A Geek History of Time - Episode 196 - The Dark Crystal from Two States to a Fractured State Part III

Episode Date: February 4, 2023

So first thing foremost, I think being the addition of pant leggings is really when you start to see your heroes get watered down. The ability to go straight man, that one. Which is a good argument for absolute girls. Everybody is going to get behind me though, I love being and support numbers will go through. When you hang out with the hero, it doesn't go well for you. Grandfather took the cob and just slid it right through the bar. Oh god, I'm sorry. Okay.

And that became the dominant way our family did it. Okay. And so, both of my marriages, they were treated to that. Okay, wait, hold on. Yeah, rage, I could. How do you imagine the rubber chicken? My grandmother actually vacuumed in her pearls. Oh my god, you always had to sexual revolution.

It might have just been a Canadian standoff. We're gonna go back to 9-11. Oh, do you get over it? And I understand that the birds are still on the boat. Agra has no business being that big. With the cultists when real big. This is a peak of tram time where we connect nerve rates with the real world. My name is Pat Lohman, I'm a global history and a whole bunch of teachers here in the Northern California.

And just in the last week at my school, we wound up shifting our flex classes, which I guess I kind of have to explain. We have essentially what is a home room period at the beginning of every day, but what we are doing with it is every three weeks, teachers shift from like you might be doing a general study hall, one rotation, then another rotation you might do a more focused kind of study hall. Like, you know, I'm going to be taking the kids who need additional reading tutoring and we're going to be doing exercises to work on that for, you know, additional help for those kids who need that support. And then to give the kids and the teachers a little bit of a break, some of us also do enrichment classes. We come up with whatever we want to do with the kids for 35 minutes a day,

four days out of the week. And so my enrichment class this time around is lightsaber combat. And those of you who know me well might be like, wait, Ed, aren't you just using this as an excuse to show sword fight clips and lightsaber duels videos to your students? And you would be partially right. But also, on Monday, I have a whole bunch of pool noodles and the kids are going to use duct tape to put helps onto the pool noodles and I'm going to then cut the pool noodles down to size for each individual kid and then I'm going to walk them through the very basics of saber fencing.

And so when the weather is warm enough, which is gonna be a little bit of an issue, this time of year where we are, we're gonna go out onto the quad between classrooms and all of the other flex classes you're gonna get to watch my kids swing at each other with pool noodles for 25 minutes a day and wish and just wish they were nerdy enough to qualify. And then on days when the weather is not so warm,

we will be inside and I will be showing them hema videos and lightsaber jewels out of the expanded Star Wars universe, Clone Wars, et cetera. So I'm really happy that I finally managed to make this happen because it's been all year. Until now, before I was able to get all the all the pieces together at once, so yeah, I'm very, very excited. And I actually took my one of my white sabers to school the other day and had it

out while I was doing supervision out before classes started and the kids just about lost their minds. So it's pretty cool. So what are you doing? What do you got to go on? Well, I'm Damien Harmony. I am a high school history and Latin teacher up here in northern California. And I now live as of this recording, I now live with a teenager. Lyricondios, me amigo. Oh, it's fantastic. I remember, I do the best with these age. I have to be careful how I say this because people can clip it out and isolate it. So if I said I love teenagers, um, in anything other than a mocking tone. Yeah, that's true. Right. So, but the group of kids that I vibe with the best that I find the most reward in dealing with as a teacher and as an adult has forever been kids on their way to adulthood. And my son is five years shy of being an adult and that is pretty rad.

So I am stoked as can be all kinds of cool things. Very cool. Just, you know, rights of passage type stuff. So it's gonna be a fun ride for the next five years. I've often said that if you're kind of a person who likes babies, you are buying cars. If you're a kind of a person who vibes with teenagers, you are buying house.

Because if you want teenagers that are the kind that you want to interact with. You have to put a lot of work in as a parent and investment of time and you never get to stop. If you are the type of person who only vibes with babies after 11 months, you're drawing off the lot. They're no longer interesting to you.

And that's, that is a sadness. So I am lucky that my temperament goes that way. Yeah. So this is your son. Yep. So yeah, true. So anecdotal story from from my own background. In influence. by his own relationship with his own father. When I was, I don't even know how many months old, my dad at one point complained to my mother when they were brand new parents. He said, well, you know, he's not gonna be any fun until he's like six months old.

Yep. And then he's gonna be fun until he's like 18 months old. And then he won't be any fun until he's like four. And then he'll be fun until he's like 10. And then it'll be fun until he's 13. And then he won't ever be any fun ever. Get. Oh.

Now, I think I managed to break that curse. I, you know, but you but, you know, that gives you an idea of, I think a, a, a, certainly a different outlook. And I think for our parents' generation, perhaps a more common one. Well, likely. I mean, you know, our generation was the second, yeah, because we were born of boomers mostly. We were the second generation where a teenager, I'm born of silence, but. Right, but I mean, most of our generation is born of boomer.

And that is the first generation really that was valued per say as its own thing as the concept of teenager. So it makes sense that people would always be afraid of that because it's a new category that they created. That makes sense. So anyway, speaking of fear, last time we spoke, it was about the dark Chris. Speaking of fear. Yes. Here we go. Muppets. Yeah. Um, dark muppets. Gothic. Very. Yes. Yeah. But last time we spoke it was about the dark crystal. And how that movie was a, in many ways, like how George Lucas did a poor job of understanding Eastern philosophy. Jim Henson did a poor job of understanding Eastern philosophy. Jim Henson did a poor job of understanding Middle East tensions. And both of them seem to dip their same patchouli in the same books when it came to mysticism. I you know, I feel like you're sugarcoating your opinion of their, their take on other

people's spirituality. I am, I guess, you know, I mean, just be honest with us before, like, you know, don't have you noticed how they both sound similar? I often wonder if like certain, because they both kind of talk in the back of this world like this, you know, you've got Kermit, the frog, and you've got faster and more intense. Um, I'm never going to be able to listen to George Lucas interviewed the same way ever again. Thank you. Sure. Thank you so much for ripping the veil from my ears.

Glad to do it. Um, so I just, I just wonder if that, that way of talking leads you toward a certain philosophy and lack of homework. Or I'm going to pause it here that the psychonural logical factors that lead one to take such a shallow take on other people's spirituality are also bound up with the kind of are also bound up with the kind of, what's sort of I'm going to look, kind of, kind of, urge towards self-containment, that would lead one to, you know, kind of swallow in zone voice a little bit when one is talking that way. Sure. Now, could be that kind of.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I don't want to call either one of those guys uptight. Well, okay, George Lucas, I kind of want to call it tight but you know, yeah, I mean and then you have to also throw Harold Ramison to that because he also kind of kind of had the same Yeah, you kind of have just a lower lower voice lower register when yeah, it's kind of oh god So I collect slimes Sports sports malls and fungus. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway. Yeah. I don't know. I know. But here's what I know was that the dark crystal is it won the Saturn award for best fantasy

film in 1983. Okay. I'd say deservedly so having been doing my own research into the fantasy film theme of the real. The rest of the real. And it entered into the era of the video cassette rental, like talking about good timing. Oh yeah, no, yeah, timing wise, it could not have come, could not have done that better. Yeah. Right. And plenty of daycares and parents went out and bought the VHS, the beta, the, the capacitor

tens electronic disk, also known as a CED version of it for home play. The CED was actually, that many who bought the CED version, I'm just going to say, like as a percentage of the whole that's a vanishing small and yet share and yet the dark crystal was on it. Well, for folks that don't know, probably also on laser disc, wouldn't that. So you're getting ahead of me. Oh, sorry. So for folks who don't know the CED, which is the capacitance electronic disc, it's a really weird attempt at using phonograph technology,

phonograph technology to do what cassette tapes did much better when it came to movies. But the Dark Crystal was one of 250 titles that got pressed on CED, a medium that was so problematic that it only lasted from 81 to 86 and then it disappeared. It cost millions of dollars to the company that really put a lot of stock into it.

