40ish - M&S, Thruples and Awkward Couples

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Obsessed with M&S? Check! Awkward hookups? Check! Family drama? Double Check! This week on 40ish, Lauren is obsessed with M&S to the point where Nicole has to intervene. The ladies discuss the practicalities of thruples (two people snoring in your bed? No thanks!) We navigate one woman’s cringe-worthy situation when a past hookup resurfaces and another listener brings the family drama asking advice on what to do about her sister-in-laws hurtful behaviour. Tune in for laughs, relatable moments, and juicy dilemmas.  Please share your own dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife with us at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Go to ZOE.com to find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. You can use the exclusive code 40ISH10 to get 10% off membership. As a ZOE member, you’ll get an at-home test kit and personalized nutrition program to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. Use 40ISH10 at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nicole, when was the last time you actually listened to your gut? I always do because nutrition in midlife is so important and we know there's a lot of misleading health advice out there and most of what we're taught about food is wrong. Did you know that Big Food even pays TikTok influencers to say that ultra processed foods are healthy when they're not? I actually find that shocking but it's no wonder that one in eight people globally, that's over a billion people are living with obesity. So our sponsor, Zoe, understands that our health is suffering and that it's time we

listened to our gut. They make your gut health their business. And as we've learned in over five years of doing podcasts, gut health is key to overall health. Your Zoe membership starts by testing your gut health and it's backed by one of the world's largest microbiome databases and most scientifically advanced at home gut health tests. Zoey gives you proven science whenever you need it. Listen, we know better than anyone else being in the self-care space that the start of

every new year is noisy with loads of health advice that's often full of hot air and rubbish. But Zoey is the solution that you can trust. Zoe is the science and nutrition company leading a movement to transform the health of millions. And Zoe membership has been proven by a randomized control trial, giving you the solutions to listen to your gut, make smarter food choices and change your health for life. Go to Zoe.com and find out what Zoe membership could do for life. that support your gut. That's z-o-e dot com, use code 40ish10 at checkout. Trust your gut, trust Zoe.

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This episode is sponsored by Zoe. You're not fully invested. You've still got a tinge of embarrassment about liking M&S. I'm, I'm. I am there. Their active wear is great. It's great for people that are like, how would you, you're not active! With a martini it works, without it feels a little tragic. So basically if you're a borderline alcoholic and you've got earrings on you can wear a

house mask otherwise no. Yeah. This feels a bit more fabulous. Well we've actually got a proper advice today. Go us. We actually have. Wow. Go us.

Hello everybody. Welcome to 40ish. We actually have. Wow. Go us. Hello everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Laura Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40 something life. Every episode we discuss your problems, issues, rants that you have kindly shared with us. And we also divulge some of our own stories about the problems and mess of navigating midlife. And we also divulged some of our own stories about the problems and mess of navigating midlife. I think I'm either getting older.

Well you are. Or every day. I'm either getting older or M&S have changed their designers. Because I actually like things in M&S now. I actually like things in M&S have changed their designers because I actually like things in M&S now. I actually like things in M&S. Well, and I remember years ago when someone said to me, when are we ever going to like things that are in M&S? And now I find myself liking things that are in M&S. Can I tell you something? St. Michael, which was the old M&S branding when we were kids, when we were kids. That shit on Vinted now is like top dollar. It's no. Yes. Oh yes. To get yourself a Saint Michael blazer. Yeah. What are we talking? Well, they're not like

mega expensive, but they are really prized. You said top dollar. They're prized. Prized. Have you got one? Who said they're cool? I was reading a whole article on stuff from Vinted and M&S. I agree with you by the way. I've been in back into M&S. Like when you were a kid and your mom took you to M&S for clothes. Yeah. Oh my god. It was fucking tragic.

