40ish - Skips, Gorilla cream and Um Bongo

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

This week on 40ish: Lauren is cooing over the Costco catalogue and Nicole is along for the ride - heated fleece blanket anyone? The pair debate over whether prawn cocktail crisps count as a “classic,” before descending into mild hysteria when they realise they’re spending their forties discussing the merits of Um Bongo vs Ki-Ora on a public platform. Elsewhere, Lauren’s husband might need a quiet moment when he finds his wife rapping on TikTok, a listener wonders if a fiver for a kids’ party pizza is the new normal, and another woman fears her testosterone cream might be turning her into a gorilla. Midlife: it’s a trip. We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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When sometimes it hits you what you do for a living in your life, what? Why aren't I just like a doctor's receptionist? A normal person. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkron. This is the podcast where we tackle the joy of 40-something life. We dive into your news, your stories, and we give very average advice on your dilemmas. Advice being loosely used. Yes, in the loosest way possible. From the mundane to the crazy, we figure out how to survive midlife together, one-round crisis and or meltdown at a time. And you can subscribe on.

Apple Podcasts for Early Access, add free listening across both this show and our other show's Self Care Club, and sometimes some bonus content when we've got it in us. Yeah. And you can watch the video every week on Spotify or you can listen on any other podcast platform

and if you've got something to share, big or small, we don't care. We want to hear it all. Please, please email us. Hello at 40ish.com.com. Please be in touch. Please be part of the conversation. Now, I'd just like to say at the top of the show,

If you're hearing chewing, scraping, whining, crying and barking, that's because Beaver's having a bad day. Bieber's come to the studio for the first time. She doesn't quite figure out how to be. She hasn't quite figured out how to be a studio dog. She's currently under my feet with a ram's horn, which is very loud. So apologies for the gnawing noise as we go through the show. It's not your midlife tinnitus.

It's a dog. Our recording time was at 11.30 today is now 10 past 1. Yeah. And Lauren thought that we were going to do three shows in this two-hour slot. I said there is no way we're going to do three shows, is there? This is the, we've just started the second show. Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks to the puppy. Thanks to the parking. That's the coffee breaks. Thanks to how life rolls. Life. Just life. Life-lifing. How is your 40-ish life this week? You know what?

I am so sick to death, but there never being a. charger in my house and all I do is buy charges. Yes. I mean, how 40 is she that? It's absolutely standard. Right, but there is never a charger. And when my sister comes over, she does not stop going on about how there is never a charger. Why doesn't she bring her own or charge her phone before she comes?

She does bring her own and even that goes missing. It is like someone eats the charges. Yeah, I agree. They disappear into a vortex of teenagers. Yeah, yeah. And they've never got a charger. Never. And their charger's never working.

And then their friends come over and then they want to charge their friends. And then they're like, Mom, can they let me borrow your charger? But you think about how many devices are in your house that need charging? How many? I mean, I couldn't even count. Well, four phones and headphones. Four laptops. Laptops.

iPads, watches. I mean, it's endless. Yeah. Oara rings. What of charging issues. So I'm utterly sick of the charging situation. And then Adam, he had to, he had. an operation so he was in hospital he's absolutely fine he was in hospital for two nights last week

so he was taking the laptop charger of course he was suddenly i couldn't charge my laptop there was nowhere to charge my laptop i can't like not i can't not charge my laptop for two days yeah which actually will then bring us onto our meltdown and it turns like i could have but we'll get back to that okay so i thought okay he's like you are not buying another charger on amazon i said i bloody am because i don't know where they are anyways so i bought the charger good for you I bought, I upgraded myself. Yeah, it's called a U-Greening plug. It's a fast plug, you green.

Sounds great. It is great. Get me one for Christmas. It charges your laptop in about 20 minutes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Love that shit.

Yeah, you've got to get the fast acting USBC or whatever it is I have to get now. Okay. And it literally rocks the shit out of that shit. Okay. You like that? Yeah. It really does. anyway so I thought if that 14 year old that lives in my house and eats all my food

the one you made the one you made and demands all my time and it's all you know all the things if she gets her mitts on that charger I'm going to lose it because she'll love it because it's super fast super fast so super booge it you can see it's bougie it's all black it looks like it's like the sport version oh okay it's like having a big exhaust pipe or fat tires on your car. Oh, you know when something just looks a bit like sportier. Yeah. It's that.

