40ish - Wuthering Heights and The World's Saddest Sandwich

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

Today on 40ish: Lauren reports back from the cinematic gothic f***fest where the wind was wild, the passion was feral, and one drenched Jacob Elordi on horseback has single-handedly reset her standards and her blood pressure. Frankly, she hasn’t been the same since. For God’s sake, someone hide the linen shirts and put her in a cold shower. Meanwhile, Nicole’s quest for a dignified lunch ends in sadness at the hands of the bleakest tuna sandwich ever assembled. Was it food? Was it a cry for help? Either way, John Lewis may need to answer for its crimes. The Place To Eat? More like ‘The Place To Die’ Plus, a listener deals with an infuriating workplace body-shaming moment, and the Valentine’s Day reports are in. Memo to all men: Don’t buy shit flowers. It’s bodice ripping, sandwich flinging, flower judging chaos. Enjoy!  Get in touch! Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And he says, do you know how this is done? She's like, no. And he says, do you want me to show you? And she's like, yes. Catherine and I are like, yes. Then he says, I will treat you so badly. I will never love you. I am rough and I am coarse and I am bad.

You said came home, you sent me. It's enough. If it was him or John Hamm on a horse. I don't want John Hamm on horse I think I do now I don't even like horses I think that's where we're headed now Barn fetish

Hello everyone Welcome to 40ish I'm Nicole Goodman And I'm Lauren Mishkon This is the podcast where we tackle 40-something life Diving into Midlife News, News, Stories, Dilemmas, Rants, Mess, Challenges All of it.

Delights. All of it. All of the rubbish and the stuff that we deal with in midlife, we talk about it right here, one round, a crisis and or meltdown at a time. Now, you can subscribe on Apple Podcast for early access, ad free listening across this show and self-care club and bonus content you won't get anywhere else. And you watch the video of this show every week on Spotify and YouTube or you can listen on any other podcast platform. And if you have anything to share with us, big or small or medium size, we want to hear. Please email us at hello at 40ish.com. Or DM us on Instagram.

Be in touch. Be part of the conversation. I think we need to talk about what happened yesterday. Let's talk about it. It stayed with me for all the wrong reasons. Yeah. Lauren and I had some work to do. So we decided to, because I was away a couple of days for,

it's irrelevant, the details. Anyway, we were getting together on a Sunday. and we needed somewhere that wasn't my house or Lauren's house because there's children and chaos. And laundry. Yeah. And clearing up and dishwashers and shit like that that we just can't seem to rid ourselves off of.

So we needed to be out. It was like torrential rain yesterday. It was like Noah's Ark vibes. Oh, it was the end of the world. It was like a fucking apocalypse. Yeah. Had hit London yesterday. The weather was so bad.

So we decided to meet in a show. shopping center, Brent Cross, to be exact. And Lauren said, let's go to John Lewis. I think you were thinking of Phoenix. I wasn't. You were because I wasn't. Because I thought Phoenix might be a bit triggering for you because it's when you had your premonopausal meltdown.

So I thought I don't want to do Phoenix because it might like trigger you back to a bad day. So we'll do the John Lewis Cafe because nothing ever goes wrong in John Lewis. Right. Let me tell you something about the Phoenix meltdown. Yeah. That I had because it's not triggering for me. Okay. Because actually it was a moment of, you know, like, is it a breakdown?

Is it a breakthrough? Like, what's happening here? It didn't feel much like a breakthrough on the day. It was, though. Was it? That, basically, what happened was that I wasn't feeling very well that day all day, and I was still working hairdressing, and we were still doing the show, and we just got the book deal, and we were very, very busy.

Yeah. And I just wasn't coping that well with everything. It turns out I was in perimenopause, but I had no, idea. I didn't even know what perimenopause was then. God, what a different. They were the good old days, what a different version I was. Anyway, and one afternoon, I had to go to Phoenix to get something. What was I even doing

if I had, I don't buy anything in Phoenix? I don't know. What the fuck was I getting in Phoenix? Upstairs, third floor. What the fuck? A card, maybe? Why would I go for a card in Phoenix? I don't know. Anyway, I was walking around the Phoenix furniture department, and I certainly wasn't buying a couch.

What the fuck was I buying? It doesn't matter. I basically started to have this panic attack, you know, you shouldn't make fun. I'm not making fun. You are a little bit. I am not. I was actually being very thoughtful by going the other end of the shopping center. Anyway, I had this meltdown slash panic attack.

