40ish - Lauren's Mum, Nicole's Menopause and The Nice Willy

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

This week on 40ish Lauren’s mother - Jackie - joins the ladies in the studio and they give her quite the initiation. It’s dirty talk, toilet rolls and all the midlife mayhem you’d expect.  We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Ready to make Daily 30 your new healthy habit? Head over to zoe.com forward slash daily 30 to start this week. We are offering all our 40ish listeners 10% off plus you'll get a free Zoe tin and magnetic scoop with your order. Go to Zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo code 40ish10. That's Zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo code 40ish10. This episode is sponsored by Zoe. Last week, mid-shenanigans, he leaned in and asked me to talk dirty. She should at least have included something about balls, don't you think? They're not sexy either.

Sorry. Some people are fine without estrogen. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's not fair. Sorry. Some people are fine without oestrogen. They're just fine, they just float through. They're like, oh no, Jackie, I had a hot pool last year, I was fine. I didn't notice. It's like my whole life falls apart. Hello everybody, welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates the challenges, the absurdities

of 40-something life in every episode. We discuss your problems, your issues, your rants that you have kindly shared with us. I thought we were dropping this bit. Well, apparently we're not. We're not dropping it. And today, today, Nicole Goodman, I don't really know why this has happened but it's happened. We've got a special guest. We have. It's my mother. Welcome Jackie. Thank you. Jackie's here. To explain, my mom came on because we were doing a, she was joining us on an episode of Self Care Club and she's here so we just thought you know

fuck it let's have a 70-ish view on the world today. Jackie's delighted that you've just told her 40 her age. Well, that is going to feature. So it's just best that we get it all out in the open, isn't it? If you say so. Okay, I'll tell you, I'll tell you DJ X has got me in trouble again. For people that don't know who DJ X is, just explain. Okay, so on Spotify, which let's be honest, I'm also having to navigate. You said you don't do Spotify.

Sometimes I do DJ X if I don't like what's on the radio. DJ X is like the robot in Spotify. Is he a robot? He's not a real person. It's AI. Yeah, it's AI, thank you. That's what I'm looking for. And he plays you music, right?

So you're like, you just put on DJ X and then he's like, hi Lauren, how are you? Let's play some songs that you've been listening to this week. That's what happens, right? That is exactly what happens. But to be honest, because my girls, they hijack my Spotify, so all it plays is show tunes.

Right. And it really annoys me because he thinks that I only want to listen to like Hairspray and Legally Blonde and Hamilton, and sometimes I just want, you know, a bit more of a beat. Okay, well I had some 12 year olds in my car on the way to Cricket and I put DJ X on because, you know, I just thought that was easy for everyone.

And it started off with- I'm very impressed that you think that's easy. Because you said the other day that you didn't ever use. But I can use CJX. So I pressed it and it was like, Hey Lauren, let's play some of your favorite songs. And it started with Lola Young messy. Don't know that. Yes, you do. I don't. Oh my god. Sing it. I'm not singing it. Sing it. And I'm too messy. And then I'm too fucking clean. And then I'm not. You know it. I don't know it. Sing it. And I'm too messy. And I'm too fucking clean. Anyway, and I was a bit of like rude words in it. And so I thought, oh, okay. Jackie, you're right with us, Swery. I'm absolutely fine. Thank you. I've heard it

before. And I thought, okay, because then the kids started singing this song and I thought, okay, all right, fine. I'll let it go and then the next song came on and it was this I'm just gonna play it to you because I'm not singing it okay. This is the beginning bit that's not rude do you know this song? Okay Right, I'd just like to clarify for the record that I have neither been fucking hoes or popping pillies. And in fact, the only pillies I do pop is an HRT, an ashwagandha and a 45 plus Yeah. So that was a little bit mortifying and very rude. Yeah, but they didn't think that it was an autobiography. It wasn't autobiographical, was it?

I know, but then I was like, oh my God, this is what's playing in my car as like a favourite song. It's not appropriate. No. But they were very embarrassed. Look, my mother is shocked. Do you see? I'm not shocked. But they've heard- Look, my mother is shocked. Do you see? I'm not shocked. It's really bad.

Also, I'm sure you didn't have me down as a Post Malone fan, but there you go. I didn't even know Post Malone was. I know that song. Well, there you go. I know that song. I don't know who anybody is. Who are you?

