40ish - The Mental Load, Midlife Divorce & Body-Shaming Mothers-in-Law

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

This week on 40ish: Nicole needs to be treated like an unsettled baby until her implant kicks in and Lauren discovers cycling shorts are not just for fancy dress. In Midlife News, we unpack the research behind the UK's rising divorce rate and why so many women in their 40s and 50s are choosing to walk away from their marriages. Is it really about falling out of love, or are women finally reaching breaking point with carrying the mental load? Our dilemma this week asks what friendship looks like when life gets tough. One listener ended up in A&E after a nasty fall, but apart from one friend, hardly anyone checked in. Is she right to feel hurt, or are expectations around friendship sometimes too high? Lauren also shares her latest meltdown after a broken bracelet and Nicole decides her superstitious brain is in overdrive. Finally, we hear from a listener whose mother-in-law simply cannot stop commenting on her postpartum body. From backhanded compliments to unsolicited weight-loss advice, we ask the question: why do some people think a woman's body is fair game for public discussion? If you're enjoying 40ish, please share the podcast with a friend. 40ish is the funny podcast for midlife women navigating menopause, perimenopause, relationships, confidence, hormones and everything else life throws at women over 40. Topics discussed:• Midlife divorce• Grey divorce• Mental load in relationships• Emotional labour• Women's friendships• Loneliness in midlife• Women over 40• Body confidence• Relationships after 40• Menopause humour 💛 If you're enjoying 40ish, please follow, rate and review the podcast, and share it with a friend who'll laugh along with us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. You don't know where the landmines are. No. I don't, but also I don't eat them. Yeah. I feel like Lady Diana in the white Tasmat suit, but tiptoeing through your...

world. One never knows. I could say anything. I can't say anything and the landmine could blow up in my face. Or I could get across the whole field with nothing. What a fun, fun lottery game to play. What, okay. That's why how to do it all day long. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. And then when the anxiety subsides, it only subsides because it's taken over with rage. So it's either anxiety or rage. Well, because rage is just very, as I've learned, especially unacceptable. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 40-ish. I'm Nicole Goodman.

And I'm Laura Mishcon. This is the podcast tackling 40-something life, diving into everything related to midlife, the news, your stories, your dilemmas, and our own little rants and meltdowns and challenges and navigating this beautiful decade. You're very sprightly. Oh, so sprightly. From the mundane to the ridiculous, we figure out how to survive midlife together, one rant and crisis and meltdown at a time. And don't forget that you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts

for early access and ad-free listening across this show and Self-Care Club. And you can watch the video every week on Spotify and YouTube and you can listen on any other podcast platform. I don't really know why we've got that bit in there because I just feel like whatever platform they're listening on. That's their platform. Why do they need to listen to somewhere else?

They don't need to. But they can just stick. But they can. They have the availability to do so. They can also listen on Substack now. Oh yeah Quazas Are you on substack?

Have you read our substacks? Are you enjoying substack? Do you do you stack? Also like can someone help me out With how to get visibility on notes? Because wow, what is that? Our substack is called the Midlife Club. Yeah, it is.

So come and find us. Yeah, it's free. It's free to read it. Come and enjoy. And if you've got something to share big or small, we want to hear it. So please email us, hello at 40ish.com.com.

You want you to be part of the conversation. And if you're loving 40-ish, we'd be so grateful if you could share this episode or the show with someone who you think would love it too. Now, I don't know if you've noticed, but it's been quite hot recently. Oh, I had noticed. You have, you have noticed. And I am still, let me just make this clear for the record, I am still doing my Pilates, not once, but twice a week. Very impressed with myself, actually. I think it's the only exercise I've ever stuck to in my entire life.

Great. Anyway, it was really much too hot for leggings. Oh, no, no, no, no. You can't wear leggings. Well, I have been because I don't have anything else to wear. Now, I can say this because by the time this show airs, it's going to be over with. But someone I know is having a party tomorrow night.

