40ish - The Sexy Lady Lamp, Two Fridges & The Great Lactose Hack

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Today on 40ish: James is back! giving us a peek inside the internal world of the midlife male brain including a deep dive into his two-fridge conundrum — while Lauren admits she’s spectacularly hopeless at booking holidays. A listener is being tormented by her husband's (quite frankly revolting sounding) lamp and lactose-intolerant folks rejoice — a milky hack promises sweet relief. Expect laughs, relatable fails, and all the midlife messiness you didn’t know you needed. Get in touch! Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One plus one equals more of the greatest stories. Hulu on Disney Plus. Stories about survivors. The most dangerous planet. Family. Retribution. Murder. Prophecy.

Beer and propane. Bali Dillard. Blake Pantha. The ultimate. The ultimate soldier. Chicago, all right? The best of the best stories now with even more from Hulu. Amazing.

Have it all with Bulu on Disney Plus. I'm walking past a little night. Oh my God. Hi, guys. I'm so sorry to hear about blah blah blah They're like, what are you talking about? I said he died He didn't think he's not dead

He just took the money for his medical bills It's fine It's just a woman's legs From mid thigh down In fish net stockings With high heels And a light bowl comes out of the top

Where her pants should be I haven't even wanted it I hate choosing holidays One of my worst things. I like the holiday, but they're like to choose. And also just maybe have a McDonald's big macmill and margaret for lunch. Right. And that was great.

A hundred percent. And you were still thin and you felt fine. The concept of doing that now would end me. Hello everybody. Welcome to 40-ish. I'm Lauren Mishcon. And I am James Alexander. This is the podcast where we tackle the chaos of 40-something-life, the joys, the highs, the lows, the in-between moments.

We share it all, plus our own mess and challenges of navigating this wonderful decade. From the mundane to the ridiculous, here we are to figure out how to survive midlife together. One rant, crisis and or meltdown at a time, possibly and rather than or. Yes. And please don't forget listeners, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can get early access, ad-free listening across this show and self-care club. and bonus content and if you like to watch video and see who is this man that is not Nicole you can come see us on Spotify or YouTube or listen on any other podcast platform

and if you've got something to share big or small we and the girls but we for this present moment in time would love to hear it so please email us hello at 40ish.com.uk Okay, please be in touch and you get to be a part of the conversation. Yes. Now, we should say, Nicole is still convalescing at home. Which means I'm taking over. So James is filling in. And in a worrying turn of events, James and I have started twinning.

Yes. You know how Nicole and I always turn up in the same outfit? Matchy, matchy, matchy, matchy. Even though Nicole and I have not spoken to each other, we will always both be in a denim shirt or both be in the same trainer or both be. Well, James and I both turned up, not black t-shirts today. coordinators. That's weird, isn't it? She won't like it. She won't like it. They're starting to work. Do I still have a place? They're bonding now. She is convalescing at home. She is

a little bit better, but she is not better enough to be here doing her things. So we're letting her rest. And secretly she just wanted to edit another episode with us in it. Do you think? Yes, 100%. What is your most 40-ish moment of the week, James? Well, for those of you that tuned in last week, I assume you've returned in case I was on again this week. And I am. It only came back for you. I was busy talking about how my stack of vitamins and whatnot were keeping me going.

Yeah. My most 40-ish moment this week is realizing that I'm 40-ish. How old are you exactly? I'm 44. You're 44? In April. In April. I'm 44.

I'm going to be 48 on Sunday. Oh, wow. Yeah. Happy birthday. I mean, no. No. No. Do you stop?

Have you stopped with the birthdays? I stopped at about 37. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you not do a 40? I did actually have a very big. I had quite a few little 40s. La Di Da.

La Di Da 40th birthday parties, yeah. But, you know, then that was it. My 40-ish is knowing that unless I do things like, after I play paddle. Yeah. If I do not get some like potassium in me, like eat a banana before I go to bed. Yeah. The next morning. Yeah.

