40ish - Pubic Hair Trends & Swimwear Shaming

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

This week on 40ish: Nicole has a brand new chain for her glasses and Lauren thinks they’re tragic. A listener wants advice on styling her pubic bush and a woman is shamed at a family dinner after returning from a family holiday.  We would love to hear from you!  To share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book “HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Run your way at newbalance.com slash running. I would imagine it fell out of her mouth badly. And the minute it fell out she regretted it I would probably pretend that I hadn't heard it and I would just scuttle back to the oven and cry do you think there are many men who are going to say i'm sorry i was planning on a whole night of hot sex with you but now i have seen your pubic fashion i no longer wish to engage before we jump into the show we're very excited and honored to tell you that we're currently part of spotlight spotlight is a project from Podcasts which highlights a creator or creative team every couple of months and they have chosen us for the month of September. Apple's editorial team believes that you're going to want to be spending a lot more time with us and we definitely

want to spend more time with you. So they kindly put us together. Thank you, Apple Podcasts. We really hope you enjoy this new show and we really hope that you stick around to talk about all things midlife. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Lauren Mishkon. And I'm Nicole Goodman. This is the brand new podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40-something life and solves all your dilemmas. Well, we're going to attempt to. In the coming weeks, we're going to discuss your problems, issues and rants that you've kindly shared with us and also divulge our own stories about the mess of navigating midlife. Basically, it's to make us all feel better

together and so that none of us feel weird or worse about the mundane chaos that is middle age. How are you this week, Nicole? How am I? I'm okay. You know what? I have had to take, well, I've only had to take this morning to get me here. What have you taken? I have taken, I had to change my HRT patch. I've put on my testosterone gel. Well, that's every day.

I don't change my patch every day. And then I took my ashwagandha. And then I took a multivitamin for perimenopause. There are those things. Yes. And then if that wasn't enough, I took my lion's mane.

And then I realized after all of this concoction and medley of gorgeousness, hadn't even eaten anything. So then I had to make myself breakfast. And that is not even to make me feel fabulous is to make me feel normal myself just myself you've also got a new accessory that you jingled at me before we left the house have I do you want to tell the listeners about your new jingly little accessory on a chain no I don't because you're

gonna take the mickey and I think it's cool and you're going to say that it's not cool. It's not cool. It is cool. It is cool. It is cool. You don't know. It's a glasses chain, listeners.

Hello, grandma. What next? Knitting? I'm going to show you. Come on, let's see. You know, fuck off with your knitting. There's nothing wrong with knitting. We did knitting over at Self Care Club and we actually had a great afternoon with knitting

we did my mum was there let's see this let me see this new middle-aged accessory you've got going on here okay it's a if you're not watching on video it's a black plastic quite large linked chain gold clips that she is attaching to her, I'm going to call them your driving glasses. Was that fair enough? Right. None of it is fair enough. I just want to say, okay, firstly, they are not only a fashion accessory.

They are. They are. Go like this. Right. There you go. Firstly, they look really good with my new haircut. That's the first thing. Secondly, not only are they a fashion accessory they're also very practical now i realize i realize that they were created for practical reasons yes but now people are wearing

them as a fashion accessory what people are these grandparents cool people cool people cool people As a fashion accessory. What people are these? Grandparent people. Cool people. Cool people. Cool. C-O-O-L.

What cool people under 70 are wearing glasses chains? Look, I'm not going to, you know, I don't want to rat anyone out here. But people do. I'll tell you exactly who does. Who I know that you think is very cool. Who? And I saw her because we've had this conversation about this. Oh my God, I know who you're going to say. This glasses chain.

Is it Jenna Lyons? No. No. Because you're giving me real Jenna Lyons, power lesbian vibes with these glasses. There is nothing, nothing uncool about Jenna Lyons. I'm saying she is cool. Right. So what, you against them or for them now?

No, I'm against them. But who? Why are you against them? Who's wearing them? Can I just explain? Right. My glasses are on. My glasses are off. Right. off right okay get it i also need reading glasses yeah i can't put them on a chain because two on a chain is not cool two on a chain is pathologically mad but that's

what pathic two on a chain one for reading one for driving it's not psychopathic it's called being able to see that's like those teachers that wear a pair on their head and a pair around their neck. Now I get it. Now I get it. Because I need these for driving and for TV and anything long distance. Who's the cool person wearing a chain? I'm getting there. Hold on a second.

Right. And then I need reading glasses for... Reading. For reading. Yeah. So that's not pathological. Explain why that's pathological. I don't know.

