A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Cheez-it vs. Goldfish ft. Trevor Evarts

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

Today, we're joined by Trevor Evarts from the podcast Trevor Talks Too Much and member of the Mythical Kitchen to discuss: which is better, Cheez-Its or Goldfish? Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. I don't care if it's a snack that smiles back. I just want a snack that tastes good. What? This is madness. Madness? No. This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what?

That makes no sense. A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scherer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inayati. And today we are joined by Trevor Everts, Goldfish aficionado, podcast host of Trevor Talks Too Much.

Go check out his podcast. Trevor, you eat more goldfish than anyone I've ever known, so we wanted to have you here as our sort of expert witness. Not living once, the snack. The Marissa Tomei in our My Cousin Vinny story. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I'm very passionate about goldfish, so it's really nice to be here. Also, it's been a long time since I've been here with you guys. Last time you were here, we talked about the best cookie, right?

Yeah, and I felt like I was passionate about that. I could be more passionate about this because I do eat a lot of goldfish. talk, let's talk about that. Why don't you feel like you might be as passionate about goldfish? Um, I don't know. I guess goldfish, like, you know, it's just a snack food. And like, I know my love for goldfish and I don't feel the need to project that onto other people. You like the snacks that you enjoy. I don't believe that I'm necessarily absolutely right. I don't believe there's an absolute truth when it comes to goldfish versus Cheez-Its, whereas I do believe there's an absolute truth

when it comes to other things. Interesting. So you're not like a goldfish. What? So what are you doing here? You gotta be passionate about it. You gotta stake your claim, man. I'm passionate.

I love goldfish, and I personally think that they're better than Cheez-Its, but I want to be inclusive to everyone. You're not an evangelist. You're not a proselytizer. Yeah. You're a goldfish and I personally think that they're better than Cheez-Its, but I want to be inclusive to everyone. You're not an evangelist. You're not a proselytizer. Yeah. You're like a, you're a goldfish Unitarianist. Yeah.

Is that what they're called? I would, I would consider myself more of like a kind of a monk. Like I exist in the realm that I eat goldfish and I ponder life while eating goldfish and I enjoy them. But I understand that everybody experiences snack foods in a different way. I think, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. This is getting into a deep philosophical conversation. I like when we come into these conversations and it's balls to the wall.

We're staying in facts. We're getting emotional. We're getting all riled up. We're speaking in weird Latin phrases. De gustibus non est disputandum, right? There is no accounting for taste. But I believe there is. I don't,

Trevor, I don't want to live in this world of cheese snack relativism. Frankly, I think it's BS because I believe one product can scientifically be considered better than another. And I believe that. I believe, I believe, I believe. No, it's not science. It's just the fact that Cheez-Its have, if you are in this for a cheese cracker experience, right? Goldfish, you understand, are marketed as a cheese-flavored cracker. They have, certainly they have other varieties. Oh, Trevor, I've had the pretzel goldfish. The cinnamon graham cracker ones? The cinnamon graham, the frosting.

Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. The little cupcake ones. Can I go back for a second? Because Josh said, I believe that Cheez-Its can be scientifically proven to be better than Goldfish. And then Josh said, it's not about science. Welcome to the pod, man. I just meant that like, Cheez-Its have a much more pronounced

toasted cheddar flavor. And if you are being marketed as a cheese chip, I think that you are legally and morally bound to deliver on that promise. And that is a promise that Goldfish, they get you in with the smile, right? It's like a server. It's like a server.

They get you with a smile. They hook you. Yeah, I want to be happy, Nicole. You think that I wouldn't choose pure happiness if I was capable of it, but I'm not. You know, I need a little bit of conflict in my life, but they hook you into the smile. They hook you into that false promise.

And then they do not deliver on cheese flavor. I want the agnostic squares of Cheez-Its to blast me in the face with cheese flavor, and they do every time. No, I don't necessarily agree that the cheese flavor is the most important part. I agree. I agree that Cheez-Its do have a more cheesy flavor,

but I honestly don't like it. If I wanted cheese flavor, I'd eat cheese. I like Goldfish because they're softer, they're flakier they're more satisfying thing to eat than cheese it's cheese i feel are you don't believe so goldfish are not more satisfying than cheese it's okay so imagine this is the school lunchbox we're all at school together we all go to i don't know retin link middle school okay oh god i hope that doesn't happen i hope we find better heroes.

I love Rhett and Link, but like, I don't know. Let's just say we all go to Lincoln middle school, okay? And we're all, you know, at the lunch table and one of us brings out a bag of goldfish and one of us brings out a bag of Cheez-Its. I'm going for the Cheez-Its every single time. Not to say that the shape of the goldfish isn't inviting. Not to say that it doesn't feed a certain part of my brain that is nostalgic and, you know, connected to my childhood. But Cheez-Its taste better and they are a better eating experience.

And I think that's objective. I think it's objective that they taste more and taste better. No, they taste more cheesy. Goldfish are saltier. Yes. And I like that. I like it because goldfish are more chip adjacent. No.

When you think about salty flavor. Hold on. Nicole's about to strike you. I don't know if you saw the anger in her eyes. She was about to strike you. Yeah, I turned into a python. Python strike or strangle. Cobras.

I feel like cobras strike. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I think so. Pythons are constrictors.bras strike. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I think so. Pythons are- Pythons are constrictors. Are they constrictors? Are they?

Yeah, yeah. But constrictors still strike. I do own a snake, yes. Yes. They still strike, but the way that they kill their prey is by striking and then wrapping them up. That's what makes them a constrictor. Do they strike with poison or the strike is just to immobilize and then they wrap?

