A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Is LaCroix Overrated?

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

Seltzer water has been all the craze lately, but.. is LaCroix overrated? Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Ah, the sluquoia tastes overrated. Wait, wait, wait, just hold on a god dang minute. Let's talk about that. This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scherer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inaydi. And today's idea comes from the fact that they made a hot dog flavored seltzer water. Who did that?

I don't know. People have been tweeting about us. You're still thinking about hot dogs? Bro, get it out of your mind. Listen, in our intro when you talked about the LaCroix and then said this is a hot dog as a sandwich, all I could think about is the hot dog seltzer and how I need to try it. Because LaCroix, which is the topic of today's discussion we're talking, is LaCroix overrated. Because it just, it was a barnstormer. I remember when it hit the Costco, suddenly LaCroix was in every office. Barnstormer?

It's a barnstormer. I don't even know where that in every office. Barnstormer? It's a barnstormer. I don't even know where that term comes from. I've never heard of the term barnstormer. A barnstormer. I think of it like a sports term. I get it. You're storming the barn. Storming the barn.

I hope it's not like a messed up. Why don't you say like watershed moment? Oh, it's a barnstormer type of plane. God, Josh, you just. Oh, a pilot who travels around the country giving exhibits. Yeah, it was a barnstormer, man. Are you calling LaCroix a stunt? Traveling sexy stunt pilot who just goes and just beds women in Des Moines, Iowa, Topeka, Kansas.

A sexy barnstormer. You could have just said it was a watershed moment. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for real, we, I feel like, went immediately from no one drinking seltzers except for old people. Old people love their polar seltzers, people on the East Coast. You know what I mean? Fancy Europeans like San Pellegrino and Perrier.

Oh, yeah. The occasional health-conscious weirdo at the Jack in the Box just gets the soda water out of the machine that still smells like Dr. Pepper. And it's like, that's a little weird. But I feel like we went from nobody drinking it to everybody drinking it, LaCroix in every office. I'm drinking nine a day. Interesting.

And I want to know how we got there. I've always been a seltzer water girl. What was your seltzer of choice before? Perrier or Pellegrino was always in my house. Okay, okay. When it was in your house, what format was it in? Was it in glass bottles, plastic bottles? The Pellegrino is always in glass bottles.

And then the Perrier is always in cans. Interesting. You had the small six-ounce Virginia Slim thin cans. Virginia Slim cans. Yeah, I did. Yep. And you were drinking that as a kid. I've been drinking that since I was like five or six.

It might have had to do with diet culture and how soda was bad for you. Well, hold on, because that is definitely a huge part of it. Yeah. All right. So let's get into La Croix real quick. So it was founded in 1981 in Wisconsin by the G. Heilman Brewing Company. I don't like saying Heil. But it was founded in 1981, and then it just kind of existed in moderate obscurity.

The person wanted to create it as like an antidote to the European seltzer waters, right? He was like, we need to create a good domestic sparkling water for Americans to drink by Americans for Americans, all that. And then in 2002, it gets acquired by National Beverage Corp. And then it just continued to roughly do nothing. But then 2006, there was a huge sort of watershed moment, right? People started getting worried about type two diabetes and obesity, and a lot more research came out about soda. People started worrying about – because not only were they worried about diet-related disease, right? The big thing for me that separates sparkling water from, say, diet soda is the lack of aspartame. Sure, yeah.

Because that's a big thing. It has no sugar in it. There's no artificial sweeteners in it. That's a good part. Not only is it people worried about diabetes because aspartame, sucralose, Splenda, all the xylitol stuff that doesn't have anything to do with diabetes. But people are still worried about it because some reports came out that it's carcinogenic, which they actually had to retract the original report for aspartame. So, like, I don't necessarily believe that. But point is a lot of people are more worried about their health. And then in 2006, LaCroix and National Beverage made a huge gamble to effectively advertise against their own products.

Interesting. Because they own Faygo and Shasta, which are like, you know, sodas G and F of the soda world, right? Yeah, not even. More like M and N. Yeah, you get like Coca-Cola, you get, you know, Pepsi, you get the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group, you know. Yep, yep, yeah. More like M and N. Yeah, you get like Coca-Cola, you get Pepsi, you get the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group. You get down into like the RC Cola 7-Up conglomerates. Nobody drinks Faygo unless they're- Whoop, whoop, Juggalos unite.

Unless they're Juggalos. I know all about that stuff. Heck yeah, man. Gathering of Juggalos. We going next year? I'm scared. Why are you scared? There's such nice people.

One time I went to a Tech N9ne concert and then I had to leave. Why? I was scared of the clown makeup. How old were you? Like 21. Oh, I thought you were like a child. Did you paint your face like a clown? No.

What's the thing? You gotta paint your face like a clown. No, no, no, no, no. I love Tech N9ne, but I could not wrap my head around the clown people. I was like, why are there people with clown faces? And then I understood that the drug lords are very cool with Tech N9ne and Faygo. Nicole, what if I told you that every day we wear

clown makeup? We show up to the office, this is our clown makeup. When they put on, Nicole, when Juggalos put on their clown makeup, that's their real face. We're the clowns to them. Anywho, the point is they own Shasta and Faygo and they basically

sponsor the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation 2006 LaCroix day trying to be like yo we're gonna make people associate our brand with health despite the fact that we still own sugary soda companies. We gotta make money somehow. Yeah exactly and like how are you gonna detach Faygo

from his Juggalo reputation? You can't. I love the Juggalos. America seems to be frightened of them. I believe the Juggalos. America seems to be frightened of them. Whoop, whoop. I believe the Juggalos were actually a terrorist organization. The FBI mistakenly classified them as a violent gang, which is terrible.

They're not a gang. They're just family. They're family. Yeah, man. They take care of each other. Whoop, whoop. Whoop, whoop. We're down with the Juggalos.

I'm down with the clown now. I wasn't at 21, but I'm down now. Anywho, and so 2006 is when you started to see this big explosion of the entire category. And LaCroix, they did a big redesign. They kind of hit this almost like- Great design. Great design. That's what drew my eye to it at first.