Anyway, the HBO video. Oh, RCA, right? Yes. The HBO video company re-released the dark crystal on cassette in 1988, once VHS cassettes were the dominant medium. And they'd also, by that point come down in price. I remember being a kid and my parents spent over $80 on the three amigos VHS, which

only wrapped that was normal and adjusted for inflation. That's like $230 for it today. That's like $230 for it today. Yeah, I was gonna say that's huge. I mean, it was a good quality, but my god. Yes. Yeah, we didn't own, we had blank tapes, VHS, we were VHS from the very beginning. Oh, we're gonna get to that. Okay. We're gonna get to blank tapes.

Okay. But like, yeah, no, yeah, the prices of owning a movie on VHS in the beginning was or beta max on any of them was way high. Yeah. Yeah. Shit was expensive until Batman came out as I recall. The main reason that pre-recorded VHS movies were so expensive was because they generally did not get sold directly to consumers. They were sold to rental stores, and rental stores would buy them,

and then rent them out to the consumers, right? So, to buy one was a hell of a commitment, which rental stores banked on making money from. Since most new movie rentals were from one to three days, you'd normally charge three to five dollars per rental in the mid 80s. That meant that in the course of a year, you'd make $3 to $500 per tape. So an $80 investment will still net you anywhere from 220

to 420 per tape in investment. And now you multiply it out by a whole store, you have an entire row of this new movie. So an $80 investment wasn't really considered unreasonable, especially when you'd have multiple copies of that movie. But as you would jump to head and point it out, like people had blank cassettes, right? And people found a way to record VHS to VHS. And because of that, the cost actually ended up coming down. And the watershed year for that was 1988, by the way, top gun and ET both dropped their price from 80 down to 28

and then down to 1995 were the price point mostly stayed. And those were such big movies, it sent a pretty clear signal. Because... That kind of, that could drop that fast. Yeah, well, it's sent a pretty clear signal. That kind of thing. That could drop that fast. Yeah, well, here's why. When people would spend six to ten dollars on a good VHS tape to use for copying, if your price point is close enough to that for better quality, okay.

So your parents, you know, boot lagging as they were, they, Oh, not in my house. No, of course not. We recorded stuff off TV, but we didn't, we didn't ever do tape to tape. Oh, okay. Now, okay, we weren't sophisticated enough. But for folks who did do that, you know,

you put the initial investment, but people had entire VHS libraries of handwritten ET, aliens, et cetera, et cetera. To the point where it's a plot point actually in a movie of Jean-Garraflo as a detective. But anyway, people were finding ways to make these recordings. They would spend six to ten dollars per really good tape, but you could keep like three movies on them, right? Or you could record them at a slower rate, eat up more of the bandwidth on the tape. And you got higher quality. Exactly. So if they drop their prices to be just $10 more than that higher quality, it ceases to be worth it to you. And you just pony up the extra bucks. And that's what happened. So the Dark Crystal re-releases in 1988 on VHS.

And then again in 1994 through Jim Henson video, via Disney's Boinevista video. And the fucking paper trail for video rentals was way more than I wanted it to be. Yeah, well everybody, everybody in their uncle was trying to find a way to get into the market to make a buck because it was a huge market. Yes.

You know, for anybody listening to this show who, you know, is, I don't know what, you figure 15 younger's new in me? 15 years younger than you? No, easily. You may or may not have any recollection of video stores like as the monolithic cultural thing that they were, you know, I remember, I'm old enough to remember the warehouse being, you know, where you went to get a video.

Did you see that still further? It's more like a Southern California thing. That was, okay, so that was further along and that was post blockbuster starting and creating the model that warehouse that was post blockbuster starting and creating the model that warehouse copied. And blockbuster was regional in other places first. And that still is long after the corner shop of mom and pop video.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, the mom pop rental. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What you're talking about is like the subway to the local sandwich shop. Yeah. Okay. That sandwich shop. Yeah, okay.

That makes sense. Yeah. But like it was, it was a huge industry with a gigantic cultural footprint for two decades. Something like that. Yeah. You know, and, and, you know, to think about how much we don't think of it today anymore. Right, you know, was like kind of sobering. I used to be fine with spending three dollars for a rental, four dollars for a rental and then now in the age of streaming, I'm like, why would I spend money to rent a movie?

I'll just wait, you know, 10 months. But so Disney's point of vista studio or video was releasing Jim Henson video in 1994. Now DVDs came shortly thereafter. But during all this time, they had been discussing a sequel since filming was wrapping up in September of 81. Jim Henson and David O'Dell had been high on the idea. It never got past the idea stage, which is just like kind of the joke rights itself there. In 2006, long after Henson had died, O'Dell and his wife pieced together the ideas and tried to come up with a workable script. And that damn thing was snake bit from the jump. There were so many delays, there were so many, like, gee, wouldn't it be better this way, kind of additions that would just grind it to a

halt and they'd have to restart, you know, later. So nothing came of it. And it languished there from 2006 until about 2014 when it was announced to be still in pre-production. So the announcement was, it's still in pre-production. Development hell is the TV trope for that. It's in development hell. Also, by 2006, you have the writer's strike about DVD royalties because DVDs had come in and the studios were like, well, we're going tos had come in and the studios were like, well, we're gonna keep all that money

and the writers were like, no, you're just selling it on a different medium. Like share. It's not any different, like what the hell? Right. And then the DVD model became the way that movies would make money because you would put a ton of money into a blockbuster hit, think like V for Vendetta, right?

Ton of money goes into it. It makes, I don't remember how much money. Let's say a hundred million dollars, okay? So it made around number. Sure. And so it made its money back, obviously, right? So it makes a hundred million dollars and then the DVD sales, jump that up to about two hundred million dollars.

You would literally regularly see an increase of a% over how it did in box office because everybody was collecting DVDs. And then of course that went away. So I mean, it's the market keeps changing and the writers keep getting dicked. But anyway, it was announced to be. It was announced to be. Yes. So it was announced to be in pre-production in 2014. Now all of this was for a sequel to a movie

that had grown in cult appreciation, but couldn't seem to be made into a sequel. Everybody really liked it. It's a shame it's not a sequel. And in all fairness, sequels were not that big of a deal. If you look beyond the prequels of Star Wars and maybe Godfather 3, having a sequel follow a movie so much later was a rarity. It doesn't mean there weren't trilogies and duologies and even series that were being filmed, Lord of the Rings, Matrix, X-Men, Spider-Man movies. All of them clearly were on board for such things, but most sequels, including those that I just listed, were within a few years, not within a few decades of the original movie.

So by 2017, plans were again scrapped, and the would-be script was adapted instead into a 12-port comic series called The Power of the Dark Crystal, which was a sequel to what was happened, what had happened in the movie. Okay. A new crisis required a new shard or required the old shard, that kind of thing, which itself, that comic series had a sequel in 2018, which was called Beneath the Dark Crystal, and both came out to Critical Appeal. So you see people wanting to get these sequels out there and movies keep just cock blocking them. So they're like, fine, we will change media. And they went into comics, which is great. What studio did the comics? Oh, geez, I publisher. I do remember our course. I remember it might have been might have been that sounds like it's it's in their their wheelhouse.

Um, there had been other media there. There was an art book that came out in 83 a video game for the Apple 2 E and the Atari as well. Both of these were text-based games. Actually, it might have been Marvel that did the comics because there was also a 48-page comic adaptation by Marvel in 83 and they're low to let go of. Yeah, okay, yeah. I had that comic as a metaphor. Oh, cool. So most of that came out right around 83. So 83, you got a glut of stuff and then production hell, as you said, all the way until comics get released,

what, more than two decades later. Yeah. Actually, more than three decades later, right? 2013 would be 30 years after. Yeah, yeah, it would be. Yeah, three decades. Now many, many of the other cool grandiose far reaching plans came about in the post DVD era and very few came to any fruition there.

The one that did was a prequel manga, manga, manga, manga, manga, yeah, came out 2007. Yeah. Okay. Which as far as I could tell was the first prequel type of effort that came to any tangible existence for the dark crystal. And that's where I'm going to focus most of these next couple episodes. Prequels that came out on Netflix starting in August of 2019. Okay. Yeah. So, this time it's a prequel. Okay. So they did their sequel. That's all taken care of in the comics They're gonna keep and honestly this is cool like they're gonna keep continuity So this is a prequel and it's set a hundred years. This is the Netflix series which anybody can go and watch if they have Netflix right now

Okay, the 10 10 episode series It is a prequel about a hundred years prior the movie, wherein there are three gulflings who are assisted by a whole bevy of other gulflings, a bunch of pod people, a semi-sensiant rock collection, Augra, who shows up with her thick ass self, a couple of mystics, and even an exiled skexis, and they fight against the tyranny that has become obvious.

