40ish - Padel, Pillows & Pap Smears—Oh My!

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

This week on 40ish Lauren has a truly revealing experience at her GP’s surgery - dignity left at the door. Meanwhile, Nicole embraces the most 40-something fad of 2025: padel. Will she become a racket- wielding pro or have a deeply relatable mid life injury? A listener has an unnerving encounter with Alexa Chung at the bus stop and a bewildered man seeks the answer to one of life’s greatest mysteries : Why are middle aged women obsessed with  decorative cushions? Tune in for laughs, life lessons, and probably far too much information. We would love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. This episode is brought to you by FX's Dying for Sex on Disney+. Based on the podcast of the same name, Dying for Sex tells the story of Molly, who is diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. Determined to feel everything she can before she can't feel anything, she decides to leave her unhappy marriage to explore her sexuality with some encouragement from her best friend

Nicky. FX's Dying for Sex, streaming April 4th only on Disney+. Sign up now at DisneyPlus.com. Where's your playlist taking you? Down the highway? To the mountains? Or just into daydream mode while you're stuck in traffic? With over 4,000 hotels worldwide, Best Western is there to help you make the most of your getaway.

Wherever that is. Because the only thing better than a great playlist is a great trip. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Book, direct and save at bestwestern.com. Enough. I am not standing here listening to you talk about my friend that way. It is not okay.

Pull yourself together. You are beautiful and wonderful and he is with you because he likes you and he wants to be with you. Not because there was nothing better going on. Now stop it. The most fun you are going to have in a week is getting up at 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning to go and play paddle. It's a bit like tennis, you don't move as much. That's going to be the most fun you have all week. And I've been like, my life is tragic.

I know. But I've loved it. That's because we're middle aged. I started with four. Two pillows each. And things escalated. And things took a turn. Hello everybody. Welcome to Fortyish.

I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Laura Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates challenges and absurdities of 40 something life. Every episode we discuss your problems, issues, rants, moans that you have shared with us and we tell you about our own stories and situations about how we're navigating midlife. We do. We do. So what's going on with you? Well, do you remember a few weeks ago we were both talking about how we couldn't get our smear test booked? It was like the hardest thing to do. Yes. Well, I booked it. Yeah. I was on blow me down. I went. Um, it was special. Why? Mine

took two minutes. It was special. Um, it was a very, very warm day and the doctor kept complaining that she was very, very hot. How warm could it be? We're still in March. It was like three floors up and the windows were sealed shut and it was a very hot stuffy room. Okay. And the doctor kept complaining how she was female doctor. She was very, very hot. And I said, with all due respect, I know you're a qualified medic, but maybe take off your woollen cardigan. That might help. I love that you're now diagnosing doctors. Yeah. So she took it off and then, and then walked across the room and I said, you're also wearing UGG boots. That might also be a reason why you're feeling warm.

Yeah. She was like, I know, but I can't. Did you start telling her she needed HRT? Blah, blah. No, no. Anyway, then another woman walks in the room. She's like, oh, this is, this is a student doctor. Do you mind if she's here? Oh my God. See that always bugs me because I never feel like I can say no, oh, this is a student doctor. Do you mind if she's here? Oh my god. See, that always bugs me because I never feel like I can say, no, actually, I'd rather she wasn't here. Well, after spending many years in the doula world, I feel very able to say that because often there were student midwives or student doctors and sometimes women would be in labour.

And there'd be like a line up of eight men staring at them. And I'd say, actually, do you mind all leaving and going staring at someone else? So I'm comfortable with that. But anyway, you know what? She was a young girl. She was in her last year of medical school. I was like, sure, the more the merrier.

Have a look up. Join us, join us. So it didn't sound like a very, I'm not that it's ever relaxing, but normally the nurse or the doctor that's doing your smear is normally there to help you, support you, keep you calm, because it's a horrible, horrible five minutes of your life. I mean, it's not the most fun morning that one can have. No, it really isn't.

