40ish - Sex, Lost Libido, HRT & The Great Pillow Protector Debate

Episode Date: October 13, 2026

This week on 40ish: Nicole is wondering if her post menopause personality is here to stay - and if so how worrying is that (answer: very) Whilst Lauren has finally found somewhere to wear the white shoes. Then we revisit the subject that has divided the nation: pillow protectors. The 40ish listeners have spoken… and Lauren is feeling VERY smug. The listener dilemma is about sex and libido in midlife. What happens when you’re 47, your husband is 51, and your sex drive is absolutely fine… but his has disappeared? We talk about long-term relationships, changing libidos, testosterone, attraction, communication and the awkwardness of being the woman who wants more sex. Finally, one listener is in meltdown when she discovers that her husband has somehow reached his 50s without knowing what HRT is. As ever, 40ish is the podcast about the funny, messy, ridiculous reality of life in your 40s: relationships, sex, hormones, health, ageing, family, marriage and all the things nobody quite warned us about. 💌 Send us your dilemmas and rants: [e-mail]📱 Follow: @40ish.podcast & Substack @ The Midlife Club Try AG1 now at https://drinkag1.com/selfcare and get £20 off your first order + 5 AG1 Travel Packs for on the go, a bottle of Vitamin D3+K2, and the Welcome Kit for FREE. No risk with the 30- day money-back guarantee.  Find all details about the health benefits in the link. Study results are on file with AG1, 2023. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What I'm saying to you is I don't want to get used to this postmenopausal version of myself. Don't? No, she's not very nice. Oh, she's not nice. She's impatient. She is a little bit catty. She has absolutely zero tolerance for anything. Everybody is annoying.

Here we go. Pillow Protector Feedback. Oh my goodness, Nicole, I can't believe you don't use pillow protectors. I am shocked. Sick face emoji. Not going to. to lie. I do judge people who don't use them. Who's this? Catherine. It's not my friend, Catherine, a listener, Catherine. Catherine, anon. What do you do when your husband has completely lost his

libido of 47 and my husband is 51 over the last 18 months his sex drive has basically disappeared. Hello everybody. Welcome to 40. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkontis is the podcast tackling 40-something life each and every week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, We like to spoil you. We share midlife news, midlife stories, your dilemmas, your rants, your meltdowns, what's going on with us? And that's what happens on the show. We just talk about middle age. Yeah.

The elevator pitch is this. It's a podcast talking about middle age, taking the piss out of middle age, having a laugh about middle age because middle age fucking sucks at times. It really does. And sometimes it's really wonderful and really liberating and really empowering. And sometimes it's really shit. And your back hurts a lot more in middle age than it does any other time of your life. And this is the podcast where we talk about it all. So if that sounds like something you're into, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early ad-free

listening across both the shows. You can watch us on Spotify. You can listen on any other podcast platform you like. And if you have something to share with us, big, small, middle, huge, humongous, momentous, minute. We don't care. We like to hear it. email us hello at 40ish.co.uk. You can also follow us on our substack. It's called

the Midlife Club and it's banging. It is. I'm actually in the middle of writing an article. You're proud. I haven't finished it. What's it about? It's about watching traitors with my neurodiverse family. I'm already loving the sound of that article. Will it be ready for Friday? Because Friday's article release day. Oh, is it? Yeah. I will try. Great. I will try.

Basically, in short, it's a nightmare. Oh. Why? I mean, don't spoil the article. I don't give too much away, but, but okay, well, here we are in the rant. Watching TV with a neurodivergent family is impossible. That's why. And anyone that has neurodiverse kids and a neurodiverse partner and perhaps your

neurodiverse yourself. It's just a fucking shit show. Why? Why? Give example. It's a shit show of everyone's got a different energy. One of them's screaming and like in delight. One of them doesn't want to watch that program. One of them doesn't want to sit in that seat. One of them is then just completely zoning out. Then someone's got to go to the loo. Then someone's got to get something from the fridge. Then someone someone just gets up because they just feel like it. Then the dog starts acting like their neurodivergent as well because she just can't cope with all the chaos. And then you just never get to sit and watch anything. So you basically have to keep pausing because of all these people.

