A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Is Cooking a Sport?

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Today, we're discussing: is cooking a sport? Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Thanks to Chicken of the Sea for sponsoring today's episode! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. I sweat profusely, have many physical injuries, and I will not rest until I am the best in the world. Does that mean cooking's a sport? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich! Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A Hot Dog is a Sandwich.

A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scher. And I'm your host, Nicole... The Nighty! Nicole the Destroyer!

Standing at five foot... What are you like, five foot four? Five foot three? And a half. And like, how much do you weigh? Tell the world. I am not going And like, how much do you weigh? Tell the world. I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh. Nicole, today we are discussing, is cooking a sport?

Now, you and I, hold on, hold on. Before you poo-poo this idea. I'm not poo-pooing anything. You and I went to the world's greatest sporting spectacle together on July 4th, 2022. That's right and we saw Joey American Hero Chestnut

one take down something like 52 hot dogs his numbers were down a lot of hot dogs because of the heat and humidity and he also hurt himself

and he popped a blood vessel in his eye popped a blood vessel in his eye and choked out a vegan protester oh that was crazy hey listen

a lot of people have something to say about that if someone comes into you and, like, elbows you in the back, rushing a stage, you kind of have a right to throw them to the ground. That's what I believe in. Point is, eating hot dogs competitively,

that is definitely a sport. And if you can consider that a sport, Nicole, if you can tune in to ESPN2 at any given time of day and find darts and poker and NASCAR and horse racing. The World Series of Darts. Pretty fun to watch actually, if I'm being honest. Cornhole?

Then why is cooking not considered a sport? I think cooking is a sport. Explain, because we're on the same page. And I'm one of the greatest athletes that have ever existed. Are you kidding me? Or the Serena Williams. You don't even know. My career of 10 years, I have done everything from food stylist, recipe and R&D chef.

What else have I done? On-camera talent, behind-the-camera talent, worked in restaurants, catered. You're what we call a five-tool player in baseball. You don't even know the stuff I've done in the food world. It is crazy. And I feel like a seasoned athlete. I feel like I'm an athlete. I am an athlete.

But to be clear. I'm a cooking athlete. If we can just be clear. I've won cooking competitions. I've also lost cooking competitions. I love this because this is literally your Super Bowl. As somebody who did not grow up playing sports competitively, you were put in the classes. I danced a lot.

I did tennis for like a year and then I tore my Achilles tendon. You tore your Achilles playing tennis as a child? Like more like really stretched it almost tore it. You went down. You got hurt. You were taken out of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a natural athlete.

If I can play devil's advocate here because I am – if I'm being honest, I don't think cooking is a sport. Then why did you give that spiel in the beginning saying you did? Oh, I don't know. Sometimes I just say things to say them. Oh, really? And I see what you're going to say and I'm like, well, maybe I can just debunk this. But I think society has turned cooking into a sport against all odds. I think there are a lot of corollaries with cooking and sports.

I don't necessarily know if that means that cooking is a sport. But you pick something like Iron Chef, right? Yeah, exactly. Iron Chef, to me, half of the cooking content out there in media, on streamers, Food Network, whatever, is now a competition. Yes. So we've turned cooking into a sport. So what is the difference between a competition and a sport? Like what is the difference?

Well, that's a great example. I think if we look at something like dancing, right? Competitive dancing, salsa. Is competitive dancing a sport? Bachata. Is bachata a sport? Yes. Is – what's the other one?

Foxtrot. Flamenco. Flamenco, foxtrot, waltz, tango. Ballroom. Ballroom. There's so many dances. Whatever Patrick Swayze was doing in Dirty Dancing where he did the humping he did the dirty dancing that's a sport no but for real okay if competitive dancing is a sport i part of me takes the definition of sport very literally in a way

that i don't want to bend on right like you look at something like skateboarding, right, where skateboarding is effectively dancing. You have judges who are giving a you have judges who are giving a score based on a routine that is all subjective. BMX. And the same BMX, snowboarding, skiing, stuff like that. Those are sports. I don't know if they are. I think they are art forms that can be subjectively and competitively critiqued, but I don't think they're sports. What? And I'll tell you why. Skiing is an Olympic sport.

Yeah, so is skateboarding. So is BMX. Discus is a sport. But discus is incredibly different than something like skateboarding. Let me explain. I believe that cooking, skateboarding, and ballroom dancing, none of them are sports. They are all art forms that can be subjectively critiqued. They are all physical, but it doesn't mean they're sports because of the subject of nature.

They are judged as an art, which to me makes sense. It is the same thing as, you ever see like the world, what do they call it, the cattle grading championships? Yes. Texas A&M always winning every single year. They go and they grade the cattle. They're like, this cow's teats are too big. And then they're judged

on their own judging. It's the same thing. Discus, on the other hand, Nicole, this is a sport that I devoted a large chunk of my life to. Yes. Shot put, discus, hammer throw.

