40ish - Unfiltered - Bionic Arms and Broken Hearts

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

Today on unfiltered, Nicole's rocking a bionic-level tennis elbow brace (think superhero chic meets medical misery), but Lauren's officially winning the Midlife Meltdown Olympics processing a whole lotta dog shaped grief. We also explore the surprisingly low bar first-period celebrations (trip out to the local Tesco, anyone?) and try to decode why engineering geniuses can't seem to navigate their own kitchens. Tune in for laughs, relatable chaos, and maybe a few tears.   We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's Zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use promo to 40ish Unfiltered, I'm Nicole Goodman and I'm Lauren Mishcombe. This is where we dish all the feedback from Thursday's episode. Every Tuesday we dive into your comments, your emails, your DMs, everything that you've been saying about the listener's dilemmas, right? Yeah. And if you want more 40ish in your life, hit the follow and subscribe button.

You can even leave us a review if you want to be really kind. We'd love that, wouldn't we? Oh my God, we would love that. Please, you go on Apple Podcasts, write a review, and also you can write messages to us on Spotify. I did not know that. Write comments yeah and we can reply to them. Can we? Yeah I might leave you in charge of that. I think I'm not sure I can deal with another platform. You also can't log in so. Oh yeah I can't so don't write to me because I won't see them but if you want to talk to Nicole privately

about private things. Well it's not private it's on a public platform. If you want to bitch about me and I'll never see it. No you will see it. No I won't. You'll see it. I'll never be able to look in. No you see it publicly on Spotify. Oh I see.

But I never go on Spotify. So it's fine. Yes you do. I don't. Sometimes I do DJX when I can't think of what radio station to listen to but I'm never on Spotify. So it's fine. Say what you like.

I won't. I'll never see it. You never go on Spotify. on Spotify never never it's just not a thing for me no no it's over way over my head yeah it's fine you know we're on Spotify not only you know we're on Spotify we're on video on Spotify I'm aware but I still don't need to see that and you know I'm like in constant like contact with people at Spotify now because you because and we've got a whole constant like contact with people at Spotify now. Go you. Because and we've got a whole news like it's a whole thing now with Spotify. Wicked. Wicked. I don't think I've ever heard you say that word. I don't think I've ever said

it. Spotify brings out the the the 90s teenager in you. Listen, this isn't my meltdown, but my brain fog is horrific. It's fucking terrible. It's horrific. You're lucky I put a bra on. I actually don't care if you wear a bra or not. I'm lucky I put a bra on. I did put a bra on. I don't know why I'm saying that. I don't either. I'm touching my boobs at the same time. I just shh. Shhh. What's your meltdown? I'm just going to tell you mine and then move on, okay? My dog died, as we said on Thursday's show. And I mean, if that isn't enough to bring you in, it's not particularly a midlife issue because my 12 year old is struggling more than anyone.

But I'm just saying, it makes you meltdown. It's fucking terrible. It's one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. That's my meltdown. And I defy anybody to top that this week. Because it's fucking terrible. It's one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. That's my meltdown and I defy anybody to top that this week Because it's been rotten rotten to the core We're sorry and no one is gonna win them

I'm just saying I'm winning. Yeah, my heart's shattered into a million pieces. No one else's is today No, I'm already winning at losing. Okay, you can tell me yours now. I can't talk about it anymore. I cannot tell you how pathetic my now sounds. No, it's fine. Bring it please. It's gonna sound like I can't eat. I think this is I've never felt more vacuous in my life as I do in this great I need vacuous okay I'm living for it oh you're living for that I have got what you need please the NHS app oh yeah I know it well I hate it do you yeah I hate it okay you know what I hate most about it that you have to figure out your NHS number no and type it in every time no okay you don. You don't need to do that. You do mine

