A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Cool Ranch vs. Nacho Cheese Doritos

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

Today, Josh and Nicole are tackling one of the biggest food debates of all time: Cool Ranch vs Nacho Cheese Doritos! Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 ! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. You eat the blue bag, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You eat the red bag, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. What the heck are you talking about? Nacho cheese vs. Cool Ranch Doritos. How is that not clear? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich! Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwichwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what?

That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inaidi.

And Nicole, I can't believe that we haven't done this before. I know. It sounds like something we would have talked about, like ad nauseum at this point. We've probably talked about it in our personal lives. But as I started to really sit with this question, Nicole, it changed me in ways that I didn't know I was going to be changed. Wow. And it made me really reflect on my personal values as a human being.

Did it? No, no, no. It actually did. It actually did. I'll explain later when we really get into it. But first off, like Doritos for me are the quintessential chip. They're the best. Yeah, not for me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I like Lay's potato chips. You would take Lay's over Doritos. Interesting. If I was at a party and there was a bowl of potato chips versus a bowl of Doritos, I'd go for the chips, obvi i would never i would literally not take a single chip unless there was a um a nudson sour cream lipton french onion dip mixed into a thing that i could dip this in so we're coming at this debate from different angles whereas i am a hardcore dorito stan since i was a child i would i remember all of the dorito hype drops to call. I remember 2002 smoky red barbecue Doritos with Qui-Gon Jinn from Star Wars Phantom Menace

on the cover. Qui-Gon Jinn? Who is that? Oh my god, Liam Neeson with the long hair? The guy with the green lightsaber. I've never seen a Star War. You've never seen one Star War? I've told you this 15 times. I've never seen a Star War. I've never seen a Lord of the Rings. I knew that. I didn't know you hadn't seen a Star War. I've never cared to watch Game of Thrones. Game of the Thrones. I knew that. I didn't know you hadn't seen Star Wars. I've never seen, I've never cared to watch Game of Thrones, Game of the Thrones.

I was that close to saying. Yeah, I'm just not that person. They put little like Star Wars collectible cards inside this bag of Doritos. Yeah, it was really cool, except you couldn't open them because they were so greasy from all the chips. Why are there no Jabba the Hutt Doritos? He's the guy who would eat all of them. There should be.

But you're coming at this from a morally neutral place. Yeah, I don't care that much. I just like a certain chip flavor more than the other. I feel like I know what direction you're going at this from a morally neutral place yeah i don't care that much i just like a certain chip flavor more than the other i feel like i know what direction you're going but you tell the people tell the people what you like i like colerange doritos you would of course you would as somebody who does not like doritos nicole that makes sense i i'm not you are missing you are literally putting words you're putting words in my mouth i'm saying i don't care that much about them it doesn't mean that i hate them just because you don't care about something doesn't mean you hate it. You just don't care about it. Apathy is worse

than hate. I believe that. It is. That's true though, right? Yeah, it is. But like, I don't have strong feelings towards it, but I do love Cool Ranch Doritos because, number one, they're Christmas colored. Like, the flecks are red and green, and I like that. You know what they are, right?

What the flecks are? Red pepper and green pepper? I think i think so well the so the main the number one seasoning ingredient in cornish choritos is tomato powder oh that makes sense which makes sense if you like really think and then the green is dehydrated bell pepper because i love both of them so much the flex the flex make it for me the flex make it for me i'm sorry you're coming at it from a visual perspective you're like i mean but blindfolded how do you feel about nacho cheese or school ranch? I'm a visual learner. I always have been. I need to see things in front of me before I make a decision, always.

But the taste is better. Like, suck it on a chip. Like, the powder of the cool ranch is so much better than the nacho cheese. Because I can get nacho cheese anywhere. I can get nacho cheese from Cheetos. Au contraire. I can get cheese. I can get cheddar chips. Like, mm-mm nacho cheese from Cheetos. Au contraire. I can get cheese. I can get cheddar chips.

Like, mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Hold on. This is, okay, one I got to say, before I really sat down and marinated on this, I would have said Cool Ranch Doritos. Yeah, sure. Primarily because I originally thought that, like, hey, this is a more interesting flavor. This is a more engaging flavor. It's not just cheese.

You get the tomato powder. You get the buttermilk powder. You get the MSG. Yeah, it's good. To me, Doritos Cool Ranch versus Doritos Nacho Cheese is like the sour cream and onion versus cheddar-flavored potato chip, right? This is their version of sour cream and onion. Even though Doritos actually did have a sour cream and onion flavor

in the 70s. I would enjoy that. Why? But sour cream and onion is just ranch-flavored. That's what I believe.'s my weird onion than ranch there's a fair there should be onion in your ranch flavor there shouldn't be too much onion in your ranch flavor but it's like it's like a hyped up onion version of but it's like i understand what you're saying it's satisfying that like acidic flavor profile which if you're eating just a chip that's been saturated in oil and applied with oil so you can stick seasonings to it you want that acid to cut through it however when you said that you can get that cheese flavor

anywhere that would have originally been my argument but i think doritos cheese flavor is so much better than any other cheese flavoring and that's where i come down on the nacho cheese flavor what about what about spicy nacho? Okay, here's the thing. I also believe, I also believe nacho cheese and Cool Ranch, which one, I still view them as nacho cheesier and cooler ranch. Because my biggest- Why? What does that mean to the average person?

Do you know what I'm talking about when I say that? No. Oh my God. So like there was a time probably, I would say maybe at least a six to eight year period in which for whatever reason, Doritos branded their products as superlatives. No, comparatives, I guess that's the grammar word for it. Look up nacho cheesier on your computer and you'll see the old branding. Maggie, search it up on my computer. Yeah. They were called nacho cheese and then they had a spicier nacho,

like fierier habanero. Yeah, Nicole, these areo cheese. And then they had a spicier nacho, like, fierier habanero. Yeah, Nicole, these are the Dorito bags I grew up with. I never grew up with those Dorito bags. Interesting. I mean, I would get so many Dorito bags from the gas station back when they were 99 cents and they had the label printed on it before inflation took over. Yeah. Median prices of homes have jumped 116%.

