40ish - Jesus, Foreplay and Flirting in the banana aisle

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

This week on 40ish: Lauren finds her kindred spirit in the banana aisle of the supermarket and has worried herself into a hole about where on earth Nicole will park when they go to Mel Robbins live show. Nicole is feeling super smug after securing a parking space right next to the venue and proving her wrong. One listener wants to know after 22 years of marriage if an elbow nudge to the ribs counts as acceptable sex initiation from her husband (spoiler: she’s not thrilled). Meanwhile, a girl gang’s weekend away hits a spiritual snag as one of them has found Jesus and suddenly the prosecco doesn't feel quite so holy. Still, turning water into wine might come in handy… To buy tickets for our live show in October click here: https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Get 10% off Daily30+ today. Go to zoe.com/daily30 and use promo code 40ISH10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Breaking news coming in from Bet365, where every nail-biting overtime win, breakaway, pick six, three-point shot, underdog win, buzzer beater, shootout, walk-off, and absolutely every play in between is amazing. From football to basketball and hockey to baseball, whatever the moment, it's never ordinary at Bet365. Must be 19 or older, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connexontario.ca. Is Zoe's Daily 30 supplement possibly the most scientific way to support your gut? Well we think so and let's be honest, in midlife we need to be thinking about our gut

health. With Daily 30, Zoe have created a whole food gut supplement featuring over 30 hand-picked plants high in fibre that easily fits in with your day. You can add it straight to the meals and snacks you love, no steps required. Handy when you are already juggling brain fog and a million other things. Daily 30 isn't a synthetic green powder or probiotic, nope it's far better because it has whole ingredients and is packed with fibre and is good for gut health and digestion and by the way whenever we talk about what Daily 30 can do UK laws require us to say that it's a natural source of calcium which

supports digestion and copper which supports daily energy. Eating 30 plants a week is the more up-to-date advice than eating five fruit and veg a day. Diversity is king and when you grind plants to powders it destroys their food matrix but Daily 30 is a whole food gut supplement. Lastly and in our opinion most importantly it actually tastes great unlike most supplements and we use it to top it off our lunches we put it on salads scrambled eggs on a bowl of yogurt and berries. And my favourite thing is to sprinkle it on poached eggs and avocado toast. Basically we're obsessed with it and we use it on everything that we can.

Ready to make Daily 30 your new healthy habit? Well head over to zoe.com forward slash daily 30 to start this week. All 40ish listeners will get 10% off plus you'll get a free zoe tin and magnetic scoop with your order. Go to zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo code 40ish10. That's zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo code 40ish10. Hello everybody, welcome to 40ish, I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates what? The joys? Well, just being middle-aged, navigate being middle-aged, the truth and the relatability and the realness of being middle aged. That's the one. Yeah. That's what we talk about here. That's it. We don't

talk about from an expert point of view or for a doctor point of view or from a health point of view. We just talk about the real stuff. Like the real middle aged people of London, like the real housewives of midlife. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a franchise for you. Without the kind of Birkins and holidays and the diamonds, the drama and the plastic surgery and all of that. We sometimes have drama.

We don't often have plastic surgery. No. Not never. I don't. And I don't tend to. Me neither. Do you know what else? We've got a subscription. Oh, we have. We have. It's on Apple podcast. Please come over to there. We would absolutely

love to have you and you just go into Apple. You'll see it there when you come onto 40 ish and you can get all shows ad free this show and self care club. You get bonus episodes and you get early access. All for the price of a cup of coffee. Yep. So come join us. We'd love to have you. We really would come and be part of our club. What is the most 40ish thing that's happened to you this week?

