A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Pizza Rolls vs. Bagel Bites

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

History's most intense rivalries seem tame compared to the hottest question we've ever asked: Pizza Rolls or Bagel Bites? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Mythical! Sharks vs. Jets, Lakers vs. Celtics, and Sink vs. the Backstreet Boys. History's most intense rivalries seem tame compared to the hottest question we've ever asked. Pizza rolls or bagel bites? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Handizadeh. And today, Nicole, I say this every week. You do?

I say this every week. I say that this is the most important question we've ever asked. This is probably the least important question we've ever asked, if I'm being dead honest with you. No, this has some semblance of importance in my mind. There is some cultural significance because the pizza roll and the bagel bite crowd do seem to really hate each other. Yeah, they have beef. They have beef. There's no beef in it.

It's funny you mention that because there is not a lot of food inside a pizza roll. I mean, there's food. Or on top of bagel bite. Or on top of bagel bite. They're both like the most cost-cutting frozen food snacks that you will ever see. Like pizza rolls and bagel bites both go through such intense measures to cut costs. Did you say bagel bite or bagel bite? You know what's really funny?

Bagel? I enunciate bagel when I say, you know, like, let's go get some bagels and schmear. But then I say bagel bite because I don't know. I think it's funny. I was like, whoa. I was like, wait a second. Where's Josh from again? The bagels? Yeah, I was like bagels.

So the bugle bites. The thing about bugle bites is, no, the pizza rolls and the bagel bites communities seem to really hate each other. And history seems to be on the side of pizza rolls. There are so many memes. So you are team pizza rolls officially. I've always been team pizza rolls because confession time, I've never had a bagel bite before. You've never had a bagel bite? I've never, it's, I can see from the photos, it's a disc.

It is a disc. With a trough? Uh, I don't believe there's a trough. There is no actual trough. The, the toppings sit just atop the flesh of the bagel. Okay. But like whenever it cooks down, it doesn't like cook down into like a trough. Cause the photos I'm seeing right now, it's a little sus.

Yeah. So, so the sauce it's frozen on top of the bagel. And when you bake it, the sauce, you know, it thaws and it melts and then it soaks into the soft bready bagel i see that is there a hole because i'm not seeing a hole it is um and there is an anus in the middle of the bagel bite sphincter a sphincter yeah this has a purpose sphincter is all purpose no well i mean anus is just the latin word for ring yeah i've never heard you talk about anus a lot i'm just just saying. Josh has never said that before to me. The other day, we were in the group text with me, you, Trevor, and V.

We were all talking about pooping, and Julia was over my shoulder. I was working from home. And she was like, is that work appropriate? And I was like, well, this is a workflow issue because we were supposed to have a meeting, and Trevor was four minutes late, and he explained that he was pooping and so then we all talked about our own I think I don't think there's anything inappropriate about that you know it's yeah there should be some boundaries but uh I don't think any of us have boundaries with each other but that's okay because I don't like the appropriate workplace boundaries but like pooping is everyone at work talks about pooping in

euphemisms right in a way like someone just to and stuff yeah say 10 to does anyone say 10 to actually no one actually says it but someone disappears for 10 minutes and we're supposed to act like you know what they just they got a call or something no i just say i gotta go to the bathroom i just say i need eight minutes that is that is how it relates to work because i will be gone for eight minutes what i am doing with that eight minutes is none of your business okay back to the conversation at hand So the bagels have little holes in it, but they're very, very small. Yeah. They're just, there, there's no purpose to the hole. It's just for the visual of that. It's a big, correct. Okay. And to even to, to call them a bagel is probably a misnomer because

there's a lot of things you associate with bagels, right? Uh, they're, they're very chewy. They're very dense or sort of steamed. So it's almost a very kind of wet dough. It is a little steamy, no? Like the, I don't know. I've never had one. I'm just guessing. It is. It's only steamy because it's crusted in ice, you know?

So like there's not even, I don't, maybe there is. God, I haven't had bagel bites in a minute. Last time I had both of these were probably just over a year ago. I actually got them side by side for a New Year's party because I'm a very classy young man. Oh, okay. That's quite nice. Thank you so much. Yeah, we had just a large trough of dino nuggets, bagel bites, and pizza rolls. Interesting. Yes, yes, yes. And so I had them side by side, and that is when I made my decision that bagel bites are far superior for a multitude of reasons.

Go ahead. For a multitude of reasons. Go for it. So one, I think there is something important for pizza, for the cheese and the sauce and the toppings to hit the top of your palate directly. And I mean this, I mean this, right? It's the reason I much prefer a slice of pizza to, I mean, a calzone is a whole different eating experience. Sure, yeah. But I think a slice of pizza,

there's something beautiful about, you know, the cheese and the grease directly pressing against the roof of your mouth. Yeah, but what if you fold it? Yeah, I guess that's a good point. Don not a you never fold your pizza i am but i kind of fold it and i bite it and then i unfurl it and then i mash it with my tongue i see one time i was watching something on youtube and then all of a sudden like you know how you just like autoplay and like youtube just goes on like a crazy like tangent. So all of a sudden I was watching the beginning scene of Saturday Night Fever with John Travolta. Never seen it.