Yeah. Proper panic attack in the Phoenix furniture department. And I sat down and I couldn't breathe. And I called my sister and she had to do breathing exercises with me to calm me down. And then I sat there for another three hours. until Adam came to pick me up. Did he come to pick me up? Someone must have come to pick me up

because I don't think I could have driven. I don't know. It was a moment. There was definitely another one as well in the Phoenix Cafe where I came and then you cried. It was a very bad afternoon. No, that wasn't in the Phoenix cafe.

That was definitely in Phoenix. Yes, it was. It was the cafe. No, that was in the food court upstairs. No, it was Phoenix. Oh, we've had one there as well then. Do you remember the food court one? I don't remember.

remember that one, but I do remember the first week's one. We met for lunch. I was in the most terrible state and I just sobbed. It sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Let's just say it was all part of the same period. Okay, let's say that. I was not my best self. Anyway, the point is we met in the John Lewis cafe. It's the other side of the shopping centre.

Right. Okay. Because not the bad ever happens in John Lewis. There's couches there. Yeah. In my mind, it was like a very gentle place of sofas and respite and quiet. And quiet and comfort. Because it was pissing down with rain and it was a Sunday.

it wasn't that quiet. It was quiet enough. Also, we got there an hour before it actually opened. So that wasn't that helpful. We did do that. So then we had to sit somewhere else and that got really hectic.

Anyway, so then we went, we moved. We had a lot of work to do and a lot of stuff to get through, didn't we? So we really needed some quiet space. We moved and by this point

we were quite hungry. Yeah. So we walked into Phoenix, John Lewis, and it's called the place to eat. And I have now renamed it the place to die because it was like,

The strobe lighting, the very elderly, very elderly Cleontel. What about when I got, when I got chatted up? Hold on. We don't know. Let's not skip past all the good stuff. Lauren pulled. Yeah. Proper pulled.

Yeah. Didn't you? He was at least 80. Yeah. I mean, he, oh, bless him. He came from all the way on the other side of the restaurant to pick your cardigan up for you. He did, didn't he? He's like, you've dropped you on the shutter.

You've dropped your cardigan. What's your phone? number. He didn't say what's your phone. He was with his wife. Was he? Was he? Was he?

Was he? He was with another woman? Anyway. Yeah. So there was all that going on? The food? Let's talk about the food. The food.

Hold on. There was a lot of elderly people there. There were. There was a guy who was sat next to us, asleep. I didn't see that. He was asleep when we got there. And the reason I picked that table is because I thought,

oh, this will be the quiet day. because he's asleep. He was asleep. I didn't notice that. Not napping like asleep. Wow. He was asleep the time of the time we were there. You didn't notice.

And then someone, I think it must have had his daughter. Someone came up quite late on because we were there two hours. And they sort of like tapped him on the shoulder and I don't know what they were talking about because I couldn't hear and I shouldn't have been listening. And it's none of my business. But he woke up at that point. they went to getting food. Right. Maybe he needed food. But why have you come to John Lewis? The place to eat. To have a nap. To sleep. The place to sleep. It's the place to sleep. It's the place to die. It's definitely not the place to eat. No, I can tell you it's not the place to eat. I went to look at

the hot food offerings because the sandwiches looked okay, but not amazing. Let me tell you something. The clientele was very representative of the food. also the people working there. It was like something out of a Victoria word Julie Walter sketch. You couldn't write these people like full on moustache on the woman. Very strange manner. Very, very, very, very strange people. Yeah.

So I went up to order lunch. I got us some toasted sandwiches. I had ham and cheese toastie. And Nicole wanted a tuna toasty, but she didn't want the cheese. It was a tuna and cheese toast. Yeah. So she said, can I just? I have no cheese, but can have tomato.

So I said to the woman, can I want to have cheese toasty, please, with the side salad. And one tuna toasty, but without the cheese. No. Sorry? No. You have to have the cheese. I can put it on the side of the plate, but because of the calorie count,

you have to have the cheese. I said, okay, that's fine. Just put the cheese on the side. It's because of the calorie count. I was like, okay, I don't know what about the calorie count. Did you even ask about the tomato? Yeah, I ask, can I have some tomato in it? No.