Wages have only gone up 8%. What the heck's going on here? Shame on you. Anyways, I'm at the Dorito Inflation Index. So nacho cheese and Cool Ranch are far and away the top two most popular flavors. Sure, yeah. In most polls that I've seen online, nacho cheese beats it in either like a 55-45 or 60-40 split. But those are the top two.

However, I believe that they are the bottom two dorito flavors yeah you're a spicy sweet chili guy huh i'm a spicy chili in that way i like the tapatio doritos tapatio doritos are really good do you think they taste like tapatio at all no but that's the point like i agree you can't the the thing is you have to put tapatio on your doritos yeah you should like every person you guys don't do that? No, no, I don't. Oh, yeah. Everyone should do that. I mean, you're talking about you open the bag and you put the wet tapatio

in there and then you shake it? Yeah. Sometimes. I did that once, but now I like to just do the drip drop on the actual chip and just enjoy it. Oh, you sauce individually? I drip drop. Yeah. Do you eat with your hands or do you go chopsticks? I eat with my hands. But you eat Flamin' Hot Cheetos with chopsticks? Yes, because the residue is too much for a lady like me.

Sun chips are also very, very good because they have the ridges and you can use it with chopsticks. Why don't they have Doritos that are ribbed for your pleasure? Because they're already ribbed. For whose pleasure? The roof of your mouth. They're already rigid. Oh, no, that's like serrated for your pain. That's different. Doritos, Trojans are ribbed for your mouth. Oh, no, that's like serrated for your pain. That's different.

Doritos, Trojans are ripped for your pleasure. Doritos are serrated for your pain. Between ribbed and serrated. It's just your outlook on life. Did you just watch the movie Seven recently? Jesus, what's wrong with you? I do love that movie so much. I bet you do.

I bet you do. So you think that, like, let's go through the line of cheesy chips out there. Okay. I don't know why you mentioned Sun Chips. Harvest cheddar. Love them. But I mean compare the actual taste of the cheese powder. Like think about your mind.

Works well with the wheat. Works well with the wheat. It does because it's sweeter. Yes. But that doesn't mean that it is the best tasting cheese powder. It works well for what it's on. Okay. What are the other cheese powders?

Ruffles, sour cream, and cheddar. To me that's a heavy hitter. Oh so good. That's a heavy hitter. But see I wouldn't even consider that like a cheese chip. What? I don't know why. What do you mean?

That's like the cheese chip. The sour cream throws you off. Well, the nacho in the nacho cheese, it throws you on. It turns you on. That's why I think nacho cheese Doritos are better, Nicole. No, no, no, no. Because it's not just a cheese chip. It's a nacho cheese. They're spicy. But then what's the difference between that and spicy nacho cheese Doritos are better, Nicole. No, no, no, no. Because it's not just a cheese dip. It's a nacho cheese.

They're spicy. But then what's the difference between that and spicy nacho? Spicy nacho got more spices, which is better, but nacho cheese. No, there's like 8% more cayenne, 4% less buttermilk powder. Does that mean nothing to you? It's hard to keep up with you. What bad color is the spicy nacho? Pink?

It's like a magenta, the spicy nacho. I like that. I like that. From a visual standpoint, I'm, it's hard to keep up with you. What bad color is the spicy nacho? Pink? It's like a magenta, the spicy nacho. I like that. I like that. Yeah. From a visual standpoint, I'm into it. Salsa verde? Salsa verde is a fantastic flavor. Again, that was-

What? Nobody buys that. Okay. Salsa verde is to, it's an OG chip. It's a legacy chip that I think they've come out with better flavors since, but you taste it, it's still good. Salsa verde is to Cool Ranch. A spicy nacho is to nach it's an OG chip, it's a legacy chip that I think they've come out with better flavors since but you taste it, it's still good. Salsa verde is to Cool Ranch as spicy nacho is to nacho cheese. No way. Sure it is.

In what world are the two? They share In what world is there 8% spicy, 4% buttermilk? Well, not necessarily that, but I'm saying you took the acidic nature, the acidic vegetal nature, because that's what Cool Ranch is, right? There is no vegetal nature in Cool Ranch chips. Bro, there is bell pepper dehydrated in there.

What other chips are adding bell pepper in there? So what? That's like the most vegetable tasting vegetable. No, not whenever it has a ton of MSG and buttermilk powder and all the other crap that's in there. No, okay, so. There's no vegetables in Cool Ranch Doritos. Let's get this straight. No, okay, so- There's no vegetables in Cool Ranch Doritos. Let's get this straight. No, no, hold up.

One, a serving of Cool Ranch Doritos is considered a vegetable by- It's like fourth of a cup of broccoli. By the, whatever lobbying group hits up the school boards to put it on. So I fully believe that. Two, I think the devil is in the details in a lot of these chips.

Uh-huh, extrapolate. And I think in ways that people don't really understand. So I once, not to humble brag, got to go to the Taco Bell test kitchen. Oh, wow. To see how they shut up. B-D-E. U-S-T-F-E. That is some B-D-E.

Big diabetic energy. Did you know my family really struggles with this. I'm so sorry. That was insensitive to your familial genetics. I'm sorry. You know we're trying to make it work. Anywho, at the Taco Bell facility, I was like talking to one of their chefs and they had just this like big old rack of spices.

And they're like, yeah, like we got this paprika imported from Morocco because we found out it's the best tasting paprika. And it was kind of one of these things where I was like, oh, everybody just imagines at these big processed food companies that they're just dumping bags of chemicals into a vat and it turns into your food, which is, I think, kind of true. But how those chemicals get into that bag is like a very curated process. So like I'm saying. It's not just a dump. It's not just like a dump. It's like there's science. Like you have focus groups

that are testing out the right amount of bell pepper powder to add to that. And not only that, like you have food scientists who are going in being like the correct ratio of fat in a Dorito is this and that is going to counter the amount of citric acid you're going to need.