You've never seen it, but there's a scene where he's eating two pizzas together, like on top of each other and he's eating the pizzas. I just thought that was a good scene. Is that appealing to you? Is that why you prefer pizza rolls to bagel bites? No. Does this appeal to you, Nicole? Does John Travolta in Saturday MacFever appeal to you?

No, I just thought about like, and then he kind of folds it, but he still eats it. So it's like the cheese is still hitting his mouth, but it's still folded. I don't know. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

I remember watching Link eat the pizza Crunchwrap Supreme that we made. Yeah, I don't remember how he ate it. And he folded the Crunchwrap like in slice of New York pizza. He folded it and ate it. Why did he do that? Well, it was so sogged through with garlic butter that he could.

And so I was like watching him. I was like, yes. You dunked it. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I prefer the cheese and everything to hit the top of your palate immediately. And I also think that pizza rolls, it's like leftover French fries to me, where there is no good way to reheat it. Oh, interesting.

So I love pizza rolls because any way you eat them, they're good. Doesn't matter if they're fresh out of the microwave. I wouldn't say they're good. Any way you eat them, they are the same. No, they're not. If you put it in the microwave versus the oven versus a toaster oven, it's a different eating experience all the way around. But they're all delicious ways to eat it. I guess I feel that. I do feel that. They also taste good when they're reheated and then they're kind of like room temp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I don't mind heating them, not cold, but like just a little bit colder than room temperature. Yeah, like something that's been left out.

It's been heated and left out at room temp for like 45 minutes where there's still a little residual heat, you know? Yeah, totally. What's your preferred method of cooking a pizza roll? Toaster oven. It is toaster oven. But that's because I grew up with a toaster oven in my house. And I think a toaster oven is one of the most important tools in the kitchen, more so than a microwave. Hot take.

Because we do need to do that discussion on the podcast. Like what's the most useful or useless kitchen appliance? We should just have a toaster oven versus a microwave debate. That'd be good. Because I hate toaster ovens. Like when Julia and I moved in together. How you toast bread. Don't say oven. I use a pan. I dry toaster ovens. Like when Julia and I moved in together. How you toast bread? Don't say oven.

I use a pan. I dry toast in a pan. What? I prefer it. It dries out the bread. Don't look to Maggie for approval on that. Maggie, isn't that weird to toast bread in a pan? It's just as quick.

I have the electric range that everyone criticizes me for when I post on Instagram, sorry, LA hard to find gas stoves in nice apartments. It is. But it has like the super boiler. Oh, I see. There's the one burner that's labeled like turbo boiler. Yeah, turbo.

Which is to say this is the only burner that actually works. Yes. That's the favorite. Yeah. Yeah. It's front left. Front left is the best burner in every single kitchen. Front left.

Let me see for me. It's front right for me. You're left handed. Because I'm left handed. You're left handed. Yeah, makes sense. It's so funny how that works. But yeah, I toast in a pan. So I think I never have a toaster oven on hand. Um, if I need to like all, you know, preheat an oven and just deal with it. But I prefer pizza rolls microwaved. Why is it? Cause they're like mini hot pockets. Kind of. I do. And yeah, similar. Like I prefer hot pockets microwaved. I think when you put them in the oven, they kind of get too crispy. And that's not the experience that I want.

Because I don't think there's enough filling inside pizza rolls to warrant the amount of crispiness on the outside. You know, then I think you get this sort of like hard waxiness. I want like the steam from the filling to hydrate the outside of the pizza roll. And then sort of, you know, make it almost like a steamed dumpling. Actually, V actually v and i were just talking about this i want to put pizza rolls in a bamboo steamer do it i know that's your next tiktok man that's the next yeah we're also talking about that always making content always non-stop non-stop uh do you know that there's a song that we used to listen to in the kitchen called totino's totino's hot pizza rolls and you enjoyed it up until the point that you lost your mind.

I did. I would get very stressed in the kitchen, and I would start singing that on about eight-minute loops, and Nicole was very concerned. I enjoyed it because I love pizza rolls. Also, there's a very famous SNL sketch with Totino's Pizza Rolls that has over six million views. So what I'm trying to say is the cultural significance of a pizza roll is unbelievably larger than a bagel bite. People don't care about bagel bites. Unbelievably larger? No, no, no. People don't care about bagel bites the way they care about pizza rolls. Pizza rolls

are like an after school snack. You know what you're getting. They're compact. They come in 50 count bags. Yeah, I do like that. The bags can also be used for when you bonk your head and you put it on your head like a bag of peas. You think pizza rolls is an ice pack? Yes, of course. Well, I never had pizza. Again, my mom never bought pizza rolls because they were bad. So I didn't have pizza rolls until I worked here and we had to make a pizza roll milkshake.

So it was the first time I had a pizza roll and it was a wonderful experience. As far as cultural significance goes, I do agree that they have that. And I mean, the proof is in me maniacally singing that song to myself for minutes and minutes. That said, Bagel Bites, they did, and I remember this, I believe it was in 2000, they sponsored the Winter X Games. This is during, I think, would have been around the rise of Sean White. Okay. No, maybe that was a little bit before him. Anyways, they sponsored the Winter X Games in 2000 and also got Tony Hawk to be a spokesperson. So Bagel Bites has tried to jump on the culture's significance.