So this is the thing, right? You know, when you go for a smear test and then they draw the paper curtain and they say, please take your clothes off from the waist down and tell me when you're ready. And then you have like a piece of kind of kitchen towel over your pelvis for your modesty. She just didn't do that. So the curtain remained open, the bed was there, they're both there. And I thought, oh, okay, okay, this is how it's going to be. And also, it's a bit of a farce because you're protecting your modesty, but then they're literally scraping your cervix anyway. So why are you?

I like that piece that goes over you. That makes me feel a lot more, that piece of theatre of we'll all pretend that you're not getting undressed and then we're going to come and look at you anyway. I don't think they're pretending. I think it's respect and then you get ready and you sit on the bed and then you put that little piece of kitchen roll over you and that's there we go. Well it didn't happen. Oh. So I just stripped in the middle of the surgery. In the middle of the surgery by reception. No, in the room, in the middle of the room. Get on the bed. Lucky you're not shy. I was like I've had three children I just don't you know by the time you've had three kids you So like in the room, in the middle of the room, get on the bed. Lucky you're not shy.

I was like, I've had three children. I just think, you know, by the time you've had three kids, you just don't care anymore. Do you really care? I don't really care. No, but I would still like them to do it properly and be respectful because it doesn't sound like they were. But then you feel a bit like,

can we all like do a whole thing and pretend like, this is a, I'm shy. You know, I just thought, fuck it. So I get undressed and I lie on the thing and she does the smear and it was totally fine. She was actually very, very good at it. It was very quick. Very, very good at it.

Well, it didn't hurt. She was very quick. It was done in literally one minute. Yeah. I mean, in many that I've had, it was up there with one of the least worst. She's winning the award for one of the better smears in my time. I did say to her, excellent smear test, 10 out of 10. Good job. Well it isn't though, because the preamble was completely wrong. I was very comfortable with her clearly, but she wasn't that professional anyway. So we do this, we're having a whole chat

about cervical cancer, foreskins versus non-foreskins, nuns. Why? We're having a whole... Why? Well, because your risk goes up depending on what kind of penis you are engaged with, how many partners you've had when you started having sex, how much sex you're having, all these things. How much sex you're having, your risk goes up.

Well, yeah, if you were having sex with many different partners... If you're having a lot of sex with the same partner, does your risk go up? Well, no, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. That's good. And especially if they're circumcised, your risk is a lot less. Oh, that's good to know. Because they're less likely to be carrying HPV. So we were having a whole chat about it and it was long over, the smear,

and I'm still on the bed with nothing on. And you're still just chatting. Yeah. Why don't you just get dressed? No one passes me a tissue. No one says we'll just close the curtains and let you get dressed. And there's a student in there like she is learning not very good. And they are both just standing there and I thought, okay, okay.

So I just stood up, continued talking with nothing on, sort of walked over to the other side of the room to fetch my knickers and my jeans. I just thought I have to just breeze through this because this is really quite weird and I don't want to make it weirder by pointing out that I'm naked, you're both standing here chatting to me, no one's giving me any privacy so I'm just going to breeze through it. So I did put my knickers on, my jeans on and went home didn't think anything of it and then a few hours later realized I put my knickers on inside out. Yeah you did it in a rush. Healthing was kind of a weird experience. It was weird but fine. But also she's teaching the next generation of doctors how to do a smear test. Yeah. She is not

teaching them well. She is not teaching them well. She is not role modeling. Because if you're really lucky, in three years time you'll get that bloody student. You know what, they were really nice and chatty, but I think I was keeping them more comfortable than they were keeping me. Yes, that's what it sounded like when she was really hot.

Yeah, but anyway, I'm glad I went. I did the responsible adult thing. Well, so did I. I had mine, it was all done. Great. It was done to the tee of like a classic smear test from beginning to end. She did shut the curtain.

I did tell her when I was ready, I put that piece of kitchen roll over me. She did the smear. It took about 40 seconds. Yeah. And then I was out there and she gave me a few websites just to go on to keep checking my boobs. And she was very helpful. And she told me that you, 64 to go on to keep checking my boobs and she was very helpful

and she told me that you 64 is the cutoff age when you no longer have to have smears by the way. I know so we've got like what four or five left for the rest of our lives. Yeah. This is great. And then I got my results and everything's fine and I don't have to go back for another three years. Yay. Yay. Yay.