And so for me, talking about the devil in the details, Absolutely. And your Dorito is this, and that is going to counter the amount of citric acid you're going to need. Very true. And so for me, talking about the devil in the details, it's that little hint of spice and citric acid with the nacho cheese. It's the green bell pepper and tomato in the Cool Ranch that makes it so beautiful and sets it apart from all these other chips. You know what I mean? I know. Like when you say the green flex, that's visual. That's what you want. That's what I'm saying.

But when you taste it, you're like, hmm, hints of green pepper and tomato. You do. No one is doing that. No one's saying that. Maggie, do you do that? The details, Nicole. Nicole, the greatest trick the devil ever played is convincing you that he didn't exist. The greatest trick Doritos ever played.

I don't believe in the devil. I don't need to believe in the devil. Exactly. He tricked you. Humans are the real devil. No, that's right. And that's in The Shape of Water. Yeah. Humans, Nicole. I've never seen it. You thought the real devils. That's right. And that's in The Shape of Water. Yeah.

Humans, Nicole. You thought the- I've never seen it. You thought the horny fish? There's a horny fish man. My mom told me there's a horny fish. She really likes them. It's a great movie, but here's the thing.

He looks like a monster. Yeah. The real monster- Is the guy who has him like chained up. It's us. It's humans. Nice. But let me tell you-

And then in the other- Oh, go ahead. Michael Shannon was the's us. It's humans. Nice. But let me tell you. And then in the other. Oh, go ahead. Michael Shannon was the real monster. That's who played the. You don't know Michael Shannon? Not by name. Maybe by face. If being John Malkovich was made today, it'd be Michael Shannon.

Hmm. Let me see what he looks like. Yeah, I don't know Michael Shannon. Played a. Oh, yeah. He has one of those faces. Yeah, he's a monster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a great actor. We love Michael Shannon. Definitely scary man. Yeah, he has one of those faces. Yeah, he's a monster. He's a great actor. We love Michael Shannon. Definitely a scary man. Like, if I see him walking in a dark alley, I'm going the other way. I'm going to go like, oh my god, Michael Shannon? Big fan of your work. Scary face. Wow, the lines in his face scare the crap out of me.

Okay. No, let's get back to the topic at hand, Josh. Whenever there's a bowl of Cool Ranch Doritos or Nacho Cheese Doritos, which one are you taking a handful of more than once? It's got to be Cool Ranch because of the science in there, the MSG, and all the yummy bits make you want to eat it more. The cheese is good. I'm not going to deny that. The cheesy chip, it's a good cheesy chip. But the Cool Ranch, it takes over everything.

If it's there, it's the first bowl that's being emptied out. There's nothing else that you can compare to it. It is the most popular when you get a really sorry my mouth is like watering when you get like a really saturated like chip you know when the chip is like triple dipped with all the powder on the outside doesn't that bring joy you don't feel that with a nacho cheese chip you don't even get to see it it's the same color same opaqueness same thickness if it's triple triple doused but you don't get that with Cool Ranch. When you see Cool Ranch, it has more flavor.

You're like, oh, that one. I'm going to get that one. And then when you see it folded, you're like, oh, my God, that's awesome. Like, Cool Ranch just is more. It's a more better experience. Cool Ranch is more. Cool Ranch is more. It's more.

And do we not deserve more in this world? We have been living in excess our whole lives, and we should continue. Excessiveness is the name of the game, especially with your Doritos. And I'm sick and tired of everyone saying, no, but this will result No. It's always been Cool Ranch. It's only going to be a Cool Ranch, except if I'm

at Taco Bell, the Doritos Locos Taco has to be nacho cheese. What the hell? That's the only part. That's the only time we're going to say Cool Ranch. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. They discontinued it in 2019, the Cool Ranch. I don't know if they brought it back. Yeah, because Cool Ranch and Taco Bell don't make sense, but cheese and Flamin' Hot make sense. That's true.

So they never, I don't think they ever had Flamin' Hot, which is really weird. Yes, they did. No, they called it Fiery. Really? They didn't call it Flamin' Hot. And that's one of the weird things. One, so the Doritos Locos Taco, I more often, I order fiery over any of the other ones. And also, if you ask them, they will split a fiery.

Oh, they did have a Flamin' Hot Doritos Locos Taco. They don't currently have it right now. I don't know if they do or not, but I remember it being Flamin' Hot. They also have one called Fiery, and they discontinued that. They brought that back. Everything I believe that happened with the doritos locos taco um was like almost like a handshake deal yeah between frito-lay and and taco bell which i believe they're all under pepsi co so it's just like i mean everything every company is just owned

by one company like mythical is probably owned by procter and gamble no it's not it's somewhere down the line i'm just saying we would have that. It would have been in our 401k. Because if we knew that. Follow the money. If we knew that it was a publicly traded company, we would have known and we would have had stocks in it. We are a Johnson. I've bought a lot of Johnson & Johnson stocks after how successful the vaccine was and how

much everybody loved it and said it was totally the best one. Are you Procter or am I Procter? Who's Gam proctor who's gamble is that a gamble what proctor and proctor and gamble okay who's proctor who's a proctator and who's the gambler like a you have to give like proctate exams what are you what are you talking about no you don't know what a proctor is it's obviously a thing I believe okay you're talking about at a party

you got two bowls yeah you got Cool Ranch Doritos in one nacho cheese in the other I admit that I would

gravitate towards Cool Ranch yeah of course you would but I believe that humans are also very bad at estimating their own happiness But I believe that humans are also very bad at estimating their own happiness. And I believe we don't.

I don't have faith in humanity. What? There's no faith in humanity. There's no faith in humanity. No, no, no. I believe that if I would gravitate towards the Cool Ranch Doritos, however, I think nacho cheese

would ultimately bring me more happiness. And so, and again, I didn't know that because I always thought Cool Ranch was like the cooler choice. Nacho cheese is the lame choice. Nacho cheese is the boring, the vanilla choice. No, no one is saying that it's boring and it's vanilla.

