40ish - Lost Keys, NPC’s and A Very Awkward Appointment

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

Today on 40ish: Lauren innocently considers buying some new trainers and is promptly informed by her son she’s an “NPC”. Rude. Confusing (Isn’t that a car park?) We unpack the insult, and whether footwear is now a personality flaw. Meanwhile, the brain fog is fogging as Nicole misplaces her keys and eventually finds them in the last place any sane person would look. And in dilemma territory, things take a deeply uncomfortable turn when a listener realises her doctor is a man she once dated…and he’s about to look at her bum. Is it ever acceptable to say, “Well, this is awkward,” while wearing a paper gown? Midlife confusion, lost keys, and emotional damage. Business as usual. Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You had no memory of this whatsoever. None. How? None. Wow. None. None. Except the consultant is someone I dated for a short while.

Oh no. He will be seeing me with my bum out. And I feel super awkward about it. Would you cancel or have a bit of a joke with him about it? Or would you stay silent and hope that he has forgotten about me? What? What did you say? What does that mean?

You knew it wasn't tied. Yeah. And if you're still a non-player character. Hello everybody. Welcome to 40. She and Nicole Goodman. And I'm Laura Mishkan. This is the podcast where we tackle 40-something life,

diving into dilemmas, rants, stories, tales of woe and joy. Yeah. And brain fog. Oh yeah, that. That too, yeah. Here we figure out how to survive midlife. one rant, crisis, meltdown at a time. And don't forget that you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access,

add free listing across both our shows and bonus content you won't get anywhere else. And if you want to watch us, you can watch us on Spotify and YouTube. And if you've got something to share, share with the group. We want to hear it. Email us, hello at 40ish.com.com.com. Or DM us. And please come and be part of the conversation. We really do love having you.

hang out with us. We do. I'm losing my mind. Are you? Yeah. Why? Because I am because I'm still due this implant and I am so brain foggy. Yeah. I mean it's quite funny but it's like not funny at the same time. I find it quite frustrating. Well, I'm just going with it. Okay. Because it is what it is at this point. I can't change it. Okay. But I did something. Now bear with me because you didn't understand me last week, did you? No. About the rice. The yogurt, the rice, Adam. the dinner, yeah. It was a whole thing. So just, just.

Okay. You know what I'm going to be like chat GPT, be supportive, listen to you. I understand it from your point of view. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Right. I suddenly found, I got this message from somebody who I don't know saying, oh, you've added me to a court on Monday. Please can you remove me? I can't play. A paddle court. Yes. So I said, I'm not, I haven't added you.

Yeah. I didn't even know who it was. I said, I haven't added you. And I'm not playing Monday. So then I go into my app and you can see. Anyway, basically been added to all these games. You have me. Yeah. Like one's at six o'clock on a Monday. I would never book a court on six o'clock on Monday. And one was at two o'clock on Saturday

and I just don't ever remember. Anyway, I'm looking at the list of names. I'm like, I don't, I don't recognize anybody because I normally have my crew and it was none of my crew. And I'm like, who is this? Anyway, so I go on our paddle group. I'm on so many groups, right? So I go on the big one, which is like 800 people. Wow. And I say, and then there's another one of like 60 people. So I did it on both. And I said, I'm looking for blah, blah, blah, because I can see who's court it is.

I don't know who this is, but I've been added to a court. So can someone just give me a bit of clarity if anyone knows anything? Anyway, next thing I know, I've put it on two public groups. This woman messages me, hi Nicole. It's blah, blah, blah. That's my husband. You actually asked me to add you to the group. I do know her because I had just played paddle with her two hours before.

Yeah. This is the sort of shit I do. Right. He asked you, you asked to be added to this group. She then sends me a screenshot of me asking to be added to this paddle court. Yeah. You had no memory of this whatsoever. None.

Wow. None. Wow. None. None. Then I've got my friend Alana messaging me. Then I've got the husband messaging me. then I've got people replying from the big group

oh maybe you should ask this one maybe ask that one I set off this whole thing chain event and then this woman who I didn't know but I actually do know she's there messaging me are you Nicole Goodman I'm like yeah she's like okay so you should be on the group I said no I know I'm on the group

I've basically lost basically I had to say on a public forum I've lost my mind I've lost my mind okay and thank you even adding me to the court Did they just say, okay, great. And then the husband even said to me, I had a conversation with you last week about your husband's glasses. I'm like, yes, yes, I do know you. Yes, you're right.

