40ish - Midlife Libido, Confidence & Getting Rated by Teenagers

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

This week on 40ish, Nicole brings a Hogman update direct from the gym and somehow ends up discussing the workout routine of a man called Brian, while Lauren takes her first steps into the world of Substack. We tackle a listener dilemma that every British woman will understand. What do you do when you notice someone's leggings are completely see-through at the gym? Say something and risk the embarrassment, or stay silent and hope someone else steps in? We also hear from a 45-year-old woman who was unexpectedly hurt after being "rated" by a group of teenage boys in a pub. It sparks a bigger conversation about confidence, ageing, body image and why external validation can still affect us in midlife, even when we know it shouldn't. In Midlife News, we discuss new research exploring women's libido, testosterone and sexual desire, and whether hormones are really the key to a healthy sex life. We unpack what the latest findings could mean for women navigating perimenopause, menopause and changing relationships. Meanwhile, a listener from Tennessee experiences every woman's worst nightmare when a missing handbag triggers a full-scale supermarket search involving staff, customers and rising panic, only for the bag to be discovered hanging from a friend's shoulder the entire time. 40ish is the funny podcast for midlife women navigating menopause, perimenopause, ageing, relationships, confidence and everything else life throws at women over 40. Topics discussed:• Women's libido and sexual desire• Testosterone and menopause• Perimenopause and hormones• Confidence in midlife• Body image and ageing• Women over 40• Self-esteem and validation• Gym anxiety• Midlife friendships• Menopause humour 🎟️ Buy tickets to our live show:https://podlifeevents.com/event-details/40ish-live-show-5-jul-2026-tickets Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, Quazas, guess what? We, finally, I've managed to talk Lauren Intu, are doing a live show. It is Sunday, July 5th at 4pm. You can come, you can have tea and you can get home for an early dinner and bed. Or you can come for an early glass of wine and just hang out with us. It's going to be fun, it's going to be great, we're going to do the podcast, we're going to hear from you guys, you're going to be a part of the show, and we are so excited for it. Tickets are in the link below.

Just click and get them while you can. Why are you laughing? It's like one of the world's worst rom-coms, isn't it? It's like, if you could write a really boring rom-com, this would be how it began. And then basically, like, day after day after day, you'd each take it in turns to hover over the other one until one day.

What I have learned about Hogman is he has absolutely zero self-awareness. Okay? So I said to him, well, I've got... two or three more. Oh, okay. And then he just stood there. No, that's weird. I heard him say very loudly, check her out. Then a couple of them changed seats to look directly at me. And one, then got up to go to the loo, looked at his mate and shrugged.

Nah. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishk. This is the podcast where we tackle 40-something life. Each and every single week of the year. Twice a week. Twice a week. Twice a week. twice every single week of the year.

All the time, constantly dealing with the news, your stories, your dilemmas, our own mess and challenges of navigating midlife. But we do that every day, not just twice a week. I do it every single minute of every single day. But twice a week we talk about it in public. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We bring it to the people. We bring the conversation that you are having with your girlfriends to this podcast. That's what we do. That's exactly what we do. Yeah.

So you can now, I can announce you can watch the video of this podcast back on Spotify. Woohoo! Back on Spotify and YouTube. But YouTube dies a death. Although I've done some weird SEO things, let's see if that makes any difference. Okay. Let's see if we get 40 views instead of 30. Imagine that.

What could happen? Maybe brands will start reaching out to us. Oh, it'll be a whole thing. Please be in touch and be part of the conversation because you make the show what it is. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have a show. Hello at 40ish.com.com. We want to hear from you no matter how big or small we want it all, don't we, Lauren? Oh, I like that little rhyme. And if you love this show, could we please ask that you share it very kindly with a friend or with someone that you think will love 40ish to, word of mouth, is the

best way to grow this show. And one last piece of information, make sure you are subscribed and following just hit the tick or hit the follow button because that's apparently really important for the algorithm oh they can also leave a review can't you oh yeah i feel like we've given them a lot of do's and don'ts and they've also like got lives and jobs yeah kids dogs yeah life to get on with rather than dealing with all of our and lots of kitchen counters to clean and lots of washing to do all the domestic shite that i'm sure you're all emashed in yes now we have one more week till our live there are a couple of tickets left, really not many. So if you want to be at the show and you want to be with us

and you want to be part of the conversation, then you have to come. Hurry up. The link is just below in the show notes. And we'd love to see you there. Yes. Okay. I've got the makeup storage. Right.

