40ish - Midlife Problems: Pelvic Floors, Ex-Husbands & Dorothy Perkins

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

Today on 40ish: Nicole goes to the women’s physio and discovers that pelvic floor assessments are essentially the medical equivalent of rummaging around in a paper bag full of sweets. Dignity? Gone. Mystery? Also gone. Meanwhile, Lauren is absolutely thriving thanks to two things: a garden centre discount and her new boyfriend, Jeff. He’s golden, handsome, emotionally available, and a dog - which, frankly, makes him the ultimate man. We also hear from a listener who’s questioning whether ending her marriage was the right decision after watching her ex-husband thrive post divorce. Meanwhile she feels stuck,sad and overwhelmed. We talk honestly about loneliness, regret, comparison, and if “starting again” in midlife is less Eat Pray Love and more Admin Laundry Telly. Plus, one listener suffers a full-blown fashion identity crisis after attempting to reinvent herself but suffers an emotional return to Dorothy Perkins energy. There are meltdowns, laughs, uncomfortable truths, and the usual reminder that none of us know where to shop anymore, our pelvic floors are hanging on by a thread, and honestly? We’re all just trying our best.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/40ish-navigating-midlife-and-menopause--6942825/support.We love to hear from you! Get in touch with your dilemmas and rants.DM & follow us on Instagram   TikTokOrder Our Book here

I'm very happy with I've got a new man in my life. Yeah. His name's Jeff. Jeff. I don't know where this is going and no one else does. So do you want to explain? Because I'm assuming Jeff is not a boyfriend. You, your Vagin'Hard.

Three of you in perfect unison. She included me for the gym. So now I have to, you know what I have to do now in the gym? I'm scared to ask. You of all people are scared to ask. Do you have to put something in there first? No, I don't know. What do you have to do?

Everything I put on makes me feel like I have just stepped out of Dorothy Perkins. Maybe that's where I need to be now, Viv. Hello, everybody, welcome to 40. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast tackling the chaos of 40-something life each and every week diving into all things midlife, the news, your stories, your dilemmas, your rants. and indeed our own fun and frolics of 40-ish life.

Yeah. And please remember you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access, ad-free listening across this show and Self-Care Club, and you can watch the video every week on YouTube. Please go and join our 33.3 viewers. Viewers, thank you. I couldn't think of the word. I went up to my friend today in the gym

and I said what's that called just like what? I said that, that big machine over there, what's it called? And she goes, the cable? I'm like the cable. I'm so glad you didn't have to ask me that question. Well, you wouldn't know and it's like, you know, it's obviously a standard piece of equipment in the gym and she looks at me and she's like, everything all right,

I'm like just having been there a while. It's been a long time. Just driving me mad. Anyway, if you've got something to share big or small, not you. We want to hear it. Not me. Not me? Yeah.

We want to hear it. So please email us. Hello at 40ish.com. We love it when you are in touch. If we don't get back to you straight away, it's because we bring whatever you brought to us on the show. Yeah, so bear that in mind. So bear that in mind.

When you're bearing your soul to us, we're going to share it. No, if they bear our soulsters, we usually get back to them. Yeah. We are going to share it with the nation. But they know that. They do know that, don't they?

And they ask us to keep it anonymous, which we do. And like, we're all in it together. We're all here together. We share our shit, you share yours. Shares is fair as ease. Yeah. Sharing is caring, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what Lauren is taken, but I'm totally here for it because she is very bright-eyed, bushy-tailed today. Final bit of housekeeping. And the most important, please, can we ask you to subscribe? It is really important that you do that and that you follow the show so that you can get drops to whatever in your life. Don't make me explain why. Please just subscribe and hit the tick or the follow button.

that would be amazing. And please share 40-ish with a friend or with someone of your family or someone that you think would love the show. I should tell you my most 40-ish moment of the week. Oh, it is so middle-aged. It sounds very exciting. So my middle son, who is at a college in America playing soccer, he is home for the summer. And he needed a job. And he got a job at my favourite local garden centre.

and I am very excited because I think he might get a staff discount. Nice. I know. So this morning, I said, you know that? Toaster eating for breakfast. That is from the garden centre from the farm shop. He said, mum, that shop looks amazing. I said, Zach, do you get a staff discount?

