A Geek History of Time - Episode 274 - Belgian Nuclear Sensibilities, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Smurf the Bomb Part II

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

We were saying that we were going to get into the movies. Yeah, and I'm only going to get into a few of them because there were way too goddamn many for me to really be interested in telling you this clone version or this clone version in the early studio system. It's a good metric to know in a story arc. Where should I be? Oh, there's Beast. I should step over here. At some point, I'm going to have to sit down with you

and force you, like pump you full of coffee and be like, no, okay, look. And are swiftly and brutally put down by the Minutemen who use bayonets to get their point across. Well done there. I'm good Damian, and I'm also glad that I got your name right this time. I apologize for that one TikTok video. Men of this generation wound up serving

the whole lot of them as a percentage of the population because of the war, because of a whole lot of other stuff. Oh yeah. And actually in his case, it was pre-war, but you know, I was joking. Did he seriously join the American Navy? He did fuck I'm going to go to the bathroom. This is a Geek History of Time. Where we connect Nervily to the real world. My name is Ed Blalock. I'm a world history and English teacher here in Northern California and That position has put me in the position

This year now that I have permanent status In my third year in my current position I am now in the position of being privy to a lot of the petty like bullshit drama that's going on on my on my campus, like the the personal like vendettas between people and the Oh my god, I can't believe they fucking did that. And the, you know, per my last email kind of conversations that go on between people. And on the one hand, it's exhausting. And on the other hand, I realized

this past week that you know what I'm I'm being you know, people are coming to me with this stuff and that means that I'm part of the tribe now. And and I have chosen I have chosen to cling to that aspect of it like oh Oh, hey, I'm part of the group now. You know, I mean, this part of being part of the group is kind of shitty, but I'm part of the group now. So, you know, it's nice to know that and not be the fucking new guy to the same extent anymore.

So that's that's my kind of weird backhanded nice thing about my work. How are you doing? I'm Damian Harmony. I am a US history teacher up here in the northern California at the high school level. So you're just really leaning into that inferiority complex just full, full tilt now. Hard. Hard. Well, like, you know, What you do with gossip has turned into I'm accepted.

Like, oh, yeah, I get you. You know, you know, I am I am surrounded professionally and personally by people who I recognize are wicked smart and It's very it's it's very hard for me some days to keep the the imposter syndrome at bay Fair enough fair enough, you know So I had two odd things happen that are kind of work related The first being that a student has been absent quite a bit. This is kind of the new post, not the end of the pandemic, but we're going to all pretend that it's gone. Has like, you know, missed countless classes, emailed me and said,

you know, I really want to catch up Which podcast episode should I listen to I'm like Those aren't for credit. I wouldn't recommend those to you as a child I Mean What I'm hmm like on the one hand? I'm I'm oddly I'm flattered on the one hand, I'm oddly, I'm flattered. On the other, no. No. No.

I do those for fun. If you enjoy them, cool. I'm not here to police what you watch or listen to. But by no means are they tied to anything having to do with the thing that the state has credentialed me to do for you. Yeah. They're not part of my professional life. Right. Um, in, in, in point of practical fact, sometimes it's wildly unprofessional and I had to make

that remark, but like, no, I, do they, do they not understand how school works like well, no True the other part that I found interesting surrounding the specific podcast and my work um, I Will I will say this I know multiple people on multiple school boards Okay, the president of people on multiple school boards. Okay, the president of one of those school boards and I have a ongoing rapport. Just, you know, sometimes it's just shooting the breeze. Sometimes it's Hey, I've got lemons. Sometimes, you know, any number of things. Yeah. This school board president has actually said to me, I love your podcast.

It is so good. The nerd in me has been aching to get out and let's see what the, I've always been this way and I love that you have this podcast. So, like, high praise. And and I love that you have this podcast So high praise Nice. Yeah, very cool. So Yeah, very cool. I like it and they especially love the guests that we've had on

And they especially love the topics that we have covered and the honesty that we have covered them with And so it's it was pretty cool Yeah I think what was it the oh and they You're gonna like this The puns are great the guests are bomb, and the goats are the shit. Nice. Yes.

So, I'll take it. So, anyway. Last episode. Last episode, we finished up and I drank a lot. Yeah, it's one of those, I went to a hockey game and a fight fight broke out Or I went to a fight in a hockey game broke out. Yeah, we were talking about Smurfs and instead we got into mid-century colonial Belgian fuckery. Yeah and post-colonial Belgian fuckery. Yeah, and like literally most colonial yeah, yeah, so

But really it was I was trying to talk about the depiction of the black Smurfs Because there was a issue where payo who is now going by payo um Payo wrote and a proto zombie Issue as you had mentioned. Yeah, I'm still kinda trippin' on that. Like, it was 59 that it was printed. Right. George Romero doesn't do his shit till mid-60s.

Yeah, it's a number of years. And, I mean, there's very complete- And for people listening to back issues of what we do, I covered the history of zombies in film in Constantly ten short episodes There was nothing short about it. He's lying. He's lying But the early let him don't let him King

Bode when or whatever his name was don't don't let him don't let him pull a king King Bedwin Yeah, you know, they were not short They were um, we're ten of them Yes So in those episodes the first couple episodes I spent in the 1920s and 30s There was no spreading it by biting you think no Like that. No, it was always was all was all the actions of a necromancer. Yes.

Like there was a, an evil wizard was somehow involved. Right. And there was a tremendous amount of anti-blackness to it. But there was no it's catching. Good lord. Yeah. Um, what I, you know, and, and, and the, the vibe I got from your description of it was, um, it's almost red scare. You know, it's, it's, you know, this is, this is an idea that like they're're they're dangerous and they're sneaky. They're schemers

See see they're schemers see right and You know, they can they can you know, they're smart enough to figure out how to how to fake being one of us right so it definitely ties in with you know, the ideas of zombie movies and, you know, capitalism and fear of, you know, anti-red stuff, like a hundred percent. And I think that ties in in a very neat kind of way with the fact that the Soviets had been like, Belgium, Belgium, we're going to get Belgium before the Marshall Plan stuck, as I said last episode, a fire hose of cash up Belgium's hindquarters and just turned it on full bore.

I think as a happy, fluffy, anti-communist polemic is kind of interesting. It is centralized on joy and zaniness, right? But you don't really have much of a comic if you don't have much conflict. And so it does highlight Papa Smurf, Le Grand Shroomf. And yeah. So, and again, in that particular iteration, there were brainy, clumsy, and jokey Smurfs as well. Now, go ahead. I also remember from last episode the the fact that You know on on the night that the strong idea came up

Mm-hmm, they mocked him by using strumpf as a noun for like anything Yes Which we're getting there. Yeah. Yeah, it was like, you know smurf the smurf with the smurf. Mm-hmm. Yeah So I found that I think no no,, no, I'm going to I'm never going to let this joke die. Right. You know, right. No, it becomes a defining feature of this early, early on. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah.

When when Johan and Peewee find these things that are three apples high. Yeah. So now it's December of 1959. So we're rewinding a bit because I just wanted you to know the horrible things that happened thanks to Belgium. Pao added in two iconic nemeses to the Smurfs, Asriel and Gargamel. Asriel and Gargamel Right interestingly, you know, I find it remarkable that Asriel makes his first appearance here, you know 30 years before he shows up in the Batman comics as part of the whole Nightfall arc Well, I think he also polymorphs by that point right like he's added to his power set. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah Makes sense. Yeah, um so

I Wish I knew DC better. I could make so many better things You know, it's interesting. There's some sort of dark angelic thing going on there. Yes So he initially shows up in the Batman comics as an assassin okay and he's he's part of this organization that's descended from the Knights Templar okay and you know he's he's he is supposedly this you know angel and he is notably sympathetic from the moment we meet him. Like I don't remember 100% of the details, but he is like hypno-taught and you know,

is the result of genetic experimentation and like a breeding program and like all this all this weird Queezots hot rock kind of stuff. It's 90% the same then yeah But yeah, it is it is very much, you know angelically themed and and there's all kinds of nice Templar myth stuff involved Okay And there's all kinds of nice Templar myth stuff involved okay So yeah And and I just had to jump at the chance to be the one to make a joke like that for once rather than be on The receiving end of it Pretty good It is not empty no

Felt good man So well it's possible that Del Porte's wife Who and Del Porte is? one of the editors in the magazine Del Porte's wife who was Jewish suggested that they use Azrael as as he's popularly known as the angel of death Okay. Yeah as he's popularly known as the angel of death. Okay, yeah. However, in rabbinic traditions,