Wow. This is what's happening. Okay, roll on the implant. Roll on. I mean, it's frightening. Yeah, that's quite scary. But why do I have to make my brain fog public knowledge? I mean, I'm doing it here.

Even more public now. Well, because otherwise people think you're genuinely cuckoo, so it's better to just say it. Well, they're going to think it anyway. Half of them are probably cuckoo as well. Can you stop using the word cuckoo? I thought you were going to be supportive. I went to Oxford Street and I was like gently window shopping for some trainers.

That will actually come back to haunt me later in this show. And for no reason at all, I bought some glittery green eyeliner that I'm wearing today. I don't know why, because it's not on Year's Eve and it's not 1974. Did you notice it? Did you think it was weird? Don't lie. A bit, yeah. You lied a bit, yes.

Why is she wearing glittery green eyeliner? Has she been at an all night party and forgotten to take it off? I didn't see that it was green and glittery. I noticed that you had new eye makeup on. Yeah. I also didn't want to draw attention to it because I know you've been. having a hot week. You didn't want to trigger me. I didn't want to, like, call you kuckoo or anything like that.

Yeah. You know, I want to do. Why have you got kuku makeup on? It's great. It's not kuku, it doesn't look kikou. It's emerald green glitter. And I just, I put it on. I saw my friend this morning and she said, ooh.

Ooh. Oh, I'm just like, what's your eyes? I said, yeah, I don't really know why I've done this, but it's here. So let's go with it. Anyway, I went in and tried on a dress. I've shown you this dress before. It's full length, column dress, black, pleather. Yes.

Yeah. Get the bloody dress. You've been thinking about it for so long. Anyway, I passed by the shop. I went and I thought, I wonder if they've got that dress still in. I wonder if it's in the cell. It's not in the cell. And I thought, you know what?

I'm going to try it on. Because if I really do love it, fuck it. I'm just going to buy it. But you have been thinking about that dress for so long now is meant to be yours. Anyway, the girls who work in this shop, they're not like Zara girls. They're actually very sweet girls. but they're all girls and they're all very young. There may be very, very early 20s.

Really cute. And I needed one of them to help me zip up because I couldn't reach. And she was like, oh, that looks really nice. And I said, does it look nice or does it look like I'm in a black bin liner? Because I'm not sure. She was like, no, it looks cool. And I said, you think I'm too old for this dress. She's like, no, no, you're not too old.

And I'm thinking, well, you just want me to buy the dress. So you're not going to tell me the truth. So sort of looked at it, looked at it, looked to the mirror, and I looked at her and I asked another one of the girls and then I said just unzip me, just unsick me, unsick me. I've seen the dress, you are definitely not too. I am. No, you're not.

Do you know what? I am. No, you're, no, you and I have different ideas on this though. You're not. Why are you too old for it? It's a black leather dress. It just, I said to how on you it would look amazing. On me, it's just, no, I have passed the point where I can wear this dress

and it's in any. any way appropriate. Just no. I kind of just caught myself. You know, sometimes you think it's great and then you look again and you're like, no. But that's down to maybe you just don't love the dress on you, which is why you haven't bought it before. But it's nothing to do with it being inappropriate.

It just felt wrong. Okay. Wrong. It just felt suddenly very 40-ish in a shop full of girls who were 22. You know? Yeah, I do know. I really do know. It was that.

I'm sorry. It's okay. Rubbish. It's okay. I just thought... You see, that's what you're supposed to say to me about the paddle group. Okay. Not call me cuckoo.

And then tell me that everyone else is probably cuckoo. That is not supportive. This is supportive. Dear chat, G. Back this week. Yes, yes. Remember when we're talking about Billy Eilish? Yeah.

Yeah. Helen said, I... Oh, you were hating Billy Eilish. Helen said, I am the same as Unic. about what was I made for. Since I took my teen daughter and her friend to see the Barbie movie and had tears coming down my cheeks as it played. Now, whenever I hear it, I get choked up.

Yes. Yes. It's like the weight of being a woman with all the hard stuff, but beautiful. It kind of overwhelms me. Yes, Helen. Yes. Yes. Yes. All of it, yes. It's all about you, the feedback this week. Someone else said, Leopard, this is when you were talking about being mumsy on holiday, feeling mumsy, dressing mumsy. Leopard print isn't mumsy.

I bet you looked great and you're being too hard on yourself. I'm not actually... Love chat GPT. No. I'm not being hard on myself. I think I'm just being truthful. I don't want to be mumsy. It's just not my vibe.