They believe in themselves, which is something that I really appreciate. Because this is like- No one else does. There's a reason we're not talking about- I think people do. I think Bagel Bites have a cult following, and I think it needs to be more. I've never- Okay, first of all, Bagel Bite and the ads look like a coronavirus.

Have you ever seen that? Yes. Bagel the ads look like a coronavirus. Have you ever seen that? Yes. Bagel bites look like the coronavirus. Oh, God. Bagel bites, don't sue us. Don't sue us. Don't sue us. They look...

When you look at the ads and the way they have those little... Are those pepperonis? Square pieces of pepper? Yeah. I don't know if they can legally call it pepperoni. Meat. A meat. It's a meat.

It's a meat. The meat squares. It literally looks like the little nibbins of a coronavirus. I've never even seen that in literally everything. There was a fine, not a fine dining restaurant, but Alinea in Chicago. They made a dessert that looked like the coronavirus. That's cool. I kind of thought it was too, and everyone was like really mad at them.

I think it's, I think, okay, so whenever food starts to, like whenever food is is, like, social commentary, it can get really messy. But some people do it right. And I think Alinea, normally, whenever they're doing some crazy stuff, they're normally doing it right. But maybe that's just because I really want to go. I know. I think that's probably it. It's just, like, I would love to go there and spend $600 or whatever money that I don't have. Exactly.

It's just, like, a fantasy. And it's just, like, anything they do is cool. So I don't care. Like, fill the balloon with apple. Like, you know what I mean? They have like this balloon that tastes like an apple Jolly Rancher and also has helium in it. Like what? I remember watching an interview with the chef who he was like the CDC at that restaurant.

Grant Atkins? It wasn't Grant Atkins though. It was like his CDC, like his underling. And I believe now he has gone on to do a bunch of things. Maybe he used to open the restaurant in Santa Monica. I don't know. But anyways. Maybe he needs to make bag restaurant in Santa Monica. I don't know. But anyways. Maybe he needs to make bagel bites. Maybe. Or pizza rolls.

He was like, it took me three years to make apple balloon. And I was like, dang, man. Okay, conceptually, what do you think is better? Take away how good bagel bites are and how good pizza rolls are. Because like we talked about, they're both cutting so much cost to create the cheapest snack food possible. You know, Totino's pizza rolls,

and I don't consider this necessarily a slight against them, but they don't even use mozzarella cheese. It literally just says mozzarella cheese substitute. Oh, now you're going to start caring about what things say on the label? I'm just saying I want to remove. That's rich. Oh, now you're going to start caring about ingredients? No, but removing what actually goes into those.

What do you think is the better concept? ingredients no but removing what actually goes into those what do you think is the better concept mini pizza bagels or little what a pizza roll is technically is a fried ravioli okay the the appeal of a pocket that i don't know what's in it excites me the bagel bite just lets it all out you know what you're getting with that. It's transparency versus opacity. Big fan of opacity. I love mystery. I love a little mystery.

Don't sell it all in one take. You know, I don't need to see all of that. Give me a little bit of, you know, secrecy. I like it. That's why you love dudes in hats. What? I don't like guys that wear hats. You're like a fedora in sunglasses type of girl. I've i've never ever ever spoken to a man that wears a fedora you know like um or sunglasses what was that show uh the pickup

artist on vh1 oh yeah i love that yeah his name was mystery well yeah because yeah he was hot he had that long silken hair oh yeah the long silken hair and the big old hat. Mystery was not hot. Mystery had a certain allure to him, okay? Just, which, you know, yeah, the big fuzzy hat. I read the Neil Strauss book, okay? I read it. I read it. That was a show that I wish I would have had. I loved my latchkey kid lifestyle of just being able to watch whatever TV I wanted.

I wish I had a parent in the room to explain the context of that show. Because I think I was like 13 years old, you know, like, oh, my God, how do I talk to girls? And then in comes the pickup artist on VH1. And I'm like, well, these are adults on TV. They must be speaking truth. Why were you getting dating advice from VH1? I don't know. I spent eight hours in front of the TV a day and it was VH1.

Anyways, what do you think is like, do you think that there is room to make an artisanal pizza pocket or mini pizza bagel? I think it's already been done. But, like, an actual, like, good artisanal one? Like, do you think those, because I haven't seen any out there. I don't think, I mean, I'm sure people, like, there's, like, blog posts about it and stuff and people have made them before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you mean, like, as a mass-produced? Yeah, CPG, like, ready to go to market.

Which one of those? Why would you? No, why would you want either of those to be an artisanal product? They're fine the way they are. There's no need to have them

become a higher quality product. Everyone thought... Okay, so I've been on Clubhouse recently. Oh, no. And it's... I'm all LLC brain right now. No, Josh!