I love the way it looks. It's like the Dixie Cup. It's like the- It's like a cooler Dixie Cup. What do they call- It's called like Sparkling Jazz or something. That design on the Dixie Cup. It's like the- It's like a cooler Dixie Cup. What do they call, it's called like sparkling jazz or something. That design on the Dixie Cup has a unique name. Cool.

It's very kind of like 80s, early 90s, vaporwave nostalgic. Yes, yes, yes. And LaCroix hit that so, so, so well. And it just exploded the absolute market. 2019, LaCroix took a huge nosedive simply because they didn't innovate. And then every other company started catching up to them but they still are the industry leader which is where we get to the point that we are today which is where we have the luxury to talk about are they overrated is this actually a good product

are we overrated for talking about sparkling water you and i yeah i i if anything i'd say we're probably underrated okay cool i think like Like, I feel like we, like, we're, like, consistently on the top of the charts of the food podcasts in America. But I feel like we don't make the lists that often. We won a Webby. That was pretty cool. People's choice Webby. People's choice Webby. People's voice Webby.

Okay. You know who we are in the sparkling water world? If you say Waterloo, I'm going to kill you. Bro, no, no, no. Waterloo, come on. Get out of here. I'm not even going to say Spindrift, which you thought I'd say. I don't like Spindrift.

You know exactly who the F we are? Who? We are freaking sparkling ice. I've never even heard of sparkling ice. Does anybody? Do you, Maggie, do you know what the hell I'm talking about? Someone look up sparkling ice. I've never seen sparkling ice before.

What if I told you that sparkling- Oh my God, no one drinks that. Okay, no, no, no. But people might say, oh, no one listens to a hot dog as a sandwich, even though we can prove by the numbers because Sparkling Ice, Nicole, second leading sparkling water beverage, just behind LaCroix.

They are ahead of the entire, Sparkling Ice sells more than San Pellegrino, Perrier, Poland Spring, Arrowhead, like all of the Nestle brands combined. I avoid that like the the plague are you kidding me every time I walk by I'm like poo poo okay so sparkling ice is different because all these other sparkling waters

I'm looking at a list right now of who controls what right PepsiCo owns bubbly LaCroix is owned by National Beverage Coca-Cola just bought Topo Chico and they have AHA Keurig. Keurig Dr. Pepper.

Yeah, I don't. They all kind of taste the same to me. We'll get to that. Spindrift's too sour. The point is sparkling ice. They have flown under the radar the whole time. They're different because they have artificial sweetener in it. There's Splenda in it.

So it's basically a diet soda. I don't like it. But the fact that they're even in this category and they're sold next to the sparkling waters means that there's something about tricking people which is interesting because they literally are just diet soda i guess it's it's even colored it even has it's coloration to it sparkling ice has food dye in it interesting well i don't even know if it's food i actually i think a lot of them are maybe naturally colored which is the same as spindrift right i don't know don't know if Spindrift has any color, too.

I believe it has real. Spindrift has real fruit juice in it. It has real fruit juice, but I'm saying, like, it's colored due to the natural fruit juice. And I think Sparkling Ice also has that. Interesting. Cool. Sparkling Ice says no artificial dyes. Boom. Look at that.

Look at that. Sparkling Ice. We're the Sparkling Ice. No one cares about us. I don't like that. I love it. I like it. Nicole, you wouldn't kill to have a 12.2 volumetric

market share? I want to be the LaCroix. No. You know why? Because LaCroix is overrated. It's not overrated. It's delicious. I have so many at home. You think LaCroix... Okay, we don't have any other brands of sparkling poppy. No, we don't. No, why would we? But do you think that... Fair. We stock like

50 flavors of LaCroix in this office. I do too in my house. What? I have like 50 flavors at my house. Do you really? Of LaCroix in this office. I do too in my house. What? I have like 50 flavors at my house. Do you really? Of LaCroix? I've tried almost every single flavor. Right now my rankings are beach plum, mango, and passion fruit. You say beach plum? Beach plum. There's this flavor called beach plum. Yeah, it's right there. It's called beach plum.

What is it? It's a plum on a damn beach! They misprinted peach plum and now it's just beach plum? What the hell is a beach plum? No, no, there's peach pear. There's peach pear. That's, okay, who's Andy Sandberg's wife? She has a song called Peach Plum Pear. She's a folk singer. She's got a haunting voice.

She sounds like a drunk baby. Joanne Bias? Is she the one that's saying, I see you at the movies. I see you with your lipstick on. I love beach plum. Beach plum. Beach plum's great.

I love that. Okay. It's so good. Wow. And then passion fruit is really good. Hold on. And then mango. Mango.

Do we have mango? Mango's the sexiest. Coconut can get fricked. Okay. Wait, hold up. No, no, no. I like the coconut LaCroix. I'll tell you what.

Ew, because you put coffee in it? No, no, no. What? Ew, gross. Jesus. I know people that have coconut LaCroix and coffee together, and I want to be like, shut up, hold up. No, no, I like the coconut LaCroix. I'll tell you what. Ew, because you put coffee in it? No, no, no. What? Ew, gross. Jesus. I know people that have coconut LaCroix and coffee together, and I want to be like, shut up, hipster. Okay, I will never drink LaCroix outside of my brother's house and this office.

Those are the only two places I drink LaCroix. And the coconut in an office setting is always going to be the coldest. Because no one touches it. Because nobody's taking it. So it's sitting in the back of the fridge. It's getting ice crystals on it and that's what i want um i will say staring down all these lacroix's uh tangerine pretty freaking fantastic they're they're limoncello great cola maybe the worst thing i've ever had

in my life they have a cola did not last long yeah they had a cola but i mean that plays to my general idea of why i think lacroix is overrated is because it tastes hollow. The best LaCroix has ever been put in normal speak was a dude who tweeted, drinking LaCroix is like drinking sparkling water and somebody yelling the name of a fruit from a room over. But that's not true. That's not true at all. It is. Okay, you just said beach plum.

