40ish - Puppies, Pubes and Flappage

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

This week on 40ish: Nicole is worried she’s become boring, (yawn) while Lauren has a new puppy and is, frankly, obsessively unhinged. Nicole suspects that if Lauren could lactate for it, she would - and there’s WhatsApp evidence to back it up.Meanwhile, a listener makes a shocking discovery: 50 shades of grey... down there. And another woman writes in about her struggle with midlife 'flappage' - cue the return of the Bridget Jones pants. Join us for puppy fixation and your most intimate dilemmas served with the usual blend of honesty and inappropriate laughter.  To buy tickets for our live show in October click here: https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Get 10% off Daily30+ today. Go to zoe.com/daily30 and use promo code 40ISH10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Lastly, and in our opinion, most importantly, it actually tastes great, unlike most supplements. And we use it to top it off our lunches. We put it on salads, scrambled eggs, on a bowl of yogurt and berries. And my favorite thing is to sprinkle it on poached eggs and avocado toast. Basically, we're obsessed with it, and we use it on everything that we can. Ready to make Daily 30 your new

healthy habit? Well, head over to zoe.com forward slash Daily 30 to start this week. All 40ish listeners will get 10% off plus you'll get a free Zoe tin and magnetic scoop with your order. Go to zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo code 40 ish 10. That's zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo code 40 ish 10. I'm not sure that either of us is ready for this kind of 50 shades of grey in our life yet. Thank you. This is why I'm boring, because I'm thinking, actively thinking, about how to clean the new Ninja Chopper. And I just want to like, what has happened to me? She said to me, no one told me that after childbirth sometimes your vagina just goes pfft. Hello everybody, welcome to 40ish, I'm Nicole Goodman.

And I'm Laura Mishcon, this is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40 something life every episode. We discuss your problems, your issues, your rants that you have very kindly shared with us and divulge our own stories about midlife, the joys, the mess, the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows. Heather A'Kerr And don't forget that we have a subscription on Apple podcast where if you just jump over to Apple and you will see it there and you can get everything ad free bonus episodes and early access.

So Nicole Goodman, I can see that you've written here coffee garden. I don't know what I don't know what that is. Normally at this point we talk about the most 40 ish thing that's happened to us this week. Yeah, I'm going to go. I don't know what that is. Normally at this point, we talk about the most 40 ish thing that's happened to us this week. Yeah, I'm going to go. I don't know what this is. And I'm sure you're going to tell us. I will tell you. But I reckon there's more 40 ish things that have happened to you this week. I just know by the way, by what you have been texting me over the weekend. Well, this felt very, very deeply middle aged Saturday morning, all he made a confetti air coffee. We drank the coffee, we finished it. And then instead of washing it out, he was like, Oh, do you want the coffee granules for the garden? I was like, yes, yes, I do. Because he'd remembered

from the week before, if you pour your coffee grounds into your plants, it's like a very, very good, it's very good for the soil and it keeps the slugs away. And I trotted off into the garden in a nightie, putting the coffee granules like around my plants and I thought this is, I'm here. I am peak midlife. Who does this shit apart from middle-aged people? No, middle-aged people don't do this shit this shit. I'm telling you when I was 25. There's many people that are middle aged. I'm guarantee no one does this. Nobody. But why wouldn't you do it? It's such a good fertilizer for your garden. Oh you don't do it James. Do you do it James? Do you?

Oh my god. Coffee like from the end of a confetti air. Yeah finished coffee No, I don't use like a jar of Nescafe no like the coffee granules coffee Do you know what whenever you talk about gardening? I'm literally my brain. It just like turns off. I know it Just switches off. It's like Just switches off, but I was thinking when I was 20 It just switches off. It's like, it just switches off. But I was thinking when I was 20, would I ever have done this? No. But now I'm like, I'm so pleased with myself. You're not going to talk about your puppy. You're not going to talk about like that. That isn't a middle aged thing. Your attachment. It's not a middle