We've got to find market caps. Where's the gap? Yesterday, there was one they were talking all about CPGs and they were like... Oh, my God. They were like, don't even try and Yesterday, there was one. They were talking all about CPGs. And they were like, Oh, my God. They were like,

don't even try and get into the nut butter game because Justin's gonna crush you. But people thought that nut butter was good as it is. I mean, Laura's gutters existed. And then Justin's came in and swooped the market and changed the game. Why are you a part of this group now? What? Oh, this clubhouse thing?

Yes. Dude, I don't know, man. I'm out there networking. Why are you in the CPG? Why are you in the CPG? Why are you in the CPG show? I'll ask a question. I listen to a lot of them. I was in one.

You need to find the white space, Josh. What? You need to find the white space. Yeah, wait. Back to Clubhouse. Patti Stanger. Oh, my God. She was giving dating advice.

Is she married? I don't know, man. I think she might be divorced. I don't know. But anyway, she was hosting a Clubhouse giving dating advice, and she was on, dude. I love Patti Stanger. I absolutely loved. I feel like she should marry Jon Taffer.

I feel like Patti Stanger should come on the podcast and talk about the best aphrodisiacs. I would love that. I love her. Ladies, don't give it up. You can't give it up right away, ladies. I used to watch Millionaire Matchmaker far too much. It was such a good show. The guy had a cool beard.

Did you ever see the guy with the cool beard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that show. Dustin, I think. I don't know his name show the guy had a cool beard did you ever see the guy with a cool beard yeah yeah i love dustin i think i don't know his name he just had a cool spiky beard he reminded me her cadre reminded me of mysteries cadre what's a cadre a cadre like it's kind of like group like a posse you know i've never heard the word cadre cadre is a word right i'm sure it is i just don't know this terminology you could just say a group of friends but like friends doesn't cadre implies like a business-y. Stop speaking in artisanal pizza roll language. Come back down to regular pizza roll language. What I'm getting at is that I think bagel bites and pizza rolls, they are iconic for a reason.

And I do agree with you that pizza rolls has a lion's share of the cultural capital right now. And I think they're very similar, right? Like I wouldn't see either and be like, oh man, you got pizza rolls instead of bagel bites or vice versa. I do prefer bagel bites. I think I'm coming at this from the ranch sponge theorem. I was gonna bring up ranch because do you put ranch on your bagel bites?

Also, are bagel bites a breakfast item? Bagel bites have not been marketed as a breakfast item. Missing out. Which is very interesting. They're missing out. That is interesting. But I do eat both with ranch. Yes, you do.

Copious, copious amounts of ranch indeed. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, and I like to just soak them. Not soak them, but I mean, for me, like, they're fine as they are, but I would prefer any sort of sauce. Like, I will dip them in barbecue sauce. To me, they're just a swipable, sauceable sponge. The pizza rolls or the Bagel Bites? Both. And I think Bagel Bites do a better job of sauce. Like I will dip them in barbecue sauce. To me, they're just a swipable, sauceable sponge. The pizza rolls or the bagel bites? Both.

And I think bagel bites do a better job of it. Really? Because in my mind, because I'm thinking, well, also it's not fair because I've never had a bagel bite, but in my mind, the bread of a bagel bite

is less spongier than that of a pizza roll. Well, no. So interestingly, a pizza roll, I mentioned earlier that technically I would consider them a fried ravioli because if you do a deep dive, we were doing an episode of Snack Smash and I really dug into the ingredients list. There's no leavening agent whatsoever.

So they're literally making like essentially a pasta dough, right? It's just flour, water, or I mean, that's a dumpling skin, you know, similarly. Sure. And funnily enough, the maker of pizza rolls, I believe it's called Gino's Foods, was the original makers before they sold it to Totino's, which is a subsidiary of Pillsbury or something. Gino Paolucci. Gino Paolucci. Yeah. Yeah.

He was making egg rolls. Yes. Frozen egg rolls. And he used literally the same machine that would like, you know, stuff these egg rolls. And he was like, yeah,

but what if pizza? That's my impersonation of a man named Gino Paolucci. Hey, but what if pizza? And that's how it became a thing. Brilliant. And so for me, it's like, what pizza experience are you after? Do you want the sauce and maybe legally considered pepperoni and cheese flavor?

Or do you want the leaven in the bread? So it's like, that's what you're trading for me with pizza rolls versus bagel bites. Because I want the leavened bread because it soaks up the ranch. I see. Wow, that's so interesting. I never even thought of it that way. Which one gives you a more accurate pizza experience? If that's important to you.

I don't think that's important whenever you're eating a pizza roll or bagel bite. I don't think that's the reason why you're eating them. I agree. You're eating them because mom made pizza rolls. Because mom made pizza rolls. Yeah, you know I was going to sneak it in there. Mom got the bagel bites. That doesn't have the same ring to it.

It doesn't have the same ring. That's interesting because when I'm eating a Hot Pocket, I don't, like I'm eating a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket, which is not in my top five Hot Pocket flavors. What's your favorite Hot Pocket? Favorite Hot Pocket, this is purely nostalgia from childhood. If you say broccoli. Okay, no, broccoli is number three.

Oh no. And we like got them for the show for something because I was like, this is my favorite. And everyone was like, I think Link almost threw up. Yeah, they're gnarly. And I tasted it and I was like, I still really enjoy the broccoli turkey cheddar hot pocket. No, no, no, no. Salmon cheese is great. The meatballs and marinara for some reason do it more for me than the pizza one.