What do you mean? I don't know who anybody is. I don't really care anymore, actually. I just don't care. I don't care. So that was my 40ish moment was just like very ashamed to be playing the Swery songs in my car. Okay.

It wasn't setting a good example to the use of today. Firstly, they've heard the song. Okay, they probably heard the clean version. The clean version, exactly. Secondly, they've heard those words before. I can assure you they are using them all the time when you are not present. Yes.

12 year olds have no business talking about the hoes. I don't think they're talking about hoes. I reckon they're dropping the F-bomb. Maybe. Don't you think? For sure. Mom, what's the most 70ish thing that has happened to you this week?

Good question. I have to say that 70 ish isn't very different to 60 ish. Okay. Or even probably 50 ish. Really? Is it different to 40 ish? Yeah. Why? What is the difference? We need to know. Difficult question. I think as you get older, you get less tolerant about things. Oh no, we're there. If I get less tolerant, I'm going to, I don't know what, I'm going to have to like not leave the house or leave the house. I don't know which is better. Yeah. There are things that bug me now that probably would not have bugged me when I was 40 or maybe no or probably 50.

Right, what's bugging you? We definitely want to know what's bugging you. Okay. Parking. Parking? Yeah, parking. It's not the parking per se. It's the fact that the council keeps suspending the parking in our road and as soon as they finish suspending it for some reason like footway works or lighting or tree works or domestic removal, they then find another reason to suspend it. So where do you put your car? Nicole, don't poke the van.

You poked it first. You let her in with the word parking. And since you have to pay at £200 for the privilege of being allowed to park your car outside your house, apparently that doesn't guarantee you a spot. It only allows you the ability to park outside your house if there is a spot available. Okay, this is bad. This could go on. Well, hold on.

I just want to know what happens if that parking is suspended? Where do you put your car? You have to park it, drive around until you can find somewhere. Oh my God, drive it around your area as well. There's never any parking in your area. And there's only certain roads that you're allowed to park in with that permit. So it's not like you can drive around for miles. So what do you do if you can't find a spot?

Eventually you will, but it's a pain. What if you've got shopping in the car? Drop it outside your house and then probably somebody probably steal it. Yeah, you live in a nice area. Ah, which makes me think of the other thing that drives me nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Is Amazon and couriers who don't bother to ring your doorbell. Oh no, they don't ring the doorbell. No, they just dump it outside on the doorstep and wait for somebody to come and steal it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or I think couriers only do this in London. I think this is a London thing. And they literally like chuck it. Sometimes it's near my door. Sometimes it isn't. Some once a courier put a brand new pair of trainers in the bin. I believe it. The wheelie bin. Do you remember? And then the dustbin truck came and took them all. Yeah they took they fucking took it away. They did. So then I had to phone the company. I got reimbursed for that by the way. It took long

enough. It took like eight months but I got the money back for that. And then on the app it says parcel handed to resident. No bloody it wasn't handed to the rest of the resident. Where? That drives me mad. That drives me mad and I'm 48. Litter. Litter. Litter?

Yeah. Really, really bugs me. Never used to, never used to bug me. What's your most fortish thing this week? Oh, you don't even want to go there. It's just everything. Everything. I don't even know where to begin or where to end. Your husband looked mildly beside himself this morning.

He was like, make an appointment. When are you making an appointment? Why don't you just make an appointment anyway? He's talking about with the gynecologist. And you were like, I haven't got my bloods back. And he was like, but just make the appointment. Please, please make it anyway. anyway look you don't need to start feeling sorry for him okay he's I feel sorry for you and me and him you feel

sorry for him I do a bit the pair of you I've been fine I think I'm being quite contained considering the the rage and irritation that is going on inside of me this is me this is you me. This is me. This is you pulling it all together for the show. Although I did walk in to the studio before, didn't I? And just dropped a whole cup of coffee all up the walls and all over myself. Yeah.

It's all on my t-shirt. It was all in my hair. My hair's now sticky and stinks of coffee. James wasn't happy. James wasn't delighted, was he? James isn't delighted anyway when I walk through the doors. When I walk through the doors, but like throwing coffee all over his walls. Now you're actually destroying his office. He's not thrilled, right?

