A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - What's The Best Cereal? ft. Justine Sterling

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Today, we're joined by the editor and chief of Sporked, Justine Sterling, to discuss: What's The Best Cereal? Sporked is Mythical's new website dedicated to helping you find the best food on the shelves! They're taste testing everything from oat milks to spicy chips and sharing their results with you! Check out Sporked: http://www.sporked.com https://www.instagram.com/sporked http://www.youtube.com/sporked To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Since its invention in 1863, cereal selections are endless. And today we're talking... Grape nuts, grape nuts, grape nuts! God, Nicole, save it for the show. This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what?

That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inaidi. And today we're joined by the editor-in-chief of Spork, Justine Sterling.

Spork does Mythical's new website that's dedicated to helping you find the best foods on grocery store shelves, or virtual internet store shelves, I guess. They're taste-testing everything from frozen lasagnas to oat milks to spicy chips and sharing their expert top picks with the masses. That's you! Welcome, Justine. Welcome, I guess. They're taste testing everything from frozen lasagnas to oat milks to spicy chips and sharing their expert top picks with the masses. That's you! Welcome, Justine. Welcome, Justine. Do you use the term the masses to describe the readers that follow you all?

I didn't say that. You said that. Yeah, I don't know. I just felt right. Yeah, you wrote it. I like to imagine them all just huddled up in one group just chanting. The masses? Yeah, just like lasagna, lasagna as you tell them that, what's the frozen lasagna brand that I love? The vegetable one.

Stouffer's? Stouffer's vegetable lasagna. The one you insist on letting sit for two hours before you eat it? Yeah, we had a long discussion about this. You gotta let it rest for up to two hours. Yeah, you want it covered? Room temperature.

No, you wanna let it evaporate from the top, because otherwise the matzah's real wet. Interesting. It's the wettest in the game. We're not here to talk about lasagna, though. Justine, we are talking about the best cereals in the game right now. I assume you have a lot of cereal opinions. I have many cereal opinions.

The first of which, though, is that cereals should not have flavor. Thank you so much. Because it raises the humors and then it leads to intemperance and then God will punish us. You have the same values as every cereal inventor of all time because that's what they all were. It's true. I mean, you know, history has always right, obviously. Yes, everybody from the 1800s have the best opinions. Right.

Yeah, exactly. My humors are perfectly balanced because I refuse to have sugar in my cereal. Literally five minutes ago, you're talking about just drinking cups of buttermilk. And so I deeply respect your food opinion. Yeah, no, I'm Amish. Sorry, Amish. We have a big Amish listenership. Zippers rule!

Check that. All right, so what do you have as your number one cereal of all time? Like we're talking desert island cereal here. Okay, I do. It's really hard because I do have to agree with Nicole on Grape Nuts. I think they're so unique. Thank you. There is such, it's so rare that you get to eat stones.

Just tiny, tiny rocks. So true. And I like that. And I like that it's a once in a lifetime consistency. I know what you mean. That I never get to have. It's almost like they had to try to make it that teeth shatteringly hard. You know what I mean? And they did.

I guess. They did well. And if you look at it and you think like this must have been chiseled from a cave or off a stone or scraped or somehow. And then you look at the ingredients and it's just like wheat and flour. It's like what you think Wits Hero would be made of. But it's like a couscous kind of a thing. I think of, yeah, I think of like grandmothers like rubbing their hands together and little grape nuts falling out of it. It's good.

So, I mean, that one is definitely very much at the top of my list. I think it actually was an accident, the invention of grape nuts. Really? Yeah, so it was C.W. Post, which is like of Post Cereal. He was a patient of John Kellogg at his weird health spa where he invented cornflakes to, again,

I had to ask earlier if I could talk about masturbation because that comes up all the time in this. Literally all these people were trying to cure alcoholism and masturbation. Those were the two biggest plagues of like the early, early 20th century. And so C.W. Post goes to Kellogg's health spa to try and cure whatever urges he had. And then he just became an acolyte and believed that like you shouldn't drink coffee. And so he invented a wheat based beverage brand called Postum. And then grape nuts were supposed to be his like follow up to this Postum beverage.

So he was literally trying to create a grain that you could brew a drink from. And so I'm guessing he tried to make them Like a tea? Like a coffee.

And so I'm guessing he tried to make them as sturdy as possible so they would never dissolve in liquid and they would just you know brew. It does make sense.

I mean there is something about like Grape Nuts that is reminiscent of the slop you get when you home brew sure which smells amazing and does feel like you should just be able to eat it and like you can't make nice bread out of it and everything but like yeah so that makes sense and and actually i do have a still at home so i can try and brew some you have a still at home wait what are you

distilling what are you i haven't actually used it yet it just sits there kind of looking at me being like come on try and blow up the neighborhood I live in. I feel like most people, their crafts will be like, I'm going to make a wreath. You're making your own hooch. Yeah. Well, one has to be prepared for the apocalypse with boxes of grape nuts and the ability to create booze. Yeah. I respect that.

Yeah, me too. I could distill some grape nuts. Why not? Yeah. Wait. Soak it in some milk. Distill it. It's a thing. Wait, that would actually work could distill some grape nut spirit. Why not? Yeah. Wait. Soak it in some milk. Distill it. It's a thing.

Wait, that would actually work, right? It might be good, right? I don't know. Again, I haven't tried it again. I mean, I feel like all you need is just the sugar. Milk alcohol. We talk about milk alcohol all the time here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I love just mixing straight whole milk with vodka and just drinking it straight. Sure. I like to eat it with like working man's Russian. Yes, like Yakult and soju. Probiotics. Love it to eat it with like. Working man's Russian. Yes. Like Yakult and soju. It's very famous. Probiotics. Love it. Love it.

My thing about probiotics and liquor is if you, I went to a, what I thought was a craft beer brewery and it turns out it was a craft kombucha brewery. And I was, you know, out to try and get a little bit litty titty. And I was like, the probiotics are going to get me before the alcohol does. Like how much is that just going to make you evacuate yourself? I don't know. You know what I mean? How'd you feel afterwards?