aged thing. It's not middle aged. I can make it middle aged in about three seconds. I have a new puppy. Do you want to talk about her? Cause I could talk about her for like 24 hours. Firstly, she's absolutely beautiful. She's a golden retriever. We have a new puppy. You and me have a new baby. I've given birth. Yeah. Yeah. Her name is Beba. She's a golden retriever. Well, her name is actually B after B Arthur because B Arthur was one of the golden girls and she is a golden girl because she's golden retriever. So that's the joke. And also B after Barker. Did you just say that? Yeah. A B for Barker. Well, we always have B's all the dogs in our family always B's

and she arrived on Friday and I am obsessed with her. Yeah, she is obsessed with her and she's absolutely gorgeous and she should be obsessed with her. We're all obsessed with her. She's divine. She's a perfect angel. So Lauren and I were cracking a few jokes about, Oh, I messaged her the morning that she was going to get her, you know, good luck with the birth. Just remember that having an epidural is not a failure. Remember your breathing and then you were like, how are you getting on? And I was like, well, the contractions are steady,

but I'm coping really well. Yeah. But to be honest, Lauren was behaving as if she was about to give birth the day before. Yeah, because I told you that I had to go on perpurnity leave. Yeah. And that you also had to go on perpurnity leave because we're in this together. And then you were like, but we have to make a show. So you can't just go on endless perpurnity leave. And I haven't. Look, here I am you five days post birth. I think we should pull up the texts. Oh do you? I do. I think we should because because there's nothing as fun as being mean to your friend who's still grieving yet dealing with a new puppy yet you know and your son's going away. I mean there is a lot there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. Yeah. Yeah. There is. She writes, I'm high as a kite on the oxytocin. I am. I wrote from the birth. Question

mark as a joke. You wrote, I swear to you, my boobs have been hurting. Honestly, I'm not joking. I wrote, Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I wrote three times. And then wrote, I'm stood here thinking of something to reply, but there are no words. None. There's either too many or none at all. Like I just didn't know where to begin. Lauren writes, you do get massive oxytocin hits from stroking, cuddling any dog or cat. That's just science. It's all I've done for three days. The boob thing is another level of some weird shit. I said, it's not a thing. The boob thing is not a thing, just FYI.

Obviously she then went on chat GPT and wrote, does cuddling your dog release oxytocin? I know that you've got oxytocin flooding through you. I get it. She's a beauty, she's adorable. She's got the best legs and paws I've ever seen in my entire life. It's the face, it's the face.

And then she looks at you with the little puppy eyes. So I'm not questioning the oxytocin So I'm not questioning the oxytocin. I'm not questioning the oxytocin, right? But she, what then Lauren did was copy and paste the chat GPT search. It wasn't actually chat GPT, it was actually just Google. Okay. I'm not cool enough for that.

Does cuddling your dog release oxytocin? So then she releases, so then she sends me a whole load of science and stats and data and I don't really care. I can't use AI I'm not cool enough. Anyway I then wrote searches in chat GPT can getting a puppy make me lactate? By the way I did actually put that in chat GPT. The answer is no. Sure. The answer is according to chat GPT, which we all know is not always right. Sometimes it hallucinates. So like me, I think I might be hallucinating. Right. You wrote it's all part of my midlife crisis, but if there is a midlife breakdown, I'm here for it. I said this is a midlife breakdown. No. Then she wrote, I am not going to lactate. No.

As if she had to point it out. I said, yes, I was aware of this. I'm just confirming that you are confirming. I am what now a mad person aware you are not going to lactate. I then asked her, um, by the way, you're not breastfeeding her, are you? Because I'm feeling the need to check. She writes, I am not with laughing emojis. She's just on goat's milk and ready brick, which I can't produce. So I wrote, the answer was no. Not then telling me why you're not feeding her due to her diet restrictions she said i don't actually want to feed her i don't have any nursing bras at that point at that point i ended the conversation that is the truth my nursing bras were dismissed a long time ago so how could i even feed her so So I did feel slightly concerned. People keep asking how's Lauren getting on with the puppy?