Azrael doesn't actually show up as the angel of death. It's not until after the advent of Islam when in Christian and Muslim folklore, he shows up as the angel of death. I believe you call this syncretism? Syncretism? Yes, yes, or syncretism. Syncretism. Azrael is one of the four archangels for Allah in Islamic tradition,

but he's more of a dedicated psychopomp than he is the angel of death per se. Yes. Longfellow and Chesterton both associate the name with an angel of death in their writings, but they're doing some orientalism to do it. Yeah. Anyway, he's the cat. So Gargamel's and Pontagruel. So you can see how that becomes Port Mando. Gargamel is perpetually searching for Smurfs

because he's an alchemist and thinks there's an ingredient inherent in the Smurfs that if he... It's not quite clear how he plans to get it from them, but I assume he's going to juice them. But it's an ingredient for turning things into gold. He captures one in 1959 and Papa Smurf leads the rescue, King Smurf, this is the, so fun to research, oh my god, I hated this. Just because it's like- Look at your face. Oh my god, do we ever do anything ever original as a culture? So King Smurf comes out in 1964 now again, these are like Spin-off comic books, right? They're like essentially graphic novels. Yeah in 64 we meet

Shroomf Coquette Coquette cosette okay, okay vanity Smurf and Shroomf costowed cost odd because Custado STA UD yeah costowed hefty smurf Okay, and room gourmand that one I can do yeah greedy smurf right and stroom parisou paris sex

parisou You are so sure Parasu, parasex, parasu, ewe. Parasu? Sure. Sleepy Smurf. Okay. And Strumf musician, musician. Musician. Yeah, Harmony Smurf, who sucks at music.

And Strumf grognon, which is- Grumpy Smurf. Yeah, grouchy smurf which which I only know yeah I only know because of my study of Napoleonic history oh okay because there was a there was a nickname for the members of the old guard they were called Le Grognard the grubbers old guard they were called le grognard the grubbers see that's where i figured it out from because of how that then gets ported into talking about the people who think gary gygax was right yes grognards yeah yes um then then we also meet strumpf poet a poet a Okay, yeah poetry smurf. Yeah. Yeah and

of course lash through fat smurfing Yep Now okay, there's said to be 99 Smurfs in the village Right, right, but a bitch ain't one How did I not see that The reason that makes me angry

Is is not the pun itself it's I didn't I didn't catch that one yeah Like there's so many of them that I like I'm throwing a fastball down the middle Yeah, I'm looking you across through the internet like don't don't because I know it's coming and this one This this shouldn't have been a curveball, right? But it was Damn it. Anyway, each one actually has its own specific personality and whatnot Marketing wise and creativity wise. This is a brilliant construct because it allows all sorts of bottle issues for him to write Trying out new characters inspiration surreal ideas One doesn't work. You never see him in the village again. He's just a background character, you know, yeah

It's it's like a less militant GI Joe This character has one note right His name is rock and roll. This is this is yeah, this is what he does Yeah, so now there's a lot to unpack at this point all right First we should talk about the location of where the Smurfs live because of something you said last time It's a little area tucked into a place called the Cursed Land. Oh, okay. And you can only reach the Smurf Village by way of magic or by going through hidden roots

through a deep forest, a deeper marsh, a very hot desert, and then a high mountain range. Only then could you get to this little paradise tucked in amongst such terrible terrain in other words belgium in 1947 right yeah it is like it is and not just belgium brussels the city of donkeys even yeah right um so not even belg not even brussels but um god, what was the name of the place? Here farting or something like that. Um Uh, what is it? See it's so I could pick on them because they were the bad guys Cherbeek Cher- charbeek. Cherbeek. Right the the the city of donkeys known for its bitter

bitter Sour cherries. Sour cherries. So it's this little place nestled in amongst, yeah, the cursed lands, right? Ow, okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that just jumped out at me when I saw that. I was like, oh, okay, this is my intro to this episode. Now, a bit changed between the Johan and Pee-Wit comic and the

Smurf comic. Johan and Pee-Wit found them amongst rocky outcroppings with a smattering of trees, whereas when the Smurfs had their own series, it was an updated locale. It's a secret clearing in the middle of a deep forest with grass, a river, and vegetation. Very, very lush. No problems where they live. Now you will recall that the Marshall Plan gave $777 million to Belgium and to Luxembourg in a way that was so tied together that I cannot parse out who got what.

And that was at least an hour's worth of research, and not the fun kind either. But because of that huge influx of American capital, they were able to rebuild, get back on their feet, and suffer very little of the housing and food shortage issues that their neighbors all suffered very famously. In short, Belgium, amidst the cursed lands of post-war Europe Europe were tucked away safely and idyllically. Southern Belgium still had a bunch of forests, as did northeastern Germany. OK, yeah. And remarkably, those forests would have been left relatively intact.

Yes. Because because the focus of conflict was urbanized areas. Yeah. And lowlands. And yeah. And and areas where you can maneuver tanks. Right. Mechanized transport will not get through a thick ass forest. No. Ask anybody who fought in the Ardennes or the Battle of the Bulge. Right. But, and so, you know, all of the infrastructure and all of the things that modern, as you said, mechanized total warfare, the focus is on, is going to be located in urban centers and call it suburbs, or even maybe exurbs. But once you get into, no, no, this is national park territory, nobody gives a shit. Right, go back to the farms.

Yeah, go home. Yeah. So these wilderness areas were left relatively unscathed. Right. So even though Cherbeak had its, you know, it had the tier shooting range where a bunch of people were executed, it wasn't a destroyed territory. Well no, because it was- You had people marching through because it was the capital.

But you also want to kind of keep that strategic and administrative center when you've conquered a place. Yeah. And, and since there's no major industry nearby, there's not munitions factories, there's not train, you know, major train depots. There's not, you know, any of that kind of stuff that's like, well, if anybody else gets ahold of this, you know, it's going to be used against us, so we gotta blow it up, right? None of that's there it is it is a tiny little town where nothing much happens, right?

And yeah, it's you know named after donkeys. Yeah now. Let's talk about their hats. They're wearing Phrygian caps Right right about their hats. They're wearing Phrygian caps, right? Long in use, Aeneas is described by Yarbus as the Phrygian hat wearing pretty boy. In his complaints about Aeneas being the new hot kid at school, and the Phrygian cap exists all throughout antiquity. In Rome, it went from being a foreign wealth signifier to a liberty and citizenship signifier. It even merged with the paleos, which is a felt cap that was given to freed slaves to signify their new status as citizens. And since this was so, it was fetishized by the American and French revolutions as a symbol of liberty, the liberty cap.

by the American and French revolutions as a symbol of liberty the Liberty cap. Oh Yeah, it shows up in iconography All over the place. I want to say The famous painting Freedom leading the nation. Yes, there are for gene caps in that like everywhere like she's wearing one, isn't she? She's or she has one in her hand? I think so. But there are people directly behind her. They're all over the rest of the painting, yeah. Yeah, speaking of which, this was something

that was specifically banned. It was called the Bonnet Rouge by the restoration of Napoleon, and again, during the reign of Louis Napoleon. Because when you've got a country that got rid of a Louis and then got rid of a Napoleon and then brought back the Napoleon and then got rid of him again The only way to go up from there is to get a Louis Napoleon Yeah, well, I mean obvi. Yeah. Yeah. No obvi Napoleon never actually took Yeah, well obvi was was the

Brother who went off to become a bard. Yeah. And the less said about him the better. Right. Well he was known to be able to play a number of musical instruments using his nostrils. He could play two on the nose. Nice. Obvi Napoleon.