Healthy, I guess. Active. Very active. So your official answer is Grape Nuts. I guess it is. I can't think of anything else that actually rivals it. Okay. I have one that is going to go mildly against my,

I don't think it should have flavor but I think it's the least flavorful of the kids cereals which is Kix yes Kix is just I love Kix love Kix it's just corn sugar corn cereal what's the psychology behind it

did you eat it growing up yeah I did definitely ate it growing up but like oh it's that perfect bit of yeah that little bit of like sweet corn again you do not get the opportunity to eat like tiny balls of uh styrofoam very often and i like that opportunity um i think it just yeah it's that perfect blend of just like bland with just that little hint of flavor. Like you can't stop eating it. Yeah. It's that kind of bland that like certain foods have where you're like, did I taste that?

Let me taste it again. Like that's how Kix is. I could definitely eat a whole box of Kix. Yeah. Just like – I mean I think in college I did. You still have like a jug of milk and like a box of cereal and then just kind of you just go at it. Oh, yeah. Like filling milk.

Because I also like a milk very, very cold. So I would – I like – if I'm going to do that, I want a small amount of cereal and then I'll just continue to add milk or I do add ice cubes to a cereal. Do you eat your cereal fast or do you eat your cereal slow? No, I eat it slow. That's the problem and I do not like a soggy cereal. I hate soggy cereal. So I just go – I have to eat it within like 60 seconds or else it's all done for.

You like to let it sit there. You don't have to worry about it. No, they get soggy. It turns into like a paste. Yeah, no. If you let it sit. I like this idea of the grape nut paste. Because here's the thing, Justine, I'm an active member of the soft teeth community.

I have soft teeth and if I eat hard things, I'm afraid of them breaking. I've had a lot of dental work done and I was once like eating like a gummy worm on a plane. It just like yanked out a filling, you know, like I just. That just sounds like bad dental work to me. I think so. Shoddy. That's not your fault. I went to a lot of real bootleg dentists growing up.

Sure. You know, some. I remember one just microwaved a Hot Pocket. Like the microwave was like three feet from the dental chair and it was just like in a home. I don't know. You went to a home dentist? Yes. A homeopathic dentist.

No, I don't think it was. She was doing real. Are there homeopathic dentists? She was doing real dental work. But in a house. But in a home. It wasn't like a naturopathic. Was it sterile?

Was it licensed? No. Reckon not. I reckon not. Was it just like a friend of a family? I think so. She did not speak English. I actually do appreciate that of a dentist.

Yeah, it's kind of nice. But she was just, yeah, microwaving a Hot Pocket like three feet from me. So, anyway, the point is grape nuts, I'm always worried about just like chip and a crown. But let it dissolve into a paste because like Nicole said, I pour a bowl of cereal. You know that I think time is the most important part of cooking. It's why I let the lasagna set. I let my cereal rest for about three to four minutes. I'll go put all the stuff back in the fridge.

I go set the dishes in the dishwasher. I might go pee or something. Wash my hands, of course. Hygiene's important. And then I come back and then the Cap'n Crunch or whatever is at its perfect consistency. Just slop. Just like a cold porridge. Well, here's the thing. It's not always

cold because sometimes I do microwave my cereal. Hold on. Well, it's nice. It's like a cold porridge. Retro slop. Uh-huh. Well, here's the thing. It's not always cold because sometimes I do microwave my cereal. Why? Hold on. Well, it's nice. It's like a hot porridge. The oatmeal industry. Just eat oatmeal then. Well, the oatmeal industry.

You can't just eat oatmeal, Justine. That's the whole point. It's very underrepresented in terms of flavor. Okay. I will say, having just, we just did a flavored oatmeal. We've done both a plain oatmeal taste at Sp Sporked and it was quite a day. What a time. And then we also did a flavored oatmeal taste test.

There are cereal companies now make oatmeal and they come with little flavor packets of like toppings you can put on them, which is essentially just versions of their cereal to put on top. The craziest one, which was Lucky Charms, which just came with a packet of their marshmallows. They didn't even try. They're just like oatmeal and marshmallows. And those just melt right into the hot liquid. Oh, yeah.

It was a real slurry. They also have a hot cocoa, which turns into a lovely kind of muted brown rainbow on top. I'm down. I'm down with that. Something about marshmallow oatmeal colors just doesn't make sense to me. Marshmallow oatmeal. Did you guys ever eat the oatmeal

that had the dinosaur eggs in there? No. Me either. My mom never bought them for me. Wait, what? No, it was called dinosaur egg oatmeal and you would put, you would, you know,

open the packet, you put hot water in and then the eggs would hatch into little dinosaurs. This is a fever dream that you had. No, it's real. Look at the screen, guys. It's real.

I promise you. This isn't even co-branded with, like, a movie. I want to see one. Okay, but I want to see one hatched. Right now, this just looks like marshmallow eggs. Can we pull up the oatmeal unboxing videos? I'm imagining, like, actual dinosaurs emerging from this. Segway into my favorite cereal.

So my mom never let me have fun cereals unless it was like a really random occasion. She'd be like, here. She'd throw me a bone like, here's your sugary cereal, young child. So I grew up eating geriatric cereal my whole life. I, you know, what was it? Special K. Sure. Kashi Golins.

Oh, that's good. All that stuff. But Grape Nuts is my end-all, be-all cereal. But a second favorite that I have is Oreo O's. Oh, no, no, no. No, Justina, it's so good. You have to hear me out. Can I tell you why?