The strike is to, it's crazy actually. If you watch, I do this like every week because I feed my snake, but he like strikes it, gets it in his mouth and then immediately, like it happens so fast, but he strikes the mouse and then immediately like curls around it and like wraps it up.

So I think it's like just to get on top of its prey and then wrap it and suffocate it until it dies. But they do that even when you're not feeding them live because I feed mine pre-killed mice and they still will wrap it up for like a- Well, how do you kill the mouse? I don't kill the mouse. He does not kill the mice.

What do you mean? How does it get dead? Someone else kills it. You buy pre-dead mice. You millennials, you kids, you millennials are paying other people to kill your mice for you. How do you guys feel about Ritz Bitz?

Hey, Ritz Bitz, anybody? Ritz Bitz filled with cheese? How do you feel about those cheese crackers? Wait, so a snake, it's like an MMA fighter where it's like you open them up with a jab to then take another. Okay, Nicole. What about the Keebler cheese and peanut butter crackers? We're way off base now. No, no, no, we're not.

We're not. I'll tell you why. No, no, what are you talking about? We're talking about something similar. No, no, no. We're not. We're not. We're not. I'll tell you why. No, no. What are you talking about? We're talking about something similar. These are cheese crackers. Because Trevor said that Goldfish, you're not in it for the cheesy flavor. He's not in it for the cheese experience. So now I feel like if we're talking Cheez-Its or it's Goldfish and you're not analyzing

on a cheese level. On a cheese spectrum. On the cheese spectrum, then we can go outside of that cheese spectrum and we're getting into. Club crackers. Club crackers, baby. Triscuits. The single greatest cracker snack of all time.

Trevor, would you say that you are into goldfish for a cracker snack? Yeah, I'd say so. Have you opened yourself up to other crackers? Yeah, I like other crackers. Goldfish, I don't know. I mean, this is why I started off so agnostic in this conversation saying that I believe that I like goldfish better, but I believe that everyone is open to enjoy their own snacks because I know that if you like cheese, it's more as a goldfish fan. I'm not going to be able to convince you because you're right. They taste more like

cheese and they are more like cracker. But like, I can't, I can't explain it to you that I just enjoy goldfish more. I want to reach deep into the recesses of your mind because one on your own podcast, Trevor talks too much listen to it download it you know you open up a lot you talk a lot about mental health which is really fantastic also we had a psychologist leave us a voicemail that was like Josh and Nicole we love how much you talk about therapy

and like mental health and I was like dang I've never been to therapy I don't know what she thought she heard me say I've been trying to make an appointment it's just hard it is hard did I make an appointment I need a therapist to because one of my things I need to figure out why I'm so bad at simple tasks like I need like my my car registration six months over I've been to the dentist in two years and like I'll try and make an appointment even getting a haircut stuff for me uh and so I need to talk to a therapist

about why it's so hard for me to book a therapy appointment how about yeah but it's a then it's anyways what i'm saying is i want to like freudian reach deep into your mind okay when you at work every single day i see you with a bag of cheap what are they called goldfish every single day at work i see you with a bag of goldfish when you walk over to the bountiful snack selection at mythical entertainment and they have increased it to have healthier options recently, which is, y'all, those little fruit leather things? They have Milanos now. And they got Milanos.

But why, what is it about the goldfish that speaks to you? I don't know. I've loved them forever. Maybe it's something that, like, there's a bit of childhood nostalgia to it, because ever since I was a kid, I loved goldfish. I think that, like, I don't like Cheez-Its that much. And I believe that they, I loved goldfish. I think that like, I don't like Cheez-Its that much. And I believe that they taste cheesier, but I think that's why I don't like them

as much. Like I said earlier, when I'm biting into a Cheez-It, I'm getting like assaulted by cheese flavor. And if I wanted to eat cheese, like pure cheese flavor, I would just eat cheese. And so when you get goldfish, one, they're flakier and they're lighter. Cheez-Its are a lot crunchier. You can bite them in half so that you have the two halves of the fish, which I like. Oh, yeah, and they swim. Yeah. But I don't know. I mean, they're a little bit saltier.

I just like them more, dude. I don't know what to tell you. No, it can't be that simple. It can't just be different people have different tastes and I enjoy this snack more than another. That's not a disturbance. Okay. Okay, so Nicole and I have talked snack more than another. That's not a disturbance. Okay. Okay. So Nicole and I have talked about this a lot.

Yeah. What? We enjoy intensity of experience. Yeah. When it comes to food, right? For sure. Especially, I mean, also in life, you just traveled to Turkey and went to Oktoberfest. You want to have these big, intense experiences.

True. And I'm the same way. Like, I would rather live on a sine curve of happiness and unhappiness, intensity. Correct. You know what I mean? Yes unhappiness, intensity. Correct. You know what I mean? Yes. Than live in stasis. Yeah.

Do you seek out intensity when it comes to food? Are you into like, oh, I want to eat the hottest thing. I want to go find this obscure dish in this obscure region. I want to drive 60 miles out to get it. Or do you value comfort in food? I would say I like to experience new things things and extreme things but not in my home really because when i'm at home like when i rarely cook you guys know this i like can't cook at home there's just something in my brain that it doesn't work so i literally eat like ham and

cheese sandwiches when i'm at home and a bunch of goldfish and i don't know when i'm at home snacking maybe there's like i know that like based on your moods and your, and your like mental health, like it'll make you crave different foods, but sometimes I just want to eat like a whole bowl of goldfish and just keep going back. And it's an easy snack. And it also, uh,

isn't too dirty on the fingers. That's another thing that's like really big for me. This is part of your culture. Yeah. You can't not much dust, not much grease. As a celibate Christian gamer, this helps your gaming and your celib Not much dust. You can't. Not much dust. Not much grease. As a celibate Christian gamer, this helps your gaming and your

