A Geek History of Time - Episode 190 - Our Favorite Sidekicks Part I

Episode Date: December 24, 2022

So thank you all for coming to Cocktalk. He has trouble counting change, which is what the hands think. Wait, wait, stop. Yes. But I don't think that Dana Carvey's movie, um, coming out at that same time, was really that big a problem for our country. I still don't know why you're making such a big deal about September 11th, 2001. I mean, Fuckin' hate you.

Well, you know, they don't necessarily need to be an anthem, but they are indefinitely on different end-to-the-spec-tron. Oh boy, fucking hate you. Well, you know, you necessarily need to be anathema, but they are definitely on different aspects. Oh boy, I have a genetic predisposition against redheads, so. Because? Yeah, because you are one. Right. Yeah, combustion, yeah, we've heard it before. The only time I change a setting is when I take the hair trimmer down to the nether

reaches. Like, that's the only time. Other than that, it's all just a two I'm joking I use feet after the four gospels what's the next book of the Bible? okay and after that it's Romans Yeah, okay, and if you look at the 15th chapter of Romans, okay, you will find that it actually mentions the ability to arm yourself That's why worth it. This is a key to the trial where we connect nursery to the real world. I'm not even in the blue rock. I'm a whole history and English teacher here in Northern California. And if you've been listening to the show for the last, I don't know how many episodes,

you know that I have been reading the memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant. And I got to a passage that I want to share because I literally just read this earlier today and well, I'll get into why it struck me here in a moment. I think it'll be pretty clear as I read it. So he is kind of in this in this passage to give you a little background. This is at the conclusion of military action in the Mexican War.

Okay. And he's he's kind of giving commentary on on the war overall his experiences and what have you. So let's see, the Mexicans have shown a patriotism which it would be well if we would imitate in part, but with more regard to truth. They celebrate the anniversaries of Chappultepec and Molino Del Rey as of very great victories. They were not just as a side note. Chappultepec and Molino Del Rey were both American victories. They were not. Just as a side note, Chipotle Peck and Melino Del Rey were both

American victories. The anniversaries are recognized as national holidays. At these two battles, while the United States troops were victorious, it was at very great sacrifice of life compared with what the Mexicans suffered. The Mexicans, as on many other occasions, stood up as well as any troops ever did. The trouble seemed to be the lack of experience among the officers, which led them after a certain time to simply quit without being particularly whipped, but because they had fought enough. Their authorities of the present day grow enthusiastic over their theme when telling of these victories,

and speak with pride of the large sum of money they forced us to pay in the end. With us, now twenty years after the close the most dependous war ever known, we have writers who profess devotion to the nation. Engaged in trying to prove that the Union forces were not victorious, practically they say, we were slashed around from Donaldson to Vicksburg into Chattanooga and in the East trying to prove that the Union forces were not victorious, practically, they say. We were slashed around from Donaldson to Vicksburg and to Chattanooga, and in the east from Gettysburg

to Appomattox, when the physical rebellion gave out from sheer exhaustion. There is no difference in the amount of romance of the two stories. I would not have the anniversaries of our victories celebrated nor those of our defeats made fast days and spent in humiliation and prayer, but I would like to see truthful history written. That was published in 1885-86. So 20 years after the war, and that is a contemporaneous account of the birth of the lost

cause narrative. And nothing has changed. Like it's been close to 140 years. And we're still having to undo the pernicious lies about, you know, the union only won because filling the blank. Yeah. So anyway, I got to that and had immediately like had to take a deep breath with the book down because it was like, God damn it. Thought of a bitch. So yeah, that's that is what what I've had going on in the last day or two. How about you? Well, I'm Damien Harmony. I'm a US history teacher and a Latin teacher here at the high school level if you're in northern California. I got to say that actually it feels like that is a direct response to the Dunning School.

Like you said, it's contemporaneous. It's contemporaneous with Dunning School, like 100%. So yeah, yeah, so but what I've got going on is at my last punch show, a capital punishments last show, we had a contestant on who so without drawing the curtain back too far, what I found in the six years of doing this show is that there are a couple different kinds of people who come on to our show. Some are people who kick off their shoes and throw caution to the wind and jump all in. And that's met with

success and failure both spectacularly. Okay, then there's people who and this tends to be comics more than anybody else. And it could just be that I have a higher sample number two. People who engage in psychological self preservation, they will say on stage, well, I haven't even prepared for this. Or I don't even know what a pun is or or or as though I cast people on the show and book people on the show just at random like like they happen to be walking by and I left Reese's pieces out for them or something. It's it's it's a weird form of K-fabe. Yeah, yeah, I mean, the whole show is K-faved up, but except like it's it's um,

except for the actual competition aspect of it, like the rest of it's fully K-fabe, but I mean, you've been on it, you know. Yeah, so the psychological self-preservation was strong, The psychological self-preservation was strong. The energy was lowish amongst multiple on the show. And I was, I've been spoiled by the success of the show. So I was trying to talk myself through that. But as the night wore on, a contestant who started with all of the psychological self preservation tools in place, but apparently none of the preparation in place started getting good and really good. Like round for round, they kept winning barely, but kept

winning. And to the point where they got to the championship round. And they had some zingers. And I was like, wow, this is really good. Go on social media today. And they like, they speak as though their life has been changed. And you know, in the after party as well, they told me that like, wow, I didn't realize I was really good at this. I bit my tongue a little bit like, let's take the really out of there. But yeah, you had a good showing, good job. Yeah, how did it heal? And just kind of put it back on them

so I don't have to confirm or deny. But on their social media, they're like really proud of what they did. And it was a new thing for them. And I remembered what else I loved about this show, which is sometimes we will crack someone open in a way that they didn't know existed and they will start to develop a new skillset.

And it's really cool to be, like there's a comic who has actually been on this show, Ashley, who was on our dark crystal show. And she started off merely as an audience member. And then I asked her to be on the show. Oh, I don't know about that. And I think he got something there. And so then she went home and over prepared. And, and she slayed. She fucking killed. And then like we had her on the show again. And like she grew in confidence. And I told her I was like, when are you going to start doing stand up?

Because you got something in you that is dying to get out. Well, now she's like moved to Oakland and is like doing stand up comedy is often as she possibly can. And she's like moved to Oakland and is like doing stand up comedy is often as she possibly can. And she's like a monster on the scene and she does really good work. And she's incredible on like the roast battle circuit. And she's a really, a really strongly developing comic. And I'm like, I really like being a part of that, that initial like, let's crack you open and show you what's shining from within. So I'm not going to take credit for all of their success after that's up to them. But to to to be the one who says, oh, you've unlocked this new feat is pretty cool.