It's just, it's just your animal instincts will tell you to eat the Cool Ranch more because it's there for you. But the Dorito, the nacho cheese is brighter colored. Okay, I understand that. But the colors in the prism of the chip are more enticing in the Cool Ranch. Shoot, dude. Look at it. It's like looking into a diamond.

A diamond isn't cool because it's clear. It's cool because it's prismatic. It's multifaceted, like human beings. Dang. That's what I'm saying, dude. Sorry, I'm so passionate. The Cool Ranch Doritos is like looking into a mirror for humanity. Shoot, dude.

It's super flavorful. It's multifaceted. Where is this going? It has so many colors. It's so intense. And you just want more of it. It's like life, man. You want more life.

And that's the chip. That's the Doritos, man. It's the Cool Ranch or it's nothing. That's it. What else do you want from me? Thank you. America! No, dude.

Okay. Yeah, I'm officially convinced. And I think you're right. And okay, as a person, would you, Nicole, would you rather live a life? Okay, so imagine. What's up? Stop. I'm just asking a question.

I'm not trying to like gotcha on anything Dorito. Now at this point, I agree. Cornish Doritos are better. You get a more engaging, enticing experience. I still believe that the nacho cheese powder on a nacho cheese Dorito is the best cheese powder in the game. It's good. But I believe that it's a more piquant, mentally stimulating experience to eat a Cool cool ranch chip which is just a freaking delight and life is very short you should be out there seeking mental stimulation yeah and so now that

we you know still have to do a podcast i'm just gonna ask you about life philosophy okay i'm down okay so if you imagine your happiness level right sitting at let's say the median is a five okay your whole life you're a happier person you're above a five but imagine for the thought exercise you're sitting at a five your whole life okay would you rather exist at a five your entire life or go up to seven down to two up to ten down to zero to average out at five obviously that one well it's not obvious for some people what some people are like no i value the consistency have you ever just meet someone who like it's friday night drinking my celestial seasonings tea and going to bed at 10 p.m and i enjoy that there are a lot of people who want to remain at that five i do have that five sometimes

sure and those those are nice days but you value diversity of experience of course i do even if it means being disappointed even if it means heartbreak that's okay right i think everyone needs to experience heartbreak at least three times in their life not just once i think people need three times that's excessive come on no no you need to you need to hit rock bottom and you also need to feel the highest point of joy and both of those and you don't need to chase to either of them to feel like successful yeah i think human beings need to experience extreme lows and extreme highs and then you'll even out eventually, hoping that you don't have any chemical imbalances in your head and hoping that you don't become addicted to

either feeling. I don't see why human beings, you need to experience everything within reason. No, I agree with that. To me, that's like the thing that makes life worth living. Sure. Right. And understanding that by chasing the highs, you're invariably going to reach some of the lows. Yeah. And, you know, for some people, maybe it's drinking twinnings tea instead of celestial bear tea. I think the celestial one has like a weird cult background, too. Does anybody know about that?

I don't know about that. Maggie, just look up celestial seasonings tea. But do you know twinnings tea? No, what's twinnings? It's like, is it called twinnings or winnings? Is it twinnings? Yeah, we used to serve at the crappy catering company I worked at. Yeah, like life is all about trying new things. And, you know, if you see two bowls of chips in front of you and they're both Doritos and one of them is salsa verde and the other one is sweet chili, eat both of them, man.

Who cares? No, but that, like, goes into, I mean, I think one of the reasons we are both in food is that, Maggie's looking up the cult origins of celestial seasonings. Love this. Maggie, report back when you got some facts. I think one of the reasons you and I are both in food is because food is a very, it is such a hedonistic pursuit. Yeah, totally. It is, of course, rooted in history and culture and all that.

But like, you're just, you're putting stuff in your mouth that makes you go, mmm, that you really enjoy. And also there's infinite variety therein, which is cool as hell. Yeah, of course. We're lucky that we get to do that. I do agree that hedonism definitely catches up to you. Oh yeah, yeah.

It'll get boring after a while. Let me tell you, at 29 years old, I've learned that even living a hedonistic lifestyle for the majority of your life is not a good way to live. But like,

you only have that clarity because you did that. Yeah, if I didn't do that, I would have been bored out of my gourd. No, I can only appreciate. The reason I wanted to say nacho cheese is better is only because I have been to the mountaintop, Nicole. I have eaten the spicy jumping pepper jack Dorito 3Ds.

You know what I mean? I have eaten. They came out with a flavor called just like XD13. That was a mystery flavor. And I have eaten, they came out with a flavor called just like XD13. That was a mystery flavor. And I have eaten that. I ate all three levels of their scorched and challenged Doritos. And so now I can rest in that comfort of nacho cheese. But also I agree with you that you should be seeking those more interesting experiences.

Yeah. I mean, you are also the, what's the thing called? The needle? Odometer? You are the, you are also the diameter. What's the thing called? The needle? Odometer? You are the. Geiger counter? Odometer. Seismograph?

These are all great. Sphigmo manometer? I like that one. Sphigmo manometer? Sphigmo manometer. What's a sphigmo? Is that a heart? Is that one of the heart rate measures?

I don't know, but let's just go with odometer. You need to determine your own odometer whenever it comes to trying things. Some people are going to like want to climb Mount Everest. Yeah. Okay. And that's their thing. They want to chase that high. They want to do it and they want to be successful at it.

Some people want to go and switch out their, I don't know, their hair conditioner for something a little bit less toxic. Like who cares? Everyone has their own level of adventure? Everyone has their own level of adventure and everyone has their own level of trying new things and I think that chip flavors are a great place to start. Dude, like dead ass seriously though, yeah. They're the place to start.

