40ish - Unfiltered - Hollywood Handshakes, Rashes and Public Humiliation

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Today on Unfiltered: Paul Hollywood confesses to being in a permanent midlife crisis, and honestly bitch? Same. Lauren admits she'd kill for a Hollywood handshake, while Nicole wants nothing to do with his French stick (make of that what you will). A listener shares a traumatic tale of being exposed on the loo in a public café thanks to her daughter and an ill-timed door swing. The week’s Midlife Meltdown Award has a strong contender: a woman who accidentally sent a photo of her rash to the entire family group chat. Spoiler: It’s not fungal, Margaret. Classic Unfiltered chaos—oversharing, public humiliation, and just enough rash chat to make you check your privacy settings. To buy tickets to our live show click here -  https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true Get 10% off Daily30+ today. Go to zoe.com/daily30 and use promo code 40ISH10 We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Lauren, I know we're middle-aged, but have you heard about the fibre maxing trend? No, obviously not. But I do know that mid-lifers need fibre. Well, everyone's talking about it at the moment because it's flipping the script on food hacks. Instead of focusing on what to cut out, it's about what to add in. More plant, more texture, more variety. Well, that's what you get with today's sponsor, Daily 30 by Zoe. Every scoop of Daily 30 has five grams of fibre from over 30 plants. It's created by Zoe's scientists to help you get more fiber and plant diversity.

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Plus you'll get a free bright yellow Zoe tin and a magnetic scoop. That's 40ish10 at zoe.com forward slash daily 30. Hello everybody, welcome to 40ish Unfiltered, I'm Nicole Goodman and I'm Lauren Mishcon. It is Tuesday, it's the day when we dish all the feedback from the week's episode. We dive into your comments, your emails, your DMs, what's happening on social media and what's happening on social media in our 40th universe well yeah what people are saying on social media about our little videos it's all about us but Becca makes for us and put up yeah and captions does all that jazz that you do when you're 24 whatever however old she is 24 I think people do it all ages now

it's good yes media. Most jobs involve social media. Involve social media now. Including ours. Yeah sadly. But we have Becca so yeah we don't have to get involved and if you want more forties in your life and of course you do follow, subscribe, it's exclusive, it's on Apple podcasts and if you do subscribe you get early access, you get ad free across this show and Apple podcasts and if you do subscribe you get early access, you get ad free across this show and our other show Self Care Club and you get bonus content. So make sure you come and be part of our Fortyish Club, we would love to have you. Yes we would. If you want to be part of the Fortyish conversation and we would love you to be, please can you

email your rants, your issues, any questions that you have for us, your midweek meltdowns, email it to hello at 40ish.co.uk that's 40ish.co.uk or you can DM us at Instagram 40ish.podcast that's 40ish.podcast. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Well I've only been sitting here for approximately 24 minutes in silence listening to you and James talk about paddle. It's a wonder that I'm not in a fucking coma. That's not very nice.

It was very boring. I didn't know what you were talking about. About rackets, elbows, physiotherapy. So you didn't know what we were talking about. court bookings, who plays, who won't play with their children, whose standard is this. Anyway, the long and short of it is you're still not playing together. You will never play together. You might one day play together. But I have decided... I think James realises that I'm getting closer to the point where he will start contemplating playing with me.

100%. He just said 100%. Okay, and I've decided I don't want that to happen. And I think it was because I told him about a shot that I got three times in one match. I think that was... That's not why. That's not why. So what was the clincher, James?

Why then? What's the clincher? Because I got... Oh, he doesn't want to do it on the show. Oh, no. No. I'm putting you up. But it was Lauren's face, it was your face

about the thought of James and I. You were like, imagine if we're like in a team and then we're partners together and then we're like the best paddle team ever. I said imagine James, imagine if we're like a really good partnership and we play really good solid paddle together, just imagine that we'd be like this solid partnership and Lauren's face was just like.

At that point I will either get a prescription for some sort of sedative, or I will retire from this podcast. If you are new to this show and you don't understand the relationship that we all have with James, we're in a- Mine is quite volatile with his.

