A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Should Almond Milk Be Called Milk?

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

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This, this, this, this is Mythical. Almonds don't have nipples, Greg, but can you still milk them? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich.

What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Scherer. And I'm your host, Nicole Anaidi. And Nicole, today we are taking on one of the hottest topics we have ever taken on. We are taking on nut milk. Spicy.

Or is it nut juice? Nicole, what are your thoughts on nut juice? Nut juice? Okay, I don't like it being called blank milk. Like oat milk, almond almond milk pistachio milk cashew milk no i think you're anti i'm anti i don't like it why not explain yourself i'm uh well i'm going to give me some time bro no no tell tell all the nut farmers of america why you hate their nut juice because they deserve to know no no, no, no. I don't hate it. I don't like it being called blank milk.

Milk is milk and that's it. I think it should be called blank beverage, oat beverage, almond beverage, flax beverage. Like almond aid. That's how I feel about that. Okay, but why? No, almond aid. Almond aid.

Doesn't aid mean you have to put like sugar and water in it? That's what I figure. Because like lemonade is lemon juice plus sugar and water. But what do you think milk means? Like what does milk mean to you? This sounds like the start of a weird essay you'd write in the fifth grade. It would be milk is a lactation secretion from a mammal. What about penguin milk, Nicole?

Penguin milk exists. Surely you must not be erasing the hard work of all the penguin mothers out there. Why are you anti-feminist? What is actually penguin milk, though? Okay, penguin milk, that's a bit of a diversion, but penguin milk is, they call it crop milk. It is a secretion from a penguin

that is used to feed the young that some people consider to be a form of milk. Because my point is there's a lot of different definitions of milk and a lot of things that milk actually means. So a lot of people think it is just a lactic blah, blah, blah secretion from a mammal. And if you look at like the Oxford Learner's Dictionary, for instance, the first entry they have, the white liquid produced by cows, goats, and some other animals. Also, not just some other animals. There's like every other animal.

Don't put cows and goats on a pedestal. You can drink pig milk. It just tastes really bad. Anyways, as food for the young and used as a drink by humans. Howmst ever, Nicole. Howmst ever. Howmst? If you skip down to definition number three, a white liquid produced by or made from plants.

So, are you just telling me that you, Nicole, when were you founded as a university? When, when, when, when, when, when, when, when did Oxford put this new number three definition into the mix? Do you know that? They don't have an actual date, but I assume it was much later

because this is a discussion that's come more to the forefront recently as American milk consumption declines for sure. But that said said like a dictionary doesn't create the meanings itself right it is a response to how people are already using the words what if the liquid isn't white no i'm not about this it says a white liquid produced by or made from plants you ever had pistachio milk before that stuff's green i've actually never had pistachio milk but wait i do love alternative nut milks not alternative milks but alternatives to almond milk also why come there's no peanut milk i don't know but it sounds delicious josh make peanut milk you'll make

millions another thing i find really fascinating about the milk debate is that a lot of people take the dictionary definition even if they're people like you who are milk purists and they don't agree with the fact that it can be made from plants whatever that the etymology of milk actually has nothing to do with mammals right the etymology of milk it comes from a high german word melg that's been around for well over a thousand years that literally just means to rub or wipe off also there's a lot of sexual innuendo and all this juice and the rubbing and i'm sorry but that is literally what it means. I need an adult like to milk, right? Oh, I mean, sure. Like milk doesn't have to refer to even if you want to go pure purism on the language, because that's where a lot of this backlash is coming from, right? There's a lot

of people who are like, I don't like when things change. Milk means cow titty juice. And now you're saying it can come from almonds i don't like that change it's like well almond milk is something that has been used and actually documented as the term almond milk since the 1200s and probably even earlier that's just the records that we have from you look in any medieval cookbook nicole nicole how many medieval cookbooks you you you're reading these days i have like four in rotation. Never finished it. That's fair enough. No, but let me just say, no. But they use almond milk in a ton. I understand that.

But at the same time, it's not milk, though. It's not. It's not. For me, it's not. You're saying that you would have gone back to the 1200s and you would have gone to one of these ancient cookbook authors and you would have been like, that ain't milk, you idiot. But back then, they had no problem with it, right? So you would have been the yeah that ain't milky idiot but back then they had no problem with it right so you would have been the crazy one i don't care so what i'm

the crazy one in modern times you were a witch nicole they would have thrown you in a river they would have they would have burned you as a witch that's fine also i think honestly if you went anywhere back then as as a jew i think your part your fate probably wouldn't have been too good that's for another podcast josh no no i'll bring it up now do you remember we were shooting we were shooting that christmas episode and it was like huh i wonder what jews were up to in the 1600s in england and then somebody googled it and they were like oh here we have expulsion of jews and we're like when was that they were like well there were like nine of them dating over 800. And we're like, when was that? They were like, well, there were like nine of them dating over 800 years. And we're like, ah, shoot. Yeah, that makes sense. But no, I mean, I don't know. There's something, I mean, are you a milk drinker? Do you like, are you the kind of