So last week we were talking about the makeup storage and I was like, oh, it's going to be shit. You're not going to be able to fit anything in apart from a lipstick. You're very skeptical. I said it was going to have a lot of very small compartments and nothing's going to go anywhere. But the compartments turned out to be quite large. I sent you a photo. Didn't I? Because I bought two of them in the end. I have to say, a lot of, lot of compartments.

Yeah. It's all reorganised and feeling good about my life. Good. Oh, good. Yeah. I also cleaned out like all the scarves and sunglasses and all the detritus. How many scars have you got? And they all lived in the same cupboard with the makeup. And then I got into the jewelry because all the jewelry's in there. I mean, I had a whole, it was, what should have been a 20 minute job. Turned out to be a two hour. Yeah, but that's what happens. It escalates. The whole thing escalated. But now it's done and it's. It's good. I also found some eyeshadows that I swear I had before I was even a mother. Please tell me you chucked them away. Yeah, I chucked.

Yeah. I did such a good like, ugh, get rid of that. Yeah. And it's like, oh my God, that has been sat there

for 10 years. I've never worn it. I found a lipstick that I wore on Halloween literally a Mac lipstick. It was like very, very, very dark purple. Like, I've never worn it since.

I keep, oh, maybe I'll wear it next Halloween. I never wear it. Just enough. Been, bin it. I found a Dior lip gloss thing and the bottom of it looked like I,

I mean, you could have petri dished that shit. I was like, no, that has to go. That has to go in the bin. Yeah, it's gone. Anyway, that's that. Also, also, we've started a substack. We have. Yes.

It's called, in case you are a substacker yourself, or just a stacker, I think they're called. It's called the Midlife Club. That's our substack. It's completely free. And what we're doing is we are taking things that happen on this show and on self-care club and writing essays about it. And just fun stuff is up there.

I did a whole thing about off campus last week. So that's on there if you're into off campus. You know what? It's a nice little community. Do you know what? The substack is great. Lauren has been writing her little heart out. I feel like she's found her people.

I'm like really pleased that you've got this space. Thanks. I'm doing all the technical side of shit and I'm like sort of hooking up the podcast and making sure the profile page looks nice and all of that sort of stuff. And you're doing, like we're all in our happy places with it. But they're a nice community on substack. You know what? I really like substack.

I get a good vibe from substack. There's no trolls on substack. No! I haven't even found any men yet on substack. I'm sure they're there, but I don't know where they are. They're not in my algorithm. I wonder if there's a paddle substack. Of course there is.

There's a substack for everything. Yeah, and everyone. Anyway, if you like substack, come and read the extensions of the shows on there. The Midlife Club. The Midlife Club. Yeah. What's going on with you? Oh, I had a real meltdown.

40-ish moment. whatever you want to call it. It was so embarrassing. I've told you this. I think I've saved it. It was so embarrassing. So 7.30 in the morning the other day. To be fair, I have my contact lenses in

and I can't see my phone with my contact lenses. Yes. I get that. Right? No, yeah. So, and I was in the gym and I had to get two players for this particular paddle game. Now, the paddle admin in itself,

to all my fellow paddle players out there, it's a lot. It's a lot. And it takes up more time than you ever want it to take up because you've always got to organise four players. Yes. Anyway, so I needed two players. So what you do on this group that I'm on?

So I'm on about 1,200 groups. But this is the group that I use most of. And there's, I would say, about 120 people on there. Okay, but this is the group that I play with all the time. All my mates are on there. So you put a pole up and you say, I need, try to stay awake. She's like, she's trying to focus on me. She's like, get to the point.

You put a poll up. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to say who you need. Yeah. One man, one woman. Right. The date and the time.

The time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Okay. And then people say yes or no. Got it.

And some people put really funny ones up. Anyway, I digress. So I put it up. Yeah. And the thing is with the panel. Now I'm distracted with like, what's a funny one. Now like in my head I'm going like, how does one make that lull? What do people say?

What do people say? What do people say? I need a great woman and a perfect man to come for my class at 8 a.m. It's not a class. My game. Like what do they say that's funny? Like one of my friends put up once. Need two hunks for.

Okay, that kind of vibe. Right. And obviously, need two hotties to play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then the guys are like, well, am I hot? Am I hung? Oh, I see.