I love track and field. Javelin. Javelin. That's tough on the rotator cuff. The reason I think these are the most pure sports, track and field. Javelin. Javelin. That's tough on the rotator cuff. The reason I think these are the most pure sports, track and field, right, is that everything is objectively measurable. There is no judging involved, right? You can either throw a ball. What is a referee if not a judge? No, but the referee is only there to maintain objective rules, right? Like it has

nothing to do with like, oh, I thought that 900, you know, 540 McTwist looked better than this person's 540 McTwist. This is simply like, did the person fall out of the ring or not? So a judge in track and field doesn't need to be there.

It could be automated. It could be a camera with a series of sensors and GPS trackers on it, but it's not. But literally that's what attracted me to track and field so much. It's a mistake.

Is that the pure objective nature of it, right? There's no, you know, if you're in a cooking competition against somebody, you could think that your dish tastes better than another person's dish. It's okay. If you are in a cooking competition against somebody, right? And we've both been here. Yes. On our show, on other shows. You could think that your dish tastes better than another, and then the judges could have a completely different opinion.

With a true sport, and to me this is the essence of sports, Nicole, there is no judgment involved. But what about, like, for example, there's a competition regarding knife cuts. What about that? What about there's a competition saying oh you have to be able to do um a three-quarter inch dice on this carrot you have to be able to do a fine mince on this garlic you have to do a brunoise on the celery and you have to do a tournée of four potatoes and i will measure and i will measure those those tournées wait now we're talking okay quantifiable right it's all about taste you

have so a lot of the times like the shows that we watch and stuff in the shows that we're on are about taste but think about like being graded on a test it's the same exact thing i had to do that test in culinary school that's interesting because what you're talking about now this isn't cooking we're talking about um the closest sports corollary I can think of. Fencing. No, no, no, no, no. Way better. The best sport in the world is not track and field.

It is competitive lumberjacking. Oh, lumberjacking. Okay. Have you ever seen that? Yes. They used to call it the great outdoor games and it would be like you have to. I went to one actually. Did you really?

Yeah, when I went to Alaska. That's incredible. Yeah, it was cool. They like hack into the tree and then they put a board in the tree and then they jump on top of the board and they keep hacking away. Yes, yes, yes. Similar things. They're being judged on their knife cuts on a tree.

I think there's a world in which competitive technical cookery could be considered a sport. But does that exist right now? No, but I do think – well, I don't know. Well, for example, like in some cooking shows, there's like you have to make the perfect French roast. And this is how you make the French roast. You have to do all of these things to be able to do steps one through seven to get a French roast. For example, Great British Baking Show. That is a sport, man.

Paul Hollywood stands there and teaches you how to make a shortbread. Teaches you how to make a shortbread. You have to follow all the steps and you have to follow them to a T to make a shortbread. Teaches you how to make a shortbread. You have to follow all the steps and you have to follow them to a T or else your shortbread will fail.

So that would be That's a sport. That's similar to ice skating, right? Is chess a sport? Is chess a sport? No, I don't consider chess a sport. Why don't you think

you don't think board games No, physicality is not endemic to Do all sports require physicality? A sport has to involve physicality and physical prowess.

Otherwise, it's a game. It's a game. What about Rubik's Cubes? What about those kids that stack the cups? They're physicality. Oh, cup stacking is definitely. No, cup stacking is the prime definition of a sport. Yes, it is.

Cup stacking is just track and field for people who can't run but can, like, go really fast. My chapstick fell. You have chronically dry lips. It's crazy. I need my chapstick, girl. She's going to drink more water. But like I was saying, I believe that cooking is a sport because, number one, danger everywhere. There is.

Okay. Let's run down a list of the similarities between cooking and sports. Okay. Because there are a lot. There's no similarities. They're the same thing. But okay, go ahead. Okay.

Okay. Number one, physically demanding. honey right these dogs are barking we have similar injuries plantar fasciitis remember remember when my feet hurt so bad that i couldn't wear normal shoes i don't think it's plantar fasciitis but it's something david has had plantar fasciitis for the past year and i go honey we have to buy you custom insoles and he's like i don't want them i'm like mother effer if you don't spend 700 and get yourself some custom insoles i'm gonna chop your feet off he struggles every day he comes out of bed and he stretches on this stupid stretching thing and i'm like you need insoles two Does that make sense? Two, constant striving for progression and greatness.

Always. Right? Always. That's the name of the game when you're a cook. Number three, physically demanding, which is also number one. Oh, no, I got to go to number three. Team atmosphere. Oh, yeah.