And as a surprise, there's eight of us going, eight women going to this little get-together for her. And as a surprise, we are all dressing up as her. Because she has a very distinct style that always includes leopard print. Leopard print. leggings and bright orange lipstick. That is like her trademark look. So all eight of us have bought these leopard cycling shorts on Amazon that we're all going to wear as a surprise. How cute. Combined with bright orange lipstick. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. And she doesn't even

know the evening's happening. She just thinks she's going to her friend's house, but we're all going to be there dressed up as her. Right. I'm trying to think who the friend is, but I can't. Go on. Anyway, we ordered these cycling shorts on Amazon. They were eight quid. They are disgusting. I decided I'm not going to save them for the fancy dress. I'm actually going to wear them. Two Pilates, I'm just going to wear them because I'm 48 and I don't really care. I just don't really care. So I wore them to class.

And do you know what? There were six women in the class that morning. Every single one of them was also in cycling shorts. I felt so in. I've never owned a pair of cycling shorts in my life. Or maybe when I was nine I had a pair. But I've never, ever, ever owned a pair until now. And they're fancy dress ones.

I hate cycling shorts. And I wore them. They're not actually fancy dress ones. You've bought them for fancy dress. But I mean you would not wear these things seriously. I mean, they're pretty gross. I've actually got leopard print cycling shorts. They're not a nice leopard print.

They're not like a subtle one. They're not like... Okay. Right. They're like really birds for feather. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

They're really papal chair. I hate cycling shorts. I hate them. Well, we had this discussion on the other two weeks. But it wasn't specific about cycling shorts. Like, I hate them. But look, the wear, the feel, the what? Oh, I look disgusting in them.

I do. I look utterly disgusting. But that's just the same as a legging with the loose car. No, it isn't. Yeah, well, that's exactly what it is, but it doesn't land the same way. Okay. I kind of did the class thinking, I know I'm wearing the most Pat Butcher cycling shorts one could ever find. But none of you know that they're only for fancy dress on Amazon.

And also you're all wearing cycling shorts, so no one's judging. And I also thought, I just kind of don't care. If I was 25, maybe even 35, I might have had a little bit of self-consciousness about the fact that they all had like nice plain grey ones with a seam up the butt or like whatever it is that cycling shorts do these days. These did nothing flattering for anybody. Cycling shorts, just a matter what cycling shorts you buy,

they don't do anything flattering ever, ever, ever, ever. Some of the women in the class had ones with like, you could see like a panel, like a thing, they like held up your butt, they had like a tummy, Underneath the bum cheek. Yeah. But you know, you could see they were quality cycling shorts, whereas mine were like literally polyester, the most revolting sweaty.

Why are they sweaty? So sweaty, I can't even tell you, so sweaty. They sound great. You could almost ring them out afterwards. Lovely. That was lovely. Also, that heat wave was, I just didn't cope in that heat wave. I just couldn't cope in that heat at all.

You just have to slow. That my husband kept saying, it's just, it's too much, it's too much to do anything. I'm like, you have to just breathe into it. You just have to slow life down and just accept. You cannot get a lot done. I did. I wanted to sit in the aircon.

I actually did. You had a little nap one afternoon and I went and sat outside in the garden. You did. I don't know how you sat in that. It was like 35 degree heat. Because I'm like a lizard. I like absorb that sunshine. I love it.

Even that heat? Well, I think I was one of the few people who was not moaning about the heat. But you can't do your normal thing. you just have to accept, it's very hot, I will slow down. Yeah. That's all you can do. Yeah, it's true. But also, like, I never know what I want to eat.

Like, it really just ruined me. Yeah. And the children, the very, very funny yesterday, they were like, Mum, what are you doing? I was drinking a glass of water. And Max said to his girlfriend, she was like, what are you talking about? She's having a glass of water.