It doesn't taste. It only smells. That's not true at all. Close your eyes. Plug your nose and drink said beach plum. It doesn't taste, it only smells. That's not true at all. Close your eyes. Plug your nose, plug your nose and drink the beach plum please. Did you drink from this one? Uh, no. Yeah I did, I did. I lied to you. I lied. Try it. Try plugging your nose. I'm gonna, okay, pour it.

Nicole is pouring the beach plum and plugging her nose to see if she can discern any actual taste or if it is simply smell. It definitely tastes. No way way let me try it definitely has a taste also if you plug your nose give me another one give me another one i'm gonna plug my nose and try all of them so hectic and see if it tastes any different because no you're only experiencing the smell not all you're not only experiencing the smell i spilled that

right on my crotch everybody it has a wet crotch, everybody. It's tangerine LaCroix. Oh my gosh. Okay, it does taste a little bit. Yeah, see, that's BS. You're lying. People are like, oh, it sounds like you spring,

like if you have grape LaCroix. Does anybody have grape LaCroix? Is grape LaCroix your thing? I don't know if I've seen it. Well, okay, let's just say like if someone says Pamplemousse, like the grapefruit LaCroix, it's like somebody like wiggled a grapefruit

over the sparkling water. And no, it doesn't. It literally tastes like grapefruit. You're just being facetious and a jerk for no reason. Okay. Okay. Well, if LaCroix was actually transparent about their quote unquote essencing methods, Nicole, then maybe people would trust them. I don't care. I don't need transparency. I don't either. I don't either. I mean, I do love the fact that it is transparent and I can see through it and it's not dark like Coca-Cola, but, um, sure. But I mean, I do love the fact that it is transparent and I can see through it and it's not dark like Coca-Cola. Sure, but Coca-Cola is only dark because they add coloring to it. Like, you ever have Pepsi Crystal?

No, I'm not 50. You're a Crystal Pepsi? I'm not 50 years old. Oh, Crystal Pepsi? Yeah. Come on, you were around in 1981. No, I wasn't. I was born in 93.

Rude. Does it look like I was born in 81? Okay, but for real, like the whole essencing process, right? That is a word that they put naturally essenced on the can. I like that. If you look at the can, it's like I don't know, this very retro nostalgic vibe. I love it.

It's a pretty freaking clean design. Adorable. Got the half sort of rustic looking cursive on it. It says, you know, sparkling water. It's not a soda pop. It says naturally essenced on it. I'm into it. The calorie label reads zeros across the board, honey, just like RuPaul. What the hell does that mean?

Tens across the board. That was a reference. Zeros means you're bad. Yeah, well, you know, that's like if a lip syncer just like fell down and didn't get up. They'd be like, zero, zero, zeros across the board. No, they'd feel bad. They'd give them a four. Yeah, that makes sense.

Anywho, point is the naturally essence thing, that was a huge part of the mystique of La Croix when it came out. People were like, ooh, it's not just natural flavors. It's essenced. And then when actually pressed as to what essenced means, none of the La Croix executives would give a straight answer. They're like, essence is a feel. It is a sensation. I think it's three drops of…

Beaver butthole juice? Yeah, that's it. Castoreum, baby. Castoreum. I think it's literally three drops. Yeah, it's three drops of… Beaver butthole juice? Yeah, that's it. Castoreum, baby. Castoreum. I think it's literally three drops. Yeah, it's proprietary. They don't need to tell nobody nothing. They don't, but my general theory…

Okay, so let's look at that word naturally essence. Nicole, what qualifications do foods need to meet to put the term natural in their packaging? Nothing. Zero. Absolutely nothing. Literally nothing. Yeah. So why would people care

if it said essenced? You know, why would the FDA have any sort of thing to say? Because humans are stupid. No, I'm saying that they've just made up

a new term of naturally essenced and they're like, eat it, people. New thing. Okay, let them do it. And it's not. I don't disagree with you.

But all I'm trying to do is trying to break down the fact that there is no mystique behind LaCroix. They are the same exact product as AHA, as Waterloo, as Bubbly, as what are like the Albertsons brand that like doesn't really got a name. It's just like sharp water. Water but sharp. Sure, sure.

I mean. I think it's the same. I don't think I could pick out LaCroix in a blind taste test from anything else. I don't think so either. I'm still reaching for this freaking beach pong because it's so good. Oh my God. It's the best. Maggie's also drinking one.

Holy smokes. Yeah, yeah. Cheers to you both. Enjoy it. Josh, why do you think that people are so passionate about hating LaCroix? Oh, like me? Yeah, why do you think people just want to hate on somebody? What's my endgame here?

Like, what's the hate for? Who does the hate help? You know who the hate helps for me? You know who the hate... One, myself to sleep at night. I just feel better. I feel smug. That's sad.

I'm going, ooh, I'm so better than everybody else because I am drinking Spindrift, which is my drink of choice. Because I think Spindrift is one of the few to actually innovate within the category. Literally three weeks ago, you said, oh, I hate Spindrift. No, I didn't. No, I did not. You're so sour. That is not me. I have never complained about sourness in drinking.

Have I maybe said that the Arnold Palmer iced tea and lemonade Spindrift isn't as good as it could be? Sure. Nicole, sure I have said that but I have never disparaged the greater brand of Spindrift because I love it. No, no.

You and I literally, I remember specifically we used to get Spindrifts for Mike Paisley and then we would sneak one or two and then you're like, it's too sour.

Maybe it was like one day that I had heartburn. I ate a bunch of buffalo wings i didn't want the sour but no i love spindrift for anybody that doth not know or or for anybody who listens to a podcast or for anybody who listens to a podcast expecting things to be you know explained clearly to them uh spindrift is a sparkling water but instead of just adding quote-unquote natural essence which as we said are just chemicals and they are fake i don't doubt that these real fruit

rind but like what is a beach plum and how do they essence it nobody knows spin drift is sparkling water with real fruit juice in it yeah but very powerful fruits that have a very minimal amount of calories because ultimately i'm one of those gym boys who despite the fact that i will you know eat gigantic burritos i I still drink diet soda. Yes. And so for me, I'm looking for a very low calorie drink option that has some sort of delicious flavor. Spindrift, they're putting a little raspberry juice in it, a little lemon juice in it.