I might be 92. Oh, do you have cramp? Not cramp. Just like everything creaks and hurts and like... This is just like being with Nicole with the paddle talk and the achy muscles. It's just the same. And the difference is extraordinary. Really?

Yeah. And I just remember how laissez-faire I was with everything like that in my 20s and 30s. Yeah. Like I could play football at 7.30 and if somebody was like, do you want to hang around and play another hour? I'd be like, yeah. Yeah? Hang around and play another hour, then go out for dinner, then go home and still get up at 6th the next morning without any problems. And also just maybe have a McDonald's Big Macmill and a Marlborough light for lunch.

Right. And that was great. And you were still thin and you felt fine. The concept of doing that now would end me. Of course. Obviously. Would end me. Yeah.

Even like going out two nights and a week is too much for me now. Yeah, yeah. I have to space it out. I've started getting into bed alarmingly early. I heard somewhere the other day that it was growing up, you can't wait to get older to go to bed whenever you want to go to bed. And it turns out that's half past nine. It's up your time.

Quite happily, if I can line it upright. Yeah. Katie goes to bed at nine o'clock. Yep. our 11 year old. Yeah. My next, my new trick is skulking into our bedroom and just getting into bed. I mean, I'll sit with the laptop for a bit.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, but I feel a lot better about getting into bed. I, years ago on a self-care club show, we were doing sleep, I think, and I learned that I suffered from something called revenge, sleep procrastination, which is a real thing where it's basically like you rebel against yourself and just don't go to bed so I usually don't go to bed before half 12. One. Yeah.

Now. Now. But last night, for no reason I just decided to have a bath and get into bed at nine. Do you know what? It's quite nice. This is new for me. I'm talking like I'm,

I'm, this is, you should all copy me. Like, I've only done this for the last couple of months. Yeah. It's a massive difference to my world. It's quite nice.

Yeah, it really is. Quite cozy. And you realize that actually past 930, whatever you're doing, it's not healthy. There's no value. to it you're not actually achieving much during that time and I was one of those people that

was like do you know what I work best between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. is when I crack it all out and actually what I was doing was cracking it all out reading it the following morning and editing four hours worth of what I'd cracked out into what useful 20 minutes I could have done at 7 a.m. Yeah nothing good happens I'm watching terrible things or I'm scrolling yes you know both awful both awful awful so I actually got into bed last night with a book And the Sunday papers? I felt so square, but so nice. My pajamas.

I don't know about newspapers in bed. Well, the supplement magazines, they don't give you a newspaper finger. So it's okay, don't worry. Okay, I'll tell you my most 40-ish thing. I've realised, and I was, I realized it whilst I was alone, I was a little embarrassed about the realisation, but I thought, you know, I'll bring it to the show.

What is coming? When I make coffee in the morning, I have to use a completely different kind of mug to the mug that I will use for coffee in the afternoon. Now, I don't think at any other age or stage of life, I would have cared or had a preference or noticed. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Talk me through morning and afternoon mugs.

Okay, the morning mug has to be a very wide rim. Right. Very girthy, very large. That mug. But squat. So I have a few like that. Okay. The afternoon mug has to be tall.

Oh, fancy coffee. No, a normal mug. Do you think drinking coffee in the afternoon has anything to do with you going to bed at midnight? No. No, because I don't have from falling asleep. This is like my post-lunch coffee, like my 2pm coffee. Different. Or sometimes it's tea.

Is it glass? No, no, no. Never glass. I'm allergic to hot drinks. in sea through containers. No, that's not okay. I can't stand that. Do you like that?

Herbal teas are allowed in that. Ollie likes it. I don't like it. And wanky coffees. Yeah. See, he's all for a glass mug. People like seeing the sort of dispersion of the milk and the coffee. I think that's a male thing you like to see everything.

Yeah, maybe. When we were buying a new fridge, he wanted to get a fridge with a glass fan. With a sea through door. I was like, what the fuck? No way. You'd like that. Oh, well, you don't have to go and open it.

