40ish - Watching Porn, Worming the Dog & Where are we with jeans?

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

This week on 40ish Lauren tackles the Ocado Xmas slot and Nicole worms her dog. A listener is tempted by an old flame and another has caught her husband watching porn. Also, where are we with jeans?  We would love to hear from you!  To share your dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. It's generic porn. Yeah. No, I'm laughing at what a TikTok reel that's going to make. Kind of like don't want to know the answer, but also I do.

But also I don't. Kind of like don't want to know the answer but also I do but also I don't. So then I had to tell my husband later, like my hands are sweaty just thinking about it and I said to him I'm sure he's a very good landscaper in fact I know he is because my parents garden is amazing he cannot landscape our garden he's like why? I said because I know him he's like right I I said, because I know him. He's like, right. I'm like, no, no, I know him. Biblically. Hello, everyone. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkin.

This is the podcast that navigates the challenges and absurdities of 40-something life and solves all of your dilemmas. Or we do attempt to. Every episode, we discuss your problems, issues, rants that you have very kindly shared with us. And we also divulge our own stories about our own mess of navigating midlife. So how's it going this week? Have you been 40-ish this week?

I've been, I think, peak 40-ish. Peak? Yep. Two things have happened. At time of recording, I don't know when this is going out, but at time of recording, September 26th, I booked my Christmas Ocado slot. Hashtag winning. When do they get released? Hashtag September 26th.

September maybe 24th. What took you two days? I kind of just forgot it was happening. Do you put that in your diary? No but I'm always aware. I'm just aware. I'm aware. Late September get it in. Then I get the following text message from my mother. Just booked my Christmas waitrose order. Lots of slots already booked. Have you done yours yet? Way ahead of you, I said. Did it last week. She replies, no one likes a clever dick.

I like that she gave me the heads up. Which slot did you get? They're all on the edge of our seats. I always, always get the 23rd. Because then I'm like, if there's that thing of X, Y, Z. Where you need to pop to Waitrose precisely

but you don't do Christmas Day I do Christmas Eve you do a big thing on Christmas Eve I do so I need that slot to see me through

so feeling quite smug about that yep yep very 40ish what have you done I haven't done my Christmas shop

you need to put that slot now no I don't I know you're going away because I'm going to be in the Caribbean and guess what fuck you I feel very smug about that who's more smug now You need to put that slot now. No, I don't. I know you're going away. Because I'm going to be in the Caribbean. And guess what? Fuck you.

I feel very smug about that. Who's more smug now? Fuck you. I'll tell you what I did this week. But you know what? You're in the Caribbean, but you can't come to my party. Do you know what? That is the only downside to being in the Caribbean.

Because there aren't many at Christmas time. To be honest, if I was going to the Caribbean, I'd miss my own Christmas party for that. But if I was doing a party and you were in the Caribbean, you'd also feel a bit like, oh, that's a shame I'm missing that.

I'd feel a bit of FOMO, but also I'd be in the Caribbean so I'd be all right. Yeah, that's exactly where I'm at. Yeah. You'll be fine. That's exactly where I'm at. You're going to be just fine.

I will cope. Try hard. Maybe we'll FaceTime. Okay, that'd be nice. Whilst I'm on the beach. Yeah. I'll be in my like George Michael wham Christmas jumper. That I always wear.

You don't wear that to your Christmas parties. I have. I have worn it. But I have been to one of your Christmas parties before. Yeah. And you get more glammed up than that. Sometimes I go glam and then the odd year I just go like Christmas sweatshirt. No, that's a lie.

It's not a lie. Well, okay, you're right. I shouldn't have called you a liar. I apologise. I don't mean it because you're not a liar by any means. Thanks. What I mean is you always err on the side of glamour and I love that about you.

Thanks. So if you're hosting, you're definitely doing the glam thing. Last year, Ollie said, I think you've gone a bit over the top. He said that before the first guest arrived. What were you wearing? I was fucking fuming. That's what I was. And then the first guest arrived i was fucking fuming yeah i was and then the first

guest arrived and he was like you look fantastic and i was like see you see what was i wearing i was wearing an asymmetrical red silk full length dress oh like a ball gown not like a ball gown like a imagine if you were in like marrakesh at Christmas, that kind of vibe. That's weird because you're in London. Yeah, I know. But it was like very floaty, bright red, one-shouldered, full length. I know the dress.