Max said, I don't think you understand. Probably in my lifetime of 22 years, I've seen Mum drink a glass of water about 10 times. Like, this is a big deal. When mum drinks a glass of water, you know it's hot. Yeah. Wasn't that hot yesterday. She was laughing.

She was like, you're joking. He was like, no, no. Yesterday wasn't actually, it had cooled down yesterday. Yeah, but I drank glass of water. He thought this was a big deal. Anyway, what's your 40-ish moment? Well, until I get my hormones settled out, I'm still not, I'm still not okay. Okay.

Just so you know. Okay. You might have. Tread carefully. Or just, just be nice to me. Yellow triangle? It's a yellow triangle. Like warning.

yeah oh yeah like caution yeah caution nice just be nice does that help being nice yeah i mean i might find it annoying yeah that's what i feel i feel like you don't know where the landmines are no i don't but also i don't either yeah i feel like lady diana in the white tasmat suit tiptoeing through your world one never knows i could say anything i could say anything and the landmine could blow up in my face or i could get across the whole field with nothing happening What a fun, fun lottery game to play. Is that why I'm the walk to the studio today, you were like, listen, I'm not around that much this week.

I was around more than you. You were like, well, I'm not around. Okay. Do you know what? Fine. I didn't say it like that. I didn't say it like that. Did I say it like that?

Everything is said like that at the moment, but that's okay. I understand. It's okay. I'm not taking it personally. No, please don't. No, no. At least I'm aware of it. Yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of self-awareness. That's good. Yeah, well, that helps a little bit, doesn't it? Because when you are really hormonal, there's no self-awareness. Oh, no, zero. No, zero. Absolutely zero. So I have to also tread very carefully.

The landmines are very different and look very different and feel very different. But I also have to tread carefully and say, you know, maybe you're a bit hormonal. But you don't get, like, irritated. No. You get more. Vacant. Yeah, you disappear. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just gone. Yeah. Somewhere else. So basically, my meltdown is that until I get my hormones, until they settle out, I feel like a baby. Right. Who needs, like, feeding, burping, nap. Feeding, burping, nap. Like, I need to be on this very tight rotation of all the things that are good for me.

Who is burping you? Eating. I don't need to be burped. It was an analogy. Okay. Because, you know, breastfed babies, they don't really need burping. I'm also not being breastfed. I think in this scenario you should be.

The headline is why 40-something women are driving the UK's 42% divorce rate. Recent demographic data reveals a staggering reality. 42% of all marriages in the UK now end in divorce. But behind the royal data lies a profound. demographic shift, the surge is increasingly driven by women in their 40s and 50s, entirely disillusioned by the suffocating weight of unequal parenting. The modern marital crisis is no longer defined strictly by infidelity or financial ruin, because they always say that there's only two problems in marriage. It's either money or sex. Instead, the breaking point is often an

invisible grinding exhaustion known as the mental load. Wow. The relentless cognitive labor of managing household, anticipating children's needs, scheduling and emotional regulation. Many millennial and Gen X couples entered marriage under the explicit assumption of equality. The modern husband champions his progressive values, proudly declaring his willingness to help out in inverted commas with the children. But family therapists note that this very phrase, helping out, exposes the fundamental rot at the core of the dynamic. Yes. Research by sociologists indicates that while fathers have increased their physical participation in childcare, the school-round weekend

outings, the mother remains the undisputed project manager. She is the one who remembers the paediatrician appointments, tracks clothing sizes, plans the meals and carries the perpetual anxiety of the family's well-being. It's the emotional load of the wellbeing of the whole family, isn't it, that the women are carrying. It's like gauging the temperature of each child, what's happening with them, how they're feeling, what's going on with them. And knowing immediately what's up. Yeah. They walk in a room. And you know. And you just know.

Yeah. And then Adam always asks me, oh, have you spoken to the girls? Are they okay? Blah, blah, blah. It's like, you've seen them, haven't you? He's like, well, yeah. But he needs... But he's not reading them.