Spindrift to me is a fantastic product. I don't, I mean, LaCroix is just easy. It's there. It's available. They're always on sale at pavilions. I mean, who doesn't love that? I'm just really passionate about how diverse the flavors are and how how beautiful the packaging is and you don't reach for a diet soda you don't reach for a soda i think it's i think it's a great fix

yeah to people that are addicted to sodas like if i had soda in my house which i do for guests but like me myself i never the only time i reach for a soda or diet soda is if i ate something really heavy and i need like a little bit of carbonation to make me feel better. And that sugar also helps with like the digestion of it. But like a LaCroix is like my standard. It just makes the most sense. I hate the fact that people assume that it's overrated. It's literally a beverage with a little, little, little flavor in it.

And it's enjoyable. It brings joy. As somebody who – LaCroix, it brings joy. That should be their new slogan. Nicole out here running the marketing department. As somebody who grew up drinking plain sparkling water,

because when I was a kid. Me too, me too. No, I'm saying you. I'm asking you a question because I didn't. Yes. Oh, Jesus. I thought we had something in common.

I got so excited. No, I couldn't stomach the taste of plain sparkling water when I was a kid because I was just like, ugh, it tastes sharpie. You know, I didn't like the taste of plain sparkling water when I was a kid because I was just like, oh, it tastes sharpie. You know, I didn't like that. It tastes like soda without the delicious syrup.

But I also grew up drinking massive amounts of full calorie soda constantly when I was a kid. Do you like the flavor additions? Like, do they actively make your life and experience better? I prefer sparkling water without any flavor same but i don't like lacroix pure because because because it doesn't taste good it's not good sparkling water no it is good no it is good i can see i can see in your eyes it's good sparkling water because of the additions i agree with that that's like saying is burrito good? Is it better with sour cream and guacamole and hot sauce? Yeah. No, but I think

that logic does hold up when you start breaking certain things down and you're like, yo, if you take away this guacamole from this place and this carnitas, you realize their tortillas are really bad and they could be improved. And it also could show, potentially, Nicole, bear with me here, could show weakness in their plan. House built on

sand instead of stone. Because check this out. LaCroix, people are coming. People are knocking on the door. They're taking shots at the king and they are not missing right now. Are you kidding me right now? With all these other brands. Topo Chico just got popped by Coke.

Okay, hey, hey, Topo Chico. No, no, no, no. Topo Chico is by far the best sparkling water. Topo Chico is the worst sparkling water. How do you figure? It's not good and the bubbles aren't bubbly. Oh yeah, because you grew up drinking Perrier. That's like

half flat. Sorry about it. The best sparkling water you know what's the best sparkling water? Minaragua. Jarritos Minaragua. Jarritos Minaragua is the best sparkling water you can get. Wait, I feel like that's very similar to Topo Chico, and I feel like...

No, no, no. What would you say separates them? Topo Chico, first of all, whenever you get Topo Chico, the bubbles dissipate like that. The bubbles go away faster. People are like, oh, the bubbles last forever. Not true. Wait, in what format? In what format?

You're talking plastic bottle, glass bottle? Both. No, glass bottle, they last forever. They are like a Willy Wonka everlasting gobstopper. Are you on crack? Yes, Nicole, I'm on crack. There's no way. The glass does not keep it the way that like a plastic...

Is it cold? Of course it's cold. Are you drinking a cold? Of course it's going to get cold. Well, I don't know because you sound crazy right now, so I'm trying to just make sure that you're not... Topo Chico is hipster as frick right now, okay? It wasn't hipster, but it was hipster once it became hipster.

No, no, no. Jarritos Mineral Agua is the most bubbly bubbly. Yeah, but you're only saying that because now that's the't hipster but it was hipster once it became hipster. No, no, no. Jarritos Mineral Agua is the most bubbly bubbly. You're only saying that because now that's the new hipster pic. It's not! That's the new hipster pic. Who says that? I was at lunch with a hipster with a hipster and he literally says it was, well, okay, so it's not a hipster, it's Noah Gallutin.

Okay. No, I wouldn't say he's like a hipster but he's like, you know, very foodie. He's like a cool guy but like he's, you know, one of those dudes who just straight up said, do you have any like Mineral Agua? Cause it's good. Who straight asked for that by brand name? Noah, I know, very foodie. He's like a cool guy, but like he's, you know, one of those dudes who just straight up said, do you have any like Minaragua? Because it's good. He straight asked for that by brand name. No, I love you.

Shout out. But I'm just saying like that's going to be the new thing. You're just moving on from one thing that's perceived as cool to the next thing that you think will not yet be perceived as cool. There's no way in the world I thought it was perceived as cool. I would go to freaking 99 cent store and get one. How is that cool? The fact that you said you hate Topo Chico because it's hipster as heck. The fact that you would denigrate it as such. The only reason people

like it is because they think that the bubbles last longer. They don't. They dissipate. Do you think that they're lying about their experience of the bubbles lasting longer? Yes. You think there's a massive hysteria of people just like just creating false memories of bubble temporality

in their brain? Yes, I do. Yes, I do. What do you think would have caused this, Nicole? What do you think? Do you think it's a marketing campaign? I think it's because they're hipsters. And they just want to believe. They want to believe.

Hipsters will do anything if their friends are doing it. So it's like people who like taste an IPA, they're like, oh, I can taste the cascade hops. And it's like, hipsters go, the hipsters go to the museum and watch movies at the museum.

Not the museum. The freaking, what is it where people are dead? People are dead. Cemetery. People go to the cemetery and watch movies at the museum. Not the museum. The freaking what is it where people are dead? People are dead. Cemetery. People go to the cemetery and sit on graves and watch movies on graves. Little break in content here. Nicole's talking about, what do they call it? The Hollywood Forever Cemetery. The Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

Cinespia. Cinespia. Cinespia. There's an event where hipsters do indeed go to a graveyard. They sit on human graves and watch freaking watch freaking, I don't know, Ponyo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a real thing to happen. I think I got invited to an Okja screening there. I've never been because it freaks me out.