I see. I think I'm more of a chunk. and now his name is Chunk on there. You see, that's how it goes. Get it. Okay, yeah. Thank you for filling that in. So it's a whole thing.

Anyway, so I put it up. And then the thing is, because of course is such a nightmare to get, the minute someone puts a pole up, if it's a level and a time that you can do, everyone starts pressing. So everyone's like pressing, pressing, pressing, and it gets very chaotic very quickly.

So people are pressing, and then someone wrote, what time? I didn't put the time up. I'm like, oh, fuck, sorry, I'll delete it. So I delete it, I put it up again. Right? Put it up again and I got the day wrong. I got the date right, but the day wrong.

Oh my God. Okay. So then someone wrote, Nicole, is it Saturday or Sunday? This is in front of 120 people. This is also the same group where I told that I'd lost everything. Yes. Okay, so now I'm really flagging myself as really scatting. Yeah.

What annoys me is I'm not even scatting. No, you're not, but you're really flaky when it comes to paddle. I'm losing and the poles and the... Yeah. What is that? Yeah. What's that? Menopause.

My love. Menopause. Yeah, I know, but you're not like that in the real world. Can you tell them all? Well, I can't. Because I'm not on the app. It'll be really weird if I just join just to talk about you but not actually play paddles. You've had some feedback here.

A lady called Katie Wilson. It's not bad. It's just, what's the feedback about? I'm going to read it to you. Okay. Hi, Lauren. Hi, Nicole. This isn't really a dilemma.

It just made me wonder. WWND, what would Nicole do? WND. What would Nicole do? I was in my regular gym class today. This is why it's not meant for me. All right. I was in my regular gym class today standing behind a woman who was wearing black leggings.

It looked fine when she was standing. But as soon as she bent over, they were completely see-through, almost like a pair of 30 denier tights. Happens a lot. I can see the colour and the shape of her underwear. Would you have told her at the end of the class? I was planning on it. She was chatting to another class member at the end for ages,

so I couldn't grab her outside. I feel bad now, but I also wasn't sure how she would react. Love the show, Katie Wilson. Thank you, Katie Wilson. What would I do? What's a dilemma? What would I do? It depends if I knew her or not. Is it, what's Jim etiquette? Well, do you know her? No, she clearly doesn't know her. She doesn't know. Well, they do the same class together, so it's likely they do know each other. Maybe it's like a more of a like a high. If it was like my mate that private message me saying, are you okay? Yeah. I would say to her. By the way, it's see through. Yeah. Let's say you don't. Let's say you just see her in class, but you

you're not mates. No, of course I wouldn't. Oh, you wouldn't? Why would I? I was done to my business? I don't know. It might be intentional. Oh, okay.

I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't. It's like if, well, you wouldn't, would you? No, I don't think I would. I would if it was something like, let's say like someone had got their period and they haven't realized and they were going to walk around like that. I would say, yeah, or if they had like toilet roll hanging out of something. Yeah, I would say like, just go and go to the bathroom and check.

Yeah, but you don't know if. if they like it like that. Do people like it like that? I don't personally. No, I mean, I think at 49 it would be a little extra to be walking around with your knickers on show and see through leggings. Maybe. I don't know. I don't really know

what this world entails, but it's not some like weird kinky world. I know, I know, but I'm saying like who who does that intentionally? You're saying like that's an intentional thing sometimes. I think they're just shitty leggings. Oh, okay. Because you're not going to get that in like gym shock, are you? Right.

So then basically it's just rude because then you're just saying your leggings are shit. Well, you're not saying your leggings are shit. You're trying to, well, she's trying to be, Katie's being nice and thoughtful. She wants to say, oh, by the way, don't wear those leggings because they're completely see-through. Yeah. But you can only say that to someone that you know. What would Nicole do?

If I knew her, I would probably say something. If I didn't, I would definitely let that go. Okay. I have an update about the gym. Oh, right. I was going to save this for later. Save it then. Save it.

Or bring it. I don't mind. Whatever you want to do. Well, it's a hog man update. Oh, yeah. Hogman, yeah. I feel a bit bad now. Why don't?

Well, because I talk to him now. Okay. So. Yeah. He'll be coming to your birthday party next. He might be coming to the live show. No, I'm joking. This is what happened, right?

The fucking Smith machine that he likes to dominate, dominate. Right, he's always on it. So I happened to be on it, and he had the audacity to come in. and ask me how long I was going to be. You were like, I will be as long as I like me. Are you fucking winding me? I started laughing. Did you have the four kilogram weights as well?

