40ish - Lost Sparks, Raving & Relationship Advice | Midlife & Menopause Podcast

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Welcome to the brand new season of 40ish - the midlife and menopause podcast for women in their 30s, 40s & 50s. This week: a couple who are healthy, financially secure and stable, but have completely lost their spark. How do you start enjoying life and each other again? Plus, is raving the new midlife self-care? We're asking whether swapping the spa day for a crop top and loud music actually counts as wellness. Also in this episode: Nicole has a full nervous breakdown over new studio tech, Lauren goes deeply evangelical about arch support and flip-flops (this is genuinely where we are in midlife), and has a disturbing realisation in a school uniform shop that she's turning into her own mother. And today's meltdown: a woman wants it made very clear that marrying another woman does NOT automatically mean you get a partner who does the housework. Is it time for a formal domestic performance review? New season, same 40ish chaos. Let's get into it. We love to hear from you! [e-mail] @40ish.podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025.

Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac Canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. anymore. We don't have much to talk about beyond work frustrations or everyday problems. We have every resource at our disposal to be happy, but we are just not enjoying life or each other's

company. Fuck tech is how I live my life. I mean, you're preaching to the converter. You can't fuck tech. I hate tech. You can't fuck tech. I would just like to be left with a book, a hard bag book and a quill. It's a mink and a pot of ink and I'd be fine. If you are watching it and you can hear me and see me saying this and everything's synced up and there's a background and you can see my face and there's a picture and there's a sound and everything's working, all I'm saying is you need to give me a high five, okay, because this shit was not easy. Hello, everybody, and a huge and big welcome back to the brand new season of 40-ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast where we tackle the chaos of being 40-something each and every week

diving into everything midlife, the news, your stories, your dilemmas, and of course. And of course bringing you our own challenges of navigating this super, super special decade. It is very special. That is one way to describe it. We talk about everything here from the mundane to the everyday, to the absolute ridiculous. We figure out how to survive midlife altogether. One rant, crisis, laugh and or meltdown at a time, or all three in one go. And please remember that you can subscribe an Apple podcast for early access, add free listening across this show and Self Care Club, and you can watch the video every week on Spotify and on YouTube.

And you've got something to share, big or small. We would like to hear it. Your emails and your feedback make 40-ish what it is, so please do email us hello at 40ish.com.com. Please be in touch and please do can't be part of the conversation. We love it. We're very nosy. So we do want to know what's going on with you lot.

And if you are loving 40-ish, I mean, how would you know because there's a brand new season? But keep this point in mind, please, we would be so grateful if you could share this episode with a friend or someone that you think is going to love it to. It is the best way to grow podcasts and we really could do with your help. So thank you. So if you're watching on Spotify, which you may be or you may not be, but for those of you that are not, we are in a new home. We are. We are in fact in your home. We are.

We finally moved in together. Lauren was desperate to move in. I finally gave in. I've given her a key, given her a drawer. I actually tried to open your front door with my door key last week. I got out of the car and then I thought, no, no, that won't work. No. No.

Because you don't actually live here. Apparently I don't. But I sort of do because one, well, the spare bedroom in Nicole's house is now our studio. Yeah, it is. We've been very busy. this summer turning this room into a live studio so that we can basically record whenever we want. Yes. We can do whatever we want.

You can do it in your pyjamas in the morning, if you like. Maybe we should do it in our pajamas. I don't have any. I don't really wear pajamas. I don't want to do it in nudie because that would be a whole other podcast. It would. That's adult only content. Yeah.

The Spotify viewers only. Yeah. No. No. No. They don't need that. They've got enough. on without having to look at me naked on a chair in the morning?

So do I. Forget there. What about me? You wouldn't care. I would. Would you? Oh my God, I would care. I just can't even tell you how much I wouldn't care. What, if I sat here naked?

I just don't think I'd care. Would you even notice? That is a really good question. I probably would. You wouldn't notice. You wouldn't find it off putting if I was sat here. Off putting. I'd find it an interesting choice. be like, is there a reason why we're not wearing any clothes today? So during the summer, we've had a very hot summer.

Very. And I play a lot of paddle indoors. Anyway, basically, Quazas, I still have not been able to shut my mouth. So if you thought that the summer I was going to become more polite and people-pleasy again, forget it. It's getting worse and worse and more ingrained as the days go on. I don't think anyone was expecting that to happen. I was kind of hoping it might come back, but it hasn't. Well, that you'd become demure suddenly over the summer.

