40ish - Overpacking for Holidays, Menopause Drama & a Tricky Parenting Dilemma

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

This week on 40ish, we’re discussing one of the most delusional acts of midlife optimism: packing holiday clothes for a version of yourself that absolutely does not exist. Does adulting mean that we have finally worked out that we just need the same two outfits on rotation and flat shoes? We’re also deep in a very important debate: what are we actually calling you lot? Fabbers (40 and fabulous, obviously) or Middlers Strong opinions welcome. Also, shoutout to the listener who is spreading the peace sign in traffic. In other feedback; One listener slid in with some strong opinions on our menopause chat. We’re not here to whisper politely. We’re loud, honest, occasionally unhinged, and very much ourselves. It won’t be for everyone and we’re oddly fine with that. Meanwhile, a mum is worried about her daughter’s weight gain. Do you say something or keep quiet and avoid knocking her confidence? It’s a tricky one.If you’re loving 40ish, share it with a friend ( ideally one who’s also packed five outfits but worn the same jumper for three days straight)Get in touch! Email [e-mail]://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcastFacebook https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4dTo order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/40ish-navigating-midlife-and-perimenopause--6942825/support.Our website

As I always say to my friends, if you don't have a libido, there's something wrong. And then they always say, I don't care, but I don't care, but I don't care. I'm like, well, you should care. Because a healthy woman should have a healthy libido finished. If you don't have a libido, that's a problem. It's a problem. Anyway, should we go out? You are in Amish gynaecologist today.

I am. I'm loving this new job for you. I am. What is it with exercise bikes? They are so bad on the ninnies. I have to say, you're a responsible. response to the menopause question slash comment was, I imagine, one of the very reasons it was worth bringing up. Your reply was aggressive, shrill and unnecessarily patronising.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40-ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast where we tackle the case of being 40-something each and every week, twice weekly. In fact, we dive into midlife, your stories, your dilemmas, and of course bringing our own mess and challenges of navigating our 40s. Mm-hmm, mm-mm-mm-mm. Please do not forget that you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access and ad-free listening across this show

and Self-Care Club, and you can watch the video every week on YouTube. It's now no longer available on Spotify. Shock horror. Well, it is available, just not the video. Yeah. And if you've got something to share big or small, we want to hear it.

So please do email us. We love hearing from you. Hello at 40ish, that's 4.0ish.com. Dot, be in touch, be part of the conversation. Yes. And, and? And if you are loving 40-ish, we hope you are, we would be very grateful if you could share this episode

or this particular, as the show as a whole, with a friend. Someone who you think would love it to, the more ears we reach, the more we can keep bringing 40-ish to all the brilliant midlife women who need to hear it. Mm-hmm. How are you this week?

No, how are you? Because let me tell you something, you've been on holiday. Oh, yes, I've been on holiday. I returned late last night, very late last night. And when I left you to go on holiday, you were like dribbling on the floor. And now you have come back like a different woman. You're joyful, you're bouncy, you're very bouncy, you're louder, you are more excitable. You are like just basically the much, much happier version of yourself.

Mm-hmm. What's happened? Well, I know what's happened. But tell everyone. What's happened? Yeah. I went away. I've eaten.

I've eaten all the food in Portugal. I've drunk all the martinis in Portugal. That is so not what I am talking about. I've indulged and holiday stuff. I'll get to the point. I'll tell you what's happened. I haven't even asked you, but I'm assuming that pack. on your bum that you showed everybody but didn't show anybody a couple of weeks ago.

Now that estrogen has kicked in your system and you're feeling a lot better, aren't you? Maybe. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'll keep it to myself. So, I think it's safe to say that HRT is working for you. Thank you, gynecologist. Yeah, you're welcome.

Would you say that's fair? Would you like me to book him for another appointment with you? Definitely not. Would you say that was fair? Because you said you were going to keep us all updated. Did I? Yeah. Do you want to read my diary about it?

Look, she's cracking jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's estrogen. It's happening. It works. Is that it?