Oh, and then everyone's getting fucked off because the TV keeps getting paused. I see. So it's very chaotic. It's very hectic. It's very unpleasant. And actually all I want to do is sit down and watch TV with my kids. So you've not been able to enjoy week one of traitors. Is that what you're saying?

We haven't watched TV as a family for... Years. Okay. Well, now you know why. Years. Now you know why? Yeah, but I find that really sad. I think there are other things that you can do as a family.

You know? Well, we do. Yeah. But it's always quite challenging. But also, when you've got like 50-year-olds, 40-year-olds and teenagers, it's very rare that there's a show that everyone actually wants to watch at the same time anyway. Well, Traitors is it. Well, yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Traders is it. I cannot tell you the last time my 15-year-old wants to watch. wanted to watch TV with us. I couldn't believe that she came into the living room and said, oh, I want to watch traitors. I nearly fell off the couch. I have tried so hard to cajole my household into joining me in Traders. They have zero interest. They won't watch. And then she got a bit bored. And then I was like, no, no, you've got to wait for the round table. Yeah. Got to wait for the round table. Yeah. Josh is like, if I have to, I'll watch it with you. But when it's the

tasks, I'm leaving. And I'll come back for the round table because that's the only good bit. I'm like, no, you've got to, that teaches you about them. And you see how they work as a team. And it's like very informative. He's like, no, I hate that bit. Only like the round table. So they all wanted me to forward the task. Okay.

Well, that's, yeah, but Josh, Josh wants that too. But also, firstly, the tasks are full of drama and they're really good fun. They're fun. And secondly, a lot happens in the tasks. That's what I'm saying. It gives you information about how they interact with each other. Which they then bring to the, often bring to the round table. Yes.

So then we forwarded it and then everyone's like, oh, no, no, let's watch it. Let's watch it. And then there was a lot of flashbacking. Yes. With the towel. And I was like, well, why are they flashing back? I was like, because we forwarded it eight minutes and now no one could be bothered to, because we forwarded it.

Okay. This is just chaos. And then my husband's just sitting there. Oh, I can't bear it. Oh, I can't bear it. No, that would drive me absolutely mental. I have to sit. I have to watch the whole show beginning to end.

No interruption. No pausing and nothing. That would drive mad. You can watch it in my house if you like. It was stop, start, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, start, stop, start, stop, start, stop start, I'm bored. Yeah. Then my 15 year I was bored.

I watched Gogglebox last night. There's a new, actually there's two new couples on there. And as I watched it, I just thought, why are we not on? We are the perfect Gogglebox couple. We need to apply. We did apply. A long time ago. We love TV.

A long time ago. We would be so good on Gogglebox. Yeah, we would. We would be, we are made for Google Box. That is what I was thinking as I was watching it. I was like, this is our show. This is our show. I think we need to apply again.

And now I was like manifesting for it. I was like, yeah, I can really, really see us on Gogglebox. And I already knew that it would be filmed at your house. I just know it would be. Why? Because you just be better with the cameras. There's more space around your TV because you've got space either side. I haven't got enough space either side of my TV.

I'm already thinking about the exterior filming. Like, I'm already there in my TV. my head, I'm already at filming. I'm already thinking about which bowls you're going to use for the snacks, what the snacks are going to be. Am I also buying the snacks? I think they supply the snacks from what I understand. They supply you a takeaway, I think. A takeaway? Yeah. Oh, then we'll just have sushi every week, probably. Yeah. Because I'm not going to be eating fish and ships, are we? No, absolutely. What snacks can we have while we watch what? But also, and then the takeaway, or I could cook something because I'd prefer to eat something homemade always. But then have I got to make dinner

for the whole crew? No, I think they're just static cameras. They're not. What, they're people? You're joking. They bring a crew. But then they must have like 20 crews. Well, they do everyone on different nights. All over the country. Surely they just stick cameras in your living room. You watch the tape that they've sent you. How many cameras would they have to have? They're not going to stick. Of course they don't. They come. They're not going to stick the cameras there and then leave the cameras and then... I thought they did. What, the cameras then sit in your living room for months on end whilst you're filming Gogglebox. I think just for the night. Oh, thank you. Thanks for letting that be in my house.

