A Geek History of Time - Episode 92 - Stat Out a Fictional Badass Part II

Episode Date: February 6, 2021

I'm not here to poke holes and suspended this belief. Anyway, they see some weird shit. They decide to make a baby. Now, Muckin' Merchant. Who gives a fuck? Oh my god, which is a trick on you, baby. You know what I'm saying? Well, you know, I really like it here. It's kind of nice. And it's not as cold as Muckin' Home of the Sun as well. So, yeah, sure, I think we're gonna settle.

If I'm a peasant boy who grabs sword out of a stone. Yeah, I'm able to open people up You will yeah anytime I hit them with it, right? Yeah, so my cleave landing will make me a cavalier If sysful thought it was empty headed Plabian trash Really good I thought it was empty headed, plebeum trash. It was really good a groove. Because cannibalism and murder, we'll back just a little bit, build walls to keep out the radiance. And it's a little bit of a ground tunnel.

A thorough intent doesn't exist. Some people stand up quite a bit, some people stay seeing the white robots. But it just... This is a geek history of time. We connect, never reach into real world. The name is Ed Blaylock, I'm a real history teacher here in the New California. Currently doing my job over the wondrous magic that is the internet. And I have a couple of things. I want to say the opening of this episode.

The first one is, I don't know whether I'm proud of myself or horrified that since this Christmas, I have managed to turn my wife into almost as much of an addict of Legend of Zelda as I am. For our audience if you hear muttering in the background right now she's in the process of turning to defeat a miniboss in high rule behind me as we record and it is not going to plan. And then beyond that, as we mentioned in the last episode, of course, we're recording this in the wake of, you know, very important historical events, the inauguration of a new

president, the removal of our last administration, who, you know, long time listeners to the podcast will know we didn't like him. And when that administration came into power four years ago, I in the manner of an ancient Germanic barbarian took an oath that I was not going to shave my beard until that man left the White House. That man has left the White House, and tomorrow don't entirely know how I feel about it. My wife is now giggling behind me. I think rather maliciously, frankly, between you and me. I have another theory about that. Okay. Um, but so she insisted she actually now decided just like last week that she wants to be the one to hold the clippers and actually do the trimming.

So I've figured out the plan of how we're going to do it. Now the other thing is I've seen videos all over the internet of, you know, bearded dads shaving and then coming out of the bathroom after they've done it and their kids, their little kids like not handling it well. And so the plan is I'm going to do it in stages. So that so that Robert can be there to witness it as it happens. And so I can take photos of, you know, what I look like with, you know, the different facial hair that results. So, you know, the first part that's going to go is, is like just over my chin and under my lower lip. So I'm going to wind up having the kind of split beard

kind of thing going on with the handle bar mustache. Then on my cheeks and up to my sideburns, it's gonna go away. So I'm just gonna have the long sideburns in the mustache. Then the sideburns are gonna go and then the mustache is gonna go. Okay. And there'll be photographs at each stage.

And then when it's all done, I'm gonna look like my three-year-old. So yeah, I'm on the one hand, I'm very happy that circumstances aligned so that I am, in fact, having to keep my word. Cause there was a reason to doubt whether or not that might happen. But at the same time I'm kind of afraid of just exactly what I'm going to look like when I get done. So and yeah, and you may or may not

hear my wife behind me saying it all grows back. And it will, because, you know, yeah, I'm shaving it all off, but it done, but not leaving it off. No. So yeah, that's what I've got going on. Who the heck are you, man? Well, I'm Damien Harmony. I am a Latin teacher up here in Northern California,

Union Rep, department chair for some weird reason, and just hear the people say, and just say, this is all my thing, I'm sorry, that's okay. That's all right. So yeah, I do all those things, Father of Two. I did the, I did not take the oath of the beard. So I was, I just stopped shaving once I got divorced. Funny how that happens. And no one was there to be like,

I don't like you having a beard. So I grew the beard and I kind of kept it. And then everybody I've dated since then has been only known me with a beard really. Which maybe that's pulling a different demographic too. I don't know, but I didn't ever do the full grow the beard longer thing because mine just gets thicker. Just ginger beard.

But over the last four years, it gotten gray and and during the beginning of everybody's though probably you know during the beginning of COVID I shaved my beard and I did it one of the nights that my kids were here and my son came into wake me up the next morning and he woke me up and he was like he took a few steps back and he got a big ol smile on his face because he he wasn't warned. He was 10 but he was not warned. And I heard from my kids both that they prefer the beard, which is fair. And also the beginning of COVID was probably smarter of me,

because the quarantine 15, it's only half right. So I don't have any idea what you're talking about. No, no, that's fine. So yeah, yeah, I'm keeping the beard for the same reason that I had to go tee through the first, you know, 20 years of adulthood. It hides the double chin. So, but yeah, that's what I've got going on.

Yes, we have gotten rid of that man and that administration hateful as it was. Glad to see it gone. Which I wonder what's gonna happen to our takes on certain things because this whole podcast has been developed in the shadow of that administration and in the shadow of the creeping fascism. Now, Granchu, we're still gonna have white supremacy

and hate groups and extremists that we can point to as artifacts of the times that we live in, so that'll probably make it easy to analyze things. But, you know, we might have to... I've been in the anti-Trump business so long, I don't know what to do with myself now. Yeah. Have you considered dismantling white supremacy?

No, no. We elected an older white guy, everything's fine. So, but, you know, we were cleansing our palette from 10 episodes of costume fascism. And then we got rid of the fascist costumers in our administration. And now we're starting out fictional characters to hunt down the real badasses that we had back in October of 2019.

I believe that's when that was. Yeah, it was. So last episode, we brought in a magic user somebody who does damage per second really well someone who tracks people someone who's clearly a consummate healer and an ass kicker as well as somebody who is a run-around bruiser. We have lightning lightning bruiser. There you go. Use the TV tropes term. So we have four more characters. What do you have for us tonight, sir?