It's like she's mad. She lost her actual fucking mind. She's great. She's really taken too much. The children are a little bit jealous. Zach like, well, Zach watched me hand her over to Ollie Zach like, well, Zach watched me hand her over to Ollie yesterday evening, like pass her over like a little bundle, you know, and, and then Ollie like calls her Bumblebee. She's a bee. He's like, hello, my little Bumblebee. And Zach's like, you two are just pathetic. I'm going to the gym. I can't stand you both. Sounds like one of my kids. But then he came home for the gym. He loves her though. I saw him with her. I know. But then he came home and he was like, where is she? Yeah. Yeah. He's all over her. That's hysterical. Um, okay. So what I was going to say is that your coffee garden. Yeah. It's not a coffee garden. It's just using the grains. Yeah. Whatever.

Yeah. It's not coffee garden. It's just using the grains. Yeah. Whatever. Whatevs. Because I'm going to shut down again. That was not nearly as much fun as the text exchange. No, not as much fun, but I don't feel middle-aged. I feel very in the bloom of an oxytocin. Motherhood. Motherhood love boost. I've never felt less middle-aged this week. Although I am

very tired from the middle of the night feeds. She's not joking. She's not feeding in the night. She's just waking up in the night. We know she's not. We know everyone listening and me, we all know know what worries me is that you keep pointing those things out because it's not necessary it's just the best I love her I know I know and I'm so happy for you I love her too by the way great I'm mildly concerned well you know I'm very happy for you I'm telling you if this is a breakdown like like this is great. Oh, there's worse breakdowns.

Yeah, this is a great one. This is a great. There are worse breakdowns for sure. Yeah, this is better than a sports car. You just need some oxygen. You just need some puppy love and you'll be fine. You know, when you said your boobs are hurting, are they still hurting? No, it was just Saturday. It was just one day when I was like so high on the love. I don't think that's probably why. I mean, maybe you were just feeling a bit hormonal. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I said to Zach's girlfriend, I was like, my boobs hurt. She was like, what? I was like, my boobs hurt. Like when you have a baby and

you're going to feed them and I could see her face. She was like, I don't want to be rude to my boyfriend's mom, but also like she's fucking mental. And she was just like, uh-huh. And then just wandered off. I thought, Oh God, poor Nancy. Wondered off and then said to Zach, I think you need to go check on your mom. I think your mom's like lost the fucking. You know, before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we're not doctors, we're not healthcare professionals, we're not vets, we're not lactating. This is just a fun space where we share our thoughts, which could be totally wrong. So if there's an issue that you seriously struggle with, please contact a qualified expert. Question one, are you ready for the first question of the day? Yeah. Dear 40-ish ladies,

that's us. I never thought this day would come, but here we are. I was getting ready for a romantic weekend away with my husband, the first one in months. No kids, no distractions, just us and a hotel with a spa. Lovely. Gorgeous. And I decided to tidy up my downstairs so I didn't sprout out of my swimsuit. Lovely. Good. I honestly thought that it hadn't been that long since I last checked, but I was horrified when I discovered grey pubic hair. Not just one, but a small gathering of them. I just stood there looking at my vagina badger. It's not a badger because it can't have just sprouted in a like one clean line. She's saying a small gathering.

Oh. Here is the dilemma. Do I embrace it and own it as a proud silver fox bushed feminist who is aging with grace or do I fight it, live in denial, shave it, dye it, wage war against my own crotch to maintain the illusion of youth? My husband is lovely but I'm not sure that either of us is ready for this kind of 50 shades of grey in our life yet. Thank you. It's funny actually because we're doing a show over at self care club that's being released on Monday all about body hair. Yeah. So we've been talking a lot about body hair last week.

We were actually talking to these girls from New York who have a pubic hair oil to make them like silky soft. Well, it's a body hair product company. Yeah but they're like what's it called? What's the name of their product? No no not of the company of your like main product their star product. Flagship product? Yeah whatever the word it what's the word? What is the word for that? I don't know what the word is. The one they started with, the OG product is the fur oil. And you can also put it in your beard if you're a man or a very menopausal woman. But it's basically, you never know if Lauren cuddles her puppy anymore, she might start

growing a beard. I think I would reverse the menopause if I start cuddling her anymore. I actually do. I think I'm going to start producing eggs again. I think I'm going to turn 25. It's all going to happen. Imagine. Anyway, she could try that and she could just keep them gray and whatever other color they are but just so silky soft that he won't mind. Listen, I personally don't think this is a dilemma. What do you mean? It is a dilemma.