I've been because I've done hipstery stuff before and I understand it. When you think about it, you're sitting on a person's... I was next to Alfred Hitchcock's grave. That man's body was six feet under. And I was watching a damn movie. Why? Why? Because it's cool?

Wait, so you think that, like, the bubbles is important? Yeah, pretty much. People just think it's cool. Well, LaCroix is perfectly fine and it does the job. But it's a pachinko. No, LaCroix is fine. It does what it does. And it's delicious. It's in a can. It's cool. While LaCroix is perfectly fine and it does the job. But it's a pachinko. No. LaCroix is fine. It does what it does and it's delicious. It's in a can. It's convenient.

It's beautiful. It has bubbles and the bubbles do not go away as fast as a pachinko. What? I'm sorry. I'm passionate about this subject. Do you prefer sparkling water in cans or bottles? Honestly? I'll take what I can get, but I do love, I like it in a nice plastic bottle.

Nice plastic bottle? Because I can take it with me. I feel that. I feel that. I am also a glass hardo, though. Oh, shut up! What the hell is wrong with you today? You're a monster.

Get out of town! Oh, you know what I hate? Did Nicole have like a stash of like Red Bulls just under her? Was she just like drinking them? I love sparkling water. And when people say it pisses me the frick off. You know what I hate at restaurants? Go on.

Get them, Nicole. Get them. Oh, oh, junkyard dog Nicole. Come on, baby. Still sparkling or tab. Yeah. No, no, no. Give me tab.

Give me the free stuff baby i always get tabbed and you go la county's finest and then sometimes they bring like they and then they just bring you this huge bottle that's ten dollars of water of sparkling water what is that give me a look mountain valley mount okay dude that's hipster water that's hipster water mountain valley it comes in the dark green bottles. It's great. And I would drink that. You know what really got me through the lockdown of the pandemic?

What? The love of friends and family and the knowledge that we're all in this together. But closely after that was a single bottle of Mountain Valley spring water that I would refill. I would fill it. Dude, check this out. So I had a SodaStream, right? I would fill it with plain water. We should talk about soda streams. I'm obsessed. I would fill my soda stream in the bottle that you have to fill it in and pour it. I would fill it extra hard. So it's super bubbly, extra hoard. So that way when I decanted it into

the mountain valley bottle that I kept for like a year, uh, it just retained all of its carbonation. I'd screw it, put it in the fridge, and then drink from it because it made me feel like I was in the outside. Oh. That's the power this has. You know, that's the power sparkling water has. Yeah, I love sparkling water. You're transfixed by LaCroix. You're freaking dazzled in the lights,

you know, of all the bright designs on the can. You know, Topo Chico's hips are not that it's like a native Texan company. I've been there for decades. I hate Topo Chico and I hate people know, Topo Chico's hips are not that it's like a native Texan company. I've been there for decades. I hate Topo Chico and I hate people who like Topo Chico. So I have,

Link, the person who signs our paychecks, he's a big Topo Chico guy. He doesn't sign our paychecks. Yeah, who does sign our paychecks? I don't know.

I think, like someone from accounting. What's their name? Ellen? Oh yeah, it might be Ellen. Well, I get it.

I always get an email that says like, you haven't cashed a check because it'll be my mileage check that's for, like, $6. You still do that? You do your mileage? Yeah. Well, no. I think, like, Mindy does it for me.

Oh, that's so nice of her. And I don't really check my mail. And so there's just, like, you know, a lot of, like, $6 checks from the company. And I think I'm really screwing up their balance sheet. I think they expire after 90 days. You need to, like. No. Dude, that's a myth.

Do checks not expire? I don't know. I don't know anything about money management. Tell me about your SodaStream. Oh my God. Okay, so SodaStream. I was... God, I'm such a follower of trends

because I used to drink a ton of diet soda. And then I was like, listen, what if the artificial sweetener is actually bad for you? It can't be good. We can't simply cheat God. No, there's no way. And that's what we're doing.

So I don't doubt there's something happening. I tried going full cold turkey, no artificial sweetener for two months. I did it. How was that? I just like didn't feel any different. And I was like, I could use a diet Dr. Pepper. You really didn't feel any different.

No, but I'm also pretty blind to how my body feels. I had a fracture in my back for 16 years and never knew. Oh yeah, you are. You know how people are like, oh, intuitive, like eating. Opposite. I don't have that. No. Neither do you. I want to put just things in my body all the time. Oh, yeah, you are. You know how people are like, oh, intuitive, like eating. Opposite. I don't have that. No. Neither do you.

I want to put just things in my body all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, crazy, crazy. Insert things in my body. Anywho, and so then one day I just realized like, oh, I don't need the artificial sweetener. I just want the bubbles. Yeah. And then I found out that I was just burning money on canned beverages. And so I was like, yo, SodaStream is going to pay

for itself in two months because I drink three. How much is a SodaStream? A SodaStream, this is a company from Israel but now owned by Coca-Cola. Oh my God, really? Coke bought it?

Yeah, Coke bought it. Wait, PepsiCo. I think Coke. I don't know. No, PepsiCo. That's incredible. One of them. We should look at that.

Maggie, you mind looking that up real quick? I don't want to get that one wrong. That's an easy one. How much was your SodaStream? SodaStream, like 60 bucks. No way. And I don't buy the syrups because I just-

Because you don't need them. I get a giant bottle of Sadaf lemon juice because it's the cheapest lemon juice. Is it the best lemon juice? No. But I just need sour. But it's good. It's there. Actually, I was at Mitsu at the Japanese market recently and I got a thing of Yuzu juice.

Oh, I was going to say, yeah, yeah, yeah. You crazy, crazy. That sounds so good. Bro, dropping of yuzu juice. Oh, I was going to say, yeah, yeah, yeah. You crazy, crazy. That sounds so good. Bro, dropping some yuzu juice in SodaStream. And so I drink, when I'm at home for like the weekend,

I drink three liters of sparkling water a day. You know how much I burp throughout the day? You like hear me. It's just the sparkling water. You literally burp into the mic and it gives me hives.

