40ish - Sex, Storage Bags & The Meddling MIL

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

This week on 40ish: Lauren’s found joy in vacuum storage bags (yes, really), while Nicole’s ready to stage an intervention over Lauren’s hyper-efficient email deletion habits. Meanwhile, one listener is deeply regretting her choice of holiday companions after a villa-sharing couple won’t stop having very vocal sex in the paper thin walls of their Spanish holiday home. One mum is trapped in a Cornish nightmare where her mother-in-law seems to think she gave birth to the kids - and isn't afraid to parent like it. It’s overbearing, oversharing, and a solid reminder to never share a villa unless earplugs are involved. To buy tickets to our live show click here -  https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true Get 10% off Daily30+ today. Go to zoe.com/daily30 and use promo code 40ISH10 We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everybody. Welcome to 40-ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast that takes all the challenges, the absurdities of 40-something life. And every single week without fail, we discuss your problems and issues and rants. And chat about our own midlife mess. We never do that. We do. We never do that even to each other. Do you know what else?

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earlier than anybody else. Lucky Buggers. I know. I know. So you get that on Apple Podcasts so please come over. We would absolutely adore to have you in our subscription and last part of housekeeping if you want to be in touch with us and you want to keep your dilemmas coming in. We love hearing from you. Oh we love them. This show is what it is because of you and so we are very grateful for that and we want you to be in

touch with us. Hello at 40-ish you can write to us about anything you can rant at us you can moan at us you can ask us a question a dilemma you can help us someone dm'd you a link to some summer sandals this morning i saw there has been more than one link to the summer sandals oh well can you forward them to me yeah there's been a few links to the summer sandals because i actually check those out and i thought they were actually very nice you know what you call that what a community i mean thanks ladies thank you because i was moaning weeks ago about the summer sandals because i didn't know what i needed and you told me i needed fit flop that wasn't okay can i just say it's still happening right so i ordered well you know because

i had to get your opinion i know the face the face says it all she sent me a link to these sandals can you just describe them they were like crochet kind of raffia imagine like a raffia sandal and they had like a molded soul and you know when they have like a they have like the wedge but there's like it's like a material wedge yeah like raffia it's just wrong it's so they were so wrong but they were also kind of like if chloe savini was wearing them no no no no no and what she did was i then said i can't work out whether i love them or hate them yeah and you were like yeah me too and then i lived them again and i were like you oh you sent me another anger i'm like oh no they're totally wrong yeah so i vetoed yes and then about 15 minutes later

you sent them again like as if i was going to suddenly change my mind like listen you can send me as many pictures as you like. These are not okay. I left them on the kitchen counter. I won't actually say what I said. No. No. I left them on the kitchen counter and I happened to have.

Oh, you bought them? No, I bought them and they were at my house. And I put them on and I was like, either these are amazing or they're awful. So I took them off, left them on the counter. My friend came over. She was like, are you deciding whether to keep those or not? I said, yeah. And she was like, I feel split.

I said, me too. then another friend came over and she was like oh have you just bought those yes i was like do you like um from the front i do but from the side they look like orthopedic sandals that an 85 year old would wear i was like okay and then you were like no no no no no so i packed them up and sent them back good then i ordered another pair from zara how long is this going on for no it's very it's ending they were very they were so simple they were very like inoffensive i put them on i was like just no no I don't like them they feel plasticy they're not comfy I am lost I'm in a a sandal dilemma I am a sandal quandary and no man's land I just gonna go barefoot what's a

girl to do what you got on your feet today I've got my little gold mesh ballerinas on today okay they're cute they are cute yeah okay maybe I'll just wear those all summer and be done with it. Anyway, apart from your sandals, I can see that you've written in the script here vacuum storage bags. I mean, let me say, I just couldn't wait to get into work today. Because this sounds thrilling and sexy and exciting

and all the things that you want in mid-life. I don't know why you are taking the piss. Mid-life is for things that are un-sex. non-exciting and mundane. And this is one of them and I felt very, very 40-ish, so much so that Zach secretly filmed me.

And I actually put it on our Instagram stories. Did you see it? No. I literally have come off social media. Have you noticed? No. Because I'm not on it very much. So I ordered these vacuum storage bags.

I don't know if you know about them listeners, but they're the ones where you put stuff in a bag and you get a hoover, suck out the air and it like shrink wraps stuff. I did see that. You've had those for years. Have you not? I bet you have.

It's the sort of thing you would just have. You'd be like, yeah, I've had those like 25 years. It's so not the sort of thing I would have. Really? How very dare you? What do you mean? It's so the sort of thing you would have. Why?

