40ish - Oatbran, Botox and Trying On Knickers

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Today on 40ish: Lauren buys oat bran.She doesn’t know why. She doesn’t know how to use it. She just knows she should. Nicole, newly Botoxed and feeling refreshed, takes great pleasure in mocking the oat-bran era… before promptly opening her Ocado app to add some to her own basket. It’s fibre fabulous! We also hear from a listener who unleashes menopausal rage at her kids’ headteacher during a Duke of Edinburgh presentation (honestly, that alone would test anyone’s sanity), and another who asks the truly important midlife question: Is it disgusting to try on knickers in a changing room? Expect judgement, solidarity and the comforting reminder that none of us are alone - even when we’re standing on the pavement holding an empty M&S basket. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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She said last night I had a D-AV award presentation for my son at school Oh my God I was such a snore fest Oh my God I actually didn't let Zach do D-A-V because I so couldn't be fucked

with all the paper words I think I am still As you said The only living human being To tell Charlotte Church To shut up when she was singing Singing in Aria At 6 in the morning outside your bedroom tour

Shut up Because one of two things have happened Either I have grown three hairs an inch long overnight or you have sat next to me for a whole morning seeing them but not telling me. Welcome to 40-ish, I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon.

This is still the podcast where we tackle the chaos of being 40-something. We dive into all midlife things, the news, your stories, dilemmas. Sometimes we even try and solve them badly. Sometimes we give good advice. No, that's not true and that is not fair. That is not true or fair.

Do you think we give excellent advice? Yeah. Do you? I do. I think generally in life I give excellent advice. Okay. Well, you don't think I do. I actually do think you give good advice.

I know you do. I actually do think you give good advice. Thank you. And also I do listen to it. No, you do not. I do. No, you do not. I've bought knickers.

I've told you. And shoes. I mean, it's an improvement. Telling you that you need to wear knickers and shoes to your own function isn't, isn't particularly solid advice. It's just normal. I still listened. It's the only thing you've listened to.

Whatever. Yeah. That I've said. Yeah. In six years. That is not true. I listen to everything you say. No, you don't.

No, you don't. You don't. You don't. Have you booked a doctor's appointment? Yes. Oh, good. Maybe do listen. Told you that.

Okay. Not just one. Two. Just checking. Two doctors appointments. Anyway, this is what we do here. We talk about Monday shit, It's like whether Lauren has booked a doctor's appointment.

And is wearing underwear. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we do. That's the podcast. You are welcome. It's the show you never knew you needed. But apparently you do because you're here listening to us.

And don't forget, if listening to us is not enough, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts where you get everything ad free so you're not interrupted. You get early access. It always comes out a few days earlier over Apple Podcast. And you get bonus content that you won't get anywhere else. over Apple Podcasts and you get this show and self-care club within that subscription. And if you've got something to share big or small week, we would love to hear from you. Please email us, hello at 40-ish.coma.uker or DM us on the old Insta. Yeah.

So please be in touch. Please be part of the conversation. What is your most 40-ish moment of the week? Nicole Goodman. I haven't really had any. Oh. Well, I've got two things. Oh, okay.

One, I've had my Botox done. That's the most 40-ish thing. It is, although girls of like 25 have it done now, which I find very weird, but okay. Lauren's been staring at me. I have. I have. It's really freaking me out because you're trying to see it. I'm trying to see what's different.

That's good that you don't think it's different. I don't. You're also the most unobservant person on the planet. Also correct. So that's that. Yes. She's done it very naturally, so I've still got movement. And I said to please don't change the shape of my eyes, my face.

I don't want to look angry. Yeah. So she said, I'm going to just freshen you up. So that's all I want. Can you move your eyebrows? Oh, you actually can. Yeah, a little bit. No, they're going up and down.

Yeah. Okay. And I had wrinkles on my cheeks. Did you? Yes. See, you don't notice this shit. No. No.

So I don't want wrinkles on my cheeks. Okay. I don't want wrinkles. That's your prerogative. Anyway, she's taken them away. Great. And I'm very, very, very happy. Okay, that is very good, this woman.

That is quite 40-ish. It is, isn't it? I'm delighted with it. And also the fact that you didn't notice is a good thing. Yeah. Because it means I still look like me. You do still look like you. In previous years, whoever did it was a bit of a hard look.

Yes. Yeah. I don't look hard or angry, do I? No. You look like you. Thank you. So I'm delighted. Good.

Okay. That is quite 40. What's the most 40ish thing? I bought oat brand. Why is that 40ish? Because it just feels like something I should buy. Oat brand? Yeah, I don't even really know what it is.

And I don't even... The cereal? No, like literally oat bran What do you like What do you do with it? Like put it on things? I don't really know Was it supposed to keep you moving?