Well, the next one I'm going to bring up is kind of a, an outgrowth of our last couple of episodes before we started doing this. Excuse me, we were talking about cartoon series. In that couple of episodes, we talked about cartoon series that we believed deserved more time or deserved a second chance of a reboot. One of the series that I talked about was Tiger Sharks, which was kind of an offshoot

and kind of set in the same universe as Thundercats. And so one of the Thundercats is the next fictional character that I have here. All right, Wiley Kit, finally getting his day in the sun. Sadly no. No, not Wiley sun. Sadly, no. No, not Wily Kid. No, no.

The character who kind of started me and some of my peers along the path of kind of figuring out why we like girls. And that would be Chitarra. Uh-huh. Now, of course, in the series, you know, Chitarra had a pretty limited role because the series was targeted at, you know, pre-Pew Best in Boys. And so she was, you know, a support character who, you know, was there to maybe catch the attention of, you know, your dad while you were watching the show. And so, you know, she kind of got stuck in in dissed staff character Limbo a lot of the time. But she was of course a Cheetah woman,

you know, with incredibly high speed and a staff. And so I was kind of, you know, I got thinking about, okay, so if I want to do one of the, one of the Thundercats, who am I going to do? And I figured I'd do Chitarra because all of the other characters that come up with were dudes. And I figured I needed to have a female character in there somewhere. And Chitarra immediately leapt out at me, huh? Yeah. As the, as the obvious kind of choice for that. I spotted what she did there. Nicely done.

Good work. I'm not even mad. And so she was actually pretty easy to put together because she's just a monk 20. Yeah. She's straight a monk 20. Yeah, that makes sense. Straight up monk. And she has really remarkable base stats. Mm-hmm.

Her dexterity is a 20, because the older is a high elf. Because I'm a little surprised you didn't go to boxy. I couldn't find the stats. Oh, okay. I couldn't find this that's okay. I couldn't find that. And the bonus to dexterity was just like too obvious. Oh yeah. Yeah. So high elf. And because of course she was one of the white hats in a kid's TV series lawful good monk. And so way way of the empty fist as her class. So just your basic garden variety monk, she opens doors. It's what she does. Well done.

Which is an in joke with Damien about a convention game he played years ago where he was playing a monk and it was like and it was in 3.5 so it was you mean to tell me I can open the door and stand there yes I can't open the door and move through no I could open the door and move through the problem was grabbing the person on the other side pulling him back and closing the door. Right. That's going to need to stretch over two rounds or three. Yeah. Three rounds because open the door.

Because three-five. Move through. Next round. Grab the guy. Move through. Next round. Close door. Yeah, I'm a Monk.

I open doors. It's what I do. Yep. Yeah. Oh my God. That's one of the illustrations of Y35 eventually had to be replaced by something. Anyway, so and now I know, I know for a fact there's a percentage of our audience. It's going to be like, erotic blasphemy. And you know, that's probably, that's going to get me more comments on Twitter than anything else I've said ever over the course of the whole podcast. I'm sure. But it's

true. Fight me. Um, it's anyway, she's, she's 20th level monk. Um, and so unarmored defense and her elvish dexterity plus feats that she's taken means she has a dexterity of 20. And her wisdom is an 18. So her unarmored armor class is a 19. Yeah. And of course I took a lot because I'm not an idiot. So her bonus to initiative is a plus 10. She's not quite where Buffy is from our last episode. She's close. Yeah. Now the real kicker is I was thinking, man, am I going to have to find some kind of magic

item to reflect, you know, Chi Tara. No turns out I'm really not. I just need to take a couple of feats and be a monk at 20th level. Yeah. Her speed is 70 feet. And it actually gets better than that. Because so she has, of course, martial arts. She has 20 key points. She has flurry of blows.

Patient defense, step of the wind, all all the same stuff that we've talked about with her other monk characters up to this point. Let's say where is it? Improved unarmed movement. She's not only that not only improved her movement rate, but as one of her class features, it means she can run along vertical surfaces and liquids as part of her movement. So as long as she doesn't end on a vertical surface or a liquid, she can move whatever her movement amount is. So if she does a dash action, she can move 140 feet. On a wall. On a wall.

And if she really wants to, she could end her movement on that wall because she's got feather fall, basically, or slow fall. Yeah, well slow fall, yeah. So it won't hurt her anyway. And given that she's a cat. Yeah, she it won't hurt her anyway and given that she's a cat Yeah, she's gonna land on her feet Yeah, um and so as a as a monk ability she has the twerk tranquilly ability

Which makes her really useful utility character because like okay? We get into the we get into the temple and okay one of us is gonna need to figure out how to get to the idol and you know grab the idol and get away. She's like I'm gonna run over the ceiling. Well number one I can run up the flippant wall and do it but on top of that it's no no if we do that before we get into a fight, as long as I don't attack anybody, anybody who wants to try to hit me on the way to it has to make a wisdom save. Because I'm just radiating so much fucking Zen. That you can't attack me without making a saving throw.

And the save is an 18 plus. So like, yeah, that army of MOOCs, yeah, good luck with that. You're gonna have like one, you're gonna have like one guy who'll be able to do it and I have a 19 AC. They're all gonna, they're all gonna try to hit her, but it's gonna turn into, they're just gonna try to pet her. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Just look at her dude. Come on. Well, I didn't mean heavy petting Ed. I meant because she's a cat. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just look at her, dude. Come on. Well, I didn't mean heavy petting Ed. I meant because she's a cat. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Misunderstood. Mm-hmm. Kind of misunderstood. Maybe I did. Anyway. Mm-hmm. So, um, so she has a flurry of blows. Now, here's the thing.