We're in a mutually codependent throuple. Dysfunctional throuple. Very dysfunctional. Yeah. Yeah. Lauren's the peacemaker. James and I argue a lot. Yeah. We also get over it a lot. Yeah. It's quite explosive. A bit like paddle. So Lauren's, I guess the thought of you, your thought of me and James playing paddle together. Yeah. Outside of this little throttle. It's not jealousy, just to be clear.

I'm very clear on that. It's not that I would worry about being left out because I don't give a shit. It's just the fallout from it could be nuclear. Would be. Not could be. Would be at some point. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like I'd have to come in in some sort of hazmat suit. If we were allowed to come back at all. Yep. Well it's his studio so. Exactly. He might ban me. He might ban you. Then I've got to like record on my own and do an AI version of you because that would

be really weird. Although there's probably enough recordings of both of our voices to do this all on AI. Look at you all up to date on what's going on with AI. I'm really, really not up to date on what's on AI. The fact that you knew that that was an option is impressive. Okay, can you tell me something weird about AI? Tell me if you knew this. I bet James didn't know this. I bet he did. I bet he did know this. So last night, Max, as my oldest, we were watching The Bear, season four new series, and we were trying to remember what had happened in series three. three I was like I just want to recap I don't want to watch it when they do that yeah he was like hey to his friend chat GPT hey give

me a really quick recap of the best series one to three don't give me any spoilers for season four and make it under a minute and make it very concise and so they he said it the chat GPT man gave us the update. And then Max said, did he actually say it? Yeah, he said it. He spoke it. And then Max said, Oh, my God, you know, that used like 86 million gallons of water. I said, What are you talking about? He said, Do you understand how much energy and fuels are used? I was like no, it's just a computer and he said do you know that the people who own all the AI tech have been asking people not to just go hi to chat GPT because every time you do these

little things it's using so much energy. Yeah I did know that. And it's causing climate change. I did not know this. Yeah I did know that. So get rid of it. No? You're talking to me. I don't think me getting rid of it will make much difference. I mean, what? I know. You did know this. I did know this, yeah. This is terrible. Yeah, I know. It is terrible. Of course it's terrible. It's terrible for many, many, many, many reasons. Think of all the jobs that people are going to lose because, or are because of AI it's terrible. also like i don't need to heat up the planet to get a recap of the bear i could just google that. doesn't that also take energy? not as much apparently or i could just watch season four and get over myself. it's the same. is it? i don't think it is the same. googling

it in chat GPT isn't it going to use a similar amount of energy? No, no, no. It's the AI apparently. If you Google it, it's still an AI source. Do you know what? I should just watch it and get over myself. I'm not using this AI business anymore. I know. You know, you know, you have to. I do. Is that your meltdown? Apparently it is.

It wasn't going to be, but now it's here. What's yours? I'm a bit embarrassed. Don't be embarrassed we're all friends here. No because you're going to roll your eyes. Oh so what? No one goes to prison if I roll my eyes. I know but I don't like disappointing you. Oh okay. Go on. It sounds like you're going to anyway. It's about paddle. Oh god. Yes. The force is growing sports. In the wild. It is. I know, I'm aware. That's why Stormzy. I'm aware. I just don't care. That's why Stormzy has invested in the whole paddle business. Has he? Yeah, he's no fool. You talk about Stormzy a lot, by the way. I do not talk about Stormzy.

Do you follow him on social media or something? No, no. So why do you know so much about Stormzy? You do. You've mentioned him like a couple of weeks ago. I don't think I know anything else about Stormzy. I think that's the only single fact I know about him. I bet you know who he's dating or married to.