I don't really want to go into the details. Let's just say it works. Why do you? But that's what we're doing. It works. Yeah. Take it. Yeah.

You seem a lot better. What have we learned from this whole process? Because I remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned that you might want to go to the gydenologists and get some HRT it didn't land very well It landed fine I said to you I'm already a step ahead of you

I've already booked an appointment I had to very much I had to like plan at the time that I was going to say it and when I felt there was a mild opening I mean I was too scared You tiptoed around that shit Tiptoed

Yeah Like I was going to break a fucking egg A tiptoed around it Yeah my friend actually said to me yesterday she phoned me just before I was leaving holiday accidentally but then we had a chat anyway and she said that she was using me as a case study for a few of her friends who she felt would benefit from estrogen but she was a bit too scared to tell them and I was like well let's just say Nicole picked her moment she tiptoed around the subject she went in very gently creeping as

if you were creeping up on a spider with a glass that was how slowly she crept up on the subject I was like, I would suggest that approach. She was like, okay, yes, good. She's like, I don't want to go there with them, but I have to go there with them. And I'm using you as my case study as a person who sounds better. Because the things are like driving you crazy or giving you anxiety or giving you rage or giving you overwhelmed,

they feel very, very, very real. And they are real. Oh, they're very, very real. They are real. I'm not saying they're not. but when you have estrogen versus when you don't, they're just not manageable. But when you have your estrogen

and your HRT is right and your hormones are balanced, everything feels just a little bit easier to deal with. A lot easier to deal with. Yeah. I'm going to tell you my most 40-ish thing. Yeah, isn't it, but you've now got estrogen

and your loving life again? Well, we can use that as point A. Point B. Point B, went on holiday for a week. Now, as we all, know, because I really love to moan about it. I really hate packing. Like, sometimes I get to the point where I'd rather than not go on the holiday, because I hate the packing. And the thing I

hate most about the packing is when you get on holiday and then you unpack the suitcase and then you realize that you have packed for a woman that you don't even know. Like, you've packed outfits for this woman who doesn't exist. How is that possible? Because you're only packing the stuff that's in your wardrobe. Yeah, but you know you pack like weird shit that you wouldn't wear at home, but you feel like on holiday you will be that. woman who wears that stuff. Like what? No, I don't do that. Although I do understand what you mean in terms of like London me and holiday me.

We do wear slightly different things. Yeah. Like shorts. Yeah, like shorts. But I decided before I was packing for this trip. Did you go as a slut? Yes, that was my Pinterest board. I put up slut, Christina Aguilera, 1998.

And I went with that. I went with like leather. Handkerchief tops. Yeah, handkerchief top. and are like leather chaps with my bum cheeks, just hanging out. Well, I'm just saying. It was such a good look for me. Like the patches kicked in.

I don't know what's going on. Anything could have happened. I'll tell you what I did was I packed for the person that I actually am. I packed normal outfits for normal me. So that when I got there and unpacked, I was like, oh yeah, good, normal clothes. And I wore normal clothes. And I felt like myself. It was just much better.

Everything was just much easier. I don't understand your point. I feel like you've just said, is that. I'm going to translate this. I feel like you've just said, I packed my clothes. Yeah. And then I got there and I unpacked my clothes. Yeah.

But what I'm going to do is make a 40-ish segment out of it. No. That is what you've just said. No. Because she said, normal me. Like, so I packed for me and I unpacked and it was for me. But normally it's not. Normally it's for this holiday woman that doesn't exist.

Like weird holiday shoes, shoes that don't go with anything else. T-shirts I would just never wear in London. Why would I wear them on holiday? Weird combinations. Just very jazzy earrings. You do like a jazzy earring. So do you. Are we just earring shaming each other?