I'm already not coping with this. No, no, I do. I think we would have so much fun. You really would. Come on, Cuzzles. Would we not be great on Gogglebox? Also, just for my own entertainment, I'd love it. Yeah, but you have to watch things you're not interested in. okay we'd still have fun watching it even if we didn't like it yeah we would it would be fine yeah should i tell you my meltdown whilst we're here yeah i had such kakxiety oh my god kakxiety it's a thing yeah yeah right my friend wants me to apply to bake off apparently now i'm doing all the

shows all the reality shows right i'm telling you now you do strictly as well and i'm a celib no neither of those i would do although my kids did say why don't you go on traitors i'm like well it's not that simple no like well i think you should i think you should i think you should definitely go on. I think we know after playing it in real life that I'd be a disaster. Well, I'd be booted out of the day one. I would be the Richard E. Grant or traitors. No, I don't think you'd be as bad as Richard E. Grant.

I'd be banished. Early doors. Really early doors. I'd be so suspicious. Even though I'd be a faithful, I'd be so suspicious. Yeah. I'd get bids off. Yeah, because you're gobby.

Yeah, it wouldn't work for me. But I'm also gobby, but I know how to work the room better. I'm just too, I would just be too eager to like play with everybody and I think they'd think I was manipulating them and I wasn't I would just be being friendly. Yeah. Anyway, bake- You'd be too visible.

Yeah, too visible. Bake off, I thought about it. Having spent two days making an 80th birthday cake for my father and all this weekend, I've realised that the stress being alone in my own kitchen without a tent, contestants, it being a competition, cameras and a time limit. There is no way. There's just no way. I had such anxiety from dealing with fondant icing for the first time. I can't do that in a show. I can't. You don't know one's forcing you. Well, I just, you know, I was feeling a lot of pressure. But there's nobody. Nobody is forcing you to go on bake off or even apply for bacon.

Okay, because I don't want to like crumb coat and deal with fondant icing for nine weeks in a tent. I just can't. I can't hack it. Then I've got Nigella there who I just want to chat. I've got Paul Hollywood with this sparkly blue eyes. It's too much. It's too much. The cake you made was amazing. How did it taste? It was delicious. It all got eaten. I was so happy. The whole thing. Well, there was an eight and a zero. The whole zero went. Yeah. And then I wrapped up the eight and gave it to my in-laws to take home. But it was actually really tasty, so I was very happy. It was fantastic. You did it in like a boat. It was a nautical fiend. Yes. And cake.

Yeah. But you know what? It's a lot of work. So when I watch Bake Off tomorrow, I will be giving them extra credit. Now you know why cakes cost so much, like a good cake to buy a cake. Yeah, because at the time you put in. Yeah. Wow.

Also, it was a lot of ingredients and a lot of decorating. And when I added up the total, it was a lot. But it was worth it. Did you enjoy it? Yeah. In a kind of stress like it has to be good way. Yeah, but weren't you pleased with the results? Very pleased.

amazing. And he was pleased and he asked me where I bought it from and that was the best cost to all. I was like, no, I made it for you. I didn't buy it. Are we doing the listener meltdown now then? Yeah. Oh, okay. She's, she's anonymous. Hi ladies. I am 49. I'm seeing my GP next week to talk about HRT because I'm having some symptoms now and I think I would like to start. I was talking to my husband about it and was totally amazed he had never heard of it. Heard of what? HRT. I thought he was joking. He was not. I don't expect him to be a gynecologist, but honestly, he didn't have a clue. He thought it was like taking paracetamol for a headache. He is a smart, educated man who had no idea that women have hormonal changes at this time. I do not know whether to laugh or cry. Well, he is in for a sharp shock. I feel a bit sorry for him. So do I. But also, can I suggest he does a lot of reading?

very quickly because his wife's about to like go through a whole shit show of stuff maybe she isn't maybe she's going to breeze through it I hope she does me too mainly for his sake yeah mainly and hers yeah well she's alright she's on it

I am so over the menopause well you are over it no you're done don't be mean I don't mean I'm not done I'm not done you're post I'm not done but I'm not done I might be post but I'm not done. Like I don't feel

calm and serene and like, oh, I'm over the other side and like, you know, oh, I'm done with all that. I was about to say cross the rainbow bridge, but that's what we say for dead pets, so we're not going to go with that phrase. You haven't crossed the rainbow bridge of menopause. I haven't.