It was like being taken to CNA. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, no, mom, please not M&S. Please not M&S. No, it washes well. It washes well. Yeah please not M&S. No it washes well. It washes well. Yeah so very good quality. Good price. Yo mom please can we go to Mr Elfridge please

or Topshop. Yeah please don't maybe wear that. My mom was way too cool for M&S. You wouldn't catch my mom dead in M&S. My mom was wearing, you would have loved my mom in the 80s. Jackie's 80s stylings. She had a strapless denim mini dress with studs. I could wear that now, not mini. You would totally wear it. She had a pink, also strapless bubble gum dress with like what you call the, the, the, no one cares. She rocked it. No one gives a shit about Jaggy's wardrobe.

In the 80s she never wore M&S, that's my point. I have found in recent years, I'm loving M&S. I'm all over it. But not the shoes. I mean, not the shoes. What point was Jaggy's wardrobe going to stop? How far would we have gone into Jaggy's wardrobe going to stop? How far would we have gone? I would have gone all the way down the walk-in wardrobe from business suits, which she did

wear from hogs. No, stop! Reverse! Can I just put a caveat on the M&S? What the fuck is wrong with the M&S shoes? And this is my issue. I say it to my friend all the time. It's like they take a shoe, they design a shoe, and then they say, let's do something that makes it 2% off being a nice shoe. How can we mildly fuck this design so that you think it's a good boot, but actually the heels just like slightly wrong and it looks really square. I know let's make another range called foot

glove that you can only wear if you're 60 plus with bunions. Please sort out the shoe designers. It's like comfy the comfy shoe bit for old people with bunions. Can I just sort out the shoes man had a very, just, it was just very short and anecdotal about me starting to like things in M&S. Well, you're right, because it's cool now. Calm down. I'm very activated about this. No one has addressed the shoe situation in M&S.

What is abundantly clear now is that you spend more time in M&S than I do. Fuck yeah. I'm on that website. Oh. You try and get yourself the scalloped swimsuit now in February. You got one. Yeah, but I want it in another colour. It's already sold out because it's that good.

Why are you laughing? Their swimwear is amazing. You're not fully invested. You've still got a tinge of embarrassment about liking M&S. I'm, I'm, I am there. It was, you know, my 40ish thing. It was my 40ish thing. Yeah. And we're 40ish. As it turns out, you're a fan, like a big fan. I am. A big fan. You have to be discerning. You do. Are you? This isn't from M&M's.

I know it's from Henny's, we bought them together. Yes I am discerning. I'm not really a fan of the Puna. Are you not allowed to say Henny's anymore? No. My kids always like, what's Henny's? What's Henny's? H&M, why don't you just say H&M?

Because before you, it used it's Henny's! It used to be Henny's. It used to be Marston, it was never a Snickers. Jesus. What are you enjoying in M&S? I haven't bought anything from M&S. How do you even know you like it? Because my sister bought a pair of leopard print jeans in M&S.

And... The wide legs? Funnily enough, James just came in and told us that his wife had bought the same pair. Are they the leopard wide legs? Yes. They have gone viral, do you know? And they're sold out in most sizes. And I actually tried them on. I tried them on. They were absolutely awful. They were awful. Are you CMO for M&S? I wish. I would die to be sponsored by M&S.

You have a lot of information at your fingertips ready to go about M&S. I would love to know why they look so great in your sister because they look absolutely terrible on me. I must be a different shape. I put them on. And? Not great. Also, right, they were a size 10.

And they were very tight on me. And I wear in Zara, I'm in a size eight. So like, their sizing is small. Well, I would have had to have upsized. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's absolutely huge. It really depends. Oh, so the sizing is off. The sizing is always off in M&S. I'm shocked. Are you? Well, because I'm going back to the days when mum said, oh, it washes well. Yeah. You know, you'd think the sizing would be on point.