Okay. I'll share it to you when we get home. I can't wait. I'm buzzing. Listen, this was the highlight of my fucking weekend, right? Yeah. So I thought, she is not getting her mitts on that. And the minute she sees it, she is going to be salivating.

She's going to want it. So I got some old nail polish out. No one uses nail polish in our house because you're all on the shellac. All of us. Yeah. So some old nail polish, which obviously was completely congealed and I couldn't undo it. So I had to sit in a bowl of hot boiling water to start. So that was the first thing.

And then I opened it and I was in the kitchen and I have everything's white in my kitchen. And it was bright red and I dropped the whole thing. Oh, you did not. Oh, I did. And then my friend kept going, just put some acetone on it. Just put some. Why? No, because it eats through paint.

And I said to her, I don't know. She goes, well, don't you're kidding. use nail polish because her daughter is 24 I'm like look the kids of today they don't use nail polish okay they're bougie as fuck okay so there's no acetone in my house they actually get their nails done these days oh my god

what did you do I popped out to boots to get some aceto did it come off yeah all came off anyway yeah to cut this very long and boring story short I have put in red nail polish capital letters nail polish all over this charger mum yeah I've done

that I put a massive L on mine in red nail polish and then you know what found it in my son's room yeah it was mine because I'm on it but also you can't deny you've nicked it no no that's the whole point when you say if you got my charge you know well how come it's got a big l on it in red nail polish yeah yeah so I named it yeah I shamed it fucking did I fucking sported that shit up I pimped that ride nice as you would say yes and I even uh coated the actual USB see in the red nail polish as well so there is no denying anything and guess

what came home last night and guess what please say it was there it was not there no it was not there no so I said to my 14 year old who lives in my house and eats my food and takes my chargers and does all the things and my makeup and my eyeliner and my everything she takes everything everything

she just assumes everything is hers I say she take my charger well the one who is she is full of it right full of us she is like a law unto herself she is Is she not terrifying, my daughter? She is quite frightening, yeah. She's a very formidable young woman, right?

You don't mess with her. No. Anyway, the look of panic in her eyes. She's like, I did take a bus only because I left my charger, my friends, and I'm like, I'm going to pick that charger up now, which I did from her friend's house, to get my charger back. Okay. That is the most portish thing that's happened to me. And it was like, I was just so happy to get that red nail polish on that charger, even though it went all over my white floor. Not ideal.

No. My 40-ish moment is so much more tragic than that. It makes yours almost look cool. Come on. Well, you kind of know, because I gave you the heads up, and your reaction was very unexpected. My most 40-ish moment is that the Costco catalogue arrived through my front door. And also, I absolutely loved it,

because when I posted about this on Instagram, someone DM'd us to say, oh, my God, where did you get it from? Please don't say in store, because I have to have that catalogue. I was like, no, it came through. You were like, I don't know, I asked Lauren. And I replied and said, it came through the letterbox.

I don't get a Costco catalogue and I'm a member. You're not even a member. Excuse me. I actually am. Since when? Since a few months ago. Oh, you kept that quiet. Did you want me to put an announcement out somewhere?

Yes, we host a show about being middle-aged. And excuse me, we have spoken about Costco on this show numerous times. Yeah. And you have dragged me to Costco numerous times. because you want my company and not because you don't like the route because it's on a motorway but because you want my fucking card you've used me and abused me and now oh no you're now now we're getting catalogs yeah yeah I've got the catalog anyway in aforementioned catalogue was a page it was the stuff of dreams Nicole it was the stuff of dreams okay

it was it was it was two items on one page I'll describe them one is a blanket like a little fleecy blanket, but it's heated. It's a personalised heated blanket. And the second was a cushion, but with arms on the side of it. So you could sit with your back and neck resting on the cushion with your arms on it too, maybe like a remote control, a drink on the side. They were the most disgusting, aged, old-peopley, vile items. They weren't vile, don't be mean.

They weren't vile. But the appeal, but the appeal. You know, I wanted to take the piss and then I looked again. Yeah. And I just thought, I actually sent them to you, didn't I? You did. And I just thought, do you know what? A heated blanket right about now sounds like a win.

I felt such shame because. No, you didn't. I did. No, you did not. I actually did. You did not feel shame at all. You put it on our DM, you put it on our Instagram stories and you WhatsApped it to me. There was no shame.

