A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - What's The Best Type of French Fry?

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

Today, Josh and Nicole are discussing every category, style, and type of french fry and picking the best! Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Check out the video version of this podcast: http://youtube.com/@ahotdogisasandwich To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Nicole, curly fries or waffle fries? Curly! Crinkle cut or wedge cut? Wedge! Potato smiles or sidewinders? Are you talking about french fries? Swag jackers or dump flumpers?

What the hell is going on? This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich! Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What?

Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inayati. And we're internet chefs over at Good Mythical Morning and Mythical Kitchen when we're not making... What have we done crazy with french fries? Wendy's french fry. Wendy's french fry frosty cheesecakes. We're over here taking on the world's biggest food debates, Nicole.

And today we got a heck of a debate Going on We are diving into The wonderful And diverse world Of french fries Is that how you dive? Do you know how to dive?

Um I feel like I learned When I was a child And I haven't Been able to put that Into practice in a while I've never Been able to dive

I'm not a dover When's the last time You were in a pool Where diving was appropriate Though? Um I like go to people's houses. But how deep are their pools? How deep is your pool?

Like 10 feet. Can you dive in 10 feet water? Yeah, definitely. I feel like I haven't been in a pool deeper than 5 feet in years. I'm sorry about that. And I kind of try and half dive, but I'm very safe. Do you want to come to a pool that's a pool? Yeah, I want to come to one of your 10 foot deep pools, but that's not what we're debating right now.

It's not mine, it's my friend's. We are debating what the best cut of french fry is out there, and there's a lot more than people realize. This is a very silly podcast. Let me just say that. I think it's super silly. Why? Why do you think it's silly? I think it's very serious. Oh, you do? Yes, Nicole. I don't know. I think it's kind of like

what's the word? Like arbitrary? Is that what it is? Yeah, but I I don't know. I think it's kind of like, what's the word? Like arbitrary? Is that what it is? Yeah, but I mean, everything is arbitrary, right? Taste. There's no accounting for taste. But that said, I think there is a scientific way to figure out what the best french fry is. I see.

I see. You know what I mean? I see. But first, you have to figure out your french fry values. You have to decide what a french fry means to you. Because french fries have been relegated to being a side dish for so long. When you say value, does that mean math has to be included in this conversation? No, values.

Because it's so I'm out. I'm not good at math. And if I have to have potatoes deep fried and fat and then have to incorporate math into that, I can't really like. There's already too much science involved in french fry cookery. A good french fry? Oh, my gosh. No, I meant values as in like morals and ethics oh so you're putting you're putting the guise of morals and ethics into french fries yeah but more so just like figuring out what a french fry means to you right and what makes a

french fry good or bad because it's like the nicole the ancient greeks right we love the greeks we love the greeks i had greek food who's your favorite ancient greek uh papa cristo if you know you know if you know you know uh papa cristo is a lovely greek restaurant in los angeles and i don't think papa cristo was in ancient greek but boy do i love their souvlaki so sweet so small what's the sauce lucanico lucanico is the best oh my god best sausage ever you were saying about greek i? I'm saying they studied aesthetics in beauty and what actually makes people beautiful, what makes things beautiful. And I think we need to figure out what makes a french fry beautiful.

May I ask one question? Okay. Was the Fibonacci sequence one of those things? I was going to make a Fibonacci sequence reference earlier and then I was like, I have no idea what it actually is. So I'm just going to kill that. So never mind. Definitely not.

Fibonacci is definitely like a modern Italian name. Okay. Okay. Whoops. And I only know it from Angels and Demons, the Dan Brown book, the precursor to the Da Vinci Code. Never read it. Never seen it. Never spark notes it.

Never done a thing about it. Bro, Tom Hanks is Robert Langdon? Sorry. Come on. Shout out Tom Hanks for the show. No, I have no idea what a Fibonacci sequence is, but I know people draw the stupid little spirals on things. I think it has to do with beauty and equality and visual appearance and joy, maybe?

If we're going by that metric, the best French fry? Curly. Curly fries. Which, hold on, because that is my initial answer. Yeah, I love curly fries. There's no, but is it actually the curliness that I like? Or is it the fact that most curly fries have a seasoned batter dredge? I think that's it.

Right? Same. Yeah. Same, same, same. It's beautiful. Have you ever bought a spiralizer before and spiralized your own curly fries? Yeah, they never turn out as good as the stuff from a factory, though. Because you don't batter them.

I do batter them. You batter yours at home? I do batter them them but the spiralizer does not get my curly fries thick enough and i don't know what the deal is interesting okay they're like thin and then you lose the potatoiness because they don't expect you to batter it at home potentially i don't know i don't know what the spiralizer people expect me to do with it and i feel like spiralizers were created for one thing and one thing only. Zoodles! Frickin' zoodles, man. I hate zoodles.

I hate zoodles. Zoodles are bad. Zoodles are a lie. For people who don't know, a zoodle is a portmanteau of zucchini and noodle and it is... I'm not down with it.

No. You know what I'm down with, though? Ma? Lasagna. Zucchini lasagna. It's too wet. No, I would do that instead of zoodles.

Zoodles are a lie. Zucchini lasagna? Valid. Zucchini lasagna? You've made a zucchini lasagna that isn't just wet. No, I would do that instead of zoodles. Zoodles are a lie. Zucchini lasagna, valid. Zucchini lasagna. You've made a zucchini lasagna that isn't just grotesquely wet? Just filled with puddles of water? What do you do? You know what I do? Do you salt cure them? I've tried that. I've made it the day before and then I drain it and

then I cut a piece out of it and then I sear it. What do you mean? It works. It works totally fine. Just do it with an eggplant and make moussaka. You can also do that. What do you value in a french fry nicole i want to like dig down into your morals right now what do i value in a french fry huh well with a french fry eating experience i think it's really important that you get a nice softness to not crunchiness but a soft to crisp ratio i think is really important i think a properly salted fry is very important, how much salt and how much flavor that it can get out of a French fry.

