A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Is Meatloaf Just A Long Meatball?

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Meatloaf and meatballs are basically the same thing.. OR ARE THEY?! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Are you tired of losing your poor meatballs on top of spaghetti all covered in cheeses when somebody sneezes? Try meatloaf, it's basically the same thing. Or is it? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scherer. And I'm your host, Nicole Iannietti. And Nicole, today we're talking about meatballs. I didn't, wait, side note, I did not understand the reference of the first part with the meatballs and the sneezes.

Well, sometimes, Nicole, when your meatball is sitting on top of spaghetti, you lose it when somebody sneezes. I don't understand the reference. On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese. Sing it with me, Nicole. There sat my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. I think I said there sat instead of I lost. I think they lost. It's a children's song.

It's fun. It's for the kids. We had a teacher in fourth grade who, instead of teaching math, would sing songs on his guitar, and then none of us learned math for a whole year. This is real. That's awesome. Parents intervened years later. They're like, yo, I get you're a failed musician. That's cool for you, but you got to teach math. Some of the songs he sang were racist, too. I had a really bad math teacher named Mr. Hamburger, and now I'm in the food industry. so. Well, hey, did something right. Anywho, today we're talking about, is meatloaf just a long meatball?

And this came up for a couple reasons, Nicole. Okay, what are the reasons? Okay, one reason, I saw a tweet that was an Australian person saying that they just learned about meatloaf and thought that it was an American prank trying to convince international people that that's what American food was. America's just one big prank. American, yeah, but meatloaf is a delight. So I was mad about that. And then I had one other experience, and this is going to come full circle.

I went to a restaurant opening with Julia, a place called Lavo, very fancy, very vibey. Did they have meatloaf on the menu? I'm going to love it. Or wait, hold on. Did they have meatloaf on the menu, Nicole? That's a good question because I think they did and other people think they did not. They have a one pound meatball. They have a one-pound meatball. They have a one-pound meatball, and it is an absolute delight.

Julia loves meatballs. I make them like, you know, once a week. How much is a pound like in terms of like weightage so I can like feel it? In terms of weightage, a pound is a pound. Nicole, a pound is the weight. No, I know, I know. Nicole is holding a coconut LaCroix. Water is roughly 16 ounces of water equals one pound of weight.

Yeah, a pint is a pound the whole way around. So this is how much weight? Yeah, now Nicole is holding a tall boy of liquid death, which is 16 ounces, which is indeed a pound. But a pound of meatball, I mean, that's big. Yeah, it is. Significantly bigger than a normal meatball. Was it completely round or was it like a mountain, a mound? Was it a round mound? Oh have, was it like a mountain? A mound? Was it a round mound?

Oh, could you consider it a loaf? Huh? But that's what I was getting to. I think that once a meatball gets to a certain size, it is effectively a meatloaf. In one pound, to me, I don't know if that's big enough to qualify for a meatloaf.

I would say it's an individually portioned meatloaf. But the sexiness gap, there's something in food we call the sexiness gap. Yeah, for sure. It's like the Big Mac index on international economics. The sexiness gap between meatloaf and meatballs is massive because Lavo, sexy, sexy restaurant that we went to. Is it? Yeah, it's like sexy.

Oh, my God. The retractable roof. This sounds like a Lavo lab. There's a retractable roof? Oh, yeah, dude. And like the plate. I was just, they come over with a cocktail that is, you know, like they pull up the cloche and smoke evaporates out of it.

Freaking cool, man. Oh, so cool. But they can never get away with serving a meatloaf, right? That's not sexy food, but a meatball. Balls are sexy. Yeah, it's so interesting how meatballs are sexy, but meatloaf is like the antithesis of sexy meatloaf, right? That's not sexy food, but a meatball. Balls are sexy. It's so interesting how meatballs are sexy, but meatloaf is like the antithesis of sexy. I know, right?

Loaf is not a sexy word. Ball, so sexy. But you got to agree that they're the same thing, right? You could take the same mixture. When someone says like, let me show you my loaf, you know, that's not sexy. When someone, you know what I mean? Finish a sentence.

Bet you can't finish a sentence. I don't know. Bet you can't finish a sentence. I don't know where it was going. You're weak. I want to stop. Yeah. So I don't know because when you think about it, you could take the meat mixture, whatever it is, right? And you could form it into a loaf. You could form it into a ball.

You could form it into like a flat, I don't know, like a sheet. A hamburger? Meat sheet. Oh, meat sheet? Meat sheet, that's sexy. Hamburger puck. Didn't we once made a meat sheet and then use that as like a tortilla

to wrap around carne asada? Yeah, that was one of my proudest moments like watching you cook. Like I was like, this guy's like legit. Yeah, we made a sheet of raw ground meat and then wrapped carne asada and beans up in it and then baked it and it looked exactly like a burrito.

I was so proud of you at that moment. I'm like, I'm working for someone who's like actually knowing what they're doing. Truly. I don't know how long I was working for you at that point. Like, I think I was there for like, well, like six months. Yeah. I'm like, but then I saw you there. I'm like, oh, okay.

That's when you recognized my genius. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I was like, this guy's cool. But yeah, I don't know. Honestly, the difference between a meatloaf and a meatball, there is. Yeah, I was like, this guy's cool. But yeah, I don't know, honestly. The difference between a meatloaf and a meatball, there is no difference, right?