celibacy. Yes. My gaming and my celibacy. No, because genuinely, when I eat chips or when I go to the store for snack foods, if I'm looking for something to snack on, I don't want it to be like... That's why I almost never buy Cheetos at the store. I love Cheetos, but I never buy them because the transition from eating Cheetos to then having to put

my fingers on my keyboard to play video games, I got to go do a whole hand walk. Wow. With Goldfish, it's just like a brush of the salt off the pants and I'm good to go. You really thought this through. Wait, okay, as somebody who now considers himself gamer adjacent because one, Julia has been out of town and two, I've really started gunning hard on Rocket League and I suck and I keep dropping ranks, but I've been playing a lot, especially this weekend. And it literally was the thing. I was like cooking a bunch. All I did was hold myself up this weekend and I just took all the leftovers from Mythical Kitchen last

week and I just made some really dank Thai chili roasted tomatillo salsa. But I would like cook in between rounds and then I literally would try and wash my hands. And if they were wet at all, I felt like I just wasn't quick on the joystick. Yeah. And so I get this. 100%. I'm sorry, I just blanked out. What did you guys talk about? Nicole, we're going to need you to go home, pick up a very unhealthy gaming habit and then come back

so that you can really engage with this part of the conversation because it's very important. If I can't play Rocket League, I get anxiety. I'm okay. Okay. So what is it? You've talked about the bold cheese flavor.

So what else is it about Cheez-Its that makes you love them so much? I like the shape. Square? I like the size. How is square a more fun shape than fish? Shouldn't be fun. No, no, no. Form should follow function.

We are the Bauhaus school of cheese cracker. I like how when I push up a Cheez-It to the roof of my mouth, it splits in two. Whenever a goldfish would just dissolve. The top would pulverize because it is a flakier cracker. It is a flakier cracker. I'll give it that. That's not what I want, though. It's so flaky and light that it instantly disintegrates. I agree. Which is not good. But I like it flaky and light. I agree. No. I'll tell you that. That's not necessarily, that's not what I want though. It's so flaky and light that it instantly disintegrates. I agree.

Which is not good. But I like it flaky and light. I agree. No. I'll tell you why. Texture. I'll tell you why I love Cheez-Its so much. I think for me,

I have these weird like culinary aha moments as a child. Yeah. Like weird things, like tasting, this is stupid, like it's school lunch, right? All the crap that we all probably grew up on at school lunch, if we ate from the cafeteria, it's all the same pre-processed like nuggets chicken sandwich

we just had hot pockets every single day pizza uh some really crappy burgers that like are from the 7-eleven you know there's like the 7-eleven pre-packaged burgers yeah but like one day they had like baked chicken and i had like never seen a full piece of bone-in like baked chicken i was like eight years old and i was like this is the height of luxury like that was incredible i was like this is cookery this is it because at home we were just eating bone in you say yeah wow that's a thigh dude you just get a whole chicken thigh with your like crappy school lunch that's crazy that they gave bone-in chicken to kids like that yeah it was you know and it was still but it was one of those weird culinary aha moments of looking back and being like game

changer not all food is just processed sometimes it's a it's a muscle for an animal and it's that tastes better but cheese it's going from eating like it wasn't goldfish but it was cheese nips y'all know cheese yeah cheese nips oh cheese nips are so bad thank you wait we can all agree on this yeah i don't like they're like wavy right a little bit on the side they're like they have a little wave to them. No, thanks. They're terrible. But going from eating a cheese nip to then a cheese it. Yeah.

And I was like, holy smokes, the cheese flavor explodes out of this cracker. I was like, this is now the dichotomy of like fine and good. Yeah. I want to spend the rest of my life chasing that dichotomy of how do I take this thing that is fine and then turn it to good? How do I take the cheese nip and turn it into the cheese it? Okay. And to me, that was like literally an aha moment in cooking and my culinary development. Cute.

What do you think that says about my relationship to my mother? You resent her. I already know about your relationship to your mother. Do you want to get into it? No, no, no. No, not necessarily. Okay. All right, no. One time she you want to get into it? No, no, no. Not necessarily. Okay. All right, no.

One time she ashed a cigarette into a rice-a-roni. I know. When you tell me that, it really pisses me off. Yeah. It's like, I have an ashtray next to the kitchen. That's what I do. Do you smoke while cooking? That's crazy.

Hell yeah, dude. It was the swinging early 2000s. That's the real chef experience. They didn't know the science. Smoking while cooking? Are you an Italian man? In the early 2000s, they didn't know the science. Nicole, did you not see the real chef experience. They didn't know the science. Smoking while cooking? Are you an Italian man? In the early 2000s, they didn't know the science. Nicole, did you not see the bear?

God. You go outside like everyone else. You smoke in front of the food. That's rude to the food. I don't know. Talking to, when we went to that burrata factory, and the guy was like, everybody says that the burrata these days tastes different.

That's because back when I started working in the burrata factory in 1962, coming fresh out of fascist Italy World War II, people were smoking unfiltered cigarettes and they would literally go and blow into the mozzarella to create the burrata so it all tastes like cigarettes and people just like that flavor. A little tobacco goes a

long way when it comes to flavor infusions. One time I worked somewhere and the lady uh straight tobacco leaves in uh chocolate sick and i think at least two people got poisoned at work yeah you can't turns out eating because we tried to once make a cigar flavored slushy oh yeah you told me about this and then we started googling like wait this is probably harmful right because in my mind i was like well the amount of nicotine if people are ripping literally you can change smoke four packs of cigarettes in a day right and you can like pack a lip yeah you can pack a lip but like apparently if you full-on ingest tobacco it's yeah the nicotine that you get from ingesting it like

that is crazy lips at least it's really small and people generally aren't just like swallowing it and all that but like nicotine poisoning was a really brutal way to like murder French politicians in the 1800s. What do you mean? It's an unguarded cigarette. It's not going to kill you. Just we laugh him for that. But yeah, it just like boils you from the inside.