Nicole Goodman. Well, you know, like everything is just everything. Everything that happens is me being in my late years of 40. Well, you can only be where you can be. Yeah exactly. How very profound. Thank you. We went to see Mel Robbins. Yes you and I. You and I we went to see Mel Robbins in London she was doing one day only you got us tickets I didn't really want to go did I? I wasn't that excited you were so shocked that I didn't want to go. I mean I booked these't that excited. You were so shocked that I didn't want to go. I mean, I booked these tickets in February. I sat in the reception of the

hotel on my phone for over an hour. I thought I'll never get them. I'll never get them. And I waited for the countdown. I got them and I was so excited. And I was like, you're never going to believe it. I've got us tickets to Mel Robbins. And you were like, nah. I was. I couldn't believe it. I really was. The world's number one podcaster and how was that show? Yeah the size says it was it was very meh. It was very mid as my children would say. It was so mid. In fact it was less than mid but it seems that we are the only people that have walked away feeling a bit meh about it. No no I spoke to my friend who we happened to see in the queue and she was like nah

come on mate I don't know a lot about Mel Robbins but I do know that you don't try your kids out to play guitar in the middle of your podcast show if you don't know who Mel Robbins is she is one of the biggest podcasters in the world she is an American coach and she says it how it is doesn't she's a motivational speaker but like one of the best yeah she wrote a book called the let them theory and it's just gone like I I think it's the fastest selling self improvement book of all time on Amazon. Yeah. Something like that. So 5 million copies. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So she's, she's a, she's a big hit. So yeah, it was, you know, as she came on and she's talking about all the fun we're going to have and all the things we're going to do and all the things that you're going to learn about and

all the ways in which you're going to walk out of here feeling amazing and you know, it's going to change your life. Yeah, you're going to learn tonight in the next two hours. But you know, I didn't learn much listening to her 25 year old daughter talking about her gap year in Cambodia and how she came back poor and unemployed because hello welcome to the world 25 year old. So she basically brought out her family. Yeah. It's like her family traveled with her and then I was being schooled by a 26 year old and then a 23 year old who played a song for us on her guitar. She talked about comparison she was a comparison expert whatever I do not need to be schooled by her children I didn't come here to be coached by your kids. I came here to listen to you. Anyway, my 40ish thing

was this. Right at the beginning, she gave you a tote bag with a notebook in it. She did. And you had to write, I think the saying was, this year I'm going to. This is the year that I will dot dot dot. Yeah. And she gave you a pen and a pad that said, if no one else tells you today, remember I love you. It was a bit cheesy. Do you think? I do. Yeah, I do think it's a bit cheesy. Yeah. I was nice. It was cute. Yeah. Anyway, so this is the year that I will. So we all had to write it down on our notebooks and then you had to finish the sentence for yourself. That's right.

And I turned to Lauren and I said, I was thinking of all the things that are going to happen to me this year. And I said to Lauren, this is the year that I'm going to probably lose all my friends due to my never ending mood swings. Yeah. Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we are not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. What is our first dilemma? Nicole Goodman in brackets Mrs. I don't think you've ever said that to me. Hi, love the podcast, longtime listener,

first time complainer. Here we go. I want to talk about foreplay and initiation. Oh, okay. I don't want to talk about this on the podcast. Come on, I want to hear her rant. So I've been married for 22 years. Yeah. And I need to talk about my husband's idea of initiating intimacy. And I use the word initiating very loosely.

Okay. Okay. Yep. Here's what happens. We get into bed. We both do our nightly doom scroll. Maybe one of us mentions how bloated we feel. The other one might mention how we really must book in the MOT. You know, the usual sexy stuff. And then just as I'm drifting off, I feel the elbow. Just a gentle nudge, to my ribs, no words, no eye contact, no cuddling and kissing, just elbow.

Okay. That is so rubbish. Okay. Apparently, that's the signal, she says. That's his version of seduction now. No seductive words or any words at all, just elbow. Unless I count the one night he lit one centre candle, well that's quite good and gave me a look like he summoned the sex gods. I don't respond or pretend to be

asleep or God forbid say I'm tired, he does this dramatic sigh and rolls over like I've just rejected some grand romantic proposal. So I guess my question is this, is this normal? Is this just what happens after two decades of marriage? And if it is, should I start elbowing back if I am up for it? Is that where we are now? Anyway, love you guys. Please help J.H. Okay. Her questions are what? Is this normal? Well, I mean, everyone has their own shorthand, don't they? In a long term marriage? I have to tell you, I, I, yes. And you always, you always say to me that you know if you're going to have sex in the

morning, like you don't need it to be like it suddenly is a thing at night. Like you already know in the morning if it's going to happen or not happen. I don't agree with that, but you know, everyone's different. My kids told me the other day because there was a TikTok video of us and I was talking about being in a thong. I think I mentioned it on here or on self care club. I don't know somewhere. Yeah. And they were like, please mom, please just stop. Please. I said, well, I can't really stop posting a podcast. Stop, stop with the thong and the sex and the just stop. I mean, the sex is what got them here in the first place. So they'll have to get over that.