Why would it be the same? Because it's like, yeah, I just pat myself up and that and just suck out the air and put it in. Because it's quite useful and like organized. Oh, thank you. I'm practical. Thank you. You think I'm useful, organized and practical. You are very practical.

No? Thank you. Thank you. I do not have this. Well, I had to do the winter, summer switch over. It's always a nightmare. I bought these bags. I sucked the air out. Zach watched me. I was so excited at the novelty of this. And then I turned around and he was filming me from his bed and laughing. And I knew he was filming me to send it to his girlfriend to be like, look at my mother. She's mental. And I had my summer dress tucked into my knickers. And I was saying, oh my God, this is amazing. Look at this. Look how small it shrinks. Look how fun it is. This is the most fun I've had all week. And Zach was like, Like, mum, it's funny, but it's all so sad. And you know, like there's been Glastonbury, Wimbledon's currently on, there's all of these amazing concerts that are happening in Hyde Park. What am I doing? There are so many, like there's taste of London. There's so many things that are going on at the moment. And this is the most fun you're having. I don't know.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not fun. It was fun. It was very much fun for half an hour. I'm going to be a really good direct friend here. Okay. you ready

and I say this with absolute love if this is the only fun you're having I mean I can't even finish the sentence do I even need to listen I am I am going for dinner in Soho tonight with some girlfriends and then to the theatre so it's okay I am getting out

I am doing stuff, I'm leaving my house, but now I get to leave my house in my summer wardrobe because my winter wardrobe is packed safely and neatly in a cupboard. Who's laughing now? Well, I'm not laughing, I'm just deep concern. Let's go deep concern. Should we hear from the listener? Let's hear about what's going on in there

40-ish lives. Let's hear if they're having any more fun than you are with the vacuum storage bags. I don't think this woman's having any fun. But before we dive into this woman's dilemma, we need a quick disclaimer. Go on then. Don't we? We are not doctors. We are not healthcare professionals. We're just two middle-aged women with a lot of opinions that decided to start a podcast, a second podcast, if you may. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Dear Lauren and Nicole, I am DMing you from our holiday villa. Love your show, had to message you.

I love that people are sending us messages from their actual summer holidays. Well, they've got time to, you know. So here's my situation. I'm currently in Spain on a supposedly relaxing holiday with my husband, our two kids and another family we've known for years and their two teens. The villa... Sorry, she's currently on holiday. Her husband had two kids and another family, they've known for years and they're two teenagers.

Okay, got it. So eight of them. The villa is lovely. The sangria is flowing. The sun is glorious. But the walls are paper thin, she says in capital letters. Oh, God. For the past week, most nights, sometimes in the morning, and once mid-afternoon, when the kids were in the pool, we are treated to the enthusiastic sounds of their bedroom activities.

I am talking moans, slapping. rhythm the whole Marvin Gaye soundtrack oh my god our teenage daughter heard and is horrified she can't look at either of them and my husband just keeps his air pods in all day oh god that is so hideous and i don't know what to do oh my god do i say something yes yes if so what do you say to people about their loud sex that doesn't ruin the rest of the holiday or make things mortifying forever more or do i just suck it up sorry for the poor phrasing and pretend that it it is not happening whilst quietly dying inside please help me i am losing sleep and my will to live b m look they obviously know them very well because they've gone a holiday together they've said

they've known them for years right so we go away with another family yeah we don't ever stay in the same place okay but i'm just trying to relate yeah if we kept hearing them having sex yeah i mean we know them so well yeah i mean not that well but we know them so well i think i would be able to say oh my god please you've got to stop or could you just be quiet because i can hear everything and now my kids have heard you yeah so you would say something i would a million percent i don't want to hear that but also think it's quite inconsiderate do you think they know how loud they're being obviously not well if they knew they wouldn't be they wouldn't be doing it would they they who would want other people to hear them unless they're like real exhibitionists i've had this

happened twice. Had you? Twice. Not with people I know. So once we were staying in a hotel in Wales, the children were quite small and we were all in one room together. We were just there for one night and the couple in the next room were at it and it just, it just, it just didn't end.

Hold on. Hasn't this happen to you recently? Yes. This was the first time. Anyway, the children were like, mommy, what's that noise? mommy what's that noise and I said oh I said I think they're just moving furniture in the next room anyway I put a note under their door the next morning and I was like I hope you had a good time last night but I've got little kids in my room so can you shut the fuck up you know and the second time I was away with Josh just me and him we were away in Turkey together and there were two people downstairs I get the feeling maybe they had only just met that night oh anyway all I can tell you is I don't think I have ever been invested in another woman's orgasm as much as I have in this woman because I was so desperate. Desperate. Desperate. Yeah. And like she got there.

