40ish - Nipple Tassels, Top Gun & Frozen Shoulders

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

This week on 40ish: Nicole has embarrassed her daughter, Lauren is dressing like an extra from Top Gun, a listener wants to make a raunchy dance video for her lover and a woman has a very unnerving situation with her shoulder surgeon.  We would love to hear from you!  To share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped? You're gonna help us find him. You can't trust this guy. He's on the list.

Is that Naughty Lister? Naughty Lister? Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen! Chris Evans. I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas. I'm not gonna say that.

Say it. Alright. Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. Dear Nicole and Lauren. Already weird because everyone calls us Lauren and Nicole. No, they don't.

Already weird. No, they don't. It is. It's like saying, dear Decanant. Who does that? I'll demonstrate later for you with a banana. I don't think I want you to. I don't know what that means.

Throbbing. Let me just say that again. Don't. You don't need to. I had to go to sleep with one navy nipple tassel stuck on my left. Is it still there? Yes, it is. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman.

And I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40-something life and we're going to solve all of your dilemmas. Or at least we're going to attempt to. We have been. We have been. Have we? I think so. We can only ask the people if they have. And people have been sending their stuff in, haven't they? Every episode, if you've just tuned in to us, we basically discuss all of your problems, your issues, your rants that you have very kindly shared with us. And we also divulge our own stories about the absolute mess of navigating midlife.

Sometimes it's a bit embarrassing. It's often embarrassing. In fact, oh my God, you don't know what happened yesterday. What? I haven't even told you this yet. Spill it. I was on our TikTok, don't dive shock. I won't dive shock. You'd dive shock if I was on our TikTok.

Anyway, I was trying to find out because we had one reel blowing up. Did we? Yes. Do you know what that means? Yeah, I totally know what that means. And basically it was so i was trying to find out the insights because we'd had quite a lot of new followers and you can on our self-care club you can tap into the real and it gives you insight and analytics so i was trying

to find that right and i couldn't find where analytics was so i kept saying to my eldest daughter who's 16 where are the analytics where are the analytics because I don't know anyway it kept coming back onto the reel you know how it goes in a loop yeah and it kept repeating the same bit of when I say oh I love morning sex when your daughter's standing behind you she was sitting behind me and she just looked at me and she basically did like the puking emoji. I'm not surprised. No 16-year-old girl wants to hear their mum saying that.

That is just so awful. So awful. So, I am so sorry, Daisy. Anyway, it wasn't the real I needed blowing up because sometimes I have friends seeing these things. Um, I know. Because skibbity riz ohio toilet is still going strong and let me tell you now even my 11 year olds friends

are seeing this reel that's had nearly four million views i know i know it's a big thing yeah but it's not you sitting there talking about how you like morning sex is it i think that's less embarrassing than saying skibbity-rizz Ohio toilet in your mid-forties, isn't it? I don't think so. I don't think so. What do you think, though? If you're listening to home,

what do you think? We want your answers on that. Which is more embarrassing? Saying that you like morning sex in front of your 16-year-old? I mean, that is just... I was lying, but I haven't even told my husband

because I was so... Well, he's probably aware that you like morning sex. Unless there's someone else in the picture. He's the only one you've been having it with for the last 20 plus years. Definitely not. Actually, and I didn't want to tell him because I thought, oh, then he's going to want to have it in the morning. Then he'll put the idea in his head, won't you?

How are you this week, anyway? I've made an executive decision. For both of us or just for yourself? It's just for myself, but you're welcome to copy and join if you like. I might. Go on. I have changed towel day changeover. Why are you laughing?

This is a big deal. Why is it a big deal? Because towel change day used to be a Monday. You know why I'm laughing? Why? Because it's so middle-aged. I'm laughing? Why? Because I'm so middle-aged. I'm laughing because it's just tragic. It's absolutely tragic.

You can say that it is tragic, but I have changed towel day from a Monday to a Sunday. And now, when I leave for the studio to meet you on a Monday morning, I know that I'm coming home to fresh, clean towels. to fresh, clean towels. And let me tell you the best thing about towel change day is that when you put those towels in the washing machine, you know that they can go straight in the dryer. And don't tell me there isn't a small sexual thrill of opening that tumble dryer and knowing that all you've got to fold is towels.