No, I know it's a dilemma. I think she's written into us, but I don't think this is a thing. Just like the whole body hair thing is just, for me, it's not a thing. It's not really a conversation. Like you want to go gray, go gray. You want to shave it, shave it. You want to wax it, wax it.

You want to laser it, laser it. You want to grow a big fat hairy bush and walk around proudly with it, do that. I'm here for all of it. Just make it your own active choice. That's the only thing I would ask of you. I think what she's saying is she's obviously a woman who enjoys a tidy crop. Yep.

But she doesn't want it. We all really don't we all enjoy a tidy crop? Yes, we do. But she doesn't want it grey. Well I'm afraid she's either going to have to remove it, dye it, or suck it up. I just keep thinking of that episode. Who's going to dye it? Well, Samantha in Sex and the City didn't she? She dyed it like Bozo the Clown and then showed Carrie in the toilet. I remember. Yeah, but it wasn't good. It wasn't good. She was dating a much younger man. So I can understand the stress. Her solution

was that she shaved it all off and then said to Smith, I'm a very busy woman and I don't like the bush. He said he likes a full bush, but she said, I know you enjoy a full bush, but I'm a very busy woman and I don't have time for you to be rummaging around down there. Yeah. So here it is. The script word. Like the script you've got like in your back pocket. That's actually my favorite episode. I can't remember the word of the main product. You can remember a script from Sex and the City. Because that is the episode one. That's my favorite. Isn't it where they eat, he eats the cookie. Something about Steve and Miranda get back together. Something else happens with Carrie. It's a big episode. It's

my favorite. It's the end of season episode. Charlotte has the miscarriage and then dresses up as Elizabeth Taylor and goes to Brady's birthday party. When he goes to Paris. Big goes to Paris without her. There's a big storyline. It's an end of season. It's the best episode. And then Miranda and Steve get back together in the cupboard when they're lighting the candle. Who eats the cookie? That's before that's Miranda when she breaks up with the gorgeous doctor. Oh my God. He's so Blair Underwood. Oh my God.

I remember his name. LA Law. How weird is brain fog? Yeah. How weird is brain fog? Yeah. But don't you remember the whole of LA Law? Like you watched it a few weeks ago when actually it was 30 years ago.

I didn't watch LA Law. Blair Underwood was in it. I know. It was his first show. I know. He was so handsome then and he's so handsome now. He is so he has aged so well. Very well like a fine wine. Yeah like John Ham. I actually the John Ham thing. Yeah. Is is is it's problematic. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of women are finding that. I listened to a podcast the other day where he wasn't on it, but the two women on the podcast, one of them were saying to the other, like, you've got a John Ham, like problem. I have got, I have got

a John Ham problem. I think many women do. What is it about him? Like I could see that he is not, he's a, he's a, I can see he's not the best looking man in the whole wide world. I mean, he's a lovely looking man. I like see objectively there are better looking men around, but there is something about that man. He is just the sex appeal on that man. He's very manly. He's very manly. He's all man. Yeah. We're very sidetracked here. Listen, I don't know what to say to her. The only thing is, right, I'm going to assume her husband is a similar age. Maybe I shouldn't assume that maybe it's a Smith Jared situation. She would have mentioned if he wasn't. But then he must also have pubes that are going gray unless he shaved it off. Different. Why is it different? Because it's right for men to do that. It's not right for

women. So it's all right for men to age. It's not a right for women to age. Come on Lauren. Where have you been? You must know this aging balls are more attractive than aging nanny Balls aren't attractive at any age quite rightly that you when that's what your mother said my mother is clearly not into balls That's what your mother said. My mother is clearly not into balls. As specified last sentence you ever thought you'd say it isn't I've can't say I've ever discussed balls with her. Maybe when we were changing the kids nappies when they were tiny. That's probably the only time we ever talked about it. She's not a fan judging by what she said last week. Anyway, any who I think she should do what she wants to do with it. Ask herself what is it that I want to do with my pubes? That's a very powerful question, may I say.