Yay. Okay great. Here's to smears. Cheers. Lovely. Okay great. Here's to smears. Cheers to smears. Just before we dive into your dilemmas a very quick disclaimer we are not doctors, GPs, healthcare professionals or even students. Lauren thinks she might be sometimes but she isn't.

I might be. She's the most unqualified doctor there is. That's the one. I'm a doctor with zero qualification. Yeah. A docker, as they call me at home. This is just a fun space where we share our thoughts which could be wrong. They could be.

It could be a misdiagnosis. Well it's just our opinion. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. What have we got today Lauren? Here we go. I had quite the start to my Monday morning today and I need you to weigh in, she says. My boyfriend, six foot three, blue-eyed, annoyingly handsome, mid-fifties. Oh, he sounds like I'm looking for a guy in finance

six five blue eyes what's the next bit trust fund six yeah yeah six three blue-eyed annoyingly handsome mid-50s he sounds great he was walking he doesn't sound great he sounds handsome it's us he might not be great he was walking me to the bus stop okay none other than Alexa Chung casually strolled past us. I spotted her immediately, she says in capital letters. Well how could you not spot Alexa Chung? Her louche model walk, her gorgeous olive green coat swishing away, her white floaty trousers repelling the mud on the pavement, perfect hair and no makeup. As she walked past us in a fragrant cloud, what, sorry to say I don't think

she's got perfect hair. She's got a nice chic bob hasn't she? Has she? I don't know I haven't seen her for ages. She's not been to the public eye for ages. A long time. As she walked past us in a fragrant cloud, what does she do? She turns and locks eyes with him, not just a glance, a full on mutual stare down. Oh, she checked him out. Yes. Did he check her out? Handsome boyfriend hasn't got a clue who she is, but returns the gaze and smiles. Meanwhile, I can do nothing during this exchange but stand there

like a bewildered, windswept 5 foot child carrying my ratty laptop bag like he's taking me to school. How am I meant to compete with an actual supermodel slash fashion icon, in fact any gorgeous tall woman? Is this just the tax you pay for having a ridiculously good looking boyfriend? What if he now decides that he likes women with racehorse legs and razor cheekbones? I have never been worried about it before but now I am. I'm mid-40s, fresh out of a marriage and this is my first relationship post divorce. The first time I have ever felt insecure about it. Help! I would love to hear your thoughts. Mainly, should I start carrying an emergency beret and trench coat in case we run into Alexa again? Yours, newly insecure mum of two.

I mean, I think you know what we're going to say to all of that. Him walking past Alexa Chung is not going to change his feelings towards you at all. Alexa Chung is not going to change his feelings towards you at all. Let's just suppose he is a mid-50s man and is an actual grown-up and that something like that is not going to sway him any either way. It's not about him, it's about yourself. And as I always say to my husband, I'm married, I'm not blind. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like it's perfectly okay to look at someone or even look at someone and think that they're an attractive person, but also still be very much married and faithful. What were we watching the other day? And I was like, he is so good looking. Adam always gets so upset. Was it John Hamm again? You're obsessed with John

Hamm. No, because when I watched him in Lamb Man, he didn't look great. He had funny hair. Shame. Now in the morning show, it was, I almost couldn't look great. He had funny hair. Shame. Now in the morning show, it was, I almost couldn't watch. I know it was difficult. It was too much. Oh, I'll tell you who it was. I can't remember the name of the actor though. He's in paradise. I haven't watched that show. He's the president in paradise. Okay. He is so beautiful looking, beautiful. And I said that those exact words to Adam. He's like, all right. I'm like, look, I'm allowed to find other men attractive. I don't want to do anything with other men. Plus he's an A-list Hollywood actor. I mean it's unlikely.

You've been there before. It won't be the first time. So don't use that as an excuse. I have actually. Twice. So don't use that. Twice. Not twice. Maybe he was an A-list that one. Maybe he was more A-. Who? I'm not allowed to say am I?

I don't know who you're talking about. Well, one you know who I'm talking about. The other one was more on the stage at the time. Oh, he wasn't an A-list Hollywood. We've said it before anyway. B-list? I don't know what he's up to now. Anyway, don't write yourself off is all I'm saying.