It's not. And normally it skews very large, I've found. Oh, God. Don't say that. Sorry, it might not in the jeans. I had to, I couldn't fit in either of my normal sizes because one was like huge, one was like small. It just was the worst pair of jeans for me personally. Their active wear is great. It's great for people that how would you,

you're not active. Okay. It's good for athleisure. If you just want the athleisure look, it's great. Don't start bringing your activewear recommendations over this way, mate. I don't know how it copes with a squat, but I'm just saying, if you want to walk around your local high street and get a coffee, it's great. It's breathable. I can walk in it, it's great. Before we dive into your dilemmas, we've got a quick disclaimer. Oh yeah, that. We are not doctors, we're not healthcare professionals.

This is a fun space where we share our thoughts. And if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. What's our first dilemma today? If it is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. What's our first dilemma today? It goes like this. We met another couple recently at dinner through some mutual friends. We've hung out with them a few times at various parties and at barbecues and we're all going on holiday as three sets of families this Easter. Lovely. It was only when chatting to the wife at the last party and recalling our university days that I realized I had in fact slept with her husband. Oh dear.

Oh, oh. When we were both at the same uni. How could she not realize this? I don't know. That's how many people has she slept with? We were both clubbers. Okay. And it happened a few times, a few times that you didn't realize.

Always when we were off our heads after a big night. Okay. He looks completely different now. He was a much skinnier guy back then with long shoulder length hair. He's now bald, a lot heavier and wears glasses. Okay. Time hasn't been kind by the sounds of it. But you would know.

Wouldn't you know? I don't know. Go on. He has said absolutely nothing about it and has never let on that I am familiar to him. But I can't believe he doesn't remember me. Mate, you didn't remember him. I feel like we have hung out too many times now to be able to just get it out in the open and have a laugh about it. I feel so awkward because it now feels like this awful dirty secret between us. What should I do? Oh, good one. It is a good one, but it's also hideous. It's hideous. Right.

Well, there were two options. He either genuinely doesn't remember you or the fact that he slept with you or- That's awful or by the way and also how different does she look? Yeah, she looks so different. Yeah, maybe or he totally does remember but he has decided well she hasn't mentioned it. I'm surely not going to fucking mention it and cause trouble. So I'm going to keep my mouth shut. So either you both keep your mouth shut and just pretend this never ever ever ever happened.

She can't pretend it never happened. It did happen. Okay. So how do you address this now? Now. Now it's like been months and months now they're all going on holiday together. You wait until you're like round the table in Spain and mention it at dinner. It's completely inappropriate to mention it at all. So you're just gonna have to live with the dirty secrets completely inappropriate. How you ever gonna come up a conversation? Oh yes by the way do you remember when we slept together a few times? Or do you think like maybe when they're away together and no one else is around, she could say to him, do you remember me from uni?

No, because then you're having like this intimate conversation that you shouldn't be having. But then at least she'd know if he really did remember her or didn't. But there's no good way, there's no good answer because if he says, yeah, I do, then they've now got this dirty little secret. And if he says, sorry, who are you? That's just hideous. Yeah, it's like that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie, you know, when she, they're talking about abortions, Miranda's going to get an abortion, but then doesn't. And Carrie's like, I want to have an abortion. I got pregnant with this waiter and she goes back to the restaurant. He's still there. She's like, hi. And he has no clue. No idea who she was't and Carrie's like, I want to have an abortion. I got pregnant with this waiter and she goes back to the restaurant. He's still there. She's like,

hi. And he has no clue. No idea who she was. And it was like this huge thing in her life into him. He doesn't even recognize. Have you ever had anything like this? No, no, no. No, not to, not to this degree. This happened actually recently, right? We were on holiday recently, and there were people there that we knew on holiday. Anyway, I was talking to a friend of mine last week or whatever, and I was mentioning who was on holiday. And she said to me,