Wow. I think that they haven't been away for a while. They're going to the Suffolk Hotel for the weekend. He knows he's getting some. He doesn't care. He doesn't care what he looks like. He doesn't care. I think when you've been married for a very long time, or you've been together for a very, very long time, are you even noticing these things? This is why I could never be bothered to go and spend like 500 pounds on some lingerie set because all he's like, it's coming off. So I don't care. I don't care. And I get that. I understand that. It could stay on. I'm just saying that I just don't think if you, I just don't, I don't

see where the dilemma is with this. I think she's just having trouble kind of coming to terms with an aging nanny because no one wants that. No one wants that. No one wants that. You know what my solution is for her? Just get a puppy. You won't care. You just won't care. Just rock the puppy, kiss the puppy, love the puppy. You won't care. You don't care if you've got pubes, don't have pubes. They could be gray, pink, green. Who cares? Some people, some people still want to get laid though. Puppy

or no puppy. Some people still want to have sex. She'll be very busy looking after the puppy. You said she won't have to worry so much. Can I just say something? You make yourself very busy looking after this puppy. Oh, she's got a lot of needs. She doesn't. You're creating them. She needs four meals a day. And love. You are creating a rod for your own back. Listen, I had a very, very good dog for 16 years. I know how to raise dogs. I feel very confident in raising this dog. She could even be a guide dog or an Andrex puppy or an emotional support dog. It could be an Andrex puppy because they have Labradors.

No, I think they're going to retreat from puppies have Labradors. No, I think they're golden retriever puppies. Labradors. Are you sure? Yeah. Have you asked chat GPT? I will if you want me to. I feel very confident in that answer. I think they're golden retriever puppies.

No, they're Labradors. Google it. They're very similar though. They're very similar because she's not floofy yet. As puppies. They're very similar. Yeah, because she's not floofy yet. It's true.

It's true. Are all roads leading back to the same place. Probably. Sweet. Right. Let's go to a break. Okay. And then we're going to come back and we'll talk a bit more about your puppy. What else is going on? Because I don't really know because I've just been at home on Pappanity leave. Well, I've had my daughter's 17th birthday. How was that? It was very nice. I have a 17 year old. I have a 17 year old. Well done. Congratulations on 17 years of parenting. 17 whole years of parenting. How is she 17? She feels 17. She does feel 17. She does. But also what I've learned is that she's got so much energy

for everything. She just wants to do everything and be everywhere and go everywhere. And wear crop tops. She always wears a crop top. Always. Well, so does my 14 year old. They're always wearing crop tops. I miss those days. I wish I could just roll around in a crop top. You can. You can. I could, but. I wish I could just roll around in a crop top. You can. You can. I

could, but I wouldn't. You could. Who's that fair on? No one needs to see that. Who cares? Who cares? Get a puppy. You won't care. Anyway, that's not my fortieth thing. My fortieth thing is My fortieth thing is I've noticed that since she's been 17, I am boring. I am boring. Okay. Well, you asked for 17, you're right. No, she doesn't think I'm boring. I think I'm boring. I don't think you're boring.

And I don't know what it is where the link is between her turning 17 and me realizing that I am boring. But it happened this weekend. I think it's the crop tops. What do you mean? I just think there's something about just waking up on a Tuesday morning and putting on a crop top and it looking great.

It's actually Tuesday. And I went to the gym this morning and I was wearing a crop top. I'm telling you now, it doesn't stop me from being boring. Oh, I'm sorry. I would only wear a crop top in the gym, FYI. Okay. I would never wear one out of the gym. That's not true. Maybe on

holiday. It doesn't matter. It's not about crop tops. Okay. It's about the fact that I am boring. When did this happen? When did this happen? Maybe you were always boring. No. Maybe you're boring when you were 17. I actually wasn't. Sure. Yes. I didn't know you then. You don't find me boring. Don't even pretend that you do. I've never found you boring. Okay. Now's the time to speak up. I find you an endless source of fascination. No, you don't. Fascination. Yeah, you don't find me fascinating. Why? What is fascinating about it? I like it when you had different outfits. I like it when packages come to your house. Who knows what will be in it. Some days it's like some voluminous pink neon skirt.