Team bonding. What is it? Cooking on the line, it's all about working as a team you have communication you have a coach if you're yeah you have oh that's oh hierarchical structure is that similar to sports coach chef sous chef is like a point guard um the the chef de cuisine no the chef de cuisine is like an assistant coach. Oh, okay. No, okay. Wearing a suit. Coach is executive chef. It's a lady wearing a suit.

Coach is executive chef. They're not in there playing the game. Right? And then you got the chef de cuisine, the CDC, right? They're probably in there running the day-to-day operations. They're your point guard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're distributing.

Who's? You got sous chef. They're what I'd call point forward. Okay, have you ever seen- Like Giannis Atetokounmpo. Have you ever seen the movie where Adam Sandler finds talent? Yeah. It was called Hustle.

Yeah. What would that be in like a restaurant? Expo? What is? Oh, you're talking about a scout? No. Okay. So Adam Sandler.

I'm sorry. I need to briefly explain sports to Nicole. So Adam Sandler was an international scout in Hustle. So he would be like a truffle purveyor. Oh, that's a good one. In a restaurant. Like somebody who they are going to far off lands to find unique ingredients

that may or may not pay off for the greater success of the organization. I have to tie my hair up. They're like a purveyor of rare goods. I have to tie my hair up. You know? Josh, let me tell you something. Lion Cook, Nicole, that's your shooting guards. Josh, let me tell you something. Lion Cook.

Lion Cook, Nicole, that's your shooting guards. Josh, I get it. Whatever. That's your wings. That's your slashers. That's the people who they're in. They're in the sticks. They're scoring for the team.

They're getting buckets. They're out there hammering out. I have an idea for you, okay? Think about someone that works at a mattress store, okay? I am listening. Nicole, for once, I'm listening to you. I love mattress stores. Do you really?

Can I tell you a quick mattress store story? Yeah. It's also a story of why I don't like to poop in public. So I went to a mattress store sophomore year, just moved into our first apartment with Jackie, Marcus, and Andrew, my roommates, and we were bargaining on mattresses. We got the guy down a really good price. If we all bought new mattresses, we're in there. We're joking with him. We're working on our charm.

Jackie, out of nowhere, just goes, where's your bathroom? The guy points to a door that's like four feet away from where we all are. Jackie's in there for eight to ten minutes. We're like, what's going on? Jackie's really pooping at the mattress stores. We're about to close the deal. And then Jackie just comes out, leaves the door open, and just poo smell wafts through the whole mattress store. And I've never so comically seen a man as the mattress store salesman go, in my life. And we're like, so do we got a deal or what?

And the guy was like, oh, yeah. I just, can we go to the register? And so that's why I don't like pooping in public, but I like mattress stores. So you were saying, Nicole, the floor is yours. Think about a mattress store, okay? No, I'm thinking about it. Thinking about this one in Goleta, California,

that Jackie's absolutely stink-bombed. Okay, and then think about the back stock, okay? Think about the guy or the girl that has to lift up the mattresses and put them up. Lift them up. Yeah, like a clean and jerk. The clean and jerking. Exactly.

Like a. Exactly. Like, what's his name? Reza. Dude, I don't know what the F you're talking about. Hossein Rezazadeh? Hossein Rezazadeh. He thinks just because I'm Persian, I know all the Persian people.

How do you know? I think you know Persian gold medalists who are heroes. I don't know who he is. Is he cute? Yeah, he's a weightlifter. Is he cute? I'll look him up. I'll look him up.

Is he the big, chungus guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that guy. Yeah, big chungus. You were saying? This is Hossein Rezazadeh. Yeah. Look at this.

He's huge. He's the beefiest boy ever, man. Oh, my gosh. He's huge. Oh, he clean and jerked like 500 pounds. He looks like Jack Black. Oh, he cleaned and jerked like 500 pounds. He looks like Jack Black.

Like I was saying, if you, I had, if they, hey, stop looking at him so much. I can't stop watching. I can't stop looking at pictures of this Iranian heavyweight lifter. Pay attention to me. Look at that. Oh, just contact on the belly. You're in a mattress store. I'm in a mattress store.

Jackie just pooped. Go ahead. Oh,'t get a mattress store. Oh, you want me to physically look behind me at the theoretical mattresses. Go ahead. Someone is putting the mattresses up and up.

Yeah, they can. They can't afford a forklift. No. No, someone could do it. A big Iranian weightlifter is throwing them up there. It's a Persian-American on a mattress store.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So imagine a camera. Uh-huh. At ESPN. Yeah. There's no mattress throwing competitions out there it's physical labor sure job yeah but holy crap ain't nobody watching that no ain't nobody pitching it to espn hey you wanted to see mattress sacking no nobody cares about that food you're saying the demand for audience is what determines sporthood. A lot of the time, yes. A lot of the time, yes.