I think it's just good for fibre And you know like everyone's obsessed with fibre In midlife Everyone's obsessed with fibre I know Is fibre like the new buzzword? It's like the new kombucha Yeah exactly

Exactly And I was doing the Akado shop And I saw that there was Oat bran Like on offer And I thought yeah Oat bran And then it arrived

And I thought Why have I bought oat Is it like powdery? Yeah I might get some Why? No, I'm about to do. Can you tell me what to do with it?

I can do it right now. Do you have it on the Cajor? Do you have it on Greek yogurt, do you think? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you can put it in a protein shake. I don't even know.

I'm going to look at it now. I'm literally going to do it now. I'll tell you what I've done with it so far. I've given it to the dog. That's what I've done with it so far. What are you looking up? What to do with O'Brien? I'm actually looking for it on.

You're just adding it onto a cardio. I can just give you mine. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. I just feel like, hey, I'm 47. I should have oat bran in my cupboard, so now I do. Why? I'm buying it, but it's not like it's done anything. I also need other things.

Nicole's just doing her at a Cardo shop while we record the podcast. Okay, fine. You don't mind. No, the listeners don't mind. Please do it on the listeners time. It's fine. Yeah, I will. They might also be doing their Ricardo shop.

Well, they can do it whilst they listen. Well, they don't need to concentrate. Should we all do it together? Maybe. I've got a five-pound voucher. I should add that in now before. is too late before I forget. Okay. I'm just, check out

to save changes. Check out to save changes. Okay, great. Now we've both got Obran. Neither of us know what we're doing with it. But I hate it when it says, you know when you go to check out on Ocardo? It probably does this on Tesco's as well. Did you forget? Oh yeah. Did you? It gives your whole list of all the things you didn't want. You know what? I am forget for Locardo,

but I don't need you to fucking point it out to me. Okay, yes, you're right. I did forget milk. I'm going to add it now. It's not okay. I don't need it shaming me. I just feel like, no, I didn't forget. I made the list. I shopped from the list and I haven't forgotten it. And I don't need 16 avocados.

But thanks. Thanks for the reminder. Oh, and hummus. I did forget that. Oh, I'm not sorrella. Oh, it's actually. Oh, it's actually helping you out. It's actually quite.

So don't slag off a avocado. They're doing you a solid. They have done me a solid. Yeah. Shall I go to some feedback while you're finishing with your shopping? I'm actually finishing with my shopping gone. Great. Here we go.

It's from Zendaya. Zendia. Not Zendaya. Because that would be very amazing and weird. But no, her name's India. I listened to Anton Dex's first ever podcast today. While the banter was obviously good. Yeah, I actually did as well.

I know you too. While the banter was obviously good, it just made me realize how much more relatable you are. Well, I know that you... If she is a middle-aged woman, she is definitely going to find us more relatable than Antoneck. I know you've mentioned Graham Norton's show before too, but honestly, it doesn't compare to the normal, authentic energy you both bring. She thinks she's going to feel like that when she's listening to someone update. They're a car do show. I mean, that is definitely normal.

And relatable. It's definitely giving authentic energy. Yeah. I also decided this morning on my dog walk to listen to Anton Deck's podcast just because I was interested. And, you know, it was highly enjoyable. It's Anten Deck. What do you want? It's what it says on the tin.

Yeah. That's what it says on the tin. There are age. You know who they are. You know their personalities. You know they've got good banter. Well, you know what. It's comfortable.

Yeah, you know what you're getting into. Yeah. There's no surprises. And if they came in and they were like really moody, you'd be like, oh my God, this is not Antenegg. No, totally. Do you think they find it really hard to be jolly all the time? Yeah, I do. Yeah, that must be exhausting.

Because they're switched on. All the time. Yeah. They are like proper Michael Barrymoreing that shit. They are Michael Barrymoreing the shit out of life. Yeah, they are. They have to do that all the time. And also when they're in public and they're just going to like their local M&S just to pick up a few bits because they've run out of dinner.

Yeah. And someone sees them. I'm like, aunt, aunt, hi. And he's like, you know, bit tired, bit grumpy, didn't sleep very well, kids kept him up, all that shit. And he doesn't want to be aunt. He doesn't want to be Mr. Bubbly. That's the joy of being us, is that no one recognizes us or talks to us. And we can be moody as fuck in waitrose.

That is not true. Someone came up to us in a shoe shop. Oh, yeah, she did. She came up to us. She recognized us. And she actually said, I'm thinking about buying these trainers, do you like them? And I loved that she was asking us advice. Yeah.