Because it's like a dark cocoa cereal. It's not too sweet. It has little punches of sweetness, but the actual cereal, when you get down to it, it's like a dark chocolate cereal when was the last time you had it? like 8 years ago we had it in the studio recently

did we? oh maybe then it was like a month ago I don't know we just did also a chocolatey taste test a chocolatey cereal taste test and if you like that may I suggest a Cocoa Puff no no no yes that's that

dark cocoa and then let me tell you what it is the texture doesn't it doesn't work for me I guess I like that

weird crunchy I like to know I'm eating cereal I love the puffs sometimes but for me I need that crackety

crunchity crunch to know I'm eating a grain if that makes any sense I don't know my brain's just I feel like the point of cereal is to divorce ourselves from grain. Really?

No, they put it so hardcore on the cover. They put it hardcore on the cover because people think they should be eating grains, but then once they hook people in with the idea of healthiness, then they're like, let's get as far away from anything natural as possible. And that's why cereal started as the ultimate health food, right? They're all trying to cure. The grape nuts were literally marketed explicitly as a cure for alcoholism.

Hell yeah. They just said that in the 30s. It's going great for me. Yeah, we're 0 for 2 on developing alcoholism from grape nuts. But then in the 50s, it switched to just being like absolute sugary nightmares.

Like Cap'n Crunch came out in 63. Wow. I don't think it's my favorite, but it's up there. I was researching like what is the flavor of Captain Crunch? Do you all have any like – Peanut butter? Honeycomb? No, neither.

Honeycomb's a little closer. Malted wheat. Malted wheat. There's like wheat in it. Malted barley. There's no malt. I always thought it tasted malty too though. But I think it's just salt.

So it's supposed to be salted butter and brown sugar. Oh. Is at least the inspiration from. That sounds lovely. Right? Which is why I love

Captain Crunch but they literally this is coming off of the era of health food cereals going through the 40s and 50s and then they were just like we're going to spray each little nugget

with oil so we can stick our sugar to it better. That's why Captain Crunch gives you a weird film on the roof of your mouth. It hurts. It's just oil. It's hydrogenated oils. And so I think ever since then, it's just been like, how do we hook people in with saying like,

honey, not Cheerios, cure heart disease. It's like piss off, sanctimonious bee. And then it's like, all right, now let's hit them with just a nuclear flavor bomb of Oreos, you know, crushed into a loop. And I love that. Oreo O's will always connect to me with, with Gene Simmons.

I love Gene Simmons. He, well, you've got this in common if you ever hang out. What's his name again? Haim? Is that his real name? Is it?

Haim Witts. Haim Witts. Haim Witts. Yeah. Witts. Chaim Witts. Chaim Witts. Good for him. He tweeted out a picture of like, it was back in the, one of the many times where the ice cube in the cereal has like come up and been a whole debate on Twitter or whatever. He started one of them by posting his picture of a bowl of cereal.

But the ice cube was not the part that got me. It was the fact that he mixed Oreo O's and shredded mini wheats. Ew. To get into a bowl of cereal, but the ice cube was not the part that got me. It was the fact that he mixed Oreo O's and shredded mini-wheats. Ew! To get into a bowl. And I was like, that is a bold mix combo. Do you guys mix cereals? Yes. Yes, of course.

Oh my god. Oh my god. We're like cereal sommeliers. What? Yeah. What do you guys mix? This is so weird. Corn pops and apple jacks.

What do you mix? This morning I mixed straight up Tr trader joe's shredded wheat with a little sprinkling of honey bunches of oats you guys oh my god honey bunches wait what's the psychology behind that you don't know that little bit of like a little little something fun like a little textural yeah because the the shredded weeds do get soggy pretty fast the honey bunches of oats like uh stay crunchy a little bit. You want that varied textural experience. I don't have much going on in my life right now. I do a thing that we've talked about my maybe disordered eating on here before,

but what I do, Nicole, is I take Diet Coke at like a soda fountain and I'll fill it 90% of the way up with Diet Coke and then give it a splash of root beer. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Oh, I thought this had to do with cereal. I also do a little bit of like full fat Coke on there too. Full fat Coke? Take that little edge off, the little chemical edge.

I thought you were going to say you put it in your cereal for a second. I was. I was like, oh, no. I've done non-milk. Yeah, protein shake cereal, that's just a good time. Yeah, you. But that's dairy, at least. I get that.

I understand. I've done Red Bull cereal. It's bad. That was a failed experiment. I didn't think it would be good. I've done the beer cereal as a joke in college. Sure. You know,

that was a big thing. I knew somebody who did water. Just, which. Just felt like, just drink it, just eat it dry at that point. That's austerity measures

coming in there. Honey Bunches of Oats are my single favorite cereal of all time. Number three, yeah. It's my desert island. It's number three for you? Do you want the almonds in there, or do you want the strawberries, or what's up?

No, I've talked to you about my accident that I had with freeze-dried strawberry cereal. I don't remember. You don't remember that? Okay, so when I was like 17, school started. You had to get a parking spot at my high school by like 6.30 a.m., and I lived like 30 miles away and so i'd have to like leave like 5 45 oh man right and so life was real busy i would eat my cereal while pooing in the morning oh yeah yeah and it was a bowl of special k red berries and um and justine i dropped that bowl of cereal into my lap and and the bowl just went everywhere i'm so sorry and so and so the image of freeze-dried

strawberries and cereal just sitting in my naked lap oh um ice cold milk oh it was a cold winter morning in fountain valley california nicole um that will always taint me so honey bunches of oats with almonds i think a honey roasted is perfectly fine um but to me it like has it's that blending of two worlds it's like it has the sweetness. It's certainly sugary of a child cereal. But then there's just enough real food in there with the almonds and the granola to make you think like I'm being an adult. For me, that's like it's the Bildungsroman of cereal. It's like it's a coming of age cereal for me.

That's wonderful. Yeah. I'm glad you found yourself through cereal. Thank you. And also, I didn't realize this. It is literally it's a combination of four different cereals that Post already made. That's wonderful. I'm glad you found yourself through cereal. And also, I didn't realize this, it is literally a combination of four different cereals that Post already made. Oh, wow. I didn't realize that. It's the original

CW Post granola, which dates back like a hundred years. It's Toasties, which was their answer to like brand flakes I think, their answer to Wheaties. And then it's like Sparkle Flakes, which is just frosted flakes, and then another type of flake. So it's literally just four toast cereals blended into one that came out in the 80s.