Some days it's like some vitamins. Some days it's like it could be anything. Some TikTok kitchen gadget thing that you found. There's always something fresh and new going on in your house. Some ninja chop thing up, make an ice cream. I didn't get that. I saw that on TikTok. The ninja chopper. I didn't get that. I felt like it was a step too far. If that's come up on anybody else's TikTok feed, and if it hasn't, it will now, you are welcome.

It's come up on my TikTok feed. The ninja chopper. 29.99, I think it was on putt. Use a knife. Yeah, like, and also you've got to clean that shit. It's like a whole... Don't break the studio. It's like a whole... Oh! Don't break the studio. It's like a whole...

It's all right, James. It's all right, James, it's okay. James was looking worried. James is already annoyed, James, anyway. It's just like a whole chopper-jh thing, like you have to put the lid on. And you gotta, then you gotta clean the lid. Anyway, you see, this is why I'm boring.

This is why I'm boring. This is why I'm boring because I'm thinking, actively thinking about how to clean the new ninja chopper. And I just want to like, what's happened to me? Listen, I'm getting joy from watering flowers. Just lean in, lean in. I don't want to lean in. It's fun here. I don't, it's not. It is. It's fun in the boring space. It's fun in your whole oxytocin world with your fucking puppy that you're breastfeeding. That's great. Good for you. You could come over and breastfeed her for a change. Then I could sleep through the night. How about that? You've never offered. It's been four nights. James, you want to take this one or shall I? Cause I don't know what to say anymore. Do we need to do an intervention? She needs James. James, she needs a quiet.

Now he's quiet. He doesn't want to join in discussions about wet nurses. It's not for him. A wet nurse is still a thing. No. Oh, but breastfeeding puppies is. Anyway, I'm boring. Okay. I don't think you're boring. It's fine if she thinks you're boring. She doesn't think I'm boring. I think I'm boring. Why? Why do you think you're boring? Because all I've done all weekend is is move around my daughter so that she can have a lovely birthday and I've done nothing and life is just a bit boring. That's not even true. You went out to your friends for dinner and made another grazing table.

Yeah, but that was... And you went out for dinner last night and last weekend you were like somewhere in Greenwich doing some cool young thing somewhere not like somewhere in Greenwich. I was in Greenwich doing some cool young thing somewhere not like somewhere in Greenwich. I was in Greenwich. There you go. So shut up. What are you on about? You're fine. You're wearing jazzy earrings today. I am actually. So life's fine. It's all good. No, it's not good. There'll be another episode of John Ham later today. What day is it? Friday. Okay. You can watch. I can't live my life around a new episode of friends and neighbors waiting to see if John Hamm takes his top off. I can't do that. It's not okay. I love it when he takes his top off.

He's not like all ripped or anything. No. He's like normal looking. Dad bod. Well, he's just slightly better than a dad bod. I don't know what your dad's bod's like. Hi ladies. Hi. Is it just me or does every week bring on a new and unexpected humiliating body issue? It's just you. It's not. I'm joking. It's not. I'm joking. It's

not. I'm joking. I am 44 and I cannot find shapewear or knickers that look nice and also keep my bits and pieces nicely tucked in. Ah. Bits and pieces. I'm not a gynaecologist so I have no medical reasoning behind this theory but I swear when I was 18 I could wear anything without fear of flappage and now I feel that I'm simply not contained in small knickers. Okay. Firstly is this a thing? Secondly does this mean I am obliged to wear a granny pad but I'm just too old for my normal knickers? Part of me feels like just caving in and buying a housecoat and a tin of boiled sweets and watching returns of love joy. Love joy. I mean, there's definitely somewhere between a housecoat and love joy and a thong. You know, there's a happy medium. Can I just say,