Demure. I've never going to be demure. Never. And that's not a goal. It's just not my life. That's good because you're not going to be achieving that any time scene. Would you want to be demure? I wouldn't not want to be demure.

I wouldn't say it's a life goal, but also if I was, I'd be okay with it. I would be okay with it, but it's just not saying I would ever strive for. Good. What's the opposite of DeMille? You. Not the opposite of DeMille. What's your definition of DeMille? Kind of like, you know, sort of quiet in the background,

graceful and always polite. Yeah, that's not me. I have bought, and I have zero regret, and I don't care how much you slag them off, and I'm not interested in your criticism. What have I even slagged off? Of how middle-age I am. Because I'm living it and I'm loving it.

Live life, laugh, love. You said I wasn't allowed that poster in your studio. You did. You did. Like you'd ever buy that. I think I would have a few years ago. No, you would have. I mean, fuck that shit now.

The menopause does not allow me to think that shit anymore. Anyway, I bought, because I was influenced, middle-aged influenced, my algorithm kept, see, Miley's loving this. My algorithm, Miley, kept serving me Archie's flipflops. Do you know Archie's flip flops? Never heard of my entire life. Normal flip flops. Do they sell them in clocks?

No. Would they sell them in clocks? They sell them in office. Oh. And yeah, an ASOS. Oh, oh. And on their own website. They are a normal flip-flop like a Haviana, but rather than being like a bit shit and very flat.

I don't think Havionnas are a bit shit. They break. that's a bit rude. They break. I'm going to search. And they're not very comfortable. And they basically mould to your foot after a few days. Can they have a slight arch? Hence the name Archies. Anyway, I bought them in white and I walked Italy in these mofos. They're the best flip-lops I've ever owned. They're 35 quid. I'm not paid by Archies. I wish I was. Archies. Flip-flops. They have like 88,000 reviews. Did you count them? Yeah, I read them all. From middle-aged women saying how great they were.

They're very expensive for flipflots. They're the same price as a Haviana. A 35 quid. Havianas are not 35 quid. They are. No, they're not. They're about 15 quid. On what site?

I've never seen one for 15 quid. Ever. Okay. They look like a Haviana, but actually when you like zoom in, you realize they're sort of a cross. You're not going to like what I'm about to say. Don't you dare use the word fit to flip? Don't you dare. They're not a fit flop.

I didn't. Let me finish with sentence. If Hamiana and Fitflop had a baby, this is what it would be. Yeah, okay. Fair. That's fair, right? Fair, fair. Because they've got a slight arch, hence the name.

Yeah, but they look. They've got an ever so slight, and I am allergic to this, just so, you know, wedge. No, they have. The wedge is in the middle. They have. They have. They don't look like it. The black is not.

Oh, no. No, no. No, that picture would be correct. They look so, I wish I'd worn them today. They look so normal. They have a slight wedge. They're so comfortable. A slight wedge.

Aren't you into comfort in any way when it comes to footwear? Well, I mean, I didn't take any heels on any holiday. Oh, no, no. I took heels on Adam's holiday on with Adam, which was just an adult's only holiday. I mean, not in a weird way. I didn't. I did. I did.

And I got like kind of, you know, dressed up. Because I was on a date night every night. Sure. They do look normalish. They're pretty normal. Well, I'm going to give you some midlife news. Are you ready? Yep.

It's called the rave secret. Why middle-aged women are larging it and seeing big health benefits. Apparently raving is the new midlife self-care. And there is science behind it. Raving. Raving. Going out of one in the morning and getting really drunk and then coming in at six. Yes.

No. Women in their 40s and 50s have returned to clubbing. They haven't. No, they haven't. There's not one woman, name one of your mates that has returned to clubbing. Not my mate, but I'm going to read you this article and then tell me your thoughts. They desperately need a night of complete release from parenting work and responsibility. One woman described being in her sandwich era and said when you are responsibilities maxing, that's the thing.

Sometimes you need the opposite, a massive blowout, a transcendent reset, a rave. That I get. Turns out she's not alone. A University of Leeds study of 136 women aged 40 to 65 found that 82% had been raving for more than 20 years. Where are they going? To clubs. But what clubs? Because my daughter's just started going to clubs.