It was great. I know that dress. And I wore massive gold earrings. You wore that dress to a party I threw once. Yes, I did. It's a great dress, right? That is quite a dress for a Christmas Eve party. It's fucking Christmas Eve. I'm hosting.

It's red. I felt like wearing it. And I did. You look fucking great in that dress. I've only seen you in it once. Thanks. I would like to see you in it again. But you won't be because I wore it last Christmas Eve. So I had a funny thing. This is not what's the 40th thing that's happened to me. I've had a dress in my wardrobe for months

and months. And every time, you know when you put something on and then you think, oh no. I don't know if I love this, hate this. I really don't know. So I take it off. and then when I show my kids they're like what are you wearing you look disgusting anyway I put it on

lovely yeah I had 26 people over for a lunch and I thought if I don't wear this now today this very day it's never ever

going to be worn and I really didn't feel comfortable in it put it on I cannot tell you even my uncle yeah Uncle Irving Uncle Irving who was in his uncle irving who's in

his 70s even he was like you look lovely and colorful what a lovely dress even my uncle it went down so well this dress that i'm like okay the dress is a keeper great yeah also now everyone's seen it only my family you haven't seen it i'd love to see it socials haven't seen it i would love to see it i'm thinking of wearing it for the awards that we've got coming up please do don't know if I've got the guts

it's very out there please do please do wear it the most 40ish thing that's happened to me this week yep is something that made me feel

more like an adult responsible adult than ever before mmhmm I wormed the dog now I worm the dog this is not news I worm the dog

every 30 days do you you are diligent you've got to worm your dog I wormed the dog. Now, I wormed the dog. This is not news. I wormed the dog every 30 days. Do you? You are diligent. You've got to worm your dog. I worm the dog when I remember to worm the dog. You know, you are weirdly relaxed about things you shouldn't be weirdly relaxed about, like parking tickets. Oh, yeah, whatever.

Like, it's weird, but you're so diligent and, like, responsible about other things. Anyway, I worm the dog. Good. Every 30 days, I have a note in my phone, a reminder in my phone. It pops up. And as I was worming her, I mean, for people that don't have a dog, all you do is give them a pill. You don't have to deal with worms or bones or anything. You don't actually stick your hand up anything.

No, no. So it's not difficult. But as I'm breaking the pill up, she loves it. Yeah, they're like meaty flavour pills. I always make it like a treat. Sit, paw. Yeah, same. Then she gobbles it up and she's looking at me and licking her lips.

I'm like, you know what? I've wormed an animal today. Good for you. I am adulting. You are properly adulting life there. I really am. And also the truth is no one else in the household is ever going to worm the dog. Never.

Never. They're not. So then I went round the house saying, yes, okay, thank you, everybody, I've wormed the dog. You'll all be pleased to know she won't get worms this month. Thanks to me. They don't care. They're like, all right, Mum, stop being a pick me.

Yeah. You know. That is a bit. So not only have I wormed the dog, I'm now a pick me. And everyone's just rolling their eyes because I'm being annoying. So it was really midlife. Midlife was raging this week. Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer.

We're not doctors or healthcare professionals, are we? No, we are just two middle-aged women who know not a lot. Well, quite a lot, but sometimes not a lot. It depends on the day. It depends if we've got brain fog. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Or someone that knows a bit better. Uh-oh. What's our first dilemma? Uh-oh, I mean, the title says it all. Go on. I caught my husband watching porn.

Oh, OK. Hi, Lauren. Hi, Nicole. I'd love to know what you think of this situation. I am 39, so not quite, but sort of 40-ish. Well, I love that you're listening to the show because a lot of people have asked. Can I listen? I'm 51.

Yeah, you can. Absolutely, you can listen my husband is 43 we have two small kids the other night the little one woke up so I went down to settle him and when I came back to bed I caught my husband watching porn on his iPad he quickly tried to put it down but I heard it before I saw the two seconds of it on the screen and I knew what it was immediately I was so tired I didn't have it in me to confront him, but I've been stewing over it ever since. Why is she stewing?