So yeah, just straight eating tobacco. Don't do it. Don't do it. Or just don't smoke. It's not cool. But I'm thinking if like they're making burrata today like that by hand the real italian way and they're ripping jewels you can have so many flavoring mango cocoa burrata yeah all the ones all the flavors that appeal to kids

you know it's like sour candy yeah that's the new generation we're raising we're raising a generation of kids that vape and are gonna be in in the barata factories, ripping vapes into barata. Doubtful. Doubtful. I can't wait for that. What? Y'all ever mess with like the exotic Cheez-Its? The exotic goldfish?

The white. The white. Well, white isn't necessarily exotic, but the white cheddar Cheez-Its? Delicious. That's Gen 1. The flavor blasted. They're good, but I love white cheddar Cheez-Its. I think they're better than the regular ones.

So I remember the exotic Cheez-Its from day one being the white cheddar and then the Tabasco hot and spicy. Oh, that smells like armpits. It smells like armpit because, listen, Tabasco was the best hot sauce they had back in 1994 or whatever when those came out. And now we're past that. And so, like, for instance, the Tapatio Doritos, they need to start getting that in on the Cheez-It game or like a Sriracha Cheez-It. Do they make, I think, do they have a Sriracha flavor now? No, but they should. I don't think so, but they should.

But I think the new generation of Cheez-Its, I think they're doing incredible work over there in the Cheez-It factory. They have one. You ever get that extra toasted Cheez-It and you're like, yeah. Now they have the boxes of only extra toasted Cheez-Its. Those are really good. I don't know why I'm doing the Obama finger motion. You know what they also have is the Cheez-Its that they played

celebrities music to. What are you talking about? QR code. There's like the celebrity there's like the famous musician Cheez-Its where they, I think when the cheese, before it becomes Cheez-It, they just have the wheel of cheese and they play the music at the cheese.

What are you doing? I swear to God this is a real thing. This was a viral marketing campaign. I swear to God this is a real thing. So you mean to tell me like how you put like, like headphones on a baby's stomach. Yeah. Like you put Beethoven on for that. They were doing that to the cheese. But with like little boosies. But with like wrappers, yeah. I'm gonna put Cardi B on a baby's stomach.

You know? I don't cook, I don't clean. But let me tell you, I got this ring. That's weird. Why would they put music on for cheese wheels? So Cheez-It is getting into the advertising game, which I love. And that appeals to Trevor's generation.

Trevor, do you feel that Cheez-It is... Eat Quiz No Subs! Because all of you... Yeah, we talk about the Eat Quiz No Subs commercial all the time and like Skittles. Yeah. Where they were like eating the Skittles pox off of people. Yeah.

Cheez-It's now doing that with their like, our cheese needs to mature. And it's like a giant cheese wheel and like a therapist's bench or something. Yeah, it's an anthropomorphic cheese wheel. Anthropomorphic cheese... But an anthropomorphic but incredibly immature cheese wheel. Yeah.

And it's doing silly things. Yeah it pandora yeah cheese it's new crackers use cheese age to hip-hop music uh whichever does this sway you as a youth who's on goldfish no no this does this deter you in fact do you see that and you get mad uh i here's the thing i would never buy cheese it's anyway and this doesn't make me want to buy them anymore yeah because it seems pretty dumb I can you think of like a good like anytime say right Mountain Dew has become synonymous with gamership right

I know they've done a lot of Halo collabs like can you think of like a really good media and snack food collab like this that's like actually gone like oh I'm gonna buy this product now um i mean it's hard i feel like the media and and food collabs that work really well or when you get like the musicians and celebrities that get like their own meals at fast food places that's change the game like change the game like i i would never like intention i always go to mcdonald's

when i'm like it's uh it's easy it's on the way i'm usually on a road trip'm like, I just want something fast and I need that large Diet Coke that tastes so much better for some reason. But I actually went out of my way to go to a McDonald's when the Travis Scott meal dropped. When the Travis Scott meal? I intentionally was like, I got to get the freaking, I got to get the Travis Scott burger. And so it's like that kind of stuff. Like it actually got me to a McDonald's. That's insane. I would not buy a Travis Scott Cheez-It though. Would you buy

the Cocoa Puffs box? I'm sorry, Reese's Puffs box? You know, the ones that have like the cool thing on it? No, you know, maybe I'm just like a very like a comfort person,

but like I don't get a lot of like, I don't usually go out of my way to try new snack foods. Like I don't even like Flavor Blasted Goldfish. Whoa, too spicy for you, huh? No, they taste good, but it goes back to the gamer thing. Too much stuff on the fingers.

I swear to God, that's a real thing. So it's all gaming all the time for you. I mean, genuinely, when I'm at home, I'm usually sitting at my desk. Whether or not I'm gaming, I'm usually doing something at my computer. And so it is a big deal that my hands are clean. I like having clean hands.

I have a good idea. Have you ever thought about putting the goldfish inside your sandwich and smooshing it down? I have done that before. It's pretty good. Yeah. Why don't you just do that? So that way you can put whatever you want in the sandwich. Your fingers are clean and you can enjoy new flavors.

Have you ever thought about that? And sandwich has origins in gamer culture. That's right. The Earl of Sandwich, John Montague, he was a gamer. That's right. He was a gambler. His game was poker. He was a gambler.

But he was gaming like you. Yeah. And he wanted a way to keep his hands clean. Yeah. Like you. And he put everything between bread. Yeah. We've also talked about how that myth is absolutely not true.