But barbecue. Oh, I've never had the barbecue hot pocket before. It is just like sweet. They also did a whole line of LA food truck inspired Hot Pockets. No way. I wrote a great personal essay about it. They did? Yeah, so Komodo. Komodo truck. I remember Komodo truck.

Are they still active? They have a brick and mortar in like Pico area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's really great. They did like this Asian taco beef Hot Pocket, like some offensively named thing. But it was like, you know, it's kind of like a sugary, spicy thing with beef in it. Yeah. But I'm not like eating that to eat pizza, even if it is a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket.

I'm eating it for the Hot Pocket, which I think you could say the same thing with the pizza roll. Yes. And the same for a bagel bite, no? Or is a bagel bite a pizza experience? I think bagel bite's at least a closer to a pizza experience if that's important to you. Is it really though? Like a smidge. A smidge, a pizza experience. I think bagel bites at least a closer to a pizza experience if that's important to you. Is it really though? Like a smidge. A smidge a smidge.

But it's like an it's like an it's an unnecessary smidge. Like what are you talking about? I think the bigger thing here is that neither of them are the best

frozen pizza product. Then what is? Red Baron French Bread Pizza baby. That is the number one frozen pizza product.'s not it's french bread pizza it's the same thing as a bagel bite it's they just need to make it smaller they need to make it smaller a french bread pizza is not the same thing as a bagel yeah you're taking like a a leavened bready thing and you are covering it in pizza ingredients that are not typically made with pizza. It's very similar. No. No.

Bagel bite small, French bread long. That's what I'm saying. They need to make the French bread. They need to make little French bread pizza bites or like a tearing share. Oh, you mean a bagel bite? Okay, but like a bagel bite. Okay, you've never had a bagel bite. You've had a Sara Lee bagel before, right? Sure.

It's like more cake than bagel. It's like a yeast cake. It's so sugary. It's like waxy and leathery. I guess, yeah. It is leathery. And that's the same thing that's in a bagel bite, right? It's kind of waxy, leathery bagel, and there's just so much sugar in it that like it's not even a taste of sugar,

and it's certainly not me complaining about the nutrition facts on it. Sure. But I think it doesn't make as good of a product as something like Red Baron French Bread Pizza, which to me is just – Why you got to throw – It gets crusty to me is just why you gotta throw a great product in there like that why can't we just debate about because it's but it's in the same nicole it's the same echelon i don't think so i think it's in the frozen pizza category i think you are just deflecting but it should you know because you know bagel bites are not as good as pizza rolls so you're trying to throw a wrench in there so you can win this debate i shall not let this happen not in my court of law california pizza kitchen needs to do a collab with brugger's bagels and they need to make barbecue chicken mini

pizza bagels on an everything bagel and that is the final answer okay yes i agree with that but don't be throwing red bear and french bread pizza up in the mix where does mama celeste fit into this because you can take mama celeste's number one mama where does mama celeste fit in this because you can take mama celeste mama celeste supreme pizza which costs eight cents more than the cheese and pepperoni but it's got the fennel seed sausage on it with the little green bits it's really great and you can roll it up it's so thin and spongy that you can roll it like a sushi roll and cut it into pieces and eat that i was gonna say we should make a hamburger out of mama celeste pizzas that's a party to me you get 50 you get 50 to 60 Mama Celeste pizzas.

They cost 70 cents each and they're delicious. Yeah. And you just stack them on top of each other. Extreme couponer. Yeah. And then guests can come in and they can just kind of, you know, take a Mama Celeste and they can hold it as like a plate. So they can pile other foods on top of it. They put the hummus.

Oh my God. They put the guacamole on the Mama Celeste pizza. That should be one of my stations at my wedding. Did you go to the Mama Celeste station yet? It's actually, we're sponsored by Mama Celeste. It's right next to the McDonald's french fries and the dino nuggets. Gosh. Oh, man.

You've never had bagel bites, and you were kind of a late adopter to pizza rolls. Did you grow up with any frozen, poppable appetizer? was like your thing growing up or did you guys like not not eat like that in the household i'm trying to think it was probably just chicken nuggets yeah poppable poppable poppable they're poppable uh pizza rolls are poppable bagel bites are not it's true uh bagel bites are a two-biter i don't mind that i don't mind that also speaking of pizza rolls being poppable i think pizza rolls are liable to cause serious injury. What are? Pizza rolls.

Well, yeah, but like so are millions of other foods that are in a pocket. Agreed, but not bagel bites because bagel bites are transparent, not opaque. But you know what you're getting. No, no, no. But at the same time, that's the mystery. When you bite into a pizza roll. I don't want injury to be the mystery. You might burn the roof of your mouth, but that's okay because you knew what you were getting yourself into because it was covered. I told you with a bagel bite, you know what you're getting. You can see the steam escaping. You know what's going on.