Well, in the American context, because let's talk about this, right? So when we're talking about meatballs in the American context, we are probably talking about Italian polpette. Polpette. Polpette or polpettini, which like that, there's a whole history. Albondigas. Albondigas. Albondigas. Schondigas albondigas chatbolar in swedish

chatbolar chatbolar what do you call them in far east I don't know kofta no well kofta is like

chefta chefta chefta chefta chefta and like kofta is what they call it in a lot of the middle east

right you have kefteres in greece you have sukune in japan like meatballs sukune is great oh do they like hand chop the chicken for the meatballs and skew dude point is like meatballs all around the world

are a delicious sexy food and they date back like thousands of years and they even look at like the meatballs in in pho right there's vietnamese meatballs like there's so many processed ground meats shoved into balls but when we're talking about, like, you know, a one-pound meatball at Lavo, that is Italian polpette, and, like, in Italy, it is a somewhat, quote-unquote, authentic dish, whatever that means to you. Started in, likely, South Italy,

right? But, like, nobody eats them on spaghetti. I remember my Italian roommates, and they found out that... They're separate, right, a lot of the time? Yeah. Like, it's a bowl of gravy. Bowl of gravy. Bowl of gravy. We watch The Sopranos in here. I've never watched an episode of The Sopranos, but I'm going to. Gobble-goule yourself a gun, Nicole.

What? They eat the meatballs and pasta aren't eaten together. Yeah, they're separate. Yeah, and my Italian roommates were like, why would you eat them together? There is bread in the meatball. There is bread and pasta. Why together? And I was like, I honestly don't have an answer. There is no answer. meatball. There is bread and pasta. Why together? And I was like, I honestly don't have an answer.

There is no answer. I don't even think they go. American. Opulence. Gluttony. It's like kind of part of it, right? Yeah. It's like, you know, Italian immigrants, they moved to America in the early 20th century,

maybe late 19th century. And there was just like a ton of available beef due to like Chicago meatpacking, blah, blah, blah. And your point is like meatballs from the Italian context got really big in America at that point. At the same time, meatloaf, like the first meatloaf recipes came out in like 1870. I don't know what it is. It's something about, you're right.

Just like food that is round and circular is so much more attractive. I don't know what it is. Is it to you? It is to me. Yeah. Okay. Like when is the last time you ate a meatloaf? When's the last time you made it with a meatloaf?

When's the last time you ate or made a meatloaf? I mean, we don't, I don't, my family does not enjoy meatloaf. Have you never made a meatloaf? I've made it. Have I made it? No, I didn't make it. Debbie made it. And I saw her.

Why did Debbie make a meatloaf? She had people over. Debbie, what are you doing? And it was a really delicious meatloaf. Was it like an ironic, like Americana menu? No, I didn't make it. Debbie made it. And I saw her. Why did Debbie make a meatloaf? She had people over. Debbie, what are you doing? And it was a really delicious meatloaf. Was it like an ironic like Americana menu? No, I don't know. I think she just knew how to make it. So she made it and it was delicious. But I've never in good faith put meat in the shape of a log and then baked it.

Why do you sound like you're on trial right now? I don't know. I don't know. I've been watching a lot of the Johnny Depp Amber Heards. Oh, let's get into that. No, I don't need to. But it's just, I've just never done it. You know, I've done it for work. Would you like to?

What's stopping you? I don't know. Something about the free-form meat on a sheet freaks me out. It doesn't look great when you just bake it off. I understand why meatloaf is less sexy than balls. Yeah. And then you can also put it in like a tin and like you could bake it like that. But like also like all of the water, like it's like like all the water like seeps out.

There's a layer of oil on the top. Like, I don't know. There's something. The scum. There's a lot of like scum and albumen leaking out of the loaf. Oh, I actually made I did one time make a turkey meatloaf and it was horrible. Why? Well, that's on you.

That's not on meatloaf. What'd you do to it? I don't know. I put nothing fun in it, but like it was not a good time. That's why I love meatloaf. You put all the fun things in it. But you can do the same with meatballs.

And also I think the surface area of a meatball gets more like, it has more browning and more of the, what's the term? Maillard reaction. Yeah, the Maillard reaction on a meatball gets more like it has more browning and more of the what's the what's the term where my yard reaction, the my yard reaction on a meatball is more so than a slice of meatloaf because you cut the meatloaf into slices and you don't have the my yard reaction on the sides. You only have it on the top and maybe on the bottom. True. So if you're if you're looking at like actual benefits of cookery, right, meatballs, you're getting more of a a crust which is more of a chance to develop

those brown protein flavors that we all know and love uh also like i don't know they're like easy to portion they're easy to cook meatloaf there's like this giant wad in there but you know how much i love soft sopping wet foods that's a thing that i enjoy um i used to make meatloaf like i'd probably make it maybe once every two weeks for myself uh and then i moved in with jules and she was like you're making the same thing i get it we're buying ground turkey in bulk but just like scoop it onto a sheet pan and make meatballs and so like i don't necessarily need to work through my relationship issues here nicole but i miss meatloaf because i prefer it why don't you make a meatloaf i prefer because she doesn't like it and i put her needs ahead of mine sometimes.

Sometimes you have to be selfish in life to get ahead. But to me, there's something like unique about an American meatloaf. Yeah. Because somehow the rest of the world did not catch on. If any of you listeners out there know of any international meatloaf dishes, despite the like 90 different kinds of meatball dishes,

that'd be awesome. I think the freeform nature, again, it freaks me out. It freaks people out. Why does it freak you out? I don't know. I don't know. Let's try and get into it. It looks like a hedgehog.

It looks like a hedgehog. No, you're thinking about the German pork tartare dish that they shape into a hedgehog. I've made that before too. Which is delicious. It really was good. It should be legal in America. I think it is. Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to serve raw pork.