We're going to go with her. That's just so wrong. Well, there is, however, some seriously internalised ageism to overcome. One 50-year-old admitted that when a friend suggested clubbing, she was almost repulsed by the idea. Some women reported being asked on the dance floor. whose mum are you? That's quite rude. And some said they dressed up for self-expression

whilst many dressed down to escape the attention in a sea of 18-year-olds. Other comments included people saying things like, oh, can I take a photo of you? Or, wow, I hope I'm still clubbing when I'm your age. What do they expect? I'm sorry, what do they expect? My daughter is 18, she goes clubbing.

What do they expect? I don't look like an 18-year-old. I look like a 49-year-old. So if I go clubbing, I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb. And these, what are these women actually insulted by these comments? What do they expect? I'm sorry, you brought that upon yourself.

The music and the dancing were top drawer, followed by the socialising. I'm actually not sorry. You brought it upon yourself. Overwhelmingly, they said they reported feeling a very strong sense of belonging. Belonging. Yeah, there is a strong to the rave community. There is a strong theme of age being irrelevant. They talk about making friends with people in different generations.

Predominantly, they're going to spend time with their own friends, but they also get something from being there around other people. A couple of women even said they go with their kids and feel at home. No. Apparently so. This is a big, fat, capital letters no. No. You would never go clubbing again.

Never. Well, would I ever go clubbing again? Like I did a bottomless brunch. I did the fat Tony's bottomless brunch. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Were you quite old there? Yes, but I didn't feel out of place. It was full of adults.

I mean, DJ Fat Tony fucked himself royally when he... Well, he didn't, because he's still quite busy. When he lost weight, I know what you're going to say. No, not when he lost weight. When he revealed everything about the Beckham wedding. And, you know, he'd been like the Beckham's DJ of choice for years and years and years, done all their functions. and then he did that whole tell-all about the wedding and Victoria dancing with her son and all that and now they won't talk to him anymore. So he's got to do the bottomless brunches.

Because he ain't going to be at the Beckham gigs. If we were still doing experimenting shows on self-care club, I would say that we should do that. Well, I actually found what I think that we would be doing if we were still doing experiment shows on self-care club. I saw it the other day. Yesterday, actually, in the paper, ecstatic dance. You go to a church.

I can't, I can't. They put on music and you just do whatever you feel your body tells you to do. Oh, God, sit down and go to sleep. You can do that. You can lie on the floor. But that's not dancing then, is it? No, but then the music picks you up and you basically just do your music and you're not supposed to look at anyone or judge anyone or think about how you're dancing. You would not survive in that space.

I would be just dying to talk to you about it afterwards. You would not survive in that space to not look at anyone, judge anyone, because half of your enjoyment when we do these things is what other people are doing. Of course. Yeah. I mean, it does sound fun. No. No? No.

I might try it out myself. You, I will bet you five million pounds that you don't do that. Are you good for that bet? You good for that. I reckon I am, actually. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility and optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac.

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as a quick disclaimer, we're not doctors or healthcare professionals and we haven't trained over the summer so if there is an issue, you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Hi, Lauren and Nicole. Hi! Me and my husband seem to be having a double midlife crisis.

Oh God. And basically both lost our spark for life. I don't know if we can get over it or get over it together because we're both healthy, financially secure and have a stable life. But emotionally, we feel stuck. We are both constantly stressed by work and anxiety about running out of money,

which I think comes from our own childhoods. Our kids are young adults, both away at uni, so we are alone a lot of the time. We seem to have drifted away from our friendships. Socialising often feels like everyone is just meeting up to complain about their health. Sorry, that's not funny. It's quite true.

That's just not funny. I know, but it's true. It is true. Yeah, it is true. Their knee, their elbow, they're back. Socialising often feels like everyone is just meeting up to complain about their health and lives, and we've stopped finding much joy in it. Our life is a cycle of work, exercise, eating, sleeping and do it again the next day.

Weekends are mostly spent catching up on chores. We look after ourselves physically, but emotionally it feels like we're just existing rather than living. We don't laugh much anymore. We don't have much to talk about beyond work frustrations or everyday problems. We have every resource at our disposal to be happy, but we are just. just not enjoying life or each other's company. Sex has faded off too. I'm especially struggling with work.