No, because I'm. you've got to turn everything around so it's facing forward it will have to look perfect dream scenario no i i don't like it he would never ever ever serve me a coffee or tea and a see-through mug can we cut off for a second on something weirdly secondary yeah how many fridges do you have uh one okay so we have two fridges right one in a garage no we have a kitchen fridge yeah have a utility room fridge okay utility room fridge is tall fridge yes big yeah everything like drinks Well, the theory upon putting it in was that. Right.

Yeah, I understand that. Kitchen is half freezer, half fridge hidden behind a cupboard. Okay. You know what I mean? One of those. It's integrated. Yes, integrated, thank you. Obviously, you need to keep your milk for tea, that sort of stuff in there.

Yeah. Often used items. Yeah. Parmesan. Yeah. That sort of thing lives in there. Yeah. The other one we bought as a drinks fridge.

Yeah, like champagne, extra coos, that sort of stuff. Right. A flippening has happened in our house. Oh. So what now seems to happen is the fridge in the utility room, which is quite a way, it's not connected to the kitchen. Yeah. It's a bit of a mission to get to.

Make it sound like a house is enormous. Your house is very large. So three roams down on the right at the end of, I'm joking. You go from the kitchen into the hallway, into utility room. It's not that far. Right. But that fridge now is full of stock. Like all the stuff, the yoghirts, the drinks, the meat, the cheeses, the everything.

The vegetables and fruit all live in this giant fridge in the utility room. Right. And I have this like slightly embarrassed, bearing a mind I'm the only person that sees it feeling when I open the fridge and there's nothing in it. So I go into the kitchen, I open the fridge, there's like half a pot of big yoghurt sitting in there, a little big of milk and a bottle of water. Right. And some old sources that we haven't used since Christmas before last. Right, you're like a student. Yes.

That's what it looks like. You open the fridge and there's nothing in there. How has happened? I understand. Like a cardo or other delivery providers are available will arrive. Yeah. I know they'll come because I'll see the charge go through and the doorbell go. and it will get unpacked and I get home and I sort of have that,

you know when you're excited that the fridge is going to be full? I know that's maybe that's a middle age thing in itself, but you're like, oh, Thursday is a good day. Full of stuff. I mean, I'm not excited,

but the kids are always very happy on Thursday. Shopping's calm. Yes, there you go. And like you've got your full range of the yoghuts so that you can eat the ones that you don't leave till the end, like the black cherry one that's always lingering around, that sort of thing, right?

Yeah. Except I get home and I open that fridge, It's bloody empty. Why has Natalie flipped the fridges? I don't know. Have you not quizzed her on this? It's like it's been changed to like a today only fridge in the kitchen. Oh, okay.

And the occasional leftovers. Right. Anyway, yeah, that was, I can't remember how we cut off to fridges. Oh, I can. See through fridges. Yeah, talking about your fridge. There you go. There you go.

Okay. I mean, you know what? I don't care that I have a morning mug and afternoon mug. Is it the same mug? No, no, no. Totally different months. So, because I have to use, there's only two mugs I'll use. Oh.

I've got my Emma Bridgewater mugs with daddy or hubby on. They're both the same mug. They just have different text. I have the Robin one, Robin Redbreast. What? The Robin bird. Oh, no, no. I've got the stripes.

Oh, okay. Mine are turquoise. Right. Don't know why. Okay. And the big mug is the Le Cruze mug. Oh, yeah, that's a good mug. Those are the only two mugs.

Won't drink out of anything else. Not interested. I have a huge curated selection of different mugs more sorts of places in the world I wish I had the 40-ish mug here Oh yeah we've only got cans today Bizarrely is still available on the launch pod website A very nice little merch

Promo there We're going to hit hit the listeners up with a dilemma Are you ready? Do you want to read it this week and I'll read the disclaimer? Yeah let's go for it Okay just before we dive into your dilemma As a quick disclaimer We are not doctors or healthcare professionals

So if there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Please do. Don't listen to us. All right. Hi, Lauren, James and Nicole. He's edited that. Bit of creative licence. Fine. Okay, yeah.