Get your hands out of our raw pork government. Yeah, government. I don't know. I just, there's something about the way that it cooks that I'm like, there must be a better way to do this. But what about, Nicole, wait, hear me out, though. Also, the brown sugar ketchup on top? Yes. What is that?

What do you mean, what is that? That's a delightful sauce. It turns into a nice sticky glaze. Well, there's two different kinds of meat. Here's the thing. There's two different kinds of meat. Here's the thing. There's two different kinds of meatloaf. And I'll tell you what. You got ketchup glazed.

And my secret, I think I have a lot of nostalgia for it because my dad was just like an American white boomer dad. Maybe that's what it is. You know, and he knew how to make meatloaf a little bit. So I decided to like take that and master meatloaf as my like best dish when I was like 11, 12 years old. I was the meat master. You were meatloaf master? Yeah, I was the meat master. You were meatloaf master?

Yeah, I was an 11 year old meatloaf master. You were master meatloaf. I was the old master meatloaf. And Nicole, I took so much pride in the meatloaves that I would make. Don't mind that. I would take so much pride in the meatloaves that I would make.

I would like, you know, add the dehydrated onions. I'd sweat down my aromatics, the mirepoix. I'd add a little bit of tomato paste, my glaze. It was Trader Joe's organic ketchup because it was right across the street from our apartment mixed with brown sugar mixed with balsamic vinegar and then inexplicably nicole i would put sesame seeds on it oh it's like a hamburger yes it makes sense but it was fancy because it

was a meatloaf oh my god the trader joe's ketchup honestly sells it yeah but i don't know what it is there's something about like it's it's the breadcrumbs and the egg. That's a meatball. And I know. That's a meatball. I have my own indiscretions with meatloaf. That's a meatball. It's the same thing.

Nicole, Nicole, you take the meatball mixture and you shape that into a loaf and you bake it. And that's what they did at Labo. Nicole, they're fancy. I was sitting next to, hold on. I'm speaking. I was sitting next to at least three cast members of Selling Sunset that night. Oh, my God. Honey, I see the promos for it, and I want to watch it so bad,

but I'm like, I'm going to lose brain cells if I watch this. I was sitting next to the blonde one, the blonde one, and the short, weirdly buff one. Oh, yeah, okay. I know exactly who's all of them all. He's got a short, weirdly buff brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know exactly who's calling them all. He's got a short, weirdly buff brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Oppenheimers.

Yeah, that's the name of the group. And they were eating a meatloaf. I'm calling it a meatloaf. You put a pound of meat in a ball and you bake it. That's a loaf. The sexy Oppenheimer twins were eating meatloaf. And I think that, to me, that's an opportunity to rebrand meatloaf as a sexy food. Damn. I don't know.

I just can't make it sexy. What can I do? Nicole, what can I do for you to sex up this meatloaf? What can I do to brand meatloaf as a sexy food that you would like to eat? Tell me. Change the name. Okay, let's brainstorm right now. Let's brainstorm right now.

Steak brick. Oh, well, I mean like log is a sexy word. Meat log. That is a really sexy word. Maybe we should get rid of the meat. Why don't we just call it the blank? Okay, wait, hold on. So Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

The Rock. Okay, but he started, well, his private chef started a standalone thing at the Westfield Century City Mall, the fanciest mall. Which one? It's called Brick. This is actually a good case study.

What is this? Nicole, okay, if you go into that mall. I go to that mall every single week. The best food. What are you talking about? I eat a hot pot at that mall all the time. It's by one of the parking garages. It looks almost like an Apple store, but painted lavender.

And it has like a weird gilded logo of like a brioche toast. And it's Brick. B-R-I-Q-U-E. No, it's not Brick Toast. It is simply Brick. And what it is, Nicole, is they serve one thing. And it is Dwayne The Rock Johnson's favorite cheat meal. It is a giant brick of French toast.

So it's egg custard, all that. And then on top of it are like coconut chips, maple agave syrup, and like peanut butter. And that's the only thing to serve. But yum, right? You wouldn't have any way to title that dish other than just calling it something made up. And they made up Brique. It's French. It's sexy.

Have I ever seen anybody in that store not even close except for me? Because Julie and I saw it. Oh, yeah. Did you get it? Was it so good? Of course. Yeah, it was great, dude. The coconut chips.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it was like the coconut chips were like salted too. It was just a delight. That said, you take something like briek, you know, and you just add that to like, you know, meatloaf and just call it like the freak. Freakloaf. Freakloaf. Just let me freak.

You know what I mean? Like we can have. Honestly, freak loaf sounds much better than meatloaf. Yeah. Can we get Criss Angel? I think. Criss Angel mind freak loaf. No, we can't make it the mind freak loaf.

We must. Oh, Criss Angel actually, he has a restaurant. What's it called? It's, okay, wait, no. Can someone Google what Criss Angel's restaurant's called? Because it was just a series of letters with no vowels. And it was like Sebulp. It was like C-B-L-P or something, and it made no sense.

That said, I would absolutely go. What? Was it in Vegas or something? Cabulp! It's called. What? Criss Angel's Breakfast, Lunch, and Pizza? Cabulp? We can order a pickup. Nothing makes sense about any of this. Breakfast, lunch, and pizza.

The three meals of the day. Breakfast, lunch, and pizza. Do you reckon? Do you think that? Okay, back to the original question. What's up? Is meatloaf just a long meatball? Yeah.

Right? It is. No, it is. I just hate that it is, but it is. But length matters. You know? And I'm saying it's not, when it's too long, it's not sexy. We need short little discreet balls, and that's what makes it sexy.