I work in the NHS and I'm stressed almost every day and often feel close to tears by the evening. I am planning to start on HRT but he obviously can't, which is such a shame. Yes. What scares me is the thought that we could spend the next 25 years just grinding through life, waiting for retirement, only to finally relax and then not just enjoy it.

And then just not enjoy it. Any advice is welcome. Thank you, Anonymous. Can I just say? Yeah. It sounds like because she's the one that's written it so you can get more idea of where she's at. And I know she's writing on his behalf as well or her perception of where he's at. She sounds completely burnt out because that piece about she's at work every day

and that she feels like she's often close to tears every day, that is a real classic sign of burnout. And also she's working in the NHS, which is highly stressful. Yes. And difficult. Yes. So it's highly likely that she's burnt out. And if there's no room for joy or self-care, then how can you not be burnt out? But she also says that they're worrying about money, even though they're financially stable.

So she can't kind of stop her job or, you know, maybe do something else. That doesn't, I don't know if that's an option for her. And I'm sure that HRT will probably help her a bit. And maybe in turn, if she feels a bit more up, then he might feel a bit more up. Maybe they're kind of dragging each other down, you know. When I, my HRT is not right. No comments, please. When my HRT is not right, one of the things that I find hardest to cope with,

and I really don't mean this to be funny, is life. Yeah. I cannot be bothered to do anything. I cannot cope with anything. I often feel like I, everything she said, I lose my absolute lust and joy and want for anything. It's like the colour drains out. Yes. Of life.

And everything, whatever it is, just feels a bit like, meh, meh, whatever it is. I remember you saying to me a few times, like, what's just what's the point? Yeah. It is, that is a real feeling. That feels like that's at the heart of this email. Yes. Doesn't it? Like what's the point?

Yeah. But actually, once you get on your HRT, it worked for me and it worked for Lauren. That does not to say that it works for everybody. And it is a process and it takes a long time to get the right dose and the right... The right... Not application. Why can we both not think of the word? It's a menopause fund.

Let's just talk about how fun the menopause is when you host a podcast because brain fog makes it so much more challenging. The right combination. Yeah. Well, the right. Yeah. The right dosage, the right combination. The right medication, the right replacement. Yeah.

Whether that's in gel, spray, hatch, pill. It all depends on you and you've got to fiddle around a bit until it's right. It took me a long time. Yeah. So I think the fact that you're starting in HRT soon is brilliant, and I definitely would encourage that. I'm a huge advocate for HRT because it's worked so massively for myself. But I definitely think perhaps you guys need to start thinking about the things that you do

find joyful, and whether that's finding a hobby together, joining a book club together, a running club, you both seem like you're physically active, something together that's fun, just for fun, not for any other reason. You've got to start investing in your self-care. That's what I was thinking when I read this and I wrote underneath it, when was the last time that you remember feeling genuinely happy together? Because that moment or that bit might give you some clues about what's been lost and what can be rebuilt.

That's nice. So like what was fun that you did together and what did you used to enjoy? And maybe it's not exactly that anymore, but maybe it could be something that's kind of along those lines. Find the spot. Like find what does make you feel excited. And maybe they just need a circuit breaker. Yeah. And also when you've been together for so long, it's so easy to slip into those really mildly destructive habits where you just don't recognize each other or see each other or prioritize each other.

because you're both existing in the same house but you're not really together. You know, and I think it's easy to do that in a marriage. Like you don't do that in your friendships because when you're together, you're together because you want to catch up. And also you've planned the time to spend together. Yes.

Yes. But you don't do that in a, it's harder to do in a marriage weirdly. Yeah. They need a, I think, they need a circuit breaker because she said their life is a cycle, work, exercise, eat, sleep, do it again. And perhaps you could do like a nice weekend. away together or something where you, I would say to Adam, I just want us to go and be boyfriend

and girlfriend again. And we do it occasionally and it really helps where you don't have any of the stresses or you don't have to worry about the kids or you don't have to worry about the mortgage and all the stuff, all the responsibilities that you accumulate together as a married couple, like find some freedom together. And go somewhere new for both of you. Go and explore something completely new somewhere neither of you have ever been and do it together. Yeah, that's cute. Nice. What's your meltdown then?

I've been waiting with baited breath. Well, you know my meltdown, because I've had a meltdown with you. I told you this morning. It's tech. Tech. Tech. Fuck tech is how I live my life. I mean, you're preaching to the converted.