"'Oh God, do you remember that night that we all went out and then you snogged him, then you this and you that?' I said, I didn't snog him. She goes, yes, you did, many times. I said, I actually don't know what you're talking about. Do you remember that night that we all went out and then you snogged him then you this and you that. I said I didn't snog him. She goes, uh, yes you did. Many times. I said, I actually don't know what you're talking about. Do you don't remember? I'm like, I don't remember at all. And thank God I don't remember because I've just been on holiday with him. Yeah, that would have been very embarrassing. Yeah. But it was just a snog. But he didn't remember. Well, you don't know if you remember because he didn't mention

it to you. And I think that's appropriate. I agree. Because I really didn't remember. I think it's like the ship has sailed. And also, you know, I was single for many years before my husband. Yes. So there are going to be people that I come that I had snogged. Yeah. Or had a fling with. Yeah. It happens. I think the ship has sailed on this. I think you just have to take this to your grave or not be friends with them anymore. I don't know. Would you mention it to your husband? No. friends with them anymore. I don't know. Would you mention it to your husband? No, not now.

Well, I've told you the story of what happened with the gardener. I've said that on here before and then I had to tell my husband. Yeah, but you had to. Listen, if she'd recognized him the first time she met him, then she could have said her husband, Oh my God, I had a thing with, I slept with him a few times at university. Who cares? No, no, no, no. The husband would care. Oh, come on, it's decades ago. I'm sorry, I would care. I'm not saying in a jealous way, but it would like kind of put me off them. But if they said it to me, I knew that she slept with my husband. If they said it now,

after having been friends and planning a holiday together, it sounds like they've got this dirty little secret. Exactly. You will taste your grave, my dear. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to tell you. You don't need to be sorry. You actually don't need to be sorry. I'm sorry for her that she's in this situation because it's an unfortunate course of events that's led her to this dilemma. But here she is. That's what I'm saying. I'm pleased I didn't remember that I'd snogged him. Yeah. Not that it would have been awkward because I hadn't seen him for 20 years. So who cares? I would breeze it through. Your choices Not that it would have been awkward because I hadn't seen him for 20 years. So who cares?

I would breeze it through. Your choices are breeze it through at some point when everyone's a little bit loose on holiday. I don't think that's a good idea. That is a terrible idea. That's terrible advice. Or keeps them. Pretend it never happened. Lauren, you know me and you know when it comes to answering the listeners' dilemmas and when it comes to food, I always trust my gut. And I also trust Zoe, the leading size and nutrition company. All the nutritionists that we've spoken to on Self Care Club have highlighted just how much misleading information is out there when it comes to food. Things like the claims that you see on packaging that say things like low sugar or nothing artificial. These are often assigned to actually avoid these foods. Ever noticed a health claim on fresh fruit?

No, never. Right. Well, you get my point. So it's completely understandable why there's so much distrust and wondering who you should turn to for accurate information. Well it's very simple, it's not a dilemma for us, we use Zoe. Backed by one of the world's largest microbiome databases and most scientifically advanced at home gut health tests, Zoe gives you proven science whenever you need it. Go to Zoe.com and find out what Zoe Membership could do for you. And because you listen to

Fortyish, you can use the exclusive code 40ISH10 at checkout to get 10% off membership. As a Zoe Member, you'll get an at-home test kit and personalised nutrition programme to help you make smarter food choices that support your gut. That's z-o-e dot com, use code 40ISH10 at checkout. Trust your gut, That's z-o-e dot com use code four zero ish ten at checkout. Trust your gut, trust Zoe. Lauren said in a funny way, oh, I'm going to go home now and stick on my tracksuit because her son is at home unwell. And I, she said it in a way that like mocked herself and I said, well, I always go home and put on a tracksuit

Yeah, but I don't I don't do that Whatever if I'm dressed for the day that I'm in leopard print jeans today in a dangly necklace But even if you go home at four o'clock, yeah, and then you're home all night and all afternoon Yeah, you would still be in your dangly necklace and your leopard print jeans a hundred percent I would never always change into a tracksuit. I just get undressed for bed, end of story. I would never get changed. I'd go through about four outfits a day. Who could be bothered?