And I think that given the Taco Bell ethos of we have 10 ingredients. Let's just mix them all up. Put them in the washing machine. More cereal companies should do this. I agree with that. Because again, yeah, mixing cereals, it's the way to go. Like who wants just a bowl of one thing? I don't want a hand-mixed cereal.

You want a hand? I want someone else to do it for me. I don't want to do it myself. You get a perfume mixed, you want to do that? Yeah, exactly. I don't want to mix my own cereals. I feel that. Well, I love cereal bars.

I think should be way more common than they are. Yeah, there was, I mean, Kellogg's, I think, was it Kellogg's, did have a restaurant, if you want to call it that, like in Union Square in New York, may still be there for a long time. Like it was one of those things that opened up that you're like, what a cute publicity stunt. And then year after year, it was like, so this is just happening? This is just real? We just pay for this?

I guess. Yeah. And I've never been inside. And I just assume it is exactly that. It's a Cold Stone Creamery, but for cereal, which. How fun. I, I guess? Yeah. And I've never been inside, and I just assume it is exactly that. It's a Cold Stone Creamery, but for cereal, which. How fun. I mean, great. Yeah.

Well, what I used to do was there was a Yogurtland next to a Starbucks by my high school. And so I would go and I would build a bowl of cereal with fruit and little cheesecake bites. And it would cost like 80 cents because you pay by weight, so it's so light with the cereal. And then I just go to the Starbucks, and I get the free milk. So they just have sitting there. And then pour that on, and then for 80 cents, you got just a big old bucket of happiness. That's smart. I wouldn't do that now.

Yeah, I don't know the ethics on stealing the Starbucks milk, but like... No, you're not stealing it. It's there to be taken for free. Borrowing. Whatever. I don't think... What's the Starbucks guy's name? It's there to be taken for free. Borrowing. I don't think. What's the Starbucks guy's name?

What's his name? No. Howard Schultz. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not taking money from his pocket. He's fine. He's fine. Like Queequeg?

Wrong Starbucks. Number two cereal, though. This is a big nostalgia thing for me. I'm going Frankenberry. I've never had it. Never seen it. Wait, you've never seen Frankenberry? You guys know what Frankenberry is? Yeah, I know that there's like a little like a monster on the front.

No, no, no. Frankenberry is the name of the doctor, Nicole. This is Frankenberry's monster. Frankenberry's monster cereal. Good one, Josh. Literary joke. Got her. No, it came out in 72 alongside Count Chocula and Boo Berry.

Sure. And so this to me is like one of the first. One, the seasonal release around Halloween. That's fun. Scarcity makes a heart grow fonder. It's McRib theory all over again. Okay. And so the fact that I can't have it, Nicole, makes me want it.

Two, this ended up in actual medical journals. Two, this ended up in actual medical journals. They put a pigment in there that was not digestible by the human digestive tract. And it caused a bunch of kids to just poop red for like a while. I didn't know it was a red cereal. Yeah. Is it all red? No.

It's multicolored. No, no, no. Frankenberry is all red. It's all red. Boo-berry is blue. Oh, sure. Yeah, no. Frankenberry is all red. It's all red. Booberry is blue. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. They split their efforts. They were like, we could do one cereal, but then – and then there was also Fruity Yummy

Mummies and Fruit Brute, which I think they phoned it in on Fruit Brute, the name. Well, it's not really a classic monster, is it? Just a little fruit. And so Frankenberry, Count Chocula, those to me have, like, a lot of nostalgia in my heart for. I never had them, so I can't say that I hold any sort of, like, emotional ties to that kind of cereal, unfortunately. Describe the flavor. Okay. So, have you ever had Tab Cola?

This is going somewhere. Yes, I've had it. You, like, Tab was the original Diet Cola, right? Thin and beautiful. Yeah, it's like the Virginia Slims marketing of the era. There's like a certain punishment to coming first where everybody that comes after you is just going to do a better job. Of course. Right?

And so like every Diet Cola that has come out since Tab has just been way better. You go back and drink Tab now and it tastes so chemically and awful um frankenberry was kind of like that with fruit flavored cereal okay because i don't think there was much before it if anything i know blueberry was the first blueberry flavored cereal ever and like it's kind of like a lot yeah i know but that was what they like marketed it as so it was one of the first iterations of like artificial berry flavoring out there so it's just got this like real heady aroma the ones where like you understand how the origins

of a lot of these flavors were from beaver pheromones you know what I mean very perfumey and you eat it it's so aggressive and it's got little marshmallows in there that just pop with that flavor it's like you just huffed a thing of Nesquik strawberries okay and we're going for a strawberry flavor oh yeah it's a strawberry I don't know if it's like you just huffed a thing of Nesquik strawberries okay okay and we're going for a strawberry flavor

yeah oh yeah it's a strawberry sorry I'm sorry I didn't know there's red there's a couple options

I mean there's two really well I mean Special K red berries the only berry in it is straw and that's not even a berry

what? yeah Special K red berries it's just freeze dried strawberries yeah yeah they call them red berry but it's only strawberry

oh sure okay several years ago I tweeted Special K red berries is just freeze-dried strawberries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They call them red berry, but it's only strawberry. Oh, sure. Okay. Several years ago, I tweeted Special K mad about it. And it turns out they have other berries in different markets. They responded? They did. They well-actualied you?

Yes. They were very sweet about it, though. But when Special K mansplained my Karen-ing, I suppose, complaining about their cereal on Twitter. The great Karen-ing of special cakes. They were like, well, in Britain, actually, there's like currants and raspberries freeze driving. Oh, sure. So they just didn't want to print multiple boxes. Yeah.

Okay. I can appreciate that. If I was more aggressive, I would have gone back to them with that. And Americans absolutely cannot handle a currant. Wouldn't know what to do with it. No. Like, what is this? What is this hard thing?