About six months ago, my poor partner bought a lamp. When I say a lamp, I want to be clear. This is not a normal lamp. It's just a woman's legs from mid-year. thigh down in fishnet stockings with high heels and a light bulb comes out of the top where her pants should be. Yes, it is exactly what you're picturing. He says it's quirky and retro. I say it's revolting. He put it in the living room just there casually like with a dismembered sexy leg glowing beside the sofa. At first I laughed and I thought it was a joke. It was not a joke.

He loves it. Oh dear. He turns it on every evening. Do you rub it to turn it on or is it just a... Oh, God. Sometimes he even pats it affectionately when he walks past. I wish I was exaggerating. When people come over, I watch them notice it.

And a moment where they say, are we going to acknowledge the revolting legwoman lamp or not? Nobody ever does. Last week, I moved it into the spare room. whilst he was at work. He came home and immediately said, where is she? She?

That's the beginning of the problem. Right, yep. I said, I didn't think it suited the living room. He looked genuinely upset. He said, I was being controlling, and that this was his house too. I said, I don't want to spend the rest of my life sitting next to an illuminated fishnet leg.

He said that I was overreacting, and it's just a lamp. anyway he's now moved her back right so my question is do i tell him keep the sexy leg lamp because it makes him happy or do i put my i don't know if she's done this on purpose or do i put my foot down and insist it goes even if it causes a massive argument thank you how'd you pronounce that name carris carris yeah carris i'd say she's from wales would be my life oh yes I'd have a terrible, terrible, accidental dusting accident. Well, go on.

I would just, you'd come home one day and it would unfortunately be in five or maybe eight pieces in the bin. And I would say, I am so terribly sorry. I was cleaning it and I just knocked it off the table and it smashed. I know you loved it and it was so special to you. My deepest apologies. Natalie will be chuckling here. Oh.

Because she's pulled this trick several times. Okay. For somebody who is so careful, except for in driving, in every other area of her life. Right. She's surprisingly careless. What is she accidentally? When it comes to certain things.

Largely, actually, it's clothing items and t-shirts. Oh, they just accidentally shrunk? Gone. Oh. Haven't seen it. Right. Don't know where it is? I don't know that trick.

I've never done that. I had a camp. America T-shirt from 2001, but I loved dearly. Slept in. Yeah. It was one of those. One day it just vanished. Never to be seen again.

Had she vocalised her dislike for this? Oh, yes. Okay. And there are actually a couple of other items that were my grandfathers. Yeah. We have, as I'm sure most people do. Maybe you don't. Maybe it's a very middle age thing, apparently.

but we have like a unit with our TV on that's got lots of boxes in it right squares and in each of those squares natalie's made it look like some issue of harper bazaar or some sort of town and country life like each one seems to have like a theme and like there were a certain ornaments stacked on a couple of books that we've never read yeah those sorts of thing Uh-huh. You know, like balloon dog statues on books and that's something. Anyway, I demanded some real estate. Do you know what?

We're going to have all this chintz that is just here to look nice. Yeah. Then my grandfather's glass, beautiful glass, lilique car. Okay. We'll be in one of those things. What was going to be in that? Okay. Yeah.

So I get one of them for that. Okay. He also has this, had this particularly not great. Like an obelisk type thing. Right. Made out of Chrome. Okay. Which I sort of keep just to wind her up.

What is it? That's it. Okay. Just an object da. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yes.

Yep. Um. So I understand what's going on here. Hmm. I'm, the subject matter, I guess, is in each to their own. Do you think he's doing this to annoy her? A little bit. It sounds like something I would do to annoy Natalie. Do you think? As in it, as in, I would have shown very little interest in it until I saw her extremity of reaction and then I'd be all in on the leg lamp. I see. See,

Natalie's mistake is to vocalise my dislike for the clothes. Very much so. Just if she just said nothing whatsoever and then it disappeared. I'd never have noticed. It would be a true mystery. Yeah. But when you say you hate, I lost that t-shirt. Yeah. Did you? Which one do you mean? The Camp America Oh, I can't think which one that is. Oh, you really like that t-shirt. That's a much, just to say, Natalie, play that game. It works a lot better. The leg lamp's tricky though, because this sounds like a big piece for a start.