And I thought she was joking with me. You know how like you're in a cafe and somebody like, no, you can't? No, she was like, no. There was no sense of fever. It was like, no, you can't have that. These sandwiches arrive. So Lauren comes up with the tray. I'm really hungry at this point.

It was the most sorry looking sandwich I have ever seen in my life and then there was a side plate of said cheese with a lot of tuna attached to one side smeared tuna of the cheese anyway we start eating and I looked at Lauren I looked at my plate and I'm like

this is the most depressed sandwich I've ever seen you opened it up and it had like a smear of tuna but also had these dead-looking onion bits in that you then had to pick out bit by bit. And then there was like a spattering of rocket. I don't know what that was. It wasn't even a spattering. It was like two shriveled leaves of rocket from eight days ago.

And you were like, I like the rocket component. There was no rocket. And then the salad was one and a half slices of tomato and then maybe a teaspoon of lettuce. That was the salad. It wasn't great. It wasn't delicious. And then one of the staff members, the woman we were just talking about, came over and said, Is everything all right, ladies?

And Lauren said, you know, it's not really. Should you enjoying your sandwiches? I was like, not really. They're a bit sad. And she goes, yeah, they are, but what are you're going to do? It walked off. Meimos, the guy next to us, still asleep. Still asleep.

Lauren's pulled. You know, it wasn't no boo, was it? Bloody hell We didn't even bother having a coffee, did we? No, no. God, no. No. I mean, why was he asleep? Why? I don't know.

You know why? Because the daughter's taking him out. This is what I reckon's happened. The daughter's taking him out. She had things to do. She's like, you sit there. Dad, stay in the cafe. I'll do my shopping. I'll come and have lunch with you later.

Yeah. And he's like, I'll have a nap there. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what, though? Now I know if I do feel tired, if I'm dropping in Brent Cross, where to go for a safe nap.

I don't think I will ever go to the place to eat ever again. That's such a shame because I've actually booked it for your 50s. Have you hired the whole place? Oh, that's amazing. Thank you so much. With the stuff. And I want the same sandwich, please. You can have it.

Without the rocket. How was your Valentine's Day? Was it middle-aged? My Valentine's Day? Yeah. You don't only want to know about my Valentine's Day. Oh, do I not? No.

Okay. Was it very romantic? Yeah. Was it? Yeah. Well, that's cute. I was at the four seasons. Oh, yeah.

So you went away for the weekend. Went away for the weekend. Stayed in the most beautiful country house. We went on a long walk and we had a beautiful breakfast and we had this gorgeous suite because Adam had done a load of work there. So they gave him this sweet. We had champagne. We had flowers.

We had, like, messages on the mirror. I can't even tell you. Messages on the mirror. Yeah. Saying what? We're watching. Messages on the mirror. What in lipstick?

Yeah. I don't know about lipstick. That's a bit weird. What did it say? Happy Valentine's Day. It said happy birthday, Nicole. Oh, that's cute. Yeah, that was sweet because my birthday's four days before.

That's cute. Everywhere I went. Happy birthday, Mrs. Goodman. Happy birthday, Mrs. Goodman. To the doorman, to the waiter, to the people in the spa. Hello, Mrs. Goodman. Happy birthday, Mrs. Goodman. They must have pictures.

I haven't taken a photo. They must know you from TikTok. Oh, shut up. God for fucking bid. How do they know? Literally, the doorman to the guy that parks your car, to the waiter in the restaurant, all the departments, knew my name.

I mean, it's nice and also mildly creepy. It was unbelievable. To the barman, I mean, everywhere. Was it like being Madonna? Did you feel like Madonna? You know, I didn't. I really didn't feel like Madonna. Why not?

Do you think that's how she feels every day? Hi, Madonna. How are you, Madonna? Happy birthday, Madonna. Yeah. Do I think that's how she feels every day? No, I would imagine she feels a lot more. important? I don't know. I don't know. I couldn't guess how Madonna feels on the daily basis.

Me neither. Me neither. I mean, it was lovely. Lovely. Yeah. Well, I spent Valentine's Day visiting other people whose birthdays it was on Valentine's Day. Your sister-in-law? And my friend, they both have birthdays on Valentine's Day. Do you? Yeah. So there was a lot of cake and tea and celebrating. And I was a lot of, Ollie spent it at the David Lloyd. I saw, I saw Ollie. Yes. Later that afternoon.