Just before we dive into your dilemmas, it's a very quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals, although my mother is adjacent, she's healthcare professional adjacent, but she's not true. So maybe we don't need the disclaimer today. Do you not think? And also because she's older and wiser than us, maybe we don't need this today. I'm still going to say if there is an issue that you're seriously struggling with, please

contact a qualified expert. Okay, here we go with question one. with please contact a qualified expert. Okay, here we go with question one. Is everyone, everyone's gonna give their opinion on this. This is how it works Jackie. So we have a listener question. Have you told your mom how the show works? No, I've listened to it. Oh.

Oh. That's not good. I told my mom and dad not to listen. Oh, I'm sure they did. No, they did because my dad, every few days, he'll just, or every couple of weeks, he makes a comment about something that I've mentioned on the show.

And I was saying, how did you know that? And he just looks at me with wide eyes and I'm like, oh my God, dad, you weren't allowed to listen. No. Yeah. I mean, I, okay. You know what? I just, I'm just reading it. I mean, I should make you read it. I'll read it. Give me a phone. Is it rude? Yeah, it's really rude.

Dear Lauren and Nicole, please keep me anonymous because I have never wanted to crawl into a bin and hide more in my life and I need help. I'm 49, newly single after being with the same person since I was 22. Basically the sexual equivalent of being cryogenically frozen in 1998 and now I'm back on the dating scene. Okay, I'm with her. I think I would feel exactly the same way. Okay. Things are going well with this guy I've been seeing for a couple of months. We've got great chemistry. I'm into him and I'm trying to be open to all the new experiences.

Last week, mid shenanigans, Lauren, couldn't have chosen another question. This is what happened this week. This is for Jackie's here. Oh, Jackie. I'm old enough. You're a woman of the world. I won't be shocked.

She's a woman of the world. Trust me. It's gonna be fine. Last week, mid shenanigans, he leaned in and asked me to talk dirty. You're such a gal. I completely froze. My brain did not just fog, it blacked out. I panicked. And what did I say, Lauren and Nicole? What seductive filth did I purr into his ear?

What did she say? Jackie I am so sorry you know it's not always smutty. What did she say? She said thank you for your nice willy. I love it! Nice willy she says. He said nothing. Nothing in capital letters. Not a word. Just carried on. But I know that wasn't what he was going for. Well, I don't think, no, that wasn't what he was going for. It hasn't come up since, unsurprisingly. No pun intended. But I live in daily fear that it will. Or worse, that's a story. He now tells his mates in the pub. Then to be honest, we would please help. Is there a script, a workshop, a hotline? Here's the question.

How to grown adults talk dirty without sounding like a school librarian. I'm ready to get back on the horse but preferably without accidentally thanking his peers. Sincerely, traumatized but trying. I think you've saved that question for when Jackie came in. I have an opinion. Oh, good. Oh, God, okay. I don't think she should feel pressurized into doing it.

She doesn't want to talk dirty and she's not comfortable with it. Why should she do it? Why can't she just say to him, I'm really sorry, it's not something I feel comfortable doing? Wise advice indeed. Yeah, I'm quite relieved there wasn't a script. Yeah, me too. I am quite relieved she didn't pull out some booklet from her handbag of like, right, here's some great suggestions for you because that would have been awful. No one's going to come out with a script to this poor woman, okay? There's no script to this. And why is she's asking us this question? I've got no idea. Why is she asking us?

We've been married for 86 years in between all of us, haven't we? Between the three of us, how many years of marriage have we got under our belts? 150,000 years of marriage. Yes. Yeah. Come on, what are you saying to her? What am I saying to her? You brought the question. I didn't bring the question.

You did bring the question. She brought the question. You did, but you waited for your mother to come in, so come on. Protection. I don't feel qualified to answer the question. But you waited for your mother to come in, so come on. I don't feel qualified to answer this question. I don't either, actually. I don't either. And I agree with you. Why should she feel pressurized into talking dirty? Maybe she just wants, you know, it's like new and she's like, feels like she's in a

new relationship and she wants to be cool. And she's like trying to explore new avenues of stuff and she wants to you know but it's not her yeah you know be close to yourself i just want to say right i've got a new coffee machine i am going somewhere with this okay i've got a new coffee machine it's really quite complicated and it's brand new and i've had this old coffee machine forever and before i had that coffee machine i had another coffee machine that was the same make and it was the same situation and it was just, you know, I was in an old habit with this old coffee machine and I quite liked it. It was fine. Everything was functioning. Now I've got this new coffee machine. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And it's like, it's very fancy.