It wasn't a dis. I wasn't like, I wasn't being judgmental. I was just saying, but that's not that weird because you do like a jazzy earring. But sometimes I just don't like what I pack. Anyway, I was really pleased with myself because I'd pay. hat properly. I wore normal clothes. It felt like a normal person. It was good. I feel like I've grown up. Yeah. I finally feel like I can pack. I'm also starting to feel like I want to, I'm a bit of the opposite this summer. Like I want to have outfits. Do you? I do. I want to have a proper summer

look. Where are you going? I am going to the South of France. Right. In July. Lovely. And then in August, Yes. My husband and I have a nine-day holiday, just the two of us. Not that I'm excited, but I'm counting down the days. So is he. Are you going to play paddle? The last three are a paddle holiday. Last three.

Yeah. You'll be exhausted, though, from the other six. I won't. You will. It'll be like a second honeymoon. What, from sitting on the beach and reading a book? You will not be sitting on the beach reading a book. Yes, I will.

If you're away alone with your husband for nine days, you'll be very, very, very, busy. I won't be that busy. Okay. How busy do you know? Adam and I've been together 20 plus years. Yeah, but how many holidays do you get to do it on your own? Well, actually, I say that. We did one in Dubai years ago now. And yeah, we were very busy. There you go. Yeah, we were very busy. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You might be too tired for the paddle. I won't be too tired for the paddle. Okay. What's your most 40-ish moment? Maybe you don't need to pack any outfits for that holiday. Just literally pack three days of outfits for paddle and just be naked the rest of the time. I don't want to be naked on the beach reading a book.

That's weird. I think you should be. I don't want to be. I'd save you so much washing when you get home. You know what I mean? Look, you've obviously put the patch on and things have started and revved back up again and we are delighted for you. No comment. We are delighted. No comment.

We are delighted for you. Okay. Delight for you. But let's just remember, I've been on HRC a long time. And? Just saying it's not that new to me anymore, my libido. She's been around a while. Good for you.

Thanks. Thanks. As I always say to my friends, if you don't have a libido, there's something wrong. And then they always say, well, don't care, but I don't care, but I don't care. I'm like, well, you should care. Because a healthy woman should have a healthy libido finished. If you don't have a libido, that's a problem. It's a problem.

Anyway, you are in Amish gynaecologist today. I'm loving this new job for you. So can you clear something up? Yes. I can try. This is not the first person to have said this. This is another lady who said, I so need the app to save recipes.

I can't seem to find stack because you said it was called stack. Am I searching the correct word thanks in advance? Right. Firstly, I want to say I am very sorry to everybody. I've had so many messages about this. Yeah, because I also looked for it and I couldn't find it. And then want to ask you. Because it doesn't exist.

Okay, great. Brilliant. It doesn't exist. And I gave you totally the wrong name. Amazing. Great. Thank you. And so many people messaged us.

And I kept messaging back going, it's called Stack. I don't know what you want me to tell you. It's called Stack. Yeah, it isn't. And then someone wrote in saying, honestly, I have searched for it everywhere. Yeah. Are you sure it's called Stacks? Yeah.

So I thought, let me go and check. Yeah. Let me go and double check it. Yeah. So I give you the right name. Yeah. Because I think it's called Stash Cook, which would make a lot.

lot more sense. I don't even think you should broadcast that without checking it. I'm going to check it. Okay. Okay. It is called stash cook. One word or two words. One word.

Stash cook. Yep. Okay. And it's like a, it's like a pinky app. Yeah. And it's got a white pot on the front. And then what do you do? Drag and drop recipes into it.

Yeah. You copy the URL. Yeah. and then you put that URL into the recipe and then it scans the recipe and it just puts it all into a format for you. Just before we dive into your dilemma, as a quick disclaimer,

we are not doctors or healthcare professionals. If there's an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact qualified expert, but also Nicole is sort of an amateur gynecologist today, so she might be able to deal with your problems. I don't know why you're saying amateur. There's nothing amateur about me. No, you're very professional.

Listen, I know. I know my story. I know my stuff. Also, I was laughing. I was giggling away at your disclaimer because you're very extra today. Very extra. Am I? Yeah, very. Hello, should we go to a time? I can't. You are so happy. You are so happy. I'm not. I'm actually not that happy. Can I just say I'm not? What? I want you to be. I've missed this. This was a really early morning for me. I haven't seen this version of you. Ever. Ever. Shut up. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. I think you've just forgotten who I am because I've been away for a whole seven days. You just forgot me. I think you've been away for a lot longer than seven days. A lot longer than seven days. What are you talking about?