Not writing myself off. I'm just saying you're allowed to find other people attractive. It doesn't mean you're going to act on it in any way. I have any intention towards said attractive person. I agree. Your marriage, you're not blind. Listen, Alexa Chung. I've never seen her in real life. I would imagine she is quite jaw-dropping in person. Also, if this helps you newly insecure mom of two, she is engaged to be married to Tom Sturridge who is Sienna Miller's ex-husband. So she herself is in a very happy relationship with a very attractive man. So this is nothing to do with Alexa Chung. I'm just saying I'm sure she's not after your boyfriend. It's just she's attractive.

He's obviously very attractive. They've noticed that about each other and they've moved on with life. And the berry and the trench coat to me it's giving a low low vibes. Look she's writing a funny email right? I appreciate the humor. I do too. And it's clever and it's cute. But the underlying message in all of it is that she is actually starting to feel insecure in her own skin and that is not okay.

It's not. And also you're five foot, so you're five foot. What are you gonna do? You're not gonna grow, are you? You're the same. That's just the height you are, it's fine. Height lying down, so I've heard. Everybody's the same height when they're lying down.

So don't worry about that. And you're five foot and he's six foot three. So clearly heights not an issue in your relationship. It's fine It's okay, it is okay, but she's not okay. It's thrown her it's thrown her for a loop So what would we say like if this was one of my girlfriends? Yeah, and they were like suddenly stressing out that this had happened and it was making them question themselves and their attractiveness and how they feel in their own skin and having a feeling insecure about having a really handsome boyfriend. You know what I would say? What? I would say enough, enough. I am not standing here listening to you talk about my friend that way. It is not okay.

Pull yourself together you are beautiful and wonderful and he is with you because he likes you and he wants to be with you not because there was nothing better going on now stop it just because you walk past a beautiful woman doesn't make you any less beautiful. Love it! Okay, I have nothing to add to that. But it's right, isn't it? It's right. When you let Aero truffle bubbles melt, everything takes on a creamy, delicious, chocolatey glow.

Like that pile of laundry. You didn't forget to fold it. No, it's a new trend. Wrinkled cheek. Feel the aero bubbles melt. It's mind bubbling. My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Oh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn! Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farmboy, and Longos

online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little... too reliable. Voila. Your groceries delivered. Just like that. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. Ever captured a great night video, that. now brief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Buy the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. McDonald's new cheesy jalapeno and bacon quarter pounder with 100% Canadian beef is here. So if you crave beefy burgers with a pretty peppery punch and pickled jalapeno peppers pile in a perfect bunch and if you plead please if a cheesy taste came in threes with cheesy jalapeno pepper sauce poured with ease and if smoky strips of bacon make burgers better,

you'll love our cheesy jalapeno and bacon quarter pounder. Get this beefy, bold, bacony, melty mouthful only at McDonald's for a limited time. So I have done the most, I have never felt more middle-aged than I did this weekend. Sunday morning, it was Mother's Day, we had arranged to go and play Pazzle. That is very middle-aged. It is middle-aged. With another couple.

You have to play with another couple. Were you like swinging? It's a whole thing, you know. Pazzle couples. I know. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Because I have done that. Okay. Okay. So we go to paddle and our friend booked it and he booked it at the, it's really hard to get a paddle court, by the way. Very popular. It's like a craze. Yeah. James loves paddle. James does love paddle. Maybe I could play with James. You could. Although Natalie, his wife might play with him. I don't know. He plays with, but he needs to play with two other people. I would like to play paddle with James. I bet

he's really competitive. Yeah, I'm sure he is. Anyway, so we turn up to this country club, which is in like, I don't know, like off the M 25 somewhere, turn up to this country club. It is the most beautiful day. Do you remember the day on Monday? It was, the sun was shining. We played outside. We had the best time. I knew every single person on the four paddle courts. No, I swear to God. It was like almost embarrassing. It was like a whole social morning out. It was a whole thing. I can't tell you, we're at this country club and then we finished paddle and then we'd sit and have a coffee at this country club, watch over a golf course.