guy who like pours himself a glass of milk? I, uh, so I didn't used to be until Julia and I moved in together. I would only keep, uh, like maybe a pint or a quart of whole milk in my fridge for cooking purposes. And then anything that I was actually drinking, which was probably just for protein shakes. But I do love like a nice glass of iced milk with my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But I would use almond milk for that solely for the fact that, you know, more and more research comes out and suggests like, I don't know, maybe drinking milk all the time ain't that good for you. Gives you some weird poops. Maybe inflammation is a thing. I don't know. Tom Brady don't drink it

and he's pretty good at football. And so I started, I switched to drinking almond milk. He also doesn't eat nightshade vegetables. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Tom Brady's idea of a cheat meal. They asked him in an interview what his favorite cheat meal was. And he was like vegan sushi. And it's like, oh God, this man has no pleasure in life other than torching zone defenses and being married to giselle bunchin and being married to giselle i feel like that's pretty pleasurable i don't know she's a supermodel he kisses his children on the lips too i know it's a brazilian thing it's nice it's sweet is that a brazilian thing i don't know i think it's also like a good parent thing like you're kissing your kids on the lips i actually talked about this with my friends like two days ago,

got into some really interesting territory, but I'm not going to get into that right now. But what I am going to get into is would you consider Julia to be a dairy queen? Like she likes a lot of dairy in the house. Yes, Julia is indeed a dairy queen. And I kind of famously don't love, love dairy. I don't love, I don't know, even cheese. Like I'm not a huge huge cheese guy um but

now i will occasionally she keeps two percent in the house and i don't want to double stock on whole milk and two percent so i've been cooking with two percent which sucks yeah but a nice a nice cold glass of two percent milk on ice is a delight yeah whole milk is like really really good like just a glass of whole milk. Do you ever, like, I need to know this. Do you drink milk out of the carton? Yeah, all the time, all the time, all the time. I don't let Julia see me though.

You hide behind the guys of the life. That's the thing, you have to hide your true self from your partner sometimes. What are your milk consumption habits? Do you, do you, no, you love almond milk. I see you drink it. Let me tell you what my problem is. I am very lactose intolerant, like capital L lactose intolerant. So drinking whole milk is, or just drinking milk, even if it's fat free, 2% skim doesn't

matter. Drinking a glass of milk is like a death sentence for me. Like I'm going to be, I'm not going to feel good the next day. But if I pop like two lactate, I'm like chilling. I like drink as much milk as I want. But like, dairy love me some cheese love me some what are some other day yogurt just bought some yogurt i eat a lot of yogurt you see me eat a grotesque amount of yogurt but let me tell you let me tell you i don't mind things like things like cashew cheese things like cashew sour cream things like um i don't know what are some other like uh like

coconut yogurt like those things don't bother me like that's fine wait wait wait hold up but why because cashew cheese and almond milk are the same relationship to the original you are completely you are completely right i think there's something about calling it milk that really pees me oh like super pees me oh do you have a lot of um like nostalgia for milk because i think we we grew up in okay let me take you back to 1993 nicole 1993 that's the year you were born right that's when i was born i don't remember anything go to like 96 okay but the the commercial still the commercial still ran for a while it was the original got milk campaign commercial like you and i grew up in school with Got Milk posters everywhere.

They were just given out. You had to take a milk at school lunch. They forced you to take milk, which was an absolute trip. And the original Got Milk commercial, which I totally forgot until I was researching this podcast, and then I found out an incredible fact about it. It was a person calls into a radio station, they're eating a peanut butter sandwich, and they ask him a trivia question.

Who shot Alexander Hamilton to win $10,000? Aaron Burr! Nicole, but thank you for ruining the surprise for everybody. But the guy's mouth is so dry of peanut butter and bread, and he goes, Aaron Burr, Aaron Burr. And Nicole, and Nicole, and can you guess what the commercial says? They say. Got milk.

Got milk. And do you know who directed that? Tell me, tell me. Michael freaking Bay. The explosion guy? The explosion guy. The Transformers guy. Was there an explosion?

Was there an explosion? No. I, what an incredible trivia fact that Michael Bay directed the original Got Milk? Aaron Bird commercial. But the point is, you and I, like, we grew up inundated on the idea that milk is a good thing to drink. And, Nicole, do you know what historical event this all goes back to? What? World War II, baby. I knew it.

I knew it. Tell us about it, Josh. Okay, but, like, I'll keep it quick. I'll keep it quick. I'll keep it quick. And, like, you know, Great Depression happened, right? And like, you know, the 30s started in 1929. And then in the 30s, there was like a huge effort to mechanize farm production to basically

be like, look, America is a nation of farmers. We need to modernize all of our stuff. There was a rural campaign to get electricity on all the farms, and they did that. And then that basically allowed them to have a bunch of uh you know electric teat suckers to be able to mechanize and make the milk production more efficient not only that they were able to have electricity to have cooling tanks on farms so milk production in america explodes in the 1940s and then hilariously i mean also not hilariously world war ii is not the funniest subject, but also so many farms.