He broke up with Maya Jammer. I do know that. There you go. I do know that. That's all I know. There you go. I don't know anything else, okay? Why don't you ask Chachi Mute? No, I will never. Okay, paddle, yes. So they're bringing it to my club. Right, your gym. So I go to the David Lloyd and the David Lloyd that I go to doesn't have paddle, which is annoying because it's the flagship club. Yeah. Only has

tennis. Well it has badminton, but who cares? And it has a bit of pickleball, but again, who cares? Anyway, so they haven't had paddle, so I've had to go to another David Lloyd, which is fine. But I really wanted it back at my home club. And now the building work has started. And I don't know if this is me being a bit of a Karen

or being middle-aged. I think it's me being a bit of a Karen. Oh God, it is. Oh God, and it's too late now. Oh God. Spit it out. There's a lovely community at the other David Lloyd where I play paddle. Lovely, there's lots of WhatsApp groups,

there's lots of opportunities to play, you meet people, it's great. And I wanted to set that up for Finchley Because what happens at Finchley's is an enormous club and they're only putting three courts in I know this is very boring But just stay with me. You've got this. I'm trying only three courts and I'm never gonna get a court Just never gonna get a court. They just as they get released They've gone. Yeah, and it's gonna be worse at Finchley because it's a bigger class, right? I just want court time. Yeah, and also I liked the thought of you know people knowing that I'm kind of in charge of the And it's gonna be worse at Finchie because it's a bigger club. Yes. Right? Bigger community. I just want court time.

Yeah. And also I liked the thought of, you know, people knowing that I'm kind of in charge of the paddle. Oh, you want to be in charge. I don't want to be in charge. Yeah. But I want to like start setting the community up. Okay.

So people have to come to me to be put on the paddle group. This is just so you could get court time. Right. It sounds like a poison chalice. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Anyway, so I've done a bit of digging. Oh yeah. And because now all I'm doing at the club is talking about the paddle courts and I seem to be the only member at the David Lloyd Finchie who is happy about the paddle courts. Yeah, Ollie's really fucked up. I can't talk to the tennis players about it. They don't understand. The tennis players, they're getting rid of three tennis courts to put on three paddle courts.

And extra parking spaces, it's not just the paddle courts. So, Ollie plays tennis and he still struggles to get a court. So he's very annoyed about this. I know. And the tennis community, the tennis community have a lot to say about the paddle community and I wouldn't like to say it here because it's quite offensive what they say about paddle. You do know what the tennis community say about paddle. I do.

They've said it to me many many times. They say it's for people who can't play tennis but they use a much ruder phrase. Whatever we're not going to say that here. This is an inclusive space. We won't say the phrase but they're very're very very rude. I don't care, well they're idiots. What's your Karen moment? What's the Karen bit? Oh god, what have you done? Have you put up like a notice on the notice board? What have you done? So I found out the person that I had to like, who's like in charge of rackets, like head of rackets. Yeah. At the David Lloyd. who's like in charge of rackets, like head of rackets. Yeah. At the David Lloyd.

Yeah. So I've emailed him. Yeah. And said, hi, this is what's happening at Bushy and it's a really great community and I really wanna start setting this up. Like you're apparently, you're the guy to talk to about it. Yeah.

That's what I've done. Okay. And I'm very happy to take this on. Have you got capacity? Well, I also haven't got reply right now. Okay, I haven't got reply. I'm going to feedback because I'm about to like pass out in boredom. It's been a lot of panel chat. Oh it's so dull. You remember the mummies boy, the woman who was dating the man a few times and then the phone rang and it was his mom and he said oh it's mommy it's mommy and she was like is this

weird red flag over a hundred people replied on that little clip gone people had so much to say it was split 50-50 right with 50% of people saying he loves his mommy that's over it matters yeah and a lot of Irish people saying you in Ireland you call your mother mammy Everyone says mammy. So what's your problem? He's just respecting how I'd get over it. Oh They do that in sisters. Yes sisters set an island. Yeah mammy. Yeah, that's just normal He said it to his wife. Yeah, because he was a domestic abuser weirdo Debbie done Dallas says Jack Whitehall is

the only adult... Debbie Dundallis? That's her name on... that's her handle name. I got that. Jack Whitehall is the only adult I've ever heard use mommy and daddy. It's funny but it's a bit creepy but it wouldn't make me stop dating someone. Paul John... Would it stop making you date Jack Whitehall though? I'm not sure I would date Jack Whitehall. Oh he's very funny. He'd be a very good date. He'd be a very good date, yeah. But great, then I'd like to go home.