But for the sake of this, it's got to be true. True enough. It's got to be true. It's got to be true. Come on. Why would they make that up? That's so silly. No one's that stupid.

You ever get like chicken feet at like a Korean dive bar? No. Not really. Wait, really? Neither of you? I do love chicken feet, but I don't like actively like, no. I'm not gonna lie. No, no.

What if you're like real like rip spit at the end of a night though and it's like three in the morning and you really want some chicken feet? I never have that craving. Like if someone's like, hey, my mom made chicken feet. Do you want some? I'll be like, of course. But like I don't go out and like actively eat chicken feet like that. You've gotten like sweaty, like dancing, like clubbing in Hollywood.

I'm going to go to a taco truck. You're not getting chicken feet. No, Josh. I thought everyone was going to be with me on this. Hold on. I didn't think that I'd be a bad guy here. What is he trying to get at? Well, okay, because there's a point so if any of

you really like to party like i like to party that you've eaten chicken feet at three in the morning and you know that when you go to these korean dive bars they bring them with like pairs of gloves for everybody so you get the pairs of gloves and then you're eating chicken feet trevor's needs gamer snack gloves i do that i really I literally have done that. I have a box of like gloves, of like disposable gloves. No way. In my home that if I have a particular, like I love Cool Ranch Doritos, but I can't eat Cool Ranch Doritos while I play video games. And I'll do it with Hot Cheetos sometimes too, where I'll literally just have a glove

and I'll like use that as my gloved hand and I'll eat some snacks. And then like once I'm ready to go, I just take off the glove. Why don't you use chopsticks? Put the glove somewhere not near your computer. People are going to get the wrong idea. Oh my God. It goes in the trash can after I'm ready to go, I just take off the glove. Why don't you use chopsticks? Put the glove somewhere not near your computer. People are going to get the wrong idea. Oh my God. It goes in the trash can after I'm done with it. No, I'm just saying like.

And the gloves are in the kitchen. The gloves are in the kitchen. I'll say one. There's no good for like a guy who's especially, you know, before he has like a nice big hat. There's no good place for a guy to keep his lotion. You know, there's no place that doesn't. No, but it looks incriminating no matter what. I think that. And again, it's normal. We should normalize it.

Keeping lotion in the bathroom is not weird. I've taken a selfie in the bathroom and people are like, nice Juergens. Well, it's because you use Juergens. People that use Juergens and Lubriderm, stop. I use nice lotion, Josh. That's because there's connotations with that kind of lotion.

I now gotta pay a premium? No! Use Azino, you you free this is a tax against men It doesn't look incriminating if you just have like a nice nice lotion it's because you have a bottle of extra-value It's like three dollars for like two gallons $3 for like two gallons. Josh, you're a YouTube star. Buy nicer lotion. I don't want it. I like to spend my money on chicken feet late at night.

It's like a 64-ounce bottle of lotion with the push top. With the pump. With the pump top. Of course it has a pump. Because then I don't want to overturn it to get my lotion for whatever personal lotion needs I have. You still use that stuff. For whatever personal lotion needs I have, Nicole.

You freak. You still use that stuff. I am totally, I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed. There's no shot. So Trevor how do you feel about Cheez-Its and Goldfish? Now that we've had this conversation. Again I am very I am not an absolutist when it comes to this kind of snack because

I understand that people like Cheez-Its more and I believe that they're right to feel that way. I think that there are a lot of upsides to Cheez-Its but I personally enjoy Goldfish more and I will always enjoy goldfish more. Do you think this conversation has allowed you to maybe reach for the Cheez-Its instead of the goldfish maybe once in a while? I do have Cheez-Its once in a while. I will eat Cheez-Its as a snack.

Why is he lying to us? He's such a liar. I'm not lying. Why are you lying? Plants for hire. Okay. You guys are both haters. I can see.

I can see. Trevor, I'm not the bad guy here. I can see. I can see. Trevor, I'm not the bad guy here. I can see. I can see both sides. Like, I think we kind of got to the point of it earlier before we started talking about Juergens. That I think people who like Goldfish are into snacks for comfort. I think people who like Cheez-Its are into snacks for intensity.

Yeah. And I don't think it's a perfect binary, of course. The cheese cracker binary does not exist. It's all a social construct. Shut up. But no, I mean, that's where I'm does not exist. It's all a social construct. Shut up. But no, I mean, that's where I'm coming from on my personal cheese of love. What Trevor, though, has influenced me to do is I'm going to start reaching for other snack crackers.

And I enjoy it. And I'm talking about the greatest snack cracker to ever exist. Club. Not club crackers. You said it was club earlier. Because I forgot. It's flavored. It has one flavoring chemical on it. What is it?

But the name is not represented in the title. What? I'm talking about. Garden Salsa? No. How close am I? Okay. Not.

Okay, so it's a cracker. And it's an old school brand that does not get primary shelf. Ritz. No, old school. Old school. Chicken in a biscuit. Let's go. Chicken in a biscuit. Chicken in a biscuit. Let's go! Chicken in a biscuit!