The skecsis who seek to drain throught, we now have a name for the planet, of all of her resources and make sure that they live for as long as possible. So that's the elevator pitch. That's what got me. So when the series begins, the crystal has already cracked, So when the series begins, the crystal has already cracked, but nobody knows that fact significance, and most aren't even aware that the crystal has been cracked. Only those who are in power know that it's cracked, and those are the skecsies. Things are just starting to take a turn for the worst, but again, not in a way that's notable by many who aren't already tuned in to Thra and or the crystal. Now Thra is the name of

the world. We'll get into Auger's role in this in just a second, but it is a known name of the world. It's not like zombies in a zombie movie where everybody's like, what are these things? Nobody says zombie because that didn't exist. Like everybody knows Thra and they know that Thra is a living thing and a being of its own kind of thing like it's a personal spirit. Yes, okay, okay. The space wolf ending approves good good world spirit of Fenery. Okay, there you go now at the core of the show is the hope punk that we talked about in the last episode right yes. The anytime we discuss Jim Henson, we got to talk Hope Punk. Now, despite the awfulness of the whole world, it's hope that's going to bring and bind

the gulflings together. And it's the hope that really makes this the saddest thing ever. We know that they're going to fail in a hundred years. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. We know that they're going to be only two g years. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, we know that they're going to be only two gulflings left, neither of whom knows each other at the start of the movie.

So there's two gulflings running around thinking they're the only ones. We know that. We know that they're all going to get wiped out and Karen Jenner, just the only two who don't know each other. And yet, the hope that the characters Rihon, Rihon, Rihon, Deet, Brea, and especially Hup feel is infectious. Such as I guess the nature of resisting the inevitable. And Hup is absolutely my favorite character. Well, him and the exile.

absolutely my favorite character, well, him and the exile. Hub is a podling person. So I remember those human potatoes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I'll get more into Hub in a bit, but there's obviously a ton to unpack here, especially when we look at when it was developed and what its major themes are and why it didn't.

It also didn't get picked up for us. Yeah, I can't wait for that discussion because there's gonna be the temptation to be really, really in depth. And then there's also going to be the possibility to just go, yeah, look at the calendar. And yeah, yeah. So anyway, sorry. Also, it wasn't picked up for a second season because, of course, it wasn't.

Actually, we're going to get into why that is though. Of course, it wasn't. Actually, we're going to get into why that is though, too. Okay. So let's start by looking at production. Lisa Hansen, the daughter of Jim and Jane Hansen and the CEO of Jim Hansen Company, helped to pitch the idea to Netflix of a prequel rather than a sequel of the Dark Crystal. And this effort was owed largely to Louis Letter, let it, let it, let it. I think it's a little bit.

I'm in front of me. So I don't know. So he, uh, it's letharier, basically is what it looks like. Um, but he's a director, uh, who came on board in 2012 and, uh, he noted, uh, and, and, and they noted that Henson and Oz had ex member Frank Oz. Yeah. Um, they had extensive notes leading up to the dark crystal, which meant that there would be more to pull from. Uh, uh, the terrier letterer, I'm going to say

the letterer, um, has largely been the poor man's Michael Bay. Um, early on, he directed Jett Lee in the movie Unleashed, which is a pretty good movie. I don't care. Yeah. Um, he also directed action films. It weren't enormous blockbusters, but still quite fun in their own right, uh, transporter one and two. Those were his. Yeah. Okay. As was the clash of the Titans and the incredible Hulk. Okay, I got a, I had a lot of fun at the, the 2000's, flash of the Titans. That was, that was a hoot.ot. It was. I liked it. I mean, it absolutely went against everything Greek culture stood for about being a demigod. Well, yeah, but I'm fine with that.

But like dude, yeah. Yeah, it was it was it was a really it was a fun action film. Yeah, yeah, and That was all I went in expecting. So yeah. He also directed now you see me. Okay. And that was right before he signed on to be both director and executive producer for the Dark Crystal. So with his backing and his efforts to find a studio that like the idea of continuing Jim Henson's and Frank Oz's work from the Dark crystal. Lisa Henson, no, what was her name? Yeah, it's Lisa Henson. Sold the idea to Netflix as an animated prequel series. Okay. However, there was somebody working at Netflix luckily who'd seen the original and they asked a very important question. why can't you do it with puppets again? So they did a short sizzle reel with puppets to get proof of concept and sure enough puppets were what worked for everyone best. The result was yeah, and that's 2016.

The result was yep, and that's 2016. So we finally have the green light for the dark crystal, the prequel. And it was announced in May of 2016. And Netflix said we're going to produce a prequel to the original movie. And I couldn't actually chase down if they already knew by that point if it would be a series or a movie, but production and filming didn't begin until November of 2017, such as the nature of things. Because that's when the puppets began getting constructed and shipped to the filming warehouse in England. Brian Froud, from the original, the artist, Brian Froud, the Squish Ferry's guy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. that Brian frow. He actually did some concept art and his son Toby frowd,

who is the baby from the labyrinth. No, yes. Toby frowd was the design supervisor who oversaw 110 puppets being built with many improvements over the originals. Okay. Yeah, the technology I'm sure has. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The stuff that you can do with, you know, actuators and, you know, control and, yeah, and it had to be amazing. And the amount of people who now see it as legitimate thing. So it's not just Hanson and a few of his wacky friends and turtlenecks, you know, and on and on. Like I'm sure there's like trauma programs. Yes. Sorry, just the detail

of the turtle neck. Yeah. Like how care wax. Okay. That's fine. Um, so the show was a topic of hot discussion at a number of comic cons. and there was a lot of reassurance from 2017 forward that the only real use of CG was to remove the puppeteers. I will say this, it is visually a lot better than the original in a lot of ways. And by May of 2019 Netflix dropped a teaser trailer for the series and I lost my shit. Um, I remember that. Yeah. Um, I got to scroll back and see when our first episode dropped to, um, just to see how much that lines up.

Um, it's pretty close. Yeah. In August of 2019, the series dropped and it was a 10 episode series set about 100 years before the original movie took place. So it was faithful to what they had pitched. There is so much good stuff about this series. Everything was still designed by Brian Fraud. Also, the episode titles, I love shit like this. Because you know, I love fan service. Yeah. The episode titles were from from lines in the original movie. Oh What yeah, oh man. Yeah, I have so much shit. I got to catch up on watching so I can start this now. God damn it

I will tell you this my my son was afraid of simulacra for a long time And up its freaked him the fuck out. Except for frugal rock. He was down for that, which is cool. My daughter loved the dark crystal from the jump and for a couple of years, that was most of her Christmas and birthday gifts was dark crystal. So your mileage may vary with your boy. But he's getting to be the age where, you know, mileage may vary with your boy. Okay. But he's getting to be the age where, you know, yeah, um, this is Gary is shit, but like, you know, it's still profits. He's, he's, he's a sensitive lad. Um, there are, there are multiple Disney movies we've had to abort halfway through, uh, brave the moment more due more due to the giant evil black bear showed up. We were

done. Most notably, we were watching, earning red. Oh, yeah, you told me about that with the mommy and angry. And yeah, and the, and yeah, that he, I think there were multiple facets to that. It wasn't just that big scary monster. It was also mommy angry. Yep. So, but yeah, so we're gonna have to start with some stuff and test where... Sure. There we can go.

Yeah, the draining of the essence is a little disturbing. So I guess you have a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. So the first episode, we get the voice over narration. I forget what each episode is called. I just remember that each one was aligned from the moment. We get the voice over narration.

We finally learn from a visual medium that the planet is called Thra. We've learned it from comic books, which I guess are also a visual medium, but you get what I'm saying. And we learned that they're in the voice over narration. We learned there are seven gulfling glands each with a matristic leader called the Madra. And this whole thing will be about them and the skexis, which means we're learning about a group that gets genocide of the fuck out of them. Since there's literally only two of them left who each thought they were the only geltling left

on the planet by the time the original movie starts. Yeah. Brian and to be prepared us going in. Yeah, yeah, but it is cool. You get this like really cool. Again, it's just it's visually it's stunning. But Brian and Toby Froud based each of the clans on geography like you do.

