A Geek History of Time - Episode 170 - Museums to Visit

Episode Date: August 6, 2022

Wow, you're gonna like this. Oh, no, I'm not because there is no god damn middle. This is not unlike ancient Rome by the way Not so much the family circus Yeah, I did Want to create self-sustaining farms and you got into crystals. I know. Okay. I understand that and he got into crystals. I know! I understand that. But yeah, I'm reading Livy, who is a shitty historian. Because Irrigan is.

Others say that because Laurentia's body was common to all the shepherds around, she was called a she-wolf, which is a Latin term for horror. You were audible, lassies. It was just most of it, where you slamming the table. As the Romanists at the table, well, duh. Yeah. Obviously, it's so fucked up. Right. You know, it's your original form.

It's a fuck of a lot. You have a sword rack. 1.0-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1- This is a peak history of time. Where we connect, you're going to a really world. My name is Ed Laylock. I am a currently contractually unemployed world history and English teacher at the middle school level here in Northern California. And in terms of what's been going on in my life, I discovered a new weight loss program in the last week and a half.

I know that my clothes are fitting noticeably looser after just a matter of three days. Unfortunately, that three days involved shitting myself and not eating anything because viral gastroenteritis is a very effective weight loss plan, but I would not recommend it. Zero out of 10, no stars would not, would not recommend to anybody. On a Monday night, I was starting to feel kind of like, you know, I'm not feeling so great. I don't know what's going on.

I kind of filled off kind of all day. And then Monday, Monday night through Wednesday afternoon, I was I was crapping liquid like water. And yeah, it completely emptied everything. I was herod in a literal sense. It was a harrowing experience. And so I am very glad to be back among the living. I'm not quite back to the entirely regular,

but I am mostly there. And so yeah, that's what I've had going on. How about you? I mean, I would at least give it a two out of ten. Well played. So hard not to interrupt with that. I'm Damien Harmony. I am a Latin and US history teacher, also contractually unemployed. And I've got no news that is anywhere near is

mundane and less is more. So I will say this, I did not know you needed to be 18 to buy dry ice. So I will say this, I did not know you needed to be 18 to buy dry ice. Turns out you do and it turns out when you are the oldest of your friends, you're still a goddamn moron who can't figure out Apple pay when everybody stack it up behind you. So you know, shout out to the kids. They're learning, honestly, like I can't really hold it against them like five years ago. They just started smelling bad and noticing it. So, you know, at 18, your five years removed from puberty, of course you're an idiot.

And the fact you didn't really remove from puberty. No, you're not, you're still in the throat. Taylor, you're out of the initial hormone surge in your bloodstream, but you're, you know, you're not out of the woods yet. So the idea that they should be responsible for anything is questionable, but at the same time, like how else do you learn? So it delayed our recording by a few minutes,

but the story was more than worth it. Good Lord, man. I appreciate that you went with the lesses more in terms of the okay, let's just run through it. I was shitting myself. Yeah, you know, one of my favorite headlines about three years ago was it was from Philadelphia. lines about three years ago was it was from Philadelphia. It's already gonna be good. Yeah. It was a basketball player from Philadelphia and it starts with the quote, I had migraines and diarrhea and quote says Joel M. Bied who had migraines and diarrhea. It was the explanation as to why he didn't play that game. That's that's that's funny. I was like, I don't need to read the article. Like, do you?

I know. I know what the stories. Yeah. I just love that, that, you know, like, and I found out recently through friends of mine who are reporters that they don't write their own headlines. Someone else does that. And I, I used to want the job to name streets. Yeah.

Because I come up with some wack ass things. They'd be so fun. You know, it just like you go where you going? Oh, I'm going down to Iran Contra. You know, but it you know, I would love to also be the guy who does headlines. I did this assignment once a long time ago was for extra credit if you can come up with a six-word headline to describe a thing that happened in history. Okay. Yeah, I took it from my friend who is an English teacher, and he did six words to summarize the entire plot of a play.

And so my favorite was waiting for good though. Nothing happens, And then nothing happens again. Nice. It was great. That's that's actually quite deep. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's waiting for good though. So yeah. So all right. Shitting ourselves aside. Hey, have what is your favorite museum? Oh, oh, man. I'm enough of a museum nerd that's hard when to answer. I remember taking pictures at the San Diego aeronautical museum and sending them to you. That is that is up there. Yeah. That one, there's a lot of childhood memories

involved with that one for me, which is part of the reason I like that's probably my top five of the museums that I have visited, which is a bigger list than the ones that I've been in, you know, multiple times. I am going to have to say there is something absolutely wondrous about the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. Oh, that does. Because it is just everything. Yeah. It's the nation's attic. Right.

Like, you know, from the all of the prehistoric animal skeletons, all the fossils. Right. of the prehistoric animal skeletons, all the fossils, to the hope diamond and the minerals and crystal displays, and all the anthropological artifacts, I mean, just all of that. Nice. It's just absolutely amazing. And I think, yeah, I think that one's kind of the mental trope codifier.

Okay. For museum. If that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, like, you know, in your head, like, when you think museum, that's the one that comes right. That's the image that comes up. That's awesome. That's fantastic.

So yeah. So, uh, that I've been to. Yeah. Favorite museum that I've been to. There's one in Kentucky that I really liked. Mostly it was the exhibit though. They had borrowed like basically the English Civil War exhibit from somewhere else.

Oh, okay. And that was pretty cool, although I will say my favorite museum that I've been to and a lot of this has to do with the actual experience of having been there and what I did while I was there. I went to the topography of terror in Berlin. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I got into an argument with a nice white lady

about why we should have museums that actually tell us the truth. And she was really mad because I was comparing our president at the time to Nazis. And she said, how could you do that? And I said, well, it's really easy because they give you visual aids right here. And they're written in German and English. So I mean, it's like, you know, yeah, I did not back down a lick. And then if the, if the, if the ill tailored suit, if the ill tailored suit sort of hangs

off your body properly. Right. So, but it was cool because it shows you the development of the third Reich, like how and I was I was pointing out to somebody who was a Spanish teacher in Long Beach. It's pointing out I'm like, okay, if you look at this one, how is this that different than this tweet over here? If you look at this one, how is it this different from this picture over here? You remember that picture of those people?

Look at this picture. Look at that, you know, on and on and on. And, you know, it was, it was 2018. So there were still people that were clinging to the hope that, that I was just being overblown. But there were also other people who were like, no, no, he's right. And so it was, I got new an argument essentially with, with some folks as to whether or not punching Nazis is something you should do. And they're like, no, then you're just as bad as the Nazis.

I was like, the Nazis committed genocide. I'm talking about breaking noses. Yeah. So it was more than breaking noses. Right. Yes. But it was, it was, it was, it. But it was fun, fun time at a, it was, it's actually in the former SS headquarters. We were in the basement of said headquarters.

Yeah, it's, yeah, and people, you know, decided that they wanted it. I don't know, I don't know what kind of, if any, because, you know decided that they wanted it. I Don't know I don't know what kind of If any because you know, it's Europe and and they're much more dedicated to secularism than will ever be in this country Yeah, but like I don't know what kind of spiritual Like clean up you would need to do in a place like that, I think turning it into a museum to show how this shit happens. I mean, the best way to do a carmy cleanse. Yeah. Yeah.

But there's a part of me that's superstitious enough because I, Catholic, that, that, like, you know, is, is just having a priest go through enough, like, you know, no, I think somebody would go through with a smudge stick. Like, I mean, I mean, changing it into a museum, I'm not saying. Yeah, I think educating the next three generations to come is a good start at making up for their atrocities. It's kind of like the, um, the, the 20,000 book library that's underneath the street where they were burning all the books.

Yeah. I think having things like that, and I think Germany does a really, really good job of it. I can't pronounce the word. It's really fucking long, but it's like refusing to forget our history and or confronting and facing our history. I forget the exact word for it, but I think Germany does a really good job of it. And so yeah, I'm going to say that, that museum was my favorite. Well, you know, what's interesting about that when you say the Germans do a good job of it. And so yeah, I'm going to say that, that museum was my favorite. Well, you know, what's interesting about that, when you say the Germans do a good job of that, what I think it shows the fact that the Germans do such a good job of that really isn't

surprising when you consider that the center of moral philosophy in the modern era prior to the 1920s was Germany. You know, the the philosophy of ethics and all of that kind of stuff was was a huge part of everything that German philosophers had done. And Germany had a reputation for being the most ethical nation in Europe. Like, you know, and so when they fucking up that badly. Well, there's a great quote from Brinthana Hills book, and it said that essentially, and I left it on a post it in my old classroom, I've moved classrooms.