I don't know. Maybe she doesn't like him watching it. Obviously not. I don't think that's the biggest thing in the whole wide world, that he's watching porn, do you? Saves her a job. Well, it might not. It might create a job.

Actually. I mean, I've never walked in and caught Asim watching porn, but would I care? I mean. I think I would care depending on the content.

And also where you're at in your own sex life cycle i mean james is just crashing literally like he's like rebuilding the studio out in the hallway yeah you know i mean like depending on where you guys are at because that goes in cycles too you know i can't keep talking about this on this show because what happens is right the whole sex life thing what happens is is that our lovely social media manager becca she then cuts the reels and then she cuts these pieces because they're good for tiktok and they're good for socials and then what happens is they end up on my children's feed and then it ends up on my children's friends feed about me talking

about my sex life and that is not cool and what also happens is you get loads of men on tiktok and they're never pleasant and they say things like i don't you know what i don't even want to put it out there because they'll do it anyway i need to waste my breath it'll all be in the comments it'll be things like you know oh well if you don't do the xyz it's no wonder they're watching porn and all that you know for me it's about what what is on that screen i don't want to just say i don't want to kink shame anyone let's just say it's generic generic porn generic yeah she doesn't say it's not generic right so let's assume it's generic okay let's let's please assume that because i would just say if it's not generic, for me, that's where there's an issue. Okay.

So if it's generic, what are you going to do? Or let's say it was like gay porn. Oh, no. Well, that's a different thing. Then there is an issue. There's an issue. She didn't say anything like that. It's generic porn.

Yeah. No, I'm laughing at what a TikTok reel that's going to make. Yeah. It's generic porn. It. No, I'm laughing at what a TikTok reel that's going to make. Yeah. It's generic porn. It's just generic.

Okay. I'm not a consumer of porn or a big fan. I don't think it's really sex as a spectator's

sport. Do it. Don't do it. I don't really see the fun in watching it. There you go, Becca. There's your TikTok reel for me to be trolled over.

So I'm not into it. I know there's like ethical porn and there's porn directed by women and there's porn that doesn't kind of take women who don't have many options in life and then make sure they're sexually abused for money. You're going too deep into this, the world of porn. Yeah. She's saying, she's asking, what would you do? Would you have a go at him?

Would you confront him? Would you leave it? Like, what would you do? If you walk in and you've come up in the middle of the night, okay, you don't have small children anymore, and you come up at 11 o'clock at night and you're going to bed and Ollie is sat there in bed. Sorry, Ollie.

Oh, sorry, Ollie. I mean, it's so not Ollie. Okay, let's say your friend said it to you. Yeah. And they walk in on their husband on their iPad watching porn. What are you going to tell her? I mean, there are some options, right? Either you're like, my first question would be, what kind of porn were they watching?

And then it's like... You're actually cringing here. I'm a bit. I'm surprised. Like, my first question would be, what kind of porn were they watching? And then it's like... You're actually cringing here. I'm a bit. I'm surprised. And then it'll be like, either join in or say, what are you watching? But she said it's the middle of the night. So then she's not going to want to have sex in the middle of the night. She's just settled her child.

She's just not going to do that. She's not going to go mum hat to like sex kitten hat, is she? She's just not going to be able to do that. Well, I can't. I've done that. It's really difficult. You can, but it's hard. I'm just going to leave that there. Let that settle.

You've gone from mum to sex kitten in the matter of what minutes? I've literally been mid special cuddle, had to pop downstairs, breastfeed a baby, pop back upstairs, carry on. I've done that. It's hard to switch gears.

That is like, you know what, being a woman is hard. It's really, that is fucking multitasking, my friend. Being a woman is a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. You know, you have to go from having sex to breastfeeding to having sex again. All in an instant. But I managed, Nicole. I managed.

That's because you are amazing. Women are amazing. Women are amazing. Women are fabulous. I don't, I guess the only thing is, is she bothered by it? Yes, because she's written in. Because she's written in. So if you are bothered,

have a chat about it. Something along the lines of, is this something you do often? Or is there something lacking in their sex life? Maybe that's the problem. Maybe they've got a baby and a toddler and she's fucking... She didn't say a baby and a toddler, did she? Well, she said the youngest woke up, so I don't know.