Froud was quoted saying, quote, there are human representatives in a strange world where everything is really odd, where everything is alive, where rocks move and sing, and everything is not quite what it seems. We had to remind the sculptors that these are not human, that these are more kin to the animals. The challenge was to get them to have an other world equality, and at the same time to be empathetic

because they go through a lot and they're telling their story as our story. That's a bit, hey, hold on to that. So, okay, the clans are as follows. There's the grotten clan. This is the clan that lives in the caves. They have big ears and big eyes. They're super duper pale. They have light sensitivity. They can't actually, they have to go out with cause over their eyes, with a little above ground. Um, I, I assume they eat a lot of fruit and vegetables. Yeah. A lot of mushrooms gathering stuff like that potatoes. I didn't see the cheese. No, no. Okay. No. Yeah. That's none. It's weird. I know.

Okay. No, I just right. Anyway, I think would be all current, but nice. I see. I saw what you're doing there. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I was proud. Okay. Well, I just wanted you to push all the way through. Just giving you that chance. And then it was all rotten. So it was like, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, no, yeah. So, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, no tubers, but a lot of mushrooms. And they live in harmony with the nature around them, which all gulflings do to some extent, and they have access to something called the sanctuary tree. Okay. So there's like, my daughter made a role playing game for this. Yeah, yeah. The Stonewood are your woodland warriors.

They have dark hair. They're physically very strong for gulflings. They're fierce. They're fighters. It's probably what Jen was based on his physical characteristics. Appearance, okay. Yeah. They're strong tribal.

They're mostly clannish, and they're the main force that defends the castle on behalf of the skecsis. We'll get into why that happens. Yeah. They live in the woods closest to the crystal castle. So, okay. Then there's the Vapra, and they're your mountain

and cliff dwellers in the northern coast. They have the capital of all gulfing society in their territory. Usually they're very fair skin and white hair, Nordic, you know? Yeah. Lots of decoration, lots of fashion sense, lot of like blues and purple pastels,

lot of braids. Very educated, they have the biggest library, which is its own cool thing. They seem to live where it's coldest, and they're definitely the most stuck up of all the groups. Okay. Yeah. So your high elves. Yes. Yeah. So you're starting to see the drenching. What else? High elves. Oh, okay. Well, then you got the drenching, which it's in the name, right? So they live in the marshes and the wetlands. I also have a lot of the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the They're all greenish colored, and the women use their wings to swim as well as to fly, because remember, women have wings. They're all very strong folks as well. Their ears are more tapered. They're also fierce warriors, and they have gills. They're usually like, they're like probably the second highest proportion of the castle

guard come from this clan. The Sifa, I think, might have been my favorites. But they are the sailors and the rumors of the gulfling. They live like the Sati or the Roma do or they sail. It's one or the other. Okay. Okay. They're, yeah, they don't trust other clans, but they are welcoming to individuals. And they're always down to charge for their services. And they have some of the most colorful clothing palettes. They do tend to tend toward cool colors, but they're very, very colorful. They're the redheads of the gulflings. And they fish and they sail on they're free spirits, etc.

They also tend to be your soothsayers and visionaries. Okay. Esthetically, actually, there are probably my second favorite to the dooson. The dooson aesthetically are my favorites. Okay. But I think I like the drench and more personality-wise. The dooson are desert nomads who paint their skin yellows and purples. And they're the only clan to tie their hair up and away from their faces. Instead of having that stupid like bangs look, bangs they all had.

Yeah. Um, no offense to people who like that look. It's, it's dumb. No, um, no offense, but it's no offense, but it's really dumb. Um, I taught my students this. We're not going to, we're not going to judge, but it's no offense, but it's really dumb. Yeah, I taught my students this week. We're not going to judge, but we're totally judging. Right. We're not going to judge, but you got to be crazy.

I told my students this week actually, like somebody said something along lines of no offense, and then they said something insulting. And I was like, that's, you know, that's not how that works, right? Yeah. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, well, like, okay, I'm going to say something. And I want you to tell me if it's mission accomplished. I said, I don't mean to sound racist, but I need to find a dictionary. And the kids were like, what the fuck?

And I was mission accomplished. They're like, yeah, I mean, that's how no offense is supposed to work. No offense, but I could go for some pancakes. That makes more sense. But if you say something offensive right after no offense, you're signaling that when you say no offense, you mean, I know this is offensive. Yeah, I know.

I'm about to be an asshole. Right. So, you know, which, you know, students actually picked up on there, like, oh, yeah, because like when you said, I don't mean sound racist. I thought, oh shit. Oh, great. Where are we going? Yeah. Right. Oh, we thought harm. Oh, no. But anyway, so they tie their hair up towards the face. Yeah. Yeah. Um, they stick to the desert. They know a shit ton about magic and geometry. Interestingly enough, yeah, they stick to the desert. They know a shit ton about magic and geometry interestingly enough

There probably the closest representation to a Semetic people That this has who's gonna say that sounds like Golden Age Arabic society. Yeah, they've also tamed enormous like Mantobre like creatures that fly through the sky called crystal skimmers like Mantore like creatures that fly through the sky called crystal skimmers. Wait, yeah, wait, wait, sorry, stop. Sure, hold on. Sure.

Their colors are purple and yellow. Yes. Okay. And they're and they're and they're the ones most interested magic. They know the most about. I would say, yeah, I would say the the the the seafa also know a lot about magic. They know the most about magic. Yeah, I would say the the the seafa also know a lot about magic. They just they just capitalize on it better. Okay, okay. And and they they have tamed man to like flying creatures. Yes. Yeah. What are you thinking? Yeah, well, see the problem is a more hammer 40 K fan.

That has been a problem for quite a long time, long, long time. And there's ancient heretics. Oh, okay. Because just one of the one of the demonic creatures of zinch is a which is one of the, one of the demonic creatures of Zinch is a Manta Ray light creature that flies that Zinch in sorcerers use as, as mounts or attack beasts in, in combat. Okay. Yeah. Zinch is the god of magic and purple isn't really one of his colors, but blue and yellow are definitely.

So close. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, yeah. Well, these guys have a lot of problems. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to call in. Hmm. Oh, I had a acquisition. But anyway, carry on. So. So it's yeah, well, these guys have I was really hoping I wouldn't have to call in Oh, I had a acquisition, but anyway carry on so

So these guys have a lot of shamans. They've got a lot of rituals Strong emphasis on the circle of life and death On how it continues. Okay. They're the only clan that the skecs these have actively banned From being able to serve in the castle cart. Well, and I think we know why. Yeah, well, and then all the gale things carry that same prejudice toward them, despite them actually being able to help the most. Yeah, sucks. Yep. And then there's the Sprite and the Sprite and are your Southern Plains clan. Their skin is tan, their hairs dark, they're big on farming and agriculture and the fine arts. They seem to dig music and poetry. If Minerva and series, sorry, if fuck what's her name? Athena and

Demeter. Okay. We're Matrix to a geltling planet would be this one. All right, awesome. better. Okay. We're, we're matrons to a gulfling planet would be this one. All right, awesome. The Latin is just absolutely dumb. Yeah, I tell. I know. Understanding of the Greeks. Yeah. So anyway, the first episode introduces a much briefer than I did. And Sigourney Weaver is the one telling you all about it.

I thought that was pretty cool. Yeah. All right. And she tells you that the skexies are specifically not of throught like that is a line. And that augura was the protector of throught. That is also a thing that she used to Gorni Weaver takes the time to tell you in the beginning. The skexies distracted augura from tending to throught by building her in ororey. is that how it's pronounced?