Now we're talking salt or seasoning? Either or. I think a salted, a well salted French fry is equal to a batter, a well seasoned battered curly slash waffle fry. And I would agree with that. Okay, cool. Yeah. that's the most important thing. I think softness to crispness and then proper seasoning or salt is like the most important thing. I would agree with the softness to crispness because to me that's like what makes a French fry unique as a method of potato cookery. Totally, yeah.

Is the fact that you can get that crispy exterior and the soft, fluffy, potato-pulpy interior. Yeah, that's right. So I think that takes off a couple fries right from our list, right? Like shoestrings. But I love eating shoestrings! I love eating shoestrings! Oh, that's the problem. That's the problem.

See, this is the problem. Because shoestrings are like popcorn. You can grab a whole fistful and shove them in your mouth. Like a haystack. Like a haystack. A haystack. It's so fun to share with friends. But-

And eating french fries with friends is the best part.'t know i love eating french fries alone i love being confronted with a mountain of french fries that you couldn't possibly eat yourself and then you see it as a challenge you know like i will eat this mountain of french fries myself and so you do it's gonna be so hard everybody like choosing between the best french fries like choosing my favorite children that don't exist yet. It's really hard. Ezra. Oh, really? Ezra is my favorite child that doesn't exist yet.

Aw. Yeah, we're going to call him Ezzy. That's a good nickname. He's going to be a shot putter, but also he really loves musical theater. I'm not going to say the name of my future firstborn on this. Why?

I don't think it's public knowledge and I don't think it should be shared with everyone. Do you know what it is, Maggie? No, but I don't think she should. Yeah. Why? What do you mean? Is your... It's a secret because people steal. Because people steal. They're gonna steal his name? Don't you name your kid Ezra? It's going to be a girl, I feel. Ezra's mine.

Ezra. I don't know yet. I don't know. Ezra. Ezra if it's a girl. Ezra. Esme. Ezra if it's a boy. Esme. I don't even mean Esme. Esme. I associate esme with the movie role models oh esme goddess goddess of navel worth okay that's what i'm talking about talked about shoestring fries and this podcast is like almost over no it's not bro we've only okay i'm trying to stay on track maggie can we get a list going we're gonna name as many fry i feel

like we can't there's no one single use for a French fry, right? What do you mean? Is it a side to a burger? Is it a shareable thing that you want to enjoy socially with friends? Like popcorn is a single use. The only use of popcorn. You share popcorn. And I'm saying that's the use.

The use of popcorn is something to be shared by people watching a movie. You could also have a bowl. Or a baseball game. Or a baseball game. Right? Baseball and movies are what popcorn is made for. people watching a movie or a baseball game or a baseball game right baseball and movies are what popcorn is made for and I'm saying

french fries people might think of it as a single use food I don't think it's a single use food I agree I agree I agree because like

and that's a very American thing burger and french fries you go to France you go to France right they're serving french fries with steak tartare they're serving french fries with mussels

those are different things and you want a different experience to go with that right sure because I'm eating a steak tartare. They're serving French fries with mussels. Those are different things. And you want a different experience to go with that, right? Sure. Because I'm eating a steak tartare, which I almost exclusively did when I was in Paris, in Marseille,

in Nice. You're saying so many words. But like, I want a different type of fry for steak tartare. I want shoestrings because I scoop it. What? Oh yeah, okay, waffle with steak tartare would be very good. Waffle with steak tartare would be very good. Waffle with steak tartare. A hundred percent tartare.

Moules-free. What do you want? Almost a steak fry. Almost a steak fry. Want to know why? Sops it all up. Yeah. You need a sopper.

You need a sopper. And you need a certain amount of surface area for sopping. And a steak fry will do that. And a steak fry will do that. I think I love steak fries, too. I agree with that. What am I doing here here i'm about to have an identity crisis i don't know i don't know i don't know what i want in life i will i like all french fries but what about burger burger best best side of fry for burger oh my god regular what is a regular fry regular like fast food style you're talking like a mcdonald's cut whenever i close my eyes josh

close your eyes for a second. Keep them closed. If you open them, I'll know. I'm dizzy. I'm a little hungover. When you look in your mind, what French fry do you see? I see McDonald's fries. I see McDonald's. I see McDonald's.

Okay, your eyes were closed the whole time. Can I open my eyes? Seriously, I get the spins when I close my eyes. It's not that bad. I went to a metal show last night. My ears are ringing a bit. Shout out to Bloody Wood and Vended. They absolutely crushed it it I wasn't there

but I'm sure it was do you want me to invite you next time you already did and I declined I invited you and I declined and nobody wants to go

not that I don't want to go to a metal show with you it's just it wasn't the right time or place yeah it's a Sunday it's stuff we're recording it's on a Monday

do you think that there can be a universal best type of French fry or it has to be dependent with I don't know let's find out

we went through a couple use cases right of moules frites steak tartare what you want with it burgers why do you think you want a fast food style cut french fry with a burger because to me what do you mean speed you're just worried about the rate at which you can get the fries in your mouth yeah yeah the way that you can eat the rate at which you can get the fries in your mouth? Yeah, yeah.

The way that you can eat the french fries, you can get like six at a time. You can't do that with a wedge. You can't do that with a steak. You can do it with a shoestring, but it'll cut up the roof of your mouth because they're so crispy and crunchy. How soft is the roof of your mouth? Do I touch it? I don't want to touch it. It has texture on it.