I'm saying that she says two young kids. Maybe she's just really tired. It's hard to have a really exciting sex life when you have really young children. Maybe she's just knackered and you know what? That's okay as well. No, no, it's. Maybe she's just knackered and you know what? That's okay as well. No, no. It's okay for her to be knackered. It's okay.

And it's okay for him to be watching porn. I think it's okay. It's all alright. I think it's all okay. But it's not okay for her. I don't feel like you've put much of your own stuff into this. I feel like I have, you know, shared quite a lot of information here

and you have not shared. What have I shared? I've told you my story. I have told you I'm not a consumer of porn. I've shared. You've got a vulnerability hangover

and now you're coming for me. Now you are sharing nothing. What do you want me to share? Are you a consumer of porn? Listen, I've just said, right? Oh, it's a politician's answer. No, I've just said right oh it's a politician's answer no i've just said that i don't like talking about my sex life anymore because it goes not viral on tiktok but you know it ends up on like my friends my kids feeds and it's not cool i'm taking that as a yes no i don't actually

i actually don't would you have a problem if Adam was or does? I don't want to know the answer to that, but would you have a problem with it? I'm not answering then. Okay. Okay. Why are you calling for me? I kind of like don't want to know the answer,

but also I do, but also I don't. I have to see Adam. I don't want to know the things about him I don't need to after this record the things about him I don't need to know

and also I think it's okay for you and I to have some boundaries you were very happy to share that with me you were very happy to share that

I wasn't very happy but I am also recording a podcast with you so if I sat in silence it wouldn't make much of a show would it you know what I mean

I think this question has thrown up a lot yeah it has more than you're feeling very vulnerable i do a little bit yeah it's okay thanks it's okay to say that you were having sex and then you had to go and breastfeed no i'm fine with that oh well actually i feel like i totally bossed that night. I don't think anyone had any complaints, Ollie, nor the baby. Everyone's needs were met. Were yours?

Well, yeah. Okay. Everyone's needs were met. Lovely. It was fine. Right. So what bit are you worried about?

I don't want to know about Adam's porn habits or not. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Don't answer. And I'm not going to because, you know, there has to be some limits as to what we share on here. Agreed. I'm not asking about ollies.

No, don't do that either. So you were very happy to share your own thoughts about porn. I love that for you. Okay. What do we tell this woman? It's fine. It's fine if you're tired and you're not wanting to have a lot of sex with your husband or maybe you are.

She didn't even say any of that. She didn't say any of that. She doesn't like that he's watching porn. Probably without her. Why doesn't she just join in? That's what I think. Get involved. Ask him if there's something that's lacking for them

in their sex life, in his opinion. Maybe they just need to have that conversation. Maybe they just need to get through this couple of years where everyone's tired and overwhelmed and then concentrate on it again you know no pressure i don't feel like she should have the added pressure of like is the woman in the film doing something that i'm not and shall i do that too she's got the pressure now it's there the pressure's there the thought is. It's there. The pressure's there. The thought is there. It's whirring. It's whirring.

Hence the email. Hence the email. So if she's worried about it she needs to have an open, fairly uncomfortable conversation with her husband. You know? It's like, it's not dinner conversation is it? It's definitely not. I'm not even sure it's podcast conversation.

I think what she should do is arrange a date night. Yeah. Have a couple of drinks, loosen up a bit, and then broach the subject. I think people are going to have such polarising opinions on this. I think 50% of the women are going to be like, he shouldn't be doing that. And the other half are going to be like, yeah,'t be doing that. And the other half are going to

be like, yeah, join in. What's your problem? Why are you such a prude? I think it's going to be a split opinion. Don't you? I love porn. We watch it together all the time, every night. But there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with it. And there's nothing wrong if you don't like porn and there's nothing wrong if you do. There's going to be a definite

divide down the middle. Well, we will see, won't we? What an exciting time that will be when that reel hits. I have a question. Hit me with it. Like, what is going on? I have a question. Hit me with it. Like, what is going on in the world of denim and jeans? Where are we with jeans? The whole world and scope and shape and model and sizing and everything has changed with jeans.