He said, I think I do. But also I think if I just like took a loaf of bread home, that would be fine. I said, no, that's called stealing. We don't do that. Remember how I raised you? But please ask your boss if there is a staff discount because I'm, might ask you to bring home some plants and I am buzzing at the concept of him getting like 20% off plants this summer. I think you're generally buzzing. What's going on? Very happy. You're like a

fucking bee. I'm very happy with I've got a new man in my life. Oh. Yep. His name's Jeff. Jeff. Yep. I don't know where this is going and no one else does. So do you want to explain? Because I'm assuming Jeff is not a boyfriend. Oh, he is. Is he? Yeah. Okay. He's a furry boyfriend.

Do you want to see him? You haven't got a puppy. I haven't got a puppy, no. No. Swear on your life you have not bought another puppy. I haven't bought anything. Are you being gifted a puppy? Are you being given a puppy?

No, you're not. Oh my God. Are you being given a puppy? He's not a puppy. Just explain what has happened. Yesterday, literally yesterday, I went for a walk with Beba and I saw my friend Alec, who is a, he's like literally dedicated his life to dog rescue. And we were talking about dogs and rescues and I was telling him about this golden retriever

puppy that I've been going to visit over the weekend because the owners are away and so I've been going to help out with this puppy. And we were talking about that and he said, oh, you know, I get these golden retrievers in into the kennels but they go very, very quickly because everyone wants a golden retriever. and as soon as they come into kennels, they're gone. I said, oh, that's lovely. I said, you know, I'd, I'd have one of those. Anyway, last night, he phones me.

He says, something very weird has happened. One of our goldens, he went to a family, and the mother, she'd been previously bitten by their old dog that they'd had to get rid of. And they took this dog in for literally 12 hours, and she just was terrified. She just feels very underconfident and they've had to return him literally 12 hours later and the sun is distraught

and I can't put him back in kennels so I've got him He said he's such a lovely boy, he's so sweet How old is he? He's about two or three. He came from Egypt but from a home. He was obviously raised in a home and then flew over and was with these people for one day he said he's so sweet but he's a big

you know, he's a boy and he wants to play and this guy's dogs are tiny. They're teeny tiny. got like five dogs, but they're quite small. He said he's knocking, he's knocking them over in the garden when he wants to play. So I said, oh, let me, you know, let me see. He said, I'll bring him around at 10. We'll see what Bieber thinks. So we go for a walk. I go for a walk with this guy at 10 o'clock this morning with Bieber. 11 o'clock, we come home. Ollie's on a Zoom call in the kitchen. And I bring him in, I'm like, let him, let me see what Olly thinks, let him meet Olly. I bring Jeff.

in the front door and Alex says, just going to go and get his bag out the car and literally just leaves him with me. Literally leaves he at your house? Yes, he moved in an hour ago. He moved into my house an hour ago. He lives with me now. I now have Jeff and Bieber. Shut up. I swear to you. How have you not mentioned this sooner? I'm a little bit processing. I've literally Hold on Yeah

You actually do have a new man in your life No actually I have Jeff in my life So hold on You don't even know Jeff I don't know Jeff I've just been for a walk with Jeff Yeah Jeff came into the kitchen

Ollie was on a Zoom call I was like This is Jeff I'm not sure how I feel about the name Jeff I didn't choose it Also he doesn't know his name So we can He doesn't

He has no clue How come Because he probably had an Egyptian name Oh that's not actually his... No. Someone's called him Jeff. Who?

I don't know. But also I kind of love it. But he hasn't got a clue what his name is. Anyway, came in, Ollie's literally on a Zoom call and then Alec comes in with a lead, a bed, food. Well, hold on. Hold on. Was this the...

He was meeting the dog. There was no meeting. You can't just leave the dog with you. Anyway, I got a look that only one can get after 25 years of marriage. look that said a million things. What did it say? A million things. Like, give us ten.

Then Ollie left the room. No, no, what did he say? What was Ollie's look? What was it like? What the fuck are we doing here? It was just a look that said about an hour's worth of conversation. And then he just left the room. And then Alec was like, okay, bye.