Okay, go on. I mean now twice you have completely like stumped me. Oh Because mine is even more basic than that. What what is it? Put your NHS number in so they know who you are. No, no, you don't do that. You put in your email and my password What's your problem with it? My problem with it is this. Right? If you come out of it for like a quarter of a second, you have to re log in. I get it for data protection. I do understand, but it fucks me off. And also when you go to press your email and you know, you press the box where you got to put your email in, nothing automated comes up. You always have to type it in I hate that you do hate that and often it sends you around in a circle like you often to get into

the app have to put your email address in about three times and I can't bear that to me that is inefficient and a waste of time it is I don't know what you're doing with the NHS number, but if that was coming, if that was happening, that would send me into, listen, I am so, my implant needs redoing. Okay. My HRT is clearly not right. So everything is sending me into a bit of a tis. Good thing your dog's still alive then because you would not be in the studio today. I mean, I've managed to put on underwear, makeup,

but I mean, I'm really managed to do my hair. I did say it was vacuous. Yeah. You said you're living for vacuous. I mean, what's the vacuous enough? And now you've gone and like, Oh, well, at least your dog's alive. Like, well, it wasn't vacuous enough. Yeah. There's nothing I could say to that. No, I know. I win. That's like, you know, when you're moaning about your husband and your single friend goes, well, at least you're married. It's a bit like that. It's not vacuous enough. No, you want something more vacuous, more vacuous than typing in my email address on the NHS app. Yeah, I'll tell you what did send me into this slight meltdown. It is also

related is that four minutes after we got home from the vet and we're all like, you know, in a quite a state, the doorbell rings, It's Amazon. They're delivering Barker's nappy pads. And I was like, Oh my God, the timing, like literally four minutes after we walked in. It wasn't great. It wasn't great. What did you do with the nappies? I'm, I'm going to take it to the food bank, I think, because you can't return it apparently. Oh, I know. return it apparently. Oh, I know. I know, I was.

Can I tell you something really sweet? Some feedback that we just got. Listen to this. You'll love this. Hi Lauren. Hi Nicole. I've just listened to you reading out my dilemma about giving the lifts home from work. Oh yes. Yes. Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time. Secondly, I did it. I told them that I can't take them home tonight before they asked. Basically, if you didn't hear the dilemma on the show, it was, she works in a care home.

Yes. And she had offered to take some of her colleagues home, which is half an hour out of her way once. And then they just suddenly expected her to be doing it every single day. And she'd gotten herself into a bit of a state about how to deal with it. Yeah. So she's told them.

She's told them. She said, I think it may take a few more times and hopefully I'll be more confident each time. Fortish is seriously the best podcast out there. When I'm really struggling with my thoughts, you guys make me laugh out loud. So thanks again. Oh, I'm so happy. I am as well. Well done. Really proud of you.

Keep it up. And I love the feedback from the feedback. Yeah. Loving that feels very validating, doesn't it? It does. What's the matter? Oh, the elbow strap. This is my next midlife meltdown. This also isn't probably vacuous enough but tennis elbow. Well it's paddle elbow. You keep calling it tennis elbow. Because paddle elbow isn't a thing. It will be. No, no it's like tennis elbow is when it's on the outside of the elbow and golfer's elbow is when it's on the inside of the elbow. So what's paddle elbow? It doesn't exist. You're making it up. It must exist. It's just a repetitive strain. Okay. It's an RSI.

Yeah. I know all about an RSI. Yeah. I know all about RSI's. Do you? Well, not from my own body because I don't do any sport, but from others. Your husband. Yeah. Yeah. Dami says, last week I had a bit of a shock.

I was on Instagram and somehow I figured out that who I thought was Nicole is actually Lauren and who I thought was Nicole is actually Lauren and who I thought is Lauren is actually Nicole. Nicole for me, you look like a boy mom and Lauren, you look like someone who has girls and to find out it's the other way around. How funny is that? Even the voices, it's very hard to go back. I hope you haven't stopped listening because of that. I don't know what to tell you. I can't tell you how much of a girl mother I am. I just, I just can't. And I am just absolutely a quintessentially boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just God did not send me girls for a reason. And that is why God's definitely sent me a lot of females.

Even the dogs are female. Yeah. Everyone's a female in your house. Everyone's a male in mine. Everyone's female. Yeah. I mean, Daisy came in our room last night. She always comes in to say good night.

And she goes like this. Oh! And like dramatically falls on the bed. And I'm thinking, I just want to go to sleep. I just want to watch the end of Maths, sir, because it's like the final. Finally finished it. And I just can't do a whole dramatic scene now. There are no dramas in a boy house.