And had trainers. Yeah. I thought it was really cute. Yeah. And I thought it was great that she came out to say hello to us. Hi, I've just had to let you know that I've been listening to you in the car and I can't believe that you're now here. Or maybe she didn't say that. I think I've I've embellished. She didn't say that. She wasn't like in awe of the fact that we were there. She was definitely happy that we were shopping for trainers at the same time she was. And she came and that was really cute. And we were delighted that she came to say hello. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. So there you go. But anyway, it's not the same as being aunt in Mark's suspensers. And also it was really relatable. the podcast until it got to the point where one of them, I think it was Ant, mentioned that he was in the car on the way home and he hit this horrendous

hour and a half traffic and then he reenacted himself lying on the back seat and I suddenly thought, oh you're just chauffered around. No, that makes you less relatable because when I'm in an hour and a half traffic I'm behind the fucking wheel. I'm not lying in the back having a nice

little rest. So? I'm just saying it's not that relatable when you're being chauffered. he might have been in an Uber You have been in an Uber You have been in a taxi You know what you're quite right You could have been in an Uber

And never Are you assuming he's got some personal driver That actually never occurred to me Yeah I know Because you always think the celebrities don't like They're like you know They don't clean their own houses They don't do their own washing

They don't cook their own dinner But they do They absolutely do He wasn't giving Uber energy When he was telling this story Uber energy But yeah you're right Uber energy is not a thing

I'm not sure I would lie down in the back of an Uber and relax. I wonder if it was my chauffeur in my own car. You know what I mean? Would you lie down in the back of an Uber? I just think you're being unnecessarily judgmental to Ant and we don't even know if it was dick. It was definitely Ant.

You don't know. I do know, I do know it was Ant. Do you think people get us confused? Yes, probably, yeah. I mean, I do get called Lauren. Especially on emails. That's fucking annoying. Oh, I don't care on emails because how do they know who they're talking to?

Well, they always assume they're talking to you. And also, people don't know our faces like they know, and to Dex. So, of course they mix us up. Of course they do. Why wouldn't they? Yeah. It's fine. Is it fine?

Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. We've had another email. I've been listening. Oh, no. Oh, here we are. Lauren's looking at her laptop.

Very confused. Because I've got half an email here. Oh, no. It is the start of it. Sorry. No, she's still confused. You're all right there. I'm all right.

I figured it out. I figured it out. I'm from Laura. It's from Laura. She said last night I had a D.O.V. Award presentation for my son at school. Oh my God. I was such a snore fest.

Oh my God. I actually didn't let Zach do D.O.E because I so couldn't be fucked with all the paperwork. But it's not even, it's all the shit that you need to buy. I also didn't with Lily Rose. She did not. bring it up and I did not bring it up. I was not pushing that agenda. And Daisy never got past bronze. I mean, my kids are not DOV. I know that Josh is going to want to do the full gold. Of course he is. I'm going to live in that decathlon shop, aren't I? I got so much stuff. I'll be needing

it because that kid's going to want to go the whole way. Anyway, Laura says last night had a D.OV award presentation for my son at school. I sat on the bleachers at the back of the hall, which don't have space for adult legs. At least not for a five foot nine person like me. Torture. Plus, They decided not to use microphones. So all I heard from the back of the hall was mumbling with my legs squashed, feeling hot for an hour and a half. I was raging. At the end of the event when I saw the head teacher, I told him next time they should use microphones. And then I apologized, saying at my age, I now say what I feel.

And then I mentioned the menopause and the poor man didn't know where to look. I am the biggest fan of the school, but not. yesterday. After your shows, I felt emboldened. So many of my reels are about hormones and perimenopause, but I'm not sure the rest of the world is ready to talk about it with strangers. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. And you know what? Fuck it. Who cares? I think, actually, now I'm thinking about it, I was talking to this guy I play Paddlewit this morning about my gynecologist. Why was I doing that? Why was I doing that? I don't know. That's weird. That is weird. Stop doing that. I will. I stop immediately

That's my good advice for the day Thank you He doesn't want to know He doesn't want to know He's got his own wife His own kids He just doesn't Why am I doing that?

I don't know I just because I feel like My gynaecologist is a big part of my life currently Well I know But your nonny To your own business I wasn't

I didn't say the word Nunny Good Thank you I didn't I didn't use that Okay good But I mean

If you're talking about Your gynaecologist He knows what you're talking about No Actually no It's all coming back to me now I didn't bring it up Alana did.

Oh, Alana. Oh, we're blaming Alana now. Yeah. I knew. I knew it wasn't going to last. It has lasted. I know. Let me tell you.

You know what she did. What? What did she do? Didn't she say something so funny? She did something so sweet. It's so sweet. Did you eat cake? Do you want to know or no?

Not really, but I'm going to tell me anyway. Do you want to know? What do you want to remain jealous? No, no, go on. I want to know and then be jealous. Oh, you'll be really jealous. That's more fun. She basically, I woke up yesterday morning because when you book a paddle call,

you have to book nine days in advance. Okay. Right. And it is impossible to get these. Yeah. Impossible. Yeah. You have to go on the dot of 7.30.