Yeah. He needs my take on it. Yeah. Well, sometimes I have to translate a little what's going on with them, even though they're men. For women navigating, demanding professional careers, returning home to assume the role of household CEO leads to severe burnout, burnout. The resentment foments silently for years before manifesting as an irreversible desire for liberation.

This was magnified during lockdown as the boundaries between office and home disintegrated, the volume of labour required to sustain a family became impossible to ignore. Women were juggling Zoom meetings and simultaneously managing remote schooling and domestic logistics while their male partners retreated to

insulated home offices. This period of intense domestic confinement functioned as a mass awakening. Psychotherapists across London report an unprecedented influx of female clients seeking exit strategies. The realization was stark.

If the burden of managing the family rests entirely on their shoulders anyway, the physical presence of an adult male partner who functions more as an additional dependent than an equal contributor is a luxury they can no longer afford. What was this in, this article? It was, I can't remember actually. I found it online.

I don't know what it was in. well I mean that's very interesting but I get it and I understand it I get all of it yeah you know what I find so interesting next door to me my neighbours are about 10 maybe over between 10 and 15 years younger than we are and they've also got three kids and I would and they're obviously in the garden a lot because it's very warm and more often than not he's outside playing with him and then I always hear him say

hang on hang on girls I've just got to go and turn the oven on when I hear it, like my heart soars, I'm like, this is wonderful. He's outside playing with the girls. He's the one turning the oven on. He's the one multitasking. Like, I love to hear that. It's so refreshing.

It gives me hope. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Listen, men are obviously a lot more hands on. Like, my husband is a lot more hands on than my dad was because just the times have moved on. And I would imagine that my kids' husbands will be more hands on than Adam.

was and each generation it will progress further and further until I mean will it ever be finally equal I don't know can't really be because they're never going to give birth and breastfeed and do that bit and I just I don't know I don't think it's ever going to be and maybe it shouldn't be entirely equal because maybe we do things don't you think opportunities should be equal they are but you still have to they're not they're never going to change because it's never going to change that the men are never going to carry them, birth them and breastfeed them. That's never going to happen. There has to be a period where women have to be able to have time out to do that.

Yes, but it shouldn't impact their career growth. It shouldn't. They should be able to take those nine months off and then come back into the workplace and pick up where they left off if they have an equal footing with the father of the child so that they can work at the same capacity as the man. This episode is brought to you by Activia. already be eating yogurt, but not all yogurts are created equal.

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Hi, Lauren and Nicole. Please tell me if this would upset you or not. Last week, I had an accident. I slipped in my garden on the patio and ended up in A&E for seven hours. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I had to have stitches in my hand and I also had a concussion.

It took me a few days to recover as I was in pain and had a fright. My husband was around for the kids and to sort stuff out. although I told a few friends about it because I had to cancel plans with them. Only one friend checked in on me every day. I feel really disappointed and it's made me worry if the people around me are really selfish or if I'm overreacting and it wasn't such a big deal.

The whole experience has made me feel a bit lonely and vulnerable. Part of me was to message these close friends slash family and say that I'm disappointed they didn't even bother to send me a text to see how I was managing. But I know that's really not the done thing. Oh my God. would you mention it or leave it? Personally, I would 100% leave it because I don't,

I would feel so awkward having that conversation. And how do you say that without being very accusatory, even if you put it in the eye, you're still telling someone that they're a shitty person and you're disappointed? Well, you're not saying they're a shitty person. You're saying, I mean, it can be received that way It's not really what you're saying.

What you're saying is I'm upset and I feel a little bit let down by you. That's not you're a shitty person. But the only response to that message, let's say I sent you that message, the only response you can say is, I'm sorry. I should have checked up on you. Yeah. Yeah. But then I feel like you're kind of eliciting an apology because you've forced it out of them.