You know, I will say that there is a hit of dopamine when I realise, oh, it's only towels. That is fantastic. Yes. But I don't always wash my towels solo. What? I knew this was going to confuse you. Why is this confusing?

Because sometimes I put underwear in with it. Sometimes I might throw in a pair of jeans with towels. No. Why? Because it's an exclusive towel wash. It's on a motherfucking high setting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does.

High, high, high. Tumble dryer fold back in the cupboard. I haven't noticed whether I wash my towels on a 40 degree wash or a 60 degree wash. It doesn't make any difference. Well, they're cleaner. They're not cleaner. They're not cleaner. They're not cleaner.

I feel like they are. They're just hotter. Why are they cleaner? And also, I reckon my towels are the least dirty thing in my whole house. Because I don't put my gym clothes, which are sweaty and gross and a bit smelly, they're not on a high wash. My towels, effectively, are on my body once it's clean. Yeah, that's true. But I'm talking about like the hand towel in the downstairs loo, the towels that the kids leave on their bedroom floor. No, they're not so clean. Yeah, that's true. But I'm talking about like the hand towel in the downstairs loo, the towels that the kids leave on their bedroom floor. No, they're not so clean, I don't think. Anyway, I'm just telling you, that's the most 40-ish thing I've done this week. I've made an

executive decision to change it. No one in the house even knows. No one even cares. No one would even notice if the towels stayed the same, unwashed for a month. Yeah, but I know. Mine wouldn't either. But I know. But why have you changed it from Monday to Sunday? What's the difference? Because it's such a low maintenance task. It can just be done on a Sunday, almost on autopilot. And then on that Monday morning,

you've got the fresh, lovely, scented towels. Clean, fluffy. You need that on a Monday morning to start your week off right. I really do. I really do. It's like you need a fluffy towel. You know what I need on a Monday morning? What?

I need a leg day. Okay, what? Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. This is just a fun space where we share our thoughts. Which could be totally wrong. So if there is an issue that you're seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert.

The title of this question is, and it came in on an email, a long email, I should say. He's put up, should I? Put up with what? Or put up should i question mark put up with what or put up what dear nicole and lauren already weird because everyone calls us lauren and nicole no they don't already weird they don't it is it's like saying dear decanant who does that it already threw me it's like saying dear saunders and french it's weird no one ever calls us Nicole and Lauren.

It's already thrown me. Anyway. I don't think that's true because I'll tell you why. Because we are not as well known as Ant and Dec, a.k.a. Decanant. Decanant. And it doesn't matter.

When we get as well known as Ant and Dec, which I don't even think I want to be as well known as Ant and Dec. No, thank you. No, thank you. Then we could decide whose name comes first. I don't know why you have decided that your name comes first. Because it's alphabetical. Because it's alphabetically. So what?

It just is. It's five years in. You can't change it up. You know, French and Saunders is alphabetical. Ant and Dec is alphabetical. Thank you. Dear Nicole and Lauren, midlife dating dot dot dot help needed. OK, we get a lot of dilemmas about midlife dating.

I don't know why, because we haven't been on a date with anyone who isn't our husbands for over 20 years. Yeah, I know. It's weird. We're fucking useless at helping you. But anyway. I actually think I'm very good. I don't. Call yourself out on that one. I am. I think I give very sound advice well let's see

what you say to this lady dating has changed and precursory turn on videos in inverted commas seem to be part and parcel of these relationships do they good grief sounds awful you've got to make a video precursory yeah she's saying like it's just standard. He started with an amazing video just teasing and sent it to me. Who's teasing? Is she teasing? Him. He started with an amazing video just teasing.

Oh, just teasing. A teasing video. And sent it to me. See, we don't even understand the email. I know. And sent it to me just as I was starting my shift. Shift is what she doesn't say. Nurse? Who knows?

The timing was so funny and the video is just my all-time favourite. Ooh, I wonder what he was doing with his teasing. We can make a good guess. At the time, I was a cute... This isn't a very nice thought. I feel like helicopters are involved

do you? No. I do. It was like a hand and not much else involved. Oh I see. Why a helicopter? Helicopters. Sorry? I'm sorry. I do have three sons. I have two daughters so I'm in the dark

here. I'll demonstrate later for you with a banana. I don't think I want you to. I don't know what that means. At the time, she says, I was acutely cognizant that I don't have anything to send back. And at some point, he's probably going to want something. Because she was just about to star shift as a nurse. We don't have anything to send back. And at some point he's probably going to want something. Because she was just about to start a shift as a nurse. We don't know she's a nurse. She could have been starting a shift at Greg's.