It is so fancy. Yeah. I've had to watch. I'm not joking, three YouTube videos to work this stupid thing. Right? It took me two YouTube videos yesterday that were both 11 minutes long. 11 minutes. That's 22 minutes. That's 22 minutes of your life on a coffee machine. On a coffee machine. And I don't even like frothy milk. No, I know you don't. So, but I needed to know how it worked. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I have taught myself how to use this coffee machine now.

Yeah. And I think I've, I made you a banging coffee, didn't I? You made me a delicious cappuccino this morning. I did. Yeah, it was delightful. Right. So what I'm saying is, is that you can... Thank you for your nice willy. You can say thank you for your nice coffee. Thank you for the nice coffee. Thank you for the nice coffee. Yeah, you're welcome.

What I'm saying is you can teach an old dog new tricks. Maybe I reckon there is a YouTube video on this. I feel so sorry for her because I can just imagine. I reckon there is. She just panicked. She just panicked and it was the first thing that came out of her mouth. But it was very unsexy. It was very unsexy and not okay.

She should at least have included something about balls. Don't you think? They're not sexy. Sorry? What did you say about someone's balls? I don't know. Nothing. You know what? You are right, Jackie. They are not sexy. They are not sexy. Do you see how quiet James is?

I mean, it's just about to call James in. Don't, please don't. I can't go. I think you can teach an old dog new tricks. I think you can. Two YouTube videos telling you. I think there'll be plenty of YouTube videos to teach this woman stuff if she wants to learn stuff. Do you reckon they have got on YouTube? I mean, I don't search for it, but I'm pretty sure. I don't want to search it because then that will shift'm pretty sure. I don't want to search it, because then that will shift my algorithm

into places I don't want it to go. I agree, because my algorithm is just Golden Retrievers and gay comedians making jokes. And I love that for me. Mine is Golden Retrievers, thanks to you. Paddle. Oh yeah, paddle. In fact, even the gym stuff has quietened down

since paddle has been on the scene. Interesting. Yeah, and some Real Housewives stuff. That's it. I don't need dirty talk on my algorithm. No thanks. Do you need that on your algorithm mum? Definitely. What's on your algorithm? Do you have an algorithm? No. We're on your algorithm. Do you know what an algorithm is?

No. An algorithm is the videos that are served to you on Instagram. The content that's served to you on your social media. When you open Instagram and then automatic videos play, they'll play but because your phone's spying on you all the time it will only play stuff that you're generally interested in. Books. Books?

Yeah. Book talks. Loads and loads and loads of books. Okay and dog stuff I imagine. And lots and lots of dog stuff. Yeah. Books and books. And obviously YouTube. Yeah. Because I lots and lots of dog stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And obviously you too. Yeah.

Because I don't follow very many people. No. I follow Lauren. I follow self-care. I follow my niece. I follow a friend. That's it. And I don't post because my private life is private.

You're what's known as a lurker. The thing is your private life isn't that private because we talk about it. I can't help but I don't know why I'm such a source of fascination. Well, I mean, to be fair, we don't talk about Jackie on here. We've talked about Jackie more in self care club. Yeah, but the nation does understand her issues with parking. You and my dad, though, you both have that. Oh, and your dad, how early he likes to leave for things. Yeah. Do you like to leave early for things? I like to be on time. I hate people being late. I think it's hugely disrespectful to be late. You were bang on time today. I usually am. But sometimes you can't be sometimes traffic jams or everything

or something. Do you think we've helped? I do try. We've helped this one. I think Jackie has. Thank you, mom. Don't feel pressurised, lady, whatever your name is. Yeah, just do we... Be true to yourself. Yeah, do you. Just do you. Yeah, be you. You wanna have vanilla sex, you have vanilla sex.

Absolutely. So just leave it there. Can we go now? Can I just say that, like, the only way I can say this, right, is just fuck the menopause. Okay. Just I cannot cope with it anymore. I just cannot. I cannot. I will not. I do not. It's this utter bullshit. It's utter bullshit. I know. When does it end, Jackie? When does it end? I don't know, because I've been on HRT since I was 50. And I'm still on it. When do you start feeling better? To be honest, I never felt terrible. I only ever had hot flushes.

feeling better? To be honest, I never felt terrible. I only ever had hot flushes. I never had PMT. I'm just not kind of made like that. Your daughter does have PMT. I'm just kind of not wired like that. So I only ever had really terrible hot flushes which my HRT sorted out. I didn't really suffer mentally from it at all. She's no help. I'm very sorry for people who do because I really do understand. Thank you. She's trying to march me to the guiding colleges but thank you for the compassion. It wouldn't go amiss. Put Motsy to the fucking dentist! I mean... But lots of women really do and they really struggle with it and lots of people, like grief, don't understand it. Oh, I cannot even.