Yeah. If you had words of encouragement for somebody who is stuck because I'm imagining a lot of the tweets that we're gonna get from this and people are like, I'm nacho cheese till the day I die. I only eat nacho cheese Doritos and I think there are a lot of people like that. Yeah. Also, I thought nacho cheese till the day I die. I only eat nacho cheese Doritos. And I think there are a lot of people like that. Also, I thought nacho cheese was the original. I didn't. Well, I knew that Doritos like toasted

corn was the OG flavor. I like the yellow bag. I like that. It's good. Yeah, it's fine. Plain flavored Doritos, but it's like a very good light tortilla chip. It's a good plain. And then I didn't realize the second flavor was taco. Yeah, taco with the OG packaging. I knew they had the retro packaging, but i didn't know that was actually the second flavor ever it

was and then nachos he's like 74 cool ranch came in 86 no one buys the taco flavor no one buys it it's it's cumin it's cumin that's what people think is in tacos it's like very rarely used in mexican food it's used in some you had some moles i have cumin seeds yeah sure anyway if you have any advice for somebody who is like they're stuck in a dorito rut or they're stuck in a food rut in general what do you tell them don't hang out with hedonists why not do it because no do it little by little because you can get like really jaded like if you yeah you can you can really like blow a fuse and that's the worst like Like just do it on your own accord. Like don't be scared.

Like don't be scared to like try something new. Yeah, but don't do it on your own accord. No, no, no. Let people push you. No, no, no. Let people push your chip boundaries. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I think you need the instigation.

Maybe. I think people look for it. Some people need instigation. But also it can be seen as peer pressure and that's not good either instigation like some light the same coin true true true but some light empathetic peer pressure like what like give me an example no like can you do some light empathetic peer pressure on me yeah what do you want to do what do you want what horizons you want to expand i don't know what what do you think i should do okay um have you ever uh uh been skydiving uh i've been paragliding oh really god i've never done any of that i don't know. What do you think I should do? Okay. What do you think? Have you ever been skydiving?

I've been paragliding. Oh, really? God, I've never done any of that. I don't want to do any of that. That sounds frightening. I love that stuff. No, I don't want to do it. Adrenaline.

Peer pressure me into it. Okay. Have you ever thought about... Go ahead. Flip that responsibility real fast. Hello, Josh. Have you ever thought about bungee jumping? No, I'm afraid I'll poop my pants out of fear.

Have you ever pooped your pants not being scared yes was it that bad it was at ralph's i pooped my pants at ralph's and i was wearing tight shorts and in very thin underwear and it was just it was just a shart was that was that and so it wasn't like oh no because here's the thing nicole i'm very glad you asked that we can talk about the story sure because it was pretty solid. Oh, the poop was solid. And so I could just feel it there kind of mashing around like a melted candy bar in your car.

I get it. So it wasn't like it was running. It wasn't showing. Hey, have you ever talked to a therapist? And I still needed... Do you make your therapist laugh? No, never talked to one of them. They scare me.

And so you should be pressuring me into therapy. But here's the thing is I was like halfway done with my shopping and I was like halfway done with my shopping and I was like well if I go home to take care of this or I also don't want to abandon my shopping cart and go to the bathroom here

no adult just like a man so you could have just like you could have just you could have bailed the cart and then you could have just ordered it on Amazon yeah but then I would have had to pay an extra you know like 13 minute delivery fee not if you have a cart over $35 I've told you this before well where were you when I pooped my pants an extra, you know, like 13-minute delivery fee. No, not if you have a card over $35. I've told you this before.

Well, where were you when I pooped my pants seven years ago? You know, it was one of those days after drinking when you talk about hedonism. That's a risky run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get the dads the day after drinking squirts. I don't call them dads. You don't call them the dads? I just call it me time. No, I call it wicked case of the dads.

You were saying about paragliding. Oh, yeah. You should just come with bungee jumping with me one time. Have you ever thought about doing something adventurous? Do you mean like, no? Why? You're talking like sexually adventurous? Anything, anything.

Why do you always have to put sex on it? I don't know, because that's just what I thought. I don't like adrenaline. I don't, you know. Why not? I don't know because that's just what I thought. I don't like adrenaline. I don't, you know. Why not? You don't like the idea of. No, that feeling of your heart fluttering, it reacts negatively to me instead of positively. How do you know?

How do you know? Because I've experienced it and I felt it and it makes me feel bad. Have you ever felt it in a happy context? Sometimes. Has your heart ever felt it like we got real drunk on that roller coaster that one time at disneyland yeah and i like that you did yeah it made me go on a loop-de-loop and i drank we drank a bunch of tequila at that restaurant earlier we did yeah yeah do you remember how much fun that was yeah now imagine that level of fun times like 400. I did a rope swing once.

Yeah? Where was it? Bass Lake. Oh, yeah? When you hit the water, did it hurt? A little. You know what's the cool thing? It was fun. You know what's the cool thing about bungee?

What's that? You never hit anything. You just kind of hang. You're like Bob. Oh, God. I thought of that. I just made me want to throw up. Nicole, what are your top five favorite chips?

Of all time? Yeah, top five. I don't have to do that right now. I've already told you this. I don't have top five Doritos. I like Cool Ranch. That is the only Dorito flavor you like. That's the only one I care about. Fire Habanero. You don't care about that? You don't care about Blazing Buffalo Blue? You don't care about Spicy Sweet Chili, Nicole? You don't care about Flamin' Hot

Limon? Not in a Doritos context. You would rather have that in a Cheeto. Hell yeah, I'd rather have it in a Cheeto. Hell yeah. I want an elote-flavored Dorito. And I would love that sweet corn flavor. But I want a fair amount of spice, some tajin, and then like powdered cotija on there. That is my dream.

I like tajin chips. If you can make that happen, that would be really huge for us. But no, I agree with you. You have swayed me. I still come away with this with an appreciation for nacho cheese Doritos. Great.

And I accept that they are the best cheese chip in the market. You don't have to agree. I don't. But I do think that Cool Ranch is the gateway to making your life more exciting, excepting the fact that

Cool Ranch is more interesting than nacho cheese and deserves more of your time, if not for anything else but to jump to those Tapatio-flavored Doritos, which is to say to jump outside your comfort zone, if that may be the case, then I think it's worth it. God bless.

