did on the last show. Did you?

No. I did. While I parked the car. Yeah. It's very funny. You can read the listener meltdown while I part of the car. It's a long end. It'll,

give me plenty of time. I need to rant about my doctor's appointment at 4pm on a Friday. I love the fact that she included the date and time. I'm, you do your bargain. I'm 41 but having lots of symptoms of perimenopause. I get ringing in my ears and a sudden desperate urge to wee. So I thought while I am sure they are just another fun symptom, I better get checked. I've had these for months and just like the woman I am, I sucked it up and got on with

my life, just making sure I always know where the nearest toilet is. I am so feeling that. So, I finally plucked up the courage to talk to the doctors. I had made a list of all my symptoms, which the doctor hardly looked at. I have included this list for you. Embarrassing and all, but we are all friends here. It's a long list. It is a long list.

We've got the list. Trying to fight back the tears said, I just want someone to say, yes, you are perimenopausal, and everything you are feeling is perfectly normal, and you are not going insane. I said, I don't want or feel that I need HRT yet, at which point the doctor said, oh no, I would not give you that at 41. So the doctor checked me. It's okay.

Turns out I do have a water infection. The doctor, sorry, I'm not laughing about the water infection. No, I'm glad she's got it sorted. It's just the attention to the level of detail. The doctor basically said you've answered your own question and cannot get me out of that room fast enough. All those symptoms have got nothing to do with the water infection. No.

Well, only the weying. No chance to talk about my low mood. Didn't care that I get waves of anxiety. She just talked over me and wanted me gone. I left feeling worthless. A time waster. and I lost the battle with my tears and they were running down my face as I drove home. Now I'm angry.

Angry I wasn't listened to. Angry I wasn't taken seriously. This is why women don't go to the doctors or ask for help and support with women's health. Yes, I am young, but I'm still feeling all this. But now I don't feel I can go back when it gets bad in case I'm made to feel worse. And that's not fair. To make all the worse, to make it all worse, it was a female doctor. Thank goodness for friends and you both and the other listeners who share their stories

who have helped me feel better and normal and not alone, Riannon. Now, can I just say, do you want me to do the list of symptoms? I don't know. Should we share her list of symptoms? I don't know. I feel like maybe we shouldn't. I also feel like maybe we shouldn't. But I have read through the list of symptoms,

and they are 1 million gazillion percent perimenopauseal symptoms. I mean, some of them, I'll just do the basic ones. Brain fog, hot flushes, night sweats, always tearful, pins and needles in feet and pain when she's, She walks, very tired. Like, it goes on and on and on. Lack of sex drive. Like, it's real joint pain.

These are classics. Yeah. Classics. The thing is... And there was a lot of people on our Instagram yesterday saying I'm 39 and I started the perimenopause at 39. So, I mean, it's very common to start like younger than 45. The thing is, Rianin, I say this with absolute love. And yes, your doctor, especially a female doctor, should have given you.

They're full time and concern. No, they don't have it. They have nine minutes. But you know, some empathy for how you're feeling and some acknowledgement. But also, they are not there to just listen to your symptoms. That is what your friends and family and random podcasts are for. They are there to, they are there to diagnose and prescribe. So if you're going in saying, I don't feel like I want or need HRT,

what is it that you want the doctor to do? Because the doctor helped you with your water infection, which is great, and checked your ears, which is great. I guess if you do feel like you can go back, arm yourself and say, listen, could I'd like you to send me for bloods because I'd like to know exactly where I am with my hormone levels so that you're able to make an informed decision about if you feel like you may want to consider taking HRT and or you could ask the doctor for some alternative things like some supplements or you could look at your nutrition and you could look at your sleep or you could look at your alcohol intake. Yeah. So things like that to kind of the doctor could have said to you, let's have said to you, let's. get your blood to checked and find out where you are. And also here's some helpful things that may help with those symptoms in your lifestyle if you feel that you don't want to start HRT. They do make an enormous difference. They really do. So we're going to say look at those, right?

Yeah. And I would also say, you know, when she says, I don't feel like I need HRT, but you've given me like 15, maybe 18 symptoms on here. Then maybe it is time for that. I know it takes a while to get your head around it. But when you feel, shit you feel so shit and then it just sort of exasperates itself and then the minute the minute i had HRT everything changed and i felt so much better but and and that's a very personal thing it's so personal as to why you feel like you don't want or feel that you need it and I also felt like i didn't want or needed it but i tell you something when i forgot to put my patch on last week for one day i remembered why i do need it and indeed now want it yeah um

So, yeah, things to think about. But thank you for showing your rant and I'm absolutely sure that you are very much not alone in that. We will be back on Thursday with a brand new episode. Tuesday? Thursday. Thursday. Okay.

Doesn't matter. We're going to have. We're not going anywhere. We'll always be back. Nicole might be on the golf course. But if she's not. I might be baking. She might be on the golf course.

No. I don't want this for either. one of us. Can't we just stay together? Okay. Just stay together and let's just talk to it. Okay, we'll do that. Yeah. Okay.

I feel much better now. Okay, good. We'll be back on Thursday. Bye.