And then about 10 minutes later, Ollie came downstairs and I was waiting. I was waiting. And he said, you know, it's kind of normal in a moment. marriage to discuss if and when you're planning on getting another dog rather than just bringing it home. You haven't discussed it with anyone because you didn't know. And I said to be really honest with you, I thought we might have a chat and then maybe he might come for a test for a few days over the weekend. I didn't realize he was being left right now. You do have a say in the matter. I know, and he was like, you know, be weak-willed. You're very good at it. And when you don't,

when you've got things to say somehow you manage to have things to say I am so with Olly on that I am so with And he was like what What does this entail exactly I'm like Gets walked gets fed

He's you know He's fine What does it take away from you Do you want him in a kennels And he was like Hold on Did you meet Jeff and fall in love with Jeff? Jeff is an absolute sweetie pie

He literally put his head on my chest He gave me a cuddle. He's a real sweetheart. And I said, listen, do you want him in a kennels? Do you want Jeff in a kennels? Or can Jeff just hang with us till he finds his forever home? So I did say. Oh, so you're the interim?

We're fostering. We're just fostering, Jeff. He's not going to stay forever. And, um, fostering him. Yeah. And Alex said, hold on, you're going to fall in love with him. I'm okay to let Jeff go. And Alex said, listen, they never hang around for long golden retrievers because everyone wants one.

Oh, I see. So he's dropped him off. Yeah. instead of him being in kennels. So we're just fostering. Oh, I didn't realize. I thought he was like dropping him off forever. I don't think he's not going to be our forever dog.

Okay. And I don't know how long he'll hang around. So people will come and meet Jeff and see if they want Jeff to be there forever dog. And Jeff will go home with them forever. But in the meantime, he's going to be spoiled and we'll have a playmate with Bieber and have a nice home. And Bieber was fine. Beba was so cool. She didn't like it when he cuddled me.

A bit jelly. Yeah, yeah. But very keen to have a playmate. Yeah, but she needs a playmate. And also, I don't want him locked up in a kennel. You know, it's nice for him to be in a home and have a bit of love and attention and affection. So apparently, I now have you. Can you top a surprise foster dog?

Do you want my 40-ish moment or don't you? I want it. Do you? Yes, I do. Well, make it sound like you do. Please, please, Jay or 40-ish moment with me. What I like to talk about, which I've talked about all week. Yeah.

All week. Yeah. The only conversation I seem to have had is about my pelvic floor. Now, if that is not middle age, so yes, I have topped it, then I don't know what is. Because there is literally no other conversation around me at the moment apart from how strong is my pelvic floor, how good is my pelvic floor and how much endurance do I have in my pelvic floor. What's the answer to that question? And the endurance is not amazing. No?

Which fucks me off, I can't tell you. Yeah, I'm sure. I bet you really want to have like as good endurance in your arm strength as you do in your pelvic floor strength. Obs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You did tell me very briefly. I didn't. No, you talked briefly. And I said, save it for the show. Can you share it on the show? I don't know what I can and can't share, but to cut. Share what the fuck you like? It's your podcast.

I know, but what are my comfortable sharing? I don't know. How cool we are with Vagbase sharing. on this show, Self-Care Club, we're very comfortable with it. No, we're not. Not our own badges. Well, bits and pieces of them. We've discussed. To be honest, I feel like I've shared my badge with like, you know.

You have. Yeah. There's been, I mean, that's a weird thing to say, but, you know, there's been a lot of instruments and hands. And there's just been a lot of rummaging. Oh, there's so much rummaging. So when I went to the woman's physio, woman's physio, that's middle-aged, isn't it? And it also, it sounds like, it sounds kind of nice. Like you'd sit and have a camomalti, but I bet it's not nice.

She was absolutely delightful. She was so lovely. No, there was no camel maltone. But there was like ultrasounds. And there was like bladder checks. And there was my entire area has been checked, tested. And I can safely say, I know a lot more. about that.

Yes. Then perhaps I ever needed to. Okay. Did it feel a little being like rummaged like a paper bag? Because that's how I imagine it. You know when you have a baby? I do.