Nice. I like it. Yeah, not even mad about that one. Now, by the way, it does bear noting that when the Bonnet Rouge was banned was about 1815, which is about 15 years before Belgium became a country. Yeah. Now, during the July Revolution in 1830, it was again taken up by revolutionaries

and liberal reformers alike in reaction to that prescription Of course that was one month before belgium began its revolution for liberty against the kingdom of the netherlands and the united kingdom because both had claimed it the I tell you what the the political history of belgium Yeah as a region is Byzantine like it's it's ridiculous

Complicated in there so many it's a telenovela Really, it's a historical telenovela. It's nuts Like Italy Italy doesn't have anything on the Belgians when it comes to that. And if you know anything about Italian history, that's saying something. Boy howdy. So the newly freed French end up joining Belgium in its revolution in 1831, and they helped secure Belgium's recognition as a newly formed independent nation. The cap was a part of all of this. Mm-hmm So for a cartoon written in French for a Belgian audience, this is a sensible piece of iconic head gear

and it carries Symbolism. Yes. These are these are free little dudes Mm-hmm. Exactly free and idyllic like they expect freedom like it is an operating feature. They're not fighting against anything Yeah, so now back to the black Smurfs that became purple Smurfs. Oh great This is not the first zombie reference ever made Like I said, I did 10 episodes on it, but it is fascinating to me that this is 1959 Belgium now there are some interesting dates that might shed some light

on the plot. In April of 1948 the Marshall Plan existed. Also in April 1948 the Organization for European Economic Cooperation came into being called the OEEC. Belgium is a member. December 1948, apartheid in South Africa officially starts. So we're putting together all these pieces of cultural understanding. January 1949, the Soviets create the Council for Mutual Economic Assistance as a response to the Marshall Plan. So you got a Marshall Plan? We got a Marshall Plan. You got your Marshall Plan from We got a Marshall Plan. Yeah, you got your Marshall Plan from wish. Come on. Now, I would point out that the Marshall Plan was actually also offered to the

Soviet Union. And they said no. Indeed. Yeah. Because, well, I mean, plus that lie, they saw it for what it was like, yeah, yeah, really, you're gonna help you out of the goodness of your hearts. Right. assholes. Right. April 1949, NATO gets established. Yeah, Belgium is a member. Yeah August 1949 so April May June July August four months later Yeah, so the Union tests its first nuclear bomb starting off the arms race that made the whole world instantly more stable and safe

Starting off the arms race that made the whole world instantly more stable and safe I love I love how you managed to pack so much sarcasm Into so few words without the sarcasm being obvious in your tone, right? No tone whatsoever. Yeah, that's that's Olympic grade right there. That's yeah So November 1952 the United States detonated its first hydrogen bomb. Mm-hmm November 1954 Godzilla was first released in the only country to have a nuclear bomb dropped on it Let's let's talk about the zit guys, shall we boy I think that was what episode 3 yeah Or or somewhere in the close to it.. High teens, low 20s, yeah.

Yeah. July 1955, Warsaw Pact got signed as a response to NATO. March 1957, as an improvement over the OEEC, the EEC gets signed into being. So you have people who belt in in Belgium, you are front row seat to all this shit, right? You have people who are forced into coerced into and choosing to go into different groupings. There's a clear and stark distinction between us and them, those of us on this side of the Iron Curtain and those on the other side of the Iron Curtain. And you seem to have the threat of a spreading ideology

that is communicable. So back to what you were saying. All the while, the threat of nuclear extinction is a growing one, hanging over everyone in harsher and harsher tones, edging closer and closer to reality. And the specter of nuclear fallout, adding to the anxiety about such things. So imagine being Belgium in this nice idyllic little place,

being absolutely caught in the middle, and being one of the communities that has absolutely no say whatsoever as to whether or not a world-ending event will happen on your behalf and You also have the rudimentary understanding of what fallout actually is. Oh I mean, yeah. Yeah at that point Like everybody knows bad. There's going to be some bad stuff but Like everybody knows bad. There's going to be some bad stuff but Like details or really a meaningful understanding of just exactly how bad that would be right? Yeah, and and your understanding of of bad shit falling from the sky is not just confined to bombs

You did go through an Industrial. So soot as a concept is the thing. Right. So you might think of it in similar ways. So when Papa Smurf accidentally sets an enormous bomb off, that fallout, that has fallout which cures everyone of their partisanship, which has all but destroyed Smurf village. You can kind of see the mischief in Peo's work. He's subverting the fears to conquer the other fears. Okay. Because what the fuck else are you supposed to do in Belgium? Well, yeah.

The campaign for nuclear disarmament has only been formed a year prior like this is So let me get into a few more of the smurf plots and contests so we so with with the the black smurf Episodes or issues. Yeah, you have that at the end and You have all the anti black shit Throughout it. Yeah, and I mean this is this is, you know, when you talk about a culture, you're talking about it as being dynamic, and you can never say that it's monolithic. You know, his points, his subversion of nuclear fear and pointing out how awful partisanship can be for a community are very salient. Also,

black is bad. So like, yeah, you know, it's like, we really like this part of the message, but could you be less racist about it? Right. You know, and the answer is no because he's Belgian. Yeah You know, it's terrible when the Germans did this to us anyway, uh So so let me let me get to a few more smurf plots Sexualize them a bit and then I'll come back to the ideological implications of the Smurfs and of course Umberto echoes thoughts on them Okay, yeah, and then I'll bring this ag yeah, then I'll bring us forward to the 1980s in America So in the magazine Spirou 1964 the the the series King Smurf came out

Okay, Papa Smurf is away on a berry picking expedition like you do. Yeah, the Smurfs notice them. Yeah, the Smurfs noting that nobody is now in charge decide to put it to a vote. Somebody in charge. All right. Each of the 98 remaining Smurfs intends to vote for himself, which to me is hilarious. Yeah. However, a single Smurf who doesn't get named starts campaigning for himself, making different promises to different Smurfs. And soon the only two who are still in the running is the unnamed Smurf and brainy Smurf who's running on a platform of being the most qualified because

Papa Smurf always Brainy Smurf who's running on a platform of being the most qualified because Papa Smurf always said so You can kind of almost hear his voice from the cartoon Papa Smurf is always right. Yeah He's not well liked and people don't like his attitude toward leadership His braininess is irritating and grating His braininess is irritating and grating. Now while he- Yeah, yeah, because he does know a lot, but he doesn't know it all.

Right, right. While the unnamed one has posters, he makes self-aggrandizing speeches and even holds a parade. Brainy Smurf is going around telling them why his intelligence is why he should be in charge. At one point, the unnamed one is offering shots of raspberry juice.

I just, there's things about this. It just feels like Al Gore and George W. I could have a beer with this guy. Who'd you rather have a beer with? I don't give a shit who I'd rather have a beer with. As a matter of fact, I don't want to have a beer with either one of those. Also, one of them is a dry drunk, so I shouldn't be having a beer with him anyway. So anyway, this guy wins 97 to two. The two who vote for Brainy are Brainy and Dopey. There's also one spoiled ballot. Wow. Dopey voted for Brainy because the unnamed smurf told him to vote for Brainy because he thought Dopey would be so stupid and fuck it up that he'd actually end up voting for the unnamed guy.

Oh, all right. There you go. Right. So after he wins, the unnamed Smurf then puts on a gold colored clothing and he asks everyone to refer to him as King Smurf. Everyone then starts laughing at him for the joke that he is. Evidently, they weren't that serious about voting for him. They just didn't like Brainy. It's kind of like, well, it's a protest vote. I don't like this guy,

but there's no way anybody else is gonna vote for him en masse. And he's entertaining as hell. And I don't like this egghead over here who's acting like he deserves to be in charge just because he's the most qualified candidate to ever walk the aisle. Anyway, King Smurf gets really embarrassed by the fact that people are laughing at him.

He has a huge problem with this. And he begins to grow more and more authoritarian as he goes on. He installs his own armed gendarmes led by hefty Smurf, who crush all opposition and criticism of him. Ironically, the most loyal Smurf at this point is actually brainy because this guy was legally elected. He respects the process. He respects the outcome of the election. King Smurf then forces the Smurfs to build him a palace.

He establishes dictatorial laws and he imprisons Jokie Smurf for doing what Jokie always does. And that's what causes Brainy to join the resistance of the small but growing number of Smurfs who want to fight against King Smurf. Jokey eventually escapes from jail and joins the resistance in the forest, which sounds like a really familiar story in recent history from that time. Yeah, that's wow a little little bit a little bit real. Yeah, probably a lot of his audience there so they then provoked the king from a distance and goading him into trying to

attack them on their turf in the forest it works and King Smurf leads an unsuccessful expedition into the forest losing more supporters to the defection Now at this King Smurf builds a wall This is 1964 was this guy psychic like or or just this the All the signs have always been there. Yeah. Well, um, yeah, but he builds a wall to keep anyone else from leaving his kingdom Prompting the rebels of course to step up their efforts and attack in attempt to force him to abdicate His response is a tomato barrage The rep it's it's almost as though he's gonna go hold up a smurf book upside down after gassing his own people um The rebels don't relent,

and soon enough they breach the wall and destruction ensues. One of the rebels grabs explosives from Papa Smurf's lab and blows up the new palace. King Smurf still refuses to abdicate, and he has only his guards, whom he's plied by giving them golden medals to support. That's enough that it's clear and it's clearly heading to an escalation that will destroy the village entirely when Papa Smurf arrives, Papa Ex Machina.