This version of you, this happy go lucky, joyful, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed version of you. Welcome. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing what a week in Portugal, a bit of HRT can do. Yeah, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Hi ladies. My daughter is 20 and is at uni. She's always been slim as am I, but when she was back for Easter, I noticed she put on quite a bit of weight and I'm concerned. She's attractive and seems completely happy and settled in life. She has friends and a boyfriend. My worry is more about her health and whether this could lead to problems later on if it continues. I spoke to her dad about when and what we are going to say to her, he thinks it should be left alone. But I feel as her mum, I should say something rather than ignore it. I don't want to upset her or damage her confidence, but equally feel uncomfortable staying silent about something that could affect her well-being. Is this something I should gently bring up? And how on earth do you do that without hurting her feelings? Thanks, M. Can I just say, I don't want to touch this with a barge-pull. Neither do I.

Neither do I. We couldn't have replied to her separately. And also, I don't have any daughters, so I don't really know if I'm even qualified to reply. So this is this one's on you. This life's all for you. How much weight. Listen, I feel like whatever we are about to say. Yeah.

And whatever we don't say or do say, we're going to get crucified either way. Because this is a very emotive topic. But it's only our opinion. Okay. I do have teenage daughters. Yes. So, like, I understand the difficulty around it. And I have had conversations with my friends about this very thing.

Have you? Yeah. Okay. Often. I mean, I've never had a conversation with my friends about it because it's not a subject that has ever come up in my household. But maybe that's a boy. I mean, obviously, boys can put on weight equally as much as girls can put on weight. But I happen to have very slim boys because boys just seem to grow upwards.

Well, they don't. It just, I mean, people put on weight regardless. Sure. But you just have three boys that don't. They don't. They just don't. No, this is not an issue that I've had to deal with. I mean...

I don't really... I have to be honest. I would prefer to reply to her privately. Would you? Yeah. And not say this on a public forum. Not that I'm going to say anything so controversial. I'm not.

But I think this is a topic that needs to be handled with care and compassion and in a very delicate manner. So just to answer the basics of her questions, do you think it's something she should bring up? Or do you think she should go with her husband and he says it should be left alone? I think I would only bring it up if it's bothering her. The daughter.

Yep. If she is happy and she's thriving as she says she is and her confidence is good and she feels good about herself, I would leave it alone. If she is sitting there and eating loads of crappy fried food and takeaways, morning, noon, night, then of course have that conversation because regardless of whether she was putting on weight or not,

that's a conversation you need to have because that's not good for her. But this is about her weight, not about her nutrition. There is a difference. I also think that it's probably impossible that she hasn't noticed herself. you're not going to put on, she says, quite a bit of weight and not notice that you've put on quite a bit of weight. Yeah, that's what I mean. You know, that generation live in a much more body positive, with much more body positive enforcements around them. Thank God.

And also, I do know, it is definitely a thing that when you've been at uni, maybe not year one, but maybe year two, loads of kids, boys and girls put on weight because there's a lot of booze going on, a lot of pizza. And they're not eating properly and they don't have home-cooked meals and have fresh food. I don't think this is an unusual situation. From what I understand, I think it's fairly common once you've done pizzas, kebabs, burgers and booze to put on a bit of weight at uni. And then when you come out and start eating and drinking a bit more thoughtfully, you lose it again. There is something I do want to flag. Yeah. I am going to guess and it is a total assumption that.

the listener who has written in might have her own story and her own stuff around gaining weight. Well, I would agree with that. Because most women do. I mean, I've yet to find a woman that doesn't. So I think that is something that needs looking at. Like, what is your stuff here and what is hers? Because if she's okay and she's thriving and she's doing fine and she feels good in her own body, then basically it's your stuff and you need to figure that out.