Of course. I'll tell you what. I consider strongman a sport, but you go to any regional strongman competitor, Nicole, not one person watching. You might have a couple supportive wives and girlfriends. You might have some wags out there. You know what I mean? Okay.

But what about like- Ain't nobody out there. You know what I mean? Okay, but what about like... Ain't nobody watching it. Is CrossFit a sport? CrossFit is one of the most profitable sports in the world, Nicole. Because there are CrossFit games. Correct. Right?

There are so many international food competitions that you and I don't even know about. Oh, the Bocuse d'Or. All of them. Talk about the Bocuse d'Or. I don't know about the Bocuse d'Or. You don't know about the Bocuse d'Or.

Nicole, it is literally the most prestigious cooking competition in the entire world. And it is old school. And it is French. Yeah. And they got the real tall toques with all the fruits and the coal in there. Yeah, like, you know, crap like that. Making that Paul Bocuse style food where you take, like, a whole goat and you boil its bladder.

And then you wrap that around a rabbit and make a sauce out of its blood. And then put the cucumber shingles on the fish to look like scales. And then a Frenchman comes around and goes, that is bad. And then you lose. Yeah. Like, see, like, that's a, I don't, it's the. Shoot. Food is the apex of sport, art, and what is it?

Biological need. Dang. Because it's food, right right you need sustenance it's like if you had like competitive breathing you know like yeah like you need air if you were yeah yeah exactly it's like it's like at the bottom of competitive vaping no no competitive is that a sport competitive vaping like to see like who can i don't know do the sickest clouds yeah i mean it was for a second wait maggie's Googling competitive vaping while you keep going. What I'm trying to do. Yeah, okay, well, competitive vaping is incredibly real and incredibly sick.

It's real, but I don't know. Bro, hold on. We're watching videos of competitive vaping and it is sick. Dude, this guy looks super sick. That guy gets so much ASS. Bro, his O's are like brr sick. That guy gets so much ASS. Bro, his O's are like, brrrah. That guy probably has

like three girlfriends. At least. At least. And each of those girlfriends has three girlfriends. This guy's got a pyramid of girlfriends. Yeah, he ain't biggie.

With sick clouds like that and those rocking O's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sick. Dude, no. Yeah, my girl got a girlfriend. Sick. Yeah.

I think the subject of what is and what isn't a sport cannot be defined within the confines of this podcast. But food and cooking as a competition, as a sport, I believe it is. Because it requires skill. It requires talent. It requires practice. It's about pride. It's about power. We stay hungry. We devour.

Pretty much. And I think all those things are also – there's skill in throwing mattresses at the top of the other mattresses. But there's no passion. I have a question do you believe that there are actually large strong iranian men throwing mattresses like very high above other mattresses or do you think that they've figured out a i'm just saying this one mattress place can't afford the forklift i see what you're saying okay but they do have so many mattresses that they need to throw them atop them of course i would invest in a forklift i would invest in a

forklift how do you store a mattress I've decided that cooking's a sport. And let me tell you why. If running, Nicole, check this out. Every time you make an omelet in your home, you are not participating in a sport. No. But you are doing the athletic thing in the same vein that running is both a sport

and not a sport. Yes. In the sense that if you are running to... Elliot Kipchoge, right? Yeah, big Elliot Kipchoge guy out here. If you're him and you're running marathons out there

winning hundreds of thousands of dollars in prize money, you are participating in the sport of running. Yes. If you are Elliot Jones,

a notoriously slow jogger out of Poughkeepsie, where's that, Jersey? And you're out there jogging on a Sunday. You're just doing a fun athletic activity, but you are not participating in the sport because there's no competition involved. So cooking, you're making an omelet for your own sustenance.

That's not a sport. However, you go to that Boku's door, Nicole, and you are putting your body on the line, your mind on the line. You need to stay focused. You need to stay physically engaged. You need to stay focused. You need to stay physically engaged. You need to be precise. You need to move with swiftness and deftness and touch to win, especially when it's country v. country for your pride on the line. Yeah, that's a sport.

I think I agree with you. Thank you. It makes sense. Do you think that athletes are more successful in the kitchen than non-athletes? Say that one more time. Do you think that athletes have a successful time crossing over to cooking? Because I feel like I've known myself included. You know, V, college basketball player.

I knew a chef who refused to hire people from culinary school and mostly staffed his kitchen with athletes because they knew how to work as a team. They knew how to default to hierarchy, listen to a coach. They knew how to deal with physically uncomfortable situations. You know, they could lift heavy Cambros, Nicole. Yeah. Filled with brining corned beef briskets. Yeah. I mean, sure.