Right. He chastises them all for behaving like humans love that part Yeah And King Smurf is genuinely sorry and contrite and he abdicates as soon as Papa Smurf, you know bears his teeth He takes off his gold finery. He grabs a bucket and a mop and sets about cleaning up the village from his mistakes All the Smurfs then forgive him and pitch in to help All the Smurfs then forgive him and pitch in to help Hmm I mean that that you know yeah, that's that's the reverse of so much on this show because It went from being really dark to being really wholesome

Yeah, you're right Like we're not used to that. You're like, wait, is this what podcast are we on? What are we doing? Like, is this the you know, behind the heroes episode of behind the bastards? Like, right? Like, is this is this this is a geek history of time time, right? We are, we're still on the right project, right? Right? Yeah because Yeah So, I mean we can point to any number of influences in the 1950s and 60s that this touches on right? Oh, yeah Politicians doing anything and everything they can to secure power

Doing anything and everything they can to keep power, doing anything and everything they can to keep power, and leading to incredible harm. Now in Dutch, the original title wasn't Le Stroomf... Fuck me. Le Stroomfissime, King Smurf. It was Smurffuehrer. Mwuhl. So there's that I mean you know I mean on the one hand that word just means leader but

but it means more it means more it's loaded and dude did demagogue like a motherfucker and he did get to power in a legal way and then he made an armed wing and then he destroyed his own area like all of that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Now, it's entirely likely that Paya was actually drawing on other things as well. In Kenya in 1952, you had the Maomao uprising.

You had the deposing of Mosaddegh in Iran in 1953. You had the first Sudanese war beginning in 1955, the Hungarian uprising in 56, the independence of Congo from Belgium and the civil war that followed, leading to Mobutu taking over from 61 through 65, the Brazilian coup in 64. There's tons going on. So much shit going on in that time period, yeah.

It's like the gal who wrote Hunger Games, right? She's like I just looked at the news for one morning, you know, and you're like, yeah. Yeah that tracks. Okay Yeah, I can believe that. Yeah. Yeah, like everybody's like, oh you you ripped off Battle Royale It's like she didn't have to she really didn't have to really didn't have to Smurfette was another issue that came out in 1967 and she is the first female Smurf in a sexless all-male society. Right. Originally, she was designed by Gargamel to create discord, to sow jealousy, and disrupt Smurf society. Isn't that just like a woman?

She was supposed to seduce them and ruin their society and at first she's annoying, chatty, abrasive, has a big nose and dark hair and not particularly pleasant all around. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna get to that. Yeah, the Smurfs. Yeah, the Smurfs being Smurfs though, they still befriend her. And of course it gets worse in order to teach her to chill the fuck out some Smurfs rig a scale to show her as heavier than she is and Then they mess with a mirror to make her look fatter than she is and then they speak around her of how she's gotten fat

They're nagging her yes They're negging her? Yes. In 1967. What the hell, man? So she gets depressed because 99 Smurfs are being dicks. Yeah. Papa Smurf takes her into his lab and he spends the days he spends days with her doing plastic smurfery Shit you're welcome

That's just mine. Okay. All right, but he does do not bad, but no if that was the original all right, right? But he does do plastic surgery on her Yeah, until she comes out blonde longer eyelashes more of girlish figure, and a more feminine walk and affect. Of course, this is what leads to all the Smurfs wanting now to seduce her and falling over each other to do so. This ultimately means breaching the dam so that she can see the water spouting through it, because they're all trying to, you know, like she's like, I'd love to see that water and like, oh, I'll break down the dam for you. Right.

This of course is a huge problem. Papa Smurf reads her the riot act, she gets pissed and she lets out that she's going back to Gargamel, whereby Papa Smurf has her arrested and placed on trial. Wow. Yeah. At the the trial everyone's hot for her and argues that she's innocent. Jokey points out that it's a problem of Papa Smurf's own creation since he's the one that made her hot in his lab. She ends up getting declared not guilty and everyone starts fighting for her

attention. This of course horrifies her and she leaves a dear John letter for all of them Saying that someday she'll be back now. I should have called that a dear Smurf letter, and I'm pissed that I didn't Yeah Understandably um so this was 67 yes Okay, um off top of my head, we are in the middle of second wave at this point, feminism. So let me tell you about the lampooning of all those chicks banned. Yeah, but I'm going on here. That's a very American Thing okay. This is a Belgian thing, okay? Okay, however

There is some meat on that bone. Okay, because from 1949 and 1969 the amount of people undergoing cosmetic plastic surgery increased by about 97 percent Seriously seriously Wow, okay now also keep in mind Belgium is part of a European community and so what happens two countries over is still very much felt in Belgium Okay, so in 1952 the United Nations Assembly approved of the Convention on the Political Rights of Women. This convention was enforced starting in 1954, and it focused largely on political and economic equality,

but it also opened the door for subsequent discussions thereafter. At that time, fewer than 100 countries granted women full equality. By the time of Smurfette, the movement had gained big momentum, okay, some from 54 to 67. Belgium had just granted women the right to vote in 1949. Okay, tracks.

Yeah. Now, prior to that, and when I say all women, that's because prior to that and I when I say all women that's because prior to that it was just war widows prior Starting in in World War one or just after World War one So you lost your husband then you can vote because you're basically voting for head of household Okay, okay now from 1952 to 1965 68 more countries granted women the right to vote you are seeing in a 13 year period a Huge increase in the amount of countries that grant women the right to vote a

68% increase actually So the idea of a woman's smurf kind of lines up with this push toward greater equality in the voting booth And of course there were other aspects on of the women's movement worldwide, property rights, reproductive health agency and so on. In 1958 in Belgium specifically, the man's marital power under Belgian law was abolished. When you say man's marital power, what do we mean? He had property rights over her. He had all kinds of other rights over his wife. You know, he had marital power, right? Okay, the Roman, the Roman idea of Potter from Potter. Familiars basically. Okay. All right. So essentially women after 1958 in Belgium, which by the way, that's only nine years before he does this right before payo writes this which means it's very fresh in people's minds in 1958

Like I said the Merrill power so women now had equal property rights whether they were married or single The Smurfs inclusion of Smurfette predated the quota act by about 30 years though, which which makes sense because she was the only female smurf for quite some time and Smurfs have always been a vast majority male population. The quota act is essentially like you have to have x amount of women in in public office. Yeah. We're straight up like, no, if you got 100, if you got 100, 100 local parliamentarians, you know, fully X amount have to be women. You can go over that if you want, but dudes, you are capped.

We're setting a minimum. Yeah. Right. So now the thing about Belgium is that it's a totally fake place. Okay. Now I don't mean fake like professional wrestling where shit makes sense. I mean it is a made up country and it encompasses at any time three groups that see themselves as distinctly different from each other. And yet they're kind of forced together by this place called Belgium. Okay.

The Flemmings, the Walloons, and the Germans. And we're mostly gonna leave the Germans out of this because you know who they are. The Flemmings are Dutch-born Belgians living in the north of the country, also known as Flanders, where the poppies grow very beautifully after a war. Yeah.

The Walloons are the French speaking Belgians living in the south of the country, Wallonia. Yeah. After the independence of Belgium in 1830, as a buffer state to check French expansionism that had been previously a huge danger to the UK and to others, the difference which previously had been overlaid by other Dutchie and Principate political landed needs began to become, the difference between Walloons and Flemings started coming to the fore. So previously it was just like, well, you all speak French, but you're us, you know, and you let us know when the French get too close.

In the late 1800s, Flemish, same as Dutch, speakers grew tired of the hegemonic decision to institute more francophone norms and French was the official language starting in 1830, for instance. They were so, they were getting tired of this to the point where they began agitating for reform with some even calling for secession. Belgium does not have an official census, so the figures will vary quite a bit. And it might be that they chose to not have a census so that they could continue to ignore the issue in this way, too. But Henri, or Henri, sorry, Pirenne, who is a Belgian medievalist historian of Walloon descent around 1900,

he codified a definition of Belgian identity as being fairly indifferent. You know, Americans just want to keep moving west and throw shit on the ground as they go. Belgians? Just kind of indifferent as a people. Yeah, okay. All right. That's quite a characteristic to hang your hat on. Right? You'd be like, well, the French are uxorius, the Italians even more so.

You know, the English are very stodgy and and and controlled Belgians indifferent Yeah, and like when you really start to like just like if you stereotype the different cultures like Germans are very obsessed with time and order right Yeah, I mean Russians drunk, um, but you know Finish our our a blight. Norwegians very, very self-sufficient. Norwegians very self-sufficient.

The Swedes hyper racist. But what checks only deal in cash. But. But the Belgians kind of indifferent, indifferent. Yeah. You know, what I what I, what I, what I especially love about that is like, I'm sure all of, all of those stereotypes, you know, like if, if you, if you go and you say, all right, so English people, you're all stodgy and you know, this and that, like there is a region of the country where that's 110% true. Sure.