Yes. He was there for most of Valentine's Day. Right. Having a very romantic time on the tennis court. I did actually make a joke about that. You know like on Valentine's Day when men say, I'll cook. Like I'll cook and it'll be romantic. But it's not romantic.

But why isn't it romantic when I cook 364 other days of the year? Why is that not romantic? He didn't cook. But he actually didn't cook. But if he was. going to cook. Why is that romantic? Why do people consider that romantic? It's an annoyance because all they do is just use every piece of crockery and cutlery and utensil in the kitchen. And then they don't clear it up properly. That's not romance. What is that societal thing? That's a ball ache of like it'll be really romantic.

I'll cook every, no one on Tuesday says, oh, you've been so romantic cooking dinner tonight. No one ever says that to women. What's that about? I don't like that. We've got feedback. Dearest and most dangerous Lauren. Oh, I've never been called dangerous before. Never. What's the most dangerous thing I do? Have a coffee at 4 o'clock? That's the most dangerous thing I do. What's the most dangerous thing I do? What's the most dangerous thing I do? I don't know. Lift shit. It's not dangerous. It is if you drop it. Well, I'm not going to drop it. I don't do anything dangerous. I don't want to do anything dangerous. I don't either. I'm thankfully writing to you from sunny Australia feeling quite grateful that I'm still breathing this evening. I love listening to 40-ish. Happy birthday, Nicole.

There you go, she knows. She knows as well. Oh, I do feel like Madonna. On my drive home from work and have often wondered what people in other cars think when they see me smiling or laughing on my own in the car. That's so cute. Well, today it almost came to a tragic end. I was stuck in traffic, enjoying a takeaway Earl Grey,

and listening to my favourite podcast, I think she means ours, when Lauren started talking about her skim's experience. I started to laugh. By the time she said, Nuni, I had tears streaming down my face and I couldn't see the road. I tried to calm myself with tea, but then she explained the function

or lack thereof, said underwear, and I choked on my tea. Then the old man in the car next to me beeped me at the lights, rolled down his window to check that I wasn't dying. Not wanting to be rude, I rolled down mine to tell him I was okay,

but then I realised now all he could hear was all the Nuni talk coming from my car. He looked confused. concerned and a bit scared. Despite the fact that I almost choked on tea and died, his face just made me laugh even harder. All I wanted to do is put my foot down and tear off,

but sadly we were still crawling in peak hour. Lauren, I've decided if you've got any more stories like that, you should begin with a not whilst driving warning. Oh, we need a disclaimer. Yeah, right. You both make the world a brighter, funnier and more dangerous place. Oh, we're both dangerous now. Thanks for being you, Michelle.

Oh, Michelle. Thank you. A lovely email. I'm sorry about the choking. I've got no nanny stories for the week. Someone else wrote in. Amanda wrote in on Spotify saying that she like the same thing. She enjoyed the skim story.

It was like crying with laughter. Yeah. I mean that's wonderful. I'm still down 152 quits. I'm not sure it was worth the laughs. But you know, great. Who? What as a listener give away?

What a prize. Wow. Whom are you suggesting I give it away to? I don't know, someone that needs a skim's bodysuit. Someone might want it if you need a skim's bodysuit. We could put it in a raffle. Oh, fucking. We can put it in a raffle.

You still got the packaging? Yeah. Don't wash it. Oh, my. You can be on only. fans. Oh my God. With the piece of audio, that's what you should do.

I bet you make a killing, especially that bloke in The Place to Eat. He'd like it. I don't think the man in The Place to Eat is on Only fans. You don't know. He's probably only just navigating Facebook. Maybe he recognised you from TikTok. I think that's very unlikely. I think anyone that eats in the place to eat in John Lewis has not heard of TikTok.

No. No. They're too busy. asleep. Bless them. Oh, blo. You didn't even notice him. Now I sat on his own asleep.

I did not notice. I'm glad he was just asleep and not dead. You know what? It didn't even occur to me that he was dead. And also it didn't even occur to me to like check he was okay and to think twice about the fact that he was asleep at lunchtime next to us at a table. At least you noticed. You didn't even notice.

That's how in keeping it was. with the general vibe. We're never going there again. Okay? We are never, ever going there ever again. We are too vibrant for the place to eat. And if I ever want to feel really depressed, that's where I'm going to go.