And you've been rummaged and fiddled and you're a bit like, oh, I just don't care. Just get your hands out. I'm done with people. Or just get your hands in and do what you've got to do because I don't really care. It's like you're so desensitized to being fiddled with.

Yeah. I mean that in the medical sense. Yeah. Yeah. That's where I'm at. It's very reminiscent of having a baby. Okay. Weirdly.

Yes. No, I see that. It's the same thing. Yeah. Like everyone's involved with your Vagg. Everyone's involved. Everyone's having a look. Everyone needs to have a look.

Everyone, there's a lot of checking. There's a lot of examining. Yeah. There's a lot of talk about it. And so when by the time I got to the woman's physio who was so sweet and caring and kind and gentle. And is this okay? Is this okay?

Is this okay? show everyone and it would be absolutely fine. Anyone else? Anyone else want to have a quick look by the tiger loaves? I would get arrested. Apart from the indecent exposure aspect of it, you just don't care. You know, you don't care by that point.

The bakery in waitress. Yeah, like, why not? Yeah, okay. Well, anyway, so she was very sweet and very considerate. But by that point, I was just like, let's just get the job done. Let's just, we're in it together now. Let's just do this.

Let's do this. You, you'll vagin her. The three of you in perfect unison. Yep. But she'll leave me for the gym. Great. So now I have to, you know what I have to do now in the gym? I'm scared to ask.

You of all people. I'm scared to ask. Do you have to put something in there first? No, I don't. What do you have to do? I have to like, like. What? I don't know. I can't imagine what it is you have to do, but it's probably not nice.

What is it? I just can't make these on. I don't mind this being on the podcast. It cannot go on social media. Okay. We'll tell back of that. What did I say? What you have to do in the gym. Yeah. Oh, it's a process. I have to like, I have to like do a certain breathing. Okay. And then I have to hold. Yep. And then I have to do the exercise.

Okay. Okay. All right. What I would like you to do now, in fact, everyone listening, most of the women, because we're a 97% female audience, I'm assuming it's only women listening. What I would like you all to do now, right? Let's go through an exercise. Everyone sit back.

I would like you to breathe in, but breathe in by expanding your stomach. Yes. Right? Hold that. Now clench, tighten your pelvic floor, hold your pelvic floor. Now breathe.

whilst you've got to keep holding it. Are you doing that? Yeah. Quite hard. Yeah. I said to her, no, no, no, no, no. We're either going to breathe or we're going to hold. You can't do both.

I'm actually doing it and I really need a way so it's even harder. It's hard, right? Well, you've got to pull that up high. You've got to really engage it. And now I have to lift weights like that. So I said, how long have I got to do this for? She's like, everyone should be doing this. She said, do you think of the pressure,

the exercise puts on your pelvic floor. Totally. So every woman who is exercising really should be engaging their pelvic floor when they exercise. That's a good tip, isn't it? Solid. If you take nothing else from this show ever, take that tip.

You are fucking welcome, can I just say? Take that tip. Can I just tell you something else about the gym? Yeah. Because I started... Please. How I've missed your gym tales. How I have...

I've been unable to sleep at night the excitement of the thought of Nicole might go back to the gym one day and I can hear her gym stories once more. You are such a little fibber because I know you're taking the piss. I actually started to tell you and you said your words were, wait, don't say another word. Let's hit record. And I said it's not that interesting and you're like, it has to be on the show.

It's been so long since you've started your sentence with, guess what happened at the gym this morning? Let me tell you what happened at the gym this morning. Remember that fucking guy that nicks all the weights? Totally. He's still there. Fucking hell. Ten weeks later. Do you know what?

He hasn't had a hysterectomy. That's why he's still there. I didn't miss him. God tell you. This morning. It's my second morning back. Yeah. Okay.

I actually tried to smile at him a few weeks ago and I saw him in the cafe bit. Yeah. He hates. He's not a fan. He literally hates me. Anyway, so I saw him in the gym, right? I am only allowed, you'll love this. I'm only allowed to, oh, to give context of who I'm talking about in the gym.

It's a guy that he basically nicks the, he uses all the weights and he hogs all the weights. Yeah. And he uses weights that I use and he's like three times the size of me. He shouldn't be using those weights. And it fucks me off. And then he uses them for like 40 minutes at 8 o'clock in the morning of the gym. It's annoying. He's a hogger.