Chicken in a biscuit are so good! It is onion powder and MSG and that's it, baby. Dude, I can't get chicken in a biscuit because I will eat an entire box. I'm already slobbering. You open a box and you have to eat all of them. You cannot stop. You have to commit. Once you open the box, you have

to know that you're going to eat every single cracker because they're so good. I am oozing from the mouth right now, and I need to get some of these inside me ASAP. All right, Nicole and Trevor, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the universe. It's time for a segment we call Appendix Island Casseroles! Someone told me

I shriek a lot on the podcast, so screw that. Sorry, that was me that time. Should I do one too? Yeah, yeah, do it. Ah! That was more of a

From the heart. I got a little moan. All right, let's get it. We! That was more of a... From the heart. Gotta roll moon. All right, let's get it. We got some voicemails today. Let's cue them up. Hey, Josh and Nicole. Thank you for the podcast. You guys are hilarious,

but you haven't talked about the most important food in today's society. You've talked so much about Cheetos, every type of Cheeto out there, but you haven't talked about Simply White Cheddar Cheeto Puffs. They are the perfect blend of cheddar puffs, the Cheeto Puffs with

the crunchy. You get they're a little bit denser than the puffs, but a little bit airier than the crunchy. Perfect Cheeto. You guys haven't talked about it in any episode. I've listened to every single one. Respect Simply White Cheddar Cheeto Puffs. Thank you. I got a lot to say about Simply White Cheddar Cheeto Puffs. Take it. I got a lot to say about Simply White Cheddar Cheeto Puffs.

Take it away. And I'll tell them what. One, I will say I have been generally impressed by the Frito-Lay Simply line. They have the Simply Doritos. They've pared down the ingredients list. I'm not somebody who particularly cares about that. There are people out there who do. But compared to like the baked line that came out like 15 years prior,

these are incredible they're still fried they're still full of flavor however i think if you took them out of the frito packaging if you took these simply white cheddar cheeto puffs out of the frito lay packaging and you put it in like a trader joe's packaging because this stuff already exists right yeah they have these like healthy adjacent snack foods that are meant to emulate the Frito-Lay stuff at big box, white label grocery stores like Trader Joe's. Nobody would care about them and they wouldn't be good. You wouldn't think they're good if they were just in a Trader Joe's package. That is what I believe in my heart of hearts.

I think you are buying off the Cheeto label and then you're getting, I don't want to say slightly hoodwinked because it's a good product, I agree. But it is just as good as anything that would exist at Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's doesn't have this exact product, but that was my read when I had that. If you tasted this blind in a bowl next to other Cheeto products, I don't think you'd love it as much. But the fact that it is in that brand, which is a powerful thing, branding is powerful, of course,

I don't think people care that much. I think it's interesting that you say that it's in a Trader Joe's bag. No one would buy it because I would buy it more. No, they would buy it, but I don't think he would have the same strong emotional reaction to it and call it the most important food in today's society.

Maybe that's it. And I never use hyperbole. I have literally never used hyperbole once in my entire life. Is that you doing a bit of hyperbole? I am the least hyperbole once in my entire life is that you doing a bit i am the least hyperbole person yeah i love how you've cultivated this very absolutist audience also because this guy just said that simply white cheddar cheetos puffs are the most important food in today's society that is a bold claim wait hold on what is the most important food in today's society? Corn.

Yeah, I'd say either corn or commodity soy. It's one of the two on the global scale. Chicken's getting up there. Chicken? Chicken is, well, no, because, I mean, corn and soy are used. Corn, its importance is bolstered by government subsidy, though, right? Ethanol, never going to work as a sustainable fuel source. So yeah, it's between corn, soy, and simply white cheddar.

Rice is up there. It's a cereal grain, but I think soy and corn have more industrial properties to them. All right, well, we solved it. Let's go to the next voicemail. So not many people say it but controversially um white american cheese tastes 10 times better than yellow american cheese yes you can fight me on this yes oh yes yes you sicko you're correct no no no it does it does flat out trevor that's hard that's hard to say i i believe that he is right insofar as we are excluding Kraft singles as their own. It's being in its own.

No, no, no. Because they make white Kraft American singles that are flavored, quote unquote, Swiss. But they're not. They're just white. They're not yellow. And they're better because they're white. They're not better. Not like that.

That sounded. No, I'm not a white cheese. White American is worse than the orange American. No way. Nasty. Cheesesteaks. This is where, I think this is where it comes from for me. Because white American is the best cheese for a Philly cheesesteak.

And also growing up, I used to think that like white cheese was fancier than yellow cheese. Because you'd get like a white cheddar mac and cheese off the shelf that's like eight cents more. And you'd be like, ooh boy, we are in fancy town today. Nope. But that could be, that's my own personal bias. In America, I'm eating American cheese and it has to be yellow. The yellow equals cheese.

The white equals what? I don't know, it's just there. I think that you can have white American be better like for something like cheesesteaks. If that's the best cheese from a cheesesteak, that's fine. But it doesn't mean that it's better than yellow American all the time. Yeah, low. Yeah, low.

Yeah, low. No. Start chanting white, Josh. Start chanting white. I don't want to. No, it's going to be used out of context. It's going to be weird. They're going to play it at a rally.

I don't like that. Okay. But can we agree that Kraft Single is the blueprint for American cheese and is the best American cheese, yellow Kraft Singles, and that white Kraft Singles suck way more than yellow Kraft Singles? I'm not going to go that far, but I will say.

Kraft Singles are the best. Kraft Singles are better than Deli Sliced American for sure. No, no, no. Boar's Head, White American. Boar's Head, White American. Boar's Head can suck it It's the greatest cheese That the world has ever seen Sorry I'm not A freaking rich man

Josh Boar's head I can't just go to the Go to the Rouse And get the boar's head cheese Okay It is looking really expensive Goodness

I do love boar's head Like sliced deli meats Hundo P But the cheese And boar's head is fancy That's an argument That's a thing that I'll go to my grave Knowing and feeling

That boar's head Is fancy It's so good Yeah yeah yeah It's yeah it is uh craft deluxe that's a good no you're being you're being so bougie over the dumbest thing to meet you where you're at nicole don't meet me halfway this is not a black this is not a black ice pete song you don't you do not need to meet me halfway i don't get the reference. Right on the borderline. Sargento. Thoughts? Get that.