Get this out of here. Yeah. You know what cereal I can't stand? Puffins. What? Get out of my puffins, girl! Everybody has turned on me. Nicole sucks!

Even Maggie's eyes just got wide and she touched her hand through her heart. Maggie, throw your water at her. Maggie! That's a perfect eat-on-its-own cereal.

Are you guys kidding me? It's a snack. It's like styrofoam nastiness. No, it's Bomba. Styrofoam goodness. It is not Bomba. It's Bomba. Don't ever connect Puffins to Bomba.. No, it's Bomba. Styrofoam goodness. It is not Bomba. It's Bomba. Don't ever connect puffins to Bomba.

It's very close to Bomba. You guys are tripping hardcore. No way. What do you got against puffins? They're not good. You think like taste for taste, it doesn't hold up. Or do you have some weird childhood trauma associated with it? No, I feel like they were sprayed with some weird fake sugar.

I don't know. As opposed to every other cereal. I don't know. It's like Marana's pleasant. It has this weird honey burnt aftertaste. You guys like that? Oh my gosh, no, I hate it.

It reminds me of sugar smacks. I don't like those either. I don't like those either. I only eat those tiny boxes. Weetabix, the big ones that just turn into straight mash. Those are my favorite too. I've never had a Weetabix and I didn't know what it was until somebody described to me what a Weetabix. Weetabix, the big ones that just turn into straight mash. Yeah, yeah. Those are my favorite too. I've never had a Weetabix and I didn't know what it was until somebody described to me what a Weetabix is.

It's good. It's a mega wheat. It's a mega wheat. Yeah. It ain't no mini wheat. It's a mega wheat. It does feel like a mistake. Can you like dip that in milk like a la minute and just eat it?

Yeah. That's actually probably a better way to eat it. Right? Some people have it with like yogurt and they just kind of like break it up and like mix it into their yogurt not i i don't know i don't know i oh here's another the cereal that i'm gonna eat the most of uh magic spoon oh i've never had it i've i've i've had it in a cart i've like i've honestly like like thought about it for an entire i remember the the car drive. It was driving back from the beach in New York and I had them all in my cart

and I looked at it for a long time and I was like, you're not going to eat this much cereal. They just make you buy too many boxes. I want to buy one box and try it, Magic Spoon. No, I bought $60 worth of Magic Spoon on a lark and I ate them in like a week. Which one?

Or all of them? All of them. I still have a little, if you want to come by my desk and try the chocolatey variety, it is by far the worst variety, which is why it's the only one that I have left. Yep. But talking about people getting punished for being the first brands out there, like I remember I'm fascinated with the health food industry, but not like the organic, like we put dates and coconut and everything and make it sweet. I'm talking about like we've killed God and then remade his sugar in our image, right? Like aspartame was like meant to be an industrial adhesive

to stop people getting decapitated in car crashes. It was meant to coat the windows of like a windshield. Okay, I was imagining it coating like your body to hold it together. I'm like, cool, aspartame jacket. There's a reason I'm not a scientist. It's like these industrial accidents that are like the origin of a Marvel superhero. And then people taste it and they're like, wow, now you have 80 less calories in your

latte. So weird. Arctic Zero is a great example. If you ever had Halo Top ice cream. Uh-huh. Halo Top is not good. It's not as bad as one might think it is. Correct.

And Arctic Zero is bad. Sure. Like if it is, if you've had, you can only appreciate Halo Top if you've had like the worst diet food versions of, right? Like the tab sodas are to the Halo Top. And so Magic Spoon comes out and they're like, we're going to cheat God's cereal edition. And it's incredible for what it is. It doesn't taste like if, you know, you had their fruity O's or whatever pinned up against Fruit Loops, it's going for what it is it doesn't take like if you know you had their um fruity o's or whatever pinned up against fruit loops again tastes as good hell no not at all

but life's about a series of compromises to try and you know uh stop you from hating yourself um and magic spoon does a really great job okay great and most people aren't just sitting there side by side food products no i was gonna, we are all in like unique positions here. Exactly. Especially. Yeah. I mean, most people wouldn't choose to, again, eat, I don't know, upwards of 15 types of plain oatmeal in a day.

But. How are you doing emotionally, by the way? Let's break this down. Like with all the constant taste testing, like. Let's not pull it that straight. We get real deep here, so. Yeah, yeah. We have days where we only eat content and then we like go

home to our loved ones and we're like sorry babe i filled up on content i'll make you dinner but i will not be partaking yeah i do that a lot yeah me too it makes me sad sometimes you gotta do just need to get sad at night sometimes um you know i crashed too hard from all the like ketchup i've eaten by the spoonful during the day to actually contemplate my emotions. All right. We're going to do a quick lightning round. These are – we're just going to go like yay or nay or just kind of yell at each other. Let's do it.

We're going to go through the top 10 best-selling cereals. Circa 2018 is the only data we've found. I'm stretching because I'm ready. This actually shocked me because I had never seen this list before. Do you have any guesses? Number one? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? We didn't even talk about before. Do you have any guesses? Number one? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? We didn't even talk about it.

I might have said Captain Crunch on that one. Cheerios. Oh, Cheerios. Smart. OG Cheerios, number one. Yeah. How do you feel? Okay.

I like a Cheerio. I have no problem with Cheerios. It's all right. It reminds me of children. It's the worst geriatric cereal. It makes my burps taste like eggs. I think it's a really nice pairing with milk, which is a crazy thing to say about cereal, but it does particularly pair well with a whole milk.

Number two, Honey Nut Cheerios. I think they killed my dad. But, hold on. No, no, seriously. He always does this. Something always kills his dad. The marketing campaign of Cures Heart Disease or whatever.