Look, I don't want to stand in jeans cooking and that's it. Anyway, anyway, then you said, what did you say? Then I said, like, do you remember house coats? Did your grandma ever have a house coat? So thinking when I used to go home with my grandma, she would get out of her fabulous suit, whatever she was wearing and put on her housecoat. Housecoat, if you're not 85 and don't know about these things, is basically a dressing gown. But instead of a tie robe, it's basically a dressing gown with a full-length zip from chin to floor. Is this what we're doing now? Is this where we're moving towards? I'm just thinking about how comfortable and useful that item is.

You're starting to understand the practicalities of a house coat. She had many. She had the Minvelleur, velvety ones, all different patterns, all different colors. She had like a definite 70s orange and black swirly one. You know you can get house coats on Amazon. I did not know this. Yes, you could have it delivered on Prime by tomorrow. How would you feel if you came round to my house and I was in, let's say for the sake of argument, a hot pink housecoat? Why hot pink? I just feel like I'd go. Give it a bit of glamour. Yeah.

I think I would feel not shocked by it. I wouldn't be shocked. Do you think I could pull it off? shocked by it. I wouldn't be shocked. Do you think I could pull it off? With earrings? Unfortunately yes. You could pull it off in a very middle-aged way. I'm not saying you'd look great. I'm just saying it would be... I wouldn't be floored with shock that you were in a house coat now. If you then start with the knitting, then we're going to have a problem. I'm terrible at knitting. I've tried that before. I'm awful. What I'm saying is, no, no, you've got to rebrand it. Imagine me in the house coat, but combined with big earrings and a martini. How are you feeling about it now?

Oh, I'm all here for that. Now then you're like, you're like Patricia from Southern Charm. You don't know her. She's fabulous. I'm not talking about giving up on life housecoats. I'm talking about comfort glamour, comfort slash glamour. What about like a caftan then? Fucking love a caftan. But really only wear those on the beach. With a martini it works. Without it feels a little tragic.

So basically if you're a borderline alcoholic and you've got earrings on you can wear a housecoat otherwise no. Is that the rule? This feels a little tragic. So basically, if you're a borderline alcoholic and you've got earrings on, you can wear a house coat, otherwise no. Yeah. Is that the rule? This feels a bit more fabulous. Yeah. I'm feeling like house coat fabulous. Yeah. Listen, I'm sorry to say you've sown a seed.

Now you've told me that Amazon hack. She's so gonna get. It's not a hack. Amazon is not a hack. Oh my God. Because you know Karl Lagerfeld said that if you wear sweatpants, people who wear sweatpants have given up on life. He's right. And so whenever I wear my track suit, which is every single morning when I get up to make breakfast for the children of Water Rock,

Ollie always says to me, oh. For the children you have a 21 year old who doesn't live at home and a 19 year old who is a very self-sufficient. I still fill up the water bottles and get the cereal out and feed the dog and I do these things in my tracksuit and often Ollie will say to me, oh have you given up on life? And I think it's not the most glamorous look for him to see me in, but maybe a house coat? That could be more appealing. No, you're shaking your head. No, I know it's happening and I know I'm coming around next week and the house coat is going to be present with us and I have a feeling you're even going to get me one and you know what? I might even enjoy it! and enjoy it. What's going on with you? I also went to a show, the show that I mentioned last week that we missed because it was the wrong date for the tickets. Oh yeah. So we

saw the show. Yeah. It was about a throuple. A throuple. Do you know what this is? I have a WhatsApp group called throuple. Interesting. Say more. You are not on it. I know that. No, I'm just telling you. So yes, I know what a throuple is. Who's in your throuple? Two other people. Who? Jim friends. Oh, Jim friends. Yeah, I have Jim friends. I have Jim friends. I don't want to be in a throuple with you anyway. I like it to be monogamous between us. Wouldn't you be so fucked? Anyway, you mean James are in a throuple. What are you talking about? We're in a really weird codependent throuple. We are. It's so true. James loves our throuple. He loves our throuple.