And if you go on like... 1332. Oh, forget it. If you go on at 7.30 and 10 seconds, it's gone. Wow. You have to be in there at 7.30. Your paddle people are manic freaks. You are some weird people.

See, if you're playing paddle at 7.30 in the morning, which I was this morning, the whole paddle club freezes. At 729, everyone's alarm goes off. I swear to God, everyone comes off, everyone comes off the court. It goes silent until like 7.30 and 30 seconds. This is some cult like shit. Anyway. Yeah, but there's no cult leader, which is a big part of being in a cult.

That is true. That is so true. There's no charismatic leader, so I think I'm okay. No, I will not have you say that about her. What did she do? Then I'll say. She got up early on Sunday morning, yesterday morning. And she booked a court for the following Tuesday because it was nine days in advance because it's my birthday.

I knew you're going to say that. And then I woke up to a message from her saying, happy birthday. I bet this is the best birthday gift you're having. I got you a paddle court. Well, it is this year. So that's good. The pressure's off me. I don't have to take you to the theatre now this year.

And I have to take you out for lunch, shopping anywhere. Take me out. I'm not like a geriatric. Like a child. I don't have to take. A geriatric or a child. I don't have to take her out for the day. No, I'll take you out because Alana has saved the day.

That is great. Yeah, you're so upset. Yeah. Fucked off. You wouldn't play paddle with me. I don't want to be with you at 730 the morning. I really love you, but I don't love you at that time. I've got to tell you, I don't want to be with you at 730.

No, you're just no fun. You've been with me at 6 in the morning when I shouted at Charlotte Church. in person. You did. You did. Remember that morning? That was one of the best morning's mind to her life. I think I am still, as you said, the only living human being to tell Charlotte Church to shut up when she was singing.

Singing an aria. At six in the morning outside your bedroom door, shut up. You laugh. I literally woke up. Shut up. You were like, oh my God, don't have Charlotte Church to shut up. Like, it's too early. She wants to go downstairs and fucking journal with her.

Let's give this some context. We went to, she has a wellness retreat in Wales called The Dreaming. Yeah. And she invited us, well, she didn't, but her PR team invited us to go down for a retreat for three days. Yeah. Which we did. We did. Yeah.

And it was the strangest three days of our entire life. We've done two episodes on it. I don't think she hasn't spoken to us since. They're on self-care club. Go and listen to them if you like. They are. It's called The Dreaming. It was your favourite day ever of your life because I had a complete nervous breakdown in the

middle of the forest. I have never ever. I've got a photo of it. I know the photo of you standing in the forest with a hat on looking like you're about to burst into tears because you just couldn't. I was so angry. You couldn't take it anymore. No, I could not take it.

Because we were having to sing to the land. Yeah, singing to the land. Singing to the land. You had to find your creature. Creature voice. Creature. Your creature voice. It was some epic, weird.

She had to find your creature language. Yeah. And she was singing in this weird creature language. and I mean, I actually, first I thought it was just Welsh. It wasn't. It wasn't, yeah. I actually made a run for it. Yeah.

Lauren tried to escape. We were supposed to like explore the land. So I was like, fuck this, I'm leaving. So I left and got halfway down this farm track. And then I found this sheep with this head stuck through a fence. I had to rescue a sheep. Then I realized I had no money on me and no phone, no fucking signal. So I had to go back.

And meanwhile, we were in the middle of the woods. And we all had to meet up at this meeting point. And Lauren wasn't there. And Lauren wasn't there. And we're waiting. and we're waiting and Charlotte's like, do you know where she is? I think she's having a nervous breakdown somewhere

but I suggest we just go on to the next activity so then we started to go and pray to a tree. Yeah, that's right. You missed that, but I'm so pleased you did. Yeah, me too. We had to do like this ceremonial circle around this tree and then pray to the tree and then we had to go and sing to the land.

And that's when you joined us. I'm like, oh, you're back. You're like, I'm not back! You know what? I came in a normal person and I'm losing my mind. From some retreat. Like, you're supposed to go to a retreat and go back feeling good.

I went back feeling I've completely unhinged. You unraveled. It was amazing. I know you really enjoyed my unraveling. Yeah, I really did. Yeah, fun times. Nadine said, I'm just listening to the show. I had to Google the shoes.

You two crack me up. What shoes? Remember I bought the shoes that you said were, Disgusting! Well, how was she Googled? We didn't say where they were from. I don't know. She Googled them anyway.

They were disgusting. Love it. Where were they from? They were like H&N. River Island. No, they were H&M pre- Anyway, they've come back. It's fine. I already got the refund. Never even open the box, as I said. Got very nice ones now. Sent you a photo of them the other night. Yeah, you did. They're beautiful. Yeah, they're nice American. Much better. They're a class above.