No. I started laughing. No. He did not know what I was laughing about. Because this whole joke is in my head. Yes. But he does not understand it. He's just coming to the gym like a normal person.

He doesn't really understand that you put a thing, that you talk about him on the show. He is not. He's got no idea. No. And he doesn't understand that it's a, whole thing. Yeah. And he is so a part of this whole thing, but he's got no awareness of it. No, no. No. So what I have learned about Hogman is he has absolutely zero self-awareness.

Okay. So I said to him, well, I've got two or three more. Oh, okay. And then he just stood there. No, that's weird. To watch someone. He wasn't watching. He wasn't watching. And he, no, he wasn't watching. He was waiting. Okay. Okay. So, but it puts someone under pressure. Yeah. I don't think that's very nice, Jim Etikik. Like, go fucking do something else. I always have to do. So I finish and I said to him That's what I'm going to do next time you're on the Smith machine He goes, what? I said, I'm just going to wait and hover till you finish

Because you never get off it. He goes, what do you mean? And I said, well, like, you're going to go on this now And like no one's ever good. No one's going, why are you laughing? It's like one of the world's worst rom-coms, isn't it? It's like, if you could write a really boring rom-com, this would be how it began.

And then basically like day after day, day after day you'd each take it in terms to hover over the other one until one day. I don't know. No. No. No. No. It's definitely not like that. Okay. Okay. So then he goes to me, I said, you're always on it and you never get off of it. He goes, no, I don't. He goes, I do the appropriate straight, dead pan. Yeah. I do the exact amount of sets that I'm meant to do. And then after this, I'm going to do this, this, this taught me through his whole.

You're like any care. He goes, and then, he goes, and then, he goes, and then, And then he goes, I don't give a shit what your gym routine is. He can't give a fuck. And he goes, anyway, and Brian's coming. And then I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, who's Brian? I'm going to coach Brian. He's not talking to me about what he's doing to Brian.

And I said to him, who the fuck is Brian? I'm like, I really don't know who Brian is. Yeah. And also, I said, I was only having a laugh with you. He goes, oh yeah, I'm not in the mood for that. I'm like, no, I got that. Clearly. Clearly.

So I say to him, all I'm saying is, you stay on a machine a lot for a long time. He goes, no, but I just don't. I stay on for three sets. Anyway, I literally went and did the rest of my workout, which was another 40 minutes. I swear to you, Lauren. He was still on it.

Yeah. At the end of the work, I still on it. It's like, how can you not know that that is what hogging is? That is hogging. I wouldn't have given you the nickname Hogman if you didn't hog it. Yeah.

No awareness. Did you see Brian? I did see Brian and now I know Brian's name. Great. Okay, good. Poor Brian. Now Brian's a feature. Brian gets a bit part, a walk on.

Brian's got a cameo. Nice. Good for Brian. Good for Brian. I feel like I can have more of a laugh with Brian because you can't laugh with Hogman. Clearly not. Yeah.

It's like when he started going into what he was going to do with the flies. It's not going to get. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. This spring, Denham gets a softer, lighter update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg, a new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable and effortlessly cool. With a fit that creates natural movement and a wide leg that feels modern, not overwhelming.

Plus, that signature, wait, for this price, moment. Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg. Do you want some midlife news? Yeah. Okay. It's about testosterone and sexual desire. There's been a Large Australian study of more than 700 women aged 40 to 69 that found that blood levels of testosterone and related hormones do not predict sexual desire in midlife women. Researchers compared premenopausal, perimenopausal and postmenopausal women and found that although sexual desire and arousal declines after menopause, the changes are not

linked to measured testosterone. The authors concluded that routine blood testing for testosterone should not be used to diagnose low sexual desire or other sexual concerns in millerone. middle-aged women. The findings challenge this common assumption that low libido in midlife women is primarily caused by low testosterone. Instead, the research suggests that desire is influenced by a much more complex mix of factors including. Have you entered the dishwasher? Have you seen that the bins full and maybe taking it the fuck out? Have you actually made eye contact with me over dinner? Things like that.

Yeah. A psychological well-being, relationship, quality, physical health and menopausal symptoms. Testosterone may help some perimenopoles with clinically significant low sexual desire. The study indicates that the blood tests alone cannot identify who will benefit. Reinforcing recommendations that sexual concerns should be assessed under a broader biopsychosocial approach. Let me tell you what a bio-psychosocial approach is. It's literally that. It's just like being a nice husband.