So we've been at it. I don't feel like she's English. I'm not sure. So we've been at it. And he is an incredible lover. Great. Good for you. So basically. Where is this going?. Good for you. So basically. Where is this going?

I don't know. So basically what we've been doing has been spilling across onto WhatsApp with more videos. Of course, this is totally new territory for me. Right. I have sent him a body shot photo. Which she has. It's just a selfie. Which she has attached, by the way. She's actually sent us

two versions of this body shot photo which my darling yes one of my darling friends in pennsylvania has converted it into mosaics which i also sent to him he said he liked the sunsets but the original is just the best oh god and he. The sunsets. Wait for it, Nicole. So she sent him a body shot photo. Her darling friend in Pennsylvania has converted it into mosaics. So every pixelation is a tiny sunset, right? A sunset? Yeah.

Yes. I'm sorry, I don't understand. I'll show you the photo. Hundreds of sunsets. But when you put it together, it's her body. But when you look up really close, it's tiny pixelated images of sunsets. Isn't that like quite a big waste of time? He said he likes the sunsets, but the original is just the best and admits to just staring at it, throbbing.

Throbbing. Throbbing. Let me just say that again. Don't. You don't need to. I kind of knew what was coming, she says. Well, we all do. We all know what's coming. And it's a tall order.

Which is what? Right. Then she has sent us screenshots of their WhatsApp. Okay, very flustered. I mean, is it a hot flash? She sent us screenshots of their conversation, right? Which I won't read you out the whole thing, but this is the bit of it that is relevant.

He says on the WhatsApp chat, she shared a lot. I mean, she shared a lot with us. Bless her. Thank you for sharing sort of thank you maybe there's he says maybe there's a video you can make for me you can keep it anonymous by keeping your face out of view just with the phone filming it from a static position or on a table that would drive me wild devil emoji i mean i feel like this guy it's not his first

rodeo but he really knows how this is done. Sorry, I don't think this is anything out of the ordinary. I mean, they've just started dating. They've obviously very attracted to each other. They're obviously having great sex. Isn't this part and parcel? But the details. You could film it static or on a table or in a position or you could do it like this.

Like he knows what he's doing with this stuff. Good. Someone needs to. So she says, so this is the dilemma i am in oh produce a raunchy video for him and i have no clue where to start i just could now this is where it gets good nicole wait for it if you would like to join me on this 40-ish first into multimedia dating we could meet in a studio with someone who can teach us provocative dancing and get you some epic and hilarious photos

of middle-aged women trying to keep up with video dating trends. And she ends it with this. I am a size eight, eight and a half stone, a mum to 16 and 12 year old boys. I'm 53 years old, but I look 40 40ish and he's 38 and I need help. OK, lady. That is a lot.

Right, lady. That is a lot. Let me just kick off by saying thanks, but no thanks. No, no, no, no. That's a hard no. No. It's not even a soft no. No. No. No. thanks. No, no, no, no. That's a hard no. No. It's not even a soft no. No.

No. No. No. No. Oh. Just wait. Just wait. Yeah.

There's a lot here to unpick, isn't there? There's weeks worth. Listen, obviously we're not saying her name. She's anonymous. She's anonymous. I mean, not only did she give, I'm not going to say it, but not only did she give us her name. She's anonymous. She's anonymous. I mean, not only did she get, I'm not going to say it, but not only did she give us her name and her email address, she also provided her phone number.

So that we could set up this provocative dance thing in a studio. This woman sounds damn cool. She sounds like at the age of 53, she is finding her, her mojo has been awakened and good for her. Good for you. You know, good for you. That's what I say. Don't be so judgy, judgison all the fucking time.

It's not becoming of you. Would you like to join her in a provocative dance lesson? Can I just say, we have done some weird shit at Self Care Club. Yeah. Weirder than this in doing a dancing lesson. Have we? We did cuddle therapy. We did yoga with goats.