She says she seems completely happy and settled in life. She has friends and a boyfriend. She worries about her health. But I think I'm kind of feeling the same. Is she actually worrying about her health? Or is this really that a daughter coming home being much larger is some sort of reflection on her or how she feels about it? Or how she feels about her own weight? You know, it's going to be jarring and it's something that needs addressing with yourself.

Is that, I mean, is that a thing with when you have daughters that their bodies are reflected? on yours or not consciously but it's it's another female in the house and when they start growing up and becoming young women you're having a similar conversation that you've had all your life with your friends with these young women that you're completely responsible for so there is stuff that that is quite confronting that you have to look at and think well I don't want to put because you have to figure out what's yours because you don't want to put that on your kids yeah because you are separate people. I have some friends with daughters who won't have any talk of bodies or shapes or diets in front of their kids. Like if the conversation comes up, they're like, no, we don't talk.

I don't discuss that in front of the children. Like the subject is shut down because they just don't want any of that dripping in or, you know, into their subconscious when they're, I'm talking about when they're like 8, 9, 10. They don't want any conversations stripping in. But when they have peers and they're socializing and they've got social media and they're watching TV and, you know, they're in the real world. You can't shield them from that because it's everywhere. You just can't. So you have to have a moderated conversation or allow them to talk to you about it. It can't be like completely shut off because that's not realistic. So if one of my daughters wants to come to me and say, oh my God, I feel so shit. I'll put on weight. That's fine because

I would say that to my girlfriends and vice versa and that's like I hate to say it's a normal part of being a woman it's just part of being a woman so I'm not going to shut down that conversation at all but I'm also not going to escalate it and make it into something bigger than it needs to be it's everything in balance but this is not coming from her

this is not coming from the daughter it's coming from the mother I think that's the most important point here. I think I'm with the dad. I would actually just leave it alone. So would I. And I would see how she is in a year because this is a happy kid. She's happy.

She's thriving. She's happy at uni. She's happy with her friends. She's in a good place. She's probably just really indulging at uni. And okay, let it go for a bit. Let it go. I would leave it alone unless she said something to you.

I agree with you. Unless she said, Mom, I'm feeling really unhappy. or unless you could see that she was not happy and she was comfort eating or binge eating or you could see something was wrong and she was using food as a substitute for whatever was going on. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. She seems to be happy and thriving. So I would leave it alone.

And how wonderful that she's happy and thriving. That's the most important thing out of all of this. Let it go. Oh my God. Okay. This is my meltdown. So my 13 year old has got a broken hip. I know that sounds really dramatic, but it's a crack.

It's a little fracture. So he is moving around and walking and swimming and everything else. It's just he has to do a lot of rehab physio so that he can strengthen the muscles around this little crack in his hip. So while we're away, the physio said he needs to use an exercise bike to strengthen everything. So I said to him, okay, every day when you go to the gym in the hotel and use the exercise bike, I'll come with you and I'll do the 30 minutes with you on the bike. to keep you company because I thought that's nice that's a nice mum thing to do.

It's not like I had anything else to do. So we trot on down to this gym and we get on the exercise bike. What is it with exercise bikes? They are so bad on the nini. They are the most uncomfortable, painful. They are awful.

What are you on? A spin bike. I don't know. A bike. Spin bike's the worst. Well, it was just an exercise bike with a screen and you press the screen and then you pick your program and then there were these ones you had to do sprints and I kept standing up

and Josh was like, why do you keep standing up? I didn't want to say to him, Josh, the nunny, because he doesn't have a nunny. Obviously, but who are these women who are able to do spin classes every day and like, what the fuck? Do they have padding? Yes.

Okay. Yes. Okay. You could buy like padded cycling shorts. You would need those. I did not have padded cycling. But I have done many a spin class and I've never had padding cycling shorts. But like, yeah, yeah.

Bruising. Yeah. Really unpleasant. Yeah. But I was not down for that. Really unpleasant. Yeah. He kept looking at my screen going, mum, you are crap.

You are so slow. I'm like, and Ollie kept saying, at least she's doing it. At least she's there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with Olly. I mean, it was nice of him to champion me, but it was a bit pathetic. And then he did his like squats and his weights.