Why not? Like, when does it happen? I don't know. Like, 70, 60, 80? I don't know. When's that like nice phase? when you're like, oh, it's all done now.

And I just sail on into early late. We hold your hands now. Early late age. I don't know if that is a thing. It has to be a thing. In the menopausal space with all the information, all the education and all the rest of it. No one actually talks about when you are post post menopause. Because it's like.

Because I know the peri menopause takes up, which means not a thing. It's like no one talks about before you go through. because you're just a child. So it's like once you're postmenopausal, you're just postmenopausal. It's like an even state. No, because the difference is that before you hit puberty, you only know yourself in that mode. Yes.

When you're postmenopausal, you've gone through a whole host of lifetimes and different versions of yourself. Many. So now you're in a post-menopausal state. Yeah. That's going to also look different. So now you have to get used to that. What I'm saying to you is I don't want to get used to this postmenopausal version of myself.

You don't? No, she's not very nice. Oh. She's not nice. She's impatient. She is a little bit catty. She has absolutely zero tolerance for anything. And everybody is annoying.

I don't like this version of her. So what am I going to do? She can't stay. She's not welcome here. She's not welcome for the rest of her. of my 60s, my 70s, my 50s, like, she's going to end up alone. She is, yeah. But I think that kind of is why you have all those stories about women who go to live in a cabin in the woods with like 25 dogs. And I think that's why. Because not only are

they intolerant, but they're intolerable. So I don't think, I mean, my worry is, that's it. That's the state that's not going to change because maybe that just is post-men. pause you, maybe that just is the new reality. Because what's going to change now? You're not going to go back to any other hormonal state. You're, that's it. We're there. You're there. You're at the final destination or hormones now, right? No, I can't be there. Well, you are. No, I can't, I can't, I can't be there. But where else could you be? I have to be somewhere else. I have to be. I don't, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't trust it. I just, I can't stop. I can't control my mouth. I just, I just can't. I'm not even going to give you examples.

I don't need any more. I could just go back over previous episodes. I mean, I won't lie. This is a little worrying. Yes, I know. And you're, you're not helping. You know, I, well, because when, that's it, the train has reached its destination. So what now? I just get off. Please depart. Get off the fucking train. Yeah. Get off.

And then what am I going to do? Get off the train and what? Start walk. Where am I going? I've gotten off the train at like Old Kent Road. You know, I thought you were supposed to get off the train at Park Lane or Mayfair. I have turned to the corner and I'm at Old Kent Road. I don't think you're at Old Kent Road.

I think that's a little harsh. Well, I'm not even at Whitechapel. I think you might. I'm not. I'm not even in the pink squares. I think you could be like pale blue, Pentonville Road. That's one step up for the browns. What's the other brown?

Old Kent Road. What's the other one? I can't remember. It's like, please pass go. Please take your £200 and then they've dumped me off at Old Kent Road. That's what's happened. It's like, please pass go. Please give me your uterus.

I promise you you're just going to turn that corner. It's going to be fantastic. And I'm at Old Ken Road. And now you've upgraded me to Houston, Pentonville Road. Pentonville Road. And I just, I'm not buying a house there. That's never, ever, ever going to make me any money. Maybe it should just be go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not go to

£200. Maybe that one. You just put you in that corner. And you know, you've picked up the cold, get out of jail, free corn. Colt, if you were to start a perfect business for midlife women this holiday season, What would you create? What would be the one idea that you can't stop thinking about, the perfect project you've always wanted to put out in the world? I would start a really cute outfit brand, especially for paddle with accessories and comfy but stylish clothing for the 40-ish women. But I think launching it would take up so much time and energy just to design it and set up the online store and to make it look appealing.