It's pretty cool. You're very cool. That is. That's awesome. I feel like I'm like this suggestious sidekick to them. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, like a much wiser sancho. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I so I guess I can see that. Or at least a more perceptive one. You know, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to kind of a lower sidekicks. But sidekicks. Yeah. Favorite sidekicks. Yeah. Favorite side kicks. Yeah. Well, I think my list of favorite side kicks would probably have to start with Dr. John Watson. That would make a lot of sense given what you've

done for our podcast in terms of the Arthur Conan Doyle episodes. Yeah. And or the Sherlock Holmes episodes. So that makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah. You know, and the thing is part of my part of his appeal to me is that, you know, I first saw Dr. Watson on the screen, which meant that the Dr. Watson that I first was exposed to is not the true John Watson. Is this the one who was on mystery from channel? Well, it was channel nine for us in the Bay Area, but on PBS. Well, no, the very first very first I ever saw was the How to the basketballs from 1940. I don't know what. Oh, bad. So, Bazzle or Athbonus as Holmes, right. And in those, in those films, in that film, in particular, he's portrayed as a bumbling would be overstating it, but he, you know, if there's if there's a paint can He's gonna he's gonna knock it over stick his foot in it. Yeah kind of thing

um and But he won't then go try and sit on the city of a desk and upturn it and then yeah, no He's not an electric fan that's got feathers in front of it and yeah, yeah, nothing Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't go that far, but he is the very human foil to Holmes's elevated genius. And the thing is, that was the image that I had in my head for him, You know, that was the image that I had in my head for him up until you know, I actually sat down and read the the home stories and

the moment you actually like read Conan Doyle's writing if you read a study in Scarlet and and the that immediately follow it, you very quickly realize that's the wrong guy. You know, the Dr. Watson of Warner Brothers is not the true Watson to paraphrase Lao 2. He's actually, you know, we've talked about this on the show before, but when he first shows up in the books, he specifically mentions, and it's not anything he's like bragging about, he's just giving background.

He explains that, well, I had been medically invalidated from my time with the Army in Afghanistan, other than the limp that I had you know from a from an afghan bullet You know, I was in the prime of health and brown as a nut and You look at the things that he and Watson do in the stories. He is every bit the man of action You know Holmes turns to him on several occasions, it says, by the way, when we go to this thing, make sure you bring your revolver. And so he is this,

he is a competent figure in and of himself. And when you read between the lines, you get to see that he is as much an interesting figure as Holmes is. I think he's a little bit of an author self-insert. I think he plays the role of Conan Doyle putting himself in the story, partly just as a practical matter of, you know, thinking himself as the narrator of this story, but also Conan Doyle himself was quite the adventurer and, you know, athlete and world traveler and everything. And so that kind of shines through there. And then he, of course, acts as the sounding board, or Holmes's genius. And there, there are several times in the stories where Holmes turns to Watson and says, okay, use your brain. You put this together. Tell me, you know, what do you see? What are you doing? And he, he

praises Watson for, okay, no, you've picked up on most of what I saw. Right. Here are the things that you missed. And it's like, you know, Watson isn't a dummy by any stretch. It's just that homes is that much farther above normal mortals. And lastly, I think the biggest note that is worth bringing up is there is a very strong there is a very strong component of Victorian idealized male friendship. The two of them truly are in the books, the way that Holmes talks about Watson on the couple of occasions where Holmes is the narrator of his own story. And the way that Watson talks about Holmes is really clear that these two guys are

like brothers to each other. They really are very close. And although homes is cat-like in his general demeanor and his willingness to show strong emotion very much, when the light shines through the cracks, it becomes very clear that these two are, they truly are best friends. And I think there's something heartwarming in that too. Yeah. So that's my case for Dr. John Watson.

That's a good case. And what I like about him is what you've said, kind of the hallmarks of being a sidekick, like an author's self-insert, I think is either that or they're an everyman so that they act as a foil to the exolences of the main hero. I think that's pretty crucial to being a sidekick. I also think that I like the idea of the sounding board because it gives a narrative reason for the hero to astound about their greatness.

Yeah, for Holmes to say, well, okay, here's how this actually works. Right, you know. Yeah, I also think, you know, for a good sidekick, you should have, Here's how this actually works. Right. You know. Yeah. I also think, you know, for a good sidekick, you should have, um, again, it's, it's a lot of the every man just kind of bleeding into other realms. For instance, there's some sidekicks where they get the shit kicked out of them. Mm-hmm.

And that shows the danger that's inherent in the hero's life. Yeah. And then there's times where actually they're the agent of rescue in the hero's life. Yeah. And then there's times where actually they're the agent of rescue for the hero. Like, the hero's gotten into deep and it's only because of this sidekick that they're not, you know, meaty chunks or they give the hero somebody to rescue.

Like when you're having an old and story, go get the guy from the place. I think those are all like, you know, aspects of it. And again, that friendship, yeah, typically, although sometimes you can have one where it's antagonistic and it's also equally fun. Oh, yeah, some of those are, yeah, whoo too. Yeah, you know, but I'm just trying to think of like what makes for a good sidekick. Then yeah, it's usually like those things. I feel like there's a couple of pieces missing. What are I trying? Okay. Yeah, there's a like those things. I feel like there's a couple pieces missing. What are I trying? Okay. Yeah, there's a guy named Akate's for Ineus. Okay. So in the Ineid,

Akate's is Ineus's sidekick. He's the one that goes with Ineus up onto the peak of the ridge line when their ship finally pulls into like a safe harbor, which if you look at the description of the harbor, it is yonic, it really is. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's got ridges on both sides, it's got a part in the middle, and it's very, very calm, the deeper you get it. And it's where you can pull a lot of semen into the port.

So, but also... Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud, right, courtesy phone, Dr. Freud, no, I'm sorry, I read, red courtesy phone, Dr. Freud. And I will say that that is 100% long before Freud did his thing. Yeah, but clearly. Yeah, but yeah.

So, but yeah, he's part of that whole thing. He's, like I said, he's an genius to sidekick. He, I think is the one who points out the herd of deer. I like him about a term. Anius fell seven stags, one for each of the surviving ships of the Trojans who have fled from Troy. Right. 20 ships to start with, which again, go back to what we said with Conan, when you follow the hero, it doesn't end well for you. When you follow the hero, it doesn't end well for you. No.

And so you had a better than 50, 50 chance of being killed if you went with Ineus. But anyway, so he fell seven stacks, one for each of their surviving ships, and he gives his men a very rousing speech of like, hey guys, we've been through worse. Like look at all these other places where we damn near died and we didn't. Okay. And so, you know, we're going to look back on this finally and we're going to talk about how wonderful, how we're going to laugh about how shitty this was. So, okay. It was the year now. Kind of a kind of a a roto, um, uh, St.

Crispin's day speech. Yes. Yes. Okay. Um, and Akati is, I think is the one who uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Okay. But because despite the fact that he's one of the most important trojans according to a niece, he actually doesn't have an internal life at all. And I think that sidekicks have developed over time to actually have that. But I think functionally a sidekick doesn't need that. They can be kind of too dimensional because they are NPCs in the story, typically. There are reflection, there are very, very, very, aspect of, yeah, a reflection for the protagonist.

Yeah. So he actually is remarkable in how little character development he has. actually is remarkable in how little character development he has. He's essentially there to be I. N. S. weapons bearer and to accompany I. N. S. on all his risky endeavors. And otherwise he says very little. I'm sorry, I just suddenly pictured. Him in full, you know, a late classical period, you know, right before the C people's elapsed, you know, hit, you know, Borg or tooth helmet and, and, and curious and all that, carrying a golf bag. Like a caddy. He is kind of a caddy. Yeah. Like, you know, this is bow bearer, you know, uh, I'm going to suggest, I'm going to suggest the lightweight chivalent sir. Right.