He's a weight hogger. Yeah. And it's bad gym etiquette. Anyway, we've had not a row before, but I've made it very clear that I don't like the hogging. So he doesn't love me and I don't love him and it's no love lost. Okay. Anyway, now we're posted straight. I haven't been there for 10 weeks.

10 weeks. Now you've got your quasi energy going. Quasi, love it, instead of crone energy. Yeah. I am only allowed to lift four kilos. Oh. That is all. That's like literally all I could ever lift.

That's all I'm allowed. Well, it depends what you're doing. But even if it's like a Romanian deadlift or if it's a split squat, it doesn't matter what it is. Or even if it's a bicep curl, I am only allowed to lift four kilos, which is very, very light. Not so much when you're doing shoulders, but it doesn't matter. Anyway, there are two sets of four kilo dumbbells in the gym.

He's not using them, this big beef cake guy. What's he using them for? His little toe? I've warmed up, I've stretched, I've done all the things. I've mobilised. I've done all the things. I go over to the weight section to go and get the four kilos, and guess who's fucking got them?

Yeah. I mean, what's he doing? I'm balancing on his nose. Well, I really wanted to ask. Yeah. So I said to him, are you? And so I thought, right, I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to go right to the other end of the gym to see if the other four kilos are there.

They weren't. There was a woman, a woman of my sort of stature using them. I thought, that's okay. That's fine. Yeah, good. Appropriate use. I felt like saying, have you had a hysterics me? No, she was about 25.

I thought, you enjoy yourself. Yeah. You know, appropriate. Yeah. So I go back. So I go up to him and I said, how long are you using those for? So he goes, you know, there's another set of dumbbells all the way over there.

And I thought, yeah, I do know, because you fucking told me that 10 weeks ago. I said, well, I've been over there already and they're gone. I said, the thing is. is that I can only use four kilos. I've had a hysterectomy. No, I didn't say that. I said that's the only thing I'm allowed to use in this entire gym. Yeah.

And he's like, I felt like saying you can use any piece of equipment here. You're a big boy. Anything you want to do, you can do. Right? You're not without a uterus. Well, he is. He is without an uterus. That is true.

That is true. Your ovaries haven't been ripped away from you. No, they haven't. You know what? You should give me the fucking four kilos. I bet if I said that he would have. You should have definitely used it to the hysterectomy. Come on.

It's giving you no advantages in life. I don't even know his name. It doesn't matter. You should have said to him, I have just had to have my reproductive organs removed from my body and I'm in a rehab situation. I need those four kilo weights. I should have. Or I'll show you.

Because everyone else has seen it. Anyway. Yeah. So he's like, well, I've got four sets of this and about 18,000 sets of that and blah, la, la, la. I'm like, I'll tell you what, when you're done with them, could you let me know? I always said, did your mum ever teach you to share? He said, no, he actually said, if you want, I said, but I can only use the fools. He goes, you can jump in in between my sets if you want.

Oh, thanks. He was being very sweet. Was he? No, you should have fucking given them to me. Anyway, I thought, no thanks. Anyway, he did. He came over and gave him to me. So I think we're making progress.

Okay. Well, yeah, you could be having coffee with him next week. Maybe. Ask him if he wants to adopt Jeff. We had some feedback from Helen. she said I had to message. I was just watching octanauts with my little boy when I heard Quasi.

Who knew it was one of the character's names? To be fair, I feel it is very 30-ish to know this, Helen. Yes, she's right, it is, because I wouldn't watch octanauts. No, obviously I wouldn't. We're not watching autops. But you know what? I did actually Google Octanauts, quasi, just to check.

Yes. Yes, it is a character's name. She's not lying. No, I know, but I thought sometimes, when you've got like half an ear on your kids' telly shows, You know, but they spell it, interestingly, K-W-A-Z-I-I.

And we're not spelling it like that. We're spelling it, Q-U-A-S-I. Yeah, it's our own word. Quasi. But it's catching on. Yeah, it's happening. It is, isn't it? Should we start a hashtag?