No, no. Get out of here. Tell them, look, or die. Thank you, Jamie. Yeah, Jamie's here also, which is weird. I get it. Oh, yeah. What's up, Jamie?

I'm so used to talking to Jamie that I'm just sorry. Maggie's on vacation. Maggie's normally just like Googling the dirtiest stuff we talk about. I mean, we Googled some dirty stuff too, but it's not in and yeah no sorry about that next one yeah hi guys this is lauren from ottawa canada wow i have a take for you um how about using a piece of deli meat as a tortilla. Turkey, my favorite, with cucumber sliced up and some hot mustard, some hot and sweet mustard. It's probably the best snack,

go-to snack for me, and it's healthy. Like, what more do you want? Tell you what. Brilliant. What do you mean? This is great. I love you.

When they said they were from Canada, I was worried that, one, we wouldn't speak the same language. Two, we just wouldn't have anything in common. You know what I mean? And here she is, you know, reaching across the aisle like I tried to do earlier,

showing that we're all the same. We all just want to stuff our faces with deli meats and various condiments. If you could see like 90% of the food that Josh eats in the kitchen, it is him taking a package of deli meat, putting various sauces on a plate and just slooping up the sauces with the

deli meat. Yeah. And or just like just making a slop a bowl. He does. He wraps stuff up in deli meat and just puts it in his mouth. And that's his like go-to snack. And I agree. It's good. I mean, they've got the, what's it called when you wrap the cheese in the salami?

It's a pinwheel. Yeah. So they like sell those and that's like a fancy person food. So why can't we just do it with the Hillshire Farms ham? That's what I'm saying. But when I do it, I'm a piece of crap. I'd say I don't use it like a tortilla though

because I'm not constructing. I mean, one, most tortillas eaten are, you know, not in taco form. It's like you eat a tortilla with your meal, you're dipping it into stuff. Yeah. I'd call it like a roti and subji. Of course you do. I'm going to the Indian Canada foods here because I'm taking a roti, but for me, it's just a piece of deli meat. And I'm going into my slop, which, you know, could be considered a subji, like a main course, a curry, a vegetable dish, you know, a dal, something like that.

And mine's mostly ground turkey and jarred salsa, but then I'm scooping that up, you know? And, uh, yeah, it's just a really delightful meal. And also I do it all the time. I challenged the term healthy. I challenged the term healthy on this cause it's, it's our interpretation of healthy in like carbophobic America. Cause that's where we're at right now with all the keto and the Atkins and South Beach and all that stuff.

But who has time to like warm up a piece of bread, you know? True, preach. That's my mentality. It's not a matter of being carb phobic or Atkins diet or whatever. It's just a time saver. It's you just take the cold cut and you just wrap a pickle and some cheese in it

and you call it a day. I don't have time to warm up a tortilla. I don't have time to put on my toaster oven. What the, no. And I need to get 250 grams of protein a day or I'm worried that I hate myself. Yeah. You know? I think that health can be subjective sometimes because like healthy for me is just getting food in my body because I have terrible eating habits. So if I can eat like whether it's deli meat, whatever, like it's healthy for me to just have calories in my body. So I have energy to do stuff. And I would say that, yeah, insofar as you just putting deli meat and a pickle in your

mouth, like, yeah, it's healthy. You're eating something that isn't going to kill you. So it's healthy. I will say the World Health Organization came out with a pretty damning report about deli meats. No, no. Only red meat, only red meat, processed red meats, colon cancer increases.

It's something like a thousand percent. It was actually upsetting and I was like, well, I'm not going to change my life, you know. I'm too far gone at this point.

Yeah, well. Well, that about wraps up the voicemail section, I suppose. All right, first up, we got at P1Dgun. If you wrap a crunch bar and gummy bears

in a de-thawed room temp Eggo, it's the perfect monstrosity. I think they mean a thawed room temp Eggo. I believe they mixed up defrosted and thawed. It's like how flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. Your thoughts? You sound like an NPR guy right now. I do not sound like an NPR host right now. I do not sound like an NPR host right now. Latest coming out of Kiev, we see.

Gosh. This sounds like a fantasy from like after Halloween, an after Halloween fantasy. Like I'm just in my little pail getting my snacks. Is he a crunch bar? Yes, this is a crunch bar and gummy bears wrapped in a thawed but not toasted Eggo. Yeah, sounds like a little kid. A gummy bear, no. You lost me a gummy bear.

Same, same, same. Crunch bar, yeah, you can put that in Eggo, whatever. It's a dessert. It's delicious. Kids don't care about that stuff. But gummy bears, why are you mixing the gummy bears and the chocolate? That's weird.

Yeah, to me- I love chocolate covered gummy bears. The chocolate should be the hardest texture in this dish. And this is a dish. Yeah. This is a dish. The chocolate needs to be the hardest texture in this dish. And this is a dish. Yeah. This is a dish. The chocolate needs to be the meat of this little Eggo taco you got going on. And so I'd say if you still want the acid and the sweetness and the fruit flavor of that gummy bear, you take a jelly.

So you take a crunch bar and some jelly. You wrap that in a thawed Eggo. You don't need to warm it up or toast it. I can have that crunch bar not melted. That's a nice dish. But I think the gummy bear, it's like people who put gummy bears in their yogurt land. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't like it.

Let me tell you. I'm a chocolate-covered gummy bear girl, so I understand this and I accept it. And I'm not here to change you, P1D Gun. I'm here to embrace you. Unless you want to be changed. No, it doesn't sound like it. If there's anything you personally want to work on. They said perfect monstrosity, so.

And you're a perfect monstrosity, P1D Gun. Beautiful disaster. Josh Z. Beautiful disaster. Josh C. Beautiful disaster. That's a good song. All right. What's that? Is that Tool?