I know they have their, you know, but I think they tricked a lot of Americans into thinking that all you had to do was eat Honey Nut Cheerios. You know, is it on the individual consumer? Sure. The marketing pretty misleading, dude. Anywho, Honey Nut Cheerios killed my dad, so I don't like them. Okay, next. Number three. Frosted Flakes. I hate Frosted Flakes. It's another tiny box situation. Nobody's ever bought a full box of Frosted Flakes. It just comes in one of the tiny boxes in the multi-pack, and then you eat it. Mexican Frosted Flakes.

Zucaritas. Best cereal in the game. Zucaritas are good. I both suck at it. They didn't kill any of my close neighbors, so I love Frosted Flakes. Honey Munches of Oats. Yeah. 100%. Should be number one.

Should be number one. CTC, Cinnamon To cinnamon toast crunch number five no i like it but it's not for me i know why it's in the list wow the texture feels like like thinking of the texture hurts my teeth it's like gritty and like it's banned it's a big square i kind of like it like there is something about it where i'm like yes like i remember it there's a childhood nostalgia to it but like uh the idea that it's that popular is kind of wild to me. It's just so strange. I thought it would have been more.

I feel like that's like the hot girls. They eat cereal. Oh, is it? Do they eat that? I haven't kept up with them. Like hot girl. Like I'm a hot girl. You know, like cool, like internet.

Hot girls don't eat cereal. Gorgeous, gorgeous girls eat cereal. They eat chia seed pudding. Oh, that's true. Tin fish and chia seed pudding. And tin fish. Number six, Lucky Charms. Yeah. That's true. And chia seed pudding. And tin fish. Number six, Lucky Charms. Sure.

I believe that. I believe that's fine. I don't agree with, I mean, I don't like it, but I understand. I'm happy for the Irish American community. You need a good role model. He's a knight. What? The leprechaun.

I don't know if actually, but like I looked I looked up his, like, name, and he's got, like, five. He's like, it's either, it's, like, Sir Lucky Charms, or it's LC Charms, or it's this or it's that, but he is, yeah, I picked out the fact that he is a sir. Well. So, respect him. That's something he got more than I do. He's a knight. Seven Fruit Loops.

Yeah. Yes. Okay. Toucan Sam's hot. I like Toucan Sam. I don't like the milk turning colors, but other people do. It's too many different colors. I don't like the mixed fruit.

Pick a fruit. Pick one. Pick the best flavor. I think they all taste the same. Apple Jacks did that. That's the fruit brew in you speaking. You've got to have it mixed in the Fruit Loops. Number eight, Frosted Mini Wheats coming in.

$241.9 million in sales. Yeah. Should be higher. What? What's your problem with them? I just don't get it. You know? The milk pillows.

It's like weird. And like when I was a kid, I would only eat the sugary parts and then put them in the milk. Okay. So I will say one smart suggestion from Jordan Myrick, staff writer at Spork, is that they should make essentially oops all frosted version. Yeah. Why are we even like playing with this half frosted, half

not? Come on, how healthy is this? Let's get it going. Let's frost them. Sorry, not sorry, all frosted. That would save my mom a lot of angry conversations with me, but okay. Number nine. I'm surprised I didn't bring this up because I grew up eating this. This is Life. Oh, Life!

Life is great! What does Life taste like? That's another burnt honey situation. Yeah, burnt honey, oat. It's kind of like stale Chex. It's good. Yeah, life! Life is great! What does life taste like? That's another burnt honey situation. Yeah, burnt honey, oat, it's kind of like stale Chex. It's good. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's like stale flat Chex. Ah, so good. Very flat, very crunchy. Another one that kind of hurts the top of your mouth. Love it. Yeah, but if you let it soak for three to five minutes.

And number ten, I have mixed feelings about this. Fruity pebbles. Are they still a thing? Do kids know what Flintstones are? I don't think so unless they're on they have like vitamins that's it

yeah but I don't know if they they make a really good Easter candy also but like again surprised that that branding has any appeal towards children

I think children love John Goodman in the Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas I love that movie so much it's the colors. Kids love colors. They love colors.

This is an Instagrammable cereal. I don't think it holds up. Kids love Instagram. That too. Kids love Mythical Kitchen. Give your seven-year-olds on Instagram. I don't follow Mythical Kitchen. Have them live their whole lives online.

Don't tell them to go outside. Well, what did we learn today, folks? I learned that we should all get a bowl of cereal after this at Yogurtland and then go to Starbucks and get free milk. Yeah, steal more from Howard Schultz. That's what I got from this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down. It's a good hack.

It's a good life hack. Yeah, I learned far too much about Josh's cereal eating habits and his high school experiences. Sorry about talking about my dead dad again. It's okay. It just happens. It's not even what I was referring to. Now I feel bad again. No, I brought it up again. It wasn't on anyone.

Just see this normal. After a while, you really get desensitized to it. But you're just here to be a lean, he can lean on you, like a support. So it's fine. What did you learn?

What? What did you learn? Oh, I learned nothing. No, I just kind of, I black out in the middle of each podcast and then wake up and it's like, yeah. You did research masturbation. I researched a lot of masturbation. Yeah, yeah.

But that was just in your spare time. It turns out it does make you go blind. All right, Nicole and Justine, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the Twitterverse. It's time for a segment we call... Opinions are like casseroles! All right, first up we got... Savory cereal, as in like...

Unclear. Okay, so I i mean i do like oatmeal with soy sauce and like togarashi and things like that so so with that part i would agree with it with this idea that you're kind of like this idea of of cheese frosted flakes or something i i haven't heard of it but i'm not against it If there was a soy nugget, I could eat. I think we need to work on the branding of soy nuggets. We could make a mochi cereal and put spicy soy in.

I guess the milk is the weird thing there. Yeah, I agree. I guess you have to pour cold broth. I think they're just making a soup. Savory cereal exists whether or not we call it savory cereal, right? Extrapolate. Okay.

Thank you. I'm thinking like, you know, like the, they just call it like quote unquote Asian pub mix. You buy it like the staples. Yes. And they got those like puffed seaweed and nori crackers. Yeah, sure. Dump that in a bowl with milk on it. That's savory cereal.