Yeah. That's because I'm obsessed with sparkling water, which is why it pains me to see people patronizing LaCroix so much, you know, because I think it is an inferior product. Truly, based on the taste, I think it is inferior. I think, one, if you're going bottled, I've actually done a blind taste test, like double blind, didn't know who set it up. I did it.

People recorded the results in Topo Chico won by a landslide. This is LA Magazine. We did this sparkling water thing. Interesting. Yeah, in Topo Chico, but we did all pure flavor. So we did LaCroix Pure. LaCroix Pure is not good. No, it's not.

It's not. But again, they, I think, do have far and away the best flavors, which for me, we have a giant just drawer full of extracts, right? Yeah. Like it seems easy. Just put a single drop of like peach and then a single drop of pear and be like boom new flavor. I know that's not all that goes into the food science behind it. It's mostly that.

But to me I view that as smoke and mirrors and cheap tricks. I mean it's a good product. Oh gosh I'm so sorry. I'm so effing sorry dude. At the end of the day it's a good product and people are gonna buy it. It might be the fancy packaging it might be you know the sales it might just be they like flavors.

And I don't think we should judge a whole company based off of people thinking it's overrated just because the pure is bad. I figured it out. I just had like that aha moment right here. I'm not talking about aha. But, Nicole, what does this look like right there on the croquette? Say it. Yeah, say what it looks like. Fruit.

What kind of fruit, Nicole? Nicole, if a popular american artist would have drawn this picture of a fruit which artist would have drawn that georgia o'keefe this this is this is a georgia o'keefe looking fruit they are using subliminal sexual imagery actually georgia o'keefe had a much more lighter delicate hand and used a lot of um more she used a different form of art flowing more flowing lines absolutely different form of art this is actually more pop art a la andy warhol oh you're right i was kind of like a lichtenstein anyways la cori sexualizing their seltzer water topo chico is the official seltzer

water of celibate christian gamers like myself you are jewish and you're affianced and i'm sure you have i thought you were just saying you're sexually active and i was like you don't know that i'm pretty sure you have sex with your fiance. I would hope so. We tried once, but it was gross. All right, Nicole, I've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call Opinions Are Like Cousins.

It's like a bog witch. Like a bog witch. Sometimes Josh calls me a bog witch when I don't comb my hair and it's really rude. No, no, no. I don't call you that when you don't comb your hair. I call you that when like just you're normal. Because it'd be messed up if I called you a bog witch and you don't call you that when you don't come here i call you that when like just you're normal which because it'd be messed up if i called you a bog witch you don't come here then that's me like policing your appearance at work which isn't true i don't do that i just call you occasionally a bog witch for fun not to humble you no i i said you look nice the other day you did

maybe i said it in my head at at k skoog blueberry and chipotle pepper pie is God tier. Why are you laughing? The sweet and smoky combo with a bit of heat. Chef's kiss is what they said. That's all chef's kiss. That's all I kiss. It's all those chicks.

That's all I kiss them. Nicole, how do you lot of spicy desserts. More specifically, blueberry chipotle pepper pie. Are they talking about like chipotle and adobo, you think? No, I think they're talking about like chipotle powder. That's the easiest way to get pure chipotle flavor. That sounds exciting. What I would do is serve it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Oh my God, you're bad. A la mode, pie a la mode, anybody? You are so bad. Party of three. I can't believe it. It's like, do're bad. All in mode. Pile of mode, anybody? You are so bad. Party of three. I can't believe it. It's like, do you want to share a piece? No, I want my own. I don't know that I like spicy desserts. Oh yeah, we have to issue a correction.

It is PepsiCo. They bought SodaStream for $3.2 billion in 2018. How much? It's PepsiCo. 3.2, Billy. God bless. SodaStream, incredible product. Wow, I'm going to buy one. What? Okay, right now we should come up with an idea How much? It's PepsiCo. 3.2 Billy. God bless. SodaStream, incredible products. Wow.

I'm going to buy one. Okay, right now we should come up with an idea for a new countertop appliance that is doing something. Like what's the most annoying kitchen task that you do every day? Opening cans. Oh, my God. What if you could have like a can opener? They have them. What do you mean?

They have automatic can openers. I've never heard of it. Okay, that's because you're just not, maybe you're just not aware. I've just been bashing my cans against the counter, screaming at them until they open for me. Okay, what else do I hate? Washing dishes. Oh my God, you're talking. Oh, cracking eggs.

We need a thing where I can just, I can throw my eggs into a bucket and they come out cracked. No. Egg cracker. No. Cutting things. What about if you had a thing that could like chop your vegetables but you're not but you're not cutting it you're just slapping it i have one of those i bought one of those for the mythical kitchen which one it's like a slap chop but not really you just stole my idea i invented the slap chop right here that

weird guy's idea the one that was like hey, hey, guys, have a Slap Chop. You know that guy? He was so scary. I ordered a bunch of Slice-O-Matics, which was like a Slap Chop, but a Slap Slice. I feel like we're both under the influence. Was there any alcohol? Bro, no. It's the natural essence is going into it. If they can invent the Slap Slice after the Slap Chop already existed, then we can invent something after the SodaStream. That, like, instead of adding,

you know, carbonation to your drink, it just adds like, I don't know, like a little bit of fart taste, you know, call it a fart stream. I don't think people would like to purchase that.

Why? Fart soda? Give me one reason why that. Cause who wants to drink farts? Oh, I see your point. Okay. Uh,

Mara, how do I say this? Mara dungeon? Miranda Jean. Close. Swing and a miss. There's no way you could have known that says Miranda. That's how people read.

You take it letter by letter, but then you kind of just fill in the entire couplet. See, mine's the opposite. I just look at it and I just say it. Okay, Miranda Jean says, heating up leftovers is completely unnecessary. There's nothing wrong with cold food. I agree. I want to slice my gravy with a knife. Can I tell you something?