So hopefully whoever finds it might think about it. But Vimar Germany was the most constitutionally progressive country and it took like 54 days from the election of the Nazi party and Hitler's rise to being chancellor. Yeah. It took 54 four days for it to completely collapse. So like, you know, these things are... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, tonight, we're going to talk about museums that I want to visit. Okay. And, yeah, it's... Yeah. And so, after I did all my research on Pope Francis and Walter White and all of

them, I got really interested in museums for a bit because if you remember, the gentleman from Minnesota, the body slamming senator, was given a bunch of money to that place. So we're going to talk about one of my favorite things in the United States, who's museums, and hopefully some international museums as well. Okay. So as far as museums go, first and foremost, I really want to go to Kentucky. Okay. Because if I go there, I can find the Creation Museum. And there's a nonprofit group, ironically nonprofit, for two reasons.

It called owned by answers in Genesis for OAG They they created they the reason this is ironic is because they make a shit ton of money and two I'm pretty sure Jesus has nothing to do with what they're doing Okay, sorry, yeah, I need to back up when you say owned by answers in Genesis. Yes. That's the name of the nonprofit, like LTD. Okay. When exactly do you know when this organization was founded? I want to say the 90s. Okay. I want to say the late 90s. Okay. So there's a thing in Christianity. And particularly in American, even genital Christianity to talk about, you know, I don't belong to myself. I belong to Jesus. You know, I'm talking about being equally yoked as a partner, you know, carrying.

I apologize. I apologize. owned is I'm describing this, this, um, museum. It is owned by a group called answers in Genesis. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry because I was about to say, like, I, I really, really, really hope there, there, like using owned in some kind of weird version of that sense, and they're not trying to say that, like, they're like they're owning secularists and okay. No, so it was, I apologize.

It was incorporated in 1994 and it was previously a group that had gotten started in about 1980. Yeah, answers in Genesis. Yeah, okay. Now, first, you know, like I said, they make a lot of money and second, Jesus, I'm pretty sure. I can't speak for the guy.

Would have turned their shit over. So the, the president of answers in Genesis is Ken Ham. And this is a fundamentalist Christian apologetics organization. Now, this, this museum is not the same as the Ark Encounter, by the way, everybody's mine, as soon as I say, Ken Ham, everyone's like, oh yeah, the fucking Ark. No, no, no, no, that's a different entry on my list. They're both run by the same company.

Yeah. The Creation Museum is open daily with special hours on Sundays and it is 75,000 square feet of Jesus. Wait, 70, okay, answers in Genesis owns this thing. Yes, the Creation Museum. Creation Museum. It's called the Creation Museum. Okay, 75,000 square feet of Jesus. Yes. I'm gonna point something out here. Sure. As a believer, Jesus appears in the book a whole lot later than Genesis. Like Genesis is a whole other thing. But does he? I mean, really isn't all leading up to that. There's a monster at the end of this book and it's over and Grover's been the one holding

your hands the whole time. Yeah, you know, you got tired Grover carried you. Kicking and screaming. Well, and then he stepped on a Lego. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there you went right through his foot. I'll lean off. Thomas didn't believe him. Well, you know, because he hit it just, yeah, he hit it just wrong.

Hit the one spot where, you know, anyway. That's, I'm getting, you need to go to confession. But, I'm sorry, I've been in a podcast with another man. 171 episodes. So, so there's, there history, which is the idea that these relights were the first step in God's plan to save humanity leading up to Jesus. However, the people who actually, like initially, told the stories that turned into the Book of Genesis would not agree that Jesus is part of that story. And I'm pretty sure that anybody who's Jewish in a modern world would either be

Jewish in a modern world would would either be disgusted to the point of wanting to hit you over the head with a ram's horn or would you go on? Would you go on? That's a really smooth job on an ass. Yeah, or would just laugh their ass off. Offs. At the suggestion that Jesus is somehow involved in the very first couple of weeks of the Bible.

So like no Ken Ham, you don't get to claim that. So, what exactly is it that's in this museum? Well, you could explore what the Garden of Eden had to have looked like because it was a totally real place. And it turns out that Adam and Eve were both white brunettes. Also, there's Staggedeer who still have the fawn spots on them. Hold on. Okay. They weren't blonde and blue-eyed. No, no, God no. That would be racist. I'm not. You know, that would be white supremacist. These are white people with brown hair. Okay. You know, which you could kind of maybe see as being from that area. The stag deer still had fawn spots on them. And I think

I saw a couple wild quagas in the same place as a chimpanzee as well. There were definitely llamas there in the Garden of Eden and maybe a saber too. There were a lot of birch trees and a few cedar trees. You could do kind of a 360 panoramic picture. So yeah, that's the first trees there because of like a pitch by one of their sponsors. I don't know. I just know that the society. No, I don't think I don't think they're that clever. Okay. Yeah, I John Burst's study tends to go towards seating judges, not necessarily toward creating museums. Okay, good point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's what the Garden of Eden obviously looked like. There's a walking path for you to go through it. You'd also be able to see the moment of original sin,

which doesn't involve an apple. They look like possibly grapes. And then you could watch. Oh, yeah. They're actually interestingly. There are theories amongst kind of theological historians. Because of course the idea that the fruit was an apple

is because of translation into English and people not knowing shit when they did it. There's one theory that the fruit of the tree might have been a pomegranate. I like the idea that it was a passion fruit since then they looked up and saw that they were making it. Okay, all right, I can see that. All right. Although, if, I mean, his name is Adam, and so I kind of think maybe it could have been a date and a grape. So you might have had the world's first date grape. Okay. So, okay. But actually, as the Latin teacher in the room, going to, going to flex a little, the word for evil is malum. The word for apple is also malum. They are spelled and they have the exact same stems.

And so it could very well be that they took the evil from the tree and somebody saw that and they were like, oh, that's an apple. So okay, since the word for apple and the word for evil are the exact same spelling and pronunciation and stem oddly enough. So even though they're different words, it's kind of like right and right. Did Romans think apples were poisonous or something? No, not at all.

People thought that raw tomatoes would kill you for centuries. No, but at the same time, apples end up being tied to evil for a long goddamn time. If you think about your Western mythology having to do with any time there's evil involved, you want to make a bad guy in a movie. He's eating an apple. You want to have a brutal decision being made. Have him eat an apple. You want a trick snow white, give her an apple. A poised apple. Yeah. You want a hostile trees. Have him throw apples. Apples are tied to evil and I think through this linguistic accident.

Yeah. So meanwhile, our Nordic pagan ancestors believed that the gods got their immortalities through apples. And so did remember the Spartans who were obviously having sex with Nordic people. That's what made them superior. From a previous podcast. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Ford. And also the asshole who wrote the book. But the golden apples is a thing, right? Yeah. So, you know, and I was told recently, apples are not stone fruit, so I'm not going to say stone fruit anymore. I still think they're. It could easily be stone fruit, so I'm not gonna say stone fruit anymore. I still think they're, it could easily be looked up

but I haven't. But apples are in the Mediterranean as a thing. Okay. So it should- So okay, it should- Easily have turned into an apple through, what's that process? Synchrotism, synchrotization, something you've said before.

Yeah, yeah, synchrotism, yeah. Synchrotism could be kind of synchronization. Yeah, like parallel, kind of parallel, or convergent evolution. There you go. In linguistic kind of mimetic sense. Yeah, so it's entirely, but in this museum, it's not an apple. It looks like grapes or something. I couldn't zoom in enough.