Just tell them what I do. We only did it three times and we didn't like it. I did. I do. Yeah. Yeah. I do say that. Yeah. I do say that. Yeah. But now I'm being asked what's normal, which would require me to delve into my own sex life, which I'm not actually willing to do. We don't have to delve into your own. We can just say, I think in a long-term marriage, there is a shorthand that couples often do. And also after 22 years of marriage, do you need a whole seduction piece? Do you need this? Yes. Do you?

Yes. Don't you? No? You don't need a whole seduction thing. You don't need a bit more of an effort than an elbow. Come on. You're happy with an elbow? An elbow. I mean, she calls it elbow. I would call it like a friendly nudge. It's the equivalent of a wink, isn't it?

You're okay with this. You think this is okay and an acceptable way to seduce your wife or slash husband Slash partner. I'm not like loving it, but I'm also not not okay with it I feel a bit like what what does she want at this point? She wants seduction So she wants to get into bed talk about how bloated they are talk about the MOT and then no I don't think what does she want? I don't think she wants to talk about how bloated she is and I don't think she wants to Talk about the MOT. No one wants to talk about the MOT. A. Never want to talk about the MOT. B. Nobody wants to be bloated let alone talk about it. No. I see nobody wants

a fucking elbow in the back ribs to say okay it's time for sex now. I don't think that's what he's saying okay it's time for sex now. I think he's saying, Hey, hey, are you up for it? Hey, hey, you watch sirens. I have. Hey, hey. Maybe she could say to him, dude, I'm not into the elbow. If you want to do it, maybe ask, maybe use your words. I think he could put in a little bit more effort than a couple of words or an elbow. But after the elbow, you don't know what happens after that. That's just his way of saying, Hey, hey, are you up for it? I'm going to assume because she's written into us to complain about it, that not much is happening after the elbow because she's fucked off about it. Oh, I didn't get that vibe. I just get the vibe that she doesn't like his initiation ceremony there isn't a

ceremony ceremony oh come on no there is no way there is no way appropriate then something a bit more sensual something a bit more tactile, something a little bit more sweet, thoughtful, seductive, sexy. I don't know, I feel like I'd find that kind of annoying. I would. I wouldn't. Why would you find that annoying? You'd prefer like get into bed, talk about the MOT and then they're like, hi. Forget the MOT. Forget the MOT. I think she was just using it as an example of like we're having mundane everyday chat.

We all get into bed and have really boring chats about things, don't we? Don't we? I mean, often by the time I get into bed, Adam is half asleep. So. But even so, you can still manage a very dull chat about the logistics of the next day. Or the logistics of the household. That's what I mean. And that's quite hard to then turn into some

sweet talking seduction affair. It's quite hard to flip that narrative. Like I said to you, I think these things, I've said it to you before, I think they need a bit more planning. I think when you've been married for 22 years, I think it needs to be a little bit more planned and a little bit more thought about, a lot more thought about. If the elbow is not okay, and I cannot

believe that you think it is. I don't think it's okay, but I don't think it's not okay. I do. I just think it's his way of asking, are you up for it? I know it is his way of asking if you are up for it. It's juvenile and it's not very nice. It's a very long marriage. So? Doesn't mean he has to, doesn't mean that he has to. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no there's a big difference between an elbow and rolling out the red carpet. There is a lot in between. There is. Okay, there's things in between.

There are things in between. It's not the worst thing I've ever heard. That's what I'm saying. She's not saying it is. I think you're being very extreme about it. She's saying is this normal? Should I like expect something better? I'm a bit bit off about it.

Like, am I going mad? Do I need to put up with this or should he be making a little bit more of it? Like, I think her, her conversations, her questions are completely valid. Her complaints are completely valid. And I would say to her, use your words and tell him to use his. Just explain. Elbowing me in the ribs is not a tantrum for me. How about you try X, Y or Z? Yeah. Come on. What was he doing before the elbow? That's what I'd like to know. Talking about the M.O. fucking T.