But it's like your favorite. Oh, it's so good. Read the book Taste of War by Lizzie Collingham. Really fantastic. And at the time, you know, war across Europe was absolutely destroying all the farms and all that stuff. So American milk production was absolutely massive. They were powdering milk, condensing it, evaporating it,

sending it out to troops, et cetera. But literally since then, we have been on a 70 year milk consumption decline in America. And then also over the last 20 years, since like 2002, we've seen that decline like 30%, which is the sharpest decline. So like our parents were like, you know, probably raised on milk. I mean, your parents, you know, weren't weren't born in America. I don't know what their relationship with just slamming milk is. I drink a lot of Durg.

Oh, my God. I currently have so much Durg in my fridge, and I want to smack David with all the Durg bottles because I hate that stuff in my house. Wait, does David drink Durg? Also, tell the folks what Durg is. Durg is like a fermented yogurt drink. It actually featured on a GMM episode once before, and it is like a fermented yogurt drink actually featured on a gmm episode once

before and uh it's like a fermented yogurt drink it's really good with like a little bit of dried mint maybe even throw some dried dill in there but like it just it just doesn't cut it for me man like i don't know it's just not pleasant for me sometimes like you know if i ever go to iran like i'll drink the do in iran you know what i mean like well i'm not gonna drink is it sweet sweet or savory also it's fizzy too right it's like a fizzy liquidy yogurt drink savory yogurt heck yeah dude and some people are really into it i personally am not but david if you're hearing this no more duke in the house babe please dude come over come over to my place let's bring some dried mint let's have a duke party uh but no i mean like did your did your parents like push milk on you from a young age or something

because that was a big thing for me yeah i mean we always have like we always have milk in the house we always have horizon vitamin d infused whole milk and then for me i always had lactate two percent and never and for my dad my dad always had rice milk because you know he has his like stomach sensitivities and stuff so i grew up with with those three milks in my house constantly and then whenever i started you know making my own money and buying my own things i would like say hey guys here's some almond milk like here's some oat milk and they were like it's okay but like dairy my house loves dairy like we were just dairy people yeah that makes sense it's funny that your dad was drinking rice milk for a long time because like almond milk

didn't start exploding it was always there on the market i remember soy milk was a big thing which again soy milk is actually a very traditional uh product from china that's like well over a thousand years old that is very delicious outside of its milk context. But almond milk had this huge explosion and now there's this huge quote unquote alternative milk explosion with like the flax, the hemp, the oats. Oatly is really a delightful product. I love hemp milk. Out of all of the milk alternatives, hemp milk is my all time favorite.

I thought it was called hemp drink. Okay. Hemp beverage. Is that better? I thought it was called hemp drink Okay hemp beverage Is that better I mean but also beverage doesn't Let me tell you what also the issue is with the word beverage Beverage has a connotation where it's like It's like a light drink you know what I mean Like a beverage

It's a refresher Exactly nothing about milk Is a refresher Milk is heavy milk is like Dusky milk is like milk You know Milk is heavy. Milk is like dusky. Milk is like milk, you know? What is inside you that wants to protect milk? Is it like its application in cooking? Because that's one thing that I will say that I like pretty actively hate about this is that you will, someone will say, hey, this recipe didn't work.

And you're like, did you measure everything correctly? And they're like, yeah. And they're like, well, what happened? They're like, well, I used almond milk instead of whole milk. And it's like, well, that's not even close to the same. Yeah, not even close. So that's been something annoying. You can't really cook with almond milk like you would.

Maybe that's it. Like, you could totally, like, sub out, like, cashew cream and, like, use, like, you know, like, cashew sour cream instead of, like, regular sour cream, I'm sure. But, like, yeah, I think I have this weird protection this weird like uh defense for milk like i want to defend milk and have it only i don't think milk needs it nicole milk does not need your defending do you want to know why milk doesn't need your defending because they have because they got dollars in funding from from people no no not millions not millions. Not millions. Mobbius. Mobbius. 2016, $43 billion in dairy industry subsidies.

Nicole, what do you think our cheese surplus is at now? I don't know, but I want to dive in. 1.4 billion pounds. We have 1.4 billion pounds

of cheese. We have that much extra cheese? Yes. We have, Nicole, we have to fill caves. They fill caves with all of

the extra cheese because america has subsidized and again all this going back to post-depression world war ii uh and then just continuing because of course uh all the subsidies during world war ii for food production and also post-depression uh went to a small handful of farms comparatively so now there's these massive things and they gotta feed them 46 billion dollars you know just to keep them alive and now we got 1.4 billion pounds of cheese and so i'm over here i don't want to protect milk i want to destroy milk i mean i know there's a lot of people whose livelihoods whose livelihoods depend on it and like you know mad respect to dairy farmers but like at this point we are so we're literally sucking on the teat teat we're sucking on the milk teat so much. And we've just seen natural,