She got there. She got there. It would stop. They'd start again. She'd get there. She'd get there. All right. Okay. Then the bed broke. The bed broke. I heard it break. I heard them both like collapse into laughter. Then there was five minutes of silence. And then they started again. All right, okay. Thank you for the whole rundown. It went on about two and a half hours this sex. This is very different. I thank you for the play-by-play.

I mean, it was, wow. He had some stamina. But that's not really helping this listener, is it? It's not, but I'm saying I've been there. It's very uncomfortable. It's even worse, because they have to meet a breakfast every day. And then at lunchtime and then at dinner time. You would say something.

A million percent. It's my holiday too. Yeah. It's my kid's holiday too. Yeah. It's not actually a breakfast. appropriate. Sorry, it isn't. It isn't. I think I would say... And if you're going to have really, really loud sex, then stay in your own place. Yeah. It's not appropriate. I think I would say, not to like blame it on the kid, but I think I would say, listen, blah blah, blah. I heard you last night and she's like really embarrassed. Do you mind just keeping it down a bit? I would not say that. What, you would say that you'd heard it and you were over it. Because that's also embarrassing for the kid. But that's why I would say it. It's not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not. I

I wouldn't do it in a way of like, right, we need to have a meeting, come and sit at the table. I would be like, oh my God, can you two just keep it down? We can hear everything, every time. That's what I would say. Oh, it is mortifying, though. Is it? Then they shouldn't be doing it? Should they?

I mean, the thought of having to listen to my friends having sex every day three times a day is hideous. It's hideous. It is, isn't it? It's hideous. Imagine we all go away together. And you have to hear me and Adam three times a day. I'd be really uncomfortable.

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So I went shopping with my 14-year-old. Yeah, it's quite an education going shopping with a 14 year old. I would believe that. There's a lot of things that apparently in fashion that I just hadn't really thought of. E.G. But you know, there's themes, isn't there? And it's funny how like those themes just don't hit my themes because they're for her themes. Yes.

Anyway, so we got her some stuff and then we were having lunch and I said to her so funny. Remember she's 14 and she really isn't that into her mum. So I said it's so funny that. the culots have come back in fashion she's like what I'm like the culots are coming back in have come back in fashion they're like everywhere she goes what are culots

I'm like we bought you some yeah she said sorry I don't know what you're talking about I'm like the culots the shorts the denim shorts you mean jorts yeah jorts jeans shorts got it yeah I know because I've had to buy them for Josh

No, no, I got it But they're actually Kulots Of course they're Kulots But you can't say that anymore No, so I said to her They're actually called Koolots Or Bermuda Shorts So she said

She looked at me Like I was the saddest human being To have ever existed And she goes I don't know what you're talking about And I just thought You know what Right

I know I'm right And I know that you are wrong And this is a stupid name Jorts They're stupid Because there's this shape around And they're not all jeans And what do you call them

They're called Kulot They can't call them jorts They have to be denim to be jorts Obviously, jeans and shorts I get it I get the puns So she just uses that For the term for any kind of

No, hers were jeans Oh right, okay What I'm saying is that shape of short Yeah Is now in for a 14 year old Or 13 year old or 12th It's now in Yeah yeah it's totally in

But if they're not denim Then they are actually Technically called culots They are You're quite right Thank you But trying to explain that to your 14-year-old who just thinks you're tragic beyond words is impossible.

I found it quite annoying because last summer when I had all the big boys old summer clothes, I showed them to Josh. Do you like these? Do you like these? No, no, I hate them. I hate them. Got rid of them all this summer. Mum, can I have some jorts for the summer?

What are jorts? Yeah. Oh, you mean denim shorts? No problem. But you know also when I showed you four pairs of denim shorts last summer and you told me they were sad and you would never wear them and I got rid of them. Now I've got to actually buy some. because this year they're in. No, no, because they're different.

They're different. I'm sorry, but they're different. No, they're longer. I get it. I bought them. Yeah, but you, because if you buy, the shape is the shape. Yeah, the shape. And they are all over the shops.

Yeah. So you can't, you know, and also she wants to buy everything three sizes too big. Absolutely. The baggier, the better. The more you look like someone who has got your clothes out of a dust bin and they are eight sizes too big, the cooler you are. Yeah. Yeah. And with a pair of socks and crocs.