I know I said that I am boring. Yeah. And I do feel that is that you know I'm hard resonating with that. But I am still in a thong. So life is not over just yet. Wow. I am not. But then I never was even when I was 17 in a crop top. No. But you get a nicker line. So? And? Oh no, no, no, no, no. Who's the knicker, please? Me. I can't bear a knicker line. But I spend 99% of my time in jeans. There's no knicker line in a jean. Let me see. Stand up. No, I need you to turn around. See? Where's the knicker line? Well I wear leggings a lot of the time. So you can't, you cannot wear a full pad with leggings you just can't, it looks awful. I've never enjoyed the feeling of a strip of material in between my bum cheeks because

I feel every time I do anything, unless I am completely still, I can feel it. No, you can't feel it. You can. It's funny because I feel much more uncomfortable in a bigger knicker. No. How? I just do. I just do. I feel like it cuts in all the wrong places. It always feels too tight. I can't bear it. I feel restricted. I can't bear it.

And I also don't like the feeling of like bare bottom cheeks, just like sitting in your trousers. What's wrong with your bare bottom cheeks? I just don't like the feeling of them like being just there like you know in the jeans or the leggings or under the dress or whatever it is. I like them in a pair of knickers. I like the bottom cheeks in the knickers. Contained. Contained. Are we going to discuss

flappage? Yeah. Yeah. We can discuss flappage. Do we have to? I think I do. I don't want to. I had a friend. I don't want to obviously keep her anonymous. But she said to me, no one told me that after childbirth, sometimes your vagina just goes. I was like, Oh, she's like, what happened to my labia? I was like, I don't know without seeing it. Couldn't tell you, but I have heard that and also was in the vagina business for a long time. So yes, childbirth. She said, is this a thing? It is a thing. Yeah. Childbirth plus age plus gravity. Things change. Sorry. But what can you do about it? What can she do about it? Can you change it?

Like, can you fix it? You could go and have a labiaplasty, but I think you have to be cuckoo to do that. Because really? No. For me, no. I would never. Do most women's things drop? Yeah.

Do they? Not most, but things drop? Yeah. Do they? Not most, but some. But some. And there's nothing you can do if it does drop? Like there's no amount of pelvic floor that can sort that shit out? No, because that's just skin. And age and hormones. But does it make any difference if it's dropped or not?

No, only aesthetically. Right, but not in it for any other reason. It's not a vaginal prolapse. That's a different thing. What's that? That's when the insides are coming down a bit. That's not the same thing. That's a medical thing.

This is not. Would you know if you have a vaginal? You would feel it. What would you feel? You would feel like there was something in your vagina. You'd feel a kind of weight. A heaviness. Does that happen in perimenopause? I think it does happen post menopause. Yeah. It can happen. Not to everyone.

Why does it happen? I don't know. I'm actually not a gynecologist, but it can happen. Yeah. Not. I know you're not a gynecologist, but you are obsessed with vaginas. I'm obsessed with them, but I spend a lot of time with them. You are obsessed with them. And now your puppy's got one. I know! I'm surprised you missed that. I have to say, I'm very excited that there's someone who doesn't have a willy in my house.

It's absolutely amazing. And I do keep noticing and I do keep saying, she's got no willy. She's got no willy. There's no willy. This is the first time. Yeah. It's like me if I had a dog with a willy. I wouldn't know. We don't have to do anything with it. Good. I mean, I would find that really weird. A willy would be very weird. It's not weird. Everything's a willy in my house. Nothing's a willy in my house. Nothing. But this is like, wow, everything's either a nanny or a drama. I feel like those two things are connected. Right. Anyway, what are we saying to her? Yes, it's a thing. I don't know. I think your best best place to answer this. Flappage is

a thing. Sorry. And I don't think you need to wear a house coat and start eating words as originals. I think that's a bit extreme. No, well, she was talking about love. Joy, love joy. Where can you even watch love joy anymore on something like UK gold? Where would you even get that Ian McShane Sunday night drama? See how you have the things from 30 years ago. It's still very vivid. Yeah. It's weird. Isn't it? Things from yesterday. No, no. Got a text this morning saying you looking forward to catching up with you tomorrow night. Absolutely. You know had absolutely no idea I was even going anywhere tomorrow night. Where are you going?