It's the length that really makes it not sexy. I'm serious. I'm so glad my parents don't listen to this podcast. You're treating this as a joke. If my parents listen to this podcast, they would pull me out. Hey, Morris and Shala, I'll text you the link. Like, you guys know how, like, they, like, pull out, like, what's it called? They extract people from, like, unsafe situations.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be my parents right now. They do a little forceful intervention. Uh-huh, we're talking about meat length. They do a little forceful intervention. We're talking about meat. They would extract me from this podcast room like, you're coming with us. I'm getting you home. Like they did in Fargo.

I haven't seen Fargo, but I have listened to a bunch of podcasts about cults, and that's what they do. They send in an extractor, and they drag him out, and they're like, no, I want to stay with Lord Xenor or whatever. He's making me sell jellies and jams and we don't get to sleep and there's and every time i take the pills at breakfast it makes me feel funny you know cults are not a joke but josh no but like yes and all all intents and purposes is that the saying all intents and purposes for all intensive purposes for all

the purposes are intensive for all intensive purposes the most all intensive. The purposes are intensive. For all intensive purposes. The most intensivest of purposes. For all intents and purposes. Yeah. Yes, it is. I just hate, I just don't like the fact that it is, but it is what it is. And what am I to do to stop it? Nothing. We need Chris Angel on board.

Do we know what he's doing today? Because I'm pretty sure his restaurant shut down. No, you can order. No, no, no. You can order a pickup. Oh, can you really? Was that an option for Cabell? Yes, and it's in Nevada.

He's not doing anything today. I know people. I feel like Criss Angel has given the Nickelback treatment where people have made him into a bit of a punchline. But, like, actually, both Criss Angel and Nickelback kind of dope at their peak. Can we all agree on that? I listen to Nickelback at home sometimes. Yeah. And I'm not ashamed of it.

You know why people even know who the hell Nickelback is? Because they're really good at what they do. I hate how people say Nickelback is good. If they were just a bad band, nobody would know them. Creed? I don't care. They had a sound that I don't care for them. I don't care for Creed.

They had a sound that no one would know. I love Chad Kroger. That's the lead singer's name. And Scott Stapp from Creed. They were both icons. Scott Stapp, Chad Kroger. That's the lead singer's name. And Scott Stapp from Creed. They were both icons. Scott Stapp, Chad Kroger, Chris Angel. We need to get this triumvirate on board, Nicole. What does this have to do with meatballs?

Not for meatballs, but for freak loaf. We need to get Chris Angel, Chad Kroger, and Scott Stapp. One, Scott Stapp does need money. He put out just like an Instagram video of him going like, hey, I'm in a bad place. I really need money. Yeah, it's actually pretty sad. But this could go from sad to happy because we have an opportunity for him. Freak love.

Because here's the thing. When you make meatballs, Nicole. Yes. You're probably making them what? Like, you know, let's say an eighth of a pound at a time. You get eight meatballs into a pound. I like meatballs. I make them.

I haven't made. One time I made meatballs and David said never make meatballs again. So I don meatballs into a pound. I like meatballs. I make them. I haven't made one time I made meatballs and David said never make meatballs again so I don't make meatballs anymore. Why were they so bad? I didn't put any Or is he just mean?

No he's not mean. He was honest. Yeah that's fair. He didn't I didn't put any breadcrumbs in it. I didn't put any eggs in it. It was just like straight meat and like spices

and he got really I thought you like cooked. What? Did you just not have it? Because I've been there where I like don't have breadcrumbs and I'm like rummaging through my old expired cracker drawer in the fridge

and I'm like what can I buzz up in a food processor? I know how to cook. It was just and I'm like maybe we don't need all the binders and stuff. It was just like straight meat and then he ate it. He's like don't make these anymore. I said okay. I'm sorry. The other day I was making meatballs and I didn't have any breadcrumbs. I

thought I had breadcrumbs. I didn't, I didn't want to, you know, admit to Jules that I just forgot to get out of the store. And so I took like, everybody in LA has freezer burnt pita bread from Zanku chicken in their freezer. I do. Mine's not from Zanku, but I do have freezer burnt. Yeah. It just, it happens when you order specifically from Zanku, cause I always get multiple family meals. They'll give you like 16 pita breads. Yes, a lot. And I'm like one person. Yes. And so I took some freezer burnt pita and just blended it up while it was frozen.

It was so burnt that it was dehydrated. And it worked, but it tasted like freezer. Yeah, which wasn't great. Okay, so we got Scott Stapp, Chad Kroger, and Chris Angel all on board to celebrate Freeklo. So if we do like a viral activation where we have, you know, I mean, obviously we get Stappy and Krogues. They're on the vocals.

You know, we get a backup band. We're not going to have any budget left for backup band. So it's mostly just going to be like Maggie with the keytar. You know what I mean? Maggie, you play keytar? I can play the tambourine. Maggie, that's great, Nicole. Don't make this about you.

And then we get Chris Angel to make a to make a freak loaf disappear we make the world's largest meatloaf do you like what kim jong-un does you know to get positive press for for north korea where he just beats random world records named guinness there we get the world's largest freak loaf and then chris angel disappears not the freak loaf he disappears himself and then he's just gone and then people like what happened to chris angel and then he's just gone. And then people are like, what happened to Criss Angel? And then he's in the free club. And then he pops out of the free club. And then we get the whole cast of Selling Sunset and they're just there digging in. If that doesn't raise Meatloaf's negative reputation, I don't know what will.

Can we crowdfund this? I think it's a great idea. I mean, if Scott Stapp couldn't just crowdfund his own rent, I don't know if, you know, maybe we can do this. Listen, we can do unbelievable things in this world. And I think the free loaf world tour is bound to happen. Nicole, when your arms are wide open, anything's possible is what I'm saying. Yes, I agree. But I do also agree with the statement that a meatloaf is just a long meatball.