Yeah, but you can't. I hate tech. You can't fuck tech. I would just like to be left with a book, a hard bag book and a quill. It's a mink and a pot of ink and I'd be fine. I don't like tech. A quill. Yeah, a quill.

Yes, I'm standing by the quill. A desk with a hole with some ink in it and a quill and some paper. And what about a candle to light the room, yeah? That as well. I don't mind electricity. That's not tech, okay? Basic lighting and heating is fine. Yeah.

But tech no. No. Tech no. Tech is awful. Yeah. Tech is the pits. Tech is a bitch. Tech can go and do one.

And also, the tech never ends, it never stops teching. No. Like there's always something else. There's always another piece of software. There's always another platform. There's always something you need to download. There's always an extension. There's always a plugin.

There's always a reason of why it doesn't work. Do you understand now why I just back away from tech? Yeah, but that's not fair. I know, but I can't start now. I'm way behind. No. I'm in the dark ages. Then you leave me to deal with the tech. Because you're a tech genius.

No. No. Yes. No. No, there is no genius here. You're just a frustrated tech genius. Well, I think a tech genius is probably not frustrated because they're just dealing with it. I think they have moments and then they just have clarity and then it all works beautifully. No.

And that's what's going to happen for you. No. Listen, Quazers. if you are watching this on YouTube, on Spotify, on social media, I don't even care where you're watching it. If you are watching it and you can hear me and see me saying this and everything's synced up and there's a background and you can see my face and there's a picture and there's a sound and everything's working, all I'm saying is you need to give me a high five. Okay? Because this shit was not easy. No. The specific text she has having a meltdown of it is the

tech involved in home studio tech because you can just hopefully please god see and hear us here but what you can't see and hear is the two massive lights that are lighting us the not one not two but three cameras that are filming us there is tripods in front there is wires and then that's all going to be downloaded exported editing it's a whole it's a whole thing of which i i keep myself in a very dark, quiet, silent cave while Nicole fights the good fight of tech and then has mild, actually quite mild nervous breakdowns. They've been quite mild. They're more a sort of sulk. You knew, I sent you one text last night and you knew you could tell and you were like, are we okay or are we regretting this or whatever the wording was. Yeah. And I just read back,

yes. Until it's set up. Yes. Yeah. It's, you know, it's a bit of. of a suck it and see teething situation right now. But it's, it is, I have full faith. I don't know. You always say that you have full faith. I do, but I do. But the thing is, is that I, I don't want you to have full faith. I want, well, I do want you to. I have to trust you because I can't trust myself. But the thing is, is that, there's no, there's no backup. No. It's just on me. Yeah. And, and, and that's a lot of tech for, for a menopausal woman. You know, that's a lot of, of tech for a menopausal woman. That's a lot of tech. Yeah. For a woman in the menopause. It's going to be okay. I don't even know if the cameras are still on. Okay? They might be. We tried to get a

monitor. I'm not even going to bore you with what I went through last night, Quas, about the monitor. Because you'd think it would be simple, but it isn't simple because nothing in the tech slash podcast slash video slash social slash world is simple. Sounds like you need to go clubbing and release all that pent up prostration. Honestly, it's been going on for weeks and I'm over it. And I think that calls for a good, solid meltdown. It's solid. It's solid. It's solid and justified.

It is solid. And appropriate. Okay. Mine involves the uniform shop. Because, you know, I like to be prepped for the back-to-school readiness. Child needs a new blazer. Went to the uniform shop, got a new blazer, realized in the middle of the shop, I have turned into my mother. I actually used the phrase, and immediately regretted it, daylight robbery.

I used it in the shop. I meant it. Yeah, because those blazers are like, well, they're like 100 quid now. Oh, and the rest. And the rest. How much is it? 124 pounds, 50. Wow.

And also, with my daughter's school, she only needs the blazer for like these official days, like prize giving. Oh, fuck that. I'd be stealing one from the second hand shop or from a child. I would not be spending that for two days a year. Well, she's got one more year left. So literally, I mean, it is up to her elbows. I do not care.

Yeah. I said to the woman, find me a look at the child. Now find me a massive blazer. Massive. Biggest one you got. Biggest because he is going to grow in like by Friday. So she brought this blazer and he put it on. It went over his hands.