It's just two pairs would be mad. Anyway, they look like a necklace. Sort of, yeah. I got this. Let me tell you something. I got this. Claire's accessories? No.

Super drug? No. Why would I get into super drug as a chemist? They do sell glassy things in chemists. They do. You're right. Ready readers. Yeah, they do. They do. I actually bought a pair of ready readers in a shop in Spain when I was there recently.

Did you buy me a pair? Because when I bought my five pairs for 20 quid, I gave you one. You did. I shazied fazied. Would you have liked a pair? I don know it depends how cool they are they're not that cool okay well obviously you don't like my taste anymore because you think it's uncool right i have a friend who you oh they're broken they just broke oh they've broken oh it just oh dear dear dear oh i'm actually really upset now i can't see to put them on you can't see to fix them that's amazing i love it

you have a friend who i think is really cool who has them um well the listeners aren't going to know who she is so it's irrelevant but she's called nina oh yeah yeah and you think everything she wears is cool yeah but she's got a very like cool vibe yeah yeah she's got a different vibe what does that mean because she wears like feeler socks and baggy jeans like she basically dresses like she's baggy jeans no i mean it's a different she dresses like she's a 14 year old boy but she's a middle-aged woman but she pulls it off because she's like intrinsically kind of got that style about her my point is yeah is that she is intrinsically cool you are right yeah but she wears a glasses chain does she so is it like a retro adidas one from 1983 because i could see her doing that. I haven't asked her where it's from. Like Fila. Look, mine's now broken. Okay, I think that's for the best, Nicole.

Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer. We're not doctors or healthcare professionals. This is a fun space where we share our thoughts, which could be totally wrong. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with please contact a qualified expert. Let's get started. Okay let's hear from our first question from our listener. I've just come back from a family holiday in Greece. Oh lovely. With my husband and kids and his sister and her family. Nice, nice family holiday. My husband and kids, his sister and her family. You know when people give you a big family tree, it always takes me a minute to grasp it. So she's gone with her husband and kids, her sister-in-law, her sister-in-law's family. Okay. Last night, my mother-in-law came

over for dinner. As I served up her chicken, she blurted out, Suzanne said she feels much better about wearing a bikini now that she's seen you in yours. Oh! I wanted to pour the gravy over her head. I don't know who to be more upset with.

What would you say? Oh, I'm speechless. say? Oh, speechless. Oh, she said, she feels better in a bikini since she's seen you in yours. That is, oh. So her sister-in-law. Oh, that hits deep. Her sister-in-law has come back from holiday

and said to her mom, I feel much better in a bikini now i've seen her and that's probably not what she said because remember this is how it's been translated because by the mother-in-law by the mother-in-law to come out as if it was something nice so that's probably not what she said at all i would imagine she said something a lot worse to her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law and they've had a whole conversation about it which is so awful about this girl's body and what she looks like in a bikini it's just cuts to the core of any woman right do you know what you say that but the conversation could have gone as follows oh mum you know how i always feel really uncomfortable and xyz in my bikini we went away with blah blah

blah and she is so like confident in her body and she just wears a bikini even though she's in her 40s and it was really inspiring and i now feel much better wearing my own swimwear having spent time with her in hers it could have been like that it could have been a positive could have been and the mother-in-law has like twisted this around well she hasn't twisted it she's just said something that is very ambiguous and it's leaving everything open for her to make her own judgment on what it really means because it feels like there's a lot of undertone there's a lot right so my feeling is and that is such a lovely lovely way of looking at it but i if that message got delivered to me i don't think i would

take it that way do you would you your mother-in-law said that to you i'd feel quite hurt well i'd feel quite hurt that they're discussing what i look like in a bikini that's the first thing because who does that who does who who do you just would you ever discuss with me what someone looks like in a bikini ever? Couldn't care less what anyone else looks like in a bikini. Only myself and I don't even wear a bikini. But the thing is, is that you care about what other people look like in a bikini when you care about what you look like in a bikini. Sure. Right. So it's all your own stuff. So my feeling is that that wasn't, and maybe I'm completely wrong, but I don't think that was coming from a kind place. That didn't sound like it was coming from a kind place.

I mean, what would you say if you were serving dinner at the dinner table and your mother-in-law said that to you? And also what's she trying to like gain by making that statement? Is she trying to get a rise out of her? Is she deliberately trying to upset her? Did she not mean it in an insulting way?