I cannot even. No, you've just reached a point of apathy now. Apathy always comes at the point where I'm just about to fall off the menopausal cliff and now this is where I am. I don't care. Please don't fall off. I've had enough already. enough already my dog's dead no what my partner's falling apart your partner that's you no no it's listen you know just just fuck it it's not fair it's not fair it's like, right. I think there's 83 symptoms that you can get

with the perimenopause. You see that woman down there? Get them all to her. Get them all to her. Let's just watch it unfold. That'll be fun. And you know what? She might even make some interesting content out of it.

Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why you've been served them all. It's just, and there's a new one every week. There's a new thing. You know what? I've got a new thing now, right? When I blow my nose, my eye waters. I don't think that's menopause. Well, it's new. Could be hay fever.

No, it's like it's I blow my nose and this pours with water. Just my right eye. I think it's hay fever. I think that will go. That's just the time of year. No, it's been going on for a while. I've had it for a while and I thought, oh no, I'm going to ignore that. And then today I just thought, you know, this is bollocks. The eye thing is bollocks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's terrible. And there's other things I don't even talk about. I know. I don't even want to ask you. There's lots of things you can't talk about. Yeah. There's a lot of things. A lot of things you can't talk about.

Yeah, there are. And I talk about a lot. You do. You share. But you don't overshare. You just share. Well, I'm not going to overshare. I'm not asking you to. I'm just telling you that it is bollocks. That's all.

It's not fair. I do need to make an appointment with my gynecologist. I do, I do. Yeah, I'll come with you if you want. We'll just check in, check in, search it properly. I'll do it myself if I have to. It's not fair. I know. It's not fair.

Some people are fine with that oestrogen. They're just fine. They just float through. They're like, oh no, Jackie, I had a hot one last year. It was fine. I didn't notice. It's like, Oh no, Jackie, I had a whole lot. She was fine. I didn't notice. It's like my whole life falls apart. I know. Sorry. I think a lot of it depends on the way you're wired to begin with as well.

She's a hormone sensitive soul. Yeah, but they haven't got you right. It's not your fault. Thanks. It's not your fault. No. It's you just haven't got you right. It's not your fault. Thanks. It's not your fault. No. You just haven't got your medication. Well, it becomes right and then it wears off. So then you have to, it's a constant balancing act. Maybe because your hormones are constantly changing.

Yeah. Maybe you could come with me. With pleasure. With the greatest of pleasure, I'll come with you. Been there, done that could come with me. With pleasure! With the greatest of pleasure I'll come with you. Been there, done that, I could. Right, come on, let's go on to the next question. Okay, here we go. Dear ladies, I have a workplace dilemma that is driving me around the bend. It's not about the gender pay gap or performance, it's about toilet paper. Okay, we have a shared bathroom in our office and there's

one colleague, let's call her Helen Boden because her name is Helen and she's obsessed with the Boden catalogue. Love it. Who has taken it up? Have you ever seen a Bowdoin catalog? I have one delivered through my letterbox. Of course you do. Of course you both do. Of course you do. I got a 15% voucher the other day. Have you seen the prices? I have. I was quite tempted by one of the necklaces though.

Oh, I don't. It's really nice. Price is outrageous. It was quite you. It's like gold with a little bit of pearls on it. It was only 45 quid. I thought, oh, with the 15 pounds off. It's 30. Yeah have a look you might like it. Anyway her name's Helen and she's obsessed with the Bowdoin catalog. She has taken it upon herself to become the toilet roll enforcer. I am talking about the direction that

the roll hangs over versus under. Apparently this is her Everest. Okay. What do you mean this is her Everest? It's like her thing. She is militantly... Something to conquer. Apparently. She is militantly over. This is not an Everest thing. This is what she's saying. Just whatever it is she's doing at work is not enough if this is her Everest. I once caught her in the bathroom reversing the toilet roll with the intensity of someone diffusing a bomb muttering under her breath. Yeah, well that's OCD. She rehangs the toilet roll if someone has done it wrong in inverted commas. So she turns it around? Turns it over. Yeah. Right and she's even passive aggressively left post-it notes saying let's all be adults and hang the role properly with a smiley