I did recently go to a gastropub which is now such a funny term and like to the point where i see the word in a long time i see the word gastropub that used to be the most exciting word in food in 2011 yeah right so this is like we're taking bar food but we're making everything 17 and there's going to be an egg on the burger and there's probably going to be an arugula salad and everything's going to be not quite as good. A flatbread? A flatbread on it with, oh my God,

figs and blue cheese on a flatbread. Who would have thought? But anyways, I went to one recently. Normally I try and avoid them because the food generally is just bad there. I do love some craft beers. It's walking distance from my house. And they had an option with their burger.

That was a smash burger. Perfectly mediocre, perfectly fine for their like normal fries or special house cut thick fries oh okay and i got their special house cut thick fries nicole these are like i mean they're like a lincoln log of a fry and they're done really well they're super crispy you can tell they're fried at least twice might even be a triple fry very nice right i feel like a triple fry just means that someone forgot about the fries and they're refiring the fries which is fine like. Like, honestly, but it makes it better.

And I do agree with that. They call it sandbagging in restaurants, right? Where you're like, I'm going to pre-cook all my food. And then when people order it, just drop it again. That's a good way to do it. Right? It's efficient. But point is, the fries are done really well.

But they were so thick and so potatoey and pulpy that I did not like them with my burger. Because it's its own meal almost, right? It's its own meal. Yeah, I get that. It's its own meal almost, right? It's its own meal. Yeah, I get that. I get that. It's its own standalone thing. If you want a side, I need something that's thin, that's salty, that has texture. Fast food fry. Fast food fry.

Fast food fry. Right? Yeah. So we've established that you need different fries for different things. That's true. That's true. But what is the best? We still need to go through like 40 million other ones.

Okay, let's go through other fries. Let's start just naming all the fries we get in. Okay. Tornado fries. You ever had the tornado fry? I do not recognize that as a fry. What? I do not recognize that as a fry.

Oh my gosh. In Santee Alley, that's like my thing. So the tornado, you're talking about you take a potato and it's like you put it on a stick. And then you spiralize it with the stick and then you deep fry the whole thing on the stick. So it's a crispy potato. And it's like kind of battered, right? There's like a loose batter on it. It's a dealer's choice.

Do not recognize it as a French fry. Why? We got to go over to the etymology of French fry. I know we have a lot to get through. We have a lot to get through. Etymology of French fry. The history of the French fry. Nicole, French does not refer to the country, right?

So when France refused to back George Bush's war on terror, we refused to call them French fries. We called them freedom fries. Insert American flag here. on terror we refuse to call them french tried to call them freedom fries of what they actually don't realize yo i went to a place in el reno oklahoma that still called them freedom fries which is wild when um but this is like two years ago oh my god shut up yeah it was bizarre that's incredible um but anyways so it the french doesn't refer to the country it does in a way but it refers to the knife cut yes like french cut green beans, right? Sure. That's the same thing. Snippin', yes. These are French cut potatoes that are fried in the style of frites cote in Belgium. Is it like a batonnet?

A batonnet. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Which means gun. Like that's exactly what French cut means. Or baton? What's a baton? I think it's a baton. Baton's like a stick.

Or a bayonet. Oh, okay. That makes sense. No, I don't think it means bayonet. Oh. Are you thinking of mitraillette? Yeah. Which means submachine gun.

Which is a great sandwich in belgium that has french fries on it um but point is they're like a belgian thing yeah yeah totally i get that why are you excluding tornado fries because shady because if french refers to the cut i think a french fry has to be somewhat log shaped okay false what about potato smile potato smiles are not a french fry potato potato smiles aren't... What about home fries? Do people know what potato smiles are? They're like... You can find it in the freezer section at some grocery stores. It's mashed potatoes

that they carve a smiley face into when you deep fry it and you give it to the little kitties or the young adults that do not have a proper palate. And then it's cute. It's fun to eat. That's another fantastic Central European dish called a croquette. Okay, well, whatever. Well, a croquette and a fry are like- A potato croquette and a fry are not the same.

No. Okay, they're similar. I don't want to live in a world where a potato croquette and a French fry are the same. That's like saying a hash brown is a fry. Oh my gosh. Have you ever had one of those- Have you ever had a French fry that was like piped out and it was like long? Like have you ever had the Korean style French fries that are like piped out?

It's a long croquette. Special dispensation for that. That's not a long croquette. That's a mashed up fry. But the shape is important. Shut up. The shape is important. And Nicole, before you get to like, well, curly fries aren't,

but they are. Curly fries are a thin rectangle. If you pull it out. Rectangular prism, correct. But you don't eat it pulled out. But you don't eat it pulled out. I might pull out. No, you don't. Sometimes. No, you don't. Waffle fries. They are batons that are cross-hatched on each other. Okay, you are, no, no, no. They are the shape of the fry. You are lying to yourself. I'm not. What about cottage fries?

You know, the big ones where they just cut out, like they look like thick ass chips. What about those? Oh, they're like crinkle cut. They're like the crinkle cottage fries. No, I'll show you. I'll show you these guys. These guys, look.

They're not crinkle. Okay, but have you had the ones that I think only if they're crinkled, then they can be a French fry because the crinkles create the illusion of like corrugated steel, which looks rectangular. These are the rules I'm making up. Josh, your rules are fake. Well, I don't think tater tots are french fries. I think tater tots are hash browns. Of course they're not tater tots. It's a hash brown.

It's a croquette, right? No, it's not a croquette. Which is the same thing as a potato smile. It's not a croquette because the croquette is mashed and the hash is shredded. There's only three kinds of french fries. There's small, medium, and large. What about sweet potato? What? and large. What about sweet potato? What?

What do you feel about sweet potato? Get the hell out of here with sweet potato fries. No. Sweet potato fries do not satisfy because you need the salty potato. French fries have to be. False. Sweet potato fries are, it's a great dessert. I love it.