We were whipped by Russian men in a sauna. We were whipped by Russian men in a sauna. Whipped. And then they chucked ice cold buckets of water over our heads. That was fucking weird. Right. We've done some weird shit. I cannot understand why this is where your line is.

You know, I never really know where your line is. I'm surprised it's here. Let me just say, this is the line. I'm not crossing it. Ollie, I think would very much appreciate a raunchy dance from you. Can I just say, Ollie would still be reading the New York Times while I was performing. Why does he read the New York Times? He enjoys it.

Do you know, I once went to a hen night and there was a burlesque teacher there. Great. And she did a burlesque performance. there great and she did a burlesque performance and then she invited one of the women from the audience to basically be taught how to do a short dance and she produced from her bag a pair of nipple tassels everyone in the room was all like very coy and a bit shy and a bit like didn't really want to do it this was like my best friend getting married. I thought, oh, whatever. I've already breastfed two or three children at this point. I don't care. It's a pair of tits.

It's a pair of tits. You've seen one pair, you've seen them all. It's true. So true. So I was like, I'll do it. Because, you know, they're a bunch of women. Most of them are my friends. I have very little to be embarrassed about.

So I stuck on the nipple tassels. Did you take the top off? Yeah. Otherwise, it would be very pointless having a pair of nipple tassels on. Okay. Just checking. And I did the... For those of you that are listening and that can't see this,

she's doing like a circular movement with her four fingers. Yeah, because you have to move in a certain way to make the tassels. And she whistled at the same time. Make the tassels twirl. Anyway, I thought, well, this is fun. This is fun. So I kept them on, went home. Ollie was already in bed.

Whipped my top off. Can I just say, like, the glue. Yes, it's a problem, Nicole. Because I would be allergic. You would be so allergic. I would be very allergic to that glue. And I just can't imagine that a rash on my nipples is any much fun i mean he i'll just say he wasn't into it he continued to read the paper and then when i got into bed i could take one off but the other one

i could not get that fucker off for love or money so i had to go to sleep with one navy nipple tassel stuck on my left. Is it still there? Yes, it is. 13 years on. So I've been down the provocative dance route. I've even had a lesson from professional burlesque dancer. I've performed it in front of women. I've performed it in front of my husband.

No one cared. And I certainly don't need that shit videoed. Let me tell you something. I would very much care. And I think I would be heavily entertained, not for the right reasons, for all the wrong ones. And to see you do a provocative dance

with nipple dazzles. I mean, it would be a killer moment. But we were on holiday. I was on holiday, I think, in the summer. And I said to you, are you missing me? We were both on holiday. Oh, yeah, we were both on holiday. And you were being a bit dry on text,

which you can be sometimes. She was a bit dry. And I said to you, because I like to tease you a bit, because she's very unemotional. So I like to tease her, sometimes make her feel really uncomfortable with really emotional questions. I said, are you missing me? Come on. Tell me that you are.

I know that you are. And you said, oh, so much. And I said, I want to see an interpretive dance of how much you miss me. No, you said, tell me how much you're missing me. And I said, what do you want? A fucking song or an interpretive dance? And you were like, yes, I would love that. I said, I would love a dance.

Next thing I know, about three minutes later, Lauren Mishkon has sent you a video. I'm like, oh, I'm all over this. She had done a proper dance, sat on her sunbed, with like how much she missed me it was amazing and then about an hour later I got another notification on whatsapp saying Laura Mishkon has sent you a video

and I'm like oh my god I'm getting two and you'd gone to a different point in the lobby you went to the lobby you put your phone against a wall and you did another dance and then had a go at me that somebody

saw you someone caught me in the middle of it and I couldn't pretend I was doing anything else apart from being 46 doing

an interpretive dance in the middle of the lobby I just had to like style it out and pretend i wasn't mortified but why were you doing it in the lobby because it was like really empty it was like a section of the hotel it's still a public place kind of no one walked through that section so i thought i'd be safe and i was until this man and the, like the withering look he gave me. Like, you are a middle-aged woman. Why are you dancing like this?

I'm videoing it. On your own. You're not even with children. And I just gave him this look like, yeah. Yeah. This is what I do. And then I just wanted to die go in a hole and die

you know what I've still got those videos I've still got those videos can we release them no we fucking can't on the back of this show that's like your version of revenge porn I wouldn't do it without your permission

if we break up and you release them, that is like revenge porn. They are so cute. No. There's no nipple tassels. No, there's no. They are so cute. There is swimwear, I think.