And you know what's so funny is that people always say like, oh, you know, what kids have you got? And they always say, oh, there's a special place in heaven for mothers of three boys. And I'm like, why? It's the easiest thing on earth to have sons. Why is there it's not, you know, that must be a lot. It's not a lot. That's so easy.

That's so straightforward. Well, good for you. It doesn't. Good for you. We're all delighted for you. Good for you. No one likes a show off. I'm not showing off. What I'm saying is it's not accurate that there's this thing that it's, you know, oh my goodness, poor you. It must be so hard for mothers of sons. Sons get a real bad press. And I'm having to tell you that when I see daughters, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, you're not getting it. Sons is easy.

I saw a woman the other day. I was having coffee with a friend and she had a newborn. Oh my God. This baby was a week old. It was fresh out the womb. It was like a little fetus. It was gorgeous. It was gorgeous. And I'm not that into babies. And then she had a 16 month old two girls. Good luck to her. I, I, I just thought you have got a lifetime. You haven't got a clue mate. Like you've got a lot ahead of you. Yeah. A lot. Talking of daughters, we've had a lot of feedback about the period gift context. Uh, the lady wrote in to say that her daughter was 10 and she was thinking when she was going to get her period necklace. No, no. She was saying when she got her first period, she might like to buy her a necklace or a gift or something to mark the occasion. You were talking about breast milk being put in resin and people wearing it around their neck.

Yeah. The period necklace says this lady. I love, love, love that idea. My daughter is seven. I've also got two older sons. My daughter knows about periods and I've said to her the same thing as Nicole. I've promised her a day off school chocolate and a day just for her. I love the idea of a piece of jewelry too. That's really special. Cute, right? Yeah, really cute. I'm surprised actually. I love the idea of a piece of jewelry too that's really special. Cute right? Yeah really cute. I'm surprised actually I thought people would be a bit more against it. I was at school when I got my first period, no pads in my bag and I had to ask my form tutor who was less than impressed that I had interrupted her lunch break to ask for a pad. Oh that's awful. I will make sure my daughter is fully stocked and prepared

because who knows maybe her friends won't be and they'll need some help. Oh cute. That is cute. Ruby said my daughter had a little day together and my friend brought her flowers and a card and we had hot chocolate and we watched movies and she loved it. Cute. Really cute. Jess said I got my period on a golf course with a big group of boys. I had to be very calm and grown up and keep it all together without any help or access to period products. When I got home to my mum hours later I felt like I'd had my big womanhood moment already. It was realising that day that I could handle anything in a pinch. Maybe a piece of jewellery would have served to remind me of that whenever I

doubted myself in the future. I like that. That is lovely that she'll always be able to stand on her own two feet as a woman. Philip said, thank God, I'm a man. Yeah. Well, again, Philip, no one likes to show off. And Carly, this is my favorite one. She said, I remember when I was younger, my friend got

hers first and her mom took her out for a fun day. So when I finally got mine, I was so excited for my fun day. But my mom said, okay, we can pop to Tesco for some pads. And that was it. That's not anyone's idea of a fun day out is it? Tesco. Tesco sanitary towels. It was in Covid. Did she even get any like Haribo or anything? What a shame. What a shame. Sorry Carly. Should we go to a break and then come back with some more? Well, picky bits in the garden gate. Oh, there was a lot. I saw a lot of feedback about that. And by the way, my daughter went

on TikTok. Yeah. She was for some reason going through our account and she was like my 17 year old, nearly 17. She was like oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, mum people are horrible to you, I know, she's like oh my god you're getting properly trolled mum, oh my god, she felt so bad for us. Why? Because she was reading all the trolling comments. But they weren't aimed at us about the picky bits in the garden. No not just the picky bits in the garden, She was just going through the account and going through.

Oh yeah. Did you say Daisy? We're used to it. I did. I said, I don't even read it. I don't even look at it. Lauren does. Lauren lives in the comments sometimes, but I don't. No, I don't really care. You used to. Yeah. I don't care anymore. My dog's dead. So I don't care about anything anymore. And I can use that for like a year. Do you know what I mean? It never ends. He'll always be dead.

I can't, I live him. It's so awful. It's so awful. I've done so well today not to cry. Really impressed myself. I am really impressed. But also, like when you say things like that, I can't say anything. That really doesn't help the podcast. Just saying it like makes it really difficult to like then have any form of banter.