It sounds fucking disgusting. It really does. If I may say. Have you ever seen the one that Graham and Greensell, which I can't even look at in the catalogue, which is a rat? What? It's a rat. And the cord that plugs in is the tail. And it's holding, it's like a rat.

And it's holding the ball. Yeah. The hands of the rat hold the light bulb. Oh, I'm looking at it now. It's disgusting. Isn't it gross? It's quite cool. Oh, it's so gross.

It's 73 quid. I might order this one. Do you ever see the ones, do you know, like in the 80s, did any of your friends have this? It was very garden suburb. I don't think it was a lamp, but it was like a butler,

a statue of a butler, and he would hold his hands at this and there was a tray. Yes, it was to put books on. Did your friend's parents? have that. So do I. I never got that.

No. It was really weird. But not very nice. No, I think that's just one of those things that comes in. It was so 80s. Yeah, but it's generational it's in. Yeah. And everyone of that era.

They all had one, right? And had to have one, right? Yeah. I have to say, Ollie and I have nothing in common, apart from, we have exactly the same taste. Well, but that's a home decor. So for example, you know about the millennial, grey. Yeah, of course, of course. So that, that I think is just that. Generational. And

when I first got told about millennial grey, yeah, I sort of chuckled to myself, like, don't be so stupid, then walked around our house and was like, oh my God. Everything's grey. Everything is grey or a shade of. And we thought we were so quirky by adding some flashes of colour through artwork and other stuff. No, that's part of the, it's part of the blueprint. Yeah, it is, it is. But do you have the same taste? Like, do you agree? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, we're We always agree. But it's not evolved which scares me. Oh, I see.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like it does. We both have the same taste of things we'd pretend we would do. But when it actually comes to doing it. Yeah. We do it. We'd love to have a like bright green feature wall.

But we won't. Absolutely not. No, no. But if we're choosing plates, like a new dinnerware set or something, we would always agree. If we're choosing a sofa, we would always agree. We would never, one of us would never be like, I love that. The other one will be like that.

I think I'm a bit more out there than I, but I pay less attention and therefore I concede quicker. He pays more attention than me. So I had to buy a lampshade. Is it a leg? Do you know, funnily enough, it's a man's legs. And then where his pants should be is a bulb. Or two bulbs.

Just, yeah, just two bulbs at the top of the legs. No, we had the lamp. We found in the loft. We rediscovered it. And then, um, I needed to buy a new shade. And I just thought, you know what? I've been with him 31 years.

I know he'll like this and I bought it. And he was like, yeah, I like it. But I don't like the bulb. It's too bright. That's an easy fix though, isn't it? And I said, no, I think you'll misunderstanding. The entire reason for getting this lab out of the loft and repurposing it back into the living room is because I can't fucking see.

Because my eyes don't work anymore. He was like, oh, I don't realize. I was like, no, I cannot read anything in the living room. But now I can. So please keep the bright light bulb. Yeah. He said he found it oppressive, but you know. What do we tell Carries about this?

It does. Is your genuine advice? We're going for a breaking leg. Yeah. Break, break, break her fucking legs. It does sound revolting. It really does. And I think he is taking the piss.

Yeah, I think he's probably taking the piss. And he knows he's taking the piss. And it's both of your. houses so maybe you could just say listen it's fucking revolting you know it is stop messing me around chill your boots yeah let's go and buy a lamp that we both like yeah a halfway house lamp yeah not a tacky as farc lamp what is halfway from that though because i feel like the rat is halfway good my advice is go to graham and green they have some quirky quirky lamps yeah There you go.

Kitch is fine. Tachy's not. There's a fine line. Yeah, there is a very fine line. There is, I agree. Anyway, thanks, Karras. We're going to go to a break and come back with our meltdown. What is your meltdown this week, James?