There was no shame. You were like flaunting that shit. Why am I not getting the Costco catalogue? First issue, I'm reading the Costco catalogue. Second issue, I like both of these items, help me. And you said, there's a catalogue question mark. I also like both very much. In fact, I'm not sure I could choose between the two.

And I thought, this is where we've reached a worrying tipping point because I found something that is a bit elderly and tragic, and you like it as well. What does that say about the two of us? It's not sexy, Nicole, and it's not good. And I'm not proud. Sorry, are we still supposed to be sexy? Who can be fucking bothered?

It's definitely not sexy, like with a heated fleece blanket on an old person's cushion. Anyway, we're doing the discussion. Yeah, I was just going to say if there's an issue seriously struggling with. Please contact someone who is qualified. Yeah.

That's not us. No, it's definitely not us. Go on, what's our dilemma today? Hi, ladies, I'm 45. I have my first baby at 40, so I'm an older mum and I'm navigating a lot of the pitfalls of modern parenthood for the first time. I don't know if things have changed that much since we were kids, but please tell me what you think of this.

By the way, I think they have changed enormously since we were kids. Unrecognisably. Like, to the point where I don't think that my... my parents can advise me on parenting because it's such a different landscape. They didn't navigate the internet for a start. So with the first generation of parents doing that. Yeah, fun times. Or technology.

Fun times. Technology. Yeah. My son has been invited to a fifth birthday party, standard set up, local church hall, bouncy castle, etc. All fine. But then a week before the party, I got a WhatsApp from the mum hosting asking for a five pound deposit for Papa John's pizza.

Not a joke, not a scam. A genuine message asking for payment for a slice of pizza at a children's party. She also said if my child has allergies because I please send money for a personalised small pizza. I actually had to read it twice because I thought it was some sort of joke. Apparently dessert is birthday cake and that, mercifully, is free. But honestly, is this where we are at now? Am I just showing my age or is this weird? Because in my day, the party tea was full, was all part of the deal.

Triangle Jam, sandwiches, crisps, ambongo. I love Dumbongo But our parents didn't know Rings, party rings And a piece of cake Wrapped in a napkin for the road Thanks Michelle You know what

I don't think That is standard I think that's weird I also think That cost of living Is so astronomical That everything is so fucking expensive And maybe

she just can't afford To put on the party But she wants to give her 5 year old a really nice birthday That is, I agree, yes, cosy lives awful, but that is just so awkward. Also, I'm just going to put it out there. If I couldn't afford the Papa Johns, I was not going to say I would just buy frozen pizzas and cook them, but maybe because she's in the church hall. She can't.

She can't. But also, I would have then done like a tea, like a two till four. So the kids, all the five-olds would have had lunch by two o'clock. Yeah. And then there's no dinner. So you just put out some crap. The party rings of the Ambongo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some grapes or whatever. I don't think Ambongo is still around, is it. I don't think it is. I still remember the song. Of course. Ambongo, Mbongo, they drink it in the Congo. I think it became culturally inappropriate so they no longer serve it. Yeah.

Oh my God, of course it's culturally inappropriate. Yeah. But what happened to Kiyora? But also, what else rise with Bongo? Do you remember Kiyora? Kiora. Kiora. Adora. We all adora.

Keora. That was the song. I preferred on Bongo myself. I never drank Keora. I drank ribena. Oh, I loved Rybina. My mom would let us have ribena. But then they brought out the no sugar.

My mom used to buy the no sugar ribena. And the Capri Sun? I loved a Capri Sun. Oh no. I couldn't do Capri Sun. But when you put the straw in the Capri Sun, if it pierced through the other side, you're fucked. I've utterly fucked and it always went all over you that pouch.

Always. It didn't matter where you pierced it. I wouldn't actually let my kids have Capri Sun either. I was a bitch like that when I were little. I never have had a cat pre-son in my adult house. Never. We've never done that. No, we didn't do squash full stop.

No, we're not a thing in my house. We didn't, nor mine. I think my mum used to buy sugar-free lemon robinson's. I think. Who drank? No one drank that. No one. It's disgusting, Jackie.