Um, monks have had a fever. Now, these are strikes right? Ed, because I know you're obsessed with her. And so yeah, well, yeah, okay. I'm just making sure flurry of blows is a strike. Yeah. Okay. You heard attacks. Okay. So, so, uh, uh, monks at her level automatically get two attacks when they use the attack action. Right. Right. Right. Now on top of that though, flurry of blows means you can spend a key point and make two additional unarmed attacks. And then on top of that, you can, anytime you make an attack with a weapon, you get to make an armed attack on top of that. So she can use the attack action to attack twice with a quarter staff, make a follow-up

open hand attack, which I picture being a kick just because of the cartoon. Sure. And then spend a key point to do flurry of blows for two more. So way, way back it up. So she can do quarter staff hits twice. Yeah. And then you said she gets an unarmed. She gets a bonus unarmed. Well, that's her bonus action.

A flurry of blows would cost you your bonus. So she either has to make that bonus action. A flurry of blows would cost you your bonus. So she either has to make that bonus for free or flurry for key. I didn't think there was a limit on the number of bonus actions you could make. Yeah, you get one bonus, one action, yeah, one move. Yeah. Okay, okay. Then in that case, but it's still four hits for tax. The quarter staff is one D8 plus 11 damage. Now real quick, it's also a monk weapon. So what is her monk weapon damage now? Plus 11 or D8 D8 plus 11. So it's D8s at that point, it's not

detent. Well, her unarmed strike does detent. Right. Well, then it would count as detent. Oh, okay. So, yeah, everything is detent plus 11 points for every hit. God damn. So, four hits. Four hits at, so that's 44 base and another 40, if we're assuming, maximum damage. Yeah. So, 84 points of damage. And that's not cr that's no crit yeah Yeah, that that's okay, so there was a wrestler who is a huge bully and a prick and I don't like him at all his name is John Bradfall

John Bradshaw layfield I didn't like his style of wrestling I don't like all the stories that have heard about how he was in locker In the locker room. He was a bully in a prick Now some people like oh, he's he's from the old guard. It's like no There are people from the old guard who aren't that big of pricks But he got in a fight with a guy in the 90s early 2000s named Steve Blackman Steve Blackman was a wrestler and and he just didn't have the charisma but he was a legit martial artist from Hershey, Pennsylvania. And Bradshaw picked a fight with him at the little, you know, luggage pickup

at an airport. And I guess he'd been razzin' the guy for a while. And, you know, Bradshaw's big tough dude, big huge Texan guy, six, five, six, six, 300 pounds, big suckers. Cool, all right. And so he's big, he's tough. He picks a fight with Steve Blackman. And the agent, the road agent at the time finds out later. And he calls him in, and he says to the road agent whose name is Mr. Pritchard, Bruce Pritchard,

who has a wonderful podcast. He says, Mr. Pritchard, I got hit seven or eight times before I even knew I was in a fight. So that's the voice that's going through my head when you told me how much damage she could do. Yeah. Mr. Pritchard. I got hit seven or eight times. Yeah, it's like, you know, I'm sorry,

I don't think you understand, you know, and when I'm- And you can move attack, move attack, move attack, move attack too. So she could conceivably just plow through four different people at a distance of almost a hundred feet. Yeah, so I want to get into that. So she took mobile as a feed, which means she can dash and effect it by difficult terrain. And when she attacks somebody, her target cannot make, we already mentioned with with one of your guys, you can't get opportunity

to tax that turn. So she can run up on somebody one turn and hit them. Then the following turn, hit them and then run away with no opportunity to attack, no, no nothing. Right. with no opportunity to act no, no nothing. Right. And if she really wants, she could stunning strike someone on the move. I mean, that would be her bonus action. But monks are the ultimate wizard killers. That way. Just like, yeah, yeah, my daughter, like, stopped the sehu again, who was going to just do all kinds of crazy shit with magic. She just stood there next to him the whole time, stunning strike. I'm gonna spend all my key, stunning strike next round too.

Stunning strike next round too. And meanwhile, my son just destroyed all the soug and with like his fireballs. Nice. So yeah. Yeah, no, I don't remember the title of the anime. I didn't actually ever really watch it but but there's there's a kind of Kind of loving parody Anime where where the main character

Has this devastating punch attack? But in order for him to do it You have to call your shots. It's part of the mythos of the show is you have to name your strike. And he got hit by an express train and that gave him superhuman dead. That gave him his superpower. And so it's the Nakasone railway punch. I like it. And so he has to shout knock us on a railway

Pond and the problem is if he doesn't say the whole phrase before he swings it doesn't Doesn't activate. Oh man, and he goes and he goes up against a guy who has a much weaker punch But only has to say is mosquito bite Oh, I love it. I love it And so that completely stymies him until his girlfriend runs up and just like hits the other guy over over the head with a lock or something. Right. You did. But yeah.

So. So this is kind of the same thing like don't know, no, bath, bath, bath, bath, you know, nice. Stunning strike. No, you're not going to cast a spell. Stunning strike. Stunning screw you. Stunning strike. No, you're not going to cast a spell. Stunning strike. Stunning screw you, stunning strike.

So, um, but she has, you know, as I said, uh, tranquility and, and the one that really got me was, I know I've looked it up before, but because she's 20th level as a monk, because she, she, she, she multi class, she gets quivering palm. Yeah, which is insta kill. Yeah, yeah, which is you're at zero head. If you fail to save, you're at zero head points. And I looked at it and I went, well, okay, if what we're trying to do is we're hunting down and eliminating our historical figures, then I know what I need to take. Oh my God, yeah, she's the one that will get to the sniper

in four rounds. Yeah. Because the sniper has all the range. Like you have to get out more mats and tables to to put her, you know, but she will get there eventually and then when she does, it is over. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, quivering palm. Here's the deal. If you fail save, you're at zero head points. If you make the save, you take 10 die 10. If you make the save, you take 10, 10. So save for 10, 10. Yeah. Yeah. Save for an average of 50 points damage. Right. Yeah, yeah, save for an average of 50 hit points damage right like

Holy crap. Yeah, so Evasion so No, I'm sorry if I if I make the save I take nothing and Her dexterity save bonus by the way is plus 11. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm sorry. You wanted hit me with a fireball. No, you didn't No bite me. Yeah. Improved on armed move, which I already mentioned. Alertness. So her initiative is a plus 10 deflect missiles. So, you know, the sniper can shoot at me on my way. And yeah, okay, that's fine. Oh, wow. Yeah, although that's based on damage done. That is true.