No, I meant in the years before the elbow. Probably more than that. To get to 22 years of marriage. He didn't start out with an elbow. And I can tell you now, the first time they had sex, there was no elbow. No one starts with an elbow. No, or you don't end with one. I think this is very standard. Yeah. Unless you're the kind of...

Standard, but also not okay. Unless you're the couple who diarises. I don't know any of those couples, but they probably do. They've just probably haven't told you. Well, why would they tell me? Exactly. I don't ask anybody. You probably do know couples who do that. Do you do that? I don't actually do that, but I'm not against the concept. I'm not. I'm not either. Because I'll tell you why I used to think it was a bit weird. I used to think it was a bit like no you don't schedule in sex and then I was listening to some podcast or other and they were like this is a nonsense this whole issue around scheduling sex because if you think about it when you were dating this person in

the first place and you didn't live together but you were seeing each other let's say you saw them on a Tuesday night and a Thursday night you knew perfectly well that you'd be going out for dinner or whatever you're doing then you'd be having sex. So essentially you were scheduling sex for Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's just then you started living together, got married, had kids. You didn't need to schedule it anymore. And you didn't need to because you were in the same place. But actually the scheduling worked because when you scheduled those dates you had the sex. But that's like saying to schedule a date night isn't it?

Yeah but sometimes you come back from the date night and you've had a bit too much to drink or you are a bit bloated or you are a bit tired or a child needs an email sending or you've got to pay the babysitter or you know. Yeah yeah yeah or someone needs cow polled or like the dog's cocky. The dog's done a wig. You know it's like mood killer. Feels so sexy by the time you get upstairs. Come on then.

So I was in the supermarket in the banana aisle. Yeah, I can see. Because I don't the supermarket. Yeah. In the banana aisle. Yeah I can see yeah. Because I don't know why but like in my house I feel like I buy about 20 bananas a week and they're gone three days later. Do you feel like you go through a lot of bananas? I either go through all the bananas immediately. Yeah. Or I go through no bananas. I said this to you the other day with the apples. Oh the apples. The apples are either gone, hopped. Everyone's had an apple. Everyone needs an apple. Apples are gone. Or apples will sit in my fridge for weeks on end until I chuck them away. What's that about? It's either or.

And with, and avocados. I feel like they're too hard. They're too hard. They're too hard. You go upstairs and blow dry your hair. You come down, it's off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's that about? What is that about? You have about a 40 second window where you can eat the avocado. And also, I either have 20 avocados or no avocados. Or you have two avocados and you get really excited for the avocado and you open the avocado. You're like, oh no, it's off. Anyway, I'd run out of bananas. Again, this seems to be a problem. However many I buy, it's never enough. Now I've started giving the puppy half a banana in the morning, so she's adding to the banana usage. Anyway, I'm in the aisle, the banana aisle, and there's

a man standing next to me, a midlifer, like you and me, and he's chatting away. Chatting? Chatting. To you. And I'm like, oh, sorry, because you know, I'm not paying any away and I'm like, Oh, sorry. Cause you know, I'm not paying any attention. I'm looking at bananas. I'm sorry. What?

And he went, Oh, I'm really sorry. I was talking to myself. And I said, I'm so glad you said that because I talk to myself all the time in supermarkets. It's not just you. And we ended up having this whole chat about how it's okay to talk to yourself in the supermarket. I felt so seen. You know, it was so nice. What was he talking about?

He was just talking to himself. No, about what? Bananas? I couldn't really hear, which is why, yeah, probably the bananas, which is why I was like, I'm sorry, what, what did you say? He felt so kind of validated and he felt like he was normal. And I felt so seen because I met a fellow midlifer who also talks to themselves in the supermarket. You know what? It was a beautiful, beautiful, I'm going to have to interrupt just for a moment because