face. Okay. The thing is she says I'm an under person I always have been I don't even think about it but now I'm 40 and I feel weirdly rebellious and I kind of want to hang it under just to mess with her is it petty yes should I let her have her way for the sake of office harmony or should I just hang my toilet roll however I please thank you Naomi PS love the pod thank you Naomi thanks Naomi I don't think this is anything to do with toilet paper. It isn't. It's nothing to do with toilet paper. It's about power and control. Power. I agree. I think she needs to get a life. Yeah, I agree with you. I think whatever's going on in that office is not stimulating enough. Because you're worrying about what's... Do you have a way? You do, don't you? You have a way. Me too. I do. Mum, are you over or under? What do you think? Over.

Me too. Over. Over. Over is the correct way. Over. It's not over because it's tidier. But you don't invert it. No, I don't fold it into a V. You don't fold it into a V because some people do. That's really ACD. Why is over the correct way? It just is.

No. No. They're in stereo. But why? Why? Because it's easier to pull. Because when you pull it down, it's pulling down. If you have it under, you're pulling up. I agree. No you're not.

Yes you are. Then you pull it. Yeah. No you're not. You are. If it's under, right, you're pulling it out and breaking it. If it's over, you're pulling it down and breaking it off. It over is officially correct.

I'm sorry, Helen Bowden is right, but it is really petty to turn it the other way. Extremely, yeah. All of your toilet rolls are always over. Yeah. Mine too. Yeah. James! Jay, there's no way.

He won't care. No, of course he won't care. He's a man. You're way too ADHD to worry about this shit. James! I was about to say, in your house, I actually don't notice if it's over or under, because sometimes, and I know this is Adam, and it is not you, he just likes to leave an empty car. And then I end up taking off the empty cardboard and replacing it, because I know they're in the cupboard, in the downstairs toilet, and then I'm like, you know what?

I feel comfortable to just replace the toilet roll and put the old one in the recycling. Well, I wish he did. I forget if he did. Men never do. Oh, never. Or sometimes my kids like to decorate. He moves it around the toilet.

What do you mean? So he'll take it off. Yeah. And then he leaves it on the shelf or he'll leave it off by the sink. My kids do that. That I cannot tell you. They like you. Don't do that this week. They like to leave it.

Don't do that till I've got the implant back in. Oh my god, please don't. Don't do that. Right, this over under thing is, you know, I did talk about my apathy because I don't give a shit about this. Not shit. Like, who cares? No, I don't really care, but if I'm changing it... No, but you do care because you do it. You do it.

But what I'm saying is, if I went to someone else's house and it was the other way around, I would't really care. But if I'm changing it, you do care because you do it. You do it. But what I'm saying is if I went to someone else's house and it was the other way around, I would not change it. But you would notice. I mean, would I notice? Jackie, would you notice? I would notice. But if it was somebody else's house, I wouldn't change it. Or care. Do it in my house. I wouldn't do it in Lauren's house. No, but would you even care? No. No. But you would notice. Yeah. you even care? No. No. No.

You would notice. Yeah. Yeah. Only kind of... Observationally. Yeah. Oh. Oh, they're an under. Yeah. Maybe it would take a quarter of a second to make that observation and that

would be the end of it. I certainly would not take changing somebody else's house. That's rude. I actually think fuck it, Naomi. I think you should keep playing, keep messing with Helen Boden, keep changing it the other way around just to annoy her. Why not do it? It's fun.

And offices aren't that fun. You don't work in an office. I know, but I have. Yeah. And I would play this game. I think I would too because fuck her. Why has she got to be like, you know, well, no, I do I demand what listen There was a woman that used to work in my husband's office She was their office manager and she used to dictate what toilet everyone was allowed to poo in

What and she used to she used to send an email around on a Monday morning Explaining that the toilet they are not allowed to poo in What gave her the right to be the poo dictator? She doesn't work there anymore. Oh are you joking? Did they listen to her? No they fucking didn't listen to her! She didn't want people to poo in the toilet that was nearest to her desk. Oh okay I understand that.