That is 311. Any song that I don't know who it's by, I assume it's Tool. I know a drugstore cowboy. Okay. Violet Chef says, kettle cooked chips dipped in barbecue sauce is a perfectly acceptable replacement to barbecue potato chips. Huh. Yeah what say you uh yeah i i love barbecue sauce i'm a big sweet baby rays guy i mean i love acceptable though i think i think it is perfectly acceptable and i think you're actually possibly i mean this might be a bold claim but you might be elevating it

by adding in a dip into the chip like because, cause barbecue, it's a one dimensional thing. A barbecue chip is once you take a regular chip dip in barbecue sauce, that's a two dimensional snack right there. Interesting for you to think that way. Once people started dipping chips in a ranch dressing and calling that an appropriate chip dip, they opened up the floodgates. That was Pandora's box. Nicole, we cannot unknow what we already know.

And so I'm putting honey mussy out there. I'm putting French dressing. I'm dipping everything in everything, and I don't care who knows it. A whole honey mussy, huh? A whole honey mussy. Is Nicole ordering lunch during the podcast? Yeah, I'm doing you guys a favor. I love this, dude.

Thank you. It's huge. I would not do this. I don't think they're substitute goods. I don't frick with this opinion. This is a good one at wallace brandon d the first four to five arby's curly fries are s tier level fast food but they quickly drop to d tier afterwards okay i have a question good i'm not a gamer but i do see a lot of s tier what is it s

tier a tier b tier c d and f right and then is there X sometimes? No, generally with tiers. And this is done typically with video game characters, right? Yeah, there's a whole website called tiermaker.com or something. And it's become a big thing for streamers to create tier lists of stuff. And they'll do it with literally anything. Yeah, I saw Matt Stoney do it with chicken sandwiches. Yeah, yeah. They can do it with anything. Well, I saw Matt Stoney do it with chicken sandwiches. Yeah, yeah. They can do it with anything.

Well, this makes sense to me. All right. I forgot what we were talking about. Well, I don't understand, but I'm going to do what I do with anything I don't understand and just shut it out of my mind about the tears. Oh, I get the Arby fries, and I get out of context. The first four to five are great. I just had a question.

And then, no, I've had Trevor. Stop alienating me on my own podcast. Dude, I've had Trevor explain to me the tiers for so long, but I can never remember what the letters mean. S means best. S is the best tier. What does it stand for? Is it an acronym? Super.

I don't know. Super. I don't know. RBS. RBS. RBS. RBS. RBS.

Super prize. In grade school, some teachers would grade you on a tier base. They'd be like, oh, you got an S. Yeah, it was called A, B, C, D you know I know but like S was sometimes used in place of like a letter grade

never never never that not at my school I would get that like on assignment sometimes it would be like you got an S on this

it means satisfactory it was like in college you could take a class pass fail you did that a lot? I went 0 for 4 I went 0 for 4 on pass fail college

really? that's so sad yeah I blew a lot of money. So smart. I can't see where he went wrong. Cold fries are just bad. If they're still hot and steamed, they're still good. But yeah, there is a diminishing return for every French fry you eat, which is funny to think about.

Which is why you need to shove them all at one point. Shove them all at once. Once a fast food, you get a container that's a sort of tall container. You get those first few fries on the top that aren't being steamed by the fries above them. They have nothing above them, so they stay crispy. And then you get down to the fries at the bottom and they become soggy because of the steam and grease that has kind of just turned them into a big clumpy mess. So I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, can we just get Arby's for lunch? I'm ordering barbecue. Give me 50. Do they still have the Big Montana sandwich? Does anybody remember the Arby's? It was an Arby's roast beef, but they're like, and now, more beef, Big Montana. And that was it. Anyways, on that note, thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

If you want to hear more from us here in the Mathical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. And thank you so much, Trevor, for being on our podcast. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. And thank you so much, Trevor, for being on the pod. Tell the people where to find you, how to find you. Plug away. Oh, thank you for having me. I mean, I got my own podcast

where we talk too much. Me and Jamie, we do fun stuff over there sometimes. Yeah, and then I'm also on Mythical Kitchen where you've seen me with Josh and Nicole aplenty. So yeah, you can check that out. It's pretty cool.

We make cool food. We didn't walk over here together because I went to find you two and I couldn't find you because I got lost. We're around each other all the time. And also, really go check out Trevor Talks Too Much. It's a great podcast. And you're a great podcast host, man.

I think homies need to tell each other when they're successful and doing good. And really, it's a fantastic podcast. Give it a listen. Subscribe. All that. And for more Mythical Kitchen, we're on YouTube.

New videos. All that. We already said that. You know who we are. You know how you got here. I got one more thing to say. What's that? If you want to be featured

on Opinions Are Like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or NHedizada with a hashtag OpinionCasserole. Or if you want to leave us a voicemail, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833-DOGPOD1. It sounds like a sex hotline when you call it, but please don't talk about sexy things.

Please leave that to you and your pastor. Sexy food opinions. Bring them on. Your pastor. Yeah. Do you talk about sexy things with your pastor? Do I have a pastor? I don't know. Is that what people do? I'm a Jew. I think well, no, don't talk about... Do you talk about sexy things with your pastor? Do I have a pastor? I don't know.

Is that what people do? I'm a Jew. I don't know what the... I think you would have a rabbi if you had anyone. Oh, I don't say sexy things to anyone. Do you have a sexy rabbi? I met a sexy rabbi, but he was very orthodox. I have to give you a rabbi.

What do you mean? For your wedding. Oh, no, we found a rabbi. Oh, you found one? Okay, never mind. Okay. All right, see you next time. Thanks for listening.