Oh, I actually went somewhere and they were serving their sweet potato fries with guess what? Marshmallow fluff. Yeah. Why did they do that? Welcome to White Trash Cuisine 101. Nicole, you serve sweet potatoes with marshmallows. It needs to be served with a funky aioli. That's how I like mine.

I refuse to acknowledge sweet potato fries. Are you? Why do you like this, Josh? You're breaking my heart in so many different directions. Do we want to live in a world where aberrations can be considered the best of something? Do we want to live in a world, Nicole, where a curly fry, a waffle fry, a potato smile, a cottage fry, a sidewinder, a flump dumper, a swag jacker can be in the same echelon as a McDonald's fast food cut fry?

What the heck is a swag jacker? If you had, I just made up the word swag jacker. Does that mean something? I don't know. It means you're jacking someone's swag. No, swag. Swag jacker? I'll go to people in the gym and be like, yo.

Why did you touch me? I don't know. I don't know. That's weird. I have to do it back to you. I was trying to touch the table and I accidentally touched you. I'll go to the gym and just like fist bump people and be like, yo, bro, looking swag jacked.

And I don't know what it means. I just maybe made it up um but the point is if you were to have one french fry for the rest of your life this is where you really find out what your values are what is the one french fry you would eat for the rest of your life okay just alone or with somebody it doesn't matter it's just the only french fry no i'm saying you multiple uses for a french fry i'm trying to get to the bottom no but i'm saying you have one french just the only french fry no I'm saying there's multiple uses for a french fry I'm trying to get to the bottom of this no but I'm saying

you have one french fry every other french fry in the world disappears like Thanos snapping the other ones go you can only pick

one french fry for the rest of your life to use in every single situation fast food style it's a mcdonald's fry it's a mcdonald's fry it's a mcdonald's fry

I wouldn't go that far I would go belgian fritkoot style I would go Belgian frite coat style. I would go original. I think they perfected the fry when they did that. It's a little bit thicker. It's going to be a little bit less satisfying with a burger.

You know what I mean? I get it. It's going to be a little bit less satisfying with steak tartare than a... But no one is eating fries with steak tartare, Josh. You got to think about the everyman. The French! Okay, but... The French!

This is an American podcast! You're still mad that, was it Sarkozy didn't? I don't know anything about this and I don't care about it. This is a podcast in America! What are you eating your french fries like? Do they call it Freedom Toast, too? Oops.

My thing fell. Hold on. We're falling apart What about wedge fries? Potato wedges They're battered right? Okay here's an interesting use case That we need to go through KFC

What about them? So KFC French fries and fried chicken to me it's not a great combination i like it with slaw same because fried chicken you're already getting a fried meat i want slaw as the punch on to cut through right if kfc refuses to give me kimchi with my order i need coleslaw um but like like french fries don't work with fried chicken that way to me that said people like to eat French fries. So KFC used to have their potato wedges, which were thick and soft and so well seasoned. So good.

And they were fried, but it wasn't like crispy. So it didn't double up necessarily. It was like fried then wilted. Yeah, exactly. It was beautiful. It was like fried and steamed. It was beautiful. It was like a pan fried then steamed dumpling.

It was gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. They got rid of those for your run-of-the-mill french fries and i have a feeling it's because and it appears to be very successful people like french fries they don't want they don't want these novelties there's a reason that when you close your eyes you see that mcdonald's platonic ideal of a french fry and you're not seeing curly fries. I think curly fries work uniquely well with Arby's. I love curly fries so much though like as a standalone dish they do really well. I agree with that. But not as a loaded dish just like on its own. Yeah. What about loaded fries? What do you like as the base of your loaded fries? Well that comes into the one universal french fry right? Yeah I guess. If you only have one universal french fry that means

that's the only fry you can have chili cheese fries with. I don't want chili cheese curly fries. Me either. Sounds gross. I don't. Having a seasoning on that with the chili takes away from the chili. 100%. Carne asada fries with the seasoning don't work for me. No, no, no.

No, no, no. I want pure, proper Belgian frite cote freaking street fries covered in carne asada, sour cream, salsa verde, cheese, and guacamole. What about waffle? Do you like waffle? Love them. I love them too. Love waffle fries. What are we going to do?

Love waffle fries. What are we going to do about that? I don't know. You can't just delete waffle fries. They're iconic and they're delicious and they hold so much. It's like a cup. It's like a potato cup. I still refuse to call them waffle fries.

I call them criss-cut fries because I first had them at Carl's Jr. And Carl's Jr. calls them criss-cut fries. And I believe that they had actually trademarked that. Interesting. Interesting. What about, I have one more fry. Go ahead. To tickle your fancy.

I don't want my fries to be tickled. Crinkle cut. I'll get the hell out of here. Crinkle cut fries suck. I hate crinkle cut. Crinkle cut fries suck. Why do you hate crinkle cut fries? It's weird. I them and then i hate them i like have one and i'm like oh it's okay but in the back of my mind i hate this whole entire experience why am i doing this

to myself i freaking hate these with a freaking stupid crinkle cut french fries they're so disgusting i hate them i don't like the ridges on them i don't hold anything it's disgusting you're the biggest proponent of crinkle cutting i was i love you bought crinkle cutting scissors for our kitchen to crinkle cut carrots Yeah because they look so pretty in soups and stews Have you ever Have you ever gone to like a Thai restaurant And you're having the beautiful yellow curry

And then you get a crinkle cut carrot and you're like Everything is good in this world I actually had that the other day and it was really nice Right See Run my tongue along the crinkles But not for french fries. I don't think it lends itself to french fries.

To me, it cheapens the french fry experience. And I don't know if I'm just being elitist about this, right? But for me, it reminds me. You know what it reminds me of? What? Kids cuisine TV dinners. They had crinkle cut fries that you would microwave. And so for me, it's childish.