you've said it twice now and I don't really feel like I can let it go a third time. You don't just talk to yourself in the supermarket. You just talk to yourself. Okay. I did. You talked yourself in the car. You talked yourself in the. Okay, I do. You talk to yourself in the car. You talk to yourself in the kitchen a lot. A lot. How do you know? Because if you're there, then I'm talking to you. You're not though. You mutter. You mutter to yourself. You mutter. I do. Yeah, you do. So it's not just in the supermarket. Especially in the supermarket. And I feel like you've fed him a lie. You mean I fed him a lie? You misrepresented yourself because you were like, oh, I only, I talk to myself in the supermarket too. No, I just said to him, market words are irrelevant

because you just talk to yourself. I think I said to him, I talk to myself all the time. It's okay. What was he talking about? I couldn't hear. He was, he was muttering to the bananas, probably like, you're not right. You're not ripe, you look ripe. So he actually wasn't talking to himself, he was talking to the bananas. I don't know. I just heard him muttering. I thought he was talking to me and then I thought don't talk to a woman in the banana aisle, it's problematic. But he wasn't talking to me so it was fine. Well he was eventually. Maybe that's his chat up line. It's his chat up line. He wasn't talking to himself.

He really, really just, it wasn't a chat up line. He wasn't talking to himself. He really, really just, it wasn't a chat up side. How do you know? I reckon you would miss those signals. I may miss many signals. I reckon if some bloke in the supermarket, a fellow midlifer, was chatting to himself in the banana army. What could he possibly be saying? It was a total ruse to get to talk to you. It wasn't. It was. It was. I mean, that's very nice. So basically what's now happened is what's happened. You're being chatted up in the banana section of the supermarket and you have just confessed that you talked

to yourself and then he's like, fuck that. I thought she was hot. She looked around my age. I'm leaving now. Did he, how long was he talking to you for after that? It wasn't a very long conversation. No, didn't he, Galvin, leave? Oh, there's a very attractive young woman. I'm sorry. There's a very attractive woman. I'm going to see if I can try my luck with her. So he probably was talking to you. I think he was actually there first to be fair to him. And I sauntered along. Oh, so you were chatting him up. I really wasn't talking to him.

No. I mean, that has happened to me once when I didn't realize someone was chatting me up. I just wasn't talking to him. I mean that has happened to me once when I didn't realize someone was chatting me up. I just wasn't cute. What did you realize? Well, I met a man. I was very much married. I met a man and he was really nice and we got on really well. We chatted, we were chatting away. There's a party and he was like a friend of a friend. So it was like just a friend thing. And I know exactly what I know exactly what you're going to say. Is this the guy that tried to kiss you?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He asked me if I would like to buy some bananas. He asked me if I would like to dog walk with him, go on a dog walk with him to the woods. And I was like, Oh, so I went home and I said to Ollie, Oh, blah, blah, blah. I was asked me, this wasn't that long ago. Cause I remember you telling me about this. Blah, blah, blah. I was asked me if I want to go and walk the dogs, go and walk the dog with him.

And he was like, Oh, I didn't know he had a dog. What kind of dog does he have? I was like, he doesn't have a dog. And he went, okay, he doesn't want to go on a dog walk with you. I was like, what? Anyway, I rang up my friend, a man, and I was like, blah, blah, blah has texted me and said, he texted you after. Oh, why did we have your number? We had each other's numbers because we're afraid he was a friend of a friend. It wasn't a weird thing. Then I asked my male friend, I was like, no, I asked my male friend, blah, blah, blah, texting me and he asked if I wanted to walk the dog and he was like, Oh, what kind of dog does he have? I said, that's what he said. He doesn't have a dog. And he went, Lauren, he doesn't want to walk the dog with you. He wants to fuck with you. I was like, Oh, no, no, no.

Why would that be? He doesn't want to do that. Why? Why? Why course he doesn't? He was like, let me put it to you this way. If you go out and walk Barker with this man and all of a sudden in the middle of the walk, he pushes you against a tree and tries to touch your boobies. What would you do? I would be like, no, no, no, no, we're just walking the dog. And he was like, like, come on, get a grip. He doesn't have a dog like over my head. Honestly, I had no, I had no clue. Anyway, we didn't walk the dog. But even if he had a dog, yeah, it's weird. It's not weird to go on a dog walk with someone. I went on a walk with an old friend the's weird. It's not weird to go on a dog walk with someone. I went on a walk with an old friend the other day.