I had a slice of pizza last night, like 11, 18 p.m. And I wasn't about to go in the microwave and turn it on. I just went and ate that slice of pizza. It was so good. I also washed it down with a passion fruit LaCroix. It was so good. I don't think there are any leftovers that I eat cold.

Unless it's meant to. I eat a lot of cold foods, though, for dinner. Like, I make a lot of, like, metse-style stuff. What about mashed potatoes? A lot of dips. No, cold mashed potatoes, I hate. Well, I don't think I made mashed potatoes in my two years of living with my fiance. Wow.

I probably made them once. No, I made those. I made them, like, four times. Those were stuffed twice-baked potatoes. I made them, like, three or four times. I'm just not a fan of it. I love a cold sweet potato puree. Oh, I made those were twice. Those were stuffed twice baked potatoes. I made them like three or four times. I'm just not a fan of it. I love a cold sweet potato puree. Oh, that's a fun thing.

Yeah, underrated. Underrated, underrated. But no, I just, to me, a lot of food is really better hot. Pizza is better hot. Fried chicken, I eat cold. Because heating it up, you're just overcooking the chicken and then it gets soggy. So fried chicken, I will eat cold. That's like my one.

Cool. Yeah. Sometimes a chipotle burrito cold is nice, but I never have leftover Chipotle. At Tuxbird, savory cereal. Heck yeah. I love crushing up Ritz crackers in a glass, pour milk over them and eat them.

That sounds awesome. Yeah, I love Ritz. You know what else would be good like this? Club crackers. Chicken and a biscuit. Oh yeah. Chicken and a biscuit. Yeah.

That's like making soup at that point. You're making a milk stock. Milk stock. Milk stock. This is a genius idea. I can't believe I have never done this. I am going out drinking tonight and I have a big old thing of Ritz crackers and some nice 1% milk. How many sleeves you got?

Broke three, but they're the whole wheat Ritz, so I haven't been eating them. Oh, no. Oh, you can't do it. Julia's one of those people who's like, well, even though I know there's not a big difference nutritionally, I might as well get the whole wheat. Yeah, that's okay. So I've been eating whole wheat tortillas and whole wheat ritz. Oh, that's okay. Yeah. That's nice of her to care enough.

Bummer. Slaw6 says, it's okay and sometimes even more delicious to burn certain foods. Example, bacon and potatoes. What foods do you burn the most? Like intentionally. Like toast. Same. I get a little bit of a toast.

I like a sourdough. I like the char on the- Those nice burnt edges. Yeah. My sister, when we used to go to restaurants, she would ask for her cabal burnt. Interesting. She would say, I don't want to see any pink in there. I want it burnt.

Well, well, well, well done. Burn it. And they'd do it and they'd just. No, they wouldn't burn it. They would like charred a little bit. But like she like loves that kind of food. I eat some really charred meats. I eat some real charred meats.

I dated a guy who loved charred meat. He like was obsessed with it and loved eating it. I'm like, bro, that's not good for you. Yeah, sometimes it just turns to carbon and then it's like pretty bad. Burnt pizza. Okay, burnt bacon. They mentioned a couple of foods. Oh, I it just turns to carbon and then it's like pretty bad. Burnt potato, okay, burnt bacon, they mention a couple foods. Oh, I can't stand burnt bacon.

I understand that. Mm, mm, mm. I don't know, there's something that turns really acrid and medicinal with bacon when it burns. Potatoes, ditto,

like a burnt potato chip is the worst. I don't like burnt potatoes. No, gotta be perfect golden on the potatoes. But certain things, like a lot of vegetables I just burn the hell out of.

Like roasting broccoli, broccolini. Roasting fruits also. Yeah. Whenever you get a nice grill mark and it's like burned, yeah. Oh, like a lot of vegetables I just burn the hell out of. Like roasting broccoli, broccolini. Roasting fruits also. Yeah. Whenever you get a nice grill mark and it's like burned. Oh, like a peach that got all that char on it. Dude, that's great. Yeah, I agree.

Burn is great. At Vem626, pickles belong on pizza. This is true. This is absolutely true. Like slice. Have you seen? They're referring to it's like the pickle pizza. It's got some like dried dill.

It's a white pizza with pickles on it. That sounds good. I'd eat that. But like, I kind of like the idea of just like dipping my pizza in like jardiniere. Oh, that's nice.

A little fresh jardiniere on there. Yeah. Sounds good. Almost every, no, I'm probably going to say every single major pizza chain in America already puts pickles on their pizza and nobody seems to care.

Yeah, pepperoncinis. They put, well, they put jalapenos. Jalapenos, yeah. When you ask for jalapenos, they're pickled. I like banana peppers.

I do too. Yeah. Yeah, the Papa John's, listen, I don't agree with Papa John's or anything about him, but I am a big fan of Shaquille O'Neal and he has controlling steak and Papa John's now. He's turning the ship around, baby. He's in the commercials. I love Shaq. He's doing the undercover boss thing with pop-a-johns

you know um and uh yeah they'll put banana peppers pepperoncinis on your on your pizza people have been putting pickles on pizza for forever it's just you know depends on what kind pickle but it's good little acidic bite hugh underscore richard says rub marmite into steaks before frying hmm okay that Okay. That sounds good. This is one of them things. Everyone's trying to figure out the best way to like, people putting mayonnaise on steaks

or putting sugar on steaks or putting Marmite on steaks. Marmite to me is a really delightful flavor. It's what like yeast concentrate. It's yeast extract, I believe. And it's really good. But like when people do stuff like this, I would just rather have a nice tasting sauce.

Yeah. And I think that's something that people don't do enough because I've talked about, I used to call marinating a scam, which is an ignorant thing of me to say. And I understand and I do marinate a lot of my meats. But the reason I said that is because a lot of people think their job is done when they marinate something, when they lack or something like dude no get a sauce finish it in a nice sauce put a good sauce on your steak i think some people have like ruin it a negative association with sauce so people are just like sauce is bad for you do they is that a thing is it like a diet culture maybe but not for me i'm a sauce boss i same dude i will not eat any food without sauce. The other day for dinner I just made like some

like roast chicken thighs and I had like four different sauces that I made. Like an eggplant like roasted eggplant tahini situation. I made like a

dried mint tzatziki and then I had a muhammara like roasted walnuts and red pepper. A little bit of what's the cumin?