Me too. Paul John Flood says what she should have taken from that is that he won't ignore his mother's phone call because he's on a date. How a man treats his mother says a lot about him and he is a green flag. The men were totally fine about this, right? Another man said Prince Charles always said, Mummy, why is it a red flag? And someone replied to him, Prince Charles is your reference point, is a definite red flag. Yeah. You're very immature, says Mickey Mouse. There are way more important things to worry about in life. What red flag is it if he'd have said it's the old bag? Yeah. I mean,

good point. That is a good point. And at least he was respectful and he took the call. Like all of that is very valid. And then a woman said, a guy I dated was left a note by his mum when she went away, addressed to mummy's little boy. He was 33. No. No, no, no. That, that's... Unless she was taking the piss.

That's another level of not okay. Unless she's being funny, you know. You're still going to do that with your kids, are you, at 33? It's not okay. I mean, I would assume that my children won't be living with me when they're 33. Because that's the problem in itself. Because they won't be putting notes in their bag. I think it's unlikely I'd be putting notes in their bag. I do put notes in when my kids go to camp.

I mean, my eldest one doesn't anymore. I always used to put notes in their bag and like hide them in their knickers and in their socks and in their shoes and so they find them throughout the week that they're away. That's really cute. Hi ladies says Maria. I just listened to the 19th of June episode and I have a tip for all those women like me who get annoyed when their Tupperware slash cake tins are not returned. I have written my name on the bottom of my containers with permanent marker so whoever ends up with it knows that it is mine.

I realize this is a bit special. My daughters tell me I don't have OCD but I'm not sure because I also hang my washing on the line in size order. So at least if I don't get it back, I know that they know that they've stolen it. Love both podcasts have listened from the beginning. Size order? Yeah, I don't understand. So she'll do like a big jumper a t-shirt See Maria. I'm loving this. It's slightly passive aggressive Because every time they reuse that tupperware they're seeing Maria on the bottom of the pot then they know they've stolen it But also like I've told you with my mother-in-law like I knew I stole it. Yeah. I also didn't care. Imagine if it had her name in it. That's fine. I was very aware that it was hers every single time I

used it. I like this tip. Maria I'm not gonna lie. The washing hanging out. I am anal but I'm not that anal. I don't care what size order it goes in do you? Do you? What a sound bite. Do you care? What? On your on your fancy washing line with wheels if it goes in size order the washing? You don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck and it's not by the way. You're too punk for that sort of thing. Thanks. I think. I think you would just have a red sock and a blue sock just next to each other with no cares, wouldn't you? You wouldn't even put them in pairs on the washing line.

I've never been called punk before. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to figure out if I like it or not. I'd like it, but no one's ever said it about me. They never will. I'm not punk. I'm sorry, I think you've got that wrong. What is punk about me?

Nothing. Just your devil-may-care attitude about hanging up laundry. That's about it. That's not punk. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders.

Shop now at NoFrills.ca. This is a true story. It happened right here in my town. One night, 17 kids woke up, got out of bed, walked into the dark, and they never came back. I'm the director of Barbarian.

A lot of people died in a lot of weird ways. We're not gonna find it in the news because the police covered everything all up. On August 8th... This is where the story really starts. You're not going to find it in the news because the police covered everything all up. On August 8th. This is where the story really starts. Weapons. Max brought me home seven loads from uni. He was like, you know, in three years at uni, I've never ever brought you home any laundry. But I I was leaving so I just thought fuck it she enjoys laundry and he brought me