you know, consumerism of milk decline that I'm over here being like, Hey, if people want almond milk to drink as a creamy white beverage, then we should give to them. And it should be called milk because milk just means to rub off. What about like other mammal milks i dig on oh yo camel milk yeah camel milk is fire yeah camel milk goat milk freaking what are some other mammals got a little grassy twang what are some i told i'm sure i've i mean i've mentioned the pig milk story right where i tried

to write a story about why we don't eat pig milk and they were like tastes like crap and i was like okay well you know maybe first of all you drink milk you don't eat it whatever dude i eat if you're eating your milk you have to throw it away because it's probably expired when you're that's just ricotta cheese that's that's all i'm doing i'm making ricotta yeah sure okay so you don't believe you have a nostalgic fondness for milk you believe that the term milk should be protected but do you think that like the government at this point should step in and tell blue diamond almonds hey you gotta stop calling it milk um yeah because just calling it all like i bet if i ran to my fridge right now and i pulled

out my oat milk also i don't have any like real milk in my fridge right now which is so weird um if i pulled out my oat milk it would just say creamy oat beverage i think that's what my trader joe's one says it says creamy oat beverage and that's fine really that's that's gucci yeah wait is it actually dang i kind of want you to do it now. Can I run? Because a lot of these products... Yeah, run, Nicole, run. Okay, hold on. I have to... Okay, hold on.

Nicole's running to her fridge, so I'm going to run down a series of lawsuits against the Blue Diamond Almond Company. This is hilarious because I was originally researching. There's one famous lawsuit that basically said that Blue Diamond should have to use the term imitation in front of milk to be called milk. And then the Nin ninth circuit court was

literally like that's stupid uh because people don't expect almond milk to have the same nutritional makeup as milk go ahead nicole look at it it says non-dairy oat beverage and it's no way and it's good oh my god and it's delicious and you know what i just don't listen can you hear it delicious and you know what i just don't listen can you hear it i gotta buy some more yeah i'm telling you this does not turn me off to drinking if it said oat milk it'd be fine but it says oat beverage which is more accurate non-dairy oat beverage thank you that's incredible yeah this makes sense i'm telling you that i'm kind of shook by that because I my thing is I'd be curious to see like sales numbers right if you called something say non-dairy almond beverage versus almond milk I'd be curious to see how those products sold because I imagine the reason they call it almond

milk is like yeah they're trying to be a direct substitute oh Nicole's chugging the oat beverage now oh my god now I want some taking a handle pulls of my oat beverage okay okay but hold up so i was researching the lawsuit against blue diamond that said that they had to use the term imitation in front of milk and then the court struck that down but in the process of that i found like five other lawsuits against blue diamond and so okay as much as like i don't think you know milk needs our protection so much the almond milk industry seems to be a little bit shady. All right. So check this out. So 2018 was the original class action case. Plaintiff Cynthia Painter alleged the company should have to use the term imitation milk because it doesn't contain equal nutritional value to dairy milk, which is interesting,

right? Dairy milk has a lot of fat, a lot of protein and vitamin D it was enriched with. And so this, I don't know, makes a little bit of sense, but it was dismissed because, and I quote, almond milk does not involve literally substituting inferior ingredients for those found in dairy milk. And they are quote, two distinct food products that have different nutritional values. Absolutely. Because you're thinking like, like almonds have protein and fat in them. So you're thinking that, you know, you milk a bunch of almonds, you get a lot of the protein and fat. Sure.

But at the same time, it doesn't equate to the same. Also, perfect example. Like how you said about baking, how you said about like baking and cooking and stuff like that. Like it is not a substitute good. It's not. No, I agree entirely. It's a different beverage, but milk just kind of means creamy white thing. But then this is the lawsuit that kind of messed me up a little bit.

So 2015, there's another class action against Blue Diamond as well as Silk Almond Milk because their milk was only 2% almonds. So like every almond milk recipe out there calls for like probably like a 15 to 20% almonds by weight distribution. You ever look at the ingredient labels of like almond milk? And like the oat milk is probably different because oats are really cheap. Almonds are pretty damn expensive. But I hate almond milk that has a ton of thickener in it. So it'll be like sunflower lecithin or carrageenan, which fun fact carrageenan was used as sexual lubricant in ancient Japan.

But I digress. You told me that a few days ago these things just kind of come up at work anytime carrageenan comes up so like that's a little bit wild that they're literally using two percent almonds and then just thickening it with carrageenan and then uh 2021 the most recent lawsuit blue diamond had to pay out 2.6 million for misrepresenting the vanilla flavoring in their products because they were using artificial. And then there was a 2018 lawsuit. Blue Diamond settles for $9 million for misleading use of the term all natural on packaging. So the more I think about it, I don't know if I want to be protected in the almond milk industry out here either,

because there's a lot of stuff. They're getting canceled left and right. Listen, milk is screwed up. Let's be honest honest here too like i know almonds are screwed up but milk is screwed up too you know with all the veganism and all of the all of the animal abuse and stuff going on in these farms like i understand there's no real victor there's no real winner at the end of the day what we're arguing is if almond milk should be called milk if oat milk should be called milk if soy milk should be called milk i just don milk should be called milk, if soy milk should be called milk. I just don't think so. They're not substitute goods.