I understand. We just have to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Picky bits. Darren says, I love this from Darren. He said, we had some friends around who vegetarian. It was a barbecue. We spent a further 30 quid on veggie burgers, plant based sausages, etc. Plus homemade Arancini show off and a huge salad offering. I even cooked their food first on a freshly cleaned barbecue before roasting our meat. When we were really nice when we went to their house for a return visit, we got bread and cheese. Well, don't do it for everyone. Everyone does host testing very differently. Don't they? I do grazing tables these days. You do. It's true. Yeah. You could do one side veggie, one side not. I've got to do another grazing table in a couple of weeks for my daughter's birthday. Wicked. Yeah. What is wrong with you? Testing it out. Twice. Twice. Professor Sonja Trisha Kaur says,

I wouldn't have eaten frozen Iceland bits and I certainly wouldn't eat in Nando's either. So, so basic. Professor. I'd like to go to their house for dinner. Professor. Wow. I don't want to Nando's. I've only had one. What? Yeah. I've only been to Nando's once. How can you only have been to Nando's once? It just doesn't tickle my fancy. And I was like, and it's chicken. And I have to say, I don't like the chips. The chicken was fine. The chips were very mid. I just wasn't like, you know, I was like, it's all right.

It's chicken and chips in it. I mean, fine. It's fine. I mean, my kids love it today. Yeah. There's nothing they like better than a cheeky Nando's and my fridge has medium Perry sauce, Nando's garlic, Peronies, which always sounds to me like perineum and all the Perry Perry perineum Nando's sources. Oh, please tell us more about what's in your larder. Please, such scintillating content.

Please. This person who just calls himself E says, I mean, would it have killed her to put out some vegetable sticks and dip? It's not very kid friendly. People were pretty rough in both directions on this conversation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poor listener who wrote in about the picky bits. Squirey said, surely the law of accepting a picky bits dinner invite is to also accept

that the fundamental nature of a picky bits dinner is to gamble. I mean, yeah, I understand that. Gamble. It's like a gamble. It's like, it's what you get. Who knows? No. If you came to a picky bits dinner with at my house, you'd know exactly what you were getting. And vice versa. Yeah. I really would. Yeah. You'd do a whole like Mediterranean vibe. Maybe I'll do a picky bits dinner in the garden soon. Are we invited? Yes, I'm saying for you and Adam.

Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah. I think I'm going to do one. We can sit on the bench. Yeah, we can have a nice drink on the bench. Yeah. I'll make sure the plaque's there in time. With the paw print.

Maybe with, I'm not sure. I'm on the fence about the paw print. Whoopsie says, would I serve that to a guest? Absolutely not. But would I critique someone in their own home about their food choices? Hell no. Yeah, agreed. I kind of agree with that, right? Okay, I'm done with the feedback now. Okay. She has spoken and so it shall be. I was just about to say my ADHD brain is bored of that. But then Lily Rose gets so annoyed if I ever make reference to the fact that I might be neurodiverse. She gets so annoyed about it.

She's like, well, you're not diagnosed. So stop saying it. She's right. I know self-diagnosis is a big thing at the moment. Yeah. People have a lot to say about it. She's like, well, you're not diagnosed. So stop saying it. She's right. I know self-diagnosis is a big thing at the moment. Yeah. People have a lot to say about it. Yeah. I'm sure we'll get trolled for this. I'm sure we will. Yeah. Um, but anyway, I am bored of that. Do you have bandwidth for the listener meltdown? Yes. Okay. That's what I was hoping for. Oh, okay. Did you notice that the last few hours when you're listening to no, I didn't notice I was reading. I wasn't actually like,

I was actually doing my job. Yeah, I was actually hosting a podcast. So if you weren't listening, I don't know what you were doing because we're here to work. Yeah, we're here to work. Yeah, this is our work. Okay, ready? Lauren and Nicole, here is my rant. Oh, straight in. I honestly cannot fathom how a mechanical engineer who everyone calls on to deal with their problems at work cannot load a dishwasher. Every night he loads it like a blind person who's asked his guide dog to do it with his

paws. Every morning I unload it only to find it half empty yet dirty as most of it is upside down or on top of something else. How? Why? Is there some sort of course I can send him on or shall I put him up for adoption? Fair enough. This morning, right? Please bear in mind that my HRT is off. You've noticed. Yeah. So I walked in and my daughter woke me up, like basically screaming at me because she couldn't find her school jumper, which I found within like a minute. And obviously that's your problem and your fault. And you know, you're woken up in such a... And it just put me in on the back foot all day and it put me in a mood.