Someone else said, Nicole has got to be the least mumsy person. In my circle of friends, no one bothers to keep up with fashion. Who can be bothered? Nicole definitely gives keeps up with high fashion vibes. Lauren gives classy, classic vibes. Both are enviable. Maybe it's because I live out in commuter belts, northeast Hampshire. I can't remember the last time I had put together an outfit in inverted commas.

Having said that, I went to Rome with my 23-year-old son. He has the physique of a model, tall, slender, everything looks good on him. Last summer, I felt totally mumsy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was the same thing for you. All with these, like, lithe, luscious, teen girls where gravity has not yet touched them. And it's hard not to look at that and not feel.

You know what, but it's not like I'm looking at them thinking it wasn't anything to do with them. I like that they can put on a pair of denim hot pants and a little tank top and off they go. Good for them. I'm delighted for them. And I love watching them do that. Yeah. But I guess it does sort of inform me about me in a certain way. It's life. Laughing. Yeah. Doing its life. Yeah. We've got a dilemma. We have to do the disclaimer first for legal reasons. Do you want to read it this week? Just before we dive into the dilemma is a quick disclaimer.

We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. It's anonymous. Go on then. Hi ladies, this is an embarrassing one. Oh. I received a letter with an NHS consultant appointment for next week for a procedure that needs doing as it's quite urgent. This is great, except the consultant is someone I dated for a short while.

Oh, no. It ended about 10 years ago. It just fizzled out. I'm married now with children. I have no idea if he is, as we didn't keep in contact. I didn't even know he worked at this hospital, but it's definitely him as he has an unusual name. I have no idea if he'll recognise me,

and I've changed my surname, but he will be seeing me with my bum out. And I feel super awkward about it. Would you cancel or have a bit of a joke with him about it? Or would you stay silent and hope that he has forgotten about me. The thing is, he's already seen her bum. I would definitely not

stay silent about this. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to, no. I would ask for a different consultant. You can't really, it's an NHS appointment, so you get who you get and you don't get upset. And then they'll be like, well, okay, fine, go back to the waiting list and then you've got to wait another six months. Yeah, and she says it's urgent. She does need

it doing. Look, he's already seen her bum, and now he's seeing it in a medical capacity, so no one really cares. No, it's hideous. It's absolutely. hideous. It's hideous. It's hideous. You'd like to think back to your ex-boyfriends. I wouldn't like it. But I also am very what-evs about kind of human body things. You know, I was in that world for a long time and everyone thinks like their vaj is special and different and precious and you've never seen it before. It's like you, it's just a vaj. You know, like I know it's special to you.

but as it should be and it should be and precious and all the things but like having seen 200 I you know whether it's in my face or the other side of the room I'm not I don't know you you become blind is what I'm saying you become blind to it that's how I feel about greasy hair okay you know people are so

conscious of their greasy hair when they come into a salon yes no I'm washing it who gives a shit yeah indeed yeah who cares like and why would you wash your hair before you comes in the hairdress that would be a waste of your time yeah Yeah. So the guy may very well recognize her, but if he is any half of a decent doctor, he will pretend not to recognize her and be very, very, very professional about it. Or perhaps he would come in the room and say, oh my goodness, it's you. Would you prefer it if my colleague saw you?

If I was the doctor, that's what I would do. We can't, we don't know what he's going to do and how he's going to approach it. And hopefully he approached it. and hopefully he approaches it really professionally. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But he might not. So she has to do something that she's comfortable with. It's the NHS.

I think she's just going to have to get herself into a headspace where she can manage this. It's hideous. I really understand why she's so uncomfortable about it. Maybe she could say when he comes in, is there anyone else here today who could do this procedure? Because I feel a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, that's a brilliant idea.

And then he will either say, yes, no problem. And they won't talk about the fact, whatever's gone on and he'll get someone else in or he'll say, I'm sorry there isn't. I'm sorry there isn't, but listen, it's okay, you know, it's cool, don't worry about it. Well, it breaks the ice either way, doesn't it? I think that is, I'm with you.

That's what she should do. That's exactly what she should do. It's kind of just, what's the word? Front it. What's the word? Front foot it. Thank you. Front foot it.

Yeah. As soon as she goes in. Oh my goodness, I saw your name. I thought it might be you. I feel a little bit awkward about this. Yeah. Anyone else around? Yeah.