Alright, Nicole, I've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call... Opinions on iKissRolls. Really beat me to the punch on that one. All right, first up, we have a note on Celestial Seasonings Tea. Okay, so this is an article from Food & Wine that Megan filled up. I'm going to read verbatim. Besides enthusiasm for tea, Mo Siegel, one of the co-founders,

was an avid believer in a, quote, New Age Bible called the Urantia Book. First published in 1955, the Bible is inspired by Seventh Day Adventist movement, except that it was supposedly communicated to an unknown man, possessed and put into a trance by aliens. Yes, aliens. I say it was more than likely written by William Sadler, a turn-of-the-century psychiatrist who also published three books about eugenics

and had a deeply rooted racist philosophy. Well, you know, uh... Man, that's the tea on that, I suppose. No, pretty messed up. Pretty messed up. Did you know that the T stands for truth? Oh, does it? Like, drop messed up. Pretty messed up. Did you know that the T stands for truth? Oh, does it? Like drop the T, like spill the T.

The T stands for truth. Oh, I did not know that. It was like when I found out what Stan meant. The Eminem song, Stan. Yeah, such a good song. Yeah. Dido sample. What's the cult behind Dr. Bronner's?

The soap? Sudsters. They're like, no, they have like a bunch of weird kind of philosophy written on their soap bottles yeah i call them sudsers all right uh first up we got at caleb condi one cucumber gatorade is the best gatorade all the other ones just taste like salty dextrose i do love some salty dextrose though and they are right that that's like the main it's just salt sugar citric acid yeah some artificial flavoring um love me the limon pepino the cucumber lime gatorade yeah really freaking good uh great little cocktail mixer too because you get all that cucumber flavor i love cucumber gatorade this is david's favorite gatorade flavor of all time oh yeah we love him yeah he's great

uh jamie underscore lee 13 says garlic hummus on an everything bagel is delicious. It sure is. This is Jewish culture, whether you like it or not, Nicole. This is Jewish excellence at its best. I think it's great. I think this is a non-denominational snack. I agree with that. I think it's delicious. I will say garlic hummus, though, is just you saying,

I know better than the hummusia that made this, and it needed more garlic. That's not true. Because hummus already has garlic in it. They want garlic hummus. No, that's what I'm saying. They want more. They're just saying, hey, your original recipe for the hummus wasn't good enough.

I know better than you. That's like saying, I like black beans, but I want to put a little bit more onion in my black beans. Yeah, you are saying you're better than the beanie. The bean people? And the bean? That sounds terrible. What is it then?

No, I'm just sketching about nothing here. But when I see like roasted garlic hummus, I'm like all you've done is you've made the garlic flavor less potent in the hummus. And that's okay. And that's fine. It's a preference thing, but I don't like it. There are like a million hummus flavors. Why are you griping on this one? My favorite hummus is hummus flavored. Oh, that's okay.

That's fine. That's your opinion. What's your favorite hummus? Oh, the roasted tomato with basil. Oh, of course it is. The one that has the pine nuts on it. Oh, that's so good, dude. The herby pine nuts. Yo, Trader Joe's got some great pre-fab hummus out there. Trader Joe's has traditional Mediterranean hummus. Yeah, I don't like the accent. Didn't take a stance on putting a country name, just said Mediterranean.

I like that a lot. Listen, you know, the modern nation state, pretty new invention. Everyone was eating hummus for a long time. Not to get political on it. I mean, like, that wasn't, I was just saying, like, it's popular, you know what I mean? Okay. With the next one.

At music underscore helps underscore me, orange juice and Oreos. I'll tell you another combination, me and not that. I'd do it. I don't care. Really? Citrus and chocolate?

I'm crazy like that. You like that? Citrus and chocolate? I love, you know, the little oranges you smack on the table. Yeah, but that's not, that's like orange stink. Like it's not orange juice.

I get it, I get it, I get it. It's the essence. Let me tell you what I would do, which makes more sense. I would scrape out the center and just see the black cookies with the orange juice. Really? The black cookies. If anything, I want to. The orange juice.

I want to blend just the cream with the orange juice. Oh, make a creamsicle. And a yellow creamsicle. Do you like pulp? Into pulp? No, I hate pulp. I love may be a little creamsicle. Do you like pulp? You into pulp? No, I hate pulp. I love pulp. I like extra pulp.

I like pulpy. I like drinks with chunks, to be clear. I love me a good chunky drink. Yeah. Or like you even get the dried mint on a douche. Yeah. You know, that's like, that's the pulp that I want. Or the coconut water with the pulp.

You get the little jellies in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love coconut water with the little chunks of coconut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, or chia seed. You can be, oh my God, chia or basil, yeah. I love coconut water with the little chunks of coconut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or chia seed. Oh, my God. Chia or basil seed drink. Lovely.

The only thing I don't like pulp in is orange juice because the pulp is so small and there's so much of it. You're just chewing. I saw the first episode of the rehearsal. Drinking hair. And he said he wants orange juice without pulp. Yeah. That's the title of the first episode of the rehearsal. Oh, really?

Is there? Orange juice, no pulp. Well, there you go. That's why he orders at a pulp. Yeah. That's the first, that's the title of the first episode of the first episode of Orange Juice No Pulp. Well, there you go. Guess what? He orders at a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'm going to watch any more of it. I think,

should I? I think Nathan Fielder is manipulative and, and, and no other reality show has ever manipulated anybody. And that's my stance.

No, I'm kidding. It's a great show. The set deck is dope. Oh, what a, they pulled off some of the most incredible things in television history. Yeah, I need to watch it by myself. David doesn't like it. No, I'm kidding. It's a great show. The set deck is dope. Oh, what a, they pulled off some of the most incredible things. Yeah, I need to watch it by myself. David doesn't like it.