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We're not doctors. We're not healthcare professionals. If there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Please can you settle this debate for me? I try knickers on in shops. I do this over my pants. Sometimes I buy the knickers. Sometimes I don't.

I don't have money to burn on buying knickers that don't fit or don't look lovely or cut up your bum. I try them on as most shops don't allow you to return them for a refund. you also can't really try them on. It's a bit weird about trying knickers on. Although you can return online. When I was in John Lewis last week, the shop assistant told me to try on the matching knickers to a bra I was purchasing

and she didn't want me to waste my money so I know it's not a weird thing that only I do but when I told my sister-in-law, she said it was disgusting. What do you both think? What, trying on the knickers? I mean, I never, ever, ever try on knickers. Neither do I.

The only knicker type thing I have tried on is when, as mentioned in a previous show, I had the meltdown in Selfridges when I was trying on all the shapewear because you have to go and try that on. But you do try that on over your own underwear. And also, they don't give you a pair out of the box. They have a drawer which has every size, every colour, every shape and they give you like the try on pair. So you're never trying on a pair, which is actually, now I think about it, fucking gross because there's probably like 50 women who've tried on the same. A day. A day. Yeah. Oh my God. That is some thrush creating shit there if people are not keeping their own knickers on. Because you're trying on like a test pair that everyone else has been trying on. Oh my God. Why did this never occur to me till now?

What did you call it thrush? Thrust inducing? I don't know. Came out the mouth. Now it's gone. But yuck. Yuck. Yuck exactly. Okay. No. Gross. I never. try knickers. But hang on, hang on. What about there's an anomaly here? Swimware. Same thing. Do you try and swimwear? No, well, I buy everything online. But then do you sometimes send back? Yeah. Okay, but it has like the sticky label. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as long as that's still there. Yeah, but that sticky label label has been on other people's Nunez as well. But maybe they changed the sticky label. Why is it the second time Nunez has come up. Nunez is coming up a lot

do they? Maybe they change the sticky label when you return it. They don't do they. Who's changing that sticky label? That's disgusting. You want that job? What do you do for a living? I change the sticky label in bikini bottoms. No, I don't want that job. I don't want that job. But also, I do try it on

if I'm trying on swimmer, I will try it on over my own knickers, but then you can't always see the leg, the, how it sits on the leg. The leg line. Yeah. No, if you're, you've got your own knickers on, then you put like a swimwear on. You can't really see the full effect of the legwear. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. I do. Swinware is a whole thing. So now I just buy from the same brand and I know how it's going to fit me. That's a very old thing to do, isn't it? But look, if you're buying a five pack from M&S, you don't need to try

that on. If you're buying like a pair of knickers and matching bra from La Perla, you really might want to try those on before spending the money. I don't think I've ever bought anything like that from Lapearlah. Have you? No. I've never spent money on underwear. Well, only like when I was on honeymoon. Yeah. Like honeymoon underwear. And then my daughter, that doesn't matter. Oh, okay.

I don't know where that was going. It doesn't matter. Okay. I kind of want to know maybe later. Maybe she's just buying really expensive underwear. So she needs to try it on. Is it disgusting? Sorry, what is her question?

What do you both think about her trying on underwear? Her sister is saying it's disgusting that she tries it on. And she's saying she thinks it's completely normal. Isn't it the same as trying to try it. on a pair of jeans. Same thing. No. Yeah, it is.

Nunny's on nonnies. If you still got your knickers on, you still got your knickers on, what difference does it make? People are taking their pants off and trying on the jeans. Because I think people are taking their pants off to try on pants.

I don't think everyone is applying by the rule. Most people wear knickers. No, you don't know. Who do you know that doesn't wear knickers every day as a normal thing? Joey Tribioni. He's,

didn't wear underwear. That's true. I argue with that. He was a man though. It's different. It's different. And a fictional character. Yeah.

There's that as well. There's that as well. Yeah. I'm not sure. I mean, yeah, I guess sweaty balls is an equivalent to Nenny. It's not. Because they're out of the body.

They can still sweat. I don't think it's disgusting. No, I don't think it's disgusting. But I also. don't do it. I tend just not to try on knickers. I don't try on knickers. I just buy the knickers.

But you've just bought knickers from skims, you said. Yeah, I have. But you bought them online? Yeah, I bought them online. But can you send them back if you don't like them? I have no idea. Are they refundable? I don't know.

I haven't checked. My guess is probably not, which will be really unfortunate because who can I give them to. Not cheap. They were not cheap. And who can I give them to? And also, if they're not, and can I send them back? I don't know. It was very late last night.