And then I got a I picked up this I had to be really careful what I was picking up because anything I picked up she automatically hated Of course Because you've touched it so it's sad Yeah

Yeah or I like it So it's definitely sad I remember walking in when I was youngest And my mum When I just started in hairdressing I'd come in with a new haircut A new hair colour And my mum used to say

Oh my God I love your hair I used to go and change it the next day So I get it Yeah I get it Anyway, I picked up this little crop white shirt, really cropped in wherever we were, whatever, henis or whatever. It's not called Hennis. Not Henny's, it's called H&M.

But again, I'm wrong about that. Of course you are. I'm wrong about everything. Yeah. And I picked it up, and I thought that would look so cool with her jorts. Yes. You know? It would.

Yeah. And a pair of crocs. I could really cropped and a baggie because they're right on her hips. I thought that is a cool summer outfit. it. So I picked it out and I really wanted and she looked at it and I thought she was going to like, ugh, it's disgusting like she had with everything else and she goes, and she

went to say, ugh, that's disgusting and she said because I said, hold on before you veto it, it's with this and the jorts and the crocs and it's a look. And she said, I actually don't hate that. Wow. I know. That's a

major compliment. She bought the shirt. Oh my God, winning. I know. She hasn't worn it yet. She will. And then you mustn't say, I chose that because I liked it because then she'll never wear it again. I know. Just don't ever mention it. I can't.

Parenting a 14-year-old, it's tricky. Yeah. It's tricky. I wore Josh's added our sliders yesterday to pick him up and drop him off somewhere because they were the nearest shoes to the door. Yeah, yeah, sure. And then I said to him when we got home, I was like, these are, like, don't you find they rub? Like on the top of your foot? He was like, that's because you're not wearing them with socks.

I'm 47, so I'm not going to wear socks and slops. And B, it's like 30 degrees out. So the point of the sliders is you don't need to wear socks. But you do, but you do because feet, feet are a problem. Feet are a big issue for that generation. Even Zach said it to me. Hold on, what do you mean they're a big issue? Because I'm about to take both.

Like, don't get your, you can't get your feet out. Feet are rude and feet are disgusting. Also, even my 19 year old is like, obviously you wear socks. with your sliders like all the middle-aged women like you always get you have your feet out you shouldn't have your foot out i have done a really nice mom thing and i've made an appointment for the three of us to go and get pedicules tomorrow before we go away they'll still wear their socks and if you're telling me that they're not allowed to have their feet out yeah then why they are because they're young but we're not we're not allowed to have our feet out it's disgusting and

revolting if we have our feet out yes and they don't either the boys i don't know if the rules are the same for girls but the boys only wear socks and sliders now It's a very weird thing. But it's a look. It's such a weird generation. So they started with the footballers in my house because the professional footballers take off their football boots and then they wear their sliders with their football socks.

So that's kind of passed down. And that's what my kids do. They are a weird generation. They're a weird generation. Yeah, they are. But we were probably a weird generation to our parents. I don't think we were us weird. I used to wear ripped jeans because they were really cool

because bross were wearing them right and sometimes i get them in camden market like the second you remember the second hand jeans places i do i do the vintage places even then back then they were like 30 quid anyway i remember wearing them to my grandparents house one day and my grandma was like darling why do you need some new jeans be like no i just bought these yesterday but they're ripped yes i know i bought them like this darling let me give you some money and then maybe you can go and buy a But also you wouldn't wear ripped jeans now, would you? I wouldn't touch them now. But she just couldn't understand why I would spend money on clothes that had holes in.

Yeah, but she's right. You know, now that I see it from a 48-year-old's point of view, it's like, yeah, get that. What's our second question for today? Dear Lauren and Nicole, the headline of my rant is as follows. I took my mother-in-law on holiday and now I need a holiday. Okay, I already understand. Oh my God. I already get it.

So, she says, I've returned from what was meant to be a relaxing break in Cornwall with my husband, our two kids, age five and eight, and my mother-in-law. In the words of Julia Roberts, big mistake, huge. From the moment we arrived, every little thing I did was met with a passive-aggressive comment. meant a sigh, which was also passive aggressive, or a full-blown monologue about how she brought up my husband and his brother. Oh, like back in my day, we didn't do it like that. Right. If I told the kids no more dessert, she said, but they're on holiday and then insisted on treating them. You see, that's not. That is an overstep. If I asked them to use their quiet voices in the restaurant, they're just expressing themselves, she said. Oh. If I tried to enforce bedtime, but they're on

holiday too. By day three, she was basically letting them eat ice cream at 10 a.m. While I was still brushing my teeth. My husband just kept saying she means well and then mysteriously disappearing for long walks. Now I'm torn. On one hand, I don't want to cause a family rift or seem ungrateful because she did help with the cost of the accommodation. On the other hand, I've come home feeling undermined and tense.