So, you can then watch through a diorama, how everything suffers because of that sin. Dinosaurs go from being peaceful to predatory, and then there's wolves. Oh my god, there's wolves. Wolves fucking everywhere. Thanks Eve. Now, did I mention also that there is a flood exhibit? And the fearfully and wonderfully made exhibit of the flood, it shows you how fetuses work. And all of the fetuses work and all of the fetuses are white. They're life-like models and there's also a walking tour of how to come to Jesus, which is really rad for people who don't want to do the stations across.

So you've just got all these great exhibits here. Now, do you like insects? Because they have an insectarium. Yes. Okay, no, you're gonna have to talk about the insectarium. Yes. Okay, no, you're going to have to talk about the insectarium before I interrupt this. Okay, now I need to know what they have an insectarium. And it shows how there's so many different species

and they didn't evolve from each other at all. And there's also a really informative exhibit on dragons that totally doesn't appropriate all the other cultures mythos around dragons and it ties it all back to the Bible. Okay, now if that's not enough, they have zip lining outdoors and an obstacle course, which is an interesting addition, but cool for team building, I guess, they also have concerts. There's, oh, there's no was cafe, which offers gluten free and vegan options because it's important to include as many people as possible. There's also Planetarium, and Alessor Skeleton, and a 4D Special Effects Theater. Don't worry about the faith of the workers there in Petersburg and Turkey either, because

all of the permanent employees must sign a statement of faith which affirms their belief in the answers in Genesis' principles. Shall I read you an excerpt of what they have to sign? Okay, and they're able to get away with this because of course it's a nonprofit. Right, it's a nonprofit. Yeah, right, yeah. And it's in a right to work state. Excerpts include quote, scripture teaches a recent origin for man and the whole creation.

And the only legitimate marriage is the joining of one man and one woman. Another excerpt, the flood of Genesis was an actual historical event. Another excerpt, no apparent perceived or claimed evidence in any field, including history and chronology, can be valid if it contradicts a scriptural record. Speaking as a devout Catholic, like somebody who wakes up every morning, every morning,

and chooses to believe in the divine conception of Christ. These people are terrifying because like nobody who actually understands the nature of the Hebrew language that all of this stuff was originally composed and then eventually written down in. Would try to argue for the literalism of any of that. You know, it's funny is that the literalism doesn't really come around until we have so many of these books in print and we have some semblance of public education. Like once people learn how to read, then literalism becomes a thing. I always found that interesting. But now amongst the employees, the permanent employees who have to affirm their faith according to answers and Genesis,

this includes the more than a dozen security guards who are armed with 40 caliber blocks and three law enforcement canines. I couldn't find if the dogs had to pledge their faith either, but this is all totally normal and okay. Okay, wait. Okay. Okay. There are armed security with dogs. There are so this is like an onion of like everything shitty about American Christianity. There are so many layers of fucked up behind this life. Like the grand canyon yet. Okay, there's scientists, there are scientists who say that this is a Pupu this, this totally reasonable museum of God's ability to work quicker than nature.

Some scientists have issue with that. According to this museum, the Grand Canyon could easily have been carved in a few hours by a flood of waters receding, no matter what geologists might say. No. They also offer excellent discounts. You want to characterize. Oh, oh, no, I'm okay. On on what? Public school kids whose teachers want to take them here instead of those

stodgy and boring old natural history museums that weren't created with $27 million worth of private donations. While still receiving public tax money is to keep going. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. What is that in private donations? Fuck that. Discounts. Fuck any public, any public school teacher bringing students to this fucking plate.

He's doing the Lord's work. I agree. Yep. That way, no, you're just trying to light me off. Like, no, no, no. Well, okay, you know what? Here's the thing. No, you, you and your wife could go for 1495 a piece. And from now until the end of the year, your little boy gets in for free because he's

under 10. Now, for five to in for free because he's under 10. Now, for five to 10 year olds, it's 14.95, I'm sorry, it's 44.95 for adults who aren't seniors. Okay. Yeah, so George would get a discount, but... You're such a dick. Now, there's no teacher discount, interestingly enough. Wow.

But there are all the... Of course, there's not a teacher to ignorant fox like this. No, there's not a teacher discount. There's also bouncer passes. If you wanted to get tickets for this and the arch experience, it's kind of like like a like a multi-pardonnay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hard copper. But I'm going to come back to it later. I'm going to come back to that. Christ of fascist. Yeah. So, you know, Yep. So that's that's the first, first museum I want to go to. Um, and again, I say this as a Catholic fucking hate Christians.

So I got to him it really. I have very faithful people who are faithful listeners that I know who listen to this and y'all need to drink through this episode. You really do. Some of us need to drink while we're recording. Yeah, I'm just going to point out. So do you remember those old American Express commercials? I wrote the next one in the in the in the the conceit of that. In Castle Rock, Washington, just off of I-5, you can find the

Seven Wonders Museum nestled into the foot of the Mount St. Helens. This two-room museum makes the case for a young earth creationist viewpoint, specifically because of Mount St. Helens. This will be titled, how Damien gives Ed a stroke. You will fuck because of Mount St. Helens. Well, see, a lot of change happened after Mount St. Helens blew in 1981. So clearly, the world is hallowed young. And the proof is just above the museum at Mount St. Helens. As it turns out, geologic processes, they don't have to be gradual if there's a huge disaster, like a flutter and eruption. And they don't just offer the two rooms of the museum either. They also

offer off-road adventures, a full day excursion around Mount St. Helens, which actually does sound kind of cool. That would actually be fucking awesome. Yeah. If you can do that without having to have some preachy flander's fucking tour guide. Oh, no. No. No. See, this way you can see how the Mount St. Helens eruptions demonstrate the processes

that we're working during the worldwide flood of Genesis. It's also very inexpensive. It's only $18 per person or $75 per family and a full tank of gas for your own car. I mean, sure, according to a scientist, the Seven Wonders Museum rejects modern science, but you can't make an omelette without cracking some eggs. Do you want to know when they're open? I know you do. Okay. They're open daily except Sundays because those hours fluctuate as the people running the museum are sometimes late getting back from church. They have a blog, they have a bookshop and a creation

caching. You know, like geocaching, what about creation? Caching. Do you need to go get another bottle? I am not yet. Okay, you're gonna. The first one is emptied already because she's a Christmas. Let's take a break from religion. Go ahead and say what you're going to say, but I'll take a break from religion. We'll do something a little more secular for the third museum.

Oh, good. Oh take a break from religion. We'll do something a little more secular for the third museum. Oh, good. Oh, you say that now. I, you didn't, I'm sorry, is your sarcasm meter busted? Because, okay. So, so there is interestingly, you know, there, there, there, there was this, this longstanding, what's the word I'm looking for? Grudge? Like a better word? Okay. In the way that academics who are dedicated to a particular field have very, very strong

opinions and they're very, very passionate about it. And like they will fist fight each other over shit that normal people think is desperately so taric, right? Right, right. And and there were in the early days of the formation of the discipline that is today called geology. Like there were people who were ready to fight duels over ideas like tectonic drift. And how long it took for sediment layers to form. And whether things happened in catastrophically rapid fashion or if everything happened over this incredibly long slow timeline. And it took decades of backing and forething

and studying stuff and doing the chemistry and figuring things out. Doing more science. Yeah, science, shit. For the current consensus to come about, which is the best answer everybody can come up based on the evidence that we have, which is the best answer everybody can come up with based on the evidence that we have, which is most everything happens on a very, very long timeline. And then occasionally,

you get catastrophic shit. Yes. That upends things and like, oh, hey, half a cotton and blew up. Right. Looking at you, Decon traps, and, and you know, filled the atmosphere with, you know, talk, yes, it's for, you know, I'm letting him and cause all kinds of other shit to the environment. You know, um, and, and so the consensus is that no, it's both. Most of the time, it's really slow. And then every so often you have a meteor impact or massive volcanism. And you can look at the scientific evidence for how that works out. But what I find frustrating, infuriating, gross,

I don't know what the word is. I'm looking for here. But it just it bugs the shit out of me that so many of these people, either because they just can't wrap their head around the idea that there's nuance involved in any of this. Or because they just have an extra grind and it's convenient for them to pick, you know, it's a dumb fucking answer, they can't understand that it can be both. And they're like, well, no, see, you're saying that it's like this. And so if it's like this, then this has to be the case.