Yeah, yeah. But what's the harissa? A little bit of, what's the? Cumin? Yeah, yeah, but what's the? Coriander. Harissa. A little bit of harissa in there. Harissa, uh-huh. And that's just, that's how I enjoy,

that's how I enjoy my food. Sauce to the gills. Yeah, I like it sauced. Steak sauce is like underrated. Like people, like not like, I don't want, not A1,

but like a pan sauce. Oh, just like. I think people are scared to make it because they're scared of it breaking. Yeah. I hate a broken sauce. Yeah, that it breaking. I hate a broken sauce. Yeah, that makes sense. Shout out to Eli from Food Beast.

He had a monstrously broken sauce that he poured on incredibly. Oh yeah, I saw that. Yeah, he was really getting a lot of flack from it. Aw, we still love you. I know, we love you, Eli and Chris. Broken sauce or not, we love you. Eli and Chris, your sauce is broken as hell,

but we still love you. But our love for you is not. Add Brett Richmond's sugar on eggs is only acceptable when it's matzah brie. Yes. I say matzah brie. It's definitely pronounced matzah brie, right? I don't care what the Ashkenazi say.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Race war up in this piece. Jesus, Nicole. Band together. I have some freaking unity over here. Some kismet. Christ. A fellow Jew.

Christ. No, I like sweet matzah brie. I like putting some powdered sugar on uh the eggy matzo yeah we call them matzo fritters in my house i don't know why that's fine but isn't like it's like it's like it's like do you so how do you make uh ashkenazi matzo brie uh you just like crush up a bunch of matzo whiskey with eggs and cook it but you don't do it in like patties. You just mix it all up. No, we do it like migas. See, I make fritters. I do it like migas.

Oh, so I make you like, no, I make fritters. I make fritters. Wait, how do you do it? So I take egg and matzah and I let it hang out for like hours in the fridge. And then I put salt, pepper and sugar. And then I make little patties and I deep fry them like little latkes. I make matzah brie latkes. Oh, interesting.

It's good. It's a family favorite. I actually got it from, you know, the mom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Yes. It's her recipe from a Jewish cookbook. She's not even Greek. I don't know, but the man is the head of the house. But the woman is the neck that turns the head.

God, we really did is the neck that turns the head. God, we really did live the same life. Brady Stevenson says caramelized onions are horrific. They ruin everything. Okay, speaking of burnt food, have some carbonized. Have some Persian style

carbonized onions. It's caramelization taken to the next step. It's real good. It's burning the hell out of the onions to lay down that base. Yeah, it's really good. And that is a good. I made carbonized onions and then deglazed it. And then I actually added that to that eggplant tahini puree thing.

Really great. I do think maybe people can, I don don't know add too many caramelized onions to things sometimes it gets a little funky you know sometimes it does overpower a dish I don't think it ruins everything to me caramelized onions

are one of those things where the flavor of the whole dish has to be caramelized onion like a thing that I hate is caramelized onions on a cheesesteak for instance okay I think that's bad

because for me the onions on a cheesesteak should be like fried translucent. Okay. Fair, fair. And then when you put the caramelized onions on there, there's so much like sweetness in it that it's then taking away from the flavor of the grease. It's taking away the flavor from the cheese. And to me, that's an intricate balance that I don't want disrupted.

Nice. And I hate when people confuse like the different donenesses of onions, you know? Yeah, I think. They think if you're sauteing onions, they got to be caramelized and they don't. They don't. They really don't. There's nothing wrong with just a soft,

translucent onion. Give me a sweaty onion. Sweat. Sweat. Sweat. Yeah, I was trying to... It sounded like a song. Sweat.

Sweat. What song is that? What's the song? Me and you, baby, ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Okay, last one, Josh called gazelle style at cj heinz butter orange marmalade bologna dill pickle on toast tastes like childhood this is a latchkey kid as a latchkey kid i can tell you know why they had they had no direction on this they just did what felt right you know it was it was like when you're a kid and you didn't get the talk, you're just like, well, I gotta figure this out for myself. What's the talk? Like the sex talk. You're just like, well, now it's the Wild West. I'm learning from things like that song. Like, you know, we're just nothing but mammals.

Do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. And it's like, well, that's the most anyone's ever educated me about sex. We live in an abstinence-only school district. Is that how you learned about SEX? Yeah, dude. And then I just Googled googled discovery channel basically what year did that come out let's retrace where i was when i heard that um but that said butter marmalade bologna dill pickle i get the marmalade and bologna that's a really nice yeah yeah yeah what if it was let me tell you if it was not dill pickle and it was bread and butter pickle, I'd be

more down. I agree with that. I agree with that. But overall, I mean, jam, butter, 99, yeah, seven years old, listening to We Ain't Nothing But Mammals, watching MTV by myself. Oh my gosh. And I had just learned what a mammal was in like first or second grade. And then doing it, I like vaguely knew what that euphemism was for.

And they said Discovery Channel. So I started watching the Discovery Channel trying to learn about sex you know what I mean trying to make my way in the world you know I learned about it when I was 12 and I would google shower.com what's shower.com still active Maggie open an incognito browser

open an incognito browser open an incognito browser get off on wifi get on a hotspot because they're watching they're watching what we do Open an incognito browser. We're at work. We're at work. Open an incognito browser. Don't look at it. Open an incognito browser. Don't look at it. Get off our Wi-Fi. Get on a hotspot. Because they're watching. They're watching what we do. I would just type in like body parts.

It's like, what is boob? You'd just be like. Boob.com. Man's weenus. All right. On that note, thank you so much for stopping by Hot Dog is a Sandwich. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you. Everyone's a female cloaca.

I really overshare all this podcast. If you want to be featured on Opinions or Like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or at HennyDotta with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. Or if you want to leave us a voicemail, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833-DOGPOD1. Leave us a voicemail, you schmucks. For more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube where we launch new videos every week.

See you all next time.