Well, and I need us draws his bow and you know, and Akate's hands him arrows. And so I could just see him going like, give me the serrated one. Okay. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He's the one who is a company I need us. What I need us is enveloped in a cloud of invisibility by his mommy. Okay. When he goes and checks out Carthage, he's the one that I NES says, look at these motherfuckers. So lucky already got their city belt. That's who he's talking to is a Catez.

You could say he's he's wondering aloud, but he's musing to a Catez on the regular acting as a sounding board. Like you said. Yeah, he is the silent Bob Twineys is J in so many fucking ways. Sorry. I just blew out levels with that one. But yeah, that's that's too good. Yeah. So.

So he's a really staunch sidekick. And I think that a sidekick is different than someone's lieutenant. Because I nieces is lieutenant is alienace. And alienace is fascinating. But Akate is the sidekick. Like I said, he shares in his dangers. He assists I nie's at every turn, and he doesn't require much watering and feeding. The only thing that he ever does poorly is that we never actually see him get hurt to show how bad the danger is.

But also, it's not really that kind of story. no, no, I take it back the I need from From books like 7 to 12 is a hundred percent that kind of story because it's the the retolan war But and but I a cottage doesn't die as a result of that So we never see him needing rescue specifically either which would highlight I need is cunning and courage and loyalty to his men. But we see NES's loyalty expressed in different ways. Okay, but question though. Sure. For the audience that the NES was created for. The Romans in the Romans of a war Augustine. Yeah. Yeah. If if Akati's had gotten himself captured or gotten badly wounded or gotten

cut off or somehow, would that have unmanned him as a figure to that audience? Would that have been a sign of some lack of competence or anything? It would have shaken people's love of Augustus because I neus is Augustus 100%. Well, yeah. And Akate is us the dear reader, I think, or the idealized Roman who is supposed to love Rome and therefore it's emperor. And Ileanse is absolutely a grippa and you've got other people and stuff like that.

But Akate is, I think, is supposed to be the prototypical or the market typical human citizen. Okay. Oil, steppe. Yeah, idealized. Exactly. Okay.

And somewhat simple, because you still have that heration ideal of, you know, times were better when we were simpler. Yeah, okay. Alright. So anyway, that's, that's a Catez. You have another, another sidekick. This is kind of fun. Uh, yeah. No, I, I just have to note here, when you first mentioned the name, our Catez. I have not read the any, but I was like, where do I know that name from? Like, that's a term. Okay. Yeah, it's a term for fucking side kicks, basically.

Okay. But where did you hear? I actually heard it in a video game that I play on my iPad. video game that I play on my iPad. There is a character named Akate's who is female and essentially a cleric and bears no similarity to the mythical Akate's that you've mentioned. Is she tied to the sea in some way? No, she's actually a fire element. Okay, because there is another like a castace, I think, tied to the sea. She's like a minead. I might be mixing people up. Okay. Yeah, so anyway, just, you know,

you're talking about a character out of, you know, Roman adaptation of Greek myth. And I'm, you know, Roman character. There you go, yes, yes. And I'm thinking of a character out of a, you know, Korean made gacha game, G-A-C-A-G-A-Gacha. Not. Anyway. I, it's the kind of game where you ask Sarah Palin questions like what you're doing. I would so love to have that kind of game available just like for the, for the, yeah. But no. It's,

it's like a D&D. It's anyway. I'd say my next, my next example of, you know, a favorite kind of sidekick for me is actually going to be a duo. Mary a brandy buck and paragraph and took. Oh, nice. Because here's the deal. Everybody thinks that like, you know, if you take a superficial look at the Lord of the Rings, sure, Roto is the protagonist and who sticks with Frodo like glue from the

Shire all the way through to, way through to the end of everything. Right. And that's Samwise Gamgee. And it's easy to look at that and go, well, Samwise is clearly the sidekick. And then you can try to be an edge lord and say, well, no, actually Samwise is the hero of Frodo is actually the sidekick. No, that's wrong. The sidekick are Peradron took and Mary and Dr. Brandy back. So because there are is a very side picky kind of art. The thing is

they grow out of youthful foolishness into self-sacrifice and courage. That's true. And they are hobbits just like Broto and Samwise. But Samwise is the idealized soldier in the trenches. Broto is the idealized gentleman grade officer, junior grade officer, uh, whereas Maryline Brandebook and Paragrand took, they start out being this couple of light hardened knuckleheads, right? Yeah, I never quite understood

why they come about. They came along. Well, they came along. In, in the book, it's made very clear that, you know, Frodo is their cousin and he is their their bosom friend. Oh, okay. And so they're coming along because they don't totally understand what it is they're getting into. Okay. Yeah, that definitely comes across. You know, and so they You know, it's funny our last episode was was heroes who aren't, and I would never say that Mary and Paragrand and Pippin were villains, but I did characterize the two of them in my notes for that episode as upper class donor tweets. Because that's literally who they are.

The first time we run into them, they're committing trespassing and crop theft. Aren't they taking mushrooms or something? Yeah, they're stealing mushrooms from fairly well off farmer. But the two of them are literally gentry. Like, right? And so they, what they symbolize, so Frodo is this idealized character. Sam Weiss is this idealized character. Marian Pippen are their reflection as you know, a couple of knuckleheads who are like, well, you know, a couple of knuckleheads

who were like, well, you know, our friends in a bad spot, we've gotta go help him out in that very, you know, he's our chum, we got it, you know, like, what are we gonna do, man? Right. You know, and so they're motivated by loyalty, but they have no idea what they're getting into and they're way and over their head.

So driven by incompetence, motivated by loyalty. Yeah. And, and, you know, they, they wind up over the course of the story undergoing arrowing experiences. And, and, through that self sacrifice, and through that that aim they grow into the roles that society expects of them. They grow into this very Tolkienian idealized idea of what a good gentlemen in Victorian, let's be honest, British society would look like. And they are sobered up and forced to grow up by all of these experiences. But frequently throughout the series, and it's laid up more in the films are in the books, they maintain a lightheartedness that Frodo and Sam kind of can't. Because of the burden of the ring,

because of where they wind up in the story. And so they play the role of the foil. They play the role of the foil. They play the role of comic relief. And they show the peril that everybody is facing through the mistakes that mostly Pippin winds up making because it's worth noting. Pippin is the one who calls the cave troll to them in Moria because he, you know, caused the nox the nox the corpse into the into the well.

And then he is also the one who winds up uncovering the seeing stone winds up uncovering the seeing stone and looks saran basically square in the face. That's right. And then has to be separated from the rest of the company and go with Gandalf to mean us tireth. Right. And so it's like that. It's one thing to be an inductive learner.

It's another thing to be a slow inductive learner. Like you can be an inductive learner, it's another thing to be a slow, inductive learner. Like, you can be an inductive learner, like, you know, well, no, I'm gonna bang my head into the wall just to see if I shouldn't. But then if you do it again, there's, but isn't it all wall? So yeah, yeah, like, I, you know, I don't know if this wall is actually red.