With a pizza roll, there is a certain level of mystery that you have to accept, which is why it is a more enjoyable experience because you might burn the roof of your mouth. It might be frozen in the middle. You don't know, but that's the fun about it. So it's almost not even the mystery of the pizza roll that appeals to you. It's the sense of trust that you need the danger it's the danger pizza rolls ride motorcycles and that's hot also uh one reason i prefer pizza rolls their twitter handle is an anthropomorphized pizza roll named pete zerol first name pete last name zerol zerol two l's yeah so pronounced pete zerol yeah it's a roll yes and so the fact that they've personified pizza rolls into a a twitter persona i don't want to talk smack on them because i'm afraid of hurting pete zerol's

feelings pete zerol yeah is a cultural phenomenon that. This is the first time I've heard about them though. So just the fact that that exists just should show how important pizza rolls are in the culinary canon of the United States of America. I agree with that. And I think it is like a great little story of invention of, you know, Gino Paolucci using the little egg roll filler to stuff some pizza rolls. But I will say, I believe the bagel bites and pizza roll camp, y'all need a ceasefire because you are so much more alike than you are different. That's true. You both love greasy little cost-cutting snack foods that could be made infinitely better

if any company decided to jump into the market. But they can't because you love bagel bites and pizza rolls. I think the head of the pizza roll family and the head of the bagel bites family need to meet at the table and share a red bear and French bread pizza and call it a day. All right, Nicole, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the universe.

It's time for a segment we call Opinions on Like Casseroles. Faster. Okay, on three. One, two, three. Opinions Are Like Casseroles. Harmony and understanding. Yeah, you know what's funny?

I say a different thing. I say Twitterverse, internet, universe. I say different things every time. No one cares. No one cares. No one cares what we say. Harmony and understanding. I say Twitterverse, internet, universe. I say different things every time. No one cares. No one cares. No one cares what we say. It's the age of casseroles. At Dr. Underscore Mythos.

This is a good one. The hot and spicy McChicken is the perfect fast food sandwich. Did they, is it still on the menu? I don't know because I've never had it, but my favorite spicy chicken sandwich other than Popeye's is Jack in the Box. Okay, Jack, everyone jumped on this 99 cent. Yeah, cheese doesn't deserve to be on a fried chicken sandwich, I believe. Cheese does not go on a fried chicken sandwich.

Carl's Jr. is my favorite budget hot and spicy chicken sandwich. And the funny thing about McDonald's spicy meat chicken is that like it is very good. So were their spicy McNuggets. Yeah, they were good. But the weird thing is I don't associate McDonald's with any spicy flavor profile. Yeah. So I don't want it. I agree.

I don't think McDonald's should be spicy. McDonald's should be base level. It's just a base. Agreed. There's these like core competencies in fast food restaurants that I kind of don't like when they stray from. Like Taco Bell, like their chicken nuggets were good. I mean, their fries are good.

They have chicken nuggets at Taco Bell? They called them like chicken nachos. They were just triangular shaped nuggies. Oh, but they would put stuff on them. Like cheese and tomato? No, they'd serve it with just a cup of nacho cheese. They put like, they called their nacho fries, nacho fries, and they put stuff on top of them.

But they called them just like chicken nachos or chicken, no, chicken chips? Chicken chips. I think they were chicken chips. Yeah, but it was just, it was a triangle nugget and like they were fine nuggets but like i'm at taco bell because i want that soupy beef and the fire sauce and sour cream you know what you're getting on that mcdonald's because i just want hot steamy mayonnaise yeah iceberg lettuce and that spongy bun no makes sense and so despite the fact the

hot and spicy chicken was very good it's like not what i go to mcdonald's for and i go to carl's junior to get that instead and they put instead of shredders they do a whole sheet of iceberg which i prefer which i prefer i like that too i don't like shredders on my chicken sandwiches i like because you can get a denser core of iceberg yes uh-huh thank you the crunch so smart crayman double zero says crinkle cut fries are the worst form of potato um i think they're okay they're not the best and they're not the worst they're like straight in the middle i think they're the worst fry for no for no reason other than the fact that you and i've talked about this i don't like shoestring you don't like i shoestrings are sometimes like father's office does the shoestrings i don't like it and it's nice to like just pick up

like 50 and dunk it in whatever aioli that's just like mayonnaise and tarragon or whatever i don't like it just uh but no crinkle cut i just i get infuriated by any vegetables that are made with pinking shears oh stop it we already talked about this i know i don't like it i love my crinkle cut knife it does so many cute things whenever i like make a platter whenever someone comes over i do a little crinkle cut on the cucumber i did a crinkle cut on the carrot i love it i think i i like it but it's not the best vehicle for potato there is a uh tweet from years ago from helen rosner one of the best food writers out there also she should definitely come on the show okay that i identify with a lot she just said like thought about making pickled red onions for dinner figured it was too precious, made pickled white onions instead.

And I agree with that. Because pickled red onions, they're precious. They're little pink pops on your plate. And so many places use it for Instagram bait. And I use it for my own food. Precious. It's precious. Whereas pickled white onions,

you get the same flavor profile, but people aren't as into it because it doesn't look as pretty. And that's how I feel with crinkle cut fries. I'm like, they're too precious. Really? You've shown me that you care more about the food's appearance than the actual cook on the fries. And I don't agree with it.