Grow up. Stop crinkle cutting your French fries. Eat straight cut fries like an adult. I always wanted to try those. The kid cuisines with the little penguin on there. My mom never let me get those. They were always too expensive, but occasionally as like a treat, they'd go on sale and be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love French fries so much, Josh. They are actually one of the best foods. What's the best french fry you've ever had in your life? Try and go to your platonic ideal right now. Try and extract the meaning from that of what made it important.

The best french fry? I don't think I've had it yet. Whoa. I don't think I've ever had it. I think, I don't think I've ever had it. You haven't met your soulmate french fry yet? Nope. Have you been to the Bellwether?

No. Man. Okay. Chef Ted Hobson, shout out at the Bellwether, makes the best french fry I've ever had in my life. Ooh, okay. It's like a three-day process. They're like, they're brined, they're blanched, they're frozen, they're fried,

they're frozen again, they're fried again. And so they're extra crispy on the outside and they're thick because to handle that much technique and that much cook, they gotta be thick because you're likely losing moisture every time you're cooking it, right? Unless you're boiling and adding moisture back in or brining it. But the fry, you're definitely losing moisture so they you're cooking it, right? Unless you're boiling and adding moisture back in or brining it.

But the fry, you're definitely losing moisture. So they're thick and they get a crisp, hefty crunch on the outside. And then on the inside, it is damn near liquidy. It is unreal. What? Oh my God. And it's also the type of potato.

You touched me again. Why are you touching me, dude? My depth of field is off. Come here. I don't want to touch you. I need to touch you back. Oh my God, that's weird. What was I talking about?

It was a bell. Oh, yeah, man. I don't think I've had my, like, Optimus Prime. French fry. Who do you think Optimus Prime is? Like, the number one Transformer. Okay, you do know who Optimus Prime is. I just don't understand.

The number one Transformer. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs at the same time. So's like optimus prime is like a pure and self-actualization so like once you can get your basic living expenditures down then you can start transforming an optimus prime exactly you have to work your way through like bumblebee i'm in bumblebee mode you're in bumblebee mode right now you're still searching for that um i have to ask you whenever it comes to potatoes don't you hate whenever people try to not use an all-purpose potato for french fries? I hate that.

What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait. Explain yourself. Like yellow, when people use like Yukon gold. They should. You like Yukon gold french fries? They should, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

What about red? Oh, my God. What about wax? Oh, Kennebec? Good. Kennebec fries? Actually, I don't like Kennebec. Are you kidding me right now?

I don't like Kennebecs. We got to talk about potato cookery real quick. So potatoes come in three different main varieties, right? They're called them like waxy, starchy, and then the middle ones are just called middle, right? But like the waxy potatoes you get are like Irish red. Yes. Which we made french fries with all of these.

New potatoes, if you will. New potatoes, right? Middle ones, you have your Yukon Golds. Starchy, you get your- Russet. Stop, dude. Josh, you're touching me! All you do is touch me! Am I sitting

closer? Am I just stickulating more than I normally do? Just keep your hand here. I'm sorry, dude. I don't know what I'm doing. Just keep your hand here. I'm trying to. I'm not... Stay! Good hand! Okay, now I feel creepy. Now I feel weird about this. I feel like the guy who was like really just trying to get to the bar and accidentally like brushed

the girl and then she like looks back at you and you're like don't flatter yourself. It's just a crowded bar. Josh, you've been my friend for four years. It's fine if you touch my hand every once in a while. Now you have to do it back so it's even. Do it back! Russet potatoes, I think

they actually take a deceptive amount of cookery to get right with french fries. If you're like just deep fried a russet potato and it just immediately starts browning. I've never deep fried a russet potato whole. Not whole, not whole, not whole. You gotta specify, Josh. Okay, but I'm saying like you've done like, people say you gotta rinse them, you gotta dry them,

you gotta freeze them to get the starch off because starch converts to sugar at high heat, right? And then you get browning on your potatoes. I've made so many worse russet potato French fries than I have Yukon Golds. And I think the French, they use a different

kind of potato out there. Le rat? Le rat. Is that what they use? I don't think so. I think that was a really specific weird type of potato. Oh, that's Joel Robuchon's

potato. I'm sorry. I like all purpose. Whenever I'm doing like fries at home, which I rarely ever do, but I find myself leaning towards

AP or all purpose. Yukon Gold, for some reason reason doesn't do it for me i don't know why like when i go to a restaurant like i'm not asking what kind of potatoes they use i'm not i'm not that kind of person no you'd be terrible but i do notice whenever they use all purpose and i'm happier when they do because i think as a whole well restaurants they're doing it right you know what i mean they're not they're not home cooks that's doing their own thing what you typing typing over there, young man? I just thought about

the greatest fry that ever existed. You already said, oh, are you going to say Balthazar? No, what is Balthazar? Is that the New York restaurant? In New York, apparently they have the best fried fries in New York.

It's called Balthazar. Also, I think Shaquille O'Neal or Michael Jordan has like the biggest French fry in the world. Michael Jordan Steakhouse. Yeah, they did a thing. I'm trying to go in Chicago

when I go. David said no. I'm trying to find the fries that i grew up eating it was in a bag someone's not a bulls fan hear me out or ida what or ida fries we couldn't afford or ida growing up we had something that were simply called fajita fries if anybody out there remembers a generic grocery brand product that was frozen and called fajita fries and you would put put them in the oven and some of the outside ones would get burnt. The inside ones would still be soft. But they were the most heavily seasoned crispy fries that you could possibly get. And I cannot find, Maggie, I'm Googling right now. I can't find nothing on fajita fries.