And he's got to. wear this every day apart of the games and he was like mom no mom no mom and i was like it's like i'll be fine i'll hem i'll hem the sleeves he's like mom it's coming down to my knees mom be serious i said okay you can go down one side you basically bought my house coat She brought the one size down. And I looked at him and he could see the lady was not for turning. And I was like, that's the, you're having that one. And I'll throw in some new pens.

Those pens that they love. Oh, I used to use barrel pens. No, I wasn't asking you. I mean, I was asking you. I used to use a quill. Still do. Which pens? I still shop and stuff.

the feathers, I find, which pens are they used to love. Oh, I don't know. Anyway, it's done. I can't believe he agreed. Oh, he could see. And out of the till. And as I left the shop, I was like, I am Jackie. Jackie is me. Yeah. We are as one. This is how it happens. I mean, at what age do you start using the phrase daylight robbery? You don't use that at 25. No one's queuing up at Ministry of Sound. Thank you. That would be £8.50 for a rum and Coke. Daylight robbery. You just wouldn't say it. We're not going clubbing. You've got to drop it. But I have used daylight robbery recently. Have you? I can't remember where. Definitely like in the last week I have used it. Yeah. You are not alone.

Thank you. Thanks. That's the whole point of this show. None of us are alone. And we are all turning into our mothers in capacity. Slowly, but surely. I don't know if it's that slow with you. Because you start, you've started, I've noticed, talking about parking. What? Yeah. You've started like, where can we park?

Can we park there? You know, well, I'll say, or we'll drive there, but will we be able to park. Sight. Oh, don't say that, because you know my mum has a car, but she drives it like three times a year. We've just been in Windsor and my dad, we were staying in this hotel in Windsor and then we were all driving into Windsor and my dad, who's 80, who's obsessed with parking. He is obsessed with parking. But he is 80.

So I'm going to give it to him. So he was taking his car and I was taking my car. And he was like, right. So we're going to drive in. I'm like, yeah. Because the hotel was like 15 minute drive. So you have to. He's like, where are we going to park?

I'm like, I don't know, Dan. I'm not from around these parts. Yeah. He's like, but are there car parts there? I said, again, don't know. Because I'm not around this part. But what I think we'll do is we'll probably find somewhere to party. He goes, but what if we can't?

I'm like, then we'll turn around and we'll come back to the lovely hotel. Okay. He was very uneasy. He was very uneasy. He got one right on the high street. Good for him. I did not. How early though did you have to leave?

No, no. And it was on a Saturday like lunchtime. Wow. Okay. He was very good. He just went with the flow. But I could see he was uneasy, but he did it. He smashed it.

Good for him. Yeah. He's coming into a whole new era. Yeah. Yeah. Have we got time for a listener meltdown? Yeah. Okay.

Hi both. I am a 48-year. old woman, married to a 55-year-old woman, who is genuinely the love of my life. Oh, that's sweet. I was previously married to a man, so I feel I've conducted a fairly thorough study of both sides. Good for you. I like that research there. I'm writing because one of you recently said while moaning about men that maybe you should

just become a lesbian. Well, I'm here to tell you, don't expect miracles. Who said that? Which one of us said that? Probably me. It could be either of us. To be fair. It could be either.

Before I publicly assassinate my wife's character, I should point out that she is a fantastic cook and does all the cooking. This is wonderful because I absolutely hate cooking. So credit where credit is due in the kitchen, she is outstanding. Unfortunately, in every other area of domestic life, this does not seem to be the case. The other day, she announced that she'd weeded the garden. She had technically removed the weeds, left the rest,

used our indoor, in capital letters, sweeping brush to sweep the patio, then abandoned all the garden tools outside like she had suddenly been evacuated. If she says she has cleaned a room, what she means is that she has hoovered a visible bit of floor, but anything requiring you to move an object, apparently belongs to a separate, more advanced cleaning package we have not subscribed to.

She puts washing on, but the whites and darks go in together. Oh my God, what it? No. That's blasphemy. And also, you'd think that that shit would be just standard. in a lesbian marriage. You think that shit would just be sorted? You would.

But none of this, she says, is actually my problem. I'd say that's a lot of problems. My problem is what happens afterwards. She wants praise. She comes in glowing with satisfaction and announces, I've done the garden. And I'm expected to react. I don't want to be an ungrateful nag.