Some people can say that the surface area of the fry and it creates these divots that make picking up sauce easier. Yeah. I've never had a problem picking up sauce in my fries. I've been like, oh, keep slipping off the edge. You know, I hear that argument. But, you know, to me, they're precious. They're gilding the lily.

You're so weird. No offense. That's weird. You think pink. I don't understand the precious angle. I think you should eat precious things. I think your body is precious and you should do things that make it feel good, like eat a crinkle cut fry.

Your body is a temple. Shove crinkle cut fries covered in cheese. And pickled red onions. That's a good combo. Just fries, cheese, and pickled onions? Yeah, I don't see an issue with that. It's a lovely dish. All right, at WWWhite1069, why is it pizza rolls and not mini calzones?

It's not a roll because he owned an egg roll company, which— We just covered this. But no, I guess this is a good question, though. Like, why brand it as a pizza roll? Because the lettering mini calzone would be too expensive to put on the box, and pizza rolls is easier to say, and it's less money to print. Also, pizza rolls came out in the 1960s when, like, I don't know how popular calzones were in the late 60s.

Because, like, pizza didn't really experience its boom in America until like the mid 50s. Yeah. And so I'm wondering if like calzones were like, you know, a bridge too far. And they were just like, oh, we got this newfangled pizza creation that's out. I own an egg roll factory. Smash the two words together. Pizza rolls. Also, it's not a leavened dough.

Rafa underscore SRHS says mayo improves bad spaghetti. Again, with your burner accounts, Josh. Let's go. Let's go. I can't. Too many burner accounts, man. Enough is enough. I've never put mayo in spaghetti before like this.

I've done it. But, you know, I love putting mayo in like pasta salads. Nothing wrong with that. Okay, but here's another question. I've never added mayo to like a hot spaghetti pomodoro before. I can imagine that I would probably enjoy it as long as the sauce isn't hot enough

to cook the mayonnaise. That said, I did once make like a pasta salad with spaghetti and people were like sickened by it. Like you'd eat macaroni salad is just macaroni, mayonnaise, sugar, and then like some other little crunchies that's like a very popular dish and i enjoy it so why not make that with

skeddy but slurping mayonnaise people get disgusted it's the noodle i i firmly believe that certain noodles should shouldn't be in other places like some noodles serve their purpose yeah you know what i'm talking about yeah oh of course yeah i agree like pesto with long noodles doesn't make sense to me. Mmm. Yeah. Pesto with like a short little noodle. Well, not too short. Not like a.

Like a cavatel. Like a dilettini. Dilettini. Oh, yeah. Dilettini like wouldn't work with pesto. But like orzo would work with pesto. But like long noodles, like a tagliatelle. No, it doesn't work.

I don't know. I want to slurp up this mayonnaise. I mean, I could imagine the tomato sauce mixing with the mayonnaise to kind of taste like vodka sauce. No, no, it wouldn't. It would not taste like vodka sauce. Nicole's shutting that down real fast. No, no, no. All right. At Zane Rafat.

Hey, from Egypt. Hey there from Burbank. Hey. Hey, Egypt. This is Burbank calling. Cairo is Burbank's sister city, actually. Fun fact. Are you serious?

They call Cairo the Burbank of Egypt. Are you being serious? No. I was like, oh my God, that's so cool. Mayonnaise is not a dipping sauce. What? I disagree. It's kind of invented to be a dipping sauce.

It's become a spread. Yeah, it serves as both. But like just dipping vegetables in mayonnaise, like a crudité, I mean. No, you and your mayonnaise. Well, no, that's like why it was invented that's why it was invented right like it was uh you look at the the battle of marron or whatever where the french beat the spanish uh and then this is their victory meal of like crudités and aioli how long ago was that how like 200 years they had yeah yeah exactly 200

years ago now i understand if you think mayonnaise is a little bit off-putting. I get it because we're weak and we are not well-adjusted people anymore. We've become too weak to just slurp down mayonnaise. Wake up, sheeple. Heather underscore or me says plain McDonald's cheeseburger with tartar sauce is fire. You are a sick individual.

All it is is Thousand Island without the ketchup. That sounds fire. No, no, no, no. No, no. No. They put something else in there. Is it horseradish? No, it's like citric acid, pickle juice, and mayonnaise. Ew, ew, nah.

Nah, fam. I'll let that one lie. I won't fight it. All right, at Nerminator777, coconut shavings ruin desserts for me. They are the, I don't want to say it. They're the pubic hair of the dessert world. High five. Wait, has someone, are we quoting something or do we just have the independent thought?

No, Josh. This is, we are singular. It's little, toasted, and again, for anyone trying to edit this podcast, pubic hair is a natural part of life. It exists. It's weirder if we don't talk about it. podcast pubic hair is a natural part of life it exists it's weirder if we don't talk about it um but that said i love coconut shavings and not in context of the thing that we just said i mean i it's neutral on you know i think it's people's own decision to put coconut on their desserts or not but anyways i i really love the meaty chew of god i can't talk about this i enjoy coconut i'm sorry

you coconut shavings on my desserts. I think they're delicious and they add a nice textural contrast to a smooth, silky filling. And I'm done with that concept now. Yeah, doesn't talking about it after the first thing we said make it real weird to say anything? Yeah. I didn't like when I said meaty chew. I said smooth, silky custard or something. Oh, speaking of which, Ronizzi, my friend Ronel, hi, Ronel, says key lime pie or flan. Two very different desserts here.