No, I think like all TV is bad for society. And so I think, you know, for me, I'm morally neutral on everything. Oh, that's bad too. That's really bad. You're morally neutral on everything? That's what I'm saying. Like most TV. Red alert.

Red alert. You can't call. You can't like look at, cherry pick one show and be like, that manipulated people. Now let's go watch Love Island or whatever. Like, no, come on. This is reality TV. Everything is manipulated. Everything's produced.

Grow up. Read a newspaper. Petey Petey Petey says ketchup and grilled cheese is goaded. Yes, it is indeed. Yeah. And I say any grilled cheese too. It doesn't just have to be American. It doesn't just have to be cheddar.

Give me like a well- Brie? Brie? Nicole, you mean fucking brie grilled cheese? You said the F word. Give me like- I said fricking. I said fricking.

I didn't say the actual F word. But no, I'm saying like you get like a fancy ketchup. No. Yeah. No. Yeah, doopie. You know when they put strawberries in ketchup? Give me like a blackberry balsamic ketchup with allspice berries and some caraway.

I'm going to put you in food jail. And like a big prosciutto freaking brioche savarin cheese. That's not even ketchup anymore at that point. That's a chutney. You talk about chutney, bro. Ketchup's a chutney, girl. Give me that. I want to grill cheese right now.

I'm hungry. I just ate a big old sandwich and a couple tacos Josh and I haven't talked all day until this podcast yeah we haven't seen each other this is why we're all weird at Abarab Ahmad

would you consider falafel a vegan nugget sure Abarab Ahmad I don't know I don't know why I hit Ahmad

I was saying hummus so much Ahmad Ahmad Ahmad if it's Farsi if it said no if there was a Cmus so much. Ahmad. Ahmad. Ahmad. Ahmad. Well, that's if it's Farsi. If it said ah, no, if there was a C anywhere, it would say Ahmad. No, but you hit the on like.

Ahmad. Okay. Abarab, Ahmad. Dang it. Ahmad, Ahmad. Just switch into, I don't know. Would you consider falafel a vegan nugget? Yes.

Absolutely. Sure. And one of the things I dislike about modern vegan nuggets, vegan burgers, all that, is that the perfect vegan burger and vegan nugget has existed for millennia, and it's called falafel. I don't love falafel that much. You don't love falafel? Can I tell you why? Sometimes I get some dry falafels, and it really grinds my gears. I think some falafel is not good.

And it's, like, deep fried, and it's not even good deep fried. It's, like, badly fried, and it's just nasty. But, like, I need to go have some good if you have any falafel recommendations in the los angeles area i will go just tell me where to go i dig on joe's i dig on joe's falafel i like dunes falafel i didn't have you ever have mad capra no the those the people from uh whatever uh falafel arax okay okay i'll go we'll go we'll go get good falafel no but i've had a lot of bad falafel too like to me the mark of good falafel it might be a regional thing because i've noticed there's certain countries that don't do good falafel for my personal taste okay but to me

if you break it open and it's like a pale brown that's not gonna be good falafel yeah if you break it open and it's a wet dark green that's a good falafel yeah and i think if you take that and like that oh just that perfectly that perfectly spiced, freshly toasted cumin, freshly toasted coriander ground up in there with all the parsley, all the herbs. It's like a good falafel is a transcendent experience with the trina, Nicole. We need to eat more falafel. Yeah. I'm going to, next time we have lunch at work, I'm going to request that we go to a place

that has like one of the new places that you said. Falafel Iraq, Steve. We should order it should order it em carpenter 15 says noodles in my chili my answer no that's chili mac let's freaking talk about this i don't know what the putting noodles in your chili oh my god okay so so so a while ago we talked about i talked about the idea that chili doesn't exist chili chili certainly exists. We'll talk about that later. Beans and chili, regional styles, all that. Some people, like Texans, right? A bowl of Texas red that is rooted deeply in northern Mexican chili con carne, right? Like a real Mexican dish.

And it's just a delicious stew. It's like carne en su jugo. It's a stew of meat and spices and maybe some onions, and it's delicious. Yeah. But what they're talking about is Ohio chili. Okay, what's that? So you're talking about like Skyline chili, Cincinnati, the stuff they put on spaghetti.

There's a place where that does it, right? Is there? Chili John's? Oh, Chili John's. That's not Skyline. Oh, it's not? That's a very kind of non-denominational chili, but they'll put it on everything.

I know Skyline chili. It's famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was created by, I believe, a Macedonian immigrant. Nice. So it's kind of got that like Balkan sort of flavor profile, a lot of warm spices, a lot of like kind of red wine, but probably not really ketchup.

Anywho, the point is in Ohio, for whatever reason, I took a recruiting trip to Case Western Reserve in Cleveland and they were like, we're known for our chili mac. And I was like, what the hell is chili mac? And they put macaroni noodles in the chili or they'll put a scoop of chili on mac and cheese and kind of bake it off. And then when you keep like going down the rabbit hole you find these weird regional variations of

noodles inside chili interesting like in columbus or something called johnny marzetti if anybody has ever eaten proper johnny marzetti or know what the heck i'm talking about leave a voicemail for us on the voicemail line we'll tell you the the number later. I'll tweet it out there. But I want to know because there's a lot of weird regional variations or even look up American goulash. Is there somebody named Johnny Marzetti that made this? Yeah, one of the 2012 Heisman.

No, that's Johnny Manziel. What? Nobody here knows anything about football. What is American chop suey? American chop suey, also American goulash is another thing, but they're all some variations of like tomatoey spiced ground meat with noodles in it.