Yeah. Or partner. They could have just put that, couldn't they? Don't be a dick. Yeah. Or, you could just listen when I talk to you. Oh yeah. You could do that.

Yeah, that as well. But Adam's got a new trick. I'm like, when I say to him, you're not listening. I am listening and then he literally repeats verbatim the last sentence. Well, then that means he was listening. No, no, it doesn't though. Actually, it doesn't. It means he's heard the words, but hearing the words strung together in a sentence

and actually actively listening are not the same thing. You understand that, right? I do understand that, yeah. All the women, everyone's nodding. Everyone understands the difference. Adam and all the women's husbands won't understand the difference, but there is a big one.

If I heard the words and I'll tell you the sentence and I was listening, was I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, have you just said that you were taking her at 12pm? See, I'm listening. Yeah. But we want them to hear what we're not saying. Yeah.

And they never hear that shit. It reminds me of what is the episode? What is the show? Oh, I know. Sex and the City when Big is dating that actress. And he says to Carrie, I can get to her, but she cannot. What does he say? He repeats it over and over and over again.

I can't. She can get hold of him, but he can't get hold of her. Yeah. I can't get hold of her. I can't get hold of. Whatever it is, he says, I can't access her. I can't access her. I can't.

Whatever it is, it's that. It's that. It's not that. But okay. You know what I mean? Listen, it was actually nothing like that, but we do appreciate the sex and the city reference. Throwing that.

What does he say? What does he say? It's irrelevant. It's nothing to do what we're talking about. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean, but that's got nothing to do with listening. No, I know, but it just ruined. But now I feel like you haven't listened.

We dive into your dilemma as a quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Hi, ladies, you know the rate me trend? Well, I was recently rated in person. Right. I didn't know. I don't know what this is.

Okay. Well, I didn't know either, so I had to look it up. Okay. I'm going to say it now so that everyone else who doesn't know what it is understands. The rate me trend is a popular social media challenge where people ask friends, partners or the public to rate them on a numerical scale, usually out of 10 or out of 100. based on what? Looks. Looks!

Yeah. So these girls will be on... It's completely subjective. So I started looking at that and these girls are like, rate me, rate me. And then they all rate... I mean, who, what? Why would you do that? That's the rate me trend.

Oh. Yeah. You know, I'll start again. Hi ladies. You know the rate me trend? Well, I was recently rated in person, which was of course incredibly rude. as I didn't ask to be, oh my God, no consent to that, that's not right. But I was annoyed at myself because I let a couple of teenage boys' opinions

on my level of attractiveness, bother me. Bother me. I was at my local pub with my partner and teenage daughter. There was a table of 18 to 20-year-old boys very close to us, and I noticed one was looking at me a lot. To the point, it made me quite uncomfortable and self-conscious. I heard him say very loudly, check her out. then a couple of them changed seats to look directly at me

and one then got up to go to the loo, looked at his mate and shrugged, nah. Oh! It made me feel horrible. In all honesty, I'm at that stage of 45 where I've noticed I've become a bit invisible over the past few years but was used to getting lots of attention before then. It's a weird transition,

as I didn't always like the attention that the invisibility seems so sudden and stark. I suppose we've been conditioned as well, women to think that if someone is saying you're attractive, that's a positive thing. To then be told indirectly that you're not suddenly makes you question yourself again. Firstly, well, what's wrong with me? And then, hang on, why on earth do I care what some 18 year old boy thinks of me? I mean, yeah.

So I ended up judging myself twice. Anyway, it's really stayed with me and I'm crossing myself for letting it. Can you relate to this feeling or am I just being absolutely ridiculous Marla? Hmm. Hi, Marla. Can I just say, Marla, are you, and not that this makes it any better or any less rude, but are you 100% sure that they were doing it to you

and not to your teenage daughter? I did think that. Not that it makes it any better. No, no, no, it doesn't, but it's weird for an 18, 20 year old to be looking at the 45 year old and not the young girl that's sat with her, but we don't know, when she said teenage daughter,

she could be 13. But she's in a pub, so, well, it could be any point. Yeah. Well, you, I've been to a pub for lunch with my kids. That's true. Yeah, that's true. She could be 13, 14 and like a child. Yes. So therefore it's inappropriate. Yes.