You know, it's that, you know, reduction, to add absurd to them. And it's like, that's not intellectually fucking honest. Like at all. to add absurd to him and it's like, that's not intellectually fucking honest. Like at all. And it just, it sets my whole spine on edge because it's so grating. It's just so unbelievably like willfully ignorant

and it just bugs the shit out of me. So yeah, no, I'm as much as I would like to visit Mount St. Helens, I am, I, I'm gonna have to Leave that museum off my list because that would probably leave me with permanent neurological damage to one side of my face. Like All right, so what's what's the next thing you said the next one is not religious. No, no, and on the one hand, I'm kind of grateful for that. None the other hand, I'm terrified. So, okay.

Well, the next museum I want to go to is called Confederaama. Oh, fuck no. Originally, it was in the lookout Valley from its inception in 1957 until 1962, when it then moved to St. Elmo. And it stayed there until 1997. Or if it started in 1957. Yep.

Okay. Confederate. Rama. Confederate. Rama. Um, you should look at the pictures of the shit. It's awesome. Um, I don't know if I should.

My, my career just might not, might not recommend that. So I actually got to see it in St. Elmo when I was 11. Okay. Yep. I want to go back because since 1997, it's been on top of lookout mountain. And in 2016, it got updated again. Oh, of course it's on lookout mountain. Now what is confederama you might ask? Well, it used to be a giant diorama of the Battle of Chica Munga.

5,000 miniature soldiers puffing smoke from cannons and a step-by-step narrative of the courage and the zeal with which the brave patriots who wanted to leave this country fought and killed people from this country so that they could leave. The building that used to have a giant battle flag on its roof that you could see from the highway and it had more than three miles of electric wiring to light up more than 650 miniature lights. It actually was pretty cool to see.

Okay, yeah, no, as somebody who's into miniatures, miniatures that sound pretty cool. So you know, you started talking about this and I was like, okay, evolve the bit, what chicken maga? Chicken cup, chicken monga. Okay, well, all right. But now I had to look it up because I was like, I know I know the name of the battle, but you know what what I you know you might also know it is the battles for chat and nuga. Okay. Yeah. That's that.

Fall on. Fall on September 19th, 20th, 1863. Yep. Marked the end of a union offensive in South East, Tennessee, Northwestern, Georgia. It was the first major battle of the war. Fall in Georgia, the most significant union defeat in the Western theater. Yes. And it involved the second highest number of casualties

after the battle of Gettysburg. So the fact that it was a battle, the Confederates won. But it was also a pirate victory. Yeah. Because it broke them. Yeah. So yeah, it's on Lookout Mountain. It's called now it's called the Battles for Chat Nuga exhibit. So it's taken some revising. This is good.

Historians must have heard of it. Here's what they say about themselves to the public on their website now. Quote, the new show involves multimedia projections mapping with high color saturation, short throw digital projectors, solid state media players and 3D modeling software. This one of a kind storytelling experience uses the latest technology to bring to life, the tumultuous battle days of one of the country's greatest struggles fought here in November of 1863. Here and see about Chattanooga's battle above the clouds and Sherman's assault on missionary ridge before his historic march to the sea. See an excellent relic and weapon collection while perusing the bookstore for well-known works

about the Civil War. That's actually remarkably neutrally phrased. It's very revised. Since its revision, it's been marketed as kind of see the battle that sealed the Confederacy's fate. That's kind of how they had it. Prior to that, though, when it was called Confederaama, it was, you know, the last gasp of heroism, you know, the defiant heroics. But it still has a lot more. Yeah, it still has a lot of that lost cost. Stank on it. Now, it only costs between $4.95 and $7.95. So price good price point is still pretty good. This place has been advertised as air conditions since 1957, which if you've been to Tennessee,

that's a big deal. That's a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Climbing control is important. Having just spent a week in St. Louis. Yeah. A couple of weeks ago, I will tell you that air conditioning is one of the greatest modern inventions and not for the temperature at all, but because it dries the air out finally. Yes. Yes. When it gets to 105 here, which it's supposed to do next week, it sucks.

Like there's no getting around it. It just sucks. But when you get in the shade, if there's a breeze, it's livable. Yes. In St. Louis, when get in the shade, if there's a breeze, it's livable. Yes. In St. Louis, when it's 90 degrees, there's no getting away from it. Because when the wind blows, the wind is damp and hot. And, and your clothes just stick to your body.

And nothing, nothing happens. You sweat. And it goes nowhere. Right. And, and yeah, no, you might as well wear diapers and tampons instead of even to shirt. It's like, yeah, it's awful. So yeah, air conditioning, like, yeah, no, that's, that's a meaningful selling point. I'll tell you what. Yeah. So that's, that's the next museum. Now, you want to go a little further south from there. Let's go to Houston, Texas. Oh, no. The National Museum of Funeral History. All right. In a morbid kind of way, this might be kind of cool.

Yeah, for $10. It's really fucking cool to be perfectly honest. Like I was like, oh, this is gonna be fucking ridiculous, but it's actually pretty cool. Like I'd go for the subject itself, not to watch the people who would go to the subject itself, like confederama, or the several creation museums, you know, I would make up Dingo cards to go to those. This, I would enjoy that. That's not, you know, the moment you know Ken Ham's name is attached to any kind of project. You're like, oh, yeah, this is I'm I'm I'm smuggling in a hip

flash because what I love about this one is, okay, it's obviously morbid, right? Yeah, the fact that they offer veteran and senior discounts. I mean, most places do what that this one does, especially. It's like we hope to see us soon. You know, it's like I imagine, I imagine the docents all looking like lurch. Yeah, you know, yeah, you know, and I presume they offer these discounts because veterans and seniors are probably closer to the subject of the museum than the rest of us are anyway.

So you want to traumatize and weird out your kid. They have reduced rates ages 6 to 11, get in on reduced rates and it's free for kids under 6. There is a whole host of conversations that would be spawned by that. Is it like, I don't want to have to deal with it. Like, I know I'm going to have to eventually, but I don't want to incite that talk. Sure. Okay.

There are some people who are like, let's turn toward that storm. Death is going to be in our family. It's just going to happen. So why not prep for it? But I completely understand not wanting to have that conversation. Yeah, no, I don't, I don't, I don't wanna deal with that until I have to.

Yeah, no. It's also fully accessible, which I think is nice. If you want, you could book your own private tour as well, which I think is creepy. But I also couldn't find, I looked for a while to see if they did like rehearsal dinners or weddings. I couldn't find anything. Um, I, I know a few people who like that would be the kind of thing they'd be like, Oh, dude, yeah, we're going to code. I know where we're at. Great. And Gladys is going to be so weirded out by this. Let's do it. You know, it's, it's not just great at glasses. Like, no, no, this match is by a aesthetic.

I'm good with this. Yeah. So this is a little under a little under half the square footage of the creation museum. 30,500 square feet. And it contains the largest collection of authentic funeral service items. Now here's where it gets cool. There is a room with horses through the years.

Okay, that's actually kind of neat. Right. I can do that. There's another one of coffins and caskets throughout time. Uh, yeah, there's a hall for the history of embalming. And there's a hall for the history of cremation. Like this is cool shit. Like, I know it's gross and oogi,

but you can't say you're not curious, like you would go through there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's also a history of morning section, which I thought was rad. There's also death photos section for the stern of heart,

because those were a thing in the 1800s, right? Okay, yes, yes. All of it sounds really cool to me. But what actually made me think that this is some cool shit is the amount of cross cultural exhibits that it has regarding death and burial ceremonies. They have a Ghana section, a Diabdei Los Muertos section, a New Orleans section, Japan section, and they also have several biographies as well. They have presentations that are given. They have one that is on death shrouds specifically, including the shroud of turn.