So she might. Yeah. But she can still reduce the amount of damage she takes on the way in. And she has 136. Yeah, yeah. So, but if one of those is a magic missile of some or something, yeah. Yeah. And and there's also the fact that she has empty body Which is invisibly Okay, yeah, that makes a lot tougher

Empty body and now I'm running at you and as long as I don't attack anybody you don't see me And then on top of all that at 20th level you get perfect self Right, if you roll initiative and you have no key points you gain four key points Yeah, oh hey, I'm at a point. I rolled initiative. I can still quivering palm your sorry ass, right Like oh my god So yeah, oh and key empowered strikes So are you undead or something that requires magic weapons? Yeah, I don't care. I don't just don't care.

So yeah, she was a lot of fun to put together. I bet. Quarter staff, open hand strikes and darts. Yeah, plus 11 to attack and d10 plus 11 free chit. The exterior of 20 because elf and you know, feet. What traits did you give her? What personnel, what background background a giver was acolyte. Okay, that makes sense. And naivete about the outside world because if the Thundercats arrived on a starship and they know nothing about the world,

they've just landed on. Right. Polon, I kind of checked the rest of it. She is easily distracted by her flaw is that she's easily distracted by the shiny newness of the world. Because of being so sheltered. And her loyalty, her bond is to the other members of her order, which is to save the Earth under cats. Sure.

Nice. Yeah. Because there's a very notable episode of the show in which they somehow discover a cash or a gigantic vein of gold. And there's some kind of magical, I'm trying to remember the details of it, there's some kind of magical thing about the gold they find that it's, it's, you know, hypnotic and and sect them with, you know, obsession with it and greed. And she's one of the first ones to fall to it because, you know, girls like jewelry. Right. Well, like I said, the show has dated.

It was done in the 80s. Yeah. So there we go. Then that is Cheach. All right, as a 20th level high-elf monk. I like it. Yeah. All right, well, my first character of this episode,

I decided that we needed technology. We're going to defeat these people. We need technology. In order to get to technology, you need to have an engineer. And in order to have an engineer, you should probably get the best engineer that is ever existed. And that would be Lieutenant Commander Jordy LaForge. Okay. So he is an Artificer 15 forge cleric four. Okay. And it's only at this moment right now that I realized Jordy LaForge. Yep. Yeah. His background is guild artisan. Yeah. He is a rock gnome.

OK. Personality traits always want to know how things work. Ideals, everyone should be free to pursue his or her own livelihood, very starfleet. I owe my guild a great debt for who I am today, the guild being starfleet. I owe my guild a great debt for who I am today the guild being Starfleet and The flaws always want more Because Jordy was thirsty All right, not wrong. Yeah, let's see so

He starts off as an artificer which means he gets a con and an intelligence Saving throws very few who get intelligence saving throws. Very few who get intelligence saving throws. His strength is an eight. It's nothing remarkable. His decks is a 14. Again, no big deal. Con is a 12. I mean, he's a pretty standard. I serve, but I'm not here to work out kind of human. His intelligence is a 20. out kind of human. His intelligence is a 20. Reasonably, no sense. His wisdom is a 16 because he can sense things that we cannot. And his charisma is a 13. So because over as the show goes, he does get more charming. He does understand things better. Yeah. Well, and we get to, you know, I think he means possible, he always was that

charming. It's just that as the series progressed and the friendship between him and data developed, we got to see more of him being. Yeah. Yeah. That guy. Mm-hmm. So his skills are pretty stayed. Arcana history, investigation, perception, and religion.

Now, under perception and investigation, he's rolling a 16. Okay. So, and all the rest, he's rolling in 11. So, and part of it is because I was limited to a certain amount of skills that he could take. Okay. Okay, so he's got Artificer's lore, which means he has, let's see. Oh, he gets double his proficiency on history roles actually. So he gets a He's rolling a 17 on history when it has to do with magic, alchemy or technological devices

I'm gonna make sense. Yeah, he tinkers, you know, because he's a rock gnome. He's got magical tinkering, so with his tools he can touch an item and it can emit five feet of light which is dim for another five continuously emit an order or an odor rather or a sound For ten feet, he could send a message for six seconds long up to ten feet away Or it could be a static picture, which could include words. Now the magic that he has is Artificer's Magic, and he knows 10 infusions, and he can have five items infused at any time. And I'll get into his spells in a little bit. He gets to add his intelligence to

his proficiency mod for any and all attack rules. So he's attacking with an a plus 11. Oh wow. Yeah. Unfortunately, he doesn't really have the capability to do much damage. That's not really his thing, but if he needs to, he will slap a bitch. So the infusions that he knows, he knows arcane propulsion armor, the boots of the winding path, enhanced defense, helm of awareness, a homunculus servant replicate magic item.

I had to pull up the replicator um repulsion shield so spell refueling ring resistant armor radiant weapon so pretty much I spellified as much as he would have access to in in Star Trek. Okay. So, he also has right tool for the job. So, in one hour and it can be during a rest, he can create a set of tools. Again, replicating things. He took Battle Smith as his arcane aspect.

And so, he can use his intelligence my out of fire like I said to add it to attack and to the damage. Okay. Which means he's doing plus five to his damage. He's got a steel defender which if you use your mending on it, it actually heals it for damage. If it dies, you can use your tools to revive it if you get to it within two hours. And it's essentially a construct that's similar to a Ranger's animal companion. At some point, he gets an extra attack. To that data. Yeah.

Okay. Well, no, that's the humongulous servant. Oh. Yeah. This would be one of the, what were they called? The exomorphs? Those little things that like floated and then data was like, oh, they're alive.