home so I mean it took me the best part of three days bedding towels it was it was not great and also he'd left it for weeks do you know how many times you've told me this can I just tell you something it's taken up half my fucking week you think I haven't got time to play paddle set up some paddle community because I'm doing laundry well more for you because he's 21 he can do it himself it was it was a mountain I'm sure it was a mountain but I'm just just so you know yeah you've already told me this okay I have got my car and the children say I keep saying the same thing you are I have

to say I have noticed that you are repeating yourself. Is it dementia or is it the perimenopause? I think it's the perimenopause. Let's hope so. Let's hope so. See? Just repeated yourself. Just repeated yourself. Funny but it's also not funny. Does anyone else like that repeat themselves? Do you know, do you remember telling me that? Because it's fine to tell me and then bring it to the show even though it wasn't the most fascinating piece of content. I don't remember telling me that? Because it's fine to tell me and then bring it to the show. I don't remember telling you that and I also don't remember telling one of my sons apparently three times yesterday that our neighbor's golden retriever died. By the third time he went, mom, I'm not being funny, but are you all right? Because we've now talked about this twice. Oh my god, Lauren. I said, it's really hot. He was like yeah but twice mum, twice. This is the third time you've told me. Then I started getting a bit worried. Do you know what I think it is? Can you keep an eye on this for me

please? Do you know what I think it is? We're not spending as much time together. I think you're lonely. I think you're lonely with the puppy. I do. You've had a lot going on. Yeah. We have not spent any time together. We're both getting on with our work very separately. It doesn't work for me. I'm just thinking it doesn't work for you either. Do you know what it is? I'm just leaving my marbles. Yeah. You haven't got enough company in your life. Just saying. That's really sad. I know you have a household of children and

a husband and a busy life outside of work. There's so many children at home now. Yeah. I feel like living in a Von Trapp. But they're not children. No, but it's like living in a Von Trapp house of adults. Yeah, it is. But you made all the- I made all of them.

Now they're all at home together. Had to make a whole lunch. No, you didn't. Right, this annoys me. I cannot tell you how irritated I feel about this. Can I tell you why? No, I don't wanna know. Just tell people what. I cannot tell you how irritated I felt about this. Can I tell you why? No, I don't want to know.

Just tell people what we're arguing about. We haven't even discussed this. We're already having an argument about it. Nicole said, guess what? I ran out of charge for my car so I was forced to go to my parents' house to charge the car and they gave me a protein shake and they gave me a coffee and they left me in complete peace and quiet and it was absolute bliss. It was fucking bliss. I have never been and then my mum she kept popping her head around going everything okay do you need anything? I'm like no mum but thank you so much

for asking. I mean it was blissful. It was dreamlike. You got all your work done. I got everything done. You got served. Yeah I got served and they, you hungry, do you want something to eat? You hungry? Like they just had- You got peace and quiet. All they cared about was that I was comfortable and happy. It was amazing. It was amazing.

This is parents. This is good parenting. Amazing. I love they're still parenting you this well at 48. Yeah. They're still really active in their role, aren't they? They really, really are. Last year when we went to Spain,

I went there for a few days, didn't I? And my best friend who lives in Miami happened to be out in Spain. We had one night overlap. So I was going to meet her for dinner and I was walking out the door and my dad's like, you gotta take a key, you gotta take a key, how are you gonna get home?

I mean, I said, dad, he was so stressed about me going out in Spain. I said, dad, I'm 47 years old. I have two children I am an adult. I will figure it do not worry and he's like well I will always be your dad and I can't not be your dad. It's true He can't not be your dad and what a great dad. He is Yeah, he's a great dad. He is a great dad. He's the best Meanwhile, I'm at home with one child who can't do PE

because he's broken his thumb. A puppy. A puppy, one who'd come home between work for his lunch break and one who's finished uni. They were all, it was one o'clock, it was lunchtime, everyone was hungry, and what was gonna happen was either the older two were going to just make some sort of apocalypse

of my kitchen with their various chicken and wraps and 85 fucking Nando's sauces and all the paraphernalia and then eat stuff that I was saving and then not you know and the and then they wouldn't make for the young this and I'd have to anyway so the simplest and I needed to eat as well the simplest solution was just to make lunch for all four of us. Yes but normal people would make like a cheese toastie or you know or just stick a fucking sandwich on the plate you didn't. Lauren I get this message oh well I've just had to make a whole lamb shawarma for everyone that seems to permanently live here it's like hold on a second for. For lunch. It was no biggie.