Yes. Okay. I hate that word. Um, and they let her explore the cosmos through what appears to be astral projection of some sort. Mmm. And meanwhile, while she's distracted and her mind is elsewhere, the skecsies have set themselves up as the rulers of this planet, and they have been for a thousand trying, which is a thousand curse. And that's the other thing is like, there's different words, just slightly different

jargon. Oh, guys, another Warhammer thing with trying. No. Okay. Oh, guys, another Warhammer thing with Trine. No. No, it alters rather a bit the timeline as I understood it as to when the crystal had actually cracked. The crystal cracks 100 years before, just a few a little bit before 100 years before,

because it's cracked by the time you start the show. And that's 100 years before the movie. Yeah, And the narration specifically says the skexis are not in charge. Right. They're not a throng. And when they showed up skexis specifically have been in charge for a thousand thousand trying. Yes. Do we see the mystics? We'll get there. Okay. We'll get there. They are not big players in this whole thing Yeah, well, yeah clearly But this also means that the skecs is our grifters

From the jump they are fucking grifters. Yeah, um, they are in charge They have a chamber of the crystal and the show introduces them in the narration as finding ways to quote to steal life from the crystal they have sworn to protect. There is no ambiguity here. There's no sympathy for the skecsies. They are gripped your shitheads. So we so we as the audience are immediately in on all of it. It's not just the unfortunate appearance of all of them. They don't just look deathly. They are shit. Okay. They are in fact neckromantic. Yes monsters. Okay. Interestingly, there's no sexual relations between any of them regarding the neck or any other body parts. Yeah, well, I mean, it's designed to be like what PG 13 show.

Yeah, I think so. So, so, you know, I mean, you wouldn't get into a lot. There's not even a hugging or like petting. Is this a kissing book? Like, you know, you got to you got to gauge your audience. You know, when I get true, too much. True, but I kind of now want somebody to write the fan fiction of the erotica present between Chamberlain and the general. Yeah. Like, oh, you like that, don't you?

Yeah. So now that we've driven everyone away. And you know, I thought, you know what? we've driven every one away. And you know, and you know, I thought, you know what, I'm not going to get a beer for this episode. Do you want to pause so you can? No. I mean, I mean, you know, regret that.

Okay, I may need to mentally disinfect later, but oh, yeah, there's a scene where one of them's peeing on a wall. Oh shit. Nope. Dead serious and he's struggling to pee. So you know how like sometimes when you're like, okay, come on, come on. I'm standing here at the urinal. I only got five minutes of passing.

People let's go. Oh, four. And then it finally, oh my God, we've got seven. Um, but like come on, come on, come on. And it finally lets out, right? Yeah. And then you're like, why is it split streamed? And then it coalesces, right?

So you've been there. Yeah. Imagine only a third of that comes out. And then you're like, oh, come on. And then a second one comes out. And you're like, oh, thank goodness. And then the third one comes out. And there are three separate streams the whole time, which implies that there's three separate P

holes, which means either your re-thra forks or, or they're like kangaroo penis. Like, I'm not sure which is worse. Yes. Yeah. Yes. The answer is yes. So anyway, sorry. So once the crystal stops giving them life, as they all gather around to have it do so, they stand in the, you've seen, you see this in the movie. And then, you know, they're doing it again. So it's a nice little callback. It stops giving them life. And they're like, and they immediately they immediately immediately like as soon as the

Gryft doesn't prove to be as fruitful as it has been for a thousand trying They're like they turn on each other and bicker and panic immediately Yeah, yeah Bad guys, I mean right. Yeah, a very specific type of bad guys. This is true Yeah, so the whole of thraw in this This is true. Yeah. So the whole of Thraw in this season, by the way, is in the series is a very green and verdant Thraw. It's a vibrant version of the kind of dead world that we see in the movie. Because by that time, it's clearly in massive decline. Yeah. There's also another race alive in the Crystal Castle.

It's the Podlings. They are the servant class. They're the underclass. The little kids. Yeah. Yeah. So as we finally get to the characters, we meet two gulfling guards, Mira and Rian, who are clearly enjoying a budding romance and they

spend time together, fat dream fasting, remember that, and flirting with each other. They're interrupted by the intrusion of an erathem. An erathem is a large-ass spider that they thought had been banished from everywhere. And it's back. They chase it down, owing partly to their oath to protect the skexis in the castle because the galfling have taken an oath to protect the skexis and the skexis will protect the crystal. That is the deal. Right, okay. So as they're chasing it down, we cut to Bria and it's very much a rotating cast kind of thing.

You know, you're you're cutting from Ryan from Rihanna to Bria to to Deet over and over again. And then there's others that get in there too, but it's mostly those three. So we meet Bria who is in the capital city of Harar H.A.R. Apostrophe AR Harar Which is located in the Vaprat territory. Bria is the youngest of three sisters and the other two are Tavra, who is the middle sister and Seladon, who is the oldest sister. Bria is a scholar, Tavra is a warrior, kind of a tomboy of a gulfling, and Seladon is the heir apparent to their mother's crown for being the all madra.

She is the chief of all the madras. So each clan gets a madra and the one who's in charge of the vapor clan tends to be the all madra. Okay. Find out later. That's not always how it has been, but it has been by custom for quite some time. Anyway, Bria is in this awesome winding, horribly organized library. There's a lot of sharp ovals because that's the dominant shape and throw apparently books that are stuffed everywhere. I mean, it looks like a really fun place to live.

Looks like a terrible place to work. You're trying to do research. It's a living hell. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you, if you collect shit and you stop things halfway through all the time, it's beautiful. So she hears that the skecsies are coming to town and she remarks that she has so many

questions for them. And she regards the skecsies coming as a good thing because the skecsies have been very good at maintaining the appearance for all these trying and maintaining the norms for all these trying. And the librarian, let's her know, quote, the lords don't like questions, which is kind of the first, I mean, we see, we see the skexies draining it and freaking out and chill like that, but the gulfling don't see that, right? So we're seeing what the gulfling see are, we have a duty to protect this place, holy shit, there's an arotham,

we better go and stop it. And also we're gonna look like badasses when we do. And then you have, I can't believe this guy sees you here. This is gonna be so wonderful. And what I'm like, really like questions though. Red flag. Yeah, a little bit, a little bit.

So we know they're evil, but the gulflings don't know they're evil, right? And we have to watch the galflings suffer through the discovery of that, which, again, they still manage to make it seem hopeful. Like really good job. So then we meet Dietra, Diet for short. Diet is a grotten whose grandmother, I think, is the maudra of her clan. Dete is a grotten whose grandmother, I think, is the modra of her clan. And she's tending to the bioluminescent things. She's harvesting moss to feed a nurglock. Nurglock are these large, like, land whale type things,

but like if land whales were shorter, like proto whales, you know. Okay. She also glows a little bit herself. And at one point, she's like harvesting moss that glows and then she stands up and just Falls backwards into the caves for the sheer joy of flight in this like Icarus-like exhilaration Falling and flying And while she's tending to some creatures She's a bit she's bitten by one of them which is unheard of for the grotten

And then she's bitten by a of them, which is unheard of for the grotten. And then she's bitten by a small one and then a big one. And this is like literally never happened. And it's happened twice to her in one day, um, within seconds of each other. Um, because the grotten live in complete and total harmony with all living things, uh, and being caved to others, they're literally the closest thing to thraw as a result. Uh result and it's her mystery to solve as the creatures who bid her hand had bright purple yellow glow or purple glow to their eyes Later on we find out that that's called the darkness Anyway back to Brie is she's trying to run to get to the Royal Court and meet skexies and she actually is almost run over by their vehicle court and meet skexies and she actually is almost run over by their vehicle.

In their vehicles like this three-wheeled carriage that actually uses live armolings who are like roly police but huge. Okay. They roll up into balls and they get zapped electrically to get them moving. So their vehicle is cruelty-based. And that hasn't been a red flag for a thousand trying, especially for the gulfling who are like of thraw and who are who are like all have one level and druid no matter what. Right. Yeah, pain-based dominance for locomotion for comfortable locomotion. Yeah. Yeah. for comfortable locomotion. And so it nearly runs over Bria and comes to a screeching halt. There's two skecks of board. One of them, I think her name is the collector. The other one is a master of serum.

I don't want to say a master of ceremonies, but it might be that. Anyway, he leans out and sees that it's her and they realize that she is the daughter of the Almodra and they're like, what give you a ride to the castle? And they absolutely immediately turn it into leverage. Like, look who we saved, that kind of shit. And so that way when they meet with the Almodra during gifting ceremony, who is acting as their vassal, they can flex a little bit more. You know, they're just deepening their talons. So, okay, wait. Yeah. They nearly ran her over. Well, she ran out in the middle of the road. Yeah.