The sun was shining and I just thought I've actually turned into my parents. Yeah. Turned into my parents. I mean, if you could go home change and go back there for bridge in the evening, you're basically there. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my dad doesn't play bridge. No, he's too active for bridge. He's too active for bridge. But I loved it. Okay. I loved it. Are you good at it? Yeah. Are you? I was good at it. There's less room for error in paddle than there is in tennis because the whole court. Well, it's small. It's very contained.

Well, the ball can go in the whole court. Yeah, yeah. It can't go out. Yes, you can't because you've got walls. Perspex walls, haven't you? Only on two sides. Yes. Yeah. You know a lot about paddle.

Yeah. Would you play? And then as I said to me last night, because what you might not know, people listening at home, is that Lauren's husband is a very good tennis player. We have referred to it. They actually, Adam and Ollie actually played tennis together on Saturday. They did. Yeah. They did. Didn't they? And you know what? I was waiting. What for? A phone call. Why? To say, Oh, what are you doing this afternoon? Cause the boys are playing tennis. Maybe we could have done something. I wasn't around, I'm afraid. I had to make my own arrangements. What did you do? I was having a tutorial. With cards. Yeah. Yeah. You're having it. I was being given a WIST tutorial in preparation

for my audition. As in preparation for your audition to play WIST. Yeah. To be the floater in the game. Don't you like it how we're both looking for new hobbies and I'm going to play paddle and you're playing cards. It's so us. It's so us. Yeah. Anyway, Adam then said yesterday, because we loved it. I mean, I am now a paddle wanker. Whatever you want to call it. I'm in a paddle pusher, a paddler. Yeah. Okay. I didn't even know what the racket was cause it a racket. Is it a bat? Is it a paddle? Like what is it? It's a paddle. Isn't it? It's a, it's a paddle racket. No. What did he say it was? Someone told us. No, it's not bat. Definitely not. It's very on brand for you paddle. Very on brand. It's very on brand for you Paddle. Very on brand. It's very on brand.

I literally had the best morning of my entire. You love a trend and it's very on trend. Yeah. Yeah. I don't love a trend. You do. You love a trend. You're always on a trend. Like if something's happening, you're there. Name the other trend I've been on. Air fryers. They are not a trend. When they came out, it happened. When the ninja cream happened, it happened. Paddle your ois on the trend. It's a bad thing. That's just like you catch the wave of a trend and this is very happening and it's very on-brand for you. I don't think air fryers are a trend. I think they are here to stay. I don't think they're gonna come and go. I do. I don't.

Well time will tell. I don't. We'll revisit this argument when we're 80. I use my air fryer more than I use my oven. I'm aware of this. So I don't think it's a trend. Okay. The ninja creamy is a trend. I'll give you that. But someone, that was a gift. I know. So are you going to say that Adam asked if me and Oli would come and play as couples paddle partners? Well, he was all hyped up and he was all, you know, because you've got to play with four people, which is so annoying because you're always looking for another couple. Or if Adam's not around, you've got to look for three other people to play paddle. Like sometimes if I go to the gym, I just go to the gym. I don't have to worry about anybody

else. So this is a little bit annoying. And he was like, Oh, I reckon Oli would love paddle. Do you reckon Lauren and Oli would play? I'm like, I reckon Ollie would. There's no way you're going to get Lauren on a paddle court. Correct. Why? It's a little bit fast for me. I worry about the ball being hit with the ball. It's a little bit aggressive.

Ollie does play paddle and the big... Oh, does he? Where does he play? Well, normally on holiday and the kids play and the kids are really good. And the great thing is there's four of them so they don't need me so I can just stay on the sun lounger and the four of them can play paddle all day, all evening to their hearts content. But it's very aggressive. Well, it wasn't aggressive because it was the first time we've played. Okay. You know what? I've got a good backhand in paddle.