Look at my bum. Yeah. What a question. Grabat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docks, your permits, your moves. AI levels of your pitch gets it in a groove. Choose a template with your timeless cool.

Come on now, let's flex those two. Drive design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing. Do that, do that, do that with acrobat. Learn more at adobe.com slash do that with acrobat. I lost my car key. Oh.

I'm really brain foggy. You really are. I've really brain foggy. Lost it out or in the house? I just lost it. Well, lost is lost. But you were in the house or you were out? Because it's worse when you're out.

Oh, no, I was in the house and I was having to leave and I was late to go somewhere and I could not buy my car key anywhere. Luckily, I can open my car with my phone. Oh. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I am.

Swanky. I am cool. Modern. And swanky and modern. And not cuckoo. Not cuckoo. See? You see?

Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I don't think I can even my car with an app and even if I could I would not know how. No, it opens it for you. Oh. Wow.

Yeah. Okay. But you do still need a key. No. Oh, you don't? No. Okay. The key is on my phone.

Oh. You wanted the key. Well, the key has my house key on it. Oh, no. You need the keys. So I needed the key. I needed the key. I used to be able to open the door with my phone, but we've changed the door.

Okay. So I can't do that anymore. So, yeah, so I lost my key. Anyway, I was late and I had to go, so I left without the key, and I just got in the car and whatever. Came home and I phoned Adam and I'm like, have you seen my, did you take my car key? I phoned both my daughters. Did you pick up my car? Why would they pick up my car key?

No, it was absolutely nowhere. I knew I was in the house. Looked everywhere. Could not find it. Anyway, I was making dinner last night. I was laying the table. It was in the cutlery drawer. No.

Cutlery drawer with the knives. Forks, actually. What? What? Not relevant. It was with the forks. Yeah, I mean. Yeah.

I realized the other morning that I had been wearing about eight rings on my fingers that day and that I couldn't find any of them, none of them. And I thought, I think I must have been cooking and put them in my pocket. What was I wearing yesterday? That took 10 minutes. to figure out what I was wearing, remembered what I was wearing and then remembered I'd put those trousers in the washing machine that morning. Found all my rings in the washing.

Clean. Very clean in the washing machine. You're lucky they hadn't gone into like a filter. I know. All of them then could not find the earrings. And I thought, oh my God. I actually really like the earrings. They're like really nice earrings. They're not in the washing machine. I looked for them all that.

I could not find them anywhere. And I was asking everyone who see my earrings. See my earrings. They were just on my bedside table where I'd taken them out. Are they were where they were supposed to be? Exactly where they were supposed to be, where they would always be when I take them out and get into bed. They were there the whole time. I actually think that's worse.

But I mean, I actually looked for them. That was the first place I looked. I was like, where are my earrings? They're on the bedside table? No, they're not. Let's spiral into their lost. They're in the machine. They were there the whole time.

Yeah, I mean, and also I am not a scatty person. No, me neither. So when I am scatty, it is, I can't bear it. It's so bad, isn't it? Because also I don't know what else I'm going to forget. Yeah. Also, you don't know what you've forgotten to forget. Or you haven't remembered to forget. Anyway, so we're going to be sorted out next week.

Okay. Mine won't be. That's okay. Well, have you made a doctor's appointment? Yeah. Oh, so good. Good. I had two small meltdowns.

One, I have been trying for eight days now to put eye drops in the dog's eyes. Every morning and every evening, we have a fight, and it is like I'm trying to murder. her. I'm not trying to murder her. I'm trying to cure her eye infection. And so now I've started rationalising with her, even though I know she doesn't speak English. She doesn't. And every time we go through this rigmarole twice a day, I feel more mad because I'm like, listen, listen, let's just listen, let's have a chat. Listen, I've got an infection. I'm just trying to help you. Come here. Let me help you. Let me help you. And I know in my rational brain that she doesn't understand.

It's just stop grabbing my collar and squeezing shit in my eyes. But yet twice a day, I like, She's a big, she's big now. Yeah. Miley, I would just pick her up and just squeeze me. I've got scratches all up my arms. It's a whole, like, it's a fight. It's really bad. So that's the first thing.

And then the second thing is, as I said before, I was in Oxford Street. I was looking in the trainer shop. And then I said to Josh last night, oh, I'm thinking about buying some new trainers. Do you want to see them? The little fashionista, he's very into this conversation. I said, yeah, they're new. I said, he said, what brand? New Balance.

He went, oh, you are such an NPC. I said non Hold on non-playable character Yeah Oh that's a dis I said What?