We can't kill them. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or pretty much anything on the hotlodeck. So. Yeah, okay, good point. He's also got something called arcane jolt, which does 46 damage of force or healing. Ooh, yeah. His still defender can actually spell. Yeah. His still defender can

actually deflect and attack and his still defender deals 1d4 plus his intelligence modifier of damage. And it grants disadvantage to whoever's attacking him. And then... Oh, yes, his cleric abilities. Let's see, he can channel divinity, obviously, turn undead. He gets artisan's blessing. So he gets an hour long ritual, and he can craft non-magical items with some metal up to 100 gold pieces worth of value. That could be a silvered weapon, by the way.

And also blessings of the forge. He can make one armor or one weapon magical, so either plus one to the AC or plus one to the damage and to the hit until he long rests again. So you can just say, your weapon's better now. He took observant as a feat. I think you can figure out why. Mm-hmm. So yeah, and he also took skilled as a feat. So I gave him, yeah.

So he has some magical items because I have to account for its Jordi. First off, he has the eyes of my newt scene which gives him advantage on investigation. Okay. Secondly, he has the eyes of the eagle. So he's basically got, you know, which gives him advantage on,

yeah, on perception checks. He also has a mithril breastplate, so that brings his AC up to a 16. He has a crossbow, no big deal, but he also has a wand of magic missiles. Which with an odd kind of curve to it. Which as you if you recall, you can use multiple charges to do bigger damage. So you can set your phasers to a higher level. I'm gonna kill, yeah, you can integrate. He also has sending stones,

because that takes care of the... Communicator. Communicator, yeah, no, okay. Now as far as his spells go, as an artificer, he gets a bunch of cantrips. Nothing particularly special there. First level spells, he's going to take Expeditious retreat and detect magic and alarm. And I can imagine what that sounds like.

Also, he takes catapult. Second, he gets heat vision. I just couldn't not. Yeah, you how can yeah, rope trick because that's kind of like transporting kind of and arcane lock because, you know, computer doors just open. Third level, he got the tiny servant to spell magic, create food and water again with the

replicator. Oh, fourth level, Mordenkine's private sanctum. Because again, getting, yeah, and the holotic and then fabricate. And then he also gets heroism shield, warding bond, aura of vitality, conjure barrage, aura of purity and fire shield. Okay. And then he's got, you know, your standard cleric spells and whatnot. There's nothing particularly special there other than sanctuary and locate object. Because computer, where can I find, you know, whatever.

Yeah, yeah. So, so that's Jordy LeForge. He only has 111 hit points, but his job is to make everyone else great. Yeah, he is the, he is the buff master. Yes. The, okay, so you're already pretty good at this. I'm going to make you better. Yeah, how about you pretty good at this. I'm going to make you better.

Yeah, how about you're good at this and you have machines to help you? Yeah, yeah. And the thing is, the wonderful thing about having him on the team is he creates a really difficult decision for the strategist on the other side. Yes.

It's like, okay, so we need to take him out because he's making everybody else that much more dangerous. But if we're focused on taking him out, everyone else, we're letting them run a muck. Yes. Like that's in in 40k, that's the best kind of decision you can force your enemy to make so Neither of these choices is gonna be good right like well. Yeah, imagine what he's gonna do to Riddick's weapons Or to Chitaras, you know weapon. Yeah, it just yeah Tara's you know weapon. Yeah, it just yeah. Yeah. All right. So that's Jordy LaForge. You know, I haven't ever made an artificer and I decided I wanted to have a fictional character who's not a standard hero who's not a You know square jawed. I'm gonna or just speaking. I'm gonna kill. It's like no no, no, I'm gonna solve all my problems with technology.

Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah, all right. Who's your last one for the night? All right, so my last one speaking of square-jod heroes. My last one is Richard Sharp. Don't know that name at all. Okay, hold on. Okay.

So, Richard Sharp is a rifleman in the Napoleonic British Army. He is the creation of the British author Bernard Cornwell. Okay. And there's a whole series of novels. Okay. Starting with the first one published is Sharp's Rifles. Yeah, that I've heard of. In which, in which he is, he is introduced. He and Harper and the rest of the men in his company are introduced. They are part of the 95th rifle regiment. And he's introduced as a slightly overage in grade lieutenant in this regiment. And his men don't like him and don't trust him because he was a quarter master who just got assigned to the unit before they got sent into campaign and they are led to understand he used to be one of them. He's a rarity in the British army. He's an enlisted man who's been promoted to being an officer. Nowadays we call guys like this

Mustangs. Okay. And nowadays in the US Army, that's a sign of distinction because it means you really knew your shit. In the Napoleonic British Army, um, you were looked on as somebody who was jumped up above your station. Mm-hmm. Because officers were supposed to be gentleman and of a better class. because officers were supposed to be gentlemen and of a better class. And so if you were a sergeant who had gotten promoted to being an insin and then a lieutenant, then you were jumped up and a tall poppy. And so anyway, he winds up leading his men out of nearly certain death and wins their undying loyalty and devotion

and then goes on to have a series of, you know, 14 more novels. Um, okay. And somehow, and somehow he and his chosen men managed to be at every major battle of the peninsula campaign of the Napoleonic Wars, mostly because of the intervention of a British intelligence officer who happens to be an Irishman named Hogan. Anyway, it's a great series. OK. I am an unabashed fan of the series, even as I recognize that many of the books were written back in the 70s and 80s.