Hashtag quasi? Yeah. Why not? You do it like. Yeah. Well, you get on with that and then let me know how it goes. Just before we dive into our dilemmas, a very quick disclaimer. We are not doctors or healthcare professionals.

So if there's an ear, but, but, so. If there is an issue. We shouldn't say this whilst laughing, because people could be. Oh, they giggled now. Oh, dear.

It's not a very funny dilemma. Hold on. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Just jumping in here to say if you are loving 40, we would be so grateful if you could share this episode and the show with a friend, the more ears we reach the more.

We can bring 40-ish to all the brilliant midlife women who need to hear it. What's our dilemma, Lauren? Hi, ladies, two years ago, I ended my marriage. Nobody did anything wrong. It just fizzled out, and I thought life would be better and easier alone. The split was amicable, and he's a great dad to our son.

That's nice. The dilemma is that since we separated, he has thrived. He's lost loads of weight, he's got new friends, and he seems, happier, healthier and in a better mood than when we were married. My son tells me about his travels and the new hobbies that he has. I haven't really moved on since the split. Everything is exactly the same. I just now don't have a husband and all the jobs are on me. I basically feel as unhappy as I did before I instigated the separation. I feel like maybe I got it wrong

and maybe the issue was me and not the marriage itself. I created this mess and now I don't know how to move on. Thank you. Anon. Oh, it's like Kyle. Is it like Kyle? Yeah. From your housewives. I mean, that sounds really fucking hard. Is she asking us what she should do?

She's saying she doesn't know how to move on. Can I give one piece for advice? Yeah. That I think is really important and you should do this ASAP. That's going to pick up on the mic. Can I give one piece of advice that I think she should do that's really important? Definitely. she should probably do, like the next step is this is what she should do, is go to therapy,

get someone who you trust, who you can talk to, who you can be completely honest and open with and work this out because there's a lot here. And if you're not happy and it is about you, then that needs sorting and you need to figure out what it is you're not happy with and you need to figure out how you want your life to look. And sometimes your friends just can't take all that on. and sometimes you need a professional to speak to. I think that's very solid advice. And as we always say, we are not professionals. So we can't fix this for her.

And I would also say, and I do feel like as a woman who has just started HRT, I can say this without being rude or patronising or horrible. But how old are you? Are you on HRT? Are you in the perimenopause? Because I do hear endless stories about women who are very unhappy in their marriage and very dissatisfied and things fizzle out and blah, blah, blah.

and some of the time, obviously not all of the time, and it is not the whole picture, but some of the time you might just need a bit estrogen. You might feel generally a bit happier and a bit happier in the marriage. Would you say that's fair? I would say that's very fair, but she's not in the marriage anymore. She's not. But that doesn't mean that if she was in perimenopause and she wasn't seeing a GP about that, that she might generally not feel a bit more together, herself, happier, able to move on.

I mean, right? I think with anything, if you are 45 plus and you're not feeling quite yourself or you're feeling a bit low or you're feeling a bit anxious or you're feeling a bit stressed or a bit overwhelmed or something's not quite right or all of those things, I think the first thing that you should absolutely do is go to the GP, get your blood's done and figure out where you are in the perimenopausal journey and where your hormones are because you cannot cope or do anything effectively if your hormones are not balanced. Yeah.

And someone emailed us last week to say that she had her blood tested and she knew that we weren't doctors, but could we make sense of what the doctor said because they said that her hormones were adequate. And I replied saying, obviously, we're not doctors and we can't do anything. But the fact is, if you are over 45, if you are feeling the symptoms, they go on symptoms. Over 45. They do not go on bloods. And that, I think, is something that not everyone knows. It does depend on who you see. Well, your average GP will go on symptoms. My gynaecologist, now that I'm on my implant, if I say to him, oh, I had my implant three months ago,

it gets topped up every six months. So I'd say to him three months later, oh, I'm feeling a bit off. He will not just give me another implant. I have to get my blood's checked, even though I might be feeling a bit symptomatic because he can't put too much estrogen in my body. But that's because he's a specialist. But if you are a woman who is 45 plus and you are symptomatic,

that is enough to be classed parimenopausal. You don't need to have your bloods are irrelevant because they go up and down and up and down like a roller coaster at this age. So you can have them tested one day and they look great. And the next day they might be in the toilet. So it's really symptom-based. It's the only important thing about that, right? Yes, yes.

but sometimes the symptoms, especially like the mental health symptoms, like the anxiety, the overwhelmed, the stress, the low mood, you can very much gaslight yourself into putting that on a whole host of other things. Of course you can. My husband's annoying and he doesn't help me around the house or, you know, oh, well, my girlfriend's been pissing me off or my boss is just like giving me too much of a workload and I can't cope anymore. you know, you can always find something to attach it to.