And a meatball is just little itty-bitties of a meatloaf. Yeah. Yeah. And then a hamburger is a disc of a meatloaf. Well, no. Yes. Well, no. Well, yeah.

Hold on. I'm sorry. We didn't actually get into it. Joshua does this. No. I'm saying we didn't get into the Guy Fieri theorism of any of this. Are you talking about Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives? Well, one, okay, the other day we worked from home,

and I had Triple D on for eight hours in the background. It was incredible. I was watching season 41. Are you my dad? Yeah, kind of. We could probably be in the same room for a while together and just be silent watching Guy Fieri. No, but anytime somebody adds bread, crumb, and egg to a burger, Guy Fieri just goes,

well, that's a meatloaf. And they're like, no, it's my burger recipe. I've been working on it for 35 years. Guy Fieri just goes, that's a meatloaf. And I agree with him. Yeah, I do too. Are you trying to get me to argue with you? No, but I'm saying

you said that if you make a disky meatloaf, that's a burger. I don't agree with that like a disky meatloaf, that's a burger. I don't agree with that. A disky meatloaf, that's a meat disc. No, it's a hamburger. It's not a hamburger. No, a hamburger doesn't. It's a type of hamburger.

It's a type of hamburger. Can we agree on anything? Who puts eggs in hamburger meat? I don't know, people. And like breadcrumbs is weird. I think it is weird too. I'm going to do it. I guess so.

It probably tastes really good. Probably. It's probably just to extend the life of the meat, you know? people and like breadcrumbs is weird i think it is weird too i'ma do it i guess so it probably tastes really good probably it's probably just you know extend the life of the meat you know if there's one thing we've learned it's that uh god chris angel what are you doing uh and if there's another thing we've learned it's that you take spices vegetables uh breads things that like thin out the protein add flavors you add it to to ground chopped meat. That's a really good thing that the world overloves. However, somehow we've all agreed that balls are the sexiest shape. So sexy. And I'm here to concede that maybe loaves aren't.

A loaf of bread, though, fucked me up. Well, that's what I'm saying. Bread balls. Who's eating bread balls out there? Garlic knots. You get your balls twisted in a knot. That's called testicular torsion, and it's actually like the most painful thing. It's painful.

No, I've heard it's very painful. Well, it happened to a friend, and he had to drive himself to the hospital. Were you that friend? No, but that freaks me out every time. I'll cross my legs too fast and get scared. Yeah, it's actually a card in Cards Against Humanity. Really? Yeah.

What other shapes could we possibly take? Because at this point, I understand that loaves might not be the sexiest, but is there another sexy shape? A rhombus? Do you know what a rhombus is, dude? No one knows what a rhombus is. And rhombus is two equal sides and two equal sides. No, no. I believe that a rhombus is—

It's a quadrilateral. It's definitely a quadrilateral, but I believe a rhombus has, yes, two pairs of symmetrical sides. That's what I just said, Peter. I know, but hold on. But the angles are agnostic. They think there might be a god. It's equilateral quadrilateral. Yeah, so it doesn't have to have like right angle.

It's like a right angle. A rectangle is a rhombus. Dude, we're so dumb. Dude, what is this podcast? What are we doing today? Well, I'm saying like if we- Criss Angel, rhombuses. Rhombi.

I'm sorry. Rhombi, that's a good Scrabble word because not a lot of things end in I. And then you get H is worth four points and M and B are both three. So if you can hit like rhombi on like a, you know, triple word with maybe a couple of modifiers. Maggie's now Googling sexiest meat shapes. Oh, what about a ham dog?

Okay, the ham dog. Do you think ham dogs are sexy? We're talking about ham dogs now. So a ham dog, you're talking about just a tube of meat? A sausage. Yeah, right. Well, here's where about just a tube of meat? A sausage. Yeah, right? Well, here's where. Is a meatloaf a sausage?

Oh, God. It's a free form, right? Because like think about sausage patties. What are sausage patties if not meatloafs? I agree with you. And what is the difference between, like you did a burger battle. Remember the burger battle we did? You made a sausage patty.

I did not. Can we address this? Can we address this? Because Nicole's saying that I made a sausage patty. I did not. Can we address this? Can we address this? Because Nicole's saying that I made a sausage patty when I did not. I made an andouille spiced burger patty with equal parts pork and beef. Nicole, do you know what didn't? What the hell is

a pork burger? Do you know what didn't? What do you mean it's a pork burger? It's a burger made out of pork. Who the hell eats those? Do you know why it wasn't a sausage, Nicole? Why? Did you happen to, sorry. You need to speak into the mic. No, I'm not going to speak into the microphone because I want to get closer. I can really accost you about this. When did I add the salt, Nicole?

When? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me when I added the salt. Speak into this microphone. Speak into mine. I think you added the salt on top before you put it on the grill. Just before I put it on the grill, Nicole.

That does not a sausage make. And that is where I believe. But wasn't there salt in the seasoning? There was not. I doubt that. Unsalted. Unsalted seasoning. I put no Donny Sacheries inside there.

I unsalted it. And that was deliberate because I hate when burgers are sausages. Because they're burgers. So you can spice a burger. You just can't salt it until right before it goes on the grill. Otherwise the meat cures. And so, so, so, so, if we're talking our meatloaves and meatballs, sausages. No.

No, as a radical sausage maximalist, I say yeah. I think any time you pre-season ground meat. A hamburger's not because it's not pre-seasoned. If you pre-season a hamburger, then it's a sausage. And I believe that there are maybe fast food burgers out there that could qualify as sausages. I'm not out there trying to get burgers out there that could qualify as sausages. I'm not out there trying to get them to rewrite the laws about this yet. Yet.