And I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing. It's funny you should say that because only last night in bed, I was reading the Sunday Times style section and there was a three-page spread. Yeah, on jeans. The title being, Brace Yourselves, The Skinny Jean is Back. Apparently, it's back. But it hasn't been gone that long.

It hasn't been gone that long. Okay, well, I have not worn a skinny jean for that long. Kate Moss has been seen out in hers again, as has her daughter, Lila. Very trendy. And basically, this was quite good for us, I thought. The crux of it was people are looking online, like searches for skinny jeans have gone up 50%,

but unlike Vint vintage and places where they resell jeans and they said the thing is there's nothing better than worn jeans but you've probably got your own very worn in pair that you haven't worn for ages because skinny jeans went out but now you can wear them again and they're yours and they belong to you i'm sorry i feel like they've only been out and maybe i've missed something they've been out a few years for like a year i think it's been more like two years. But it's not long for them to make a comeback. Could you go back? You know, I miss

a skinny jean because I think it's classic and it's very easy to wear any top with a skinny jean and to make it look smart. The baggy jean look is difficult to pull off in a smart environment. Agreed. And do you know my other problem with a baggier jean boots you cannot

wear a boot with a baggy jean or a big leg you need a skinny yeah and also like or a pump can't wear a pump i mean with a baggy jean you can if it's cropped no but i also a baggy jean. You can if it's cropped. No, but also the baggy jean thing, they all need turning up. Yeah. So the trainer thing is okay. Yeah. But then heels works. Heels is good. I can't do a heel in a baggy jean.

I know you can and you can pull that off, but I can't. You can. I've never seen you do it. Because it's just, I can't do it. I don't think you have any baggy jeans. I'm wearing them today. Let's have a look because a lot of your baggy jeans, if you don't mind me saying it, are too big.

I think you've sized up too much. I sent back the last pair because you were like, why are you wearing those? They're too big. And then you pulled on the waistband like my mum would do. Stuck your hand down the front of it. I did not stick my hand down the front of it. Look how big they are.

Look how big they are. I was like, oh, fuck. Did I stick my hand down? And I was like, that is so inappropriate. I was like did I stick my hand down and I was like that is so inappropriate she's right and then I sent them back so thanks for that anyway because they were

oh my god I went full on Jewish mother on you but they were too big you were correct let's see these then wearing like a boyfriend a boyfriend

no they're they're okay they're okay yeah they're not too big they're a little big i've got to be honest if you could do half a size smaller but you can't they are actually a size bigger than i would normally wear but when i went down the size they didn't look they're too tight they

didn't look yeah it wasn't the right fit so yeah where are we with jeans i don't think big question sorry to say again yeah i don't think boyfriend jeans are in I love a boyfriend jean I do too but I don't I feel very like mumsy in a boyfriend jean

please don't say I'm a mum I know I'm a mum do you I'm well aware of it but I hate I think my worst feeling in the world is feeling mumsy

I actually don't feel mumsy in a boyfriend jean I feel like a teenage boy so I in a good way I so i in a good way i mean that in a good way i feel like relaxed comfortable feel good in them will you resonate with the teenage boy because you have many of them i'll tell you what i'll tell you who this is good news for this is good news for my husband because he loves a skinny jean and he does not like me in the baggies he likes form fitting he likes to see what's on offer at the farmer's market of course he does why am i calling myself a farmer's market i don't know

whenever i come down in something tight yeah as i'm always it doesn't matter what it is it's like oh you look great they're very visual creatures men aren't they i mean i never ever ever get my boobs out you would never see me with my boobs out. But I'm just saying if something is like quite fitted, he loves it. It's hard for them to imagine there's a bottom. He doesn't need to imagine. They've been together 20 years. But it's like, you know, of a Tuesday morning,

it's hard for them to imagine that under a loose top and some baggy jeans is a bosom and a bottom. But they like to be reminded, oh, there it is. I can see it now. That's better. You know, it's weird. I am currently in a horseshoe jean. Yeah, I'm not down with that.

It's a funny, funny style of jean. It is. And I have bought quite a few and I feel like they won't be around this time next year. Agreed. And I'm going to have all these pairs of jeans and I'm not going to be able to wear them.