But even like the weird shit that is really common, like I got a motorway driving phobia, and I know that a lot of women, I think now looking back, that was my first sign of perimenopause, the driving thing. And I know that a lot of women have, they start a phobia or an anxiety about driving at night in the perimenopause, really common.

But you see, if that plays out, well, I'm too anxious to drive at night, but now I'm separated and I don't, want to go out to see my friends on dates, go and do these things because I'm anxious about driving. You see how it all kind of starts to spiral. Then you're suddenly anxious about driving during the day because you haven't driven at night and then all of it. And then you're becoming a bit antisocial, but you don't want to tell you when you're anxious about the drivers. You know. Because you're a bit embarrassed. Right. So these things, these things that seem not that

big when they start to snowball, they can become really huge. Well, let's assume, okay, that hormones are balanced. Okay. However it is. Let's assume that. Because there's nothing in here that would suggest otherwise. No, I'm just throwing it out as a, as a, just a tick on the checklist. And it's important that you have because it's an important piece of the puzzle. Yeah. And it was definitely a huge piece of my puzzle and a huge piece of yours. Yeah.

So she's ended the marriage. Yeah. He's thriving. Yeah. She isn't. No. And now she's wondering what the hell she did to blow up her life and she's still unhappy. Like, what would your advice be?

My advice would be, number one, is there any conversation to be had with him about this situation? Is there any reconciliation? Is that something you would even consider? Would he consider? Could it just be a conversation? I'd start with that. Yeah, and I would start with figuring out where you are and what's going on with you and what you want. maybe that first

then the conversation I think get your head straight on what's what what you're unhappy about and how you really want your life to look moving forward and I think sometimes you can be so confused and it's so overwhelming

that you just need some help or maybe you've got a friend that you can really work with on this and they would be willing enough to help you like figure it out with you and also I wonder if he wasn't thriving as much as he is and didn't look better and wasn't in a better mood and all the rest of it,

if he was kind of just the same as he was before, would she be feeling as acute about this situation as she is? Is it that she's looking at him and she's seeing this reflection of, oh my God, he's so much better off and I'm not better off. In fact, maybe I'm a bit worse. And maybe that's making it worse for her as well. I mean, it does sound really, really hard. But yeah, I think sort your own head out,

go and talk to somebody who can help you professionally and see how you're feeling and what it is you want to do before deciding what it is you need to move on. I agree. Thank you for the email. My meltdown is pretty simple. Go. I did not understand half the outfits in the Devil Wears Prada film.

Yeah, I saw it with you, and we were in disbelief at how badly they dressed Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway. I mean, Emily Blunt was magnificent. Fabulous. Every single outfit, all the Dior ones. Oh, the Dior ones. The first one.

Divine. With the like the piece underneath, like the, she had like a corset. And then she had like Dior and then like a waistcoat. It was, she was just sensational in it. I did not understand one outfit that Anne Hathaway wore. Now, is it because she was styled badly, which I can't believe she was because it's a fashion film? And fashion is like one of the main characters of this film. Or am I too old?

No. You're not too old. I wondered if it was deliberate. in that Andy, Andy Sacks, was always a bit of a frumpy weird dressing. I know at the end when she was in the leather thigh highs and the whole thing and she'd like revamped her look and she was really cool. But was it like, she's never been that great. Also, there was a lot of nod to the cerulean blue. She was in a lot of that colour throughout the film as a nod back to the first film.

I noticed that. But they were, she's so stunning. And they dressed her so badly. she's so magnificent. Oh, she's divine looking. It's hard for somebody else to be on screen and for you to look away from Anne Hathaway. Yes.