I think a kitchen can employ athletes. That's very brave. Thank you. I mean, yeah. I mean, I agree. I think, again, there's a lot of physicality that goes into cooking. And people don't consider that because they're nonas, you know. Yeah, yeah.

They make sundae gravy and they're just like whatever. I met some nonas with really big forearms though. Yeah. And I think that comes into play. Yeah. Like cooking, again, it's when you're cooking. Cooking, again, it's when you're cooking. I mean, cooking on the line and every single meal that you're cooking is like kind of a sport.

It is. It's kind of a competition. Every day is game day. Every day is game day when you're on the line. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, but when you're like cooking with a competition and like cameras are on you and food has been made beforehand, I don't necessarily even consider that a cooking competition. I don't consider that a sport. My bad. Okay, so what you're talking about is wrestling.

No, no, no. Hear me out. What are you talking about? Because, okay, wrestling is not a sport. I don't know if that, I mean, Olympic style wrestling, Greco-Roman wrestling, freestyle wrestling, that's a sport. I'm talking about WWE. It's not a sport. I love WWE wwe i love wwe i love wwe wwe is dancing it's drama it's drama it's drag it's broadway i love wwe but to me since there's no real element of competition in there there's certainly a ton

of physicality involved there's a ton of risk to injury involved my god how dangerous that is they are obviously incredibly athletic people but the act that they are participating in is not a sport. It's an art, right? It's a performance, you know? And I consider cooking to be that same way. When you're on a cooking show, like Chopped, right? We're like, listen, some of that's rigged out there, you know? Yeah, of course.

I believe the producers determine who's going to win in the same way that, not to spoil wrestling for you out there, you know? Yeah, of course. I believe the producers determine who's gonna win in the same way that, not to spoil wrestling for you out there, in the same way that a wrestling champion is predetermined in the script of the show. So I think that. Shoot.

But you look at something like Top Chef. Cool. Top Chef is my third favorite sports season after one, outdoor track. Two,

indoor track. Three, Top Chef. Four, like NFL, college football, nba those are all tied down there um but i believe top chef is an incredibly i don't want to say realistic but i believe they play it very straight in terms of in terms of they aren't reheating refiring dishes you know i respect it if the clock runs out they do it they don't hype up the drama in certain ways they do, of course,

but not to the level that a lot of stuff like Chop does. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I believe that is because Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi, all have it in their contracts that like, hey, the buck stops with us. Producers won't have any influence on this. No way. And who moves forward and whatnot.

So I think it's really, really straight. And like in a way that has screwed the show over in times when like, I'm thinking about the Nina Compton, Nicholas Elmy finale here, Nicole. I don't watch it. Oh my God, Nicole, you gotta watch Top Chef. I can't. We gotta get Tom Kalikio on the show to convince you. Oh man, I just can't.

I watch too much stuff. No, but this is the one show that I don't watch. I don't watch MasterChef. I don't watch any of the network stuff. Bravo's Top Chef is the only thing that matters. But I can't just sit there and enjoy it. Why? Oh, because you're picking it apart?

Because I'm picking it apart, and I'm just like, why is that there? Why didn't they move this? They could have, you know, I'm just like that. I'm just like, I can't separate myself. Some basketball players don't watch basketball. Well, there you go. Anthony Edwards answered recently. Anthony Edwards answered.

Who is that? Anthony Edwards was the number one overall pick, placed through the Minnesota Timberwolves. He's like a shooting guard. New man on the Minnesota Vikings. Is that the same? No. Minnesota Vikings is a football team. They're doing quite well this year.

Good for them. Against all Kirk Cousins odds. Kirk Cousins. But what I'm saying is jump into Top Chef and we should do a fantasy league. If we're going to agree that cooking is a sport, Nicole,

that means that cooking can be turned into a fantasy league and Top Chef... Can you do a fantasy league with track and field people? Yeah, you can.

Okay. They're just like not fun. They've turned everything into a fantasy league, which maybe that is the sign that something's a sport. If it can be fantasy sport. Don't they do like...

The Bachelor? Yeah. That's a sport if it can be fantasy sport don't they do like the bachelor yeah that's a sport oh the sport it is it is women josh using their physicality in their guile to either work as a team or against each other to achieve a common goal are you saying that love is a sport love is a battlefield are you saying that food is love? Heartache to heartache, we stand. No promises, no demands. What's the next line? Love is a battlefield. In conclusion, Nicole.

What? What? What? Here's the thing I've actually I've changed all my definitions Cooking is not a sport Cooking is not a sport Skateboarding is not a sport

Wrestling is not a sport Bodybuilding is not a sport Track and field isn't a sport Bodybuilding is not a sport Track and field Bodybuilding is an art It's sculpting But of yourself

Yes yes yes Track and field is not a sport either Track and field is a series Of athletic events Table tennis is a sport Ping pong Sports must involve Offense and defense You are on defense all the time Track and field is not a sport either. Track and field is a series of athletic events. Table tennis is a sport. Ping pong. Sports must involve offense and defense.