But they were incredible. So the answer is fajita fries for you. Fajita fries. Something that doesn't exist on the internet That is impossible to find You cannot source it You can't source it which means it's really hard to source Is your favorite fry

You need to tell me you're that obscure and you're that much of a gatekeeper Fajita fries Thanks for watching Alright Nicole We've heard what you and I have to say All right, Nicole. We've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the universe. It's time for a segment we call... Opinions are like casseroles! It's metal. I love that.

I want to do it like this next time. Is that how they do it? Yeah, kind of. That was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of got that like demonic, what do they call it? Like a cult scream.

I want to do it. I want to do it like this next time. That's pretty solid. All right. What do we got? Hi, Josh and Nicole. This is Nick. Hi, Nick.

50% cold just to hear that message. 50% because I had something to say. First off, you guys are my favorite mythical podcast. Maybe tied with your visits, but I'm not calling them, am I? So I just wanted to say desserts are 100% better cold. Every dessert should be served cold. And if it's not, I don't want it in my mouth. Chocolate desserts are the best cold.

False. False. Factually false. I have a very specific reason. Nick, love you. Thank you for listening to the podcast. You're wrong. 100% wrong.

Could not be more wrong, in fact. I love hot chocolate things. Flavors open up more in your mouth holes when it's warm. Smell rises. Smell part of flavor. Chocolate, incredibly aromatic. Very. Chocolate really sings when it's warm to me.

You have more of the aromas. And I was recently at a restaurant, not that recent, Birdie G's is what it's called. I've always wanted to go. They do really great work. Where'd you go? Their matzo ball soup, best I've ever had. It's like $18. I absolutely love it.

But they have something that they call a chocolate icebox cake. and it is a reference to going to like a marie calendars or one of those types of restaurants sure and they're taking the dessert straight out the fridge already on a plate putting in front of you crazy crazy right and so they have a cake it is a chocolate cake that they just deliberately keep very very very cold sure and you eat it and it is too dense because cold right if you think about any sort of bread, pastry, whatever, you microwave it, it loosens up a little bit. It gets less dense. Which is nice, yeah.

Which is nice. And again, this is what they're going for, but it is dense, it is cold. The frosting is seized. It is hard. It is not as lively as you want it to be. I want like a nice room temp cake with a beautiful crumb and then a cold ice cream next to it.

I love, i microwaved a chocolate chip cookie for like 10 seconds and it was delicious yeah like uh you ever had a what is it like a flourless chocolate cake that has molten in the center that's incredible unreal um what's another chocolate dessert i don't know souffle souffle a chocolate souffle delicious gotta be hot good warm good, good warm. I like cold desserts. I understand that they exist, but with chocolate desserts,

especially baked good desserts, it needs to be warm. Give me like an ice cold vanilla bean panna cotta. Yeah, I'll take that. Oh my God, maybe some bay leaf in there. I made a bay leaf

and orange cake one time and it was so good. It was like killer. You left the whole bay leaves in there? Yes. You kind of suck off the bay leaves? The bay leaves, you kind of like caramelize the bay leaves and then you cut them and they're so good. It was like killer. You left the whole bay leaves in there. You kind of suck off the bay leaves. The bay leaves, you kind of like caramelize

the bay leaves. And then you cut them and they're so good. Come on. Yeah, it was like orange and bay leaves on the top caramelized in a Bundt cake. It was really gorgeous. It was really good. I had an olive oil cake recently. Candied fennel. I made you an olive oil cake like my first like month here, remember?

Where was the candied fennel? I did blood orange instead. I did citrus i did a citrus situation i did four different kinds of citrus roots and i put thyme in there do you remember that no what was it for i just you said hey have fun cooking here and i said okay sick yeah this is like in the beginning of the day yeah i i would love to make one today please an olive oil cake do you have time shake on it. We're touching again. I love that.

Fantastic. We have good olives in here, too. I don't want to touch. We have blood orange olive oil. Make a cake. I'm making a cake today. Make a cake. Next opinion, please.

Hi, guys. My name's Cal. I live in East Los Angeles. My kind of controversial opinion is that I don't think frying pans are good for frying. Like if I'm going to fry chicken, I'm looking for like a small pot or something really with edges. But frying pans are just not good, not good at all for frying. I love the show. Bye.

This is interesting. Yes. This is interesting because frying means a lot of different things. Okay. Right? Yes. You're talking about deep frying, like oil. I think it's like-

The word deep frying exists because it's the antithesis to a very shallow fry. Yeah. And a shallow fry can be very, very shallow. A shallow fry can be a half inch oil, if that, right? Almost as shallow as Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper in A Star is Born. I don't get that at all. So I'm going to keep talking about veal. So like you're making like a veal milanese, right?

Yeah. A frying pan is a perfect vessel. Yeah. And you actually need it for milanese or milanese as well. Like I'm thinking about like the thinnest cut of meat possible. Yes. If you drop it in a deep fryer, you're going to miss out. It's going to curl and shrivel.

It's going to curl. Yeah. So you literally need something like a frying pan a very wide bottom thing that is going to get surface contact on it to keep it flat and then you get

extra pan browning on it so if you think of frying exclusively as deep frying agree that a frying pan is bad but that's the reason that the term deep frying exists because it's an antithesis you've got to fry an egg

you have a frying egg? fry an eggesis. You've got to fry an egg. You have a frying egg? Fry an egg. Perfect example. Use a frying pan. You ever hear people just use the term grill to mean anything? No. Like grilled chicken and it's just cooked on a flat top? Or throw a burger on the grill?

I get that. Right? They say that in restaurants all the time. At McDonald's they say throw the burger on the grill. It's a flat top. It's a griddle. It's a griddle. It's not a grill.