Oh, flip side of that, where you want to go to feel young, attractive and alive. I didn't feel any of those things in the place to die, the place to sleep, the place to eat. John Lewis, seriously. They could raise... You just put Topshop in there. They could raise their cafe game.

You cannot have a top shop concession suddenly has just appeared. Have you seen it in John Lewis? And all the top makeup brands and then have that as a cafe. It doesn't fit the brand. The one in Sloan Square is much nicer and much trendier.

I think the Brent Cross one hasn't quite caught up. Oh my. My God. It's like the M&S cafe in Watford. I've never been there. No. It's not a destination venue for me. Should I go?

Should I make a reservation this Saturday night? For my birthday, perhaps. You don't need to be snobby about it. Listen, I fucking love an M&S, anything. Exactly. Yeah. Is it good? No, that's the point of it.

It isn't. It isn't. I haven't been there for a long time. I used to go with the girls when they were very little. Yeah. So, I mean, it might have improved. Anyway. Anyway.

Should you go to your time? Yeah. This winter, we are cheering for our home nations, but your story might stretch far beyond one flag. With ancestry DNA, you can discover all the places from your family's past. Now, up to $65 off for a limited time. Explore the cultures that shaped you across more. than 3,600 regions worldwide. More pride, more connection, more to cheer for. Start your journey

with AncestryDNA today. Sail on February 19th terms apply visit anacestry.ca for more details. Just before we dive into your dilemma as a quick disclaimer, we're not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there's an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Hi, Lauren. Hi, Nicole. You featured my dilemma before, so I thought I'd reach out again. I work as a carer. Now, these are all. all her words. Okay, I'm just reading it as it is. I work as a carer. I'm 55 and fat. I know I am and I know that health-wise, losing weight would be good for me. This doesn't affect my job. I work 12-hour shifts and I'm on my feet most of that time. So work-wise, it's not an issue, pun intended. Sorry. So

work-wise, it's not a big issue, pun intended. However, it seems to be an issue for certain co-workers. I was told by a male co-worker that he wanted to help me help myself and that he thinks I should lose some weight. I'm very self-conscious about my weight. I have had serious issues in the past, which have included binge eating, so my relationship with food is complicated. I was totally stunned by this and just walked off,

went to the toilet and started to cry. How would you deal with this? Love the show, Claire. I actually wrote a response in advance because I felt very strongly when I read this come in that I didn't want to not think about it, so I really thought about it. Okay, well, whilst you,

you read your response. Yeah. All I want to say is Claire, I'm giving you a very much needed and deserved virtual hug. So my arms are around you whilst Lauren gives you her response. This is what I felt. First of all, I'm really sorry that happened to you because that is a horrible thing to happen to anybody anywhere. It's so inappropriate.

Secondly, you are working 12-hour shifts. You are physically active all day. You are caring for vulnerable people. And you are clearly self-aware. Yep. Right. weight loss might be something that you choose for your health one day or not choose, but the decision belongs to you and maybe your doctor,

but it does not belong to Dave from the night shift. No. Right. It is not his business. Fuck Dave. And given your history with eating disorders, shaming you and pointing out what is bloody obvious to you, it's not going to be a motivator and is not going to help you. So unless you asked for his input or your weight directly affects him,

your patient's safety or your work, which you're saying it doesn't. No. It is not his place to comment on your body. And it is not anyone's place to comment on anybody's body, right? So I think there are three things you can do about this. I don't know if you agree with me. But I think either you can address it directly with him and you can say that. It is not your place to comment on my body.

I didn't appreciate that. I found it very upsetting and inappropriate. You can tell your manager, this happened. to me and this is how I feel about it or you can do nothing yep I agree with those three things I think it is

again her decision in how she chooses to deal with it my advice would be because that is what she's asking for how would I want to deal with it they are different to how I think I would deal with it I don't know I haven't been put in that position so I understand it's complicated

I understand it's very shaming I understand there is so much that goes into that. So here is how I would like to deal with it. I would address it with him because I wouldn't want him to think that it's appropriate to speak to me that way and I don't want to allow him to speak to me that way again. So addressing it would mean setting a boundary around it

so it doesn't happen again. And I would say exactly what you said. It's not appropriate if you talk to me like that. I was very upset by how you spoke to me. and it was a complete overstep. It's not your place and it will never be your place. So know that in future. I would definitely want to do that.