No one drank it. That is disgusting. Jackie. She'll probably deny it if you asked her if it actually happened. I feel like I remember that. I mean, do you remember going to parties when you were listening? I remember it so clearly and there was always

white bread sandwiches Marmite chocolate spread jam amazing because I wasn't allowed white bread at home so that was like the best thing ever My kids would say the same thing and crisps but old fashioned crisps

like salt and shake or a salt and vinegar chip that sort of thing I loved a ready sorted chip stick which you know is very hot to come by you can't find a ready hard if you ever see ready

sorted chips sticks And I don't mean the ones from Eminus. Yeah. I mean a proper classic chip stick. Yeah. Get them for me. I will. I will.

When I was in labour with my oldest son, I went through about four bags of salt and vinegar chipsicks. They were my labour food. Bit weird, but that's what I always associate now with them. Yeah. She's chewing the bone. It's fine. The chewing's better than the crying. Okay.

What do you think about this? I heard that walkers are bringing out a classics multi-pack. Now, what do you think? A classics is. Classics. What's in that? Ready, salted, salt and vinegar and cheese and onion. But they already do that.

Well, let me tell you what's in the classics. Prawn cocktail. Is that a classics? No. Sorry, no. Are you actually asking me? Yeah. I'm asking you.

No, you're not, because you'd already ask you. Pretend you're asking me. It's not. Well, apparently it is. I disagree with that choice from Walker's. But also the multi, but they already do that because I buy that. Yeah, but it's like a new thing. It's like the classics.

No, I got it. But I'm sorry. I got it. Cocktail is not a classic. Skips. Now that is a classic crisps. Oh, skips. But not a walkers.

Skip. But not a poor cocktail walkers. I've never eaten skips. I haven't eaten skips for years anyway. I loved skips. You know what put me off the skips. I know exactly what put you off the skips. Tell the story.

Lauren got hold of this woman. This is right back at the beginning of Self Care Club. Yeah. And we were doing past life regression. Yeah. She found some women off the industry. internet, some random fucking woman that you picked up from the train station and brought her to my house. I did, yeah. Anyway, she was a bit past life regressiony. As you can imagine. I don't

think she was a bit past life regressiony. I think she was a bit, I think she was a bit off. Whatever it was about her, the minute she came into my house, I didn't like her. I'll tell you what, before you even tell about the skips, I'll tell you what put me off. When I picked her up from the station, she had this handbag and I owned exactly the same handbag oh no and I was so kind of weirded out and just by her and the whole experience I sold that handbag because every time I looked at it I thought about her just the same way that you think about the skips honestly anyway let me tell you something right it took ages to get these fucking readings done and before she even started the reading we had to have this whole chat and everything else and then I really just didn't take to her at all

And then she's like, I need to eat lunch first before she did the reading. She sat on my couch. It's not even like she said, oh, do you mind if I sit over here? She took her shoes and socks off. Yes. She put her feet up on my buffet. Yes.

And sat eating a bag of skips. That is accurate. She sat eating a sandwich and a bag of skips. And the weirdest part of that whole thing was not that I had a stranger in my house and that she'd taken her shoes and socks off. It was that. The skips that threw me.

It was the skips. The thing was so retro. And also for an adult woman in her 50s to be eating a packet of skips. You don't see that very often, right? And I think I said, I haven't seen skips for like 20 years. Anyway, she fucking killed skips for me. I used to love skips. I used to love that handbag.

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Don't miss All's Fair. Now streaming on Hulu on Disney Plus. Wow, it really fucked us up that past life progression therapy, didn't it? And then we sat in the read. We've told this story before, but we sat in the reading. And basically she was quite bossy. Yeah, we weren't together. did it separately.

Yeah, that was, that, you can, you went in first and you, you fucking stitched me up. You went in first, you came out and you were like, your face was like, I don't know what the fuck just happened to me, but I think I've just been violated. I mean, I was looking at you and you were looking at me, you were like, I'm going to go now and leave you to it. You left. You got the fuck out of there. I'm like, she's leaving me with this weird, barefoot skipped.

Skip-eat-woman in my house. Yeah. And then you had to have your... I couldn't relax. I didn't get into any trance. And then she was like, oh, you... She like takes you into this trance, but I wasn't in a trance at all. And then she's like, right, where are you?

What year is it? What year is it? Yeah. 1832. 1861. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, who's there?

I think it's Adam. No, it can't be your husband. Who else is yet? It's my cousin. I was pulling people out of my fucking... I made it up. I know. So did I sort of.