Comparing them seems childish. I feel like they were at a restaurant and they were just like, oh, God, I got to make a decision. Or maybe he wants to know what I want for my birthday. So, Ronel, please make me a flan. Yeah, flan is to to me, the far superior dessert. I actually don't enjoy key lime pie almost at all. I'm okay with it. I mean, lemon in desserts is very polarizing, I feel like.

So, I love lemon bars. I also love to make, like, curds out of passion fruit and stuff like that. But lime, especially key lime, can be a little bit too acidic, and it can, can like hurt my teeth sometimes with the coldness of the custard. That's what I'm at. I mean, key limes specifically are very, are they the same as Colima limes? I think so.

Yeah. I might be wrong. They're very tart biting and they have this kind of like slight bitterness, which I really enjoy in dishes, like especially like a ceviche with key lime to me is like really fantastic. Almost got this grapefruitiness to it. But for me, key lime pie is just like very overbearing. It's overbearingly sweet and overbearingly sour and not enough to counter that. It was like lemon meringue pie to me is fantastic.

But flan to me is, I mean, what a fantastic dessert. And so many different cultures make it. My mom calls it creme caramel. That's so funny because that is essentially what it is, right? Like flan, Spanish, creme caramel. I love flan. I just slurp it out of the container. Yeah. It's so funny because that is essentially what it is, right? Like flan, Spanish, come caramel. I love flan. I just slurp it out of the container. Yeah.

It's so good. You need flan in a toothpaste tube. All right, at Ali underscore Rez, ramen is better than pho. Don't pit two noodle queens against each other. This is my other friend. Yeah. This is my friend Ali Reza who was my best friend in high school. Yeah, I agree.

Ramen is better than pho, but they're two different experiences. Like pho has a very clean, easy to eat. I could eat pho every day. Ramen is like a once a week, like special thing for me. It's funny because so much of the ramen that we get in LA,

when we think of ramen, we think of tonkotsu, right? Yes, we do. True. Super heavy pork-based broth. Yeah. But if you get like a tori-shio ramen, so like a chicken, you know, salt-based broth.

Which I've had, yeah, I've had that here too. Yeah, super, super clean. Like, I mean, really fantastic. And also there's a lot of different styles of pho. You go from the north to the south. You got like the, you know, pho ga, like chicken pho is like super light and clean. And so, I mean, both have different regionalities to them. Also, though, I would say explore different Vietnamese

and Japanese noodles there's a lot of fantastic Vietnamese noodle soups what's Mazaman? Mazaman's a dry dry ramen but I mean you got like udon and like you know soba a lot of great stuff and then in the Vietnamese canon I mean you got Bun Bo Hue

is I mean like super rich you got the pork blood cubes in there. Super heavy beef broth. Mi quong, another fantastic Vietnamese noodle soup. Bun rieu, there's like a crab and tomato noodle soup. I've never had that one before. Dude, they're good. And also there's a lot of Vietnamese noodle soups that are wheat noodle and not rice noodle.

Interesting. And yeah. Anyways, that's my grandstanding. When I eat ramen i just feel like it's a treat yeah pho is cheat meal yeah ramen is a cheat meal and pho is just something that i guess it's just the heaviness of the broth you know what i mean i'm i'm choosing pho probably seven times out of ten maybe eight times out of ten over ramen just because i personally prefer i love the fresh herbs love the aromatics with all the star anise and cinnamon.

And yeah, shout out to Forage in Palms. Yeah, I love Forage. Forage does good work. They do good work. Meal underscore Messina says, put a little citric acid in cinnamon sugar, please, it will change your life. That's a really interesting take.

And I'm gonna do it. What do you think it would do? I don't know. He or she or they say that it's really good. So I don't know. I want to try it now. I'm really, I'm really curious because I've had some desserts that have too much cinnamon in them. Cinnamon almost tastes a little bit sour and acrid to me when it gets overbearing. And so I would be like, I'm curious if the citric acid almost like faces that and kind of like, you know, neutralizes that, that tendency that I would taste it or if it would just make it worse for me. But either way, we have all these ingredients in the kitchen.

We should try it. For sure. If I can grandstand again for a second, salt all your desserts way more heavily. Like, salt them like you would a steak. I salt my desserts all the time. I even salt, I salted my oatmeal this morning. I always salt my oatmeal.

And it makes everything more delicious. It makes the berries more berry. It makes the cinnamon more cinnamony. It makes the oat more oaty. Salt is the baseline from which all flavor harmonies are written. Okay, Beethoven. Whatever you say. Okay, Beethoven.

And on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions or Like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. And for more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube, where we launch new videos every week.

And of course, if you want to share pictures of your dishes, hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen. You want any pizza rolls? Yeah. Yo, use bagel bites as slider buns, though. That's fun. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea.

This is a fun time for the kids. Fun time for the kids. Kids.