But it doesn't mean that they're going to do better next time. Or does it? I don't know. I think it's more than acceptable to say I feel upset that you weren't around for me and it was really tough and I had a really big fry and I really needed a bit more support I think that is perfectly acceptable

would I want to have that conversation? No, nobody wants to have that conversation but is it appropriate to have it? Yes. Depend who it's with? Yeah and also that stuff, it also depends who's hearing it and how it's being received. Yeah. I mean, I'm interested that she says it's made me feel lonely and vulnerable

because my, I'm reading into that that I think there's an underlying feeling of that maybe anyway and this has kind of highlighted it. I don't think she's been feeling amazing before this happened. and I think this has happened and now it's kind of put it into the light. Well, yes, absolutely. Do you know what I mean?

It's probably a moment for her to re-to have a look at the balance of the relationships. Yeah. And if it's working in her favour and if it isn't, perhaps she needs to have a few more boundaries around not overstretching or overdoing for others. Yeah. Because a lot of weird stuff goes on in friendships in midlife. It changes.

people come and then they go and people who you think we're around and then aren't around and it's a kind of weird reassessment in a lot of ways I mean there is a conversation that I could have with somebody who's upset me a number of times and I have chosen not to have it why if the if it felt right in a moment where I felt we were connecting and I could sort of say look I felt really upset about this can we talk about it then I'm open to that but I don't feel comfortable enough to phone her up and say this really upset me yeah because it's a deal to do that because it but it's not just one thing it's a few things so that's kind of now been the nature

of the relationship and I've sort of taken stock and I've looked at it and I've thought okay that's how you're rolling in that and that's not for me to say whether that's right or wrong it it doesn't massively work for me. Therefore, I'm going to just take half a step back and not put myself out so much for you to the point where they asked me to do them a favour and I said no. Oh, okay.

Did you justify the no? Did you just say no? I totally justified it. I felt really guilty. I felt really uncomfortable not doing it. And I'm really pleased I said no. And I'm really pleased I worked through it. How did they take the no?

Um, they didn't really hear the no. Okay. I had to kind of, I had to really force it. Oh. Yeah. But, but I think that was more of a lesson for me to really stand in it. You know, because they, people will respond how they respond. You are not in any control of that.

Like, you know, what we learned when we did boundaries over at self-care club, when we continued to do them, because it's not just a one thing that you learn and you're done. It's not like driving a car. you have to continually teach yourself to do it. No one can overstep your boundary apart from you. Nobody. Yeah. And the only reason that someone overstepped your boundary

is because you've allowed them to. Yeah. And that is probably what's happening here. Yeah. Yeah. I think that she probably has had a bit of a fright and it's kind of brought things out into the light that perhaps weren't there before.

But I do find it interesting, like those moments of, and you probably have this too, because you and I generally are not needy, people. Like we have a good fundamental setup in our household, so we have the support that is needed at all times. So it's very rare that I need, need.

External help. Yes. But when I do, I like I just notice, I notice what's around me. Good and bad. Would you say that was fair? Yeah, I would say that's fair, but I also don't really like to ask for it either. Even though I would happily give it.

But we also did a show on that, right? I don't like asking for it either. It's so uncomfortable, but also, like, if I had just had a fall and been in A&E for seven hours and had to have, did she say she had to have an operation on a hand? Stitches and a hand. Like, I would like to think the closest people to me would check in and say, how you're doing. Yeah, me too. And I would feel disappointed if they didn't, especially because I give a lot to the people that I love.

I think I would be quite upset if I didn't even just get a message. I'm not expecting like flowers. Honestly God, I would think that something had happened to you. Like I would never think, oh, she just doesn't care. And that's why she hasn't messaged me. I would be like, something's happened and she can't message me. I would never think like you don't care and you don't want to. A few years ago, it was two years ago.

I mean, we laughed about it now. One of my best friends, it was her birthday. And I completely forgot. Didn't phone her, didn't nothing. And at about 10 p.m., she sent me a message saying, are you okay? and I wrote back to say, yeah, I'm fine, why? And she goes, because it's my birthday and I haven't heard from you.