Anyway, I came downstairs and I said to her, did you... because it was my husband's birthday yesterday. I said, we went to bed quite early. I said, did you have cake last night? Yeah. I'm like, well, you left it out. Can you put it away? Oh, I said, put it away.

Oh, put it away. I must've said it 20 times, put it away. All right, you don't need to keep repeating yourself. And then there were plates in the, in the sink. I said, put the plates away, right? And then they'd had something else on the other side of the kitchen. There were all plates all there.

Put it away. Just put it away. Why can't you just put it away? Why can't they put it away? Why can't they put it away? Do you want to give them up for adoption? I don't understand. I have to every morning. This is my meltdown. It sounds like it. Just go with it. Because it's happening now. Here we are. It's happening in real time. There are so many women that are going to relate to this. Every fucking morning I have to go down to that kitchen and every fucking morning I have to do like a sweep of the kitchen of basically just removing everyone else's disarray because no one could be fucked to put it in the fucking dishwasher.

else's disarray because no one could be fucked to put it in the fucking dishwasher. And then sometimes you know what really fucks me off is when they don't like rinse something and then it's just congealed. So I have to spend like five minutes removing this shit. And the thing is, is that when my HRT is right, this shit doesn't piss me off so much. But when it's not right, it feels very aggravating. That's just so aggravating. Do you know? I just put it away. I can almost stop it because we had nine we had nine people for dinner. And then on Saturday morning after we cleared up, I opened the dishwasher and it said error 24. And the dishwasher was full of dirty water and everything. Oh, did it have like the puddle in the, oh, that's the worst thing. We had to unload the dishwasher, hand wash absolutely everything and then on Saturday

morning, Saturday morning. But you know what? In context, it was like, this is the least of my problems. I can mindfully stand here and wash and dry up for an hour because I didn't give a shit. Yeah, my life's destroyed. And then I said to Ollie in a very wifey way. I was like, do you know when this happened before and I called the British gas man, he just goes outside for like 10 seconds fiddles with like the drain thing and then comes in and it's fixed. And I bet you could do that. He's like, why do you think I could do it? It's like because it's a blue job. And I just think you're going to be really good at it. Here's a bucket. Have a look at the dishwasher. I was like, do you want me to help you? He's like, I definitely do need a shorter bucket. I was like, I'll find you one. I handed him a shorter bucket,

like lower for the pipes. And then he was like, it's not coming from inside. I was like, I'll find you one. I'd handed him a shorter bucket, like lower for the pipes. And then he was like, it's not coming from inside. I was like, go and see what's going on. I know you can do it. I know you can do it anyway. I don't know what he did, but it worked and it's fine. Look at you giving him all the confidence. I know. I really, I was like, I'll big him up and it'd be fine. I have a question that's got nothing to do with anything. Why is British gas coming to fix your dishwasher? Because we booked the appointment before we knew that we could fix it. What British gas got to do with your dishwasher?

Have home care. They cover appliances. Oh, is that not just like domestic in general? It's not actually British gas. It is British gas. Oh, so it's like an insurance scheme. They do your, I mean, this is scintillating content. They do your washing machine, your dryer, your fridge, whatever's broken, you put whatever

appliances you want on the scheme and then they'll come and fix it. Okay? That's how it works. You know, when you're bored of hosting your own show, you know, it's probably time to sign off. Yeah, we both need something and I don't know what that is. I know what I need. You need HRT. I need an appointment with my gynae. Okay, I don't want that. I probably

need like therapy, Valium, alcohol. I don't know what I need. Can I tell you what you need? A hug. Yeah. You have to grieve. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna go and grieve. You can go and see the gynecologist. Maybe by next week we'll both be feeling a little better. A tad better. I'm actually feeling fine. I just wish they'd put their shit away. I'm on that note. Just put their shit away. Okay, we're going now. It's been great. I've enjoyed myself. See you next week.