They both serve a purpose. Have you ever had a bowl of cereal with an alternative milk? It's disgusting. No, it's not. Wait, I actively prefer. Ew. Ew, what? I prefer.

Okay, do you remember the first time you had almond milk? Sure. Where were you? That's going to be my new pickup line at a bar, even though I'm in a happy relationship. You're like married. I like the idea. I know. I just like the idea of having a pickup line.

Hey, Toots, remember the first time you had almond milk? Well, I was at a party a long time ago, and a guy came up to me and just said, hey, what's your favorite terrorist attack? And I had one. I was like, oh, Shinrikykyo subway sarin gas attack what's yours and he was like whoa didn't expect that so anyways where were you the first time you had almond milk i'm pretty sure i was like 13 oh well oh well it was specifically almond milk or any sort of alternative milk let's say alternative milk well it was i had my dad's rice milk whenever

i ran out of my own milk and i put it in my cereal and I didn't like it. You didn't like it? It was sweetened with vanilla and I didn't really like it. What kid doesn't like that? I didn't like it. I have had discerning taste for many a year. Gosh. My palate has been this expansive for a while. I was the opposite.

I remember experiencing the same thing as you. I was sleeping over at my buddy Chad Rosine's house and his mom, Leanna Rosene, shout out Leanna, lovely woman. She busted out the Blue Diamond Chocolate Almond Milk. And I put that in like a bowl of cornflakes. And my God, I was blown away. I didn't see it. I didn't even see it as this is a milk alternative.

It was like this is an entirely separate beverage and product that's really, really, really delicious. And also another opportunity to get more sugar in your body. So now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I don't think almond milk should be called milk. Go ahead. Sorry. Oh, I was gonna say, I came in here thinking that I was a radical milk exclusionist. No, a radical milk inclusionist. What's the name of my political party? I don't know it's yours no one else has it but now i'm like maybe we need to abandon the term milk altogether maybe there's room for almond beverage like you busted out that non-dairy oat beverage maybe we should try and just completely dissociate from the term milk yeah as a consumer if it said milk it wouldn't bother me but it says beverage and it defines it perfectly that's what i'm trying to consumer, if it said milk, it wouldn't bother me. But it says beverage and it defines it

perfectly. That's what I'm trying to say. Like if it says milk, fine, like whatever. Like I just don't prefer it. But it's fine. It's a beverage. It's a non-dairy blank beverage. And I think that's the perfect descriptor for almond, oat, rice, hemp, soy, coconut, whatever milk. I think it makes sense. So you're like not even saying that necessarily from a protection of the brand of capital M milk, but almost like let's honor these nut beverages, these nut juices, these nutterades for what they are. Nutterade?

That's weird. By Josh's nutterade. It's got electrolytes, Nicole. Don't laugh. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. We're going to sell Nutterade on the Mythical Store. Yeah, you got a bag of illegal chips and Nutterade.

Yeah, a bag of blowfish chips and Nutterade. Real original, Josh. No, I think, I mean, i think i mean i think protecting i think i was just saying i was protecting milk just to say i was protecting milk because you put it into my brain and you're really good at doing that to me but like no i'm not here to protect milk i just think they're again they are not substitute goods and people like to have you ever had a coffee with almond milk ew yeah it separates it gets nasty it separates it like separates it comes grainy oat milk does the same thing depending

on like how hot your coffee is or whatever uh so yeah i mean that's another thing where i used to put almond milk in my coffee and it just kind of sucked and then when i moved in with jules and we had we were stocking regular dairy milk in the house, what a game changer. I thought I didn't like milk in my coffee. I love milk in my coffee, Nicole. Two Splenda, one milk. What a delight. Yeah.

What a delight. Maybe I love milk. I can't do it that much. I mean, I can't do it that much. I mean, I can't drink milk that often. I can't. I would love to, but my body just doesn't allow it. But yeah, milk is dank.

And you know what? yeah, milk is dank. And you know what? Almond milk is dank whenever it's used in an appropriate way. Soy milk is delicious when it's done appropriately. Coconut milk, sign me up. I love coconut milk. Man, you ever had the Chinese donuts dipped in like fresh soy milk? Oh, yeah.

I forgot what it's called. But yes, I have. Is it yu tiao? Yu tiao. Yeah, it's yu tiao. I've had it before. Yeah, that stuff's absolutely delicious. Very, very good. Maybe we should just start disassociating from the term milk altogether. We can appreciate milk. I certainly appreciate milk. I've grown in my

appreciation of milk ever since moving in with a literal dairy queen. But also, yeah, maybe we just, maybe they're nut beverages. Maybe they're nutterades. They're non-dairy. What's your favorite nut milk, by the way? Have you ever had any nut milk that like really stuck in your head well i used to work i used to work at like a cafe chocolate store hybrid and i used to make my own really bomb almond milk oh the homemade stuff yeah i'm good at making like homemade nut milks like i'm very we used to do a combo i used to do a combination of almond, cashew and hazelnut. And it was really good. Yeah. I would make a hot chocolate with it, a chocolat chaud or whatever.