But Emily Blunt did manage that. She did. I couldn't take my eyes off her. But she's so magnificent. They're a pair of them. I just did not get it. I did not get one of her outfits. And like, we were laughing at the end, weren't they?

Weren't we? We were like, really? This? She's wearing this? What about like the dungarees with like, there was a lot of stuff. sequins. Yeah, there was a lot of sequins. And I find sequins quite tacky. It depends on the sequins. Well, they were tacky. Didn't you find them tacky? And I knew I was getting it wrong

because it's like watching a Sex and the City movie. Yeah. And thinking, oh, I don't like that or I don't get that. That's a me thing. That's not a them thing because they're at the heart of fashion. But also, even if you didn't really like it or get it, it was still fabulous. It just wasn't to your taste. You know what I mean? Like even if Carrie was in some crazy outfit, you'd still be like, okay, that's completely nuts. But I And I don't love it, but I get it. But it's art. Yes, but this was not.

This was just, that is not nice. Yeah. Yeah. So you felt the same. Totally the same. And it was like each outfit was worse than the next outfit. It was very strange. And then I asked my friend.

Yeah. I had to poll this shit. Yeah. Like, did you like the way they dress? She goes, I really like the blah, blah, blah, blah. It was when she was wearing the sequin pants with tucked into the boots. I did not like that. She looked like Aladdin.

I hated. So did I. Your sister liked one of the sequin dresses that she wore to one of the evening things, which actually was very elegant, not the blue one, the kind of black, sparkly one. That was very elegant, but that was it for me. I don't even remember it. Yeah, it was a very short scene. But, yeah, I wasn't, I was not into it.

That's my meltdown. Okay, fair enough. I loved the film. Yeah, it was fun. It was a good cinema outing, wasn't it? It really was. It really was. And I was really hung over, so it really helped.

What's your meltdown? Just that I got given a dog with unknowingly this morning. That's really it. I mean, I don't know if I'm in meltdown or glow up. I don't really know. I don't really understand literally what's happening. But I literally just left my house with this brand new dog. I've literally left him.

I've had him an hour. Yep. And now I have to go home to him. But what would you have done if Ollie had to go to work? No, Ollie is going to work. They're going to have to be on their own for an hour together. They're going to be fine. How do you know?

Oh, I just have to trust in the process. It's going to be fine. Okay. Okay. I think we need to go so you can go home and get back to Jeff the dog. I'm serious. I know. We do have a,

we do have a listener meltdown from Viv. She says, I listen to your spring style show. Oh, this is good considering the chat we've just had about fashion and devil wears part of. Oh, yeah. I listen to your spring style show. And honestly, Bill, I have become frumpy overnight. Oh, God.

I'm so with you, Viv. I am 45, but this. Not that I think you're frumpy because I don't know you. By the way. I am 45, but feeling 65, had a full-on mini-midlife crisis moment the other day and wandered into urban outfitters thinking I might reinvent myself or something, but instantly realised I am absolutely not cool enough anymore. I felt like the staff were judging me for even being in there.

Everything I put on makes me feel like I have just stepped out of Dorothy Perkins. Maybe that's where I need to be now, Viv. Does Dorothy Perkins still exist? No, I don't think so. I haven't seen it. So I'm going to go. I was about to say we got a lot, a lot of TikTok hate for our slagging off of new look. Did we?

People went wild. In fact, that reel got like 18,000 views. Did it? Yup. Oh, Dorothy Perkins does still exist. Does it? Looking at the website now. Where?

Where? It must be online. Is it frumpious? Well, um, or is it okay? I don't know. Let me have a... Because I'm telling you now, the people are... People of TikTok have spoken about new look.

Yeah. What do they say? They are loving it. Even in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Dorothy Perkins is, well, I'm now scared to say it. Don't say it. It's not my style. Okay, let's just say that.

I like those shoes. The TikTokers, apart from a few, there were a few outliers who said, I hate it. It's the material's horrible. It's not my thing. But on the whole, people are loving new look at every age. Now looking for shoes on Dorothy Perkins. No, no. Don't do that.

Let's sign off in. Immediately. Immediately. Yeah. We'll see you next week, everybody. Bye. Bye.