Have you? Yeah, I really have. Nice. Yeah. And Adam and I started doing this little tap of the back paddle racket, whatever you call it. You know, every time we won a point, it was cute. I was so, I've like, I love it. Apparently there's a WhatsApp group with the David Lloyd about paddles. I have no doubt that that's true. And basically anywhere and everywhere you go-

I don't have to get into the paddle crew. How do I get in? Ask Golly Hill. What's the way in? But everywhere you go, but everywhere you go, they're ripping up ground to build paddle courts. Yeah. Well, they're taking away tennis courts to put in paddle courts. It's like becoming it's spreading. On the other hand, my whisked game went very well. Did it? Yeah. Did you win? I didn't win, but I think it's like Rummy. No, it's not at all like Rummy. It's not really like a game I've ever played before. There's trumps, there's tricks, there's bets. Sounds like bridge.

I don't know how to play bridge. It's not as complicated as bridge, I think. But anyway, you know what? I held my own. I was bold. Bold, bold. Yeah. Do you play for money? No. What did you play for? How can you bid? What are you bidding on? Knitting? What are you bidding on? No, no, you make bets, points. You have to bet on something. No, no, you just make, you just, you just say a certain amount of points and you have to win those points and then you either win them or you lose them in school anyway, whatever.

I was bold with my bids and you know, I held my own. Right. I held my own. I felt quite proud. No, I was second for a long time and then I went into third. That's okay because it was my first time playing. It's fine. Is there a skill to Wist? Yes, mostly skill and a little bit of luck because obviously you don't know what cards are going to get dealt. Okay. But you know. Like backgammon as well though. As in, you have to be a skilled player to know what's going to happen on the board. But you also can't tell what dice you're

going to throw. Yeah, but you have to be like four, five throws ahead. Exactly. Don't you? Yeah. You've got to remember the cards. You've got to remember what's been put down. You've got to think about what everyone else is doing and what everyone else wants. So you've got to really be thinking about. Oh my god, you're actually in a Wist club. I'm not, yeah. That was only the audition. Even worse. That was only the audition. You're hoping to get into a Wist club.

I tried to be as charming and delightful as I could. Oh, I can't bear it. I can't bear it. What did you do? I can't. I might be in, I might not. Wait and see. Did you take baked goods? I thought about this, but I not. Did you take baked goods? I thought about it, but I didn't have time. I didn't have time. Also the hostess was vegan, so it's quite a good thing I didn't take baked goods because

she wouldn't have eaten them. She gave great snack. Her snack game was strong. We're going to lose you to Wist. I think it's unlikely. I don't think it's a full time thing. Well, I think it's a shame because when the boys went to play tennis, I think it's unlikely. I don't think it's a full-time thing. Well I think it's a shame because when the boys went to play tennis, we could have hung out. We could have played WIST.

I don't want to play WIST but I think you might enjoy it. I do quite like cards. You know we can set up our own WIST game. We only need two other people. Well like paddle. So once we play WIST we can all go off to the paddle call. Yeah we paddle. Do you think Adam and Oli would play whist? Oli wouldn't play whist. I'd have to drug him. Listen a couple of weeks ago we went over to our friends they had had the busiest week, we had had the busiest week and we were seeing them on Saturday night and she said what do you want to do and I said you know what I actually really want to do I want to come over, let's get a takeaway and let's play Rummikub.

And she was like, okay. And that's what we did on Saturday night. And we were all so happy. I mean, that is giving middle age in a good way. Yeah, but we'd loved it. That sounds like a great night. We came home and Adam was like, I've had the nicest evening, me too.

Imagine if someone told you that when you were 22. I would think tragic. Yeah. You'd think like, oh, kill me now. That's gonna be my life. Or if someone said the most fun you are gonna have in a week is getting up at eight o'clock on a Sunday morning to go and play paddle. It's a bit like tennis, but you don't move as much.

That's gonna be the most fun you have a week. And I'd be like, my life is tragic. I know. But I've loved it. What's our next dilemma? Ladies, please help a man out by solving this mystery. How many decorative cushions do women need? Why do you love them so much? And why do you start to collect them after 40?