And then if you move to a different region of the country, that's completely got you. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about the place that gave us soccer hooligans. Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say go to go Working class quarter of London and no sorry No, they're not stodgy, you know and and and the stereotype about Germans is you know, they're very very efficient and punctual and you know Can say like have you been to Bavaria? And you know consider like have you been to Bavaria, right? Like you're you're you're yeah anyway, yeah, but

Indifferent like the best thing they could come up with mm-hmm was indifferent. Yeah like As Americans at least we can say we're fucking crazy. Right. And like, we can look at that like, there's no American alive who's like, no, we're nuts. There's no American alive who's not gonna look at that and go, yeah, that tracks. Well, okay, so let's actually unpack that a little bit. Californians, very snooty, up their own ass, right? Texans, very rude in a polite way. Love their guns killing their children. But but you know, insisting on the life

of a fetus. Um, Kansans, dull. New Yorkers very, very fast need to get their food, right? Bostonians, just assholes. Floridians, you know, we're all waiting for them to die. Michigan, Michiganders, you know, they're, you know, et cetera. What about people from Washington? You lived there. I mean, they're kind of, yeah, it's kind of. Indifferent compared to the, you know, like, um, the, the I mean, they're kind of state. Yeah, it's kind of indifferent

compared to the Like um, the Alaskans are like get the fuck away from me, you know, yeah They're like super chill, you know, and then Alabamans are like oh, we're gonna dress in really hot clothing no matter how bad it is, but like Washingtonians It's not yeah. I mean I get what you're saying Mm-hmm, but I'm gonna say that like Washingtonians are kind of the generation X of Regions, I think you're proving my point. I mean yeah

Like very indifferent, but it's but there's there's more there's more aggression to it than just like man It's like, why the fuck should I... Yeah, they're throwing fish all the time. Yeah, you know, why the fuck should I care? It's not just meh, it's like aggressively... Like aggressive meh. Yeah, like, no, fuck you. Right.

Leave me alone. Right. Let me drink my Seattle's best in peace. Sure. Like, you know, let me hobbit out in my house while it rains constantly and it'll drizzle outside. Right. Just no fuck off.

Right. You know. So, this medieval historian just described them as indifferent. Indifferent. Yeah, and he himself himself is walonian. Yeah Having having hung out with a

lemmisher Uh, uh, some uh somebody from flander so a fleming. Yeah a fleming. Yeah having hung out with a fleming Yeah, there's fleming in walloon. Yeah um Yeah, having hung out with a Fleming. Yeah, there's Fleming in Walloon. Yeah Having having spent time in the company of a Fleming Indifferent was not the word that I would use for him. I don't Yeah, but I I mean, you know based on national stereotypes all around them because part of it is also it's a matter of scale or intensity Oh sure, you know and so I Guess I can kind of see that but I feel like that historian was just kind of easy. I

Like he was indifferent. So, you know, I think he had more exposure than most though Like he's he's doing this in 1900, right? different. So, you know, I think he had more exposure than most though. Like he's he's doing this in 1900, right? 70 years that had been a country. Yeah, it's been a life. You know, he was born into the country, you know. Yeah. All right. Fair enough. And they were not, as he claimed, a racially originated people either.

Like he's he's actually looking at it like almost anthropologically. He's like, we don't have a Belgian race. We don't have a Belgian linguistic link. Like it's not a linguistic group. He conceded that given the recency of their borders, they were not a geopolitical group either. Fair. Fair. Belgians derived their identity according to Purin from civilization, from the civilization commune of the Belgian people. In other words, because they were neighbors who chose to be neighborly. That's fair. Yeah. Iowans. As the grand

son of an Iowan transplant, you haven't met many Iowans. No, I'm not. I assume that the recent news out of Iowa is recent, not not in depth, but now others, especially those who observed the burgeoning Flemish movement in the late 1800s starting specifically in 1898 pointed out that the classist Others, especially those who observed the burgeoning Flemish movement in the late 1800s, starting specifically in 1898, pointed out that the classist and hegemonic efforts of the Walloon biased government and the reaction of Flemish Dutch speakers to those efforts

showed that linguistic rivalry did in fact put the lie to Pirenne's utopian ideal of a Belgian community So there are some who say no no, no you are missing the boat here, buddy It kind of actually reminds me of being a Giants fan my whole life Most of my life there was not a rivalry between the Giants and the A's The Giants were my favorite and the A's were my second favorite. They were in one town over They were in a different league like they're the American League Giants and the A's were my second favorite. They were in the one town over, they were in a different league, like they're the American league, Giants are in the national league, right?

So when the Bay Area World Series happened, I was thrilled because either my first or second favorite team would win. And since there was no rivalry, there'd be no hard feelings. Fair. Except that I recently watched a documentary about the Loma Prieta earthquake and they interviewed a bunch of fans from Oakland. And it turns out there absolutely was a rivalry. The San Francisco fans, even back then, were bourgeois dipshits whom the Oakland fans saw as snobby little bitches who had it so much better. So racial and class distinctions being a thing. Yes. And I remember feeling shocked at these interviews,

shocked like two years ago, shocked at these interviews from 1989 that we we Giants fans were so poorly maligned and I felt the instinct of denying everything that these Oakland fans claimed and pointing out how wrong they were in their feelings because the axe forgets but the tree remembers yeah this has that vibe because totally does yeah because. Because French was the official language. Civil service was conducted by those who spoke French predominantly. And yes, that meant that French speaking Walloons held more sway politically and economically because of course they did.

And and I don't remember when it was, but this has continued into this, this tension has continued into, into the modern era, because I, well, I mean, you know, historically speaking, this whole thing started in the modern era, but you know what I mean? I know what you mean. Because I remember this must've been back. I mean, it was 20 years ago now, but it was it was it close to the turn of the 21st century There was some some major political upheaval in Belgium. We're gonna get there. Okay, yeah Do you really expect me not to have gone? Well? I?

Know I'm just you know yeah, I know but this is a thing that has continued. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just, you know, yeah, I know. But this is a thing that has continued. Yeah. You're quite right. And you are anticipating where I'm going to take it. So in 1898, after an effort by literary and cultural critics took hold as a political movement aiming at emancipating Dutch speakers from the social stigma and legal oppression by omission, the 1898 equality law was passed. French was no longer the only lingua franca of Belgium. Well, I mean, technically it was the only lingua franca. Now Dutch was also an official language, which means that, you know, on any document,

they could go Dutch and again and again you throw a cannonball down the middle uh-huh right down the right right and actually no not not even down the middle that didn't go over the plate that came straight between my goddamn eyes. Yep Now it would take another 23 years for Dutch to become the only official language in Flanders Which is its own interesting thing, but Brussels was still French-based Yeah, no cuz so Flanders that's where all the Dutch speakers are, right? And they're like, no, we can't just have French be the official language. We need Dutch in there too. And then 23 years later, they're like, yeah, only Dutch here. Why is this place still one country?

Right. Why? Right. So so remember Brussels is in central. Right. So that means it's it's in the forested area. It's not in the farming areas up north. Brussels is still French biased. And and as the capital of the country, despite being fully and clearly located in Flanders, it's still French biased at that time. It's still a Wallerun stronghold. Right. Jesus.

Because it was the capital and the French language was it? Yeah. Okay. So it's kind of like how Belgium is at, or not Belgium, Berlin is absolutely in Eastern Germany. Germany, yeah. You know, but it was, you know, West Berlin. But. Berlin is absolutely an Eastern Germany. Germany. Yeah. You know, but it was, you know, West

Berlin capital, Western Germany. So, but, uh, well, Bonn was capital West. Yeah. Yeah. But as the low country of Flanders was largely rural, you'd expect it to have a smaller population, uh, which I was operating under that assumption for like three or four hours.

And then I just did a quick look. And much to my great surprise, it's a much more densely populated area, despite the land being closer to parity with Wallonia. Wallonia is where the mining and industry was based, but it's also where the aristocracy and gentry did their thing. So I think that's kind of why you have greater density up north. Because

you just had people owning, fewer people owning more land prior to mining. Regardless, those bourgeois francophones were the ones who had their hands on the reins of development of Belgian industry and economic power. And most of the Ceylon industrial, Ceylon industrial runs straight through the middle of Wallonia with only an area full of coal up in the Flemish region. So if you just look at it from an industrial perspective, so as soon as there was a Flemish movement, there was a Walloon movement, of course. As such things go. Right. They wanted to save their francophone roots and traditions, seeing the Flemish demands as an erasure

and crowding out of a majority in favor of a rural minority. And it was actually a Wallonian pro-labor politician, Jules Distray? How do you say it where like the first one has the accent and then the second E doesn't? Um, Distray. Okay, Distray. Jules Distray, who first suggested partitioning the country along language lines in 1912. This is before war widows even got to vote. He did this in an open letter to the King of Belgium at the time, Albert the First, who was nephew to the prick Leopold. He said quote, in, there are Walloons and Flemings. There are no Belgians.

Oh. Right. Man. Now, the King privately agreed, but officially would do no such thing, thinking as many did, including the New York Times, which I found in an article, that a partitioned country would weaken both of the new countries in an increasingly tense time in Europe, you know, because it's 1912.

Quote, all that he said is absolutely true, but it is not less true that administrative separation would be an evil with more disadvantages and dangers than any aspect of the current situation. Albert actually suggested a federal state prior to the existence of one elsewhere in any clear way. Quote, A Belgium made up of the union of two independent and free peoples, made precisely because of this reciprocal independence, would not that be an infinitely more robust state than a Belgium in which one half would consider itself oppressed by the other half. I love that he is like, one half will always get like, he's, he is 100% right, and he's not taking any sides. Yeah, like, you're always going to feel oppressed by him, and he's always going to feel oppressed by you by your very existence. So why not?

Let's say y'all have to be neighbors, but you don't have to go over to each other's houses like So this was shown in the fact that the Flemings did in fact dominate much of the regional and national Politics in Belgium around the time that they were calling for greater representation in Belgium. Now, by and did I get rid of this? I forget. Did. I found out that Albert died while mountaineering. He fell to his death.

Yeah, it was a fun little story, but just yeah. Anyway by the middle of the 1900s Wallonian industry had taken quite a dip being vital to being a vital item to the German army twice and Given the tremendous fighting that took place across Flanders and the rest of Belgium during both wars. In 1963, the second Gilson Act, I mean, I don't have to tell you about that, but the listeners might, that sought to stabilize the growing instability in post-war Belgium

over language. It established four language areas in Belgium, a French a German area a Dutch area and a Brussels as a bilingual area Bilingual yes, not trilingual bilingual So the Germans just did not yeah. Yeah, fuck them. Okay, which in 1963. I think you get away with fuck them Yeah, yeah Fuck them. Okay. Which in 1963, I think you get away with fuck them. Now this didn't stop things. The Flemish separationists, which I just love that that's a thing,

they kept pushing for cultural autonomy in Flanders and the Retachists kept pushing for, no, I'm sorry, they're not Retachists, Re-Attachists kept pushing Wallonia and reunification with France. Oh So Belgium is just like constantly Indifferently trying to leave the party Okay, so so wait. This is this is

63 63 did de Gaulle ever show up in Belgium and fuck them up like he did Quebec the very next sentence Charles de Gaulle didn't make shit better in 1968 when he came back to power saying quote If one day a political authority representative of Bologna were to approach France officially That day we would respond favorably with full hearts to a request that appeared legitimate So yes You know fuck that guy cuz he he went to Quebec. I don't remember when it was yeah, but it was around the same time Yeah, this is when he was when he was running France. It was his second. It was the second time through right? Yeah 68 yeah, yeah, he went he went to Quebec mm-hmm, and he told and he told the Quebec why you know what? No fuck that you're French, right?

Like no, they're not they're Canadian like why why do you have to go to other countries like? This is the reason nobody likes you assholes Like why why do you have to go inserting yourself? Running to the Liquefistic feuds going on in other countries like yes Speaking yeah, and you know what and you know what? You're the kind of asshole who would tell them that on a stage while they're all cheering you and then when one of them comes Up to you and speaks to you in their dialect of French. you'd be like, where the fuck are you peasant?

You don't know how to you're not speaking real French, you know, like you'd be that asshole Let's do it like be honest about it like right Yeah Fucking de Gaulle. He's cynical cynical motherfucker Yeah, like there there are so many and and the thing is there are so many other stories about that asshole that don't have to do with geopolitics, but just have to do with him being a Massive fucking egotist. Yeah, like like a big part of Eisenhower's job as as coordinator of

Allied forces was just keeping Monty de Gaulle and coordinator of Allied forces was just keeping Monte DeGaul and Patton from literally killing each other Yeah Thanks, and I'm not and I'm not letting Patton and and Montgomery off the hook They're like no no all three of them each thought they were the big lasagna, but like Degas was

Nobody could work with him right oh my god Yeah, well the massive chip on his shoulder too because he was the government in exile that was never legally elected Yeah, like and he was anyways. He was a colonel. Yeah although the the colonel thing absolutely you can like Trace back the the use of the colonel not going to full general as a way of like Populist legitimization. Yeah, but his Gaddafi did the same thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but still like dude. Yeah Yeah Now in 1970 in response to the Flemish autonomy movement that continued to agitate for their own distinct autonomy

akin to what Albert the first had recommended prior to his mountaineering death in February 34 Another reform came through this time recognizing and establishing just three distinct cultural communities, Dutch, French, and German. This also was in response to the Walloon and Francophone demands for their own economic autonomy in Brussels specifically. The prime minister in 1970 called it the death of your dad's Belgium. Okay. Now interesting turn of phrase there, right? Now the Smurfs nearly had the same thing in 1972.

Okay. In 1972. We have Smurf versus Smurf. Once again, Papa Smurf isn't around to lay things down for everyone and shit goes off. The actual title is Strumpf vert et vert strompf, Smurf green and Smurf, and it's Smurf green and green Smurf. And this is actually a take on a Belgian saying, green cabbage, cabbage green, which is similar to our saying of six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Okay. All right. In fact, the English version was smurf of one and a smurf of a dozen of the other. Okay. That's awkward. It's a clumsy way to get there. But yeah. Yeah.

It's a distinction without a difference, if you will. And as this comic bore out, northern smurfs use smurf as a noun and Southern Smurfs used it as an adjective or a verb. And so they're actually not the same. It's literally a linguistic difference. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

And it's not even functional difference because you it's completely intelligible no matter who. Yeah. It just yeah. So Handy Smurf highlights this problem by asking a northern and unnamed Smurf to return his Smurf opener who declines because such a thing is ridiculous. It's clearly a bottle smurfer. And you can tell what kind of person you are, which one you prefer. Yeah. Because there's one that feels weird and one that sounds right. Yeah. And there's no good reason.

It's kind of like that meme that you see every once in a while. Like, if you think it's data and not data, then you're fucking crazy crazy, and it's like I'm angry that I read that in two different ways Yeah, you know yeah mm-hmm. I totally yeah, and And I honestly can't tell you which of those two Gives me more it right like right As an English teacher they they both bug the shit out of me. Right. And as most grammar discussions go, this erupts into a heated argument, of course, drawing others into the fight and ossifying what had previously been an easy problem to

overcome into two distinct camps. Papa Smurf is busy in his lab as he often gets, and he doesn't resolve things as a result and things they don't resolve on their own. Then during a performance of Little Smurf writing hood, a clear southern bias of course, obviously northern audience members keep interrupting the play to derive their use of language as it should clearly be called Little Red writing Smurf. And like an Alfred Jerry play, it erupts into a brawl. Papa Smurf finally breaks it up and cuts a promo on both sides, shaming them both for letting something so trivial drive them apart as language.

He leaves assuming that has scolding them is all as well now. They all feel rightly brought to heel as Papa Smurf leaves, which lasts until they start to argue about whether to smurf hands or shake Smurfs. The frustration that you have over this is hilarious. Thank you. hurts. Literally, literally the speech center of my brain is throbbing. Because that hurts so much like mine smurfing um so

It's So The next day Papa Smurf is working on the bridge and he tells poet Smurf to go get a tool from handy Poets says he will never go get a tool from handy because handy is a goddamn northern Smurf and smurf them fucks Because other people are like shouting at their car right now, it's fucked them smurfs what are you doing Papa Smurf then tells them to smurf off and play smurf ball so he can get to work and get get some smurfing work done

oh and while this means no, the game doesn't break the tensions at all either, because when Grouchy kicks the ball, there's a fight over the rules. Then the game switches to soccer, they'd called it football, and then cheering sides start the feud up again in earnest, and all while Papa Smurf is oblivious because he's doing the goddamned work of repairing the wall and the dam. Over the next few days, it gets worse and worse. They start telling jokes about each other, those northerners this, those southerners

that types of jokes, and they start to argue about who has the prettier moon. Wow. Okay. Now, I just want to break in here because I don't know if I wrote this down later Um have I ever told you my my the only Flemish and while noon joke I have No, there's a Flemish in a walloon walking down the beach together and the the The wall noon is significantly larger the Flemish is smaller and a bird shits on the walloon is significantly larger the Flemish is smaller and a bird shits on the walloon and

The Flemish looks up at the or the Fleming looks up at the walloon and he says oh my god Do you want a tissue and the walloon says why the birds a mile away? Because those walloons are so fucking dumb. I mean obviously Yeah, it's it is literally the just insert whichever two groups You know the he's fan and the Giants fan whatever so anyway Where was I oh yes, so yeah, they they're

Then they start to argue about who has a prettier moon Rainy encourages his side the southern Sm Smurfs, to go and demonstrate in the northern part of the village. And while they're en route, the Northern Smurfs have the same idea, and they take different roads so they miss each other entirely. But then they hear that they'd been invaded by those smurfing smurfs and things heat up more. And so the next day, a northern smurf is painting a line demarcating north and south.

And it ends up having to paint it right through one's one smurf's house. And then Brainius comes in and he says, you guys have gone too far and they both unite to kick him out of the village. Because fuck Brainy. Right. Or Smurf Brainy, depending on. Exactly.

Meanwhile, Farmer, a Southern Smurf, which I found kind of interesting. What? I know. Wow. I know. I think it's because he didn't want it to be too obvious, you know?

Yeah. But Farmer, a southern Smurf. Too an American though, like, damn. Yeah. Yeah, we're like, yeah, that makes sense. He wants to draw water from the well for his cabbages that everyone eats. But the well is on the northern side of the

line. So to get around all of this, Farmer goes to a guard on the line, because now they have guards, and he asks the northern guard to go across for him. And that Smurf shows Farmer a corkscrew to make sure he's one of them. And farmer calls it a smurf screw. As opposed to corksmurf. Right. This allows farmer to go draw water from the well. And on his way back, the southern guard says, ah, holds out a corkscrew says, what's this called? And farmer calls it a corksmurf. And then he goes back to watering his cabbage that every as he's bilingual exactly and

He's got that cracker barrel kind of intelligence. Yeah, okay, you know yeah However the smurf whose house was bifurcated is still in shock over the whole fucking thing. So things get worse and they're so bad, they're so bad that Papa Smurf goes to Gargamel for help. And not willingly or wittingly, Gargamel is trying to capture Papa Smurf, but Papa Smurf locks eyes with Gargamel, invoking a chanted spell that causes the two of them to switch forms. Deus ex Smurfica. And now Papa Smurf is in Gargamel's form and vice versa.

Papa Smurf, as Gargamel, uses his appearance to scare the Smurfs and force them to unite and end this linguistic civil war. Meanwhile, Gargamel, as Papa Smurf, finds the reverse chant and uses it on Papa Smurf, flipping their bodies again. Now Gargamel's back in his human self and he sets about capturing

Smurfs. But Azrael still thinks that Gargamel is Papa Smurf and so he attacks the human form, thwarting this attempt. In the fight Gargamel in his own body finds his way back to his castle, but then he's lost his way to the Smurf village and back at the Smurf village Papa Smurf calls everyone together. He tells Smurfs that they should no longer use compounded words when communicating because of all the trouble that it caused. So that's how you fix it. It's not a corkscrew. It's not a Smurf screw. It's not a corksmurf. It's a screw used for uncorking bottles. It's a screw used for uncorking bottles. Wow.

Of course, this just leads to another point of linguistic difference to flare up, since the new language is artificial and overly complex. The corkscrew is now called, quote, an object to unscrew bottles, and that's just too fucking much to say. This new politically neutral, more precise precise and devoid of utility language is satisfying to nobody and everyone, including Papa Smurf, is much dismayed by the end of the comic. This all sounds so dumb because we fight over things like whether a cross between a

rotting potato and a circus peanut with fascist aspirations actually encouraged people to storm the Capitol to overturn his lost election when he said quote now it is up to Congress to confront this egregious assault on our democracy and after this we're going to walk down and I'll be there with you we're going to walk down we're going to walk down anyone you want but I think right here we're going to walk down to the Capitol and we're going to cheer on our brave senators and congressmen and women and we're we're going to walk down to the Capitol and we're going to cheer on our brave senators and congressmen and women.

And we're probably not going to be cheering so much for some of them because you'll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength and you have to be strong. We have come to demand that Congress do the right thing and only count the electors who have been lawfully slated, lawfully slated. And then he said, we will not be intimidated into accepting the hoaxes and the lies we've been forced to believe. And then he said, You will have an illegitimate president. That's what you will have. And we can't let that happen. And then he said, This is a time

for strength. They also want to indoctrinate your children in school by teaching them things that aren't so. They want to indoctrinate your children. It's all part of the comprehensive assault on our democracy. And the American people are finally standing up and saying, no, this crowd is again a testament to it. And then he said, and we fight, we fight like hell. And if you don't fight like hell, you're not going to have a country anymore. Our exciting adventures and boldest endeavors have not yet begun. My fellow Americans for

our movement for our children and for our beloved country. And I say this despite all that's happened, the best is yet to come. So we're going to go to the we're going to walk to down to where we're going to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue. I love Pennsylvania Avenue, and we're going to the capital. Now this fight between the Smurfs isn't over something dumb like that. It's a linguistic fight over Flemish versus Walloon. The Dutch speakers versus the French speakers in Belgium. The Dutch reside mostly in the north and the French reside mostly in the south in Belgium.

And it's exacerbated by the fact that only Papa Smurf is trained in leadership, judgment, etc. Thus, as soon as he's absent, Peo was noting how easily a new system, like the fairly new form of Belgium's economy and government, suffered from underdeveloped systems, which is wild considering what Bedouin was trying to suck his own cock saying to the Congolese about how underdeveloped they were, and how as soon as the very few technocrats are the only ones left, in Smurf's case Brainy tries to fix it with a grammar book. Those systems fall apart, leaving Andy Brainy one anxious, self-centered, and belligerent. Yeah.

So, I think... Yeah, I think I'm gonna close with this umberto echo analysis of it but You know language matters. Yeah. Yeah, I We went very quickly from like this is hilarious too. Oh fuck. That's right. Yeah shit Yeah, kind of wish we could fight over corkscrews. Um, yeah At least that's objective.

So this is as good a place as any to discuss Umberto Eco's critique of Smurfs in Schrumpf und Drang. OK. He wrote that in 1979. He looked at them as an exercise in semiotics and understanding the burden put upon people in a discourse wherein communication is an exercise in interpretive communication. The short

version of this is Smurf, the Smurfs use of the word Smurf as a stand-in for all sorts of words puts the burden of context on the listener not the speaker. Okay. It's like a proto-Darmock and Gillade kind of thing. Okay. Yeah, yeah. One quote in Echo's essay that I found worthwhile says this, quote, imagine a language that not only has no synonyms, but is made up of an immense quantity of homonyms. Of course, where all the terms are homonymous.

Homonymous? Yes, homonymous, are also synonymous in the sense that every smurf is clearly a smurf. But how can we understand each other? According to the principles of traditional linguistics or sentence linguistics, the smurf language should not allow communication between group members. Madness, the Smurfs understand each other very well and we understand them.

Yeah. And it's all contextual, right? Yeah, yeah, critically contextual. Yeah, and yet, as specific as that context needs it to be, it's amazing how generalized and how quickly we can just zero in on it. And I love this because it shows to me the absurdity of culture. There's no rhyme or reason for why we understand each other's context. But every culture develops these little connective resonances with each other. For instance, even within our own show, we have certain cultural touch

zones that have become shorthand. The Dana Carvey movie being a stand-in for something deadly serious that happened on September 11, 2001 for instance. Or the fact that I could save paragraphs when talking politics with you by just saying Okay, FAPE nice yeah Yeah, it's not too different from my saying smurf instead. It's true Now echo goes. Yeah Echo goes on. It makes sense. Yeah, Echo goes on. He says, quote, this means that the Smurf language responds to the rules of text linguistics. Each term is understandable and relatable to others only if it is seen in context and interpreted

in the light of the textual theme or topic. Not only. We realize that we can understand smurf because every smurf uses the term smurf and its derivatives only and always in those contexts in which such a phrase has already been uttered. I smurf to smurf risks being incomprehensible, but I will smurf until I die and Altogether the smurf within the smurf say very well what they want to say or smurf Okay, yeah and given the context I will smurf until I die Can if you said it in a different scene?

It will absolutely say it means something different if you're in a smurf bordello means he's fucking Right, right. If you are in the streets and he's pulling up a cobblestone It means I will fight until I die like you can tell right? All right. So as a language nerd I fucking love this because it tugs on all the stuff that I presented with Ian Esco to The fact that language is itself an arbitrary thing. And as a result, context is arbitrary too. And yet we all play along. Yeah, well, because we don't really have much choice. Right. So it's a linguistic kayfabe of necessity.

Right. So it's a linguistic kayfabe of necessity. It's the promissory note approach to language. Nothing actually has inherent meaning. As Thor said to Rocket Raccoon, whom he always called Rabbit, all words are made up. Exactly. Nothing has inherent meaning. That meaning changes over time. As Derrida would say, meaning flickers like a flame on a candle Okay, yeah and as oh god, what's his name? Um Starts with an H

Didn't join the Navy. So he's not a sci-fi writer He's a he's a philosopher. Um, I He's a he's a philosopher I Digger Heisenberg, I Digger maybe the one who talks about how the truth sublates I Think I Digger yeah, it rolls up or Hegel maybe I think it's hey, okay. Yeah It talks about how the truth sublimates right yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Higaleon. Yeah Higaleon dialectics. Yeah And yet that truth is dependent on language, which itself is arbitrary therefore the truth

While we all agree is the truth It gets into some really interesting kind of cool philosophical things. So language to language, we actually get it though, which Chomsky would have called universal grammar. We translate the Smurfs use of the substitute words into whatever language is hosting them at the time, and it works no matter what language the Smurfs exist in. So you got the Smurfs playing in English, you got the Smurfs playing in Spanish, you got the Smurfs playing in Dutch, you got the Smurfs playing in Japanese or in Korean, it

does not matter. It still works. Yeah, no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. More from Berto Echo. And for this simple reason, for this and this for the simple reason that they are prefabricated expressions. The Smurf language teaches us that if we understand non-Smurf languages, it is because the latter also mostly play not only on contexts capable of disambiguating sentences,

Contexts capable of disambiguating sentences, but also against the background of an already spoken language and already hyper coded standard messages and That's just goddamn amazing the little blue sausage party peasants in a post-war linguistically divided thriving while others aren't culture Show us just how goddamn absurd all of it is. Yeah. According to the Smurfs, the real meaning of life is gayfabe. Or as friend of the show, Jess Roberts says, it's an asterisk. Yeah.

And that's where I want to stop. Great. Yeah. Just on that. Well, because in the next episode, I'm going to get into using a Marxist lens to analyze the Smurfs. I would say that all that gushing aside, that was all I could glean by what I could find of Umberto Eco. I cannot find an

English source of this essay in totem. I had to take it from the native Italian and put it into the Google Translate. And also think about what I was just talking about how funny is that right that is just smurfing Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it also The the The English sources of the essay really upset me in my research because one critic actually called it a pun based humorous essay That he had written and I couldn't find any part of it

That had puns in it. So I was promised puns by Umberto Eco about Smurfs Yeah, well. Geek timers. Italian. If any of you can find me an English version of his essay, I'd be immensely grateful if you could toss it my way. So. Yeah. But yeah, I'm gonna hold off on the Marxist interpretation of the Smurfs until the next episode But what have you smurfed so far? Son of a bitch

Bitch oh son of a smurf um That Certain I'm trying to figure out how to add the Smurf allies this. There, there are, there are certain satirical, I don't know, formats right word or or or It's not really topics. Mm-hmm, but there there are certain satirical themes maybe that Like an author can write something that is a clear satire of one specific issue Right, right that that again going back to the emic to his own culture

endemic endemic entirely to his own culture in his own times and You know the circumstances are looking at and and that they are pointing and laughing at in order to encourage everybody else to point And laugh right which is the the hallmark of satire right we've we often said it has a half a generation shelf life. Yeah. And it's specific. Yeah. But there are certain circumstances in which you can see a satire of something. And because of the nature of history rhyming 50 years after that you look at the same thing and you're like oh well

like this applies here too yeah didn't you even say like he was a prophet at one point yeah yeah oh hey appreciate that's interesting didn't realize the quiz that's how to rock would be a Belgian cartoonist, but here we are Well shit right how did how the fuck did he know right right? Um and and You know, I mean obviously he wasn't he wasn't writing about Demagoguery in the United States in the 21st century. Right. How could he? And yet because as you said, the signs are signs are the same. Yes.

No matter what, like, you know, the behaviors, it's all been codified like we know how this works You know There's there's this interesting way that yes, such are Totally has a shell of life. Mm-hmm, but it also has this way of becoming evergreen Because it expires because As we're stupid Yeah, well because because

We are a species of inductive learners Mm-hmm like you know you can you can hear people tell you don't don't do that You're gonna hit your thumb with the hammer, and it'll suck You're gonna hit your thumb with the hammer and it'll suck But after a certain period of time we have to be reminded of that mm-hmm Because you know Yeah, you have to hit your thumb with the hammer for it to really stick culturally. We're always like just I Don't know I Don't even know what timeline to put on it but we're always

like two experiences away from forgetting how bad candy corn tastes so that this Easter yeah I probably won't eat any but next Easter maybe that's my year yeah you know I have the, specifically on the candy corn front, I have the advantage of being married to somebody who actually likes it. Oh, cool. Or has, or has gaslit herself into thinking. And so like all I have to do is get close enough to get a whiff of it. And I'm like, oh right

Right That stuff is like what grows? Yeah sugar. It's disgusting, you know, but yes, I love that I love that metaphor. Yeah. Yeah, we're two screens away Forgetting that candy corn sucks, you know, yeah Rome was always, you know three missed meals away from revolution But we as a culture have evolved to be two experiences. Modern era problems. Oh, yeah. So dumb. God damn it. Yeah.

And you know, it's interesting that in the process of writing something that is like intended entirely to be escapism, joyful, you know, zany silliness. You can't get away from satire as a well. Certainly not in the pictographic sequential form, like not in comics. Yeah. You know, not in cartoon. Like, yeah, I think maybe some of that is so that it's not just grabbing seven-year-old

readers, but it's not just grabbing seven-year-old readers, but it's also grabbing their parents. Yeah, that's entirely possible. You know, because I mean, the Muppet Show is a great example. They're Muppets, but man, they were absolutely written for adults. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally. Cool. Yeah, I guess that's my takeaway. Yeah. Yeah. So. Totally. Cool. Yeah. I guess that's, that's my takeaway. Okay. Well, is there anything that you would like to recommend to people to read tonight? I'm going to recommend an author. And kind of in, in the continuing theme from last episode, I'm going to recommend Gary Soto,

who is a poet and humorist and all around remarkable writer, originally from Central Valley of California, who has written an awful lot of stuff that is very very good material for middle schoolers But he's also written an awful lot of poetry that is very very powerful and Remarkably Remarkably good very evocative very just wonderful stuff So I'm recommending anything you can find by Gary Soto. Okay How about you? I'm going to recommend actually some umberto echo

and Specifically how to spot a fascist That's that's I like it. I'm down. So it's Good book. I mean it really it's a good read. It's short as hell You could burn this thing out in about I would say do it in two hours. Take your time But it's a 64 page book. I mean it's it is short It's a pamphlet almost I mean, it is short.

It's a pamphlet almost. But yeah, Umberto Eco's How to Spot a Fascist. I mean, if you can find Strumpf and Drang, let me know, put me onto that website or whatever in English. But other than that, yeah, How to Spot a Fascist. So seems salient so Found yes Not at present. No

But we can be found on the Amazon podcast app, excuse me on Spotify and on the Apple podcast app. We also have a website wubba wubba wubba geek history time calm You've obviously found us somewhere because here you are Wherever it is that you have found us, please take a moment to subscribe Go through our archive on any of those sources and find anything else you might be interested in sources and find anything else you might be interested in and take the time to give us the five-star review that Damian's research has clearly earned. And leave a written review too. Don't just hit that five stars, leave a written

review. You know, we've done enough. You should do something. In tribute, damn it. trying to have a society here We're all in this together there you go keep your stuff damn it um so How about you where where can you individually be found? Well, if you are in the Sacramento area, you should come down to the comedy spot go to their website go to the the Calendar and find the first Friday of every month at 9 p.m. It is Capital Punishment.

We've been doing this for eight years now. You should come see the July 5th show, the August 2nd show, the September 6th show, the October 4th show. Come check it out. Capital Punishment. Spin that wheel. And see us live. So, yeah, that'll do it. Get your tickets early.

We sell out. Well, for A Geek History of Time, I'm Damien Harmony. And I'm Ed Blaylock. And until next time, keep smurfing 20s. Keep rolling smurfies. What's wrong with you?