Chocolat chaud. Chocolat chaud. Tu parles français comme une vache espagnole. Can I tell you? No, you are a, you are a Mexican cow, Josh. Spanish cow. A Spanish cow, Nicole. Whatever.

But for like baking, flax milk is incredible for baking. Yeah. Like if you want to make like a bread pudding, do it with flax milk. It's really good. My favorite nutterade is macadamia. I like the macadamia nutterade. It tastes good. I'm not rich enough to have macadamia nutterade.

Oh, wait. Can we speak about the last thing that i truly bought into the office uh on our quote-unquote research budget do you remember what it was where i i dropped on the table and i was like guys we all got to try this because it exists no it's been a while tell me it was almond nog it was blue diamond non-berry almond based eggnog and it was the most disgusting thing i've ever drank it is pure carrage, and it is pure ancient Japanese sex lube, just thickening up that nog, and God made Lord have mercy on the people who created that.

We should sue them. We should sue them for that. Screw this podcast, Nicole. I'm not interested in suing anybody right now. Why? That's the cottage industry. That's how people make money. You just sue Subway because you don't think

their meatballs are made of meat. You sue Almond Nog because nog shouldn't be made from almonds. I believe that's called an ambulance chaser, right? Someone who just looks for lawsuits? Yeah. Call the law offices of a nightie and share if you have any wild food claims you want to bring against, I don't know,

Arby's. Let's take them down. Yeah, we're going to get our bar exams in like, what, like 12 months? How curly are their curly fries? Really? I got a straight fry. All right, Nicole, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call Opinions Are Like Casserole.

All right, first up, we got at Ty LaVonza. There is no need to wash slash clean your chicken before cooking it. You're literally cooking it. Yeah, it's like technically true um and also technically speaking washing your chicken uh is like dangerous i guess you're splashing salmonella around your kitchen but like also if you have a deep set sink then like what are you splashing salmonella around your sink that's where salmonella should be you clean it with soap i don't uh take anything too seriously when people are like washing your chicken is going to give your family diseases i don't know do what you want there's a

lot of like um different cultural traditions in terms of like soaking your chicken in vinegar water which actually makes it taste pretty good and a lot of this comes from you know um i don't know pre-refrigeration cooking techniques, which I think are really important to be passed down. Some people wash chicken in lemon juice and then rinse that off, which just makes it taste real, real good. Yeah, also the acid tenderizes it. This is like whatever you do in your own home.

I'm not going to come police you, but like you don't need to for safety reasons for sure. Yeah, you don't need to for safety reasons. I do believe that like how you said like adding like a vinegar soak or doing like a rub down with a lime or a lemon or like even like my mom likes to cook like uh my mom likes to wash her salmon with a little bit of lemon juice and salt water like it's a cultural thing if you want to wash your chicken wash it if you don't want to wash your chicken don't't. Yeah, I'm over policing any food safety in anybody's, you know, kitchens.

Like, it's something that's affecting you and the people you're cooking for, which hopefully if you're running like a restaurant, that's something. But it's affecting you and the people you're cooking for. It's like, I don't know, put your energy into the people driving Teslas who are speeding on the freeway. They could hurt somebody else, you know? Screw them. Sure. Nicole, how did, I used to play the game if somebody, there was a real A-hole driver,

and I saw them being an A-hole, I'd be like, ooh, it's probably a BMW. Now, Tesla. Tesla has taken over BMW as the biggest A-holes on the road, and I'm fascinated by it. I think the new Broncos are all A-holes. Oh, that too. Because I want them. I want one, and I want to be that A-hole. It's like watching the old H2s.

Oh my god yeah who even what even was that car jojo underscore girl 1991 says peanut butter pickles sweet onions and honey make the best snack sandwich hmm hmm depends on the pickle i would would, hmm, the honey, I don't need. The peanut butter pickle onion, go for it. The honey, it's too much. Well, that's what I'm saying. It depends on the pickle, Nicole. But imagine the honey with a sweet bread and butter pickle.

Now that changes the profile of the sandwich. Hear me out. Instead of adding honey, why don't they put the sandwich on a honey wheat bread? Oh, but I like the wet cha-ching honey's not wet honey is sticky sticky and wet are two different sensations no but honey honey can i think it can make things wet like you ever put honey on a on a banana and peanut butter sandwich in the honey i think the sugar okay so you know you macerate fruit? Sure. Right?