What's upsetting you? Hello, mate. I'll be there on Tuesday morning. No problem. Okay. Who is that? Any service provider? Insert service provider.

Right? Yeah. Tuesday morning. Hello? Mm-hmm. Oh, sorry, mate, running a little late. I'll be there by lunchtime, is that right? Not really, but...

Okay. Okay. What can I do? You're the plumber. I don't know how to do plumbing, so I guess I'm waiting for you. Yeah. Half-past two. Ah, listen, mate, the days run away with me.

Any chance we can reschedule this to tomorrow? Really? Kind of been home for a whole day waiting for you. It's all right, because still... I haven't miraculously learned how to do plumbing in the last six hours. No. And without you, frankly, this hot tap is not getting fixed. I can't bear that.

What I'm amazed that is that you've got a human being. Normally it's just an app. Your engineer will be with you between 217. It's a bloke. And here's the other perhaps where that problem comes. Yeah. I don't know about you. But I got a few friends who have,

I've got a geezer that does that. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? It's like a pride thing for a lot of people. And you then have to go through this awkward. We're going to make all of, I've made the profession up. We're also going to make the names up for the purposes of protecting the identities of those involved. Yeah.

Hi, Jack. That was very close to his name. You know your plumber that you recommended me? You didn't turn up. Didn't turn up. Yeah. He's like, oh, that's not like. him I'll send him a message.

Like he's his boss. Yeah. But he's not. He's just a geyser who does plumbing for him once. Yeah. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Oh, he's replied straight away. Oh, has he?

He's been ignoring me for six hours. That's good. He said he'll come tomorrow. Yeah, he told me that. Yeah, great, thanks. Is he coming tomorrow though? Because, you know, sort of said that today. Yeah.

And he's not. So that is my... It's awkward, that. It's awkward. And I blame the friend, obviously. Yeah. Like he should have been in charge of his diary. But I've been the friend and then that's really orcs.

We had a builder who built our extension and actually he was a very emotional and quite temperamental man. It's not what you want from the builder, to be honest. But he did a great job and everything's still standing and it was brilliant. But one morning, one of his builders fell through my bedroom ceiling. Hang on. From your bedroom through the ceiling or from the loft into your bedroom. boot my bedroom ceiling into my bedroom. Just legs or the whole?

The whole man. The whole man. I was just in a dressing gown. Thank God I was in the dressing gown. Anyway, he sacked him on the spot. He was a very emotional builder. Anyway, I recommended him to my friend and they had some building work done and they, you know, gave him the cash.

And then he got really ill and unfortunately he died. Oh. But he had died having taken like 25 grand and not completed the work. Anyway, roll on like three years. And his plumber and carpenter are doing a job up the road from me. So I'm walking past the dog. I'm like, oh my God, hi, guys. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about blah, blah, blah.

They're like, what are you talking about? I said he died. You didn't finish him? They're like, he's not dead. He just took the money for his medical bills. He's fine. Ring, ring, ring. By the way, you know the builder.

He's not actually dead. Not yet. I mean, what the hell? Yeah, that's not good. Awful. So awful. You don't be that person. No.

No. No, no, no. Okay. My meltdown is this. I don't know how you and Natalie do this, but I don't like booking holidays. At all? At all, full stop with my husband.

I'll tell you why. He says, let's go away Easter. I say, amazing, wonderful, brilliant. Great. Where should we go? I don't know. Where do you want to go? I don't know.

Maybe Morocco. He's like, okay, you look at flowers. and hotels and then let me know what you're looking at blah blah now the thing is and i've come to this conclusion after 31 years it's exactly the same as me saying to him what you want for dinner chicken but actually he's just thought of the chicken but it's me that's going to do 100% of everything else apart from the thought of chicken so he's giving you the direction right But what I've realized is after many, many, many, many hundreds of hours wasted, where I do look at flights and I do look at hotels and I do present him with a package of,

here, here are all these places. I've spent hour sourcing. He'll just go, nah, and then he'll just do something else. It's just wasted time. It's just wasted time. That sounds like a you could use AI. Present me 30 holidays, knowing full well he's not going to look at them and just book something else anyway.