So this play is about a couple our age, been married, you know, similar time to us and their sex life is stagnating. And she meets a woman and she starts talking about whether they should form a throuple. Anyway, long story short, but the thing is, hold on a second, I would have to. Yeah, I mean, it'd be a very short play. Do you want to form a throuple? No. And scene. How would you even in real life get, like you, I meet many women, but I don't ever think, oh, should I start a throuple? Well, they sort of went for some drinks and the woman, the married woman made it quite clear that she was interested. But she also said to the single woman, I am very much married.

I very much love my husband. I'm not interested in lies or deception. I don't want to have an affair, but I really like you. And the only way I could see this working is if you were interested in both of us together. And she was like, she was a millennial and she, well, that's why the place called the unicorn because the amount of single women who are interested in being in a throttle with a married couple is, is few and far between as, as rare as a unicorn. Hence why they're called unicorns, but she was interested and they did. Anyway, that was the play. And all I kept thinking was, oh my God, like managing one husband singular. That is enough. And on the tube on the way home, I said to Ollie, can you imagine I've got me, I've got you in bed snoring and then

I've got some women also in bed. Who like what getting up to do a well I imagine if it's you for the sake of argument four times a night getting up to do a wee. How dare you. That's that's actually rude. How many times do you go up in the night to wee? Okay once that would wake me at 320 every night. Okay he would be getting up to wee you'd be getting up to wee. That would disturb me.

He would be snoring then you would get up early to do your gym thing. Like it would be. Yeah. But you know what? You'd also have someone else who's emptying the dishwasher. Right? I don't know if they lived together. They didn't live together. They just were in a relationship. She wasn't living in the house. But the whole thing was like, this is just, and then how are you going to explain that to your kids? I don't know how they explained it to kids. That wasn't part of the play. Then I'm thinking, let's say that your husband really annoys the other throuple. You've then got someone else moaning to you about your husband. Who needs that shit? Who needs it?

No one needs it. It's a hiding to nowhere. The whole throuple business. I guess it depends on the sex. It does. It's never going to be good enough to warrant all of that nonsense. Well, you don't know. You don't know. You don't know. We talked it through on the tube on the way home. I was like, I was like, this is problematic for me. I don't want to have sex with a woman and I certainly don't want an extra... But you could have a throuple with another man. And he said, but I don't want to have sex with another man. And I was like, yup, point taken. It's not for us.

I'm glad you had to go and see the play to figure out whether it was for you or not. Yeah. I mean, Adam, like, can you imagine Adam in a throuple? No, Adam, Adam, Adam barely has time to speak to me, let alone speak to another woman, another woman, another woman, who's got two daughters. Right. Yeah. I said to Ollie, let's be really blunt here. Like once the blow jobs are over, you've then got two women knocking at you, asking you to do things, asking for favors, saying why don't you spend more time with me? Why don't you watch this on

Netflix? Like, who wants that? No man wants that. The whole concept of it, I think, is much better than the reality. 100%. But if you were going to do a thropple, what would your choice be with another woman or with another man? I think mine would be with another man. Yeah but really? Two men. You've got the bandwidth? Two men. For Adam and another? I don't have the bandwidth. Two men have to pick up their pants twice. What's our second dilemma? Hi, it's from a lady. She says, hi, for the last couple of years, my sister-in-law has ignored my child's birthday.

Okay. Ouch. I don't think that's an ouch. Really? No. The auntie? Yeah. So sister-in-law. Anyway, let's see the rest of the question before we unpick it.