So I think the honey literally acts as a maceration agent and it draws out the moisture of certain things so it can get wet. So you put honey on the onions. Are you going to refrigerate your sandwich for like 24 hours or are you just going to eat it? It don't take 24 hours. 10 minutes. 10 minutes top, you're going to dry out

some of the onion juice. There is no way honey leaches out moisture the way that sugar, listen, sugar has those rough crystals. It has an abrasive quality to it, which adds to the maceration. You're just lying. You're lying right now. I don't like it. I'm not lying. I'm saying Jojo Girl 1991 did not give us enough information to be able to accurately judge her sandwich.

I need to know a couple things. I need to know how wet are your onions I need to know what kinds of pickles They're Vidalia onions They're sweet Vidalia onions Are you soaking them in ice water? Because you should be Of course she's not

Who does I don't know I soak Oh I soak all my onions in ice water Yeah you do Wow fancy God dang right I do Alright next

Alright well That settles that At Kennedy McDuff. Whoa, hold on. Wedge salads are annoying. Please cut up my lettuce for me. Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you're a child and you need all your food cut up for me. I'm sorry that you can't handle a big old brick iceberg lettuce that is too tough. And if you have a disability or something like arthritis, then I'm very sorry. And I feel like a huge a-hole for saying that um i kind of like wedge salads but like you know i don't like the idea of picking it i like the idea wait hold on i like wedge salads a lot but i have the strongest urge to just pick up the wedge and eat it like i don't want to use a fork and knife you don't want to yeah i do i'm a lady nicole i ate three fried eggs with my hands this morning right before this podcast i ate the yolks

runny yeah i i put the yolk cups in my mouth and i bit a hole in it like a soup dumpling and i just ate the eggs you sick man what are you talking about you're talking to the wrong guy if you think you can't eat a wedge salad with your hands. All I want to do is I just want to pick up the wedge and I just want to go like I just want to do that but like I can't because of social disparity.

That is my male privilege that I'm allowed to eat wedge salads with my hands, Nicole. Like sometimes I eat sushi with my hands at restaurants and people look at me this sideways I'm like look away ugly like let me eat my sushi I like maybe my hands I like do you like you eat sushi with your hands right yeah all the time I love going to the Kura revolving sushi bar the

one I gave you a coupon for yeah okay okay yeah we need to explain this Nicole is like this is a while ago Nicole is like hey David and I are going to Kura Revolving Sushi, where you sit down and there's a conveyor belt that brings around sushi and you grab it off and it's a very fun time. She goes, we have a coupon and I was busy that night. And she goes, well, I'll send you the coupon. The coupon was for like $5 off on like a $100 bill.

No, it wasn't. Like, what are you, you're using a five percent off coupon is like an excuse to go like i don't know that five dollars is a coffee the next morning that's fair gosh darn it you guys you you need to learn budgeting man yeah going sushi isn't part of the but i don't know anyways i love eating sushi with my hands. Adam is awkward 69. You should never mix breakfast cereals unless they both have similar texture and flavor. Yeah, I never mix my cereals. Never. Like think about Kashi Goline and like Honey Chex.

Well, that's why you said similar textures and flavors because that's i fully agree like if you if you were to mix uh grape nuts with fruity pebbles that would suck because one of them is going to get soggy after two minutes and the other is going to be indestructible for forever but say you take say you take like an apple jack and a cinnamon toast crunch you put those in the same bowl and those are sogging at the same rate they have complementary complementary flavors, cinnamon and apple. No, no. That's a nice time for me. No. I consider myself like a sommelier, a cereal-mollier. What about kicks and tricks?

Yeah, kicks and tricks. Kicks and tricks? Kicks and tricks would work, but you're just diluting the fruit flavor. All you're saying is I wish I had less fruity tricks. I love kicks. I like, you know what my issue is? I just like, you know, cereal is like a grain. Like, I just like single grain cereals.

You know, like people are like, oh, I like single origin. Can harvested. Yeah, like I like single origin, like vanilla pods or something. And I'm like, you're like, give me some single origin cereals. I want some puffed millet in a bowl with almond beverage. Yeah, I swear on my life like i'm one of those people like i'm not a sugary cereal person i'm just not but damn i love me some grape nuts i love me some rice chags i love me some kicks do you know what a grape nut is i we talk

about it all the time i don't know what a grape nut is i have it in my pantry you want me to go see yeah nicole i'll do the next one. Go run and grab grape nuts and read me the ingredients. Okay, hold on. Really? You want me to run? Yeah, Nicole, actually run. Wait.

I'll take the next one. Okay, here we go. Essentially dot shell. Gum is just a fidget spinner for your mouth. I agree. Also, I hate gum because I have a lot of expensive dental work. Not like cosmetic expensive dental work. Like I'm not getting a diamond encrusted grill. But I'm saying I have a lot of expensive dental work, not like cosmetic expensive dental work. Like I'm not getting a diamond encrusted grill, but I'm saying I got a lot of root canals and crowns that I don't want to be pulled out with gum.

Also, I don't consider gum a form of food because you're not supposed to swallow it. And it is not. OK, Nicole's back. I can stop. I agree. I agree. I heard everything you said and high key gum sucks, but I love gum. Also, I'm one of those people who choose gum and like like, I'm very like, I'm like an open mouth anxiety gum chewer. And everyone looks at me and they're like, you need to stop chewing gum like that. Okay, grape nuts. What's a grape nut? I actually ran.