So this is good science. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and so yeah, I think they they are the ones in the fellowship who Both build these sidekick role. Okay. Yeah more more than anybody else Yeah, and you know what they do is a sidekick also is they move the plot along. Yes. Like, maybe it's not in directions that that are linearly good, but, you know, calling in all the, the, the cab troll. Yeah.

By knocking the corpse into the well. Yeah. That moved the plot. Yeah. It's, that's, it's that's that's Tolkins version of was a Dashiell Hammett who said if you ever for if you ever can't think of what to do have somebody kick in the door with a gun. I think it is yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just have a bunch of orcs orcs in the cave troll. Like what are

we gonna do now? Like I'm stuck. What are we gonna do? Cause you know, CS Lewis was across the table from going, Oh, God, could you stop talking about the fucking pillars? There's two towers actually. That went out. I like it. I like it. I like them and I like it. All right. How about you? Um, let's see. All right, how about you? Let's see.

I'm going to tell you my favorite sidekick or at least one of my favorites, but he's really high on the list, like depending on the day. Okay. Jack Burton. Okay. Jack Burton. And a lot of people will tell you he's the hero. Okay. Jack Burton. And a lot of people will tell you he's the hero. And so not the hero. Not because while he is the white leading male in a 1980s movie that appropriates the shit out of Chinese culture, turning it into a comic book representation of itself, he's not the hero.

No. The whole story of Big Trouble Little China is about Wang Chi getting his kidnap fiance, Meow Miyao Yin back from the Lords of Death who kidnapped her on behalf of David Lopez. Yeah. And at no time does Jack make an intelligent decision that helps the hero. He mostly just absorbs the hits that would otherwise Yeah, literally. Yeah. Yeah. One of my favorite moments, absolute favorite moments in that movie is when he fires the oozzy straight up into the ceiling. Oh, I'm going to get there. Yeah.

Yeah. And like, you know, you watch so many movies from the 80s where you know, there's just gunfire. And he's like, what happens with the ricochet is and and Carpenter actually actually like did that. So anyway, here. Yeah. Um, so he can't sneak well. Uh, he's constantly alerting others to his own presence. Um, he is always out of formation. He cannot operate a gun competently. It takes him the entire combat to figure out, to turn off the safety and then to point it and shoot it right where it stays in his hand.

Meanwhile, Wayne, she is competently handling everything. When he finally does stab a MOOC, that MOOC falls over on him and keeps Jack out of the fight, out of that fight the entire time. And even though he drank the potion and make everyone invincible, he still manages to shoot a hole in the ceiling, causing it to knock him out before the fight he starts. Yeah, Jack does, does help rescue the women who have been imprisoned by the Lopan organization, as a good sidekick will actually. Yeah, that's true. You get the Lopan organization. Yeah. Um, as a good side gik will actually.

Yeah. That's true. You get the true, right? Yeah. But when it comes to fighting the main guys, he's severely outclassed. Now, at the very end, he is the one who strikes the final blow that kills the main villain. Yeah. But that's that moment where you roll a Nat 20 in a campaign that has seen you roll

nothing but ones. Yeah. Yeah. When your luck finally shows up. Right. And it's after everyone else has done their super special abilities, the mediocre special abilities and all the abilities in between hand on the margins. And then he's vulnerable enough to you for you to hit that one D for times two of damage because you're created. Yeah. And you still just rolled two ones on the D4.

But three points will do it because your dicks is only a 12. Yeah. Jack is a sidekick through and through and he is comical the whole time. Like when he's got all the bravado and bluster, all of the audacity Nothing but right exactly that and like so when when Gracie long kisses him

It's left on his face and he looks like a moron. He doesn't even know. He's got it on his face Yeah, it's that kind of stuff over and over and over again So yeah, Jack Burton is one of my favorite side kicks He is so fun. Oh, yeah, no, it's that whole movie the thing is I I actually Because of the way I'm a nerd. I really want somebody from from an actual kung fu movie Production company, you know somebody somebody in Hong Kong from an actual Kung Fu movie production company. Somebody in Hong Kong, I want them to take that movie and make a straight up Hong Kong action film out of it

that doesn't have the sidekick in the main frame because that's an awesome exercise that Carpenter did and it turns out to be, you know, a hysterical movie. But like, no, I want to actually see the Kung Fu flick. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh yeah. But yeah, no, it's one of those wonderful, I'm going to totally subvert this, but I'm going to do it in a way that you as the audience have to really be paying attention to understand that I'm kind of playing a trick on you. Kind of way. Yeah.

Because in, I remember when that movie came out, and I remember how much that movie affected my peer group, you know, because, you know, think, think about what all happened in that movie. It was, it was amazing, you know, shoot them up. And like none, I mean admittedly, we were, you know, 12, but none of my peers figured out that, that, you know, the real hero was not Jack Burton. You know, yeah, it wasn't until I was an adult. And I think I heard an interview with Kurt Russell, where he's like, you know, I'm not the hero in no, it's a great exercise by Kurt Russell playing the role. Like the deep he was comfortable making an ass of himself. Oh, so, so thorough.

You know, after, and that's after he did snake liskin. Yes. And, and in a meaningful way, that's a send up of snake liskin. And so his, his willingness to do self parity. Yes. Is, is a credit, I think. I agree to him. I agree. So, very cool. Yeah. What you got? So very cool. Yeah, what you got? I got a flip of coin figure which one of these I'm going to do next. I think I'm going to go. I'm going to go with this one. There's a qualification attached to this one. Jonathan Quail Higgins III VC. Higgins from the 1980s MacMim PI series. Yes, yes. Higgy baby. Higgy baby. Yes. See, now here's the thing. Here's the thing. The fact that you immediately quote Higgy baby.

Yep. I'm talking about Higgins, but in point of practical fact, Rick and JT, right, also deserve some credit here because they're kind of Higgins writ, writ smaller. I don't know. I'll get around to it. Yeah. So, so I'm trying to think there, I mean, yeah, they're sidekicks, but they're they're almost like Mooks more than sidekicks. Yeah, they're there his friends he calls in for certain missions, but that's it Yeah, honestly like Higgins is to magdom What the Sun and Tibo were to the guy in charge of mask? Okay, and then That guy would also call in other specialists

for different missions. Yeah. He never had like a full sidekick besides his son in T-Bo. Did you ever watch mask? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah.

Yeah, no, you're right. So, so Higgins is a really good example of an antagonistic sidekick. Yeah. Yeah. Because because he had for a very long time, it, you know, like these relationships often do, you know, it, it, it develops into a, uh, we're going to bust each other's balls, but, you know, you're, you're really one of my very good treasured friends trying to kind of thing. you know, you're really one of my very good treasured friends trying to kind of thing.

But at the beginning he has absolutely nothing but disdain for Magnum, because, because, you know, as far as he's concerned Magnum is this, you know, lazy, free loader. Right. Oh, and, um, Higgins. That he doesn't understand why Robin funds him in any way. Yeah. Like, yeah. I have a theory about that. Okay.

But, and I want to hear that in a minute. But so he, he's this kind of a round looking, anguinesque kind of figure. Yeah. But he's actually a very skilled combatant and he's a former MI6 operative. Wasn't he there to work on the bridge over Riverquay? Yeah, he was also a prisoner of war. Yeah, yeah, he and I'm sorry if I totally stepped on something. No, no, no, no, no, no, he's served in the British Army from World War II through the Indochina conflict. Mm-hmm. The VC at the end of his name is Victoria Cross, which is very, very close to the British equivalent of the Medal of Honor.