How do you set boundaries with a well-meaning but overbearing mother-in-law on a trip without causing World War III or being cast as the villain? Thank you. I have a very short answer. Go on. You can't. Oh, interesting.

I have two things to say on this. One, I do feel that the point of grandparents is to spoil and indulge and not set rules and boundaries and be strict because isn't that the joy of being a grandparent? All the fun with none of the responsibility. And they are on holiday. So I understand if the grandmother wants to give them an ice cream and let them step late because her job is to enjoy the grandparent.

And the grandchildren's job is to be sported by their grandmother. So that's one thing. The other thing is, if you do feel like she's undermining your parenting or you do have boundaries and rules with your kids, which you're allowed because they're your kids, I think you need to get your husband on side and work as a united team because he is also the parent and also it is his mother and get him to say, mom, they're not allowed three ice creams a day. mom they are going to bed at nine o'clock tonight because otherwise she just looks like she's being difficult

it's not for her to deal with it I remember one of my friends it's just brought back a memory of when one of my friends went away with her mother-in-law and she came back and it was like she could have written this right and she said exactly the same thing and I said just you know again just let it go they're on holiday and the grandparents are there to sport she said Nicole at one point I caught my son who was very little at the time probably around six or seven with my mother-in-law dipping his lollipop into a slushy. Like, oh. She's like, it went beyond. Yeah. But again, I think you're hitting on something so right here. I think it's not for her to do it.

It's for her husband to do it. Or for them to do as a team. Like, this is how, listen, I know you mean well, but this is how, this is our rule. because it is it's really tricky isn't it because she's obviously been wound up like over the week it's all kind of added up

each little thing has now become but you can only take so many of those little things can't you? I mean what would you do what would you do honestly? My mother-in-law is not overbearing and she would never interfere and never has interfered

with how we have parented the kids so I can't imagine being in the situation but having had four grandparents who we did often go away with and stay with, they completely spoilt me and my brother. And I think my parents just kind of let them because they... You wouldn't know. You wouldn't.

As the kid, you can't. You can't. But what I mean is I think because it was a short period of time, it was one week, two weeks at the most, that's not real life, is it? It's holidays are a break from the norm. Well, let's turn this on its head a bit. Yeah.

Right. If the roles were reversed. Yeah. And if, Let's say Adam was saying this to me about my parents, which he never would because my parents have always followed my lead. They've been brilliant like this. But if Adam was saying to me, look, your parents are undermining what I'm doing as the dad.

It's not, I'm really wound up and it's not okay. Like, how would I want that to be dealt with? I think I would say, let me deal with it because they're my parents. I'll speak to them. Yeah. I would do the same and I'd be like, Mom, listen. Yeah. It's so lovely of you to do X, Y, Z.

but actually I really don't want them going to bed at 11 o'clock again tonight because they're really grumpy in the morning and da-da-da-da. I would just give a very simple explanation and just be very kind of kind. And just please just trust our judgment on this. Yeah. Yeah. I get you want to spoil them, but you know, there is a limit. It's not good for anybody, all of that.

I guess it's how it's, she's obviously feeling undermined, right? And I get why she is. But I think because we're not on the holiday. and we're not seeing kind of the tone and how it's being done. It's hard to read whether it's being done in a passive, aggressive, undermining way. Or she's saying it's passive-aggressive, she's used that twice, that expression. Or does she just mean well? I'm sure she does mean well.

I'm sure both things are coexisting here and both things are true. The fact is, is that it does need managing. Well, if they're going to go away again together, then, yeah, it does be managing. And also it's really, it's so, listen, When my kids were that age, we went away with the grandparents a lot. And it is so helpful, so helpful that actually I think it's worth figuring this out. I agree. Maybe I would speak to the husband first.

And then maybe if they do a holiday with her again, have a conversation before they go. Or like on the first day of the holiday. But the husband's got to do it. Yeah, he's got to be on board. Yeah. There you go. There's a solid advice for you there. Wow, we actually resolved that one.

Good for us. Don't we try and resolve most of them? Well, we try. We don't need to succeed. That is our show on 40-ish. Yeah, it is. We are going to be back on Tuesday. We are.

With an unfiltered. And please keep your emails, your messages, your rants, everything coming in. Hello at 40ish.com.com. And we'll be back Tuesday. See you then.