I feel a lot of pressure from you. about buying knickers. So I bought knickers. You just said, who do you know that doesn't wear knickers? And here you are telling me, I forced you into buying knickers. Not every day.

It's just for one-off event. And then Ollie was like, can you, please can turn the light of why are you still on your phone? I was like, I'm buying knickers. Don't interfere. He was like, what? You have a draw full of knickers.

I was like, you don't understand and just don't start with the knickers. You said to me you found knickers. I don't understand. You didn't have one pair of knickers that you could wear. No, why? They just weren't right.

That is interesting. That is some, interesting knicker ship. You know about my knicker drawer. Don't even pretend you don't know about my nicker drawer. I know, but what I love is the fact that I am, I have been right all these years. And now it is revealing itself. And I'm feeling very victorious. Good for you. Because you you have stated for years and years and years, well six, because it's since I've known you, that your knickers don't give you a knicklein. Here we are. To be fair, I'm not normally spending the week or the evenings or the weekends in an evening dress, though, am I? So I don't give a

Fuck. But you must have been in an evening dress in the last six years. What have you worn previously? I probably just had a nickeline. No. And just didn't care. No. Or notice or have a friend who talks about it.

It's that, isn't it? Probably. No one is telling you that that wasn't okay. I mean, I'm really sorry if other people have had their evenings spoiled. By your nicoline. By your nicoline. I'm terribly sorry if they've been offended, hurt, wounded or needed therapy. The point is.

is that you were adamant that you don't get a nickel-in. It's just not something I have cared about. But you do care. Until you have drilled it home. It's the point where I'm in my bed with my husband ordering knickers at midnight. With the overnight delivery, that cost me nearly as much as the fucking... 995. $9.95. 15 pounds for next day delivery.

I don't tell you that you need to see that. Well, listen, it's the fucking Fortnite. We're here. It's happening. It's done. It's going to be okay. So I have gotten through. to you?

Yeah, through nagging and nagging. I love it. You're the most unimpressionable person I know, so I love that I'm having an impression on you. I expect your eyes

on my backside for at least 10 minutes. What's your meltdown? My meltdown. It's that I'm forcing you to buy knickers. No, my meltdown is actually

aimed at you. Oh. I have a little bone to pick with you. I haven't seen you. Or spoken to you. Well, you saw me last Monday. Right.

It's Monday now. It's a week ago. Yeah, this is a meltdown from last Tuesday morning. I've saved it. I've saved it for a whole week to bring to this very show. It's not nice. I'm stressed. You don't need to be stressed.

I'm the one who was stressed. We recorded the show on Monday, yes? We saw each other. We sat near each other. In fact, I believe we had a doctor in the studio. So we were sitting very close to one another. Were we not? Yeah.

For like at least an hour. I go home. I have my normal day. Tuesday morning, I wake up. It's only like 16 hours later. And I'm doing my makeup in my very much mentioned, because it's how I pulled my eyelashes out, stick on, light up, magnifying mirror. I'm looking in the mirror and I'm doing my makeup and I'm doing it and blending.

And I look up to do my mascara. And on my chin, Nicole, there are three, three hairs that are like a fucking inch long and black. Why is this my fault? Because I cannot believe they were not. there on the Monday. But I swear to God they were not because on the Monday I did my makeup in the same magnifying light up mirror. Is this what we're talking about now, chin hair? Oh, we have reached a new low? Uh, uh, uh, yeah. Because one of two things have happened. Either I have grown three hairs an inch long overnight or you have sat next to me for a whole

morning seeing them, but not telling me. So which is it? Well, it's not either all. Because you, as you say, the time you're the most observant person you notice everything you notice a nicoline and a hair this and a botox this you did not notice this this was not good it's not a look aren't you pleased i didn't notice no so now you're fucked off that i didn't notice your beard is this is what you're saying it's pushing it there were only three but they were long right what i would have appreciated was just get some pleases do you not think if i did notice it i would have mentioned it Can you believe, can you... In front of the doctor?

The very, very... In front of the cardiologist. Prominent doctor. Yeah. He was absolutely delightful. What a fantastic interview that was. Not to blow our own trumpets, but he was an absolute delight. If you are interested in heart health, and let's be honest, we should be.

We should all be interested in heart health. He gives such amazing pieces of information. It's over at self-care club. Boon Lim. Yeah, Dr. Boon Lim. Anyway, you could very much... I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

You didn't see it. So do you think it is, this is my second question, do you think it is possible for that to happen overnight? Is that that that happened to you? No. What I'm now wondering is if he saw it. Well, he was the other end of the desk where you are now, so unlikely. He's a heart surgeon.

So I reckon he's got a good eyesight. I kind of don't care if he saw it because I hope I don't have a heart problem. If I did, I would definitely go and see him. But I don't think he would turn me away because of that. I would definitely go and see him bad. hot problem. Yeah, me too. So you didn't see them. I didn't see them. Why am I feeling like I'm under interrogation? If you did see them, would you tell me?