But yeah. And then look who we saved. Wow. Okay. We all know how evil they are. Yeah, I get it. And it just fucking sucks to watch the geltling on notice it like yeah, you know, it's that friend of how how gaslit they've been exactly it's that friend of yours who thinks that he's in a good relationship and he's like, oh, no, so you're a wide brother. Yeah. So, back at the castle, the scientist skex is, and they're all named basically by their occupation, but they actually do have actual names, but it's like skec mall, skec this, skec that.

And I just name it by their occupation. So the scientist skex is, hey kids, it's Mark Hamill. Um, yeah. Oh, shit. It's Mark Hamill. Yeah. Shit. It's awesome. Shit I got to watch. Okay. Oh, bad, big one plays another one.

Simon Peg plays another one. Five. Yeah. Oh, it's an aquafina plays one. Hey, it's an all-star guest. Yeah. Wow. Well, Lena Headley plays one of the, it's an all-star guest. Yeah. Wow. Lena Headley plays one of the, one of the moderas.

That fits. Yeah. That fits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does the guy who played Elmo is somebody too? I forget.

Well, I mean, Jim Henson productions. Right. Right. So, what are we going to ask? So does Sigourney, we were doing anything other than the narration? Which I mean, the narration is enough. But yeah, okay. Like, which is its own flex, I think. Um, like, yeah. Okay, cool. So, uh, he's trying to come up with ways to get the crystal to give life to

the skecs. He's again, and the gears that he's using, he has like these machines and gears. And it feels very token-esque with, you know, the age of machines and like, you know, his mind is all about that. But these gears are twisted and not symmetrical at all and they're not beveled like uniformly and it still works. It's like it's evil has twisted the metal kind of thing, or they're just really shitty and lazy at it, but just good enough.

Or both. Yeah. Yeah. And it says though, his very science is twisted and dependent on chaining and dominating things more than anything. And he uses electricity to shock the crystal and experiment on it.

And at one point, he accidentally discovers that the crystal can actually suck life out of beings because it happens to him. And he's dying from it until Chamberlain happens by and sees what's going on. And he flips the switch that stops everything. So now, scientists owes his life to Chamberlain. And Chamberlain, Chamberlain tells the scientists that it's entirely possible to use this to their

advantage after all, if the crystal can draw out life energy from a skexus, why not use it to draw out the essence of something native to draw? And then why not use that essence to rejuvenate the skeksis? So why not be parasites and sustain ourselves? Yeah, well, if you have no moral setter. So the very beings who have installed themselves as guardians of the crystal against what I still don't know, are now what are going to devour those who are sworn to protect them in order to sustain

themselves. That is the thesis statement of the prequels in a lot of ways. Wow. Yeah. August of 2019. Yeah. But Deet speaks to the great sanctuary tree and by extension speaks to throes a result, which gives her the call to fight against the darkening. And it sends a blossom to dream fast with deep showing her all that she needs to know. Rian and Mira and Rian's best friend, Gurgin, who is I think one of the swampy guys, they're looking for the eratham and and they're all guards. They're like the young class of guards like Rian's father is the captain of the guard and then they're just like young young class. And anyway, Mira goes flying down into the catacombs where Gelfling dare not go and they're prohibited from there and she flies down anyway. And the scientist finds her

and seizes her and wants to use her for the crystal. So Rihanna's girlfriend essentially gets kidnapped by the skexis in episode one. And then you go back to Harar and we see the manipulation and caprice of the skexis. Oh, it's not the master of ceremony. I think it's the scroll keeper. And every gulfling has to give a gift to the skecsis

in Harar. So there's a long receiving line. And this is part of, and the thing is the scroll keeper skecsis and the collector skecsis are overseeing the remainder of skecsis dominance and gulfling nobility complicity all combining. So there they're the vassal, the all madra, is directing it. This is how we've always done it. This is how we'll always do it. This is part of our duty. This is

your duty. You keep the crystal and they're like yawning through her talking about it. Like they they're just so sick of it. And so Bria witnesses a group of farmers who have very little to give, who've lost their mother and there is a blight that has hit their farm, which unbeknownst to them is actually due to the darkening. And the scroll keeper points out, like, and again, they've got shit stacked, just stacked. And he points out that their tie is again, they've got shit stacked just stacked. And he points out

that their tie is so small and so insulting. Um, he then notes that the pendant that the oldest daughter is wearing, uh, of the farmer. Um, he says, you know, that'll work. And the collector agrees and admires the pendant. Uh, the thing is that pendant belongs to the daughter and it was given to her by her mother who passed last year. And it's her last memory of her recently deceased mother. And so of course that family is like, can we give you something else? And then the master of ceremony or no, the master scroll says, why does gelfling hurt us so sad? So sad. Oh shit. Nope. Oh, dead fucking serious shit. Yeah. They, they

hit it that squarely on the necrotic beak. Yes, really. Yes, they did. Okay. Yep. Damn. Now, Brea's oldest sister, Seladon, is the heir apparent, right? So she's overseeing this and she insists that the laws be followed no matter how wrong the law might be, it's still a law. I believe we call this lawful stupid. What do we call this?

Yeah. I would say lawful evil or lawful evil. Yeah. Um, I'm going would say lawful evil lawful evil. Yeah. I'm going to say lawful shithead. Yeah, lawful biff. Yeah. Everyone cheers as the skecks is finally accept the tithe. So they make a big show of like, oh, we don't know now. And oh, oh, fine. We'll finally accept it. You know, everything is fine, we forgive you, and everybody cheers at this. Shortly thereafter, the scroll keeper just tosses the pendant anyway. Because of course he does, it's not about the fucking pendant, it's about the manipulation.

Now, Briya sees all this, and she's like, this ain't right. So she goes back to the library to research tithes, and the librarian is hella dogmatic and he tries to stop her research, which leads to a literal tug of war over an ancient tone, which ends up glowing green and causing the whole library to shake and swirl with books like it, it just the place comes alive. Brea has a vision that is a result of all this and she, and she tied, you know, it's tied to everything that's going on and it knocks her out. And when she comes to, she seeks out her mother, the all-modra, and she wants to dream fast

with her. And that, before she goes to dream fast with her mother, she notices her mom is wearing a pendant. The same pendant that the farmer family had to tie it to the skexis. And Bria is like what the shit is this and her mother lectures her says this is proper behavior. I will not give the pendant back because it was a gift from the skexis and you don't disregard gifts from the skexis that way. So there's a wealth redistribution from the bottom to the top by the people in charge. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyway, we get back. Wow. Deeds grandmother. 1789. For some reason, coming into my head, I don't know why. Huh weird. I don't know why. Yeah. So they're just eight. Deeds grandmother is the modra of the clan and she says you gotta go journey to the all modra to tell her about the darkness because they don't know about it. And we go back to Chamberlain who is voiced by Simon Pegg and the scientist who is voiced

by Mark Hamill. And they're trying to figure out how to drain Mira's life essence. So it's some dark ass shit. Neither of them notice that Rihanna is watching the whole thing until it's over. Mira is begging them to stop, which makes it worse. And then the scientist stabs her in the back with two giant syringes to drain her essence quicker until she completely disintegrates. And the machines are overloaded. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The emperor is there as well. He's voiced by Jason Isaacs.

Of course he is. That's perfect. And he and Chamberlain and the scientist all drink the essence in the grossest way possible, which is of course caused for celebration as they dance for joy and they can conquer death this way. And the skixes don't care about the planet. And they found a way to train those who serve them and who are young to extend their own lives. And the one in charge is especially happy about doing this. It's yeah, wow. Yeah. Re and C's all this, of course, until he inevitably gets noticed and then they chase

him down. But Re and escapes and then he dream fast with Gurgin in episode two. Re and Gurgin keep running because they're still in the castle. And Gurgin gets caught, but he tells Rein to flee. So Rein fucking takes off. And of course the skecs these are freaking out about this because the truth could get out. Like he saw what they had done. He saw their whole like this could this could screw it up. Like they have such a good deal here. Complicity. Yeah. Up the wazoo. All they got to do is just keep the conveyor about running, but Ryan could fuck it all up. So Chamberlain lays out a plan almost immediately. This is his plan. He says that they need to declare Ryan a criminal one who cannot dream fast with the

other gulfling because he's gone mad and that will spread his sickness. And this means that he cannot tell anyone the truth in the one way that the skecsies cannot affect. Because the skecsies can't dream fast, they can't do shit. So they, he says, we got a poison the idea of dream fasting. Wow. Yeah. So they spread so much going on there. Yeah. Yeah. You want to unpack that a little? much going on there. Yeah. Yeah. You want to unpack that a little? Well, I mean, I'm sure we're going to get to the real world part of this and the discussion of, you know, alternative facts. And, yeah. Yeah. Does feel a little, yeah, a little like that gal who was always well and um the other one her name. What?