Because they're not classic like a skinny or a boyfriend. No. No. Or a flare. No. Flares, I'm sorry, but no. Flares are just a no.

I love a flare, Jane. Or like a bell bottom. I think if you wore the bell bottom the first time around. This is my rule in life. If you wore it the first time, you should not be wearing it

the second. What about leggings, my friend? Because you wear them a lot. No need to be bitchy. Well, come on. You're breaking your own rule. What leggings did I wear? Well, you didn't wear leggings as a kid.

In the 80s, everyone wore leggings. They were like a thing. It was the first time they happened. Mad Lizzy and all that. Mad Lizzy. Mad Lizzy. Mad Lizzy wore a leotard. On top of the leggings.

Tights. Wasn't it tights and leg warmers? Leg warmers, yeah. Anyway. You've got leg warmers. I've seen them. I have got leg warmers. There you go.

You wore them the first time, presumably. Presumably. You know, it's like allegedly. There's no evidence. I didn't know you in the 80s. I would like to have done, but I didn't know you in the 80s I would like to have done but I didn't you know listen I wear leggings a lot but that's my gym wear stuff

yeah I know you're going to say what else am I supposed to wear in the gym what else am I supposed to wear in the gym I mean I would almost die on the spot if you wore a high cut purple leotard with a belt at the gym I just can't tell you how much I would love that the whole look for you.

You wouldn't love that for me. You would love that for you. If you went the full flash dance. By the way, I know you haven't been in a gym very often. Whatever. No one dresses like that in the gym. I know that's why I'm saying I wish you would

rock that in the David Lloyd gym. High cut leotard, high cut like over the hip bones. Belt, maybe a sweatband across the forehead and some leg warmers. I could see you in that look more than me. I'd fucking love to wear that look. I lost about eight stone. Mind you, I'm saying that, but jumpsuits. I used to wear jumpsuits when I was little. I'm wearing them again. I didn't didn't well i did i tell you what i did you sweat shirt dress that was a very 80s look that was a very 80s look you still wearing a sweatshirt dress you

would i so would but not a mini one used to wear minis no no no told for a mini i would never wear a mini anything when When does that stop? Mine stopped a while ago. A long time ago. I've never liked my legs though. Is 40 the cut-off for a mini? No. No. Think if you've got good legs or you like your legs or you're comfortable in a mini,

you should wear a mini. If you're 40, 50, 60, 70 or even 80, you do what you like. I don't like these societal expectations and these norms that are put on women as to what they can and can't wear down to their age. They don't do that with men. Can I just say, if your mum popped over on a Friday afternoon with her egg mayonnaise in a mini dress, I'd be surprised. I'd be like Benita. It's not really how she rolls. My mum doesn't roll that way.

Neither does your mum. Oh, no. My mum very much does roll that way. But she wears a mini dress. She only fairly recently stopped. Yeah. She's got good legs. Interesting.

What can I tell you? Have we solved this? I don't know where we are at with jeans. And now they're telling me that the skinny is back. I'm confused. It's confusing. Am I wearing a horseshoe? Am I wearing a skinny? Am I wearing a flare? Am I wearing a

straight? Am I wearing a boyfriend? Am I wearing a mum, the mum cut? The mum cut. Oh, a mom jean. Yeah, M-O-M. I actually. Am I wearing a Jamie? Am I wearing a... I have a few pairs of the mom jeans and I actually quite like them. I thought I... I have a few pairs of the mom jeans and I actually quite like them.

I thought I would hate them, that sort of carrot shape, but I kind of like them. Slightly cropped, not too tight. I'm into it. All I know is this, I will never stop wearing jeans. I truly love them.

I have, I would say close to 20 pairs. Yeah. And I truly love them. Yeah. But you go through phases, don't you? I wear like three pairs of jeans at any one time. Yeah, yeah. The same three pairs, I mean.

Yeah, absolutely. And also I like a light wash in the summer. I like a dark wash in the winter. I like black for going out. But it's not helping what kind of shape we're wearing. I don't know, but whatever's going, I'll go with it. For as long as I can before it becomes inappropriate. Well, you're not going to wear the horseshoe, are you?