And they have some problematic kind of story elements elements but they're way too much fun. And Cornwell, as much as says, he was a huge fan of the Horatio Hornblower novels, which are about the Napoleonic British Navy. And he was like, well, I want to read about what life was like in the army. And nobody had written those books. And he said, well, I want to read about what life was like in the army. Mm-hmm. And nobody had written those books and he said, well, I got to do some about that. And so Richard Sharp is his character and his creation. He is a sharp shooter, which was a rarity. He and his men are carrying rifles, as opposed to everybody else in the army

who was carrying muskets. And they are light infantry. They are the ancestors of modern day rangers and modern day special forces troops. They were employed by the British to be the skirmish line in front of the army. And much like sharp shooters did in the US, in the American Civil War, they targeted officers and then after the officers were taken

care of, they targeted the commissioned officers in order to decapitate enemy leadership. And, you know, they still, in the 1800s, they still carry to certain level of stigma as being assassins and not probable. And so what's interesting about the character of Sharp and the novels is he is not, he is a product of his upbringing and his upbringing was he was an orphan son of a prostitute who grew up in a bad neighborhood in You know early 1800s or late 1700s London So he's a Ranger level 12 because sharpshooter right and a row level six because as a youngster he was a pickpocket

It also will give you the surprise on people so he would have it there. Well yeah there might have been taken that into a count a little bit too but automatically it just kind of makes sense. Sure. And so Ranger 12 as I said, rogues six. And fighting stylus archery. Okay. Took the sharp shooter feet. So he has no range penalty. Right. Shooting on range banks, no difference. And he ignores one half and three quarters cover.

Right. So no, I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. I'm willing to hit and I'm going to hit you and you're going to take it and like it. Right. We're done. His favorite enemies, I made him, at first I was going to make him an elf.

I decided I was going to stick to making him a human. But his favorite enemies are undead, goblins and orcs. He has natural explorer, prem evil awareness. We've already talked about land stride. We've already talked about difficult terrain doesn't affect him. And he has hide in plain sight. Yes. and camouflage himself, and he does not need to have concealment. He can create his own concealment in order to stay hidden. With the, I took the Hunter archetype for him. So he has Horde breaker, meaning when he makes an attack,

he can make a second attack within five feet of the first. So then he has escape the hoard, meaning if you try to make an opportunity to attack against him, you have disadvantage. And then and then at higher level, his range of ability is a volley. He can spend an action to make a ranged attack against any number of creatures within 10 feet of a point in range. So I look at the map and I pick a point. And I can attack with a ranged weapon,

I can make one attack against every creature within 10 feet of that point, as long as I have ammunition to do it. Wow. Ow. Yeah. He has expertise as a rogue. His sneak attack damage is three-die-six. Mm-hmm.

He has cunning action so he can hit and fade. Right. Hit and hide. Yeah. And just like Riddick, he is the assassin archetype. So he has a assassinate and his initiative bonuses plus nine. So he's got a pretty good chance to go first. Right. And he has advantage on attacks against anybody who hasn't acted yet. And anybody who is surprised, which is where hide and plane sight comes into account, any target who is surprised takes an automatic critical hit, right. He has alert as a feat. He has the skulker, no, which ties in with being light infantry and helps out with the, you know, assassin stuff. And I'm going to go look it up here real quick, just to explain. And then a resilient, he went up taking resilient in order to get a strength saving throw.

Okay. And to increase the strength, by a point. So give me a second here, where I find feeds again. Because, skulker, here we go. You were expert at slinking through shadows again, the following benefits. You can try to hide when you were lightly obscured from the creature from which you were hiding. When you are hidden from a creature and miss it with a ranged weapon attack, making the attack and doesn't reveal your position.

Nice. And dim lighting doesn't impose disadvantage on your perception checks relying on sight. So yeah, everything looks light to me hitting you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, I don't care. I don't care where you are. I'm going to smack you. Okay. And then since he's a 12- a ranger, of course, he has spells. The highlights there are Hunter's Mark, obviously, long strider, lightning arrow at third level, and my favorite at third level, conjure barrage. Yeah, especially with that volley. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so so in a cone, I'm just hitting all of you. Yeah, just take damage. So now the thing is, um, he's really, really, really useful at the other side has MOOCs. We need to deal with the MOOCs. Don't worry about it. I've got it. Right. He's, yeah, he's the, what do you call it? Yeah, the MOOC killer, the minion killer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about it. You go, you go deal with, you, you go get the, the woman who's, who's trying to get the skeleton stirrise up out of the ground. I'll deal with the skeletons. Yeah, yeah, she can keep bringing them. I'm going to keep knocking them down. You just get like cool. I'll clear you a path. Yeah, yeah, I will clear Chitara a path to get to the spellcasters to take them down. And by the way, I can hide myself well enough that Liyud Miller is going to have a hard time spotting me to take me out. Yeah. You know, counter sniper, I might not be awesome at, because Leigh and Miller has the initiative from, you know, the deepest pits of hell. But, you know, so yeah, that is Richard Sharp,

So yeah, that is Richard Sharp, Sharp Shooter in the Georgian army. On the peninsula, he's wearing a studded leather armor, his armor class is 16. Each shot from his longbow does a D8 plus 10. And his backup weapon is a long sword, which is doing a D8 plus eight. Nice. So yeah, not too shabby. Yeah.

In the books, it's interesting to note, he is obviously he has to be a proficient rifleman in order to be in a rifle unit. He is the basically, it's kind of insinuated. He's the second best shot in his unit after a poacher named Hagman who was forced to join the army or lose fingers for poaching back in England and wound up becoming a sharp shooter. So. All right. poaching back in England and wound up becoming a sharp shooter.

All right. Well, for our last one, I went cartoons. And I didn't really think in terms of what the party would need given what I'd already done. I thought more in terms of what would be a really fun character to make. I'd already done. I thought more in terms of what would be a really fun character to make. I think that this one should have a spot on just about any squad because of his versatility. What we have here is in a monk of the open hand, level four, and the rogue inquisitive level 16. Okay. Yeah, his name is Broadway.

Okay. Do you remember Gargoyles? Gargoyles. Yes. The fat one. Yeah. Yeah. I realized, what's that?

Inquisitive. Yes, because if you if you watch the cartoon, he falls in love with private investigator TV shows. Right. Yes. Okay. Yes. So I went all in. So and I found that when I first watched it, of course, everybody loves Goliath, cool voice, main character. Yeah. I liked Brooklyn a lot because he was small and live. My little brother, like Lexington a lot because he was even smaller and did tech shit. As I got older, I liked Hudson because he's this old salty veteran but now I'm really, really appreciative

of the different layers that that Broadway brings to the party. Okay. So so here he comes. First off he's in Urchin, which is not surprising. Personality traits he eats like a pig and has bad manners. Oh, also he knows city secrets. That's a feature. Community have to take care of each other

because no one else will, obviously. My town is my home. I will fight to defend it. All right. It's not stealing if I need it more. So because he was not about borrowing things. He'd feel bad, but you know. Now, obviously, his race is a gargoyle.