Yeah, the one who told me learn. No, no, no, no, okay, the one who worked for Trump in an undisclosed position. Um, uh, Kylian Conway her. Yeah, yeah, this has, Kylian Conway. Her. Yeah. Yeah. This has big Kylian Conway. Yeah. All of a sudden I'm picturing her in, in voluminous, I knacked purple. Yeah, you don't have to do much else. Yeah, no, no. Has done the work for her. Yeah. Yeah. It's facial structure is already kind of yeah, wow Jesus so yeah So uh what do you call it um Yeah, uh the the skexy spread the word immediately through the guards and through the nearby clans and Chamberlain lays out He literally lays out a fascist commentary on the gulf link

He says that they need to be ruled there week, they are small. And then he says that they will turn on their own kind to keep themselves being ruled. And by contrast, the skecsies are forever, especially now that throw up belongs entirely to them. And that's how it ends episode one. Holy shit. Yeah. So like you said, I'm going to parse it out a bit now, right? Yeah. You have three gulf links, each from three different backgrounds. You have an aristocratic, an aristocratic tweet who loves books. You have a military legacy kid and you have someone who's really into nature and sees

beyond what's happening. Okay. In other words, you have the educated middle to upper class, you have the military loyalist and you have Phoebe. Okay. I mean, really you have an environmentalist. Yeah. Okay. You have a middle class environmentalist. But you, you, these three groups are ultimately going to fail to unite for much longer than a single battle. And they're going to lose big time to the skexes who are playing a literally much deeper and longer game. And yet it feels hopeful the whole time. And yet, you know your careening toward fucking genocide. Almost immediately, the military loyalists divide amongst themselves because they confuse loyalty

to the mission with loyalty to the leaders. The academic sees her wealthy family for the disappointment that it is, and she's ultimately useless to do anything about it. But along the way, don't worry, she gets into the arts and makes darker gulflings than herself, and she almost falls for a grift and then has a falling out with both of her sisters and finds herself a servant. And then the environmentalists will need a rescue from people who actually live in their community, and they end up needing rescue multiple times along the way. Wow. they end up needing rescue multiple times along the way.

Wow, this is, this is a, this is not a flattering picture of anybody. No, in the, no, like it's really not a flattering picture, of course, of the entire Trump administration, because sad, so sad, I guess, what are you? Oh, are you? Wow.

And his solution is basically to tweet, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and then on the other hand, it, it. Echoes literally every criticism I have made, and you, you have made about everybody center left. you have made about everybody center left and and beyond in in for varying reasons. Their inability to be like, okay, no, yes, we understand, we understand there are all these trees. I need you to look at the forest. I really need you to look at the forest right now and realize that there's an army of zombies with axes.

Yeah, but see the axes have wooden handles too. Who am I supposed to believe? The forest or the trees or the axes? I mean, they're all the same. They're all equally the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Ah, damn same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Ah, damn it. Yes. Yeah. This is this is why they get genocided. Yeah. Yeah. I think just I can't believe I'm laughing about mumpet genocide. But like it's not a cheerful tale.

Because if you don't laugh, you're just going to rage cry. Yes. I mean, the answer is like you can do one of two things. You can find the gallows humor or you can just start weeping in coherent fury and just never stop. Well, and the thing is, like even when you get to the dark crystal and they actually beat the skecsies

and all that and you have the, that whole story is actually just about how the skecsies, like in the context of this, it's just about how the skecsies, like in the context of this, it's just about how the skecsies learn not to be shitty. And they don't even do it by their own will. It's forced upon them from behind by the mystics who take their sweet, sweet time. There's all kinds of problems with all of that.

Yeah, not the least of which the way I put it. But on top of that, like that's the way you put it is perfect. But that's the story, right? You still have the fact that Thra has been destroyed. Decimated, yeah, butterly. And there's literally only two gulfling left, even if they did love each other, which I think they do. Even if they fucked, which I hope they do. And if they fucked, which I hope they do,

even if they have kids speaking of fanfick, but they probably, you know, boys don't have wings, but I'll show you which, yes. But, but even if they start a family, it ends there, like you do not have enough genetic variability left for them to be anything but extinct a little bit later. Yeah.

Like it turns into Garmech McCarthy, like within a generation. Yeah, we're going to see this. Yeah, like we we know that's where we're headed. And yet you have all this like rich history. We're watching the end of life. Yeah, seeing the disintegration of an entire civilization. Yeah. Due to the failures of the middle class, ultimately, to actually stand up and take note and do shit about it in any kind of cohesive, coherent, collective way. Yeah. Imagine if there was like a pandemic where that would be terrible. Man, that had sucked with that.

Yeah. So meanwhile, the skexus, oh boy. There's the emperor who through not, but the force of his own personality and the personal vices and ambitions of those who are in the same party, thinking that proximity to him is power, he stays in power. And he leads his group into a win or die strategy that is

mostly used to serve only him. Wow. He's also found, yeah. No, go ahead. I was also found. Yeah. Later, he's found to be communing with the darkness, which is an outside agent, to what his group knows about in a self-destructive effort to dominate even longer. Okay. So everything you've said, like up to this point. Yeah. Well, okay, that was a little while ago, but there is no way you're gonna convince me

that the writer's room for this was not entirely full of Okay, look at what he tweeted now, right? What are we gonna do with that? Yeah, oh, did you hear, did you hear Kelly and Conway yesterday? How are we gonna work, how are we gonna work that in? Mm-hmm. Like you can't tell me this wasn't conscious, Alan. Like so much of the stuff that we talk about and like the first, the movie for Dr. Crystal

is like unconscious, it's in the water. They were drinking. It's, you know, right on the wallpaper. It's just kind of how this came out like these parallels are there. Right. No, no, no, no, you are not going to convince me. This is not, you know, we're going to rip it from the headlines, uh, wrap it in fairy dust and, you know, have puppets say it like. Yeah. Yeah. fairy dust and you know have up it say it like yeah yeah oh my god he's ultimately afraid to die and is willing to do whatever he can to avoid losing well that don't sound at all familiar yeah including at the end of the season leading an armed attack against another group that you know used to work for the castle. Wow, yeah. Now the scientist mostly just does what he wants and he mostly just wants to torture different creatures and he'll do whatever the emperor tells him to do. The collector is a very gross,

postual bursting on her face, narcissists who think she's beautiful, voiced by Aquafina. And she's, her beak is very, very compacted. She's very rounded. She thinks she's beautiful. And she's just got gross ass puzzles that burst and squirt everywhere. Oh God. Oh God, yeah. Chamberlain is forever doing all he can to play both sides and all sides and keep himself climbing a ladder

that only he sees. Okay. Yeah, maybe. Or honestly, Chamberlain is, I was gonna gonna say chamberlin is much more like Julie on it. No God. What's that guy's name Steve Bannon? Because he was actually harmful and effective. Okay. Yeah, see that Also looks like can't ham yeah, you know, well chamberlin doesn't but you know Yeah, well he can't be a one-to-one

Yeah, and all the skecs these are in a state of decay. Oh, no, fuck Chamberlain is, is Mitch. Um, oh, yeah. Well, okay, that does, do you, do you get the sense that that Chamberlain is actively egging? Huh. Because there'd also have to be the, oh, well, you know, the emperor made that decision, I'm not sure if I can get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a skecsis and he takes losses on purpose. Okay. All of the skecsis are in a state of decay. All of them have long ago sloughed off the actual duties that they told Augura they would do, and they're also specifically not of throught, specifically having come to throught and acting like a disruptive force. And they spend as much of their time that they can devouring the actual essence of those that they're sworn to serve. Okay. Now, by the way, the podlings are 100% the service industry. They're just shit on by everyone.