You're really having to think about that. And if so, what would you say? I'm going to plead the fifth. Really? I don't think I I would literally just say to you, go home and get some tweezers. I'm not saying anymore, just go home and get tweezers. That's what I don't think you would say to you. I would. I would not let you walk around with that shit. I don't believe you. I wouldn't let you walk around like that. Let this be a lesson now. Right. If this ever happens again, you do notice it. Please, I

don't know how I didn't see it. I swear they grew overnight. I swear. But it's like the grey hairs. Where the fuck do they come from? Where do they come from? Like, I literally had to colour my hair on Saturday. It could not wait another minute because it was like I was fine on Thursday and then by Saturday I was like, I can't actually

go to leave the house like this. Where does that come from? They come overnight. They actually do come overnight. I know it's not possible because I was a hairdress for 30 years, so I understand how hair grows. I'm telling you this appeared overnight. Okay. Because every day I do my face in the light up magnifying mirror. It's a very worrying thing. And I don't like it. And I'm not here for it. And I understand why it's your meltdown. And I did not happen in my 20s or my 30s and I don't like it. Can I get onto my meltdown now? Please. Right. I've got a new habit. It's not helpful. It's not clever. And I don't know where it's coming from, but I can't see. to stop. I am buying clothes I do not need. Like when I say do not need have no occasions to wear

them for. And I'm doing it with awareness. Interesting. So I went into Zara the other day. I bought a jumpsuit. I mean, it was the dregs of the sale. But I got a blue dress that I would wear it only in the summer, a long blue dress. My sister said to me, where the fuck you're wearing that to? And she goes, and then she said, you're going to have to wear that on a very thin day. I was like, oh, really? Only a sister can come out with that comment. I wasn't even remotely offended. Or a mother. Because she, no, I would be offended if my mum said it, but not my sister.

And I was like, yeah, but you're right. I do need to wear this. And I'll probably never wear it because it was £7. Wow. Which is from 40. Basically free. It was basically free. And this jumpsuit, like a car key jumpsuit straight across all the way down.

Really lovely. For the summer, I got it for $9.99. Also basically free. Where am I wearing this jumpsuit to? Holiday? I think it's too heavy for holiday. But it's too cold for Britain. So they're the only, there are so many items that I could tell you about that I have bought that I do not need and I've got to stop. I'm out of control. What's that about? Well, you're only, you're less than 20 quid down. So you're right. I wouldn't call that out of control. It's not like a thousand pound a day Coke habit. They're too example. What I mean? You're not Daniela Westbrook vibes. I'll end up in a clinic That was two examples

I'm telling you I've done it all week Have you got a fucking outfit for my party yet? I can't talk about it Oh my god Another dress came Another dress came Which I forgot I had ordered And

And royal mail kept messaging me saying Oh your delivery's due to arrive I thought what the fuck is this Anyway it came no No No I must have been on drugs or something

Like, what am I even ordering at this point? Are you ordering this for a life that you want to live, but don't? I mean, apparently I'm a lot thinner than I think I am. Apparently, these dresses, according to my sister, they can only be worn on very thin days, and just no, no, no. So you're ordering clothes for a life you don't have and a body you don't have. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you like ordering clothes for Margot Robbie? Well, I mean, I don't think she's going to buy a 999-jump suit from Zara, do you? No. I sent you addressed this morning that Chapel Rhone wore to the Grammys. Please Google this, listeners. It is very special. I mean, I'm sorry, but she could get done for indecent exposure. She's basically naked.

It's nipple. The dress ties up. By her nipples. Via nipple rings. So the whole tits are just, you know what, though? It does save you having to buy a strapless bra. Well, I'll give her that. But I did say to you, didn't I?

Because you said, oh, shit, someone was wearing. my dress. Yeah. And I said, I told you you needed a bra. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't even need a bra because it's just got the attaches by the nipple

rings. It's really, it's really special. Really, it's some, yeah. You didn't buy that dress, did you?

I mean, that's practically the only dress I have not bought. And I still don't have an outfit. Okay. Coming naked then? No. Are you doing a Kanye and Bianca? You and Adam?

Yeah, oh yeah. He'll just wear dark glasses in a suit. And he'll just come. And he'll instruct me on when I need to speak. He'll parade you in nude. Yeah. Listen, it will be a talking point for the evening.

No one will forget it. No, that's just what I'm going for. Are you sure? You sure you don't want to do that? Just what I'm going for. Listen, I can't talk about the outfit. The outfit will be what the outfit will be. And that's the end of it.

Even James is getting in on the outfit. He's going to wear a gold jacket. James sent us a text. Shall I wear this jacket to the party? And you said only if you want to do magic. That wasn't very nice. I said only if you want to be mistaken for the magician. But you know what?