You are on defense all the time. You are using knives and fire. No, no, no. If I were cooking against you and I got the opportunity to just like dump salt into your food as you had to fend me away, then it'd be a sport. But the way it stands right now, there needs to be a clear offense-defense relationship. Cooking is not a sport. Cooking is a sport to me because I feel it in my heart and my soul

that's beautiful thank you you read that in like a fortune cookie or something just came from came from me like a Snapple cap just came from me

like one of the signs at the Hobby Lobby that's painting I'm my own Snapple cap Josh wow alright Nicole we've heard what you and I All right, Nicole. We've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other whack ideas are rattling out there in the world.

It's time for a segment we call... Opinions on the Cousins! Okay, let's listen to our first one, please. Hey, Josh and Nicole. Hey, buddy. First off, I want to say love the podcast, love the work you guys do. We do very important work. I would say here's my hot take, but it's not a hot take because this is an objective fact.

There's no disputing this objective fact. I love objective facts. Tuna, peanut butter, God's year combination. That's all I have to say. Well, thanks for playing. This man, he comes in, he says, objective fact, Nicole, and then he says, tuna and peanut butter? That's wild. What kind of crazy?

Listen, listen, listen. Maybe, okay. No, go ahead. I'm worked up. I'm worked up. Okay, let me tell you. Just listen, listen. A little splash of soy.

A squiggle of sriracha. The peanut butter and the tuna and a little bit of Kewpie. Sign me up. It sounds pretty damn good. You're talking my language there, Nicole. If we think about this logically, trout almondine. Trout almondine. You would crust a piece of trout.

You would crust a piece of trout and almonds. A little pistachio crusted salmone with a pistachio. I'm saying yes. Peanuts and tuna. I get it. I get it. You could mix it in like a tuna salad, you know? Yeah.

Instead of, you know, keep some of the tuna water in there to make it a little bit loose. I'm telling you, I would probably do this. I would try. I'll try. But my ratios would be way off the first time. I already know that. Oh, yeah. You're going to want about three parts peanut butter to one part tuna.

Opposite? Nope. Nope. I want my peanut butter to be interrupted by the occasional fish not the other way around okay next opinion please hi nicole and josh love the podcast uh my name is natasha i'm from columbus ohio and my question is the tiny human that i grew is about eight months old and i'm wondering when i can start uh giving her any type of capsaicin sauce if you guys by chance know that um or if you have any

good ideas to help my little one have a good palate that'd be cool love the podcast okay as as parenting experts nicole and i would advise that at eight months start introducing flaming hot cheetos to your chin no no i'm not doctor, so I don't feel comfortable responding to this. Well, no. I feel very comfortable talking about my own thoughts and experiences, though. Okay. Because I wasn't exposed to, like,

diverse foods early. Okay. And, like, Julia and I, you know, we both got the old baby fever right now. Sure. Not really, but, you know, of course, we're talking about, you know, our future and having kids

and what we want that to look like. Okay. And we were walking through the farmer's market the other day, and Julia's like, oh, my God, I can't wait to really, but, you know, of course, we're talking about, you know, our future and having kids and what we want that to look like. Okay. And we were walking through the farmer's market the other day, and Julia's like, oh, my God, I can't wait to have, like, little babies. And we take them to the farmer's market, and every week we go to the farmer's market and we have them try a different piece of produce, right? Like, it was persimmon season, Nicole. Oh, that's really cute. And I just want to take a little four-year-old, you know, baby future quarterback for the Columbus, Ohio NFL expansion team. She, progressive, would just eat persimmons or gooseberries and try to introduce them to new foods.

I don't know. I'm probably going to be cursed with a child that only eats mac and cheese and nuggets, but I'm going to do my damnedest to feed him Tuscan kale. Okay, but what about spicy, though? Spicy. Yeah, okay, that was the thing that I don't know the ethics of. She's asking about spicy foods to give to your toddler, and I don't have the answer. No, in my experience, I've fed spicy food to a toddler,

and it went poorly. I took a toddler to Guisados. Listen, I don't know. It was a famous toddler. Shout out Food Baby New York. And I felt really bad when little Matthew. You guys hung out? Yeah, I took him to Guisados.

You guys hung out? Was this before you knew me? Yeah, this was before I worked here. This was when I was at LA Magazine. We were a little piece. I love those kids. In my experience, toddlers react very poorly to capsaicin. I'd say wait till they're like six and start dosing them.