For... I had some lamb cubes that really needed to be cooked and I had some wraps. So I cooked the fucking lamb, put some hummus and lettuce in it. End of story. Like, it wasn't a big deal. There was five minutes of marinating. That was it. That was the biggest deal. Well, on the text message, it sounded like a lot of moaning because it was like I just had to. But I did have to because otherwise the mess would have been worse. You didn't have to make a lounge shawarma for lunch for everybody. I'm sorry but you didn't. Let's just use up everything in the fridge that needed to be used up. Okay, whatever. If I was coaching you I would really, really dig into the have to, let's talk about that.

Good thing I'm not being caged. So Paul Hollywood has been in the news. I like Paul Hollywood. Do you? Do you like his sparkling blue eyes? I think he looks like he would smell good. Yes, I agree. Yeah, he does, doesn't he? He really does.

I like his beard. I like the fact he can bake. I like the fact he makes bread. I like a lot about Paul Hollywood. You have to like the fact that he can bake because that's the whole that's his whole shtick. Otherwise, you wouldn't like him. True. I like him. Also, he probably makes a fucking mess in the kitchen you talk

about the lounge one but he makes a right old mess in the kitchen I'd like he doesn't clear up I'd like a Hollywood handshake would you like a Hollywood handshake what is a Hollywood handshake in Bake Off if you do really well he gives you a handshake and it's called the Hollywood handshake and it's like the highest prize you can ever receive in the Bake Off tent is a handshake. Do you think I'm boring with Paddle? Just as you know, this is, I find that boring. You find Paddle boring, I find, how, how do we get along so well? I don't know.

We have nothing in common. Nothing. We don't even enjoy the same things. No. Anyway, Paul Hollywood, who smells nice, maybe, I don't know. I've never smelt him He says he's been in perpetual midlife crisis since he was 17. He's about to turn 60 years old. What do you think of that? I don't even know what that means. How does that manifest itself? What does that look like? He says he can just afford bigger toys now, but nothing has changed and next year he might join a band

He says he can just afford bigger toys now but nothing has changed and next year he might join a band. Can I tell you that actually makes me feel anxious in my stomach like poor Paul Hollywood. That's not okay. To be in perpetual midlife crisis your whole adult life. What's that about? Basically you just can't accept the fact that he's getting older. Yeah I think it's problematic for him. But I understand that.

But there's something that's you know, if he's not fulfilled with his career and his baking and his lovely eyes and his handshakes and all of his, he's married isn't he? Twice yeah. Yeah twice. I mean he's got kids. I don't know I presume so. He says other birthdays I've never cared about 40 or 50 but 60 sounds old you're nearly drawing your pension it's the beginning of the end. i asked some guys on the bake-off crew what being 60 was like and they said hell hell do you think we're not there yet hell in what respect yeah and also they're men so like what's the worst that happens i feel like this is but i feel like that is happening at like 48 since the minute i turned 48 like everything physically has changed everything what's the worst that happens to them? What's gonna happen at 60? They get

wrinkly of balls and they go bald and and their chest hair goes grey. That's mean, that's mean. That is very un-compassionate. Is it? Non-compassionate. What's the word? I think some men at 60 look great. Doesn't matter. Some look shhh. Let it go Nicole, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what it means. Laura's not listening anyway. She's too busy trying to figure out what happens to men in their 60s. She doesn't give a shit about what you're saying. She's not listening. I don't know a lot of men in their 60s, do you? I don't think I know any. But they seem alright. My cousin's husband, I think he's about to turn 16. Is he alright?