Right. For the Medal of Honor is the British equivalent or the American equivalent of the Victoria Cross. Although I think no, the mental mental health Victoria across. Yeah. Um, and he he. Higgins may or may not be Robin Masters. That was my theory. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and, um, just in, in a whole lot of ways, he is this amazing foil for Magnum, because we're, we always see one of the wonderful things about the original series. I didn't watch it very much in the more recent one, so I can't speak to that. But in the original series, there were plenty of circumstances where you saw Magnum in

a moment of oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Oh shit. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? You know there was there were moments of genuine panic Yeah, you know and and of course when it was when it was a situation where There was a gunfight going on or there was something like that. He was he was very cool under fire But there were plenty of other like social situations or somebody coming in one door and other people going out the other door Where we saw where we see him get flustered and you know totally having to do everything by the seat of his pants Mm-hmm. And then and then we see Higgins is

utterly imperturbable Right right up to the point right at the point where he gets frustrated and starts barking, but like he's never he's never out of equanimity like he's he's he's pissed like no you idiot you know what are you doing get you know out of the rose bushes but he's he's never he's never wrong for wooded that'd be that'd be the best way to say it. Higgins is never caught on the wrong foot. Right. And so there's this wonderful narrative kind of balance between the two of them. And they develop a relationship over the course of the series that goes from

absolutely to testing each other. And Magnum's thinking that Higgins is kind of a joke to them actually having respect for one another. Higgins never stops being exasperated by magnum, but there's an understanding of one another and a recognition of, they both know what they're doing. So yeah, Jonathan Quill, Higgins III VC with honorable mention for Rick and JT, because they were Navy SEALs too. They were. They get over look. Right. Right.

And they were all Vietnam vets. Yeah. Yeah. Which by the way, that show ran for like, like, I remember running for far less time than it actually did. Oh, yeah. I thought it was like a three or four year thing. It was an eight year run. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like it ran long enough that his shorts got longer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fashion's changed over a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I

thought that he was also Robin Masters. Was it Robin Masters? Yeah, okay. I thought he also was because the name quail Yeah, but I it also wasn't Higgins's voice when you do hear him voiced in the series They actually they they had to retcon some things. Oh, okay, because That makes they they left it is the mystery is it not really mystery, you know, but in the end Kind of the the decision was that yeah, he probably is, but it was never thoroughly established Got you and so yeah Yeah, yeah, but it was yeah, so that's that's He's he's another favorite just because uh, he's just such a fun character to watch. Oh, yeah, yeah, he goes against type two. Yeah,

a lot of ways. So, um, okay, well, I got one for you. Um, brain. Okay. Not pinking the brain. Okay. Not pinky in the brain. Oh, okay. Penny's dog brain from Inspector Gadget. Yeah. So, okay. Penny is herself a sidekick to her uncle, Inspector Gadget, and brain is her muscle. He is the bipedal assistant to Penny, a damn your cyborg dog, although it's not actually put into his flesh. But her uncle is a cyborg and a bumbleer brain is the assistant to the gal behind the computer. He's the sidekicks sidekick. And he'll often take the bleeding and the blame of the idiot inspector gadget

who regularly would mistake brain's assistance as being a member of Mad. Yeah. He would think, yeah, he would think that brain trying to save him was actually the Mad agent. Meanwhile, he would be, yeah, he would think that brain trying to save him was actually the mad agent. Meanwhile, he would be friend the mad agents and help them. And yet, Dr. Claus, evil criminal empire still couldn't get whatever it was trying. The whole, the whole show is just a cavalcade of incompetence on multiple levels.

Like, yeah. And the only reason the only reason mad failed was because everybody on the mad side of things with less competent than doc law. That's whereas, whereas Inspector Gadget had Penny in the brain who were frankly freakishly hypercompetent. Yes. And actually, claw thought that the two of them were like spies. And like recon for him.

So he didn't even realize their role. But he did realize that Inspector Gadget was so woefully incompetent, which is why he was so angry every time at the end, you know, at which upset the cat. Brain often would take on the dangers aimed at Inspector Gadget, so, or he would like twist and contort himself into ways that made it so gadget was safe and didn't realize he was being helped. So very side kicky there. Often doing it at Penny's insistence, so he takes orders well. And he kept Penny's secret identity secret. So he was trustworthy. He also, Brain was the one who was the cleaner. He would take pains to cover up their involvement and never sought the credit for himself. So I think brain also is sidekick. Yeah, exemplar. Yeah, definitely. So you want me to do another? You got another. I got one more. Cool. Let's hear it.

I got one more Duncan Idaho. I know the name. Dune. Dune. That's right. So in any other series, Duncan Idaho would, Duncan Idaho would have been the hero. Okay. In any series that wasn't built around the idea of the main character being a super psychic white man Messiah, Duncan Idaho would have been the hero. He was a master swordsman and incredibly charismatic, beloved by the men under his command, deeply loyal to Duke Lito and to Paul by extension was a mentor figure to Paul.

And he winds up, he's killed in the... San. Trainees, no, yeah, I hate San. In the Harkinan attack on, on Dune, on the next trainees, he's killed. He dies a heroic death. And then he comes back in the second book. Okay. Because just so I know in the original movie, the David Lynch movie, yeah, was that Patrick Stewart? No, that was gurney Hallock. gurney Hallock. You did the whole episode and I was able to hang with the names then, but it literally has, you know, evaporated. Yeah, there's too many

characters. Yeah, yeah, as many characters as there are grains of sand on Dune. Pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, Patrick Stewart played Bernie Hallock, interestingly enough, in the David Lynch version of the movie I do not remember the name of the actor who played Duncan Idaho. Okay. Because it wasn't sting. His, his perforate. No, no, he was sting was fade ratha. That's, yeah. Sting, sting played, sting, playing fade ratha. Ha, he winds up showing up in the second book because one of the other factions, the Xians, have this biotech where they can take genetic material and grow a clone.

And they can do this from dead tissue. And so the name, the name of this technology is someone comes back as a gola. That's really close to another word. In the know. So he comes back and it is very clearly, like there's so many wheels within wheels within within all of the plotting I'm doing. The Xians show up at court and they say programmed, without telling all the treaties this first, they have programmed the Gola to assassinate all. There's deep subconscious programming that at a very specific time in very specific circumstances, he is to kill Paul Moadib. But knowing that Paul Moadib is the most powerful psychic in the universe, they have programmed

him in a way to try to avoid all seeing the knife coming. So the goal obviously doesn't know that he's been programmed to do this. They have trained him as a men's hat and a Zen Suni mystic master. Okay. Does Zen Suni think that's the, is that the thing that the, oh God, what a, the door of malagia of Dune, bald women who kick a lot of ass. Benny, Benny Jesuit. Benny Jesuit.

Is that the, yeah. Is that the thing that the Benny Jesuit do? No. Oh, okay. No, Zen Sunni is an example of Herbert taking a real life, real life, yeah. Yeah, some synchronizing different things to show just how far in the future this all is.