And it wasn't in an accusatory way. It was like, I'm actually worried because you're like the first person. Anyway, she laughed because I got her an extra nice present because I felt so guilty. I got her in like her sweaty Betty, whatever. So she was delighted. And now obviously every year, like I phoned her at 7 a.m. I need to be the first person to say happy birthday. You know, I won't forget again.

But so it's knowing the people at their heart. Like you would know if I hadn't message you that something, something was going on. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. It's tricky. It's a tricky one. I think maybe don't mention it to everyone you're annoyed with, but mention it to the people who you're really upset with.

Or maybe it doesn't have to be an immediate thing. Like can't you have that, you have that, have it in your back pocket and have the conversation when it feels right and safe and appropriate. don't have to have these and sometimes I think these conversations land so much better when you're in a good place rather than in a bad place.

Rather than when you're upset with them and then it just comes across a scratchy but if you're like having a really lovely night out and you're really having fun and you can say look I don't want to change the mood but can I just get this off my jazz? I think it lands differently. Totally. Yeah. Are you superstitious? I actually don't know this about you

after all these years. Am I superstitious? I'm not really superstitious. I mean, I do believe in like a higher power of some sort, whether it's God or not. So I don't believe like, oh, something, like if I break a mirror, I'm going to have seven years of bad sex or whatever it is. If you break a mirror, seven years of bad luck. Bad luck.

That's nonsense. Would you put like new shoes on a table? No, but that's gross. No, like in a box. Yeah. Okay. I will not. Why?

Because I'm really superstitious. But what do you think it's going to happen? It doesn't matter. I'm just really serious. No, no, but I'm asking you like, let's un-pick that. Is it you going to be really cursed? I just wouldn't risk it. No. Like how, let's just look at that factually. The point of superstition is there is no fact. But I am. Which doesn't make any sense. No, of course it doesn't. But then neither does like faith and God and everything else, but people still do it in a blind faith way. Like, there is no one coming to strike you down with a lightning rod. But, you know,

people still abide by the rules of religion because of their faith. Superstition is just that without God. I feel like whatever you're about to tell us is a lot lighter than what you've just said. It is. Because all it is, we could go into a rabbit hole now about religion. There's no rabbit hole. All it is is, you know when Bieber wouldn't get in the car? Yeah.

Because she's got a whole thing and she's like a whole madam and weird about getting in the car. But can we talk about that? We can. But can I just tell you this first. Then you can talk about it to your heart's content. Okay. She basically, she crosses her paws over her lead and refuses to do it. And then she jumps up.

It is so cute. And then she scratched me. So I look sadly like I have a self-harming problem because I have scratches all down my inner arms from her. But what happened was she broke my evil eye bracelet, my really nice one. But I mean, not broken like I could take it and get it like completely gone. Both sides gone, snapped, finished bin. I'm devastated because I really liked it. It was actually quite new.

and now I feel I feel like very superstitious about it about it you've got this all wrong really yeah because your thing was always if an evil eye

if something like say you lose one of your evil eye rings or an earring pulls off or something like that you say you have said the words to me like oh I obviously don't need it right now yeah yeah it's like lost its power yeah you don't need it anymore but this was not the same this was not like you look down and it's gone

this was like She broke it in a neurotic tantrum and that just doesn't feel the same. I feel like you're placing a lot of nonsense on that. Yeah, because I am weirdly superstitious about weird things. I can't see a magpie without saying good morning Mr Magpie five times. And I also do the salute because I like to double bag it. Do you do that? Double bag it?

Yeah. Lovely. I don't mean that. I mean, that's not the fun. Double bag it. That is so not the right. What do I mean? That is what I mean.

Double bag it. That is what I mean. You know what? When you're on perimenopause, do you have to worry about being pregnant anymore? So that's an irrelevant phrase in my life now. What? Double bagging.