Apparently to the pub. The pub? Apparently, but I'm on perponency leave. So how am I supposed to go and do that? Got to get a poppy sitter now. Who are you going to the pub with? My friend. When do you ever go to a pub? F, I've never ever heard you say you go to a pub. Don't look at me like that.

It's a pub with food. Does that count? Yeah, it's still a pub. Yeah. We didn't name the pub. People might come and join you. No, it would have been weird. You've been to this pub many times. Have I? Yeah.

Have I? Been to a pub many times. Have we answered this woman? We're slightly bigger knickers. No one wants their labia flapping around all day long. We've got stuff to do and it's very distracting. So I understand that. And I would imagine there's a bit of rubbing. Chafing? Yeah. So maybe just wear a slightly bigger. I like a Brazilian bikini knicker. Do you know what I mean? High legged, high legged, but covers everything. By the way, my thumb covers everything. It doesn't cover your butt.

What's wrong with my butt? Nothing's wrong with it, but it isn't covered. It's fully exposed. The full moon. Yeah, I don't like anything on it. You don't like anything on it? No, because it cuts in the wrong place. And then it adds like rolls where there doesn't need to be

roles and it's just wrong. It's just wrong. There's a lot of flesh on my butt. See, there is, I wasn't blessed. It's just a sort of, there isn't much going on there. So well, I mean, I spent my life in the gym working on my butt. I know. I just don't, I've never ever thought about mine and I care about it. I don't pay any attention. It is of no relevance to my life. None. I don't think I've ever spent 10 seconds thinking about the shape of my bum. You know that whole thing when in the 80s or when we were younger like oh my god does my bum look big in this? It's never a sentence that has entered my head. It's because you don't have a big bum.

I don't but also I just don't care about bums. No, but you don't care about it because you don't have to care about it. It's like you don't have to care about money if you have it. If you don't have it, you care very much about it. But everyone loves a big bum nowadays. It's a whole vibe. Yeah. I don't want one.

Still don't want one. No, I do. Not a big bum. Do you? No, a pert bum. I don't care. I just don't care if it's pert, not pert. Anyway, she's not asking about her bum. She's asking about flappage. I can't

help the flappy. I think don't go and have don't have a labiaplasty consultation because that shit is I find that very I think you know what along with like, do you know what I mean? Along with everything else, everything else, it's just something we have to accept. But it's fine because everyone has a unique, everyone's is unique and it's fine to look unique and it's fine if they don't match and it's fine if one bit's longer than the other or one bit's this or one bit's that, that is normal. Everyone bit can be longer than the other. Yes, everyone has a variation of normal and they all look different and they're all fine. However they look, just let them be.

And if you don't like the flappage, wear a slightly bigger knicker. Okay? Drop the mic moment. And also, if you don't like it, just get a bobby and you won't get a bobby. How long, by the way, is your advice going to be getting puppy and you won't care? I think a few more weeks forever until she starts teething and then like I come in and all my arms and hands are ripped off. Yeah. You know, she starts destroying my house and I'm like, Oh my God, that fucking puppy. It's not going to take long because you know, she might not be that puppy. She might not, but Barker did eat my house. Barker ate my

sofa. They're a different breed and they're a different gender. But I'm still slightly scarred from having my sofa eaten. Marley never ate anything. I know Marley is a very different dog. Yeah. I feel like I'm being lulled into a slightly false sense of security where it's like, Oh, do you love me? Because I'm so, so cute and beautiful. And then in a few weeks, like I'm being lulled into a slightly false sense of security where it's like, oh, do you love me because I'm so, so cute and beautiful. And then in a few weeks, like I love you. And also you're destroying my home. So, you know, you don't know, don't manifest it. I'm not going to manifest it. Right. Let's sign off. Okay. I've got to rush home because you know, the next feed's due soon.

And her boobs are starting to swell again. Her boobs are very sore. We'll be back on Tuesday with another episode of Unfiltered. Thanks for listening. Please keep your emails coming in. Hello at 40ish.co.uk and we'll be back on Tuesday. Bye.