Anyway, we're going to tell this lovely listener that... No thanks. And also, thanks for the photos of your body. It looks fucking great. I mean... And I am all for you having an awakened mojo. Good for you. That's what I say.

But we are not going to join you because we are very much married. Not to each other. You did that like with the version of like, we are very much married. We kind of are. I mean, we have a joint diary. We have a joint bank account. So true. Two things.

I do have a joint bank account with my husband. You don't? No, only with you. Right, okay. I mean, I'm not saying I would be fine if you wanted to film a provocative dance with this lady. I'm okay with it. I wouldn't be jealous.

Yes, you would. No, I wouldn't. Yes, you would. I wouldn't. I'd be fine with it. You wouldn't. But I just, I can't help you. I'm sorry. I'd be fine with it. You wouldn't. But I just, I can't help you. I'm sorry.

I have no advice for you. Apart from don't stick on nipple tassels unless you are prepared to wear them for at least 36 to 48 hours. I do have a piece of advice. Oh, yeah. I do have a piece of advice. I know we should have ended it there, but I do have a piece of advice. Oh, yeah. I do have a piece of advice. I know we should have ended it there, but I do. I think, actually, whatever you've been doing is already driving him wild.

Throbbing. So just... I mean... It's working, my love. It's working. Okay. Carry on. Carry on.

You don't need our advice. You're just doing great as you are. You really are. Yeah,'t need our advice. You're just doing great as you are. You really are. Yeah, you're rocking it. A&W is now serving Pret Organic Coffee. And you can get a $1 small coffee, a $2 small latte, or like me,

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so you can celebrate the season early. With low prices on decor, electronics and beauty. Perfect for stocking stuffers. And my stocking's looking good. Shop holiday deals early on Amazon now. So, I bought a new jumpsuit. I'm actually wearing it today. It's very nice. I've got a good collection new jumpsuit. I'm actually wearing it today. It's very nice.

I've got a good collection of jumpsuits. But anyway, I bought this one and I came downstairs the other morning and Max, my 20-year-old, I just walked into the kitchen. He looked at me, he went, all right, Top Gun? I said, yeah. I said, what's the problem? And he went, eh. I said, I don't know why you're taking the piss,

because I am a fantastic woman, and if I wanted to be a fighter pilot, I totally could. He said, mum. That is like defensive much? He said, mum, yesterday I had to help you because you couldn't get on a Microsoft Teams call. So the likelihood of them letting you fly a plane is minimal. And then he just walked off.

I mean, that is a drop the mic moment. I just thought, wow, burn, burn. Can I say it's also giving, I want to preface this with I really like it. Thanks. And I really like it on you. Thanks. But it is also giving Ghostbuster vibes.

Funnily enough, I don't hate that. You should. I don't know. Sometimes I think we just make the podcast just to amuse ourselves. You don't hate that? I don't know why, but I don't hate that. I'm totally down with the whole Top Gun, Ghostbusters thing. The problem is with boiler suits.

Yeah. Right. Unless you are going to style it in a way that is very, very street. Yeah. Which neither of us are. Speak for yourself. I am very, very street. Whatever that means.

I am so street. I've got my own cul-de-sac. I'm going to wet myself, which doesn't take much these days. Look. Yeah. You are many wonderful things. Yeah. You really are.

Thank you. And if someone said to me, describe Lauren Mishcon. What is she like? The word street is no part of the next sentence. Dear 40ish ladies, I've heard Lauren mention her frozen shoulder a couple of times. Literally,

she mentions it every 20 seconds during the day. And I just had to email you with my story. I'm 49 her frozen shoulder a couple of times. Yeah, literally. She mentions it every 20 seconds during the day. And I just had to email you with my story. I'm 49 and a few years ago during COVID time, I had the most horrendous frozen shoulder. The pain was the worst I have ever experienced. I should also mention at this point

that I am completely phobic of needles. Is this you? No. I went to see a shoulder specialist. I had to go on my own because of the COVID restrictions so my husband waited in the car outside the doctor turned out to be a very religious man who told me that it was a very bad case and that his advice was to give me a cortisone injection which he could do now I told the doctor about my fear of needles and i asked him if my husband could come in to hold my hand he wasn't allowed but the doctor reassured me that he had many years of

experience and had performed this procedure hundreds of times i was terrified but because i was in such agony i agreed to go ahead yeah good you ever had a cortisone injection yes in my shoulder okay i've never had one. I know. I'm scared. I know. Like, get this lady. I know. You know I've had injections and the MRIs and all of it.