Right. So he's, he's this Zen Sunni, you know, essentially Zen Master with over tones of Islam. And he is a men's hat. So he's a human computer. And they say, and this is our gift to you. Now, golas do not remember their lives. They are, they're a new personality and no

gola has ever remembered its prior life and also no gola has ever overcome its programming. Duncan Idaho is so loyal to Palmoa Deeb that when the moment comes for him to assassinate him, he cannot do it. And in the process of throwing off the programming, he remembers his life before. And so his dedication and his love for all and all's family is so powerful that he's able to do what no goal has ever done before, which is about a sidekickies you get. Yeah, I'd say. You know, and he winds up going from there to being, you know, one of Paul's most loyal figures. He winds up being the commander of the fish speakers, which is the religious, part of the religious arm of Paul the Empire. So is it goal of fish? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I can't even, Gole of fish. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, I can't even, I can't even. So yeah. And then later on, he winds up becoming a full duturagonist after Paul dies. But even even as a duturagonist, he is still driven by his loyalty to all. Okay. And Paul's memory is still his driving motivating force. Yeah, that's pretty damn side kiki. Yeah. That's that's the, the, like if you were to create like a circle,

right? And you could see, you know, it's like those, those quizzes that we then found out were being used to target us for social media stuff when we were also young on Facebook and not realizing how much we were the product. You know, where it's like, I'm 70% Leah and 20% Kylo Ren and 3% this and all that, right? I wish we could do that and rank the sidekicks this way, which maybe in a later episode, like right now that we've

done all the sidekicks, make arguments for the best, but it's funny. I had I had a therapist tell me once that what was it? It was along the lines of, oh, you could watch a sunset and enjoy the sunset. But in your mind, you would be ranking it amongst the best and worst sunsets you've ever seen. And I was like, there is no lie there. or sunsets that you've ever seen. And I was like, there is no lie there. I'm learning what's in there. Shit, you found me out. Yeah, you know, but so I don't, maybe we don't have to make a best of,

but yeah, we could. Yeah, but, you know, it feels like his loyalty is maxed out. Yeah, you know, whereas the every madness of Jack Burton is maxed out. Yeah. You know, whereas the every madness of Jack Burton is maxed out and the comedy is also maxed out, you know, is that kind of thing? Or actually Pippin and Mary, yeah, their comedy is maxed out, you know, that kind of thing. So, you know, just develop like comedy is maxed out, you know, that kind of thing. So, you know, just develop like six or eight qualifications and, you know, that kind of thing. But yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I've got one more of who fills up the most of the chart. Exactly. You know, and you could like really just like

number it in. Like Brett Hart did this. He said, every wrestler, there's three things that every wrestler has to do. Cut a promo, do ring work, and engage the crowd. And he said, and you just rank it based on one to 10. He said, the most I ever was at a promo was maybe a seven. But I was easily a 10 when it came to the technical and engaging the crowd. I was probably a nine. Um, and he kind of gave his judgment on he's like Sean Michaels was way better at cutting a promo. But he was not as strong in the ring, but not by much, you know, it was not that big of

a difference. And he could really engage a crowd. He said Hulk Hogan could cut a promo and engage the crowd. So like, he and Sean Michael, and the funny thing is, Hulk Hogan actually does know how to chain wrestle or he did back then because he was framed by actual Japanese wrestlers and stuff. But he, you know, he also, you got to treat Hulk Hogan like we treat Stan Lee, like not a reliable narrator. Yeah. A showman. But for instance, he said, you know, he he considered himself probably about a 27 and Sean Michaels was probably a 28 or something along those lines. And he

said Hulk Hogan was like a 23. Okay. But you know, given the era a 23 was all you needed and or it was the right kind of combination and stuff like that. So, you know, right. He got away to differently. Exactly.

You know, so rating these guys. So, all right. So I've got one for you. All right. I think a really good sidekick to mention because of his versatility as a sidekick is going to be Han Solo. Okay. Han Solo. Another unlikely sidekick, I will give you that, but he's definitely a sidekick. First of all, he's a sidekick to Luke Skywalker, 100% on Luke Skywalker's journey. That's the whole original trilogy is Luke's journey. On his, on his literally along for the ride.

Yep. Um, he comes in and helps. He affects a rescue about once a movie. Um, but he also largely blunders into the danger that requires others to step in and rescue him. So I'm just thinking of running running down the hall with Chewbacca after the storm very next sentence. Yeah, in episode four, he's he seems like the more experience and season veteran compared to Luke, but he is immediately exposed for showing his ass to Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan's in the room because he brags about his ship being the ship that, you know, did the castle run in less than 12 parsecs. As it was written at the time, parsec is a form of distance, not a form of time, or measurement thereof, and the look on Obi-Wan's face is this guy's full of shit.

He just used a measurement of distance, not time. Now, what happened in the books was they were like, well, actually, if you think of it as being distance, it's because you're slinging through different black holes. And the closer you go is the shorter distance, but then it's more dangerous. And so he basically slingshot it through a whole bunch. And so he basically ran the inside of the track as opposed to the outside of the track. You know, the outsides were it's safer, the insides were it's dangerous.

So, but as it was written, he brags about his ship, which goes, you know, in less than 12 parsecs. And Obi-Wan gives just this knowing look clearly, Hans full of shit, right? Yeah. Yeah. And Hans wants to fight when he's caught up in a tractor beam. And Obi-Wan has to talk him out of it. You know, you can't win, but there are alternatives to fighting. And then when Obi-Wan comes up with a rescue plan, Han doesn't have anything better, but he complains the whole time anyway. And then when it's finally Luke and Han together, Han is an

inert agent. He just wants to sit there. Luke has to come up with all the ideas and all the efforts to get everything going. Princess, I didn't hear anything about any princess. You know, better, her than me. That whole thing. He's sitting there with his feet up. And as soon as they start to see some stormtroopers, this is what you're talking about. Han goes running after them and immediately runs into, you know, in every stormtrooper on level 82. Yeah, if you're going to be the latest edition of of it. Yes. Yeah. Otherwise, it was like six of them had turned around. Yeah. Um, but yeah, on their own space station, like they know the fucking Ray, you know, which

ends in him like, yeah, and then, you know, having to run quickly while everybody else is setting up for him to get out of there, it was after all Obi-Wan who disabled the tractor beam. Yes. And yes, Han absolutely comes back to save Luke from Vader on the trench. He has the moment of cowardice. He is kind of the every man of all of us. Also, if you remember the episode I did on smuggling and sci-fi, there's that.

But he does come back to save Luke from Vader and the trench. Some people have likened that to he's flying the equivalent of an 18-wheeler and lobs a lucky shot on the greatest pilot that ever existed. But sidekicks often do distract the big baddie from being able to kill the main hero. So I'm not saying that Hans not amazing. He absolutely is.

He's just a sidekick and he's constantly providing the bravado and the comic relief and the occasional help. Yeah. Hans is set up to be a foil to Luke's earnest idealism with his blustering cynicism that covers a heart of gold. Okay. On Hawth, he saves Luke again, kind of in a San Jo Ponsa kind of way. He puts him in a lukewarm taunt on and sets up a shelter.