I think it's worth the trip and the money. Yeah, no, it sounds like it. It's actually kind of cool. So this is the first one you've mentioned that has it like set off some rage trigger of my own some levels So let's keep that let's keep that street going then let's head west on i10 And we're going to go to an international museum in mecca, California for the zaniet heart The website contains no fewer than four puns

It is the international banana museum. Okay. A dollar per ticket. So that's pretty rad. Now, they are closed during COVID, like for the duration they put that up on their website, we're closed to prevent spread, which I think is fantastic. Yeah. So good on you for recognizing that shit's dangerous. And they did their whole website and Comic Sans and made it look like an angel fire website. Their email to contact

them still has an AOL in it. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah. So those things are a little disturbing, but I can say road trip when this shit ends because a Banana museum they have frozen bananas and banana ice cream too and can you really stop? Can you really like stop yourself from going to a place that boasts over 25,000 banana photos and items? Including outback where there's a four-seater banana car Okay, the banana car is a selling point. Yeah. And if nothing else, this shit's more scientifically sound than the creation museum. That's a really low bar. You know, the Mount St. Helens Museum is more scientifically sound.

Because at least it references Museum is more scientific sound. Cause at least it references the thing that we say, at least at least references and actual like instead of putting chimps next to Kwaga's next to Lama's next to Stags with full spot still. Yeah. Yeah. Now, since we're already in California, let's go, let's work our way up until Felton, California. This is nestled in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Okay.

Okay. It's the Bigfoot Discovery Museum. You have my attention. It's been open since 2004. It's only open on Friday through Monday from 1 to 6 p.m. It is free, but there's a two to five dollar donation requested. Okay. So what do you find in this tiny, tiny museum? What's that? Yeah, it's a reasonable price. What do you find in this tiny museum of only like two rooms? There's a plaster cast exhibit, several bookshelves, and a few video experiences, and an outdoor diorama.

You can buy mugs, shirts, a few other things too, but what I love the most about the museum is the owner operator, his name is Michael Rugg with 2G's. He looks like the stunt double for George R.R. Martin. Okay. And he's a Stanford alum. He saw Bigfoot at the age of four. And while his adults talked him out of it for a while, as an adult for the last 16 years, he has said, no, no, that was Bigfoot. And he's become an expert on Bigfoot ever since the first.com crash. As happens because he'd been a programmer for a while. Yeah. He also has a unique way of

testing the velocity of claims of Bigfoot. Quote, if I get the report and I can look the person in the eye and question them, I can tell. Right. Because your background is a computer programmer makes you an expert interrogator and not at all a credulous, you know, investigator. He knows big foot's big foot's big feet, big foot, big, big, big feet, big feet. He knows them by their smell and by their screams. And he knows that they coordinate in order to hunt for deer. So, did you know that the collective noun for Bigfoot is a trample? I did not, but that makes sense. I don't know that that's true, but I want it to be. So yeah, I that feels true.

Yeah, there is truthiness. Yeah, just like the collective noun for a group of Yeti is an avalanche. Nice. I made that up. I would go with that too. Yeah, you know, do you, do you get the sense that I do that, like, founding this museum was an emotional coping mechanism for the dot com bust for this guy like it feels more like like he either has a pension that pays enough and he's like what the hell is somebody going to do you know he's like that guy who's like I'm in my 50s I'm not going to be able to compete with this young pups coming up you know, he's like that guy who's like, I'm in my 50s, I'm not going to be able to compete with this young pups coming up, you know, who actually know other programming besides, you know, this one that I learned really well. Yeah. And so why bother trying? Okay. It feels a bit like that.

It feels not quite a throwing in the towel, but a redefining and recalibrating and being being okay with this is a distant second. Okay. kind of a kind of a talist retirement kind of thing. Yeah, okay. All right. So I want to head back to the Midwest. Let's go to Wisconsin. Let's go to Middleton, Wisconsin. Okay.

Because in Middleton, Wisconsin, there's the National Mustard Museum. Oh, yeah, sure. You bet. Yeah. Okay. All right. Hell, I want to go on National Mustard Day, which yeah, sure, you bet. Yeah, okay. All right. Hell, I want to go on National Mustard Day, which by the way is August 6th.

donations are encouraged, but it's free. Free admittance to see almost 6,100 mustards from all over the world. Over 70 countries mustards are represented. I didn't realize mustard was that universal accompaniment. Oh, absolutely. I had kind of intercondemnital. It's a European thing.

Yeah. Now, okay, so like I know that there's, there's, you know, the weird vinegar yellow mustard that we use here in this country. I know, I know that Germans, of course, have several different kinds of varieties of, you know, large grain, dark course the French have different variations. Yep. But like what, what surprising countries do they have mustard from? Well, I mean, there's obviously, there's English mustard, of course. Yeah. But honestly, mustard seed is a, a warmer climate kind of thing to grow. And it will expand both North and South

from that latitude. So you're gonna get a lot of African, a lot of Asian mustards. Yeah. So the former Assistant Attorney General of Wisconsin opened the Mustard Museum in 1992. He actually stepped down from his post as Assistant Attorney General of Wisconsin.

But before he did, he argued a Supreme Court case with a jar of mustard in his pocket. Like, like, is a good luck charm? Well, he saw this, like I read this. He saw a used mustard jar, and he's like, like, is a good luck charm? Well, he saw this, like I read this, he saw a used mustard jar and he's like, wow, that's an interesting mustard and he swiped it. And he put it in his pocket and he forgot it was there until he got to the Supreme Court and he's like,

guess I'm going to argue this case with the mustard jar in my pocket. Okay. And there it was. Now, it's open seven days a week during normal working hours. The museum advertises itself as only 6,978 kilometers from Dijon France. It is hailed as the Condimental Divide by at least the person who made the website and this museum also boasts a press room. And of course, a gift shop.

So if, you know, of course, these are landscape it's a different hill, a bowl of yoke. Yep, get your gray poop on. Nice. Thank you. Thank you. So now from from Wisconsin, we're gonna go down

to Roswell, New Mexico. Because of course, we've got to hit Roswell. Yeah. I mean, you know, how can we not? The International UFO Museum and Research Center. I love how they attack on research center. I love how they add on international as a prefix. Yeah, well, like what qualification is there for international?

Like I really do want to know. Um, now for $5 discounted down to $3 for seniors, military and first responders and $2 for the kids, you can explore this and not for profit museum dedicated largely to the Roswell 1947 incident that others have called quote debunked Yes, yes from their own website quote the international UFO museums constituents are committed to gathering and dispersing to all interested parties in the most qualified and up-to-date information available and up-to-date information available. The incident happened in 1947. How much new information is there to be disseminated? Oh, things get declassified all the time. People write tell-all books all the time. I mean, I will grant you that it is

75 years since it happened. I think that's actually coming up. We're hitting that anniversary. We are. Yeah. Yeah. It was a balloon. Guys, folks, everybody, people, fellow, fellow earthers, it was a balloon. It actually was.

In fact, a balloon. Here's the deal, like the story that it was a crashed alien spaceship, okay, like in a Buck Rogers kind of way, that's kind of cool, but no, no, no, no, it was a high altitude balloon. And when I say high altitude, I mean, stratosphere into lower ionosphere, kind of altitude, balloon that was designed to carry acoustic

equipment, sensitive enough to detect Russian bomb tests. How is that not cooler? Right. Like, on the one hand, little green men men on the other hand like like cloaked dagger spy shit like come on. But yeah, so so yeah, the play to stop to date information on an event that happened, you know, 75 years ago. Well, there's a gift shop. And and this museum is the centerpiece of the UFO Fest that happens in the first week of July every year, which I think we just missed.

Glenn Davis. Oh, go ahead. Glenn Davis now deceased started the museum in 1991. He claimed witness to the Roswell incident in 1947, who, uh, who had been an embalmer for a company that was contracted with the Roswell Army airfield in 1946. So he knew firsthand what was going on, but he waited until 1991 to open the museum. Of course, this was also just a bit before the unsolved mysteries episode aired in 1994, which I'm sure is purely coincidental. Totally. I'm actually pretty sure that my younger brother would have been a presesium when I was in early teens. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

Yeah. So, you know, it occurs to me that you know, you talk about the UFO fest. Uh-huh. Right. So, seriously, what else does Roswell in Mexico have going for it? Other than its curious claim to fame Seriously, what else does Roswell to Mexico have going for it?

Other than its curious claim to fame as the sight of this, you know, thoroughly debunked incident that was part of UFO hysteria, which we talked about in an earlier episode. Aside from that, what does Roswell have going for it? My parents have driven through Roswell. Mm-hmm. There's nothing there.