I went and found a brew up of gargoyle race. Okay, so what does that do? It basically gave him a brew up. It gave him a plus one, I think, on Khan, and I think it gives him. It doesn't really give him much more. It gives him dark vision. Does it give him a flight move? Because that's that's the first thing I'm thinking of is being like, you know,

something you're going to have to figure out a way to reflect. Yeah. No, he does have a flight of 40, which matches his speed of 40 because he's a monk. So, yeah, he's got dark vision, he's got expertise, he put his expertise into, oh yeah, so yeah, he's rogue and inquizzative first. Sorry. He put his expertise into investigation and intimidation. And... All makes perfect sense. Yep. And then later on he gets expertise again and I put those into perception and stealth.

So, as far as his skills... I never thought of him as being particularly stealthy, but I suppose it makes sense. Yeah. Pretty much all of them seem to have roughly the same strength, and all of them seem to have roughly the same ability to hide. So yeah, and he sneaks into Alisa's place a couple times. His stealth is only a, well, his stats, his strength is an 18 because he's a gargoyle.

His decks is actually a 14. His Khan is a 20. His intelligence is a 16. His wisdom is a 14. His charisma is a 12. So he's pretty high-powered. His skills, the ones that you want to keep an eye on, intimidation, he gets, let's see, 12 plus one is a 13, his investigation is a plus 20. Oh wow, okay. Because some stuff I gave him, his perception is a plus 19.

some stuff I gave him. His perception is a plus 19. Okay. Yeah. His passive wisdom is a plus 17. And his stealth is a 12 because it's actually, he gets expertise in it. So it's actually 612, it's a 1314. Yeah. Okay. So he gets your standard thief package, right? And then we get to inquisitive. He has what's called the ear for deceit. And what that is is that you get to make an insight check against someone who's lying and you can't roll less than an eight. Okay. So, and then he also gets what's called I for detail, which as a bonus action, you get

perception or investigation to find a hidden object or decode a clue. Okay. Then you get also get insightful fighting as you go up in levels. As a bonus action, you use your insight versus their deception. And on a success, you can use sneak attack on your next attack on them as a target. And you can hold that sneak attack for about a minute. So, you know, if you don't want to hit them just yet, yeah, 10 rounds later, you could still have done it.

Yeah. And then your standard uncanny Dodge evasion, I took observant, he can read lips and he also gets the bonus to his wisdom. And steady eye, if I move at one half or less of my speed, I get an advantage on perception and investigation. It's a feat that I found in Tosh's, I believe. Or no, actually, that might actually be the final part of being the inquisitive. And then, so that means I could be flying along at 20 and notice lots and lots of stuff. Yeah, okay.

That's a good sense. Reliable talent with my proficiency added, I can never roll less than a 10 on anything. And then, yeah, I took skills, so he becomes a little bit more skill monkey. And then unaring eye, this is another inquisitive thing. My action, on an action I can sense the presence of illusions, shape changers who are not in their original form,

or other magic that would deceive the senses within 30 feet. Wow. Yeah. So I'm the one that's like breaking through all the stuff and going, nope, nope, nope. Also, I get blind sense. If I can hear something, or if I'm capable of hearing, then I know when it, where an invisible creature is, if it's within 10 feet of me. Wow. Yeah. That's really powerful. Yeah.

Yeah, that's really powerful. Yeah. I also have that that eliminates a huge portion of the advantage for anybody trying to get invisible around you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, wow. Okay. Mm-hmm. So we'll just park me at a door. Yeah. You know, let's see what else. I have slippery mind, which is a high end rogue capability. And I believe what it does is it keeps me from being able to be scared or, oh, no, no.

I get a proficiency in wisdom saving throws. That's what it is. Yeah. Um, and so that's, that's all the, the rogue stuff. Okay. Uh, and then we switch over to being an open hand monk. And I pretty much did it because step of the wind, um, is a month trait, as well as the way of the open hand, which is on a flurry of blows I can make an enemy have to succeed on a deck save or be knocked prone Or they have to make a strength save or they get pushed back 15 feet Or they simply have no reactions until the end of my next turn

And then I get slow fall as well. So also I took it because most of his weapons are unarmed. There's that one time that he used a gun and he shot at least a by accident. But most of his attacks are unarmed. So I gave him the ability to do unarmed strike with being a monk. I also gave him Savage Attacker

because every gargoyle in that series was a Savage Attacker. Once per turn I can reroll and attack and keep either roll. His claws, I updated him to have, so he's got an unarmed attack at 1d4 plus 4 if he attacks with his claws it goes up to to a D6 plus four and slashing. Other than that, he has, he only has a 199 hit points. His initiative is only a plus two. His armor class is only a 14. But he is the non-combat character like crazy. He will get you through the plot. Yeah, he's the utility man.

And for sure. get you through the plot. Yeah, he's the utility man. And he can hit pretty hard, and he can, you know, Ben Barr's lift gates, you know? Yeah. So he's kind of the guy that you want for that. So that, and he was just really fun to make. I mean, he's Broadway. He's here. So.

Yeah, no, that worked. So there you go. That's my addition to the squad. So here's what's gonna happen. In just a couple of seconds, George is going to weigh in with his votes. I would like to know what you think our squad will be. There's six spots and we have 11 people.

I'm going, I will go first. I think that he will pick Mad Madam Mem. Yeah, Mem, Mem I think needs to be there. I think that he will pick Jordi LaForge. And I think that he will pick John Carter. Yeah. And I think that he will pick Dr Carter. Yeah. And I think that he will pick Dr. Watson. Okay.