Because I don't have Criss Angel on the side yet. We will. Once he disappears and comes out of a food. Chad Kroger. I really like Chad Kroger. Chad Kroger, come on the show. Look at this graph. But no, I think if you're pre-salting and spicing meats and adding things to them, I think that is a sausage. I think you have to either concede that or concede that a free-form sausage patty outside of casing is not sausage.

Because what else are you judging it off of? What's the difference between a Jimmy Dean log of pork or even think about like black pudding pudding something that has like oats in it to cut what's the difference between that and a meatloaf just spice not much not much all right so they're all just sausages i guess so now we need to figure out how we can get a sausage big enough for chris angel to disappear into and then out of what if he gets stuck and he can't break through the giant casing he will he's chris angel there's nothing he can't break through the giant casing? He will. He's Criss Angel. There's nothing he can't do. His magic is real. Who's the other one?

David Blaine? Yeah, but David Blaine's like real. Not like real. Okay, so this is going to be. They're both real. And they're spectacular. I mean, like Criss Angel, he kind of looked like a pickup artist. I know.

And that's hot. No, okay. That's also true. If you think Criss Angel wasn't hot, you're just freaking lying to yourself. And then David Blaine was also hot. And then who's the other one? David Copperfield? that's also true. If you think Criss Angel wasn't hot, you're just freaking lying to yourself. And then David Blaine was also hot. And then who's the other one? David Copperfield? He's old school.

He disappeared the Statue of Liberty. But no, David Blaine, one of his magic tricks is he just eats a wine glass. And the trick is that there's no trick. He's just eating a wine glass. Yeah, my dad's friend did that one time, and he scared the living crap out of me. And I'm like, I don't want to be around you anymore, Allie. And he's like, it was a joke. And I said, don't eat glass in front of me and I'm like I don't want to be around you anymore Ali and he's like it was a joke and I said don't eat glass in front of me anymore

Uncle Ali and he's like okay I'm sorry was that too much? No sometimes jokes just backfire Ali was like yo she's gonna dig this so much It was so weird he just ate he did a lot of like cool like things like that

and he was like we were at a party and one time he just went, how? And ate a glass. Yeah. And I'm like, what is going on? And I was so scared. And my mom like ushered me. She extracted me from the room. Shalab, you're outside the store trying to extract Nicole.

I swear to God. I swear to God. All right, Nicole, I've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call... Opinions are like casseroles! But hey, Nicole, before we get into the opinions are like casseroles, it rhymes with asseroles. I want to tell you about a new podcast I just discovered from Mythical Entertainment called Best Friends Back Alright. Yeah.

Starring Stevie Wynn Levine and Nagin Homaifar. It's a really cool podcast. It is really good. I like to listen to it. It makes me feel like I am their friend. You know what I mean? No, I agree. Okay, so Stevie and Nagin, they were best friends in high school and then they hadn't spoken in over a decade, and then they are now reconnecting.

They're going back through all old high school memories. They're talking about the D.A.R.E. program, drinking at college, hiding stuff from their parents, friendships, the weird cliques. It made me feel like I was back in high school, and it made me really nostalgic. I really enjoyed it. I genuinely look forward to every episode that comes out on Friday. And I'm sure listeners, if you listen, you will enjoy it as well. All right. At Stu Follett, I'm currently drinking what I call Rocket League fuel.

One third Svedka, one third Sprite, one third Blue Gatorade. Nicole, Rocket League is a video game. I know. Your husband plays it? Yes. Well, he hasn't played it in a long time because he's being a man. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm not a man.

I'm a little boy who plays video games. You're a little boy who plays video games. You're a little boy who plays video games. I will say, okay, if I'm judging this as a cocktail, Sprite, Blue Gatorade, Svetka, I think it needs more acid to cut through a lot of that vodka. I'd go squirt. Gatorade's gonna hydrate you.

So it's gonna keep you focused. You get the electrolytes. Sprite's gonna taste good, be a little fizzy. Svetka's gonna get you just drunk enough to get into the Rocket League zone, which like beer pong, there's a point at which you are like a little buzzed and you are better than you've ever been. But then you drink one drink too much

and then suddenly all your nine-year-old Argentinian Rocket League teammates are just calling you names in the chat because you suck. So I get this. I would have done Blue Curacao. I was gonna just stock Blue Curacao. I was going to just stock Blue Curacao. I have it at my house. Do you really?

Yeah. What do you make with it? I make a cocktail called the Blue Otter Pop. And it's really good. And one time I'll make it for you. I love that. MaxAltul124 says, I'm just going to say it. I like good instant ramen more than actual ramen.

There's always just something a bit underwhelming about ramen whenever I have it at a restaurant compared to other Asian soups. And it just doesn't satisfy, like, the cheap stuff. I don't believe I can relate. There's something really, like, how do I explain it? Like, not nostalgic. It's like you're eating poor people food. You know what I mean? Yeah, when you're eating, like, a cup of ramen, this is, like, this is, nostalgic. It's like, like you're eating poor people food. You know what I mean? Yeah, when you're eating

like a cup of ramen, this is like, this is, you know, hearkening back to. This is 50 cents. Yeah. I am nourishing my body with hot liquid and starch.

And deeply comforting. Very good. On a spiritual level. I love instant ramen. Agreed. My mom never let me had it unless it was the kosher stuff. So I really love it.

Dude, we lived off instant ramen. It would be 10 for 10. It would be 10 for a dollar with the bricks at like especially the 99 cent store. Yeah, 99 cent store. 99 cent store would have some of the like bootleg ass flavors too. Which were so good like the chili shrimp stuff. Not even that. Jalapeno. They had a fettuccine Alfredo flavor one that was just like dairy solids and oh, so good. So good.