Well, they're similar enough. It's okay. That's what I'm saying. There's a lot of equivocation. So what? With frying pans, grills, griddles, the plancha? I get it. Yeah, like no one's going to say plancha unless, you know.

You want to sound like a really restaurant dweeb? Like you just watched The Bear? Sure. Put it on the plancha. Yeah, like nobody says plancha. No one says plancha. I'm Maddie Matheson. Oh my God.

I just finished Girls and the guy Desi is the uncle in The Bear and it was so good. Oh really? Such different characters. Incredible. Eben.

Yes, Eben. Eben Moss-Bachrach. His name is Eben. Eben. Eben, Eben, I don't know. Eben Moss-Bachrach. Such a good actor. He's great.

Come on the show. I just want to hang out with you. Okay, next opinion hey joshua nicole uh my name is jose a long time listener i started listening since the gabriel iglesias uh good podcast episode great episode and then i went back and re-watched everything anyways my food opinion is it's kind of weird um growing up i I looked up a lot to my brother and he would eat popcorn and then he would put Valentina sauce on it. Yes. Yum.

But I was a wimp and I couldn't handle spicy things growing up. So instead, what I did to kind of imitate him was I would eat popcorn with ketchup on it. Oh, I knew you were going to say that. And even to this day it's kind of one of my guilty pleasures next oh all right thank you guys oh that's so funny i i totally understand that like trying to like look up to your brother and like emulate him in like different ways so i get it i think that's really cute it's adorable i don't have a problem with it i think popcorn and ketchup kind of makes a little bit of sense. Not the most. Not the most.

Yeah, less so than hot sauce. Less so than hot sauce. Hot sauce is good on everything, but ketchup isn't good on everything. But I'm sure it's good on buttered popcorn. If you watered down your ketchup, I feel like it would be more successful. The only problem I have with this isn't the flavor, right? Because you want the sweet and the tart, right? The acid is really what you get.

When I put hot sauce on most things, oh my God, oh my God, I got to stop doing this. When I put a hot sauce on most things, it is not for the spice necessarily. It's for the acid. It's for the acid and the salt. Sure, I get that. You know what I mean?

If there was a cold sauce, maybe I would do that and maybe I would have to poop less in the middle of my workouts in the morning. Sorry, full discretion. You poop in the middle of your workout? I did that the other day. I was like,

one, my arms were kind of exhausted. It was a big arm blowout day and I was like i could use a break anyways and like and then i went and blew out something but the point is ketchup it's a little too thick it doesn't stick keeping my hands over here it doesn't stick to the popcorn the same way that like a valentina hot sauce yes yes right i see that yeah because i'm a huge fan of wetting your crunchies yeah me i'm not a big fan of wetting my con wetting my country about wetting your crunchies. Yeah, me, I'm not a big fan of wetting my crunchies. About wetting my crunchies. I'm not the biggest fan of that.

But I understand how they taste good together. I like the Mexican snack chips. Like there's the pork cracklins, the chicharrones that come with a packet of hot sauce in the bag. Yeah. So you open the packet of hot sauce in the bag, put it in the bag, shake it, wet your crunchies more. It's a great time. I take workout classes, so I feel guilty leaving in the packet of hot sauce in the bag put it in the bag shake it wet your crunchies more it's a great time i take workout classes so i feel guilty you're leaving in the middle of my workout yeah that's why i like but i mean i'm doing like two and a half hour sessions like i'm up at 5 30 every morning gym from and a lot of it is a lot of it's rehab rehab recovery

i'm doing a big knee recovery uh program right now because i've been having problems it's like half hours devoted to that half hour cardio hour and a half lifting holy crap yeah well i used to do two days and i stopped doing two days now so now i'm just waking up earlier and i'm doing the mock walberg thing you would spend five hours working out no no no i used to do like one a one hour session in the morning and one hour session night but now i'm like i should probably spend more time with my loved ones so you wake up earlier. So I wake up earlier, yeah. Wow, good for you.

Two and a half hours. Thanks for trying, but sometimes you gotta poop. And Equinox does not have bidets. Yo. Which is a pro. Why don't they have bidets? I know, I know. I've talked to them.

Public bidets are a little weird maybe, but like not really. I've spoken to them. Good, good. God, we are one percenters now. Hi, this is luke i'm a long time listener a fourth or fifth time caller what the guy gotta do to get on your podcast my opinion about food is that panda express has one of the most reliable dumpsters to eat out of because nobody finishes their rice i I used to be homeless, and you can always find a white box full of rice. And also, there was a Chipotle in Minneapolis where the workers, when they closed,

they would put all of the hot food in one trash bag. No dirty napkins, no nasty things or anything like that. So that when you went to the dumpster, you could just find the warm bag and make a burrito. I think all food workers should follow this practice because, you know, it's like a legal gray zone. But people come to dumpster dive. You got to help them out. And, you know, you can't be implicated if you just, you know, throwing all your hot food in one bag and, you know, maybe even double bagging it or something like that. Putting a star on it, something like that.

Anyway, thanks, guys. Bye. Luke. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I think people don't realize how common dumpster diving is. I mean, hell, my family, we do. We go out back.

Dumpster diving freegans, they call them as well. Yeah, yeah. We would go out back of grocery stores because there's and again like it's technically illegal and like you said there's a lot of legal gray zones i can't believe it's illegal where you can't just give out food and i understand the impetus because fda regulation not held at a certain temperature yada yada but also this company has a problem with just underserving poor people in every single way 100 so like damn if you're not going to provide, yeah, freaking fast food workers, take it upon yourself

to make that happen. I mean, we donate a lot of food in ways that are 100% legal and everything is checked off. Listen, don't do anything illegal, but I like the star on the bag method a lot. Yeah, 100%, man.