No. Unless you wanna buy alien themed chachkis. It's nothing. Like there is only, there's nothing there. I find it interesting that, you know, the Chamber of Commerce has latched onto this thing because of course that's, the chamber of commerce has latched onto this thing because, of course, that's what the chamber of commerce in any small town is going to do. In the

same way that the town of Hollister, California, now holds an annual motorcycle rally in commemoration of the time when a number of motorcycle gangs rode in and took the town over and terrorized people for a week. Wow. But what else does Hollister have going for it other than the San Andreas fault running through town. Right. Like I lived in that I lived in the town for a year. Other than the fault line brewery, there's, no,

there's nothing, it's a farm community. There's nothing there. So of course, every year, well, you know, we had this historic incident, you know, that was part of the Zitkeist and, you know, post World War II America. And you know, they turned it into a movie, the wild ones. And so, you know, we're going to latch on to that they turn it into a movie, The Wild Ones.

And so we're gonna latch onto that and turn that into a festival. The people who actually lived in town when that happened in 47 were pissed off and terrified because a bunch of semi-criminal louts took over the town for a week. Sure. But we're gonna commemorate it

because it'll bring in tourists. Like, it's the same reason, again, Roswell does this thing with aliens every year. What else you got going for yet? Sure. All right. So anyway, I just, that parallel struck me. And I had to say something about it.

So, anyway, carry on. What's our next destination on this road trip from heck? Well, you know, we started with, you know, this came from my research on the popes and John Cena and stuff. And that is going to bring us to Glenda, Glendive Montana. Glendive dinosaur and fossil museum. Not to be missed. Yes, I've done a couple other young earth creationist museums on this episode. Yes, indeed, but where else can you get one that's funded

by a body slamming congressional tech bro? Their mission statement from their own website is to quote, glorify God as creator and sustainer, emphasize man's accountability to him, affirm God's revealed and inspired word as the preeminent source of truth and authority. Now, how will a museum do this, you ask? Simple. They want to quote, challenge mankind to think through the assumptions and consequences

of the humanistic concept of evolution and its underlying premise that the earth is billions of years old. Okay. It's a museum that holds these as its core beliefs. We believe that quote, all things were supernaturally created by the triune god. I think it meant is triune? Is that a word? Triune. Okay. Is either that that's a really that's a really bad way to Trinitarian so it's very likely try and try and try and try and try. Yeah. Well, yeah, because the next part the father son in Holy Spirit Yeah, the Bible is the divinely inspired revelation of the creator completely free from error and the original manuscripts Which I'm like

So not not the King James, then. You're in. Yeah, well, but they're they're talking about the King James almost certainly even though they're trying to dodge it with all the qualifiers they're at. Right. But yeah, no, they're KJV. So anyway, care. Each type of plant and animal was specifically created after it's kind by God. None came from chance or natural processes, nor did any develop from some sort of other plant or animal. The first humans, Adam and Eve were specifically created by God. All others are their descendants. And Adam mankind was given dominion over the other creatures and the earth itself. Marriage is ordained by God and is only between one man and one woman. The creation of all things occurred in six natural days and it was originally very good.

So, okay. That's their values. That's okay. Yeah. And and and part of that, values statement just immediately jumped out at me. They always like, they got that couple a clause. Yeah, they've you know, every one of these places that has some kind of statement about, you know,

man and woman who are created, they immediately jump to marriage being between one and one woman. And the funny thing about that is that's not actually even scriptural. If you read later into the Old Testament, that's, that's not recognized. Like, no, it doesn't say that anywhere. And you know, even even in the most judgy, you know, Leviticus numbers parts of the Bible, it doesn't say one man or one man. You know, polygamy was part of Semitic culture. Like if your brother died,

you were supposed to marry his wife. Right. And that doesn't mean divorce yours. That means taking her in. No, you had to marry his wife and take his kid into your house. Because somebody needed to look after him, like it was pragmatic, but it was still public in me.

And what's interesting in that vein, what's interesting about that is even though you married your brother's wife, any children that you might have with your brother's wife. Any children that you might have with your brother's wife were legally not your children. They were your brother's kids because it was his wife. Because it was his wife before she became she was his wife before she became your wife. And so that's actually where onanism. Yeah. The term onanism, which usually is about masturbation, that actually comes from onan, getting in trouble with God. This is the argument against pulling out. Yeah, yeah, that's what it started into.

You know, because he didn't want to have any kids with the woman who had been his brother's wife, so, you know, he let his seed fall upon the ground. Which then got turned into a prohibition. Like they decided that was, you know, we're going to use that as an argument against masturbation, which at least there's some logic there. Like there's a train of thought involved. Yeah, God told you to, yeah, God told you to make babies and you pulled out. And you're wasting that. Yeah, but like you can't have that injunction against beating off and then turn around and say, oh yeah, by the way marriage is only between one man and one woman because the whole reason for that was no, you haven't a marry your brother's life. Right. Like like, and it's a again, I'm going to go back to the name of the museum is the dinosaur and fossil museum. It's like it's false advertising.

Well, they do encourage lots and lots of digs actually, because all of the digs still prove that God made the earth exactly as it is now. They're really big on dinosaurs. Remember, Janforte himself donated a T-Rex skeleton replica. They're also only open on weekends from April through May and then just not on Sundays from May through September. They seem to take November through March all the way off based on their very confusing hours page. Okay. But public schools were encouraged to take tours and many public schools

took field trips there until 2015. And while scientists have said that, quote, it's not a science museum at all. It's not a pseudoscience museum. And there's nothing scientific about it. That doesn't mean that it's not totally badass. Didn't I mention that T-Rex skeleton replica? T-Rexes, according to this museum, existed at the time of the flood and were possibly on the arc itself. For $8, any adult can come to this museum and see how dinosaurs and dragons are similar. Bring the kids for six. Bring the kids for six. Okay, I genuinely want to pick somebody's brain about, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, T-Rex is on the arc.

Like, I want to know, like, because these are the kind of people that, if you start questioning them, they're going to string a line of bullshit. Yes. Because the moment you start trying to get logic out of them about, okay, wait. Okay, this is a T-Rex. This is a 25-foot tall, proto-bird death predator. Based on the measurements of the arc,

where did he keep them? Well, Megafona had to have been toward the bottom to act as a ballast, obviously. like based on the measurements of the arc, where did he keep them? Well, Megafana had to have been toward the bottom to act as a ballast, obviously. Well, I mean, clearly, right? Like, so if they come up with any answer other than that, you know, they're full of shit. Well, right off the bat.

There's a whole other museum that deals with the arc and that's where we're gonna close our little tour around the United States. We haven't gotten to it yet. Yeah. Yeah, Ken Ham. Yeah, since we started with the Creation Museum, let's finish with the Ark Encounter. Ken Ham and his group didn't just build one Creation Museum. No, they actually built another one in Idaho that didn't make the list.

But they also built Noah's Ark to make money. Yeah. Same pricing as a creation museum. So I didn't deal with the one in Idaho, by the way, which yeah, um, but it's there in case you need a side jaunt. Um, same pricing as a creation museum, but you could also buy a three day bouncer pass for 49 95.95 up to $99.95. There's of course the annual pass as well, up to $159.95. So you could go from thing to thing. Now I have to say, one of the museums

that I've always wanted to go to close down in 2018. And it was the, oh God, it was called the Holy Land Experience and it was an Orlando. Oh, it was called the Holy Land Experience and it was an Orlando. Oh, yeah, where you could watch the crucifixion performs three times a day. Like three times a day, yeah. You could go shopping in the tomb.

Yeah, the tomb was a gift shop. And it had crosses like on glass shelves. It was so awesome. I just, this is what Jesus would have wanted. Everything wrong with American Christianity in Orlando given forms. Yeah, well, where else are you gonna fucking put that? Because Disneyland was too smuddy. But so that one unfortunately went under before I could get to it, but these I still have hope. Good fucking riddance. So there's a restaurant to the art experience. There's a gift shop. There's $15 parking and

restricted hours on Sunday, only from one to seven. That way you could go to church. The other days though are 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Now for your money, you can go inside of the life-size replica of the real arc that totally existed exactly as it says in the Bible. 510 feet long, 51 feet high, 85 feet wide, all conversions from the qubits that existed back. Yeah, yeah. It's a sight to behold. And you can see that. Sure it is. From inside the ark. You can go inside the ark and see the three decks of awesome drunken carpentry just as God intended. In fact, you're going to be loading way more people into the ark than it was built to hold. So tread carefully. They advertise, especially that it was built in at least in part by Amish Craftsmanship,

which is weird to me given that they're not a seafaring group by practice. Yeah. Okay. Now I kind of want to read a story about Amish Pirates. Friend of the show Teresa Halverson. There's yet another idea for you. Okay. Yeah.