I don't think I can pull off a horseshoe. At what age do you find your style and you stick with it? And then you're like, oh, this is just my classic. I think we're supposed to be there by now. I don't think we are. Well, we definitely, definitely are. I think that's hot. Sorry. Oh, Nicole. Brace yourself. Tempted by an old flame. Oh dear. Hi, 40-ish ladies. Here's my dilemma.

Please keep me anonymous. We will. I am 44 and married for some time with a couple of kids. Last week, a group of us went to the pub for a few drinks. My husband had a work dinner, so I went alone. We have some friends who have recently divorced. Oh, here it comes. The husband was my original friend of many years.

Oh dear. We did have a very short-lived thing, in inverted commas, in our early 20s before either of us were married. The sex was hot, but it was no big deal. Okay. A fling. I had driven to the pub and he hadn't

so he asked me for a lift home. My God. Oh my God. We chatted about nothing in particular but I could feel there was a bit

of a vibe. Oh you always know when there's a vibe. It's unmistakable right? Yeah. Yeah. When we got to his road he asked me in for a nightcap.

Ooh, please tell me she said no. I did think about it, but I said no thanks and I went straight home. Well done, you. I can't stop thinking about it though. And I feel both excited and a bit horrified at myself for even contemplating it. And if anything would have happened if I'd said yes. Oh sticky it's sticky. You know what chemistry is chemistry right yeah it doesn't mean that you have to act on that chemistry no and that you have to feel guilty for it chemistry is

chemistry you're not doing anything wrong by just having a chemistry with somebody else i also think she is being quite harsh on herself yes i agree kind of beating herself up a bit for having a feeling of excitement about something that could have happened but actually when it came down to it it didn't because she made the active decision to say no thanks because she got that there was something there's something there that could have led to something that she didn't want and so she stamped it down or she wanted it for five minutes but you don't need all the other stuff that comes with it and also this guy is recently divorced yeah it's a mess he's vulnerable yeah there's all sorts of stuff that he's got going on that you know might get mixed up in this and I suppose

listen she she's a human being and long marriages are probably not as exciting as flings and I understand but I do think she's being a bit harsh on herself She's definitely being hard on herself because it's not she hasn't done anything wrong she absolutely hasn't done anything wrong and actually neither has he because you don't know he may have invited her in, they literally may have had a coffee and moaned about his ex-wife

He didn't invite her in for a coffee everybody knows that he's trying his luck but he's recently divorced not that he should be doing that with a married woman obviously but you know she made the right decision and now she's kind of left with a little bit of a hangover from it and it's like well where do i put this this charged up chemistry what do i do with it you wait for it to subside i guess which it will because there's nothing else you can do with it. Yeah. Or you pour it into having some nice hot sex with your husband.

That's also a good plan. Well, you've got to channel it, haven't you? Because you've got to go somewhere. And also, you know, sometimes it's probably taken her by surprise. Yeah. Because when you're in a long marriage, obviously these things don't crop up very often. No. And when they do, it's surprising and a bit uncomfortable.

I could bring up some uncomfortable stuff and maybe memories of like when they were in their 20s. And it was quite hot and all of that stuff. And, you know. Did I ever tell you the story? I actually can't believe I'm about to tell this. Come on. I think I must have told you. But I'll tell the people

listening at home about the landscape gardener. You have told me but you do now need to tell the listeners. So I went out with this landscape gardener years ago.

Way, way before I'd met my husband. And we had this six month fling and it was great. And it was great. Everything you could imagine it would be with a landscape was great and it was great. Everything you could imagine it would be with a landscape gardener.

It was great. Very good with his hands. Anyway, when I was pregnant with my second, I was at my mum's house. I don't know why I was at my mum's house

but I was and I was having a sleep. I was very heavily pregnant and very, very, oh, because she was looking after Daisy. So Daisy was very little at the time

and I went over to her and I went upstairs to have a sleep. And they just moved into this house. And I woke up and I could hear a familiar voice. Everyone knows where this is going. I could hear a familiar voice. I thought, I know that voice. I know that voice.