I can't imagine that she went to her daughter-in-law's house and thought to herself, right, I'm going to tell her something and it's going to make her feel really upset and I really want to upset her. I can't imagine she did that. I would imagine it fell out of her mouth badly and probably the minute it fell out she regretted it maybe no maybe she says things like that all the time maybe this woman's put up with 25 years of slight digs she hasn't specified i wish she would

yeah i wish i need more info i have a relationship with the mother-in-law and the sister-in-law i agree i agree i do too so what would you do would you say well i'll tell you what i would do what would you do i would probably do nothing and i would speak to my husband after and say i can't believe your mom said this to me and i feel really upset what do i do and what's the husband gonna say oh just leave it you know what my mom's like yeah yeah oh i'm sure she didn't mean it like that or something what would you do would you say something to the mother-in-law i would probably pretend that i hadn't heard it and i would just scuttle back to the oven and cry weep into into the chicken gravy um i'd probably pretend that i didn't hear it, bypass it and busy myself doing something else.

Because you're going to stand around and go, oh great, I'm so pleased she feels better now. I mean, it would depend on my mood. Or would you turn around and go, oh, did she say I looked like a hippo? Or what's the problem with me in swimwear? I don't know. Like, do you want to escalate that?

Why you don't want to escalate that? You don't. You don't want to get into that because it's layered and it's very complex a woman's relationship with her body as we know we've done so many shows on this on self-care club yeah it's very complicated and often family relationships are very complicated so you've got all the muck in one one dinner table in one sentence. In one sentence. Ouch. My feeling is she didn't say it to be unkind, but I think she did a lot of damage by saying it. My feeling is something got lost in translation along the way. I reckon it was probably a perfectly pleasant conversation

and it just came out in a bad way. I don't think it was. I reckon it was a, oh my God, I can't believe what she looks like in a bikini. You know what? If she can wear a bikini, I definitely can. I reckon it was a, oh my God, I can't believe what she looks like in a bikini. You know what? If she can wear a bikini, I definitely can. I reckon it was that. It's mean. I know it's mean. I don't like it. I don't like it either. Listen, our hearts go out to you and we are with you and that is not okay.

And I would feel really upset and I would feel really shook after that comment. So you know what? Thank you for writing in and sending love to you. Yeah. And go wear the fucking bikini. Yeah, wear it. I bet you look amazing. I bet you do look amazing. Kick off an exciting football season with BetMGM,

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Amazon's holiday deals are here so you can celebrate the season early. With low prices on decor, electronics, and beauty. Perfect for stocking stuffers. And my stocking's looking good. Shop holiday deals early on amazon now all right i'm ready for our second question okay question two from our listener i'm ready you know we spoke about pubic hair we've spoken about it before we've briefly touched on it last week we've had a question on the back of it oh Oh. It's called Fanny Fashion. Fanny Fashion. Dear Lauren and Nicole, I'm newly divorced at 44 after well over a decade of marriage

and ready to date. What is current pubic hair etiquette, please and thank you? Well, we don't know, do we? We don't know because we were discussing this on a previous show. What is current pubic hair etiquette, please and thank you? Etiquette or trend? I mean. Is it the same thing? I think she means trend. I'm going to and thank you. Etiquette or trend? I mean... Is it the same thing?

I think she means trend. I'm going to go with that. Etiquette means that there's like a whole manner system for pubic hair. I mean, listen, lady, good for you. You're divorced and ready to date. Wonderful. I'm not quite sure why you're coming to us. We are not the pubic fashion police well i'm certainly

not i don't know if you are you say that but really if there was ever to if there was ever to be a pubic fashion police you could do that job you would fucking rock that job and you know why you would rock that job why because you were in the fanny business for a very long time it's true i was i was a birth doula for 16 years so i have seen many a pubic display from the bald to the bushy everything in between sometimes you wouldn't necessarily match the face with the nunny were there some surprises there were some surprises the surprises could have only been if they were bald i always found that a surprise yes the bald was a surprise yes but then sometimes they would have done that on purpose that wasn't their usual

style right but they would style it up that way for the birth because it's like i'm gonna give birth let's just get everything out of the way. Most women, the majority of women, would apologize. Oh, I didn't have time to wax my bikini. It's like, nobody. We're here for the business of getting this baby out of you safely. Every single woman that has given birth cares. Yeah, they all care.

They all care. Nobody who's involved in helping them have a safe delivery cares if they have hair, don't have hair, whether it's in a Brazilian, a Hollywood, a heart shape. Whether it's halfway down their leg. The jazzled, whether they've got the hairiest legs. The jazzles, you're a bit dated with the jazzles. I have never seen one of those. And it's called a vajazzle? The jazzle. The jazzle.