It's so true. But I just decided. on the weekend to bypass it. I said, okay, let's go through this pantomime again. I said, I'm just going to let you know. I'm not going to look at flights and I'm not going to look at hotels. But you did, though? No, I didn't.

Because whatever I choose, you won't like. So how about I just choose the country and you do everything else. And you choose chicken and I'll do everything else. And we won't pretend that either one of us does the bits that we don't do. He totally got it. He got it. Got the memo. Hold on.

He got the memo and chose or he got the memo and said, know I want you to do it. He doesn't want me to do it. He likes to think that he wants me to do it, but he really does want to do it. And I'm happy for him to do it, by the way. I don't even want to do it. I hate choosing holidays. It's one of my worst things. I like the holiday, but don't like to choose. I don't like to choose. Natalie does not like flying. Right. And I think that taints her ability to look at holidays. Okay, because she's thinking, oh no, the plane, the plane. I don't like the plane. Yes. And therefore, flying far away, she will naturally gravitate to...

France? Yes. Okay. France and Spain. I get that note, yeah. Whereas I feel like we're going to New York or Christmas. That's not a short flight. That is not a short flight. Guess what?

She was fucking fine. Was she? Yeah, of course she was. Okay. So I feel like she still looks through that lens and therefore... Anyway, in answer to your question, I've recently taken on the holidays.

Yeah. After not being in charge of the holidays. And now I'm in charge of the holidays. This is a role reversal of the fridge. Yeah. You've done a swap. Yes, because I'm just like, do you know what? I'm just going to make the decision.

And I'm sure you'll come. Yeah. I'm not going to. Yeah. I'm not going to. Yeah. I don't want to go anywhere cold. Fine.

Go to a beach. No problem. That's the input you can have. I want a beach. Great. The way I look at it is this. He's never, so far, in nearly 30 years, booked a bad holiday.

We've never been on a bad holiday. So how bad is it? All of a sudden going to turn. And if he does, he's owed one anyway. Yeah, but it's never going to. He just won't do it because he doesn't want a bad holiday. So I just give him full, full trust and power. And booking on, I'll come on the holiday.

I'm loving the holiday. I'll even attend. I will pack. I will do all the things. I'll sort of dog out. All the rest of it. I'll run the fridge down and water the plants. Here's one.

Do you pack your a suitcase? Yeah. Is there a Lauren case? Yeah. I see. We speak. spread our stuff across all suitcases. In case of loss.

In case it loses. And then I'm like, how helpful really is that? It's not like we pack outfits in each case. I used to do me. It's not like there's a science to how it's split up. And also like, if all their stuff gets lost,

they can't wear my stuff. I could get away with a pair of their shorts and T-shirts. And even then, you're going to go out and replace it anyway. Yeah, I am. It's true. Sometimes I do my stuff. Is this the lottery that you'd rather have your own cases?

And if my case goes missing, lucky me, I get a new wardrobe. if Benjys goes missing Lucky him he gets a new wardrobe No because it's got like my books I want to read and like my makeup No I really don't want my kids

Irreplaceable goes in those suitcases No maybe a bit of jewellery But then I would wear that normally That's what I mean Yeah Nothing irreplaceable but really annoying Inconvenient Yeah

Yeah not fun No I like my own case Thank you I do Okay this is the listener meltdown this week It's from Cal He says I think I've done the most 40-ish thing so far, maybe TMI,

but I switched to non-dairy milk ages ago. Yeah, he means like oat milk substance. You can't milk a nut, carry on. Or a squirrel. As milk just didn't agree with me fully, but then I'd seen lots of people moving back to real milk as it's actually healthier. So after some research,

I discovered that Jersey cows produce a different protein, in brackets A2, which is easier to digest. So in saying to please yesterday, I was like, screw it. We're going fancy now. And my God, it's delicious. I actually... I got a lot of time for that.