Just chuck it all at me. I don't care. You're very brave. Street, some might say. I sat on the edge of the bed with the doctor behind me so I couldn't see what was going on

or what he was doing. I was wearing a pair of dark green parachute trousers. I felt the needle go in and then suddenly, without warning, the doctor made a really strange noise and I felt a warm trickle on my thigh. I looked down and to my horror I could see a white patch of liquid on my trousers. I completely froze because I was momentarily convinced the doctor had ejaculated on me. He told me that in 15 years of practice, this had never happened before, In 15 years of practice, this had never happened before. But my muscles were so tight and tense that the needle had backfired and the contents had spilled out. And breathed.

I knew he hadn't ejaculated because that would be really creepy. But wow. OK. OK. He couldn't call anyone in to help. Because it was COVID. Because he was alone in clinic because of the restrictions. I'm surprised they were allowed to be alone in clinic.

Yeah, I am too, because normally you can have a chaperone. He said he had to leave me to go to the medical storeroom to get more of the cortisone. Unfortunately, he added, the needle is still stuck in your shoulder. So I can either remove it and have to start all over again or I can leave it in this poor lady I told him to run not walk to the medical supply room and get back as quickly as was humanly possible in the meantime I sat alone in the room with wet trousers and a needle stuck in me. Oh, my goodness. Feeling like I was in the middle of my worst nightmare.

He returned and successfully carried out the procedure. I left the hospital and I walked out to the car. I was white as a sheet and totally traumatised. My husband looked at me, opened the car door and said, why have you got jizz all over your trousers? Not are you okay? No. Thank you for sharing that.

And I'm really sorry. But can I just say, that is a horror story, right? For every reason. No, but look at your little eyes. You're like badly now. I know, I'm really sorry. But can I just say, that is a horror story, right? For every reason. No, but look at your little eyes. You're like Bambi now. I know, I'm scared. Because that doesn't ever happen. Well, it did.

But in 15 years. It doesn't ever happen. I've had a cortisone injection in my back many times, and I've had one in my shoulder. And if it gets worse, just know that an injection is a good option. I also feel like they really might not let me fly a fighter plane with a frozen shoulder. It could really set me back. Listen, I know you bought the jumpsuit ready to fly the fighter plane.

Where did you get the jumpsuit? M&S. Where did you get it? M&S. Where did you get it? M&S. M&S are not making fighter plane pilot outfits. They fucking are. Who else?

If you were making for the British Air Force. Yeah, British Air Force, yeah. Then totally M&S should be making that. What, you'd go to M&S? Burberry. If you were working... Should be a British brand

for the Air Force. Yeah, but you'd... Yeah, that's fine. Jaeger. Jaeger. Not Jaeger. Not Jaeger. Not Jaeger.

Why? It's old. And also, you'd want someone to... Can I just say, Winkleman is fronting the new campaign for Jaeger. So it's like, back in. Because they're trying to make it more hip. Well, it's worked. That is very clear.

Only on you. It totally worked. Only on you. I've got the fringe, and then I'm going to get the outfits. Right. And, it's worked. That is very clear. Only on you. It totally worked. Only on you. I've got the fringe and then I'm going to get the outfits. Right. Then I'm done.

Done with what? Well, then I just need the strictly gig and it's over. one second. Yeah. If M&S or if Jaeger

is going to start designing for the British Air Force, I feel like they would need to do a collab with some, like a Stella McCartney, you know, some cool designer

that can add an edge to it. I don't think fighter pilots need an edge. If Stella McCartney did arrange for fighter pilots, I mean... You're going to go fly a plane? No, I'd wear the outfit. So I reckon she'd do, oh, oh, I've got it.

Go on. Stella McCartney and Adidas, they have a long-term I reckon she'd do, oh, oh, I've got it. Go on. Stella McCartney and Adidas. They have a long-term collab going. They do, yeah. And their stuff is amazing. Done. They can do it. Stella McCartney, Adidas for the British Air Force.