Very 90s, very 90s. Yeah. Let me tell you another fun fact about hair. Because I was a hairdresser for 30 years. Please. I feel like suddenly our worlds, our paths are crossing. They're colliding. This has never happened in all the years I've known you.

Wow. Let's just take this moment. Were you ever asked to style a pubic bush? That's not what I was going to say. Oh. But were you? No. No. No. How would that even? just take this moment you ever asked to style a pubic bush that's not what i was gonna say oh but were you no no no how would that even i don't know maybe you were doing a photo sheet for lingerie over comb for a no i don't know what a scissor over comb is it sounds like a lesbian sex move but anyway it's the way you cut men's. It's barbering. Anyway. Okay. Right. Another fun fact about hairdressers.

We don't care that your hair is dirty. Oh, do people come in and say, I'm so sorry I haven't washed my hair. Yeah. We're about to wash it. I'm about to wash it. So why would you wash your hair? Yeah. Oh my God.

I'm so sorry. It's so filthy. Oh my God. I can't take it down. I'm so embarrassed. It's like, I deal with hair. I do not give a shit how clean or dirty your hair is because all i'm looking at is what i'm going to do to it right same thing come into the labor

ward or the birth center or whatever and please have a baby in the best safest most comfortable way for you nobody in this room is interested in the styling of your pubes whether you have them or don't. So just like let that go. Listen, she's 44. She's newly divorced.

This is different. She doesn't know. This is for sex. This is not for that. My feeling is does she not have any single friends that she can ask

or Google? Oh, there's got to be an account on TikTok or something. How about this? Do what you feel comfortable with. It's your own vul something. How about this? Do what you feel comfortable with.

It's your own vulva. How about that, Nicole? Do you know that didn't even occur to me. That didn't even occur to you. Didn't even occur to me because I was thinking, no, she needs to be up on the trend because she doesn't want to like get down and jiggy with this new hot guy.

And he's suddenly like, hold on a second. This went out with the 90s. Okay, my general feeling, I know I've been married 23 years. You can't, you can't, you can't. No, but this is my general feeling. Just my general kind of grasp I have on the situation is. Also, before you say. What?

Before you say. Let me say it. We've already established that your cool radar is a bit off these days due to my glasses chain your cool radar is off my friend your cool radar is off and your claire's accessories it wasn't claire's accessories it wasn't claire's accessories my feeling is this about the whole situation i don't think that men and I know I can't speak for every man, but my general feeling is men are very happy and grateful to be having sex. They're not that interested in what it looks like. That's the vibe I get. I disagree. Do you think there are many men who are going to say,

I'm sorry, I was planning on a whole night of hot sex with you, but now I have seen your pubic fashion. I no longer wish to engage. No, but I think that's taking it to the extreme. You know, you took it too far. I just don't. You took it too far. I think that there are preferences. Men have preferences.

They do, but it's not about men. Anyway, she didn't say whether she was straight or gay. And also, is she dating older men? She might be dating women. She might. Which, to be honest honest with you if she's dating women it's even more essential that she knows i'm sorry i can't help her with that don't you think so i don't know i don't what do you mean i mean i don't know if she's dating women yeah then presumably women other women we don't, women know what is trendy with pubic hair and therefore she could get it really wrong.

Like men probably aren't that up on it, but women will be up on it. You see? So there's more at stake. I'm going to take a punt on the fact that she says she's newly divorced. I'm going to assume she was married to a man and she's dating men. I could be completely wrong. She hasn't specified otherwise.

Hold on. She could have been married to a man and then decided that she only wants to date women she could have been married to a woman or deciding she wants to date men i don't know we don't know the answer but for the sake of argument i'm going to assume here she's a heterosexual newly divorced woman dating men i feel like it depends on the age of the men she's dating the men her own age mid 40s or older i feel like they're going to be fine with pubes i feel like the men 30 and younger are going to be are going to be wanting less hair action because they do the all the manscaping don't they the youngsters i don't know you've got two young sons i haven't got a clue do they i don't want to know i don't know. You've got two young sons. I haven't got a clue. Do they manscape? I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

I don't get involved with my teenage sons. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No. I'm just saying. Let's not. Let's not. There is a lot of manscaping that goes on. You see all the adverts with the men, with the razor. Even Tom Daley does one.