It's so normal to walk dogs together. But he's an old friend and I hadn't seen him for a while and he wanted to ask me something. So he went for a walk. Anyway, we didn't walk Barker together and that was the end of that because then I was really worried. Like, well, if he did push me up against a tree and touch my boobies, it would be really embarrassing. Embarrassing?

More than embarrassing. It would be really embarrassing. So embarrassing, more than embarrassing, really awkward, highly inappropriate and awkward, non-consensual. I mean, there's a lot of problems with that a lot. Anyway, should we get on to our next dilemma? Yeah. Hi Lauren, hi Nicole. Hi. I have a dilemma that I don't think you have dealt with before. I have lost my friend to Jesus.

Oh God. We haven't dealt with that before. I am 47. I recently went on a weekend spa break with some girlfriends. Our WhatsApp group for our trips away is called Air Bitch and Bitch. I love that. Oh, like Airbnb. Basically, everyone pretends that they're going to relax but ends up ordering wine at lunchtime and gets drunk in a robe having a solid bitch by 3pm and then a nap. That sounds amazing. Oh dreamy. Some years ago, a girl in our group got so wasted that she fell asleep during a treatment and kept muttering,

where are my crisps? Her nickname ever since has been walkers. My friend recently moved towns and started going to church because her husband encouraged it and now she is really into it, like really into it. Whilst we were away, she asked if we could change the WhatsApp group name to Girls Weekend Away. Oh, God. Oh, so she's become like a proper Christian. And she asked us all privately to join her in only calling walkers by

her real name and then quoted something about kindness from the Bible. She ordered a jug of mocktail for the table at lunch because she said that she felt our rowdiness caused by alcohol was not very becoming. This was a girl who back in the day used to wear bikini top and cowboy boots to the pub as a legit daytime outfit. I really like my friend but now that Jesus wants her for a sunbeam, she is a lot less fun. We are seriously considering not including her on our next trip. Thoughts, please. Tricky. Got any religious friends? Yeah. Yeah, me too. And also one of my closest closest friends, she wasn't. And then she met her now husband. I mean, they've been married for 25

years. And he was very religious. Right. So she it was either his way or the highway. Well, she either had to embrace his lifestyle or not. It wasn't going to work otherwise because he was a always has been, and it still is a very religious man. Um, and she's very religious. Okay. I mean, I found surprisingly when I met one of my friends, who is very religious, she was subversively so naughty. Like, you know how you always say that I'm a little

bit naughty. She would like sneak Marlboro lights in the car. What's wrong with that? I feel against the religion. Nothing. But what I'm saying is you just, I had this preconceived idea. You believe people are wholesome. Yeah. No, my friends are not wholesome. She was not wholesome. My friends are wholesome. She was like a bad girl. Well, what? Who lived by the rules. Yeah, she was. I think you could be religious and still be adventurous and still have a wild

spirit and be very fun. Yeah. She was very fun. Those two absolutely coexist, which they absolutely coexist with my friend. She's loads of fun. Yeah. She's more fun than me. In fact, she says that I'm really boring because I go to bed early. My friend was also really fun. So I think that this friend, unfortunately, it's not the religion that's making her boring. It's the way in which she is responding to it. Do you think maybe because it's a new thing, she's really leaning in? But the thing is, is that it's a new thing, she's really leaning in. But the thing is, is that just because that's your way, it doesn't mean that you should put that on others. How other people live and how other people think

and how they behave and the nicknames they wanna give their mates is up to them. You can't take that away from them. I don't think you should not invite her. I think you need to have a conversation with her one-on-one. Like, look, obviously there's been big changes for you and I'm really supportive of it and I'm so happy that you're getting so much from your religion now and I really support it. I'm going to ask that you don't ask me not to change my behavior just because something's shifted for you.

Well maybe what will happen is, as this goes on, that she might feel like this girl gang, air bitch and bitch, is just not for her anymore, and she will naturally move away from them, if she doesn't feel like it's a lifestyle that she wants to follow. When you get very into something, it's all consuming, and it might calm down a bit.

Yeah, it might. But I exercise a lot, but it doesn't mean that I have, I'm the authority on how people should move their body and if they should exercise and I ram it down their throat. I mean, I did say that to my friend the other day, I did say you need to exercise. Yeah, I know. But I don't like it's, if we all go away and I want to go for a run and no one else wants to go for a run, then I'll just go for a run. I don't throw it on people.