Why didn't I just say to her, this is not working? Can you please leave? Why did both of us just do that for an hour each? It was so weird of us. Why? For the sake of our podcast, that's why. We never released the show. Oh no, we did.

Years later, we released it. Eventually we released it. It's called past cycle regression. It's somewhere. Somewhere in the ether. The skips are not mentioned. No, this is the handbag. Anyway, this does not help Michelle.

Michelle, I don't know what to say to you. Yeah, I think, I think it's weird. It's weird. Pay the Fiver. You don't. know what's going on behind closed doors. My feeling is maybe she's struggling and just wants to give her kid a really nice birthday. I think just hold it with compassion and empathy is what I would say. I think that's very nice advice. Yeah. But no, I don't think it is standard

and I, from what I understand, parents still pay for their five-year-old food at the birthday parties. I mean, I haven't been to a five-year-old's birthday party for a long time. years since I've got to do a 15th birthday it's coming up and she won't she wants a sleepover well there you go you can do jam sandwiches on bongo and skips you're done sleepover she was a sleepover you can have to get the fucking under-eye gold things they wear on maps all the time those under-eye patches and hair bands are you going to have to deal with all that I've done all that before for her what does she want for the sleepover what are we into at 15 snogging snogging and spliffs Can it be that?

Should I like to spliffs? I'm just thinking what a 50-year-olds into. Oh, yeah, I'll buy a bag of weed and see how all the mothers. That's wild too. And also charge them a fibre. We've had some feedback from Rachel. Okay. She says, I actually cannot with today's.

episode on 40-ish. I've listened twice to part of it at the end with Lauren and her screaming in the car. Oh, the screaming in the car. Oh, I had a meltdown alone in my car. I had a little scream. That was last week, wasn't it? It's right at the end of the episode. Honestly, when I was editing it, I was pissing myself laughing as you're retelling the story. Glad that my mental breakdown was your fun. Being like, hold on. Did you actually scream? Like, yes, I actually did. Followed by the phone comment about it falling, because after I screamed, the phone had fallen down between the seat anyway. I was cry laughing and I relate so much as I have defo screamed to myself multiple times and then given my phone a falling to. So

hilarious ladies. I'm only 29 but your podcasts are my favourite. I have a 50 minute drive twice a day and I never ever drive without you playing out loud. Worried when I finish all your old episodes what I'm going to listen to. I've got through four episodes today alone. People tell me this because it would seem that 40ish is quite bingeworthy. as is self-care club like people seem to binge it yeah i always feel the need to apologize i don't know why they're choosing to listen it's like yeah that's a lot sorry for all the shit you have to listen to it's a lot of shit yeah yeah yeah but that's why we're doing it so people listen i know i mean my husband said to me yesterday that one of our reels came up on

instagram on his instagram feed i don't know what he was even doing on instagram he sends me numerous Golden Retriever videos. Oh, your husband is now sending me paddle videos. Oh, I'm sorry. He obviously got into it. About paddle wankers. Oh, paddle wankers. And he thinks it's really funny. Yeah, he really does.

I know. And it's like, I'm like a Muppet sit there and watch it. I don't know why I'm watching it. If I see that Olly Mishkon has sent me a video, I should just ignore it. Yeah, you probably should. I sent him a yawn emoji. Oh, good. Well, well done. That's good. That'll put him off because he thinks it's fun.

Well, he probably thinks it's really fun. Yeah. Funny, you know. I know, because he's new to the whole. You're new to the internet. He should probably be a bit kind of, didn't I? He's new to the internet. Anyway, he said, one of your reels came up on my, on my Instagram.

I was like, really? And I was like, oh my God, what am I talking about? He's like, you were talking about carving pumpkins. And I didn't want to say to him, actually, that was a listener talking about their meltdown carving pumpkins. And he was like, you do talk a lot of shit, don't you? I was like, yeah, that's my job. You know what? It's an art.

and he doesn't appreciate that. The art of talking shit. No, he doesn't. It is an art. I wish you could see the face. It was very intense. You can on Spotify. You can on Spotify.

It is an art. Yeah. It's also our job. It's our job. Yeah. I'm really sorry. How many people say to you, because I say it to me all the time,

what do you find to talk about? What? I mean, it's endless. It's endless. We're both quite chatty by nature, But what I'm saying is, is that no one else in my life would be able to talk about 15 minutes on a Costco catalog or a nail polish on a charger. Other people don't make that out of content. As I'm saying it, maybe there's a reason.