I know she has technically helped, but I would genuinely rather she hadn't bothered. What is the correct marital etiquette here? Do I smile sweetly and say, thank you, darling. You've done a wonderful job, then finish it later. Or am I allowed to introduce an appraisal system? Thanks for your contribution. Unfortunately, on this occasion, your work has not met the required standard.

P.S., it is safer that I stay anonymous. Oh, well, what I normally do is none of the above. And I just sort of make my feelings very known. Okay. Loudly. Right. example. Mm-hmm.

My husband also does, I call him half a job, Bob. And I use arthur, half a job. Yeah. Half a job. So he'll always do the job, but he does it half. So he never actually just completes one task. Example, the towels were fresh and clean in the utility room and folded, and I meant to bring them upstairs, but I hadn't. I was getting, I got undressed, I was about to get in the shower, I was naked.

my daughter had a friend over so I said to him can you bring the towels up from downstairs why I said because I'm naked he goes so I said so Daisy's got her friend over I don't think she needs to see me in the kitchen she goes she won't mind and she's upstairs so could you please just go and get the clean towels and the clean bath mat so he comes upstairs and he gives me a one towel he just took one from the pile left the rest downstairs so did you do the rest downstairs yes why because you said you needed a towel

I said but why didn't you just bring the pile up because now I have to go back downstairs and bring it up yeah he goes all right in true transparency I didn't take it from the pile I just took it from the airing cupboard so now I'm like oh so now I've got to put one back in the airing cupboard bring it all up from upstairs and then put the rest in the bathroom so now it's two jobs Now you just caused me two jobs. I know they are minute.

Yeah. But it's annoying. Yeah. Right? Because then you're never going to get a set. Yeah. Yeah. Get that.

Anyway. So I'm like stewing in the shower. This is so ridiculous because it's really petty. Yeah. But marriage is petty. Let's be honest. But also because it's the 800th millionth thing that he's done half a job in. That's why.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isolation. Yeah. It's fucking petty. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Because it really is the matter. Why did you get divorced? Oh, because he didn't bring his towels up. Like, no. Yeah. Come out the shower and I'm stewing and I see that he has brought all the towels up, but he's left them on the bed. Okay.

Well, there's still a floor. So now he's done like three quarters of a job. Yep. But never a full job. And I've still got to put one of the towels back for the town that he left took from the air and cupboard. Yeah. And then put the, like the whole thing was just. Would have been easier to go down naked basically and just done it yourself.

Yeah. We had this when we came back from holiday. I unpacked obviously all of my side. You had this woman come back from? No, we had this situation when we came back from holiday. I unpacked my half of the suitcase. I thought, no, I'm not doing his half of the suitcase. He can sort out what is dirty and clean. He has to sort that out for himself. So I left it. I left it for three days. by day three I was getting a bit annoyed so I thought I'd just have a peek inside the suitcase the suitcase was empty but he could not put the actual suitcase just back in the loft which is basically about 10 steps away from where he'd left the empty suitcase

I did put it away and now I wish I'd left it but who are you really like who's who wants a big empty suitcase in the middle of their bedroom when you could take 10 steps and just put it back in the lo I agree with you, but even by leaving it there again, petty. Petty.

And really, who's suffering with the suitcase? Because he didn't give a shit that that was in the middle of the floor. No. The only person's suffering is you. I know. He didn't even see it, probably. No, no, no. I don't know what to say to you, anonymous lady.

No, no, but we're not trying to fix it. This is a meltdown and we are here for it. Well, she's saying what's correct. Do you say thank you, darling, John, a wonderful job? Don't do what I do. Don't do what I do because last night I completely lost. My temper. Oh, okay.

Don't do that. No, don't do that. And it didn't help anything. And then he said afterwards, then he said, are you going to apologise to speaking to me like that? So I said,

I am really sorry that I spoke to you like that. So he's like, but. I said, no, no, but I should not have spoken to you like that. I didn't say that. That's it. For this week, Quazasers, we'll be back on. Thursday.

Yeah, welcome back, everybody. Welcome back, Quazas. I hope you have missed us. We have had a few emails and we miss you. What are you going about? Which has been so sweet. We're back. We're back now.

Don't need to miss us anymore. Now that we are up and running, we think we're up and running. We hope we're up and running. Now we're back. Have a great week, everybody. Bye. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters.

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