Whole grain wheat flour, malted barley flour, salt, dried yeast. But what do you mean dried yeast? What are they? They're not leavening the grape nut. What do they do? I think that's just the, oh, Josh,

I have oat milk and grape nuts right next to me. Oh, you got a party in your mouth, Nicole. Oat milk and grape nuts. Should I pour myself a mouthful of cereal? I don't care. There had to be a more palatable way to combine those ingredients than what grape nuts did. It's like they mash it into a brick

and then throw it against a wall and that shatters into the grape nuts. Is that what they do? I don't know, but I'm about to find out. Nicole is pouring herself a mouthful of cereal, ladies and gentlemen. It definitely does. It definitely smells like,'t know, but I'm about to find out. Nicole is pouring herself a mouthful of cereal. It definitely does. It definitely smells like, you know, smells yeasty. It really does.

Why the yeast? I don't know. This is probably like a, grape nuts were definitely like a cure for sexual urges because that's what all cereals were based on my research. Yeah, Nicole has made a mouthful of cereal that is where she pulled the cereal on her tongue and then poured oat beverage on top of it that's good and she's got a little bit of a of an oat beverage mustache right now god is it gone yeah you're good you're good you're good okay jerelee says crushed up instant ramen noodles in a salad is much better than croutons or wonton strips. Didn't you do this one time, bro?

Yeah, dude, ramen salad's a big Midwest thing, but I got called out. I got called the F out, Nicole, because I didn't fry my dried ramen noodles first. Oh. Apparently, that's the thing you're supposed to do, but no, it's nice. They kind of soak up the liquid because instant ramen is already boiled and then dehydrated it kind of weakens up those structures so it's not like you're just eating raw pasta there uh and it's nice it soaks up the dressing nice becomes nice and crunchy although croutons to me are just like pretty undefeated i like croutons you know what i really like in my salads have you ever seen those parmesan crisps not the ones that are just

parmesan not the ones that are just parmesan but the actual like long piece of like thinned out dehydrated bread that has the parmesan cheese on it oh okay yeah yeah the fancy ones you know the ones i'm talking those are like rich people food well i i make those but at home what i do those at home nicole i i take my leftover bread i did this recently i took all my leftover bread and i sliced it very very thin and I put pecorino on it and then some herbs and stuff and then I toasted that at like 275 for like two hours you don't need to go hot you got to go low and slow so all the moisture leaves the system then it gets just super crusty and crunchy you know break it up into almost like breadcrumbs that's what a delight what a delight that sounds delicious all right um here. At Craymon00, crinkle cut fries are the worst form of potato.

I don't enjoy them, but the worst form of potato is and always will be mashed. Mashed potatoes, especially chunky ones. Nicole, don't test me. Do not test me. Shut up. What are you saying? It's baby food. It's baby food.

And I know something about baby food. What do you know? Just because you beat a world record, you think you know so much about baby food? No! You know what you're talking about, old man. I don't like tater tots. Fight me. That's wild.

That's wild to not like tater tot. No, it's not. It's not that wild. What's bad about tater tots? It's perfect. It's dry. Tater tots are dry. They're unenjoyable.

Bad tater tots. Bad tater. You're talking aboutjoyable Bad tater tots Bad tater You're talking about like School lunch tater tots Oh you mean to tell me Every single tater tot I've ever had in my life Is bad

No I'm not saying Every single tater tot But I'm saying That like a well made Tater tot We should be judging What is a well made

Tater tot Even the best I have homemade Tater tots I have homemade Tater tots They're nice Yeah because you're

Bored with your life I don't have that Kind of time and energy Bro what the frick Yeah that's true Nicole has friends. She'll be like, I went out this weekend and did a fun thing

and I'm like, I made a stew from the 9th century that I found in an evil cookbook. And she's like, cool. See ya. Hey, you know what you could do, Josh? You could always invite people to come taste your 9th century stew

and that's how you make friends. Yeah, well, no. I already got a friend. His name's Deep. He ate the stew. Okay, but different ones? I don't think so because I like Deep because Deep came over and we watched college

football and drank a bunch of beers and ate a stew. I'm happy with my life. Stop trying to change me. I'm trying to make you more social. And I'm good. And on that note, thank you for listening to Hot Dogs as a Sandwich.

If you want to hear more from us here in the Mythical Kitchen, we got new episodes for you every Wednesday. If you want to be featured on Opinions Are Like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or Enhedi Zadeh with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. And if you want to follow my best friend Deep, that's at D-I-P-S-E-T 21. His profile picture is of an Indian- American basketball player named Sim Bular. And for more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube where we launch new videos every week. And of course, if you want to share pictures of your tissues, hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen or what was Deep's Instagram? Oh, that's at Dipset21. It was a high school basketball nickname.

All right. We'll see you next time.