And if you can't do it face to face, because that's a hard conversation to have, I would either text it to him or email it to him. And emailing might be preferential because it's then in writing. Yeah. I would also report it. You would.

I would 100% report it because you can't speak to your co-workers like that. It's just not appropriate. What would you do? What do you think you would do? I just, there's no way that he thinks that she's not aware that she's fat. He's not even thinking about her. All he's done is think about how he feels about her weight,

which he shouldn't have any fucking opinion on anyway, and he's just literally puked it over her. he hasn't taken her into consideration whatsoever. He's an absolute non-sus guy. It's, yeah. I mean, I think I would definitely be very upset by that. And I think the conversation I would be having with him would be, if I felt able to have it, would be I am perfectly aware of the size that I am.

It's not something that I find easy. I struggle with it. but it's for me to live with or change and I would really appreciate you not commenting on my body at work. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's great. Would you report it? I think if it happened again, I would report it.

I would let it go once, but I don't think I'd let it go twice. I would not let that go. I would not let that go. But that's, you know, that's okay. And Claire, it's up to you. Whatever you feel comfortable with, I know that that would really eat away at me. I would have to address it in some way

in order to get some sort of peace around it. And I would say, whatever feels right for you, then you must do. Yeah. I agree. And sending love to you because that is a horrible thing to happen

and I'm really sorry that it happened. Two listener meltdowns. They're both Valentine's Day related. I need a small rant about Valentine's Day. I'm 45. I'm no sex goddess. I have a double. dodgy back and a favorite hob. Oh, I mean, don't we all have a favorite hob? No, I have a favorite

hub. I actually don't. Don't you? I mean, the one in the top right, it's a bit annoying because it's further away, but other than that. Oh, okay. Romance for me is my husband. Oh, God, I have a favorite hob. Everyone has a favorite hob. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Romance for me is my husband noticing we have no milk. I'm remembering to buy some, but on Valentine's Day, I do want something, but I kind of have to pretend I don't because it sounds a bit naff after 16 years. I don't. I don't need a grand gesture, just him to say that he'd ordered a takeaway would have been fine or maybe a card. I got absolutely no acknowledgement. Just because I'm low maintenance, it doesn't mean I don't deserve it, right? Right. Right. I mean, we do cards on Valentine's Day. We don't

make a whole song and dance about it because it's all a bit silly, but we always give each other a card on Valentine's Day. Sweet, we don't. Yeah, it's very sweet. We always do. And we always anonymise it so that we don't know who sent it to the other one. 31 years we've been sending each other Valentine's cards anonymously. Okay, this is the other one. Why can men not understand that all flowers are not the same? My partner bought me the most disgusting flowers on Saturday for Valentine's Day. Proper petrol station, dyed yellow and pink things.

They're so horrible. I've put them in the hallway so I don't see them. I really don't want to sound like an ungrateful cow, but I would rather have got nothing. I totally get that. Like sometimes just that is such a fucking insult. It's like you can't be bothered to think about it. Put any shred of effort or thought in it.

It's like more of a panic. Shit, I haven't got anything. I better stop here at the first petrol station I see. It's such an insult. This is a bit of a divided issue because I think women fall into two camps. One, it's like, it's lovely and it's the thought that counts. Don't criticise the flowers or he'll never buy flowers again. That actually happened to someone I know.

She criticised the flowers and he never ever bought her flowers again. Well, then I'm sorry. I'm allowed to say that, you know what? You stopped off at the way home because you panicked because you didn't really give it any time, any effort, any thought. And you bought these disgusting flowers. You've wasted a tenor and they're gross. And it shows.

It just is the lack of attention and detail and thought. It just shows in these flowers. Are you fussy about flowers generally? I'm not really fussy about flowers, but I wouldn't appreciate that. What I'm fussy about is just giving it some sort of air time, just giving it some sort of attention in your day. Yeah. I can't bear like a panic by.

Don't bother then. I mean, Ollie does buy me flowers, I would say at least once a month. And I have kind of like, as the years have gone on, gently commented on the flowers when they're really nice ones to encourage the buying of similar flowers. He's not buying them from a petrol station. He's certainly not buying petrol station. But sometimes he'll do a funny mix.

But you wouldn't want him to. But you wouldn't want him to, would you? No. But as the years have gone on, he's got better and better. At the choosing. Because, you know, you praise the positive ones. Like, that's a really, I love those. I have to say, he sent me the most beautiful bunch of flowers for my birthday.