And he was like, come on, Mom. And I literally picked up one weight, did one squat. And I was like, Josh, I don't like this. And put it down. And then he went back and he said, Dad, Mom was pathetic. She did one squat. And then she said she didn't like it and left the gym. Oli was like, that's not how Jim's work.

I know, but also I'm on a holiday. Oh, I would do to do a squat. Pick up a weight and do a sport. I'm just saying, okay, I'm glad that women don't generally suffer on an exercise bike because I thought, is this just more gym misogyny going on here? It's like gym misogyny. How dare you talk about the gym that way? I will not have you slag off my gym.

Any gym. It's not your gym. It was just a hotel gym. Any gym. I will not have it. There's no gym misogyny. There's no gym misogyny. There is because they should pad the seats for women.

No, they don't need to. They don't need to. Oh, they do? No, they don't. Maybe it was just a bad bike. They don't need to. It was a really normal bike. Listen, I can only sit on a fucking bike nowadays. So I actually went up to the gym the other day before my, because I'm back to paddle.

Nice. Oh. It's just fucking dreaming. Have the community re-embraced you? Yeah. You were a bit worried about that last time. I was a bit worried. Yeah, you were a bit concerned.

I was a bit worried and a bit concerned. What's your meltdown? I mean, you were a bit worried about that. I have got a proper meltdown. Oh, God. Okay. Is it my fault? No.

Oh, good, okay. I'm seeing you. How would it be your fault? Well, I don't know. I worry. Something could have happened while I was away. Like what? I don't know.

Anything. You worry? What, in general? You worry about things? No, not in general, just in that moment. Oh, Azuk Pals. Yeah, it's got enough. Definitely not your fault.

Okay. We had a, we had a bit of feedback. Oh, yeah. On the show. Yeah. And it was the episode where we were talking about the menopause. I mean, which episode would that be?

No, it was the woman who wrote in saying I'm fucking sick of hearing about menopause, I'm 39 and I'm done with hearing about it all the time. And also it's doing women and injustice in the workplace. And then we kind of went into one and we had a very lengthy discussion about why it's so important. Anyway,

we had a DM on Instagram and it went like this. Just listen to today's show because it had replaced self-care club because sometimes I'm putting 40-ish over it on self-care club. I have to say your response to the menopause question slash comment was, I imagine, one of the very reasons it was worth bringing up. Your reply was aggressive, shrill and unnecessarily patronising. I felt sorry for the listener who took the time to contribute to your show.

If I was a man listening to it, I would have zoned out immediately. In my opinion, no one wants to hear that info in that tone. It could be considered proof, this is the bit that really got me. it could be considered proof that Perry and menopausal women are in fact just shrill, angry people incapable of having a calm conversation just saying. So I wrote back saying the tone of this, it took me like a couple of days to write back

and I'd let it go and I thought, just leave it, just leave it, just leave it, just leave it, she doesn't like you, don't listen to it, that's fine, everyone's entitled to their opinion. Of course. And I wrote back saying the, the, the, tone of this message is exactly what we are being accused of here. And I said, we don't sugarcoat or pretend to be anything than what we are, who we are and where we are. Our show won't speak to everyone, which it won't. Neither will our delivery. And that's what makes the show, what it is, the authenticity. Now, it got me thinking, I don't mind a negative comment. I don't mind a negative

DM. I'm actually very much open to all feedback. Yeah. Okay. I really am. But this got to me because it's basically saying that we are now just going to be perceived as menopausal, angry, aggressive women because we are talking about a system that has very much failed women. And I'm not down with that. And the reason that we are talking about it and the reason that we are, I don't think we're shrill, the reason that we are angry and passionate about it is,

is because it's a system that very much needs to change and that women have been so underserved for so long and finally, finally, when the conversation has come back round to helping us, supporting us, serving us in medicine, how we deserve to be treated, there's other women that are somehow trying to pull us down and shut us up. And I'm just not here for that.