Shopify has pre-built website themes and AI site builder making it easy to launch a beautiful, professional-looking store without ever touching a line of code. You also get your own AI e-commerce expert sidekick that can help you manage almost any business task with a single prompt, including holiday discounts. Launching before Black Friday means that you can take advantage of the extra online traffic. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com to start your free trial. That's Shopify.com. Go to Shopify.com today to hear your first. Let's move on to some feedback. Oh, this isn't going to make you any happier.

If anything, I think this could tip you straight into a nervous breakdown, to be honest. Okay, on last week's show, Quazas, if you didn't hear it, Nicole told a tale of her mother double bagging. Now, before you worry about that, what she meant by double bagging was that her parents moved house, she was helping make the bed. Her mother has two pillowcases. And I said obviously they're not two pillowcases. One is a pillow protector. And so opened a conversation about... Oh my God. It did it open the floodgates? I mean, I've had friends phoning me up about this.

Talk about a can of worms. Yeah. And I'm really sorry to say that Team Lauren was in full effect. I'm really sorry to say, but when the poll was in my favour over at our substack, you were like a denier. Let's get there. We'll get to that point because poll is in the feedback. Here we go. Pillow Protector feedback. Oh my goodness, Nicole, I can't believe you don't use pillow protectors. I am shocked. Sick face emoji. Not going to lie. I do judge people who don't use them. Who's this? Catherine, her name is not my friend Catherine, a listener,

Catherine. Catherine, you probably just heard the last five minutes. No, you replied. You said no, you can't judge me on that. Oh, and I replied. It's not on. You can't judge me on that. She said, sorry. Yes, I do. I honestly gasped when you said you didn't use them.

I genuinely, that's what she said. That's what she said, right? Oh my God. I genuinely thought you would. Hashtag, disappointed. That was her. Alice says, pillowcase protectors. They are totally a thing.

They are called housewife pillowcases. Don't get me started. on the name but that's what they are called and still were at John Lewis last time I looked. They pre-date... Housewife pillowcases, that's a disgrace. They predate the current padded pillow protectors. I use both. Jules says, hands up emoji.

Pillow protectors always. All right, we got it. No, no. No, no, we got it. We understand. Everyone uses pillow protectors. I'm being judged by the whole of the Quazza community. I get it.

Wait for this one. No, no, this is amazing. my husband makes pillow protectors right that's what she said he will get you anyone's you like oh his business is called comfy group he makes anything that you put on a bed including mattresses and pillow protectors who's that from kate kate a woman called kate kate kate we need we i actually need a new mattress and is she going to like is she going to know i'll ask her i'll ask her Roxy said, are you doing a poll for pillow protectors?

I am team Lauren, yes to the protectors. I have very expensive memory phone pillows. There must have been somebody that didn't use a pillow protector. This was her reasoning though. Listen to this. I have really expensive memory foam pillows. A zip up protector is good

for preventing dust mite allergens, mold growth, anything getting through the pillow cases. I read it. I read it. Like oil, sleep droolers, menopoles, sweat. Oil? I'm not using olive oil in my scalp. I don't.

How much oil would you have on your seat? I don't know. I don't have any, but like some woman wrote about her husband who was balding and it makes the pillow cases turn yellow, she said. So she uses them. Anyway, I did two poles, one on substack, one on insta. The substack people were your people. Yep. What was the stats of the substack pole? Like 80-20. 80% of people did not use pillow protectors and 20. No, no, no, because I've just had to sit here through a whole barrage of being judged and everyone using pillar pretenses

so I'm just saying for my ticking up for my people over at substack, thank you substackers. Are they called stackers? I think they're called stackers. Stackers, yeah. Thank you stackers, yeah. Thank you for being on my side and thank you for being honest about it. There are more people in that woodwork that are staying very, very silent

about this pillar of retains thing because I just do not believe that I am a wise woman of the age of 49. There is no way that I'm the only person out here on a limb on Insta that doesn't use a pillow protector. It's just not possible. That's why the Quasas was so shook. Because they're like, she's a woman of the world.