I think you ask a licensed professional doctor. Oh my God, Nicole. I'd say wait till they're like six and start dosing them. I think you ask a licensed professional doctor. Oh my god, Nicole, I'm basically a doctor. No, you're not. I'm a pediatrician. You are the opposite of a pediatrician. I could fix any kid. Bring me any broken kid, I fix them. What's the opposite of a pediatrician? A doctor for old people? A gerontologist.

There we go. Good job. I say T-words. Good job. Alright, next up. Hi, go. Good job. I say T-words. Good job. Next up. Hi, my name is Tim. I've been listening to podcasts for about a year or so now. Tim, I've been listening to you for a year. Absolutely love it. It's on my weekly rotation.

I just wanted to call in and say that crinkle fries are absolute trash, the absolute worst way to have a potato, and they are garbage and should be eliminated from the world. I agree entirely. Love you. Bye. Love you too, Tim. I feel the exact same way, and I cannot eloquate why. Shake Shack? Okay, so Shake Shack, for one, everybody fell in love with their crinkle cut fries because they are nostalgic, right?

Stuff like that. I get that. To me, though, I immediately saw the crinkle cut fries and I was like, you are now lower in value in my mind because of that. Really? And I don't know if it's me rebelling against the crappy crinkle cut fries you'd get in a cafeteria or something like that. But there's something about them. We've talked about any crinkle cut vegetable I don't like. I't like i love it in thai food i don't like it leave it natural you know i don't want i don't want you i love big natural fries you know what i mean the

thick ones the thick juicy ones they can just you know wrap your mouth around the fries. But no, I fully agree. And I can't quite. If there was like an artisanal, Nicole, you took the best French fry recipe in the world. One of them Belgian double fried mother effers. And you did it with crinkle cut fries. I still wouldn't like it as much as a straight fry. I don't know why. That's fine.

That's fine. You have your logic. You have your sensitivities. I like crinkle cut fries. I'll eat them. They're not my favorite. I don't think they should be control all deleted

from the face of the earth. That's a little bit dramatic. But they're good. I like curly fries, man. I love... Jack in the Box curly fries. They don't... Why are they so good?

Fire. Oh, it's because they just drench them in like a seasoned batter and then fry them. It's all the MSG and spices. Is that why the orange? Yeah.

That's why the orange. I love orange. Yeah. Crinkle the fries, man. Don't do them. Hey, Josh, Nicole. This is Steven from Alaska. Alaska?

Wow. Heavy whipping cream on cereal. My coworkers think I'm weird, but man, it'll change your life. Goblin. Goblin mode. Absolute goblin mode. I think I've done that once when I didn't have any milk, but I added water to it. Okay, I've done the heavy whipping cream plus water, which as we've decided is not milk.

I made the claim once that heavy cream plus water equals milk. It is just factually untrue. False. Milk is milk. Heavy whipping, do you use the same amount of milk per solid ratio? Like you're doing two cups of heavy whipping cream

per cup of cereal? That's a lot. Oh, no. That's a lot. Less, less. I guess, is it just to moisten it? It's just to wet it

down your whistle? Wet it down the whistle with a little bit left over for drinking. I mean like, yeah, why wouldn't that be good? I guess the cereal sweetening the cream.

It's real fail. It's a different experience than a bowl of cereal. I haven't had a bowl of cereal in months and my body is craving it so bad right now. We've had a box of cinnamon toast crunch. I'm at the point where I eat so much delicious junk food at work that I go home and- Eat salads. Last night we went and drank and I came back at 11 p.m., and I ate a salad on my couch with a glass of water. Do you know what I did?

I've ascended to another plane. What'd you do? My friend made a ruby rosa pizza, and he gave me a slice. Smoke. Yeah, but I've never tried the original, and I never want to try the original. You're talking about the pizza. That's a margarita pizza with a swirl of pesto in the middle. It was incredible. And then also a Caesar

salad pizza. Like just a slice though. Like a pizza with Caesar salad on it. That's a nice time. So I had a salad too! Got him! Yeah, I mean... What were we talking about? Heavy cream and cereal. I'd like to try it just enough, but I'd let it set

and I'd mash the cereal and mortar and pestle into a paste, and then I would rub the paste all around my lips. Like a lip gloss? That's what I'd do, like a lip gloss. But you keep dropping your chapstick. Yeah. You wouldn't drop this one. No, not this one.