I mean, look, nobody wants to feel unattractive and nobody, whatever age you are, whoever's looking at you. And I guess nobody wants to feel that someone walks past you and goes, nah. But also, you also don't want 18 year old boys looking at you and going four. Because that's also really yuck and also really deeply inappropriate. In fact, you just don't want them looking at. looking at you or giving their opinion on your looks full stop. Or you just don't want to know about that shit.

No. But it goes much deeper. What she's asking about goes a lot deeper. It's about being invisible when you get to midlife as a woman and being invisible in the male gaze. But I mean... And why do we still care about the male gaze? It's that question of what's worse,

being cat called by the builders or not being cat called by the builders. I mean, I was walking down. the road a few months ago and someone did wolf whistle at me and it's not nice it's actually deeply insulting do you remember when that guy we were I was waiting for you outside another studio and that guy pulled up in his car and had this whole chat with me yeah really weird and then told me what was his opening line you're much hotter than my wife I mean I mean I mean that's not a chat up line it's not a chat up line it's not a chat up line it wasn't a good one but I know what she's saying she didn't like the attention but now she doesn't really like not

getting any attention. I mean, we've had this chat about being invisible either on the, I'm pretty sure it was self-care club. Yeah. Yes. I can't remember which show, but yeah, we have. I don't feel invisible. I'm not suggesting that I'm getting cat called and all that shit. I don't want to anyway. But I'm not, but I don't feel invisible. I don't walk in a room and feel like I'm not noticed or seen. And I don't mean that in a sexual way. I just mean I'm in the room. I'm in the room, you know? But I think it's also to do with age, how you're dressing, and how old everyone else is around you, because there is an age when you are dressing probably in a different, maybe slightly

more provocative way. And also everyone that you're with or the group that you're with or the people that you're going out with and the places you're going to, everyone's like looking for a mate. So there's a heightened level of. sexual energy in the room. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what's going on.

When you're single. Yeah, but yes. But that's what's kind of going on. So everyone's awareness and their whole sexual energy is higher anyway, right? In the environment. We're not, you and I are not really going into environments. I am.

Where that's a thing? I am. Are you? Very much so. Where are you going? I'm at the gym every day. Okay. I'm on a paddle court every day.

and I'm part of communities where with a big diverse group of people. And I mean diverse as in age, genders, you know, there's all different types of people that I hang around with just due to my hobbies. So there's no way that I'm not. But it's like a pickup joint? No, I don't know. Right. I don't think so.

But it's not for you, but you're saying that goes on there. I can't imagine that that doesn't go on in any community. Yeah. And there's single people and married people and all in between. But there's like, you know, I play paddle with 25 year olds and I play paddle with 60 year olds. So it's very, very vast. But that's human nature. It is.

But no one there is going like dressed up for the each. You know what I mean? It's like when you're playing a sport. But what I'm saying is community is community. So even if you're part of a book club, a running club. but if you've got a diverse group of genders and ages, then that is going to happen. There's going to be people attracted to people.

Of course, even if you're 65, there's going to be people attracted to people. By the way, I'm not suggesting that anything is going on that... No, no, no, no, no. I don't even know if it is, but it's just people being together in a group doing something that they all collectively love. I just think it's just a different vibe

when you're older than when you're younger. and I think this is all normal. The feeling of being invisible, I don't think personally, I don't think that comes from, I don't think it's an external thing. I think that is a really internal thing.

I really do. And I think that's something that you can work on within yourself because my self-worth is not dependent on whether someone notices me or not. My self-worth is based on so many more things, like how I feel about how I am as a person or how kind I am or helping a mate out

or feeling strong in my body. It's dependent on so many different things, but it's never dependent on somebody else validating that for me, but I can only say that because I'm at the age I am. Obviously, I've learnt that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and it's easier to rely on that when you're younger and more attractive because,

because it comes in easier, right? But as you get older, obviously that changes and people relate to you differently. Yes. But the most important thing is how you relate. Without sounding like a knob, but with the most important thing is how you relate to yourself. I refuse to walk into a room and be invisible like I refuse. I've got too much to fucking say. Okay, well, you know what?