Just how it goes. They're actually in service positions the whole time to accept for hop, my beloved hope. So who are the skecsies? Well, obviously they're the American right. I was going to say a tea party. So yes, okay. All right. I mean, GP, but yeah, okay.

It will now, yeah, but like they have. Yeah, we're taken. Yeah. But also the emperor is as obviously Trumpian as it gets Chamberlain is not a one-to-one with anyone He's he's very much Roger Stone in a lot of ways, but he's also very much Steve Bannon But I think he's more like if you rolled them up with Mitch McConnell. It's more McConnell than either of them Scientists have beaks Yeah, good point so yeah Um, so scientists have beaks. Yep. Good point. So yeah, the scientist is the Republican loyalist who thinks that they can still have any say whatsoever.

So long as they get to keep hurting the people they want to hurt. Yeah. As long as the right people are getting hurt. Right. But they honestly just end up doing what loyalists do. So okay. More on all of them as I impact the rest of it for you. But I think this is a good place to stop actually, because the first episode is the establishing episode. And then I'm gonna go episode by episode because the, and we can definitely stop down for different things.

Yeah. But you so far, what have you gleaned? That you can, you can take the actions of the Trumpian Republican party. Run them through a blender of fantasy tropes. Without without like like the tropes go through a blender and and just you know wrap like you know like like like wrap republican politics up in a burrito of fantasy tropes maybe it's a better analogy to use. Mm-hmm. It's leaning up on screen and no matter how much fairy dust and mystical energy of the planet, woo woo you throw at it. It's just gonna be that obvious that like holy fuck how evil.

Can you get? Yep. And and the saddest part of it is. Hearing all of that. Mm-hmm. There's a part of me that thinks you know who really needed what this show didn't. We're a whole host of, you know, magnet types. Like, no, no, no, you're your people, your people right there. That's,

that's, that is, that is, that is what they are doing. Do you not understand like, That's, that is, that is, that is what they are doing. Do you not understand like, you know what I mean? Like that, that he's, he's, he's, he's white on his left and black on his right. You know, that level of, I'm going to drop a, a, a, deuterium anvil on your fucking head. Do you not get this? And, and that's, that's my first thought.

And then a moment later, I think, well, no, because the moment they recognize that, they would reject it out of hand as, you know, liberals calling people names. Right. And, and flee from it. And it's like, no. There's, there's analogy here, but sad.

So sad. So silly. That's literally, that's quoted from from I don't know how many tweets like for for sake. The thing that got me though was the the you know we are we are big there small like they they need to be ruled. And I'm like oh why can't type fast enough for this. Why can't type fast enough for this? Like my my my thesis is escaping. I need to know. Yeah, I mean, well, that's that's huge. And there's also How to put this there is. If you look at humanity. Through a particular kind of lens, there is a grain, there is a morsel of truth to the

fact that there are. There are people who don't want to have to make the decisions. They want to have somebody who they recognize is somehow legitimate, you know, be the one to make those decisions for them. And they will fight for that person to have that hour over them and everybody else. As long as they think they are part of that demagogue, leader dictator, whatever you want to say,

as long as they are part of, as long as they they they identify as being proximity to power, part of that leader's group. Yeah, proximity to power or or or if. Yep. It's not even this is like, like, you know, I'm sure if you ask a number of, you know, and I'm not I don't mean this term to be to be derogatory. It's just, you know, if you ask enough, I'm not going to use the term. I'm going to say, if you ask enough, you know, working, working class, rural, white Americans, they wouldn't think they have proximity to Donald J. Trump. But they, they, they believe that they recognize that he is

kith. To that. Yeah, that they are, that there's that there's that there is that it's not necessarily proximity, but it is, it is connection and kind. Yeah. And, and as long as they think that that connection is there, they, you're going to have a very hard time getting them to recognize how, no matter of fact, this guy is actually victimizing you more than he's doing anything to me. The actual conservative who you think is, you know, a commie lib. Right. You know, because I actually think there's value in democratic norms and human rights, like, you know, yeah. He's, no, he's not actually doing that much to me. He's economically hurting you. But he's also hurting the people who deserve to be hurt. And that's, well, yeah. And, and, and that's well. Yeah, and and yes, and that's and that's and that's where your analogy for the scientist comes in and Mm-hmm

Yeah, I can't I can't I can't argue against that. So yeah, no, it's it's Yeah, um, I think it's it's interesting that this sounds so far Like a remarkably clear-eyed I think it's interesting that this sounds so far, like a remarkably clear-eyed allegory and satire of everybody involved, like on both the right end and the moderate left, within American politics. And I think it remarkable that the people in the writers room were willing to go that hard in the paint. For lack of, for lack of better phrase. Yeah.

I think we come back to Ubu Roy. You can do with puppets, which you can't do on stage. It's true. That's what you do. Yeah. And yeah, and you know, we keep coming back to Ubu Roy. And the fact that at any time we get into American politics after 2014, we come back to Ubu Roy, makes me increasingly disturbed about the world I'm living in. It's a stunning indictment. I'll tell you that. It's really nice. Hey, so what are you going to recommend for people to read? I'm going to recommend people go back and read the original Marvel if you can find it. I don't know if they've put it online, but if you can, if you can find it anywhere, as an adaptation of a film, I actually do think that the Marvel adaptation of the original dark crystal is one of the better ones anybody's done.

And then there's just the nostalgia value of it for me. Oh, yeah. But so that would be my recommendation. What about you? I'm gonna actually recommend a book called The Pun also Rises, How the Humble Pun Revolutionized Language, Change History, and Made Word Play More Than Some Antics by John Pollock. Never meant the man I hate him already.

Really? Yeah, really. I mean, it's you kind of have to, if that's what the book is going to be about, you kind of have to do that. But yeah, damn it. Yeah, I don't even into the introduction like on the cover, you have to attack us like that. Like, oh, and there's, there's some where I'm just like, like, bro, you wouldn't last in my show. Like you wouldn't. Uh, some of the puns that he gives, but yeah, but others, you know, that he has in there because he, he, he, he, he seeds the history that he talks about with, with puns, obviously. Um, and it works by and large it works. But yes, some of them like,

oh man, I used to make that one is just kind of a throw away. That's the one you're ending it on. And you know, that kind of stuff. See, now I actually want to try to contact this guy and have him as a guest on the show, just so you can metaphorically look across the table at him and go, just so you can metaphorically look across the table at him and go, oh, you can't hang. I just, I dare you to come out here to Sacramento. You being on my show, I will show you. Oh, hey, where can people find you if they want to find you? Let's see, I can be found in an increasingly small number of places. I don't know if Twitter has imploded yet. I haven't been on yet in the last 24 hours. If it has not, I am there as catfexture. And then TikTok, which is still clicking right along,

you can find me as Mr. Under Square Blaylock. And we collectively, if Twitter has not gone up in a ball of blue-bedard flame, we can be found at Geek History Time on Twitter. And our website, of course, is at www.geekhistreetime.com. Wherever it is that you've found us because you're listening to me say all of this right now, you have found us. Please take the time to give us a like, subscribe if you haven't done it already,

and give us the five-star review that you know we have earned. Recommend us to your friends and family. And yeah, how about you, where can you be found, sir? You know, digitally, not very many places are all that exciting for me right now. So, you know, I lurk, don't bother. Unless you want to send me cool shit that you think I haven't seen before, that's always fun.

But, so you can find me at duh harmony one on TikTok if you wanna like send me cool shit. Duh harmony on TikTok and in stuff, if you wanna send me cool shit. Yeah, that takes care of that. If you want to come see me do puns in a show, let's say about a time this drops January 6th, we are gonna have a show at Luna's in Sacramento at 8 p.m. show proof of

vaccination. And you know, you'll have an alibi for where you were on January 6th that that is both believable and good and not a stain on your soul. And then February 3rd will actually be at Henry's bar downtown in Sacramento, expanding our reach a little bit, doing capital punishment there. So those are the those little plays you can find us. So yeah, well for a geek history of time, I'm Damien Harmony. And I'm Ed Blaylock. And until next time, keep rolling 20s.