Last year, her and her toddler were invited to his birthday party. She never applied, she never turned up and she never said why. Seven weeks later, a birthday present appeared in the post. This year, she didn't come to his party again and even though we've seen her since, she said she forgot his present and would get it to him soon. We're still waiting three weeks later and even my son has commented on it. She is my husband's little sister and has always been quite spoiled and selfish and the family don't help because they indulge her behaviour even though they are much tougher on my husband. Ah, I think there's the problem. I would love to tell her how thoughtless I think she is, but it's a family where people

don't talk about their feelings and it will probably cause more issues, but I find it really hard to let go of. It makes me feel really negative. This is the icing on the cake after years of silent treatment and rude behaviour from her and I'm fed up with it and I'm fed up with her. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Well it runs deep. It's about much more than her son's birthday party,

isn't it? This is such a classic case of you've got to manage your own expectations because you can't change people. You just can't and they behave how they behave. And guess what? There's a whole book on it called Let Them. That was exactly what came into my mind when I read that question. Let them. Let her behave like a spoiled, rude little shit. Yeah. Let her. You don't have to behave like that. You can always behave politely, nicely, turn up to things, bring presents, be a great sister-in-law. I guess she's just not that into you. Sorry. Or she's just not that way inclined. And I really would, I have learned this so many times over the years.

And I used to take things so personally when someone behaved in a way that I didn't feel was correct. And I would get myself so torn up and so in knots about it. And the only person who was sitting there completely stressed and upset was me. Yeah. And guess what? It didn't serve me. So I have learned over the years to let this stuff go. How people behave is up to them. You are not going to change it by being cross and angry and hurt and exasperated by it. What would change it is having a very open, authentic, vulnerable conversation to say,

you know, I get very upset when you don't make the effort because it means so much to me. But also like, he's your nephew and it would really mean a lot to me if you had a relationship and turned up to his birthday parties because, you know, we're family and I really want you to be involved. But her expectations, the sister-in-law's ideals and standards and ideals on it are obviously completely different to hers. And one doesn't make it wrong and one doesn't make it right. They just feel differently about these things.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also she's given the whole backstory about it doesn't sound to me, although obviously it could be, it doesn't sound to me like this is personal. It sounds like this is just kind of how this woman walks through life. Yeah. So, and you... Let her, she is the person that she is and you being pissed off about it isn't going to change it. It isn't going to change it and I do really feel so strongly that she is going to keep upsetting you and she is going to keep disappointing you and that is the only thing that is in your control is how you react and respond to it.

Agree. And I would say try and respond in a way that is health your control is how you react and respond to it. And I would say try and respond in a way that is healthiest for you. I totally agree. Well, we've actually given proper advice today. Go us. We actually have. Wow. Go us. We actually have. Also, I'm definitely recommending the Marm gene from M&S. It's a great shape, if you

like the carrot shape gene. But not their footwear. That is our episode. James is now chucking us out the street. James actually physically is throwing us out the room. James has been sat there laughing at this episode. He's been giggling. And he's been quite nice to us today. So I don't know what's going on there. He hasn't made me a coffee though. He, you were offered a coffee. Oh you're right. I was. That was many hours ago. Take that back. I need it now. You're throwing me out now. I've got no time for coffee now, James. Maybe next week. Um, he also called

us, what did he call us? Something about being like seasoned podcasters, I believe was the term. Those were his words, established podcasters. He did. Who know how to record. Then I tried to record an episode without a microphone in front of me. That was brilliant. Brilliant.

That was really good podcasting there, Lauren. Anyway, that is our episode. We're going to be back next week with another Unfiltered and another main show. Please keep listening. Thank you for being here. Come over to our subscription. It's lots of fun over there and we will see you next week. Bye.

Bye. Hi, I'm Grace, host of Red Run True Crime podcast. These cases focus on the true victims of crime. Why not jump in at episode 114, the tragic murder of Jasmine and Aliyah. The main suspect in this case gave an extremely bizarre interview to a number of press reporters whilst he was drunk and reportedly high.

He speaks about an awful lot on camera and has this completely inappropriate laughing and chuckling response when talking about the case. He may even have thought he was going to get away with the double murder he'd been accused of, but what he didn't know was that two undercover officers were on their way to catch him out, and he easily and willingly took the bait. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Red Rum True Crime. That's Red Rum, murder backwards, R-E-D-R-U-M True Crime.