You build a business on me having something to say. It would be really problematic if you're quiet or shy. You also have a lot to say. I've got a lot to say. I kind of sit in between. I definitely don't want to be invisible, but I also don't really want a lot of unwanted attention or unwanted attention,

or generally just attention. Then you're not understanding what I'm saying. No, I don't think I'm articulating it very well. You are articulating it perfectly. What you're saying is it is nothing to do. do with the gaze of other people, it is to do with how you're feeling in yourself. And if you, if you feel invisible, it's because it's something that you are giving off it is to do with your self-worth and your self-esteem. You articulated it beautiful. And I don't want unwanted

who wants unwanted attention? Nobody wants that. That's horrible. But I think when you're young, that's quite validating. Yes, because you haven't learned the things that I'm sort of badly articulated. You haven't learned those, those life skills. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think Marla, we do not think you're being ridiculous is the answer. No. And I think actually she's 45 and that, you know, I'm 49 now. So yes, for me it probably did start happening at 45. That is an adjustment period. Yeah. Your midfortis is definitely an adjustment period. Definitely. Yeah. But I feel better in myself now. I'm not talking about how I look. It's nothing to do with how I look. I feel better in who I am and how I am. in a room, how I am in the world than I ever have done. And that comes with age and experience, doesn't it?

That's how you hope it's going to go. You have to work on it. That doesn't just happen. I've had loads of coaching. I've had loads of therapy. Like it comes with the territory. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, I totally get it. I guess my message to you is you feeling invisible is an inside job and something that you can very much shift. Nice. My meltdown is as follows because I'm now doing Pilates twice a week, twice a week. And also, just as a side note to that,

let me just tell you something. This morning I was doing my bicep curls because this girl, she ain't no classic Pilates teacher. She does what she calls modern Pilates, which is basically like some sort of... My sister would like not be happy with that. I know, but it is some sort of like boot camp

strengthening shit. I mean, I can't. can't even. The noises I make in there, they are ungodly. But anyway, this morning I was doing my bicep curls and I said to her, look at my arms. She was like, yeah. And I was like, look what's happened to them in four weeks of coming here twice a week? What's happened to them? They have like muscles in them. Let's have a look. Why I'm wearing a long sleeve dress. I'll show you them later. Can I tell you, right, muscles I think are the biggest life flex ever. Well, because of the old osteopenia, the main aim is if I fall, not to break things.

So one builds the muscle around it. Can't your main aim be to live in a strong body? Well, that's what happens, right? Yeah, but let's put it in the positive. Okay, but anyway, that's not my meltdown. My meltdown is, because I'm doing Pilates twice a week, and I don't want to be the woman who bends over and you can see my knickers through my TK Max leggings, I decided to buy some new leggings in the sweaty, betty sale.

Good for you. Why are leggings more expensive than actual jeans when they are just like stretching material? Why are leggings so very expensive? Well, because the fabric's expensive. Some of it's like, you know, I don't know. I don't make leggings, but there's a lot of compression. You know a lot about leggings. I do.

So I do feel like you. Are you actually asking me? Why are they so expensive? Well, I don't know. Why they are? Because we pay for it, I assume. They're so expensive. I think you call it consumerism.

But I mean, like, wow. But the sweaty betty leggings in the cell are about 60 quid, 40 to 60 quid. Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. I mean, the leggings in the Luli Lemon sale are 90. What? Yeah.

But the Lutlemon leggings are untouchable. Why? Allo is a fucking joke. Allo is like the leggings are about 120, 150 quid. What? They are such shit quality, aloe. Can I just say also, I've been no. I'm noticing when I'm out and about quite a lot of people in them.

And I'm feeling like they've gone a bit chavvy. What have? Allo. I kind of, I'm like, no, I don't wear it now. It feels a bit chavvy. I mean, I don't have any anyway. But I'm just saying, they're very high end, but I don't really understand the quality.

And also, Lulie Lemon, right? Not that I work for Lulie Lemon, but I mean, I would love to. You can wash everything, stick it in the tumble dryer. 18 years later, it's still in the perfect condition. Okay, so it's like an investment. Oh, I can't even. The vests are 45 pounds, right? I live in these vests.

They are. The fabric is, the minute you wear Lula Lemon, you will not wear, I can't wear sweaty bed anymore. Oh, dear. Anyway, I put them on to go to my class, and Ollie was like, oh, they're nice. I was like, what? He hate, by the way, they're like black leopard print.

He hates leopard print. He really can't stand it. He's like, are they new? I'm like, yes, they actually are. I bought them in the sweaty betty cell. He's like, they look good. Oh, nice. I was like, oh, okay, they're obviously doing something.