So I get the like satisfaction about that. But maybe you're just like eating it, you know, not great ramen spots. There's something to me very spectacular about like a good bowl of like tonkotsu ramen or like pie ton ramen. It's not my personal favorite. Just because ramen tends to be very kind of like rich and very savory. You can't have it all the time in my opinion. Ramen, like crushing a bowl of ramen is like a once a month spectacular. Oh, very funny. An outside ramen. But like at home having it once a week makes sense yeah when i'm like like sick ramen is one of the best foods oh really i just my sick food

yeah yeah i do love that vietnamese man vietnamese soups to me just like really hit different so good yeah love the herbaceousness um so i you know sometimes get it and ramen went through a big uh is still going through a big cultural moment you you know, in America where people are like, oh, my God, fancy ramen. So good. A lot of chains are coming here from Japan. Yeah. So I get it. It's like a little bit overrepresented in terms of like noodle soups.

Yeah. All right. At Joe Metter Jr., Pringles are just mass produced latkes and white chocolate is closer to cocoa butter than chocolate. OK, OK, OK. Pringles are just mass produced latkes. No. Right. So Pringles, just mass-produced latkes. No. Right. So Pringles, for people who don't know,

it's not a whole sliced potato chip. Like Lay's, they're just slicing potatoes and frying them, covering them in oil. Pringles, they like desiccate the potato. They grind it up into like a paste, into a dough. And then they shape it into the Pringle shape. And so I get what they're saying, that it's like a patty made from processed,

but it's a stretch. But it's not fried like that. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. Clever. Joe, you're clever.

You're a clever man. And I like that. You'd be a good lawyer and I may have run into legal trouble soon, so I might need you. White chocolate is closer to cocoa butter than chocolate.

Yeah, white chocolate's like... White chocolate's chocolate. I mean, I don't... I work at a chocolate store and I say white chocolate's chocolate. So what I say goes. But it doesn't taste like it. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't taste the chocolatey. Is white chocolate chocolatey? Yes. BS. It's not chocolatey. Do you think cocoa powder's closer to chocolate than white chocolate is to chocolate? No, it's not. It's chocolatey.

That's the flavor. Do you think cocoa nibs are closer to chocolate? That's like saying a hot sauce without peppers is hot sauce. Of course it is. Yeah, I have said mustard is hot sauce. Which it is. I don't know. We might have to discuss the white chocolate thing in an actual podcast.

Rachel Baldwin says, during my freshman year of college, my roommate would consistently purchase a head of red cabbage to snack on. I would come into the living room after Zoom classes and both she and the cabbage would be perched on the couch. Thoughts? Yo, I love raw cabbage. Raw red cabbage is so good. I love it. But you have to like cut it into like squares or rectangles.

You can't shred it. It's not good shredded. You don't like it? The thought of it, one- I love raw red cabbage. Yo, Nicole, I brought pickled red cabbage. I'm gonna end right after this podcast. I don't want the pickled stuff.

I want the raw stuff. I wasn't offering you any. I was just telling you that I have recently eaten munched on raw red cabbage as I was pickling it. The pickles that you are not entitled to because that's my lunch from home. There's something like it's so hard and waxy. I can taste the lactobacillus on the outside of it. But it's fun. I guess it's fun. But like a cucumber, that's aus on the outside of it. But it's fun. I guess it's fun.

But like a cucumber, that's a nice. Oh, my God. A raw bell pepper. What a fun vegetable snack. I love raw. Raw bell pepper is one of the best raw veggies to snack on. I agree. I agree.

A nice broccoli for it? There's like eight. Yeah, I was eating raw broccoli the other day for the first time in a while. And I was like, this is pretty good. It's like woodsy. So good. I just think there's like eight vegetables. And I'm a huge cabbage fan. I think there's like eight vegetables, and I'm a huge cabbage fan.

I think there's like eight or nine vegetables that I'd rather eat plain than just snack on red cabbage plain. I've never seen someone eat more cabbage than you, though. My thoughts—thank you. My thoughts. I'm so gassy. My thoughts, though, they were both perched on the couch. I'm imagining both the person, the roommate, kind of like on all fours like a gargoyle on top of the couch with the cabbage just next to her. Maybe.

At Fagonia 2, I don't get sweet and salty snacks. Now what I'm eating is unhealthy in two ways. I'm fine with just one flavor. This is the most adventurous person in the world. I know. They're limited to one flavor in their snacks, Nicole. Just one. Come on.

Come on, baby. Come on. Sweet and, baby. Come on. Sweet and salty, delicious and yummy. You know, come on. Like, healthy, unhealthy, it's a false dichotomy, everything in moderation. But, like, people, if they think that, like, sugar is just bad for you, your body, like, breaks any sort of carbohydrate down to sugar. Correct.

A thing where I didn't understand how this exactly worked until I, I think I talked to a nutritionist about it for a story. I asked whether or not ripe bananas had like more sugar in them than non-ripe because it like tastes sweeter, right? But the caloric difference, you know, that couldn't really change during a ripening process, could it? And they were like, it's just starch converting to sugar. Which is what happens over time.

Yeah. And so it's just like, well, if you're, if you're already eating starch with salt on it, that's effectively eating sugar. And so, you know, if you're really like nitpicking, if you're, if you are someone who's so worried about your health that you're nitpicking on that, it's just like. Don't eat snacks ever. Don't eat snacks. Yeah. Leave them to the rest of us. I was snacking on those Filipino adobo flavored cracker peanuts that my buddy Emil brought from the Philippines. What? Bro, I should have brought them. I'll bring some, I'll bring some tomorrow. Did I meet him? You know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I met him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was probably like lounging on a day bed. He falls asleep a lot. Oh, me too. Yeah, you and Emil could have just napped together.