I came downstairs. I'm all disheveled. I'm like eight and a half months pregnant. I'm a wreck. I'm exhausted. And I see my parents' house has got like glass doors. So'm a wreck. I'm exhausted. And I see, and my parents' house has got like glass doors. So you can see out into the garden, you can see into the house. I noticed that the landscape gardener, that very landscape gardener who I hadn't seen for many

years was suddenly landscaping my parents' garden. How did he look? You know, he looked how he used to look. Time had been kind. Anyway, so I did what any respectable woman would do. I hid. I hid. I picked up my child and I got the fuck out of there. Right. Because he didn't need to see you like that.

Keep the memory as it was. Thank you. Yeah. Anyway, a couple of months later, we had also moved house. Right. It was just, oh no, no. Anyway, a couple of months later, we had also moved house, right? It was just, oh no, no, it was a couple of years later. Yes, it was a couple of years later.

We had also moved house. And my husband said to me, we need to do all the landscaping, the front garden and the back garden. He said, I've got some people coming around to quote. I mean, you know where this is going. I've got some people coming around to quote. Can you be here at four o'clock? I said, yes, I'll be here at four o'clock i said yes i'll be here at four o'clock he said i need you to meet the landscaper he's going to give us all the ideas okay you'd met that landscaper obviously obviously what my husband had done is asked my dad oh who

landscaped your garden and got the number yeah little did he know my husband was late to turn up to the meeting and i we weren't living in the house at the time and i turned up and i waited and then i could see him walking up the road and i'm like i cannot actually believe that he is now here and now we have to talk about the landscaping we now talk about the trimming of my bush and he looked at me and i looked at him and it was like oh my god how are you i'm good how are you give each other a really awkward hug yeah and then my husband arrived and he's like oh such and such nicole nicole this is such and such and we were like yeah we actually we know each other um yeah i've given him a run around the garden before it was so then i had to tell my husband yeah later like my hands are sweaty just thinking about it and i said to him

i'm sure he's a very good landscaper in fact i know he is because my husband my parents garden is amazing he cannot landscape our garden. He's like, why? I said, because I know him. He's like, right. I'm like, no, no, I know him. Biblically. Yeah. He's like, okay. I don't need him topless drinking a Diet Coke while I'm standing in the house

looking out the bedroom window in my bathrobe kind of vibes. That's our show, Portish. I feel like we've done a lot of talking well that is the point of the podcast we've done a lot of dilemma-ing yeah

haven't we lots of solving problem solving we've talked about landscaping we've talked about porn we've talked about

chemistry we've talked about jeans I'm tired now we've talked about worming the dog I mean we have talked about a lot.

There is a lot of 40-ish stuff in this particular episode. I'm very proud of us. Just keep it coming in, listeners. We love it. But we have never

been happier. No. There is nothing that makes me happier than when an email comes in from one of our listeners. Agreed.

I just, honestly, it lights me up. Whether it's a dilemma, a story, a rant, something embarrassing, we just share it with us. Sharing is caring I just, honestly, it lights me up. Whether it's a dilemma, a story, a rant, something embarrassing, we just share it with us. Sharing is caring

and we want to hear it all. We want to hear it all and it makes us so happy. It does. So please email us at hello at 40ish.co.uk or you can DM us on your socials

if you're a kind of cool 40ish person. At 40ish.podcast. That's Instagram, that's TikTok, that's Facebook and YouTube you can watch this on YouTube

did you know that? did you know that? yeah I totally did did you? you are so down with it now locked myself out

of TikTok but I do know we're on YouTube I don't know if you can watch this on YouTube you can have you checked?

no you see she does that a lot she does that a lot I trust Becca I trust Becca on YouTube. You can. Have you checked? No. You see, she does that a lot. She does that a lot. I trust Becca. She does our socials and if she says it's there, it's there. I totally trust Becca.

Yeah. I trust Becca more than I trust myself. You know why I trust her? Because she's not 20. Yeah, she's not 40-ish. She's 20-ish. So she knows.

Her brain is firing on all cylinders. It is. Yeah. Anyway, we'll be back next week with a brand new show please be in touch hello at

40ish.co.uk I've already said that I know I'm saying it again okay great it's down below if you forget it again I did forget

that you told them that and we will be back next week bye