That must be the material. They lift, yeah, because it's not me. Compression. Okay. Okay, so basically just give the illusion of everything looking better than it actually looks. Well, it sucks everything in and everything up and yeah, I feel the best when I've got my looney lemon leggings on. 100%. Interesting.

Interesting. But anyway, I just noticed, like, they are expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I am going to be wearing them twice a week. So. I mean, I've got so many pairs of leggings. I'll give you some as well. Oh, thank.

I will. I've got so many. What's your mouth? I live in. You do live in them, yeah. Yeah. I get changed about three times a day. I know you do.

Sometimes I wear like two different sets of sportswear in one day. You are crazy. I know. I bought shorts this week and everything. What? My meltdown is the sales. The sales. The sales.

I can't cope with them. What? Because I'm a bit of a shopaholic anyway. Same. And it's not, when the sales are on, it's like, it's like that. It's that vibe. It's that energy.

And I've got to stop. Sometimes it's good to just put it all in the basket. Because it's like you've been shopping. You haven't spent any money. And then over the next week, like check out the bar. And then you're like, actually do I like that? Yeah, yeah. No, I don't like that.

It's so true. Because I had that, remember I showed you that like lacy, nighty type dress in Zara that I had in my basket. Yes. And I kept looking at it and looking at it. It was for the day. It wasn't. Yeah.

And you were like, it's like a nighty. And it was. That was kind of the look. And then I just thought, in real life, when am I going to wear this lacy slip? Well, you're not going to wear it to the studio. No. I'm not going to wear it to, like, do Pilates. No.

You're not going to wear it at a live show. I'm not going to wear it to Marjong. And where are you going to wear it? You're going to wear it on holiday once. I'm not going to wear it to cook dinner. I'm going to wear it like one night on holiday. And then you'll think, I feel like I'm in a nighty and you'll never wear it again. Exactly.

So I took it out the basket. Good. Good for you. Oh, I'm so proud of you. Thank you. So proud. I will tell you the listener meltdown. It's a story.

It's a whole story from Teresa. Teresa from Tennessee. Hello from Tennessee. Hello, Teresa. Your show and self-care club brings me joy, laughter, understanding and valuable information. I have a menopausal story I thought you'd like. Okay. This week, when you're a.

When a dear friend and I went to a superstore we traditionally avoid, but wanted to take advantage of a great PJ sale. I bet it's target. In my mind, it's target. We sauntered into their PJ section and found marvelous... When you say PJ, pajamas? Yeah. That's what she's typed, PJ.

We sauntered into their PJ section and found marvelous cool night, PJs, bras and shapewear at unheard of low prices. It's got to be, TK. Max. She's in Tennessee, so that's why I think it's Target. Do they have TK Max in the States? Isn't it American? Isn't it T.J. Max in the States? Who cares?

Anyway. Thrilled with our finds, we took our shopping over to the greeting card section to find hilarious cards for a friend's birthday. After we picked up more bits and bobs, we headed to the cash register. To my horror, my purse, was not on my shoulder or in my cart. I thought I must have left it on the floor when trying on PJ tops in the aisle over my clothes. We raced to the lady's section and were manically asking workers. and shoppers if they had seen my brown purse.

Most of the people looked at us like we were crazy. My dear friend said to keep looking and she would run to customer service. In my panic, an older woman joined my search. Meanwhile, at the customer service desk, my friend asked if anyone had turned in a brown purse with a scarf tied to it. She noted they looked at her like she was insane. This chain store is known for their crazy patrons. They told her to try them again in half an hour.

She thought she'd give my phone a call in case she could hear it ringing. well, she did in fact feel a vibration on her shoulder as she had my purse the entire time slung over her shoulder. All the time we were running. I mean, that is so standard. All the time we were running around the store asking anyone with a pulse if they had seen a brown purse with the scarf. It was on my friend's shoulder in addition to her cross-body bag. As I was headed to the card department continuing to me to retrace my steps, I hear my friend saying, I found your purse.

when she told me it had been on her shoulder the whole time we doubled over laughing till we were crying. I let the sweet older woman know that my friend had found it and we headed to the cash register to purchase our fines and get the hell out of there never to return. Before we left, of course we had to stop at the bathroom. Add for pelvic floor therapy as both of us have completed this and we did not wet our pants in the midst of the laughter

and the mortification. God bless Teresa. Oh, what a brilliant story. I relate to so much of that. Thank you for that story. That was brilliant. Thank you for writing in. Thank you. Okay. We'll be back next week in another episode.