Huh. And it's like, I mean, it's hamburger helper is what it is. Sure, yeah. Which is a delight, but it's not something that I'm ever looking for

in a chili experience. Interesting. I think I got to try this. I think I'd be all about it. I love pasta and everything, so. I love me just a good casserole bake with noodles holding it all together. It's nice. It's nice and I would spice

it up with whatever I wanted. At Talia Tapper, ice cream is best when it's very cold outside. Huh. I'm thinking about this and I'm thinking why they would say something controversial yet so brave. I actually sent that gift to someone today saying that the Georgia Lopez show is better than

Game of Thrones. So, yeah. No one on Game of Thrones has a burrito named after them at a taqueria in Paramount. I mean, George Lopez. I mean, the theme songs. You can't even compare them. I mean, listening to Lowrider by

War. Ice Cream's Best One's Cold Outside. Okay, so when it's cold outside okay so when it's cold outside you're hold on you're supposed to eat cold thing no you're supposed to eat hot things when it's warm outside hot things cool you down because it stimulates a body regulation yeah you know i've heard that and people are like oh people in india do this but i don't believe it man it's hot outside i need a bottle of cold water yeah it's kind of like one of those things where if you stub your toe people like

punch yourself in the face it'll make your toe hurt less and it's like yeah you're technically right but then my face hurts it's like having like caldo when it's hot out like there's a whole meme about that like I'm sure it works but if I had to choose when it's 100 degrees outside to have a cup of chai or have a

a glass of cold water I'm probably gonna go for the cold I don have a cup of chai or have a glass of cold water, I'm probably going to go for the cold. I don't know. I thought you were going to say a glass of cold milk. And I was like, yeah, give me all the milk on a hot day. Maybe cold milk. I like milk. I drink milk by the glass. I will eat ice cream, though, during any weather, any time.

I love ice cream. I just, I'm a big fan. Say, I'll eat it. I tried a New York seasonal ice cream the other day. Did not like it. Were you in New York? No, I was in Santa Barbara. And it wasn't the Santa Barbara-based ice cream place that I

love. Why did you do that? I'm not going to say what it is because I like to talk about the good food that I eat. Why did you do that? It was next to the restaurant. I had great pizza out there and then I did not enjoy the new artisanal ice cream that I somehow never had. Okay, this is funny.

Melindy 8513 says Cheez Whiz on arrowroot cookies is funny. Melindy8513 says, Cheez Whiz on arrowroot cookies is delicious. What is, why? I know what arrowroot powder is, like the flour. But you know who primarily uses it, right? Is it lactating women? No, I was just going to say vegan gluten-free people.

Oh, I thought maybe it stimulates them. But they're eating Cheez Whiz. Wait, why do you think arrowroot stimulates lactation? There's like weird lactation cookie and like lactation, like a biscuit recipe. So I was thinking maybe this has to do with it. Lactation biscuits are biscuits that stimulate lactation, not biscuits made with lactation in them. You can't, yeah, I think you can't feed people your body secretions without them knowing. I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

Well, which ones? Because there's anything secretions what have you your sweat's gonna get you know you're working hard to get your sweat's gonna get some of the food like i'm not saying like i'm not saying to like piss in the chowder but i'm just saying that any yeah i don't think you should no why are they putting cheese whiz on arrowroot i don't i don't know that's why it was funny to me the words didn't make sense like an ai wrote this yeah it made me itch I don't believe I've ever had an arrowroot cookie.

I've never cooked with arrowroot. I had a vegan roommate who cooked with arrowroot and that's the only thing I know. Arrowroot is baby, there's baby food

that's made out of arrowroot. Oh, interesting. Like little finger, you know when they're like, Oh, is that what they're talking about? When they're like, oh, I can,

I'm a crawler. I can pick things up with my fingers now. Here's my snack. Also, I have a feeling there's like a Mandela effect with Cheez Whiz. Oh, you think they're talking

about spray cheese? I think they're talking about Easy Cheese, which is the one that comes out of a nozzle and Cheez Whiz is the one that comes out of a jar. Yeah, that's right.

So I have a feeling that's what they're talking about. We should talk about food mandalas. Mandala or Mandela? I don't know the difference. We should talk about that on the pod one time. I would love that.

We got to figure out if there's any, what are other ones that exist? Chick-fil-A, Cheez-It. Oh, Chick-fil-A not having a- Cheez-It versus Cheez-Its. There's like a bunch.

If you really want to do it, we can add it to it. Hot Pockets brand sandwiches. Exactly. You know, there's so many. There's so many. All right,

one more, one more, one more. Okay, let me do it. Oh, it's your turn. Sorry. If you want to do it, you can do it.

No, I don't want to do it. All right, at Chichiru Yutei 1, you peel the whole banana before eating it. Damn right I do. No. No way. What? What do you hold on to?

The banana. It gets wet. Yeah, it's fine. Sticky wet. Dude, I'm wet all the time. So I just deal with the banana wetness. No, no, no. You got to have like a little, it's a literal mother nature has made the handle.

So your hands don't get dirty. And then at the end you push it up. You ever see the video from, I think it's like, is it Kirk Cameron? I don't know. He has this whole video about creationism. He's like a very big evangelical Christian. Okay. And it's a video called An Atheist's Worst Nightmare on YouTube.

Have y'all never seen this? No. It's somebody, it's a British dude arguing why creationism is proven by the banana. Because it has this beautiful non-slip wrapper that you can just hold on to. And if you look, the curves on your hand are actually perfectly suited for the

bananer. Because that's how British people say bananer. Yeah, like Pamela. And I was like, I think that's arguably a better argue for evolution. Yeah, exactly. Okay, I like bananas. I mean, bananas are a better argue for evolution. Yeah, exactly. That evolved to fit. Anywho. Okay, I like bananas. I mean, bananas are whatever the heck I want.

I don't like eating them in public, though. Oh, that's... Because it's like, you know. That's your... I don't know why. Because it looks... And on that note, thank you so much for stopping by. A hot dog is a sandwich.

If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions or like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or at Henizadeh with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. Or, or, or, if you want to leave us a voicemail, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833-DOGPOD1. That's 833-DOGPOD1. Josh is being a sea dog, a.k.a. a seal.

And for more Mythical Kitchen, I had to fight a sea lion once. For more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube. We launch new videos every week. See you all next time. So did I. Did you really? Of course not, you dummy.