Yeah. You know why? Because they have jobs and they go to work. And this is like just an incidental that happens in their life. Yeah, it's got to the point now with this show that when people ask me how work is, I kind of feel a bit like, I just change the subject. Do you? I mean, I love my job.

Yeah. I absolutely love it. But it's not like, it's not, we're not saving lives here. I mean, it's not. We're saving people's commutes. We're entertaining them. We're entertainers. That's our job.

Okay. I'm just saying that. Oh, I've got bones to pick with you. Oh, yeah. About entertainers. Oh yeah because you know what I'm going to say Don't you

It's about Anton's at It's about Michael I don't know what you're going to say Michael Barrymore We were talking about him on last week's show because Lauren made reference

to doing a Barrymore Yeah doing a Barrymore Yeah Which means that you're like Fun Bobby at the party Yeah She calls it doing a Barrymore Because there are no

She used to use Michael Barrymore because he was a very old school entertainer And then last week she said Or maybe I can use Anten Deck So anyway Since you said it

Michael Barrymore is now coming up on our TikTok. I mean, have you seen them? No, well, I've only seen the one you sent me. It's not hit my algorithm.

It's hitting yours. No, it's our algorithm. We share an algorithm. We share the same account. No, I don't, I try not to go on TikTok. I really, really don't.

If someone sends me, like my daughter sends me a lot of food TikToks. So I'll go on it and then it takes you straight into the next video. It's always Michael Barrymore now dancing with someone. I don't know who that is on the street. Listen, he is a lot older than you remember Michael Barrymore for top middle or bottom yeah also after you sent me that video and this is my bone to pick with you

all I've been singing for the last week is beast in the trap but the beast in the trap and I'm like I'm too old what is that I'm too old to be singing beast in the trap I don't even know what it is that's the the thing that everyone's doing on TikTok one of them sings and I wake up in the morning and I step outside and the other one And I take a deep breath, then I get real high. And then the other one wraps, beast in the trap. But the beast in the trap.

It's a thing. It's a trend. And Barrymore got on the trend. And it seeded in my brain and now I can't stop singing it. Should we be doing trends? I probably, yeah, but also really. I mean, imagine if that came up on Ollie's. I was just had that image in my head of me rapping Beast in the trap.

And Ollie being in bed next to me. with my LED face mask on reading my book. He's like, what the fucking actual fuck is this? Lauren. He doesn't call me Lauren. He calls me by my nickname. But what, I mean,

that's mortifying for him. He has a really sensible job. Imagine if one of his clients, what does your wife do for a living? Oh, here she is, rapping beast in the trap with another middle-aged woman.

Oh God, you know, when sometimes it hits you what you do for a living and you're like, what? Why aren't I just like a doctor's receptionist? A good normal person. Is that a no, then? It's actually not a no. Okay, can I tell you my rant slash meltdown? It's about fireworks night. In fact, it's about fireworks in general.

I'm not going to do what my mother does, which is bitterly complain from DiVali until New Year's Eve about how the dogs are scared of fireworks. Because we all know that the dogs are scared of fireworks. I know, but it's so mean. Also, okay, just on that point, if they can send people to the moon, surely they can create fireworks that have lovely colors but don't bang.

That must be possible. You must be able to do that. Obviously it isn't. It must be. It obviously isn't. I don't believe that. I think bang is part of the fun. I say fun in inverted commas of fireworks.

But it must, physics must make it possible to do the sparkle without the bang. Whatever. Anyway, this is my feeling about fireworks. Like you go to a fireworks display. It's cold, it's dark. It's normally a bit muddy because it's always somewhere that's like, a big green field and you see a firework or three fireworks woo woo and then it's like just more

fireworks do you know what I mean it's like once you've seen one you've seen them all it depends on the level of fireworks but it doesn't because even when it's a really good display have you seen them at the magic kingdom they're pretty spectacular actually have on new year's eve and yes they were but after the 15th huge star and then another star burst into it and another star burst into it He does it in like to the music. I've been there. To like, you know. At last I see the light and all the fireworks go.

Come on, I cried. It's amazing. It's magic. It's total magic at the Magic Kingdom. You're not going to get that in your local field. I just feel like, man. Lily Rose's school always do a big fireworks thing. Yeah, Josh's school does one as well.