I want to say that I'm not going to dignify that with a response, but saying that is a response. Yeah. So I'm just going to go straight to the end and say, fuck you. And you know, I've heard that one before, but it's still, it still stings. Well, it's the fact that I said a Luke warmed Tonton. The audience might have cut out, I don't know. But like any good squire would though, I mean, he would have squired us. He sets up a shelter for his night. And that's about where his rescuing the hero ends

actually from then on, it's Luke saving him, which is also very side kicky. Which is part of the hero arc. Yeah, absolutely. You know, start proving your power by saving your side kicks. Yeah. Now, what I find fascinating is that

Han is not just a sidekick to Luke. He's also a sidekick to Leia. Yep. Everything that he does for Luke, he does for Leia, including getting her into and out of the same danger that he got into in the first place. For instance, the exomorph, the exegorth, sorry, the giant asteroid worm. Right, right, right. You know, and he needs rescue from her too, right? So he does the rescuing a fair amount in episode five with her, gets her off of a hawth, gets her out of, and every rescue he does goes poorly until they all get caught.

And then he gets put into carbonite. And then she saves him. It's her plan in episode six. It's her episode six. It's her efforts. It's her immediate effort, especially, that saves him from the carbonite. She gets him out of it.

In fact, he's screwed up so comically badly that the entire first act of episode six is, which is the final installment of the Holy Trilogy. It's taken up with the ensemble having to rescue the sidekick from a problem of his own making. And it's interesting because he's lay a sidekick for similar reasons. She's the pragmatic idealist, not the earnest idealist. Yeah.

And he's now the one who obsesses about her rescue on Endor. Yes. She's far more practical about when he leaves in episode four. She's like, he's got to find his own path. We can't find it for him. But like, he's like, okay, I know that we need to save Everybody from the empire by knocking this thing out, but lay is missing So you guys go ahead and go without my leadership, and I'm gonna go find layout

Yeah, yeah, and not even yeah, you say that in a in a way that Points up the kind of self-centeredness of it all But I'm also going to say you know based on his track record Maybe there was a chance they'd do better without his air quotes leadership. It's also true But you didn't choose for that reason. Yeah, I know I know I know But from what you're right from an outside you're right, from an outside observer standpoint, it's like, this is the best thing that could have happened to the expedition from a certain point of view, from a certain point of view. Yeah. Yeah. Now that's not even why Han is the best sidekick. He's the best sidekick because the fact is he's Chubacca's sidekick. Yeah. Because Obi-Wan actually starts out by doing all the negotiations with

the beginning. Yes. And Chewie has a clear mission that Han is perpetually derailing. Okay. So for like 40 years, Shubaka has far more experience in the fight against evil, which Han is persistently and comically distracting him from. Chui is trying to rescue his family. Chui is constantly having to instead rescue Han from problems of his own making with Crimson Dawn and later job of the hut. And I'm not saying that Chubaka is infallible as a good hero. He does get them all trapped by the Ewoks because he smelled meat. But that singular mistake pales in comparison to the fact that Chubaka effectively helped the Jedi, including both Yoda and the Sokutano.

He had been a member of the rebellion. He had freed his family on life day with Han helping him out. And he helped Han Solo all while side tracking from his main mission of rescuing his people from the Empire. Even after Han gets murdered by his own son, Chubacher continues to help the cause for which he had been fighting for over 50 years at that point. Han was just along for the ride. So, this is meant to you that Han Solo is one hell of a sidekick. He just sidekicks for everybody.

Everybody. Yeah. You know what that actually makes him? What's that? That makes him the Dan Ackroyd. He's the utility man. Ooh. Yeah.

I like it. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Especially like the coming around to, no, no, no. He's also chewy sidekick.

You know, you look at the way the movies are structured and you think you think it's one way, but no, no, no, no, it's it's it's they pulled the jack Burton on you. They really did. That's the earth Jack Burton. Yeah. Jack Burrton. Yeah. All right. Got another one.

I do not. Do you? I do. I will end with this one so that we can save another one for the caterer. So good. Because, yeah, I will end with a short one. Um, Super Thai. Thief. Yes. Archer. Thief and Archer. He is our cane. I pray to the everlasting sky. That's right. You're God. It was beneath them. Yeah, we're talking about the sidekick from Conan the barbarian. Like Han Solo, Subatai is rescued by the hero. In this instance, it's Conan the barbarian who rescues Subatai from being dinner for wolves

as he holds up his manacles and they both start laughing. He is the perfect compliment to Conan the barbarian where Conan is strong, subitized lie. Where Conan is power, subitized cunning. And Conan's mission is his own and subitized like shit, yeah, I'll come along and he signs on to help. He has nothing better to do. Really?

Did it for a wolf? Yeah. Like, honestly, he's kind of life-dead. It is kind of part of it, you know? But like, he never says it. He never says, my people say that if you save a life, you know, no. He's just like, yeah, no, this is cool.

In fact, in a deleted scene of the movie, they're having kind of a Captain A. Hab open. And I liked that it was deleted because to me that movie, again, absolutely under song and his brilliance. Yeah, it's about an accidental. Yeah, who is so emotionally damaged by watching his whole village get slaughtered

that he doesn't have any expression for anything other than violence usually. Yeah. Well John Milley has decided to have a scene in there where Conan is remembering the winds. He's like I remember days like this and the blueberries would be so ripe and the winds would blow and then 20 years of pittilist combat and he starts, and it's just, it's very ham-fisted. And then he turns to super ties like, you know, it's not too late basically.

You could still run, you could get out of here. You don't have to be there because they're setting up for the battle of the mountains. And super ties like, ah, the winds are just blowing me back with even a worst company. Now that's very telling about super tie. But it's a really shitty scene. So I was really bummed when I got put back in and the director's cut.

But yeah, so Subatai has no particular quarrel with the snake cult led by Felsedum. He doesn't really care about the princess. He's down for the money. Don't get me wrong because they're offered a ton of money by King Osworth. Yeah. Take all that they can carry, you know, enough to become kings themselves one day. Right. Yeah. But he does join Conan and every single one of his efforts to thwart and destroy Tholsa Dune. He's there to help Conan steal the eye of the serpent, which is really just Conan's way of trying to impress Valyria. He's literally Conan's weapons bearer in that snake room, in that pit, because he throws him

the machete that helps him finish off the snake. So he is both Han Solo and Acastis. Acastis. And then he helps him to steal the princess. And so, which is that really cool. They painted themselves with the black paint scene, which apparently was really fucking awful for all of the actors involved. Beacuse. Yeah, well, to get through having all that paint on you and to sweat through it and not have it run,

there are certain kinds of paint you need to use. It's like soap paint or something. Yeah. Oh, God. So, you know, then you go to the shower and you put the solution on it and it dissolves it off, right? Well, the hotel they were staying at in Spain, because remember, Spain was going through like a civil war, right? Yeah. At the time of the filming. The hotel they were staying at, uh, the water stopped working that night.

So none of them could get out of that makeup and it was itchy as fuck. The same thing happened to Rady Rady Piper in WrestleMania 7, by the way. It's, oh, I will send you pictures of it. So Rady Piper is fighting bad news Brown Normally referred to as bad news Alan but in the WWF they called him bad news Brown And he's fighting and it's two brawlers, right? And they set up a really good storyline Well, Roddy Piper decided that he was going to paint half of his body black And the other half he's just going to leave white. And so bad news brown will have to then fight two men, bodypiper and the hot Scott.