It exists. It's just cereal. We're just not milking it. We got to start milking cheese puffs bowl with milk bingo bingo savory cereal you got it i guess you know the the combinations are out there we like uh water water everywhere not a drop to drink like just reach your ladle down and dip into the pool of savory cereals y'all it exists we've. We've made chicken Chex before. We did make chicken. We made chicken Chex. We mostly put MSG on Chex. It was good.

That sounds good. Which is... But I don't want milk on that. You think you don't want milk on that. It kind of was like a creamy chicken ramen situation. It kind of tasted good. Yeah, like cream chicken soup? Yeah, it tasted good.

Okay, so I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm down. I'm down. Okay, Tisha Alexis says, if you eat Lay's White Cheddar Popables and then a bowl of Waffle Crisp cereal, your burps will taste like you ate an entire beef ramen seasoning packet.

There's too many variables. Is that a good thing? Why don't you just eat an entire beef ramen cereal packet or whatever? Seasoning packet then. You're implying that the burps are their end goal. It sounds like it. Their needs to get there. Maybe it was the way Nicole read it.

It sounded like, if you do this, you get there. That was the way Nicole read it. It sounded like if you do this you get this and this. That's how they wrote it. It's a meandering journey. Let me tell you we should play a game one time

where we eat like two weird foods and then we all have to find out what our burps smell like. Interesting. I think that would be a fun game

to play. Everyone! We're going to be burping in each other's mouths. Guys, we're becoming best friends right now. Except all of us.

Right now it's happening. Sorry. I don't make the rules. It just happens. You burp in your best friend's mouths and then try and Yeah.

Okay. Duh! I like waffle crisp. I think it's good. It's got like the little holes in it and it's fun. It is fun.

I forgot it existed. It's nice to remember it exists. It looks it's fun. It is fun. I forgot it existed. It's nice to remember it exists. It looks like a dream catcher. Oh. Dream catchers for cereal? Oh, it does. I said something earlier that no one responded to, so I'm going to bring it up again. What's up, man?

I said this. What's up? I think I started talking about how Honey Nut Cheerios killed my dad immediately after. But they make my burps taste like eggs. And I don't know why. What? Both Cheerios and Honey Nut. Any Cheerio product.

What kind of egg? Soft scramble. Well, no, not soft scramble. Hotel steamed eggs in the basin that have been sitting there because you got there five minutes before they closed the continental breakfast. Okay. So old, old eggs. Yeah. I think that's a your stomach situation.

This is the thing where it's like fermenting the food inside me. Like, I don't know if that enzyme. Josh watched one episode of like my weird, my weird disease or something. And now he thinks every time he eats wheat, he gets drunk off of wheat. Dude. I don't think that's true. Yo, I'm getting drunk off something. I need to eat more grape nuts.

My brother watched so many of those, like my medical nightmare stories on like tlc the learning channel for kids growing up that i have these weird phobias when i went in for my first surgery uh to repair an inguinal hernia i went to the anesthesiologist and i was like hey i know this is really stupid i watched this thing with anesthesia didn't work on a person and i watched it when i was like seven and like can i I just have your guarantee? Like, Hey, that, that doesn't really happen. And he just goes, problem I'm worried about. And this happens a lot is people just not waking up when I put them on. And then he walks away.

What a jerk. Like what a dick. No bedside manner. Zero bedside manner. Uh, yeah, I think this person's burps probably smell like that. I had Sam RJ Griffiths. I eat my cereal in my room. burps probably smell like that. Add Sam R.J. Griffiths. I eat my cereal in my room.

Simply because I add the leftover cereal milk to my coffee for an interesting flavor combination. Interesting. The best I found is cinnamon flavored cereal milk. The worst is crunchy nut cereal milk. Huh. Interesting. Cereal milk coffee creamer. I would have thought that the crunchy nut one would taste nice because it's similar to like a sweet almond milk or something like that. I like this idea though. I would have thought that the crunchy nut one would taste nice because it's similar to like a sweet almond milk or something like

that. I like this idea though. I'm surprised. They probably do market cereal milk creamer already. I think we got one in the fridge. I've been using cinnamon toast crunch. Which is funny because it's just cinnamon and then a little bit of chemical. But this is a nice hack and it's a way to avoid food waste if you're not the type of person to just drink the milk after you're

done. So good. I feel like most people, that's what I'm there for. I'm there for the drinking milk afterwards. You guys ever had those bowls that had the straw in the bowls when you were a kid? I did. I love those very much. I wish I had one now. My problem is that's like drinking wine with a straw, you know? I drink wine with a straw all the time.

What do you mean you don't know? You drink wine with a straw? I mean sangria. I don't want to screw up my lipstick or my teeth. But I'm saying like you don't get but you drink like you get a glass of pinot and you're like crazy straw please

yeah I love drinking liquids out of straws I mean I agree it is better I also drink beer out of a straw sometimes that's not good yeah

I'm sorry but you need the aroma you need to shove your face in it I don't need anything you need to shove bare your whole face in it that's how you get

the full experience I don't need to do my experience is 100% fine without shoving my face into it trust me I just you know I just don't want toving my face into it. Trust me.

I just don't want to stain my face and my lips and my teeth. I think you need to work on drinking from a glass. No, that's too much work. You should see her. You should see me drinking. You know, like a radlet around everywhere. She puts her mouth into the cup and then puts it up. Oh my gosh, you should see me drink a water bottle. Literally, I get scolded by people.

They're like, why do you drink water like that? I'm like, like what? Okay, yeah, you should stick to straws. Yeah, I need straws. That's good. Oh, I'm next. Bertram Max says, if you're not eating a spoonful of powdered peanut butter in your Greek yogurt or your cereal, are you even living? Okay, powdered peanut butter is something I just heard of like two weeks ago.