And I always go every year. In fact, last year I helped out on the PTA. Good for you. Yeah, but this year all the messages are. of flying around about helping and I've stayed very quiet. I don't know why I'm now saying it on a public boy. You've been outed. Why is that? Because it's cold, it's dark, who can be bothered?

And my daughter doesn't talk to me there. She does want me there. It's embarrassing to have me there so she spends most of the night avoiding me. So I'm thinking maybe I'll just go and pick her up when it's finished. She doesn't care if I'm there for. What am I there for? I don't need to see if I work. Josh isn't even going this year, therefore I'm not going.

But I'm just, is this middle age where you're just like, yeah great fireworks and I'm just I just don't think they're all that that's all I want is to say about it it's been half term yeah now can we just for clarification my daughters are 17 and about to be she's 15 in two weeks old enough to be down the minds I mean you know you've met my eldest. She's not going down and mine. Yeah, she's not going down.

Well, only if you gave her a lift. Even then. Made you a pat lunch and picked her up early. A blow dry to head. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, right, so they're very self-sufficient. But because it's been Halloween, so they've been getting ready for a lot of parties.

There's been a lot of dropping off, a lot of picking up. My husband's been in hospital. Again, he is fine. So I have not, every time I have tried to get to my laptop to do some work, I have been called away to do something else. Whether it's, in fact, I wrote a list. I hear you on this. I resonate so hard. I've had two weeks of it and I couldn't wait for him to go back to school. It's either something like, the dog needs walking, the dog needs feeding. A child needs dropping, a child needs collecting. A child needs feeding. A child needs a chat. The dog needs

feeding again. The washing needs emptying. The dishwasher needs doing. The tumble dryer needs doing. Oh, the kitchen needs cleaning again. I've never cleaned the kitchen so many times in one fucking day. The Akado shop he's tweaking the Akado shop arrives and needs emptying. I mean you name it it was fucking endless and then don't even with the blow dryings had to blow dry

their hair. So they both had three blow drys each right so six blow dries two per day they've got a lot of hair my kids. They have Sunday morning I woke up early and I was going to go to the gym and I thought I'm actually not going to go to the gym

I'm actually going to sit down and this was yesterday and edit this show that I have been trying to edit for four days. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. So, if you are listening to this, which obviously you are, otherwise you wouldn't hear this, if you heard Tuesday show,

I mean, you're fucking welcome because what it only took to get that show edited, I can't even tell you, right? As I sit down, it's half past eight in the morning. I gave up my workout slot. Yes. Okay? Yeah. Just that is how committed I am to this call.

I gave up my. my gym slot, sat down, cup of tea, everything was uploaded, it was quiet, I was in the office, phone call, my daughter, can you come and get me? Oh my God, yeah. It's 8.30 in the morning. I had to go and get her. I had to go and get. I can't even tell you, in the end, I got so fucked off with all of them that I took my laptop to the gym and I just sat there working because, and I turned my phone off. Because all of you, The only way.

Just leave me alone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my poor husband who's had the back surgery, he is like, he has been so low maintenance. Thank God. I haven't had time. I actually haven't had time to look after him.

Thank God he's been low maintenance. Thank God he's been low maintenance. We had a conversation on Thursday when we could barely even speak to each other last week. I haven't seen you at all. I realized that this morning. I was like, I saw you a few days ago. No, I saw you last Monday. I haven't seen you for a week.

Yeah. And then on Thursday, we did speak in the afternoon. said to you, it got to about two o'clock and I just realized I had to just give up. Everything that I wanted to do and I had planned to do, I just gave up. And once I'd given up doing anything I needed or wanted to do, the day was easier. It's like, you know what, just forget it. It's not happening today. Just let that shit go. But I had that every day. Yes, I had the same. There were Halloween parties, drop off, pick up, drop off, pick up. And now I'm here and now I'm going to my friends. It ended on Friday with such an argument. I was so cross. I couldn't even eat my

dinner so I was so fed up by the end of the week and then they all left the house and we were empty nesters for the whole weekend just Ollie and I and I tell you there was some peaceful shit yeah it was it was very peaceful no one needed dropping anywhere I tried to get to my husband right I wanted to get there around 2 p.m yeah I did not manage to the hospital I did not manage to get there until hot plus five and then I actually said to the girls the next day because Daisy didn't feel where she had a cold and I said I'm telling you now I'm about to pick daddy up from hospital don't start because the person I'm looking after today is not you or you take some paracetamol and get over it yeah she looked at me like I'm now can't believe that in about

six weeks it's going to be the Christmas holidays because I'm telling you my my levels of can you drop me off can you pick me up and bored now can you come again they are beginning to where we're thin very thin we've got a meltdown from a listener i believe two actually ready yep this is from julie my meltdown is this the doctor prescribed me some testosterone for my hormones i've been using it for a couple of months now i have no idea if it's working but it has given me a very hairy arm like forest hairy i mentioned it to my friends who said i should be putting it on the back of my thigh Yes, Julie, yes.