I swear we never used to have so many. Our bed was just a normal two-pillow area, but now every time I tried to sit down anywhere in my house, I have to move at least six of them. Is there some unspoken midlife small cushion collection rule that all women are aware of? This is actually very good timing that this question has come in. I was just about to say the same thing. Because I have been thinking for months now that I want to get rid of all of my cushions

on my sofa. I hate them. All. But then when I sit down to watch TV on that couch, I need a couple of cushions behind my head for comfort. But in terms of decoration, I'm over it. Over it. So you are saying the opposite. Aesthetically, you would prefer a clean sofa and cushion free. Yeah, I would because it's one less thing to have to do. But I do like them on my bed. So we got into bed the other night, which is funny that this came in and Ollie started

removing cushions and pillows. And he said, if I added up the time that I spend taking cushions and pillows off this bed, he said, I really feel like I would have extra hours in my week. I don't think you've got that many cushions on your bed. How many have you got? I was in your bedroom not like recently. Nine. Nine.

Nine. Nine. Nine's too much. What you got nine for? I started with four, two pillows each. And things escalated. And things took a turn. Do you know what happened?

Shit escalated. Do you know what happened? Yeah, you bought more cushions. We went away for the weekend and... I know exactly what you're going to say. You went to a hotel and the bed looked so lovely and you thought, oh, I'm going to replicate this in my own home. Because I'm well, yes, that, but also, you know, because it's me, I take it to the nth degree. So we were staying at a Soho house and they had these pillows on the bed, like huge square

ones. And then the normal pillows. I know, I know, I know. Because I'm so, Soho house is so good like that. Because I'm so square. I was reading the, they give you like a big coffee table book with all the Soho houses and like photos of all the ones all over the world with different ones. And I was flicking through and I was looking in the book about the decor and they said every Soho house bed has seven pillows. I thought, wow, that is so specific. And also why, why I'm so, I don't know, that's just the number. and it's also why I'm so fucking comfortable whenever I sleep here. So when we got home I immediately went to John Lewis. Right.

Replicated. Why did you go to sew a home? It didn't occur to me. I knew what I needed. I knew what I needed. So I replicated the seven pillow situation and then there are some decorative ones as well. So we're now at nine and Ollie basically. Well you've gone against the rule of sew her house haven't you? No, no, no. Three decorative. Three decorative. Oh you've gone for pillows. Yeah pillows. Pillows. So they have us. Three pillows each. Three and four. Seven pillows total. No. Is it three and three and one in the middle? That's what they have

at Sower House. So one decorative pillow. Yeah. It's not even really decorative. It's still a pillow. It's just in the middle. Seven pillows. They do have decorative pillows at Sower House. I'm sure they do. It's a seven pillow rule. Anyway, I've got nine. Seven pillows. He's talking cushions. I've got three cushions. And six pillows. Six pillows. Three each. Got a big square one. Yep.

A long one and a normal one. No, I've got a big square one and two normal pillows. One tempered pillow, one other pillow. I've got a temper and an other. Yeah. And a square. He sleeps with one pillow. Who does?

Ollie, one pillow. He's a one pillow man. You've got eight now. So the rest are very surplus to requirements. Whereas I like a lot of sleeping in a cloud. That'll do. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Let me sleep in a cloud. Yeah. So to answer this man's thing, yeah. Do you know what? It is a post-40 issue. I don't know why I have a passion for pillows. I would use the word comfort. Well, comfort. I put pillows all around me because of my

back. Oh, so again, comfort, right, but not the decorated the decoration ones on the couch. You're not into a scatter cushion, a decorative cushion over a scatter cushion. A decorative cushion. I think I'm over a scatter cushion. Interesting. I actually think I'm over it. It just adds clutter and mess. I can't stand it. I mean, when you think about my very long sofa, how many cushions have I got on that? Two, three, four, five. I think I'm at about eight. Yeah. I think I'm very guilty of this. I am a bit of a scatter cushion slut. Yeah, I am. Well, you've only got three on your bed. You always have to have an odd number as well. Yeah, totally. Same with flowers and avars. What five roses or seven roses, four roses. Weird. Looks wrong. Look weird. You have to have an odd number. Oh, it's much more aesthetically pleasing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go.