Now, there are concerts, there are speakers, there are educational opportunities, there is a whole life-sized diorama about Noah and his family, and to their credits, the museum creators definitely made them Middle East adjacent. There's still really light skinned for Middle Easterners except ham of course But they are described in the museum. Yeah, yeah in an inoffensive way quote like their parents They were likely what we at Arkin counter call middle Brown neither pale nor very dark Although they would have been okay, you're 100 years old when they boarded the arc and were fit men in their prime. Yeah, but okay. Okay. Middle brown. Middle brown. I didn't know that was a term. I don't think it is. Well, apparently it is if you're racist, white evangelical from Australia.

Ken Hams Australian. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Yeah, yep. Well, okay. So we imported him. Oddly enough, he came over on a plane. Then didn't back. Thank you. Wow. That's terrifying. Yeah. You could even see how they lived and And you want to know just how white the women could get. They've got that too. Now, you can even plan to stay overnight and you could see how the lighting changes on the arc through the night because they have different colored lighting like Noah's bagels, but Noah's arc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got kids? Nice. There's a five day camp that you can send your kids to too.

You could also see the system by which he fed all the animals, which animals they had on the arc, which admittedly looked very differently back then than they do today. But don't worry, that's not evolution. That's God's awesome plan. Okay. Here's awesome plan. Okay. Here's a quote explaining that. Quote, the biblical concept of created kind,

probably most closely corresponds to the family level in a current taxonomy. Now, I'm just gonna break in right there for a second on your behalf. What's that taxonomy really actually coming from? In that evolution. Yeah, yeah, that's a. Oh, well, yeah, and there's yeah, wow.

Back to the quote, a good rule of thumb is that if two things can breed together, then they are of the same kind or they are the same created kind. It is a bit more complicated, but this is a good, quick measure of a kind. Since, quote, recent studies estimate that the total number of living and extinct kinds of land animals and flying creatures to be about 1500 with our worst case scenario approach to calculating the number of animals on the arc, this would mean that NOAA cared for approximately 7,000 animals. There are so many ways. I want to start questioning them on like 7,000 animals on a boat 500 feet long. and like 7,000 animals on a boat 500 feet long. Uh-huh. Right?

Yep, yep. 51 wide and 51 wide. 51 feet wide. 7,000 animals. He had them in there for 40 days and 40 nights. Yeah. Animals shit. Many of those animals,

many of those animals shit a lot put it out of slow You okay again, you're just transporting these things you don't have to worry too much about their lifelong Life you just got to get them not starving to death For 40 days You would be drowning in elephant shit Luckily we then within within two weeks like like just the elephants alone Never mind never mind the stench from how many spaces of Predator do you have on there? Yeah, like like cats bury their scat for reason.

Yep. It takes like nobody's business. Now, take a house cat, which would have been according to their argument, would have been on the arc. Take house cats, multiply their weight by a factor of 10. Oh, easily. Or more. Yeah.

And think about the turds being created by a lion. 40 days. Yes. Lamas, which showed up in earlier museums, right? Right. Marsupials, various kinds, which by the way way are only native to Australia and I really want to know okay, wait So if if if they had you know Tasmanian devils and Tasmanian tigers, which it's since kind of extinct and You know kangaroos and koalas and all that kind of stuff they had those on the arc How is it they only wound up because as far as we can figure the arc may have run a ground on Mount Ararat

They only wound up, because as far as we can figure, the arc may have run a ground on Mount Ararat. Right. Is like one of the theories. Yeah. How did all of those species move from Mount Ararat to Australia? Flood. It was still receding.

So they just caught the eggs. They just kind of caught the waves. Caught the tram. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK.

Like, I'm still stuck, possibly because of my own recent, you know, gastric history. I'm still stuck on the volume of shit that you would have piling up in this gigantic, history or a yacht of of sunk. Mm-hmm. Like, yeah, I just said, okay. Yeah, like just okay. You could have created, you could have read some dumb waiters, you could have, you know, dumb waiters. Yeah. You got nothing else, do you? Like, I don't know. Yeah. All right, do you like comic books? Because they have a whole graphic novel walking exhibit as to why the Bible is true. And when you're done, you could buy the graphic novel.

Now you're probably going to be hungry. So go on up to the balcony deck of M. Zara's kitchen. Don't worry. It's buffet style. But just in case you don't want that, there's an outdoor smokehouse to enjoy pulled pork and brisket sandwiches and you'll be glad that God told Noah to put those animals on board because they are delicious. And if you get hungry aboard the arc, that's okay.

There's snack corners in the arc. There's like fro-yo on every... There's also the Aero Rat Ridge Zoo where you can go to their petting zoo, you can hear the keeper chats, have a camel ride, my old favorite, and you can hang out with kangaroos. They even have a zebra hybrid exhibit proving that animals of the same kind can mate. Yeah, but they're offspring or sterile, so that only works for one generation. Right.

It's not trifled. You'll be glad that you're descended from Noah's family at the end of this visit. No. No. Good to go with no because I'm not. There's a gem, Japef and ham. The each one different directions. Uh huh. Shem followed Odysseus and went west.

Japef followed Jason and went east and north and ham followed Perseus and went south. Hebrew is is an inherently poetic language. And and literally literally no one. Literally no one who who isn't coming at the Old Testament from a KJV is the inherent word of God and this is all totally literal. Nobody who is any kind of historian or genuine linguist or like any of that or God forbid an actual like theologian takes any part of that story literally like like it all. I don't I don't get your point. I just want to make money. I don't know. I don't know why I bought it.

I just did just on an emotional level. I had to get it off my chest because tears, sweet, Lord almighty. These people are trying to make money. I don't think so. So road trip? Sure. Sure. That's the end of the episode, man.

Oh my god. This was the least depressing episode right now. Yeah, and the thing is, the fun part of it is, you know, if, if, if we spent too much time, like, you know, talking about the ramifications of the shitty theology involved in so much of this, it would get depressing, but I'm just so, so busy looking at it going, how can you beat that bad shit? Right. Like, So busy looking at it going, how can you beat that bad shit? Right. Like, yeah.

I think, you know, and one of the things that also kind of strikes me is like the Ken Ham, the two Ken Ham ones, and, you know, the, the, you know, we gotta, we gotta try to find a way to make a buck to support our mission of convincing everybody that this is the truth. They hold meetings and we've got zip lines and the stuttering. We'll hold that.

We'll hold that. We're really struck me when you mentioned that you can't go there anymore, but the Holy Landon counter. Yes. There is this weird thing, tendency or idea within, especially Evangelical American Christianity, that like they've got to try to find a way to compete with Disneyland and six flags. And like, you know, you can't, you can't go to Disneyland and just have fun at Disneyland because anything you do has to somehow be sanctified to Jesus. Like, oh, vertically, you know what I mean? I have another take on that though. Like Christian pop.

Like, you know, Christian metal bands. Like, I mean, I understand that like you want to, you might be very hip committed to your faith, but you're really like the tropes involved in rock. I can get that, but there's also this thing within Christian culture in the US, so it's like, well, no, if you want to listen to that stuff, it has to be the Christian stuff.

Right. Right. And here's shittier versions of that secular music you like. Yeah. Yeah. What's that like Metallica? Here's deliver like. Yeah. Yeah. What's that you like Metallica? Here's deliverance. Yeah. Yes, that's an example.