We haven't done a taste test of it yet. I'm very fascinated by it. I didn't know it existed. And now I love that idea. I think that sounds great. Yeah. I used to do honey nut Cheerios and a spoonful of almond or peanut butter. And I would just like put a little like balance, a little bit of like milk and cereal.

And then I just nibble at it. You're putting whole nut butter in there. I appreciate that. Not the powder. Not the defatted peanut butter. I don't put the powders. I put the actual like spoonful of nut butter.

I love a process like that. Oh, it was so good. It's so delicious. So much of my childhood was just making things very complicated to eat. Yeah. It's really nice.

I did it like a week ago. Yeah, okay. Yeah, the powdered peanut butter, it's a Shark Tank thing, right? I don't know. Is it? Yeah, yeah. So it's a new thing, so that's why I'm asking.

It is really new, yeah. PB2 is the brand that I would use. I didn't know it was on Shark Tank. It sucks if you think of it as peanut butter, but if you think of it as, again, man triumphing over a malicious god by ruining the bounty that he or she bestowed on us. As if God is a gender, what the hell am I talking about? Anywho, it's great. You just mix it with your Greek yogurt

and you can mix it in anything. Cooking with peanut butter is tough because there's a bunch of fat and lipids and binders and whatnot. Oh yeah, so it's good in a sauce. Yeah, and some peanut powder, like a whipped cream. You just make a little peanut whipped cream.

It's good stuff. It's good stuff. At AntDog76, chip sandwich, bread, miracle whip, yellow mustard, any plastic wrap cheese and any chips you got.

Mainly Cheetos or Goldfish for me. What? Buried the lead. Goldfish or chips? Not a chip. No. It's a cracker. It's a cracker.

Cheetos. Are Cheetos a chip, though? No. Cheetos are a separate thing. They're a cheese puff. It's a puff. It's a puff. We debated this once, and I don't remember where we landed.

I don't remember either. It's hard to remember. I think they're not. We say a lot. I don't think they're a chip. They're flat. Yeah. Yeah, we're hot Doritos 3D. That's a puff. That's a puff. That's not a puff. I think they're not. I don't think they're flat. Yeah. You ever had Doritos 3D? That's a puff. That's a puff.

You're a puff down there, fella. Yeah, I'm down. Chip sandwich is really great. Chip sandwich is completely great. Especially with Miracle Whip. Well, okay, that was my one thing where I was like, let's leave that out. Oh, no, I love Miracle Whip. It tastes like coleslaw. I love it. They've isolated the coleslaw

variable and put it into a jar of fake mayonnaise. It's not for me. But I would eat the heck out of the sandwich. Yeah, I mean, even if it had Miracle-O-Mala in it, if you gave it to me, I would eat it. Yeah, true. Okay, Sam Skills. I dip zebra cakes in roasted red pepper hummus, and I swear on my life, it tastes just like an orange creamsicle. This is chaos incarnate.

What's a zebra cake? Oh, my God. It's one of those. Is it Little Debbie? It's Little Debbie. It's Hostess. I think it's Hostess, Little Debbie. I think it's Little Debbie.

I don't know what it is, but it's one of those snack cakes you get from the store. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's chocolate cake, vanilla filling, white chocolate, fudge drizzle. Yeah, it's definitely Debbie. Little Debbie? What happened in this person's life

that they took that dip? I don't know what caused the initial dip, but I feel like I would want to be friends with this person based on how their brain works because I understand it. You know what I mean? You do? Yes.

What do you understand about it? Orange cream skull, right? Like red bell pepper, right? Roasted red pepper hummus. Like that has a ton of fruity qualities to it. If you ever just like dip bell pepper into like sugar or something. Why not? Why not?

You know? And then when you get just like all the white chocolate and all of that just like artificial sort of flavor enhancers that are going into those little Debbie cakes, you know, that like fake ass vanilla extract, you know, and then you combine that with a slight fruitiness, a little bit of salt and acid from the hummus. It's just going to ramp all those flavors up. Yeah. And they do make chocolate hummus now, whether or not they should is a question, but like

they make it, people buy it. Yeah. So, okay. Sure. I get it. Hear me out. Just buy a creamsicle. You don't need to do all this.

Well, what if, but then you don't have any leftover hummus. Nicole, what are you going to do? What do you want me to do with all my hummus? You got a thousand pounds of pita chips. What are you going to dip it in? Well, what if, but then you don't have any leftover hummus? Nicole, what are you going to do? What do you want me to do with all my hummus? You got a thousand pounds of pita chips. What are you going to dip it in? You know what you do?

You thin it out with a little bit of water. You make it into salad dressing. Bye-bye. I literally did that last night and I was so mad about it. Really? I do it all the time.

I add some lemon juice, water, salt, and pepper. Well, you're not getting good hummus. Sounds like a personal problem yet again. I was going to make amba and then who has the time to make their own amba? Who has the time to make amba?

Who has the time to make amba from scratch these days? Not me. I made a schug, though. That's good. That's good. And on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, and thank you so much, Justine, for being our amazing guest. Justine, where else can listeners check you out?

Well, they can read everything I've written, along with other Sporked staffers on Sporked.com and follow us on social at Sporked on all of your favorite social media channels. Hell yeah. And if you don't do that, me and Nicole are personally going to come hunt you down and kill you with kindness. I don't hunt. I'm just going to tell them to press the button.

I don't want to hunt. Do I look like a hunter? Do you not believe? I'm a gatherer. He's the hunter. I'm the gatherer. Okay, this is how it works. The original name for the podcast was The Hunter and the Gatherer. What's the point? If you want to be featured on

Opinions or Like Casseroles, you can hit us up on Twitter at MythicalChef or with the hashtag OpinionCasserole. Nicole, the point is the words exist on the page, therefore we must read them. For more Mythical Kitchen, check us out on YouTube. We're going to launch new videos every week. And of course, if you want to share pictures of your dishes, hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen.

Nicole, if we don't read the words, we live in a society. There are rules. We'll see you next time.