I don't have a magician. So if he is good with a slight of hand. I reckon he'd be quite good as a magician. I do do. There are worse magicians, I reckon. Do you know what? I'd slip him a tenor to go table to table and do some card tricks on Saturday night if he fancies it. Like if he's bored sitting with you, he can go and do card tricks.

That is so rude. Why do you be bored sitting with me? That is so mean. James is going to be on his best behaviour. He's even asked us to share a taxi. You have got such fucking phomo and don't think you, don't pretend you haven't. No, I don't have phomo. It's fine.

You do. I'll be with my whole family. You do. a taxi. It's going to be okay. You do. And you're jealous of Alana with the birthday present. You are. It's a very sweet birthday present. I'm going to come. Is it, are you playing far away though? In bushy on your birthday? Yeah, yeah. No, fuck that. I'm not coming. You can't get in. I'm not coming. How are you going to get in? It's not. I'm not coming. All you can do, watch me. What are you going to do? Oh, come and cheer me on. That'd be so weird.

With some pom-poms. And then you could see all of my pad of community, all the people that we talk about. Wow. Yep. I could come pretending to be selling paddle accessories. What paddle accessories? Like sweatbands? Yeah, no one wears those. Paddle racket covers. Like laptop covers, but paddle rackets.

Yeah, no, we got it. Personalised balls. Oh, I bought Adam some of those. Okay. What else can I have? Oh, what about like... They're personalized. You can't have them with you.

No, I'll have a little like a printing, stamping, set on me. That's cute. Yeah, that's cute, right? Yeah. And what else could I have? Like, T-shirts that say, I love paddle. And baseball caps. What about I love Alana? Do they all love Alana there?

Yeah. Everyone there. Yeah, everyone loves Alana. Do you think it would be a good bestseller about T-shirt? I think it would too quite well. And I'm sorry to tell you, but everyone does love Alana. She's impossible not to like it. If it's going to sell much. I could have those. Right.

I could have those. I love Alana. That's absolutely amazing. Yeah. It's actually amazing. Okay. Alana said she wants to meet you. I'm very happy.

She doesn't even listen to the show. Does she not? Does she not? It's probably better that she doesn't. Listen to it. And that you don't meet. I think I'm cracking up or maybe I'm just really 49. Oh my God.

I'm going to be 49 in eight days. You are. I went into MNS, she says, picked up a basket and wandered around and then didn't buy anything. Left the same. store and walked a good five minutes down the road back to my office before realizing I was still carrying the M&S shopping basket. That is some Goldilocks, Little Red Riding Hood vibes right there. Well, that's perimenopause. Yeah. That is classic perimenopause. That's quite embarrassing.

And then do you walk back to the store with the basket? Yeah. You just take it to your office and pretend that didn't happen. That's not embarrassing. Or do you just put it down on the pavement and walk away? I would take it back. What would you do? Definitely, I would take it back. But I am the bitch who puts the trolleys back in the trolley car park. Like, I never leave my trolley next to the car. No. I hate people who leave their trolley just next to the car. Oh, it's so...

Inconsiderate. I always take the trolley back to the trolley park. Yeah. It's like I always derack my weights from my... I know you do. I do. Well, I don't take them all off, but I take off enough, you know? Yeah.

Just basic etiquette. Yes. Yes. Yes. Don't be inconsiderate. I hate inconsiderate. So do I. It's the worst.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I bet Alana's never inconsiderate. She isn't, you know. I bet she picks up all the balls after the game. She does. She does.

Oh, I could have like maybe a ball bag. Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah. Monogrammed. The thing is with Paddle, you only play with three balls. Okay. So like a three ball carrier thing. Nice.

Monogram. But balls come in a three ball carrier. I heart Alana. Yeah. On it. We're going to do a whole merch set based around Alana. Yeah. Loving this for her.

Yeah. Okay, sounds so sweet. It's becoming creepy, though. Let's just stop. Let's just stop. We're going to be back next week. We are, yeah. Where I'll still be 48.

Yeah, just about. 24 hours. Just about. What are we going to do in a year's time? What are we going to do? We've got a year to worry about it. But I am worried about it. In my case, two years.

I am worried about it. Are you? What are you worried about? No one's going to sue us. I know, but it just feels wrong. I feel like I have to. tell you many times in a month that the podcast, please don't exist. So no one's going to come be like, hey, you're 50 now. You can't host this show anymore. It's going to be okay.

You're going to trade me in for a younger model. Yeah. Do you know who? Who? Alana. She's older. Oh, no. We'll be back on Thursday with a brand new episode. Please keep your messages coming in. Hello at 40ish.com.com.uk. And we will see you in a few days. Bye. Bye.