She obviously uses pillow protectors. You also called me unhygienic. I did. On a text. Yeah. No, I said the sub-stackers who agree with you are your own. You said, they're my people. I said, they are your own unhygienic people. And I said, oh, the claws are out.

Yeah. That wasn't very nice. was it? No. You're not being very nice, but I think I'm oversensitive. Are you? A little bit.

Another part of it. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, that happens at, oh, okay, road. You're mean and over sensitive. That's a really bad combo. I am. Both those things.

Mean, impatient. And oversensitive. Yeah. Yeah. Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Rihanna. This is not about the Hillary

protectors but Riannan wanted to share something with you. Thank God Riannon. Make it, make it good and make it not about pillow protector. It's not. Hi ladies. My son has just moved away for uni and taken my era. Then my washing.

What? As in like a washing line. Yeah. Then my washing line broke, which I'm very upset about because I genuinely enjoy watching my washing blowing on the line while sat with a cup of tea. If that isn't middle age, what is?

Nothing. I mean, yes. I get it. I do too. I get it. It's the sense of a chill. It's calm. It's like, I've done a good job. I've done something they needed doing. Now I can sit and have a cup of tea because I've earned it. Yes. She says, do you please have the link to your fabulous sounding error on wheels? Thank you. Love the show. I replied. I did reply to her.

Best podcast by far. I am proud to call myself a quasi. We will link to your fabulous era on substack. Well, firstly, the one that I bought wasn't on Amazon anymore. We just could not find it, could we? We did look. Yeah, we did look for it because I also need. We've never been asked for more, but then it started coming up on my TikTok shop. All right. So don't worry, anyone who's into one, because we will link to a bounty of pillow protectors and the air dryer, the era on wheels in this week's subset newsletter. You will get it all, okay? But the error on wheels, I feel like it's not, honestly, Quazas, I say this would love. I feel like if I'm going to give you the link and I'll find as close to the one I've got, but I promise you now, you're going to open that bad boy up and it's going to be very disappointing. It is because we've talked about it for over two years.

But how happy was I when you rolled it across the floor? But it doesn't roll like seamlessly. It's like, you know, when you get the dodgy trolley at the supermarket. It's like that. Yeah. But it... And it constantly needs a shove and a push and sort of aligning back together and it's currently being held together by Alan Keyes because the screws keep... I mean, it's not an amazing. Amazing piece of, but it is, and my husband keeps threatening to chuck it away. No, scandal. That can't happen. I think the whole quasi-community would be up in arms.

I think they'd be banging the door down. They'd be like the torches. With the torches. They'd be more up in arms over the era being thrown away than they would about the pillow protectors. I think that is possible, yeah. Yeah. So you can't throw it away. It also is really practical.

Right. Should we go on to our dilemma of the week? Yes. Hi ladies, keep me anon. What do you do when your husband has completely lost his libido? I'm 47 and my husband is 51 and over the last 18 months his sex drive has basically disappeared. At first I thought it was me, I wondered if he didn't fancy me anymore so I started making more of an effort. Suggesting weekends away and early nights. Sometimes it works but I have to do all the graft. Sometimes we try, but he can't, if you get my drift. We can't. We can't. go many, many weeks without having sex and he genuinely doesn't seem bothered. When I bring it up, he says he loves me, still finds me attractive and it's just one of those things. But I've been

on HRT and testosterone for six months now and not to be crude, but I'm just very frustrated. I've suggested he speaks to the GP to get his testosterone checked, but he says he's fine, he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. So what do you do? Do I just leave it alone because he clearly isn't bothered, or do I keep asking him to investigate it and keep trying to instigate? I think feel really embarrassed about it because I never hear of women in long marriages being the ones wanting more sex. I don't think you should be embarrassed about it because I always think whenever I have any problem, I know I'm not the only person in the world dealing with this.

Oh, that's not, yeah, that's not possible. So I reckon there are lots of midlife women, married to midlife men, who are also in the same situation. One million percent. One million percent. Don't feel shame around that because I don't think that's anything to be shameful of. And I also think that it is, it's just a narrative that's been painted, hasn't it, about men wanting more sex women?