Good. But he doesn't choose. No, but funnily enough, he did keep it anonymous. And I was on the phone to my cousin's husband at the time. I was like, oh, a bunch of flowers have arrived. He hasn't put his name when he goes, oh yeah, you're there for me, you're welcome. He doesn't choose them.

No, the florist chose them. Yeah. I assume he gives them a budget. Yeah. And a colour. He wouldn't even do that. No? No.

Okay. Anyway, so I get it. Have you got a meltdown? I had a little bit of a meltdown at the cinema last night. I went to see... Little. I went to see Wuthering High. Wasn't a little meltdown.

It was a stimulating film. It was a lot of Jacob Allardy. He's a very tall man. I'm really sorry. I know everyone's in the Jacob Allaudy camp, right? And Daisy is obsessed with him. She thinks he is like the most beautiful man ever to have lived. I think he's weirdly tall to the point where he looks like a bit of a giant.

Like he could play the BFG. Remember the BFG? Roaldale? Like, he's a weird looking guy because he's so tall. Funny because I went with my friend Catherine and with my son's girlfriend. And she said afterwards, he's very tall. He's a bit like the BFG. And I was like, Nancy said.

Nancy said about BFG. She did. She did. And I said, yeah. But, you know, it was slightly awkward because he, look, he's hot. He is, he's sort of like. like a ruffian pulled from the streets as a young boy. He's actually played by the kid from adolescence as a young kid in the beginning.

Then he grows up to be Jacob Allaudy and you know it's all like long hair, bare chest, chopping wood. It's always raining. It's very wet everything. It's wet all the time. Is it? Is it wet all the time during the film, Lauren? He's on the Moors.

Then there's a lot of pumping. There's a lot. There's a lot of Yorkshire sex. And then there's a whole kink marriage to Isabella. She ends up chained up by the neck in the fireplace. It's... Wow. It's a thing.

He bursts into her bedroom. I can't take any more. I can't take it anymore. I wish James was his so we could reenact it with him. He bursts in to this girl's room, right? This like... You can't say that. You can't say that.

I can't do it on my own. She's like, I don't think you should do. She's like this, she's like this virginial girl in her white Victoria Nitee, and he says, do you know how this is done? And she's like, no. And he says, do you want me to show you? And she's like, yes.

And Catherine and I are like, yes, yes. And I'm like pretending Nancy's not that. Yes. And then he says, I will treat you so badly. I will never love you. I am rough and I am calling. Boston, I am bad. You said, came home, you sent me, it's enough.

I know we're reaching a climax here. Do you want me to carry on? He says, do you want me to carry on? Yes. Yes. Just let me know when you're done. I don't know. I mean, this girl's basically trapped with him for two weeks in this filthy shack on the floor.

And I said to Catherine, you know what? It's not the Hilton, but two weeks I could cope. She was like, it's very dirty in there. I was like, yeah, but, you know. And it's a bit awkward because I've got my son's girlfriend on one side who's perving over over Jacob Belawdy. I've got me purving over here. I've got Catherine perving over him.

It's all inappropriate. We're too old for him. She's too young for him. It's a whole inappropriate vibe going on there. But we didn't enjoy it any of the less because of that. Anyway, you then came home and texted all this to me, so I've already heard it all. You were all choked up. And I basically said to you, why don't you get off the phone to me?

It was like hot past 11 at night. Why don't you stop texting me and go and concentrate on your husband? He wasn't in. And then there was like typing. Yeah. And then the typing stopped. I thought, oh, maybe she's taken my advice. And then I just didn't hear anything from you.

Yeah. So I'll assume that did he come home? Eventually, yeah. All right. Yeah. Did you like put the energy somewhere useful or just texting me? Absolutely exhausted by that point. Exhausted.

And I'd had a lot. The check of a Lordy is exhausted you. And I had had a lot of sugar. And, you know, it's a lot. It's a lot that film. You know, it was pouring with rain yesterday. Yeah. You and Ollie, you live by the woods.

You're right, we do. You could have just gotten in the woods. I mean, at one point when he was on horseback, could have given him a wig? There was one scene where he's on horseback, riding this big black mare through the Yorkshire Moors and his white shirt is all wet and open with this big hairy chest and his long hair is flying through.