But anyway. Have you ever? No. Exactly. It doesn't work. Anyway, you shouldn't do that if you are still fertile, by the way. I'm not. I don't have a uterus, so I'm definitely not.

Do you do that with mag pies? No, I don't. I'm not superstitious. Okay. I don't. you that. Well anyway, that's my meltdown. Although I do like, I don't like seeing, um, what the birds? Magpies! One for, one for sorrow, two for joy. Fucking magpies. Or is it crows? Who cares? Who cares? And I always count them as well. One for sorry, two for joy,

three for a girl, four for a boy. But I'm not having any girls or boys anymore. It's a nonsense poem that somebody made up. It's all a nonsense, but I'd like, I can't. It's so entrenched in me, so deeply within me. But then you're going to, you know, that's law of attraction shit. So if you're feeling fearful about it, then you're going to create something negative in your space. Like, stop that.

I don't think that if I count three crows, I'm going to have a baby girl. That is highly unlikely. You're now disproving your own superstition. I don't understand. I'm feeling very confused in this conversation. What I'm saying is, I know it. Are you not for it?

I know it's a nonsense. Are you not for it? Like, don't confuse me. I'm a very hormonal woman. I know it's nonsense, but I can't stop. Confuse me. Is it okay? Just be us in a straight line today.

What do you mean? Is it okay? What are we going to do? Give her a detention. Yes. Is it okay? Everything's going to be fine. Okay.

Do I need to replace the bracelet? No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

But I can't remember the brand. Yes, you need to replace the bracelet. Okay. But you don't need any more evil eyes. Just like I don't need any more sunglasses. I have so many evil eyes. For protection. Because of the obscenous.

Of what? I don't know. Who knows? Who knows? Isn't it the West? Who's the wicked witch of the east? Is she real? Is she who I have to worry about her as well?

Neither of them are real. Okay. Oh yeah, that's true. Neither of them are real. That's my meltdown. That is. Is that that is the meltdown. I know it's okay, but it doesn't feel okay, but is it okay?

But I don't know. That's the quandary. Do you see? Oh, I do. Oh, I do. That's how I feel generally. Is it okay? It's not really okay.

I don't feel okay, but I know it's okay. And I've had this constant, constant conversation with myself. This is how it goes. Oh, you've woken up feeling immensely anxious. Oh, that's nice. Okay, you're just going to get up. You're going to get out of bed. No, no, you're not going to be sick.

with anxiety, you just feel like you're going to be sick with anxiety, don't put any thoughts on it because it's actually not real. It's just, it's just a physical feeling. You are okay. You are okay as I'm walking to clean my teeth. You are okay. That's what I have to do all day long. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. And then when the anxiety subsides, it only subsides because it's taken over with rage. Wow. So it's either anxiety or rage. I don't know which I would prefer. I think it's anxiety. Well, because rage is just very, as I've learned, socially unacceptable. And also exhausting. It's all exhausting because I have to keep talking myself down from the fucking ledge.

Because it's so physical. Like I've got it now. It's like this panicking thing. And then what happens is you feel really panicky. I feel really panicking in my throat all the time. I can't breathe. And then so then I have to attach thoughts to it. I don't have to.

I'm choosing to attach thoughts to it. Like, okay, what am I? about. So then I'm like searching my brain thinking of things to feel panicky about. You can feel panicky about the leak in my laundry room if you like. I don't want to. I don't want to. I feel slightly panicky about like like the cleanliness of my house. Oh do you? Or I feel panicky about like so much weird shit that is very fixable. Okay. But like it's utterly exhausting. Very tiring. I'm so tired. It's not you need a nap.

Hence why I said to you that I need to go exercise, eat, sleep. Exercise, eat, sleep. Because most of my day is taken up talking myself down from not feeling anxious or rageful. So then I just am in this weird space of feeling anxious and rageful, but just giving myself a constant pep talk. I do feel like I want to push you around the park and a buggy and give you an ice cream. You see what I mean now? That's kind of how I feel. Yeah, you see what I mean now?