Yeah. I mean, they can see it. You've got the British designer. I can see it. And then you've got the sporting element. It's perfect. I'd like a Vivienne Westwood twist with some sort of shoulder pad effect. You know what I mean?

Hers is a bit more structured though. You could nip it in at the waist for the lady fighter pilot. And then have like the really like pointy boobs. Yeah, no. No, that could get in the way of the steering wheel.

Anyway, this poor woman. I do wonder if the injection actually worked. She doesn't say. Because it wasn't the point of the story. She also didn't send photos of the shoulder. She didn't send any nudes. She didn't leave her phone number.

She didn't want us to go and do some provocative dance class with her. No, she didn't want us to go to some needle phobic help therapy class with her. You see the other woman. Yeah, she was really bringing it. She's set a precedent now. She has. She see the other woman. Yeah, she was really bringing it. She's set a precedent now. She has. She was full 360 involvement. You know, she has changed the landscape.

Was she fully immersed in her dating world? Photos, WhatsApp screenshots, her phone number. All of it. I mean, I feel very immersed in her life. Phone number. All of it. I mean, I feel very immersed in her life. And I feel like the standard has now been set for what you're going to write into us.

Let's not put that out there, because, you know, there's a limit to what I want to receive. I'm here for it. Okay. I'm the prudish one. Don't regret that. I'm the prudish one. Okay.

Well, when we get sent dick pics, don't say I don't tell you so. I don't want dick pics. Okay, good. I really don't. I don't understand dick pics. I don't understand. But that is because I'm 47. I don't understand why anyone would want a picture of a dick.

I understand. I just don't get it. I do understand if you're a think if you're a gay man I really get it like I can see how that would be appealing because it's appealing to you hold on

but I'm a straight woman but no straight woman finds just why is it different for a gay man it just is you're attracted to what you're attracted to

right because men are visual creatures whereas women are more imaginative creatures but no straight woman wants an isolated photo of a sausage

coming in on her phone no one one wants it. There's nothing sexy about that. They are neither sexy flaccid nor erect. So why would a gay man want that? They wouldn't want that either. Because they are turned on by a visual image. That is, men like that. I can be turned on by a visual image. Can you? Of an isolated sausage on your phone. Not an isolated sausage on my phone, but isolated sausage on my phone but i mean i do like i am a visual creature i like to look at something beautiful if it's the whole man

including a face and a torso and the sausage is there i understand that more but just the isolated image of a cock and balls no it's not doing anything for me. It's not an attractive image in itself. That's what I'm saying to you. No, no. I'm agreeing with you. What man is sending that and going, she'll like this?

No, but what woman is getting it saying, oh, I can't wait to have a bit of that tonight. I don't know. There obviously are some. I think we're too old for dick pics.

Are we? They haven't changed, you know, since we were 25. They're just soundbite. I think we're too old for dick pics. Are we? They haven't changed, you know, since we were 25. There's just soundbite. I think we are. I think we are too old for dick pics. Maybe. I don't know.

Do you know what? I don't need to find out. I don't. We're not going to. No. Okay. Please don't send us any. Just for reference.

That is our show on 40ish. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. We got a lot covered today. We got provocative darts. Wow, we covered a lot of ground. Ghostbusters.

The British Air Force. Who's going to do the collab? Nipple tassels. I need a rest. I need a lie down. Yeah. I mean, I need a cup of coffee. Let's go and get one.

If you want to be in touch, hello at 40ish.co.uk. Please come and send all of your dilemmas or you can find us on our socials at 40ish.podcast. We are on Instagram. We're on TikTok. We're on YouTube.

We're on Facebook. Because we're so street. We are on... We are everywhere. Yeah, we are. We're not on... X. Twitter. And we're not on X and we're not on X yeah X yeah and we're not on that other one oh we can't be shagged with threads so boring threads so boring and what's twitch titch twitch you're asking the wrong person

twitch you're asking the wrong person what is it You're asking the wrong person. Why is it? I don't fucking know. No, because we were with someone the other day and he's like some major celeb on Twitch. Oh, it's a gaming platform. Gaming. I don't think it's called Twitch. I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Anyway, we're like, oh, so he's got millions of followers on Twitch, but we didn't know that. We're not honest, doesn't matter. See you next week. Bye.