Bad news brown's black. Yeah. And so it's it was like there's there's overtones there. I don't even think there's overtones. There's a whole tone. Like, yeah. Yeah, okay. So, yeah. After WrestleMania, and so it had to be the certain kind of paint that you need a solution to get it off because you're not gonna otherwise you're just just wet right through it. As we've seen with stings make up friends.

Yeah. Well, you did the match, you know, and whatnot. And Brown just kind of shrugged it off in terms of like, you know, and whatnot. And Brown just kind of shrugged it off in terms of like, you know, zap others, like, that's fucking wrestling. Like, it's cheap heat is what it is. But the, some of the wrestlers decided to rib Roddy and they dumped all of the solution to get the pain off down the drain.

So when he came back, there's no solution. Or they got rid of the cold cream. I forget what it was, but he had no solution to pull it off. So he was in the shower scrubbing for like half an hour, like to the point of like, raw skin. And it just sealed in black. And he had to fly home the next day on the plane. And so he's still like that.

And I guess he'd bought a really large Mickey Mouse doll for his daughter. And they made him pay for an extra ticket for it on the airline. And so he's just miserable as fuck for it. Which... Poor guy, but at the same time, maybe don't blackface.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You, you, you, you deserve that and you had that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, but yeah, so that, that kind of paint was on.

Yeah. All of those actors, and they could not rub it off until like a couple days later. So it was fucking awful. But yeah, Subatai, he fights at the battle of the mounds shortly after, gets stabbed in the hip, if I recall correctly, by a spearman stays alive. But by that point, he kind of, he also cries on behalf of Conan

when Valeria is being given her funeral repire. And then we don't see him ever again after that, after they chase off Del Sadoom, and because then Conan sneaks in and kills Del Sadoom himself. And then the movie ends. because then Conan sneaks in and kills to also do them himself and then the movie ends. But but yeah, he is 100% the very useful, helpful, dedicated for no explanation whatsoever sidekick. Yeah, so definitely. Yeah. So I like that. That is that is where I will stop for the day as far as that goes. I've got more. I've got more to eat more. Oh wow. All right. And probably more will come to me as we come to another episode of this. Yeah. So anyway, anything that you've gleaned on sidekicks? Well, not so much gleaned, but there was a running joke for a long time between me and Bishop O'Connell about which one of us was the sidekick.

We'd end emails or messages to each other with, and by the way, you're the sidekick. That would be your email. Yeah. And we have, I think, come around to the understanding that no, actually, we both are. I was going to say that from the jump. Yeah. We're both, yeah. We are one another's sidekick.

We are one another's sidekick. So, yeah, and I've just kind of had that in the back of my head the whole time we've been talking about this. So yeah, I think it's an underappreciated trope. I think the term gets thrown around with kind of disdain, but I think narratively, narratively, it's an important role in the story. I agree completely. Yeah. So how about you? Now I'm curious just to which one of us is a sidekick. I don't think either of us is either of us is either of us is either of us is either of us is yeah.

We're we're we're deuteragonists. Yeah. I'm deeply attracted to sidekicks as a concept. You know, I've told you before, like when I watch lion dancing, Chinese lion dancing, I'd love watching the rear because that guy is if he's good, the whole lion comes alive. And don't give me wrong, the guy in the front is doing all kinds of cool acrobatics, but guess who's holding them up? Guess who's like, you know, posting, and stuff like that. And my love of, you know, Hufflepuff, you know, that kind of thing. Like I think, and, you know, looking in baseball,

or basketball rather, I always like, how many assists did a guy get? You know, that, you know, how much did you help the next guy? I don't know, I've just, I've always really, really liked that role. The support, the support players. Yeah. Um, maybe because, you know, everybody likes the hero and the hero is, is there and is obvious. But I really like, you know what it is?

It goes back to, and this is one of the ones that, um, that, if not my favorite, the one I admire the most, uh, one of the side kicks that I have not yet, uh, analyzed for us. And that is Falcon. And in the most, one of the sidekicks that I have not yet analyzed for us. And that is Falcon. And in the MCU, he says it. He says, I do whatever he does. I just do it slower. And sidekicks do that, man.

They are the wedge to the Luke. They are the Falcon to the cap. They are. And by the way, Falcon is the only one that cap has ever actually tapped and said, I want him to carry the mantle specifically. Yeah. He never said it about Bucky. He never said it about Jack. He never said it about anybody else, but he did say it about Sam. But yeah, I really, really like side kicks. And I think it's ultimately the And I think it's ultimately the desire to go in and do the same thing as the hero without anywhere near the ability of the hero. So yeah, I also want to bet with myself that the first sidekick you'd mentioned would

be Dr. Watson. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So as you said, that was like, I know it. Okay. So Anything you want to recommend reading wise?

Um, I'm going to continue recommending. So I guess this kind of makes me this I check this evening. I'm going to continue recommending Bishop O'Connell's work to gun witch um, just because it's over and above the fact that he's my best friend. It is an amazing work and touches on some themes that I think are not only important but compelling. So how about you? Actually, Captain America and the Falcon complete collection. It's a trade paper back now. It's the Christopher Priest run. And it's a trade paper back of a

graphic novel, obviously. But it is good stuff. It really does show the dynamic of a sidekick, obviously. And what I guess I, what I like about it is that, first of all, he is one of the first black writers and editors to work in comics. He also wrote a black Panther and he the author, I mean he's taking a look at these two guys in a post-civil world. And I really like it. Yeah, it's unfortunately, it falls into the same problem that Captain America always falls into. It's kind of caps villains are dull and stories can lend themselves to dullness, but I think his take on it. And by the way, Mordak is in it. I love Mordak. But his take on it really livens up the relationship between Cap and Falcon. And that pretty appropriate to what we're talking about. So very cool. Cool. Social media where they can they find you? I can be found on TikTok at Mr. underscore playlock.

I can be found on Twitter at ehplaylock. And we collectively can be found on Twitter at eHPlayLock and we collectively can be found on Twitter at eHistoryTime. And on the internet, we can be found at www.neakhistorytime.com. You're listening to this, so you have found us already, either on the website I just mentioned or on Stitcher or on the Apple Podcast app, wherever it was that you found us, please subscribe, please give us the five stars that you know we deserve. And where can you be found? You could find me on December 2nd at Luna's doing capital punishment with the capital punishment crew. You can also find me on Twitter and Instagram at duh harmony and duh harmony one on tiktok.

If you want some puns, I can't promise any new content as of late because I honestly, the V series broke for a month. I have not written any new content until today. Well, yeah, based on the amount of writing you did and the emotional trauma that was involved. Yeah. So that's what I would like to get back to writing fun puns yeah because that was that was always a good time so who knows maybe by the time you listen to this I will have done that so anyway check that out and other

than that for a geek history of time I'm Damien Harman and I'm Ed Blaylock and until next time keep rolling 20s I'm Damien Harmon. And I'm Ed Blaylock. And until next time, keep rolling 20s.