That's not actually true. No. That's just not that true. And I think for women, they need a lot more things in place in order for them to feel, like, have more of a libido. Yeah. Especially as you get into middle age. Yeah.

but I think it's more common than you would think. I agree. I also know that when my testosterone, I know I'm not a man, but hormonally, like I know when my hormones are right, my libido is much better. And the thing is, is that when you don't have a libido, you don't really care about it because you don't have one. So you're not thinking about it, are you? So he's probably in that mode of, well, I don't think about sex because I don't, because

he doesn't, his. Rabido's gone. Yeah. Not that I'm a doctor, but I reckon he probably needs to go and get his testosterone checked. He might not care. No, but he only doesn't care because he's got low testosterone, let's say. Do you, I mean, I've never taken testosterone, so I don't know what kind of effect it would have on me, but I do know lots of women who've said they've taken it and it has like massively boosted how much sex they want.

Yes. Right. So I'm wondering if a lot of, yes. She's also in that situation. Well, she has because she said. No, no, but I'm saying, I'm not, I'm not suggesting she shouldn't take it. But I am wondering if she's taking it. And so she's feeling, she's feeling more frustrated than she would be if she wasn't on it.

I don't think it's about her having too much of a libido. I think it's that he doesn't have any. Maybe they're just really not balancing out where they currently. are with each other. The issue isn't with how she feels. So I don't think we should be even suggesting that she should. It's just an imbalance. Like hers is high and his is low. So they're not like in a happy medium place. Yes. Which is what's causing a problem. Yes. It's not anyone's fault. It just kind of is how it is. Also, you know, stress plays a massive factor on your libido. So we don't know how stressed he is. We don't know what's going on in his world. I definitely think you

should keep up on him to investigate, get him to that doctor. And maybe it isn't that it's a physical problem. A lot of the time with men, it is a psychological issue. They may have put on weight. They may not be happy with the way they're looking. You know, men go through changes as well. Are they that, are they as attached, like women are about how they look? Because I know with all of my women friends, when they don't feel good in their skin,

they definitely don't want to be having lots of sex. That definitely changes it, but is it the same for a man? I would imagine in some cases, yes, it is the same. And I also think psychologically with men, it does play a huge issue. If they are stressed, if they are very tired, if they're feeling like their self-esteem, their self-worth is low,

their libido is going to also be low. So it may be a physical problem, but I would wonder if it was a psychological thing. And I would be, that's the bit, I would be having conversations with him about, not like I think there's some of your testosterone, get it checked. Like, how are you feeling what is going on with you for you at the moment? Yeah.

That. Yeah. A hundred percent. Because stress plays absolute havoc in how you feel about yourself, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's a tricky one. It is, but I think it's very, very common.

And this is not, definitely not the first time I've heard it. And also the thing. is if you don't have a libido, really you should. So that is something to go to the doctor about regardless, because you should have a libido. You should, but you know, there are also lots and lots and lots of couples who get to an age where they both decide that they're kind of okay. No, she is not in that stage. But they haven't just done that. So that's not the situation here. And also it's a bit like when you lose your appetite, you should, you should always have an appetite. I just, I don't want anyone to feel like if they are in a situation where perhaps they

have been married 30, 40 years and they're both at a stage where sex isn't part of the marriage or it's just not something that factors and they're both okay with that, that's not okay, because that kind of is okay. It's okay for both of you. That's absolutely okay if it's for both of you, but she's frustrated. Yeah. So it's not okay. Yeah. So that's why he needs to figure it out for her. We'll figure it out together. Yeah, well, I say for her, but he also needs to figure it out for himself. Hmm.

I think just a very kind and honest conversation about what might be going on for him and see if you can get to the bottom of it with no pressure or blame. Yeah. Yeah. Sending love. Thank you for your dilemma. Thank you for writing into us. And I think it is incredibly common.

And she's right though, you know, people don't talk about that. No, they don't. Thank you. We'll be back on Thursday.