No joke, Cal. I sent this information to my family WhatsApp group because many members of the family are lactose intolerant. Allegedly. Yes. So I sent this and I said, I'm just telling you, I have this information and I'm sharing it with you because you could all go on this Jersey cow.

Milk. I feel like you may have lent into that a little bit hard. I believe him. I believe him. He's done the research. Look, I have sake out. I'm going to go and get some of that milk and find out what it's about. I wonder if it tastes different.

He says it's absolutely delicious. He says, my God, it's delicious. Yeah, but is that because he hasn't drunk milk for so long? He's been drinking nut milk. Yeah. And now he's realised what milk tastes like. Milk in almond. Yeah, maybe.

You know it's like five almonds in per bottle of those things? It's just water. An oil. Yeah, water oil and five almonds. Gross. It is gross. Much better for you to just have milk. Not for me, thank you.

I know the dairy industry is a sick, sad place, but it's still better for you than milking an almond, a hazelnut. I feel like milk is one of those things that I would avoid if I could avoid. I mean, you can. I don't drink milk in my coffee anymore. Do you not? No. You can avoid it.

you can't really, there's too much nice stuff that has milk in it. Only like porridge. No, but I mean like lots of cheeses. Oh yeah, but that's different. Lots of desserts have milky stuff in it. Yeah. All creamy desserts. You're not going to talk me out of chocolate moose.

You don't actually have to use cream. No, I know you don't have to. All right, but you're not good. And most of these things aren't milk. They're like cream or things like that. Like you're not going to talk me out into having a paddle. over with no cream on it. No.

Or toast without butter. All of the above. Butter in its own right is like a ridiculous thing to try and eliminate from your diet. Butter is great. I'm never eating milk again. You probably are. You probably are. Yeah.

Oh, we've got another one this week as well. Another listener note down. I feel like I should read this because it's a little bit of me this one. Okay. I don't know when it happened, but I'm now a person who makes a noise. every time I stand up. It's not on purpose. It just comes out.

I didn't even know I was doing it until my kids pointed it out. And now I'm completely self-conscious. I'm not injured. Nothing's wrong. I just get up. And the oof noise comes out. I feel like my dad who's 76, even though I am 43.

I totally resonate with that. I have one myself. I do too. Yeah. Okay. Do you know you do it? It's completely normal. Do you know?

I'm reading that like, what? That is normal. But do you, do you do it? Are you conscious of doing it? I'm not conscious because, as I'm sure you know, I'm not the type of person that really cares. No, but I mean, do you think? Oh my God, I just make that noise.

But occasionally I catch myself. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, that's bad. Do the kids say anything? And the other thing, which is memed up to the eyeballs that is of a similar ilk is going. What's that?

It's a middle-aged man thing of half-laughing. That is not on my algorithm. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you'll see it. I have never seen that. Now I've told you about it. You'll see it everywhere. I have never seen that or heard of it.

What is that? I don't know. It's like a half laugh. That. It's a horrible noise. I don't like that. To those listening, it sounds like a mid-asma attack. When and why do middle-aged men do this?

It's not happening in my house. I don't know. I think you're fine. No. Oh, he doesn't do that. You're going to spot it. He doesn't do that. You're going to spot it.

Oh, God. I look forward to the men. message in the next 48 hours when you're like, oh my God, he did it. I don't think I like that. Yeah, no, neither do I. That I catch myself and I'm like, oh. Oh my God. I think maybe my dad might do it.

Yeah, well, then it's coming. Maybe Ollie's just not there yet. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, everybody, that's it for this week. Thank you so much for filling in. You're quite welcome. For Mrs. Goodman.

I might even have to do a third week. Oh, my goodness. We'll have to see how her recovery goes. see how motivated she is after editing two of these to be like, okay, that's enough. I am coming back. I will return. Oh, we love you, Nicol.

We miss you. Wish you better. Wish you better. We'll be back next week, everybody. Please keep your dilemmas coming in. And thank you, James. And thank you. And you.

And you.