I understand it but you wouldn't send a collective email around would you? I don't think you can really dictate that. You can't. It's not right. That's not right. I kind of get why she didn't want them to but. But also. But yeah or if someone was gonna tell me where to not to poo then I would poo there. I can't believe I just Jackie that I never thought I'd say and I'm blaming Lauren. I don't blame her. Why would you feel you can't say anything to me? I don't understand. She's a very open-minded woman. I don't feel like, in my head, I'm no older than you guys. Your mother used to say that. I think it's probably, bodily I am, but in my head I'm not.

I think it's probably like the things I just wouldn't say to my mum. I think Lauren says most things to me. I do. She feels she can talk to me about anything. That's so lovely. I do. It's true. It's true. Even dirty talk. Apparently so.

We've talked loads about menopause, haven't we? Way before it happened. She said menopause. My mum never told me anything. My mum never even told me about periods. She gave me a book. My mum didn't tell me about menopause. I've had to learn it all on my own. It's been such a fun journey. I'm still learning. I'm learning every day. Teaching others along the way. Listen, that is my role in life, isn't it? I think it is.

I'm the menopause anti-advocate. I think Claude sent you to be a messenger. The menopause messenger. I said that to you. You're not selling it, I have to say. How do you sell it? I. The menopause messenger. I said that to you. You're not selling it. I have to say. How do you sell it? I'm not here to sell it. I'm here to just tell you the reality of it. It's not optional.

No, it's not optional. No. Part of being woman. We get all the bad stuff. And the good stuff. And some good stuff. It's harder for women. It is, but we get to wear lipstick.

This is true. And lip polish. Yes. And have babies. And have blow dries. I thought you were going to say something else. And have blow dries. I don't really care about blow dries. You do. You don't like it when your hair is not blow dried. I know but. You don't. I like make up. We get to wear make up. Men can do that too. And nice jewelry. Men get to do jewelry and makeup and nail polish if they want to. If they want to, but they don't. They can't have babies. They can't have babies.

Lucky them. No, it's a privilege. No, it's a gift. It's a privilege to have babies. It is a privilege, but you know what? I now have teenagers. That's also a privilege. Yeah.

It is. It's all a phase. It's all a Yeah. It's a very special time. They grow out of it. So it's one phase. I don't think it's right that you are sent to the menopause and teenagers simultaneously. No, that's very unfair. I've been going through the menopause whilst my youngest has been going through puberty. Like that is not okay. No, I was talking to somebody about this very subject. Me? Me? Was it me? It was you, wasn't it? It was me, yeah.

I said it's just not right because this is when their daughters are blooming and beautiful and coming into womanhood and fertility and yours is waning and you suddenly feel old and all the rest of it and dried up and all the rest of it and it's just the difference and that's why women get depressed at menopause I'm sure that's why. Well I don't have any daughters who are blooming. I just have one coming into puberty it's not delightful. Blooming isn't the word I would have used.

Your daughters are blooming. No my daughters are gorgeous and full of life and everything. They are definitely blooming. They are blooming. When you my daughters are gorgeous and full of life and everything. They are definitely blooming. They are blooming. When you look at them, they are full of youth and beauty and bloom. They are. Yeah, and it's hard. It's mentally hard, I think.

It's okay. I've got... I hadn't noticed. I've got empty nest, dead dog, sun coming into puberty and perimenopause and it's a beautiful combo. And sun leaving. And one perimenopause, and it's a beautiful combo. And sun leaving. And one leaving, and one emigrating. Yeah, it's beautiful.

But one's coming home. It's a lovely, lovely, lovely, dangerous life. That's why we're making a podcast, Alzie. I love it. So easy. It's just like being 25. I don't actually remember forties being so difficult.

And I can't find a comfortable bra. Oh dear. I can't either, by the way. I can't either. I've actually given up on bras. I've given up. You're back to the sports bras. Fuck them.

Fuck bras. I just have given up on it. No. You know, I think you need a rest. I think we should sign off. I really do. Thanks, Mum, for guesting on the show. You're so welcome.

My pleasure. I thoroughly enjoyed it. You're Thanks, Mum, for guesting on the show. My pleasure. You're the only guest we've ever had on this show. Well, feel free to ask me again. We might. Let's go. If you want to be in touch, hello at faultyish.co.uk. Please keep your messages, your emails, your feedback coming in.

We love to hear from you and we will be back on Tuesday with an unfiltered episode. See you then, goodbye!