Which in retrospect feels like a much better idea. Why didn't the doctor tell me how to use it? Now I feel like it can't be working as it can't make its way through the forest to my skin. I love the show. Thank you for making me laugh while I fall deeper into the perimenopause. Julie, I don't take testosterone, but from what I understand, because of the hairy business, aren't you supposed to put it in a different place on your body every day? No, you're supposed to put it on the back of your leg.

Okay. Because you can just shave it. Oh, I see. Or you can just laser it. Right. Right. Okay. So, like, for example, you wouldn't smear it across your lip.

Yeah. I mean, don't put it on your neck or the palm of your hands or anything like that. Or your chin. Yeah, because wherever you put it, it will create hair. Isn't that awful? Well, it's a male, well, they say it's a male hormone. It isn't. It's actually a female hormone testosterone.

Did you know that? We learned that. Because we went to the same talk. That's right. Yeah, I did know that. Yeah. Back of your thigh. Back of your thigh.

Back of your thigh, Julie. back of your thigh or maybe like behind the knees because you wouldn't grow hair there or what about like the inside of your elbow no why no you wouldn't grow hair on the inside of your yes really yes oh my god i don't want to start using this stuff it's taking me years to laser i don't want to start again i cannot tell you you put on like the size of a five pence yeah it's even less oh okay like half your nail right you put like the size of a p yeah and you just rub it in that's it's it's nothing okay if you're putting it in the right place but julie don't put it on your arm Stop.

Yeah, Julie. Keep up with the testosterone. But not there. But not there. Yes. Yes. There's another one. There's another one.

Good morning ladies. I am feeling quite spicy this morning. Oh, good. Because I, in capital letters, I don't sleep. This is my midlife moan. Good sleep is hard to find. Could it be my husband who doesn't snore? Yeah, it sounds like a hog half the night.

My two big dogs who lick all their orifices through the night, then decide to take a walk around the bed and click, clack. on the floor. I love that noise. Or could it be my neck injury that I've been nursing for a year? I haven't lifted weights in three weeks because of said neck. I'm miserable. I just want to sleep.

Help. I actually replied to her. What did you say? I said one word, magnesium. Oh yeah, that shit's good. That shit is going to soot out your neck. It's going to sort out your sleep. I mean...

You won't sort out her snoring husband or the dogs. I'd say earplugs plus magnesium plus melatonin gummies from America. if you can get those. You know you can get them here. Can you? Yeah. Okay, cool. Melaton and Gummies from here.

10 milligrams. Yeah. That. All of that. Yeah. All of that because you can't not sleep. Sleep, you've got to sleep. It's fundamental.

Yeah, I'm back on my magnesium because I had a few nights of waking up and sort of finding it tricky to sleep again. Yeah, I'm back on it. I'm sleeping better. It is so imperative for the perimenopause. I mean, I assume we're going through the peni menopold, but she didn't say. let's assume she is because she's listening to the show magnesium all the way okay that's maybe the only helpful thing that we've done all day

is all for that advice it wasn't even from me I've got nothing helpful to offer today yes you did you said melatonin I'm melatonin I was going to say it was some skips but maybe we're skipping the skips they're not going to help her flea follow neither is a numbongo

we will be back on Tuesday for another episode of 40-ish please keep your emails coming in hello at 40ish.com.com. Dot UK and we'll be back next week.

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I have a friend who's always like, Chelsea, you're not going to have a baby. You're going to die alone. I hope so. Comedian host and New York Times bestselling author, Chelsea Handler. What do you think I want to drag a bunch of innocent children down with me? Casino Roma Resort, February 22nd. As soon as I get diagnosed with any mild disease, I'm going to have my favorite drug dealer, put me down in the back of a barn like a fucking horse.

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