Listen dude, we've not done interior design on this show before. Listen, dude, like, is this the worst thing that's going on in your house and your marriage? Cause if it is just count your blessing. Be like my husband and quietly remove the cushions that you don't need and say nothing. Cause it's making your wife happy. It's making her happy. Yeah, but is it? It must be making her happy. Well, I've got scatter cushions everywhere. It doesn't make me happy until I started thinking about it the other day. So you never know. I would check in on that. I would definitely check in on it. I didn't even have time to talk to you about my new dry eyes. Oh, that's a new thing that's

happening. Come on, tell it to us now. Have I got time? Of course you've got time. Well... On the edge of our seats. Yet again, the young optician who basically seems to be the person I see the most in the world now, and my new best friend, she said, you know, she loves to tell me I'm old and then apologize for saying I'm old.

Because she's like 30. She's like, oh, I'm terribly sorry, but you know, at your age, at your age, you can get dry eyes. So now she's taught me this technique where I have to put a flannel under a hot tap and place it over my eyes for three minutes at a time in some sort of like Tom Cruise Nicole Kidman, eyes wide shut situation. I sit on the edge of the bath feeling like I can't believe I have to add more, yet more to the middle age load of just basically

keeping myself okay. I know. I hear you. I absolutely hear you. And I sit on the edge of the bath with this flannel over my eyes thinking, what is this? I think that every time I'm rubbing magnesium into my legs and the hyaluronic acid into my face and this laser and that shit and the collagen and it's just like...

It's not even for improvement. This is just for basic keeping yourself as you are. Yeah. Yeah. Just so you don't have gritty, really dry eyes at the end of a day. Or like really saggy skin. It's just endless. I know. It's endless. I know.

Okay. Well, I did have time to fit it in, so there you are. Well, you have to. No, I meant I know. Okay. Well, I did have time to fit it in. So there you are. Well, you have to. No, I meant telling you. Well, you're also working out now. Am I? Aren't you? Am I? Well, apparently you told my sister that you were working out. This message came to me yesterday, on Mother's Day, and she said, Oh, Laura was so funny in the class. I can't remember what she said. Why? Because Lauren does my sister's Pilates classes every Friday. And

you were doing something and then you made reference to the fact that you had worked out the day before. So as my sister was telling me this, I obviously look quite blank. What do you mean she worked out? So I was getting annoyed. It's like, well, where has she worked out? So she said, well, that's what she said. She said she worked out. I said, well, what did she say she did? Because she didn't go into detail about what she did. I'm like, well, who does she work out with? She said, all she said was she worked out. Like, well, that poses a lot of questions and a lot of gaps. But I think it's you doing your 15 minutes in your bedroom, right? Maybe. Why are you being weird about it? Why are you being weird? What are you doing? Maybe I can't talk about it right now on this show. Maybe I can't. Maybe I will next week.

But not now. I'm signing off. On 40ish? Maybe, maybe not. I can't talk about it now. Well, hold on a second. I can't talk about it now. Hold on a second. No, I can't talk about it. I don't do mystery. No, I don't.

I'm afraid. If you start telling me that you've gone and got some gym membership and you're working out with a trainer and I don't know about it and I'm not a part of that, I'm gonna be really upset. I'm afraid I have to sign off the show now and leave you confused, upset and worried. But it's gonna be fine. I'm not worried. It's gonna be fine, okay? I'm not worried., upset and worried. But it's going to be fine.

I'm not worried. It's going to be fine. I'm not worried. I'm not worried. I don't know what I am. I'm confused for sure. I'm perplexed. What the fuck were you doing?

Are you doing like half a marathon or something that I know nothing about? I'm not talking about it now. Stop being nosy. Oh, but it's all right for you to talk about having a smear for 15 minutes, but this is private information that you worked out. Yeah. We're very middle-aged this week. We are peaking, right?

I think so. That is our show on 40ish. Hi I'm Grace, host of Redrum True Crime podcast. These cases focus on the true victims of crime. Why not jump in at episode 114, the tragic murder of Jasmine and Aliyah. The main suspect in this case gave an extremely bizarre interview to a number of press reporters whilst he was drunk and reportedly high. He speaks about an awful lot on camera

and has this completely inappropriate laughing and chuckling response when talking about the case. He may even have thought he was going to get away with the double murder he'd been accused of, but what he didn't know was that two undercover officers were on their way to catch him out and he easily and willingly took the bait. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Red Rum True Crime. That's Red Rum, murder backwards, R-E-D-R-U-M, true crime.