He's like for up here and down there for when it really matters. And he's got a razor in his hand. I don't see those. Yeah, but I do. They're like poster billboards everywhere. They're not some secret rude things I'm watching. Like out there razor in his hand. I don't see those. Yeah, but I do. They're like poster billboards everywhere. They're not some secret rude things I'm watching, like out there on a billboard.

I know. Yeah. I know. They manscape, they shave it all off and I think therefore they expect- Men shave it all off. Yes, it makes the willy look bigger. I feel like I know too much about this. Why do you know so much about it?

I don't know. I wouldn't like that. I've got to be honest, for mans, you know what? This is a good point wouldn't like that i could be honest for for mans you know what this is a good point actually it hasn't even occurred to me that there's a trend for pubic hair for men there is and the trend is no i'm not into that if adam no no no no no you leave it as it is i listen i know everyone has their personal preferences i generally feel like men are hairy leave them hairy i like a hairy chest i'm very comfortable i love a hairy chest i i as a heterosexual woman i enjoy the differences

between the male and female body i like a hairy chest i'm into it i don't want it waxed no i'm with you i don't want a kendall you know um i noticed on holiday that adam's hair on his chest is going gray yes and i said to him oh it's so cute we're actually getting old together did he find that cute or was he like fuck off not really no but he knows that i still find his hairy chest quite sexy yeah i think a hairy chest is sexy well it depends whose chest it's on. True, true. Okay, true, true. Listen, I want to say to this woman, you do with your vag. You do you.

What you feel comfortable with. Hashtag you do you. Whatever vulva style you're rocking now, keep on rocking that. Well, I would say that's great. And I am here for that. But also, my feeling is, and I'm sure, well, maybe she does or maybe she doesn't, but just clean up the bikini line. You don't need it trickling down your leg when you've just started dating.

That's not going to help build your confidence. A pant moustache is not a great look. That's our show on 40ish. I'm now going to have to go and get a new glasses chain. I thought you were going to say I've now got to go and Google what is fanny fashion these days.

I'm going to have to get a bikini wax. I'm lasered. Yeah, me too. I'm going to have to go and get a new glasses chain. And let me tell you something. You haven't made me rethink it. You haven't. You've made me want it even more to prove and get a new glasses chain. And let me tell you something. You haven't made me rethink it. You haven't.

You've made me want it even more to prove the point that it is cool. Oh, God. And actually, I saw a woman walking down the road the other day with sunglasses on a chain. And I thought, see, I am right. Lauren is off on this one. I don't like sunglasses on a chain either. Gives me the ick. I don't know why.

Am I going to give you the ick? Maybe. Then what will happen? I'll have to podcast separately. It'll be really sad. That don't know why. Am I going to give you the ick? Maybe. Then what will happen? I'll have to podcast separately. It'd be really sad. That's a bit mean. If you want to be in touch and you want us to read your dilemma out on air, we would love

to hear from you. Hello at 40ish.co.uk That's 40ish.co.uk You can come and follow us on our socials. We've got loads. We're on Insta. See how cool and young that was? We're on Insta. See how cool and young that was? We're on Insta. TikTok. Facebook.

YouTube. Come on, you know you love a bit of Facebook, your 40-somethings. Lauren actually will reply to you on Facebook. She doesn't reply to you anywhere else. And you know what I've noticed happening? I've noticed that people in our DMs, they start with,

Hi, Lauren. Yeah, always. Besides, mate, Lauren's never on here lauren's never replying to you lauren occasionally replies but it's very very very sporadic so what you really should be saying is hi nicole i hope lauren can read this but she probably won't that's how every dm should start on our instagram right so true and if it's tiktok like i don't think i even know how to read a message on tiktok so please don't try and message me it's not it's not it doesn't seem to be a big culture on tiktok to send messages i haven't got a clue no but then occasionally

you make a reel and like you know like you've got the background and you've got your you've superimposed your head on it and you put graphics on there and you're like how did you do that it's amazing i can't ever remember how i do it sometimes i get this flash of like youthful inspiration and i make a reel and then i never know how i actually did it it must be a day when you've had your mushrooms it must be it's very weird it must be a high oestrogen day that day i don't know what the hell goes on. Anyway, please come and follow us at 40ish.podcast. No. Yeah. At 40ish.podcast. That's the one. Are they our socials? Yeah. At 40ish.podcast. That's the one. That's it. Anyway, we're putting all of our links in the show notes below so you can just scroll down and you can find us there and we will be back next week with a brand new episode.