And I think that he will pick Richard Riddick and Buffy Summers. I'm going to go out and say those. Okay. I think, and I think that he will pick Jordy sentimentally, more than he'll pick him rationally, but I think Jordy does deserve the fifth or sixth spot on that squad anyway. So yeah, yeah, I, yeah. So who do you think he'll pick?

I definitely agree with Madame Minne. Definitely agree with John Carter. Definitely agree with Riddick. From a tactical standpoint or strategic standpoint, I think having another cleric because we've got he's gonna he's gonna go with Jord, for as you say, for sentimental purposes. I think, um, Jordi also has the advantage of as an artificer with the bonuses that he's able to get, he's a force multiplier. Yes. And so I think for, for practical reason, that's good one to go with. I think, I do think he's going to go with Dr. John Watson, because Watson brings obviously more of the healing to the table to help everybody out.

And the controller kind of stuff that Watson is able to do by tripping people up and and the abilities that I chose with them disarming and all that stuff. I think can be very useful. So number six. I'm wondering whether Cheetahres stands a chance for the same sentimental reasons. If if Cheetahar does, I think he'll be making a mistake in not choosing Buffy, because Buffy has the searching abilities. Like, you need some sort of scout. And I think if he does take Cheetahar, I think that'll weaken the party. But I do think that you stand at 50-50 of him taking a guitar. Yeah, and sadly, see, of all the characters I did, I'm proudest of Watson and Sharp, largely

because of the way I managed to interpret them from the source material, but I think mechanically sharp just doesn't quite fit in with what we're trying to accomplish. Like, as a, okay, in a fantasy setting, I'm going to recreate a rifleman from the Napoleonic era. Like, sharp is perfect. Like, no, I'm going to kill the sergeant and then three of the dudes. Right. And that's, and we're done.

But for hunting down and killing, you know, Walt Disney's wrecking crew, I don't think that's going to work sadly. Yeah, well, and yeah, if we're going, we're super power battling these guys. Yeah. I also, I think that we already have enough combatty people who can cover distance. Yeah. Well, it's with Carter there. Right. I think Sharp becomes redundant.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, we'll see what he does. That'll be interesting. So that's coming up in just a couple seconds. So here it comes. Hello, Geek Timers.

This is producer George. Deliberated. First, I actually want to recap and remind everyone that we chose last time was Ludmilla, Harriet Tubman, Sunsu, Ignatius, Viking of the bridge, and Mary Shelley, where is the group that we chose of real-life historical figures to stat out. Now with this new group, it took quite a bit of deliberation. I didn't want to go a direct one for one, because they're not like answering one another.

I see a lot of good overlap, especially between the characters created, but I'll do it kind of a one-to-one, and because it kind of explains why I chose them. Like for Ludmilla, my counter is Chitara. She can bridge the gap, and she can hit her and stop her and keep her down. Was part of the reason for that. Harriet Tubman, if I recall, chose for her survival and her ability to be able to go over terrain. Basically, I helped the party, and so her counter, I have, is Jorry. So he can enhance everyone else to get them, you know, to the goal of stopping this other group.

Sun Su, we had a statistician and kind of a rogue type. His counter is riddick, but he is also kind of a counter for the Viking on the bridge, but you know, if you can get these others stopping them then they can all kind of finish with him. No, no, so that was that was my choice for that. For Ignatius, that was Dr. Watson since he has the medical ability and on top of that you know the icing on the cake is that he can fight with his cane or what have you so we can always help out in other other fashions the Viking on the bridge I'm gonna skip him because I still haven't fully decided yet but Mary Shelley the kind of counter that I put like said and

they're not direct one to ones I don't you know them fighting together it's a pretty potent team it would be mad mad a mim. I liked her for her barriers. So even as, as people are attacking, she can prevent one person from getting to another so that you can deal with another, if that makes sense. With the different vines, the anti-life, I can't remember the barrier, but it prevented people from getting and that also attributed to Mary Shelley.

So that's why I also consider Dr. Watson and Jordy counter to Mary Shelley both with their cleric abilities. So the Viking on the bridge, my debate is between Buffy, Broadway. I know that's less attacky, so to speak, doing Broadway, but his help to the party on the whole is very helpful. John Carter is a possibility with his strength and what have you, but I think that can be covered by Buffy or or or even Richard Sharp so yeah that's that's that's that's the toughest call that last part to cinch everything together I think I'll go with Buffy I know that's very mumke, but I think that would be a very successful against the

others on this list, especially since a lot of them occupy multiple roles, both Jordy and Dr. Watson are like you can't not have them because of their cleric and other enhancing abilities that they have. So what do you think? I know it wasn't exactly what you speculated for me, but I think these choices are logical and formidable. Well, okay, that's, that was George's choices. There were some surprises in there for certain But I think we both nailed it on a few of them. So well done George. Thank you very much So you know what let's just jump right out of it Ed Where can people find you on the social medias?

They can find me on the social medias at eH play lock on the Twitter and also eHBlayLock on Instagram and TikTok. If you really want to go looking, you won't find much on TikTok, but that's where you can find what little there is. And if everybody wants to shout at us or shout at producer George, don't shout at producer George, he doesn't deserve that. Shout at us. or shouted producer George, don't shout producer George, he doesn't deserve that, shout at us. But if you really need to do that, you can find us at geek history time on Twitter. And where can they find you? You can find me at duh harmony, two Hs in the middle.

On the Twitter and on the Insta, you can also find me every Tuesday night on Twitch.tv forward slash capital puns and you'll see me doing all kinds of puns for our show that's been going pretty dang strong. We're coming up on a hundred episodes of that. So yeah, 100 shows rather. Yeah. And then you can also find me on, there's a podcast called Voyager, The Page Turner that I was on recently that I really, really enjoyed doing. A lot of fun. And other than that, I think that's about all you can do. You can find me there. So yeah.

All right. Well, for Geek History of Time, I'm Damien Harmony. And I'm at the play lock and until next time, keep rolling 20s.