So I feel like a baby. He needs to be looked after. Look, I am in a routine. Yeah. Just think if I wasn't. No, let's not. I've done three hours of exercise a day. This is the edge taken off.

Okay. Also, that's quite exhausting. I do that every day. Okay. I wouldn't be able to come to work if I'd done three hours of exercise. I would just be back to bed. They're not all the same.

Doesn't matter. It's an hour of paddle, an hour of weights, and then an hour's walk. Actually, Zach said to me yesterday, saw your mate in the gym yesterday. I was like, uh-huh. he said he means me he means you he gave me such a big hug he was so cute he said she she was lifting quite heavy i said well she no i wasn't i wasn't he said you were wasn't he said

he was with his mate his mate said who's that and zach said that's my mum's mate and he said she lifts heavy and he was like yeah well actually what you can tell zach and zach's mate yeah I mean, you might not want to tell them this, but what is actually happening in the gym, as well as feeling anxious and rageful and then just in between having to attach those to the anxiety and the rage, is that I have to do a lot of pelvic floors.

Oh, right. I won't be telling Zach to make that. They don't need to know. Also, so I'm not back to my fighting weight, obviously, because I've got to do pelvic floors at the same time that I'm fucking lifting. Yeah. So I have to keep things quite light.

Well, they were impressed. Oh, well, that's very sweet. And one of them's a PT. And one of them's a semi-professional athlete. So they were impressed. That's what I'm saying. Thanks. But I had also, also, please tell them, I had played three and a half hours of paddle.

I'd also had a meltdown on the paddle court. Yeah. And then I came up to the gym. I will be sure to relay that information. And I was doing my pelvic floors. So just make sure they... I won't. I mean...

You don't really want to act to know about your pelvic floor. Do you know what I mean? One of my best friends. kept asking me the other day about the live show. And she's like, what's it about? And I said, what do you mean what's it about? She said, what's the topic? I'm like, well, you've obviously never listened to the show.

Yes, I have. I said, you haven't. No. Because it's only about one thing. We talk about one thing, which is middle age. That's it. Being a menopausal, perimenopausal woman. That is all we talk about.

That's the topic. That's the topic forever more. Hence the title of the show. Yeah. It does what it says on the tin. of pretty much. Want to hear the listener meltdown this week? Yeah.

Hi, Laura and hi Nicole. My rant is that my mill, mother-in-law mill, my mill, is completely obsessed with my body and makes endless passive-aggressive comments every time I see her. I am honestly at the end of my tether. I had a baby late in life. I am 40. He is 11 months old and ever since he was born,

my mother-in-law has decided that my postpartum weight is now a topic for public discussion. That's terrible. It is always wrapped up as concern or compliments, like you've got such a pretty face. Maybe once the baby's sleeping through, you'll have more time for yourself. Or my personal favourite, breastfeeding usually makes the weight fall off. She'll say these things with a smile and then look at me expectantly. Yes, I have still got weight to lose.

I know that because I own mirrors and clothes. But I'm not sitting around crying about it. The woman hasn't exactly maintained the figure that she had in 1987, yet my body is open for commentary. I am so tempted the next time she says you'll lose the baby weight eventually to reply and you'll learn some manners eventually. Oh. Yes, you are very much entitled to that rant.

Yes. And also, can't you just say in a polite way, please, could you stop making comments about my weight? It's making me feel really uncomfortable. And also, it doesn't bother me that much. It bothers you more. Just leave it alone. Maybe let me have the conversation today.

Yeah, just give Nicole your mother-in-law's phone number and she will deal with that shit for you. And I promise you it will never happen again. Never. Never. Never. Right, that's it. That's it. Time for us.

Your nap or food? Where are we? Where are we? No more. No more today. Food. Food. Food.

Okay, good. Let's do that.