He's alright, I don't know him that well. He seems alright. I don't know, but I just don't think it's such a drama being a man, just generally. I think that is so demeaning. And that is not, that's not fair. Really? Yeah. What happens to them that's worse than what happens to us? Yeah. Really? Yeah. What happens to them that's worse than what happens to us? Why are you stumping? Okay, willy. Right. Willy things. Okay, willy things. Willy things? Yeah. Maybe some prostate things also. Willy and bottom things. Maybe might happen. A bit of balding,

bit of paunch. Baldings happen way before 60.. Okay so then you've got to 60. Okay so William Willie balls and bum things and stomach paunch. But it's not the same. It's not like the merry it's not the merry hell that we get to go through for a decade. That it isn't. So. So fuck them. So poor Hollywood get over yourself. You know carry on with your baps and stop moaning. Surely. you know carry on with your baps and stop moaning surely you know I feel very split and I feel divided on this because we don't know because when a not 60 and be not men mm-hmm there's that true true B we should probably take him at face value and just be compassionate about what he's saying. Because that is the kind of thing to do. I don't think he was saying he was having a midlife crisis.

I think he just meant like he likes motorbikes and toys and gadgets. I don't think he meant he was actually in meltdown. I think he just means like a classic midlife crisis, like he likes flash cars. I don't think. Sorry to say this to you, Paul Hollywood, but you're not in a midlife crisis because you're older than that. A midlife crisis is like 40, 45. Midlife.

Right, you're now 60, mate. He's not midlife. You're not midlife. You're not even, you're not, it's like, where is he? He's like... Further than half. Well, he's not end of life or midlife. What's the, what's the in-between?

The autumn years. You are in the autumn years, poor Hollywood. Yeah. I Mean, we're definitely in late summer Aren't we we're not in summer. I Didn't really think about it in terms of seasons That's where we are. I'd say late summer. Yeah. I don't mind September. I'm happy with September. I actually love September. September is a gorgeous month.

It is. It is. Back to school. Everything feels fresh. Everything feels new. New beginnings. The weather's a bit cooler. Nice trees.

Yeah. Everything starts to drop. You get a new pencil case. You get a new... Yeah. All the good things. Yeah. OK.

So I don't mind being in September. So what's he in? October? Late October? I don't know. Mid-October? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know where this is going. That's absolutely not. Let's just end it now. Can we please end it? Suzanne has written these words. Oh, we're not ending it. Okay. No, no. We've still got to listen to Meltdown. Oh, let's do the Meltdown. Oh, this is a great, it was a great story.

What, Suzanne? Suzanne. Go on then. Give it to us, Suzanne. You can cut all the other shit out about poor Hollywood. You can cut the whole thing. I like the poor Hollywood thing. Oh, okay.

Suzanne said, to the lady whose boob fell out at the pool, I would swap places with her and she would be like, oh, I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to go to the Suzanne. You can cut all the other shit out about poor Hollywood, you can cut the whole thing. I like the poor Hollywood thing. Okay. Suzanne said to the lady whose boob fell out at the pool I would swap places

with you any day. I was at Kew Gardens. Is this the meltdown? No it's not even a meltdown, just a story she wanted to share with us. I was at Kew Gardens with my four-year-old daughter recently, we stopped at the cafe for some lunch and I needed the loo so I took her in with me. The toilet was just one large unisex room at the back of the cafe. Mid-wipe, yes mid-wipe, my daughter casually wandered over and unlocked the door. It swung open to reveal me in all my glory seated directly opposite the door on full display to the entire cafe. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. I'm not surprised Suzanne that is a horror story. See poor Hollywood you see

at least you're not Suzanne. I bet he's never had to take his daughter to the unisex toilets in Kew Gardens. No. Maybe he, maybe that's really unfair. You always think like that celebrities don't really look after their own children. You assume, it's a big assumption that you make. Some do. Some do. It's nice of you. What's the midlife meltdown? Dear Lauren and Nicole, having heard your listener ask about oversharing on a family WhatsApp, I had to share my midlife meltdown with you. I meant to send a photo of this weird rash on my inner thigh to my best friend Jen, because obviously she's the only one who would look at it without judgement and because she's watched every episode of Grey's Anatomy so she's basically