The moors galloping on And Catherine turned to me And she went Do you know He really reminds me Of my husband You know

Oh how we laughed Oh how we laughed Oh how we laughed There's something about A large Wet man on a horse Listen go See it

Okay Every time Go for you Every time I go to speak You then give us Another whole scene Anything else Are we done

Okay We're done We're done I'm with Jacob Allardie. We get it. Yeah. We hear it. Yeah.

I mean, I'm very happy that you are as excited about weathering heights as you are. Being a menopausal woman, make of that what you will. I'm very pleased for you. This is good. This is good for you. Do you think? I do. I do think you need to put it somewhere, though.

Heathcliff has. Not with James. F-Y-I. He's ignited us. Because I think it's lucky. Jesus. at this Roy Poor Jane

did not know what to do with himself James would not be happy about that He's clippin' night to the spark There'd be an HR issue

Yeah there would be an HR issue We'd never be allowed to record here again It'd be terrible It would be terrible What would we do I'd be fucked off with you Because you'd ruined a good thing

It could be terrible Terrible Terrible Then he doesn't even look like Jacob Maloney He's definitely not as tall He's the living He's spit.

He's got her hair. He doesn't have long. And he's a bit moody. Heathcliff's very moody. Is he? There you go. That's the whole point of Heathcliff. I don't know.

He's a red-wethering heights. He's a very gruff Yorkshireman. Oh, he's gruff. He's always in a bad mood. Hold on. James is a very gruff Londoner. James is a very gruff Londoner. There you go.

He's moody and gnarkey and. It's James. My lot. I don't think James chops a lot. of wood. Topless. I can't see that for him. Or rides the bag of a mare through the Scottish Highlands or wherever he is.

I feel like Natalie probably just turns a central heating up. I don't think she makes James Chop Wood and build a fire. You don't know what they do in their spares? Anyway, listen, if Ollie invites me to the woods and brings a pair of my chicken scissors to cut open my bodice, I have to think about what I'm wearing because I'd be actually quite annoyed. Where the skin's body? I wouldn't even have to take it on with my chicken scissors.

And I'll be happy as anything. Oh my God. I'm exhausted. I am also exhausted. We need to go. I can't. I don't even know if I'm saved to watch weathering heights now. You have to watch it.

I can't watch it post up, can I? That'd be a nightmare. It would be very tricky. Yeah. Watch it when you're well recovered. Thank you. I will. Okay.

Are we going now? I'm very hot and bothered and I hope James doesn't come in. Welcome to my life. Okay. We are, what are we doing? Where are we? Who am I? We are going to be back.

Yeah. We'll stop perving over Jacob. I'm not even perving over him. You will be. I don't even find him hot. You will. I didn't find him hot as salt burn. Oh no.

This is a whole other game. This is a whole other game. I've never found him hot particularly. He's too tall. He's weirdly tall. He is a weirdly tall man. Okay. Everything's too big.

Tall. It's too tall. What no what to do with all of him? Everyone's the same height when they're lying down. They're not, but they're not though. They are. They're not. Listen, they seem to have no trouble.

Him and Margo will be no trouble at all. Let me tell you something. If it was him or John Hamm, hmm, hmm. Hmm. On a horse? I don't want John Hamm on a horse. I think I do now.

I don't even like horses. John Howe on a horse. I'm sorry, I don't think that's right with this dad bod. It's not going to work. That is, you know what? That's a tough call. Isn't it? John Hamm just needs to be John Ham.

What about John Hamm as Heathcliff? I don't think the wig would suit him. He's not a long-haired guy. Also, he's very clean. Heathscliff's very, very. very dirty. Catherine was like, I can smell that guy's hair from here. I know. John Ham, he's clean. Friends and Neighbors is back for another season. Is it? Yep. But in April. April the second. Wow. Not that you've got that date in your diary. April the second. I feel like he smells of like

fresh cologne and showers. Do you know what I mean? Heathcliff does not. John Ham in the morning show definitely wears Creed. Do you think so? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was. wears it an aftershade that nobody can afford. And he just smells of like clean washing. Sometimes that's great, but also sometimes don't you want someone to smell like a barn? No. Never. A barn? A never.

No? Barn. Yeah, barn. You know what, no. No. You're not into that. I'm really not. My husband always smells nice. My husband always smells nice. I really like that. But I wouldn't mind some days if he smelt like a barn. Okay. I think that's where we're headed now. Barn fetish.

Let's go Let's go Let's go