I don't think I throw it on people. You know what I mean? Like everyone's got different lifestyles. We just all got to support each other and accept each other for who we are and what we do. But if they go on their air bitch and bitch and they want to get pissed and call our walkers and they feel like they can't really do those things because it's being frowned upon, that's also not much fun. But I think, I think it needs a conversation. And I think it would clear itself up.

Would you change the name of the WhatsApp group? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. And I would talk to her about it. And it's an awkward conversation, but I know. Why? Just because something's shifted for you, it doesn't mean that it's shifted for the rest of us. And I don't think we all have to move in the direction you're moving in. Like we all just need to accept each other. And if you're not comfortable with the name of the group, come off the group. It's a tricky one. It is, but I don't believe that they should all

bend over backwards to accommodate her because she suddenly had this life transformation. I think that she needs to accept that they haven't and they're good and that she should just do her thing. Imagine if Jesus was your midlife breakdown. I mean, there are worse things. Tricky because I'm Jewish. So, I mean, it would cause a lot of other issues. It would be new. Yeah. But you know, very surprising. There are worse things that can happen to you than finding Jesus in midlife. I mean, I don't even know if that's a breakdown. It might be a break up, a glow up breakthrough. Yeah. I'm sure

this is her crisis. I'm sure it is for her. Like in a good way. Maybe she's like, I'm halfway through my life. I want to live the rest of it. To have meaning. Wholesomely. Yeah. Walking hand in hand with our Lord and savior. You know, maybe that's how she feels. Which is amazing. And I am totally here for that. What I'm not here for is trying to change

other people's behaviors because it no longer suits you. It's not okay. They're old friends of yours. Awkward. Awkward chat. It is awkward. Good luck. Good luck to you, St. Mary. I mean, that's my opinion anyway, as in to talk to her. What would you do? I would find that a really difficult thing to talk about because I'd want to say, you know what? I'm really glad you found Jesus, but you're a right boring cow now. You know,

but you know, some friends, you can say that happened to you. Sometimes you can say that to you. You would say it to me. Where have you gone? You'd be like, you are so fucking boring. What is going on with you? That's what you would say. Do I need to worry? I don't think I would say to you, you are so fucking boring. What is going on with you? That's what you would say. Do I need to worry? I don't think I would say to you, you are so fucking boring. I think that is quite insulting. You would never say that to you. You would, you would be like, why, why are you in the synagogue all day and not on the paddle court? What's happening here? Something happening here? Do I need to worry about this? Yeah. Is this a thing now? You'd be like, I'm sorry, I can't, I can't go out with you on Saturday because I'm keeping the Shabbat. And I'd be like, Oh, yeah, but I can't, I, you know, and I

would really prefer it if you kept the Shabbat. Like, how would you feel about that? Oh, and I can't come around to your house anymore because you've got tritzo in your fridge. Yeah. I'd be like, what? What do you mean? It's a non kosher meat for those wondering what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Why have you got your milk and your bacon in the same or you know, I don't know. It's hard. I would wonder what was going on with you. But wouldn't you just talk to me about it? Well, I would say to you, are you now religious? Is this now a thing? You wouldn't talk directly to me about it. I would ask you, have you now found God? And if you were like, yes, I have. God has got me through the perimenopause. You fucking wish. I don't need estrogen. Are you now pushing me into

God? You are, aren't you? I mean, honestly, if that was the solution, I've now found that prayer is better than estrogen. I'd be like, okay, okay, okay. Can we still do the podcast? If only prayer was better than estrogen Easter gym, but it isn't. To be honest, you haven't tried. There's nothing. You haven't tried. It's the only thing I haven't tried. Well, let's be honest.

Well, we give it a go. That is our show of 40ish. We're going to be back on Tuesday for a brand new episode of Unfiltered. If you want to be in touch, hello at 40ish.co.uk and we are releasing a self care club on Monday. Come over to our subscription on Apple podcast. For 99 month, you get bonus episodes, ad free and early access. We'd love to have you and we'll be back on Tuesday. Bye!