Oh my god, I love napping with people. Oh, he's the best. He's such a good napper. Ann Calspeak says, today as my hangover breakfast, I ate cottage cheese with some black pepper and a side of seaweed salad. 10 out of 10 would recommend. Would you? I feel like I'm barfing. Oh, that's okay. That's what I was saying.

But that could be a benefit for a hangover breakfast. Oh, like to help you barf? Yeah. Like what do they call it? An expectorant? Like you take a medicine that makes you cough up phlegm? Yeah. Kaopeptate.

Yeah. You could just, you know, because that to me is a, I would eat this. No, this is a pretty bad combination of things. If I'm being honest. And listen, I understand weird hangover cravings. I often crave cold chopped liver on just like cold bread when I'm hungover. So I get it. But this to me is a great recipe if you're like, hey, I want to flush the system clean,

start anew, you know, then I think you should do that. So it sounds like it's serving multiple purposes. And I think you should do that so it sounds like it's serving multiple purposes and I think that's cool at shiny failure flaming hot fritos are so much better than their cheeto cousins

and it pisses me off it pisses me off that I'm only ever able to find them in road trip gas stations wait road trip gas stations that's a thing

right yeah the best gas stations are the ones that are like in the middle of nowhere. No. I don't know. I like the really swank ones that have like Nutella. I feel like those are the ones in the middle of nowhere

though. No. Like you're driving up the grapevine along the five up to NorCal through Bakersfield and you're like there's one gas station and it's like an oasis. Really? No. They have like natural beef jerky in there. Really? I like the ones that look like there's been no human in there since 1996.

And the man at the counter is like, he has a cowboy hat and like a name tag that's not his name. Yeah. Those are the ones I like to go to. The really barren, sad ones. Who did he kill for that name tag? That's what I'm saying. He obviously doesn't work there. He's wearing a cowboy hat on the clock.

I had to really learn to appreciate Fritos as an adult. I love Flamin' Hot Fritos. Mm-hmm. A lot. They're good. Cornier than Cheetos. That's the biggest part. You taste the corn in the Fritos.

So good. Yeah, this is a good opinion. This is a great opinion. The Cody Mooney says, why are all of my opinions like books? They're so long. I was just eating some chips cooked in avocado oil and I was wondering if y'all think boutique

oils are a scam. I personally don't taste the difference between KFC, Fryer Sledge, and Grass Feet. This is spelled wrong. Why do you have to call them out? You know we say Grass Feet. Why do you have to crap on cooking? Grass-fed free-range oil in my chips.

Also health benefits? Three question marks. What's y'all's thoughts? Is that good? Do you want to get that clean, Maggie? That was pretty good. I can taste the difference. I can taste the difference.

I just don't think it's better. I just don't care enough to like mention it. Like your fry oil tastes really bad. Can you switch it? Well, sometimes I can taste like dirty old fry oil. Yeah. And to me, that's the difference between a good Filet-O-Fish and a great Filet-O-Fish. I love Filet-O-Fish.

Secret, get it extra crispy. Yeah. But then if the fry oil is old, then it's just a good Filet-O-Fish. And you can kind of taste the nuggets built up in there. But no, like avocado oil chips, God, everyone is going to always have opinions about this is shifted over time, whether margarine is good, whether margarine is bad, whether butter's good, but only grass fed butter is good. Butter's bad, but also add it to your coffee. And I'm going to be super jacked doing CrossFit, drinking butter coffee every day. Avocado oil is only a good

thing. Olive oil is healthy, except you can't heat it to anything that would ever cook a food because then you get the cancer. Avocado oil is the best thing for you. However, 75% of avocado oil is just fake. It's a scam. There's actually a huge fraud problem with it. So I don't care. I don't care.

There's too much like information and misinformation that like the answer to everything is always just going to be eat a diverse amount of foods in moderation and listen to your body. That is the only diet advice. If you want to eat the chips, eat the chips that make you the happiest, you know, and then like figure out the rest of your life. The avocado oil chips are never going to be the thing that is going to push you from like health to unhealth. Sure. No, you're right. Absolutely. It's like shooting a BBb gun at like a tank it's just like it's a little ping off the glass do tanks have glass i don't think so anyway eat the chips and make it the happiest uh no there's no health benefits to it and i'm a doctor big underscore kooky says bell pepper burps are the best burps um cucumber burps are also good i don't like any burps that taste

like food no oh my god dude i was getting the i get mad that my body just doesn't metabolize and it's like okay be gone no it's like a fun little essence i wish though this happened more with farts ew oh my god what do you mean no but if it's like a good food oh like you eat like some lavender ice cream and then your tummy's acting up. You get the hot toots from the dairy. And then what if you just, Nicole, you just like farted like a Glade plug-in. You know what I mean? No, I don't want to do that.

We have to have the technology to be able to perfume our farts. Yeah, it's a special kind of underwear. Don't ask me how I know that. Where can one purchase this underwear? Do they make it for men? I'll wear ladies underwear. I don't care. Josh.

Makes me feel sleek like a dolphin. It's unisex. And also, I will send you the link later. Talk about freak loaf. All right. On that note, thank you so much for stopping by. A hot dog is a sandwich. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday.

If you want to be featured on Opinions or like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or nhandizada with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. And for more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube where we launch new videos every week. And of course, if you want to share pictures of your radical dishes, hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen. We'll see y'all next time.