Yeah. Yeah. But you were saying there's there's some other thing. Yeah, I have a different take. I think, okay, so we're Americans, and American Christianity is decidedly younger than European Christianity. And I completely understand and sympathize with,

even empathize with, the desire to go and be in a place that a thing happened. I love that. That's one of my favorite things about travel. In Europe, you can fucking do that. You can go to Notre Dame. You can go to Stonehenge. You can go to Notre Dame. You can go to Stonehenge. You can go to Canterbury. You can go to

all the other places. You go to the Hagia Sophia. You can go to all these cool places and be where great people in your faith were. You can go in and have it. You can breathe the same error that they breathed. You can touch their tomb. There's so much shit you can do, right? Yeah. You can sing where where their funeral happened. Like it is endless. What you can do in Christian Europe and and frankly, Christian Asia as well. Yeah. And I'm only sticking to Christian because this is an American Christian thing. I think there's something about the arch experience and the Jesus crucifixion experience. Those two things specifically about recreating the places where you could go. And that's a very American thing, recreating the European experience.

Yeah, okay. And so I understand that urge. I do. The other shit is just ways for rich people to do poor people into letting them hide their money. I mean, that's, I'm sorry. That just the fucking, there were more than a dozen young earth creation museums that I didn't put on the list.

Oh, yeah, because it's, it's a huge component. But yeah, and it's a huge ionic theology for these people. Here's the deal. What, what I always find interesting when we talk about you know, this being a way for rich people to have poor people help them hide their money is these are the same people who who want to walk around wearing WWJD bracelets and stuff. You know, what would Jesus do? The part they conveniently leave out is flipping tables and hitting a motherfucker with a whip is on the list, right?

Like, like, no, no. Beating up a banker, you know, castigating rich people is like way up there on that list calling out tax collectors. Like, the amount of mental gymnastics that capitalism has forced Christians to do, to reconcile those two things, you know, it's the whole like you can get a rich man through to heaven easier than to get a man through or get a camel through the needle. Camel through the eye of a needle. And Jesus, I mean, rich man to get into heaven. Right, you know, it's it's I mean, camel through the eye of a needle is a great visual.

And then people like, no, no, no, linguistically, the word for camel and the word for a rope. So you see metaphorically, it's actually, it's like, okay, fine, it's still ridiculously hard to get a hauser through a goddamn needle. And then people like, no, no, no, the front gate was actually called the eye of the needle because then, and it's like, oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah, well, you want porn, pussy, and profits. I understand, but you can't have that. And also, like, call yourself, well, apparently you can

because now you've made up this life for yourself. Like I again, the it's not like I've not lied to myself before, you know, but yeah, it's not like we don't all lie to ourselves. Right? One level or another at some point. I don't start not nonprofit tax dodges to do it. Yeah, the blatantness of it is, yeah. So, yeah. So, this sounds like... Clearly what you've gleaned. Well, you know, this sounds like, you know, and I can understand, I can understand, like,

on a car wreck level, want wanna go see some of these places? Sure. I don't think I'd be able to keep up the charade. Right. Long enough to actually stick around. Like, there'd be a point in, like any of these places, confederama or any of them. You'd have to confederama my name.

He didn't get out of the cock a duty car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There'd be a point where like I would just I'd be in the middle of, you know, between between the the cracker jack stand and the fro you on deck two of the arcade counter. And I just wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying, for fuck's sake, really?

Like, I've swallowed a lot of bullshit on this tour, but really, you know, and you can picture me doing this. Oh yeah. You know me well enough that I just be like, okay, no, no, I can't swallow this. And it like it turned it around, yeah, you know, you know me well enough that I just like, okay, no, no, I can't swallow this. Like it turned it around to everybody around me going, do you all actually believe this? Like, please tell me you're all disaster tourists like I am. Please, please, like tell me, tell me I'm not the one taking the crazy pills here. Right. Because holy shit like like you man in the in the creed t shirt. Do you?

Do you actually buy this like you you with the no one can judge me but God tram stamp. What do you think? Yeah, what do you think? Yeah, you know like really? Do you? Because you know, I'll tell you what my Do you? Because you know, I'll tell you what my faith. Anything God has not been shaken, but my faith in humanity is in an all-time low right now. Like really? And not like morally just just in everybody's level of intelligence like come on. So yeah, it would it would it would there would be a lot of stories that would come out of that road trip.

So some of them would even be good. Yeah. Well, that's the point. Yeah. So what's your reading? Well, I am reading like three things that once right now. The first one I'm going to mention that I am reading is a friend of the show, Bishop O'Connell's latest book, Two Gun Witch. Nice. Which Amazon was uniquely unhelpful in trying to allow me to get a digital copy to read while I was on my trip. But, being as he is my brother from another mother from back in high school, Bishop hooked me up with a copy of the book.

And so I have started that. And it's compelling and amazing and awesome read so far. He also sent me a soft bound copy for you, by the way. Next slide. Very nice. Actually, I can get together in person. I'll have to give that to you. Yes. So I'm reading that. I'm also reading the memoirs of Elysses S. Grant.

I'm also reading the memoirs of Elysses S. Grant. And he is a remarkably good writer. And he also has some very, very pointed and I think very coherent things to say about the Mexican War and the causes of the Civil War. He minces no words about any of it. Good. And it's so far an amazing read. And I'm going to recommend to everybody since so much of this road trip from from heck. To hell has been about

young earth creationism and denial of science. I really strongly want to recommend a short history of nearly everything by Bill Bryson. Because most especially the bit that I said at the beginning of the episode about geologists fighting duels over the age of the earth and how long it out, you know, scientists actually trying to figure this stuff out. Actually, my knowledge of that actually comes from this book. And Bryson has a wonderful way of taking scientific topics or historical topics or technical topics and making them not only relatable and understandable, but really entertaining to read. He has a wonderful turn of phrase. He's a humorist as much as anything else. And it's one of my favorite books ever. And it is the history

of science written for a popular audience. And it's an amazing book, a short history of nearly everything, but Bill Bryson, recommend it. How about you? I'm going to recommend two books. First one, I'm going to recommend, by the time this releases, it will have released as a book called Tiny Gateways, a short story collection by Teresa Halverson, the author I interviewed, a little ways back. So her book is finally coming out. a little ways back. So her book is finally coming out. Yeah, that's that's releasing it will have released by July 20th. The other book I just got in the mail and I can't wait to start reading it. It's called a brief history of timekeeping kind of interesting how we both fell up on the same thing. By Chad Orzel. He's the guy who did the, how to teach your dog quantum physics.

Okay. But it's essentially, it's the history and the history of the science behind marking time from Stonehenge to atomic clocks. And so it's just one of those little niche things that I, like one of my TikTok channels that I watch all the time is like people like rehabbing old watches. And I don all the time is like people like rehabbing

old watches and I don't know I'm just fascinated by those things so you can see how that could be very meditative to watch yeah yeah so that's that's what I'm going to recommend a brief history of timekeeping so very cool cool all right well where can people find you follow you that kind of thing well I can be found on TikTok as Mr. underscore thing. Well, I can be found on TikTok as Mr. underscore Blalock. I can be found on Twitter as EH Blalock. We collectively can be found on Twitter at Geek History Time. Our website, of course, is www.geekhistorytime.com.

And if you're listening to us, you've found our podcast either there on the website or at either the Apple podcast app or Stitcher But wherever you've found us, please subscribe. Please give us the five star review. You know that we deserve and Where where can you be found? You know, I'm not too active on the social media as lately, I've just been mostly lurking, so I'm not gonna bother with those, but if you are in the Sacramento area, let's see, this is gonna release

probably after August 5th. If you're listening to this before August 5th, then come by lunas. If not, then you'll have to wait till September 9th, at which point you should come by lunas, September 9th at 8 p.m come by Luna's September 9th at 8pm. I will be doing the capital punishment. We now have a new member.

Daniel has flown away to Hawaii and we all wish him very, very well and wonderful adventures. Justine Lopez, who's been on it a number of times, is now coming on to be the new co-star of capital punishment. So we are changing things up and you need to come out and check that out. $10 pro vaccination at the door. I encourage masks, but also encourage you to eat. So be safe and be sanitary.

But that's September 9th at Luna's. That's where you can find me. All right, awesome. Yeah, well, for a geek history of time, I'm Damien Harmony. And I'm Ed Lailock. And until next time, the world is a lot older than the Bible would have you believe.

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