No, no, no. Okay. Another opinion, Maggie? Hey, Josh and Em. My name is Jeff from Texas. Jeff? That's not a real name. And I just want to tell you a little bit about one of my childhood

meals growing up that I think is amazing that a lot of my friends get kind of confused on by the name, but seem to love it after they try it. It's called Chicken Dorito Casserole. This is... I'm already in. An entire bag of nacho cheese Doritos laid out in the

bottom of a castle dish with rotisserie chicken on top of that. Yeah. And then a can of cream of mushroom and a can of cream of chicken mixed together with Rotel tomatoes, a can of diced Rotel tomatoes added all together, pour it on top, more Doritos,

more chicken and cheese and bacon in the oven, three 45 or five minutes chicken Doritoito Casper comes from my great grandmother. Made it to her children in the Depression. My mom made it to me. Now I make it for my friends in the military. Just thought I would share that with y'all. Y'all have a great day. Wait, hold on.

One. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. Two. Hell yes, brother. That is good eating right there. That is like all the stuff that I grew up on. Sounds delicious. And objectively,

we are talking objectively delicious morsel of food. Yeah. He said something a little crazy in there. Did he say that that's a Great Depression recipe? I think so. Did he claim that the Dorito casserole, Doritos, which were not invented until... Well, I'm sure that the Doritos were a new addition before that. It was probably Ritz.

It was a cracker. It was a cracker. Probably a Ritz. Yeah. But I just love the idea that like most people would consider Dorito casserole like a very kind of stoner food type thing. This is family. This is heritage cooking, baby. All right, Maggie, keep it rolling. Come on. I got to go watch Ally McBeal reruns.

Hey, this is Connor from Spokane, Washington. Hell yeah, Spokane. First of all, I still resent Josh for that Spokane, Washington. Hell yeah, Spokane. First of all, I still resent Josh for that Spokane pizza episode. I already have enough people who think this place sucks without you helping out with that opinion. Eat it, Spokane. I'll never apologize. Secondly, I think that the best ice cream sandwiches you can get are the cheapest ones you can find. Because that melt-in-your-hand wafer combined with presumably as much air as they can whip into ice cream is quite delicious. Thanks.

Bye. What is that? Oh, my gosh. So, one, I don't think I should have to apologize to Spokane, Washington. Spokane pizza is the best pizza I've ever eaten. And I think that I'm the best thing to ever happen to Spokane. I mean, when's the last time people were really talking about Spokane? Probably there was

like a murderer that lived there. Probably like a murderer. You know what I mean? Actually, I did start getting Spokane news. Didn't you do a news story

with Spokane Washington? I did so many news stories with Spokane Washington. That's so cool. I still talk to one of the reporters on Twitter sometimes. That's so cool.

I would love to move to Spokane. That's like my ideal place to retire. Where are you going to go? Beautiful. Can I come? You can't just go

to Spokane without telling me. The ice cream sandwiches he's talking about, he's talking about the chocolate wafers that's borderline cracker with one. You can tell he knows what he's talking about because he's talking about what's called overrun, the amount of air that's whipped into ice cream. And legally there's like only a certain amount that you can do. Okay. Because it cheapens it, right, per volume. right per volume but it's the thin chocolate wafers

with that super airy block shaving cream ice cream that when it melts it doesn't even run it just kind of stays thick but warm

like a fat boy or a cutie UFO is right is it called a UFO I've never had a UFO before UFO ice cream sandwich

I've never had a UFO ice cream sandwich no not UFO what are they what are they even called they don't even have a name they're just like it's it

is it called it's it no not an. What are they even called? They don't even have a name. They're just like – It's It? Is it called It's It? No, not It's It. Nestle calls them vanilla sandwiches. Fat Boy. Fat Boy. Fat Boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I said.

Fat Boy. You said Fat Boy? Yeah, I said Fat Boy. I'm totally lying. But like the generic version of Fat Boy. Like the Walmart – Those are my favorites. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're the best. Oh, yeah. They're the best. Incredible. They're like discreet. They're thin. They eat really tidily. I don't want the big old chip witch.

I don't especially want the ice cream. I do not want the artisanal ice cream sandwiches. I want the fat boys. I grew up eating Tofutis Cuties and they were the best. They were dairy free. I grew up eating Skinny Cow. You know Skinny Cow? My mom used to

take the Skinny Cow chocolates and put them in freezer, and that was also one of my treats. But I agree. I think you, like, can't get much better in the ice cream sandwich game than that. For sure. If somebody wanted to try and make them, like, really good, like a Stroopwafel situation. Oh, I would love that. Right? Something thin to scree, a nice salted caramel ice cream or something.

I'd probably really enjoy that, but it stands now. I just like all ice cream sandwiches. I salted caramel ice cream or something. I'd probably really enjoy that, but it stands now. I just like all ice cream sandwiches. I just like ice cream in general. Lieutenant Dad Ice Cream. And on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mathical Kitchen, we've got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions or like Castor Rolls,

you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or at HennyZotto with the hashtag OpinionCastorRoll. Or if you want to leave us a voicemail, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833-DOGPOD1. It puts the lotion in the basket. For more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube. We launch new videos every week. See you next time.