I'll tell you what is particularly interesting about you saying that today, because the women's health strategy is being, I think, looked at again, right? And what they have found is that there's a 58, the waiting list generally on the NHS is 58% worse than it has been, right? It is since when? COVID, since 2020. It is 98% worse for women waiting for guine referrals. 98% right. Currently in the UK, as of today, there are 565,000 women waiting to be seen by a guine, right, or the NHS waiting list. And the average waiting time is 18 months.

Average. Right. And the average, and this was the thing that shocked me the most, the average waiting time to be diagnosed with endometriosis, which as many people, people, especially those who are suffering, will know it can be crippling. Do you know how long it is for some people to be diagnosed with it? You will be shocked. Years. It takes years, doesn't it? Nine years and four months. Right. There was a woman who phoned in to women's hour this morning to say, actually, she was also a hairdresser, that she had to give up her job. She was young, but she felt like she was an old person because she was so debilitated with her problem. And she was not getting any help. And of all the waiting lists, in all categories of health, Guine is the worst of all. It has the longest waiting list and the most people.

Right. And this was the health minister on Radio 4 this morning, a man who was basically saying, yeah, this is medical misogyny. And I, you know, we are going to try and do something about it. but that is appalling right now you imagine you've got a recurrent uti or something that is okay not life-threatening but really debilitating and you've got to wait 18 months to see somebody so the the interviewer was saying well what are you doing like what are you putting in place and he said well you know we're going to try and change to this system where there can be video consultations and she said look come on now I think that anyone any woman listening understands that if you've got a gynecological problem

that can't really be helped on a video call like you need to be seen and examined in person this needs to be changed it's it's a bad bad bad bad state of affairs it made me really upset that women are suffering really more than anybody else I started at my GP yeah when I started to get the perimenopausal symptoms

and I very quickly figured out that this wasn't going to get sorted out. Yeah. So I went private. I am lucky enough to be able to do that. I self-fund everything. And it's expensive. It really is expensive.

And it's a bit of a kicker when it costs me X amount every couple of months when I have to go and see the guiney. And I feel very grateful and lucky that I can do that. And I can help myself and I can pay to go and see the doctor that I need to see when I need to see them. And it makes me so upset, so mad, because I have friends that can't do that and are on these waiting lists and have got some complicated perimenopausal symptoms that can't just be fixed with one visit. And they say things to me like, oh, I've got so many things. I don't even know where to begin.

And I'm only allowed to bring one symptom to the doctor. To your nine minute consultation. Yes. Yeah. It really, it shocked me this morning to hear that. It was like what a shit shirt was. I knew it was bad, but I didn't know how bad it was. And yes, going back to your point, it does not do other women. It does women a disservice when you have women bringing other women down by saying perimenopausal women or menopausal women are shrill and aggressive and angry. And angry. But the thing is, is that there is a lot to be angry about this, everything that you've just told me. makes me feel angry. Me too. And I'm okay with that because that feels appropriate to be angry. It feels appropriate to be frustrated and overwhelmed by the lack of care that is going on in medicine for women.

And it also feels appropriate to be able to talk about our experiences and what women go through in an open space like this. So I don't really want to be shut down about it because I think. whatever I learn, if I can pass that on and forward and help one other person, that has to only be a good thing, right? And also, in my response of to her, we can only be who we are, what we are, and where we are. And what I mean by that is, if in that moment we were feeling hormonal or we were feeling overwhelmed or we were feeling anxious or we were feeling sad, or we were feeling rageful, who cares, we're being who we are in that moment. And the thing is with menopausal women is

we gaslight ourselves and we gaslit into thinking that we can't feel any of these things. And then it just becomes just a completely complicated situation. You don't know what you're feeling and you don't know what you should be feeling and you don't know what you're experiencing and you feel like you're losing your mind. So if we can help women just be where they are because that's all we ever do on this show. We are where we are. And it's never picture perfect. And it's never this glossy presenter style show.

That's not what we want it to be. We want it to be real. And we want women to know that you come here because we are real and that we give them permission to be real themselves. Okay, I think we'll go now. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go give everyone a virtual hug.

We will be back on Thursday.