I love the star on the bag method and if it can help people, hungry people, I think it should be done. And if it's illegal sorry yeah i mean listen uh laws are not morality right like we can all agree with that that's true i agree with that weird that like it's illegal for so long in some in some aspects yes in some aspects no no no flat out laws are not morality they have nothing we maybe they try don't kill somebody

no that's a moral thing but like but that there's also a lot to that sure but like i'm saying some and some like uh i got pulled over once because my quote license plate light was too dim and then they said can i search your car and you said no and i said no so point is laws are there to keep people uh controlled and in check and not necessarily for moral reasons. Welcome to my TED Talk. I'm saying- I'm so glad this podcast is about food. So many laws prevent hungry people

from getting food, right? That's screwed up. That's screwed up. I agree with that. Even including laws and regulations about when grocery stores can throw stuff away. It's crazy. It's unfair.

When we pump our food full of so much preservatives that it is literally meant to last a lifetime, but you're throwing out the Wonder Bread because it's past the sell-by date that was arbitrarily put on there. Get the hell out of here. Arbitrarily. Feed hungry people, goddammit. Feed hungry people.

Put a star on the trash bags with the warm food. Shout out to Lute. Or just find, or side note, there's like a ton of programs where companies like Starbucks have done this where they give it to like food banks and stuff. Yeah. I don't know exactly what the, it's Minneapolis they said they were from. Maybe. I'm sure there's programs, but I get it.

Okay, next. Ew, Josh. Hey, this is Robert from Utah. How's it going? Hi, Robert. Josh and Nicole and other people about what's my personal message. I think exotic meat and wild games

should be easier access. I still go to my local grocery store, get a pound of camel meat, a dozen Rocky Mountain oysters, and a bucket of eel, just have a great weekend. I should also be able to go to a grocery spoon diner and get some country-style elk

backstrap with some white gravy. I've had whale in Japan, kangaroo in Australia, we're in America. Give me the meat. We're in America. Yo. I'm a sovereign citizen. I deserve camel meat.

No, I agree. The issue is the demand probably isn't there. Yeah. So there's no demand. So does it make sense for these large markets to be able to hold like pounds and pounds of camel meat? Yeah. It doesn't make sense, which is why you can buy them online from specialty stores and they can you know send you stuff and stuff like that you know why they have

a lot of whale meat in japan it's they kill whales in japan you know why they have a lot of kangaroo meat in australia because they kill and eat kangaroos in australia the whaling thing in japan we talked about this a little bit with the food crimes episode it's it's a very tenuous gray area and i'm i'm listen i don't want to come out as pro whaling but like i don't know a little you know i don't i'm not educated enough on the subject to speak about it nor am i but um in general i think moral outrage for what animals are acceptable to eat and i know this is an ecological concern not just a moral concern but anyways point is people eat what is around and what historically they have hunted. They've been hunting whales for 600 years in Japan.

Anyways, deer. There needs to be a lot more deer meat in America. There's so many deer and everybody hates them. There's just no demand. No one is calling and telling Kroger, hey, carry deer meat. I know, but it's delicious. We should just be selling it. They're crappy.

They're invasive. They're annoying. They jump into cars. Deer kill people. I love game meat. Eat more deer. I think eating more game meat and wild birds. They're invasive. They're annoying. They jump into cars. I get it. Deer kill people. I love game meat. Eat more deer. I think eating more game meat and wild birds is a great way to diversify your diet. And I think you try new things and you try new flavors and you never know what you'll find. We've gotten so efficient in America to where even like we're growing our chickens to have bigger bazombas, you know.

And so there's like less wings. There's literally a wing shortage every Super Bowl. Every Super Bowl. Because all we want is chicken breast. Yep. You get any wild bird, the breast is tiny compared to a chicken. Tiny. Little, little. Cuts like oxtail. People, the quandary of oxtail,

right, why it's so expensive. A lot of people like white people gentrified oxtail, which is certainly true to some degree. I think it's true to some degree. However, the other part of it is that we are able to grow cows so much bigger than we used to and more efficiently. But their tails stay the same? Each cow only got one tail still. Same as a chicken.

It only got two wings. You can only grow them so much. So we're having these just massive cuts of rib eyes. Is it because they're pumped with hormones? It's crossbreeding. It's hormones. It's just a lot of stuff. Let's go hunt for our own food, Josh.

I agree. We'll go Joe Rogan. We'll go kill some wild boars. Do you think I can learn how to use a crossbow? Yeah. Do you think I can do it? I don't think you pull a crossbow like that. How about like this?

I think it's a bow and arrow. I think a crossbow, you'd fire like a gun. It's a trigger. Oh, yeah, like this. Yeah, close enough. No, I think i could be really good at archery i think i'd be good at like um convincing the animal that it's in its best interest to walk into my trap you know like i'd be good at trickery less so marksmanship i think

i'd be a really good marks markswoman i couldn't tie the snare but i could convince the rabbit that it should get its foot in that position can talk to rabbits yeah like professor do a rabbit whisperer doctor professor it's definitely doctor because dr do little's um alliterative oh it's not professor poo little oh that was the um and you think of the eddie murphy version not the. No, no, no, the absentee. What's it called? The Nutty Professor. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's Eddie Murphy, though. The Nutty Professor is not Dr. Doolittle. It's both Eddie Murphy. Yes.

Correct. That's where I messed up. I messed up there. The Nutty Professor and Dr. Doolittle are both Eddie Murphy, but I was able to mix up both of those titles and be incorrect. Well, thank you so much for stopping by a hot dog as a sandwich. We got new audio only versions of our podcast every Wednesday. The video drops every Friday.

The absentee minded professor is what I'm thinking of. That's not a thing, right? That's not an IP. Are you kidding me? That's where Nutty Professor or Dr. Doolittle was based off of. But it was called the absent minded professor? Yes. Was it like French?

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