What did you say? What does that mean? You knew it was a kind Nice Yeah He went NPC A non-playable character

I said why He went That's just like All the parents All the parents We're new balance All of them If you want trainers

Show me them I showed him I was like They're really nice Aren't they He's like If you want trainers They look like that.

You got to wear these. I said, but those are A6. Those are like gym, like sports trip. They're like the ones you wear for PE. Yeah. They're not cool. Yeah. Oh, my God, Mom.

They're so cool. So now, like, the square trainers are cool and the cool trainers are square. Yeah. And I'm an NPC. Yeah. And now I have to ask the question, where are we with trainers? Yeah. No.

Right. Firstly, he's 13. True. Okay. True. So the things that you like and the things that he likes should not be the same. But he does borrow my trainers. Just saying they shouldn't be the same.

No, you're right. They shouldn't be the same. Right. Yeah. Also, I'm sorry to throw this spanner in the works. You do not need another pair of trainers. I know I don't. But I feel like I want a clumpy pair.

I want a clumpy pair. I saw a pair of trainers in Bangkok. Yeah. They were fakes. Were they Balenciaga? Yeah. I know exactly the ones. They were the white on white Belenciaga.

Yeah. They were so fantastic. Why do you buy them? They didn't have my size. Oh. And then when I started to try them on and Lily Rose was like, oh my God, I love them. Suddenly it was only about her getting the trainers. Oh.

Did she get them? No, because they didn't have her with the same size. Oh, okay. They are so gorgeous. Yeah. I feel like I'm in the mood for a clumpy trainer. But don't you balance do that kind of vibe of a trainer? Yeah, that was the ones I was looking at.

Yeah, I love those. Oh, they're amazing. Oh, get them for my birthday. But it was the fact. that they were new balance, that was his problem and now I'm an NPC, so... You're not an MPC. No, I'm not.

No, I'm not. You're just not. I am to him, but that's okay. But also, you're either called an MPC or an MCS. No, main character syndrome. Main character syndrome. That's just as bad.

Right. So you're either a non-playable character or you've got main character syndrome. So either one is negative. So what are you supposed to be? Just, bleh. What are you supposed to be a muh emoji? Is that what you're supposed to be?

I also bought these leggings that I'm wearing today. And I showed them to Josh when they came out of the packet. And I said, I bought these leggings. What do you think? Are they gross? Are they nice? And he went, who did you buy them for? Your niece, who by the way is 11.

Why? Why? Because he's interested. He's interested. I said, no, they're for me. He went, you're never going to get in those. Look at the size of them. I said, they're stretchy.

They're my size. Anyway, and then I was wearing them. And he said, how have you got in the, how have you, how are you wearing them? I said they're called, they're stretching, their leggings, they stretch. So I cannot believe you got in those. I'm like, you are cussing me out, man. You are dissing me. You are, it's not good.

Is there a listener meltdown? Those days are over. Clearly. Oh, the listener meltdown is this. Hi ladies, my meltdown this week is because my kid said it's fine about something I know is not fine. and I also don't have the emotional energy to gently coax the truth out of her. I so understand that.

So now we're just all living in a passive-aggressive-aggressive-aggressive-stall mate. Do you relate? Thanks, Kat. Yeah. Lady Rose, she came in a bad mood the other day and I knew something had happened. And then I'm like trying to talk to her about it. It's like, and in my rational brain, that seems to be coming up a lot.

I knew she wasn't going to tell me. Why I'm asking? Why I'm asking? Because you feel like it's your mum job? Well, but it's irrelevant. Whether it's my mom job or not, I'm never going to get it out of her. If it was Daisy, I wouldn't even have to ask. No, she would come in and tell you.

Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, guess what? Yeah, yeah. And then tell the story. Yeah. Yeah. So I get it. You know what? Let it go.

Let it go? This is my parenting advice to practically everything. Let it go. Let that shit go. Okay. That's your advice, cat. that's what's happening. Let it go.

It'll either come out and she'll tell you you or it won't and it will pass and either way it's okay, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. It's time for us to go.

It's time for us to go. We've done a lot of talking. We have. I just want to go and be an NPC now. In peace. No, you don't. Yeah, just for an hour. You're not a non-playable character.

Just for an hour. I want to be a non-playerable. No, no. You are never ever allowed to be a non-playable character in your own fucking life. No. I am not having that. Just for half an hour in the car.

No. No. Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye.