A Geek History of Time - Episode 91 - Stat Out a Fictional Badass Part I

Episode Date: January 24, 2021

So thank you all for coming to Cocktalk. He has trouble counting change, which is what the hands think. Wait, wait, stop. Yes. But I don't think that Dana Carvey's movie, um, coming out at that same time, was really that big a problem for our country. I still don't know why you're making such a big deal about September 11th, 2001. Fucking hate you. Well, you know, they don't necessarily need to be anathema, but they are definitely on different

aspects. Oh boy, I have a genetic predisposition against redheads. So because you are one, yeah, combustion, yeah, we've heard it before. The only time I change a setting is when I take the hair trimmer down to the nether reaches, like that's the only time. Other than that, it's all just a two I'm joking I use feet after the four gospels what's the next book of the Bible? okay and after that it's Romans

Yeah, okay, and if you look at the 15th chapter of Romans, okay, you will find that it actually mentions the ability to arm yourself That's why it's AR-15. Thank you. Checkmate-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8 and this is a geek history of time. We connect to the real world. My name is Ed Mulan and I am a world history teacher with one section of orphan remedial reading here in Northern California, all of which I am currently doing through the magic of the internet to students literally to counties away from where I physically am on any given day. Which basically means, effectively, I'm spending an awful lot of time talking to myself because anybody who's been doing distance learning, for those of you who aren't teachers and our audience, anybody who's been doing distance learning for the last year will very clearly relate to the very immediately related to this.

If you're teaching elementary school kids, your problem is they all want to be talking at the same time. If you're teaching secondary kids, none of them want to say a word. And since I'm teaching seventh and eighth graders in the one section, basically I'm staring at a whole bunch of little circles with initials or some other kind of image in the center of them. And the length I have to go to get any kind of reaction out of some of my classes is kind of disparaging. I have literally just stared at my own screen saying Bueller, Bueller, like so many times it's not even, and of course they don't get it. Like, so yeah, that's what I've been up to lately. Who are you?

I'm Damien Harmony. I'm a Latin teacher up here in Northern California, teaching at least one county over, doing the distance thing as well. Don't have nearly as sole deadening a day as you do because most of my kids know me already because I am the entire program. I'm the only public school program within 89 miles. So I am it. I'm the

only one in my school district who knows what I'm doing, what I'm specifically doing. But yeah, so and I still get that on occasion. But so you know it is, it's how it goes and that's unfortunate, but here we are. I really need to figure out how to get myself into a natural monopoly like you got going on. Like on a certain level, on a certain level, like that's really not great because I can, you know, intuitively figure out there's got to be a lot of downsides of that. Yes. On the other hand, so much of what you're doing sounds like a racket that I'm like,

Yes. How? Yes. How? What is the ground level shuffle work that I got to do to get to that point? Yeah, it is. I mean, in many ways, it cuts both ways because on the one hand, I've had

principles come out of an evaluation of me and go, I think you did well. I'm like, I was fantastic. I'm sorry you didn't notice. And then, you know, and I've even had students tell me, they're like, hey, I just realized if no one else knows this language, but you How do we know you're doing right by us? I said, you don't You're you're counting on my conscience Because all I have to do is stay consistent and stay ahead of you by a chapter and you'll think I'm right and

No one knows beyond me. I could have been making this whole thing up and That was that was groundbreaking for them. But on the other hand, I also, I am a very specialized plumber on one very specialized toilet in the back room of a building that only ever gets used once in a great, great while. If they ever decide to remodel, you know. You go down the tubes. Yeah. As it were. Yeah. You bend over and take it. Yeah. So, hey, so last time we spoke, let's see, the world was different. Yeah, we finally evicted a fascist after one final spasm. He is in a hoosin, a zanna, zanna, zanna.

And no, it's fine. Yeah, we finally evicted him after one final spasm of an attempted insurrection. So, and now we're gonna pretend like this was all that we needed for the next four years and ignore most people's needs. So that's fun. But on the upside, we have the nuclear codes

in the hands of an adult again. Yeah. Like the existential threat is not as readily immediate. It is still there. So, but it is a good time, it is a time for celebration. It is a time to say yay, I think. It is indeed a time to say yay. And of course, there might be five or six people total in our audience who know the in-joke going on there. It's also a time for smoking cigars and chuckling, which is another inside joke. But yeah, yeah, it is, it is a time for those of us on the side of representative government

to take a moment to, you know, to wrap it for a minute. Be happy for a minute. Crack open a diet coke that you'll have to get yourself. And because the button's been taken off. So if you had a button on your desk, and you could hit it and summon whatever, like consumable item you would want, what would it be? Okay, are we talking about my desk at work?

Or are we talking to just desk? Say that you, let's say, oh, okay, that's a good point. Your desk is working as a teacher. Okay, so my desk can't work. Yeah. Oh, it'd probably be, and I don't know whether whether this is gonna, you know, cement our friendship forever or or make us mortal enemies, but it would it would probably be a nice, cool bottle of Pepsi. See, I don't really care for soda either way. So I have no purpose. Yeah, so, okay.

Yeah, I used to bottle it, but if it was gonna be, I hit the button and the thing shows up. Okay. That would probably be it. Not because that's like, you know, transcendent, but that would just, that would just be a very nice thing to have convenient and, yeah. Okay.

Now if we're at home, it would be a bottle of shimei. I don't know what that is. Belgian beer. Okay, fair. Belgian beer. People who know will know. Sure. But yeah, so yeah, how about you?

I think I would have, man, let's see, a button. I know I would be pushing that button a lot is the problem. Probably three Reese's peanut butter cups, but the little ones, three little ones. Okay. Because that way I could hit the button a bunch of times and I'm getting my fix, but I'm not getting tapped sized,

you know? Yeah, no, I understand that that's that. That makes sense. So I would say probably that at work. but I'm not getting tapped sized, you know? So, yeah, no, I understand, that's not the best. Yeah, so I would say probably that at work. At home, you know, I might run the experiment of just doing water and just seeing if I end up getting my water in a lot better, because I've been terrible about drinking water lately.

Okay, stupid, because I love water, so. water lately. Okay. Stupid because I love water. So that's fair. Yeah. I can see it. And so we also did the palette cleanser of speaking of water, of watching or not watching, but discussing cartoons, we wish got better shots. Yes. And then it occurred to me that we have not done a team to hunt down our historical bad

asses. Yes. a team to hunt down our historical badasses. This is true. And I figured this would be a good time to use fictional badasses to hunt down historical badasses. So what you and I have done is we have stated out nine count them nine, and we're going to ask George, producer George, for his input on this, just like we did last time.

And he will pick a team of six to hunt down our team of historical badasses. The rules were pretty clear. No Harry Potter, no comic books and no Star Wars. They had to be fictional characters from other things. So no other properties, other other other series. Exactly. genre. Yeah. So, um, so I, I ended up doing five. I believe you did four. So I think we just go rad a tat, um, and see how far we get. We'll probably get halfway through in this episode. Who knows? Maybe we'll, we'll plow through an

entire episode, although we haven't gotten to talking a while, so I doubt it. Yeah, I'm having a... So, I'm gonna start off with... And unfortunately, we're not across from each other where we could evaluate each other's stuff. I really missed that part of it. If I was smart, I would have dropped them off at your house today or something. Yeah, vice versa. Yeah.

But, no, it needs me. So, my first character is a wizard. Um, well is a magic user from sword in the stone. Okay. Would you like to guess who? Well, all right. So you're talking about the Disney film. Yes, yes. Based on the the novel by T H white I didn't know that, but yes, from the ones in future king. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, so Merlin would be too obvious like a cop out. And and technically speaking one could argue Merlin kind of appears as a background character in Harry Potter. So order of Merlin, etc.

Yeah. So I probably didn't do Merlin. And of course the other big wizard character that everybody knows about in, you know, the actual romances of Arthur is Morgan Lafay. But of course she doesn't appear in the sword in the stone by Disney. Not by name, no. Yeah, because the incest and actual villainy of hers was a little bit too much for Disney Studios at that time. So I'm gonna say, well, what was her name? Madam, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, say, what was her name? Madam.

Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, a meme. Yes, mad, mad, mad, a meme. Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right. So, mad, mad, a meme is a 20th level druid of the swamp. Ooh.

Uh, so. I like, I already like the way you went with that. Yeah. She's a variant human, uh human because I needed the extra feet. And the first feet she took was warcaster because it gives her advantage on consaves. That way, if she does get hit, she can keep her concentration up for her spells.

Okay. She now, as a druid of the swamp. She's not a moon druid So the downside is she doesn't get to do like super ultra-combatty Creatures she can I think I only get to CR of one? Yeah, she doesn't she doesn't wind up getting to do the oh hey, yeah, I'm a spellcaster, but I get to shape shift into you know a fucking polar bear. Yeah, even though she totally did that Well, yeah, I mean film yeah, but but you know based on game rules. Yeah, even though she totally did that. And to tank, well, yeah, I mean, film, yeah. But, but, you know, based on game rules,

yep, you know, the thing about Druid's is it's like, well, you know, I wanna try playing a caster, but usually I just roll fighters like, you know, do Druid. Yeah, yeah, like, like, boom, go ahead, circle, Druid, go, just like trust me on this, you will not regret it. We need the extra hit points in the group. Yeah. Yeah. We need somebody who can you know kind of do controller stuff with terrain and you know turn into a baron wreck face right so here you go.

You're there literally to get punched so yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. So yeah, she took land. Well, she gets lands stride, which means difficult terrain doesn't cost her extra. And she took prodigy as her second feat. And prodigy gives you expertise, I believe. It's from Zanthars. Yeah. Gives you expertise in a skill and she took that. And I think it might give you another skill, I forget.

I didn't quite write it down because I just did the I did the math right there but she she has the skill of arcana and and I am to that up with expertise so she has an arcana of plus 13 holy mackerel yeah yeah so and then let's see what else oh she also took these the Feet of metamagic adept and I think I grabbed that from Toshes, okay, and that gave her two sorcery points and it gave her the ability to do subtle spell and quick and spell Nice, okay. Yeah, so subtle spell is you don't need to use verbal components. Yeah, or somatic. Or that's silence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So subtle spell. You can just say, oh, hey, look, white horse.

And some happens. Okay. And then so a subtle spell and quick spell. Yeah. Quick and spell means that instead of an action, it's a bonus. So she can fuck me, you know, because if you look at that, that duel, well, certain spells. But yeah. Okay. Yeah, and she's only got two sorcery points and it's per long rest, so she can only do it when it matters to her. But during that duel, man, she went from like a rhino to a snake like boom. Let's see what else.

Oh, yeah, nature'sards, she cannot be charmed or frightened by elements or fey. She cannot be poisoned or diseased, which I recognize though that Merlin did give her an illness and that's what defeated her. Yeah. So that was the only problem I had. You know, yeah, but I think all of those make sense

based on the build you're going for thematically. Because, you know, I mean, when we're doing a project like this, you know, for anybody in any audience who wants to be like, well, no, that can't apply because in the sign of four, Dr. Watson does dissent and the other thing, not to, you know of mine is being. They used to check out, yeah. But we're trying to convert this into the vagaries of a D20 kind of system.

And this is partly, let's analyze what this character would look like. And it's also partly, let's see how much we can fiddle with this to turn these people into monsters. Yeah, viable. Yeah, very much. Yeah, viable, viable D&D characters. So, yeah, so no, I totally, I buy it.

So she also took resilient, which gives you an extra saving throw. Well, it gives you, yeah. I use the shit out of that in a couple of characters. Oh, yeah. So she now has a constitution saving throw as well, which is why when Merlin gave her a disease, she was going to be fine in, you know, a couple days. She took, she's got nature sanctuary as a durability when attacked by beast or plant. They have to make a wisdom save or have to pick another target.

So nice. Yeah. And then she's also, she took durable at the end to give her a little bonus there. And then timeless body, of course, because she's old as shit. And she took it at the end of, you know, going up to the 20th level or so. Okay. Or getting to her. And then beast spells. You can cast spells while you're in beast shape.

Mage Slayer is another feat that she took because she does the wizard duel and Merlin beats her. But I got a feeling she's beaten plenty of others. Yeah, you definitely got the feeling that, yeah. And then she gets to 20th because she gets arch druid, which gives her as many beast shapes as she wants All right, like as many times as she wants rather so her stats are unremarkable her constitution is her highest It's an 18 her wisdom is a 16

Okay, she does seem kind of like the sorcerer of druids, you know like I'm gonna keep just hitting this thing over and over I have one button. I'm just gonna keep hitting the button. I'm gonna burn over and over and over again. Yeah. I gave her the or the orc army of spellcasters for the audience who played 40K. It's like, yeah, just I got one trick. I'm gonna keep doing it.

I gave her, as far as cantrips went, I went with all the ones that had to do with destruction or entraping people. So create bonfire, primal savagery, thorn whip, poison spray, and of course she got druid craft because she's druid. And same thing, really from first through ninth level, it was what kind of area of effect damages can I do? Because when she rages, she hits big areas. Or what kind of maelstroms can I call in? What kind of controlling can I do to you? So snaring, earth tremor, charm person, I gave her,

because she does that little sexy dance. Beast sense, earthbind, faint death, sleet storm, erupting earth, stinking cloud, dominate beast. I'm just kind of skimming the surface on these. Anti-life shell, reincarnate. She might have lost a few times, so. She might, she may have. Yeah.

And then Transmeat Rockute rock insect plague of course wall of thorns seems right in her Bailey Wick. Oh, that's a good one too. Bones of the earth I took which basically giant bones come out of the earth and can crush the hell out of you. Oh my god regenerate. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for her eighth level spell I gave her Antipathy slash sympathy because that seems like something she does. And then her ninth level, Storm of Vengeance because of course she would. Yeah, well, yeah. So yeah, submitted for your approval.

I like Madam Mim. Yeah. Madam Mim, I like that. Yeah, that works. She was fun. She was pretty good. Oh, I didn't give her any equipment because she doesn't really use any.

Her armor class is surprisingly low. Okay. She doesn't give a fuck. Like her con is insanely high. Her hit points are 168. Sweet Jesus. Yeah. So.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, well with that high con, that makes sense. Okay. Okay. who do you got? Okay, well I already gave it away, but remember when we were talking about who we were doing The one the one that you picked your interest the most of the ones I mentioned was Dr. John Watson and And you know the thing is I am one of those Sherlock Holmes fans

Who is really angry at MGM this many years later over what they did to Dr. Watson in the black and white wrath bone movies. Okay. And the thing is, so in those movies, Dr. Watson is a portly, late middle aged, you know, bowler hat wearing, you know, a figure who winds up, you know, stepping in paint cans and tripping over the stage, the comic, he gets, it's reduced to kind of be in the comic relief. So he's your figlia. Yeah. And, and the thing is, he is, he gets put in that position

because when you're writing a screenplay, a character like Watson is kind of hard to figure out what to do with. Or it can be. It can be hard to figure out what to do with him because he's the narrator. And the reason Conan Doyle put him there was to give somebody to be the normal human

Yeah, witness homes is brilliance brilliance and and for homes to to rubber duck at you know sure So I mean he's the Robin Well, yeah, he's serving the same function as a Robin. Yeah, he's in many ways serving the same function as Robin. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I a lot of the tropes and folktops are very different, but yeah, he is narratively, the Robin. OK.

And the thing and the thing is though, if you get a little bit more creative with the way you want to treat him and you look a little bit closer at the text of the actual stories, Holmes is kind of a badass. In the very first story, of course, we learned that he's returned to London after having retired essentially from the British Army as an officer in a regiment in Afghanistan, where he was a military doctor. And one of the things that the, you know, now, I want to say recent, but now, you know, well over a decade old BBC series did with them, with Martin Freeman playing the role

in one of the best portrayals of him. I think I've seen. Is he is a combat veteran and it's made very clear in the most in the in the BBC series with with Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch. It's made pretty clear. It's never outwardly stated, but all of the subtext is there that he's suffering from PTSD. Wow. And to have Martin Freeman playing, I mean, you've got a lot of sympathy, like the way that he played red and Shawshank redemption, or the character that he played in clean and sober, like there is a lot of like, stern sympathy there.

So it's kind of cool, they went with a person of color for Dr. Watson as well. I think that's pretty rad. Yeah, no. Yeah, okay. The rest of you can't see Damien's face, but I'm getting the full color version of the troll all all all all mean from the other from the other side of our internet connection. No you know full well when I'm talking about yeah yeah and Martin Martin not Morgan. Oh okay so um so Martin Lawrence played Dr. Watson.

Ed is pouring into this latest in gentlemen is why I drink while we record. So anyway, yes. Anyway, yes. He is very clearly a veteran dealing with what he saw in Afghanistan. And it's an interesting historical note that when Conan Doyle wrote the stories, the British Army was in Afghanistan as part of the occupation of the Indian subcontinent. And then when they made the most recent BBC adaptation of the stories for the 2000s, the British Army was again in Afghanistan. Yeah.

Whoops. A little bit of, you know, hey, didn't we learn some about this the first time? Yeah, it wasn't our idea this time. Why, why, why, why, why, why the eggs? Why the fuck? Yeah. So, but in the in the in the stories, in the novels and short stories, he talks about how what great physical shape he was in that he did other than, you know, the wound that he was recovering from, he hadn't been in better shape ever in his life, he was still

brown as a nut, you know, and just this picture of health. And in the stories, it winds up being woven into the background because he's the narrator, but Holmes does all the mental heavy lifting. And Watson is the one who runs off and like carries revolver in his pocket and Chase of the bad guys down, you know, you know, trips people up, does all of this kind of stuff. And so he's kind of, he really is a Robin in that he is, you know, a combatant in the stories. Okay. And so, you know, the Robert Downey Jr. Jude Law, a couple of movies, did I think a really great job.

Jude Law also played a really great, very different, of course, because it was still a period piece. But a really great portrayal of Watson, in which one of the things that comes up is he has a gambling addiction as kind of his characters, you know, major weakness. Okay. And so the way I put the character together was he's a doctor. Okay. And so his primary class is cleric. Mm-hmm. But one of the beautiful things about Fifth Edition is you can play a cleric and still be an action hero. Yes. So he's a cleric 12 fighter six soldier background. Okay. Yeah. You know, military man. Right.

soldier background. Okay, yeah, you know military man, right? And Thanks to having those six levels in fighter his primary weapon is a rapier Because he's also a gentleman Okay, which is an important part of both characters. Sure positions in society In in the original novels because the original novels were were written in the Edwardian era when, you know, that was even more of a big deal than it is now. It was a more overtly codified thing than it is now. And so he's a cleric with the war domain. Nice. And four feet. First off, he's a human variant. For feet, I took athlete healer, because there

are several times in the stories where he performs first aid. Resilient, I took twice to give him an additional saving throw in dexterity and one in charisma. And then defensive dualist as one of his feats, which allows him to basically use a reaction to parry and add, I want to say it's 10 to his armor class against an attack when he's about to be hit. And then because of the times that he is the one who chases people down in the stories, he gets the charger feet, which means he can do the dash action and then attack at the end of it as a bonus.

Yes. Okay. I like that one a lot. Yeah. Yes, okay, I like that one a lot. Yeah Now the other thing is as a as a priest of the war domain Anytime he uses the attack action he gets to make an additional Attack in that round mm-hmm

And he can do that four times Between each long rest. He has defined strike, which allows him to do a bonus and additional d8 of damage once a turn on a weapon attack. And there's no limits, and then, sometimes he can do that, just one time per turn. Nice. And then his channel divinity, he has turn undead with a save DC of 18 the undead defending. Okay. Because his wisdom is 18. Right. He's not the smart one, but he is often the one with the more level head. Okay. So that was fitting. He gets a guided streak and he was channel divinity for guided strike giving him a plus 10 Two hit on an attack. He does that as a bonus action He has war gods blessing which allows him to give that plus 10 to hit to an ally mm-hmm and

He also is a high enough level as a clerk that he can destroy undead of two hit dice or less. Nice. Nice. His turn ability. Nice. And then as a fighter, I took the dueling fighting style, which gives him plus two to damage with a single-handed weapon. That I eat the rapier.

When he has no shield, when he has no shield, he has second wind for 1d10 plus 6 hit points to regain. Right. Action surge, of course, gives him an extra action a couple of times between each. Rest. Yeah. And then his archetype, I took Battlemaster

because he's, he, when he does stuff in, in the stories and in the movies, he's not swinging for the fences. He's tripping people up, knocking guns out of people's hands, doing that kind of stuff. And so he has four superiority dice which are deats. And he's able to do disarming attack. Okay. Which allows him to add the D8 when he uses one of his dice and he can add that D8 to his damage and knock a weapon out of his enemy's hand. He can do goding attack, which does an additional D8 damage and focuses the enemy on him. damage and

Focuses the enemy on him So homes can run off and you know do something else really and so he is the Robin of the group. Yeah, yeah, and then trip attack Again per what you'd talk about yeah, and look your prone There goes after movement to get up. Yeah, yeah Basically, and if he gets knocked down, of course, he has the athlete feet, which means it only costs him five feet to get back up. Right. So he can jump a womba. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. And then of course, as a cleric spell, of course, you like it. Because you take a whiskey drink, you take a cider drink, you take a longer drink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So spells, I'll just hit the highlights here. Obviously, Cure wounds as first level spell, which he can cast at up to six level.

As bonus spells, the ones that I think are most entertaining, as a war cleric, he gets a bunch of paladin spells. This is bonus spells. So shield of faith. That you're going to compel duel. No, he doesn't get that. God, I love that one. I love that one. As for for somebody with multiple levels in fighter, getting compeled duel would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no uh, light resistance. Uh, let's see, healing word.

Always a good one. Divine favor is one of his bonus spells. At third level, uh, I went with locate object because, you know, clues, right zone of truth, aid, and then hands ability. Okay. So if he needs to be stronger, he can be right. Um, locate creature at level four is the highlight there because again, So, if he needs to be stronger, he can be. Right. Locate creature at level four is the highlight there, because again, you know, yeah, clues.

You need to find Mrs. Moneypenny's parrot or something. Yeah, yeah. And then at fifth level, mask your wounds and legend lore. Legend lore. What's that one? You can look at an object and figure out its history, figure out why it's important, what it does. I like that you've made them a much more active participant in the Holmes saga through this character sheet so far. Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, so that's that is submitted for these shorts. Oh, 146 hit points Because nothing is that yeah, love level 18 and multi-classing as a cleric and a fighter Yeah, oh and and I was kind of proud of this so He has a rapier that doubles as a club when he's using it as a cane Nice So yeah, oh man that doubles as a club when he's using it as a cane. Nice. So yeah, oh man, it would have been the only the only change I would have thought would be if you gave him the feet of the one where you get to take magic from other other other disciplines.

I forget what is yeah, but like give him shalele from the Druids. That would have been coolids That would have been cool Yeah, yeah And so armor class of 17 because I equipped him with half plate because in a dungeon the dragon's world that strikes me It's the kind of armor a gentleman would wear. Yeah, yeah Who who wasn't like a frontline no no man. No, right? I'm a paladin. You Yeah, yeah. Who wasn't like a front line? No, no, man. No, I'm a paladin.

You know, full plate. I think half plate worked. Right. Also, cleric, so medium armor is thematically appropriate. Yes. Yeah. So his stats are actually high across the board. He has an 18 wisdom.

His lowest status charisma because he's the narrator. Strength is a 14, but Dex Con and intelligence are all 16s. Nice. Okay. So he's someone who rolled well and is filling a role in the team though. Yeah. Okay. Cool.

I like it. I like a high powered utility player. That's good. You know, now it recalls to me, the one restriction we put on ourselves for the real-life badasses we did not do for these. And I think that's okay, actually. I'm still curious as to what will happen. With the real-life badasses, we said it was right before they really popped onto the scene. Well, it was before they became who they are known for. Yes, yes. So, it was, yeah. So, whereas with fictional characters, I don't know that that's possible, obviously.

I do. Because the book comes to them when they're fully formed. All right. Yeah. Any more on Dr. Watson there Or we ready to know that's that's pretty much my pitch. All right. He he deserves to be an action hero So I made him made a good one cleric and an action hero. I like it. All right. So my next character I Decided we needed more women potentially on this squad and needed more women potentially on this squad. And I-

That's that idea. Yeah. And it occurs to me that we need someone who is good at tracking people down. Okay. Someone who is, yeah, adept at killing what she finds and also someone who is going to at least compete with Liyud Miller for what do you call that?

Sniper? Well, not for sniper, but for initiative. So to have half a chance. So I made somebody that you will be more familiar with than I was, quite frankly. I went with Buffy Summers. Okay. So, yeah.

I'm interested to see what you went with there. Yeah. Now, go ahead. There's certainly gonna be a whole lot of people in our audience, I mean, as a percentage of our audience, there aren't that many people in our audience, as a thing, but. We have over 600 people, over 650 people in our audience.

That's a big damn room. Okay. That's a big damn room. Okay. I was trying to be, you know, self deprecating, but okay, cool. Well, I mean, I just shot my pants. So I mean, I'm self-deficating time check. It's 36 minutes in.

I gave you, I pissed you off with the Morgan Friedman thing though about 15 minutes ago. Yeah, well, yeah, but that's not a pun. No, that's trolling. Yes. That's separate category. It is. Good day with that. So, Buffy Summers is going to be somebody that I'm sure a significant number of our listeners are gonna be like, oh, okay, yeah, no, let's do what you do. I was a fan, but the Buffy series was not one that was ever really one of my primary favorites. I'm going to say I'm largely Buffy fandom adjacent. I'm going to say I'm largely buffy fandom adjacent. Okay fair enough So yeah, so go ahead all right, so she is Turns out another 20th level character Because she started off with five ranks as a kensay monk

Okay, and then she took up 15 ranks as a Ranger monster slayer Okay, which I mean I could have been phoning that in quite honestly, you know You could have been yeah, it's fitting. Yeah very very so um and interestingly she's a close combat Ranger not a ranged one Correct, you know correct the stereotype is you, Ranger means like a less not necessarily. No. No. In fact, I she has three weapons unarmed a steak and a dart so Okay Yeah, in the series she used a crossbow fairly frequently. Did she I might I might switch it for dart Yeah, in the in the movie She she doesn't have the infrastructure support

that she has. TV series. OK. So anyway, Carrie. So her background is acolyte. And her personality traits, I see omens in every event or action, which I think kind of goes without saying for buffies of amp

ice there. I always try to help those in need no matter what personal cost. I will someday get my revenge. And once I pick a goal, I become obsessed. Okay. Those those all make sense. I'm interested in why you chose acolyte specifically because she is part of an order that stretches back over time. Okay, so that seems yeah, I see that I I've gone I'd have been tempted to go with some variation of noble because suburban middle class white girl cheerleader. True. True. Like, you know, in the movie, yeah, that's kind of the defining set of characteristics of her background. I mean, Christ, her name is Buffy. Yeah. It was clearly set for that. Yeah. Yeah. But I, the reason I

went with Acolyte over Noble or anything else was because she does seem to hold loyal to the ideals of that order more than she does her class as it were, her social status. It makes sense. It's a special station. Yeah, okay, it makes sense. All right, so she's also, I made her a ghost-wise halfling. Okay.

So, San Michel Geller is a pretty little person so I can see this making a lot of sense. Okay. So, she has, I'm totally fine with that. Like, okay, it makes sense. Carry on. She has telepathic speech. She's got lucky because she's a halfling.

She's got nimble. She's able to move through spaces of any creature who's one size or more larger, because she's fairly dexterous. She is a monk first, so she has unarmored defense. And she has a dex of 18, Khan of 16, and a wisdom of 18, and a charisma of 14. She's a little more put together, quite honestly.

The other two are fairly negligible. But so on armor defense, she ends up with an AC of 17 without any armor. So you make great excuses. Yeah, all right. But that's Buffy, right? Yeah. Obviously she gets martial arts.

She's got five key points to spend. And she took the kensay path and she took the stake and the Dart because I have seen her throw stakes. So I just converted that to a dart because you get one and I didn't know her propensity for across those. Yeah. She gets Agile Perry, which means she can add two to her AC with an unarmed attack. If she's got her Kensei weapon in hand until the start of her next turn. So that ups her AC to 19 while she's armed and she's got her other hand free. Kensei shot, she gets a bonus action.

She gets a ranged weapon gets a bonus action she gets a ranged weapon As a bonus action so fighting fighting fighting throw it over there and it gets an extra D4 of damage And then because the Ken say they do the calligraphy thing she's got calligraphy it I it just ends up it Yeah, it's like the lights on the Vanity Mirror in my, you know, my son visor in my car. I didn't care about lights. So they're there. Yeah. Now she can deflect missiles, make sense, slow fall, because she does tend to fall off things and not get hurt. She gets the extra attack, because again, she's good at fighting. Her favorite enemy is of course the undead fiends and monstrosities. This gives her advantage to track them using survival or intelligence to recall things about

them. She also has natural explorer and I gave her the under dark, the suburbs and the forest. There we go. Yes. Her fighting style is dueling because she does seem to be kind of the one on one person. Usually by the end of an episode. Yeah. And and it's almost always one weapon in one hand.

Right. She, she, she occasionally when she's going to be against them, big, big, bad, she'll have two hands on a weapon. Yeah. We don't very often, that could be wrong, but my recollection is we don't see her with like a weapon in either hand very often. Right. So yeah, no, a dualist makes perfect sense. And she never carries a shield. Right. Like just as a side note, like if the zombie apocalypse were to happen tomorrow, anybody who didn't immediately go out and invest in getting a hold of a buckler, like right away, is either really, really skilled with some kind of weapon or foolish.

Yeah. You know, my pet theory is that in that circumstance, I would immediately look for very heavy leather gauntlets and forearm protection, get some kind of a solid, solid, one-handed single shield, like a punching shield. Yeah, yeah. And then the other hand, either a combat Tomahawk or get a regular ordinary carpentry hammer and swap the handle out

for one about twice as long. Hmm. Yeah, I would go probably with, you need something one handed if you're gonna go with the shield. Cause I was thinking I would just go with a quarter staff cause of course I would, cause you get distance on that.

You just keep poking people cause I'm not looking to win, I'm looking to get away. So poke poke run, poke poke run, trip run, you know. But back to Buffy, she has prime evil awareness and she can use one action and spend a spell slot and she'll sense aberrations, celestial, dragons, elementals, fey,

fiends and the undead within six miles, all the rest within one mile. She won't know specifically where they are but you don't know, like, I smell them on the wind. Right. You know, the dead, yeah. So she's a gloom stalker, so she gets the magic that comes with that.

She gets dread ambusher, which is a bonus to her initiative, equal to her wisdom modifier. So her initiative is, well, let's see. Did you take a alert? Yeah. Because duh. Yeah, it's buffy. Yeah. So her initiative is a 13. Oh shit. Hold on. I think that out. Did Liyod Miller. You may, you you may you may have just out did I thought and I thought one of mine was was pretty hot shit with a plus 10 yeah plus 10's pretty good she gets umbral site dark vision out to 60 feet makes sense okay she also gets an extra attack. She gets

Iron Mind which makes her proficient now in wisdom saves She gets Lance stride Hyden plane site stalkers flurry if you miss with a weapon attack you can make another attack Yeah, she gets vanish. She gets shadowy dodge. If a creature attacks without advantage, she can use her reaction to impose disadvantage before they roll. Okay. Yeah, oh, you thought you were gonna attack me?

No. No. Try again. No. And then I gave her skilled twice. Okay. So that she's got acrobatics obviously. She got Arcana, athletics, history, perception, religion, stealth, and survival. This woman is born to hunt. All the skills.

Yeah, all the skills that you know, a gal with a library would have. Gave her alert, like I said, also defensive dualist. So, per wasted, so if she's wielding a finesse weapon, right, she gets, she can add her proficiency to her AC for a creature's attack on her. So, yeah. So now she's adding her, now she's, she's getting a 23 23 and I believe if she decides to add that kensiness of it then she could at up to 25. That's for the that's for the attack that's meant to kill her you know and she yeah she parries it away and then she took Sentinel as well because she protects other people and even if they disengage, she gets in the attack of opportunity. If a creature is within five feet of her, she and

attacks someone else who isn't her, she can use her reaction to attack them. Yeah, so it's a really funny thing about that is that's like, that feels so very fighter. Like, no, no, I'm the tank. If you want to try to get away from me, no, no, I'm the tank. If you wanna try to get away from me, no, no, I'm sticky, no, you're not going anywhere. Yeah. And I'm kind of paraphrasing from some of the design notes for fourth edition about like, what does the fighter do?

And yeah, no, I find it interesting that somebody who is like all the striker, like, no, I am a DPS monster, but no, no, you're not getting away. No, you can go ahead and hit them. I'm gonna do more damage to you now. Thank you for the chance. I'm gonna hit you in the back of the head, like, no. She knows nine spells.

She gave her greater invisibility. Fear, I'm just gonna hit the highlights. High hit the highlights. Yeah, Hunter's Mark seemed really appropriate. Jump, detect magic. Definitely. Yeah. Okay. You'll appreciate this joke. Spike growth. She took non-detection, freedom of movement and locate creature as well. And there's other ones, but like those are, but yes, spike growth, I thought it was. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna, it's gonna take me a while, you know. So submitted for your approval. She did, did cause. Yep some spike growth. Oh, by the By she has 200 hit points

You rolled hot. No, I didn't roll. I only took averages for all the hit points this time, but what's her con? Plus three Okay, so you get D8 plus three for the first five levels. Oh, yeah, and then okay, and then D10. Which is five plus three. So that's, you know, and then you get, you know, D10 and that, yeah, bumps it up. So, that is dear Buffy Summers.

So. Okay. All right. What you got? Holy crow. All right, so next, you remember one of one of mine from our historical bad asses series who made it into the final party was the Viking at Stanford Bridge. Yes.

Who I refer to as Horde Road as hitter. Mm hmm. And in his case, he was like a Marbarian 12 fighter eight or per Marbarian 10 fighter, 10. Yeah. And I realized, well, fire eight, per Barbarian 10, fighter 10. And I realized, well, you know, that was, that was a really scary, powerful kind of kind of thing. And we're probably gonna, what if we're going up against that party,

you know, in the best tradition of any kind of, you know, anime series where the team runs up against their anti-team, I had to figure out, you know, who's where the team runs up against their anti-team. I had to figure out, you know, who's going to be this group's Horde Rode's hitter. And what I came up with was John Carter. Of Mars? Yes. Yes. Yes.

The Bar-Sum series. And so for those in the audience who don't recognize the name or go, wasn't there like a Disney movie about that? There was a Disney movie about that and it was actually a really good action film. It was a really well done adventure movie and then they did not know how to market it. Well, if they, if they'd paired up with Shamwau, um, and then, and then had him take away that moisture after they killed his dog, I think it would have worked because then you could have John Wick away the moisture. Yeah, but that's John Wick, not I was the same guy, didn't it? No. No. No. No, John Wick is Baba Yaga, the terrifying avatar of death in the, you know, Slavic underworld,

whereas John Carter is an adventurer and, you know, former, former soldier who, through some weird kind of astral projeits, never explained in the stories, but he winds up getting transported to Mars. So John Wick goes to Mars to map it out. So he's John Carter griffing. You really had to reach for that one. There's a shoehorn like so, so deep behind that one. Yeah. You really had to work on that one. I did. I don't think it paid off.

No, like, like, you know, if you're going to hit home runs, you got to swing at everything. I am the Reggie Jackson of the show. Oh, oh, Yeah. Yeah. So, so no, John Carter in the original stories. And I'm forgetting the author's name, Tarzan, same guy. I can remember Arthur Conan Doyle, but I can't remember. Anyway, I'll remember it in the middle of your next character. So as the Barsoom stories were originally written, Edgar Rice Burrows.

Thank you very much. Burrows. Yes. Burrows wrote John Carter in a kind of, the genre is referred to as planetary romance. So it's like space opera only less sciencey. Okay. So there's space and there are you know seemingly high-tech you know like like magical technology kind of you know flying vehicles on Mars and there's advanced Martian technology, but it's all based around crystals

and vaguely magical ideas. So it's like space fantasy. It's like take Star Wars and take the fantasy aspect of what Star Wars is and crank that up higher and take away the trappings of it being a science fiction and you kind of get the Parsooms here. You get planetary plants. And so John Carter gets transported to Barsoom, which is what the Native Martians call Mars. And first thing he realizes is he is on Mars, he is super strong, can run incredibly fast, and can leap incredible distances in a single bound because he's in the earth and used to earth

gravity. Right. And now he's on Mars, which is interesting because that's like the first and last time that anything like realistic science and physics enters into any part of the story. And you hear me saying that and you're like you're kind of getting down on this no man, I love these stories. Like they are a they're a relic of a prior time and there are some problematical subtexts and texts really involved in them. I mean, it feels very flash-gordony just the way you're describing it. It really is. And now I'm wondering why we didn't choose Flash Gordon for any of our characters. Because Flash Gordon is kind of lame.

Just going to go out there and say it. If you can choose between John Carter and Flash Gordon, you're going to go with John Carter because John Carter wants to, you Carter winds up marrying an alien princess. Well, there's that. Fair enough. I mean, come on. So anyway, as a D&D character, John Carter is kind of the flip side of Horde Grotas hitter and that he is also a fighter barbarian, but where Horde Grotas hitter was more barbarian,

slightly less fighter. John Carter is more fighter slightly less barbarian. He's fighting with 11 barbarians, 9. And the real reason that Hordroda's hitter had to be higher level barbarian was because of terrifying rage. And H the hit points and Carter works differently. So fighter 11. First things first, because of his barbarian abilities of, you know, unarmored combat, or I don't have the rule name in front of me, but because of the way unarm class works for our variants, he has an ever class of 16 without any armor on it. So pretty good. 196 hit points. So nothing ast needs that. Not like where Droid is hitter, but still up there. Now took dueling style so he gets plus two to his damage with his primary weapon.

Second wind for 1d10 plus 11 hit points, action surge, same as any other fighter. For him, I took the champion archetype. The champion archetype was about physical prowess, and that's the theme of Ryx and the Hero on Mars. And so that gives him improved critical. So it gets a critical hit on a 19 or a 20. I love that. Yeah, he has remarkable athlete, which increases his jumping ability, gives him additional 10 feet of movement, which by the way, also then runs into the additional 10 feet of movement he gets as a barbarian. So his base speed is 50 nice And he took the athlete feet which means he can climb At normal speed. Mm-hmm. So again representing the lack of gravitational pull on him. Yeah. Yeah nice

I like that man. Well, right. Well, right. Yeah, and Yeah. Nice. I like that man. Well, well, well, right. Yeah. And he has great weapon style and his primary weapon is a long sword. So it's a versatile weapon because it gets it gets a second weapon style at I want to say it is 11 level. And so his first one is doing a second one. It's a great weapon, which means if he's using that sword to hand it, any ones or twos, he rolls for damage, he gets to reroll. He gets rage four times between each long rest, which importantly, for John Carter, who is nigh unkillable, it gives him resistance to basically weapon damage. If you hit him with a physical weapon, slashing piercing or bludgeoning damage, he takes half damage.

Nice. Like period. Yeah. So that mitigates the not quite 200 hit points with... Oh, no, I'm sorry. You just not gonna add up your damage and then cut that in half. Right. And then I'll cut you in half.

And I will turn around and cut that in half. Right. And then I'll take you in half. And I will turn around and cut you in half. With frenzy, he gets a bonus attack. Every turn that he uses the attack action. Because he's an 11th level fighter, he gets two attacks every round that he uses the attack action. And then he has mindless rage, meaning, no, you can't scare me, you can't intimidate me, you can't, none of it. Which again, fits with John Carter, who in the books is just steely eyed and I will not be stopped because you're standing

between me and deja-thorough. Mm-hmm. I will get back to my princess and you're not gonna fucking stop me Ferrell instinct he gets advantage on initiative roles and He gets advantage on initiative. Yeah Please tell me you gave him alert. I Did did or did not I did. Did or did not. I did. Okay, good. So his his his initiative is

plus eight and he gets advantage on the roll. Wow. Yeah. That's. And then brutal critical means he rolls an extra die of damage. Damn. So he's got he's got a 10% chance of creating you. And then when he does out of out of 10 shots, he's going he's got a 10% chance of creating you and then when he does Out of out of 10 shots. He's gonna create you with one of them and that's gonna do not just critical, but critical plus a half again Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so he has the alertness feet mobile Charger which I've already mentioned right durable and Athlete wait you gave him mobile does that give him an extra so he's now moving 60 which I've already mentioned. Durable and athlete.

You gave him mobile. Does that give him an extra? So he's now moving 60? No. Okay. That's what got him to 50. Yeah. Okay.

Let me look at mobile. No, mobile gives you a plus 10. Yeah. And it allows you to disengage and or dash or to disengage and or dash or just move away without getting an attacker opportunity on you. That's correct. So the concept here is because in the books he's this this uh, determinator unstoppable figure. Right. But when he gets, but when he gets into a fight, he's not the standup front and you know, take the hits, you know, fighter type. He's a, I run in and I hit and I take that move down and then I bound across the room and I beat the crap out of this

other guy and then I bound across the room. And so even though he's very clearly a fighter and he's very clearly kind of a bruiser, he's a lightning bruiser who relies on, you're just not gonna make me stick in one place. Got ya, okay. Nice. So yeah, and that's it. He gets plus two damage when he's raging. Two attacks every time he uses the attack action. Okay, so real quick, math out for me in one round.

How many attacks could he get? If he's raging, it's two attacks plus his frenzy attacks of three. Three attacks. Let's assume that one of them is a crit. Okay. So what's the max damage he could do in one round? Okay, max damage in one round would be 2040. Fuck.

And then 96 points. That's yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. That's dropping Buffy by almost half. Yeah. Yeah, assuming, assuming he rolls that well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, assuming he rolls that well. Yeah, yeah. But I'm less worried

about Buffett, I'm more worried about Walt Disney. The illusionist? Because that fucker is slippery. Oh, yeah. Because, because, you know, here's the deal, you don't, you don't, when you're doing this, you don't throw the bruiser up against the other bruiser. That's very true. Unless you're an anime writer. Yeah. Like, you know, if you're, if you're actually strategist, the bruiser, it's, no, no, I'm going to take my big tough guy and I'm going to find a way to maneuver him. Yeah. Whichever you guys are squishiest.

Yeah. And, and hammer them. I'm just going to take people off the field so that you get less attacks per round. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Basically. So it's, so it's, less attacks per round. Yeah. Yeah, basically So it's so it's we're gonna have John Carter and you know

whoever our sniper winds up being finding who on that side of the field has the fewest hit points and we're gonna kill them first So you're going after our dear Mary Shelley Oh, oh shit. Yeah, yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, we are going after Mary Shelley because we want to make sure that if we kill one of her allies, she doesn't just bring the back up as a zombie. Yep. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you, you need to die so everybody else stays dead. No, Mary Shelley. I got to, we need to go back and figure out who the squad was that we made. Because I know it was Mary Shelley. It was the guy on the bridge.

It was Leoud Miller. I want to say Pablo Chanco. Yeah. And so I know it was those three. I think I got another one in there. Yeah. I think my scout got in there maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, so I had, uh, Harriet Tubman, I had, yeah, I had Teddy Roosevelt. He didn't make it, I don't think he didn't make it. He got, he got eliminated because Lude Miller just murdered him. Yeah. Um, um, and Sun Sioux. Sun Sioux. Okay.

That was just as the striker, Steve Sasson. Okay. So you had Sun Sue. I'm trying to remember. Mary Shelley, kind of thing, with Mila, Harriet Tubman, there was a sixth one, and it was yours. I think it was a magic user. All right, we'll have to go back and look.

Yeah. I gotta find the character she up to, but yeah. All right. So yeah, that is John Carter of Mars. All right. Our, my candidate for our party's bruiser. OK, OK, I think I've got. Because Buffy is very much the hunter of the group.

Yeah, yeah. And Mad Madam Mim is potentially our magic user. I'm going to go ahead and limb and I'm going to say I think I think Madam M needs to be the party controller. Yes. Yes. Well, I don't know. I've got a one who could maybe double as kind of a controller. Right. But I don't have I didn't do anybody who's a wizard. Okay. None of mine. None of mine are magic user. Well, my, none of my magic user types.

Well, I have one of the characters who has spells, but it's not. Well, let me do this one last one and see if I can convince you that this is going to be our DPS person. Okay. So, what do you know about Richard B. Riddick? What do you know about Richard B. Riddick? Well, I know that he had his eyes replaced. Right.

And he's able to operate in the pitch black. Good. I found out that somehow being coming the emperor of the Necromanters. Yeah, it was a weird, I like to present it to the exist. So, yeah. And then the third movie basically took the best parts of pitch black, which were plenty and the best parts of chronicles, which were few combined them. And it was actually any incredibly fun movie.

And you as a fan of Starbucks would like it because she takes a shower in that movie. starbuck would like it because she takes a shower in that movie. Okay, so you've convinced me that I need to find the Sun Netflix just right there. It's just a fun movie too, like even with that aside. Okay, so Richard B. Riddick is a character I have loved since I first saw him. He is a, I went multi-class on this one. In fact, Madame Mim might be the only one that it didn't multi-class this episode. But Richard B. Riddick is a long death monk, 11, and an assassin rogue, seven. So.

Mm. Okay. Yeah. So if Tessa was bald, this would be her equivalent of her verbal skills. Would be Richard B. Rick. So. The friend of the show. Yes.

So his stats are, strength of 14, because he's pretty strong. Dex of 18, because he's. Because his sleeper natural. Yes. His con is 18, because dude broke his own arms to get out like he dislocated both And by the way that wasn't a digital effect that was vindiesel doing that to himself Those sounds were real

His intelligence and his his a charisma is actually a dumpstatt But his wisdom is a 16 as well because dude could notice shit. Um, he, uh, personality, I'm still getting over the fact that he actually, oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So his alignment is actually neutral evil. Yeah. Uh, okay, he is a variant human his background is urchin which makes sense Yeah, so I sleep with my back to the wall it would either be urchin or criminal. Yeah, so yeah

I help the people who who help me and I kill who needs killing Okay, I owe a debt I can never repay to someone who saved me. That's literally the end of pitch black. And I will never fully trust anyone. So there you go. Okay. There you go. I am curious though.

I mean he is in fact know, killer. Yes. But I wonder about the neutral evil part because I kill who needs killing. And he is, he shows no compunction about killing anybody when he needs to or leaving anybody behind when he needs to in order to survive. Yep. to survive. But we don't see him ever taking joy in killing. Like he's not doing it to inflict things on other people. He's doing it because no, dude, I'm going to get out the other end of this. And if this means you don't, then I'm okay with that. He kind of mentally tortured a lot of people before Killing them though. I'm not saying they didn't have it coming But he did delight in other people's misfortune too, okay, you know like there's when in Chronicles erratic again one of the only good parts

Was he was you know in that prison in the slam and he's tapping out the rhythm of okay I know when something is above me and he just nudges the guy up and decapitates the guy. You know, and just kind of giggles about it. So in as much as he gets. Yeah, well, yeah. So, uh, standard monk package in the beginning, unarmed defense, unarmored movement. He's got an AC of 16. Okay. on armored movement. He's got an AC of 16. We get to level three and he's got the way of the long death. So at third level. Okay, you're gonna need to walk me through this

because that's one I'm less familiar with. I know that's out of zanathorres. Yes, or... But I have not, is it zanathorres? No, I think it's Toshes, actually. Okay, all right, well, then I'm totally on it. Did, yeah. Okay, so right. Well, then I'm totally on it. Okay, so water needs to be that.

Sure. So he's got, third level, he's got touch of death. When you reduce a creature to zero within five feet of you, you get a wisdom modifier plus your monk level worth of temporary hit points. So literally vampiric? Yes. Okay. At six level. Okay. Well, and then he gets to deflect missiles.

Okay. Slow fall makes sense. I gave him the alert feat because he can't be surprised. No advantage by unseen opponents because it's goddamned riddock. Yeah. Um, he, uh, let's see. He also gets an extra attack. Obviously, he gets stunning strike, flurry, he, uh, let's see, he also gets an extra attack. Obviously you get stunning strike, flurry, patience, defense, step of the wind, uh,

evasion, stillness of the mind. Yeah. Um, okay. So that's those, and now sixth level, he, uh, gets what's called the hour of reaping, uh, which is, he takes an action and each creature within 30 feet that could see him has to make a wisdom save or be frightened until the end of his next turn. That is fucked up. Yes. What's the, what's the DC for their save on that? It's a wisdom save against his month ability save which I believe it's eight plus his wisdom plus his proficiency. Yeah. Yeah. So we Um, so and then he gets, uh, I took a couple extra

feets. Well, I took these feets after we got to 11th. So at 11th level, he gets mastery of death, which if he hits zero hit points, he can spend a key to get a hit point back. So, okay. And then you better hope he doesn't kill you, because can spend a key to get a hit point back. So, okay. And then you better hope he doesn't kill you, because then he's going to get that hit points, you know, yeah, and then turn around and just keep murdering. Yeah, okay. All right. So then, let's see, he at 12th level, he gets piercer, which he gets piercings.

This is from Toshis. He gets Christmas was good to me. So, piercings, he gets piercing damage and he can reroll his crit on a pierce and take the new roll. And he gets to roll, no, no, I'm sorry. He, on piercing damage, he can reroll and he has to take the new roll and on a

Crit if he hits with a piercing attack on a crit he gets to roll one extra die of damage Okay, so I'm gonna stir your spleen now Yeah, so that's that's like the Monkley version of savage crit Exactly. Yeah, okay, all right. He also gets purity of body, can't be poisoned or diseased. Yeah. He gets expertise, because then we switch over

to him being a rogue. Yes. So he's got expertise. So he took the skills of animal handling, athletics, insight, slight of hand, and stealth. And he took expertise for stealth. So his stealth is a 16. Okay.

So he is sneakier than Buffy. Yeah, by law. You know, you know, Buffy, she wasn't sneaky. Wasn't really all that sneaky. I mean, but she she had a plus 10, which is nothing to shake a stick. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So all right. So he took, he's got expertise.

He's got sneak attack, which gets him up to four D6 of damage on a sneak attack. He's got deep scant, of course, a cunning action, right? And he's got assassinate because he's an assassin, which means he has advantage on anyone who is below him in initiative. Yeah. So, and remember, we've seen first hand in play how completely messed up that is. Yes. Like, oh, wait, I get to do what now?

Yeah. And any attack you've got advantage on, I get to do what now? Yeah. And any attack you've got advantage on, you get to add your sneak attack to. Now imagine adding that to your piercing. Ooh. And also, I took another feat, I took slasher. Can reduce the speed of your slash victim by 10 until the start of my next turn.

Any crit slash is considered grievous, which gives them a disadvantage until the start of my next turn as well on any attack you make. Yeah. Okay. That's muggy. And of course, I get uncanny dodge. So if I can see it coming in any way, it cuts it in half. So now I had to give him some magical items. We didn't we didn't ban anything

like that. So he got goggles to dim light compensation for his drought vision. Okay. So essentially, yeah. You know, so he's, you know, he's got he's got that. I gave him a blade of wounding. Basically, there's a sort of wounding. I turn it into a blade of wounding. So essentially I took swords and turned them into knives and a blade of sharpness. So the blade of wounding can't be healed except by resting. Any creature wounded by it has to make a con save or take an extra

D4 of necrotic damage for each wound with this blade. So if he starts going all Kentucky knife fighter on you in a couple rounds you're losing a deal or multiple before. Yeah. And then the blade of sharpness Yeah, you're multiple before yeah, and then the blade of sharpness on on a 20 It does 14 extra points of damage And it also you roll a d20 and if you roll a second 20 You lock off a limb Yeah, so it's like you know many many four pulls so yeah, um, he's rolling in a D8 plus his decks for, uh, first slashing. Let's say it's the slashing weapon. So that's eight plus his decks is a four plus. Let's say that he gets his sneak attack. That's four

D6. So eight plus four. 12. Remember, you get your proficiency to damage as well. You know, I didn't find that in the PHP. So I'm going to, yeah. Okay. I remember we got a, we got a ruling that you do though. Okay.

Okay. I remember in an hour, in our game, loads, many years ago, we got a ruling that you did. Okay. So, but 46 plus the D8 plus four plus another d or another 14 points on top of that in one hit and that's and that's without the crit. So you crit him and you've done another d8. So yeah, you're doing pretty good damage per second. And by the way, let's say I flurry, let's say that I do touch of death too. So, yeah, it's pretty awful.

Yeah, he only has 165 hit points because he's pretty much the D8 guy. Yeah. But, you know, he's gonna hit you in a way that disables you entirely Either either you're going to be leaking the chronic damage or you're going to be You know essentially missing a limb. Yeah, so Yeah, he will stop you from fighting Yeah, the continuing damage part is the is the really egregious. Yeah, if you make a from fighting. Yeah, the continuing damage part is the really egregious part of that.

Now, if you make a medicine check of 15 on that person, then they stop. You can bandage that up. Yeah. So. Yeah, but you got to spend around doing that. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

So he's taking you effectively out just so that you, yeah. Well, it's like Soviet landmine doctrine. Yeah. We're not trying to actually like kill American GIs. We just want to wound one of them. So three. So if we may one of them that takes three of them or to combat, that's better. Yes.

So I submit to you that Richard B. Riddick would be an excellent skirmisher in this game. He has a movement of 50, which ain't bad. Richard B. Riddick would be an excellent skirmisher in this game. He has a movement of 50, which ain't bad. You know, I didn't take mobility to get there, but I love how you say ain't bad. Yeah. Like, uh, no, no, uh, or rather, I really like how you say skirmisher, like, I'm sorry, that's not skirmisher. That's murder. That's, that's entirely the skirmisher that's in murder work. That's that's entirely fitting

with who the character is. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna murder like everybody. Yeah. I'm sorry. How many hit dice are the mooks you're sending against us? We're we have a riddock, you know. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Oh, hey. And oh, oh, you didn't he didn't get all of them. That's okay. Madam Mim's gonna just hit an area of a factual qu quick. Yeah, yeah. Now he has a slight of hand of plus 10. Because he's really deft with his hands. And he again picks locks all the time. He does have thieves tools, lock picks set, a disguise set, and yeah, insight of a plus nine because he knew what John's was going to do long before anyone else. Before John's knew it.

Yeah. Now we are at the hour 20 mark, so I... I'd say let's call this one here, and pick up. Yeah, so, oh, we're leaving my two most colorful characters as far as funzies. Really? Yeah, they might not make the team, but God dang, they were fun to make. So, okay. Yeah. All right.

All right. So, hey, are you reading anything this week? Right now, I am not. I am between reading material right now, mostly because my free time is being taken up with breath of the wild, which I don't know how much of my mind is picking up, but my wife is right now playing it in the background as we're recording because I've managed to drag her into it too. Nice. Um, so yeah.

Uh, but yeah, I'm, I'm a lot of my, a lot of my time is going into that. Um, yeah, so I don't have anything I'm reading at the moment. Um, what about you though? What have you got? Uh, nothing reading. Uh, I, the last time we podcasted was I watching the TV show Plebs. Yes. Okay, I finished that a while ago then.

Okay. And now I'm kind of between series, so I'm actually picking back up on professional wrestling. I'm watching both the very best and the very worst of 2000 because I'm watching all the pay per views. So WWF at the time now WWV was ascendant and I mean they were cresting hard they really were. WCW on the other hand was throwing all the spaghetti against the wall. And and none of it was sticking if I really didn't cook it like it's It was just raw. Oh my god. It is the wall in shattering every single match is interfered with and every single match It's just like this this crash course of Jerry Springerism It's sad and the worst part is that the announcer ruins it even harder a guy named Mark Madden

and he is garbage. Like just he is the worst. Like imagine if Steve if is it Steve Bannon. Okay. If that guy had a microphone and was trying to call it was trying to put himself over while pretending to announce a wrestling match. It's awful. So yeah, labor of love, I guess. So the good news is, after 2001, there's no more WCW paper views. This is true.

So I'm working my way. I'm in October of 2000. So I've only got another 11 to go. Yeah. Oh Jesus Christ. So God there were that many of those events that frequently. Every month. Okay. Every month. So anyway, so that's that's what I'm towards myself with. Although I did just watch the there was a third season episode four of Star Trek called Who Watches the Watchers and it's where he Picard is the Picard. It's one of my favorite episodes and I turned that on the other day. It was fun. It was nice. So question, going back to WFW.

Sure. In 2000, because Jesus, it doesn't feel like it was that long ago. And then I think about it for half a second. And it's like forever. Was that still Steve Austin? Or so he got injured. Yeah. Yes. He had gotten injured and everybody else kind of stepped into the vacuum that he left.

And it really built up some good stars. In fact, my daughter came to me the other day while I was doing dishes so I was watching some wrestling. And she came to me and she says, you know, have you seen a picture of the guy who played Maui before? I said, yeah, actually I'm watching him wrestle right now from 21 years ago.

She's like, what? I'm like, that guy right there. She's like, that's Twain Johnson. I'm like, well, we call them the rock, but yeah. So, yeah, Kurt Angle is ascendant. The rock is definitely holding sway. Steve Austin has just come back from his injury. There are a lot of really good stars there.

There really are. And on the WCW side, There are some good stars that are working But they are just buried in and mired and shit Which is a shame because there were some really really good stars over there that just because like I want to say star dust, but I don't know if I'm right Gold dust gold dust. Well, there was a guy named Star Dust as well. Okay. Okay, so here's the fun thing.

The gold dust is a knock on Dusty Rhodes. Dusty Rhodes is Gold Dust's father. Yeah. And Dusty Rhodes, Dust, get it. And the color of his hair. Well, that's his son actually playing that character, Gold Dust, Dust and Reynolds. So, Reynolds and Dusty Rhodes had another son named Cody Rhodes and Cody joined his brother

Dusty and created a character named Stardust. And the name Stardust, obviously, Gold Dust and Stardust. Okay, cool. Well, the thing is Dusty Rhodes had the nickname Star Dust in the 70s. And it was painted on the plane of one of Jim Crockett's, Jim Crockett was a promoter at the time. Jim Crockett's ship, airplanes.

And Star Dust was painted on the side, because Dusty was his boy. Yeah. So you're not wrong for saying Stardust. Okay. Cody then quit being Stardust and moved over to the Independence for a while and then he helped start AEW which is a current promotion that has a really good wrestling in it. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. So yes, Gold Dust. Okay, cool. Very cool. All right. All right. Where can people find you on the social medias? People can find me on social medias in your base.

No, they can find me at EH Blalock on Twitter and Instagram, and on the TikTok as MrBlalock. And of course, if they wanna shout at us about the way we've adapted any of the characters, we've mentioned they can find us on collectively on the Twitter at Geek History Time. And where can they find you? Well, you could find me right here,

obviously at a Geek History of Time, you can also find me on Twinshta on the Twitter and the Instagram at the Harmony, two H's in the middle. You can also find me every Tuesday night at 8.30 p.m. on twitch.tv, forward slash capital puns. I've also recently guested on the hit podcast,

hipsterocracy, and I've also, yeah, it's a lot of fun with Johnny Taylor, a local comic who also has done a show with us once recently, taking a look at a quiet place. And then I also joined. Right, when I was, you know, not available due to family stuff, yes. Yeah. So, and I also joined Colin Lego in the UK for the voyage of the page turner, where it's coming out probably in a couple weeks

from this episode dropping, but essentially he and I went through a choose your own adventure, and I got lost in the Amazon. So, Voyager the Page-Durk. Oh, it's fun. It was fun. I'm gonna have to look that up, because I remember those books, I loved them too.

Oh, yeah. You'll get a kick out of it too, because I made him change the accents, because he didn't want to do a Portuguese accent. I'm like, okay, he's Irish then. So, nice. So, but anyway, so like, okay, he's Irish then. So, so. So, but anyway, so yeah, you can find me in all those places. Twitch.tv-4-slash-capital-puns is probably the most reliable,

but then I don't have a president to yell at, per se, but I guarantee you I'm gonna start holding him to account. Yeah, give it a month. Yeah, everybody gets a clean shift. So. Give it a month. Yeah, everybody gets a clean shift. So give it a month. Yeah. And yeah. So anyway, for geek history of time, I'm Damien Harmony. And I'm Ed Blaylock. And until next time, keep rolling 20s.