NHS adjacent. But because of my brain fog, which is the reason I started on the testosterone, which was the reason why I wondered about the rash, I sent it with an accompanying message that said, look at this fucking rash, what is it? Is it from the testosterone? What if it spreads to my fanjango? But I sent it to the family WhatsApp group by accident. All 14 people. My mum, my dad, both my brothers, their wives, my aunties and my cousins. If I had known, I obviously would have deleted it, but it was late at night and by the time I woke up there were replies. My mum had zoomed in and said, that looks fungal.

Have you tried Sudacrem? It is not a nappy rash mum. My dad said, try cider vinegar, works wonders on my athlete's foot. Now the group name has been changed from Fam Heart Heart to the Rash Collective. And my cousin, the fucker, has made a new profile pic which is a magnified image of my inner leg. I want to die. Oh, there's no getting out of it. There's nothing to do. And you're lucky you only sent it to the family WhatsApp group. Think of all the other groups that you could have put

that on. I mean, I think even if you'd sent that on the mum's class group, they would have been more helpful. No, but there's so many other places that you don't... I would not want to put that on my mum's school group. I wouldn't want to, but they'd be very helpful about it. I'm sure. They can solve anything. I asked them about pyjamas yesterday. They resolved it in moments. Did they? What were you asking them?

Where one purchases pyjamas for a 12-year-old. You can't figure that out by yourself. Well I mean... And you've had two 12-year-olds before Josh. Yeah but my kids just don't do pyjamas. I can't explain it. It's a pyjama thing. They just don't wear pyjamas. What did they say? M&S? They said next. I mean... Wouldn't occur to me. I could have told you that. Great. Next time I'll ask you. You don't know a lot about 12-year-old boys. I don't. Just saying. I don't. I... have told you that. Great. Next time I'll ask you. You don't know a lot about 12 year old boys. I don't. I don't. Just saying. Okay. That's fair. Boy questions I tend to divert away from you because it's not fair to make you answer them. I could give it a go. Listen, I'm just happy you're not sending me pictures of your rashes. I haven't got

any rashes. Oh my god. It was so funny the other day. I was in the doctor's and I bumped into someone that I knew and we started having a chat and he goes, so why are you here? That's so rude. I know and I went, really? Yeah. He's like, oh, okay. He's like, well then I hope the rash clears up. Right? He was joking. And then the doctor called me. I said, I'm going. And then he said to the doctor, I hope you sort her rash out. And then I bumped into him again, because he only lives around the

corner. I bumped into him again on my dog walk and he said to me, I was having, oh no, sorry, I was having a coffee with my friend. And he said to me, in fact, this should be my meltdown. He says to me, how's the rash? So my friend goes, what rash? It's a long story and I'm like, just please, there's no rash. I had to get a blood test, okay? Because I don't want to know. I'm like, yeah, but you're making it weird and I just had to go for a blood test okay yeah you should have said to him why are you here willy problems you know I just wanted it all to go away I don't blame you who's

winning this week then me you all rash Oh about worrying about me and James playing paddle. Yeah. I mean that is. I don't think I'm winning. No. No I don't think that counts for a win this week. What was yours? Oh being ghosted by the head of rackets. That's quite embarrassing yeah.

Is it? A little bit. I don't even know who he is. I've probably like walked past him a hundred times. Well who did you address the email to? Well no I know his name but I don't know who he is. Oh I see you. You never met him. I never noticed to meet him. Wow. Okay and then this lady with the family whatsapp. I think we give it to her.

I think she deserves it. She's been embarrassed enough. It is embarrassing. Let her have the win. Have the win. HAVIT! She hasn't said. HAVIT. Would you want to share your name?

The Rash Collective Havit. That is our show on Unfiltered. We'll be back on Thursday with a brand new episode of 40ish. If you want to keep your emails coming in, hello at 40ish.co.uk. And then we'll be back on Thursday. We will. See you then.